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Speaker 1: Check on your strong friends.

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Speaker 2: That's a fact, because we me be struggling.

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Speaker 3: Okay, sometimes I'm tired.

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Speaker 4: Wow.

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Speaker 5: It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest and straight

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Speaker 5: from the heart. Since then, we've gone on to become

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Speaker 5: Webby award winning podcasters in New York Times best selling authors.

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Speaker 6: Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us. It

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Speaker 6: was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable.

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Speaker 2: Be wrong, or but most apportly be us.

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Speaker 6: But as we know, life keeps evolving, and so do we,

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Speaker 6: and through it all, one thing has never changed this

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Speaker 6: after because we got a lot to talk about.

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Speaker 5: All right, story talk, All right, Now, I'm gonna take

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Speaker 5: y'all all the way back.

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Speaker 6: I feel like the older we get, the more the

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Speaker 6: old the way back really be far back, bro It

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Speaker 6: do farver be far back at this point because.

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Speaker 5: The time I'm about to tell you is twenty years ago.

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Speaker 5: Twenty years ago, it was two thousand and six.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, you know what I just realized, babysar,

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Speaker 2: real quick, I've known you for more of my life

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Speaker 2: than I haven't.

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Speaker 1: Yes, you're welcome.

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Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, you just realized that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we talked about that, did we? Yes? When we

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Speaker 1: became thirty six. It was man.

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Speaker 5: At this point, I've known you about the same amount

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Speaker 5: of time as I didn't because we met at eighteen.

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Speaker 2: But now it's like, yeah, six more years from three years. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: mag which is interesting. Almost twenty five.

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Speaker 5: Still glad you said that. I'm twenty five. I met

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Speaker 5: Kay when I was three. No, I'm gonna take you

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Speaker 5: back to two thousand.

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Speaker 7: And six.

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Speaker 1: Rookie year in the NFL.

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Speaker 5: I'll never forget this moment, bro, I'll never get this moment.

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Speaker 1: I am considered the strong one in my family.

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Speaker 5: I was walking on at Hofstra free agent trial in

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Speaker 5: the NFL, made the team. I'm in Detroit by myself.

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Speaker 5: Get hit my shoulder bow against the Arizona Cardinals. I

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Speaker 5: think the safety's name was. I think it was Adrian

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Speaker 5: Peter's with me two hundred and forty pounds safety about sixty.

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Speaker 2: He was really good. He smacked meaow, got the first down.

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Speaker 1: Made this signal right here boom, first down in my

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Speaker 1: arm went numb. Oh my god, arm went numb.

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Speaker 2: It was it the same shoulder from college.

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Speaker 1: Same exact shoulder from college.

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Speaker 5: And I'm in Detroit by myself, and it was in

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Speaker 5: this moment when I realized, like, when you become an adult,

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Speaker 5: you you can no longer just call people to.

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Speaker 1: Come to you.

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Speaker 5: Right, Remember when you shoulder, Yeah, I'm going back to it.

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Speaker 5: So I'm in my apartment and I have a separated shoulder.

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Speaker 5: I'm going to be out for three weeks. I can't sleep,

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Speaker 5: I can't do anything. I'm living off of pain medication.

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Speaker 5: I was taking Vikinging and tyland Ole's and eating what

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Speaker 5: was my favorite meal back then? Do you remember peanut

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Speaker 5: butter and jelly tuna fish And what's the thing the

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Speaker 5: place that.

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Speaker 2: The restaurant, Oh, bob Evans.

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Speaker 1: Bob Evans.

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Speaker 5: So this is all I'm eating, right, And once in

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Speaker 5: a while I treat myself and I go to the

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Speaker 5: other place to get the rotisserie chicken Boston Market. And

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Speaker 5: I'm sitting in my apartment and I don't have a

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Speaker 5: TV at this point, because I told Okay, I was

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Speaker 5: going to be so invested in focusing on when making

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Speaker 5: the team and being myself, I didn't have a TV.

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Speaker 5: I had a mattress and I lived upstairs in the

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Speaker 5: room and I was in there by myself, and I

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Speaker 5: was just like, dang, there is nobody right now for

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Speaker 5: me to call like I'm in Detroit, like I have

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Speaker 5: no and it was lonely and it doesn't matter how

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Speaker 5: strong you are in that moment, you know who you

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Speaker 5: really just want me?

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Speaker 1: Your mom?

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Speaker 2: Oh, your mom? Yes? Yes, Well where was I in this?

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Speaker 2: You said two thousand and six six physically physically couldn't Yeah,

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Speaker 2: And I.

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Speaker 5: Remember sitting in that moment. You know, pay meds. I

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Speaker 5: wasn't doing alcoholic tongs. I was doing payments. I'm doing

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Speaker 5: pain meds. I can't can't eat, can't sleep, I'm going

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Speaker 5: to practice and stand there because I can't do much

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Speaker 5: and just feeling like alone. And the sad part about

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Speaker 5: that is that like when you're the strong person and

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Speaker 5: you tell people that you're going through stuff. All my

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Speaker 5: boys and my brother and they was like, oh, you

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Speaker 5: got it, click, because they're so used to you being

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Speaker 5: the one to say I got this. In that moment,

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Speaker 5: I didn't have.

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Speaker 2: It right or you were the ones to give the

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Speaker 2: pep talks.

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Speaker 1: Two facts.

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Speaker 5: I was always the one to give the PEPs, but

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Speaker 5: in this moment I needed one and ain't nobody had

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Speaker 5: one for me? Because that's not really did you call

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Speaker 5: my I did, and I'm gonna talk about that when I.

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Speaker 2: Get back my mom. Awesome karaoke time. A couple of

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Speaker 2: songs came to mind, but for me at least, let

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Speaker 2: me pull up this oldies. This is actually on my

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Speaker 2: oldiest playlist.

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Speaker 6: First of all, my oldiest playlist slaps okay, baby, it's

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Speaker 6: slapt so hard. When I be in the car with

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Speaker 6: your mom and even Nanny. Down to Nanny, I was like,

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Speaker 6: oh man, Nanny. Nanni is like, who who We're playing

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Speaker 6: this music? I'm like me, so we just bonded over

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Speaker 6: Like the oldiest.

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Speaker 1: Music is subjective. So I'm gonna say, you don't like

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Speaker 1: my oldest playlist.

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Speaker 2: You hating because it starts with the dirty Dance.

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Speaker 1: It sounds That's what I can't stand it. Why you

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Speaker 1: want to hear that? Bro's I can relate my life.

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Speaker 2: Right right right because you know.

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Speaker 3: The movie is gonna come on. You're gonna watch the

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Speaker 3: whole thing.

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Speaker 6: Every time, every single time, from start to when Delta

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Speaker 6: added it to their their like portfolio. The way I

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Speaker 6: lit up, listen, I'm gonna dance. I'm gonna do the routine.

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Speaker 6: I'm gonna wait one, two, three, lift her up. You

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Speaker 6: know what I'm saying, everybody know that part.

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Speaker 1: You know what I noticed, Jamaicans have a very like

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Speaker 1: y'all listening to like Michael Dalton, Bolton Bront Disrespect.

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Speaker 8: The Man Baby, Michael Bolton.

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Speaker 6: Bolton Kenny, Roger Kenny, g all of them.

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Speaker 2: We've remixed all these songs. Oh my god, we need

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Speaker 2: to do a deep guy like that.

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Speaker 1: He got so mad with us Bolton.

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Speaker 7: My guy.

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Speaker 2: Though. But everybody knows this one though it's not from

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Speaker 2: the Dirty Dances Ou track.

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Speaker 9: Ready Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do

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Speaker 9: Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do

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Speaker 9: Do Do do do.

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Speaker 2: When the night has gone.

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Speaker 4: And the land is done and the moon is the

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Speaker 4: only like you see, you won't be well, baby, No,

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Speaker 4: I won't. No, I won't No, I won't just as

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Speaker 4: long as you sink stand by me?

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Speaker 2: So what's doll darling.

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Speaker 10: By me?

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Speaker 2: Stand do do do? Stand by me?

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Speaker 1: You're supposed to keep finishing stand by me?

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Speaker 2: What?

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Speaker 1: That's That's how the melody go.

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Speaker 2: The whole time, I thought so well, I know this

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Speaker 2: is my playlist. I'm saying, fact, shout out to us.

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Speaker 2: What was the ben King Benny?

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Speaker 6: This is Jakie music. Baby, this is the stuff I

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Speaker 6: listened to when I'm by myself in my car. That's

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Speaker 6: exactly it.

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Speaker 2: Because if not, if not, I'm listening to asan trumpets

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Speaker 2: or I'm listening to yellow, what's the other one? The

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Speaker 2: wacky key.

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Speaker 3: Shout out the beer?

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Speaker 1: The fact that the coder knows that song.

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Speaker 2: Were it's crazy. It's either that or for at Frank,

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Speaker 2: so Hey, we're very diverse, very diverse.

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Speaker 6: All Right, y'all, let's take a quick break and we're

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Speaker 6: gonna come back and we were gonna get back into

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Speaker 6: story time and talk about being.

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Speaker 2: The strong friend.

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Speaker 6: Stick around or no Ops coming up next. All right,

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Speaker 6: and we're back for op or no Op. I'm gonna

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Speaker 6: toss the treble.

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Speaker 2: What you got for us today?

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Speaker 3: Girl?

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Speaker 10: Well, since we're talking about being a strong friend today,

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Speaker 10: I saw something on Instagram that I found interesting and

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Speaker 10: particularly relatable. H Famous therapist psychologist Esther Perell said that

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Speaker 10: confidence is when you can see yourself as a flawed

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Speaker 10: person and still hold yourself in a high regard. I

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Speaker 10: feel like as a strong friend, that's one thing that

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Speaker 10: the strong friend has is confidence where they're kind of

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Speaker 10: have an unshakable exterior.

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Speaker 3: Op or no opp on that, No opp because I agree.

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Speaker 7: So you said, this strong friend is basically the person

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Speaker 7: who has confidence.

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Speaker 5: The strength is standing in their flaws and still be confident,

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Speaker 5: so not necessarily be like I'm perfect, That's why I'm

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Speaker 5: better than you. It's like, no, I'm unperfect, but I'm

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Speaker 5: confident enough to know that my imperfections make me who

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Speaker 5: I am and I can still help you out.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I guess, Yeah, I guess.

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Speaker 6: I kind of like my app would be like being

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Speaker 6: able to stand in that and recognize it. I think

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Speaker 6: that's the strength in it, right. The strength is knowing

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Speaker 6: that you are flawed and being able to accept it

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Speaker 6: and acknowledge it, and that way, there's almost as if

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Speaker 6: you don't exist in a place of I'm better than

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Speaker 6: It's like, yeah, it's like I know that I'm flawed,

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Speaker 6: so therefore I can be strong enough to assist somebody

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Speaker 6: who may not realize they're flawed or just may not

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Speaker 6: be confident enough.

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Speaker 5: I feel like when you say that I'm flawed and

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Speaker 5: I know that I'm flawed, but I'm still working, it

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Speaker 5: knocks yourself off the pedestal, so people can beat you

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Speaker 5: at this yeah place, you know what I'm saying, and

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Speaker 5: I think that there's value in that, especially if you're

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Speaker 5: trying to be the strong friend.

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Speaker 1: It's hard to be the strong friend. I know that's

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Speaker 1: what we get it too.

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Speaker 5: But even if you're the most confident person in the world,

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Speaker 5: you don't always want to be a strong friend.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, sometimes you just want to be like, yeah, I'm

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Speaker 1: flawed and I don't got it together.

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Speaker 2: But that's why the phrase check on your strong friend

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Speaker 2: is a thing, right, because you realize after a while that,

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Speaker 2: damn if you hear of somebody getting ill or you know,

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Speaker 2: unliving themselves and you're just like, damn, I thought that

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Speaker 2: that person had it all together. But typically the strong

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Speaker 2: friends don't have the outlets. Why do you think that though.

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Speaker 6: Is it because we don't have someone we feel like

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Speaker 6: we can count on, or is it because the stronger

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Speaker 6: friend tends to bottle everything up?

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Speaker 11: I think the operating out a space of necessity. Usually,

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Speaker 11: a strong friend is the person who doesn't necessarily have

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Speaker 11: the people around them to rely on to rely on,

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Speaker 11: so they have to be that strong friend. They have

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Speaker 11: to be that pillar of strength around people who are

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Speaker 11: not necessarily as strong as they are.

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Speaker 1: You know what's crazy You say that that sounds like

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Speaker 1: a trauma.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 10: I was gonna say, though, they've been forced to be

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Speaker 10: to rely on themselves or to let other people rely

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Speaker 10: on them, and then that's just the role that they

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Speaker 10: are comfortable playing because they've never had anything else. It's

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Speaker 10: probably not that they don't have people around that they

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Speaker 10: can lean on, but they don't even try.

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Speaker 1: They don't. It doesn't compute to lean on somebody else.

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Speaker 6: So how do they get kind of indoctrinated into that role?

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Speaker 6: Like how do they become the strong friend?

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Speaker 2: Is it that you just surface as that because other

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Speaker 2: people see you as that and they label you that,

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Speaker 2: or is it that it's a self awareness that you

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Speaker 2: have to say, oh, I am stronger than those around me.

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Speaker 5: I think that's what Josh were touching on the whole

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Speaker 5: if their whole life they had to be that person

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Speaker 5: because they didn't have anybody else. You ultimately become the

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Speaker 5: strong friend because like I always had to rely on

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Speaker 5: myself for example, take take the oldest child. For example,

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Speaker 5: when you're the eldest child, a lot of times you

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Speaker 5: you're the one who has to be watch your brother,

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Speaker 5: watch your sister, watch it. You know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 5: so then you become the strong sibling, the sibling that

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Speaker 5: everybody else comes to, right, right, and then when you

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Speaker 5: become that, then everybody knows, well, let me go to knee.

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Speaker 6: I wonder if that's how we found each other, being

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Speaker 6: the oldest and both having responsibility like that. It's almost

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Speaker 6: as a trauma bond that we had off the bat

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Speaker 6: that we didn't even realize.

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Speaker 11: That's not what happened. You shame the devil, tell the truth.

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Speaker 2: Talk to me honest though, I did. I did, I did.

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Speaker 6: But then through that, I think our bond further deepened

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Speaker 6: because we realized that we lived very similar lives with

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Speaker 6: the responsibilities that we've been given.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: That's how we like, yeah, connecting.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what definitely connected.

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Speaker 10: But it's the testament to what he's said is that

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Speaker 10: you kind of get indoctrinated into that role. Because I

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Speaker 10: will never date another oldest child ever again. No, because

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Speaker 10: they always end up acting like they're my mama, Like

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Speaker 10: I have a mother already. We go together like we

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Speaker 10: don't we there's no hierarchy.

