Speaker 1: She was my mother, my father, my confident like everything,
Speaker 1: and I kind of yes, want to follow on her footsteps,
Speaker 1: but I also want to be seen as me. When
Speaker 1: you have parents in the public eye, they can seem
Speaker 1: to think, oh, we know how to do this, we
Speaker 1: know exactly how we did it and what works. But
Speaker 1: what I want to do for me is not going
Speaker 1: to be that. I almost feel guilty to talk about
Speaker 1: it because you feel like, how could you complain about that.
Speaker 1: You come from this legacy, You come from this amazing family.
Speaker 1: Welcome to this week's episode of Chicks and Chill. Today,
Speaker 1: I'm excited to welcome too, amazing Cubans. We're going to
Speaker 1: talk about a few things, including what it's like growing
Speaker 1: up in a famous household. This is Chicks and Chill
Speaker 1: because most of you guys know my family is in
Speaker 1: the music industry. My grandpa had to music or has
Speaker 1: actually a record label. My mom was a singer and
Speaker 1: she still is. You know, she's not here with us physically,
Speaker 1: but seeing it and well, it was beautiful. But there
Speaker 1: was a lot of pressure, you guys, A lot of
Speaker 1: pressure because especially when I wanted to start singing. When
Speaker 1: I started singing, it was just NonStop comparison and very
Speaker 1: high expectations because all of my family sings. So anyways,
Speaker 1: there are beautiful things, but there was a lot of
Speaker 1: competition in my family growing up, and just all I
Speaker 1: could really think is a lot of pressure. And we're
Speaker 1: going to get more into that because one of my
Speaker 1: guests today she also grew up in a famous music household.
Speaker 1: Emily is Stefan, is an artist and co host of
Speaker 1: Michael podcast. In Our Own World. Welcome, Welcome, How are
Speaker 1: you Emily? Oh my goodness, I am great. I am
Speaker 1: sitting here with my incredible co captain Geminy Hernandez we
Speaker 1: do in Our Own World on Michael to the Podcast Network.
Speaker 1: I just want to say it is so incredible because
Speaker 1: it's difficult because even just talking about this subject feels
Speaker 1: like we should be at least for me, I don't
Speaker 1: want to speak for you. When I start to say,
Speaker 1: oh my god, the comparison, oh my god, and everybody
Speaker 1: this and that, I almost feel guilty to talk about
Speaker 1: it because you feel like, how could you complain about that?
Speaker 1: You come from this legacy, you come from this amazing family,
Speaker 1: but people are making you super insecure, treating you like
Speaker 1: a stepping stone to something larger making you feel lesser
Speaker 1: than And then you know what, I haven't found barely
Speaker 1: any people in my life to connect to that can
Speaker 1: understand that. Because just like you, when you sing, when
Speaker 1: you create art that comes from you, it comes from
Speaker 1: the legacy of your family, right, you should be proud
Speaker 1: that's within you, the same way that I am. But
Speaker 1: the moment that somebody says, oh, you don't sing as
Speaker 1: well as your mom, and you're not as pretty, and
Speaker 1: you're gay and this and whatever, then it's like going,
Speaker 1: your man, you know what I mean. So it's just
Speaker 1: very beautiful to validate this energy. And also it's not
Speaker 1: to take away from the fact that we're very blessed
Speaker 1: to come from this beautiful legacy, but we have our
Speaker 1: own obstacles to deal with. And I feel like it's
Speaker 1: a good thing for people to hear about. No thank you, Emily,
Speaker 1: and And that's something I wanted to talk about. It's
Speaker 1: a subject that I've been wanting to talk about for
Speaker 1: a while, but like you said, it's difficult to find
Speaker 1: people that are in our same position and willing to
Speaker 1: talk about it because it could come off we're not grateful,
Speaker 1: We should have no complaints, but it's just like, it's
Speaker 1: not that I'm complaining. This is just my experience, this
Speaker 1: is my truth, you know what I mean. And of
Speaker 1: course I don't want to ignore the amazing fact that
Speaker 1: we have a geminy here. How are you, my love?
Speaker 1: Tell us a little bit about you. Thank you know,
Speaker 1: I'm really happy to be here. You know. I get
Speaker 1: to know Emily in a very special way, obviously intimate way,
Speaker 1: the way that you know a partner that you've been
Speaker 1: with for a few years, like we've been, and I
Speaker 1: know what this subject means to her, even though I
Speaker 1: can't personally relate because it's not my experience. But it
Speaker 1: was a lesson to me being somebody on the outside
Speaker 1: who used to see celebrity in one way and of
Speaker 1: course critique it in one way. You don't know what
Speaker 1: you're talking about. You've never actually struggled. It was a
Speaker 1: humbling experience to realize that all of us, even the
Speaker 1: ones that you think are struggling the least, are struggling,
Speaker 1: and we have feelings and experiences that are just as
Speaker 1: valid as the next person. There's no need to feel
Speaker 1: that somebody can't have the space or the support to
Speaker 1: to speak about it. So I'm happy to be here
Speaker 1: with you, ladies as part of this journey. You listen.
Speaker 1: She gets a lot of heat too, because dating somebody
Speaker 1: that is affiliated with, you know, some kind of legacy
Speaker 1: and musical families not easy either. People hit her up
Speaker 1: all the time, going, you know, oh, you know, I
Speaker 1: haven't talked to you in eight years, but I bet
Speaker 1: keeping a real girl. Did you know, Emily that your
Speaker 1: mom was famous when you were growing up? Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm sure you get this a lot to Like.
