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Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you.

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Speaker 2: Oh, we're just packing up, getting ready for summer. My

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Speaker 2: house is a it's always every day I come home,

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Speaker 2: there's the furniture from the living room has been put

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Speaker 2: into the library. The furniture in the library is being

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Speaker 2: put in the dining room. Everyone's just testing out different

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Speaker 2: areas for different pieces.

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Speaker 3: So it's a moving puzzle piece, right, thing is a moving.

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Speaker 1: Are you in the design pace?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we are designing. Yes, the house is erect it

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Speaker 2: has been erected. We're not done. No, we're still not done.

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Speaker 2: It will never be done, but we are closing the

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Speaker 2: gap between now and done. And then I had a

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Speaker 2: conversation with my cousin Molly yesterday. I was trying to

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Speaker 2: figure out whether or not to bring Doug to my

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Speaker 2: Orca for the month of June, because I'm going to

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Speaker 2: Myorca and I want him to come to my Orca.

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Speaker 2: But that's selfish because it's not going to be so

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Speaker 2: hot there in June. But there's not a lot of

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Speaker 2: grassy areas, so like every morning I have to take

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Speaker 2: him down to the end of the thing and find

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Speaker 2: this dog park, and he's going to be in a

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Speaker 2: new in that house, he's getting pee.

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Speaker 1: I was gonna say, how much dog pee do you

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Speaker 1: want in your house?

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Speaker 2: That's the new house, isn't It's all travertine, so it's okay,

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Speaker 2: it's not carpeting. Yeah, but I don't really want to

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Speaker 2: clean up dog piss because boys.

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Speaker 1: Also it's like not just on the flat surface.

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Speaker 3: And yeah, yeah, I know.

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Speaker 2: And he's also a lunatic, so I have to bring

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Speaker 2: him on a plane, Like, I don't think I can

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Speaker 2: do that yet until you get trained. But you can

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Speaker 2: hear me talking about you can't you. He's in the

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Speaker 2: office right now with his big fat lions Maine.

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Speaker 1: That's right, you know, he's just perfect.

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Speaker 3: Actually, So what's it like to fly with a dog

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Speaker 3: that's dog sized?

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Speaker 1: You have to buy him his own seat or something.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I would buy a ticket and we take like

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Speaker 2: a honeymoon pot over together, which I'm totally down to do,

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Speaker 2: but obviously, because but I just think it's I just

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Speaker 2: think it's going to be a disaster.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Plus everyone's going to be all fucked up all the time,

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Speaker 2: and then people where's dog? And I lose him and then.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe he's an LA dog.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, he's a La boy La and whistler. He loves whistler. Oh,

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Speaker 3: I'll bet so.

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Speaker 1: He saw you posted that. He likes to sleep on

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Speaker 1: the patio just because it's like nice and cool.

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Speaker 3: That's cool.

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Speaker 2: He comes in Sometimes it rains outside, her drizzles and

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Speaker 2: he comes in and he's all wet in the morning

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Speaker 2: because he comes in the morning in the bed to

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Speaker 2: say hello, and then he gets into the bed until

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Speaker 2: I let him go outside.

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Speaker 1: He probably can't even like feel the wetness because he's

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Speaker 1: just like, he's so.

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Speaker 3: Beautiful it does. Everything he does is excusable because of

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Speaker 3: his good looks.

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Speaker 2: I understand now you know why men get away with

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Speaker 2: murder because he's a beautiful man and he can do

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Speaker 2: no wrong. I took him for a walk yesterday and

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Speaker 2: it was like taking a kangaroo for a walk. I mean,

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Speaker 2: he is such a lunatic. I have to carry treats

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Speaker 2: everywhere I go because that's the only way he comes.

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Speaker 2: It's the worst. I have never had a trained dog,

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Speaker 2: and now they're going to train him when I'm in Majorca.

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Speaker 2: But great, we'll see how that works out. I haven't

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Speaker 2: had much success in the past.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, he's very smart, though, I feel like he'll pick

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Speaker 1: it up.

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Speaker 3: Is he smart?

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Speaker 1: I don't know yet, just dumb and beautiful.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So our guest today is an actress. Her directorial

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Speaker 2: debut is called Downtown Owl is streaming now, and you

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Speaker 2: can catch her in the upcoming The Great lilyan Hap

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Speaker 2: Please welcome Lily Rabe.

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Speaker 3: She was my favorite in Love and Death. It was

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Speaker 3: so fun. I was on Jimmy Fallon and Robert de Niro.

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Speaker 2: It was a tenth anniversary, So Robert de Niro, They're like,

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Speaker 2: would you mind being a second guest?

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Speaker 3: And I was like, why they go? Because it's a

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Speaker 3: tenth in year anniversary and it's Robert de Niro, He's

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Speaker 3: the first guest.

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Speaker 2: I go, of course, of course, And then I thought, god,

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Speaker 2: you know, I really am sexually attracted to Robert de Niro.

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Speaker 3: Like I was like, fuck, I don't even want to

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Speaker 3: be in the scene.

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Speaker 2: I've already made advances towards him publicly, like at the Critics'

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Speaker 2: Choice Awards, I talked about how I wanted to, I think,

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Speaker 2: sit on his face or something. I don't think I

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Speaker 2: said it that way, but that's what I was thinking.

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Speaker 2: And then and so I don't want him to see me.

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Speaker 3: You know what I mean. I don't want him to

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Speaker 3: have to deal with me.

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Speaker 2: I just want to say I said to them last night,

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Speaker 2: I go, please let me know when he's left the

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Speaker 2: building and then I'll leave. And they're like, he's still here.

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Speaker 2: He watched your whole segment. Would you like to meet him?

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Speaker 2: I go, no, thank you, I'd like to go to

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Speaker 2: dinner now. Anyway, we're here with Lily Ray. But which

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Speaker 2: There's been a lot of back and forth about how

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Speaker 2: we pronounce your last name because it's spelled r abe.

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Speaker 3: What kind of name is rape?

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Speaker 1: It's German.

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Speaker 2: Oh I'm German too, Yeah, spreckensy Deutsch. No spreckency Deutsche.

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Speaker 2: I don't sprekanzy Deutsch either, so don't worry. Okay, So

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Speaker 2: it's a German name.

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Speaker 1: I think it might mean raven or something.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, anyway, rab maybe okay, but not like the broccoli.

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Speaker 4: But then I like, it's the silent e or my

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Speaker 4: as my kids now are they say it's the magic E.

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Speaker 4: When I learned it was silenty Now it's magic e.

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Speaker 4: But like babe, Rabe, babe, babe babe.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so I didn't know you came from like a

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Speaker 3: Hollywood family.

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Speaker 1: I can't.

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Speaker 2: I mean, your mom's a famous actress Jill Klayburg, right,

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Speaker 2: I had no idea, So.

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Speaker 1: I take that as a compliment.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I mean, is that was that something

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Speaker 2: that you had to struggle with, like with your career

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Speaker 2: and stuff, kind of creating your own identity and individuating.

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Speaker 4: I think yes, but more emotionally because I had like

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Speaker 4: the most wonderful parents and she was amazing at kind

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Speaker 4: of separating and she really stopped working for a big chunk.

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Speaker 4: So I had like mom and then sometimes people would

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Speaker 4: come up to around the street. But it wasn't like

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Speaker 4: we weren't like in Hollywood. We weren't living in la

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Speaker 4: We were like in the country.

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Speaker 3: It's not like your mom was j low is what

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Speaker 3: you're saying.

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Speaker 1: It's also not like that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, very similar.

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Speaker 4: We were in a place where it wasn't you know,

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Speaker 4: it's different living out here. It's like it was it's

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Speaker 4: like such a it's like a mining town or it's

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Speaker 4: it wasn't like that where we were, So there was

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Speaker 4: a lot of separation. But yeah, I was like I

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Speaker 4: danced and I was a writer, and I was like

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Speaker 4: finding all these other ways my dad's a writer too,

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Speaker 4: But I was like, you know, how can I have

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Speaker 4: my own way towards this thing that ultimately felt kind

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Speaker 4: of like where I was headed the whole time.

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Speaker 2: But I want to talk about this show that I

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Speaker 2: didn't discover you on that show I've seen you in.

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Speaker 2: I saw you on an American horror story, and then

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Speaker 2: Love and Death. I saw you on the series Love

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Speaker 2: and Death, which was such a phenomenal performance that I

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Speaker 2: watched it twice, not just with you, Elizabeth Olson. I

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Speaker 2: was blown away by every part of that and Jesse Plemens, Yes,

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Speaker 2: your performance was just so.

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Speaker 3: This was a story that.

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Speaker 2: Was based on on a true story about a woman

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Speaker 2: about an affair, and then about the woman whose husband

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Speaker 2: was cheating finding out about the fair, and then there

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Speaker 2: being a fight between the two women and somebody dying

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Speaker 2: one of them murdered the other woman and her being

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Speaker 2: on trial, and it was she was basically let off

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Speaker 2: right found not guilty for temporary insanity, which I always

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Speaker 2: have a real problem getting my mind around temporary insanity,

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Speaker 2: because okay, so if I lose my shit and a

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Speaker 2: lunch because someone pisses me.

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Speaker 3: Off and I stabbed someone and they die.

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Speaker 4: You didn't stab them once. I mean, it was just

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Speaker 4: so many, so many hits. It's like an unbelievable so

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Speaker 4: it doesn't feel very temporary.

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Speaker 2: It's not temporary at all. I just can't believe that's

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Speaker 2: a real thing. It's it's like, even if you lose

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Speaker 2: your mind for ten minutes, that's not an excuse.

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Speaker 3: You fucking did it. You still did it.

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Speaker 1: I agree with you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, But what I.

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Speaker 2: Recognized about you in that show is, Hey, you're sole

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Speaker 2: because I've seen you in so many different things, and

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Speaker 2: you have one of these very interesting faces where you're

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Speaker 2: always like, I know who that is, but I don't

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Speaker 2: know who that is, and you're like, I think that's

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Speaker 2: such an advantage as an actor.

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Speaker 3: It's not.

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Speaker 2: I don't think it is an advantage of an actor,

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Speaker 2: because you can be so mercurial or you can be

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Speaker 2: not mercurial.

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Speaker 3: What's a shape shifter like a chameleon? Yeah?

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Speaker 5: Right?

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Speaker 3: Do you feel that way about yourself?

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Speaker 4: I mean it's hard to talk about myself, but I

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Speaker 4: can say that in the actors that I love watching

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Speaker 4: the most, those are the faces that I am sort

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Speaker 4: of like the most attracted to as a viewer. I

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Speaker 4: love when a face kind of surprises me all the time.

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Speaker 4: That's such a high compliment, And like Julianne Moore is

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Speaker 4: like that, she's just and you never and you're constantly

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Speaker 4: surprised by her.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she's in her character every step of the life.

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Speaker 4: She's a character actress who plays leading ladies, and to me,

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Speaker 4: that's like the most wonderful thing to be. But you're

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Speaker 4: really approaching like everything through character, and she's a great

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Speaker 4: example of that. I think Nicole ca Men too, who's

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Speaker 4: like definitely one of the most beautiful women on the planet.

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Speaker 4: But I still feel every time I watch her, Yes,

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Speaker 4: I'm just watching this absolutely new, surprising creation.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she's like that too, you get It's funny. I

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Speaker 2: once saw I was watching Meryl Streep in this I

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Speaker 2: forget which movie it was, and I saw her do

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Speaker 2: this thing that only Meryl Streep does, but she was

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Speaker 2: in character, and I got so upset because I was like, wait,

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Speaker 2: you just revealed that you're Meryl Streep. She does this

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Speaker 2: thing where she like scratches or touches her nose. It

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Speaker 2: was some gesticulation, and I remember being so upset with her,

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Speaker 2: and then I was like, you can't be upset with

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Speaker 2: Meryl streep stup it like she's a gift to all

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Speaker 2: of us, you know, the gift that keeps on giving.

