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Speaker 1: What's up Professional Homegirls? It shagirl ebine here and I

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Speaker 1: hope all is cute. Now, until the new season kicks off,

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Speaker 1: we'll be rewinding in to some of your favorite phg

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Speaker 1: rewind episodes. Okay, but before we jump in, I want

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Speaker 1: to hear from you. What did y'all think about the

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Speaker 1: Li san Boskiya interview? Okay, hands down for me one

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Speaker 1: of my favorite episodes in such a fireway to close

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Speaker 1: out season two. So share your thoughts with me by

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Speaker 1: emailing me at hello at thepgpodcast dot com and let

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Speaker 1: me know your thoughts now. In ournor of Mental Health

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Speaker 1: Awareness Month, all of this month Rewind episodes was spotlight

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Speaker 1: powerful conversations around mental wellness. This week, I'm bringing back

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Speaker 1: an episode featuring my homegirl who's doing the show not once,

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Speaker 1: not twice, but three times. Twice. She opened up about

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Speaker 1: her experience living with bipolar type one, and most recently,

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Speaker 1: she came back to talk about her new book and

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Speaker 1: Old to Hip Hop. I originally recorded this conversation back

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Speaker 1: in twenty twenty two and it's still one of my

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Speaker 1: absolute favorites. My guest was incredibly transparent about her mental

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Speaker 1: health journey, and I truly appreciated her honesty and vulnerability.

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Speaker 1: I hope this episode encourages you all to take better

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Speaker 1: care of yourself, check in with your emotions, and give

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Speaker 1: yourself the grace you deserve as you navigate your own path. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so get ready. My experience in psych words starts now.

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Speaker 1: And one more thing before you start, make sure to

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Speaker 1: follow me at the Professional Homegirl and at the PSHG

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Speaker 1: podcast on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. And don't forget to

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Speaker 1: leave a five star review for the show until next time.

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Speaker 1: Everyone later. So, one of my favorite guests came back

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Speaker 1: to the show. I was just giving her some love

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Speaker 1: and y'all to share her story on her stay at

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Speaker 1: psych Wars. So, so, my guests, how are you doing?

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Speaker 2: How you feeling? I'm doing good, feeling good, feeling great,

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Speaker 2: you know.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Holly Black and blessing favor. Okay, mm hmm. How

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Speaker 1: was your Thanksgiving?

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Speaker 2: My Thanksgiving was as good as it could be, you know,

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Speaker 2: speaking of you know, mental health experiences. I'm dealing with

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Speaker 2: a family member who's going through some dementia and some

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Speaker 2: other mood disorders. So we spent some time with them

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Speaker 2: on Thanksgiving and it ended up being better than I expected,

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Speaker 2: but it was still you know, uh, it was still

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Speaker 2: something to work through, you know, as someone who has

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Speaker 2: been through mental health issues and is seeing someone that

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Speaker 2: I'm very close to go through those issues as well.

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Speaker 2: So you know, it was it was an experience, but

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Speaker 2: I'm really.

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Speaker 1: Glad that I had that time with them. Can it

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Speaker 1: be triggering for you to be around people who may

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Speaker 1: be experiencing that.

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Speaker 2: In the respect that it just kind of takes me

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Speaker 2: back to like when I was going through that stuff

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Speaker 2: and you know, me being like, wow, is that what

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Speaker 2: I'm like when I manage what I'm like? You know,

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Speaker 2: so it does make me think a lot about that.

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Speaker 2: But as far as like making me like sending me

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Speaker 2: into an episode myself, I haven't had that experience.

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Speaker 1: How are they doing now?

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Speaker 2: You know, they're doing as well as possible. They have

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Speaker 2: twenty four seven care in a nursing facility, so thankfully

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Speaker 2: they are taken care of. You know, they don't have

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Speaker 2: anything to really worry about, but you know, they just

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Speaker 2: want their independence, They want to go home and things

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Speaker 2: like that, but this is just the best thing for

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Speaker 2: them right now. So you know, always praying for them

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Speaker 2: and always hoping that you know, they will come out

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Speaker 2: on the other side and be you know, more present mentally,

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Speaker 2: but you know they're kind of up there in age,

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Speaker 2: so it might just kind of be is what it is.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, that's how that's going. Thank you for asking.

