1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,440 Speaker 1: The biggest mistake we make is we believe that the 2 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:04,400 Speaker 1: way we are is who we are and that we 3 00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:07,440 Speaker 1: won't change that who we are right now is who 4 00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:09,879 Speaker 1: we have to be forever. And the truth is we 5 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:13,400 Speaker 1: are simply a set of patterns, a set of systems 6 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:17,400 Speaker 1: that can be changed and transformed. The number one health 7 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:26,080 Speaker 1: and wellness podcast, Jay set Jay Setty, Hey, everyone, welcome 8 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:29,800 Speaker 1: back to On Purpose, where you come to listen, learn 9 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:34,120 Speaker 1: and grow. Remember we've got over five hundred episodes in 10 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:37,320 Speaker 1: our library, so if you're looking to grow on a 11 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:42,640 Speaker 1: daily basis, check in to On Purpose. Today's episode is 12 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:46,760 Speaker 1: all about something that I think a lot of us 13 00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:50,400 Speaker 1: deal with. How many of you have something in the 14 00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:55,400 Speaker 1: back of your mind that just keeps replaying. Could be 15 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:59,880 Speaker 1: a conversation, could be an event, could be a thought, 16 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:02,880 Speaker 1: and it just sits there in the back of your 17 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:07,920 Speaker 1: mind while you're going about your day, betraining your energy. 18 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:12,520 Speaker 1: How many of you have something similar in the sense 19 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:15,880 Speaker 1: that maybe there's someone in your life that you're worried about, 20 00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:20,000 Speaker 1: maybe they're unwell, maybe they're going through a difficult time. 21 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:23,280 Speaker 1: And no matter whether you're at work, whether you're socializing, 22 00:01:23,319 --> 00:01:26,560 Speaker 1: whether you're with your family, you keep thinking about that 23 00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:30,959 Speaker 1: person and what they're going through. Hey, maybe you've moved 24 00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:34,679 Speaker 1: state or country and you're worried about a parent's health. 25 00:01:35,319 --> 00:01:37,559 Speaker 1: You're always thinking that when you wake up in the morning, 26 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:42,000 Speaker 1: there's a certain level of anxiety or overwhelm of what 27 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,959 Speaker 1: could have happened to them, and I can empathize with 28 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:48,000 Speaker 1: how difficult that may be. Or maybe in the back 29 00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:49,720 Speaker 1: of your mind you worry that you're going to lose 30 00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:53,120 Speaker 1: your job, maybe you worry that things aren't going to 31 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:56,400 Speaker 1: work out, Maybe you worry that things are not going 32 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:59,760 Speaker 1: in the right direction, and there's just this underlying feeling 33 00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:03,640 Speaker 1: you have that just stays there in the background. That's 34 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:10,720 Speaker 1: super unnerving, super draining, and really discouraging because every time 35 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,560 Speaker 1: you feel a glimpse of moving forward, this brings you 36 00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:19,360 Speaker 1: right back. Sometimes we get hit with something that's always 37 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:25,239 Speaker 1: just in the back of our mind, right And what's 38 00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:28,960 Speaker 1: really interesting about this is that, like I said, we 39 00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:32,960 Speaker 1: all have something and it affects us in the same way. 40 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:39,120 Speaker 1: It makes our smile less large, it makes our moment 41 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:44,480 Speaker 1: of joy less pleasant, it makes our moment of escape 42 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:48,880 Speaker 1: feel fleeting and ephemeral, And we all deal with this 43 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:53,760 Speaker 1: very complex emotion where we're not going through the challenge 44 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:57,480 Speaker 1: right now, but we feel like we are every single day. 45 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:02,079 Speaker 1: We almost put ourselves through through that every single day. 46 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:09,320 Speaker 1: And that's why Seneca famously said and wrote, we suffer twice, 47 00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:14,720 Speaker 1: once in imagination and once in reality. The visualization of 48 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:18,799 Speaker 1: a challenge, the visualization of a moment of pain, can 49 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:21,079 Speaker 1: often cause more pain if we're not using it as 50 00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:24,120 Speaker 1: a processing tool. And when we