Speaker 1: The one of the questions I've heard the most in
Speaker 1: my life, it's like, what is it like for your
Speaker 1: mom to be glorious? Stefan, I'm like, she's my mom.
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's it, Like my mom is glorious, Stefan.
Speaker 1: I don't know how else to explain that to you.
Speaker 1: It's not that my mom is glorious, Stephen, is that
Speaker 1: that is my mother? What is your mother? To you?
Speaker 1: You know, and to a lot of people in this life,
Speaker 1: granted if they don't have a relationship with their mom. Luckily,
Speaker 1: I'm so proud of the fact that we have an
Speaker 1: incredible relationship. We love each other a lot. It has
Speaker 1: its fault which we've even tried to talk about and
Speaker 1: not air out but show the world that every mother
Speaker 1: and daughter has their own dynamic. But the point is
Speaker 1: that at the end of the day, you love each
Speaker 1: other like hell, and we really do. I mean, I
Speaker 1: have her tattooed on my arm right now, you know,
Speaker 1: like she's one of the loves of my life, you know,
Speaker 1: as I know that I am of hers. And funnily enough,
Speaker 1: I think this is what makes it so special. She's
Speaker 1: not an artist first, she's not a musician first. She's
Speaker 1: a mom first. And that's why I'm such a fan
Speaker 1: of hers. That's why I've been able to, you know,
Speaker 1: try to be the musician that I am because at
Speaker 1: the forefront of it all, she was a mother. She
Speaker 1: was a mom, and that's a huge responsibility. That's the
Speaker 1: thing about fame, like, don't let it destroy who you
Speaker 1: are as a person. Integrated with who you are. Yeah,
Speaker 1: let it let you shine, don't let it destroy you,
Speaker 1: because I've seen that a lot. So you know my parents,
Speaker 1: I know, I blow a lot of smoke up there,
Speaker 1: but they deserve it, for real, because they really are
Speaker 1: incredible parents, even the moments when they're too overbearing and
Speaker 1: they're annoying me. It's never anywhere but from a place
Speaker 1: of love, and yeah, exactly, So that's beautiful. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean for me because I think my mom started getting
Speaker 1: famous when I was I want to say, ten years old.
Speaker 1: So at first I was like, what's happening? You know
Speaker 1: what I mean? I knew she had saying, but she
Speaker 1: didn't start taking it seriously until like I was ten,
Speaker 1: and I was like her number one fan. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you guys remember those folders that had, you know,
Speaker 1: the little space in the front, like with the clear front,
Speaker 1: and I would put my mom's picture there, and I'd
Speaker 1: walk around with my folder at school and they're like,
Speaker 1: who's that, and you know the kids at school, and
Speaker 1: I'd be like, oh, that's my mom. She's going to
Speaker 1: be famous one day, and they would laugh at me.
Speaker 1: They would laugh, and I was just like her number
Speaker 1: one fan. So I saw it all before my eyes
Speaker 1: as she just grew. The thing is the person that
Speaker 1: my mom was on stage, she was the same person
Speaker 1: off stage. And for her it was I'm a woman,
Speaker 1: I'm a mother before I am an artist. So I
Speaker 1: totally get that, and for me it was it doesn't
Speaker 1: matter who I am now that we can move to
Speaker 1: a better place and stuff like that. She was always
Speaker 1: very adamant about keeping all of us on track, and
Speaker 1: she was a very strict mother, and I'm so grateful
Speaker 1: and it's weird now, I guess. The other day, I
Speaker 1: was at a show and they were showing pictures of her,
Speaker 1: and I think that was one of the moments like
Speaker 1: I hadn't felt in a long time where I was like, dude,
Speaker 1: that's my mom. It tricked me out and I was
Speaker 1: just like, I started getting all, you know, emotional. I'm
Speaker 1: a cancer something very much so, so I was just like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, that's my mom. And it blew my
Speaker 1: mind for like a second. It's like it's not that
Speaker 1: I had forgotten, but I'm like, it's amazing. It's a
Speaker 1: beautiful thing. And I can't complain because I learned so
Speaker 1: much and she's left me in so many other women
Speaker 1: in the music industry a platform, you know, shout out
Speaker 1: to her, to my mother up and having and I
Speaker 1: just sometimes and I think this is something that I
Speaker 1: just realized very recently because of the outside world for
Speaker 1: so long, I'm like, Okay, she was my mother my father,
Speaker 1: my my confident like everything, and I kind of yes,
Speaker 1: want to follow in her footsteps, but I also want
Speaker 1: to be seen as me, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like I want to be given the opportunity to like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm not my mom, I'm me. You know, to your point,
Speaker 1: I have to give you credit where it's two. This
Speaker 1: is something that with me and my brother is a
Speaker 1: big deal because my mom broke her back, she had
Speaker 1: an accident, and my brothers in his forties and I'm
Speaker 1: and so in between us, he lived an entirely different
Speaker 1: experience with my mom. When he was born. My mom still,
Speaker 1: you know, hadn't exploded in her career and nobody knew
Speaker 1: who she was, etcetera. When I was born, she had
Speaker 1: broken her back, everybody knew who she was, and I
Speaker 1: was this miracle baby that just appeared out of nowhere,
Speaker 1: you know. Fifteen years after that, right, And not only that,
Speaker 1: I look exactly like her, well not exactly like her.