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Speaker 1: Of course. No, my grandmother had all times and dementia

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Speaker 1: and that's not easy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's really difficult. It's really difficult to to not

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Speaker 2: only go through go through seeing what they're going through,

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Speaker 2: like experiencing them in that state, but also you know,

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Speaker 2: like the level of responsibility that comes with it.

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Speaker 1: You know, it is a lot.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it really is, and I don't think people really

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Speaker 2: understand that, especially when you have a smaller family and

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Speaker 2: you know, you don't really have people that you can

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Speaker 2: depend on. It really and this is ultimately why this

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Speaker 2: family member is in a nursing facility because you know,

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Speaker 2: we it's literally me and my sister, Like it's just

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Speaker 2: me and her and we both like, I'm you know,

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Speaker 2: writing books and doing podcasts and stuff, and my sister

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Speaker 2: has a full time job where she goes into the office,

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Speaker 2: so it's just not possible for us. But you know,

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Speaker 2: we're doing the best that we can with what we have.

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Speaker 1: All right, No, I totally get it. Being a carrier giver,

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Speaker 1: it's not easy. And then sometimes when you put your

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Speaker 1: loved one in a nursing facility at like you kind

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Speaker 1: of feel kind of bad. So I totally understand what

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Speaker 1: you're going for. Definitely send us some love and light

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Speaker 1: your way.

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Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you, yeah, thank you.

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Speaker 1: Now, before we get into your story, we gotta do

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Speaker 1: a little history lesson. So for those of y'all that

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Speaker 1: didn't know this, our girl, the United States of America

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Speaker 1: has such a deep, brutal history of flawed psych wars,

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Speaker 1: mental hospitals, and the signals. In addition, President John F.

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Speaker 1: Kennedy passed a de institutionalization Act in nineteen sixty three,

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Speaker 1: and President Ronald Reagan, I know you're shaking your head right.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I'm you're telling me some stuff I didn't know.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, I'm learning.

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Speaker 1: And President Ronald Reagan made it his mission to shut

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Speaker 1: down mental health facilities despite being shot by men who

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Speaker 1: have mental illness. To my guests, why do you think America,

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Speaker 1: after all these years, still has a hard time grasping

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Speaker 1: the fact that mental illness is a real thing and

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Speaker 1: should be treated properly.

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Speaker 2: Wow ooofah, So I thought that crazy when when I

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Speaker 2: read that. Yeah, yeah, absolutely, And like I said, some

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Speaker 2: of that I didn't know, So, you know, thank you

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Speaker 2: for informing me. But you know, as far as how

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Speaker 2: this country handles and deals with mental illness specifically, not

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Speaker 2: just like mental health self care, but like mental illness

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Speaker 2: is very flawed, you know. And this is coming from

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Speaker 2: someone who has been hospitalized, slash been and psych words

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Speaker 2: four times, and you know, it's it's really I just

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Speaker 2: saw an article in the New York Times recently about

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Speaker 2: Eric Adams essentially saying that people who appear to be

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Speaker 2: mentally ill will be involuntarily hospitalized or you know, whatever

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Speaker 2: whatever needs to be done with them, whether it's putting

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Speaker 2: them in jail. Basically they're cleaning the streets of New

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Speaker 2: York City and making sure that there are no quote

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Speaker 2: unquote mentally ill people in public, you know. And to me,

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Speaker 2: that just says a lot about where we are in

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Speaker 2: the mental health conversation, the mental health actions, and you know,

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Speaker 2: the practicality of what we're doing. There is no solution

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Speaker 2: that it's perfect, obviously, but I think at this point

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Speaker 2: we are at a we are at a stage where

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Speaker 2: we're just doing the same thing we've been doing. You know.

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Speaker 2: It's like, you know, just put them away, just keep

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Speaker 2: them out of sight, just make them invisible. Like nobody.