don't use it as 51 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:27,760 Speaker 1: a processing tool, but we use it subconsciously, it keeps 52 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 1: us in a state of pain. So what do we 53 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,400 Speaker 1: do about this? How do we do it? We can't 54 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:36,000 Speaker 1: solve it, we can't get away from it. It's just 55 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:40,040 Speaker 1: something that exists there. The first thing I'm going to 56 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:43,800 Speaker 1: share with you is anything that you worry about, anything 57 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:47,720 Speaker 1: that causes you anxiety, don't deal with it first thing 58 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:51,160 Speaker 1: in the morning, and don't deal with it the last 59 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:54,200 Speaker 1: thing at night. When we wake up in the morning, 60 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:59,800 Speaker 1: we're barely awakened. We're barely prepared to deal with anything stressful. 61 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:02,240 Speaker 1: And that's why when we wake up in the morning 62 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:07,160 Speaker 1: and we check our messages frantically, when we make a 63 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:11,880 Speaker 1: call frantically, when we run around and rush around it 64 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:16,839 Speaker 1: creates more anxiety. It compounds that feeling of overwhelm, of stress, 65 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,640 Speaker 1: of pressure. And when we do something just before we 66 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:24,599 Speaker 1: go to bed, we're programming our subconscious to be thinking 67 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:28,599 Speaker 1: about it at night. We're programming our subconscious to be 68 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:32,719 Speaker 1: attentive and aware of it while we're asleep. So now 69 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:35,960 Speaker 1: what we've done is we've depleted our sleep, which has 70 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:40,160 Speaker 1: diminished our focus and energy, which is diminishing our intellect 71 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:43,760 Speaker 1: and our ability to deal with the situation when we 72 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:49,359 Speaker 1: wake up. We have weakened ourselves so deeply that we 73 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:51,880 Speaker 1: don't have the ability to deal with it. So when 74 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:54,920 Speaker 1: we wake up in the morning, we want that time 75 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:58,440 Speaker 1: to be the time to set a foundation. For you, 76 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:01,640 Speaker 1: at maybe fifteen minutes, for someone else, it may be 77 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:06,520 Speaker 1: an hour. You want your mourning moments to be moments 78 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:11,240 Speaker 1: that are foundational, that are sustainable, and that are consistent. 79 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:14,640 Speaker 1: Maybe you wake up every day and you write a 80 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:18,840 Speaker 1: grateful thought in your journal. Studies show that when we 81 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:23,120 Speaker 1: have grateful thoughts, we can't have worry filled thoughts at 82 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:26,360 Speaker 1: the same time. So think about that really carefully. If 83 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:32,039 Speaker 1: gratitude is renting space in your mind, worry can't rent 84 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:35,840 Speaker 1: the same space. If you're having a thankful thought in 85 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:41,040 Speaker 1: your mind, anxiety can't rent the same space. So we 86 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:44,720 Speaker 1: want to make sure that our tenant is gratitude. We 87 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:47,600 Speaker 1: want to make sure that the person staying in our 88 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:51,640 Speaker 1: home is gratitude. And this is a practice that we 89 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:56,599 Speaker 1: have to build consciously until it becomes subconscious. Here's what's 90 00:05:56,640 --> 00:06:01,839 Speaker 1: really interesting about patterns of thought, patterns of behavior. Patterns 91 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:06,799 Speaker 1: are people. We have to recognize that when we were young, 92 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:13,080 Speaker 1: we subconsciously absorbed patterns that became our reality. Right maybe 93 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:16,080 Speaker 1: there were things your parents said, Maybe there were decisions 94 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:19,480 Speaker 1: your parents made, Maybe there were ways they operated that 95 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:22,200 Speaker 1: defined who you were. And now what we have to 96 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:26,919 Speaker 1: do is we have to plant conscious patterns that become 97 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:30,800 Speaker 1: our subconscious. The biggest mistake we make is we believe 98 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:32,839 Speaker 1: that the way we are is who we are and 99 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:35,760 Speaker 1: that we won't change that. Who we are right now 100 00:06:35,839 --> 00:06:39,360 Speaker 1: is who we have to be forever. And if that's 101 