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Speaker 2: Talk about somebody who like cannot every time that woman

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Speaker 2: does anything. She should be nominated just by being around

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Speaker 2: for this long and being so revered.

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Speaker 3: But I did see that you're directing your very first project.

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Speaker 3: This is your directorial debut.

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Speaker 4: Yes, co directorial debut with my life partner, baby Daddy.

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Speaker 3: Baby Daddy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Also we've worked together a lot and then we directed

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Speaker 4: this movie together. I was in it, he's in it

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Speaker 4: very briefly. I was in it a lot.

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Speaker 3: It's called Downtown Owl.

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Speaker 1: Yes.

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Speaker 3: And where is it streaming?

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Speaker 4: It's on Apple and Amazon. And there's one other one

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Speaker 4: that I'm forgetting.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I didn't know that you could do that. You

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Speaker 2: could put it on multiple It is on multiple We

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Speaker 2: have to buy it. Oh okay, Oh I rent I

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Speaker 2: see I see rent it? Okay, buy it?

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Speaker 1: Don't rent it by yea, buy it?

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Speaker 3: Okay, buy it everybody.

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Speaker 4: But it was adapted. We I optioned this Chuck Closterman

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Speaker 4: book many years ago. I had done the audio book

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Speaker 4: when I was like doing a lot of Feeder and

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Speaker 4: wanted to make a little extra money. I asked my

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Speaker 4: agents how I could do that, and they said, well,

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Speaker 4: audiobooks are you know?

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Speaker 1: Some people love them, hate them. I like loved doing them.

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Speaker 3: Mind you doing my audio book?

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Speaker 6: Oh?

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Speaker 3: I can hate recording audio.

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Speaker 1: Really.

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Speaker 2: I just don't like being in that booth for that

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Speaker 2: many hours. But you just said you love it, right,

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Speaker 2: I do.

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Speaker 3: I love that.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I love being alone. I being alone

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Speaker 1: feels very I mean, I.

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Speaker 4: Know there's someone there, but they're Yeah, but your children aren't,

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Speaker 4: no one.

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Speaker 3: How many children do you have? Three?

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Speaker 1: I have, well four, I have three?

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Speaker 3: Uh, you have another one on your I have three.

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Speaker 4: Out of my body. I've step daughter too. Oh, yes,

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Speaker 4: I love her. I love being a step mom too.

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Speaker 3: Four is a great number for children.

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Speaker 1: It's great.

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Speaker 3: I'm from six. I like that.

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Speaker 2: I like anything above three. Yeah, three, four or five six.

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Speaker 2: I just think it's it just is so joyful when

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Speaker 2: you have that many kids.

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Speaker 4: You know, I camber the parents just outnumber them, my

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Speaker 4: parents anything.

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Speaker 1: It's great.

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Speaker 4: It's just like beautiful chaos all the time, and everything

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Speaker 4: happens so quickly, and I don't know, I love it.

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Speaker 4: But anyway, we directed this movie together and my my

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Speaker 4: latest and I'll say probably last baby was because Hamish

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Speaker 4: did say recently, like are my eldest?

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Speaker 1: Asked for one more? And he was like, literally over

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Speaker 1: my dead body.

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Speaker 3: So how old is your young?

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Speaker 4: He loves he loves, he loves it too. Two. But

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Speaker 4: was three weeks old when we started shooting. Oh three

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Speaker 4: weeks wow, so you're bastfeeding.

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Speaker 1: As breastfeating, I was bleeding.

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Speaker 4: I mean it was like three weeks like basically he

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Speaker 4: was still coming out of my box, So you're bleeding.

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Speaker 6: I was.

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Speaker 3: He was like he was like women, the things that

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Speaker 3: women are capable of.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, because three weeks and he was big.

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Speaker 4: But it was I had him at home and I

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Speaker 4: was like on a zoom meeting like I think eight

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Speaker 4: hours later or something doing remote h wow, location scouting.

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Speaker 2: Now when you have three babies, yeah, through your Pikachu,

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Speaker 2: are you is it not a big deal like once

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Speaker 2: you've been down the road or is it scarier because you.

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Speaker 3: Know what's coming?

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Speaker 1: I mean my vagina like like like a bird, you

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Speaker 1: said birthing at home.

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Speaker 2: I'm not actually talking to your vagina, but I'm talking

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Speaker 2: about your vagina. Like you said you had the baby

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Speaker 2: at home, so there's a level of confidence that comes

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Speaker 2: with that to be able to birth at home or

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Speaker 2: say declare that you're going to do that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, And each I had, like my first labor

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Speaker 4: was crazed, like forty five hours. The second one was

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Speaker 4: like twenty Like they just it just kept have having

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Speaker 4: so it was like forty five, I have twenty two

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Speaker 4: and then like eleven eleven or ten or twelve or something,

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Speaker 4: which felt to someone and they're like, that's so long.

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Speaker 4: I had my baby in two hours, But to me

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Speaker 4: that was like pretty fast.

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Speaker 3: And how were those experiences for you?

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Speaker 4: I've gosh, you know, it's like I'm not a person

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Speaker 4: who I had this amazing doctor who really he matched

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Speaker 4: my personality so well because he is like half hippie,

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Speaker 4: half total neurotic.

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Speaker 1: Which I think I am.

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Speaker 4: M So he would have like I could be in

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Speaker 4: the bathtub and we're all at home and the kids

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Speaker 4: are there, and he like showed up to my house

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Speaker 4: with like a paper bag of like a couple of tools.

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Speaker 4: But I also knew that he would he would like

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Speaker 4: call me always the next day and be like I

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Speaker 4: left it there. I have a video of Hamish like

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Speaker 4: giving him directions while I'm screaming in labor in the

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Speaker 4: background to my house for like the fortieth time that

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Speaker 4: I'll treasure forever. He's like, oh, you've we've passed the

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Speaker 4: girls know you've gone too far. But I also I

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Speaker 4: knew that he was not going to push it, like

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Speaker 4: we would go to the hospital if we needed to.

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Speaker 3: I'm always just amazed. But anyone says like home delivery,

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Speaker 3: I'm always like, what do you know that? I don't know?

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Speaker 3: That sounds so scary, Like I want to many.

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Speaker 2: Not that I'm having a baby obviously, but if I

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Speaker 2: had one, I would want as many doctors medical professionals

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Speaker 2: as possible, which.

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Speaker 4: I completely understand. I just yeah, I loved. I loved

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Speaker 4: being at home, but not like I loved. I mean,

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Speaker 4: it's it hurts so much.

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Speaker 3: I'm not like, and then I you know, and you're

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Speaker 3: having a natural birth. Yeah it hurts. You're having a

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Speaker 3: natural childbirth at home?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean the whole thing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, there's nothing and the kids are they there

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Speaker 2: when you're sitting there in contractions and screaming your other kids?

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Speaker 3: Or do you how does that work?

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Speaker 6: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: You know it went on for so long, like we

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Speaker 4: blacked out all the way. I was like, I can't

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Speaker 4: know if the sun is rising or setting at this

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Speaker 4: point because this is never going to end. But yeah,

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Speaker 4: they would come in, like with the last one they

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Speaker 4: were they were there, particularly my eldest was my stepdaughter.

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Speaker 7: No.

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Speaker 4: She was like, you guys can give me a call

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Speaker 4: on the babies out, I'm going to my mom's. But

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Speaker 4: one of them like slept through so much screaming it

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Speaker 4: was unbelievable and sort of like right when the baby

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Speaker 4: came out like came in.

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 4: They must have some sense of like those screams and

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Speaker 4: noises because they're so close to them that they know

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Speaker 4: the difference between like she's not actually yeah, dying or

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Speaker 4: something in a way that maybe even adults don't know.

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Speaker 4: It feels like cosmic in that way a little bit,

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Speaker 4: because they like whatever they they've been through it.

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Speaker 1: And they're nearer to it. Right. Yeah, yeah that rings

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Speaker 1: a bell.

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Speaker 3: That's interesting. But that's an interesting way to look.

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Speaker 1: At it, right, because like if a neighbor hurts, right,

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Speaker 1: they would.

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Speaker 3: Be like, Okay, what's going on over there?

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Speaker 4: Absolutely, and Hamah should always like very He was always like, well,

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Speaker 4: she's gone into the Gorillas in the mist.

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Speaker 6: Z which.

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Speaker 2: Gorillas in the mist is always a good Okay, So

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Speaker 2: how was the experience directing Downtown Owl. You were telling

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Speaker 2: me about the book, Tell me a little bit more

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Speaker 2: about it. What's the story?

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Speaker 1: I was easier than child, No, no, it was. It

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Speaker 1: was hard.

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Speaker 4: But anyway, So it's eighties, middle of nowhere, tiny, tiny

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Speaker 4: little town. Everyone knows everything, and this woman comes in

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Speaker 4: to sort of temporarily teach there. We don't really know

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Speaker 4: if she's running away from something, what she's doing there.

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Speaker 4: During the course of it, she has her students, she

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Speaker 4: meets Ed Harris's character and the who so.

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Speaker 3: Thet I love Ed Harris. He's another older man that

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Speaker 3: I'm attracted to.

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Speaker 1: Well, you know, you see is is it Ed Harris?

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Speaker 1: The old Ed Harris the beautiful in the movie?

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Speaker 3: You see his butt?

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Speaker 2: Oh okay, I've been attracted to Ed Harris for a

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Speaker 2: long time, along with Robert, along with Robert de Niro.

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Speaker 2: Older men are my that is my media.

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Speaker 1: But Ed is like, that's the most beautiful face.

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Speaker 3: He's got the best dimples and his eyes. Yes, and

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Speaker 3: he's so sweet, oh yeah, yeah, And.

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Speaker 1: He's the greatest factory is a legend is.

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Speaker 3: He single, no, no, and a long time. That's the greatest. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I would imagine that to be true.

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Speaker 4: And then during the course of the film, she sort

403
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Speaker 4: of falls in love with this town and I think

404
00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:15,520
Speaker 4: is kind of confronted with her life where she's at,

405
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Speaker 4: what she actually wants, what she's missing. And then there

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Speaker 4: is a big snowstorm that comes and what's the town

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Speaker 4: out based on an actual storm that did happen.

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Speaker 3: In North Dakota.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this is like.

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Speaker 3: Dakota.

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Speaker 2: It's too cold up there, and I like Canada's, but

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Speaker 2: North Dakota something is happening.

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Speaker 3: There's like a vortex of cold cold.

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Speaker 4: We shot in Minnesota and it was cold cold, and

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Speaker 4: we had to we needed it to be cold because

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Speaker 4: we had to sort of beat like the We couldn't

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Speaker 4: have blossoms on the trees, so we needed to be freezing.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm sure it's going to be an incredible performance

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Speaker 2: and I will be renting it. It's available now, right,

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Speaker 2: it's available now, it's available now. Okay, I'll be renting

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Speaker 2: it tonight via Apple or Amazon.

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Speaker 1: Thanks.

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Speaker 3: Okay, So that's one project that you have. The other

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Speaker 3: project is The Great Lilian Hall.

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Speaker 4: So tell us about how much just this is all

427
00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:08,720
Speaker 4: like very new news because I think they just announced

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00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,359
Speaker 4: that it's that you're going to be starring in that

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Speaker 4: that it's going to be on HBO soon at May

430
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Speaker 4: thirty first, And that was with Jessica Lang and Kathy Bates.

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Speaker 1: I play her daughter.

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Speaker 2: Okay, let's just back up about Jessica Lang and Kathy

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Speaker 2: Bates too. I mean, you're working with legends, thanks Ed Harris,

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Speaker 2: Jessica Lang, Kathy Bates. I know, I'm working with Robert

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Speaker 2: de Niro.

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Speaker 7: You are.

