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Speaker 1: Hey, Professional Home Girls. Before we begin this week's episode,

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Speaker 1: make sure to visit the website at www dot the

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Speaker 1: p h G podcast dot com. Alright, guys, let's begin

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Speaker 1: this week's episode later. Welcome, come, you are now listening

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Speaker 1: to m oh Hey, guys, welcome to this week's episode

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Speaker 1: of the PhD Podcast. It's your girl eban A and

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Speaker 1: I am super excited about this week's episode. Before we begin,

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Speaker 1: let's do a little housekeeping. Please make sure to follow

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Speaker 1: me on Instagram at the Professional Home Girl, at the

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Speaker 1: PhD Podcast, and last not least at eban a Beauty.

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Speaker 1: Please make sure to follow me on Twitter at the

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Speaker 1: pH G Underscore and last or not at least, please

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Speaker 1: make sure to visit the website www dot The PhD

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Speaker 1: podcast dot com. Now, please keep in mind that all

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Speaker 1: of my guests are anonymous. So let's begin this week's episode. So,

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Speaker 1: to my guests, how are you feeling? I'm feeling good.

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Speaker 1: I'm a little nervous, but I'm feeling good. Why are

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Speaker 1: you nervous? I don't know. I've never spoken on a

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Speaker 1: podcast before, so I feel like people and I know

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Speaker 1: it's anonymous. Why people about to hear me and my story?

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Speaker 1: People gonna say like no, So I posted her story

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Speaker 1: up on Instagram if you're following me at the Professional

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Speaker 1: home Girl, and the question was this week's guest her

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Speaker 1: and her boyfriend been together for three years and they

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Speaker 1: don't have sex. And when I tell you, everybody's asking

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Speaker 1: me all types of questions. So I'm super excited about

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Speaker 1: this episode because I think that people are gonna get

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Speaker 1: a little bit more than just the norm, like why

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Speaker 1: they not having sex? So before you get before you

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Speaker 1: got with your boyfriend, how was your dating life? Um,

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Speaker 1: my dating life was very different. I still had very

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Speaker 1: long lasting relationships, but I was active with them. So

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Speaker 1: I'm trying about active. You have to be cute. I've

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Speaker 1: had sex before, and like my previous boyfriend, I had

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Speaker 1: sex with him too, so it was a new thing

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Speaker 1: to get into this relationship and come to an agreement

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Speaker 1: where we're like, yeah, we're not gonna have sex, We're

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Speaker 1: gonna wait until marriage. So yeah, like my history beforehand,

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Speaker 1: like I've been active since I could say, like sixteen

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Speaker 1: years old. So so what was your relationship like with

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Speaker 1: your last boyfriend? With my last boyfriend, Um, I pretty

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Speaker 1: much had didn't have a lot of history with him

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Speaker 1: beforehand because we met at work and this is when

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Speaker 1: I had moved to California, so I was pretty much new.

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Speaker 1: So I ended up meeting and talking in for rely

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Speaker 1: like six months before we got together. And then we

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Speaker 1: had a long distance relationship because um, he lived in

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Speaker 1: SoCal and I lived in no He lived in No

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Speaker 1: count I lived in Sokal so far that's around like

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Speaker 1: an eight hour driven eight nine hour drive. So that

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Speaker 1: lasted for three years roughly a little under. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: we were active. Um, it was a little different because

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Speaker 1: I didn't have a relationship with God. Then the way

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Speaker 1: we came about this agreement now with my current boyfriend, Oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm jumping up, okay, okay, so because I know you're

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Speaker 1: not a virgin and he's not a virgin, because I

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Speaker 1: know a lot of people are asking where you to

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Speaker 1: both virgins? So who ideal was it? The first substaining

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Speaker 1: from having sex while in the relationship? It was his.

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Speaker 1: So how did you feel when he first said it? Honestly,

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Speaker 1: I felt like it was coming. Really yeah, I felt

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Speaker 1: like it was coming because I was getting into my

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Speaker 1: relationship with God at that time, and he already had

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Speaker 1: had a relationship with God for a very long time,

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Speaker 1: so I kind of already knew, like if anything is

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Speaker 1: going to happen between us or if we're going to

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Speaker 1: take this friendship to the next level, I know we're

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Speaker 1: going to be like abstinent until marriage. So um. And

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Speaker 1: then just like a back drop, I've known him for

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Speaker 1: like ten years and I known him since high school,

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Speaker 1: so like even going through high school, like knowing that

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Speaker 1: he's adventice and just kind of getting a little bit

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Speaker 1: of his ideals, like learning about him in high school,

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Speaker 1: I already knew, like if we're gonna pick this back

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Speaker 1: up after seven years of not really like talking to

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Speaker 1: each other and stuff like that, like really really close

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Speaker 1: back then, and I already knew like the way God

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Speaker 1: was moving in his life. I was like, do it

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Speaker 1: something how did the conversation go. Um, It pretty much

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Speaker 1: went like so he was like, UM, I just want

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Speaker 1: you to know, like, like he is very straightforward. That

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Speaker 1: is what I love about him, Like he was not

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Speaker 1: about to sit and waste my time. Like even though

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Speaker 1: we was attracted to each other, he was like, this

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Speaker 1: is pretty much what I am. This is what I'm

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Speaker 1: going for. I'm not going to be having sex until marriage. Um.

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Speaker 1: And if that's not something you wanted to do, I

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Speaker 1: understand and we can you know, just like part ways.

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Speaker 1: Because he was very blunt bodied. But I appreciate that

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Speaker 1: because I was gonna sit here and be like, oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: we're gonna like do YadA ya and then he's like no,

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Speaker 1: I was like, what are you wasting my time? So

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Speaker 1: um And even at that time too, it it felt

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Speaker 1: like exactly what I needed because I already I felt

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Speaker 1: like in my heart, I was like, I'm not going

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Speaker 1: to have sex with anybody else until marriage because at

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Speaker 1: that point, like all the crap that I went through

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Speaker 1: my relationship, you must have been wilding now girls welling

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Speaker 1: out like I was. I was trying to look for

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Speaker 1: myself and I was like young I was. I was

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Speaker 1: with that way from from like nineteen to twenty one two.