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Speaker 2: I made a TikTok about this recently that nobody really

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Speaker 2: wants to see or hear from somebody who has disabled,

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Speaker 2: somebody who is mentally ill until they're normal and ready

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Speaker 2: to positively contribute to society. Like that's just the way

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Speaker 2: this country is set up. We're all about capitalism, go

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Speaker 2: go go, Can you make money or not? And if

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Speaker 2: you have no capability to performing those tasks in those

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Speaker 2: duties as far as like being a cog in the

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Speaker 2: will of society, then people don't really know what to

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Speaker 2: do with you. And you know, just like from my

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Speaker 2: own experiences of you know, seeing people who who likely

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Speaker 2: were you know, houseless, you know, and we're just kind

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Speaker 2: of like picked up and plopped in this hospital for

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Speaker 2: X amount of days or X amount of weeks, and

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Speaker 2: it's like, is this a solution or is this a

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Speaker 2: band aid? And I think that's kind of what we're

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Speaker 2: dealing with as a society, is we're putting band aids

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Speaker 2: over gaping wounds and we're not really coming to terms

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Speaker 2: with the fact that our current system, like I said earlier,

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Speaker 2: is deeply flawed.

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Speaker 1: Right, And you made a good point about being homeless

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Speaker 1: because due to these two laws that were passed, a

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Speaker 1: lot of people became homeless, which also increased incarceration, you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. So it's just like, now, want

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Speaker 1: to be assuming thing. And I know mental illness doesn't

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Speaker 1: have a race, h but I feel like mental illness

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Speaker 1: is very, very prevalent in our community, and I feel

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Speaker 1: like this was a way for them to like hurt us.

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Speaker 2: No for real. You know, it's like when you look

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Speaker 2: at Okay, so when I was in the facilities that

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Speaker 2: I was in mostly black and brown people, it's like, yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 2: I was just gonna say that. It's like, it's deeply

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Speaker 2: reflective of how we treat people of color in this country,

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Speaker 2: black people specifically. It's like, if we don't know what

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Speaker 2: to do with you, if you're not again, as I said,

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Speaker 2: positively contributing to society as we know it, We're going

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Speaker 2: to get rid of you one way or another. We're

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Speaker 2: going to stash you in the hospital, We're going to

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Speaker 2: stash you in a jail or prison. Worse, so yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's really it's really sad because you know, I do

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Speaker 2: like we all have, you know, fortunately or unfortunately, we

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Speaker 2: all have someone that we know in our immediate family

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Speaker 2: or extended family or friends of the family, who are

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Speaker 2: you know, Oh that's my crazy uncle june Bug, you know, like, oh,

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Speaker 2: you know, he don't mean no harm or whatever. And

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Speaker 2: it's like, yeah, but like, is he getting help? And

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Speaker 2: if so, like is it is it a proper help

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Speaker 2: or is he just being institutionalized? So that's something that

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Speaker 2: I feel very strongly about. And yeah, it's it's just

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Speaker 2: it's just very reflective and indicative of the way that

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Speaker 2: we treat black people and people of color in this country.

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Speaker 2: It's just can you do something for me? No, Okay,

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Speaker 2: Well I'll figure out what to do with you, and

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Speaker 2: it won't be a good thing.

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Speaker 1: Man.

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Speaker 2: That's so damn scary, ain't it. Ain't it?

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Speaker 1: Ain't it?

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Speaker 2: Right? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Oh my god. So in our last conversation I asked

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Speaker 1: you about your thoughts on mental health and bipolar But

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Speaker 1: what were your thoughts on psych wars and hot before

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Speaker 1: you were hospitalized?

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Speaker 2: Oh? Wow, So I actually I had my first experience

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Speaker 2: with a mental health facility when I was around eight

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Speaker 2: years old. So yeah, I haven't talked about it that much,

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Speaker 2: but it's you know, it was a situation where I

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Speaker 2: don't remember. I remember like little bits and pieces, but

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Speaker 2: I don't remember exactly what led up to the moment

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Speaker 2: of my family being like, we got to get her

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Speaker 2: some help. But as the story goes, like I tried

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Speaker 2: to break into my older brother's room with the butter

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Speaker 2: light with a butter knife and harm him with it,

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Speaker 2: and they were like, WHOA, what's going on. She's never

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Speaker 2: done anything like this before, So they, you know, made

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Speaker 2: the decision to send me to a hospital. And it

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Speaker 2: was maybe like thirty forty five minutes away from my hometown,

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Speaker 2: and yeah, it was. I was only there for about

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Speaker 2: a week. I remember it was around my sister's birthday.