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00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:34,560
Speaker 4: And they have the best stories too, Like there's nothing

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Speaker 4: you know, I just gosh, they really because you The

439
00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:41,200
Speaker 4: stories are so romantic about how movies used to be made,

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00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:44,520
Speaker 4: so I just like to bask in those stories. But yes,

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00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:47,399
Speaker 4: I played Jessica's daughter, and I loved her so much.

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Speaker 4: I love Kathy so much. It was really a wonderful shoot.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I've hung out with Kathy Bates. I had a

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Speaker 3: couple of drinks with her. She's a lot of fun,

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Speaker 3: so much fun. She's exactly what you would imagine, right,

446
00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:59,160
Speaker 3: so much fun just from Sayer and all of her roles.

447
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,960
Speaker 2: I love when people exactly how you picture them. I

448
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:04,080
Speaker 2: mean you know, sometimes you meet somebody and you're like,

449
00:18:04,119 --> 00:18:04,560
Speaker 2: I wish.

450
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:05,320
Speaker 3: I hadn't met that person.

451
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:08,320
Speaker 2: That was a disappointment, or but they when they live

452
00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:10,800
Speaker 2: up to your expectations, it's really like joyful.

453
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:11,240
Speaker 1: Yeah.

454
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:14,640
Speaker 3: Now with your experience as a mother, right, how old

455
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:15,640
Speaker 3: is your oldest.

456
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:19,000
Speaker 1: So seven turning four and two three and.

457
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,360
Speaker 3: A half two, so little ones? And your stepdaughter's how old?

458
00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:22,639
Speaker 3: Seventeen seventeen.

459
00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:25,719
Speaker 2: So I've had a lot of relationships that have had children,

460
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:28,800
Speaker 2: and I love that dynamic, Like I love to step

461
00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:32,560
Speaker 2: into that role, like I less pressure, you know, more,

462
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:36,639
Speaker 2: more reward almost you know what I mean. You have

463
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:39,639
Speaker 2: to do not less of the work once you're married

464
00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:42,159
Speaker 2: to them. Obviously it's an equal amount of work that

465
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:45,200
Speaker 2: you are. You know, you have another kid. But talk

466
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:48,439
Speaker 2: to me about acclimating into that role. Like of becoming

467
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:49,040
Speaker 2: a stepmother.

468
00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:52,200
Speaker 4: I had that my mother was a stepmother to my

469
00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:55,160
Speaker 4: older brother. I have a younger full brother and an

470
00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:58,359
Speaker 4: older half brother, and my older brother lived with us mostly.

471
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,400
Speaker 4: Of course I didn't realize at the time, but then

472
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:03,880
Speaker 4: becoming a stepmother and had I had lost my mother

473
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:07,480
Speaker 4: by that point. But it was this amazing gift because

474
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:09,520
Speaker 4: it just all made sense to me. It felt really

475
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:13,240
Speaker 4: natural and sort of like, oh, this is something I'm

476
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:15,520
Speaker 4: supposed to do because I don't really have a lot

477
00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:20,000
Speaker 4: of stepmother friends I've realized, but I kind of communicate

478
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,080
Speaker 4: in the way that one does with my mother about

479
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:25,400
Speaker 4: the experience even though she's not around, Like I'm constantly

480
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:30,159
Speaker 4: reflecting or being getting these hits of like times that

481
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:33,280
Speaker 4: she was a stepmother, which was all the time basically,

482
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:36,760
Speaker 4: so I love it. I also it can be tough

483
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:39,080
Speaker 4: because I'm the third vote, Like if there's a decision

484
00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:41,520
Speaker 4: to be made, I know I'll get like the third vote.

485
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:46,240
Speaker 4: But I also get all the truth, Like I know

486
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:48,399
Speaker 4: the truth about everything that's going on.

487
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:51,360
Speaker 3: Ah, right, right, I can relate to that as an aunt,

488
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:52,400
Speaker 3: I get all the truth.

489
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:56,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, yes, that's a very it's a very maternal

490
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,760
Speaker 2: role to be in, right, even though it is it

491
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,719
Speaker 2: is a maternal role, but that's where your maternal instinct

492
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,560
Speaker 2: comes in, you know, with younger women, younger girls. For me,

493
00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:08,040
Speaker 2: I know, especially like I feel very very protective of

494
00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:11,719
Speaker 2: young women and helping them bloom, you know, helping them

495
00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:14,080
Speaker 2: with their confidence and like helping them come into their

496
00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:16,480
Speaker 2: own Like there's nothing better than like a sixteen seventeen

497
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:18,040
Speaker 2: year old girl that's blossoming.

498
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:19,720
Speaker 3: My ex boyfriend had two girls.

499
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:22,040
Speaker 2: One of my ex boyfriends had two daughters, and I'm

500
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:24,120
Speaker 2: so close still to one of them, and we broke

501
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:25,040
Speaker 2: up like ten years ago.

502
00:20:25,119 --> 00:20:27,880
Speaker 3: She's in her thirties now. Her name is Alessandra, and she's.

503
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:31,040
Speaker 2: My baby, like she is my baby, Like I don't

504
00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:33,120
Speaker 2: look at her as a friend or as a younger sister.

505
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:35,159
Speaker 3: I look at her as my stepdaughter, you know.

506
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,119
Speaker 2: And I don't know why that lens helps me to

507
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,040
Speaker 2: like prioritize her, But just because she is like that,

508
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:43,560
Speaker 2: she has a special position in my life that nobody

509
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:43,919
Speaker 2: else has.

510
00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:45,159
Speaker 1: No so lucky to have you.

511
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:49,760
Speaker 4: It's like it's a really wonderful dynamic. I'm so grateful

512
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:50,040
Speaker 4: for it.

513
00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:51,399
Speaker 3: How did you meet your husband?

514
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:54,280
Speaker 4: Well, I met him because he had worked with my mom. Actually,

515
00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:55,879
Speaker 4: but I met him, he said, I was like texting

516
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,880
Speaker 4: the whole time, like we just met and didn't get

517
00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:00,480
Speaker 4: to know him. But he was like my mom's friend.

518
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:03,520
Speaker 4: They loved each other, and they worked together twice actually.

519
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:06,960
Speaker 4: But then however, many years later, like probably I don't know,

520
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,679
Speaker 4: I want to say, like seven years after they had

521
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:14,639
Speaker 4: done play together. We were cast opposite one another in

522
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:16,000
Speaker 4: the Merchant of Venice.

523
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,639
Speaker 3: Which you were nominated for Tony four, right.

524
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,680
Speaker 4: Ultimately, like it started in the park with al Pacino,

525
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:24,280
Speaker 4: then we transferred to Broadway. Hamish didn't come to Broadway,

526
00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:28,919
Speaker 4: David Harbor. Hamish went to make Battleship. David Harbor replaced him.

527
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:31,440
Speaker 4: So it was like, you know, two great actors in

528
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,000
Speaker 4: that role. And then we ran on Broadway for a

529
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,840
Speaker 4: while doing Merchant of Venice. But that's how I got

530
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:37,680
Speaker 4: to know Hamish. We weren't dating, but that's like and

531
00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:40,000
Speaker 4: then we did play after play after play together. So

532
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:43,160
Speaker 4: we love working together, like that thing of don't bring

533
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:46,120
Speaker 4: your work home, where like we just bring the work

534
00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:50,800
Speaker 4: all the time, and we love it and we keep

535
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:53,720
Speaker 4: wanting to do more and more together. So and it's

536
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:57,280
Speaker 4: funny like life. We create jobs to do together and

537
00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:59,600
Speaker 4: we go to you know, we pitch things and we're

538
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,479
Speaker 4: developed things. But then like we get cast opposite one

539
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:05,720
Speaker 4: another just randomly from the outside world a lot.

540
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:09,679
Speaker 3: Hmm. That's interesting. Are you into past lives and all

541
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:12,000
Speaker 3: that stuff? Regression a little bit? Ya, Do you think

542
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,080
Speaker 3: that you guys have had lives together? Have you looked

543
00:22:14,119 --> 00:22:15,720
Speaker 3: into that. Yeah, that's interesting.

544
00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:18,240
Speaker 2: I'm just starting to believe it because the stories you

545
00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:21,359
Speaker 2: hear are just like, they're just ridiculous, you know, not

546
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:23,480
Speaker 2: even that book Many Lives, Many Masters is a book

547
00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:25,680
Speaker 2: we've mentioned a lot, which everyone I'm sure you've read,

548
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,920
Speaker 2: but beyond that, like the stories that I hear about

549
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:32,080
Speaker 2: past life regressionists, I'm like, oh god, I just really

550
00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:33,440
Speaker 2: don't want to fucking come back again.

551
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:35,920
Speaker 3: So I'm trying to make this the last visit.

552
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:38,280
Speaker 2: You know, every time I hear someone tell a story,

553
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:39,879
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh no, oh no, I'm going to be

554
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:42,639
Speaker 2: born somewhere in some country that I don't want.

555
00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:44,680
Speaker 3: To be in, and it's going to be a struggle

556
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,000
Speaker 3: because this is the one.

557
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:46,359
Speaker 7: Well.

558
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:48,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I talk to a guy and he goes,

559
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:49,879
Speaker 2: if you want this to be your last life, you've

560
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:53,000
Speaker 2: got to double down on your spirituality, like double down

561
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:54,680
Speaker 2: and get as spiritual as possible.

562
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:56,280
Speaker 3: And I was like, all right, I'm already I'm on

563
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:58,160
Speaker 3: that road, and I'll take it more seriously.

564
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:01,000
Speaker 1: So it makes sense be a good last one, like

565
00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:02,359
Speaker 1: you're really going out with a bang.

566
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:05,400
Speaker 3: So I'm a I'm so so grateful for this life.

567
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:07,800
Speaker 3: I'm so happy. I just want to go to sleep now.

568
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:09,760
Speaker 3: I mean not now, but when this is over, I

569
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:11,240
Speaker 3: want to go to sleep peacefully.

570
00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:12,800
Speaker 1: Okay, she's just tired.

571
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 3: And on that note, we'll take a break and we'll

572
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:15,280
Speaker 3: be right back.

573
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:19,920
Speaker 1: This week.

574
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:23,160
Speaker 8: We'd love to get questions from anyone with parenting questions

575
00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:26,479
Speaker 8: or step parenting questions. We'd also like to hear from

576
00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:29,000
Speaker 8: any trans or non binary folks who would like advice

577
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:32,800
Speaker 8: from Chelsea, whether that be about friendships, dating, work issues,

578
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:35,959
Speaker 8: or anything else. Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail

579
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,080
Speaker 8: dot com, and we're.

580
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:41,080
Speaker 2: Back with Lily Rabe, who is a delight and so talented.

581
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:42,600
Speaker 2: I mean, I mean that's where you started. It was

582
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:45,040
Speaker 2: the theater, right, I mean everybody knows you from that.

583
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:48,040
Speaker 2: I mean you've been in so many plays and you

584
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:49,800
Speaker 2: must just really love doing that.

585
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:50,520
Speaker 1: I really love it.

586
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,359
Speaker 4: I really miss it. It's been a long time since

587
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:54,399
Speaker 4: I've done a play. I never thought I would be

588
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:55,840
Speaker 4: away from the theater for this long.

589
00:23:56,359 --> 00:23:58,000
Speaker 3: And what is it about it that you love?

590
00:23:58,600 --> 00:23:58,800
Speaker 5: You know?

591
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:03,480
Speaker 4: It's like I love process so much. I hate being

592
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:08,040
Speaker 4: done with things. I hate letting go of things, which

593
00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:11,359
Speaker 4: is a total blessing and curse. But with the theater,

594
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:13,560
Speaker 4: when you're doing a play, you never you're just in

595
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:17,000
Speaker 4: process the whole time. You never have to sort of

596
00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:19,119
Speaker 4: you know, you're never like moving on from the scene

597
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:22,119
Speaker 4: or handing it over. You get to revisit it the

598
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,320
Speaker 4: next night, the next night, the next night, and keep

599
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:27,200
Speaker 4: trying things and have the experience of what it is

600
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:30,520
Speaker 4: to say those words in front of a completely different

601
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:32,880
Speaker 4: sea of people and have that relationship.

