WEBVTT - 6 Steps to Manage Anxiety When It Feels Like It Is Never Ending 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:02.440 The biggest mistake we make is we believe that the 0:00:02.440 --> 0:00:04.400 way we are is who we are and that we 0:00:04.480 --> 0:00:07.440 won't change that who we are right now is who 0:00:07.480 --> 0:00:09.879 we have to be forever. And the truth is we 0:00:09.920 --> 0:00:13.400 are simply a set of patterns, a set of systems 0:00:13.680 --> 0:00:17.400 that can be changed and transformed. The number one health 0:00:17.400 --> 0:00:26.080 and wellness podcast, Jay set Jay Setty, Hey, everyone, welcome 0:00:26.120 --> 0:00:29.800 back to On Purpose, where you come to listen, learn 0:00:29.960 --> 0:00:34.120 and grow. Remember we've got over five hundred episodes in 0:00:34.159 --> 0:00:37.320 our library, so if you're looking to grow on a 0:00:37.400 --> 0:00:42.640 daily basis, check in to On Purpose. Today's episode is 0:00:42.800 --> 0:00:46.760 all about something that I think a lot of us 0:00:46.800 --> 0:00:50.400 deal with. How many of you have something in the 0:00:50.440 --> 0:00:55.400 back of your mind that just keeps replaying. Could be 0:00:55.440 --> 0:00:59.880 a conversation, could be an event, could be a thought, 0:01:00.880 --> 0:01:02.880 and it just sits there in the back of your 0:01:03.000 --> 0:01:07.920 mind while you're going about your day, betraining your energy. 0:01:08.480 --> 0:01:12.520 How many of you have something similar in the sense 0:01:12.600 --> 0:01:15.880 that maybe there's someone in your life that you're worried about, 0:01:16.680 --> 0:01:20.000 maybe they're unwell, maybe they're going through a difficult time. 0:01:20.640 --> 0:01:23.280 And no matter whether you're at work, whether you're socializing, 0:01:23.319 --> 0:01:26.560 whether you're with your family, you keep thinking about that 0:01:26.680 --> 0:01:30.959 person and what they're going through. Hey, maybe you've moved 0:01:31.080 --> 0:01:34.679 state or country and you're worried about a parent's health. 0:01:35.319 --> 0:01:37.559 You're always thinking that when you wake up in the morning, 0:01:37.600 --> 0:01:42.000 there's a certain level of anxiety or overwhelm of what 0:01:42.080 --> 0:01:44.959 could have happened to them, and I can empathize with 0:01:45.080 --> 0:01:48.000 how difficult that may be. Or maybe in the back 0:01:48.080 --> 0:01:49.720 of your mind you worry that you're going to lose 0:01:49.760 --> 0:01:53.120 your job, maybe you worry that things aren't going to 0:01:53.200 --> 0:01:56.400 work out, Maybe you worry that things are not going 0:01:56.440 --> 0:01:59.760 in the right direction, and there's just this underlying feeling 0:01:59.840 --> 0:02:03.640 you have that just stays there in the background. That's 0:02:03.680 --> 0:02:10.720 super unnerving, super draining, and really discouraging because every time 0:02:10.800 --> 0:02:13.560 you feel a glimpse of moving forward, this brings you 0:02:13.720 --> 0:02:19.360 right back. Sometimes we get hit with something that's always 0:02:19.560 --> 0:02:25.239 just in the back of our mind, right And what's 0:02:25.320 --> 0:02:28.960 really interesting about this is that, like I said, we 0:02:29.040 --> 0:02:32.960 all have something and it affects us in the same way. 0:02:33.800 --> 0:02:39.120 It makes our smile less large, it makes our moment 0:02:39.160 --> 0:02:44.480 of joy less pleasant, it makes our moment of escape 0:02:45.240 --> 0:02:48.880 feel fleeting and ephemeral, And we all deal with this 0:02:49.160 --> 0:02:53.760 very complex emotion where we're not going through the challenge 0:02:53.840 --> 0:02:57.480 right now, but we feel like we are every single day. 0:02:58.480 --> 0:03:02.079 We almost put ourselves through through that every single day. 0:03:02.960 --> 0:03:09.320 And that's why Seneca famously said and wrote, we suffer twice, 0:03:09.560 --> 0:03:14.720 once in imagination and once in reality. The visualization of 0:03:14.760 --> 0:03:18.799 a challenge, the visualization of a moment of pain, can 0:03:18.840 --> 0:03:21.079 often cause