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Speaker 1: I can I can.

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Speaker 2: Father Abraham and not just the four that we birth.

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Speaker 5: No, No, you're right, I was at the the thing

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Speaker 5: on Sunday and I met a young man there seventeen.

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Speaker 1: I immediately went in to follow move and so, what

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Speaker 1: you do.

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Speaker 5: But you don't know you're going to college. I'm going

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Speaker 5: to not going to college. You gotta make some money,

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Speaker 5: you know what your livelihood going to be like. And

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Speaker 5: he's just looking at me. I said, you know what,

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Speaker 5: I'm going to do this to you.

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Speaker 1: Old heads talked to you all the time.

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Speaker 5: I said, get money, stay out of trouble with condoms,

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Speaker 5: love you, brother, And I walked away because I know

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Speaker 5: that's me. I'm always going to be like, we ain't

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Speaker 5: you doing this? If I was dating somebody'd probably be.

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Speaker 1: The same way. Let me see your credit score six thirty,

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Speaker 1: like nobody want to you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 10: I get it.

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Speaker 1: I get it. Okay, I get it.

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Speaker 11: I just want to circle back on the op because

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Speaker 11: I know we kind of went straight from the topic.

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Speaker 2: But oh yeah, so confidence and it being directly related

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Speaker 2: to the strong friend.

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Speaker 7: Go ahead, Oh I agree, that's my no, go back

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Speaker 7: to do that.

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Speaker 11: No, I circle back because we just be going straight

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Speaker 11: to the topic and I want to stay on the

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Speaker 11: oping over and I didn't know tru we had another

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Speaker 11: op opp So I just wanted to I was going

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Speaker 11: to say.

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Speaker 10: More about this, this or no, just to kind of

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Speaker 10: lead us into the sure the topic. I did have

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Speaker 10: another one. But but we can just keep talking about

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Speaker 10: being a strong friend. Well, going back to the confidence,

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Speaker 10: going back to the thing about confidence, I feel like

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Speaker 10: being a person who is confident and also accepting of

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Speaker 10: your own flaws is probably why you get labeled. It

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Speaker 10: could be a reason why you get labeled a strong

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Speaker 10: friend to other people because they see you being imperfect

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Speaker 10: and still you know, persevering, still going after what you want,

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Speaker 10: still believing that you know you are worthy of everything,

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Speaker 10: and they come to you for advice because they are

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Speaker 10: maybe missing that thing, or they come to you for

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Speaker 10: support because they don't have that and they see that

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Speaker 10: in you. But I feel like that confidence can sometimes

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Speaker 10: you know, overshadow maybe what you may how you may

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Speaker 10: need support.

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Speaker 5: You know, No, that is a fact sometimes when you

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Speaker 5: walk around with the I mean, I mean the suicide

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Speaker 5: rate for men in this country is extremely high for

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Speaker 5: that reason alone, and it's because men put on this

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Speaker 5: this facade that everything's okay, to the point where other

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Speaker 5: men won't ask you if you're okay, and women will

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Speaker 5: be like, well, he got it because he always has it,

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Speaker 5: and then a lot of times you don't have it.

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Speaker 5: So a lot of times putting on that facade of

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Speaker 5: being the strong one is just that it's a facade.

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Speaker 5: You're not really as strong as you know present to be,

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Speaker 5: and that can be scary, as we see now with

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Speaker 5: suicide rates being so high. Other than the fact that

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Speaker 5: there's so much other things going on in the world,

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Speaker 5: but being a strong one really can be a heavy

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Speaker 5: burden for a lot of people, men or women, you

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Speaker 5: know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 10: Indeed, and the suicide rates are rising amongst black men,

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Speaker 10: which is you know, probably related to that and the

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Speaker 10: fact that we have this thing it's called social comparison theory,

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Speaker 10: so this is related to the other opera ops. So

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Speaker 10: there's this article that I read that was about how

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Speaker 10: people are on what they call a hedonic treadmill, basically

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Speaker 10: chasing happiness. You do a big thing, you buy a house,

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Speaker 10: you get married, or you know, you have this big

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Speaker 10: life event, and you're happy. You're elated for a little

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Speaker 10: bit of time, and then after some time you go,

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Speaker 10: you know, back to a baseline of happiness and now

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Speaker 10: you're chasing the next thing. And so this article was

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Speaker 10: about six ways that you can you know, keep yourself

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Speaker 10: you know, joyful without having to chase a new thing.

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Speaker 10: And one thing that they talked about was tapping into

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Speaker 10: the de influencing trend of not doing comparing yourself to

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Speaker 10: people that you see on social media, which they call

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Speaker 10: it the social comparison theory, or even comparing yourself to

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Speaker 10: your family and friends, not even just comparing yourself, but

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Speaker 10: determining your value based on what you think about what

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Speaker 10: somebody else has.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, comparison is the thief of joy or something like that. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: literally that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 10: And so I think that that has probably a lot

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Speaker 10: to do with why the black suicide rate is or

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Speaker 10: the suicide rate is rising amongst black men, because we

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Speaker 10: have so much things, so many people to compare ourselves too,

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Speaker 10: now that we have social media, ignorance is bliss.

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Speaker 5: The older I get, the more I see this, the

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Speaker 5: more I know, the more upset I get, especially as

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Speaker 5: a Black man.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. I think I thought that was

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Speaker 1: a poem. For a minute. I was like the top

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Speaker 1: it was, you know, I'm saying I know I was

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Speaker 1: here with mine, but no.

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Speaker 5: I think Dick Gregory said it to be to be

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Speaker 5: black and aware in America, it's to be in a

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Speaker 5: constantly James, and I think that now with social media

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Speaker 5: and your ability to get access to so much information

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Speaker 5: so fast, it's almost like you're becoming so aware that

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Speaker 5: you're getting raged.

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Speaker 1: And some people can't deal with that. It makes them

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Speaker 1: sad and makes them depressed.

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Speaker 5: And I think that social media has added to the

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Speaker 5: increase in depression for everyone, you know, not just black men.

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Speaker 1: But everyone in particular because of what you just said.

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Speaker 5: Imagine you busting your ass and you're working hard, and

380
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Speaker 5: you doing everything you gotta do, and you you enjoying

381
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Speaker 5: your life, and then you look up like this, and

382
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Speaker 5: then there goes this guy or this girl who has

383
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Speaker 5: more than you, who looks like they're doing half is

384
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Speaker 5: what you do. It's hard to live that life if

385
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Speaker 5: you don't realize the facade that goes with social media.

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Speaker 10: I am recently medicated, and part of the reason why

387
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Speaker 10: I'm on an anti depresident is because I get anxiety

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Speaker 10: and about just comparing myself to other things, and I

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Speaker 10: have to tell myself through like therapy. Everything that I

390
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Speaker 10: am not is not bad, you know what I'm saying, Like,

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Speaker 10: I don also have to be everything that somebody else is.

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Speaker 1: Like, I am who I am, and that's amazing.

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Speaker 6: So is it really just boiling down to a refocusing

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Speaker 6: of the what you have and now what you don't have?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 6: Is that what your therapy is teaching you at least,

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Speaker 6: or what the I guess what we should be teaching people.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely, it's to stay present.

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Speaker 10: I always say this, stay present with what is, so

400
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Speaker 10: that you're not too much focused on what you know

401
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Speaker 10: what's not there's Yeah, yeah.

402
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Speaker 5: I think you're even saying this out lot is actually

403
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Speaker 5: making me realize. Like, imagine when we were kids.

404
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:08,359
Speaker 1: Just remember this.

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Speaker 5: We were kids in the nineties, right, there was no

406
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Speaker 5: social media. All you knew is what your friends had, right, right,

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Speaker 5: And most people, you know, socioeconomically, you live around who

408
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Speaker 5: is kind of equal to you. So if your friends

409
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Speaker 5: had something and you didn't have, it's like they had

410
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Speaker 5: Jordan's you didn't cool. You're dealing with that at nine.

411
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Speaker 5: But now when you're nine and you pick up your

412
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Speaker 5: phone and this person that you don't even know drives

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Speaker 5: to school every day, in a Rose Royce. You wouldn't

414
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Speaker 5: have saw that before if you just lived in Brooklyn,

415
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Speaker 5: and but now you got to look at this and

416
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Speaker 5: you're like, wait, mither the fuck why not I got

417
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Speaker 5: a Rose Royce?

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Speaker 1: What are my parents?

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Speaker 5: Like? A lot more of that thing is happening now,

420
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Speaker 5: which to me is crazy, you know, because social it's

421
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Speaker 5: not just social media, but technology in general. Because I

422
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Speaker 5: remember when I was young, my parents and grandparents just

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Speaker 5: say that at the Internet is going to be the

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Speaker 5: end of the world.

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Speaker 1: This is before social media was a thing. It was

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Speaker 1: just World Wide Web.

427
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Speaker 5: Because you could actually google something or put something in

428
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Speaker 5: and get the information.

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Speaker 1: And I remember them saying that that's a bad thing.

430
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Speaker 5: And now, after twenty plus years of watching it, it's like, yeah,

431
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Speaker 5: I can see how that can actually affect people mentally

432
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Speaker 5: to the point where they may, you know, walk around

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Speaker 5: with a state of depression.

434
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Speaker 10: Absolutely, But we say amen for Sola, Amen, she's doing

435
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Speaker 10: her big.

436
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Speaker 1: One in her brain right now.

437
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Speaker 6: Oh you said we're doing a big one for Dolo.

438
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Speaker 6: She's doing her big One's her big one? Yes, yes, yes, yes,

439
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:42,320
Speaker 6: I love that.

440
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Speaker 2: All right, So I guess we can transition back now

441
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:47,119
Speaker 2: that Josh had to finish.

442
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Speaker 1: Out to bring his paddle up.

443
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Speaker 8: He just.

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Speaker 1: And I just wanted to say, since John asked me,

445
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:56,320
Speaker 1: I agree.

446
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:00,399
Speaker 2: Josh just wants to make sure we get our money's

447
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:01,440
Speaker 2: worth with our paddles.

448
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:04,800
Speaker 10: I literally just called Josh a police officer and a

449
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:06,040
Speaker 10: text message the other day.

450
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:10,560
Speaker 1: He acting like the fans he is, bro. Yeah, I

451
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:11,240
Speaker 1: love you know what.

452
00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:17,120
Speaker 2: My favorite moment, one of my favorite Josh moments, favorite

453
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:19,560
Speaker 2: top five. Josh who was at the live show when

454
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:20,880
Speaker 2: Josh was the bailiffs.

455
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:25,919
Speaker 1: Don't even tell us.

456
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:30,399
Speaker 10: Josh being quietly hilarious is the best thing ever. It

457
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:32,760
Speaker 10: is absolutely came by and.

458
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:34,240
Speaker 1: He was like, damn about to go on stage.

459
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:42,120
Speaker 2: I was like that, it was great. He was great.

460
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:43,000
Speaker 2: You did you a big one there.

461
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:44,639
Speaker 1: I'm glad you didn't tell me to because that was

462
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:45,399
Speaker 1: a great surprise.

463
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:46,080
Speaker 4: It was great.

464
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:47,960
Speaker 2: But we had Mouse as the judge.

465
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:51,080
Speaker 1: That was hilarious.

466
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:52,920
Speaker 2: We need to do another love It was given like

467
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:53,760
Speaker 2: an Oliver stage.

468
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:55,639
Speaker 7: I saw a gap in the show. You know what

469
00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:56,000
Speaker 7: I'm saying.

470
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:04,800
Speaker 2: I love that, all right? So who here show of

471
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:05,960
Speaker 2: hands is the strong friend?

472
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:08,480
Speaker 1: And I know I'm a strong friend.

473
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:10,119
Speaker 3: You not, Josh.

474
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:13,359
Speaker 7: I think I am, But you know, i'd be wavering.

475
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:15,280
Speaker 2: Man like and wavering wide.

476
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,320
Speaker 6: Is it because you don't fully step into that role

477
00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:19,800
Speaker 6: or you don't want that role, or you're just tempering

478
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:23,200
Speaker 6: how much people have access to you in that space.

479
00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:25,440
Speaker 7: Not just I think it matters which friends I'm strong with.

480
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 2: Who deserves the strength?

481
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:32,840
Speaker 11: Yeah, who deserves the strength? And you know, I mean

482
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:35,720
Speaker 11: there are times where I can't say I'm not the

483
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:39,359
Speaker 11: strong friend around other people. I just don't need to

484
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:42,400
Speaker 11: necessarily be the strong friend around everyone. There's some people

485
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:44,080
Speaker 11: who I need to be and there's some people I.

486
00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:44,720
Speaker 7: Don't need to be.

487
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,480
Speaker 2: So so you're selective and you reserve your energy for that.

488
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,200
Speaker 11: Yeah, I mean it's a natural selection. Like I don't know,

489
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:52,840
Speaker 11: it's not me being here but them. I'm around people

490
00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:56,840
Speaker 11: who are strong. Now, I will say that I've realized

491
00:23:56,920 --> 00:23:59,040
Speaker 11: over time that people that you do think are the

492
00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:03,960
Speaker 11: strong friend, they it's a facade, right, That's why I

493
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,560
Speaker 11: said it was earlier it was it's strength out of

494
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:08,960
Speaker 11: necessity because you have to be And I take this,

495
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:11,440
Speaker 11: I use the example and forgive me if this is

496
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:14,520
Speaker 11: makes you vulnerable. But I remember when we went to

497
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:18,600
Speaker 11: Essence earlier this year and Deville, you know, had that

498
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:22,639
Speaker 11: that moment where he was just you know, vulnerable, and

499
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:25,720
Speaker 11: it started from before that. It wasn't the question or

500
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:27,960
Speaker 11: wasn't the interview, but we were talking before he was like,

501
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,280
Speaker 11: I'm just tired, right, and we were talking about that,

502
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 11: and then now him having that emotion, you know, living

503
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:37,440
Speaker 11: in that emotion. You know, he went out and then

504
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:39,359
Speaker 11: that whatever came out of it, came out of it.

505
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:42,879
Speaker 11: But we had a conversation. I was like, bro, you

506
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:44,359
Speaker 11: superman right like.

507
00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:45,960
Speaker 1: And I said, how why would you do?

508
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:46,520
Speaker 7: Exactly?