Speaker 1: I have my dad's biggest nose. Shout out Dad, and
Speaker 1: thank you so much, Yella, Yella Yellow Lebanon love you.
Speaker 1: But listen, I'm proud of my Arabic roots, but I'm
Speaker 1: not a hundred percent Couana, and there's some in there
Speaker 1: somewhere going on. But I was born already with this
Speaker 1: kind of like everybody treats me nice respect. Nobody would
Speaker 1: dare make a joke that, oh, your mom's gonna make it,
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? They'd probably treat me nicer than
Speaker 1: they should just because they see my last name on
Speaker 1: a piece of paper, and that has been hard for
Speaker 1: me too. But I give my brother credit where his due,
Speaker 1: because that transitory period for a child has to be
Speaker 1: really complicated. And I know for a fact that I'm
Speaker 1: sure that your mom up in heaven right now is
Speaker 1: thanking you for being her confident and her supporter. Because
Speaker 1: where we are coming from, where we all come from
Speaker 1: so many different parts of the world, people don't uplift
Speaker 1: and support us. They try to bury us. So oftentimes
Speaker 1: your child being your supporter is so big. My mom,
Speaker 1: who has Grammys and she's in her sixties to this day,
Speaker 1: if I tell her, oh, this sounds kind of weird,
Speaker 1: she probably wouldn't be able to sleep at night merely
Speaker 1: because of that bond between mother and daughter. So you
Speaker 1: probably just injected her with what she needed to get
Speaker 1: to where she needed to go, So it's a beautiful thing. You.
Speaker 1: I didn't do it. I just arrived, and it was
Speaker 1: all taking care of money. No, yeah, And she would
Speaker 1: say it a lot because we were so close in age,
Speaker 1: and I was the one taking care of the kids
Speaker 1: and the household and everything, and it was difficult, but
Speaker 1: I am so grateful the way I was raised. A
Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago, I was doing a podcast with
Speaker 1: a medium and he told me that subconsciously I was
Speaker 1: holding resentment. And I started thinking about that, and I thought, damn,
Speaker 1: I guess in a way I have. I mean, obviously
Speaker 1: I love my mother. I have so much more compassion
Speaker 1: for her now because I can see and I can feel,
Speaker 1: and I can experience what she had gone through in
Speaker 1: her career. As we know, it's not easy for women
Speaker 1: in the music industry, especially in our genre. So I
Speaker 1: have so much compassion for her. But in a way,
Speaker 1: I guess I was kind of like holding some type
Speaker 1: of resentment of like, dude, I respect do you as
Speaker 1: an artist for who you are and what you did,
Speaker 1: and I'm so like as a daughter and everything. But
Speaker 1: it's been so much harder I feel when it's not
Speaker 1: me complaining. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, guys,
Speaker 1: because the truth is it's also had its perks, but
Speaker 1: it has been Why don't you want to complain? We
Speaker 1: feel you feel what it's like, you feel guilty. That's
Speaker 1: not fair to you, though, because when I want to
Speaker 1: bitch about my mom, I just bitch about my mom.
Speaker 1: I don't ask for permission like this is your because
Speaker 1: my mom's fans, girl are hardcore. I don't mean like that.
Speaker 1: I don't mean you have a right to talk about
Speaker 1: your experience. And thank you. We all, I think grow
Speaker 1: up to be more compassionate towards our mothers. I know
Speaker 1: that's my experience, you know, because my mom was also
Speaker 1: a single mom. Not five kids, that's wow, like kudos
Speaker 1: to your mom, but she was two kids and also
Speaker 1: starting her career. So and we were also very close
Speaker 1: to age. My mom had to me when she was eighteen.
Speaker 1: So I really feel that. I feel like, you know,
Speaker 1: I had like some and I'm probably so working through
Speaker 1: it unidentified resentment towards my mom because of my own things,
Speaker 1: and it's okay, right, yeah, that's so. I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest about it. This is how I feel,
Speaker 1: and and sometimes it's not necessarily been with her. It's
Speaker 1: other people's opinions and their criticism and judgment, and it's
Speaker 1: just like, dude, let me live my life, let me
Speaker 1: be me, let me figure it out. But I've also
Speaker 1: learned that it's a part of this. Did you ever
Speaker 1: feel that type of pressure, Emily, like, especially when you
Speaker 1: started singing, like I didn't sing. I tried to run
Speaker 1: the hell away from it. It It was the last thing
Speaker 1: I wanted to do because in my case, like my
Speaker 1: parents wanted to sing. Sing, that's all you want to do.
Speaker 1: I know your musical, I know you're this, You're that.
Speaker 1: She had me playing guitar on stage with her, and
Speaker 1: I couldn't even look up at the crowd because I
Speaker 1: wanted to vomit. And I would feel like, you know,
Speaker 1: I want to do this, but also they're pushing me.
Speaker 1: But also sometimes you need to push but also back off.
Speaker 1: It's so complicated, and also I don't know. Sometimes when
Speaker 1: you have parents in the public eye, it can seem
Speaker 1: to think, oh, you know, we know how to do this,
Speaker 1: we know exactly how we did it and what works,
Speaker 1: which absolutely what they did for them works. I would
Speaker 1: never take it away, but what I want to do
Speaker 1: for me is not going to be that. And so
Speaker 1: sometimes there's that line of like, well, what do you
Speaker 1: guys think is best? And what do I think is best?