more pain if we're not using it as 0:03:21.080 --> 0:03:24.120 a processing tool. And when we don't use it as 0:03:24.160 --> 0:03:27.760 a processing tool, but we use it subconsciously, it keeps 0:03:27.840 --> 0:03:31.040 us in a state of pain. So what do we 0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:33.400 do about this? How do we do it? We can't 0:03:33.440 --> 0:03:36.000 solve it, we can't get away from it. It's just 0:03:36.120 --> 0:03:40.040 something that exists there. The first thing I'm going to 0:03:40.080 --> 0:03:43.800 share with you is anything that you worry about, anything 0:03:43.840 --> 0:03:47.720 that causes you anxiety, don't deal with it first thing 0:03:47.760 --> 0:03:51.160 in the morning, and don't deal with it the last 0:03:51.200 --> 0:03:54.200 thing at night. When we wake up in the morning, 0:03:54.720 --> 0:03:59.800 we're barely awakened. We're barely prepared to deal with anything stressful. 0:04:00.360 --> 0:04:02.240 And that's why when we wake up in the morning 0:04:02.280 --> 0:04:07.160 and we check our messages frantically, when we make a 0:04:07.200 --> 0:04:11.880 call frantically, when we run around and rush around it 0:04:11.960 --> 0:04:16.839 creates more anxiety. It compounds that feeling of overwhelm, of stress, 0:04:16.880 --> 0:04:19.640 of pressure. And when we do something just before we 0:04:19.680 --> 0:04:24.599 go to bed, we're programming our subconscious to be thinking 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:28.599 about it at night. We're programming our subconscious to be 0:04:28.680 --> 0:04:32.719 attentive and aware of it while we're asleep. So now 0:04:32.760 --> 0:04:35.960 what we've done is we've depleted our sleep, which has 0:04:35.960 --> 0:04:40.160 diminished our focus and energy, which is diminishing our intellect 0:04:40.200 --> 0:04:43.760 and our ability to deal with the situation when we 0:04:43.800 --> 0:04:49.359 wake up. We have weakened ourselves so deeply that we 0:04:49.400 --> 0:04:51.880 don't have the ability to deal with it. So when 0:04:51.920 --> 0:04:54.920 we wake up in the morning, we want that time 0:04:55.400 --> 0:04:58.440 to be the time to set a foundation. For you, 0:04:58.560 --> 0:05:01.640 at maybe fifteen minutes, for someone else, it may be 0:05:01.760 --> 0:05:06.520 an hour. You want your mourning moments to be moments 0:05:06.640 --> 0:05:11.240 that are foundational, that are sustainable, and that are consistent. 0:05:12.000 --> 0:05:14.640 Maybe you wake up every day and you write a 0:05:14.640 --> 0:05:18.840 grateful thought in your journal. Studies show that when we 0:05:18.880 --> 0:05:23.120 have grateful thoughts, we can't have worry filled thoughts at 0:05:23.120 --> 0:05:26.360 the same time. So think about that really carefully. If 0:05:26.520 --> 0:05:32.039 gratitude is renting space in your mind, worry can't rent 0:05:32.080 --> 0:05:35.840 the same space. If you're having a thankful thought in 0:05:35.880 --> 0:05:41.040 your mind, anxiety can't rent the same space. So we 0:05:41.080 --> 0:05:44.720 want to make sure that our tenant is gratitude. We 0:05:44.760 --> 0:05:47.600 want to make sure that the person staying in our 0:05:47.640 --> 0:05:51.640 home is gratitude. And this is a practice that we 0:05:51.720 --> 0:05:56.599 have to build consciously until it becomes subconscious. Here's what's 0:05:56.640 --> 0:06:01.839 really interesting about patterns of thought, patterns of behavior. Patterns 0:06:02.400 --> 0:06:06.799 are people. We have to recognize that when we were young, 0:06:07.320 --> 0:06:13.080 we subconsciously absorbed patterns that became our reality. Right maybe 0:06:13.080 --> 0:06:16.080 there were things your parents said, Maybe there were decisions 0:06:16.120 --> 0:06:19.480 your parents made, Maybe there were ways they operated that 0:06:19.560 --> 0:06:22.200 defined who you were. And now what we have to 0:06:22.200 --> 0:06:26.919 do is we have to plant conscious patterns that become 0:06:27.000 --> 0:06:30.800 our subconscious. The biggest mistake we make is we believe 0:06:30.880 --> 0:06:32.839 that the way we