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Speaker 1: Because eight years old.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I was there for about a week at

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Speaker 2: eight years old. And you know, it was it was

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Speaker 2: more of a place for people with various disorders. It

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Speaker 2: wasn't just like mental illness specifically, Like I remember, somebody

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Speaker 2: had a skin disorder, somebody had like a missing limb

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Speaker 2: or something like that. So it was like people who

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Speaker 2: were dealing with various stages of like not abnormality, that's

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Speaker 2: the way that society sees it, but just like different

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Speaker 2: ways of living. Right. So, yes, I was there, and

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Speaker 2: it was incredibly scary for me because I had never

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Speaker 2: been away from home that long and you know, it

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Speaker 2: was just it was just a very unusual thing for

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Speaker 2: me to experience at eight years old. So after getting

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Speaker 2: out of there, after the week that I was there,

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Speaker 2: I had, you know, just a different understanding of life.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 2: It was like people go through things, people have to

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Speaker 2: get help, and then they get out of it and

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Speaker 2: then they you know, move on to move on to

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Speaker 2: other things in life. So I had a pretty early

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Speaker 2: experience that kind of affected the way that I saw

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Speaker 2: mental health facilities and psych words and things like that.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, I still didn't really have like a real

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Speaker 2: grasp on like the adult, you know, facility because the

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Speaker 2: one that I went to obviously was like maybe teens

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Speaker 2: in under, So you know, being in an adult facility

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Speaker 2: was a completely separate experience.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't expecting you to say that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it was definitely. It was definitely a an eye

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Speaker 2: opening thing for my whole family. You know, it was

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Speaker 2: it was something that nobody saw coming, you know, and

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Speaker 2: that's typically how it is for all mental health crises,

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Speaker 2: is people don't see it coming. You know. It's like

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Speaker 2: even though there may be a build up or like

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Speaker 2: before I had my first episode, my sister was like,

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Speaker 2: I could tell something was off, I just didn't know

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Speaker 2: what it was. So, you know, even when people have

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Speaker 2: that innate like gut feeling like yo, something's off. And

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Speaker 2: even my friends were like, we're concerned about your mental health,

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Speaker 2: Like you don't usually talk like this. You're not very

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Speaker 2: like spiritual and god fearing every single moment of every

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Speaker 2: single day. So which is the main facet of my episodes.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, you know, it's it was the one the

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Speaker 2: experience that I had when I was eight, versus the

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Speaker 2: one that I had when I was twenty six, twenty seven,

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Speaker 2: my first major episode. They were very different because at eight,

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Speaker 2: I was more so I guess, like I guess I

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Speaker 2: was psychotic at that time or experiencing psychosis, but it

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Speaker 2: was a different kind of psychosis. It wasn't like whenever

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Speaker 2: I experienced psychosis. Now it's like, you know, all hell Jesus,

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Speaker 2: you know, let's get ourselves together. The world is ending.

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Speaker 2: We gotta go, you know, And that was not the

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Speaker 2: case when I was eight. It was very different. So yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's it's super interesting how even just growing and adapting

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Speaker 2: to life can transform the way that you experienced something.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, being that you're a little bit older, now, do

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Speaker 1: you agree with what your parents did to you at eight?

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Speaker 1: Do you think that would have been the best option

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Speaker 1: or do you think there could have been different things

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Speaker 1: they could have done.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's I've never thought about that.

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Speaker 1: You know, I was kind of young to send a

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Speaker 1: child away, you know what I'm saying, like.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, and yeah, it's it's just really strange because yea,

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Speaker 2: like the facility that I was at, like my grandmother

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Speaker 2: has been there in recent years, like it's still open,

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Speaker 2: so you know, it's still very much functioning and everything.

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Speaker 2: But as far as the decision that was made when

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Speaker 2: I was eight, yeah, I guess, you know, they didn't

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Speaker 2: know what else to do. You know, they didn't want

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Speaker 2: me to hurt anybody or myself, so they were just

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Speaker 2: kind of like, let's, you know, see what's going on.