Speaker 1: Because that's where the true gold is. When our parents
Speaker 1: were doing what they were doing, if they fell on
Speaker 1: their face, they had to answer for themselves, and there's
Speaker 1: value in that. You learn from that. If I fall
Speaker 1: on my face and my mom my dad there picked
Speaker 1: me up with tongs, no, I'm not gonna learn anything.
Speaker 1: So it's also about saying, look, this is my decision.
Speaker 1: I hear you. However, let me follow my face. Like
Speaker 1: everybody needs a broken nose once in a while. Like
Speaker 1: I mentioned, it's big enough already, but I'm serious. Sometimes
Speaker 1: if you love someone, you have to kind of like
Speaker 1: let them fall and like let them do their thing.
Speaker 1: And I mean that in the public sense and in
Speaker 1: the family sense. How we're in the public eye now
Speaker 1: we have this screen and this division where you hide
Speaker 1: behind who you really are. So it's very easy to
Speaker 1: slander and judge, and honestly, a lot of that is insecurity,
Speaker 1: but it does hurt. You can't pretend like it doesn't
Speaker 1: the same way that Jem said, Oh why do you
Speaker 1: feel bad about it? And everybody's like, oh, so what
Speaker 1: somebody tells you one bad thing online? I guarantee you
Speaker 1: you know, if somebody says something really atrocious to you,
Speaker 1: that energy enters you and you have to try our
Speaker 1: practice at least to divert it. But your parents also,
Speaker 1: you know, their moment of celebrity was in a very
Speaker 1: different time. You could choose and pick what you listen to,
Speaker 1: what interview, from what small publication or small amount of
Speaker 1: publications you read. Now, you guys are exposed to thousands
Speaker 1: of opinions at a moment's notice, whether you want it
Speaker 1: or not. And people are cruel when they can hide
Speaker 1: behind a screen and a photo or an alternate name.
Speaker 1: So I I have a lot of respect. I have
Speaker 1: a lot of respect for you all, really I do.
Speaker 1: I have a learned a lot of respect for you
Speaker 1: for dating me. So so your parents definitely did support
Speaker 1: you then in like your music. In my music, yeah,
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be a musician. I played basketball,
Speaker 1: but you know my five two stature I was too
Speaker 1: tall for everybody else, so they didn't let me play.
Speaker 1: And then I wanted to be a doctor. What the
Speaker 1: hell was I thinking? Girl, I would not have lasted
Speaker 1: and I have really shaky hands for but anyway, which
Speaker 1: is funny because I play instruments. I guess it works
Speaker 1: because that gives me my edge. But yeah, like in
Speaker 1: our last podcast, like I told my mom, she asked me,
Speaker 1: She's like, do you ever feel like I pressured you?
Speaker 1: And I was like, yes, However, sometimes pressure makes a diamond.
Speaker 1: So as long as you can talk about it and
Speaker 1: like acknowledge each other's feelings and learn each other's boundaries,
Speaker 1: you know, then yeah, hell, yeah, I don't regret anything.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm singing, I'm creating. It's awesome. There's nothing
Speaker 1: else I can ask for. That's awesome. That's awesome. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think my mom was just when I told her
Speaker 1: I wanted to sing, she was more like, Okay, I
Speaker 1: want to manage you because there are so many sharks
Speaker 1: out there, you know what I mean, And it's hard,
Speaker 1: it's hard for women. And she did, what did you
Speaker 1: think of your talent? She heard me sing once or twice,
Speaker 1: I think, so she didn't really like, I know if
Speaker 1: I knew how to sing or not, But for her
Speaker 1: it was you just go to classes and you'll figure
Speaker 1: it out, you know what I mean. For me, a
Speaker 1: part of this process is that even though I felt
Speaker 1: pushed by my mother, I felt like the core of
Speaker 1: what she was doing was led by emotions, you know.
Speaker 1: And I'm sorry if you never felt that excitement of
Speaker 1: the joy of music, of talent from your mom, because
Speaker 1: that gift that you have. You know, I've heard your stuff,
Speaker 1: I know what you do and it's awesome, and so
Speaker 1: that not that she invalidated it in any way, That's
Speaker 1: not what I'm saying. But if you didn't have enough
Speaker 1: time to share with her your gift, that would probably
Speaker 1: be painful to me because the first people I send
Speaker 1: my stuff too is my girlfriend and my mom. So
Speaker 1: you know, I'm sorry to hear that thank you for
Speaker 1: me that That's one thing I'm like, how am I
Speaker 1: going to do this with without her being here? Because
Speaker 1: she knew about it, and the idea was we were
Speaker 1: going to have a band of all women. I was
Speaker 1: going to be the singer. I wanted something like Selena
Speaker 1: like you know that that I just had this whole
Speaker 1: idea and she says, okay, we'll get there. You know,
Speaker 1: I'll manage you this is not the career that I
Speaker 1: want for you. It is very difficult, but I'll support you.
Speaker 1: I'll support you if that's what you want. Obviously, you
Speaker 1: know what happened. Happened, and I said, I don't want
Speaker 1: to live with the what if. But it was very
Speaker 1: hard because I'm like, I wonder if my mom would
Speaker 1: like it. I wonder how she would react, you know.
