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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's collabing with Yoda on a

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Speaker 1: new breakfast spread product.

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Speaker 2: The working title is butter It's not ash.

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Speaker 1: Shemeer that on a bagel while you listen to Laser Stories,

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Speaker 1: the segment where we read weird news stories around the globe,

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Speaker 1: just like everyone else does, except we've got a laser

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Speaker 1: those other sith since just done. This first laser story

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Speaker 1: is out of Mobile, Alabama. All right, you think your

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Speaker 1: Monday sucked? Jared Cooper works for a window washing company

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Speaker 1: called Squeegee Squad, and last Monday afternoon, he was stuck

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Speaker 1: dangling from the side of a building four hundred and

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Speaker 1: fifty feet up.

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Speaker 2: No, Oh my god. I always worry so much because

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Speaker 2: we have window cleaners. We're on like the seventh floor

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Speaker 2: of this building.

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Speaker 1: That's an actual nightmare, though people have this nightmare waking

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Speaker 1: up and you're suspended.

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Speaker 2: Off a building.

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Speaker 1: His equipment malfunction where he was cleaning the windows of

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Speaker 1: Alabama's tallest building, thirty five stories high. Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: He was just below the thirty third floor when a

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Speaker 1: piece of equipment called a descender locked up so he

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Speaker 1: couldn't go up or down, and the whole thing started

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Speaker 1: to tip.

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Speaker 2: Oh wait a minute, No, no, you're spider man. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: what did they do? Well?

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Speaker 1: His first thought was to just run to the other

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Speaker 1: side to try and balance it out and then call

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Speaker 1: his mom. Yeah, I know, I think I would call

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Speaker 1: like the manager to have them get the like they.

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Speaker 2: Had to have some sort of safety stuff, right. Jared

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Speaker 2: told his mom what was going on, and wouldn't you

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Speaker 2: know it? She already knew.

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Speaker 1: How'd she know it because someone inside the building had

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Speaker 1: already taken a picture of it and posted it to

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Speaker 1: their Facebook.

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Speaker 2: Oh so helpful. The first time mom on Facebook is

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Speaker 2: actually productive.

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Speaker 1: So a mom told him to call nine one one

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Speaker 1: and firefighters were there within minutes.

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Speaker 2: Oh good, He's like, wait mom, quick like and share

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Speaker 2: the phone.

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Speaker 1: It took the authorities about an hour to help him,

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Speaker 1: and he is okay, thank you big God?

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Speaker 2: Did he quit? Is he done washing the windows? He

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Speaker 2: is not done?

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Speaker 1: What As for all the attention he received, he called

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Speaker 1: it just another day of work, said he planned to

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Speaker 1: get back up there tomorrow and finish that.

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Speaker 2: Jack. God, this guy's bill different, dude, Seriously.

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Speaker 1: This next lazer stories out of Maine, our forty one

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Speaker 1: year old man named Jason Arsenal's robbed a bank the.

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Speaker 2: Other day, like just such a missed opportunity assault. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: no bank robbing, but this one made national headlines because

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Speaker 2: he did it in such a dumb way. It all

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Speaker 2: started when instead of going to the bank, Jason tried

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Speaker 2: to rob it by using the drive through quick give

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Speaker 2: me all your money and jube after two, after two,

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Speaker 2: what are you even putting the gun at the bulletproof?

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Speaker 1: Yeah. The branch that he went to did have those

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Speaker 1: vacuum suction tubes.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so he put a note in one, and the.

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Speaker 1: Note said car bomb, no cops, no alarms, or we

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Speaker 1: all die.

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Speaker 2: And did she just tube them back? No?

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Speaker 1: He then asked for fifty thousand dollars all in one house.

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Speaker 2: We know where he's going after he's done robbing the bank.

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Speaker 1: Now, apparently Jason had watched a bank robbery video on

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Speaker 1: YouTube and figured out that the smaller the bill is,

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Speaker 1: the harder it is to track.

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Speaker 2: Think of all of those ones, Jason, how many tunes

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Speaker 2: would it take to get it to you? I know

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Speaker 2: the logistics. Once the teller received his note, she was confused,

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Speaker 2: but complied anyway and began to shoved fistfuls of one

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Speaker 2: dollar bills into multiple suction tubes because he has a ball.

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Speaker 2: Does she just take her time one then take her

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Speaker 2: sweet does?

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Speaker 1: After four different deliveries, Jason's car was filled with only

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Speaker 1: nine hundred dollar ones, so he decided to drive off,

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Speaker 1: but the cops used surveillance footage to track him down

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Speaker 1: and arrest him.