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Speaker 1: So that's really when you like breaking out of your

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Speaker 1: show and you're like who am I? So at that

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Speaker 1: time I was like really all over the place, and

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Speaker 1: with that boyfriend too, like boyfriend, yeah, my ex boyfriend,

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Speaker 1: Like we didn't have a lot in commons, So there

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Speaker 1: was just a lot in that relationship that was broken.

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Speaker 1: So it's like I felt like for me, I was

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Speaker 1: having sex with him to hold on to that relationship,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, maybe if we continue to have sex,

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Speaker 1: that it's going to make this relationship better, that we're

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Speaker 1: going to have a deeper connection ship and stuff like that.

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Speaker 1: And while it did create a soul tie with me

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Speaker 1: and him, it didn't fix anything in that relationship. So

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Speaker 1: coming out of that relationship and I'm like, all right,

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Speaker 1: let me start getting deeper in time my relationship with God,

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Speaker 1: I already had like an idea in my mind that

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Speaker 1: it's like I don't want to like I want to

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Speaker 1: wait this time and I want to see what is

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Speaker 1: that gonna do? Like is that going to change anything?

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Speaker 1: Like it's going to make things better? So at first

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Speaker 1: I was like m hmm, But then afterwards I was

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Speaker 1: like you know this. This is something that I think

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Speaker 1: God put in my life for this reason because he

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Speaker 1: already saw everything that was happening from when I first

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Speaker 1: lost my virginity up until so it's like it's like refreshing.

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Speaker 1: It was like so refreshing to hear that. I was like, oh, word,

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Speaker 1: Like you're waiting to great, we're on the same page. Well,

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Speaker 1: I know that religion plays a big part in your

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Speaker 1: in both of you all decision. But also he's a

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Speaker 1: past right or he's becoming a pastor. Yeah, so he

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Speaker 1: didn't go to school to become a pastor. Rather, he

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Speaker 1: studied a lot. My God really sat him down and

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Speaker 1: had him studying in his room for years. So um,

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Speaker 1: he likes to call himself an evangelist and a speaker,

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Speaker 1: but he doesn't like to call himself a pastor, but

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Speaker 1: other people calling pastor. And like you said, this is

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Speaker 1: your first time doing this within your relationship. So what

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Speaker 1: are the things you noticed that are like different sustaining

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Speaker 1: without sex? Because I know a lot of times people

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Speaker 1: feel like when you have sex that kind of like

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Speaker 1: clouds your judgment. You don't have a lot of clarity

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Speaker 1: or anything. So like, what have you noticed I've noticed

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Speaker 1: that I've been so much more clear with who I

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Speaker 1: am as a person and who I'm with, So like

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Speaker 1: I'm able to tell things about myself when I'm like

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Speaker 1: abstaining from sex, Like I'm able to see like su girl,

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Speaker 1: I don't know somebody in the comments, let me know,

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Speaker 1: um No. But like I really learned a lot about

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Speaker 1: myself as a woman, what I like and when I don't, like,

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Speaker 1: just apart from sex, and then learning more about my partner,

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Speaker 1: like I can really say, like I know him on

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Speaker 1: an intimate level, like his mind, like what he likes,

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Speaker 1: what he dislikes, what he thinks about at night, like

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Speaker 1: what keeps him up at night, like that those type

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Speaker 1: of like silly talks that you'd be like, I want

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Speaker 1: to know you. I want to know you as a person.

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Speaker 1: Like I feel like I'm actually able to know him

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Speaker 1: as a person, like I say, inside out, like I

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Speaker 1: know everything about him because that hasn't gotten in the way,

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Speaker 1: because that could really get in the way. And my

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Speaker 1: last relationship that really got in the way, Like there

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Speaker 1: was I mean, like can I tell a little horror story,

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Speaker 1: Like there was a time where we was like having sex,

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Speaker 1: and for him, it just wasn't happening for him, and

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Speaker 1: then he was like, oh, let me just put on

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Speaker 1: some porn real quick, and I'm like, you're really about

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Speaker 1: to do that like in the middle, like you're not

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Speaker 1: enough right, so that that really should really mess me

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Speaker 1: up because I was like, like, I don't know, Like

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Speaker 1: it was just a lot for me as far as

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Speaker 1: figuring out like my sexuality too, and it's like, and

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Speaker 1: I'm young, so it's like me being able to really

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Speaker 1: sit and think about those things in our relationship. I

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Speaker 1: got to say that that was a blessing because now

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Speaker 1: I'm able to see as a person like who I

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Speaker 1: am and what my sexuality is and what I like

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Speaker 1: when I don't like, And then I'll be able to

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Speaker 1: actually sit and wait for this person now that I

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Speaker 1: know I'm going to marry, So it's like, now we're

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Speaker 1: going to be able to wait and I know that

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Speaker 1: you're not going to be pulling that kind of stuff

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Speaker 1: on me because I've already learned enough about you as

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Speaker 1: a person. So it's like, so it's like for that,

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Speaker 1: like I really enjoy this aspect and give me something

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Speaker 1: to look forward to. Yeah, exactly, So within these three years,

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Speaker 1: has it been difficult, yes, child, Yes, this is not

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Speaker 1: an easy thing, Like it is not easy at all,

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Speaker 1: like everybody because technically you're like celibate. Yeah, yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: the world. I think we were looking for a selling Yes,

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Speaker 1: like it's not it's really not easy at all, especially

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Speaker 1: if you're not a virgin, because you know what you're

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Speaker 1: kind of possibly missing exactly. Like maybe if I was

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Speaker 1: a virgin this whole time, it probably wouldn't have been

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Speaker 1: as hard for me because I don't know what the

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Speaker 1: experience is like. But because I know, and because he

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Speaker 1: knows too, it's hard for the both of us, like honestly,

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Speaker 1: but he's actually been sulivant a lot longer than I have,

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Speaker 1: because he, like I'm telling you, God was really leading

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Speaker 1: this man long, um seven years. He's been seliman for

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Speaker 1: seven years. Well now it's now it's probably like eight

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Speaker 1: or nine. Well I might be having a blind moment.