Speaker 1: But till this day, I go on stage and I'm like,
Speaker 1: Mom helped me, and I swear to you, I feel
Speaker 1: like she does, you know. I feel like she sometimes, yeah,
Speaker 1: walks me through it, you know. But I didn't want
Speaker 1: to live with what if because of fear. I didn't
Speaker 1: do it because of fear. And that's awesome. That's awesome
Speaker 1: that that you have a great relationship with your mother,
Speaker 1: with your parents, and that you have their support. That's beautiful.
Speaker 1: And I feel like I do. I feel like I
Speaker 1: honestly feel in my heart I have her support. But
Speaker 1: I do wish she would have heard my stuff. You know,
Speaker 1: she's listening from whoever she is definitely absolutely thank you
Speaker 1: so much. How do you feel now? Do you feel
Speaker 1: like you're compared a lot to your mom in any way?
Speaker 1: Like for sure, I used to bother the hell out
Speaker 1: of me, but now I'm like, yeah, like people be like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, your voices sounds so like like my
Speaker 1: mom and my nephew who's ten and I are doing
Speaker 1: a Christmas album right now. It's coming out this Christmas
Speaker 1: and he's ten years old and he started singing recently.
Speaker 1: And there are parts of the record where I'm like,
Speaker 1: who the hell is who I cannot tell? And at
Speaker 1: first that would bother me. I would be like, oh god,
Speaker 1: stop comparing me. I have my own sound. But you
Speaker 1: know what people will say, like wow, what a family resemblance.
Speaker 1: But also you have your own thing, and like, as
Speaker 1: long as you have a talent and you love what
Speaker 1: you do, who cares who hears it in what way?
Speaker 1: Like is that really going to stop you from doing
Speaker 1: what you want to do? You sound like your mom? Awesome,
Speaker 1: She's an incredible singer who has Grammy's in a great career.
Speaker 1: You think I sound like her? Wow? Okay? Cool? Like
Speaker 1: you know, like and if you think that I don't,
Speaker 1: then cool. But it bothered me at first, But that's
Speaker 1: insecurity and you know, youth, which I still battle with
Speaker 1: a lot, which I feel like as a result of
Speaker 1: my experiences have kind of delayed me a bit, but
Speaker 1: you know, it's me being candid, and I worked through
Speaker 1: it every day. It really used to irk me. It
Speaker 1: would bother me. Now I really put it in this place,
Speaker 1: and even even if someone's like, oh my god, you
Speaker 1: sound just like your mom, you know, I'll be like, okay,
Speaker 1: thank you. At first maybe it would have been sarcastically,
Speaker 1: but now at me and thank you. I love it, yeah,
Speaker 1: honestly saying I feel like for a long time it
Speaker 1: did bother me and now I'm like, okay. Or they
Speaker 1: would tell me and I'm like, Michio, or I do
Speaker 1: like that's my mom. Like I'm like, who do you
Speaker 1: want me to look like or act like like? Until
Speaker 1: it just something clicks and I said, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: If I sound like her, if I look like her
Speaker 1: on stage, if I do certain things, I'm like, who
Speaker 1: do you want me to look like you? What I mean? Like,
Speaker 1: now I respond that way watching her dance and exactly,
Speaker 1: thank god it looked like mom, and she was yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: that's exactly what I said. I'm like, well, thank you,
Speaker 1: and that's exactly what you said. It was like it
Speaker 1: was insecurity and it was lack of maturity. And now
Speaker 1: it's like I celebrate that ship and I'm like, thanks,
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. How old were you when you came
Speaker 1: out to your family? Emily each other? Know, it's tough
Speaker 1: because I wish that coming out wasn't a thing. I
Speaker 1: don't really believe in coming out, not in a shady way,
Speaker 1: like I think that if you it's a valid thing
Speaker 1: that we needed to make, you know, a parent. But
Speaker 1: people don't come out and straight you love who you love,
Speaker 1: You say hey I love this person, you want to
Speaker 1: meet them, blah blah blah. So for me, truly from
Speaker 1: my heart, which a lot of people don't believe, I
Speaker 1: was just excited to share, Oh I really fell in
Speaker 1: love with this girl because I had relationships before that,
Speaker 1: you know, for many years, but not relationships you know,
Speaker 1: like a learning, experimenting and just having flings here and there.
Speaker 1: And when I fell in love with Jem it wasn't
Speaker 1: about coming out for me, it was about this is
Speaker 1: my person, you know what I mean? Because for me
Speaker 1: it was my family's my family and I can date
Speaker 1: around and I can have my life, but the moment
Speaker 1: that I want to integrate that person into my entire life.
Speaker 1: You know, that's a big step. And and I want
Speaker 1: them to know that I'm in love and that I'm
Speaker 1: happy and that this is the person that I love.
Speaker 1: So I was like experimenting with women since I was
Speaker 1: way younger, but I came out. I was in my twenties.
Speaker 1: I was, you know, like came out quote unquote a
Speaker 1: k A, Hey mom, I'm in love with this girl.
Speaker 1: It just happens to have boobs. You know, they're great,
Speaker 1: by the way, But she's beautiful, Okay, expect beautiful. There's
Speaker 1: enough to go around. But you can do whatever she wants.
Speaker 1: But I call her boobs of people's boobs because yeah, anyway,
Speaker 1: she's gonna put me on blasts. But actually Jackie Crew
Speaker 1: said that. Shout out Jackie Crew. But anyway, you see,
Speaker 1: now I'm distracting because I'm thinking about boobs. You see
Speaker 1: what cheeks? What do you do here? Okay? So yeah,
Speaker 1: so it wasn't about coming out. I'm back girl, wow,
Speaker 1: thank you. Um. It wasn't about coming out for me.