are is who we are and 0:06:32.880 --> 0:06:35.760 that we won't change that. Who we are right now 0:06:35.839 --> 0:06:39.360 is who we have to be forever. And if that's 0:06:39.360 --> 0:06:41.800 who we are forever, then there is no shift, there 0:06:41.839 --> 0:06:45.480 is no transformation. And the truth is we are simply 0:06:45.600 --> 0:06:48.800 a set of patterns, a set of systems that can 0:06:48.839 --> 0:06:53.880 be changed and transformed. As Dr Joe Despenser says, we 0:06:53.960 --> 0:06:58.520 have to break the habit of being yourself. He talks 0:06:58.520 --> 0:07:02.760 about how to lose your mind and create a new one. Right, 0:07:02.800 --> 0:07:05.400 we think our mind is made up. We think our 0:07:05.440 --> 0:07:08.599 mind is what it is, But actually our mind is 0:07:08.720 --> 0:07:10.960 just made up of patterns. Our mind is just made 0:07:11.040 --> 0:07:12.960 up of thoughts. Our mind is just made up of 0:07:13.520 --> 0:07:18.760 subconscious beliefs that can all be reprogrammed. And the two 0:07:18.840 --> 0:07:21.360 key times of the day that our subconscious beliefs are 0:07:21.360 --> 0:07:25.000 reprogrammed a first thing in the morning and lasting in 0:07:25.040 --> 0:07:29.160 the night, especially that which you do it, those two 0:07:29.200 --> 0:07:32.800 times will program your subconscious So we want to start 0:07:32.960 --> 0:07:36.320 our day with gratitude. We want to start our day 0:07:36.360 --> 0:07:40.520 with a thankful thought. And for a grateful thought to work, 0:07:40.680 --> 0:07:43.920 it has to be expressed. It has to be specific, 0:07:44.520 --> 0:07:47.600 and it has to be personalized. When you write something 0:07:47.640 --> 0:07:49.880 in your journal, you also want to share that with someone. 0:07:49.960 --> 0:07:52.680 You want to express it to that person. Maybe you're 0:07:52.680 --> 0:07:55.280 going to write a text message in the morning to 0:07:55.480 --> 0:08:00.320 that individual and express it. You want it to be specific. Right. 0:08:00.360 --> 0:08:02.120 A lot of people could say to you, oh, yeah, 0:08:02.200 --> 0:08:05.720 thanks so much, thanks for that, But when someone's specific, 0:08:05.760 --> 0:08:07.440 it touches your heart. If someone said you, thank you 0:08:07.520 --> 0:08:10.440 so much, for how well you made that presentation at work. 0:08:10.480 --> 0:08:14.000 It was brilliant. That goes a long way. And then 0:08:14.040 --> 0:08:16.640 you want it to be personalized. You wanted to feel 0:08:16.640 --> 0:08:19.280 like it was only about you. We all wanted to 0:08:19.320 --> 0:08:21.800 feel like you can just say that to everyone else. 0:08:22.440 --> 0:08:27.040 So expressed, specific and personalized is how gratitude has to 0:08:27.040 --> 0:08:29.000 be shared. And I think a lot of us these 0:08:29.040 --> 0:08:32.600 days we think that a gratitude journalist to be grateful 0:08:32.640 --> 0:08:35.760 to the sky and be grateful to the plants and 0:08:35.800 --> 0:08:38.240 the moon and whatever else it may be. Being grateful 0:08:38.280 --> 0:08:42.920 to people is the most reciprocal form of gratitude because 0:08:42.920 --> 0:08:44.840 when you get to share it with someone and see 0:08:44.880 --> 0:08:47.200 the look in their eyes, when you get to see 0:08:47.240 --> 0:08:51.240 how it impacts them, it can be transformational. And by 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:54.599 the way, the way we receive gratitude is as important. 0:08:55.000 --> 0:08:57.040 I think a lot of us have trained ourselves to 0:08:57.080 --> 0:09:00.360 be modest, to say things like, oh no, it's nothing, 0:09:00.440 --> 0:09:03.400 it's all good. And when we don't receive gratitude, we 0:09:03.440 --> 0:09:06.080 also don't get to give that person sharing with us 0:09:06.559 --> 0:09:09.680 a beautiful moment. I'm so lucky that so many of 0:09:09.679 --> 0:09:11.920 you come up to me when you see me around, 0:09:11.960 --> 0:09:13.480 whether you know a couple of weeks ago, I was 0:09:13.520 --> 0:09:16.560 in Austin for south By Southwest. Maybe some of you 0:09:16.720 --> 0:09:19.400 saw me at Expert