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:41,800 Speaker 1: who we are forever, then there is no shift, there 102 00:06:41,839 --> 00:06:45,480 Speaker 1: is no transformation. And the truth is we are simply 103 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:48,800 Speaker 1: a set of patterns, a set of systems that can 104 00:06:48,839 --> 00:06:53,880 Speaker 1: be changed and transformed. As Dr Joe Despenser says, we 105 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:58,520 Speaker 1: have to break the habit of being yourself. He talks 106 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:02,760 Speaker 1: about how to lose your mind and create a new one. Right, 107 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:05,400 Speaker 1: we think our mind is made up. We think our 108 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:08,599 Speaker 1: mind is what it is, But actually our mind is 109 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,960 Speaker 1: just made up of patterns. Our mind is just made 110 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:12,960 Speaker 1: up of thoughts. Our mind is just made up of 111 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:18,760 Speaker 1: subconscious beliefs that can all be reprogrammed. And the two 112 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:21,360 Speaker 1: key times of the day that our subconscious beliefs are 113 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:25,000 Speaker 1: reprogrammed a first thing in the morning and lasting in 114 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:29,160 Speaker 1: the night, especially that which you do it, those two 115 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:32,800 Speaker 1: times will program your subconscious So we want to start 116 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:36,320 Speaker 1: our day with gratitude. We want to start our day 117 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:40,520 Speaker 1: with a thankful thought. And for a grateful thought to work, 118 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:43,920 Speaker 1: it has to be expressed. It has to be specific, 119 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:47,600 Speaker 1: and it has to be personalized. When you write something 120 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:49,880 Speaker 1: in your journal, you also want to share that with someone. 121 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,680 Speaker 1: You want to express it to that person. Maybe you're 122 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,280 Speaker 1: going to write a text message in the morning to 123 00:07:55,480 --> 00:08:00,320 Speaker 1: that individual and express it. You want it to be specific. Right. 124 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:02,120 Speaker 1: A lot of people could say to you, oh, yeah, 125 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:05,720 Speaker 1: thanks so much, thanks for that, But when someone's specific, 126 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:07,440 Speaker 1: it touches your heart. If someone said you, thank you 127 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,440 Speaker 1: so much, for how well you made that presentation at work. 128 00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:14,000 Speaker 1: It was brilliant. That goes a long way. And then 129 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:16,640 Speaker 1: you want it to be personalized. You wanted to feel 130 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:19,280 Speaker 1: like it was only about you. We all wanted to 131 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,800 Speaker 1: feel like you can just say that to everyone else. 132 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:27,040 Speaker 1: So expressed, specific and personalized is how gratitude has to 133 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,000 Speaker 1: be shared. And I think a lot of us these 134 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:32,600 Speaker 1: days we think that a gratitude journalist to be grateful 135 00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:35,760 Speaker 1: to the sky and be grateful to the plants and 136 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:38,240 Speaker 1: the moon and whatever else it may be. Being grateful 137 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:42,920 Speaker 1: to people is the most reciprocal form of gratitude because 138 00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:44,840 Speaker 1: when you get to share it with someone and see 139 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:47,200 Speaker 1: the look in their eyes, when you get to see 140 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:51,240 Speaker 1: how it impacts them, it can be transformational. And by 141 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:54,599 Speaker 1: the way, the way we receive gratitude is as important. 142 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,040 Speaker 1: I think a lot of us have trained ourselves to 143 00:08:57,080 --> 00:09:00,360 Speaker 1: be modest, to say things like, oh no, it's nothing, 144 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:03,400 Speaker 1: it's all good. And when we don't receive gratitude, we 145 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:06,080 Speaker 1: also don't get to give that person sharing with us 146 00:09:06,559 --> 00:09:09,680 Speaker 1: a beautiful moment. I'm so lucky that so many of 147 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:11,920 Speaker 1: you come up to me when you see me around, 148 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:13,480 Speaker 1: whether you know a couple of weeks ago, I was 149 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,560 Speaker 1: in Austin for south By Southwest. Maybe some of you 150 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:19,400 Speaker 1: saw me at Expert West, maybe some of you saw 151 00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:22,120 Speaker 1: me in Mexico. And I love that you come up 152 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:23,760 Speaker 1: to me and you tell me how much On Purposes 