WEBVTT - Featuring Loren Grey 0:00:02.440 --> 0:00:05.080 Hey guys, it's Sammy and welcome to this week's episode 0:00:05.080 --> 0:00:07.680 of the Let's Be Real Podcast. This week, I am 0:00:07.760 --> 0:00:11.240 joined by influencer Lauren Gray. You may know her from Instagram. 0:00:11.280 --> 0:00:14.480 From social media, she's millions of followers spanning a bunch 0:00:14.480 --> 0:00:16.840 of apps, and she's a very interesting perspective as she's 0:00:16.840 --> 0:00:19.400 been in this business for over six years herself. She's 0:00:19.440 --> 0:00:22.840 only nineteen my age, and she's got a great perspective 0:00:22.880 --> 0:00:26.599 on relationships, friendships, social media, and much more. I hope 0:00:26.600 --> 0:00:34.040 you guys enjoyed. Lauren. I am so happy you're on 0:00:34.040 --> 0:00:37.040 my podcast. This is so exciting. I'm very excited to 0:00:37.040 --> 0:00:39.760 talk to you about social media and for me personally, 0:00:39.880 --> 0:00:43.320 I have an interesting relationship with social media and since that, 0:00:44.000 --> 0:00:47.040 I am struggling finding a healthy balance with it where 0:00:47.479 --> 0:00:49.599 I'm sure you can relate it's a business, but at 0:00:49.600 --> 0:00:51.800 the same time, you're nineteen year old girl in social 0:00:51.800 --> 0:00:54.000 media can be really hard, right and you're a nineteen 0:00:54.000 --> 0:00:57.760 as well. Yeah, yeah, it can be really difficult. Um. 0:00:57.800 --> 0:01:00.000 I feel like it took me a really long time 0:01:00.040 --> 0:01:03.560 I'm to find that balance because I think when when 0:01:03.560 --> 0:01:06.399 I hit seventeen, I burnt out and I you know, 0:01:06.440 --> 0:01:09.440 I've been doing it since I was thirteen, and and 0:01:09.440 --> 0:01:12.399 that's a shitty feeling to have burnt out at seven. Right, 0:01:12.480 --> 0:01:14.600 you don't want and you you wanted to be fun 0:01:14.720 --> 0:01:17.240 and you wanted to be something that you're passionate about. Um, 0:01:17.319 --> 0:01:19.720 but then when it turns into a job and now 0:01:19.760 --> 0:01:22.520 it's a requirement, it feels like waking up for school, 0:01:22.959 --> 0:01:26.040 like waking up and getting ready for something that you're 0:01:26.080 --> 0:01:28.360 obligated to do. And I feel like I hit that 0:01:28.480 --> 0:01:31.720 wall at seventeen, and then I sort of had to 0:01:31.840 --> 0:01:35.759 rediscover where I fit and what I needed to do 0:01:36.000 --> 0:01:39.759 to make myself feel good about it again. Um So yeah, 0:01:39.880 --> 0:01:41.520 the past two years, I've been figuring it out and 0:01:41.520 --> 0:01:43.560 I feel like now I'm in a good place with it. 0:01:43.760 --> 0:01:47.720 So what do you do to not have breakdowns from Instagram? Well, 0:01:47.880 --> 0:01:51.320 I asking for a friend when I was sixteen and 0:01:51.480 --> 0:01:54.360 I was waking up every morning, do I make up 0:01:54.480 --> 0:01:58.080 hair story poster? Like back to back to back and 0:01:58.720 --> 0:02:01.240 your screen time? It was insane. It was all day 0:02:01.240 --> 0:02:03.080 and I missed out and going out with friends, and 0:02:03.120 --> 0:02:06.200 I missed out on different things that you do in 0:02:06.320 --> 0:02:09.840 life because I was so organized and had all of 0:02:09.840 --> 0:02:13.520 my social media scheduled and planned, and actually, for like, 0:02:13.520 --> 0:02:16.320 social media is shifting in a really helpful way right 0:02:16.320 --> 0:02:19.080 now to where you don't have to post a million 0:02:19.200 --> 0:02:23.000 stories and you don't have to constantly be there all 0:02:23.040 --> 0:02:27.600 the time. Sometimes it's actually more beneficial to take a 0:02:27.639 --> 0:02:29.600 step back and let people miss you a little bit. 0:02:29.720 --> 0:02:32.000 And I was, I was so on it all of 0:02:32.040 --> 0:02:34.960 the time, and it can really, it can really be 0:02:35.040 --> 0:02:37.200 destructive because you want to have fun