509
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:50,080
Speaker 11: Yeah, And it goes to show like sometimes you're around

510
00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:52,639
Speaker 11: people all the time and you don't think you need

511
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:54,680
Speaker 11: to be a strong friend, but they're just conversations that

512
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:58,320
Speaker 11: are not being had between both parties. Like we never

513
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:02,440
Speaker 11: had conversations add to that about it, yeah, you know,

514
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:04,720
Speaker 11: and a since then we talked about it. Yeah, you know,

515
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:07,639
Speaker 11: he talked about how stressful he is, the stressful life is,

516
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:10,760
Speaker 11: and he doesn't necessarily feel like he wants to burden

517
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:14,359
Speaker 11: a weight all the time. But I feel sometimes that

518
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:17,040
Speaker 11: I'm not as vulnerable with other people and they aren't

519
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:18,919
Speaker 11: with me. So that's why I didn't put my hand up.

520
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:21,920
Speaker 11: But in general, you know, I am a strong friend

521
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:22,640
Speaker 11: out of necessity.

522
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:27,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think my friends have carried me, especially over

523
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:29,560
Speaker 1: the last few years.

524
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:32,360
Speaker 10: But because I get up and move and I don't

525
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:34,200
Speaker 10: have any kids, and you know what I'm saying, I

526
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:37,359
Speaker 10: do stand up. You know, my friends just think that

527
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:40,200
Speaker 10: I have all this confidence, like you were saying, like

528
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:43,000
Speaker 10: people know, people who really know me, like know the

529
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:45,280
Speaker 10: real me. But I think that I'm more so the

530
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:50,360
Speaker 10: strong daughter in my family. Like I have a sister

531
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:53,440
Speaker 10: who's a complete bum. You know, my niece was homeless

532
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:56,240
Speaker 10: for like the last six years. So whenever, you know,

533
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,359
Speaker 10: they called me, it's they want something. And when my

534
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:00,239
Speaker 10: mom calls me, she calls me to complain about them,

535
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:03,840
Speaker 10: and it's like nobody asked, how are you doing? And

536
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:06,639
Speaker 10: so it's like I don't really have the space in

537
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:10,920
Speaker 10: that relationship to be you know, vulnerable, or to break

538
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:12,800
Speaker 10: down or you know what I'm saying. And I know

539
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:16,400
Speaker 10: that especially emotionally, Like if it came if I asked

540
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,280
Speaker 10: my mom, you know, can you give me a hundred dollars,

541
00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:21,560
Speaker 10: she would do that. But like the emotional the just

542
00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:24,560
Speaker 10: like social aspect of it is just like I don't

543
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:27,560
Speaker 10: think anybody really cares how I'm doing.

544
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:30,840
Speaker 5: I'm glad you brought that up because even to go

545
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,600
Speaker 5: back to what Josh was talking about, Josh and like

546
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:35,680
Speaker 5: me a little bit dead well. I was talking him

547
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:37,399
Speaker 5: about everything I was going through, and he was like

548
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:40,199
Speaker 5: he literally looked at me and was like, how were

549
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:40,920
Speaker 5: we supposed to know?

550
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:44,960
Speaker 1: He was like, you walk around like Superman all the time.

551
00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:47,160
Speaker 1: And then I was like, well, what am.

552
00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:48,680
Speaker 5: Most am I supposed to do? I'm supposed to just

553
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:51,840
Speaker 5: burden everybody else of what I'm going through. Nobody else

554
00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:53,960
Speaker 5: can fix my problems, so how am I supposed to

555
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:56,160
Speaker 5: say it? And that's what led me to get emotional

556
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:59,120
Speaker 5: because the thought process was like, Yo, nobody can really

557
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:02,040
Speaker 5: fix my problem. And when you think about how heavy

558
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:06,680
Speaker 5: that is, it's like, damn, like nobody coming. Remember the

559
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:10,800
Speaker 5: first question, nobody can literally fix my problems except me.

560
00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:13,639
Speaker 5: On top of that, I have to be strong for

561
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:17,440
Speaker 5: everybody that it was weighing on me, and that moment

562
00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:19,520
Speaker 5: right there, when Josh had told me that I walk

563
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:22,000
Speaker 5: around like Superman, it was almost like a dang devode.

564
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:24,159
Speaker 5: You can't blame people for not coming to save you

565
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,640
Speaker 5: if you walk around like you don't ever got no problems.

566
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:30,160
Speaker 6: But is it you wanting to find people to potentially

567
00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:32,720
Speaker 6: fix your problems or is it that you just sometimes

568
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:35,560
Speaker 6: need to offload. Because I don't think that you necessarily

569
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,200
Speaker 6: have to find someone who in that moment can fix something.

570
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:41,560
Speaker 6: Sometimes you just need an avenue to unleash or to

571
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:43,240
Speaker 6: vent or to offload.

572
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:46,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, absolutely right now. But that's what Trippa was saying.

573
00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:48,720
Speaker 5: If I walk around like Superman, Remember when Tripple said,

574
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,840
Speaker 5: no one calls and asks me how I'm doing. If

575
00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:55,560
Speaker 5: I walk around all day like everything's perfectly fine, people

576
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:57,159
Speaker 5: are not going to just be triggered to.

577
00:27:57,160 --> 00:27:58,080
Speaker 1: Be like, hey, are you okay?

578
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:01,240
Speaker 5: Because I always put the facade on, right, even when

579
00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:05,000
Speaker 5: I'm going like that going into that series of press.

580
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:07,639
Speaker 5: Matt was here the two weeks before that, I was

581
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:10,959
Speaker 5: stressed before even going into press. Yeah, so I had

582
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:13,840
Speaker 5: to put on the face. That's the facade that everybody

583
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:16,679
Speaker 5: talks about. You know, I'm fine, everything's fine. So then

584
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:18,560
Speaker 5: how can you expect people to check on you when

585
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:21,520
Speaker 5: you always walk around acting like you're okay?

586
00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:22,440
Speaker 1: And I'm guilty of that.

587
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:24,880
Speaker 5: Like hearing them say it and I realized, like, yeah,

588
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:27,320
Speaker 5: I really am guilty of that, and I can't blame.

589
00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 2: People and they're not checking on me and talking to you.

590
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:33,440
Speaker 6: We also realize how the energy in the household is

591
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:36,560
Speaker 6: completely thrown off if DEVO is not in a good place.

592
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:39,320
Speaker 6: It's like a trickle down effect. And the boys are

593
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:42,000
Speaker 6: so in tune with us, like I think as a unit,

594
00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:43,719
Speaker 6: as a family, we're so in tune with each other

595
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:46,560
Speaker 6: that if one person's energy is off amongst the six

596
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:50,200
Speaker 6: of us, like, it throws off balance. So for you

597
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:52,720
Speaker 6: to be off balance, it then comes down on me.

598
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:54,720
Speaker 6: And then it's like the kids are looking around like, Okay,

599
00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:55,760
Speaker 6: what's happening here?

600
00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:58,000
Speaker 5: So doing to think about that when people say why

601
00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:00,280
Speaker 5: do you put the face on that right there is yeah,

602
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:03,800
Speaker 5: And I understand why because if I'm not the way

603
00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:07,760
Speaker 5: I'm supposed to be for everybody, it trickles down on you,

604
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:09,760
Speaker 5: then it trick us down on the kids, then it

605
00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:11,960
Speaker 5: tricks down on my work. So when I wake up

606
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,320
Speaker 5: in the morning, I literally have to make a choice,

607
00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:17,000
Speaker 5: like most people do. I have to make a choice

608
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:18,480
Speaker 5: to be happy, right, don't all of us?

609
00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:18,800
Speaker 2: YEA?

610
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:21,520
Speaker 1: At some point I'm not going to carry the energy

611
00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:24,640
Speaker 1: of what I'm going through. Yes to anywhere I'm going.

612
00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:28,320
Speaker 5: So you make this choice to be happy, and then

613
00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:30,920
Speaker 5: when you're the quote unquote strong friend and you look happy,

614
00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:33,640
Speaker 5: everybody say, okay, cool, the strong friend's cool, so we

615
00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:34,280
Speaker 5: all cool.

616
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:34,600
Speaker 4: Right.

617
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:37,320
Speaker 5: So that's the kind of like the plight you feel

618
00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:39,760
Speaker 5: you get labeled a strong friend, kind of like what

619
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:42,280
Speaker 5: you just said when everyone's energy is off, because mine,

620
00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:43,480
Speaker 5: that's what happens.

621
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:45,280
Speaker 6: Right, And I think it's also about finding pockets because

622
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:47,720
Speaker 6: what you said triple, you said that within your familial

623
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:50,400
Speaker 6: relationship between like your sister, your niece and stuff like that,

624
00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:53,280
Speaker 6: you feel like you're the strong one for them. Now

625
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:55,960
Speaker 6: as the strong one for them, do you also have

626
00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:58,520
Speaker 6: pockets and like conduits where you're like, Okay, I can

627
00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:02,760
Speaker 6: go to this person to them offload because in that relationship,

628
00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:05,520
Speaker 6: I'm not the strong one. Like do you guys have

629
00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:07,200
Speaker 6: people where you're like, Okay, no I can do that

630
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 6: with because you feel like you have no one that

631
00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:11,080
Speaker 6: you can do that with, I mean aside from you

632
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:13,560
Speaker 6: and I like I had no one.

633
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:17,040
Speaker 5: The revelation after having that conversation with Josh as he

634
00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:20,320
Speaker 5: he said he cares. But now that I know that,

635
00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:23,320
Speaker 5: I can talk more vulnerably with Josh. Me and Matt

636
00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:25,040
Speaker 5: have been that for a couple of years now since

637
00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:27,280
Speaker 5: he's moved down there. Me having my guide group that

638
00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:30,280
Speaker 5: comes down at twelve o'clock is literally that guys, like

639
00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:33,720
Speaker 5: that conversation with Josh and then me breaking down like

640
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:36,120
Speaker 5: that and then actually seeing it and being like yo,

641
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:39,640
Speaker 5: like Devalu, you can't get to that point every year,

642
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:42,320
Speaker 5: And you know what I'm saying, you have to have outlets.

643
00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:43,640
Speaker 1: And that's why I'm glad you asked.

644
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:45,640
Speaker 5: A question because now, but we sit down here, like

645
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:47,400
Speaker 5: as soon as we get done this podcast, we're gonna

646
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:49,080
Speaker 5: get in that gym, we're gonna work out, but it's

647
00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:51,680
Speaker 5: not about working out. I'm gonna tell them how I

648
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 5: feel about stuff. They're gonna tell me. We're gonna talk.

649
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:56,680
Speaker 1: About our wives, our kids, and work and money.

650
00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:59,400
Speaker 5: And it allows us, because all of us at some

651
00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:02,280
Speaker 5: point play strong front, it allows us in that moment

652
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:04,040
Speaker 5: to not have to beat the strong front.

653
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:05,440
Speaker 1: Yeah you know what I'm saying.

654
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:11,200
Speaker 10: Yeah, I definitely this year has been emotionally mentally just hard. Yeah,

655
00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:16,520
Speaker 10: And I've had like you know, bad bouts of just

656
00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:20,720
Speaker 10: anxiety and depression and one of some of my friends

657
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:22,880
Speaker 10: who live in New York. I had was just telling

658
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:24,880
Speaker 10: them like just kind of lightly like, oh, I just

659
00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:28,120
Speaker 10: had a panic attack, you know. And they were like

660
00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:31,240
Speaker 10: they like called me, they like scheduled a call, and

661
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:33,800
Speaker 10: they were like, we're really worried about you because you've

662
00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:35,920
Speaker 10: been having panic attacks and we don't want you to.

663
00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:36,920
Speaker 1: Suffer that way.

664
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 10: Like, and they were asking me, like you know what happens,

665
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:42,560
Speaker 10: you know, just like getting more information and talking to

666
00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:44,800
Speaker 10: me because I won't bring it up. It's like it

667
00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:47,440
Speaker 10: feels embarrassing, it feels vulnerable. It's hard to really be

668
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:51,000
Speaker 10: vulnerable emotionally with somebody like that. And so and then

669
00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:53,600
Speaker 10: they invited me to meditation because they were like, you

670
00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:55,880
Speaker 10: should start. And then we did a thirty day meditation

671
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 10: challenge together. And so that felt really good to know

672
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:03,240
Speaker 10: that I had them to lean on, especially with something

673
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:07,280
Speaker 10: that was so vulnerable, like just this like something that's

674
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 10: scary and something that I go through alone.

675
00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:10,400
Speaker 1: I live alone, you know what I'm saying.

676
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:12,560
Speaker 10: When I have a panic attack, sometimes I can call

677
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:15,760
Speaker 10: like somebody, but sometimes it's three o'clock in the morning,

678
00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:17,160
Speaker 10: like you know what I'm saying.

679
00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:19,880
Speaker 1: So just to know that they were there for me

680
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:20,600
Speaker 1: in that moment.

681
00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:23,760
Speaker 10: It definitely took a weight off of me to feel

682
00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:27,760
Speaker 10: like I do have support through like whatever I'm going through.

683
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:29,360
Speaker 6: Well trip, But I mean, I know you said you

684
00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 6: live alone, and we joke a lot because that's the

685
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:33,320
Speaker 6: nature of like our podcasts and stuff, even though we

686
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:35,360
Speaker 6: do have serious topics. But I hate for you to

687
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:38,120
Speaker 6: feel like you live alone because you're here literally twenty

688
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:40,080
Speaker 6: minutes away from us. I know, like it would take

689
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:43,200
Speaker 6: nothing for you because our house is literally like for

690
00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:46,400
Speaker 6: certain people open door policy, it would take nothing for

691
00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:48,240
Speaker 6: you to just be like show up at the door

692
00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:50,040
Speaker 6: and like you just want to be in a different space,

693
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:52,440
Speaker 6: you know what I'm saying, Yeah, or like be around

694
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:55,120
Speaker 6: different energy, or like hang with the kids because they

695
00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:57,160
Speaker 6: will definitely be a light, or like you know, so

696
00:32:57,560 --> 00:32:59,640
Speaker 6: I just want to open that door to you. You

697
00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:02,480
Speaker 6: feel like didn't have that before down here, to just

698
00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:04,360
Speaker 6: like pop in and just be like, hey, guys, like

699
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:06,200
Speaker 6: I just want to like the scene of your family.

700
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:09,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, we are family.

701
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:09,920
Speaker 4: Yeah.

702
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:12,880
Speaker 5: You know, sometimes like being in solitude is enough to

703
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,240
Speaker 5: drive you crazy. Absolutely, let me go over to the

704
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:16,040
Speaker 5: Ellis house.

705
00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:17,440
Speaker 1: And you won't get driven crazy.

706
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:20,360
Speaker 5: A loan because you're gonna be tired of these motherfuckers

707
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 5: in about ten minutes and the triple.

708
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:24,560
Speaker 1: Can I trouble? Can you trible? Okay, it's time for

709
00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:25,200
Speaker 1: me to go home.

710
00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:28,680
Speaker 2: Watch I feel better now, I'm gonna go. Or you

711
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:31,240
Speaker 2: could just sit with Pops and watch wrestling, like that's

712
00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:32,720
Speaker 2: one of his favorite things to do. You know what

713
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 2: I'm saying. So please know that you have us here.