153 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 1: helped you, or how much think like a Monk or 154 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:29,760 Speaker 1: eight Rules of Love you've loved reading. And when I 155 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:33,880 Speaker 1: hear that, in the beginning, I used to always be like, yeah, yeah, no, no, 156 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:35,679 Speaker 1: thank you so much. And you know, I used to 157 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,200 Speaker 1: feel that that was the way to deal with it. And 158 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:42,120 Speaker 1: I realized that actually being able to say back to 159 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,280 Speaker 1: you like thank you so much, I'm so grateful, I 160 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:46,040 Speaker 1: really needed that. By the way, I do need it. It 161 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:48,640 Speaker 1: means the world to me. I appreciate it so deeply. 162 00:09:48,679 --> 00:09:51,560 Speaker 1: I'm humbled by it. But saying that back to you 163 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:54,040 Speaker 1: makes it a moment that we can share. And so 164 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:58,679 Speaker 1: what I'm trying to say is giving gratitude and reciprocating 165 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:02,800 Speaker 1: back with g attitude are both good for the heart. 166 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,439 Speaker 1: And I think if we start our mornings that way, 167 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:11,280 Speaker 1: we focus on an amplify gratitude so much that the 168 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:13,400 Speaker 1: pain we're feeling, the stress we're feeling, It's not that 169 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:16,440 Speaker 1: it goes away, it's that we have the strength to 170 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:19,240 Speaker 1: deal with it. This is the point I want you 171 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:22,840 Speaker 1: to take home. It's not about getting rid of pain. 172 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,760 Speaker 1: It's not about moving on from pain. It's not about 173 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,960 Speaker 1: just saying it doesn't exist anymore. It's about having the 174 00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:34,560 Speaker 1: strength and the courage and the support to deal with it. 175 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,360 Speaker 1: Hey guys, it's Jay Sheddy here and I couldn't be 176 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 1: more excited to share this exciting news you asked, We 177 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:46,840 Speaker 1: delivered Junie. Sparkling tea with adaptogens made by my wife 178 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:50,920 Speaker 1: and I are now available in all Sprout locations across 179 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:54,319 Speaker 1: the country. Juni is the perfect midday pick me up. 180 00:10:54,559 --> 00:10:57,320 Speaker 1: With only one third of the caffeine found in brood 181 00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:01,400 Speaker 1: Green tea, it provides a gentle energy boost without the crash. 182 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:04,760 Speaker 1: It only has five calories and zero grams of sugar, 183 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:08,000 Speaker 1: making it the perfect drink. Plus, it's made with the 184 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:11,959 Speaker 1: delicious blend of adaptogens and neotropics that may help boost 185 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:15,840 Speaker 1: your metabolism, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and 186 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:19,560 Speaker 1: stimulate brain function. Head over to your local Sprouts. Visit 187 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:22,720 Speaker 1: sprouts dot com to find the closest location near you. 188 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,880 Speaker 1: So we talked about the importance of what to do 189 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:30,480 Speaker 1: in the morning, but it's equally as important to figure 190 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:35,560 Speaker 1: out the evening. When we program our subconscious mind before 191 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:38,800 Speaker 1: we go to bed, we have the ability not only 192 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:41,920 Speaker 1: to get better rest, but to wake up feeling more 193 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:45,360 Speaker 1: energized and ready for the day. So many of us, 194 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:48,160 Speaker 1: just before we go to bed, we'll do something that 195 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:52,439 Speaker 1: induces anxiety. Maybe we'll think about or ruminate about this 196 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:56,160 Speaker 1: thing that's been on our mind. Maybe we'll watch something 197 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:59,120 Speaker 1: that makes us feel anxious. Maybe the last thing we'll 198 00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:02,240 Speaker 1: say is I really that doesn't happen, or I'm really 199 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:05,440 Speaker 1: worried about this. And that's not something you're saying out loud. 200 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:08,800 Speaker 1: It might be to your partner or whoever you're talking 201 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:11,360 Speaker 1: to your friend on the phone, but often it's a 202 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:16,280 Speaker 1: subconscious idea. Now it's natural. Right when someone asks you 203 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:19,439 