and you want 0:02:37.200 --> 0:02:39.400 to share things that you enjoy. And I don't want 0:02:39.440 --> 0:02:41.520 to just post selfies every day, Like some days I 0:02:41.560 --> 0:02:42.920 hate the way I look and I don't want to 0:02:42.960 --> 0:02:46.520 post that. So um now I just post whenever I 0:02:46.560 --> 0:02:49.000 feel like I have something to share, and if I don't, 0:02:49.040 --> 0:02:51.760 then I don't love that. I find other things to do, 0:02:51.880 --> 0:02:55.000 Like I'll talk to fans, or I'll do like a 0:02:55.280 --> 0:02:58.160 like a D. M. Spury and like DM a bunch 0:02:58.200 --> 0:03:00.800 of people. But the world doesn't need my face in 0:03:00.880 --> 0:03:03.480 it every day, you know. I think it's so interesting 0:03:03.560 --> 0:03:06.240 just finding a balance of posting what you want to 0:03:06.280 --> 0:03:10.360 share versus just like stressing over a photo. And like 0:03:11.120 --> 0:03:14.400 I remember, I stopped doing this because my brother told 0:03:14.400 --> 0:03:16.800 me not to. I listened to my brother a lot um, 0:03:16.840 --> 0:03:19.760 but he was like, I would delete photos if it 0:03:19.800 --> 0:03:23.320 didn't get enough lights, or if it wasn't whatever, and 0:03:23.400 --> 0:03:25.120 I was like, really upset because it was photos that 0:03:25.160 --> 0:03:27.960 I really liked. And then I her brother just said, 0:03:28.120 --> 0:03:30.440 if you like it, who cares? And then I clicked. 0:03:30.480 --> 0:03:33.520 I was like, you're right exactly. I had all of 0:03:33.560 --> 0:03:35.560 my likes. Now I don't want to see them. I 0:03:35.600 --> 0:03:38.960 don't want to know. I don't care. And that's helped 0:03:39.000 --> 0:03:41.680 a lot. And I've really appreciated that future coming out 0:03:41.720 --> 0:03:45.600 on Instagram specifically because it eliminates a lot of that 0:03:46.040 --> 0:03:48.840 stress and a lot of that anxiety surrounding how many 0:03:48.880 --> 0:03:52.480 people are caring about what I post. And I also 0:03:52.640 --> 0:03:55.200 feel like what really put things in a perspective for 0:03:55.280 --> 0:04:00.200 me was my mom told me. She was like, you know, 0:04:00.280 --> 0:04:04.600 when you follow someone on Instagram, you follow hundreds of people, 0:04:05.080 --> 0:04:08.040 and you're not paying attention to that one person every day. 0:04:08.400 --> 0:04:12.240 You know, no one's paying attention to you seven every 0:04:12.280 --> 0:04:15.280 hour of the day, so you don't have to be 0:04:15.480 --> 0:04:17.719 there all of the time. It's okay to take a 0:04:17.760 --> 0:04:20.680 step back and then come back when you're ready. And 0:04:20.800 --> 0:04:23.240 that's been really helpful for me. It's like you're not 0:04:23.520 --> 0:04:25.840 the world has revolved around you. I'm sure you can 0:04:25.839 --> 0:04:28.400 relate to this. It's like people forget, and I think 0:04:28.440 --> 0:04:30.320 it's It's one of the things that I've learned a 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:32.520 lot throughout this podcast that I did not expect was 0:04:32.920 --> 0:04:35.800 how much the media takes a human out of the person. 0:04:36.200 --> 0:04:39.120 That people forget you're just nineteen, Like you're just a 0:04:39.200 --> 0:04:42.360 nineteen year old girl. And the fact that people put 0:04:42.360 --> 0:04:44.800 you on a pedestal as if you're not human, which 0:04:44.839 --> 0:04:47.320 happens so often I think is one of the most 0:04:47.400 --> 0:04:51.080 unhealthy parts of social media. Absolutely, yeah, that's That's definitely 0:04:51.080 --> 0:04:55.159 been something that um, I mean, I've tried to combat 0:04:55.320 --> 0:04:59.240 with being as authentically myself as I can all of 0:04:59.279 --> 0:05:01.640 the time and sharing things about my life that make 0:05:01.800 --> 0:05:05.919 me human to other people, because you know, to other people. 