602
00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 3: And I love that.

603
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:37,359
Speaker 4: And then it's sad because when it's over, it's like

604
00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:39,760
Speaker 4: those sand sculptures, like it's just gone.

605
00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 3: So just an interesting metaphor for life, really.

606
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:44,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, rather than like and then I had it on

607
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:46,800
Speaker 4: the other side editing this movie where I would be

608
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:48,960
Speaker 4: looking at Ed Harris and I'm like, but I have

609
00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:52,160
Speaker 4: four takes that are like, they're all the greatest things

610
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:54,240
Speaker 4: I've ever seen, and I have to choose one, and

611
00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:55,920
Speaker 4: you know which one it should be, and there's a

612
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:57,840
Speaker 4: reason for it, and you're you know, the movie is

613
00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:00,119
Speaker 4: sort of talking to in the edit, and that was

614
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:01,280
Speaker 4: such an amazing process.

615
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:05,760
Speaker 1: But I find that, you know, I like choosing the best.

616
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,040
Speaker 4: It's like, well, there is no the best, but then

617
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,359
Speaker 4: the rest of them they have to disappear and at

618
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:11,000
Speaker 4: least with the theater.

619
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:12,359
Speaker 1: You're like, well, I tried that, and I'll try this.

620
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:16,160
Speaker 2: I'll try something different. Yeoh yeah, Okay, Well, let's take

621
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:16,719
Speaker 2: some callers.

622
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:21,560
Speaker 6: Catherine shout absolutely well. Our first question comes from Heather.

623
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:26,960
Speaker 6: Heather says, should I change my son's name? Dear Chelsea,

624
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:29,320
Speaker 6: I'm on a bit of a sticky wicket. I'm a

625
00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:31,480
Speaker 6: single mom by choice with a boyfriend who's been in

626
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:33,880
Speaker 6: the picture since I was five or six months pregnant.

627
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:37,199
Speaker 6: We dated before I decided to have a baby, broke up,

628
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:39,480
Speaker 6: and he came back after finding out I was pregnant

629
00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:42,160
Speaker 6: thanks to Facebook. He's been a father to my son,

630
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:44,640
Speaker 6: and an amazing one at that. He loves my son,

631
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:47,320
Speaker 6: now three, more than anything and takes great pride in

632
00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:50,760
Speaker 6: his relationship and care of him. He's changed diapers, willingly,

633
00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:52,720
Speaker 6: picked him up when I got stuck at work, and

634
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:55,760
Speaker 6: just been super attentive in a good way. The irony

635
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:57,480
Speaker 6: is the part of the reason that we didn't work

636
00:25:57,480 --> 00:25:59,920
Speaker 6: out in round one is he wasn't sure he wanted kids.

637
00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:03,159
Speaker 6: Well apparently he did, and my son is equally in

638
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:04,040
Speaker 6: love with my boyfriend.

639
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,840
Speaker 1: It's a really beautiful thing to watch. Here's the issue.

640
00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:08,160
Speaker 1: We were talking.

641
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,560
Speaker 6: Recently about the future, and he thought that if we

642
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:13,679
Speaker 6: get married, we'd both change our last names to his Burger.

643
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:16,280
Speaker 6: I thought he knew that my son and I would

644
00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 6: keep my last name, which is Cook. I agonized over

645
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:22,120
Speaker 6: what to name my son, and I really love his name.

646
00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:25,439
Speaker 6: I appreciate my boyfriend's feelings and that he would formally

647
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:28,679
Speaker 6: adopt my son when we got married. Hyphenating isn't an

648
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:32,560
Speaker 6: option Cook Burger, I mean, And while we're both Democrats,

649
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:33,359
Speaker 6: I don't think he's.

650
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:35,000
Speaker 1: Quite progressive enough to take my name.

651
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:37,040
Speaker 6: I could tell that my boyfriend was hurt when I

652
00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:39,280
Speaker 6: said we'd be keeping my name, and I do want

653
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:41,480
Speaker 6: to honor the father he's been to my son. But

654
00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:43,480
Speaker 6: the other part of me loves my son's name. It

655
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,080
Speaker 6: feels a bit of haven't all the things I did solo,

656
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:49,440
Speaker 6: like egg retrieval at thirty eight doctor's appointments, shots and

657
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:52,960
Speaker 6: more painful shots appointments alone during COVID spending the money

658
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:56,000
Speaker 6: earned me the right to decide his name. Like I said,

659
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:58,719
Speaker 6: Sticky Wicket, curious for your take on this. It's new

660
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:00,960
Speaker 6: territory for me and my family. Thank you, Heather.

661
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,119
Speaker 2: Well, first of all, you have no yes, keep the

662
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:06,119
Speaker 2: name whatever you want the name to be. You did

663
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,640
Speaker 2: this on your own without him. It's great that he's

664
00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:10,600
Speaker 2: back in the picture. It's great that he's an act

665
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:13,760
Speaker 2: of father. That's wonderful. I couldn't be happier for you.

666
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:15,080
Speaker 2: He can get over it.

667
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:21,240
Speaker 4: Now. I was gonna say, I'm not married technically, even

668
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:23,200
Speaker 4: if we were, I wouldn't change my name. But my

669
00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:27,359
Speaker 4: kids have Hamish's last name because I wanted them to

670
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:29,960
Speaker 4: have the same name as my stepdaughter. But Hamish has

671
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:33,960
Speaker 4: his mother's name because he was the only child of

672
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:34,920
Speaker 4: a single mother.

673
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:38,359
Speaker 2: So and I also think it's just all mixy and

674
00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:41,120
Speaker 2: MATCHI these days, it doesn't matter, like that's the least

675
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:43,320
Speaker 2: of the worries, like I understand.

676
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:45,680
Speaker 3: But he could get over it. So that's that's the

677
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:46,520
Speaker 3: end of that story.

678
00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:48,200
Speaker 1: And it sounds like he's great and he will and

679
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:48,800
Speaker 1: he will.

680
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:51,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, based on his based on his actions, it sounds

681
00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 2: like he's going to be great at getting over it.

682
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:53,840
Speaker 7: All.

683
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:56,399
Speaker 6: Right, Well, there you go, Heather. Our first caller today

684
00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 6: is Shannon. Kind of have this theme of what makes

685
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:03,280
Speaker 6: a family. But Shannon says, Dear Chelsea. I'm a thirty

686
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:06,520
Speaker 6: five year old mom in northern California. I've been with

687
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:08,359
Speaker 6: the love of my life for about three years now.

688
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:10,680
Speaker 6: I didn't know what was possible to be this happy

689
00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:11,520
Speaker 6: in a relationship.

690
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:12,440
Speaker 1: I have kids.

691
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:16,960
Speaker 6: I know like positive affirmations. Yeah, I have kids from

692
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:19,879
Speaker 6: a previous relationship and he does not. Also, my tubes

693
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 6: are tied and I'm not interested in having any more children.

694
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:25,080
Speaker 6: He's accepted this and sees my kids as his own.

695
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:28,320
Speaker 6: They call him dad, and his relationship with them is beautiful.

696
00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 6: My ex husband pays one thousand dollars a month in

697
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:34,280
Speaker 6: state mandated child support, but that's where his involvement ends.

698
00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:36,960
Speaker 6: He makes zero effort to see them and hardly ever

699
00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:39,360
Speaker 6: even bothers to call. He didn't even call them on

700
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:42,120
Speaker 6: the holidays this year. Thankfully, my kids now have my

701
00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:44,600
Speaker 6: boyfriend in their life. We plan to get married soon,

702
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:47,640
Speaker 6: and he's mentioned wishing he could adopt them because I

703
00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:49,400
Speaker 6: know I'm unable to give him a chance to have

704
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:51,160
Speaker 6: kids of his own. I would love to make the

705
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:54,120
Speaker 6: adoption happen for him. My kids absolutely love him and

706
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:55,960
Speaker 6: see him as their dad. They were only two and

707
00:28:56,080 --> 00:28:58,920
Speaker 6: three when I left their birth father. My question, do

708
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:00,760
Speaker 6: I have the right to ask their birth father to

709
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:03,480
Speaker 6: sign over his parental rights since he isn't involved in

710
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:04,400
Speaker 6: their life anyway?

711
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 1: Thanks Shannon, Hi, how are you?

712
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 3: This is our special guest Lily Ray.

713
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:09,000
Speaker 6: Hi.

714
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:12,880
Speaker 2: I think that's a great idea. I think your situation

715
00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:15,960
Speaker 2: sounds awesome. First of all, congrats on everything. You have

716
00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 2: great children, you've got a great partner, and you've got

717
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:23,280
Speaker 2: an ex husband. Sounds like he probably will be relieved

718
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:26,680
Speaker 2: to be relieved of any child sport. Does that stop

719
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:28,600
Speaker 2: his child support once that happens?

720
00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 7: I think so.

721
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:30,160
Speaker 3: Yeah.

722
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:34,160
Speaker 2: So I think you have every right to ask him. Absolutely.

723
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:36,840
Speaker 2: Have the kids spent any time with him in recent years?

724
00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 5: He has never gone out of his way, Like maybe

725
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:44,480
Speaker 5: six months ago, he lives about three hours away and

726
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:47,760
Speaker 5: I was over there, so I called him and they

727
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:49,240
Speaker 5: went over there for a little bit.

728
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:52,360
Speaker 3: I see, never gone out of his way to get

729
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:53,280
Speaker 3: them or anything like that.

730
00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:56,960
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, I mean it's a totally reasonable question for you,

731
00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:59,400
Speaker 2: a request actually for you to ask him.

732
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:01,960
Speaker 3: Anything wrong with that. I don't know what he's going

733
00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:02,840
Speaker 3: to say, obviously.

734
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:06,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think it might hurt his ego a bit, But.

735
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 2: Well, yes, because he's a man and he has one

736
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:12,120
Speaker 2: and it will hurt his ego. But you know, maybe

737
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 2: if you give him some time to think about it

738
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:16,120
Speaker 2: and don't demand an answer right away, this will relieve

739
00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:17,680
Speaker 2: you of your child support payments.

740
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:20,000
Speaker 3: You know they're very close with him. I don't want

741
00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:20,600
Speaker 3: to offend you.

742
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:22,560
Speaker 2: I don't want to hurt your feelings, but if this

743
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:25,040
Speaker 2: is something you're open to, this is something that's come

744
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:27,840
Speaker 2: up in our conversations, and you know, we totally want

745
00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:28,840
Speaker 2: you in on this decision.

746
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, you know, inclusivity.

747
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:34,000
Speaker 2: Bring him into the decision making, make him feel like

748
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:35,760
Speaker 2: he's actually having a say in it.

749
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:39,680
Speaker 7: Yeah. And he has other kids now, so, like I

750
00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:42,640
Speaker 7: know he would love to spend his money on them.

751
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:44,000
Speaker 3: Great.

752
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:47,320
Speaker 2: Mention that too, Mention that too, Yeah, you know that

753
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:50,560
Speaker 2: sounds like that that will work in your favor as well. Yeah.

754
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:50,840
Speaker 4: Yeah.

755
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:53,920
Speaker 6: And emphasizing what a healthy relationship your kids have with

756
00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:57,560
Speaker 6: your boyfriend and that I think that would be great. Chelsea,

757
00:30:57,680 --> 00:30:58,880
Speaker 6: is this do you think this is an email? Is

758
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:01,520
Speaker 6: this a handwritten letter? What kind of communication.

759
00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:03,800
Speaker 2: I'd like an email? I? No, No, I think emails

760
00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:06,080
Speaker 2: are nice. Are you comfortable writing that kind of email?

761
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 2: Or would you rather talk to him?

762
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:10,840
Speaker 7: No, I'd definitely rather be an email or a text message.

