WEBVTT - The Happier We'll Be 0:00:01.160 --> 0:00:06.720 My goodness, is that sunny? Sunny? Thank you for the 0:00:06.800 --> 0:00:13.680 wonder in your face. During one of our interviews, I 0:00:13.800 --> 0:00:18.520 surprised Raffie with a special guest. Oh ma, look this 0:00:18.680 --> 0:00:24.320 is Sunny. Hi, Hi is sunny. And who else? My 0:00:24.360 --> 0:00:27.360 wife val joined too. It's so wonderful to meet you. 0:00:29.200 --> 0:00:32.960 Pleasure her entire life. She's been listening to you, Raffie. 0:00:37.080 --> 0:00:40.280 At this moment. Through the screen, I see a version 0:00:40.320 --> 0:00:43.000 of Raffie that I haven't really seen up close before. 0:00:43.479 --> 0:00:46.279 I wish I could hold her. Oh, that would be 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:49.600 the best to lovely. Look at Look at how alert 0:00:49.720 --> 0:00:55.480 and awake she is. Wow. He transforms into Raffie the 0:00:55.560 --> 0:01:00.520 children's entertainer, and he pulls out all the stops. Thanks 0:01:00.600 --> 0:01:07.399 so Lord, thanks for their sun in the sky. He sings, 0:01:07.440 --> 0:01:10.000 he talks in silly voices, he barks like a dog. 0:01:11.959 --> 0:01:15.880 He's in his element, and I can't help but think 0:01:15.920 --> 0:01:21.680 about how he never had kids of his own. It's 0:01:21.800 --> 0:01:27.560 everyone's personal choice, really, you know. In my case, my 0:01:27.680 --> 0:01:33.400 albums felt like my kids. The amount of labor or 0:01:33.480 --> 0:01:38.160 the effort, you know, taking care of them as they 0:01:38.840 --> 0:01:43.120 as they came into the world. Even though Rappie didn't 0:01:43.200 --> 0:01:46.840 raise his own kids in a way he raised us. 0:01:47.720 --> 0:01:51.240 So many people associate him with their favorite childhood memories. 0:01:52.200 --> 0:01:55.800 But is that enough? You know, are you only just 0:01:55.840 --> 0:01:58.760 going to remember me for my six little ducks and 0:01:59.280 --> 0:02:03.040 apples and bananas and baby bug? Or are you going 0:02:03.080 --> 0:02:06.120 to look at the rest of my life as well? 0:02:06.160 --> 0:02:08.120 Are you going to look at my second career, my 0:02:08.200 --> 0:02:13.040 child honoring work. What about my thirty years as a 0:02:13.080 --> 0:02:17.760 climate activist? Will you take a look at where all 0:02:17.800 --> 0:02:22.800 this music and you know, advocacy, activism was coming from. 0:02:22.800 --> 0:02:25.080 What what was it about? Will you see the coherence 0:02:25.160 --> 0:02:33.679 in it? The Earth and Child link. I'm Chris Garcia 0:02:33.880 --> 0:02:37.000 and this is Finding Raffie, a ten part series from 0:02:37.000 --> 0:02:40.280 My Heart Radio and Fatherly in partnership with Rococo Punch 0:02:41.040 --> 0:02:46.120 about the life, philosophy, and the work of Raffie, the 0:02:46.160 --> 0:02:52.360 man behind the music. For the last two years, Raffie, 0:02:52.480 --> 0:02:55.760 who's seventy three, has been writing out the pandemic at 0:02:55.800 --> 0:02:58.440 home on a small island off the coast of Vancouver 0:02:58.680 --> 0:03:03.639 with his dog Luna. No concerts, not much socializing. If 0:03:03.639 --> 0:03:07.040 you're looking for Raffie, your best bet is Twitter. He's 0:03:07.080 --> 0:03:11.280 super active there promoting his organization, the Raffie Foundation for 0:03:11.400 --> 0:03:14.800 child honoring and expressing his thoughts on all sorts of things, 0:03:15.120 --> 0:03:19.840 climate change, vaccines, fascism, and the war on Ukraine. In 0:03:19.880 --> 0:03:23.200 a recent tweet, he called the war genocidal and referred 0:03:23.200 --> 0:03:27.000 to Vladimir Putin's actions as one man's evil epic harm 0:03:27.200 --> 0:03:31.280 in Russia and beyond. But he also life tweets ice 0:03:31.320 --> 0:03:34.920 hockey games and shares pictures of the sunrise. And he's 0:03:34.920 --> 0:03:39.760 still making music, still writing songs with a message. Don't 0:03:39.920 --> 0:03:46.640 people marching striking for climate black lives matter? Of course 0:03:46.840 --> 0:03:52.760 they matter. Lack loves matter to me in this time 0:03:52.920 --> 0:04:01.440 of turning, this time of yearning feel the way of democracy. 