0:05:05.960 --> 0:05:09.479 Having a lot of followers, is this it's this big thing. Nothing, 0:05:09.560 --> 0:05:12.720 it doesn't mean anything. The same person I was, you know, 0:05:12.800 --> 0:05:17.159 three years ago, five years ago, nothing's changed. Um, But yeah, 0:05:17.200 --> 0:05:20.359 it's crazy how You're absolutely right, it takes the human 0:05:20.440 --> 0:05:24.080 out of the person. It really does. And something I'm 0:05:24.120 --> 0:05:26.080 I'm from New York City. I just moved to California 0:05:26.160 --> 0:05:29.400 like a month ago for school, so I'm out here 0:05:29.400 --> 0:05:32.040 and I've been back and forth for work. It's something 0:05:32.080 --> 0:05:34.880 that I've realized that I was wondering if I could 0:05:34.920 --> 0:05:37.320 have your advice on if you will, because you're a 0:05:37.360 --> 0:05:40.520 veteran in this, I've been to, like some events, the 0:05:40.560 --> 0:05:43.640 way it is on social media is so not how 0:05:43.680 --> 0:05:46.159 it is in person. And there are so many fake 0:05:46.240 --> 0:05:50.960 interactions and so many people that are just so blatantly 0:05:51.360 --> 0:05:55.120 obvious trying to I want to say network, but I 0:05:55.120 --> 0:05:57.280 wouldn't even call it that. Do you know what I'm 0:05:57.279 --> 0:06:01.279 talking about? Absolutely, I've I've done it for years, and 0:06:01.600 --> 0:06:05.200 how do you navigate it? In the beginning, I didn't 0:06:05.320 --> 0:06:07.440 see it. I didn't see it for what it was. 0:06:07.560 --> 0:06:10.400 I was having fun. I was really young, like fourteen fifteen, 0:06:10.920 --> 0:06:12.880 having the best time. And then the older that I 0:06:12.960 --> 0:06:16.839 got and the more that you know, negative influences start 0:06:16.880 --> 0:06:20.040 to get involved, and the more that um, you see 0:06:20.040 --> 0:06:22.520 the culture of people stepping on other people to get 0:06:22.560 --> 0:06:25.920 to where they want to go. And I've never believed 0:06:25.920 --> 0:06:29.440 in that, and I've never caved to that. And I 0:06:29.760 --> 0:06:32.560 it's not that I'm above it. It's just that I 0:06:32.560 --> 0:06:35.760 surround myself with people that really love me quality over 0:06:35.839 --> 0:06:39.200 quantity exactly. Like my boyfriend doesn't do social media. My 0:06:39.279 --> 0:06:42.000 friends don't do social media really like my boyfriend posts 0:06:42.040 --> 0:06:44.800 like once a year, he posted on my birthday and 0:06:44.800 --> 0:06:47.159 I don't know how he's probably posted like twice since then. 0:06:47.640 --> 0:06:51.480 Um so yeah, I mean, no one around me really 0:06:52.000 --> 0:06:54.159 use the social media like that or does what I do. 0:06:54.240 --> 0:06:56.880 And that's helped a lot. That's so important. Yeah, And 0:06:56.920 --> 0:06:59.599 I don't go to those things unless it's something that 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:02.080 I'm shing it about or it's something that I'm excited for. 0:07:02.640 --> 0:07:04.640 But I don't want to sit in a room full 0:07:04.680 --> 0:07:07.640 of people that I know don't care about me, or 0:07:07.640 --> 0:07:11.640 are judging me, or are comparing themselves to me. It's 0:07:11.640 --> 0:07:17.640 a really unhealthy environment sometimes, and it's not one that 0:07:17.760 --> 0:07:20.520 I really feel like I need to be a part 0:07:20.560 --> 0:07:22.840 of to be successful. I I agree, and I don't 0:07:22.840 --> 0:07:24.600 know about you, but I'm more of a home baddie. 0:07:25.320 --> 0:07:28.960 I really like a fun night sounds like being around 0:07:29.000 --> 0:07:33.440 close friends, watching a fun movie and just hanging out exactly. 