West, maybe some of you saw 0:09:19.440 --> 0:09:22.120 me in Mexico. And I love that you come up 0:09:22.160 --> 0:09:23.760 to me and you tell me how much On Purposes 0:09:23.880 --> 0:09:25.880 helped you, or how much think like a Monk or 0:09:25.960 --> 0:09:29.760 eight Rules of Love you've loved reading. And when I 0:09:29.840 --> 0:09:33.880 hear that, in the beginning, I used to always be like, yeah, yeah, no, no, 0:09:33.960 --> 0:09:35.679 thank you so much. And you know, I used to 0:09:35.800 --> 0:09:37.200 feel that that was the way to deal with it. And 0:09:37.280 --> 0:09:42.120 I realized that actually being able to say back to 0:09:42.160 --> 0:09:44.280 you like thank you so much, I'm so grateful, I 0:09:44.280 --> 0:09:46.040 really needed that. By the way, I do need it. It 0:09:46.120 --> 0:09:48.640 means the world to me. I appreciate it so deeply. 0:09:48.679 --> 0:09:51.560 I'm humbled by it. But saying that back to you 0:09:51.640 --> 0:09:54.040 makes it a moment that we can share. And so 0:09:54.480 --> 0:09:58.679 what I'm trying to say is giving gratitude and reciprocating 0:09:58.800 --> 0:10:02.800 back with g attitude are both good for the heart. 0:10:02.880 --> 0:10:05.439 And I think if we start our mornings that way, 0:10:06.480 --> 0:10:11.280 we focus on an amplify gratitude so much that the 0:10:11.320 --> 0:10:13.400 pain we're feeling, the stress we're feeling, It's not that 0:10:13.480 --> 0:10:16.440 it goes away, it's that we have the strength to 0:10:16.480 --> 0:10:19.240 deal with it. This is the point I want you 0:10:19.280 --> 0:10:22.840 to take home. It's not about getting rid of pain. 0:10:23.960 --> 0:10:26.760 It's not about moving on from pain. It's not about 0:10:26.760 --> 0:10:29.960 just saying it doesn't exist anymore. It's about having the 0:10:30.120 --> 0:10:34.560 strength and the courage and the support to deal with it. 0:10:35.800 --> 0:10:38.360 Hey guys, it's Jay Sheddy here and I couldn't be 0:10:38.440 --> 0:10:42.360 more excited to share this exciting news you asked, We 0:10:42.480 --> 0:10:46.840 delivered Junie. Sparkling tea with adaptogens made by my wife 0:10:46.880 --> 0:10:50.920 and I are now available in all Sprout locations across 0:10:50.960 --> 0:10:54.319 the country. Juni is the perfect midday pick me up. 0:10:54.559 --> 0:10:57.320 With only one third of the caffeine found in brood 0:10:57.360 --> 0:11:01.400 Green tea, it provides a gentle energy boost without the crash. 0:11:01.600 --> 0:11:04.760 It only has five calories and zero grams of sugar, 0:11:05.120 --> 0:11:08.000 making it the perfect drink. Plus, it's made with the 0:11:08.000 --> 0:11:11.959 delicious blend of adaptogens and neotropics that may help boost 0:11:12.000 --> 0:11:15.840 your metabolism, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and 0:11:15.920 --> 0:11:19.560 stimulate brain function. Head over to your local Sprouts. Visit 0:11:19.679 --> 0:11:22.720 sprouts dot com to find the closest location near you. 0:11:23.880 --> 0:11:26.880 So we talked about the importance of what to do 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:30.480 in the morning, but it's equally as important to figure 0:11:30.480 --> 0:11:35.560 out the evening. When we program our subconscious mind before 0:11:35.600 --> 0:11:38.800 we go to bed, we have the ability not only 0:11:38.840 --> 0:11:41.920 to get better rest, but to wake up feeling more 0:11:42.120 --> 0:11:45.360 energized and ready for the day. So many of us, 0:11:45.480 --> 0:11:48.160 just before we go to bed, we'll do something that 0:11:48.240 --> 0:11:52.439 induces anxiety. Maybe we'll think about or ruminate about this 0:11:52.480 --> 0:11:56.160 thing that's been on our mind. Maybe we'll watch something 0:11:56.200 --> 0:11:59.120 that makes us feel anxious. Maybe the last thing we'll 0:11:59.160 --> 0:12:02.240 say is I really that doesn't happen, or I'm really 0:12:02.280 --> 0:12:05.440 worried about this. And that's not something you're saying out loud. 0:12:05.559 --> 0:12:08.800 It might be to your partner or whoever you're talking 0:12:08.840 --> 0:12:11.360 to