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Speaker 1: It is giving head? Is that also being selldor? Now No,

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Speaker 1: that's all that's all. Like, if if that's it, then

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Speaker 1: it's not being sulivant. Like literally being sullivant is doing

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Speaker 1: absolutely nothing. So it's like, do y'all like make allen

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Speaker 1: so we'll kiss. Yeah, but I'll make out, but we

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Speaker 1: don't make out, Like it's really like we're really holding

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Speaker 1: back because the thing is you started making out, you

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Speaker 1: start getting feelings, and you know, every relationship is different

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Speaker 1: to me because some people can really have like a

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Speaker 1: good chill, like they can make up, they'll be fine.

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Speaker 1: But me and him, we already know, like we've had

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Speaker 1: like sexual tension since high school. Like we've been ten years. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: so picture that ten years that you've been in love

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Speaker 1: with a person but it just hasn't been working out

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Speaker 1: for whatever reason. Like when I met him, he had

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Speaker 1: a girl. Then I ended up getting with somebody, and

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Speaker 1: it's like every single time, and then ten years down

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Speaker 1: the road and now now we're here and we're like waiting,

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Speaker 1: but we've been like feeding for this now that's actually

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Speaker 1: pretty amazing. Like I have really good discipline. So do

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Speaker 1: you like get a dressed in front of each other? No,

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Speaker 1: I'm just curious because, like you said, like I love

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Speaker 1: if I was asleep, my man, you know he get

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Speaker 1: dressed like I just you know, I can't. Like sometimes

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Speaker 1: I'll see him, like when he jumped off the shower

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Speaker 1: and he's like in his towel and I see his

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Speaker 1: I'm like, you gotta go, you gotta get out of

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Speaker 1: my face. Yeah, So we really like we really have

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Speaker 1: to do a lot of precautions because it's like if

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Speaker 1: he was to see me, I know he'd be like,

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Speaker 1: just let's go right now. Right. So it's like it's

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Speaker 1: really really hard. It's hard, but it's like it's really

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Speaker 1: worth it. And there'll be times where we really have

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Speaker 1: to like sit down and check ourselves and be like

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Speaker 1: we're doing really good because like really it's like we're

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Speaker 1: doing really good, like let's not let's not ruin this.

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Speaker 1: We have to give pep talks like let's not ruin this.

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Speaker 1: So how you ever came close to doing it? Yes,

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Speaker 1: we have, So how do you stop that? We literally,

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Speaker 1: and I mean like this may sound like super Christian,

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Speaker 1: but we literally like I had to pull him off

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Speaker 1: and I was like, let's pray. And you know it's

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Speaker 1: funny alright when you okay, no, but when you pray

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Speaker 1: it because like now you're involved in God, it takes

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Speaker 1: away all of that feeling because it just feels like

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Speaker 1: I'm about front God. Like, is it sexy if the

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Speaker 1: person tries to stick the tipping at least stick the tipping. God. No,

258
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Speaker 1: like we came super cool, like not even like all

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Speaker 1: our clothes are off or anything like that. It was like,

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Speaker 1: I guess that's not even super close to you. CLO's

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Speaker 1: like our clothes are not all off yet, but we're

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Speaker 1: get in there. That's too close already. So we're like,

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Speaker 1: let's pray because that just takes that just rips, it

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Speaker 1: literally rips the sexual tension out of you. And which

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Speaker 1: I have to say, we all be praying, like literally,

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Speaker 1: I would have to do it because a lot of

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Speaker 1: times I feel like I have more discipline than he

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Speaker 1: does and it makes sense, it makes sense. Um, and

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Speaker 1: he'll be getting tight like he got tight when I

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Speaker 1: did that, and I'm like, I know it's hard, but

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Speaker 1: like he's been over seven years, yeah you know, and

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Speaker 1: it's like for him, like I totally get and I

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Speaker 1: know it's hard, but like we're not doing all this

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Speaker 1: for nothing, Like if we already we lasted three years,

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Speaker 1: I think at that time it was too last. The

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Speaker 1: two years doing this. No, I'm not about just throw

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Speaker 1: all of that away. Like so I'll sit there and praying,

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Speaker 1: I'll be like, you know, God, just give us a

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Speaker 1: strength because like, this is hard. God knows. God knows already.

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Speaker 1: God know the hormones, you know. So the number one

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Speaker 1: question that a lot of my listeners asked me about

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Speaker 1: your story is in what ways that y'all intimate? Because

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Speaker 1: you know, a lot of people think that a lot

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Speaker 1: of people feel that when you're having sex with somebody,

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Speaker 1: that's like the most intimate thing that you can do. So, like,

286
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Speaker 1: how do y'all keep the intimacy in your relationship alive?

287
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Speaker 1: I love this, She's about to school y'all. Okay, I

288
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Speaker 1: love this no, because I honestly always felt the same way.