0:07:33.560 --> 0:07:37.120 That sounds ideal, and I think that's what It's hard 0:07:37.200 --> 0:07:39.560 for a lot of people to relate to is that 0:07:39.640 --> 0:07:43.400 you don't have to have big groups of people all 0:07:43.440 --> 0:07:46.720 around you to be happy. You can literally if you 0:07:46.760 --> 0:07:48.920 have one friend, that's all that matters. And I feel 0:07:48.920 --> 0:07:50.880 like when I was in the groups of people, that's 0:07:50.880 --> 0:07:55.480 when I was the unhappiest. Really, um yeah, because you know, 0:07:55.680 --> 0:07:59.440 you're you're constantly thinking of what someone's intentions are by 0:07:59.440 --> 0:08:03.360 being around you, or how this is benefiting them, and 0:08:03.400 --> 0:08:05.800 do the benefits out weigh if they really like me 0:08:05.840 --> 0:08:08.280 as a person. And I feel like everyone deals with 0:08:08.320 --> 0:08:11.360 that on their on their own scale, right, And it's 0:08:11.400 --> 0:08:14.520 just amplified when you get to a certain level and 0:08:14.720 --> 0:08:17.280 once you get involved with the social media world and 0:08:17.360 --> 0:08:20.040 everything like that. But um, I feel like everyone goes 0:08:20.120 --> 0:08:23.240 through it and it's just learning what works for you. 0:08:23.320 --> 0:08:25.920 Because for some people, they love it, they loved the party, 0:08:25.960 --> 0:08:28.640 they asked how they recharge. For me, it's just being alone. 0:08:28.720 --> 0:08:31.960 I just exactly. I prefer to be with my own 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:37.520 self and my pets, a good face mask, exactly, And 0:08:37.520 --> 0:08:43.360 I'm not a big partier. I don't really enjoy that lifestyle. Um. 0:08:43.480 --> 0:08:45.960 If you do, no shame, enjoy it, not shame, But 0:08:46.040 --> 0:08:48.679 it's it's draining for me. I have very low energy 0:08:48.679 --> 0:08:51.959 to begin with, and that just sucks a life out 0:08:51.960 --> 0:08:55.800 of me, it really does. I. Yeah, I feel that 0:08:55.840 --> 0:08:57.800 my friends forced me to go to a dance club 0:08:57.840 --> 0:09:01.320 last weekend, which is something I do not want to do. 0:09:01.480 --> 0:09:03.200 But I was either that and I was like, Okay, 0:09:03.240 --> 0:09:04.839 I'm gonna push myself. We're going to do that. And 0:09:04.880 --> 0:09:07.040 I actually ran into a kid I went to middle 0:09:07.080 --> 0:09:09.720 school within New York City, which is so random. But 0:09:09.800 --> 0:09:12.000 after I left, I was like, yeah, I'm not doing 0:09:12.000 --> 0:09:16.480 that again. I'm glad I experienced it. Not the vibe. Yeah, 0:09:16.520 --> 0:09:19.000 you have to experience it to to figure out where 0:09:19.040 --> 0:09:21.480 you fit in. And I feel like that again, that's 0:09:21.480 --> 0:09:23.960 the same for everyone. You have to, you know, try 0:09:24.320 --> 0:09:26.080 and try things out and see where you fit. And 0:09:26.160 --> 0:09:28.280 it's okay if you don't. And it took me a 0:09:28.320 --> 0:09:32.600 while too. Uh, I feel like it's it's okay to 0:09:32.800 --> 0:09:36.600 not it involved myself with things that don't make me 0:09:36.640 --> 0:09:39.480 happy because you feel like it's part of your job, 0:09:39.640 --> 0:09:42.079 but it's not. You're still a person and you still 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:46.079 have um, you still have your own personal priorities that 0:09:46.120 --> 0:09:49.000 are important for your own mental health, and you don't 0:09:49.040 --> 0:09:55.960 have to sort of let that go to be a celebrity, Like, yeah, 0:09:56.120 --> 0:09:59.080 you have to be able to um keep certain parts 0:09:59.080 --> 0:10:02.760 of yourself for your health and find your own peace 0:10:03.240 --> 0:10:05.520 and have a life that isn't on social media because 0:10:06.040 --> 0:10:08.440 social media it's just a highlight reel. It really is, 0:10:08.679 --> 0:10:11.520 no matter like what you show with little clips, And 0:10:11.520 --> 0:10:14.040 I think it's so easy to forget that. How have 0:10:14.160 --> 0:10:17.120 you dealt with being nineteen and it's the time of 0:10:17.160 --> 0:10:19.360 our lives to really like put ourselves out there and 0:10:19.440 --> 0:10:21.520 experiment with different things. How have you dealt with that? 0:10:21.520 --> 0:10:24.640 But also you're dealing with it like on a public scale. 