your friend on the phone, but often it's a 0:12:11.400 --> 0:12:16.280 subconscious idea. Now it's natural. Right when someone asks you 0:12:16.320 --> 0:12:19.439 the question what's keeping you up at night, it's probably 0:12:19.440 --> 0:12:23.199 this thing, the pressure at work, the challenge with your partner, 0:12:23.960 --> 0:12:27.680 the worry about your parents. Right, it's something very real 0:12:28.360 --> 0:12:30.200 that you can't just say I'm not going to think 0:12:30.240 --> 0:12:32.280 about it. Right. If I say to you, don't think 0:12:32.360 --> 0:12:35.480 about it, that's the worst advice because you're like, well, Jay, 0:12:35.520 --> 0:12:39.160 that's why I'm listening right. So what we need to 0:12:39.200 --> 0:12:42.800 do is we need to recognize that we can't remove 0:12:42.880 --> 0:12:48.200 the thought. Often we think our life is about reducing noise, right, 0:12:48.320 --> 0:12:52.960 reducing negativity, reducing the thing that's keeping us up, and 0:12:53.000 --> 0:12:55.800 that's actually really difficult. And what we have to do 0:12:55.840 --> 0:12:59.400 instead is we have to drown out that noise through 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:03.400 something else. So a good example is, let's say you're 0:13:03.400 --> 0:13:06.200 an next door neighbors throwing a party, or the apartment 0:13:06.240 --> 0:13:10.680 next door is throwing a party and the music's really loud. Now, 0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:12.520 when you went over there and knocked on their door 0:13:12.520 --> 0:13:14.480 and said, hey, can you keep quiet for a second, 0:13:14.520 --> 0:13:17.560 like I'm trying to focus, they didn't do it. They 0:13:17.559 --> 0:13:23.000 didn't listen, and your persuasive skills didn't really work. Now 0:13:23.240 --> 0:13:25.280 you have two choices. You either listen to that music, 0:13:25.760 --> 0:13:27.880 or you turn on some of your own music, you 0:13:27.920 --> 0:13:30.400 turn up your TV, you focus on what you need 0:13:30.440 --> 0:13:33.800 to do. In the same way, you can't just drown 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:37.080 out a thought that's perplexing you. But what you can 0:13:37.200 --> 0:13:40.760 do is you can increase the voice you want to hear. 0:13:41.200 --> 0:13:44.199 So this is where we want to subconsciously program on mind. 0:13:44.240 --> 0:13:47.599 I remember when I've been going through health challenges or difficulties, 0:13:48.000 --> 0:13:50.720 I often had an affirmation before I went to bed 0:13:51.080 --> 0:13:54.800 that said, I am happy, I am healthy, I am healed. 0:13:55.160 --> 0:13:58.600 There's something really powerful about the words I am, because 0:13:58.600 --> 0:14:03.480 it's an acceptance of something we're already feeling, not I want, 0:14:03.679 --> 0:14:07.400 which feels like it's in the distant future. I am happy, 0:14:07.880 --> 0:14:11.920 I am healthy, I am healing. I have repeated this 0:14:12.120 --> 0:14:16.200 affirmation to myself when I've been going through physical or 0:14:16.240 --> 0:14:20.640 mental health challenges so that I can remind myself that 0:14:20.760 --> 0:14:24.600 I'm moving in the right direction. And I have found 0:14:25.040 --> 0:14:29.800 that the repetition of that affirmation has started to consciously 0:14:30.040 --> 0:14:36.640 reprogram my mind towards moving and finding progress. Without the 0:14:36.680 --> 0:14:40.800 repetition of that mantrain affirmation, what ends up happening is 0:14:40.840 --> 0:14:44.480 I end up stewing, I end up feeling stuck. I 0:14:44.560 --> 0:14:47.880 end up feeling like nothing's moving in the right direction. 0:14:48.560 --> 0:14:50.760 So that's definitely something to look at. What are we 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:53.280 doing before we go to bed? A lot of people 0:14:53.280 --> 0:14:55.280 will say to me, Jay, I'm experiencing anxiety, and the 0:14:55.320 --> 0:14:57.280 first thing I'll ask them is what did you watch 0:14:57.360 --> 0:15:00.560 last night? Now, if you want it's one of your 0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:03.200 favorite shows. I am not against any shows, but I 0:15:03.280 --> 0:15:09.160 promise you that these shows are designed to create cliffhanger chemicals. 