763
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:13,000
Speaker 3: I don't think a text message is right to give

764
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:16,680
Speaker 3: up your children, but I think an email.

765
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:18,719
Speaker 2: Is more appropriate because you can make all of your

766
00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:22,360
Speaker 2: points and then wrap it up nicely, you know, like, again,

767
00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 2: this is not my decision, it's up to you, but

768
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:26,880
Speaker 2: this is what we're proposing, and this is what we'd

769
00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:31,640
Speaker 2: be willing to do and be very coddling to a

770
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:34,520
Speaker 2: man whose ego is you know, a factor.

771
00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:35,520
Speaker 5: True.

772
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:39,800
Speaker 2: Yes, I don't want to say manipulate, but sometimes you

773
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:42,360
Speaker 2: have to manipulate men in order for them to think

774
00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:45,800
Speaker 2: it was their decision. And that's not the advice that

775
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:48,400
Speaker 2: I would stand next to and be like, yes, I

776
00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:50,360
Speaker 2: say that, but you know what I'm talking about, so

777
00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:50,800
Speaker 2: just do it.

778
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:54,280
Speaker 7: Yeah, okay, Yeah.

779
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:56,760
Speaker 6: One last thing I would say is if he is

780
00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:00,240
Speaker 6: sort of upset about it at first, give it like

781
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:02,480
Speaker 6: three to six months and come back to him again

782
00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:05,680
Speaker 6: again with the same like loving kindness and like we

783
00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:06,040
Speaker 6: thought this.

784
00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 1: Would be great for you.

785
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:09,880
Speaker 6: It's your decision, but it would help make our house

786
00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:13,120
Speaker 6: a home, right, Yeah, give him some time to process and.

787
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:16,760
Speaker 2: Make sure you accent the part about him being able

788
00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:19,440
Speaker 2: to do this now with his new children. He can

789
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 2: shift his focus and his money to them so that

790
00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:25,320
Speaker 2: they can create the same environment that you guys have

791
00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:26,280
Speaker 2: created in your home.

792
00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:30,600
Speaker 3: Right, Okay, that's the kind of manipulation I'm talking about. Well,

793
00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 3: good luck with that.

794
00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:32,600
Speaker 1: Thank you, Shannon.

795
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:35,280
Speaker 3: Thank you, Shannon. Let us know how it goes. Yeah,

796
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:39,680
Speaker 3: I well, thank you, Okay, bye bye, Lily.

797
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:41,239
Speaker 6: Do you have any thoughts on that as far as

798
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:45,160
Speaker 6: making a house a home, incorporating family, maybe in a

799
00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:46,160
Speaker 6: less traditional way.

800
00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 1: Listen, I you know, I guess we sort of have.

801
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:52,800
Speaker 4: I have a very untraditional home in a way because

802
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 4: we're not married, but it doesn't.

803
00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:56,880
Speaker 1: Are you not in a marriage? No, you're not.

804
00:32:57,160 --> 00:32:59,440
Speaker 4: We're not married, but maybe we'll get married. We had

805
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:01,600
Speaker 4: sort of like compelling reasons not to do it. Those

806
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:04,080
Speaker 4: reasons are becoming less and less compelling, and now our

807
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:07,479
Speaker 4: my eldest is asking about it. But then the other

808
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:08,920
Speaker 4: day she was like, but why would you get married

809
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:11,160
Speaker 4: or already married? And I was like, right, right, kind of,

810
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:13,240
Speaker 4: I mean that's sort of how I feel. But I

811
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:17,520
Speaker 4: think that this sort of I don't know how to

812
00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:22,920
Speaker 4: even define traditional. It's like, you know, he was raised

813
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:26,400
Speaker 4: in a sort of theater commune. It was by a

814
00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:30,040
Speaker 4: single mother. I guess mine was slightly My parents were married,

815
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:32,840
Speaker 4: but they were it was my dad's second marriage.

816
00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:36,840
Speaker 1: We had my stepbrother living with us. They're artists, like

817
00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:37,640
Speaker 1: you know.

818
00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:41,440
Speaker 2: I just feel like the definition of family values is

819
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:45,040
Speaker 2: a moving is a moving definition, and for everybody, like

820
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:51,840
Speaker 2: what we're told is traditional and correct isn't right for Everybody's.

821
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:53,120
Speaker 1: So personal and I think so often it's like, what

822
00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:54,400
Speaker 1: are you doing for other people?

823
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:54,720
Speaker 7: You know?

824
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:58,840
Speaker 4: Often I will just call him my husband just for yes,

825
00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:02,080
Speaker 4: to take of the other person. It doesn't I'm perfectly

826
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:04,240
Speaker 4: fine to do it, but it's like I don't wanna.

827
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:08,160
Speaker 4: I want the other person to feel comfortable because I

828
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:10,160
Speaker 4: have had people say when I'm like, well, my boyfriend,

829
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:11,359
Speaker 4: They're like, oh, what happened to the father?

830
00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:15,920
Speaker 3: I'm like, no, the father, yeah yeah, so, but.

831
00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:17,880
Speaker 4: I feel like so much of that or like you know,

832
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:20,239
Speaker 4: when divorces go well, but then there's all this.

833
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:20,920
Speaker 1: I don't know.

834
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,800
Speaker 4: The way you have to take care of other people

835
00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:27,760
Speaker 4: is so much of it, and I don't it shouldn't

836
00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:29,480
Speaker 4: be like that. It should be you taking care of

837
00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:31,880
Speaker 4: your family and whatever that looks.

838
00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:34,920
Speaker 2: Like I think that that applies what you're saying to

839
00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 2: so many things with babies, with pregnancies, with your dating

840
00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:39,640
Speaker 2: wirth question.

841
00:34:39,719 --> 00:34:41,800
Speaker 4: It's like when people I'm not like pro homeworth, it

842
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:44,000
Speaker 4: was like, right, you're a doula, but I'm not.

843
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 1: You know, It's it's I'm.

844
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:50,520
Speaker 4: Very kind of wary of when people say, well, this

845
00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:53,160
Speaker 4: is the way to do it, and yes, with pregnancy,

846
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:54,759
Speaker 4: well this will happen. What do you mean this will happen?

847
00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:58,359
Speaker 4: This is what happened to you, this is what so yeah,

848
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:01,960
Speaker 4: it's like it's just so personal and specific.

849
00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:04,320
Speaker 2: And it's so nuanced for each person, Like every situation,

850
00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:07,160
Speaker 2: every pregnancy is different for every woman. Like you're saying

851
00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:10,200
Speaker 2: every marriage, every relationship, every dynamic between a child.

852
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:12,440
Speaker 3: It's like there is no blanket.

853
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:15,719
Speaker 2: Assessment that you can have, which is what tradition kind

854
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:18,680
Speaker 2: of is, is a blanket assessment like you're gonna have

855
00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:20,360
Speaker 2: a husband, you're gonna have a dog, you're gonna have

856
00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:22,560
Speaker 2: two kids, and you're gonna be like, there's all this,

857
00:35:23,239 --> 00:35:25,919
Speaker 2: there's all this. It's like a box and the box

858
00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:28,640
Speaker 2: is made to be broken open by other people choosing

859
00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:32,279
Speaker 2: to do other things. And when people say like, you know,

860
00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:33,919
Speaker 2: when you show up with, oh, when are you guys

861
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:34,760
Speaker 2: gonna get married?

862
00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:34,960
Speaker 5: Like?

863
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,080
Speaker 3: Or when you get married, when are you gonna have

864
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:39,719
Speaker 3: a baby? Like that's so rude to.

865
00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:42,399
Speaker 1: Say, and they're like, when's the next tee.

866
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:47,120
Speaker 2: I've caught myself saying those stupid things to people because

867
00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:49,600
Speaker 2: I'm out of ideas, Like I've caught myself in going

868
00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:52,280
Speaker 2: why are you doing that? Why just don't say anything

869
00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:55,160
Speaker 2: instead of being like asking such a predictable question.

870
00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:03,000
Speaker 6: Well, our next caller is a Levia, and she has

871
00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:04,320
Speaker 6: a very unpredictable situation.

872
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:08,840
Speaker 1: Olivia's fifty four. She lives in Canada. She says, Dear Chelsea,

873
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:09,840
Speaker 1: here's the issue.

874
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:12,160
Speaker 6: I dated a man for six years and lived with

875
00:36:12,239 --> 00:36:14,400
Speaker 6: him for three until I was served at work with

876
00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:18,200
Speaker 6: a registered letter. Unbeknownst to me, he had stopped paying

877
00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:21,120
Speaker 6: our rent for fourteen months, and I'm on the lease.

878
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:24,000
Speaker 6: I paid him and I paid the majority of our expenses,

879
00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:27,080
Speaker 6: thinking that he was paying rent. Once I found out

880
00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:29,800
Speaker 6: that he lied about this for fourteen months and we

881
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:33,719
Speaker 6: owed over seventy thousand dollars, I moved out. Now I'm

882
00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:37,280
Speaker 6: learning he lied about almost everything, including being legally married.

883
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:40,839
Speaker 6: Even though he was separated. The issue is we own

884
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:43,640
Speaker 6: a business together. I have to work with a proven

885
00:36:43,719 --> 00:36:46,520
Speaker 6: liar and someone I don't trust. How do I cope

886
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:48,560
Speaker 6: with my rage when I watch him interact with all

887
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:51,480
Speaker 6: the same bs he used with me. The staff haven't

888
00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:53,640
Speaker 6: caught on yet, and I worry about the business because

889
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:56,520
Speaker 6: he's incompetent. I can't afford to buy him out yet.

890
00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:58,440
Speaker 6: And I love my job, except that I work with

891
00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:00,800
Speaker 6: a con man. Any thoughts on how to cope with

892
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:01,560
Speaker 6: this situation?

893
00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:02,400
Speaker 1: Olivia?

894
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:04,920
Speaker 3: Ooh, hi Olivia.

895
00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:05,839
Speaker 7: Hi.

896
00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:08,680
Speaker 2: This is our special guest Lily Ray this year today.

897
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:13,200
Speaker 2: Hi bhi, So wow, this sounds like a script from

898
00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:15,920
Speaker 2: a TV show or a movie. This is a terrible

899
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:17,400
Speaker 2: predicament you found yourself in.

900
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:19,920
Speaker 7: It is, and I'm not getting paid for it, so

901
00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:21,120
Speaker 7: I wish it was a script.

902
00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:23,440
Speaker 3: Well A, let's start with the good stuff.

903
00:37:23,680 --> 00:37:25,480
Speaker 2: Kudos to you for getting the fuck out of that

904
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:28,479
Speaker 2: house and not letting him manipulate you any further. That's

905
00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:32,440
Speaker 2: great strength, good moves, and you made strong decisions.

906
00:37:32,680 --> 00:37:33,960
Speaker 3: So good for you for doing that.

907
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:36,320
Speaker 2: And I know that must have been really difficult to

908
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:38,760
Speaker 2: find out all those things about him. Someone you trust

909
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:42,319
Speaker 2: that is lying, So the status of the business. When

910
00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:44,560
Speaker 2: can you get away from him? And when is the

911
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:46,040
Speaker 2: possibility of that happening?

912
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:51,320
Speaker 7: Never? Because we're fifty to fifty partners and he won't

913
00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:53,719
Speaker 7: buy me out because that's his only link to me.

914
00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:55,960
Speaker 7: And I don't have the money to buy him out.

915
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:58,879
Speaker 7: So I just feel trapped and I have to see

916
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:00,759
Speaker 7: him five days a week. He's in and out of

917
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:03,640
Speaker 7: my office every hour. I cann't get away from him.

918
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:06,200
Speaker 2: Well, you have to, so you have to figure out

919
00:38:06,320 --> 00:38:08,040
Speaker 2: a way to get the money to buy him out.

920
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:10,520
Speaker 2: Have you thought about a small business loan, like going

921
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 2: to your bank and actually getting a loan to buy

922
00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:12,920
Speaker 2: him out.