0:10:25.080 --> 0:10:29.440 How do you balance that? I mean, I feel like 0:10:29.480 --> 0:10:32.400 I'm a pretty I'm actually a pretty boring person. I 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:36.320 mean I don't I don't really step outside my comfort 0:10:36.400 --> 0:10:40.600 zone very often, unless unless it's something performance wise or 0:10:40.679 --> 0:10:44.480 something crazy for work that I'm doing. But I feel 0:10:44.520 --> 0:10:48.040 like I did a lot of my experimenting really early 0:10:48.200 --> 0:10:50.600 because I got thrown into this so early. So I 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:52.480 feel like I'm kind of jaded by a lot of 0:10:52.480 --> 0:10:54.800 things that a lot of people are excited for. It's 0:10:54.840 --> 0:10:57.800 so interesting. But it makes sense because you've been since 0:10:57.800 --> 0:11:01.199 you're thirteen. Yeah, so I left school in eighth grade, 0:11:01.240 --> 0:11:04.559 and I graduated in tenth grade. So I graduated when 0:11:04.559 --> 0:11:07.440 I was sixteen, and the world there there it was, 0:11:07.720 --> 0:11:10.400 and I had my own house and my mom lived 0:11:10.400 --> 0:11:12.240 with me at the time, but I was still able 0:11:12.280 --> 0:11:16.040 to go out and be with friends, and I did 0:11:16.080 --> 0:11:20.000 all of those things really early. So now I just 0:11:20.600 --> 0:11:22.960 like to do things that make me happy and feel 0:11:22.960 --> 0:11:26.240 at peace because I am so busy all of the time. 0:11:27.000 --> 0:11:30.679 And yeah, I have I love my house, and I 0:11:30.679 --> 0:11:33.440 love my boyfriend and we have a great time and 0:11:33.520 --> 0:11:36.640 that's pretty much it. So Okay, I have always felt 0:11:36.640 --> 0:11:39.480 a lot older than my actual age. What is your 0:11:39.480 --> 0:11:41.520 mental age do you think at this point? Because I 0:11:41.520 --> 0:11:43.600 have my own mental age, I feel like I'm a 0:11:43.720 --> 0:11:48.240 solid twenty eight. I'd say I'm a solid twenty six seven. 0:11:48.280 --> 0:11:49.880 I think I still have a little ways to go, 0:11:50.240 --> 0:11:52.560 But in terms of being able to, like you do, 0:11:52.720 --> 0:11:54.960 own a house, I hold the fourth down. Yeah, I 0:11:55.000 --> 0:11:57.040 cook and I clean. Why I don't cook. My boyfriend cooks, 0:11:57.040 --> 0:11:59.480 but I clean, and I take care of my animals 0:11:59.520 --> 0:12:01.800 and my response abilities, and I go to school and 0:12:01.840 --> 0:12:05.040 I work my job, and yeah, I feel like I've 0:12:05.040 --> 0:12:07.040 got it. You got your routine down, I've got my 0:12:07.120 --> 0:12:09.040 routine down, and that's why it's so hard for me 0:12:09.120 --> 0:12:12.560 to be experimental and crazy and wild because I have 0:12:13.160 --> 0:12:16.520 everything down and it can be boring. And sometimes I like, man, 0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:18.959 I'm only nineteen. I need to have fun, but it 0:12:19.080 --> 0:12:21.920 just doesn't. It's not fulfilling for me to, you know, 0:12:22.120 --> 0:12:24.800 go out until three am. Might go to bed like nine. Oh, 0:12:24.920 --> 0:12:26.800 that sounds so nice. I go to bed and nine, 0:12:26.840 --> 0:12:29.760 I wake up at like seven six thirty and the 0:12:29.800 --> 0:12:31.760 sun is rising, the birds are chirping, and that's what 0:12:31.840 --> 0:12:34.240 makes me happy. First of all, the thought of going 0:12:34.240 --> 0:12:37.120 to sleep at nine sounds so nice. Last year, during 0:12:37.120 --> 0:12:38.920 the pandemic, when I was a senior, I would just 0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:42.800 go to bed so early just because like everything was online. 0:12:42.840 --> 0:12:44.600 I was like, why would I stay up? There's no point, 0:12:44.679 --> 0:12:47.480 like whatever, and I fell in love with it. And 0:12:47.520 --> 0:12:50.080 now being in college, no one goes to sleep early. 