0:15:09.360 --> 0:15:11.280 And what I mean by that is because it's all 0:15:11.320 --> 0:15:13.160 about what's happening in the next episode. What are they 0:15:13.160 --> 0:15:14.720 going to do? Oh, my gosh, did you see what 0:15:14.800 --> 0:15:17.680 happened to them? Oh? Will they make it right? That's 0:15:18.040 --> 0:15:20.960 the reaction the show is trying to create. Now, that 0:15:21.000 --> 0:15:23.920 makes for great entertainment. What we don't realize is that 0:15:24.000 --> 0:15:27.840 our body and mind are going into that mode just 0:15:27.960 --> 0:15:31.120 before our head hits the pillow. And so now naturally 0:15:31.680 --> 0:15:34.720 your body and mind are in a state of anxiety 0:15:35.200 --> 0:15:39.840 before you go to bed, and so that becomes your 0:15:40.000 --> 0:15:44.160 natural headspace throughout your sleep, which is then disturbed and 0:15:44.200 --> 0:15:47.160 then when you wake up. I have also found it 0:15:47.200 --> 0:15:50.320 really interesting to program almost the code of how I 0:15:50.360 --> 0:15:52.720 want to wake up. And the example I always give is, 0:15:52.960 --> 0:15:56.440 you don't set your alarm the time you wake up. 0:15:56.480 --> 0:15:59.640 You set the alarm the night before. Right, You program 0:15:59.720 --> 0:16:05.120 some thing to ring or have a tone when you 0:16:05.160 --> 0:16:06.880 wake up in the morning, but you set it the 0:16:07.000 --> 0:16:10.040 night before. In the same way, we have to set 0:16:10.520 --> 0:16:15.760 our programming and code and mindset the night before, I 0:16:15.960 --> 0:16:20.480 am waking up energized, rejuvenated, and ready for the day. 0:16:21.120 --> 0:16:26.720 I am waking up with health, vitality, and energy. Right 0:16:26.840 --> 0:16:30.640 Having that as your repetitive affirmation before you go to 0:16:30.680 --> 0:16:34.360 bed gives you a chance again to subconsciously program your 0:16:34.400 --> 0:16:39.640 mind to make that its code. So I highly recommend 0:16:39.800 --> 0:16:42.840 a powerful morning and evening routine that is away from 0:16:42.920 --> 0:16:47.480 the area that's challenging you. And you may require thirty 0:16:47.520 --> 0:16:50.320 minutes of time before bed and thirty minutes of time 0:16:50.320 --> 0:16:53.040 in the morning, or fifteen minutes before bed is enough. 0:16:53.080 --> 0:16:55.000 Even five minutes, actually, you know what, I'm going to 0:16:55.040 --> 0:16:57.760 make it five five minutes before bed and five minutes 0:16:57.760 --> 0:17:01.160 when you wake up to just journal all your anxieties 0:17:01.200 --> 0:17:04.440 and all your thoughts to really get them off your mind, 0:17:04.640 --> 0:17:06.639 to really get them out of your mind and onto 0:17:06.640 --> 0:17:10.280 the page. I think often we try and fix things 0:17:10.320 --> 0:17:13.720 and solve things in our mind. And what's really interesting 0:17:13.760 --> 0:17:16.520 about that is how many times have you had a 0:17:16.560 --> 0:17:20.960 really amazing reflection or a really amazing realization and you 0:17:21.119 --> 0:17:24.280 don't even remember it a week later. I've had this 0:17:24.359 --> 0:17:28.520 happen so many times. If I don't note down amazing 0:17:28.560 --> 0:17:32.679 ideas insights, thoughts, they disappear and we think, oh, I 0:17:32.720 --> 0:17:36.399 have this idea, now I'll always understand this. The truth 0:17:36.520 --> 0:17:40.760 is it doesn't work like that. So five minutes before, 0:17:40.760 --> 0:17:43.600 about five minutes when you wake up, just to journal 0:17:43.600 --> 0:17:46.600 all of that anxiety, to put it out onto the page, 0:17:46.840 --> 0:17:50.880 to actually feel that release. I think we often feel 0:17:50.880 --> 0:17:52.960 it's a weakness to have a release. We think I've 0:17:53.000 --> 0:17:54.560 just got to solve it in my head. I've just 0:17:54.640 --> 0:17:56.160 got to deal with all of it. I've just got 0:17:56.200 --> 0:17:59.159 to tolerate all