Speaker 1: It was about sharing. It didn't go exactly how I planned, however,
Speaker 1: it never does. That's family. That's why we can't be fake.
Speaker 1: And that's why I love what you said about your
Speaker 1: mom and why Jem validated that for you, because that's life. Like,
Speaker 1: stop pretending just because you're a celebrity. Yes, have your privacy.
Speaker 1: I don't need to see you pick your boogers and
Speaker 1: every single meal you eat on Instagram. I mean, do
Speaker 1: you want to do? Privacy is privacy? However, share and
Speaker 1: say you know what, celebrities are not this perfect cookie cutter.
Speaker 1: Everything's great, everything is perfect, All our families are amazing. No,
Speaker 1: we have miscommunications, we have pains, we have generational differences,
Speaker 1: especially in Latin communities, you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 1: it's it's such a difference of opinion sometimes and such
Speaker 1: a passionate love. You know. I always thought it was
Speaker 1: so funny that I would I go off to college.
Speaker 1: I'm talking about I'm face timing my grandma every day
Speaker 1: and people are like, oh, I haven't seen my grandma
Speaker 1: in ten years, and I'm like, okay. But at the
Speaker 1: same time, they have no relationship with their family. They're like, Oh,
Speaker 1: it's so weird that you're talking to your grandma all
Speaker 1: the time. I'm like, I think it's weird that you
Speaker 1: don't have your tribe that you don't write exactly, you know,
Speaker 1: and so anyway for me, yes, difficult. That's the human experience.
Speaker 1: That's the point. Coming out is never easy. It's always
Speaker 1: harder to be gay, unfortunately, because of the world that
Speaker 1: we live in, just like it's hard to be right,
Speaker 1: but it's harder to be a woman. It's harder to
Speaker 1: be an African American? Are you kidding me? Forget it?
Speaker 1: You have to acknowledge these things because if not, you're
Speaker 1: just making the problem worse. There are certain avenues that
Speaker 1: are just harder what we need to work towards for them,
Speaker 1: not to me, And it's better now I'm assuming right,
Speaker 1: your family loves her and vice versa. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: my family adores Emily. So I came out earlier than
Speaker 1: Emily did. I was actually outed. I did not come
Speaker 1: to that moment of like, I want to share this
Speaker 1: with my family. My dad read my text messages and
Speaker 1: they were very racy, and there was no hiding behind
Speaker 1: or trying to reinterpret what the messages said. And one
Speaker 1: day I came home from high school. At that time,
Speaker 1: we had bunk beds that were like taking apart. So
Speaker 1: it's you know, one bunk bed at either side of
Speaker 1: my dad's like, I want to talk to you. My
Speaker 1: dad's so scary. I'm like, yeah, dad, fourteen. He sits
Speaker 1: on one I said, on the other cross from me,
Speaker 1: and he literally just goes, I know you like girls.
Speaker 1: Because I had not even had that entire internal dialogue
Speaker 1: with myself, I was still coming from the world where
Speaker 1: being gay was bad, so I hadn't even accepted my
Speaker 1: own feelings for this person that we're super real, and
Speaker 1: it was not good. It was not good. My parents
Speaker 1: pulled me out of school. They tried to take me
Speaker 1: to another school that obviously didn't work because I grew
Speaker 1: up with cell phone. So I found a way and
Speaker 1: you can't change me for who I am. But yeah,
Speaker 1: it was different. But my grandfather and my grandmother are
Speaker 1: the greatest people in my life. They're so incredible and
Speaker 1: like I hope to take after them when I'm older,
Speaker 1: because they're so accepting and respectful of whatever that goes
Speaker 1: on around me as long as it's good. And they're
Speaker 1: so in love with them not more than I am everybody,
Speaker 1: and she's really lovable. I mean, I'm sure as you've
Speaker 1: learned in the last together. How can you not like her?
Speaker 1: I know it's not possible. Good luck, she'll find a
Speaker 1: way around telling you. Just wait, got tricks? Musty hate me? Oh,
Speaker 1: you guys are so damn cute together, I swear. I
Speaker 1: was curious because I don't know if if I've even
Speaker 1: talked about this on the podcast, but I definitely have
Speaker 1: in my books. I had a relationship with a girl
Speaker 1: for like a year, I want to say I was
Speaker 1: twenty three, and my mom also went snooping into my
Speaker 1: stuff and she found a letter that she had written
Speaker 1: me and in my house. My mom was more of
Speaker 1: a religious woman and she was very traditional because of
Speaker 1: her parents, which I totally respect and I don't judge,
Speaker 1: but she was tough. She read it and she was like,
Speaker 1: if you don't end this relationship with this girl, you
Speaker 1: lose all benefits as my daughter and you'll have to
Speaker 1: move out. And it was a very because I really
Speaker 1: felt like because I was sexually abused right by my dad,
Speaker 1: so for a long time I had this weird relationship
Speaker 1: with guys. I was like, I don't want to be
Speaker 1: pressured to have sex. All guys want is sex, you know.
Speaker 1: And I met this girl and it was like this
Speaker 1: crazy as connection of which got each other. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: it was like a mental She mentally stimulated my mind
Speaker 1: and my life and you know, another thing, another thing.
Speaker 1: But I was just like, this is different. Final. Someone
Speaker 1: loves me for me and they don't just want to
Speaker 1: put it in me, you know. So it was a
Speaker 1: beautiful thing. And I had to let go of that
Speaker 1: relationship because all I knew was my mom, you know.