289
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Speaker 1: I felt like being intimate meant having sex and making

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Speaker 1: out and all of that, and that is that is

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Speaker 1: the ultimate form of intimacy, and God made that for

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Speaker 1: that reason. Um. But also being intimate with somebody is

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Speaker 1: also knowing things about them. It's also loving them for

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Speaker 1: who they are. When it comes down to the end

295
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Speaker 1: of it and you really fed up with this person,

296
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Speaker 1: are you just gonna get up and leave or are

297
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Speaker 1: you going to stick around? Because you already know the

298
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Speaker 1: kind of person that you're with. You know that you

299
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Speaker 1: love them, you know, even though they're irritating you that

300
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Speaker 1: this is your ride or die, this is the person

301
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Speaker 1: that you're gonna stay with. So it's like the way

302
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Speaker 1: we are intimate is we like we even do activities

303
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Speaker 1: like like I mentioned, um, like an escape room, and

304
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Speaker 1: escape room is like really cool because you get to

305
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Speaker 1: learn about the minds that are with you. Like usually

306
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Speaker 1: jobs do it for team building and stuff like that,

307
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Speaker 1: because you get to know the people that you're with,

308
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Speaker 1: and it's the same way, Like we really love doing

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Speaker 1: that because like he and I were, we are really

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Speaker 1: great communicators, but we communicate in different ways. So it's

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Speaker 1: like there was this one escape room for example, that

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Speaker 1: we started off separate, so we can't see what's going

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Speaker 1: on on the other person's side and you have to

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Speaker 1: and then communicate, and that that room was like a

315
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:05,040
Speaker 1: huge life lesson for me when it was like as

316
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Speaker 1: far as the relationship, like how I communicate with my partner,

317
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Speaker 1: and it really showed a lot about me and it

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Speaker 1: allowed me to grow. And then it also showed a

319
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Speaker 1: lot about him too, and then I was like, wow,

320
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Speaker 1: like he's really good at this, He's really good at that,

321
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Speaker 1: and it just allows me to be really intimate as

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Speaker 1: far as like the mind like, I feel like the

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Speaker 1: most vulnerable space in a person is their mind, what

324
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Speaker 1: they think about, what they like, what they want. I

325
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:35,120
Speaker 1: think it's much like you know, like like to get

326
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Speaker 1: to know somebody from their mind, that's the most vulnerable

327
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Speaker 1: space that you're ever going to catch somebody in. So

328
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Speaker 1: to really learn about somebody and how they think, how

329
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Speaker 1: they move, why they act, the way that they act,

330
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Speaker 1: why they feel the way that they feel, that's really intimate.

331
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Speaker 1: And because we remove sex, it gives us more opportunity

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Speaker 1: to learn about each other in that way. Well, the

333
00:17:56,560 --> 00:18:01,320
Speaker 1: things do y'all do that might help with your intimacy, um,

334
00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:03,200
Speaker 1: believe it or not. We have a lot of talks

335
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Speaker 1: and it's funny because like my previous relationships, I wouldn't

336
00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:10,080
Speaker 1: be able to talk to somebody like that for hours

337
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:13,080
Speaker 1: or like have just full blown conversations like Yeah, we'll

338
00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:16,480
Speaker 1: sit there and kiki and have like funny conversations and laugh.

339
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:19,000
Speaker 1: But a lot of the times, more times than not,

340
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:22,679
Speaker 1: we'll sit there and have like real conversations, deep conversations,

341
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,560
Speaker 1: deep conversations about how we feel about life and how

342
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:28,280
Speaker 1: we feel about our goals and how we want to

343
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:31,240
Speaker 1: uplift each other and when we get married, always having

344
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Speaker 1: married talks. When we get married, how's our life gonna

345
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:37,199
Speaker 1: look like, how's our children gonna look like? Um, what

346
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:38,960
Speaker 1: are our goals and how they're going to align with

347
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:42,200
Speaker 1: our children and stuff like that. We have those really

348
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:45,240
Speaker 1: really deep talks and then on the other hand, it's

349
00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,600
Speaker 1: like really silly talks and stuff like that too. But like,

350
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:49,960
Speaker 1: I've never been able to say that I talked with

351
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Speaker 1: my partner as much as I do with him, So

352
00:18:52,119 --> 00:18:54,960
Speaker 1: I know you have a like you have everything playing

353
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Speaker 1: as far as y'all getting married next year, right or

354
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Speaker 1: engaged by the end of this year and getting married

355
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:07,600
Speaker 1: by next year. That's good. So five years almost for you.

356
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,879
Speaker 1: And when ninety years from him ubstaining is from sex,

357
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:17,560
Speaker 1: that is amazing. Maybe I did that ship people you know,

358
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:22,640
Speaker 1: like and it's crazy because it's like I wouldn't take

359
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:26,080
Speaker 1: back the experiences that I had with all my previous relationships.

360
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:29,760
Speaker 1: However I feel like I would. I would have lived

361
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Speaker 1: just fine without them too, because those people are created

362
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Speaker 1: ties with like for me, and it's not like that

363
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:42,160
Speaker 1: for everybody too, So um, for me, I create soul

364
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:44,600
Speaker 1: ties with people, have sex with a lot of people

365
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:47,199
Speaker 1: think that explain what soul ties is because a lot

366
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:50,040
Speaker 1: of people may not understand that. Um. For me, soul

367
00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:53,399
Speaker 1: ties is having an intimate connection with somebody like forever,

368
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,159
Speaker 1: like you're always going to be connected to them, Like

369
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,320
Speaker 1: if you think about them, you're going to be thinking

370
00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:03,600
Speaker 1: about those intimate connections that you at and that whether

371
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:05,920
Speaker 1: or not it doesn't like it doesn't look like it's

372
00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:08,199
Speaker 1: affecting you on a day to day basis, that can

373
00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:11,240
Speaker 1: affect you like overall, Like you know, like we're talking

374
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:14,440
Speaker 1: about earlier, like there's certain things that people don't deal

375
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:17,680
Speaker 1: with life and stuff like that, and they don't take

376
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:20,440
Speaker 1: the time to evaluate it and and hash it out,

377
00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:22,240
Speaker 1: and they think that it's not affecting them, but every

378
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,560
Speaker 1: time it comes up, it comes out worse. So it's

379
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,760
Speaker 1: like I created soul ties with people to a point

380
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,720
Speaker 1: where it's like sometimes like if I see them or

381
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:35,320
Speaker 1: if I think about it, like something starts coming back

382
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:38,040
Speaker 1: and I don't like that because it's like I don't want,

383
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:39,760
Speaker 1: like I don't want to think about you like that

384
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:43,000
Speaker 1: we're together and we're never ever going to get back together.