0:04:02.200 --> 0:04:04.880 For someone who has spent a lifetime connecting with people, 0:04:05.360 --> 0:04:09.280 I imagine the isolation has been especially hard and it's 0:04:09.320 --> 0:04:12.560 given him ample time to think, especially about how he 0:04:12.600 --> 0:04:16.600 wants to be remembered. Here's my producer Andrea, asking him 0:04:16.640 --> 0:04:24.039 about that. What do you hope your legacy is. I've 0:04:24.040 --> 0:04:27.440 been toying with the idea of asking my fans how 0:04:27.480 --> 0:04:32.080 they would celebrate my passing. It's not a question that 0:04:32.240 --> 0:04:41.120 one would lightly put to one's fans. If one day 0:04:41.160 --> 0:04:45.160 you hear on the news celebrated children's entertainer Raphie has 0:04:45.200 --> 0:04:48.480 passed away at the age of blah blah blah from 0:04:48.560 --> 0:04:53.040 whatever melody was right. I imagine there would be a 0:04:53.080 --> 0:04:55.800 couple of days of outpourings of love from fans, you 0:04:55.839 --> 0:04:58.560 know how it is that you hear in media and 0:04:58.600 --> 0:05:01.159 so on, and then life goes on as it should. 0:05:01.400 --> 0:05:05.640 It's just the way things are right. And what I've 0:05:05.640 --> 0:05:08.640 been wondering is, and I hope that you can sense 0:05:08.720 --> 0:05:14.440 this isn't my ego speaking. What I'm wondering is if 0:05:15.240 --> 0:05:19.440 tens of millions of people have my music living in 0:05:19.480 --> 0:05:23.320 their hearts and minds in a profound way. You know, 0:05:23.360 --> 0:05:26.360 those people who say that my music was the soundtrack 0:05:26.400 --> 0:05:30.880 of their childhood, and that they're younger hearing it still 0:05:30.960 --> 0:05:35.360 every day from a very young age in their formative years. 0:05:35.400 --> 0:05:39.719 So my question is, might there be a way of 0:05:39.760 --> 0:05:45.120 a It's an emotional question. Might there be a way 0:05:45.120 --> 0:05:52.279 of guiding or or a way of conspiring together how 0:05:52.440 --> 0:05:56.000 my passing might be held in the hearts of minds 0:05:56.000 --> 0:06:00.599 of people so as to move them to make the 0:06:00.720 --> 0:06:07.800 bold choices towards planetary survival in the climate emergency age, 0:06:08.320 --> 0:06:13.760 towards sustainability and restoration of ecosystems and the ecosystems on 0:06:13.800 --> 0:06:17.840 which our lives depend on this beleaguered planet. Is there 0:06:17.880 --> 0:06:20.920 a way that my passing conserve a greater purpose than 0:06:21.040 --> 0:06:24.719 just saying some nice things to me, you know, uh 0:06:25.360 --> 0:06:27.920 in public for a couple of days. That's kind of 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:46.280 what I'm asking. Of course, I can't answer Raphael's question. 0:06:46.839 --> 0:06:50.320 I want to, but I can't. And what strikes me 0:06:50.400 --> 0:06:53.760 the most when hearing him contemplate his legacy, is that 0:06:53.839 --> 0:06:56.279 this is a man looking back on a life, a 0:06:56.480 --> 0:07:00.840 full life, a meaningful life, and he's will never stopped 0:07:00.839 --> 0:07:10.720 wondering can I do more? It was almost fifty years 0:07:10.720 --> 0:07:14.520 ago when Ralphie started making music for kids, and since then, 0:07:14.880 --> 0:07:17.800 generations of his fans have passed his music down to 0:07:17.880 --> 0:07:22.600 their children. Ralphie calls them Beluga grads, kind of like 0:07:22.680 --> 0:07:26.200 Jimmy Buffett and his parrot heads. I came across a 0:07:26.280 --> 0:07:31.440 variety of them, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, poet Leopoldine, core 0:07:31.960 --> 0:07:36.880 filmmaker Sean k rob and Chris Hayes of MSNBC. There's 0:07:36.880 --> 0:07:41.240 a specific genius required in adults who make stuff the 0:07:41.320 --> 0:07:45.960 kids love, and he has it clearly you get older 0:07:45.960 --> 0:07:47.560 and then you have your own kids, and lo and 0:07:47.680 --> 0:07:51.960 behold you find that Baby Beluga is still