Speaker 1: And now we're good friends, you know, her and I.
Speaker 1: But it was something my mom was just not okay with.
Speaker 1: And I don't know gods, you know. And this is
Speaker 1: with my brother Johnny when he came out, I was
Speaker 1: completely supportive because of the experience that that I had,
Speaker 1: you know, and he was fifteen. I think when he
Speaker 1: said hey, because he says that he likes women and men,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And for a long time,
Speaker 1: I'll be honest, I didn't understand it. I said, well,
Speaker 1: what do you mean, like you have to be either or?
Speaker 1: And no. Yeah, Like I was like, you have to pick,
Speaker 1: because I picked, you know. After my mom said, I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, well I just have to be with boys.
Speaker 1: But when I told him that, he opened up my
Speaker 1: horizon so much where he's like, no, it's a sole connection.
Speaker 1: And if it's a girl, then it's a girl. If
Speaker 1: it's a boy, it's a boy. And I'm like, oh ship,
Speaker 1: he totally just changed my perspective. By the way, it's
Speaker 1: not even that black and white cheekies like you don't
Speaker 1: understand how valuable you being so open and honest about
Speaker 1: your experience is, even for just like the queer community,
Speaker 1: in any community, because what I really believe is like
Speaker 1: Gem and I have conversations all the time. I hope
Speaker 1: you don't mind I'm sharing this, but what we've talked
Speaker 1: about it before, like Jim is a gold star, you know,
Speaker 1: she's never been with a man, right, and me who
Speaker 1: looks like somebody who would be the opposite, like, you know,
Speaker 1: like the gayest person or whatever. I've had experiences with men,
Speaker 1: experiences with women. And I tell Jem all the time, Oh,
Speaker 1: I fall in love with the soul. If I love
Speaker 1: your soul, if I fall in love with you intellectually,
Speaker 1: I will want to bone you. I will enjoy it,
Speaker 1: I will love it. If you made me feel love support.
Speaker 1: That's really how I feel. Some people are not like that.
Speaker 1: I get that However, I feel like a lot of
Speaker 1: that is stigma. I feel like a lot of people
Speaker 1: would be more open to sexual experiences. You may not
Speaker 1: like it, you may be like, you know what, I
Speaker 1: actually prefer this kind of sex, sir, this kind of
Speaker 1: sex sor that's sure, whatever, But until you explore it,
Speaker 1: as long as you don't feel like it's wrong, Jim said, oh,
Speaker 1: I still felt like it was wrong. As a queer person,
Speaker 1: you go through this moment of I feel so good,
Speaker 1: but it feels so wrong. Why there's no reason when
Speaker 1: you're having this connection with a woman and it's this
Speaker 1: connection that you're saying, Because, by the way, there's a
Speaker 1: reason for that. I mean, there's a reason for everything,
Speaker 1: and it's all spirituality. But also we are biological beings
Speaker 1: and that's why we're reproducing, and we're on this biological planet,
Speaker 1: and we are just as much spiritual as we are tangible,
Speaker 1: whether it's a video game or not. Please let me
Speaker 1: know whoever's out there anyway, Like this physical experience, it's
Speaker 1: something that we have to keep in in two different planes,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So it's up to you,
Speaker 1: it's up to what you want to explore it. But
Speaker 1: don't let anybody else make you feel bad. I dream
Speaker 1: of a world where my child comes up to me
Speaker 1: and says, huh, a guy asked me on a date.
Speaker 1: Maybe he's a guy. You know, I really don't think
Speaker 1: I'm gay, but maybe all you know, see what happens.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm going to do do it, and he might come
Speaker 1: home to me and be like, you know what, Mom,
Speaker 1: I am not gay. I really did not like that.
Speaker 1: You know, maybe you're securing yourself and you know, but
Speaker 1: we are stifling our exploration as a result of this,
Speaker 1: you know, generational which they got from somebody else as well.
Speaker 1: I'm sure when your mom was giving you that insight,
Speaker 1: it wasn't even her own opinion. It comes from something
Speaker 1: that she thinks is right or wrong. Which is why,
Speaker 1: like Jump says, all the time, you've got to give
Speaker 1: people compassion and write them a past because a lot
Speaker 1: of times when people are exemplifying those opinions, it has
Speaker 1: zero to do with who they actually are, but who
Speaker 1: they are trying to find within themselves who they actually
Speaker 1: are the journey, so then finding themselves make them be
Speaker 1: like that. But anyway, I went, now, I went on
Speaker 1: a whole tangent. I love it. I love it, and
Speaker 1: and now that we're on this topic, I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: sure there are people listening that I don't know how
Speaker 1: to tell their family and friends. Hey, this is how
Speaker 1: I feel because of judgment or religion. Do you guys
Speaker 1: have advice for them. Sometimes it's really hard because you
Speaker 1: don't know how people are going to rack react. I
Speaker 1: know that Emily can sit here and tell you that
Speaker 1: she expected her family to react very differently than they
Speaker 1: actually did. So you can say, try to find the
Speaker 1: person that you feel closest to, but it's always a gamble.