385
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,080
Speaker 1: I'm with somebody that I actually love, and I feel

386
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:48,119
Speaker 1: like pieces of me are being spread in the past

387
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:50,520
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. So I feel like those soul

388
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,960
Speaker 1: ties like I could deal without. But I feel like

389
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:56,159
Speaker 1: I also learned a lot because you ever removed soulties.

390
00:20:56,280 --> 00:21:00,520
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm just curious child. I don't know. I

391
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,320
Speaker 1: don't know, and you know, I feel like it's different

392
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:06,159
Speaker 1: for everybody. I feel like certain people have mastered the

393
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:11,240
Speaker 1: art of like just removing themselves from past experiences and

394
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:13,479
Speaker 1: removing those soul ties to a point where it's like

395
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:16,480
Speaker 1: you are never ever going to be emotionally attached or

396
00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:21,000
Speaker 1: intimately attached with that person ever. Again, I'm not. I'm

397
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:24,280
Speaker 1: not one of those people. So for me, it doesn't

398
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:28,320
Speaker 1: still bother you. Um, it doesn't bother as much as

399
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:31,760
Speaker 1: I used to. Like now I've gotten into such a

400
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:37,200
Speaker 1: safe space with my boyfriend that it doesn't, like really

401
00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:40,639
Speaker 1: ever reoccur, and if it does, it's not very strong.

402
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:43,320
Speaker 1: So I guess in the sense you could say those

403
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:46,040
Speaker 1: soul ties are kind of like dying down. But also

404
00:21:46,119 --> 00:21:49,280
Speaker 1: that took a lot of like self reflection that I

405
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:52,320
Speaker 1: didn't want to do. You make it like he was

406
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:58,600
Speaker 1: her busting low babies. I wasn't doing. I wasn't that crazy?

407
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:02,040
Speaker 1: But when I feel, when I love, and when I feel,

408
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:06,440
Speaker 1: I feel very deeply, so like yeah, you know, yeah,

409
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:12,320
Speaker 1: now I feel you. I'm very passionate myself. So child

410
00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:15,800
Speaker 1: a million dollar question here we go, and I water

411
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:19,040
Speaker 1: it down because the way this one uh listener acts,

412
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:23,159
Speaker 1: I was like, child, so what would happen if you

413
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:27,399
Speaker 1: have sex when you married to your boyfriend? And it's whack?

414
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,480
Speaker 1: She's yeah the way she asked, I was like, yeah,

415
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:34,560
Speaker 1: what is wrong with you? All the night? I know?

416
00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,280
Speaker 1: And I've heard this who lot too, It's like what, like, oh,

417
00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:39,680
Speaker 1: you haven't seen his you haven't seen his things? So

418
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:42,560
Speaker 1: it's like you haven't seen it? No? What? No, I

419
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,800
Speaker 1: have not. Have you touched the listeners? I have not.

420
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:48,399
Speaker 1: You don't want to see No, I don't want to

421
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:51,360
Speaker 1: see it that I'll probably be like, yeah that accelent cake,

422
00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:56,880
Speaker 1: like like it's I have touched it. I touched it once,

423
00:22:57,119 --> 00:23:00,240
Speaker 1: but it was too close. I mean, like, have you

424
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:05,400
Speaker 1: seen you? Have you seen you know what? Y'all not

425
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:11,720
Speaker 1: playing a sleeping like in the same bit. No, Wow,

426
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:15,080
Speaker 1: I feel like we've got to get out to nitty gritty.

427
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,960
Speaker 1: We do not sleep in the same bed. Youbot to

428
00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:19,720
Speaker 1: stay over his house. He's on the couch, I'm in

429
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:24,640
Speaker 1: his bed, y'all, y'all not playing. So what would happen

430
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:29,080
Speaker 1: if it's wet? What would you do? Honestly? I feel

431
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:31,200
Speaker 1: like I love him so much? This no so mad?

432
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:35,119
Speaker 1: They could be like she lying no, just lying no,

433
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:37,760
Speaker 1: But like for real, you will stay with him at

434
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:41,119
Speaker 1: the same I will stay with him because all the

435
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:43,399
Speaker 1: things that I've learned about him since high school, like

436
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:47,119
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about like like let's let's change it

437
00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:48,840
Speaker 1: a little bit and let's say like I only known

438
00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:52,840
Speaker 1: him like three years. Lord knows, I've known him for

439
00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:55,880
Speaker 1: too long, Like I've learned too much about this man,

440
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,600
Speaker 1: like I and I highly doubt it's gonna be whack.

441
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:01,880
Speaker 1: I just I just got a feeling my soul, yeah,

442
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:09,000
Speaker 1: blushing your soul. But like so ahead, no, like if

443
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,000
Speaker 1: it's if it's wack, I mean, these are things that

444
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,720
Speaker 1: could be worked on. These are things like like you

445
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:16,119
Speaker 1: gotta work with your partner, you know, like if your

446
00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:19,240
Speaker 1: partner is bad, or let's say it's way because I'm bad,

447
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:21,600
Speaker 1: I wouldn't want him to just up and leave me

448
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:24,240
Speaker 1: like that. It's like, all right, you guys on tricks,

449
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:26,359
Speaker 1: teach me a little bit, right, But what if people

450
00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:29,239
Speaker 1: to tell you that that your sex is whack? Then

451
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:30,360
Speaker 1: I don't be like, all right, what do you want

452
00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:34,600
Speaker 1: me to do? Like how you want it? However do

453
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:40,439
Speaker 1: you want it like? I would be like like what, Like,

454
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:42,760
Speaker 1: there's got to be something that we can do to

455
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:45,199
Speaker 1: help because I ain't going nowhere after the same year,

456
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:47,760
Speaker 1: It's like, what, I'm right here, You're not leaving me.

457
00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:50,080
Speaker 1: So what will be some advice you would give up

458
00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:52,120
Speaker 1: to someone if they want to be celibate in their

459
00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:55,840
Speaker 1: relationship because a lot of people are not used to

460
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:58,439
Speaker 1: be in the relationships and not being intimate with their partner.