714
00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:36,920
Speaker 6: Like I hate you. I hate to hear you say

715
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:38,600
Speaker 6: that you live alone because I feel like you really

716
00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:39,680
Speaker 6: genuinely don't if you have.

717
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:40,800
Speaker 2: Us down, that's true.

718
00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:42,120
Speaker 1: I should have more off do that.

719
00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 6: Yeah, Like you literally just text us like, hey, guys,

720
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 6: it's cool if I pop by, like chances are yes,

721
00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:48,320
Speaker 6: Like like literally.

722
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:50,640
Speaker 7: Time and tell me against you'll like kids?

723
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:53,840
Speaker 1: So no kids, And I do love y'all. Kid.

724
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:54,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, our kids are different.

725
00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:56,040
Speaker 1: I do have that thing too.

726
00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:59,000
Speaker 10: Three of my friends, three of my closest friends, all

727
00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:00,920
Speaker 10: just have babies in the last three months.

728
00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:01,480
Speaker 2: Oh wow.

729
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:05,080
Speaker 10: And my best friend had a baby girl, and she

730
00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:07,400
Speaker 10: was like, she like called me because she was driving

731
00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:09,160
Speaker 10: somewhere and she was like, since I ain't heard from you,

732
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:11,040
Speaker 10: I'm like, you just had a baby two days ago.

733
00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:13,440
Speaker 10: I don't know what you're doing, Like I don't know

734
00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:15,480
Speaker 10: what you know, what I'm saying, what parents be doing,

735
00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:17,480
Speaker 10: I'd be like scared to, you know, wake them up

736
00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:19,320
Speaker 10: from nap where like you're in the middle of feeding

737
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:19,960
Speaker 10: or something like that.

738
00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:21,719
Speaker 1: So that's my hang up.

739
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:23,920
Speaker 10: I'd be like, man, y'all got a thousand kids over there,

740
00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:25,279
Speaker 10: what y'all could be doing.

741
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:28,839
Speaker 5: Parents love talking to adults because when you have talked

742
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:31,560
Speaker 5: to a kid all day, when your friend calls you

743
00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:35,480
Speaker 5: wanting to talk about anything other than pampers, what's the

744
00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:35,839
Speaker 5: other thing?

745
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:37,560
Speaker 1: The creams, the potty training.

746
00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:40,920
Speaker 5: When we were in that phase of young baby stuff,

747
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:43,320
Speaker 5: when my boys would call me to talk about anything

748
00:34:43,440 --> 00:34:45,400
Speaker 5: other than that, it was like the greatest part of

749
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:45,759
Speaker 5: my day.

750
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:48,560
Speaker 6: Yeah, I don't know, just cleaning buggers, but tell me

751
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:52,000
Speaker 6: about your day, Like, no big deal. So how many

752
00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:56,719
Speaker 6: of you when someone asks, hey, how are you? Just

753
00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:58,719
Speaker 6: say I'm good, knowing that you're not good.

754
00:34:58,920 --> 00:34:59,680
Speaker 3: I'm from New York.

755
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:00,400
Speaker 4: Hi.

756
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:06,560
Speaker 6: Yeah, like literally literally, because I found myself right just yesterday.

757
00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:11,839
Speaker 2: Right, I found myself even just yesterday being okay, saying

758
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:13,200
Speaker 2: I'm not okay.

759
00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:17,200
Speaker 6: Actually, two people asked me at Jackson's game two other

760
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:19,920
Speaker 6: mothers there whose sons play with Jackson, and one came

761
00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:21,719
Speaker 6: over to me. I think it's also because I'm still

762
00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:23,200
Speaker 6: carrying the weight of grief and whatnot.

763
00:35:23,239 --> 00:35:25,839
Speaker 2: But she was like, how are you, Like, how's everything been?

764
00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:27,480
Speaker 2: I haven't seen you in a while. I was supposed

765
00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:29,120
Speaker 2: to swing by her cafe I hadn't been able to,

766
00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:33,160
Speaker 2: and she's like, have you been? And I'm like, not good, honestly.

767
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:35,960
Speaker 6: And when I said that, it's almost she was like,

768
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:38,920
Speaker 6: oh okay. And then she's softened a bit and she's like,

769
00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:42,840
Speaker 6: is everything okay? And when someone actually takes the step

770
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:47,319
Speaker 6: to ask genuinely okay, if everything is not okay, tell

771
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:50,000
Speaker 6: me like, do you mind sharing? It almost feels good

772
00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:52,360
Speaker 6: to just be able to unleash a little bit because

773
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:56,360
Speaker 6: we are in this system. I feel like of just

774
00:35:56,480 --> 00:36:00,319
Speaker 6: always having to say, yeah, everything's good, everything's fine, knowing

775
00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:03,120
Speaker 6: good and well, everything is not fine. So I was

776
00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:06,160
Speaker 6: just curious to know if you guys have ever had

777
00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:08,320
Speaker 6: someone ask you, hey, how's everything? How are you and

778
00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:12,000
Speaker 6: you literally said it's not okay, Yeah I'm not okay.

779
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:14,440
Speaker 1: Definitely with friends with close friends.

780
00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:17,600
Speaker 10: I also have started saying this thing this year if

781
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:19,480
Speaker 10: I'm not a good and it's not somebody I really

782
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:21,120
Speaker 10: want to get into it with.

783
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:22,839
Speaker 1: I'll be like yet, holding.

784
00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:27,520
Speaker 2: On right, leaning on the everlasting.

785
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:31,520
Speaker 5: It's funny you asked that question. I did answer the

786
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:35,400
Speaker 5: question during the Essence interview and it was split. Some

787
00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:37,839
Speaker 5: people loved it, some people hated it. And the reason

788
00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:41,200
Speaker 5: why I say that is because men don't have that ability,

789
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:43,680
Speaker 5: that latitude to honestly say how they feel.

790
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:47,000
Speaker 1: Because when you do, other people project why you're being

791
00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:49,040
Speaker 1: honest about how you feel on you.

792
00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:50,359
Speaker 2: It's not a safe space.

793
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:53,400
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's not a safe space, especially for men. And

794
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:56,719
Speaker 5: that's not just the Internet. Let you be in a

795
00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:58,719
Speaker 5: group with a bunch of dudes who aren't mature enough

796
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:00,759
Speaker 5: to understand that people go through shit, and they ask,

797
00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:01,560
Speaker 5: you know, do how you feel?

798
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:04,480
Speaker 1: You're actually I'm struggling to be like you man, and

799
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:05,760
Speaker 1: nobody care about your problems.

800
00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:07,600
Speaker 5: We all got problems you gotta find And then they

801
00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:10,040
Speaker 5: start telling you how you need to fix your attitude too,

802
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:11,640
Speaker 5: And then men just start to be you know, what

803
00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:14,520
Speaker 5: you're right, and then that becomes what that is, and

804
00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:17,560
Speaker 5: then that becomes who you are, and to be honest.

805
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:20,480
Speaker 2: That's exactly who I am a tough and exterior from football.

806
00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:24,080
Speaker 1: How you feel good? How you feel good? They don't

807
00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:27,440
Speaker 1: even tell you. They just say how you feel so

808
00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:29,359
Speaker 1: you can respond good.

809
00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:29,880
Speaker 2: Right.

810
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:32,840
Speaker 1: They don't expect the response. When I'm with the kids

811
00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:33,440
Speaker 1: and I'm.

812
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:35,640
Speaker 5: Like, hey, how y'all feel, they all said good, like

813
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:38,440
Speaker 5: it's been trained to them, Right, I do it. Now,

814
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:40,840
Speaker 5: do how you feel? Like I'm maintaining, you know, can't complain,

815
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:43,360
Speaker 5: And then my boys will say, shit, even if you complain,

816
00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:46,200
Speaker 5: don't nobody anywhere you.

817
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:48,719
Speaker 1: Know what I'm saying. That's how we exist in the world.

818
00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:50,799
Speaker 6: Yeah, you know, No, I completely get it, I think,

819
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:52,640
Speaker 6: And it's off putting when you say to people I'm

820
00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:55,160
Speaker 6: not okay. It's like, oh wait, I didn't expect that,

821
00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:58,319
Speaker 6: especially somebody like you said, for example, tripling to vout,

822
00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:00,200
Speaker 6: like if it's not a safe space or not a

823
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:02,680
Speaker 6: close friend like these women I know in passing because

824
00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:04,920
Speaker 6: our kids play fours together, but we're not, you.

825
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:05,800
Speaker 2: Know, super close.

826
00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:08,360
Speaker 6: So when they asked me, and I literally am on

827
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:11,160
Speaker 6: the brink of like grief is in my throat, it's

828
00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:13,440
Speaker 6: almost like I can't even say that I'm okay because

829
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:15,640
Speaker 6: I'm genuinely not and I just felt to say that,

830
00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:18,120
Speaker 6: and then you know what it was reciprocated with was

831
00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:21,279
Speaker 6: concern and compassion. One text me this morning, I woke

832
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:23,759
Speaker 6: up to a text to say, Hey, like I saw

833
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:25,920
Speaker 6: you yesterday, I fel you your energy.

834
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:29,399
Speaker 2: I'm here for whatever it is you need. And I'm

835
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:30,839
Speaker 2: just like, wow, that was Jake's mom.

836
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:33,400
Speaker 6: It was just very nice to have that because I'm like, Okay,

837
00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:35,880
Speaker 6: your support system in your circle actually can be a

838
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:38,239
Speaker 6: bit bigger than you maybe think it is, you know,

839
00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:40,399
Speaker 6: but it's always having discernment to know where those safe

840
00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:42,360
Speaker 6: spaces are to share your feelings.

841
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:43,480
Speaker 1: That's what I was want to say.

842
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:46,880
Speaker 10: Yeah, somebody asked me the other day she wanted to

843
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:49,600
Speaker 10: like vent about something that happened in her life, and

844
00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:52,800
Speaker 10: she asked, do you have capacity to listen to me

845
00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:53,879
Speaker 10: vent right now?

846
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:58,120
Speaker 1: Oh wow? She asked, oh yeah, And I was like, absolutely, girl,

847
00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:04,160
Speaker 1: what's yeah been through? Do you have the capacity that

848
00:39:04,320 --> 00:39:05,400
Speaker 1: person has been through therapy?

849
00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:05,600
Speaker 4: Right?

850
00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:09,160
Speaker 2: Some people just offload and ask what you got going on?

851
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:11,840
Speaker 3: R exactly, and that just start dumping on you sometimes.

852
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:12,160
Speaker 4: Right.

853
00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:14,520
Speaker 10: That definitely comes with being the strong person that's always

854
00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:17,759
Speaker 10: willing to listen and support, that has good advice, but

855
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:21,360
Speaker 10: sometimes you going through your own ship and sometimes we

856
00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:23,840
Speaker 10: don't have the capacity to sit there and listen or

857
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:27,719
Speaker 10: I might be distracted. I'm not really you know, I'm multitasking.

858
00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:29,279
Speaker 10: I can't really listen the way you need me to.

859
00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:32,080
Speaker 10: Right now. Let's table, let's talk about it later. It's

860
00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:34,520
Speaker 10: always good to just get a read, even if, like

861
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:37,080
Speaker 10: you know, you want to lean on your strong friend,

862
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:40,120
Speaker 10: and the little, the smallest thing you can do to

863
00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:42,600
Speaker 10: check on your strong friend is to is to preface,

864
00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:45,200
Speaker 10: like what you need from them with is there anything

865
00:39:45,239 --> 00:39:45,840
Speaker 10: you need for me.

866
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:46,600
Speaker 3: In this right?

867
00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:47,919
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's dope.

868
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:49,279
Speaker 1: You know what I will.

869
00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:52,320
Speaker 5: I will say to try to read between the lines

870
00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:57,440
Speaker 5: with your your friends or acquaintances. Sometimes people are sending

871
00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:00,200
Speaker 5: messages for help without even saying in it.

872
00:40:00,719 --> 00:40:02,920
Speaker 2: You know, if you genuinely know someone, Yes, if you

873
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:03,480
Speaker 2: know someone.

874
00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:06,560
Speaker 5: I have a friend who's close to me who doesn't

875
00:40:06,600 --> 00:40:09,040
Speaker 5: hit me often, like they really don't hit me often.

876
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:11,000
Speaker 5: And then the past couple of months it's been like

877
00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:16,360
Speaker 5: every two days, Hey, just checking on you.

878
00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:20,000
Speaker 1: I respond, I'm good, Hey, just's checking on you. I'm good.

879
00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:22,959
Speaker 5: After like the fifth one, I said, Yo, are you good?

880
00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:26,080
Speaker 5: And then they called me and I was like, damn,

881
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:28,000
Speaker 5: you wuldn't even pay. He don't ever hit me, hit

882
00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:30,200
Speaker 5: me like five years in row. And then he was

883
00:40:30,239 --> 00:40:32,400
Speaker 5: going through telling me what now. He didn't ask me

884
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:34,080
Speaker 5: if I had the capacity, and to be honest, I

885
00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:36,719
Speaker 5: didn't have the capacity. And while he's talking to me,

886
00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:38,720
Speaker 5: it was kind of like why why this was happening

887
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:41,200
Speaker 5: while everything was going on with us in Jamaica and

888
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:43,839
Speaker 5: I and I was just like, you know, okay, okay,

889
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:47,080
Speaker 5: and I felt bad, but I kind of did feel like, bro,

890
00:40:47,760 --> 00:40:49,880
Speaker 5: now is not the time you have the capacity. I

891
00:40:49,920 --> 00:40:51,640
Speaker 5: didn't have the capacity. And I didn't even know how

892
00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:53,960
Speaker 5: to say to him, so I just let him vent.

893
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:56,920
Speaker 5: And then after he was done venting, he legit was

894
00:40:57,000 --> 00:40:58,120
Speaker 5: just like, oh, thanks, I just need to get off

895
00:40:58,200 --> 00:40:58,520
Speaker 5: my chest.

896
00:40:58,600 --> 00:40:59,959
Speaker 3: That's what most people need and I haven't.

897
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:02,560
Speaker 1: I didn't give them no advice and I haven't heard

898
00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:03,120
Speaker 1: from him.

899
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:06,000
Speaker 2: Since right right right, But you were a trusted outlet.

900
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:08,000
Speaker 1: I was a trusted outlet. Yeah. I've also learned to

901
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:09,879
Speaker 1: just kind of shut up when people just need to vent.

902
00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:17,239
Speaker 10: Respond so annoying when I'm venting to somebody and then

903
00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:18,680
Speaker 10: they start giving me solutions.