0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:52.920 And it's like two am and I'm trying to stay up, 0:12:52.920 --> 0:12:56.000 but it's rough. Are you on campus? Like yeah, I'm 0:12:56.000 --> 0:13:00.200 in a dorm. Wow, it's weird. Okay, so what's that like? 0:13:00.400 --> 0:13:03.000 Because I don't know what that's like. So I'm only 0:13:03.040 --> 0:13:06.320 like three weeks in a month about it be a 0:13:06.360 --> 0:13:11.200 month in Okay, you made it. And it's been weird 0:13:11.320 --> 0:13:14.400 because my entire second half of junior and all of 0:13:14.440 --> 0:13:18.079 seniors online, So I already had a low social battery 0:13:18.160 --> 0:13:21.640 and now it's extra low from being alone or with 0:13:21.679 --> 0:13:23.400 my family for a year and a half. So I'm 0:13:23.440 --> 0:13:25.960 like trying to build it back up slowly but surely. 0:13:26.000 --> 0:13:28.320 But it's been really good. I've met some cool people. 0:13:28.400 --> 0:13:32.280 I'm enjoying the classes I'm taking. I majoring in broadcast 0:13:32.360 --> 0:13:34.720 journalism and documentary, so it's a very creative bas which 0:13:34.720 --> 0:13:37.160 is what I like. But it's different. It's a lot 0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:39.640 different than New York that I like that. Yeah, I 0:13:39.679 --> 0:13:42.560 mean I've always wondered what that's like because there's no 0:13:42.640 --> 0:13:44.240 way I could live in a do you know what, 0:13:44.600 --> 0:13:46.959 come visit. I will give you a toy of the campus. 0:13:47.080 --> 0:13:50.240 I love it. It's one of those things too, where 0:13:50.240 --> 0:13:52.840 it's like we're at a path specifically with our generation, 0:13:52.880 --> 0:13:55.280 where like people are breaking the bears of what you 0:13:55.320 --> 0:13:57.360 should do. You don't always have to go to college, 0:13:57.360 --> 0:14:00.560 you don't always have to do things the way we've 0:14:00.640 --> 0:14:02.920 thought we should have. What advice do you have for 0:14:02.960 --> 0:14:05.160 people struggling in school? Because I travel a lot in 0:14:05.240 --> 0:14:08.480 high school. I'm so glad I'm out of high school. Yeah. 0:14:08.600 --> 0:14:11.320 I never made it to high school, public high school 0:14:11.480 --> 0:14:16.160 I did. I did the online school. Um. Academically I 0:14:16.760 --> 0:14:23.440 did great, but socially not so great. Um. It was 0:14:23.440 --> 0:14:25.560 a really rough time and that's ultimately what led me 0:14:25.600 --> 0:14:30.120 to leave school and going to homeschool. But I think 0:14:30.200 --> 0:14:33.120 the biggest advice that I've I've given anyone who asks 0:14:33.160 --> 0:14:37.480 me that question is to remember that high school, middle school, 0:14:37.480 --> 0:14:41.560 wherever you're at, doesn't last forever. And even though it 0:14:41.600 --> 0:14:43.600 feels like it, even though it feels like it, and 0:14:43.640 --> 0:14:45.320 you're absolutely right, you don't want to be one of 0:14:45.320 --> 0:14:48.280 those people that peaks in a high schools. Where's the 0:14:48.280 --> 0:14:50.120 fun in that? You know, you have so much life 0:14:50.160 --> 0:14:53.400 to live, and whatever you're going through at this very moment, 0:14:53.440 --> 0:14:56.200 it's going to be so insignificant in the future that 0:14:56.280 --> 0:14:58.320 it's best to just focus on doing what you're there 0:14:58.360 --> 0:15:01.760 to do, get the job done, and get out, and 0:15:01.800 --> 0:15:04.040 if you enjoy it, have the best time. I didn't 0:15:04.040 --> 0:15:07.880 have that experience. I was miserable, and I've flourished ever since, 0:15:07.920 --> 0:15:10.880 and life has gone on and I'm happy and well, 0:15:11.200 --> 0:15:13.960 and I think that's That's what I wish I would 0:15:13.960 --> 0:15:16.720 have known, is like, this is a very small portion 0:15:16.800 --> 0:15:18.400 of what is going to be a very long life. 0:15:18.600 --> 0:15:21.080 And it's hard to believe that too when everything and 0:15:21.120 --> 0:15:25.440 everything feels so big and like life shattering, Like try 0:15:25.480 --> 0:15:28.600 and pull yourself out of it and realize, this too 0:15:28.640 --> 0:15:31.840 shall pass exactly. The sun's gonna rise in the morning 0:15:32.240 --> 0:15:34.680 and that will pass as well, just like this exactly. 