461
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:04,320
Speaker 1: I would say, um, pray about it, really, talk to

462
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:07,520
Speaker 1: God about if And honestly, I feel like God has

463
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:11,240
Speaker 1: given everybody the ability to do this. Um. And I

464
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:15,919
Speaker 1: feel like for the for the reason of not creating

465
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:18,960
Speaker 1: soul types and stuff like that, that's why he even said, um,

466
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:22,600
Speaker 1: no sex before managing the first place. UM, And I

467
00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:25,240
Speaker 1: know it seems hard, especially in our generation, it seems hard.

468
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:30,440
Speaker 1: It is not impossible, and it's not It's not impossible.

469
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:33,359
Speaker 1: And honestly, like it feels really really good. Like it

470
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:36,000
Speaker 1: feels good to be able to say like like, yeah,

471
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:37,399
Speaker 1: I'm not a virgin, but it feels good to be

472
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:39,359
Speaker 1: able to say like I've built my boyfriend three years

473
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:42,040
Speaker 1: and I haven't had sex and waiting until marriage and

474
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:44,280
Speaker 1: it's something to really look forward to. And it's like,

475
00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:46,119
Speaker 1: if you look at it in that way, it's not

476
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:47,879
Speaker 1: going to be hard for you. But if you look

477
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:49,480
Speaker 1: at it in a way where it's like, oh, you're

478
00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:52,119
Speaker 1: just missing out all these years, and then like what

479
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:56,160
Speaker 1: if it's whack afterwards, it's going to be miserable. And

480
00:25:57,359 --> 00:26:00,520
Speaker 1: I mean like I've enjoyed being able to say that

481
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,199
Speaker 1: and then also being able to learn about him in

482
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:06,080
Speaker 1: that way that it's like it's so much more intimate.

483
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 1: And people think, like how many people you can have

484
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:12,360
Speaker 1: a really good conversation within all days, Like it's very rare,

485
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 1: Like everybody is like so caught up. I think I

486
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:19,320
Speaker 1: have really good conversations over like text and stuff like that,

487
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:21,720
Speaker 1: but they can't have really good face to face conversation

488
00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:25,960
Speaker 1: like that. People have lost that social skill, you know.

489
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:29,760
Speaker 1: So I feel like for anybody who's trying to look

490
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:33,280
Speaker 1: to do this in their relationship, look at the pros

491
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:36,439
Speaker 1: rather than the cons. Pros are You're going to learn

492
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 1: a whole lot about yourself that you didn't even think

493
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:40,920
Speaker 1: you was going to. You're gonna learn a whole lot

494
00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:44,359
Speaker 1: about who you're with and if you plan to spend

495
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:47,240
Speaker 1: the rest of your life with them. That's super important

496
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:50,359
Speaker 1: because guess what, you can have really good sex and

497
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:57,000
Speaker 1: being a really terrible relationship. Listen, you know, and I've

498
00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:59,520
Speaker 1: seen that and dealt with it firsthand to know that

499
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:04,760
Speaker 1: with my previous one, so here, it's kind of like

500
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:09,159
Speaker 1: I've already solidified our foundation for the rest of our life,

501
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,520
Speaker 1: for the rest of our marriage when we do get married,

502
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,600
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. Everybody solidified. I know who I'm

503
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:19,000
Speaker 1: with and I couldn't say that in my previous relationships.

504
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:24,639
Speaker 1: Do you regret your previous relationships? No? No, because I

505
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:27,119
Speaker 1: learned anybody. Is there a particular body you want to

506
00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:32,920
Speaker 1: take back? There is a particular like that, My God,

507
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:35,359
Speaker 1: that's a good person that I'm like, you know what,

508
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:42,200
Speaker 1: you don't waste it my time. But honestly, like that

509
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:46,160
Speaker 1: showed me exactly what I don't want, and it outlined

510
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:49,160
Speaker 1: for me clearly what I do want, So it made

511
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:53,360
Speaker 1: it even do it for you, you know, and it

512
00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:55,000
Speaker 1: it just made it more clear that when I got

513
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:58,959
Speaker 1: with my current boyfriend, you're exactly what I wanted. Like

514
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:02,399
Speaker 1: it's like God literally hand picked him. Okay, Sierry, you

515
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:07,800
Speaker 1: heard something like cc russell They are so cute, but

516
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:11,359
Speaker 1: not for real, like like that's literally how it feels like.

517
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:13,720
Speaker 1: It's like wow, like you've been listening to me and

518
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:18,720
Speaker 1: all my treacherous crap, all these stupid things that I've

519
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:22,000
Speaker 1: been going through and all these relationships right and you

520
00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:24,919
Speaker 1: was literally like, all right, you figured out what you like,

521
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:27,560
Speaker 1: you figured out what you don't like, here's your here's

522
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:32,320
Speaker 1: your husband. It's like wow. Like literally before I was

523
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:34,359
Speaker 1: like I don't think I'm ever gonna love somebody, like

524
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:40,120
Speaker 1: really love somebody. But I was like nah. When when

525
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:42,520
Speaker 1: we actually like started talking again and I found him,

526
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:46,800
Speaker 1: and I was like, yeah, this is it, this is it.

527
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:48,840
Speaker 1: I think also, like what you said, like a lot

528
00:28:48,880 --> 00:28:51,640
Speaker 1: of times, a lot of decisions that we make pertain

529
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:54,000
Speaker 1: to things that we've been through. So it's like it's

530
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:56,720
Speaker 1: kind of refreshing for you to find somebody that like

531
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:59,280
Speaker 1: that gets it and wants the same thing that you want,

532
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:02,480
Speaker 1: especially at a at such a young age because a

533
00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:03,800
Speaker 1: lot of people don't know what the hell they want

534
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:11,040
Speaker 1: and they pushing forty child ms trou um. So I

535
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:15,120
Speaker 1: guess how happens. Being celibate help you as a woman mentally?