absolutely slaps 0:07:52.120 --> 0:07:55.360 as the kids say, I could be like unconscious and 0:07:55.440 --> 0:07:59.040 be reciting, you know, Baby Beluga. Mina Harris is a 0:07:59.080 --> 0:08:03.640 Beluga grad to. She's a lawyer, activists, children's book author, 0:08:03.760 --> 0:08:07.559 and founder of the fashion and entertainment company Phenomenal. Shake 0:08:07.640 --> 0:08:11.360 my silly is out, apples and bananas will be all 0:08:11.440 --> 0:08:14.480 be woo um down by the bay. Oh my god, 0:08:14.520 --> 0:08:17.280 we're seeing that in our house so much. And I 0:08:17.320 --> 0:08:20.400 think Raphy's adult fans, those who are sharing his music 0:08:20.440 --> 0:08:23.080 with their own children, like Chris and Mina, they have 0:08:23.200 --> 0:08:27.680 something in common similar parenting values. It's really about, you know, 0:08:27.960 --> 0:08:32.600 respecting children right, respecting their big ideas, their their feelings, 0:08:32.720 --> 0:08:38.120 and really understanding and appreciating that they're quite capable and insightful. 0:08:38.440 --> 0:08:41.680 Talk about your feelings, talk about when you're sad, don't 0:08:41.760 --> 0:08:46.680 bottle things up inside, listen, be kind, reach out to people, 0:08:47.280 --> 0:08:52.520 enjoy word play and funny jokes and rhymes, and be 0:08:52.640 --> 0:08:55.640 curious about the world. And all those values are like 0:08:56.040 --> 0:09:03.599 to me really enduring the way I was raised and 0:09:03.840 --> 0:09:06.120 the way that we're definitely you know, trying to raise 0:09:06.120 --> 0:09:09.120 our own kids. Is that you know, you don't baby them, right, 0:09:09.320 --> 0:09:13.000 We don't sugarcoat things. We never had a kiddie table 0:09:13.320 --> 0:09:15.319 in my house, right, Like you sat at the dinner 0:09:15.360 --> 0:09:19.040 table and you were expected to, you know, yes, listen 0:09:19.080 --> 0:09:21.400 and learn, and if you had a contribution to make, 0:09:21.440 --> 0:09:22.920 to do that and you know, to have a well 0:09:22.960 --> 0:09:25.560 supported argument and to you know, be ready to have 0:09:25.800 --> 0:09:31.520 a conversation engaging you know, kids in that right and 0:09:31.559 --> 0:09:34.880 not assuming that you know, they can't understand or they 0:09:34.920 --> 0:09:37.720 can't make some sort of contribution. You know. I think 0:09:38.320 --> 0:09:41.480 his contribution as well is really about, you know, helping 0:09:41.559 --> 0:09:47.000 kids to sort of process and embrace this complicated world, 0:09:47.160 --> 0:10:20.440 but doing so with joy and and positivity. Yeah, you know, 0:10:20.480 --> 0:10:24.079 I've always loved Raffe's music growing up. Loved his albums, 0:10:24.440 --> 0:10:27.240 all of his songs, but Baby Blugo was extra special. 0:10:27.360 --> 0:10:31.240 I loved that song. Lindsay Monroe isn't just a Raffe fan. 0:10:31.600 --> 0:10:37.320 She's also a children's musician. I am kind. I'll be 0:10:37.440 --> 0:10:41.560 your friend, will you be mine? I can share a smile. 0:10:41.960 --> 0:10:47.880 I am kind. When they first met, Rafi encouraged Lindsay 0:10:48.000 --> 0:10:50.880 to write a song for kids like her children, Jack, 0:10:51.040 --> 0:10:54.600 Emma and mem who all have autism. So I went 0:10:54.679 --> 0:10:57.280 home and I wrote I Am Kind, which is the 0:10:57.360 --> 0:11:01.800 title song to my first album. I was so nervous 0:11:01.840 --> 0:11:03.640 to share it with him. I thought, Oh, my goodness, 0:11:03.679 --> 0:11:05.120 I don't know if this is any good. You know, 0:11:05.160 --> 0:11:08.240 he's such a children's music icon. But I sent him 0:11:08.280 --> 0:11:11.640 the song and he loved it, and from there he 0:11:11.800 --> 0:11:16.959 just encouraged me to keep writing. I Am Brave, I 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:21.840 do it feel afraid I can do the hard things. 0:11:24.600 --> 0:11:28.000 After Rapie heard the song, he signed Lindsay to Troubadour. 0:11:28.640 --> 0:11:32.160 She's the only other artist on his label. I think 0:11:32.280 --> 0:11:35.679 that while I do right with narrow diverse kids and 0:11:35.760 --> 0:11:39.200 families in mind, I really do right for all children. 