904
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:23,000
Speaker 1: Why don't you make a tutorial, since you know, since

905
00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:24,279
Speaker 1: you got your degree.

906
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:27,000
Speaker 2: Since you have the capacity.

907
00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:29,719
Speaker 11: I think for me, a lot of times I just

908
00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:33,120
Speaker 11: want somebody listen because, as you said earlier, like you

909
00:41:33,239 --> 00:41:35,239
Speaker 11: can't help me, like no one can help me, Like

910
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:37,200
Speaker 11: I need to get to the point where I can

911
00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 11: help myself.

912
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:39,800
Speaker 7: That's what That's really what it is.

913
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:44,239
Speaker 11: So it gets annoying when you when you're trying to

914
00:41:44,280 --> 00:41:48,040
Speaker 11: tell somebody stuff and they're just giving you. Well, maybe

915
00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:49,719
Speaker 11: you need to do one thing I thought of that

916
00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:53,600
Speaker 11: you think I'm stupid Like you, you want to be

917
00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:55,960
Speaker 11: able to just talk to people and give them, like

918
00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:59,160
Speaker 11: give them your heart and just let it out, but

919
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:02,200
Speaker 11: not necessarily get all the advice and all the things

920
00:42:02,239 --> 00:42:04,000
Speaker 11: that you already know that they don't know, they know

921
00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:05,719
Speaker 11: they're not even qualified to give you.

922
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:07,879
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, that's my one of the truth,

923
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:09,680
Speaker 1: and I don't want to forget it.

924
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:16,399
Speaker 5: Sometimes when you got to check on your your strong friend,

925
00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:18,880
Speaker 5: When you checking on your strong friends, you don't got

926
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:19,800
Speaker 5: to give them nothing.

927
00:42:20,480 --> 00:42:22,959
Speaker 1: Sometimes your strong friend just needs to be heard.

928
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:26,600
Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying, Hey, bro, Sis just checking

929
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:28,239
Speaker 5: on you you Okay, No, I'm not Okay, do you

930
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:29,560
Speaker 5: have the capacity to listen right now?

931
00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:34,200
Speaker 1: Actually I do, go ahead, yeah, because I wish.

932
00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:36,040
Speaker 5: Somebody would let me have that in the moment. You

933
00:42:36,080 --> 00:42:38,239
Speaker 5: know what I'm saying, Well, that's that'd be mad matt

934
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:42,040
Speaker 5: be listening. I'll be feeling bad for that because like,

935
00:42:43,719 --> 00:42:46,239
Speaker 5: I don't want to offload on my wife, you know

936
00:42:46,239 --> 00:42:48,280
Speaker 5: what I'm saying, because she's not the issue.

937
00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:52,080
Speaker 1: And I like to keep my house okay, you know

938
00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:52,520
Speaker 1: what I'm saying.

939
00:42:52,520 --> 00:42:53,800
Speaker 5: When when you want to keep your house, Okay, I

940
00:42:53,840 --> 00:42:56,080
Speaker 5: can't offload on my wife because she's gonna think carried.

941
00:42:56,640 --> 00:42:56,839
Speaker 7: Yeah.

942
00:42:56,960 --> 00:43:00,080
Speaker 1: So it's like I can't talk to my kids. And

943
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:01,800
Speaker 1: this is like you know what, mag.

944
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:06,080
Speaker 5: When you get that text, because I'll have a bad

945
00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:08,120
Speaker 5: day and I'll be like, I'm canceling my twelve o'clock

946
00:43:08,160 --> 00:43:10,960
Speaker 5: for whatever reason, and I man, man, you're still coming right,

947
00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:12,800
Speaker 5: And then he'd be like you already know.

948
00:43:13,239 --> 00:43:15,680
Speaker 1: The minute he comes down the stairs, this be me.

949
00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:19,080
Speaker 1: He'd be like, what happened.

950
00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:21,120
Speaker 5: I'm like, man, I spoke to Joe TP And then

951
00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:22,880
Speaker 5: it's like all the ship that I got going on,

952
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:24,520
Speaker 5: I offload.

953
00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:25,080
Speaker 1: And the mattress is there.

954
00:43:26,120 --> 00:43:31,560
Speaker 5: Oh, mag, Mag gonna listen that I just he just

955
00:43:31,719 --> 00:43:34,400
Speaker 5: listens and then he'll say to me, so have you

956
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:36,840
Speaker 5: come up with planner? So it's like, what's your thing?

957
00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:38,480
Speaker 5: And then I'll talk through it with him and then

958
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:40,440
Speaker 5: it's like me talking through It's like I.

959
00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:44,080
Speaker 10: Got it, yeah, yeah, I got it, like sounding board yeah,

960
00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:46,200
Speaker 10: sounding board yeah and something.

961
00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:47,959
Speaker 5: But this is why I actually love this podcast because

962
00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:50,800
Speaker 5: sometimes I come up with solutions listening to y'all go

963
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:52,160
Speaker 5: through the same ship I go through.

964
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:54,920
Speaker 1: And then it's like, ah, that's why I'll be stealing his.

965
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:56,600
Speaker 3: Moment of truth every time.

966
00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:01,560
Speaker 1: But this is the strong friend here who don't like

967
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:02,680
Speaker 1: being a strong friend.

968
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:04,839
Speaker 5: I said this to you years ago when you had

969
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:07,279
Speaker 5: changed her perspective on some things in our marriage, and

970
00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:09,560
Speaker 5: I was like, Josh, like, why won't you just say

971
00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:13,920
Speaker 5: things more often? And you was just like, sometimes it's

972
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:17,360
Speaker 5: another moment that seek out through your ass on the

973
00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:22,080
Speaker 5: podcast and literally literally trouble between trouble.

974
00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:23,200
Speaker 1: Coming in and stuff. I was like, this is a

975
00:44:23,239 --> 00:44:26,560
Speaker 1: different perspective that can help me. I was being selfish.

976
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:33,920
Speaker 1: That's giving me about life. You've been changing my perspective

977
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:34,719
Speaker 1: on things like that.

978
00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:40,040
Speaker 5: Sometimes as a friend need that, like I actually thought

979
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:42,520
Speaker 5: about this is my sounding board right here, sitting right

980
00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:44,000
Speaker 5: across from me when I don't want to dump on

981
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:46,400
Speaker 5: my wife because sometimes I know you be tired of

982
00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:47,839
Speaker 5: me too. When I'll be telling you all the ship

983
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:48,520
Speaker 5: I'll be going through.

984
00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:50,919
Speaker 6: I just putting that on you, and I don't feel

985
00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:53,600
Speaker 6: like it's putting it on me, because I want to understand,

986
00:44:53,719 --> 00:44:55,919
Speaker 6: like what's going on in your brain your world. Sometimes

987
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,960
Speaker 6: you walk around here looking pensive or looking like disconnected,

988
00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:01,480
Speaker 6: and I'm just like watching you move, and I'm like,

989
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:03,799
Speaker 6: are you okay? And That's why I ask you frequently

990
00:45:04,239 --> 00:45:07,000
Speaker 6: you do are you okay? It's everything okay? You seem pensive,

991
00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:08,800
Speaker 6: and not that I think it's anything I've done or

992
00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:11,040
Speaker 6: the kids have done, but it's just like, what's going on.

993
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:11,600
Speaker 2: In your mind?

994
00:45:11,719 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 6: Is there anything that I can assist with to help

995
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:17,120
Speaker 6: ease that? And I'm also constantly concerned about your mental

996
00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:19,840
Speaker 6: like I know family history and you know things like that.

997
00:45:19,920 --> 00:45:21,279
Speaker 6: I just want to make sure that you never get

998
00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:24,320
Speaker 6: to a point where you feel like you never were supported,

999
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:27,920
Speaker 6: you know, from a mental perspective, you know, from a

1000
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:29,000
Speaker 6: feelings perspective.

1001
00:45:29,239 --> 00:45:31,239
Speaker 5: Sometimes she asked me, like multiple times in the day,

1002
00:45:31,239 --> 00:45:33,480
Speaker 5: and then I got black, why you.

1003
00:45:35,719 --> 00:45:35,960
Speaker 2: Know me?

1004
00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:39,360
Speaker 12: Yeah, that's not just you, that's me as well, that's

1005
00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:41,800
Speaker 12: most people. But if you keep asking the person and

1006
00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:43,719
Speaker 12: they don't open up right away, so why you keep

1007
00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:46,200
Speaker 12: asking me that and don't even realize that actually, yo?

1008
00:45:46,320 --> 00:45:47,520
Speaker 3: Are you actually like?

1009
00:45:48,040 --> 00:45:48,360
Speaker 2: Actually?

1010
00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:52,040
Speaker 6: And it's not just to be polite, it's like you

1011
00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:54,840
Speaker 6: seem all, she seems off. Is there anything that I

1012
00:45:54,920 --> 00:45:55,560
Speaker 6: can assist with?

1013
00:45:55,719 --> 00:45:58,839
Speaker 5: It's another moment of truth when asking people how they feel.

1014
00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:01,799
Speaker 5: Don't just ask to be polite, asking if you care,

1015
00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:04,800
Speaker 5: if you care exactly capacity to ask the question?

1016
00:46:05,239 --> 00:46:06,840
Speaker 2: Absolutely, don't ask you know what?

1017
00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:09,520
Speaker 1: I get that. That's another one, all right, absolutely learn

1018
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:12,000
Speaker 1: a lot today from It's.

1019
00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:14,040
Speaker 12: In New York and they for us by yo, hey

1020
00:46:14,080 --> 00:46:17,200
Speaker 12: how are you? And they keep walking. But I realized

1021
00:46:17,200 --> 00:46:18,560
Speaker 12: that moving down here like you can't do that.

1022
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:21,160
Speaker 7: You're good because it was because somebody will literally.

1023
00:46:21,080 --> 00:46:24,640
Speaker 12: Start to answering your question right there, and I feel

1024
00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:27,040
Speaker 12: bad walking away like that. You actually need somebody to

1025
00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:27,520
Speaker 12: listen to.

1026
00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:27,880
Speaker 3: You right now?

1027
00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:29,120
Speaker 2: For sure, for sure.

1028
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:30,719
Speaker 6: But think about the exercise we did with the kids

1029
00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:33,400
Speaker 6: over the summer, just sitting with them and saying, hey, yo,

1030
00:46:33,480 --> 00:46:35,239
Speaker 6: you got five minutes, start a clock, tell me how

1031
00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:35,600
Speaker 6: you feel.

1032
00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:37,400
Speaker 2: Imagine if you did that with just a random adult

1033
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:39,160
Speaker 2: on a random day. You know what I'm saying.

1034
00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:44,800
Speaker 5: Emotional, The boys got adults would get super emotional.

1035
00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:48,680
Speaker 2: Absolutely, That's how I felt last That's at that basketball

1036
00:46:48,680 --> 00:46:50,200
Speaker 2: game last night when she was like, how are you

1037
00:46:50,239 --> 00:46:53,480
Speaker 2: use everything good? Because she's from us, from England? Are

1038
00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:54,160
Speaker 2: use everything good?

1039
00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:59,920
Speaker 1: And I was like, let me tell her the truth.

1040
00:46:59,719 --> 00:47:03,680
Speaker 6: Because but it was like a very genuine like and

1041
00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:05,640
Speaker 6: you know how she is. She looks at you and

1042
00:47:05,719 --> 00:47:07,880
Speaker 6: she looks dead in the eye and she's a close talker.

1043
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:12,160
Speaker 5: And I was like actually, And then we were there

1044
00:47:12,239 --> 00:47:14,600
Speaker 5: for another thirty minutes because getting her back.

1045
00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:18,480
Speaker 2: Road, I was the last one to make it in

1046
00:47:18,560 --> 00:47:18,799
Speaker 2: the car.

1047
00:47:19,080 --> 00:47:20,640
Speaker 6: I had to cut the conversation short because she's a

1048
00:47:20,680 --> 00:47:22,320
Speaker 6: talker too, so I know she'd have sat there with me.

1049
00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:24,520
Speaker 2: And I appreciate that, you know, because in that moment

1050
00:47:24,640 --> 00:47:26,080
Speaker 2: I could have yeah.

1051
00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:29,120
Speaker 6: She's super but yeah, think about like that exercise with

1052
00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:31,080
Speaker 6: the kids, if you were to really genuinely ask someone

1053
00:47:31,160 --> 00:47:31,279
Speaker 6: you know.

1054
00:47:31,600 --> 00:47:34,040
Speaker 10: Yeah, That's why I love therapy because a lot of times,

1055
00:47:34,080 --> 00:47:36,320
Speaker 10: you know, like we were talking about, life has to

1056
00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:38,480
Speaker 10: keep going for everybody. You don't know what the next

1057
00:47:38,520 --> 00:47:40,440
Speaker 10: person's going through, So I don't want to burden in

1058
00:47:40,520 --> 00:47:42,520
Speaker 10: with my little problems.

1059
00:47:42,920 --> 00:47:44,640
Speaker 1: But when I get on the phone.

1060
00:47:44,440 --> 00:47:47,919
Speaker 10: With my therapist, I'd be like, girl, yesterday I talked

1061
00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:50,280
Speaker 10: to my therapists about me being constipated for like thirty

1062
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:53,200
Speaker 10: minutes because it's like, how am I doing? My stomach

1063
00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:56,680
Speaker 10: hurts right now, Like to be honest with you, like

1064
00:47:57,080 --> 00:48:00,759
Speaker 10: you're talking shit, yeah literally.

1065
00:48:03,719 --> 00:48:07,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah we need a rimshot for that. But yeah,

1066
00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:10,160
Speaker 1: like I took a smooth.

1067
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:11,279
Speaker 3: Move to tell you.

1068
00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:20,000
Speaker 1: But it's good sort and that's why it works too.

1069
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:22,560
Speaker 10: That's why it works because somebody is there just to

1070
00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:25,319
Speaker 10: talk about how you are, and you really just get

1071
00:48:25,400 --> 00:48:27,560
Speaker 10: to like, like you said, it's a sounding board because

1072
00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:30,280
Speaker 10: you really are talking to your own ship and figuring

1073
00:48:30,360 --> 00:48:32,400
Speaker 10: it out on your own with like the guidance of

1074
00:48:32,440 --> 00:48:33,000
Speaker 10: your therapist.

1075
00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:35,759
Speaker 1: But it feels good to not have to try to

1076
00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:38,280
Speaker 1: censor yourself.

1077
00:48:38,560 --> 00:48:42,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, the best unlicensed therapist out you.

1078
00:48:42,480 --> 00:48:47,880
Speaker 1: That's what I call myself. That y'all think.

1079
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:52,000
Speaker 5: I think trouble just unlocked another aspect of it just

1080
00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:54,359
Speaker 5: being embarrassed to tell people how you really feel.