923
00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:16,040
Speaker 7: I could, but I just bought a place because I

924
00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:17,880
Speaker 7: had to get away from him. And I've talked to

925
00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:21,759
Speaker 7: three people in my life that are possible investors. So

926
00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:25,239
Speaker 7: what I'm waiting for is maybe he will do like

927
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:27,319
Speaker 7: pull a shotgun clause and then I'm out of there.

928
00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:29,480
Speaker 7: He would have to offer me the money. Then I

929
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:31,080
Speaker 7: would have to come back with the money. So I'm

930
00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:33,080
Speaker 7: trying to tee up the money now so that if

931
00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:35,560
Speaker 7: that happens, I have it ready to go. I just

932
00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:38,239
Speaker 7: don't I can get alone because now that I've bought

933
00:38:38,239 --> 00:38:39,720
Speaker 7: a house, right, I don't have the equity.

934
00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:41,680
Speaker 3: Well, you do have the equity because you bought a house.

935
00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:44,400
Speaker 7: Yeah, there's not a lot of money into it yet, right,

936
00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:46,640
Speaker 7: So I don't know I could chuck you into a lite.

937
00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:49,280
Speaker 3: I mean there's a legal argument for this also.

938
00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:51,839
Speaker 2: I know that's costly as well to hire a lawyer,

939
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:54,200
Speaker 2: but this is I do have Oh, okay, And what

940
00:38:54,360 --> 00:38:55,719
Speaker 2: is his take or her take on it.

941
00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:59,320
Speaker 7: Well, he's saying that if he's not financially viable, that

942
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:01,280
Speaker 7: would be one way of getting him out of the business,

943
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:04,760
Speaker 7: right because I'm shouldering all the debt of the business.

944
00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:07,359
Speaker 7: Because he has no credit, he can't get a credit card.

945
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:11,360
Speaker 7: So everything is put on my credit card until the

946
00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:13,920
Speaker 7: business can pay for it. Now, so I just put

947
00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:15,800
Speaker 7: a stop on my credit card. I've locked it, and

948
00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:18,000
Speaker 7: I said, supply credit card or we just don't have

949
00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:18,479
Speaker 7: the money.

950
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:21,479
Speaker 2: And also because of what he did with your money

951
00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 2: already and that you were seventy thousand dollars in the hole,

952
00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:27,200
Speaker 2: like there is proof of that behavior, so there has

953
00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:30,480
Speaker 2: to be a legal argument for you to regain control

954
00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 2: of the company, get him out, or get him to

955
00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:33,480
Speaker 2: buy you out.

956
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:36,440
Speaker 3: Well, you said that part isn't an option for him

957
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:37,080
Speaker 3: to buy you out.

958
00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:38,959
Speaker 7: I don't think he can come up with the money

959
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:41,200
Speaker 7: to buy me out. I think that he's tapped out

960
00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:43,879
Speaker 7: all his sources, like he's used everybody in his life.

961
00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:46,360
Speaker 7: He's sixty six years old. Like he's not going to

962
00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:48,439
Speaker 7: find another sucker. I don't think.

963
00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:50,840
Speaker 1: But oh, they can always find another sucker.

964
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:52,640
Speaker 2: The move, yeah, but the move is for you to

965
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:54,320
Speaker 2: buy him out. The move is for you that you

966
00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:57,400
Speaker 2: need to get him out of your life completely. And

967
00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:00,520
Speaker 2: I think so there's a possible investor or you're saying

968
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:01,719
Speaker 2: that might give you the money.

969
00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:04,279
Speaker 7: Well, the people would be want to be partners with me.

970
00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:07,400
Speaker 7: That's where I'm looking at because if I had three partners,

971
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:09,920
Speaker 7: and I have an accountant right now reviewing the books

972
00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:12,239
Speaker 7: to make sure the books are good because it was

973
00:40:12,320 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 7: his accountant.

974
00:40:14,239 --> 00:40:16,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, first you got to find out if the books

975
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:17,359
Speaker 3: are good. Oh yeah.

976
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:19,759
Speaker 4: And just I have a question in terms of just

977
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:22,560
Speaker 4: like when you said he's coming into your office every hour,

978
00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:26,520
Speaker 4: why with work things or just to torture you.

979
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:30,440
Speaker 7: He's actually delusional. He thinks that we're gonna work on this,

980
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:32,719
Speaker 7: things are going to get better. Just give me another chance.

981
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:34,320
Speaker 7: It's like, no, are you kidding me?

982
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:36,520
Speaker 4: Can't you have some You have to have some boundaries

983
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:39,080
Speaker 4: just in your workplace so that he's not coming in

984
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:40,400
Speaker 4: because it's your office.

985
00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:42,520
Speaker 1: He can't just come in all the time.

986
00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:45,279
Speaker 4: I mean, just to sort of protect your state of

987
00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:47,080
Speaker 4: mind and your ability to do your job in the

988
00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:49,120
Speaker 4: in the time before this all gets sorted.

989
00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:52,319
Speaker 7: He's like a small child. I lock my office door

990
00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:55,359
Speaker 7: and I have a window, and he'll do like, hi, knock,

991
00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:58,839
Speaker 7: knock high, like it's constant, right, So I'll open the door,

992
00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:01,080
Speaker 7: like what do you need? Uh, I just wanted to

993
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:04,480
Speaker 7: see you know, like you know, did you read that email?

994
00:41:05,040 --> 00:41:07,560
Speaker 7: Like it's just like so like it's just my numbing right,

995
00:41:07,719 --> 00:41:10,800
Speaker 7: Like he's beyond And so the frustration for me is

996
00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:14,240
Speaker 7: I feel trapped, but I'm like the process has already started.

997
00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:16,839
Speaker 7: I have a lawyer, I have investors, teet up. Potentially

998
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:20,120
Speaker 7: it's my mental health in going there every day and

999
00:41:20,239 --> 00:41:25,080
Speaker 7: being lied to every day and feeling harassed, and you know,

1000
00:41:25,239 --> 00:41:27,520
Speaker 7: like normal people, you could say a boundary like don't

1001
00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:30,400
Speaker 7: come in my office, only email me, don't call me.

1002
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:33,640
Speaker 7: I have to block him, Like I feel like he's

1003
00:41:33,680 --> 00:41:35,600
Speaker 7: like a cloud over me. I just can't.

1004
00:41:35,719 --> 00:41:38,640
Speaker 3: He is and he is, he is a cloud over you.

1005
00:41:39,400 --> 00:41:42,760
Speaker 6: I want to jump in with something about boundaries, because

1006
00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:45,680
Speaker 6: there's a very common, I think, misconception that like the

1007
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:48,400
Speaker 6: boundary you set is for the other person's action. So

1008
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:51,160
Speaker 6: you say, my boundary is that you can't do this,

1009
00:41:51,640 --> 00:41:54,400
Speaker 6: But in reality, we can't actually control what another person

1010
00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:56,840
Speaker 6: is doing. You can only really set the boundary for

1011
00:41:56,920 --> 00:42:00,239
Speaker 6: what your behavior will be. And it sounds like you

1012
00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:03,680
Speaker 6: need to extricate yourself in every small and large way

1013
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:06,320
Speaker 6: you can. So that means setting up a home office

1014
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:09,560
Speaker 6: so he can't be in your window waving at you.

1015
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:12,920
Speaker 6: You know, he's breaking up you know, a quote unquote boundary.

1016
00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:15,279
Speaker 6: But that's like you're there in the office, and I

1017
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:17,640
Speaker 6: think anyway we can get you out of this in

1018
00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:21,000
Speaker 6: small ways as well before you're out in a big way.

1019
00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:23,360
Speaker 1: Is something you need to take action on.

1020
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 7: Right Except it's hard for me to run the business

1021
00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:28,880
Speaker 7: with stuff if I'm always from home, so I need

1022
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:32,319
Speaker 7: to be present. And the good thing is he's incompetence,

1023
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:34,920
Speaker 7: so he's not there a lot, like he's in and out.

1024
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:36,799
Speaker 7: He's there for you know, fifteen minutes, then he goes

1025
00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:39,360
Speaker 7: for draw. I don't know what he does, but I

1026
00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:42,680
Speaker 7: need to be there, and the boundaries that I've established

1027
00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:45,160
Speaker 7: are as soon as I leave work, I block him.

1028
00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:47,160
Speaker 7: And so what he does that night is you'll start

1029
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:49,080
Speaker 7: sending emails that are work related, and of course I

1030
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:51,080
Speaker 7: don't get any of those. So every day he has

1031
00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:53,120
Speaker 7: to resetd things. But it doesn't seem to click with

1032
00:42:53,239 --> 00:42:56,440
Speaker 7: him that there's a structure here. Right, So if I

1033
00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:58,719
Speaker 7: didn't go to work, I'm going to miss a lot

1034
00:42:58,760 --> 00:43:00,680
Speaker 7: of things that are going on the data day. Because

1035
00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:03,360
Speaker 7: it's a client based business. I need to see these clients.

1036
00:43:03,719 --> 00:43:06,120
Speaker 3: Can he not come to work? It would it work

1037
00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:07,680
Speaker 3: that way if he stayed away?

1038
00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:08,920
Speaker 7: Yeah, I would love that.

1039
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:10,319
Speaker 3: Okay, Well, maybe you have.

1040
00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:13,400
Speaker 2: To get a third party involved, like a mediator of sorts.

1041
00:43:13,719 --> 00:43:16,080
Speaker 2: You know, business partners do this all the time, and

1042
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:18,680
Speaker 2: you have a marriage history. If you get a third

1043
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:23,120
Speaker 2: party involved to create some more specific boundaries where he's

1044
00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:26,480
Speaker 2: accountable not only to you, but to the third person. Like,

1045
00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:30,040
Speaker 2: it's an unworkable situation and I can totally I totally

1046
00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:31,440
Speaker 2: feel for you, but I know you're.

1047
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:32,280
Speaker 3: Moving in the right direction.

1048
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:36,160
Speaker 2: This is just the ugly murkiness until you get, you know,

1049
00:43:36,719 --> 00:43:39,000
Speaker 2: until you get an investor, and if it's not this investor,

1050
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:41,919
Speaker 2: it'll be another one. But you've set everything in motion,

1051
00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:44,640
Speaker 2: like you're looking out for yourself and your business, and

1052
00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:47,120
Speaker 2: I have complete faith that it will work out for you.

1053
00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:51,080
Speaker 2: But I would bring in another person, ye, whether it's

1054
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:53,920
Speaker 2: a business counselor or a marriage counsel. I mean, not

1055
00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:56,480
Speaker 2: a marriage counselor you're not married, but a relationship I

1056
00:43:56,520 --> 00:43:58,799
Speaker 2: think a business counselor to really set the tone with him.

1057
00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:03,200
Speaker 2: Also that you guys are not together in a romantic relationship,

1058
00:44:03,360 --> 00:44:05,120
Speaker 2: and these are the behaviors that you're not willing to

1059
00:44:05,120 --> 00:44:07,239
Speaker 2: put up with. You don't want emails from him after

1060
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:09,239
Speaker 2: you leave work, you don't want him walking into your

1061
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:10,120
Speaker 2: office unannounced.

1062
00:44:10,400 --> 00:44:11,480
Speaker 3: He has to make appointments.

1063
00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:13,759
Speaker 2: I mean, you have to be very stringent with the

1064
00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:17,120
Speaker 2: rules with someone like that, and make more rules than

1065
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:21,280
Speaker 2: you care about, because then he has more walls to climb,

1066
00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:22,880
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, and he's going to be

1067
00:44:23,080 --> 00:44:26,200
Speaker 2: more easily defeated, knowing there's not as many avenues to

1068
00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:28,920
Speaker 2: get to you. But I would definitely bring in somebody

1069
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:32,279
Speaker 2: a professional, like a mediator, like a business yeah, like

1070
00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:35,560
Speaker 2: a work counselor or like you know, like what a

1071
00:44:35,640 --> 00:44:37,920
Speaker 2: couple's counselor would do, but for a work partner, like

1072
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:40,600
Speaker 2: business relationships, those kinds of things are all over the place,

1073
00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:43,399
Speaker 2: you know, And then you're having a third party tell him,

1074
00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:46,480
Speaker 2: so it's not just you and your history going back

1075
00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:48,640
Speaker 2: and forth with each other and him trying to get

1076
00:44:48,680 --> 00:44:51,480
Speaker 2: back to you or back with you, or you know whatever,

1077
00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:55,080
Speaker 2: into into your your life, into you.