0:11:39.760 --> 0:11:43.000 I try to have a message, like a social story 0:11:43.120 --> 0:11:46.760 in my songs. Uh For example, on my newest album, 0:11:46.800 --> 0:11:49.760 I have a song called flexible and easy Going. And 0:11:49.800 --> 0:11:53.840 while you know my neurodiverse family certainly needs that reminder 0:11:53.920 --> 0:11:58.199 to always be flexible in all situations and easy going, 0:11:58.440 --> 0:12:01.920 I think that all children really could benefit from that reminder. 0:12:01.960 --> 0:12:04.800 So my music is for everyone. Although I write with 0:12:04.960 --> 0:12:10.760 autistic children in mind, I feel myself getting upset, and 0:12:10.960 --> 0:12:16.800 I remember not to fret. Those things can change without 0:12:16.920 --> 0:12:26.480 me knowing. But I could be flexible in need see going, Yeah, 0:12:26.920 --> 0:12:34.040 I can be flexible in need. Ze Going. Music really 0:12:34.080 --> 0:12:37.080 activates like both the left and right atmospheres of your brain, 0:12:37.160 --> 0:12:40.720 and it's it's a good way to help really remember 0:12:41.000 --> 0:12:45.080 a lesson and really um internalize it. So I think 0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:48.400 that in singing about these things, the melody sticks in 0:12:48.440 --> 0:12:51.319 your head and you sing it to yourself throughout the day, 0:12:51.320 --> 0:12:54.640 and it's a great way to remember the message that 0:12:54.760 --> 0:12:59.800 the song is carrying. Yeah, I could be flexible in need. 0:13:06.280 --> 0:13:09.840 Lindsay is clearly an extension of Raffi's musical tradition, and 0:13:09.920 --> 0:13:13.439 by signing her to Troubadour, producing her albums and collaborating 0:13:13.440 --> 0:13:15.880 with her, it feels like Raffie is giving her his 0:13:15.960 --> 0:13:19.240 seal of approval that Lindsay and other artists like her 0:13:19.520 --> 0:13:22.280 are what Raffi wants the future of children's music to be. 0:13:23.240 --> 0:13:25.800 But Raffie and lindsay style of music isn't at the 0:13:25.800 --> 0:13:29.480 forefront of the genre anymore. Children's music has blown up 0:13:29.559 --> 0:13:32.200 since Raffie came into the picture in the seventies, and 0:13:32.200 --> 0:13:36.320 that singer songwriter vibe is up against the massive Disney machine, 0:13:36.679 --> 0:13:39.880 huge hit makers like Pink Fong, Congratulations You Know Have 0:13:40.000 --> 0:13:42.600 Baby Sharks Stuck in Your Head, and the behea myth 0:13:42.679 --> 0:13:47.319 known as Coco Melon, among so many others. Rafie continues 0:13:47.360 --> 0:13:50.079 to push for a more child centric and non commercial 0:13:50.120 --> 0:13:53.880 path in children's entertainment, and Lindsay is the perfect person 0:13:54.000 --> 0:13:58.520 to follow in Raphy's footsteps. But she just has her 0:13:58.520 --> 0:14:03.720 own natural songwriting style which I love and love to support. 0:14:05.000 --> 0:14:08.520 I think she has an important voice and the niche 0:14:08.559 --> 0:14:12.960 of kindness and caring that now hopefully we can spread 0:14:13.000 --> 0:14:16.239 through this music, because we sure needed in our society. 0:14:17.280 --> 0:14:20.200 Talking with his fans, learning about what they've gone on 0:14:20.280 --> 0:14:23.440 to do, who they've gone on to be. I can 0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:27.440 see Raffie's legacy in action. It may not lead to 0:14:27.480 --> 0:14:30.600 the elimination of fossil fuels or a world without conflict, 0:14:31.040 --> 0:14:34.120 but his life's work is evident in the day to day, 0:14:34.160 --> 0:14:38.840 around the kitchen table, at singalongs and at bedtime. It's 0:14:38.840 --> 0:14:41.360 a good start when your goal is to heal the world. 