1081
00:48:54,360 --> 00:48:56,319
Speaker 1: The embarrassment of the shame that.

1082
00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:57,880
Speaker 2: Comes with possible judgment.

1083
00:48:58,200 --> 00:49:00,840
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, we we have to get rid of that.

1084
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:03,080
Speaker 5: We have to get rid of the shame of telling

1085
00:49:03,120 --> 00:49:06,200
Speaker 5: people we're not okay, absolutely and not for nothing. Bro.

1086
00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:07,840
Speaker 5: For this episode to come out at the top of

1087
00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:10,759
Speaker 5: the year, I think this is important because think about it, right,

1088
00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:14,040
Speaker 5: everybody talks about New Year's resolutions, How get better?

1089
00:49:14,120 --> 00:49:14,680
Speaker 1: How man get better?

1090
00:49:14,719 --> 00:49:16,680
Speaker 5: You can't get better without fixing the things that are wrong,

1091
00:49:17,200 --> 00:49:18,920
Speaker 5: But no one addresses this aspect of it.

1092
00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:21,520
Speaker 1: You know, we're all going to start the year off

1093
00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:26,440
Speaker 1: with this face. Everything's going great, ye optimistic, New Year

1094
00:49:26,520 --> 00:49:26,759
Speaker 1: knew me?

1095
00:49:27,080 --> 00:49:29,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, new Year new you mean, and the world crumbles.

1096
00:49:29,320 --> 00:49:35,160
Speaker 5: You just gonna smile April stuff for Lent and then

1097
00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:37,480
Speaker 5: when the world's still crumbling in June, it's just like

1098
00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:38,080
Speaker 5: June teenth.

1099
00:49:38,120 --> 00:49:42,080
Speaker 1: You anybody by June teenth? Yeh, halfway going.

1100
00:49:42,239 --> 00:49:43,759
Speaker 2: I haven't done anything I said I was gonna through

1101
00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:46,160
Speaker 2: my New Year's resolutions. How you doing the summer? Gonna

1102
00:49:46,160 --> 00:49:47,440
Speaker 2: get what everybody is gonna get?

1103
00:49:47,680 --> 00:49:51,799
Speaker 1: Right, that's what you know, You got to heal ourselves first.

1104
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:53,840
Speaker 11: It's it's kind of hard, like you think about the

1105
00:49:53,920 --> 00:49:56,680
Speaker 11: climate that we live in, the like that the state

1106
00:49:56,719 --> 00:50:00,440
Speaker 11: of the world, the state of the nation. It's hard, man, Like,

1107
00:50:01,400 --> 00:50:04,799
Speaker 11: beyond what you have to deal with personally, you're dealing

1108
00:50:04,840 --> 00:50:08,480
Speaker 11: with everything else socially and economically and all this other stuff.

1109
00:50:08,520 --> 00:50:11,600
Speaker 11: It's difficult out here, man. So when somebody doesn't really

1110
00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:15,640
Speaker 11: give you much in terms of like expressing themselves like that,

1111
00:50:16,040 --> 00:50:16,640
Speaker 11: that burden.

1112
00:50:16,719 --> 00:50:18,040
Speaker 7: Man. It's it's tough man.

1113
00:50:18,200 --> 00:50:24,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, right now, this is what that's my strength.

1114
00:50:24,600 --> 00:50:25,680
Speaker 1: We all hear a.

1115
00:50:29,400 --> 00:50:31,120
Speaker 7: Man like I just want to get my heat fixed.

1116
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:34,320
Speaker 2: That's it. Poor mat was freezing.

1117
00:50:34,920 --> 00:50:36,440
Speaker 7: Freezing of the.

1118
00:50:36,440 --> 00:50:43,239
Speaker 2: Reason dogging.

1119
00:50:44,320 --> 00:50:47,080
Speaker 1: Activity going is real.

1120
00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:51,480
Speaker 10: Let's go bills to before let me ask questions before

1121
00:50:51,560 --> 00:50:57,320
Speaker 10: we get hypothermia. As the person that's considered like the

1122
00:50:57,400 --> 00:50:59,960
Speaker 10: strong friend or somebody that you know, people can leave

1123
00:51:00,080 --> 00:51:04,160
Speaker 10: knowing what's one way you want people close.

1124
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:06,040
Speaker 1: To you to support you so that you can lean

1125
00:51:06,120 --> 00:51:07,000
Speaker 1: on them a little bit more.

1126
00:51:07,320 --> 00:51:10,440
Speaker 5: Call Call me and ask me how I'm legitimately feeling

1127
00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:13,719
Speaker 5: and have the capacity to listen when you ask. Don't

1128
00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:16,040
Speaker 5: call me and say how you feeling devout? Can I borrow?

1129
00:51:16,160 --> 00:51:17,800
Speaker 1: Or how you feeling devalu? Can you put me in

1130
00:51:17,880 --> 00:51:19,919
Speaker 1: contact with? Or how you feeling devout? Can you train

1131
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:22,720
Speaker 1: me to. It's like how you feeling is often followed.

1132
00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:27,319
Speaker 11: It's not a real question. Yes, it's just a it's

1133
00:51:27,440 --> 00:51:28,839
Speaker 11: a prerequisite to get what I want.

1134
00:51:29,200 --> 00:51:29,319
Speaker 4: Right.

1135
00:51:29,600 --> 00:51:32,239
Speaker 1: If you want to help me, ask me how I

1136
00:51:32,360 --> 00:51:34,920
Speaker 1: feel and have the capacity to accept what I'm telling you.

1137
00:51:35,920 --> 00:51:39,160
Speaker 2: Fly me out. That's going to solve everything for me.

1138
00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:41,040
Speaker 2: Put me on a plane and fly me somewhere.

1139
00:51:41,080 --> 00:51:42,080
Speaker 3: How you doing fly me out?

1140
00:51:42,960 --> 00:51:46,400
Speaker 6: You just want to fly me out, honey. On a

1141
00:51:46,440 --> 00:51:48,680
Speaker 6: serious note, like, for me, change of environment is important.

1142
00:51:48,800 --> 00:51:50,879
Speaker 6: So it's like, yo, meet me at a coffee shop.

1143
00:51:51,520 --> 00:51:52,160
Speaker 2: Let's go grab it.

1144
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:54,040
Speaker 6: Don't have to be nothing, it's crazy expensive, it don't

1145
00:51:54,080 --> 00:51:55,400
Speaker 6: have to be a steak dinner. But just like I

1146
00:51:55,560 --> 00:51:58,120
Speaker 6: like a change of environment, like, hey, let's just let's

1147
00:51:58,120 --> 00:52:01,680
Speaker 6: get together outside of you know, the monotony of everyday life,

1148
00:52:01,880 --> 00:52:02,560
Speaker 6: so we could chat.

1149
00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:07,680
Speaker 7: Yeah, that's a real question. I don't know, man.

1150
00:52:07,719 --> 00:52:08,880
Speaker 11: There's a lot of things you can do for me,

1151
00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:11,640
Speaker 11: but booking me is the best thing you can do

1152
00:52:11,719 --> 00:52:15,080
Speaker 11: for me. I'm be honest with you because I think I.

1153
00:52:15,120 --> 00:52:15,480
Speaker 3: Mean for me.

1154
00:52:15,640 --> 00:52:19,520
Speaker 11: A lot of my getaway for me is to work, right,

1155
00:52:20,239 --> 00:52:23,520
Speaker 11: like creative work. That's a that's a huge getaway from me.

1156
00:52:23,640 --> 00:52:25,719
Speaker 11: So I think, you know, as long as I have

1157
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:28,279
Speaker 11: that my problems don't seem as big as they are,

1158
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:32,240
Speaker 11: they'll they'll be there. But for me to be creative

1159
00:52:32,280 --> 00:52:34,000
Speaker 11: and have a creative aspect, that's cool.

1160
00:52:34,120 --> 00:52:35,120
Speaker 2: It's a little escape for you.

1161
00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:37,480
Speaker 7: It is an escape for me because again, you can't

1162
00:52:37,520 --> 00:52:38,480
Speaker 7: fix my problems, but.

1163
00:52:38,520 --> 00:52:40,120
Speaker 3: That doesn't solve anything. You're still going back to those

1164
00:52:40,120 --> 00:52:40,920
Speaker 3: problems often.

1165
00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:43,680
Speaker 11: Is the answer. The question was how can somebody show

1166
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:46,480
Speaker 11: up for you? And that's how you get show up

1167
00:52:46,480 --> 00:52:50,360
Speaker 11: for me? I mean, you can't fix the problem, they

1168
00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:52,759
Speaker 11: can help you talk through it or you get with

1169
00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:54,960
Speaker 11: saying we can talk through it all all all we

1170
00:52:55,080 --> 00:52:57,880
Speaker 11: want to help you get to a solution.

1171
00:52:59,239 --> 00:53:03,680
Speaker 1: Yeah you want? Yeah, I mean I understand what MA saying, no,

1172
00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:05,400
Speaker 1: because it's like it seems more like the mask.

1173
00:53:05,719 --> 00:53:05,919
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1174
00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:07,879
Speaker 5: So it's like if we just sat here and said

1175
00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:10,040
Speaker 5: that the mask is part of the problem. When you

1176
00:53:10,080 --> 00:53:11,560
Speaker 5: say how can you help me? It can't be helped

1177
00:53:11,600 --> 00:53:12,000
Speaker 5: me mask.

1178
00:53:12,560 --> 00:53:13,160
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

1179
00:53:13,239 --> 00:53:14,640
Speaker 3: That's that's what That's what it sounds like.

1180
00:53:14,640 --> 00:53:15,719
Speaker 1: That's what I get it.

1181
00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:18,920
Speaker 11: I mean, the real question of real answer is what

1182
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:21,880
Speaker 11: kad like to fly me out? Like yeah, take me

1183
00:53:21,960 --> 00:53:24,400
Speaker 11: out of my environment all those other things. But I

1184
00:53:24,480 --> 00:53:26,800
Speaker 11: mean the reality is nobody can do that. You're not

1185
00:53:26,920 --> 00:53:28,440
Speaker 11: gonna do I don't want you to do that, right,

1186
00:53:28,600 --> 00:53:31,719
Speaker 11: so book me. Yeah, I get it, I get it,

1187
00:53:32,280 --> 00:53:32,759
Speaker 11: I get it, I.

1188
00:53:32,920 --> 00:53:33,320
Speaker 3: Do get it.

1189
00:53:34,320 --> 00:53:35,880
Speaker 2: I guess for my friends, is that flying out.

1190
00:53:35,880 --> 00:53:38,439
Speaker 6: It's meet me somewhere, like just meet me on the beach,

1191
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:40,200
Speaker 6: meet me on meet me at a coffee shop, like

1192
00:53:40,320 --> 00:53:42,000
Speaker 6: you know, just outside.

1193
00:53:41,600 --> 00:53:43,799
Speaker 1: Of them, meet her. I'm gonna fly her out. That's

1194
00:53:43,840 --> 00:53:47,080
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. It's gonna cost me money somehow, that's

1195
00:53:47,120 --> 00:53:47,720
Speaker 1: what she's saying.

1196
00:53:48,640 --> 00:53:52,920
Speaker 3: Roll it up. Yeah, that's mine, my mom listening. So

1197
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:53,439
Speaker 3: next topic.

1198
00:53:55,239 --> 00:53:58,000
Speaker 2: No, no need to elaborate, you know, you know, roll

1199
00:53:58,040 --> 00:53:58,279
Speaker 2: it up.

1200
00:53:59,760 --> 00:54:03,240
Speaker 10: So last in October, I was probably at the peak

1201
00:54:03,360 --> 00:54:07,840
Speaker 10: of my depression. I was like satisfuck. But I told myself,

1202
00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:10,200
Speaker 10: I'm going to go to an open mic in October

1203
00:54:10,280 --> 00:54:13,120
Speaker 10: because I'm trying to get back into doing comedy. And

1204
00:54:13,280 --> 00:54:15,440
Speaker 10: I told someone that and then I was like, I

1205
00:54:15,640 --> 00:54:19,040
Speaker 10: just have not had the brain power, Like I haven't

1206
00:54:19,040 --> 00:54:21,840
Speaker 10: had the energy, I haven't mentally been there. And so

1207
00:54:22,200 --> 00:54:27,320
Speaker 10: November one, this person was like, hey, do you have

1208
00:54:27,480 --> 00:54:29,400
Speaker 10: time on Wednesday or Thursday at eight o'clock.

1209
00:54:29,400 --> 00:54:32,120
Speaker 1: I'm like cool. They were like I was like, yeah, Thursday,

1210
00:54:32,120 --> 00:54:33,520
Speaker 1: they were like, all right, I got tickets to an

1211
00:54:33,560 --> 00:54:37,120
Speaker 1: open mic. We're going. And so just like my friends,

1212
00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:39,279
Speaker 1: I told them about panic attacks. They took me to it.

1213
00:54:39,320 --> 00:54:40,640
Speaker 1: They did a meditation challenge with.

1214
00:54:40,719 --> 00:54:44,799
Speaker 10: Me, helped me, you know, like, if you're listening, Yeah,

1215
00:54:44,920 --> 00:54:47,800
Speaker 10: if you're listening to me already, cause you know, I'm

1216
00:54:48,200 --> 00:54:50,000
Speaker 10: open with my friends for the most part, as much

1217
00:54:50,040 --> 00:54:50,560
Speaker 10: as I can be.

1218
00:54:51,160 --> 00:54:53,400
Speaker 1: But like, show me that you actually heard.

1219
00:54:53,320 --> 00:54:53,879
Speaker 3: What I said.

1220
00:54:54,040 --> 00:54:58,360
Speaker 5: Yeah, access service, you like acts of service.

1221
00:54:58,280 --> 00:55:00,120
Speaker 2: Like this where love language comes in. I guess this

1222
00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:02,759
Speaker 2: is yeah, all right, I love that.

1223
00:55:03,120 --> 00:55:03,920
Speaker 1: Save you some money to.

1224
00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:07,040
Speaker 3: Don't expect to sell back.

1225
00:55:08,960 --> 00:55:12,160
Speaker 7: You don't got a book, borrow.

1226
00:55:13,480 --> 00:55:17,880
Speaker 1: Borrow mine, just give give me.

1227
00:55:18,040 --> 00:55:19,839
Speaker 6: All right, y'all, we're gonna pay some bills and we're

1228
00:55:19,840 --> 00:55:22,400
Speaker 6: gonna come back into our listener letter for the episode.

1229
00:55:22,440 --> 00:55:23,040
Speaker 2: So stick around.

1230
00:55:23,040 --> 00:55:23,640
Speaker 1: We'll be right back.

1231
00:55:36,480 --> 00:55:38,839
Speaker 6: All right, We're back with our listener letter of the day.