0:15:34.720 --> 0:15:39.480 And my life fell apart. October of nineteen was Wait. 0:15:39.520 --> 0:15:42.240 That was the year for me where it was terrible. Wait. 0:15:42.320 --> 0:15:44.480 Same here, Okay, I'm here. I'm gonna hear your story. First, 0:15:44.520 --> 0:15:46.840 I dyed my hair brown and that really set it 0:15:46.840 --> 0:15:49.320 all off. I broke things off with my boyfriend of 0:15:49.440 --> 0:15:53.680 like three years, and I started, you know, new relationships 0:15:53.760 --> 0:15:57.560 and I that was weird and different for me, and 0:15:57.720 --> 0:16:00.960 there was a lot going on with that. Um my 0:16:01.080 --> 0:16:03.280 dog died. I had to put my dog down and 0:16:03.320 --> 0:16:05.560 I just started living by myself. My mom had just 0:16:05.640 --> 0:16:07.600 moved back home, and as soon as she moved back home, 0:16:08.080 --> 0:16:10.160 my dog, like I had to put her down. It 0:16:10.240 --> 0:16:12.280 was It's a really long story, but really sad. And 0:16:12.640 --> 0:16:15.600 I spent so much money trying to save this dog, 0:16:15.720 --> 0:16:19.080 and it was so difficult to like navigate that by 0:16:19.120 --> 0:16:21.520 myself for two weeks, trying to figure out how to 0:16:21.600 --> 0:16:25.160 keep this dog alive and learning how to live on 0:16:25.240 --> 0:16:28.040 my own. Um. I had my friend out here with me, 0:16:28.120 --> 0:16:30.680 but again she's my age, so we were both trying 0:16:30.720 --> 0:16:34.360 to figure it out together. It was really overwhelming, and 0:16:34.440 --> 0:16:39.000 I was like peek eating disorder, peak everything, peak depression. 0:16:39.640 --> 0:16:43.320 And I again dyed my hair brown, ruined my hair, 0:16:43.920 --> 0:16:46.080 and that was probably the worst thing that came out 0:16:46.080 --> 0:16:48.800 of it, other than my dog dying. That was really bad, 0:16:49.440 --> 0:16:54.120 but the hair part was also really terrible. And what 0:16:54.120 --> 0:16:57.200 what made you want to go brunette? Oh, wasn't just 0:16:57.240 --> 0:16:59.000 like a little bit of a mental breakdown, because I 0:16:59.040 --> 0:17:01.240 don't think I've ever died my hair in like a 0:17:01.280 --> 0:17:04.960 mentally good place. It's the teenage depression angst. It really 0:17:05.119 --> 0:17:07.080 makes you want to do something crazy. And you know, 0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:10.119 I visited home and my mom's a hairstylist, and I 0:17:10.160 --> 0:17:12.560 went home and I was like, I want to something crazy. 0:17:12.600 --> 0:17:14.400 And I think my mom was also going through something 0:17:14.440 --> 0:17:17.120 because she was she was like, yeah, let's do it, 0:17:17.240 --> 0:17:19.400 and she's never let me do that to my hair ever. 0:17:20.160 --> 0:17:22.960 So my hair is really like naturally, so trying to 0:17:23.000 --> 0:17:25.960 go back to that takes a lot of work, and 0:17:26.160 --> 0:17:29.040 it ended up pretty much all falling out along the 0:17:29.320 --> 0:17:32.600 top crown part of my head. That's my biggest fear, 0:17:32.720 --> 0:17:36.680 and it's only just now after almost two years, these 0:17:36.720 --> 0:17:40.600 pieces have finally grown down to like my chin. But yeah, 0:17:40.800 --> 0:17:43.840 you're still working on it, and one day I'll be 0:17:43.880 --> 0:17:46.160 back where I was and I'll be thriving. But it's 0:17:46.200 --> 0:17:48.680 just my constant reminder of October twenty nineteen and the 0:17:48.760 --> 0:17:52.840 dark times that ensued. Dude, Mine was November of twenty nineteen, 0:17:52.920 --> 0:17:55.399 I think so right around the same time. I