Speaker 1: the question what's keeping you up at night, it's probably 204 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:23,199 Speaker 1: this thing, the pressure at work, the challenge with your partner, 205 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:27,680 Speaker 1: the worry about your parents. Right, it's something very real 206 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:30,200 Speaker 1: that you can't just say I'm not going to think 207 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,280 Speaker 1: about it. Right. If I say to you, don't think 208 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:35,480 Speaker 1: about it, that's the worst advice because you're like, well, Jay, 209 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:39,160 Speaker 1: that's why I'm listening right. So what we need to 210 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:42,800 Speaker 1: do is we need to recognize that we can't remove 211 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:48,200 Speaker 1: the thought. Often we think our life is about reducing noise, right, 212 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:52,960 Speaker 1: reducing negativity, reducing the thing that's keeping us up, and 213 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,800 Speaker 1: that's actually really difficult. And what we have to do 214 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:59,400 Speaker 1: instead is we have to drown out that noise through 215 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:03,400 Speaker 1: something else. So a good example is, let's say you're 216 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:06,200 Speaker 1: an next door neighbors throwing a party, or the apartment 217 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:10,680 Speaker 1: next door is throwing a party and the music's really loud. Now, 218 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,520 Speaker 1: when you went over there and knocked on their door 219 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,480 Speaker 1: and said, hey, can you keep quiet for a second, 220 00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:17,560 Speaker 1: like I'm trying to focus, they didn't do it. They 221 00:13:17,559 --> 00:13:23,000 Speaker 1: didn't listen, and your persuasive skills didn't really work. Now 222 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,280 Speaker 1: you have two choices. You either listen to that music, 223 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:27,880 Speaker 1: or you turn on some of your own music, you 224 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:30,400 Speaker 1: turn up your TV, you focus on what you need 225 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:33,800 Speaker 1: to do. In the same way, you can't just drown 226 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:37,080 Speaker 1: out a thought that's perplexing you. But what you can 227 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:40,760 Speaker 1: do is you can increase the voice you want to hear. 228 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:44,199 Speaker 1: So this is where we want to subconsciously program on mind. 229 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:47,599 Speaker 1: I remember when I've been going through health challenges or difficulties, 230 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,720 Speaker 1: I often had an affirmation before I went to bed 231 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,800 Speaker 1: that said, I am happy, I am healthy, I am healed. 232 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:58,600 Speaker 1: There's something really powerful about the words I am, because 233 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:03,480 Speaker 1: it's an acceptance of something we're already feeling, not I want, 234 00:14:03,679 --> 00:14:07,400 Speaker 1: which feels like it's in the distant future. I am happy, 235 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:11,920 Speaker 1: I am healthy, I am healing. I have repeated this 236 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:16,200 Speaker 1: affirmation to myself when I've been going through physical or 237 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:20,640 Speaker 1: mental health challenges so that I can remind myself that 238 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:24,600 Speaker 1: I'm moving in the right direction. And I have found 239 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:29,800 Speaker 1: that the repetition of that affirmation has started to consciously 240 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:36,640 Speaker 1: reprogram my mind towards moving and finding progress. Without the 241 00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:40,800 Speaker 1: repetition of that mantrain affirmation, what ends up happening is 242 00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:44,480 Speaker 1: I end up stewing, I end up feeling stuck. I 243 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:47,880 Speaker 1: end up feeling like nothing's moving in the right direction. 244 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:50,760 Speaker 1: So that's definitely something to look at. What are we 245 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:53,280 Speaker 1: doing before we go to bed? A lot of people 246 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:55,280 Speaker 1: will say to me, Jay, I'm experiencing anxiety, and the 247 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:57,280 Speaker 1: first thing I'll ask them is what did you watch 248 00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:00,560 Speaker 1: last night? Now, if you want it's one of your 249 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:03,200 Speaker 1: favorite shows. I am not against any shows, but I 250 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:09,160 Speaker 1: promise you that these shows are designed to create cliffhanger chemicals. 