1232
00:55:38,920 --> 00:55:42,440
Speaker 6: I'm gonna jump right in dere Deval and Kadeen. I've

1233
00:55:42,480 --> 00:55:44,560
Speaker 6: been a huge fan of Ellis ever After for a

1234
00:55:44,600 --> 00:55:47,040
Speaker 6: while now, and I appreciate the honest conversations you have

1235
00:55:47,120 --> 00:55:50,160
Speaker 6: about relationship and marriage. I also aspire to be like

1236
00:55:50,239 --> 00:55:52,800
Speaker 6: de Vo because he is to me the way Michael

1237
00:55:52,840 --> 00:55:55,800
Speaker 6: Jordan and Michael Jackson or Dwayne Johnson is to me.

1238
00:55:56,480 --> 00:55:59,160
Speaker 6: I try to idolize and imitate Deval, and you're one

1239
00:55:59,200 --> 00:56:02,759
Speaker 6: of my hero oh. I love that I'm reaching out

1240
00:56:02,800 --> 00:56:05,560
Speaker 6: because I'm struggling to find a genuine and healthy relationship,

1241
00:56:05,640 --> 00:56:07,760
Speaker 6: and I was wondering if you can offer some advice.

1242
00:56:08,200 --> 00:56:10,640
Speaker 6: I'm a non drinker, non smoker, and I've been living

1243
00:56:10,760 --> 00:56:13,759
Speaker 6: a sober lifestyle for three years now. I've noticed that

1244
00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:16,120
Speaker 6: sometimes when I share this with people I might they

1245
00:56:16,200 --> 00:56:19,560
Speaker 6: may get a bit weird or distant. I want to

1246
00:56:19,600 --> 00:56:21,880
Speaker 6: be clear that I'm totally cool with others making their

1247
00:56:21,880 --> 00:56:23,880
Speaker 6: own choices, but I won't judge them or try to

1248
00:56:23,960 --> 00:56:26,760
Speaker 6: change them. I'm just focused on living a healthy lifestyle

1249
00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:29,680
Speaker 6: and finding someone who shares those values. I've been feeling

1250
00:56:29,840 --> 00:56:32,080
Speaker 6: like my sober lifestyle might be a barrier in my

1251
00:56:32,239 --> 00:56:34,640
Speaker 6: dating life, but I'm not willing to compromise on who

1252
00:56:34,719 --> 00:56:37,120
Speaker 6: I am. I'm hoping to find someone who respects and

1253
00:56:37,160 --> 00:56:40,359
Speaker 6: supports my decisions and who shares my values about living

1254
00:56:40,440 --> 00:56:44,760
Speaker 6: a healthy life. I'm looking for someone who values honesty, respect,

1255
00:56:44,840 --> 00:56:47,399
Speaker 6: and open communication. I want to build a relationship that's

1256
00:56:47,440 --> 00:56:50,279
Speaker 6: based on trust, support, and mutual respect. If that's something

1257
00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:53,719
Speaker 6: you're looking for too, I'd love to connect with you, especially. Oh,

1258
00:56:53,840 --> 00:56:57,120
Speaker 6: he's pitty making a pitch here, He's say specifically, I

1259
00:56:57,239 --> 00:56:59,640
Speaker 6: was wondering if you can offer some advice on how

1260
00:56:59,719 --> 00:57:02,640
Speaker 6: to navigate dating as a non drinker and non smoker.

1261
00:57:03,080 --> 00:57:06,040
Speaker 6: How do you approach conversations about lifestyle choices with someone

1262
00:57:06,080 --> 00:57:08,560
Speaker 6: you're interested in How do you know if someone is

1263
00:57:08,680 --> 00:57:11,960
Speaker 6: genuinely interested in you or if they're just tolerating your lifestyle.

1264
00:57:12,040 --> 00:57:13,719
Speaker 6: Thank you for taking the time to read my letter.

1265
00:57:13,880 --> 00:57:15,160
Speaker 6: I look forward to your thoughts.

1266
00:57:16,280 --> 00:57:17,200
Speaker 2: Wow, it seems like.

1267
00:57:19,360 --> 00:57:22,640
Speaker 1: This is crazy. This sounds like a younger person who

1268
00:57:22,720 --> 00:57:25,320
Speaker 1: grew up in a different time than we grew up.

1269
00:57:25,400 --> 00:57:25,520
Speaker 7: Right.

1270
00:57:25,920 --> 00:57:30,080
Speaker 5: So imagine you twenty three, twenty four and your whole

1271
00:57:30,120 --> 00:57:32,480
Speaker 5: life has been through social media, and all you've watched

1272
00:57:32,520 --> 00:57:35,680
Speaker 5: on social media was people just drink and smoke and party.

1273
00:57:35,720 --> 00:57:38,479
Speaker 5: You begin to believe that everybody does that. The truth

1274
00:57:38,520 --> 00:57:41,320
Speaker 5: of the matter is, young man, everybody doesn't. When I

1275
00:57:41,440 --> 00:57:43,120
Speaker 5: met Kay, I wasn't a drinker or a smoke. I

1276
00:57:43,200 --> 00:57:45,240
Speaker 5: was an athlete. She wasn't a drink or a smoker.

1277
00:57:45,320 --> 00:57:46,080
Speaker 1: We did none of that.

1278
00:57:46,720 --> 00:57:49,200
Speaker 5: We did none of that until I retired from the NFL,

1279
00:57:49,960 --> 00:57:52,200
Speaker 5: Like that just wasn't part of our lifestyle. And I

1280
00:57:52,280 --> 00:57:55,680
Speaker 5: say that because this thing that we have, this connection

1281
00:57:55,800 --> 00:57:58,000
Speaker 5: to our hand and our phone, is giving people a

1282
00:57:58,120 --> 00:58:01,120
Speaker 5: skewed view of what the world actually truly is. And

1283
00:58:01,240 --> 00:58:03,960
Speaker 5: there are probably more people in the world who aren't

1284
00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:06,120
Speaker 5: big about drinking and smoking than there are who are.

1285
00:58:06,680 --> 00:58:08,960
Speaker 5: It's just it seems fun to do those things, so

1286
00:58:09,040 --> 00:58:11,640
Speaker 5: it's always posted. But there are plenty of people who

1287
00:58:11,680 --> 00:58:12,160
Speaker 5: don't drink.

1288
00:58:12,240 --> 00:58:14,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, For us, it was like an occasional thing where

1289
00:58:14,080 --> 00:58:15,960
Speaker 6: it didn't consume our life, Like we went out, we

1290
00:58:16,040 --> 00:58:18,480
Speaker 6: had a good time sometimes, but it wasn't a consumption thing.

1291
00:58:18,840 --> 00:58:22,040
Speaker 6: And it's funny because recently I forget who I was

1292
00:58:22,080 --> 00:58:24,560
Speaker 6: having the conversation with, but they were like, we should,

1293
00:58:24,600 --> 00:58:26,080
Speaker 6: we need to I think it was Latania. We were

1294
00:58:26,080 --> 00:58:28,240
Speaker 6: just like, we need to do like date nights and

1295
00:58:28,560 --> 00:58:31,240
Speaker 6: girls days and stuff that are not just centered around food,

1296
00:58:31,320 --> 00:58:32,920
Speaker 6: Like why is it that we always have to go

1297
00:58:33,000 --> 00:58:35,600
Speaker 6: to a restaurant. Let's go out for drinks, Let's you know,

1298
00:58:35,640 --> 00:58:38,840
Speaker 6: why can't we find other things to do that doesn't

1299
00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:41,440
Speaker 6: involve the consumption of food and drinks, you know, or

1300
00:58:41,520 --> 00:58:43,840
Speaker 6: hookah or you know. It's just a cultural thing, I think,

1301
00:58:43,960 --> 00:58:46,200
Speaker 6: or a societal thing that that's the way you can

1302
00:58:46,320 --> 00:58:49,520
Speaker 6: enjoy yourself or entertain someone is through doing those things.

1303
00:58:49,800 --> 00:58:52,080
Speaker 6: So when, for example, coffee dates became a thing where

1304
00:58:52,120 --> 00:58:54,520
Speaker 6: people were like, hey, let's have a cup of coffee

1305
00:58:54,520 --> 00:58:56,520
Speaker 6: to see if there's even any kind of like synergy here,

1306
00:58:56,840 --> 00:58:57,560
Speaker 6: some people were.

1307
00:58:57,480 --> 00:59:00,520
Speaker 2: Like, uh uh, a coffee date. That's weird. No, I

1308
00:59:00,600 --> 00:59:02,320
Speaker 2: need to have like a you know, a five course

1309
00:59:02,440 --> 00:59:04,920
Speaker 2: meal at a five star restaurant. It doesn't have to

1310
00:59:04,960 --> 00:59:05,120
Speaker 2: be that.

1311
00:59:05,240 --> 00:59:07,760
Speaker 5: But you know why that became the narrative on social media.

1312
00:59:07,800 --> 00:59:09,760
Speaker 5: But you know what's happened in the real world. People

1313
00:59:09,840 --> 00:59:12,520
Speaker 5: were going on coffee dates. And that's what I'm saying

1314
00:59:12,680 --> 00:59:15,360
Speaker 5: is like, we can't let what people say on this

1315
00:59:15,600 --> 00:59:18,680
Speaker 5: thing actually dictate how we move in the real world.

1316
00:59:19,080 --> 00:59:21,240
Speaker 5: The reason why the coffee date thing became a trend

1317
00:59:21,360 --> 00:59:24,000
Speaker 5: is because people actually do that, and someone who did

1318
00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:26,720
Speaker 5: it posted it on social media and then they got attacked,

1319
00:59:27,120 --> 00:59:28,560
Speaker 5: so then they did away with it. But in the

1320
00:59:28,640 --> 00:59:31,280
Speaker 5: real world, people still do that. And that's my whole

1321
00:59:31,320 --> 00:59:34,320
Speaker 5: point is like these twenty year olds are living in

1322
00:59:34,400 --> 00:59:37,240
Speaker 5: a world where their whole idea and psyche has been

1323
00:59:37,320 --> 00:59:39,760
Speaker 5: curated by electronics and the digital age.

1324
00:59:40,400 --> 00:59:42,080
Speaker 1: We grew up at a time that didn't have that.

1325
00:59:43,040 --> 00:59:46,720
Speaker 5: I would tell anybody who's dating right now, I would

1326
00:59:46,720 --> 00:59:47,640
Speaker 5: stay away from apps.

1327
00:59:48,360 --> 00:59:49,480
Speaker 1: I would go outside.

1328
00:59:49,960 --> 00:59:52,800
Speaker 5: I would go places and find places where people who

1329
00:59:52,840 --> 00:59:54,600
Speaker 5: are doing like minded things, and.

1330
00:59:54,680 --> 00:59:55,840
Speaker 1: I would go participate.

1331
00:59:56,080 --> 00:59:58,240
Speaker 5: You know, we talked about this, like, hey, you don't

1332
00:59:58,280 --> 01:00:00,240
Speaker 5: like to drink and smoke, don't go to parties, don't

1333
01:00:00,240 --> 01:00:03,360
Speaker 5: go to clubs. Don't you go somewhere else? Like you say,

1334
01:00:03,400 --> 01:00:05,080
Speaker 5: may go to an event you have a favorite artist,

1335
01:00:05,600 --> 01:00:07,640
Speaker 5: go to a favorite artist concert. Now you know you

1336
01:00:07,760 --> 01:00:10,200
Speaker 5: have somebody else who might like that artist, and you

1337
01:00:10,280 --> 01:00:12,600
Speaker 5: can do some things. But as far as the drinking

1338
01:00:12,640 --> 01:00:15,080
Speaker 5: and smoking thing, let's look around at some of our

1339
01:00:15,120 --> 01:00:19,640
Speaker 5: close friends, right, Brian, don't drink, don't smoke, true, Tito

1340
01:00:20,040 --> 01:00:20,560
Speaker 5: don't smoke.

1341
01:00:20,600 --> 01:00:22,560
Speaker 1: He only drinks wine. Like I'm just going through like

1342
01:00:22,600 --> 01:00:25,160
Speaker 1: the people I know close to me who who don't

1343
01:00:25,240 --> 01:00:25,960
Speaker 1: do that, So.

1344
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:28,200
Speaker 6: It's not really gave up alcohol now and now she

1345
01:00:28,680 --> 01:00:30,560
Speaker 6: does my tails like yeah, there's a lot of people

1346
01:00:30,600 --> 01:00:31,920
Speaker 6: who are out there doing that. But I also want

1347
01:00:31,920 --> 01:00:33,840
Speaker 6: to applaud him for like being firm and who he is,

1348
01:00:34,000 --> 01:00:36,320
Speaker 6: Like absolutely, We're also into society where we spoke about

1349
01:00:36,440 --> 01:00:38,880
Speaker 6: being easily influenced, so feeling like you're left out of

1350
01:00:38,960 --> 01:00:41,480
Speaker 6: a movement or out of a you know, social environment

1351
01:00:41,520 --> 01:00:43,440
Speaker 6: because you're not willing to do certain things. So I

1352
01:00:43,520 --> 01:00:45,560
Speaker 6: think that it's admirable where you're like, Yo, this is

1353
01:00:45,560 --> 01:00:47,400
Speaker 6: who I am. And I think if you continue to

1354
01:00:47,560 --> 01:00:49,720
Speaker 6: move through life with this being at the forefront of

1355
01:00:49,760 --> 01:00:52,280
Speaker 6: who you are, then you're eventually going to find somebody

1356
01:00:52,360 --> 01:00:53,480
Speaker 6: who who matches that.

1357
01:00:53,720 --> 01:00:56,360
Speaker 1: You know what else I realized too about dating.

1358
01:00:57,960 --> 01:01:01,200
Speaker 5: Social media has created a analytic view of what all

1359
01:01:01,320 --> 01:01:03,760
Speaker 5: women and all men should look like at this age

1360
01:01:03,880 --> 01:01:04,200
Speaker 5: doing this.

1361
01:01:04,440 --> 01:01:05,640
Speaker 1: You should want to know what I'm saying.

1362
01:01:05,880 --> 01:01:07,880
Speaker 5: It's like, if you're in your twenties and you're a woman,

1363
01:01:07,960 --> 01:01:10,480
Speaker 5: you should be looking like this and doing this. It's

1364
01:01:10,560 --> 01:01:13,840
Speaker 5: only one person's view that they've amplified over and over again.

1365
01:01:14,160 --> 01:01:16,000
Speaker 5: We got to get out of that, get out here

1366
01:01:16,000 --> 01:01:18,080
Speaker 5: in the world and see how many different versions of

1367
01:01:18,160 --> 01:01:20,520
Speaker 5: the person you are really exist out here in the world.