1078
00:44:55,480 --> 00:44:58,439
Speaker 3: But you were going to inside you. No, I wasn't

1079
00:44:58,440 --> 00:44:59,800
Speaker 3: going to say that, but thank you for filling it

1080
00:44:59,840 --> 00:45:00,279
Speaker 3: in for me.

1081
00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:02,640
Speaker 6: Have you sat down with him and asked him, like,

1082
00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:04,560
Speaker 6: what's the number that would get you to go away?

1083
00:45:05,080 --> 00:45:07,080
Speaker 7: No, because I don't want to do that. I don't

1084
00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:09,240
Speaker 7: want to start that up until I actually have the funds,

1085
00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:11,560
Speaker 7: and I do want to do like this financial review

1086
00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:14,160
Speaker 7: to know if the business is even viable, like should

1087
00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:16,279
Speaker 7: I be buying a motor? Should I be bought out?

1088
00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:17,040
Speaker 3: Absolutely?

1089
00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:20,000
Speaker 7: Find that out right, So I don't want to start

1090
00:45:20,120 --> 00:45:23,400
Speaker 7: like opening that kind of words without having my facts

1091
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:24,319
Speaker 7: and money lined up.

1092
00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:26,720
Speaker 2: Okay, well, you sound like you have your shit together,

1093
00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:29,319
Speaker 2: So I would say, just keep doing what you're doing

1094
00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:32,440
Speaker 2: and then do what we said okay, people like that

1095
00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:35,040
Speaker 2: he can't be trusted around you alone.

1096
00:45:35,239 --> 00:45:36,560
Speaker 4: I was just going to say that you need you

1097
00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:38,000
Speaker 4: need other people, like even if it's like you have

1098
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:41,319
Speaker 4: an assistant, just another body in the room at all

1099
00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:43,839
Speaker 4: times when he's there, and then this third person will

1100
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:47,120
Speaker 4: come in and help. But it seems like being alone

1101
00:45:47,160 --> 00:45:50,879
Speaker 4: with you is something that he knows how much it's

1102
00:45:51,160 --> 00:45:53,879
Speaker 4: provoking you and how crazy making it is. And I'm

1103
00:45:53,880 --> 00:45:56,239
Speaker 4: sure that's part of why he's continuing to do it.

1104
00:45:56,400 --> 00:45:58,360
Speaker 4: So like to break up that dynamic.

1105
00:45:58,600 --> 00:46:01,040
Speaker 7: The problem is when I I'm alone with him, he's

1106
00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:04,440
Speaker 7: constantly grabbing me and I'll say it and don't touch me,

1107
00:46:04,640 --> 00:46:05,240
Speaker 7: and he's.

1108
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:07,360
Speaker 4: Like, you know you like it, Like, oh you just

1109
00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:11,440
Speaker 4: you got to have another un Well, that's that's harassment

1110
00:46:11,520 --> 00:46:12,280
Speaker 4: in the workplace.

1111
00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:13,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, so that's it.

1112
00:46:13,840 --> 00:46:17,920
Speaker 7: Yeah to me, like like his aggressive tendencies with me,

1113
00:46:18,239 --> 00:46:20,680
Speaker 7: like grabbing me and saying like, don't worry about it,

1114
00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:22,000
Speaker 7: you know you like it. You know we're going to

1115
00:46:22,040 --> 00:46:24,239
Speaker 7: get back together. It's like I start off my day

1116
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:26,960
Speaker 7: every way like I'm not going to react to this.

1117
00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:29,839
Speaker 7: I'm going to stay calm, and then usually by two

1118
00:46:29,880 --> 00:46:32,120
Speaker 7: o'clock I'm ready to fucking throttle him, and then I'm

1119
00:46:32,160 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 7: telling him how much I hate him, and then I

1120
00:46:34,239 --> 00:46:36,160
Speaker 7: feel like, oh, this is really good for the whole

1121
00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:38,399
Speaker 7: like staff vibe, right.

1122
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:44,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, right exactly. I would really try to get he's

1123
00:46:44,440 --> 00:46:46,919
Speaker 2: got to not be at work. I know he's really

1124
00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:49,160
Speaker 2: not gonna. I mean, you're gonna have to figure out

1125
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:52,719
Speaker 2: a system where he's not coming in as frequently as

1126
00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:54,600
Speaker 2: he is. And that's a boundary you're going to have

1127
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:56,920
Speaker 2: to set as a part business owner.

1128
00:46:57,360 --> 00:46:58,880
Speaker 7: I did ask him, I said, do you want to

1129
00:46:58,880 --> 00:47:01,359
Speaker 7: split days? Like I'm work Monday Wednesday Friday, you work

1130
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:04,040
Speaker 7: Tuesday Thursday, for example, we don't have to both be here.

1131
00:47:04,160 --> 00:47:05,600
Speaker 1: Well, no, he doesn't want to do that because then

1132
00:47:05,640 --> 00:47:06,600
Speaker 1: he doesn't have access to you.

1133
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:08,879
Speaker 3: Right, But don't ask him.

1134
00:47:09,120 --> 00:47:10,920
Speaker 2: You have to kind of state that this is the

1135
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:13,799
Speaker 2: new mandate because he doesn't seem to respect the fact

1136
00:47:13,840 --> 00:47:16,160
Speaker 2: that you are not together anymore and that you're a

1137
00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:19,239
Speaker 2: business owner, and he's not being professional, and he's proven

1138
00:47:19,320 --> 00:47:22,239
Speaker 2: himself to be untrustworthy. So these are all things that

1139
00:47:22,440 --> 00:47:24,480
Speaker 2: you need somebody else to be in the room as

1140
00:47:24,520 --> 00:47:28,000
Speaker 2: a witness so that there is actual like consequence, you

1141
00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:30,480
Speaker 2: know what I mean, So that there's accountability, and.

1142
00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:32,600
Speaker 7: Then what's the accountability, Like, you know what I mean,

1143
00:47:32,640 --> 00:47:35,560
Speaker 7: if he continues to act like this, then what happens nothing?

1144
00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:36,439
Speaker 7: He's still an owner.

1145
00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:39,239
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, there's an accountability in the terms of

1146
00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:41,239
Speaker 2: the three party. That's the first step. And you're right,

1147
00:47:41,320 --> 00:47:43,719
Speaker 2: he still is an owner until you figure out the situation.

1148
00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:47,080
Speaker 2: But you can't keep operating the way you're You can't

1149
00:47:47,120 --> 00:47:50,560
Speaker 2: just keep rebuffing his advances. You don't. That's not acceptable.

1150
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:52,279
Speaker 2: He's sixty six years old and he needs to hear

1151
00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:53,080
Speaker 2: from he's married.

1152
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:55,160
Speaker 1: I mean, it's like it's irrelevant. He couldn't do that.

1153
00:47:55,239 --> 00:47:57,160
Speaker 4: He's not He can't do that with anyone in the office.

1154
00:47:57,200 --> 00:48:00,279
Speaker 4: He can't do that right right, And there are are

1155
00:48:00,360 --> 00:48:01,759
Speaker 4: protections in places.

1156
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:03,560
Speaker 3: Yes, and he needs to be aware of all of

1157
00:48:03,640 --> 00:48:04,440
Speaker 3: those protections.

1158
00:48:04,520 --> 00:48:07,120
Speaker 2: And that's why you want someone who is very familiar

1159
00:48:07,480 --> 00:48:11,480
Speaker 2: with workforce laws and like parameters and everything to be

1160
00:48:11,640 --> 00:48:13,160
Speaker 2: the person that you go to to be like, just

1161
00:48:13,239 --> 00:48:15,200
Speaker 2: so you know, this is something you can get in

1162
00:48:15,280 --> 00:48:15,680
Speaker 2: trouble for.

1163
00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:18,360
Speaker 3: Just so you know, I'm not interested in your advances.

1164
00:48:18,440 --> 00:48:20,520
Speaker 2: This is me telling you in front of a third person,

1165
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:23,360
Speaker 2: I am not interested, and I find them to be

1166
00:48:23,719 --> 00:48:27,120
Speaker 2: an affront. You are sexually harassing me in the workplace.

1167
00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:30,120
Speaker 2: Now we are not together like That's why it's always

1168
00:48:30,120 --> 00:48:33,000
Speaker 2: important just to have another person involved, like a witness,

1169
00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:35,960
Speaker 2: and just start there and see if that affects his

1170
00:48:36,080 --> 00:48:38,160
Speaker 2: behavior at all. It might take a couple of weeks,

1171
00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:40,320
Speaker 2: but if you make a weekly appointment with someone, he

1172
00:48:40,440 --> 00:48:42,600
Speaker 2: becomes accountable to that person, and he's going to be

1173
00:48:42,680 --> 00:48:45,200
Speaker 2: less interested, less and less interested.

1174
00:48:44,920 --> 00:48:46,640
Speaker 3: In coming to the workplace if he knows he has

1175
00:48:46,680 --> 00:48:47,560
Speaker 3: to deal with that person.

1176
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:49,439
Speaker 7: Okay, it's worth a shot.

1177
00:48:49,880 --> 00:48:52,000
Speaker 3: All right. Well, I don't envy your situation, but I

1178
00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:53,480
Speaker 3: think that you're going to see your way out of it.

1179
00:48:54,040 --> 00:48:56,479
Speaker 7: Yeah, okay, well, thank you, thanks for giving me that place.

1180
00:48:56,719 --> 00:48:58,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, and good for you for getting the fuck out

1181
00:48:58,680 --> 00:49:01,040
Speaker 2: of that relationship. And now you'll get out of this one.

1182
00:49:01,600 --> 00:49:03,600
Speaker 7: Oh totally, yeah, one of us will.

1183
00:49:03,800 --> 00:49:06,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, all right, godspeed.

1184
00:49:06,160 --> 00:49:07,239
Speaker 7: Thank you, Lily.

1185
00:49:07,320 --> 00:49:09,480
Speaker 3: Why do you keep moving away from me? Yeah? You

1186
00:49:09,600 --> 00:49:10,200
Speaker 3: did it again?

1187
00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:13,000
Speaker 1: Oh wait, no, I yeah, you can move your mic

1188
00:49:13,080 --> 00:49:14,160
Speaker 1: Yeah there I go.

1189
00:49:14,520 --> 00:49:17,239
Speaker 2: You were going back to your microphone. Oh okay, okay.

1190
00:49:17,280 --> 00:49:19,440
Speaker 2: I'm like, God, is it my breath? Is it my body?

1191
00:49:20,719 --> 00:49:24,080
Speaker 1: I love being I'm very you know you get clothes.

1192
00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:27,760
Speaker 2: Another reminder to all listeners not to go into business

1193
00:49:27,840 --> 00:49:28,440
Speaker 2: with your partner.

1194
00:49:28,520 --> 00:49:34,160
Speaker 3: Oh sorry, Lily's here. Ja'son business with her partner. Watch

1195
00:49:34,239 --> 00:49:36,600
Speaker 3: I fall in love and start a business with my

1196
00:49:36,719 --> 00:49:39,920
Speaker 3: partner in about six months. Anytime I say something and

1197
00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:41,719
Speaker 3: I declare something, I do the opposite.

1198
00:49:42,200 --> 00:49:43,759
Speaker 1: Well, let's take a break and I have a really

1199
00:49:43,840 --> 00:49:44,759
Speaker 1: cute one to wrap up with.