251 00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:11,280 Speaker 1: And what I mean by that is because it's all 252 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:13,160 Speaker 1: about what's happening in the next episode. What are they 253 00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:14,720 Speaker 1: going to do? Oh, my gosh, did you see what 254 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,680 Speaker 1: happened to them? Oh? Will they make it right? That's 255 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:20,960 Speaker 1: the reaction the show is trying to create. Now, that 256 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,920 Speaker 1: makes for great entertainment. What we don't realize is that 257 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:27,840 Speaker 1: our body and mind are going into that mode just 258 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:31,120 Speaker 1: before our head hits the pillow. And so now naturally 259 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:34,720 Speaker 1: your body and mind are in a state of anxiety 260 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:39,840 Speaker 1: before you go to bed, and so that becomes your 261 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:44,160 Speaker 1: natural headspace throughout your sleep, which is then disturbed and 262 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:47,160 Speaker 1: then when you wake up. I have also found it 263 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:50,320 Speaker 1: really interesting to program almost the code of how I 264 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:52,720 Speaker 1: want to wake up. And the example I always give is, 265 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:56,440 Speaker 1: you don't set your alarm the time you wake up. 266 00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:59,640 Speaker 1: You set the alarm the night before. Right, You program 267 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:05,120 Speaker 1: some thing to ring or have a tone when you 268 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:06,880 Speaker 1: wake up in the morning, but you set it the 269 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:10,040 Speaker 1: night before. In the same way, we have to set 270 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:15,760 Speaker 1: our programming and code and mindset the night before, I 271 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:20,480 Speaker 1: am waking up energized, rejuvenated, and ready for the day. 272 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:26,720 Speaker 1: I am waking up with health, vitality, and energy. Right 273 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:30,640 Speaker 1: Having that as your repetitive affirmation before you go to 274 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:34,360 Speaker 1: bed gives you a chance again to subconsciously program your 275 00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:39,640 Speaker 1: mind to make that its code. So I highly recommend 276 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:42,840 Speaker 1: a powerful morning and evening routine that is away from 277 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:47,480 Speaker 1: the area that's challenging you. And you may require thirty 278 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:50,320 Speaker 1: minutes of time before bed and thirty minutes of time 279 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:53,040 Speaker 1: in the morning, or fifteen minutes before bed is enough. 280 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,000 Speaker 1: Even five minutes, actually, you know what, I'm going to 281 00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:57,760 Speaker 1: make it five five minutes before bed and five minutes 282 00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:01,160 Speaker 1: when you wake up to just journal all your anxieties 283 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:04,440 Speaker 1: and all your thoughts to really get them off your mind, 284 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:06,639 Speaker 1: to really get them out of your mind and onto 285 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:10,280 Speaker 1: the page. I think often we try and fix things 286 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:13,720 Speaker 1: and solve things in our mind. And what's really interesting 287 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,520 Speaker 1: about that is how many times have you had a 288 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:20,960 Speaker 1: really amazing reflection or a really amazing realization and you 289 00:17:21,119 --> 00:17:24,280 Speaker 1: don't even remember it a week later. I've had this 290 00:17:24,359 --> 00:17:28,520 Speaker 1: happen so many times. If I don't note down amazing 291 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:32,679 Speaker 1: ideas insights, thoughts, they disappear and we think, oh, I 292 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:36,399 Speaker 1: have this idea, now I'll always understand this. The truth 293 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:40,760 Speaker 1: is it doesn't work like that. So five minutes before, 294 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,600 Speaker 1: about five minutes when you wake up, just to journal 295 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,600 Speaker 1: all of that anxiety, to put it out onto the page, 296 00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:50,880 Speaker 1: to actually feel that release. I think we often feel 297 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:52,960 Speaker 1: it's a weakness to have a release. We think I've 298 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,560 Speaker 1: just got to solve it in my head. I've just 299 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,160 Speaker 1: got to deal with all of it. I've just got 300 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:59,159 Speaker 1: to tolerate all of it. And the truth is you 301 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:02,080 Speaker 1: can try that, but it can feel like you start 302 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:05,520 Speaker 1: to carry a real weight. And I feel that for 303 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:09,080 Speaker 1: a lot of people we're just