of it. And the truth is you 0:17:59.240 --> 0:18:02.080 can try that, but it can feel like you start 0:18:02.200 --> 0:18:05.520 to carry a real weight. And I feel that for 0:18:05.560 --> 0:18:09.080 a lot of people we're just carrying a heavy heavy 0:18:09.440 --> 0:18:13.040 weight because we keep adding to it. Right, it's not 0:18:13.080 --> 0:18:17.639 that it disappears if we don't release it consciously. It 0:18:17.760 --> 0:18:22.760 subconsciously continues to build and build and build to when 0:18:22.800 --> 0:18:26.200 we have a really tough moment where we do want 0:18:26.240 --> 0:18:28.560 to release it, and maybe it comes out at a person, 0:18:28.600 --> 0:18:31.840 we laugh, maybe we take it out on someone at work, 0:18:32.280 --> 0:18:34.439 maybe we take it out on a friend. Right, it 0:18:34.480 --> 0:18:37.440 does come out, It always comes out, but it may 0:18:37.480 --> 0:18:40.720 not come out in a healthy way. I think it's 0:18:40.760 --> 0:18:44.440 really important to recognize that when we have things going on, 0:18:45.160 --> 0:18:48.119 it's okay to stay busy. I think sometimes being busy 0:18:48.920 --> 0:18:52.439 gets a hard time, and I understand rightfully so. But 0:18:52.480 --> 0:18:54.879 when you've got something on your mind and it's bringing 0:18:54.920 --> 0:18:58.880 you down, sometimes staying busy, staying active is really healthy 0:18:59.320 --> 0:19:02.480 because it allows us to process it in different ways. 0:19:02.960 --> 0:19:04.800 I find that when I have a busy day, when 0:19:04.800 --> 0:19:07.399 I have a busy schedule, when I'm moving around, it 0:19:07.480 --> 0:19:11.439 allows me to make sure that I deal with what 0:19:11.480 --> 0:19:14.159 I'm struggling with at the right time, but then not 0:19:14.280 --> 0:19:17.600 let it bleed into the entire day. And that's what 0:19:17.640 --> 0:19:19.560 I mean by keeping busy when as in keeping busy, 0:19:19.600 --> 0:19:23.000 I'm not saying ignore the issue. If we ignore the issue, 0:19:23.400 --> 0:19:26.439 it will just grow. If we ignore the issue, it 0:19:26.440 --> 0:19:29.280 will actually get stronger and bigger and come back harder. 0:19:29.800 --> 0:19:34.600 It's so important that we stay busy by creating times 0:19:34.640 --> 0:19:37.879 of the day where we do focused on this. I 0:19:37.880 --> 0:19:41.480 think working out is similar being physically active. When you 0:19:41.520 --> 0:19:44.399 have something on your mind again, it allows you to 0:19:44.480 --> 0:19:48.760 release it, release that energy in a different way. Now, 0:19:48.840 --> 0:19:51.720 a lot of people say something, especially in spiritual circles, 0:19:51.760 --> 0:19:54.399 this idea of we just have to tolerate it. We 0:19:54.600 --> 0:19:58.240 just have to accept it. And while there is truth 0:19:58.280 --> 0:20:04.200 in that, there's a beautiful statement by an amazing part 0:20:04.240 --> 0:20:07.800 of divinity called Chaitanya who says that we should be 0:20:07.840 --> 0:20:11.000 as tolerant as a tree. Now, what I love about 0:20:11.000 --> 0:20:14.359 this statement is that a tree is extremely tolerant. It 0:20:14.440 --> 0:20:18.000 deals with all the seasons. It deals with the cold, 0:20:18.040 --> 0:20:20.399 it deals with the heat, and all the time it 0:20:20.440 --> 0:20:24.119 provides shade to others, It provides fruit to others. It 0:20:24.200 --> 0:20:26.680 tolerates that the soil around it may not be great, 0:20:26.680 --> 0:20:29.040 so the roots grow in a particular way to get 0:20:29.040 --> 0:20:32.159 its nutrients. We have to be as tolerant as a tree. 0:20:32.680 --> 0:20:35.720 But the thing is a tree can't move. So if 0:20:35.720 --> 0:20:38.920 a tree could move, it probably would. And so if 0:20:38.960 --> 0:20:41.600 you can move, if you can change, if you can shift. 