was 0:17:55.440 --> 0:17:58.560 probably still feeling it in November. Yeah. Do you think 0:17:58.600 --> 0:18:01.680 social media just added to all of that as well 0:18:01.760 --> 0:18:02.919 during that time or do you think it was one 0:18:02.920 --> 0:18:05.240 of the things that helped. I think I think it 0:18:05.280 --> 0:18:07.920 can be both. I think it adds an extra pressure, 0:18:07.960 --> 0:18:09.920 but I also think having so many people that are 0:18:09.960 --> 0:18:13.480 there for you, UM is really helpful. And I say 0:18:13.520 --> 0:18:16.239 it a lot that like I have, I've always had 0:18:16.240 --> 0:18:18.359 a really close relationship with my fans. They've watched me 0:18:18.440 --> 0:18:21.520 grow and it's been a really special experience and a 0:18:21.600 --> 0:18:25.119 really amazing gift. UM so having people there that I 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:28.760 know understand because they're also young and going through things. 0:18:29.280 --> 0:18:31.560 UM is really powerful and it's it's like being a 0:18:31.600 --> 0:18:37.280 part of a really powerful and loving and welcoming community. 0:18:37.320 --> 0:18:38.960 But it can also be a lot when it's your 0:18:39.320 --> 0:18:42.879 job aspect of things, because it's the constant pressure of 0:18:43.080 --> 0:18:46.159 keeping up and keeping up all of the time, and 0:18:46.359 --> 0:18:49.760 also your financially independent, you're also surviving on your own right. 0:18:49.840 --> 0:18:53.560 And I can't just say I'm done, because no, this 0:18:53.640 --> 0:18:55.359 is what I've chosen as my life, and this is 0:18:55.359 --> 0:18:57.480 my job. And I have to pay for college, and 0:18:57.480 --> 0:18:59.280 I have to pay for my house, and I have 0:18:59.480 --> 0:19:02.040 things to pay for. I have lots of animals in 0:19:02.080 --> 0:19:06.280 my house. How many animals have a cat, a dog, 0:19:06.600 --> 0:19:10.560 and four fish, and so I have two separate fish tanks, 0:19:11.080 --> 0:19:13.320 and I have a beta and two toutras and then 0:19:13.320 --> 0:19:15.320 another beta, and then I have a one eyed cat 0:19:15.800 --> 0:19:18.800 and a little Pomeranian. You have a one eyed cat. 0:19:19.040 --> 0:19:21.399 He's the best, He's so precious. Why do you he 0:19:21.440 --> 0:19:23.960 have one eye? Was he born that way? I adopted 0:19:24.040 --> 0:19:27.080 him and they basically said that he was found in 0:19:27.160 --> 0:19:31.520 like a hoarding situation, and he was very He's just 0:19:31.560 --> 0:19:33.400 like a little feral cat, and I think his eye 0:19:33.400 --> 0:19:36.159 was infected and they probably had to remove it. But 0:19:36.280 --> 0:19:40.240 he's a very sweet, gentle um cat and I feel 0:19:40.240 --> 0:19:41.919 like if he was on the streets with other cats, 0:19:41.960 --> 0:19:44.399 they definitely probably tore him up because he is just 0:19:44.480 --> 0:19:48.520 a little boy. Yeah, man, would you have any other 0:19:48.560 --> 0:19:51.120 adopt anymore animals at this point? Are you done for now? 0:19:52.119 --> 0:19:54.280 I think I'm done for now. It's a lot of 0:19:54.280 --> 0:19:58.719 responsibility and it's mostly my boyfriend's responsibility now because he 0:19:58.760 --> 0:20:01.280 works from home and I leave a lot. So you 0:20:01.320 --> 0:20:04.080 guys lived together, Yeah, we've lived together for like a 0:20:04.160 --> 0:20:07.600 year now. How is how how's that going? So the 0:20:07.640 --> 0:20:11.840 pandemic really forced us together, because you can make it 0:20:11.840 --> 0:20:15.680 through a pandemic, though, you can make it through anything exactly. Um. Basically, 0:20:15.680 --> 0:20:20.280 he was living with his sisters and they were like, hey, 0:20:20.400 --> 0:20:22.479 if you're going to keep going over there, like COVID 0:20:22.560 --> 0:20:24.840 is a thing, so like just stay there, and he 0:20:24.960 --> 0:20:28.640 was like okay, So he moved in with me. And 0:20:28.960 --> 0:20:31.200