carrying a heavy heavy 304 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:13,040 Speaker 1: weight because we keep adding to it. Right, it's not 305 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:17,639 Speaker 1: that it disappears if we don't release it consciously. It 306 00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:22,760 Speaker 1: subconsciously continues to build and build and build to when 307 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:26,200 Speaker 1: we have a really tough moment where we do want 308 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:28,560 Speaker 1: to release it, and maybe it comes out at a person, 309 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:31,840 Speaker 1: we laugh, maybe we take it out on someone at work, 310 00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:34,439 Speaker 1: maybe we take it out on a friend. Right, it 311 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,440 Speaker 1: does come out, It always comes out, but it may 312 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:40,720 Speaker 1: not come out in a healthy way. I think it's 313 00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:44,440 Speaker 1: really important to recognize that when we have things going on, 314 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:48,119 Speaker 1: it's okay to stay busy. I think sometimes being busy 315 00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:52,439 Speaker 1: gets a hard time, and I understand rightfully so. But 316 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,879 Speaker 1: when you've got something on your mind and it's bringing 317 00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:58,880 Speaker 1: you down, sometimes staying busy, staying active is really healthy 318 00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:02,480 Speaker 1: because it allows us to process it in different ways. 319 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,800 Speaker 1: I find that when I have a busy day, when 320 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:07,399 Speaker 1: I have a busy schedule, when I'm moving around, it 321 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:11,439 Speaker 1: allows me to make sure that I deal with what 322 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:14,159 Speaker 1: I'm struggling with at the right time, but then not 323 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:17,600 Speaker 1: let it bleed into the entire day. And that's what 324 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:19,560 Speaker 1: I mean by keeping busy when as in keeping busy, 325 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:23,000 Speaker 1: I'm not saying ignore the issue. If we ignore the issue, 326 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:26,439 Speaker 1: it will just grow. If we ignore the issue, it 327 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:29,280 Speaker 1: will actually get stronger and bigger and come back harder. 328 00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:34,600 Speaker 1: It's so important that we stay busy by creating times 329 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,879 Speaker 1: of the day where we do focused on this. I 330 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:41,480 Speaker 1: think working out is similar being physically active. When you 331 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:44,399 Speaker 1: have something on your mind again, it allows you to 332 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:48,760 Speaker 1: release it, release that energy in a different way. Now, 333 00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,720 Speaker 1: a lot of people say something, especially in spiritual circles, 334 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,399 Speaker 1: this idea of we just have to tolerate it. We 335 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:58,240 Speaker 1: just have to accept it. And while there is truth 336 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:04,200 Speaker 1: in that, there's a beautiful statement by an amazing part 337 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:07,800 Speaker 1: of divinity called Chaitanya who says that we should be 338 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:11,000 Speaker 1: as tolerant as a tree. Now, what I love about 339 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:14,359 Speaker 1: this statement is that a tree is extremely tolerant. It 340 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:18,000 Speaker 1: deals with all the seasons. It deals with the cold, 341 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:20,399 Speaker 1: it deals with the heat, and all the time it 342 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:24,119 Speaker 1: provides shade to others, It provides fruit to others. It 343 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,680 Speaker 1: tolerates that the soil around it may not be great, 344 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,040 Speaker 1: so the roots grow in a particular way to get 345 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:32,159 Speaker 1: its nutrients. We have to be as tolerant as a tree. 346 00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:35,720 Speaker 1: But the thing is a tree can't move. So if 347 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:38,920 Speaker 1: a tree could move, it probably would. And so if 348 00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:41,600 Speaker 1: you can move, if you can change, if you can shift. 