0:14:42.800 --> 0:14:45.640 Since last June, Raffie and I have been getting to 0:14:45.680 --> 0:14:49.360 know each other. I read his autobiography I've listened to 0:14:49.400 --> 0:14:52.960 his music and watched his specials, and of course we've 0:14:52.960 --> 0:14:57.400 had several video interviews where we've dug really deep. I 0:14:57.440 --> 0:14:59.200 don't know if you know this about me, but one 0:14:59.280 --> 0:15:01.720 of the things I'm known for, other than talking about 0:15:01.760 --> 0:15:07.080 my Cuban American heritage and about growing up between two cultures, 0:15:07.880 --> 0:15:13.440 is that I performed as my father was dying and 0:15:13.800 --> 0:15:18.880 um my father had Alzheimer's for about ten years, and 0:15:18.880 --> 0:15:25.000 and it was it was devastating. I performed hours after 0:15:25.080 --> 0:15:27.000 I found out that my dad only had a couple 0:15:27.000 --> 0:15:30.080 of days left to live. And as an artist and 0:15:30.160 --> 0:15:33.320 creative person and a person who wears my heart on 0:15:33.400 --> 0:15:35.440 my sleeve, I had to go out and I had 0:15:35.480 --> 0:15:38.000 to perform. So when I was reading your book and 0:15:38.000 --> 0:15:41.480 I found out that you were you were touring, when 0:15:41.480 --> 0:15:44.760 you learned that your parents were seriously ill, like, what 0:15:44.880 --> 0:15:49.520 was what was that like for you? Well, I, you know, 0:15:49.680 --> 0:15:53.600 lived on the West Coast. They were in Toronto, and 0:15:53.640 --> 0:15:59.240 I had concerts to do. I took my responsibility to 0:15:59.320 --> 0:16:03.200 my fans, of course, seriously, and I tried to do 0:16:03.280 --> 0:16:08.360 whatever I could while balancing flying to Toronto whenever possible 0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:11.440 to look in on both my father and my mother 0:16:13.040 --> 0:16:15.400 in their final weeks. I couldn't know that it was 0:16:15.440 --> 0:16:18.040 their final weeks, but I you know, I knew I 0:16:18.040 --> 0:16:20.080 had to see them as often as I could, so 0:16:20.640 --> 0:16:28.200 I really took the time to do that. Ralphie opens 0:16:28.200 --> 0:16:32.360 his autobiography with the death of his parents. He writes 0:16:32.400 --> 0:16:38.600 about his mother, Lucy's diagnosis inoperable abdominal cancer. In their 0:16:38.640 --> 0:16:43.600 final days, Lucy and Ralphie's father Ardo, we're both hospitalized. 0:16:44.760 --> 0:16:47.840 Ralphie visited them frequently, but he didn't make it home 0:16:47.840 --> 0:16:53.840 in time to say a final goodbye. Lucy and Artokavukian 0:16:54.320 --> 0:17:00.320 died on Thursday October, within twelve hours of each other. 0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:13.760 What did you learn about yourself after your parents died? 0:17:15.280 --> 0:17:18.679 It's too broad a question. I'm sorry, You're right, it 0:17:18.760 --> 0:17:21.760 is very it's too broad of a question. There's so 0:17:21.880 --> 0:17:26.479 much to unpack an event like that. Well, what aspect 0:17:26.520 --> 0:17:28.080 of it? Am I going to speak to it? In 0:17:28.119 --> 0:17:30.960 this moment? Like, I mean, sure I remember a lot, 0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:35.919 but like, what would you have me say? Your father 0:17:36.040 --> 0:17:40.640 passes and you're you're suddenly a changed human being? Both 0:17:40.720 --> 0:17:42.800 my parents passed on the same day. That was the 0:17:44.280 --> 0:17:50.040 That's what the stunning event was was that I was 0:17:50.119 --> 0:17:54.560 suddenly without either parents, and that's there's no preparation for that. 0:17:54.720 --> 0:18:09.560 So I did my best. I started writing my autobiography, 0:18:09.600 --> 0:18:11.359 is what I did. I felt it was the end 0:18:11.400 --> 0:18:19.440 of an era. Well, you you dedicated your autobiography to them, 0:18:19.520 --> 0:18:23.200 of course, and you spent a lot of your life 0:18:23.200 --> 0:18:27.720 trying to understand your childhood and your relationship with them. 0:18:27.840 --> 0:18:32.399 Did you feel closer to an understanding after they passed? 0:18:32.400 --> 0:18:35.320 After you were in the Your understanding of my understanding 0:18:35.359 --> 0:18:38.359 of both my parents and my life with them, you know, 0:18:39.400 --> 0:18:42.080 was something that grew and evolved over the decades, and 0:18:42.160 --> 0:18:46.480 after they passed, that process kept on happening. Of course. 