1200
00:49:44,960 --> 00:49:46,879
Speaker 3: Okay, great, we're going to take a break and we'll

1201
00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:53,799
Speaker 3: all be back with Lily Rape. And we're back with Lily.

1202
00:49:54,480 --> 00:49:57,800
Speaker 1: Hi, We're back. Our last question comes from Waverley.

1203
00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:01,680
Speaker 6: She is twenty four Chelsea. I met a boy over

1204
00:50:01,760 --> 00:50:04,000
Speaker 6: the summer who was passing through my city before he

1205
00:50:04,080 --> 00:50:07,000
Speaker 6: went on a month long trip. We instantly hit it off,

1206
00:50:07,040 --> 00:50:09,200
Speaker 6: but I was convinced i'd never see him again as

1207
00:50:09,239 --> 00:50:11,800
Speaker 6: he doesn't live here. He ended up stopping back in

1208
00:50:11,880 --> 00:50:14,040
Speaker 6: my city again on his way home one month later

1209
00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:16,640
Speaker 6: and stayed with me for twenty four hours. I was

1210
00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:19,160
Speaker 6: then again convinced that I wouldn't see him again. Long

1211
00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:21,640
Speaker 6: story short. We kept talking and calling every day and

1212
00:50:21,760 --> 00:50:24,279
Speaker 6: I ended up traveling across the world to see him.

1213
00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:28,320
Speaker 3: For five days to start a business together. He is

1214
00:50:28,400 --> 00:50:29,120
Speaker 3: now coming back to.

1215
00:50:29,120 --> 00:50:30,920
Speaker 6: Stay with me for two weeks next month, and we've

1216
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:34,120
Speaker 6: decided to be exclusive and long distance date in the meantime,

1217
00:50:34,400 --> 00:50:36,640
Speaker 6: and then revisit next steps when we're back in person again.

1218
00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:39,279
Speaker 6: All in all, we've technically known each other for about

1219
00:50:39,320 --> 00:50:41,759
Speaker 6: five months now. I've been doing with the idea of

1220
00:50:41,880 --> 00:50:44,319
Speaker 6: moving to his city if this next trip goes well,

1221
00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:47,360
Speaker 6: but I can't decide when it's too early to seriously

1222
00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:50,000
Speaker 6: think about that. I'm only twenty four and i've been

1223
00:50:50,040 --> 00:50:52,040
Speaker 6: wanting a change, so it's kind of perfect timing, and

1224
00:50:52,080 --> 00:50:53,440
Speaker 6: I really liked where he lives.

1225
00:50:53,960 --> 00:50:55,279
Speaker 1: I'm just worried about being that.

1226
00:50:55,440 --> 00:50:57,799
Speaker 6: Girl who moved for her boyfriend and relies on him

1227
00:50:57,800 --> 00:51:00,640
Speaker 6: for everything, and also being so far from my friends

1228
00:51:00,680 --> 00:51:03,120
Speaker 6: and family if this doesn't work out. But honestly, I

1229
00:51:03,160 --> 00:51:05,880
Speaker 6: could see myself marrying him years from now because I'm

1230
00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:08,680
Speaker 6: basically still a child and he feels the exact same way.

1231
00:51:09,160 --> 00:51:11,440
Speaker 6: He's a really, really good guy and everything feels right

1232
00:51:11,480 --> 00:51:13,719
Speaker 6: with him. But is this insane of me? I kept

1233
00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:15,520
Speaker 6: all of the cities vague because I think my sister

1234
00:51:15,600 --> 00:51:17,759
Speaker 6: listens to this podcast and she would seriously think I'm

1235
00:51:17,800 --> 00:51:20,480
Speaker 6: nuts if she heard me ask this thank you in advance, Waverley.

1236
00:51:21,280 --> 00:51:25,719
Speaker 4: Really, Oh, I just think it has to be, you know,

1237
00:51:25,960 --> 00:51:28,839
Speaker 4: worrying about what other people think is that's the ego.

1238
00:51:29,160 --> 00:51:33,719
Speaker 4: It's just quiet those voices. It doesn't matter, and some

1239
00:51:33,880 --> 00:51:36,040
Speaker 4: will think it no matter what you do. You're always

1240
00:51:36,080 --> 00:51:38,439
Speaker 4: screwed with what will other people think.

1241
00:51:38,800 --> 00:51:39,440
Speaker 3: But if you.

1242
00:51:40,239 --> 00:51:44,200
Speaker 4: Feel excited about the place, if he were making a demand,

1243
00:51:44,320 --> 00:51:46,200
Speaker 4: like the only way this relationship will work is if

1244
00:51:46,239 --> 00:51:48,440
Speaker 4: you move here. But that's not at all what I'm hearing.

1245
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:52,200
Speaker 4: So if you're excited and that feels like invigorating and

1246
00:51:52,320 --> 00:51:57,920
Speaker 4: a sort of chapter, it's not permanent necessarily, you're just

1247
00:51:58,840 --> 00:52:02,200
Speaker 4: trying something and you're twenty four, and your twenty is the.

1248
00:52:02,280 --> 00:52:04,880
Speaker 3: Time to try something like that. Go for it, Go

1249
00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:07,360
Speaker 3: move and fall madly, deeply in love, and if it

1250
00:52:07,400 --> 00:52:10,399
Speaker 3: doesn't work out, that's okay. Then you'll move back home

1251
00:52:10,480 --> 00:52:12,680
Speaker 3: and you'll have some and you'll have another lover.

1252
00:52:12,920 --> 00:52:14,200
Speaker 1: Like, just go for it.

1253
00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:16,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you're in love and you feel that way

1254
00:52:16,680 --> 00:52:19,080
Speaker 2: about someone and you're that young, and you have nothing

1255
00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:21,239
Speaker 2: keeping you there but your family and friends you can

1256
00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:23,920
Speaker 2: still communicate with and visit, go for it.

1257
00:52:24,200 --> 00:52:25,520
Speaker 3: This is the only life we get.

1258
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:28,080
Speaker 1: Make it count and that period of a relationship.

1259
00:52:28,160 --> 00:52:29,920
Speaker 9: Actually, this isn't the only life we get. We've been

1260
00:52:29,920 --> 00:52:32,520
Speaker 9: talking about reincarnations maybe, but in this one, this could

1261
00:52:32,520 --> 00:52:34,360
Speaker 9: be a great part of it, or this could be

1262
00:52:34,400 --> 00:52:39,200
Speaker 9: your last life. But it's like that, it's so romantic.

1263
00:52:39,320 --> 00:52:41,120
Speaker 9: It's so it is romantic.

1264
00:52:41,360 --> 00:52:42,239
Speaker 3: I love love too.

1265
00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:43,040
Speaker 9: I like that.

1266
00:52:43,280 --> 00:52:46,480
Speaker 3: I like like, you know, kind of impulsivity and love.

1267
00:52:46,640 --> 00:52:47,200
Speaker 3: I'm for that.

1268
00:52:47,640 --> 00:52:48,040
Speaker 1: I love it.

1269
00:52:48,239 --> 00:52:50,400
Speaker 6: Yeah, this is basically exactly the story of how my

1270
00:52:50,880 --> 00:52:52,880
Speaker 6: one of my best ties Sam met her husband Thomas,

1271
00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:54,560
Speaker 6: and now they have lots of little Irish babies together.

1272
00:52:54,640 --> 00:52:57,800
Speaker 3: So it's very cute, pep perfect perfect, all right, Waverley

1273
00:52:58,080 --> 00:52:58,360
Speaker 3: go go.

1274
00:52:58,880 --> 00:53:01,719
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, Lily, you have been on delight. It's such

1275
00:53:01,760 --> 00:53:04,600
Speaker 2: a pleasure to meet you in person. Okay, So you

1276
00:53:04,680 --> 00:53:08,080
Speaker 2: guys can see Downtown Owl. You can rent it and

1277
00:53:08,280 --> 00:53:11,839
Speaker 2: like Apple, you can rent it on Amazon. And then

1278
00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:16,520
Speaker 2: you can also catch Lily in upcoming the Great Lilian Hall,

1279
00:53:17,120 --> 00:53:19,600
Speaker 2: and you'll just see her all over the place and

1280
00:53:19,719 --> 00:53:22,279
Speaker 2: probably in theater again soon sure at some point.

1281
00:53:22,400 --> 00:53:27,120
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for being thank you for having me. Okay, Okay,

1282
00:53:27,239 --> 00:53:30,120
Speaker 3: So upcoming shows that I have you guys, these are

1283
00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:30,520
Speaker 3: the places.

1284
00:53:30,560 --> 00:53:34,080
Speaker 2: I'm coming in May Prior Lake, Minnesota, Verona, New York, Auckland,

1285
00:53:34,160 --> 00:53:39,880
Speaker 2: New Zealand, Wellington, New Zealand, Melbourne, Australia, Brisbane and Australia, Sydney, Australia.

1286
00:53:39,920 --> 00:53:41,920
Speaker 3: We've added second shows to places that have sold out

1287
00:53:41,920 --> 00:53:42,520
Speaker 3: the first and.

1288
00:53:42,560 --> 00:53:45,200
Speaker 2: Then I'm gonna be in Hawaii on Maui, Ka, Hulue

1289
00:53:45,840 --> 00:53:49,160
Speaker 2: and Honolulu. I will be there in July. Also in July,

1290
00:53:49,239 --> 00:53:52,000
Speaker 2: I'm coming to Niagara Falls on July twenty seventh. I'm

1291
00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:55,400
Speaker 2: coming to Hollywood, Florida for my only show in Florida on.

1292
00:53:55,520 --> 00:53:56,359
Speaker 3: July twenty eighth.

1293
00:53:56,440 --> 00:53:59,000
Speaker 2: I'll be in Auburn, Washington on August first, and then

1294
00:53:59,080 --> 00:54:02,320
Speaker 2: Santa Rosa, cal Fournia for my second show August second.

1295
00:54:02,680 --> 00:54:04,200
Speaker 3: And then I'm coming to Atlantic City.

1296
00:54:04,320 --> 00:54:08,439
Speaker 2: Mate o'laine and I are co headlining a really fun

1297
00:54:08,520 --> 00:54:10,000
Speaker 2: show in Atlantic City this summer.

1298
00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:13,840
Speaker 3: August tenth August seventeenth is the Santa Barbara Bowl. You

1299
00:54:13,920 --> 00:54:16,040
Speaker 3: do not want to miss that. And then I will

1300
00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:17,759
Speaker 3: be all over Maine.

1301
00:54:18,120 --> 00:54:21,759
Speaker 2: Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina.

1302
00:54:21,880 --> 00:54:23,960
Speaker 3: I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to Saint Louis and

1303
00:54:24,040 --> 00:54:24,800
Speaker 3: Kansas City.

1304
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:27,640
Speaker 2: I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York at the Kings Theater

1305
00:54:28,200 --> 00:54:32,520
Speaker 2: on November eighth, and I have tickets on sale throughout

1306
00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:35,759
Speaker 2: the end of the year in December, so if you're

1307
00:54:35,840 --> 00:54:39,960
Speaker 2: in a city like Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego

1308
00:54:40,080 --> 00:54:43,520
Speaker 2: or New Orleans or Omaha, check Chelsea Handler dot com

1309
00:54:43,600 --> 00:54:44,040
Speaker 2: for tickets.

1310
00:54:44,400 --> 00:54:47,319
Speaker 6: Okay, if you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an

1311
00:54:47,360 --> 00:54:50,440
Speaker 6: email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and

1312
00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:53,239
Speaker 6: be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is

1313
00:54:53,360 --> 00:54:56,960
Speaker 6: edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law

1314
00:54:57,239 --> 00:54:59,520
Speaker 6: and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler

1315
00:54:59,600 --> 00:54:59,880
Speaker 6: dot com.

1316
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:00,120
Speaker 2: M