Speaker 1: You know, my mom and my dad are very supportive
Speaker 1: of my life, and my mom growing up, had gay
Speaker 1: best friends that she traveled all of Europe with. But
Speaker 1: when I came out being her daughter, you know, it's
Speaker 1: different when it's in your home. And I think that
Speaker 1: it came from fear. You know, she was afraid that
Speaker 1: I'd have a more difficult life. She was afraid of
Speaker 1: what people would say, when people would think. But I
Speaker 1: would have never expected her to react in some of
Speaker 1: the ways that she did. I'm sure she wouldn't even
Speaker 1: have expected it. So it's hard. It's hard to say,
Speaker 1: find somebody that you feel comfortable with, because you never
Speaker 1: know who it is. I would say try even closer
Speaker 1: in your community. If you're a young person, maybe it's
Speaker 1: somebody at your school who you feel like is going
Speaker 1: through a similar experience. Or maybe it's finding a resource
Speaker 1: online people who are actually trained professionals in this area
Speaker 1: to help you get to it. Maybe it's as simple
Speaker 1: as you know. I want to tell my mom, Hey, mom,
Speaker 1: I want to talk to you about something. Maybe we
Speaker 1: can you know, go see my school counselor and talking
Speaker 1: about it with somebody there. Or maybe it's find an
Speaker 1: advocate that you know you feel comfortable with to help
Speaker 1: mediate the conversation. It's not easy. I can't tell anyone
Speaker 1: really truly, what's the best way to do it. The
Speaker 1: only thing I can say is, don't feel pressured to
Speaker 1: say it before you actually are. Take your time with yourself,
Speaker 1: exploring yourself, discovering yourself. We're the only people who wake
Speaker 1: up and go to sleep in our bodies every single day.
Speaker 1: We owe it to ourselves to seek that piece and
Speaker 1: to live our truths daily and take our time doing so.
Speaker 1: Oh baby, Oh my god, Emily, I was going to
Speaker 1: tell you always like dude, I get it. She stimulates
Speaker 1: you intellectually, I can tell, just reulates me all over,
Speaker 1: all over and has nice boops apparently, guys, so I
Speaker 1: don't know you can say now, jem I'm so sorry
Speaker 1: my books. That's gem On only fans right after this episode.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, you guys are freaking amazing. Thank you.
Speaker 1: I have really enjoyed this conversation. It feels nice to
Speaker 1: just let it all out, you know what I mean, like,
Speaker 1: just be honest, and hopefully this isn't the last episode
Speaker 1: that we do together. And maybe I can come on
Speaker 1: your podcast or something to talk about something I don't
Speaker 1: know you. No, No, your invitation is your invitation, and
Speaker 1: we will get you here or we will wait for
Speaker 1: when you're here either or we will happily get here.
Speaker 1: You'll sit on this. Only one thing though, che Okay,
Speaker 1: got you? Got you? Heck yeah? I love that. And
Speaker 1: for my listeners, can you tell them about your podcast
Speaker 1: in our own world? Please? So in our own world
Speaker 1: is sort of you might have got a glimpse of
Speaker 1: here while we were talking with you, cheekies. It's Emily
Speaker 1: and I world. The things that we encounter, the things
Speaker 1: that are important to us. Retelling some of our life stories,
Speaker 1: sharing experiences that we've had, doing it together and inviting
Speaker 1: other people to join us along the way, all the
Speaker 1: while making a space theme because you know, we feel
Speaker 1: like we're aliens, so why not freaking like and we
Speaker 1: are waiting for you with open arms. Thank you so
Speaker 1: I love it. Thank you guys. Did you guys already
Speaker 1: share your socials? Oh no, so sorry, we're so bad
Speaker 1: at that. We're just not connection all right, So we're bad.
Speaker 1: But if you want to see our weirdness, my instagram
Speaker 1: is Emily Underscore a Stefan. Our podcast is in our
Speaker 1: Own World pod p O D and gem is at
Speaker 1: a Geminy and everybody go listen to Cheeks. She's killing
Speaker 1: it out there. Please big up for Cheekies. We love you,
Speaker 1: we're big fans and we love to be part of
Speaker 1: this family with you. So thank you for inviting us on.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, boy, Thank you Emily, thank you Jam.
Speaker 1: I feel some connection here, so thank you. Guys. There
Speaker 1: you have it to all my listeners. Go follow them,
Speaker 1: check out their podcast and also are you guys? We
Speaker 1: have Dear Cheekies on Wednesday, so make sure you check
Speaker 1: those out and before we close. You know that I
Speaker 1: always end my episodes with a motivational quote, and I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna use a very simple one. The quote is
Speaker 1: the world is tough, but thank God I am tougher.
Speaker 1: There you have you, guys. Thank you so much again,
Speaker 1: beautiful ladies, Thank you for being on the podcast. Thank
Speaker 1: you to everyone that's listening. I will catch you next
Speaker 1: Monday or Wednesday's. Do you need advice on love, relationships,
Speaker 1: health emas. I'm so excited to share with you that
Speaker 1: my Cheekies and Chill podcast will have an extra episode
Speaker 1: drop each week. I'll be answering all your questions. Just
Speaker 1: leave me a voice message. That's a jo. All you
Speaker 1: have to do is go to speak pipe dot com,
Speaker 1: slash Cheeks and Chill podcast and record your questions. I
Speaker 1: can't wait to hear from you. This is a production
Speaker 1: of I Heart Radio and the Michael Dura podcast Network.
Speaker 1: Follow us on Instagram at Michael Dura Podcasts and follow
Speaker 1: me chicks That's c h I q U I s.
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from My heart, visit the I Heart
Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your
Speaker 1: favorite podcasts.