0:18:47.320 --> 0:18:54.919 You know, I understood better perhaps why they tried so 0:18:54.960 --> 0:18:58.240 hard to keep the Armenian heritage alive in my life, 0:18:58.240 --> 0:19:02.840 you know. But it principally I was filled with the 0:19:02.920 --> 0:19:06.639 longing that came out of the love I had for 0:19:06.680 --> 0:19:08.359 them and the love that they had for me. I 0:19:08.880 --> 0:19:16.160 was clearly missing them terribly, and it's unlike any other 0:19:16.200 --> 0:19:21.600 experience in life to lose one's parents, and I am. 0:19:21.680 --> 0:19:24.800 I was glad to have an autobiography to write. Actually, 0:19:25.000 --> 0:19:27.600 now that I think of it, that was a wonderful 0:19:27.720 --> 0:19:35.520 way of remembering them, remembering their stories. I wanted to 0:19:35.560 --> 0:19:39.520 pay respect to their life experience even as I wrote 0:19:39.520 --> 0:19:43.800 about mine, because their life experience was formative for me, 0:19:44.920 --> 0:19:47.639 not only as a young child, but in my adolescence 0:19:48.200 --> 0:19:52.080 and adulthood. So hopefully I did some of that justice. 0:19:52.520 --> 0:19:57.200 In the book, you write about reconnecting with your Armenian 0:19:57.280 --> 0:20:03.040 heritage and finding a box full of artwork and textbooks 0:20:04.040 --> 0:20:06.439 after your parents died. What can you tell me what 0:20:06.480 --> 0:20:10.840 you found and what that was like. There were books 0:20:10.840 --> 0:20:17.000 of Armenian paintings, master painters that and a little note 0:20:17.040 --> 0:20:21.840 from my mother saying too, Raffie from from Lucy with love, 0:20:22.040 --> 0:20:26.600 and so, you know, very touching and it was very moving. 0:20:26.960 --> 0:20:32.480 These were the gifts you know that I inherited, souvenirs 0:20:32.560 --> 0:20:37.320 from my parents life are cherished part of my memories 0:20:37.359 --> 0:20:41.800 and they they are in my home now and they 0:20:42.400 --> 0:20:54.240 nourish me. What happens after our parents die is that 0:20:54.320 --> 0:20:59.360 we change our relationship with them, as we must, because 0:20:59.400 --> 0:21:02.400 that relations and ship now is in our minds and hearts. 0:21:03.240 --> 0:21:09.320 So we bring meaning to the past relationship with them 0:21:09.320 --> 0:21:14.679 by the new reflections and contemplations of what it felt 0:21:14.760 --> 0:21:18.760 like to be their offspring, and what we might have 0:21:18.800 --> 0:21:21.320 wanted in this way or that way that we didn't 0:21:21.520 --> 0:21:25.280 possibly get. We're making meaning of the past as we 0:21:25.520 --> 0:21:29.600 rolled it into the future of a relationship that exists 0:21:29.600 --> 0:21:32.639 in our memory of who these people were. It's a 0:21:32.720 --> 0:22:11.440 beautiful process if you think about it. Before my dad's death, 0:22:11.720 --> 0:22:14.840 the month of February was just a regular ass month. 0:22:19.040 --> 0:22:27.240 M Now it's biblical. My dad was born on February 0:22:27.280 --> 0:22:34.160 four and died on February seventy five years later. Then 0:22:34.280 --> 0:22:38.679 last year, the month became even more loaded because Sonny 0:22:38.760 --> 0:22:46.840 was born on February six. The lead up to her 0:22:46.840 --> 0:22:50.560 birth was already a roller coaster of emotions, and that day, 0:22:51.040 --> 0:22:55.800 February six, should have been the best day of my life, 0:22:57.600 --> 0:23:03.120 but it wasn't, because that was the day I almost 0:23:03.160 --> 0:23:12.159 lost my wife m After Sunny was born, Val and 0:23:12.200 --> 0:23:17.439 I were overjoyed, crying happy tears. But then Val started 0:23:17.480 --> 0:23:21.000 losing color and losing a lot of blood, and that 0:23:21.080 --> 0:23:26.280 beautiful moment turned terrifying. The staff at the birthing center 0:23:26.280 --> 0:23:28.920 had to call nine one one, and Val was rushed 0:23:28.960 --> 0:23:32.360 to the hospital. I wasn't sure if I would ever 0:23:32.359 --> 0:23:45.800 see her