536
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:22,640
Speaker 1: Oh I love this. Mentally, I've been able, Like being

537
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:29,000
Speaker 1: celibant has allowed me to just level up. Okay, Sierra,

538
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:35,640
Speaker 1: that's it, Sierra time. Like I literally started my businesses

539
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:39,560
Speaker 1: within these past three years. I've started, Like that's how

540
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:42,080
Speaker 1: I went to engineering school so that I can become

541
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:45,560
Speaker 1: a sophtware engineer. Like all of this happened within that

542
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:47,640
Speaker 1: time span, and it literally happened a minute I got

543
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:51,040
Speaker 1: with him because like in California, I was studying my

544
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:55,360
Speaker 1: vocal jazz and stuff like that girl give us a

545
00:29:55,400 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 1: little Melanie the next episode, when I was studying music,

546
00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:03,800
Speaker 1: and I was like, I mean I love music and

547
00:30:03,840 --> 00:30:06,840
Speaker 1: all that, but it's like trying to find what I

548
00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:08,080
Speaker 1: was going to do in this world. How I was

549
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:12,880
Speaker 1: going to be like contributed society or whatever. And literally,

550
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:15,520
Speaker 1: like all of this happened. I moved back to New York.

551
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:18,600
Speaker 1: I get with him, I start going, I go back

552
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:21,840
Speaker 1: to school, I get my certifications, I start my businesses.

553
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:23,720
Speaker 1: It's like it all just palled on top of each

554
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:25,920
Speaker 1: other and this is all out like not having sex,

555
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:27,520
Speaker 1: and I feel like it just really cleared my mind.

556
00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:30,160
Speaker 1: It allowed me to focus, like it made me like

557
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:32,560
Speaker 1: just work hard and it's like all right, we're gonna

558
00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:35,400
Speaker 1: do this. And it's also because like I want to

559
00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:37,640
Speaker 1: be stable when we get into a marriage and stuff

560
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:39,280
Speaker 1: like that. So I feel like it all just kind

561
00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:42,760
Speaker 1: of tied into place. They just fall into places like

562
00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:45,840
Speaker 1: we're going to be like higher levels than than what

563
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:48,520
Speaker 1: we are right now when we get married, so we're

564
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:51,320
Speaker 1: gonna be good, we're gonna be set. So it's kind

565
00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:54,200
Speaker 1: of like it's like really something to work for. But

566
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:56,440
Speaker 1: it just it allowed me to level up. Like I've

567
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:59,880
Speaker 1: never been this great in my whole life. Like I said,

568
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:03,720
Speaker 1: I mean, you seem happy like I'm happy, and usually

569
00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:06,760
Speaker 1: like usually I'm like before if you catch me three

570
00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:09,240
Speaker 1: years ago, I was never this happy, Like I always

571
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 1: had something, something was going on, Something's always going on.

572
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:15,600
Speaker 1: But like now I could really just say like thank God,

573
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:17,760
Speaker 1: I don't have anything to complain about right now. Like

574
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:20,120
Speaker 1: obviously there's going to be those days or whatever, and

575
00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 1: there's always something little but overall, I'm looking at my

576
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:25,160
Speaker 1: life and I'm like, God's really protecting me and taking

577
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:27,560
Speaker 1: care of you right now, and he's giving me things

578
00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:32,360
Speaker 1: to work for. So I mean, I don't know a

579
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:36,160
Speaker 1: little encouragement for whoever is thinking about this, so we

580
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:38,440
Speaker 1: know what. A question just popped in my head. So

581
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:40,400
Speaker 1: what do you do when you get horny? If you

582
00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:42,640
Speaker 1: like by yourself? I'm just curious, like, do you like

583
00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:46,160
Speaker 1: I really like I feel like like you said, I

584
00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:48,840
Speaker 1: guess the story is not like something that a lot

585
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:51,360
Speaker 1: of us, especially women at our age, we talked about

586
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:53,440
Speaker 1: stuff like this. So I'm just so curious, like when

587
00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:55,280
Speaker 1: you get horny, like, do you like pray yourself out

588
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 1: of it? Because you know why, because like when I'm

589
00:31:58,200 --> 00:32:00,560
Speaker 1: praying it just like I mean, I know if it

590
00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:04,040
Speaker 1: like like if anybody's growing up like being told like

591
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:05,960
Speaker 1: you know, like I watched everything and you're gonna go

592
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:08,800
Speaker 1: ahead and stuff like this, and that would just like

593
00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:12,800
Speaker 1: completely remove any sort of sexual tension I have inside

594
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:15,440
Speaker 1: of me, because it just makes it creepy. At that point,

595
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:19,840
Speaker 1: I'm like, all right, this is now, so it makes

596
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:22,200
Speaker 1: it creepy. So when I put myself in that aspect,

597
00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:24,120
Speaker 1: that it's like, all right, let me just pray or

598
00:32:24,280 --> 00:32:26,480
Speaker 1: just removed this from me, And it happens really quick,

599
00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:30,000
Speaker 1: and I'm like, all right, cool, great, let me go

600
00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:33,040
Speaker 1: to sleep, because those were the times, aren't real tempted?

601
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:35,160
Speaker 1: Have you asked him what he what he does if

602
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:37,360
Speaker 1: he get horny or does he pray too? No? I

603
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:42,600
Speaker 1: never asked him home and asked that's this question. What

604
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:49,200
Speaker 1: do um lasting? Not least, how has substaining from sex

605
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:54,520
Speaker 1: help you spiritually? Oh? Spiritually, I have grown so much

606
00:32:54,560 --> 00:33:00,840
Speaker 1: closer with God, Like, um, I'm able to just generally

607
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:04,320
Speaker 1: have more conversation with him because before, like my spiritual

608
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:06,480
Speaker 1: life would just be like prayer in the morning, pray

609
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:08,200
Speaker 1: at night. I'd be like it would be like a

610
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:11,440
Speaker 1: high and by kind of situation. And this time it

611
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:14,280
Speaker 1: allowed me because looking at a relationship and looking at

612
00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:17,320
Speaker 1: a marriage, it allowed me to see that that's just

613
00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:19,600
Speaker 1: supposed to be a reflection of your spiritual life. A