349 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:45,080 Speaker 1: We shouldn't just tolerate and accept. We should learn to 350 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:49,000 Speaker 1: tolerate and accept the things we can't change, but the 351 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:53,200 Speaker 1: things we can change, we should change. If you're dealing 352 00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:57,160 Speaker 1: with an issue, it's so important to leave no stone 353 00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:01,359 Speaker 1: unturned in solving the problem. Often what we do is 354 00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:05,680 Speaker 1: we go into acceptance before action, But it's the other 355 00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:10,400 Speaker 1: way around. If you've taken every action you possibly can. 356 00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:14,240 Speaker 1: If you've taken every action within your control, if you've 357 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:17,840 Speaker 1: taken every action that will help you get out of 358 00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:22,120 Speaker 1: the situation you're in, and then it doesn't shift, then 359 00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:25,720 Speaker 1: we can practice acceptance and tolerance. But if you haven't 360 00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:31,520 Speaker 1: tried everything, if you haven't pushed and questioned and been curious. Right. 361 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:34,480 Speaker 1: I often find this when I'm struggling with my health. 362 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:35,960 Speaker 1: It's so easy for me to say, you know what, 363 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,520 Speaker 1: that's it, can't do anything else. And I've realized there's 364 00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:41,960 Speaker 1: another modality I haven't learned about. There's another guide, there's 365 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:45,800 Speaker 1: another teacher, there's another doctor, there's another healing process that 366 00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:50,800 Speaker 1: I haven't opened my mind to. Please, please, please realize this. 367 00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:54,520 Speaker 1: Whatever you're dealing with, first, deal with it with action. 368 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:58,439 Speaker 1: Before we get into this pseudo spiritual place of I 369 00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:03,080 Speaker 1: accept it and surrendering, we have to take action right. 370 00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:07,000 Speaker 1: The old statement of the universe helps those who help themselves. 371 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:11,360 Speaker 1: We have to start with helping ourselves before we expect 372 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:16,439 Speaker 1: help from anything else. Start there. I really hope that 373 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:22,280 Speaker 1: this episode gives you a sense of courage. I hope 374 00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:24,840 Speaker 1: that it gives you a sense of comfort, and I 375 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:26,920 Speaker 1: hope that it gives you a sense of some really 376 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:30,280 Speaker 1: practical tips and insights to solve this challenge for you. 377 00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:34,640 Speaker 1: I'm rooting for you. I'm always in your corner. Thank 378 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,760 Speaker 1: you for listening. If you love this episode, you will 379 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:41,159 Speaker 1: also love my interview with Charles Douhig on how to 380 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:45,480 Speaker 1: hack your brain, change any habit effortlessly, and the secret 381 00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:48,800 Speaker 1: to making better decisions. Look, am I hesitating on this 382 00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:51,560 Speaker 1: because I'm scared of making the choice because I'm scared 383 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:53,520 Speaker 1: of doing the work, Or am I sitting with this 384 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:58,000 Speaker 1: because it just doesn't feel right yet. There's a lot 385 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:01,480 Speaker 1: of talk about mindfulness these days, which is fantastic. I mean, 386 00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:03,720 Speaker 1: we all want to be more present and self aware, 387 00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:07,919 Speaker 1: more patient, less judgmental. We discuss all these themes on 388 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:11,159 Speaker 1: the podcast, but it's hard to actually be mindful in 389 00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:14,040 Speaker 1: your day to day life. That's where Calm comes in. 390 00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:16,680 Speaker 1: I've been working with Calm for a few years now 391 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:19,840 Speaker 1: with the goal of making mindfulness fun and easy. Calm 392 00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:23,000 Speaker 1: has all sorts of content to help you build positive habits, 393 00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:27,320 Speaker 1: shift yourself talk, reframe your negative thoughts, and generally feel 394 00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:30,640 Speaker 1: better in your daily life. So many incredible options from 395 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:34,240 Speaker 1: the most knowledgeable experts in the world, along with renowned 396 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:37,639 Speaker 1: meditation teachers. You can also check out my seven minute 397 00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:40,800 Speaker 1: daily series to help you live more mindfully each and 398 00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:44,080 Speaker 1: every day. Right now, listeners of On Purpose get forty 399 00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:47,720 Speaker 1: percent off a subscription to Calmpremium at calm dot com. 400 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:52,879 Speaker 1: Forward slash j that's calm dot com. Forward slash jay 401 00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:57,360 Speaker 1: for forty percent off. Calm your Mind, Change your Life.