again, and I was left with our baby, 0:23:46.640 --> 0:23:49.520 a brand new little girl I didn't want to name, 0:23:50.040 --> 0:23:59.120 just in case I had to name her. Val At 0:23:59.160 --> 0:24:01.439 that moment, I remembered the story my aunt told me 0:24:01.480 --> 0:24:04.199 on a trip to Cuba. I told the story to 0:24:04.240 --> 0:24:09.920 my producer Andrea during the anniversary week last month. When 0:24:09.960 --> 0:24:12.240 I went to Cuba and talk to my aunt, my 0:24:12.359 --> 0:24:17.240 dad's sister. She told me that my dad was born 0:24:17.359 --> 0:24:21.840 feet first and almost killed his mom and because of that, 0:24:22.000 --> 0:24:25.720 his dad resented him the rest of his life. But 0:24:25.800 --> 0:24:30.199 my dad's dad was shitty to him because of the 0:24:30.240 --> 0:24:35.040 effect he had on his mom. And in that moment, 0:24:35.240 --> 0:24:38.840 knowing that that would be possible, I knew that I 0:24:38.880 --> 0:24:43.760 wouldn't do it to Sunny in case whatever happened. They 0:24:43.760 --> 0:24:47.280 don't really tell you how close death is to birth, 0:24:47.600 --> 0:24:52.800 but every time, it's like so precarious, you know. And 0:24:52.840 --> 0:24:55.800 it was the most frightening day of and the saddest day, 0:24:56.040 --> 0:24:59.399 Like I would say, it's I'd never known a deep 0:24:59.440 --> 0:25:04.960 sadness and feel like that since my dad. But none 0:25:05.000 --> 0:25:08.240 of that came in the way of how I was much. 0:25:08.280 --> 0:25:12.040 I was going to love this little girl, you know, 0:25:12.440 --> 0:25:16.240 because I know my dad had a shitties childhood and 0:25:16.280 --> 0:25:20.360 I never knew why, but the way my aunt explained it, 0:25:20.359 --> 0:25:22.919 it seemed like it was it stemmed from the first 0:25:22.960 --> 0:25:26.320 moment he walked into this earth and having a complicated 0:25:26.680 --> 0:25:30.720 birth with his mom, And I'm like, I don't care 0:25:31.000 --> 0:25:37.240 about that. I'm going to love her beyond this. It 0:25:37.240 --> 0:25:39.439 almost felt like I was gonna love her for my 0:25:39.520 --> 0:26:10.280 dad and of course for her everybody. Oh my god, no, Sunny. Yeah. 0:26:14.840 --> 0:26:20.600 This February we celebrated Sunny's first birthday. The year has 0:26:20.640 --> 0:26:24.439 been filled with sleepless nights and tremendous joys, and I 0:26:24.480 --> 0:26:27.440 got to see Sunny grow from the sweet, squishy, little 0:26:27.480 --> 0:26:31.480 baby blob to a kid who's got personality and sass 0:26:31.840 --> 0:26:52.200 and the best smile in the world. Yeah, aside from 0:26:52.200 --> 0:26:55.280 face masks and changing diapers, a few things in the 0:26:55.359 --> 0:26:58.040 last year have been a constant for me. But for 0:26:58.080 --> 0:27:02.120 the last nine months, I've all so had Raffi. It's 0:27:02.160 --> 0:27:05.000 been both beautiful and strange to know that there's a 0:27:05.040 --> 0:27:07.359 man in Western Canada that I could talk to you 0:27:07.400 --> 0:27:12.520 about music, childhood, parenting, and our pasts, a man beloved 0:27:12.520 --> 0:27:17.000 by generations of children, teachers, and parents. But I got 0:27:17.040 --> 0:27:20.159 to know, not just the musician or the entertainer. I 0:27:20.200 --> 0:27:23.720 got to know Rafi Cavukian, the man with a complex 0:27:23.800 --> 0:27:27.280 history and a wholehearted love for the world around him. 0:27:27.320 --> 0:27:30.040 It's a version of Raffie. He sometimes shares with the world, 0:27:30.600 --> 0:27:33.719 but that's often overshadowed by a song about a baby whale. 0:27:34.920 --> 0:27:38.000 When we were talking about legacy, I also asked him 0:27:38.040 --> 0:27:40.840 about how he wanted to be remembered as a person. 0:27:41.640 --> 0:27:46.240 Icon decide as Rafi Cavukian, the Egyptian born kid who 0:27:46.280 --> 0:27:48.480 made his first guitar out of a box and rubber 0:27:48.560 --> 0:27:51.679 bands and obsessed over his hair as a teenager, the 0:27:51.760 --> 0:27:56.600 son of Ardo and Lucy, brother to Ownig and Annie. Well, 0:27:56.720 --> 0:27:59.040 I want to be remembered as the playful person that 0:27:59.119 --> 0:28:05.800 I am, the lifelong learner, the curious child. I think 0:28:05.800 --> 0:28:10.280 a deeper question, which is whose am I? Whose child 0:28:10.359 --> 0:28:14.960 am I? Yes, I'm the biological child of two parents, 0:28:15.720 --> 0:28:21.159 but I'm also the child of life's longing for itself. 0:28:21.720 --> 0:28:24.320 As Kelly GiB Brown said in his book The Prophet 0:28:25.240 --> 0:28:28.320 Gibbron said, your children are not your own. They come 0:28:29.280 --> 0:28:33.439 through you, but they're not of you. I took that 0:28:33.520 --> 0:28:38.200 in and I asked the question then, of whom am I? 0:28:39.000 --> 0:28:43.080 And the answer isn't very difficult. Really, it leads you 0:28:43.160 --> 0:28:49.280 to the mystery of existence, of creation. I'm a child 0:28:50.120 --> 0:28:55.280 of the universe. I'm a child of creation. Oh okay, 0:28:56.360 --> 0:29:03.400 what a rich hairca really all right? How expensive? How 0:29:03.800 --> 0:29:07.840 how beautiful? And how connecting to all of life on 0:29:07.880 --> 0:29:15.719 this earth. You see, after nearly a year of reflection 0:29:15.960 --> 0:29:20.600 and introspection about Raffie and his work, this sentiment is 0:29:20.640 --> 0:29:23.120 what will stick with me the most from our time together. 0:29:24.360 --> 0:29:35.320 My child is not me. When Sunny came along, I 0:29:35.360 --> 0:29:37.440 could not wait to see what kind of person she'd 0:29:37.440 --> 0:29:40.880 grow into. Would she be left handed and silly like me, 0:29:41.400 --> 0:29:45.080 or really tall and love ranch dressing like Val. When 0:29:45.080 --> 0:29:47.680 she figured out how to unlock my phone, I thought, Wow, 0:29:47.720 --> 0:29:50.720 she's going to be a cyber security expert. And when 0:29:50.720 --> 0:29:52.680 I saw her in a swimming pool for the first time, 0:29:53.080 --> 0:29:57.000 I thought she was destined for the Summer Olympics. And yeah, 0:29:57.160 --> 0:30:04.760 there was fear there too. Would my trauma become her trauma? 0:30:06.640 --> 0:30:10.120 But what Rafie is saying is that Sonny is already 0:30:10.160 --> 0:30:13.920 a whole person. She'll find her own path in this world, 0:30:14.800 --> 0:30:18.400 and it will be her own. And if we discount 0:30:18.440 --> 0:30:21.880 our kids as half formed people, we miss including them 0:30:21.920 --> 0:30:25.320 where it matters the most. If we want to create 0:30:25.360 --> 0:30:29.040 a better, healthier world, we need to see our smallest, 0:30:29.160 --> 0:30:34.320 most vulnerable members of society as people. That's what respect is. 0:30:34.960 --> 0:30:39.120 It's not just manners or civility. It's acknowledgement of our 0:30:39.200 --> 0:30:41.920 true selves, of our needs and the needs of others 0:30:42.760 --> 0:30:47.000 and of each other. Can we live holistically and not 0:30:47.160 --> 0:30:51.880 in silos? Can we live in communion with each other 0:30:53.040 --> 0:30:59.080 and not in division? Can we seek connectedness as our 0:31:00.040 --> 0:31:05.760 lack of belonging to something greater than ourselves. Can we 0:31:05.840 --> 0:31:18.640 enjoy these riches? Is this not what we're here for? Alright? 0:31:18.680 --> 0:31:24.520 So any girl? Are you ready to do this? Okay, Well, 0:31:24.600 --> 0:31:31.240 here we go. The more we get together together together, 0:31:32.000 --> 0:31:36.720 The more we get together, the happy you will be. 0:31:36.720 --> 0:31:41.480 For your friends are my friends, and my friends are yours. 0:31:42.160 --> 0:31:50.280 The more we get together, the happier will be. Finding 0:31:50.360 --> 0:31:53.120 Raffie is a production of I Heart Radio and Fatherly 0:31:53.280 --> 0:31:57.160 in partnership with Rococo Punch. It's produced by Catherine Finalosa, 0:31:57.520 --> 0:32:01.200 Meredith Hannig, and James Trout. Production and assistance from Charlotte 0:32:01.200 --> 0:32:05.360 Livingston Alex french Is our story consultant. Our senior producer 0:32:05.480 --> 0:32:09.480 is Andrea Swahe Emily foremant As our editor. Fact checking 0:32:09.480 --> 0:32:13.560