614
00:33:19,680 --> 00:33:21,520
Speaker 1: marriage with whoever on this earth is supposed to be

615
00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:28,360
Speaker 1: a reflection of your marriage to Christ. So cost so

616
00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:30,800
Speaker 1: it's like seeing that and I'm like, wow, like this

617
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:33,440
Speaker 1: is how he wants to function with us, Like he

618
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:36,280
Speaker 1: wants us to be as close as possible. He wants

619
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:39,480
Speaker 1: us to really learn about him, and he wants to

620
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:43,280
Speaker 1: learn about us. So it's like, if I can replicate

621
00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:46,000
Speaker 1: what I'm doing in my earthly relationship, I could do

622
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:49,000
Speaker 1: the same thing in my spiritual relationship, because it's it's

623
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:52,560
Speaker 1: a relationship like what it is like you're not going

624
00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:54,280
Speaker 1: to be in a relationship with somebody, be married to

625
00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:55,760
Speaker 1: somebody and you know, talk to them. You just talk

626
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:56,880
Speaker 1: to him the more, and you talk to him at

627
00:33:56,920 --> 00:34:00,200
Speaker 1: night that don't make sense. It's like, oh, hey, blah

628
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:02,600
Speaker 1: blah blah, buy see you later. So it's like it's

629
00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:04,479
Speaker 1: it's made me more conscious where it's like, you know,

630
00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:06,440
Speaker 1: I don't talk to you like that during the day,

631
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:08,160
Speaker 1: so let me just say so. Now it's made it

632
00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:10,040
Speaker 1: to like where i'd be talking to him, i'd be

633
00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:13,359
Speaker 1: probably looking crazy like or you know, like I really

634
00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:17,120
Speaker 1: can't deal with this job right now. And it allows

635
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:18,759
Speaker 1: me to be more open with him, and it really

636
00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:20,960
Speaker 1: makes it like if he's an actual being and he's

637
00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:24,440
Speaker 1: right there, he's listening to me. So it made it

638
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:28,040
Speaker 1: so much more personal. Before it was just like there's

639
00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:30,560
Speaker 1: a guy he loves everybody. But now it's like, there's

640
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:33,880
Speaker 1: a guy he loves me. Okay, you know me. You

641
00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:37,120
Speaker 1: know what, someone just kidd in my head, Mary, Mary,

642
00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:43,360
Speaker 1: it's a guy in me. I'm just curious. So you

643
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:47,640
Speaker 1: talk about your relationship with your friends. Um, yes, and no,

644
00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:52,080
Speaker 1: I'm kind of private with my relationship. But if somebody asks,

645
00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:54,839
Speaker 1: I'll tell them, but I won't be like, hey, here's

646
00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:58,920
Speaker 1: my relationship. Right. Um, I'm the same way. Yeah, you know,

647
00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:01,759
Speaker 1: like I'm kind private, but there's there's like a lot

648
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:03,799
Speaker 1: of things that I strictly do not talk about, Like

649
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:06,160
Speaker 1: if we get into arguments or anything like that, I

650
00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:09,040
Speaker 1: do not talk about that with anybody. And me and

651
00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:10,640
Speaker 1: him have made that a thing where it's like you

652
00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:14,120
Speaker 1: want to keep that in the house because people start

653
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:16,000
Speaker 1: like painting pictures And I used to do this a lot,

654
00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:17,879
Speaker 1: and I will sit there and like talk crap about

655
00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:20,040
Speaker 1: my boyfriend and stuff like that, and then my friends

656
00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:22,120
Speaker 1: would get this really bad picture him. And the thing

657
00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:23,960
Speaker 1: is you're only seeing the bad in that moment, but

658
00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:26,000
Speaker 1: you're not going to see the good, right, So it's

659
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:28,080
Speaker 1: like I'm painting this bad picture of him to you

660
00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:29,640
Speaker 1: so that every time I come to you, they're gonna

661
00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:32,399
Speaker 1: be like, yeah, leave him, right, because they don't see

662
00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 1: all the good times that we have, good moments and

663
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:37,080
Speaker 1: stuff like that. So we made it a point where

664
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:39,480
Speaker 1: it's like, if we're going through any sort of hard times,

665
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:42,759
Speaker 1: nobody's going to know about it, like nobody, because we

666
00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:46,480
Speaker 1: don't need the outside to be painting pictures of each other.

667
00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:50,279
Speaker 1: And then suddenly there's such a bad person and stuff

668
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:52,040
Speaker 1: like that, because then it just crazy static and it

669
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:55,120
Speaker 1: just makes it awkward, like when people don't have good

670
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:58,839
Speaker 1: intentions anyway. So right, right, like if people and you'd

671
00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:00,799
Speaker 1: be surprised how many people in your circle just waiting

672
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:04,239
Speaker 1: for you to like, yeah, lose, So they just waiting

673
00:36:04,239 --> 00:36:06,879
Speaker 1: for you to say something to be like yeah, break ahead, right,

674
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:10,520
Speaker 1: and so it's like, yeah, we keep that like that

675
00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:13,480
Speaker 1: part of our relationship is very very personal and we

676
00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:18,000
Speaker 1: don't share that with anybody. Well, I think this was

677
00:36:18,040 --> 00:36:21,840
Speaker 1: an excellent episode. I think that you definitely show some

678
00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:24,640
Speaker 1: gave us some insight always like to be in a

679
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:27,839
Speaker 1: relationship and to be celibate for three years. So thank

680
00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:33,320
Speaker 1: you so much. Thank you for myself. If you have

681
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:37,160
Speaker 1: any questions, concerns for my guests comments, um, please make

682
00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:40,840
Speaker 1: sure to email me at hello at the PhD podcast

683
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:44,160
Speaker 1: dot com. Um, make sure you leave a comment or

684
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:47,719
Speaker 1: review on Apple Podcasts out and that's pretty much it.

685
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:50,000
Speaker 1: I think this episode was really good, so thank you,

686
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:53,160
Speaker 1: thank you. Until next time, guys later,