1368
01:01:20,760 --> 01:01:22,640
Speaker 5: For men and women because it's the same thing with men.

1369
01:01:22,720 --> 01:01:24,680
Speaker 5: A lot of dudes that are dating now telling me, deep,

1370
01:01:24,920 --> 01:01:27,160
Speaker 5: this is what's happening, that's what's happening. I said, Bro, Bro,

1371
01:01:27,640 --> 01:01:30,800
Speaker 5: you're just sending me stuff that you see online. When's

1372
01:01:30,840 --> 01:01:33,520
Speaker 5: the last time you actually went out on a date yourself?

1373
01:01:33,960 --> 01:01:37,760
Speaker 5: And that's when it's like yeah, oh yeah, well yeah bro.

1374
01:01:38,120 --> 01:01:40,880
Speaker 6: Or think about the repeat offenders, the guys or the

1375
01:01:40,920 --> 01:01:43,320
Speaker 6: girls who say niggas ain't shit or bitches ay shit.

1376
01:01:43,320 --> 01:01:45,040
Speaker 6: It's because of the same type of person that you

1377
01:01:45,200 --> 01:01:48,280
Speaker 6: keep entertaining over and over again. Yeah, you know, because

1378
01:01:48,280 --> 01:01:50,160
Speaker 6: I'm thinking about I look at my cousins, for example,

1379
01:01:50,160 --> 01:01:51,920
Speaker 6: who are all like the ones that I'm looking at

1380
01:01:51,960 --> 01:01:54,320
Speaker 6: and I'm referring to, are in their late twenties. They

1381
01:01:54,360 --> 01:01:56,680
Speaker 6: have steady girlfriends or boyfriends.

1382
01:01:56,600 --> 01:01:58,200
Speaker 2: Really solid individuals.

1383
01:01:58,240 --> 01:02:00,320
Speaker 6: I know you talk about you don't I'm talking about

1384
01:02:00,560 --> 01:02:02,920
Speaker 6: on both sides of family, And I'm like, man, when

1385
01:02:02,920 --> 01:02:04,920
Speaker 6: I looked at some of the girls that my cousins have,

1386
01:02:05,520 --> 01:02:08,280
Speaker 6: you know, been connected to or they're in relationships with, I'm.

1387
01:02:08,160 --> 01:02:10,000
Speaker 2: Like, I would love for my boys to walk in

1388
01:02:10,040 --> 01:02:12,440
Speaker 2: with a girl like that, and they're out there, but

1389
01:02:12,880 --> 01:02:16,720
Speaker 2: we get and get amplified the situations that are either

1390
01:02:16,800 --> 01:02:20,680
Speaker 2: anomalies or that are sensationalized, because that's what's up.

1391
01:02:20,760 --> 01:02:22,960
Speaker 5: Let's be honest to all of those people that we're

1392
01:02:23,000 --> 01:02:25,400
Speaker 5: talking about, who are good people. They don't have on

1393
01:02:25,600 --> 01:02:30,080
Speaker 5: social media presences. That's what's your name on Instagram?

1394
01:02:30,160 --> 01:02:32,840
Speaker 1: I don't have Instagram. I'm not big. I only have

1395
01:02:32,920 --> 01:02:34,280
Speaker 1: about thirty seven followers.

1396
01:02:34,440 --> 01:02:36,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, and it's like, that's why you don't see that

1397
01:02:36,600 --> 01:02:39,400
Speaker 5: version of a man or a woman on Instagram because

1398
01:02:39,400 --> 01:02:40,560
Speaker 5: they're not on social media.

1399
01:02:40,720 --> 01:02:42,760
Speaker 1: Living in real living in real life.

1400
01:02:42,840 --> 01:02:44,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, do more of that, y'all.

1401
01:02:44,360 --> 01:02:47,200
Speaker 1: Yes, please do that. Live outside this phone.

1402
01:02:47,160 --> 01:02:49,840
Speaker 2: Absolutely all right, y'all. If you want to be featured

1403
01:02:49,880 --> 01:02:52,240
Speaker 2: as a listener letter for a future episode, let's start

1404
01:02:52,280 --> 01:02:55,560
Speaker 2: the year off hot, y'all, fill up that email box

1405
01:02:55,600 --> 01:02:59,120
Speaker 2: because Triple is all in that bitch. Okay, listen the

1406
01:02:59,320 --> 01:03:01,120
Speaker 2: Elis and vices at gmail dot com.

1407
01:03:01,320 --> 01:03:01,640
Speaker 1: Write in.

1408
01:03:01,880 --> 01:03:04,360
Speaker 6: Tell us about a story, something that's happening in your life,

1409
01:03:04,440 --> 01:03:06,520
Speaker 6: something you want to hear our two cents about. We're

1410
01:03:06,560 --> 01:03:08,240
Speaker 6: going to do our best to give you the best

1411
01:03:08,280 --> 01:03:10,680
Speaker 6: advice from our perspective. Don't hold us to it now,

1412
01:03:10,760 --> 01:03:12,720
Speaker 6: all right, And if you have any follow ups from

1413
01:03:12,760 --> 01:03:15,840
Speaker 6: last year. Any listener letters that we've answered. We sometimes

1414
01:03:15,880 --> 01:03:17,600
Speaker 6: want to get a follow up to these stories, so

1415
01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:20,440
Speaker 6: don't be shy. Pop back in and leave us a note.

1416
01:03:20,520 --> 01:03:22,560
Speaker 6: That's d ellis Advice at gmail dot com.

1417
01:03:22,760 --> 01:03:25,240
Speaker 5: That's t h E E L L I S A

1418
01:03:25,360 --> 01:03:27,920
Speaker 5: d V I C E at gmail dot com. And

1419
01:03:28,040 --> 01:03:29,840
Speaker 5: young Man, I hope you hear this, bro. Just know

1420
01:03:29,960 --> 01:03:31,920
Speaker 5: that we are proud of you for staying in alignment

1421
01:03:32,280 --> 01:03:34,520
Speaker 5: with your purpose, with what matters to you and not

1422
01:03:34,600 --> 01:03:36,920
Speaker 5: getting knocked off because other people are saying stuff.

1423
01:03:37,080 --> 01:03:39,600
Speaker 1: You bo and find someone who loves you for being.

1424
01:03:39,520 --> 01:03:42,840
Speaker 6: Exactly who you are, absolutely all in God's time, all right,

1425
01:03:43,240 --> 01:03:43,960
Speaker 6: moment of truth time.

1426
01:03:44,040 --> 01:03:47,280
Speaker 2: Devalu gave a plethora a moment of truth already, so

1427
01:03:47,520 --> 01:03:47,800
Speaker 2: have one.

1428
01:03:48,040 --> 01:03:51,200
Speaker 6: Isn't there anything else because you can just rewind back

1429
01:03:52,080 --> 01:03:55,080
Speaker 6: to those moments of truth talking about being the strong friend?

1430
01:03:55,440 --> 01:03:57,200
Speaker 2: Anybody else have anything else to add for moment of

1431
01:03:57,240 --> 01:03:57,680
Speaker 2: truth today?

1432
01:03:57,960 --> 01:04:00,720
Speaker 3: Don't ask if you're not ready to listen, say before.

1433
01:04:02,000 --> 01:04:05,120
Speaker 2: Very nice. Mine is within safe spaces.

1434
01:04:05,800 --> 01:04:09,160
Speaker 6: When people have the capacity when they ask how are you,

1435
01:04:09,920 --> 01:04:12,400
Speaker 6: it's okay to say I'm not okay.

1436
01:04:13,160 --> 01:04:14,000
Speaker 1: I like that one too.

1437
01:04:15,600 --> 01:04:18,320
Speaker 7: Have the confidence to not necessarily be the strong friend

1438
01:04:19,280 --> 01:04:20,080
Speaker 7: and be vulnerable.

1439
01:04:20,880 --> 01:04:23,960
Speaker 1: I got one, have the confidence and not necessarily be.

1440
01:04:33,600 --> 01:04:34,360
Speaker 2: Heard that before.

1441
01:04:35,480 --> 01:04:39,600
Speaker 10: Something that my therapist asked me and challenged me to

1442
01:04:39,680 --> 01:04:43,280
Speaker 10: do recently is to tell my friends what I need

1443
01:04:43,360 --> 01:04:46,160
Speaker 10: from them, and also to ask my friends what they

1444
01:04:46,240 --> 01:04:48,840
Speaker 10: need from me as a friend. So I would say

1445
01:04:49,000 --> 01:04:51,960
Speaker 10: that's my moment of truth. Ask your friends, ask your

1446
01:04:51,960 --> 01:04:55,520
Speaker 10: strong friends, ask your little weak ass friends, what kind

1447
01:04:55,520 --> 01:04:56,440
Speaker 10: of friend do you want me to be?

1448
01:04:56,720 --> 01:04:59,360
Speaker 1: And let them know what kind of friend you need to.

1449
01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:03,080
Speaker 6: It's almost like your love languages within friendships. Right, Yeah,

1450
01:05:03,360 --> 01:05:05,800
Speaker 6: that's desolutely that's dope. All right, y'all be sure to

1451
01:05:05,960 --> 01:05:08,880
Speaker 6: find us on Patreon if you have not yet, Gangang

1452
01:05:08,920 --> 01:05:10,680
Speaker 6: shout out to those who are still with us here

1453
01:05:11,160 --> 01:05:13,200
Speaker 6: at the top of the year as we go into

1454
01:05:13,280 --> 01:05:15,840
Speaker 6: twenty twenty six. So thank y'all for being here. And

1455
01:05:15,920 --> 01:05:18,000
Speaker 6: if you're not a part of the party, where have

1456
01:05:18,120 --> 01:05:19,840
Speaker 6: you been? You have a lot to catch up on.

1457
01:05:20,280 --> 01:05:23,600
Speaker 6: On Patreon is where you're gonna see more exclusive Ellis

1458
01:05:23,720 --> 01:05:26,200
Speaker 6: Ever After content. The after show is on there where

1459
01:05:26,240 --> 01:05:29,160
Speaker 6: we turn up after the cameras go off, all right,

1460
01:05:29,560 --> 01:05:32,480
Speaker 6: and you can get more exclusive Ellis Family content there.

1461
01:05:32,800 --> 01:05:34,920
Speaker 6: You can find us on social media at the Ellis

1462
01:05:35,000 --> 01:05:37,840
Speaker 6: ever After and well actually at Ellis ever After.

1463
01:05:38,160 --> 01:05:39,840
Speaker 2: I'm Kadeen, I am and.

1464
01:05:39,920 --> 01:05:42,480
Speaker 11: I am Deval, I'm under Score mad Dog Ellis, and

1465
01:05:42,560 --> 01:05:46,800
Speaker 11: I'm josh underscored the Wayne, Joshua underscored the Wayne.

1466
01:05:47,240 --> 01:05:49,320
Speaker 10: And I'm trips cool. I just put something in my

1467
01:05:49,400 --> 01:05:53,800
Speaker 10: mouth at the wrong time. Oh Ri ibbz theuckle on everything.

1468
01:05:55,040 --> 01:05:57,160
Speaker 11: Old yo.

1469
01:05:57,920 --> 01:06:00,320
Speaker 1: Now my DM's gonna be crazy because niggas went, like,

1470
01:06:00,400 --> 01:06:05,200
Speaker 1: I know, Trouble. You do this every week.

1471
01:06:06,600 --> 01:06:09,919
Speaker 5: My d ms be filled with after the Wolverine post,

1472
01:06:12,680 --> 01:06:15,400
Speaker 5: some dude talking about my new trouble like Dick, I'm like,

1473
01:06:16,360 --> 01:06:17,479
Speaker 5: that's what you got out the post.

1474
01:06:17,520 --> 01:06:18,560
Speaker 1: The post talking.

1475
01:06:18,360 --> 01:06:21,600
Speaker 5: About her was that Triple had sex with a man

1476
01:06:21,640 --> 01:06:25,520
Speaker 5: one time. I promise you just just make the intro

1477
01:06:25,760 --> 01:06:31,080
Speaker 5: d blocked. Trible don't want you bro Listen now let

1478
01:06:31,120 --> 01:06:35,240
Speaker 5: me go Uman when you see listen, gentlemen, it doesn't

1479
01:06:35,280 --> 01:06:37,680
Speaker 5: matter how many times you DM me. It doesn't matter

1480
01:06:37,760 --> 01:06:40,160
Speaker 5: how many pictures you send of yourself working on yourself.

1481
01:06:40,240 --> 01:06:43,840
Speaker 5: Trible is not interested. Okay, I'm not a dated service,

1482
01:06:43,880 --> 01:06:45,960
Speaker 5: all right. This is not for the love of Trible,

1483
01:06:46,360 --> 01:06:50,400
Speaker 5: all right. For the love of God, don't want you

1484
01:06:51,120 --> 01:06:53,960
Speaker 5: all right now, beautiful women, I will definitely pass you

1485
01:06:54,080 --> 01:06:56,360
Speaker 5: along to Trible. I know that's what she's interested in.

1486
01:06:57,720 --> 01:07:02,120
Speaker 5: Send that airplane emotion, the booty.

1487
01:07:01,920 --> 01:07:08,959
Speaker 2: Piet Actually, Deval and I will vet them together.

1488
01:07:09,000 --> 01:07:13,760
Speaker 1: Don't worry about you know what I'm saying me, Kay,

1489
01:07:13,880 --> 01:07:19,440
Speaker 1: and Jackson will vet get fourteen.

1490
01:07:19,480 --> 01:07:23,000
Speaker 5: You gotta learn all he learned, needs to understand what

1491
01:07:23,080 --> 01:07:25,640
Speaker 5: it is, all right, we already had this conversation.

1492
01:07:25,400 --> 01:07:29,480
Speaker 2: Right, Oh my god, this is the year of finding

1493
01:07:29,560 --> 01:07:32,400
Speaker 2: Triple V one. Yeah, I'm gonna manifest that for you.

1494
01:07:33,920 --> 01:07:36,400
Speaker 1: And if you're oh and if you're listening on Apple Podcasts,

1495
01:07:36,440 --> 01:07:37,800
Speaker 1: be sure to rate with you.

1496
01:07:38,960 --> 01:07:41,600
Speaker 2: And download Baby Dead Ass.

1497
01:07:42,200 --> 01:07:48,800
Speaker 10: Got Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted

1498
01:07:48,880 --> 01:07:53,440
Speaker 10: by Kadeen and Deval Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video,

1499
01:07:53,600 --> 01:07:58,080
Speaker 10: Production by Joshua Dwayne and Matthew Ellis, video editing by

1500
01:07:58,200 --> 01:07:58,959
Speaker 10: Leshan Rowe.

1501
01:09:05,960 --> 01:09:22,280
Speaker 5: If He, if he Has, If They