0:20:41.880 --> 0:20:45.080 We shouldn't just tolerate and accept. We should learn to 0:20:45.080 --> 0:20:49.000 tolerate and accept the things we can't change, but the 0:20:49.040 --> 0:20:53.200 things we can change, we should change. If you're dealing 0:20:53.200 --> 0:20:57.160 with an issue, it's so important to leave no stone 0:20:57.320 --> 0:21:01.359 unturned in solving the problem. Often what we do is 0:21:01.359 --> 0:21:05.680 we go into acceptance before action, But it's the other 0:21:05.760 --> 0:21:10.400 way around. If you've taken every action you possibly can. 0:21:10.680 --> 0:21:14.240 If you've taken every action within your control, if you've 0:21:14.280 --> 0:21:17.840 taken every action that will help you get out of 0:21:17.880 --> 0:21:22.120 the situation you're in, and then it doesn't shift, then 0:21:22.160 --> 0:21:25.720 we can practice acceptance and tolerance. But if you haven't 0:21:25.800 --> 0:21:31.520 tried everything, if you haven't pushed and questioned and been curious. Right. 0:21:31.560 --> 0:21:34.480 I often find this when I'm struggling with my health. 0:21:34.520 --> 0:21:35.960 It's so easy for me to say, you know what, 0:21:36.000 --> 0:21:38.520 that's it, can't do anything else. And I've realized there's 0:21:38.520 --> 0:21:41.960 another modality I haven't learned about. There's another guide, there's 0:21:42.000 --> 0:21:45.800 another teacher, there's another doctor, there's another healing process that 0:21:45.880 --> 0:21:50.800 I haven't opened my mind to. Please, please, please realize this. 0:21:51.359 --> 0:21:54.520 Whatever you're dealing with, first, deal with it with action. 0:21:55.080 --> 0:21:58.439 Before we get into this pseudo spiritual place of I 0:21:58.560 --> 0:22:03.080 accept it and surrendering, we have to take action right. 0:22:03.160 --> 0:22:07.000 The old statement of the universe helps those who help themselves. 0:22:07.960 --> 0:22:11.360 We have to start with helping ourselves before we expect 0:22:11.400 --> 0:22:16.439 help from anything else. Start there. I really hope that 0:22:16.520 --> 0:22:22.280 this episode gives you a sense of courage. I hope 0:22:22.280 --> 0:22:24.840 that it gives you a sense of comfort, and I 0:22:24.880 --> 0:22:26.920 hope that it gives you a sense of some really 0:22:27.000 --> 0:22:30.280 practical tips and insights to solve this challenge for you. 0:22:30.880 --> 0:22:34.640 I'm rooting for you. I'm always in your corner. Thank 0:22:34.640 --> 0:22:37.760 you for listening. If you love this episode, you will 0:22:37.800 --> 0:22:41.159 also love my interview with Charles Douhig on how to 0:22:41.280 --> 0:22:45.480 hack your brain, change any habit effortlessly, and the secret 0:22:45.720 --> 0:22:48.800 to making better decisions. Look, am I hesitating on this 0:22:48.920 --> 0:22:51.560 because I'm scared of making the choice because I'm scared 0:22:51.600 --> 0:22:53.520 of doing the work, Or am I sitting with this 0:22:53.680 --> 0:22:58.000 because it just doesn't feel right yet. There's a lot 0:22:58.000 --> 0:23:01.480 of talk about mindfulness these days, which is fantastic. I mean, 0:23:01.520 --> 0:23:03.720 we all want to be more present and self aware, 0:23:04.080 --> 0:23:07.919 more patient, less judgmental. We discuss all these themes on 0:23:07.960 --> 0:23:11.159 the podcast, but it's hard to actually be mindful in 0:23:11.240 --> 0:23:14.040 your day to day life. That's where Calm comes in. 0:23:14.480 --> 0:23:16.680 I've been working with Calm for a few years now 0:23:16.720 --> 0:23:19.840 with the goal of making mindfulness fun and easy. Calm 0:23:19.880 --> 0:23:23.000 has all sorts of content to help you build positive habits, 0:23:23.200 --> 0:23:27.320 shift yourself talk, reframe your negative thoughts, and generally feel 0:23:27.359 --> 0:23:30.640 better in your daily life. So many incredible options from 0:23:30.680 --> 0:23:34.240 the most knowledgeable experts in the world, along with renowned 0:23:34.280 --> 0:23:37.639 meditation teachers. You can also check out my seven minute 0:23:37.720 --> 0:23:40.800 daily series to help you live more mindfully each and 0:23:40.840 --> 0:23:44.080 every day. Right now, listeners of On Purpose get forty 0:23:44.119 --> 0:23:47.720 percent off a subscription to Calmpremium at calm dot com. 0:23:47.760 --> 0:23:52.879 Forward slash j that's calm dot com. 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