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Speaker 2: He was even driving his own car.

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Speaker 1: It was not the smartest move, bro, walk out your

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Speaker 1: license plate subfee. Not surprisingly, he confessed, and he showed

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Speaker 1: police that even though the robbery happened six days ago,

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Speaker 1: he was still finding ones under his passenger seat and

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Speaker 1: everywhere else in his car. He admitted it was poor planning,

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Speaker 1: but he's still facing up to twenty years in prison

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Speaker 1: and a fine of up to two hundred and fifty

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Speaker 1: thousand dollars not in one.

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Speaker 2: By the way, he can't pay it back in one.

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Speaker 2: The judge should have forced him to do.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, though, seriously, this next laser story is out of

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Speaker 1: Home Run Headquarters. Fun Baseball has long been touted as

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Speaker 1: America's favorite pastime, and now the sport's going next level

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Speaker 1: with a brand new entertainment concept.

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Speaker 2: In immediately, Dude, I mean honestly, like the food at

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Speaker 2: the ballparks is insane.

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Speaker 1: Right now, it's literally becoming like, let's go eat at

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Speaker 1: the ballpark, catch the game out.

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Speaker 2: What are they doing? Well, they're saying it's Top Golf

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Speaker 2: meets baseball in a new restaurant theme called bat Box.

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Speaker 2: What are we taking this? Batting cages? That is so cool?

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Speaker 1: Similar to Top Golf, customers can have a drink there, then

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Speaker 1: compete in teams or challenge their friends in a home

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Speaker 1: run derby or pitching contests.

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Speaker 2: Using baseball simulators.

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Speaker 1: Fine, I wonder who throws faster, Brooker Alexis.

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Speaker 2: Oh, that would be fun. I can barely thrown. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's right. I feel like it would turn into a

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Speaker 2: hot dog eating contest. More than anything else, I want

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Speaker 2: I want them to open one by us. I want

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Speaker 2: to take everybody.

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Speaker 1: All the while you can cheer for your favorite sports

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Speaker 1: team playing on TV. And apparently this is really big

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Speaker 1: in Mexico right now, but the company's already raised funding

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Speaker 1: to put twenty five new locations in the US by

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Speaker 1: twenty thirty, including cities like Alice, Houston.

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Speaker 2: And Boston. Awesome, this might be the next big thing

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Speaker 2: that box. I love it. You should do it just

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Speaker 2: a box, like just boxing your.

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Speaker 1: Friends simulators, your friends.

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Speaker 2: Start with the bat. This next leg of show is

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Speaker 2: out of the Summer Games. Why you say every time

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Speaker 2: I try to start the chance?

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Speaker 1: Who is the greatest American Summer Olympian of all time?

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Speaker 2: Michael Well? The country voted and the winner is not Sure?

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Speaker 2: That's what I'm being serious.

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Speaker 1: The dumb people doing that poll gave that option and

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Speaker 1: thirty three percent of America went to not Sure as

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Speaker 1: the winner.

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Speaker 2: Why even fill it out? We were just talking about

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Speaker 2: the decky, how great it is? After that? You not

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Speaker 2: watching any Olympics? Like, why take the survey? Even Sean?

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Speaker 2: Why was li after that?

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Speaker 1: Winter swimmer Michael Phelps got nineteen percent. Simone Biles finished

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Speaker 1: a close second at sixteen and nineteen thirties track star

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Speaker 1: Jesse Owens came in fir nine percent of the vote.

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Speaker 2: I make sense. That's bringing the world together. Bryan Locke

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Speaker 2: didn't make it.

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Speaker 1: In another poll, forty percent of Americans say they watch

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Speaker 1: both team and individual sports equally, while fourteen percent prefer

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Speaker 1: individual and ten percent like team sports. Another thirty percent

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Speaker 1: say they were sure.

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Speaker 2: Nobody got to inmphony.

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Speaker 1: Why why do we put.

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Speaker 2: On these national polls. The posters give that option to

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Speaker 2: people I mentioned to start the poll, They go, would

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Speaker 2: you like to take a poll? And they already say

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Speaker 2: I'm not don't know, I know. At least one guy

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Speaker 2: agrees with me on this, right humper. Yeah what, Oh

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Speaker 2: my god, let me translate.

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Speaker 1: He says he's not sure if he is. He is

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Speaker 1: kind of focused on something else right now. Though that

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Speaker 1: now means Laser Stories has done for the day. We'll

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Speaker 1: do it again the same time on Wednesday.

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Speaker 2: Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning