1
00:00:00,480 --> 00:00:03,720
Speaker 1: Our word this month on the Velvet Edge podcast is abandon,

2
00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:06,120
Speaker 1: and I shared this on the First Edge podcast this

3
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:09,280
Speaker 1: month that the word abandon makes me think of a

4
00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:12,319
Speaker 1: recent lesson I've been learning in laying things down, or

5
00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:15,720
Speaker 1: letting things go, or walking away when things have served

6
00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:19,000
Speaker 1: their purpose and time in your life and they're just

7
00:00:19,079 --> 00:00:21,680
Speaker 1: ready to be released. I used to think that was

8
00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:24,960
Speaker 1: like quitting, that a mentality like that made me weak,

9
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:29,160
Speaker 1: so I would contort and change and rearrange myself and

10
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:32,040
Speaker 1: my life to make those things fit or to keep them.

11
00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:34,800
Speaker 1: I now believe that one of the bravest and most

12
00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:37,720
Speaker 1: courageous things we can do is walk away and move

13
00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:40,960
Speaker 1: on to the next evolution of our lives. When we

14
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:43,479
Speaker 1: were working on the guests this month, I could not

15
00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:46,360
Speaker 1: stop thinking about a former guest I interviewed last year,

16
00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:50,680
Speaker 1: Ryan Hayden. Ryan is a writer, speaker, coach, and hypnotist

17
00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:54,840
Speaker 1: whose journey inspires me almost daily. To me, Ryan's life

18
00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:57,920
Speaker 1: is a testament of abandoning the things that no longer

19
00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:03,520
Speaker 1: served her, the mentalities, the coping mechanisms, the addictions, the chaos.

20
00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:06,720
Speaker 1: Now her life is quite the opposite, and though I'm

21
00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:09,560
Speaker 1: sure the process was full of pain. I now look

22
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:12,320
Speaker 1: to Ryan as an example of someone who has what

23
00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:16,080
Speaker 1: I want. That desire has nothing to do with anything

24
00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:18,199
Speaker 1: that she has on the outside, but from the inner

25
00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:21,639
Speaker 1: piece and clear relationship with herself and a higher power

26
00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:25,000
Speaker 1: that I find inspiring. Ryan shared lots of her wisdom

27
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,920
Speaker 1: from experience with me in this conversation.

28
00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:28,480
Speaker 2: I hope you guys.

29
00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:34,680
Speaker 3: Enjoy conversations on life, style, beauty and relationships. It's the

30
00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:37,000
Speaker 3: Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson.

31
00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:38,399
Speaker 2: Ryan had in this here.

32
00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:41,360
Speaker 1: She is life and spiritual coach and a hypnotherapist, which

33
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:42,440
Speaker 1: I'm fascinated about.

34
00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:43,560
Speaker 2: So we have to talk about that later.

35
00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:46,800
Speaker 1: You were a contributor at Poosh, Mind Body, You've done

36
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,400
Speaker 1: all sorts of work, and now you've opened your own

37
00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:52,240
Speaker 1: space called Sage and Sound or you're the programming director,

38
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:55,200
Speaker 1: which I'm so excited to hear about that as well.

39
00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:57,920
Speaker 1: I was just telling you before we started though, that

40
00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:01,320
Speaker 1: our topic this month is gratitude. You know, we pick

41
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:05,200
Speaker 1: a theme each month, and obviously with Thanksgiving, that is

42
00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:09,160
Speaker 1: a really, really spot on topic, and I guess I

43
00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:11,720
Speaker 1: would start with saying, is there some way in your

44
00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:16,840
Speaker 1: practice personal practice that you tie in gratitude on a

45
00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:17,720
Speaker 1: daily basis.

46
00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:22,040
Speaker 4: I think gratitude is a frequency, right, okay, and so

47
00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:25,079
Speaker 4: we want to step into that flow, that frequency of

48
00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:29,320
Speaker 4: good because we're when we're edging in gratitude, we kind

49
00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:33,040
Speaker 4: of view life from a different perspective. We have a

50
00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:39,440
Speaker 4: more optimistic perspective and more optimistic way of noting good

51
00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:43,040
Speaker 4: that's happening in real time. So I'm a big fan

52
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:46,519
Speaker 4: of working gratitude in And I think that gratitude and

53
00:02:46,639 --> 00:02:51,720
Speaker 4: fear and more unfavorable emotions can coexist, just like we

54
00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:55,800
Speaker 4: can love and fear can coexist, or faith and fear,

55
00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:58,359
Speaker 4: or whoever it is. I think we can just edge

56
00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:01,720
Speaker 4: in these ways in which we want to operate from,

57
00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:04,200
Speaker 4: and we don't bypass. You know, we talked about that

58
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:07,000
Speaker 4: a little bit earlier, you and I about we don't

59
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:10,320
Speaker 4: want that fake gratitude. Everything's so great under the surface,

60
00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:14,600
Speaker 4: we're like, you know, dying and thig dying inside. Like

61
00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:17,160
Speaker 4: that is over and we're not putting like a false,

62
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:21,320
Speaker 4: you know, mask on top of what's true for us.

63
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,520
Speaker 4: But I think we can acknowledge what's true for us.

64
00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:26,600
Speaker 4: I feel like shit, I'm really upset, I'm angry, But

65
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:29,959
Speaker 4: where can I notice some good unfolding in this now moment?

66
00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:33,880
Speaker 4: Where is my cup of coffee? Was really hot? Someone

67
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:37,120
Speaker 4: held the door for me. Yeah, that stranger just smiled

68
00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:41,320
Speaker 4: at me. It's really creating that practice of holding both things.

69
00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:44,200
Speaker 4: Both things are true, and that's when we get some

70
00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:48,600
Speaker 4: emotional maturity because we're we're not allowing one feeling to

71
00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:51,240
Speaker 4: run point in our entire life. We're not negating it,

72
00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:53,080
Speaker 4: We're is holding space for it.

73
00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:53,640
Speaker 2: Yeah.

74
00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:57,000
Speaker 4: And also, feelings aren't facts, Like no one told me

75
00:03:57,040 --> 00:03:58,840
Speaker 4: this as a kid. Like for some reason, when I

76
00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:02,120
Speaker 4: got you know, and my self development path, it was

77
00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:03,880
Speaker 4: always like what are you feeling? What are you feeling?

78
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:07,360
Speaker 4: And putting all this importance in what we're feeling. So yes,

79
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:10,120
Speaker 4: do that note how you're feeling, because we have like

80
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,120
Speaker 4: thirty to sixty thousand thoughts a day, And that's my

81
00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:14,520
Speaker 4: hypnotherapist hat on, you know.

82
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:17,960
Speaker 1: Because thirty to sixty thousand is that what you say?

83
00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:19,839
Speaker 2: Yes, that's what my god and.

84
00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:22,880
Speaker 4: And they're all bubbling up from the subconscious.

85
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:23,279
Speaker 2: Yeah.

86
00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:25,599
Speaker 4: So we have all those thoughts and they dictate a mood,

87
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:29,440
Speaker 4: they dictate a feeling. Yeah, but they're also not that important.

88
00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:32,440
Speaker 4: And you know, it's where we stop and grab onto

89
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,279
Speaker 4: a thought, and one thought comes on the screen, and

90
00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:38,880
Speaker 4: it's usually those habitual thoughts because they're like neural pathways

91
00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:40,880
Speaker 4: that have been etched in the mind and they like

92
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:45,000
Speaker 4: they find their little groove. So if it's for you, you Kelly,

93
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:47,800
Speaker 4: but it with someone else, like nobody likes me. Yeah,

94
00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:50,400
Speaker 4: we likes me, So everything around you keeps calibrating to

95
00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:52,920
Speaker 4: that truth nobody likes me, so you start seeing it everywhere.

96
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,799
Speaker 4: So anyway, I digress. There's a lot of different points

97
00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:58,600
Speaker 4: in what I just said. But truly, truly, we can

98
00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:01,800
Speaker 4: notice a thought and and then we can still try

99
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,919
Speaker 4: to move through it. See this is true for me

100
00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:07,040
Speaker 4: right now I feel angry, and we can also start

101
00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:09,520
Speaker 4: looking around, like what good is unfolding in this time

102
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:12,799
Speaker 4: and the moment instead of allowing that just runaway train.

103
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,520
Speaker 1: I love that because when I was reading about you,

104
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,599
Speaker 1: one of the main things that jumped out to me

105
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:22,200
Speaker 1: about your story was that it's not like you present

106
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:25,880
Speaker 1: this perfect story of this perfect life, like you've had

107
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,560
Speaker 1: great moments and you've had really hard moments from what

108
00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:33,080
Speaker 1: I read, And the bigger piece to me and that

109
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,480
Speaker 1: the one that really resonates with me, is that some

110
00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:38,880
Speaker 1: of your hardest moments, viewing from the outside, seem to

111
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:43,359
Speaker 1: be the catalyst for you to really like grow and evolve.

112
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:46,039
Speaker 1: And so looking back, I would imagine there is a

113
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,200
Speaker 1: sense of gratitude and just like you're saying, you had

114
00:05:48,279 --> 00:05:51,440
Speaker 1: that like matching feeling of you know, I'm sure those

115
00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:53,440
Speaker 1: were like very painful.

116
00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:54,680
Speaker 2: Very sad, very hard.

117
00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:57,600
Speaker 1: There's a lot of anger, all of the emotions, and

118
00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:01,120
Speaker 1: now you're like, oh wow, without that, I could never

119
00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:03,400
Speaker 1: be where I am.

120
00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:07,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, right, I mean that's true. Oh yeah, yeah, And

121
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,080
Speaker 4: that's true for all of us. I think any good

122
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:12,680
Speaker 4: practitioner or a healer or coach or therapist has. If

123
00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:14,880
Speaker 4: you're holding space for someone, you have to have walked

124
00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:18,360
Speaker 4: through the yeah on the hot coals yourself in some ways.

125
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:21,160
Speaker 4: You have to be a way shower, you know, or

126
00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:23,479
Speaker 4: a light bearer. And that gets into the woolu portion

127
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:27,160
Speaker 4: of this. I'm sure there'll be more. I think you

128
00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:31,559
Speaker 4: can't hold space for someone else's shadow or darkness truly, truly, truly,

129
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,440
Speaker 4: I mean, and I can get it through textbooks, but

130
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:37,200
Speaker 4: I don't know that people trust that you have you

131
00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:40,599
Speaker 4: can hold that experience. The depth of that, and so

132
00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:44,000
Speaker 4: I definitely feel it's my privilege and my honor to

133
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,000
Speaker 4: be able to be one of those people in this time,

134
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:51,000
Speaker 4: in this very pivotal time on our planet. And I

135
00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:54,479
Speaker 4: definitely have been to the dark places. Yeah, I am

136
00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:57,920
Speaker 4: this week, I have nineteen years in recovery.

137
00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:01,479
Speaker 2: Wow, congrass, thank you, thank you.

138
00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:04,560
Speaker 4: Yes. What that means is it just means that nineteen

139
00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:07,520
Speaker 4: years ago a window of grace opened and I crawled

140
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:11,160
Speaker 4: through it because I really truly think that it was

141
00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:13,920
Speaker 4: a miracle. It was one way and I could not

142
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,440
Speaker 4: get out of that darkness. I could not I couldn't

143
00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:20,440
Speaker 4: leverage it. I couldn't think my way out of it,

144
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,720
Speaker 4: I couldn't act my way out of it. It was

145
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:25,800
Speaker 4: really truly the depths, a dark night of the soul.

146
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:30,640
Speaker 4: And I was in a relationship that was also very dramatic,

147
00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:33,119
Speaker 4: and so it was that's what happens when two people

148
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:38,560
Speaker 4: are in their their cups, and it was, you know,

149
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,560
Speaker 4: just really hard to see your way out of. And then,

150
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:42,560
Speaker 4: like I said, this window of grace open. I don't

151
00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:44,200
Speaker 4: know why it was just my time. I don't know

152
00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:50,960
Speaker 4: if it was because I had some loopholes that I

153
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:55,720
Speaker 4: had built up in some karmic you know, bank currency.

154
00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:58,960
Speaker 4: But it was my time to walk into a new

155
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:01,320
Speaker 4: lifestyle and someone a way shower showed me the way

156
00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:04,360
Speaker 4: this is. Try this for me. It was a program.

157
00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:07,720
Speaker 4: It was a new blueprint that I could work off of,

158
00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:09,880
Speaker 4: and I didn't have a blueprint. I felt like I

159
00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:12,239
Speaker 4: was doing the best I could with the tools I had,

160
00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:16,560
Speaker 4: which I was using adult tools, and I was using

161
00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:21,680
Speaker 4: a hammer instead of a screwdriver, and I was I

162
00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:23,760
Speaker 4: had really no tools. My best thinking got me to

163
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:26,800
Speaker 4: that place in my life, and I thought it was

164
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:30,400
Speaker 4: about all the outside things, And boy did I do that.

165
00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:32,640
Speaker 4: I got all the all the people, places and things,

166
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,280
Speaker 4: and it still couldn't save me from myself.

167
00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:37,560
Speaker 2: God isn't that I was a thing?

168
00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:38,400
Speaker 4: Though? Yeah?

169
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,400
Speaker 1: We always that's the goal of I feel like what

170
00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:44,600
Speaker 1: society preaches us that or teaches us that life should

171
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:47,720
Speaker 1: be is like get the things, get the relationship, get

172
00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:50,160
Speaker 1: the money, get the status, get whatever it is that

173
00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:52,960
Speaker 1: looks pretty on the outside. But just like what you

174
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:56,120
Speaker 1: were saying earlier, like if the inside doesn't match, you're

175
00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,559
Speaker 1: gonna have a problem.

176
00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:01,439
Speaker 4: You're gonna blow it up, blow You're gonna feel in worthy, yes,

177
00:09:01,679 --> 00:09:03,160
Speaker 4: and I thought that it was in mother ing. I

178
00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:05,520
Speaker 4: thought it was in wifing, and I thought it was

179
00:09:05,559 --> 00:09:08,520
Speaker 4: in red carpeting, and I thought it was in all

180
00:09:08,559 --> 00:09:14,080
Speaker 4: these other places that we hold up. But truly, I

181
00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:17,240
Speaker 4: was looking for that relationship with myself. And I know

182
00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:19,880
Speaker 4: that sounds corny, but I wanted that feeling of connection

183
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:24,120
Speaker 4: and I didn't know I've been misled to believe. And

184
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:26,960
Speaker 4: I bought it. Yeah, Yeah, it was out there and

185
00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:30,680
Speaker 4: I could just grab onto it. And so I was

186
00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:36,360
Speaker 4: this greedy, hungry, piggy little girl who was pretending to

187
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:40,640
Speaker 4: be an adult and just more more more, I was insatiable.

188
00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:44,320
Speaker 4: And you really push up against the wall fast when

189
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:47,240
Speaker 4: you do that. And I'm so glad that my descent

190
00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,679
Speaker 4: was swift and it was quick, and it was public

191
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:55,760
Speaker 4: and it was it really was like this isn't working. Yeah,

192
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:58,680
Speaker 4: And so I know there's another window graces. The timing

193
00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:01,120
Speaker 4: it was, it was a short and tense period of time,

194
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:07,080
Speaker 4: and I'm so glad that I crawled through that window

195
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:08,560
Speaker 4: of grace. And I do want to say, like I

196
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:11,200
Speaker 4: look back on that version of me that almost nine

197
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:13,600
Speaker 4: twenty years ago, I guess nineteen years ago, and I like.

198
00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:17,560
Speaker 4: I love that girl. I love her desperateness, I love

199
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:23,880
Speaker 4: all of her. I love her scrappiness, I love her grasping.

200
00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:28,080
Speaker 4: You know, I've folded her into who I am, and

201
00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:31,319
Speaker 4: it's I teach from that place of knowing her intimately,

202
00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:33,720
Speaker 4: just like we talk a lot about the inner child,

203
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:35,880
Speaker 4: and we talk a lot about the subconscious. We talk

204
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:38,839
Speaker 4: all these aspects of who we are, and this is

205
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:41,080
Speaker 4: an aspect of who I am. And I'm not running

206
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:43,960
Speaker 4: from her. You know. In my early days of recovery,

207
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:45,800
Speaker 4: it was like trying to put as much space between

208
00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:51,600
Speaker 4: her as possible. We all had that I want nothing

209
00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:54,760
Speaker 4: to do with her. Yeah, ahole, she wants to destroy everything.

210
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:56,800
Speaker 4: And that was probably true, so that running. But then

211
00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:58,839
Speaker 4: you stop and you're like, oh Jesus, she's still in there,

212
00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:02,320
Speaker 4: and that's still that voice. It's like more more, please?

213
00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:04,800
Speaker 4: Can I have more? Like it's and I know it's

214
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:06,880
Speaker 4: her and so and she's dear and sweet and all

215
00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:09,200
Speaker 4: those good things, and so I have her under you know,

216
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:13,160
Speaker 4: I just she just folds into who I am, you know.

217
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:17,600
Speaker 4: But I'm so grateful that I've had that experience. I'm

218
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:20,280
Speaker 4: so grateful that I burned everything to the ground that way.

219
00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:23,360
Speaker 4: I mean, I didn't do that on purpose, but that's

220
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:26,120
Speaker 4: what happened, and from there I could build something else

221
00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:30,720
Speaker 4: that was solid. Yeah, truly was meaningful. And then in turn,

222
00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:33,200
Speaker 4: you know, for the rest of my life, what I'm

223
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,160
Speaker 4: doing one day at a time is really just turning

224
00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:38,480
Speaker 4: around and offering that back up to someone else. You know,

225
00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:40,520
Speaker 4: in the beginning I worked with women, was only women,

226
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,240
Speaker 4: and I still mostly gravitate to women in my practice.

227
00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:48,880
Speaker 4: And but what a gift, what an honor? Truly, I've

228
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:50,600
Speaker 4: said that a few times, but it's true. It really

229
00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:53,200
Speaker 4: is like what could be? And part of why I

230
00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:55,720
Speaker 4: burnt out because I was looking for purpose and I

231
00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,839
Speaker 4: couldn't find it, and I couldn't find my purpose. And

232
00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:01,720
Speaker 4: I knew I had this grand purpose and I'm I'm

233
00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:06,280
Speaker 4: fully in it now. But it's so fantastic that purpose

234
00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:08,120
Speaker 4: came through that dark night of this whole.

235
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:09,240
Speaker 2: Yeah.

236
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:12,320
Speaker 1: I love referring to it as a window of grace

237
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:16,319
Speaker 1: that you walked through like that, because again that takes

238
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:21,800
Speaker 1: away I think when something is painful, my brain immediately

239
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:24,720
Speaker 1: wants to deem it as bad, and it's like, no,

240
00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:28,720
Speaker 1: it's uncomfortable, but all the emotions in this world are

241
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,960
Speaker 1: actually for a purpose, I believe, and it's just like,

242
00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:34,840
Speaker 1: what is it bringing to your attention?

243
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:37,400
Speaker 2: And like your work now, I mean.

244
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:42,640
Speaker 1: You're the spiritual life coach and you know, relationship expert,

245
00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:44,680
Speaker 1: and like you were saying earlier, if I'm going to

246
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:47,080
Speaker 1: someone and I'm like they're saying to me, hey, it's

247
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:49,000
Speaker 1: going to be okay, I want to know that they

248
00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:52,440
Speaker 1: walked through that first and they're okay. Like to see

249
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,240
Speaker 1: someone else and go, I want what she has because

250
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,280
Speaker 1: I know she's been down here too. To me, that

251
00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:59,440
Speaker 1: speaks volumes like that is the thing that draws me

252
00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:02,640
Speaker 1: in every time. So I want to talk a little

253
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:05,360
Speaker 1: bit about relationships because something else you touched on was

254
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:08,840
Speaker 1: just the relationship with ourselves and a love where you're

255
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:12,280
Speaker 1: mentioning the part about in all of the stuff, like

256
00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,840
Speaker 1: you were looking outside of yourself for all the things.

257
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:18,080
Speaker 1: And yes it could sound cheesy for us to say,

258
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:20,720
Speaker 1: like but always it was within myself, but it is

259
00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:21,360
Speaker 1: the truth.

260
00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:24,360
Speaker 4: The Wizard of Oz had it right.

261
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:28,640
Speaker 1: Yes, So how important you know if I'm having you

262
00:13:28,679 --> 00:13:30,760
Speaker 1: put on your relationship hat here a little bit because

263
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:32,520
Speaker 1: I want to talk through some of the stuff that

264
00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:36,840
Speaker 1: you work with people on. How important would you say

265
00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:40,480
Speaker 1: the relationship to ourselves is to our relationship with others?

266
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:44,200
Speaker 4: Oh, it's everything. It dictates the quality of our relationships.

267
00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:47,000
Speaker 4: I mean, how do you feel about yourself? Is what

268
00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:49,840
Speaker 4: you're calling in. And that's not just say that. I

269
00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:52,440
Speaker 4: haven't had angels show up on my timeline of human

270
00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:54,800
Speaker 4: beings who loved me because I couldn't love myself yet,

271
00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:58,400
Speaker 4: so that has happened also, that's also true, okay, But

272
00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:02,439
Speaker 4: I do feel like our perception of what we're worthy

273
00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:06,079
Speaker 4: of and the degree to which we allow love in

274
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:10,720
Speaker 4: and we allow love to flow out, it is certainly

275
00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:16,960
Speaker 4: dictated by the inner stability that we have. So you know,

276
00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:19,200
Speaker 4: we can be someone who gives out a lot, so

277
00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:23,520
Speaker 4: you know that flow can be imbalanced because we're seeking

278
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:27,160
Speaker 4: love through someone else by our giving, and it's really

279
00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:31,720
Speaker 4: holding and trying to control and manage that relationship. But

280
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:35,080
Speaker 4: when you don't have to do that anymore, can you

281
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:38,200
Speaker 4: imagine the freedom and you really just trust everyone's coming

282
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:40,400
Speaker 4: and going. Like I have four kids, there are all

283
00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:43,080
Speaker 4: different stages of growth. They're coming and going. You know,

284
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:48,359
Speaker 4: a relationship I'm married now, I deeply trust our relationships

285
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:50,840
Speaker 4: move and how they're organic. That's not to say I'm

286
00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:52,240
Speaker 4: not going to fight like hell and I'm not going

287
00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:54,440
Speaker 4: to work my hardest to be my best within that.

288
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,680
Speaker 4: But I also just trust the ebb and flow of things,

289
00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:00,600
Speaker 4: So I'm not holding tight to anything. That's what it

290
00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:03,480
Speaker 4: feels like, and it feels like fucking freedom is what

291
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:06,840
Speaker 4: it feels like. Because I can tell you that there

292
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:09,160
Speaker 4: were a few relationships in the span of my in

293
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,800
Speaker 4: between my marriages where I was working this out, and

294
00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:16,160
Speaker 4: those were my greatest teachers, those relationships that have in

295
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:19,000
Speaker 4: the dating period of time, because I wasn't ready for

296
00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:21,920
Speaker 4: my relationship with my husband that I have. Now E've

297
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:24,720
Speaker 4: been over fifteen years, and longevity is not a gauge

298
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,440
Speaker 4: of success. So I just want to say that we've

299
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:29,720
Speaker 4: all known couples that have been together two decades and

300
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:35,440
Speaker 4: you're like, it's time. Yeah, right, this is a ship show. Yeah,

301
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:38,160
Speaker 4: So it's not about who stays together the longest, twins.

302
00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:41,680
Speaker 4: I think it's about who's using tools okay within the

303
00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:44,840
Speaker 4: partnership and like putting the lens back on yourself within

304
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:47,320
Speaker 4: partnership because we're mirroring to each other all the time.

305
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,240
Speaker 4: And that's when it gets really interesting. So when you're

306
00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:53,560
Speaker 4: seeing yourself focusing on their behaviors, what they're doing, what

307
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:55,480
Speaker 4: they're thinking, what they're saying. If I could just get

308
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:58,760
Speaker 4: them to do this, you've lost the plot right not

309
00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:00,800
Speaker 4: to say that we can't share any and once when

310
00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:02,360
Speaker 4: you do this, I feel this like we want to

311
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:04,280
Speaker 4: stand up for ourselves. We want to set boundaries with

312
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:06,200
Speaker 4: behavior and things like that. And obviously, if you're in

313
00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:10,280
Speaker 4: a you know, relationship that's not feeding you and sustaining

314
00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:12,200
Speaker 4: you in some way, the fuck out, you know it's

315
00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:13,560
Speaker 4: time to leave. I don't even know if we can

316
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:17,320
Speaker 4: swear here, but I'm in, yes, okay, thank you. It's

317
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:19,480
Speaker 4: time to leave, right if it's not working and you've

318
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,840
Speaker 4: and the person is not hearing you listening all those

319
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,040
Speaker 4: other things, and you may be pulled in the third party,

320
00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:30,680
Speaker 4: or there's behaviors that are unacceptable. I have to say that,

321
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:33,640
Speaker 4: just as like Caviat like stop working, you're working too hard.

322
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:36,520
Speaker 4: It's not going to happen because we can only do

323
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,120
Speaker 4: so much and everyone gets to be how they want

324
00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:39,600
Speaker 4: to be, but we get to decide who we want

325
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:42,040
Speaker 4: to be in relation to that insanity or not right.

326
00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:46,120
Speaker 4: So there's that. But I think going back to those relationships,

327
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:50,400
Speaker 4: I was in these emotionally unavailable relationships and I look

328
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:53,280
Speaker 4: like the like the most amazing person in those partnerships

329
00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:55,200
Speaker 4: because I was like, I'm so loving, I'm just holding

330
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,520
Speaker 4: space for you whenever you're ready step into this level

331
00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:00,720
Speaker 4: and they're like running away and there you know, it's

332
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:04,520
Speaker 4: like I look like the hero. But really what shifted

333
00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:08,920
Speaker 4: it when I realized is how am I emotionally unavailable

334
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:12,879
Speaker 4: to myself? How am I afraid to show up in

335
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:15,480
Speaker 4: partnership fully? Because I keep calling in these people. And

336
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:18,120
Speaker 4: that's when you get talking about the subconscious. We call

337
00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,960
Speaker 4: in where we need to heal. We call in the

338
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:23,240
Speaker 4: partner that helps us to heal that part of ourselves

339
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:25,919
Speaker 4: that's still in shadow. This sounds like a lot of

340
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:29,080
Speaker 4: gobblety goop, but I can tell you that boots on

341
00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:31,240
Speaker 4: the ground. When you get that, you're like, oh my god,

342
00:17:31,359 --> 00:17:33,760
Speaker 4: not them, is me. It's totally me, And I'm creating

343
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,240
Speaker 4: all of this, yes, so that I can heal. We're

344
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:40,040
Speaker 4: like this incredible self healing mechanism, and our subconscious is

345
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:42,560
Speaker 4: like managing. You could call it the higher self. You

346
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,760
Speaker 4: could call the subconscious. You know, the subconscious gets a

347
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:50,040
Speaker 4: lot of a bad rap, and it's truly moving us

348
00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:54,000
Speaker 4: into alignment when we start paying attention. So those compulsive behaviors,

349
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:58,320
Speaker 4: those patterning, it's about where are the places where you

350
00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:02,760
Speaker 4: haven't shown the spotlight yet? It's you, sister, like it's

351
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:06,280
Speaker 4: you calling this in to highlight. Yet again there's a

352
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:09,760
Speaker 4: place here that needs some attention. And so again you're

353
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:11,800
Speaker 4: in this deep partnership with yourself where you realize that

354
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:13,640
Speaker 4: you're not You think it's the guy. You think it's

355
00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:15,760
Speaker 4: about getting married, you think, what's having all these other

356
00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:20,000
Speaker 4: externals that you mentioned before, But it's really about creating

357
00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:24,000
Speaker 4: these contexts to keep knowing you, to keep expressing more love.

358
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:25,960
Speaker 4: And I this mentor that would say to me, how

359
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:27,960
Speaker 4: much more can you love yourself right now? With the

360
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,800
Speaker 4: shit that's going on? And there was always that question,

361
00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:32,800
Speaker 4: and that would like laser into the story that I

362
00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:36,320
Speaker 4: was telling myself or that narrative, and I'd be like, oh, yeah,

363
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:39,040
Speaker 4: how much more love can I grive to myself? And

364
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:41,160
Speaker 4: that would look different at each time. What do I need?

365
00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:44,080
Speaker 4: That's a novel thing to ask, what do I need

366
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:44,639
Speaker 4: right now?

367
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,560
Speaker 1: Isn't that crazy? That that is the like sometimes the

368
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:49,520
Speaker 1: last thing that would ever come to my brain.

369
00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:53,159
Speaker 4: Total to think about, right, because we're reparenting, right, and

370
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:54,399
Speaker 4: that's like, what do you need? You'd say that to

371
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:56,240
Speaker 4: your choe, What do you need right now? It's going

372
00:18:56,280 --> 00:19:01,400
Speaker 4: on for you, right because here really set like speaking

373
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:03,480
Speaker 4: to yourself in that way. No one's going to do

374
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,920
Speaker 4: that work. There is no rescue party, no one, no therapist,

375
00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:10,600
Speaker 4: like it's this is when it's just you and your mind,

376
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:15,679
Speaker 4: you and your willingness and to get curious, what do

377
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:17,879
Speaker 4: you need right now? How can I show up for you?

378
00:19:19,119 --> 00:19:20,919
Speaker 4: And it sounds selfish because it's me and me me,

379
00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:22,840
Speaker 4: But ultimately, if you can't show up and you're not

380
00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:28,160
Speaker 4: giving from overflow, if you're not asking those questions right

381
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:31,200
Speaker 4: and tending and tending to that, you know, and asking,

382
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:35,640
Speaker 4: listening for the answers and then tending to it, yeah.

383
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:36,160
Speaker 2: It's interesting.

384
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:39,560
Speaker 1: The mirroring piece of relationships is something that I've it's

385
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:41,800
Speaker 1: just been brought into my awareness this past year where

386
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,720
Speaker 1: I really got it, like I've heard it, but I

387
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:49,360
Speaker 1: couldn't quite grasp what that meant. And so it's interesting

388
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,960
Speaker 1: now though, because it kind of is like you can't

389
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,840
Speaker 1: actually just bitch about your ex or whatever, like oh,

390
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:57,119
Speaker 1: he's such an asshole, because it's like, yeah, but you

391
00:19:57,160 --> 00:20:00,080
Speaker 1: still brought him in, so like what was that like?

392
00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:03,080
Speaker 1: But just having to take that responsibility in and of itself,

393
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:07,480
Speaker 1: it kind of takes away the like it's not glamorous

394
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:09,879
Speaker 1: to bitch about our excess, but like you have to

395
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:12,680
Speaker 1: face yourself too, and that, to me is such an

396
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:17,600
Speaker 1: interesting switch. Like I've started dating now again after a

397
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:20,400
Speaker 1: year off, and it's so interesting going in with that

398
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:24,000
Speaker 1: mentality of like why the people that are coming in

399
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:27,280
Speaker 1: are coming in and also just looking at I love

400
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:30,240
Speaker 1: that you mentioned the part about how unavailable.

401
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,960
Speaker 2: We are to ourselves, Like if.

402
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:34,840
Speaker 1: You're bringing in an unavailable partner, there's a part of

403
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:37,840
Speaker 1: you that's unavailable too. And I just couldn't get that

404
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:41,399
Speaker 1: for a long time because as you have described, like

405
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:44,240
Speaker 1: I was a giver and you know, like I thought

406
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:47,359
Speaker 1: I was showing up so much in relationship, but I

407
00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:50,320
Speaker 1: wasn't showing up for me at all, Like it was

408
00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:53,160
Speaker 1: all looking for it outside. Can you talk a little

409
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,159
Speaker 1: bit about that, like how do we show up for

410
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:56,160
Speaker 1: ourselves more?

411
00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,680
Speaker 4: I love everything you just said I think that's beautifully said.

412
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:03,159
Speaker 4: I don't know thank you to add to that. It's

413
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:06,040
Speaker 4: a process, it's just yeah. I think the first thing

414
00:21:06,119 --> 00:21:10,879
Speaker 4: is that paradigm shift of it's me, okay, it's me

415
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:15,240
Speaker 4: showing up in all these partnerships, these things getting reflected back,

416
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:19,200
Speaker 4: and then taking it one step further than that, it's

417
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:21,800
Speaker 4: why is this here for me? What is this here

418
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:25,679
Speaker 4: to show me? So it's that curiosity and then just

419
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:28,639
Speaker 4: sticking with it. You know, it's not going to happen overnight,

420
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:31,439
Speaker 4: but I think a lot of times, and here's the

421
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:36,399
Speaker 4: therapy portion of it. We're working out our primary caregivers.

422
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:40,960
Speaker 4: It's not sexy. It's not sexy covered right, it is not.

423
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:44,160
Speaker 4: It's all projection, So what part needs healing? And once

424
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:48,800
Speaker 4: you close those loops, then you start feeling attracted to

425
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:52,960
Speaker 4: different types and so this like I never I don't

426
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,400
Speaker 4: trust the when the sees part and you see someone

427
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,840
Speaker 4: across the room, No, that's just your subconscious and they're

428
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:01,480
Speaker 4: subconscious to just I mean, there are twin flames and

429
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:04,480
Speaker 4: soul you know, soulmates and things like that, but let's

430
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:08,080
Speaker 4: keep it super real. It's rare. Twin flames are rare.

431
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:11,080
Speaker 4: It's become this like it means that two souls are split.

432
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:15,000
Speaker 4: It's just it's not. It's not. And we've just made

433
00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:17,400
Speaker 4: it like it's not give as much win flame. Yeah,

434
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:20,840
Speaker 4: it's not. And I don't actually subscribe to that.

435
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:24,360
Speaker 1: You complete me, Oh god, now to me that they're

436
00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:25,800
Speaker 1: the unhealthiest mentality.

437
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:30,920
Speaker 4: Oh my god. You can feel that feeling when you're

438
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:35,160
Speaker 4: aligned with someone, and but it's like two holes come

439
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:37,520
Speaker 4: together and you know, And so I think we're really

440
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:41,640
Speaker 4: we're really pushing against programming because the matrix that we

441
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:44,440
Speaker 4: live in is all about that. You know, it's all

442
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,280
Speaker 4: about I'm lost and then you found me and then

443
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:50,920
Speaker 4: you know, and this trauma and the real housewives of

444
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:53,199
Speaker 4: it all. It looks like this, and women relate to

445
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:57,240
Speaker 4: each other this way, and relationships not a relationship until

446
00:22:57,240 --> 00:23:00,160
Speaker 4: there's like ship flying, and like that's just when you

447
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:03,640
Speaker 4: start to shift the frequency of that, of just being

448
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:06,760
Speaker 4: able to sit in silence with someone, of just being

449
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:09,120
Speaker 4: able to be to really delight in who you are

450
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:15,919
Speaker 4: when you're with someone, and noticing how you feel and

451
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:19,520
Speaker 4: how you feel more whole within yourself when you're wisdom,

452
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:22,720
Speaker 4: Like those are things like you can start breathing life

453
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:26,800
Speaker 4: into that's when you know you're onto something good.

454
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:31,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, how do we Like you've talked a lot about

455
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:33,200
Speaker 1: the subconscious, and I know that's a lot. I mean

456
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:36,800
Speaker 1: that's what hypnosis is really addressing, right, I mean your

457
00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:37,280
Speaker 1: work with it.

458
00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:38,200
Speaker 4: It's one modality.

459
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:44,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, okay, So can you what I think I've heard

460
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:47,359
Speaker 5: you say in another interview that something in the ninety

461
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,800
Speaker 5: like ninety five percent of our thoughts are coming from

462
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:51,840
Speaker 5: our subconscious?

463
00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:52,400
Speaker 2: Is that right?

464
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,840
Speaker 4: Like ninety five percent? Peel say ninety or ninety five,

465
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:56,480
Speaker 4: But yeah, it's in that.

466
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,800
Speaker 1: I mean that is the majority of our thought yeah,

467
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:02,920
Speaker 1: or just walking around completely unaware?

468
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 2: Is that? Okay?

469
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:06,879
Speaker 1: Can you explain this to me? Because I just don't,

470
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:09,600
Speaker 1: Like I'm starting to get it. And then the more

471
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:12,560
Speaker 1: I'm addressing the like the mirroring and what I'm bringing in,

472
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:14,359
Speaker 1: like it is clicking.

473
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:17,800
Speaker 2: But how do we know? Like how can we trust ourselves?

474
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:18,000
Speaker 5: Then?

475
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:21,080
Speaker 1: Because it's like, what part is this old programming that

476
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:24,800
Speaker 1: I'm that's driving the bus of my life? And then

477
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:28,480
Speaker 1: what is actually where I need to be and like

478
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:29,840
Speaker 1: I'm in alignment with myself?

479
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:30,520
Speaker 2: Like how do we know?

480
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:35,439
Speaker 4: This is a great question. I think when you have

481
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:41,200
Speaker 4: repetitive thoughts and patterning, and it's safe to say that

482
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:43,240
Speaker 4: that's the subconscious.

483
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,719
Speaker 2: Okay, that's like rerouting thing.

484
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:48,240
Speaker 4: That is just so just noticing that, Like where what

485
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,400
Speaker 4: are phrases that you say to yourself? Is what I'll

486
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:52,119
Speaker 4: work when I'm working with a client, I'll be like,

487
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:55,840
Speaker 4: what are repetitive phrases for you? What are beliefs that

488
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:59,680
Speaker 4: you have that you like? It's usually stuff you picked

489
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:03,439
Speaker 4: up childhood. I mean, we are in this and this

490
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 4: is the part where I'm going to explain the different

491
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:09,679
Speaker 4: brainwave activities. Yeah, it's the science part of this and

492
00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:13,199
Speaker 4: it's not just bear with me. So we're in this

493
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:15,560
Speaker 4: beta state right now. It's really about output. So the

494
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:19,720
Speaker 4: brain's moving really quickly and these beta waves. Below that's alpha,

495
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:21,960
Speaker 4: which is kind of when we space out when we

496
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:23,679
Speaker 4: drive from A to B and we don't remember how

497
00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 4: we got there. We're kind of in alpha. Most times

498
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,240
Speaker 4: when we go into meditation, we're in alpha. Below that's

499
00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:32,639
Speaker 4: theta data is the magic state where the subconscious is

500
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:35,840
Speaker 4: in play. And then below that is delta. So the

501
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:39,000
Speaker 4: brainwave activity just gets slower and slower and slower. Yeah,

502
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:40,240
Speaker 4: so when you go to sleep at night, you're in

503
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:44,440
Speaker 4: delta delta sleep. Theta is what we drop into when

504
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:47,920
Speaker 4: we do hypnosis. So a great hypnotherapist will drop you

505
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:53,240
Speaker 4: into that Theta state, and from there they will upload

506
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:56,840
Speaker 4: these new ideas you have around something, okay, like I

507
00:25:56,880 --> 00:26:00,280
Speaker 4: can attract abundance, that I am in flow, that I

508
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:03,840
Speaker 4: love myself, that I can release this harmful way of

509
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:07,119
Speaker 4: coping smoking addictions. Like this is where they'll drop you

510
00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:10,240
Speaker 4: into the magic data state and this in the brain

511
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:13,520
Speaker 4: way of activity state that is receptive to new ideas.

512
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:18,840
Speaker 4: So context from the ages of zero to seven, we're

513
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:24,119
Speaker 4: in theta. Oh so yep, we're little sponges. We're just

514
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:28,320
Speaker 4: walking around in data state, and after seven we pop out.

515
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,480
Speaker 4: Then we're going through these different bringway back to the states.

516
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:32,680
Speaker 4: You can imagine. It makes sense. You land in a

517
00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:35,520
Speaker 4: human body, your soul, and you're like, what do I

518
00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:39,359
Speaker 4: need to notice? Yourvive? Right, So you're picking up picking

519
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:43,080
Speaker 4: up and you're reading what love is, what success is,

520
00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:46,199
Speaker 4: what safety feels like, what abundance feels like?

521
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:51,520
Speaker 1: Just rocked my world. Sorry, that's from zero to seven.

522
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:53,240
Speaker 1: That just makes my whole life makes sense.

523
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:55,240
Speaker 2: Okay, Oh, it goes my BOFE.

524
00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:59,280
Speaker 4: So anything you've picked up from your parents about ideas

525
00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:03,760
Speaker 4: around money and love and stability and security and sense

526
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:07,480
Speaker 4: of self would have been through those times. So it's

527
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:09,679
Speaker 4: really easy to if you can go back to what

528
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:12,880
Speaker 4: your parents said during those times and remembering phrases money

529
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:16,200
Speaker 4: doesn't run, treats whatever, Those those little phrases, those are

530
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:18,400
Speaker 4: the things that are running your life under there. Those

531
00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:21,080
Speaker 4: have been put into the database. That's your hard drive.

532
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:25,520
Speaker 4: It's been wired now, and that's why people feel this helplessness,

533
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 4: this this powerlessness sometimes around their best thinking, their conscious

534
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:31,560
Speaker 4: mind that says, I want this to be different, but

535
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:34,280
Speaker 4: then the subconscious keeps rerouting to that true north of

536
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:38,120
Speaker 4: what it's what's in the hard drive. Yeah, that makes

537
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:41,840
Speaker 4: it frustrating. Sense, Yeah, it is frustrating. But my friends

538
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:44,080
Speaker 4: are getting frustrated with me because like when I talk

539
00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:47,840
Speaker 4: about this dating stuff, you know, one of the narratives

540
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:50,119
Speaker 4: amongst my friend Grape, but I think this is a

541
00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:51,760
Speaker 4: lot of women in general, is there are no good

542
00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:53,760
Speaker 4: men out there, Like I don't know if you've heard

543
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:54,280
Speaker 4: you know, And.

544
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:58,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I've lived that way. It's been probably my

545
00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:01,280
Speaker 1: last decade living in that MENTA and what do you know,

546
00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:05,040
Speaker 1: all I brought in were men who validated that narrative,

547
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:07,240
Speaker 1: you know, over and over, and I.

548
00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:10,640
Speaker 2: Was just like, see, there it is. It's like, but of.

549
00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:14,000
Speaker 1: Course our brains are amazing and that they will keep

550
00:28:14,119 --> 00:28:17,000
Speaker 1: doing that. So if we believe that, then yes, we're

551
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,480
Speaker 1: going to pull something in that makes that true. And

552
00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 1: so what I've been trying to say is it's kind

553
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:24,560
Speaker 1: of what you were saying about the abundance place Like

554
00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:27,640
Speaker 1: I come from a place of abundance, Like love is abundant.

555
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:31,280
Speaker 1: There is no scarcity, like amount of love in this world,

556
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:35,639
Speaker 1: you know, like there are amazing there's multiple relationships for me,

557
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:38,960
Speaker 1: and like whatever I'm supposed to be in right now

558
00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:42,400
Speaker 1: is here to teach me something. And like that shift

559
00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 1: has completely changed dating for me, like completely, and it's

560
00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:50,200
Speaker 1: taken away so much of that power go ahead so much.

561
00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:52,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, I know, I was gonna say, quick life hack.

562
00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:55,960
Speaker 4: If someone says something like that and you can feel

563
00:28:56,000 --> 00:29:00,000
Speaker 4: that it has torque to it, yeah say cancel cancel cancer.

564
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:01,480
Speaker 2: Okay.

565
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:05,959
Speaker 5: So my brain doesn't say, yeah, cancel cancel cancer, though, okay,

566
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:09,640
Speaker 5: And then you can affirm something to yourself, say my

567
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:11,960
Speaker 5: person is making their way to me, and I'm making.

568
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:14,720
Speaker 4: My way to them. Yeah, and I can't wait. The

569
00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:18,200
Speaker 4: subconscious loves expectation, loves hope. So you can say I

570
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:21,160
Speaker 4: can't wait to meet my person. Yeah, I can't wait

571
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:24,680
Speaker 4: to step into this flow of love that's on its

572
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:26,760
Speaker 4: way to me. Things like that, find your phrasing, that

573
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 4: that's true to you, because the things that I would

574
00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:31,920
Speaker 4: say to myself because I was dating in Los Angeles,

575
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:35,440
Speaker 4: which is a really small pool, and it's all about age.

576
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, position, you know all those things status, youth,

577
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:44,320
Speaker 4: Yeah said age. Yeah, I can't. I can't say that enough.

578
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:45,760
Speaker 4: And I had, you know, I was just people would

579
00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:48,000
Speaker 4: say to me, you have two kids and you're thirty.

580
00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 4: I was such a baby. I was like thirty thirty

581
00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:58,680
Speaker 4: years old, just to tell you now empty. So yeah,

582
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:01,840
Speaker 4: I think those things are just these are little ways

583
00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 4: to disengage from these beliefs that keep getting perpetuated, you know,

584
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:11,440
Speaker 4: and there is enough and we find each other and

585
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:13,360
Speaker 4: there's a lid for every pot. So I won't used

586
00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:15,239
Speaker 4: to say that to you, but I love that. And

587
00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:17,840
Speaker 4: so you know, if your person isn't showing up just

588
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:19,960
Speaker 4: saying he's getting ready for me, they're getting ready for me.

589
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:22,440
Speaker 4: I'm getting ready for them. They're getting ready for me.

590
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:25,440
Speaker 4: You know, we're not ready yet. Yeah, and so, and

591
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 4: this is a beautiful thing because it's like I can

592
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:30,080
Speaker 4: have fun in between. I don't need to do shit.

593
00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:33,760
Speaker 4: All I have to do is just keep focusing on

594
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:36,760
Speaker 4: my own healing, getting curious about where I'm at, trying

595
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:40,640
Speaker 4: to close loops, noticing patterning, just gently, softly. We can't

596
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 4: catch sixty thousand thoughts, but we can notice a mood

597
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:45,600
Speaker 4: that we have, a feeling that we have. Oh what

598
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:49,000
Speaker 4: was I just thinking that created this thought and mood? Yeah,

599
00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:52,560
Speaker 4: and then backtracking and say is that true? Yeah, and

600
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:54,960
Speaker 4: just parceling through. And I can tell you that that

601
00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:58,160
Speaker 4: work is so precious, it is so dear, and you

602
00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:00,720
Speaker 4: can have people like the path. I've had so many

603
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:03,160
Speaker 4: great mentors littering my path along the way, and I've

604
00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:07,920
Speaker 4: had a lot of very fortunate that way. But when

605
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:10,320
Speaker 4: it comes to this again and again, it's about this

606
00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 4: work that you do with yourself, this gentle, loving lens

607
00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:19,760
Speaker 4: that you keep bringing to everything and repatterning the subconscious.

608
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:21,720
Speaker 4: You don't have to change it and shift it. And

609
00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:25,240
Speaker 4: like you know, away from the eye like you don't

610
00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:27,320
Speaker 4: do that. It's just gentle, it's just loving. And so

611
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:28,880
Speaker 4: I just want to go back to one more. I

612
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:32,000
Speaker 4: like to put tools in people's hands. When you go

613
00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:35,320
Speaker 4: to sleep at night, when you're going through these states

614
00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:40,400
Speaker 4: that I talked about, from beta, alpha, theta into delta sleep,

615
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:43,560
Speaker 4: that is the time to repeat those affirmations. That is

616
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:46,920
Speaker 4: the time to program. You don't need a subconscious specialist.

617
00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:50,320
Speaker 4: I'm giving you these these little tools now. When you're

618
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:53,040
Speaker 4: going to sleep, that is the time to say your affirmations.

619
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:55,800
Speaker 4: That is the time to reprogram your own subconscious mind,

620
00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:58,160
Speaker 4: because only you can really do that. The degree all

621
00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:01,800
Speaker 4: hypnosis is self hypnosis the degree that you allow it.

622
00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:04,640
Speaker 4: You know, people think, you yeah, talk.

623
00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 2: About that, What do you mean. It's the degree we

624
00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:06,840
Speaker 2: allow it.

625
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:08,920
Speaker 4: Because I'll have clients comming, it's to the degree that

626
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:13,400
Speaker 4: they allow themselves to drop into it's their suggestibility. It's

627
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,960
Speaker 4: the degree to which they allow themselves to drop into

628
00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:18,560
Speaker 4: that data state. So I can navigate, and I have

629
00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:22,000
Speaker 4: different ways of doing that. I have different powder techniques

630
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:24,200
Speaker 4: whatever that is that I learned and that you know

631
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:28,560
Speaker 4: I use, And I also have the tool of my

632
00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:31,480
Speaker 4: voice and those sorts of things. But at the end

633
00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 4: of the day, it's the degree to which someone is

634
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 4: willing mh. And so you are your own best healer.

635
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:43,480
Speaker 4: You can use be deliberate and conscious and mindful about

636
00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:45,520
Speaker 4: when you want to drop into this data state, and

637
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:47,440
Speaker 4: you can do it through breath, you can do it

638
00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:50,400
Speaker 4: through intention. You are taking three deep breaths and then

639
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:53,280
Speaker 4: just counting from ten down to one in your waking state,

640
00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:55,760
Speaker 4: that will drop you into alpha data and then from

641
00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:59,520
Speaker 4: there to your affirmations. From there set your intentions. But

642
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:01,680
Speaker 4: the most part in times when you're falling asleep, because

643
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:03,560
Speaker 4: you definitely have to move through that state to get

644
00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:06,720
Speaker 4: into sleep. So instead what we do is our head

645
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:09,760
Speaker 4: hits the pillow and we're like worrying, thinking about the

646
00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:12,160
Speaker 4: day tomorrow, how the day didn't go well. So I

647
00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:14,000
Speaker 4: would say, keep a little journal next to your bed,

648
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:17,040
Speaker 4: write out all their thoughts, get them all out, just

649
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:19,720
Speaker 4: let them just find their way out on paper. And

650
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:21,640
Speaker 4: then you talked about gratitude at the top of this

651
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:25,920
Speaker 4: and the theme, So I would write ten gratitudes, okay,

652
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:30,240
Speaker 4: upledge your frequency up, level your frequency right, ten things

653
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:34,080
Speaker 4: you're grateful for for the day, and then then you're

654
00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:37,680
Speaker 4: really setting the tone for the subconscious as you're going

655
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:40,320
Speaker 4: to sleep into that theta. You're in that frequency of good,

656
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:43,840
Speaker 4: that frequency of abundance, because that's what gratitude is. Yeah,

657
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:45,840
Speaker 4: and so then you're going to sleep with that top

658
00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:46,320
Speaker 4: of mind.

659
00:33:46,520 --> 00:33:51,720
Speaker 1: Okay, I love that you said that the subconscious loves hope,

660
00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:54,600
Speaker 1: because I mean, that actually makes so much sense to me.

661
00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:57,840
Speaker 1: But I do think specifically we're keeping on the dating topic,

662
00:33:57,920 --> 00:33:59,960
Speaker 1: like that is one of the hard parts of dating.

663
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:02,520
Speaker 1: You get excited and then it doesn't work out, and

664
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:05,640
Speaker 1: I think that we're so conditioned to again think that's

665
00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:08,640
Speaker 1: a failure or like why why am I not meeting

666
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:11,279
Speaker 1: this person or whatever. And one of the things that's

667
00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:14,840
Speaker 1: really helped me lately is doing exactly what you're saying,

668
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:18,200
Speaker 1: Like it's just like if something happens and it doesn't

669
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:20,440
Speaker 1: work out, and like the universe is protecting me, like

670
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:23,759
Speaker 1: rejection is your biggest protection, you know, kind of thing,

671
00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:27,719
Speaker 1: and like and also is what am I feeling right now?

672
00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:30,560
Speaker 1: A lot of times I'm just lonely and it's like, Okay,

673
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:34,040
Speaker 1: but I'm again not talking to myself. I'm having I

674
00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:36,680
Speaker 1: have no connection to myself and most of the time,

675
00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:39,880
Speaker 1: I can satisfy that pretty quickly if I actually just

676
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:43,200
Speaker 1: even address like, oh, I'm sorry you're lonely, it's like

677
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:45,480
Speaker 1: no one else is really going to fully be able

678
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:47,680
Speaker 1: to give me that ever. I mean, I've been in

679
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:51,239
Speaker 1: relationships and felt that, so I know that to be true.

680
00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:54,319
Speaker 1: But why does this subconscious like hope, can you tell

681
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:55,480
Speaker 1: me a little bit more about that?

682
00:34:56,400 --> 00:35:00,000
Speaker 4: Because it's always calculating, it's trying to you know, it's

683
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,800
Speaker 4: it's trying to it's rerouting to keep you safe. It

684
00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 4: really runs the autonomic nervous system, so that's the technical piece,

685
00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:09,600
Speaker 4: and so it's fight and flight, you know, fear is

686
00:35:09,640 --> 00:35:12,560
Speaker 4: all of those things. So yeah, it's always scanning, it's

687
00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:18,360
Speaker 4: always looking, and so when we usually were like thinking

688
00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:20,960
Speaker 4: fearful thoughts like this, isn't you know if I do this?

689
00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:22,919
Speaker 4: And so it's how it can manage, you know, when

690
00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:25,799
Speaker 4: you're trying to get out ahead of something, you can

691
00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:28,480
Speaker 4: think the worst so that you can keep your expectations

692
00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:32,120
Speaker 4: that way. So inside it doing that by just constantly

693
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:36,080
Speaker 4: like you're doing. I love how you're reframing and just

694
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:40,759
Speaker 4: saying rejection is God's protection or the universe of protection, right,

695
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:44,480
Speaker 4: and you're just trusting that it's always rerouting for you.

696
00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:48,719
Speaker 4: I think the subconscious wants to please us. It wants,

697
00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:52,040
Speaker 4: you know, if it had its own quality to it.

698
00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 4: It's trying to be faithful based on programming, and so

699
00:35:56,760 --> 00:35:59,960
Speaker 4: it really is, you know, I know, it's very moved.

700
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:03,080
Speaker 4: It really is of how we are, this self healing mechanism,

701
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:06,080
Speaker 4: and it's all working for us to move us into

702
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:09,200
Speaker 4: alignment to heal. And so let's just keep feeding it

703
00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:11,960
Speaker 4: and nurturing it and giving it things that to chew

704
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:15,560
Speaker 4: on that are actually beneficial other than letting it be Unfortunately,

705
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:19,279
Speaker 4: word is unconscious and it's just a runaway train being

706
00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:21,279
Speaker 4: led by the senses. And then that's where you pick

707
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:24,279
Speaker 4: up bad habits. And see the about nail biting. Let's

708
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:27,560
Speaker 4: use that like someone somehow someone put their finger.

709
00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:27,799
Speaker 2: In their mouth.

710
00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:31,040
Speaker 4: They felt a little nail between their teeth. They've heard

711
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:36,719
Speaker 4: that click, and they felt this release of stress, and

712
00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:40,160
Speaker 4: so the subconscious took note of that. The subconscious took

713
00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 4: note of that that first time and said, oh wow,

714
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:43,320
Speaker 4: this works.

715
00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:45,200
Speaker 2: For her, Oh my god.

716
00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:47,359
Speaker 4: And then you find yourself putting your fingers in your

717
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:50,560
Speaker 4: own and overrides the conscious mind, you see. So then

718
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 4: you're doing that and you want you're chasing that first

719
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:56,799
Speaker 4: feeling of relief. That's what happens with the drinker they

720
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:59,440
Speaker 4: had that first drink. Yeah, that's why it's housed in

721
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:02,960
Speaker 4: the subconscient Yeah, because it the same thing you took

722
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:06,279
Speaker 4: that first drink. You felt that click, that click, And

723
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:08,359
Speaker 4: so people always say, I'm chase was chasing that first

724
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:11,520
Speaker 4: drunk that first time where I felt that buzz. And

725
00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:13,200
Speaker 4: it's just like it never is going to be as

726
00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:15,680
Speaker 4: good as that first time ever. Right, It's like this

727
00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:19,360
Speaker 4: exercise in futility in the bottom keeps dropping lower and lower.

728
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:24,640
Speaker 4: It really is this this insane chase for that first

729
00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:28,319
Speaker 4: buzz that happened, and the subconscious had recorded that, and

730
00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:31,080
Speaker 4: so it's like this is good for her, yeae. It

731
00:37:31,239 --> 00:37:33,319
Speaker 4: wants to please you. So we just want to keep

732
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:36,439
Speaker 4: uploading more positive experiences. And so when good things happen,

733
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:38,920
Speaker 4: say this is good, YEA, take note of this. This

734
00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:41,480
Speaker 4: is good when you have a moment of love with someone,

735
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 4: maybe you've had an intimate moment with them, or maybe

736
00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:46,960
Speaker 4: just say more of this, please, more of this. Please.

737
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:51,960
Speaker 4: You are such a master creator. You Kelly everybody listening, like,

738
00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:55,280
Speaker 4: know your power, step into your power, My god, stop

739
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:59,960
Speaker 4: outsourcing it. You're an incredible mechanism. It's all available to you.

740
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:02,440
Speaker 4: You just pick up more tools to manage. That's all

741
00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:05,319
Speaker 4: that's really. It's about self soothing. And I teach a

742
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:08,279
Speaker 4: class here at Sagent Sound called the Tools, and it's

743
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:10,360
Speaker 4: an express class, and I love that because I just

744
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:13,200
Speaker 4: want to put tools in people's hands. So not everybode

745
00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:15,400
Speaker 4: wants to sit in a breathwork class or meditation will

746
00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:19,279
Speaker 4: offer all those things sound experiences, but just give me

747
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:22,040
Speaker 4: tools in my hands so I can figure out ways

748
00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:25,000
Speaker 4: to self regulate, because that's everything. When I can do that,

749
00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:28,040
Speaker 4: then I have some I have a shot at self mastery.

750
00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:29,960
Speaker 4: And if you don't know, it's going to be in

751
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:34,080
Speaker 4: the bottom of a bottle. It's going to be whatever medicator,

752
00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:37,799
Speaker 4: whatever it is, the Netflix and chill, whatever that's right.

753
00:38:38,719 --> 00:38:41,880
Speaker 4: You're going to keep looking there because it's worked at

754
00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:44,840
Speaker 4: one time, but it's probably outgrown it and you're ready

755
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:47,920
Speaker 4: for more, but it keeps rerouting to that. So gaining

756
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:50,279
Speaker 4: more tools is really where it's at, and they're going

757
00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:53,560
Speaker 4: to change what worked before it doesn't work today. You

758
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:56,479
Speaker 4: sitting and doing this meditation. You know, it's on you.

759
00:38:57,080 --> 00:39:01,440
Speaker 4: Keep showing up, keep doing that excitement around how you

760
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:02,200
Speaker 4: self soothe.

761
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:09,000
Speaker 1: I love just even hearing that about self soothing, because

762
00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:12,400
Speaker 1: like you and I have the recovery piece in common.

763
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:15,560
Speaker 1: And so when I first started recovery, I remember being like, god,

764
00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:18,160
Speaker 1: I just because I was thirty, and I felt like

765
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:21,680
Speaker 1: just the fuck up kind of you know, like everyone

766
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:23,480
Speaker 1: else had it kind of figured out, and why wasn't

767
00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:26,200
Speaker 1: anyone else's life falling apart? Why was mine falling apart?

768
00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:27,840
Speaker 1: And it was a very like I guess that's a

769
00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:31,080
Speaker 1: victim mentality, but it's also like just it felt so

770
00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:35,359
Speaker 1: heavy and like, oh why me? And since I've done

771
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:37,560
Speaker 1: it for so long now, it's sort of like, oh,

772
00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:39,640
Speaker 1: recovery is just a tool of mine. Like it's just

773
00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:42,759
Speaker 1: like the steps give me something tangible to do when

774
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:45,920
Speaker 1: I'm in these you know, really intense periods of my

775
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:48,960
Speaker 1: life or hardships or whatever it is. And I always

776
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:51,640
Speaker 1: say to people, I wish everyone had a program and

777
00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:55,400
Speaker 1: not because like I'm just you know, thinking like everyone

778
00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:57,840
Speaker 1: has to be in twelve Step, But it's just really

779
00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:01,239
Speaker 1: great tools for life. And so I love that you're

780
00:40:01,239 --> 00:40:04,359
Speaker 1: offering that at Sage and Sound, can you tell us

781
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:06,800
Speaker 1: a little bit just about sage and sound in general?

782
00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:08,400
Speaker 1: And then what else people could find?

783
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:11,200
Speaker 4: I will I just want to piggyback on that because

784
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:14,440
Speaker 4: I have another class that I just okay called the

785
00:40:14,480 --> 00:40:18,360
Speaker 4: Spirituality of the Twelve Steps. Okay, So it's distilling just

786
00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:20,960
Speaker 4: the essence of each step and how anyone because I've

787
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:22,440
Speaker 4: heard the same thing you've heard. God, I wish I

788
00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:29,120
Speaker 4: had a problem like no, you don't right, trust, but yes,

789
00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:33,440
Speaker 4: but it is an incredible blueprint. Yeah, and so what

790
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:36,880
Speaker 4: is the essence of each one? How are you? How

791
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:40,359
Speaker 4: can you admit powerlessness and unmanageability in how you show

792
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:43,880
Speaker 4: up in your life on where you're like less hustle,

793
00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:47,360
Speaker 4: more flow, you know? And then what's your relationship to

794
00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:49,200
Speaker 4: higher power? How can you tune your will in life

795
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:51,080
Speaker 4: over to it? So it's just like this gentle look

796
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:53,839
Speaker 4: at sort of what we've all benefited from and we've

797
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:57,480
Speaker 4: built our life from the ashes back with Yeah, and

798
00:40:57,560 --> 00:41:00,520
Speaker 4: so so that was that's been like a particular joy

799
00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:06,120
Speaker 4: to create classes around that. But the study is such

800
00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:08,560
Speaker 4: a beautiful space within Sage and Sound. It's really the

801
00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:11,040
Speaker 4: heart oft agent sound this isn't an Upper east Side

802
00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:16,520
Speaker 4: five thousand square foot space and closed during the pandemic. Yeah,

803
00:41:16,560 --> 00:41:19,120
Speaker 4: so much closed, and we've been missing community. I mean,

804
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:22,360
Speaker 4: my practice I had was doing workshops and one on

805
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:24,480
Speaker 4: one all over the world, and people showed up during

806
00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:28,000
Speaker 4: that period of time just feeling so destabilized and really

807
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:30,279
Speaker 4: wanting to learn how to anchor into themselves. So I've

808
00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:34,000
Speaker 4: been doing that on Zoom off my farm in Pennsylvania.

809
00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 4: And so this opportunity came to join these two friends

810
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:40,319
Speaker 4: that were Upper East Siders that kept having to go

811
00:41:40,360 --> 00:41:45,359
Speaker 4: downtown to get their acupuncture, all their treatments, their non

812
00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:48,759
Speaker 4: toxic manipetti, all those different things, and they wanted to

813
00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:51,200
Speaker 4: create a space where they could have a meditation and

814
00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:54,680
Speaker 4: breath work and sound and then these classes. And so

815
00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:58,000
Speaker 4: as programming director, it's been such a joy and a

816
00:41:58,080 --> 00:42:01,759
Speaker 4: dream to think about where can we meet people right

817
00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:04,920
Speaker 4: where they are on their journey. Someone who doesn't want

818
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:07,160
Speaker 4: to show up for meditation or breath might want to

819
00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:09,279
Speaker 4: show up and do a mindful writing class to learn

820
00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:12,040
Speaker 4: how to drop into themselves, to learn how to just

821
00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:14,800
Speaker 4: be with themselves. Like what could that look and feel like?

822
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:18,640
Speaker 4: We have a class on practical mysticism. Again, we keep

823
00:42:18,719 --> 00:42:21,400
Speaker 4: going to clairvoyance or other people to pull our taro.

824
00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:23,480
Speaker 4: How about you learning how to read your own sun sign?

825
00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 4: How about you learning how to pull your own cards?

826
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:29,000
Speaker 4: You know. So we have this incredible astrologer who's like

827
00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:31,280
Speaker 4: thirty five years and written books, and so she teaches

828
00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:33,640
Speaker 4: a class here as well. And then we have all

829
00:42:33,719 --> 00:42:37,560
Speaker 4: kinds of life coaches and authors teaching about how to

830
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:41,080
Speaker 4: manifest abundance, how to heal relationships. You have a men's

831
00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:44,560
Speaker 4: class because this space is really saturated with women, yeah

832
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:46,680
Speaker 4: a lot of times, so we had to create men

833
00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:50,360
Speaker 4: to have their own space to do that. And he's incredible.

834
00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:54,520
Speaker 4: And then we just have these sound practitioners that honestly

835
00:42:54,600 --> 00:42:56,919
Speaker 4: just came off of tours with Oprah. We have two

836
00:42:56,960 --> 00:43:00,719
Speaker 4: of them. One is Breath and one Gliss Prattley, and

837
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:02,520
Speaker 4: the other one is Jackie Campwell. And she was on

838
00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:05,399
Speaker 4: all the sound this sound tour with her and now

839
00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:08,520
Speaker 4: she's actually going to do a sound experience this evening,

840
00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:09,920
Speaker 4: which I'm going to benefit from.

841
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:11,440
Speaker 2: Amazing, I'm going to do it.

842
00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:14,680
Speaker 1: What do you find the benefit of sound, Because I

843
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:17,440
Speaker 1: I've done a million sound baths and for me it is.

844
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:22,880
Speaker 1: My entire body feels like it shifts the energy just completely,

845
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:25,120
Speaker 1: like the vibration, Like I feel my.

846
00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:26,200
Speaker 2: Entire body vibrate.

847
00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:28,959
Speaker 1: Can you come talk people through that, because I don't

848
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:31,960
Speaker 1: know that a lot of my listeners are even aware

849
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:33,880
Speaker 1: of the healing parts of sound.

850
00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:38,840
Speaker 4: Well, everything is vibrating, everything is energy all around us.

851
00:43:38,640 --> 00:43:43,240
Speaker 4: It's like just we talked about gratitudes. A frequency. Sound

852
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:47,440
Speaker 4: is a frequency and it really cuts through noise in

853
00:43:47,520 --> 00:43:51,880
Speaker 4: the mind and the body, and we're just very sensitive

854
00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:55,320
Speaker 4: to it. And so to listen to sound in that way,

855
00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:59,760
Speaker 4: it's almost like just an immersion, and it can really

856
00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:03,319
Speaker 4: drop a resistant like someone who can't sit for meditation necessarily,

857
00:44:03,360 --> 00:44:05,960
Speaker 4: he has a lot of thoughts. It really can carry

858
00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:12,279
Speaker 4: them on this ocean of experience quiet stillness. It can

859
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:14,839
Speaker 4: really laser thrive. And a lot of resistant clients who

860
00:44:14,840 --> 00:44:17,120
Speaker 4: don't want to meditate and sit in that like my

861
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:21,040
Speaker 4: mind's just too busy, but they can avail themselves to

862
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:25,880
Speaker 4: sound and the frequency of sound. And we offer different practitioners.

863
00:44:26,239 --> 00:44:28,640
Speaker 4: So some of them do more Tibetan bowls and that's

864
00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:30,360
Speaker 4: a different sound with gongs, and some of them do

865
00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:33,759
Speaker 4: more crystal bowls and that's a different experience. And then

866
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:36,920
Speaker 4: some of them we have laying down, so it's more about,

867
00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:39,640
Speaker 4: you know, being in shavasana after yoga class when you

868
00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:42,399
Speaker 4: just leay there and you just allow that. And so

869
00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:45,799
Speaker 4: we have a different practitioner on Sundays that offers more

870
00:44:46,120 --> 00:44:49,680
Speaker 4: to enliven, more to align, more to set intentions. So

871
00:44:49,680 --> 00:44:53,560
Speaker 4: it's using sound in different ways, and so it's less

872
00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:57,160
Speaker 4: of a sound bath and it's more of a sound meditation.

873
00:44:57,640 --> 00:44:58,880
Speaker 2: Oh I like that difference.

874
00:44:59,000 --> 00:44:59,200
Speaker 4: Yeah.

875
00:44:59,760 --> 00:44:59,920
Speaker 5: Yeah.

876
00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:03,320
Speaker 1: If you're listening and you're like okay, y'all, okay, sound

877
00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:05,319
Speaker 1: and soundbles and all this stuff don't not get so

878
00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:08,120
Speaker 1: you try it. Go try answer, Go try it, go

879
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:10,799
Speaker 1: try it. So sage and Sound is in New York.

880
00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:12,799
Speaker 1: If you guys are up there visiting, where else can

881
00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:13,560
Speaker 1: people find you?

882
00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:13,799
Speaker 4: Though?

883
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:15,759
Speaker 1: If they aren't in New York and they maybe want

884
00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:18,200
Speaker 1: to work with you privately, do you still do the

885
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:19,719
Speaker 1: zoom sessions?

886
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:22,080
Speaker 4: Not as much anymore. I'm really here. My focus has

887
00:45:22,080 --> 00:45:24,400
Speaker 4: been here a year, been helping to build this and

888
00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:27,080
Speaker 4: it's just so beautiful to come back into community again.

889
00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:28,920
Speaker 4: And that's what I was saying. It's like all these

890
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:31,799
Speaker 4: things have been happening online, and there's nothing like the

891
00:45:31,920 --> 00:45:34,400
Speaker 4: energy of being in a room of like minded people.

892
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:36,680
Speaker 4: When you know that from meetings, you know that from

893
00:45:36,719 --> 00:45:39,160
Speaker 4: it's just different. It feels different. And to hear other

894
00:45:39,160 --> 00:45:41,960
Speaker 4: people share about where they're at, you even working in

895
00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:44,520
Speaker 4: vacuums like online and or with their theravists and our

896
00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:47,880
Speaker 4: coaches and oh yeah, and it's something that's so cracking

897
00:45:48,040 --> 00:45:51,359
Speaker 4: to have that community again. So that's what I'm really

898
00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:54,200
Speaker 4: focused on and building that here. But I write a

899
00:45:54,200 --> 00:45:57,520
Speaker 4: lot still on my Instagram page and that's at Ryan

900
00:45:57,600 --> 00:46:01,360
Speaker 4: dot had, So that's I'm just using that as a

901
00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:04,040
Speaker 4: place where I express thoughts and feelings and things that

902
00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:06,520
Speaker 4: are going on and things that I'm working with in

903
00:46:06,560 --> 00:46:07,080
Speaker 4: the space.

904
00:46:07,200 --> 00:46:09,960
Speaker 1: And yeah, so a lot of healing tools there. You

905
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:14,040
Speaker 1: guys can follow her there. I'll put her Instagram handle

906
00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:16,200
Speaker 1: in the description of this podcast. And also just the

907
00:46:16,200 --> 00:46:18,839
Speaker 1: Stage and Sound website and your personal website is really

908
00:46:18,840 --> 00:46:21,200
Speaker 1: great as well, just telling your story and things like that.

909
00:46:21,640 --> 00:46:24,120
Speaker 1: Of course, thank you so much. This was such a

910
00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:26,040
Speaker 1: delight for me this afternoon.

911
00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:31,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was thank you, of course.

912
00:46:31,440 --> 00:46:33,480
Speaker 1: Thank you guys so much for listening, and thank you

913
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:34,439
Speaker 1: Ryan for being here.

914
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:37,840
Speaker 3: Thanks for listening to the Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson,

915
00:46:38,040 --> 00:46:40,520
Speaker 3: where we believe everyone has a little velvet in a

916
00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:44,720
Speaker 3: little edge. Subscribe for more conversations on life, style, beauty

917
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:48,400
Speaker 3: and relationships. Search Velvet's Edge wherever you get your podcasts.