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Speaker 2: Maybe a doctor can tell us like what she's exhibiting,

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Speaker 2: et cetera. And yeah, I just kind of rolled with it,

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Speaker 2: you know, as an adolescent. You know, I did the

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Speaker 2: best that I could with what I had. But yeah,

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Speaker 2: I don't disagree with what they did. It was it

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Speaker 2: was mainly my mom. My father wasn't around, and my

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Speaker 2: grandma I think was living with us at that time,

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Speaker 2: so I think the two of them kind of put

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Speaker 2: their heads together and decided what they were going to do, right,

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Speaker 2: But you know, it was it was a decision that

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Speaker 2: I'm sure they didn't make lightly, and it didn't you know,

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Speaker 2: Like I think after I got out of that facility,

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Speaker 2: they put me on some kind of medication and I

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Speaker 2: don't remember what it was, but it wasn't very long

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Speaker 2: before my mom was like, She's not going to be

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Speaker 2: on this anymore. And then for the next like two decades,

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Speaker 2: I was just like living life. Didn't have a care

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Speaker 2: in the world, you know, excelling at school and you know,

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Speaker 2: activities and stuff like that. Like I was always a

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Speaker 2: very like a go getter kind of person. So yeah,

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Speaker 2: it didn't really have like a profound effect on me

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Speaker 2: in that respect. But yeah, I don't know. I think,

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Speaker 2: like I said, I think they made the best decision

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Speaker 2: that they could at that time.

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Speaker 1: Do you feel like the media hurts or helps the

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Speaker 1: perceptions of hospitals or psych wars, because we do know

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Speaker 1: that there were hospitals that were doing insane, in humane

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Speaker 1: things to their patients.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure. So on the one hand, you have

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Speaker 2: like your what is it called One Flew Over.

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Speaker 1: The Cuckoo's Nest, You know that movie?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't watch it for I watched it for

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Speaker 2: the first time maybe a year ago, and I was like,

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Speaker 2: oh my god, like it was crazy. It was crazy. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: So that movie shows like American Horror Story, things like that,

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Speaker 2: I feel are both representative but also exactly And you know,

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Speaker 2: it's like at some especially maybe you know, in like

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Speaker 2: the sixties, seventies, eighties, things like that, I feel like

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Speaker 2: certain facilities probably were doing a bunch of dirty shit

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Speaker 2: and not really being the best places for people who

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Speaker 2: need help, right, And I feel like that's still the

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Speaker 2: case today in some places, Like you know, the four

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Speaker 2: places that I stayed for mental health treatment, I would

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Speaker 2: say that too, like two out of the four I

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Speaker 2: would like never ever, ever, ever, ever set foot in

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Speaker 2: those places. Again, like just outright terrible places, mostly terrible people.

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Speaker 2: How is what possible?

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Speaker 1: I mean, I know it's possible, but I just don't

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Speaker 1: understand how is I mean, it's the government, but yeah,

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Speaker 1: how you allowing these facilities to treat people this way? Like, yeah,

336
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Speaker 1: care for our conversation. I was just doing research on

337
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Speaker 1: because you know American horror story they do exaggerate some things,

338
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Speaker 1: but it does come from somewhere and yeah, yeah, and

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Speaker 1: I was just doing research stuff and I was like,

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Speaker 1: my god, like this is crazy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's yeah. Just to kind of like touch

342
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Speaker 2: a little bit on like one of my experiences. It

343
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Speaker 2: was actually the first hospital that I was in in

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Speaker 2: the Bronx, and it was just it was just shitty.

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Speaker 2: You know, I'm just going to be up front, you know,

346
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Speaker 2: it was not a good place for anybody to be,

347
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Speaker 2: especially because and yeah, the other place that I mentioned

348
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Speaker 2: as well, they were like doing construction like while we

349
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,760
Speaker 2: were there, and it was like why are we here,

350
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Speaker 2: Like there are all these particles flying around, there's all

351
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Speaker 2: this noise, like it just didn't make any sense so

352
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:51,840
Speaker 2: exactly exactly, and this was like pre COVID, so it

353
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Speaker 2: wasn't like people weren't really thinking about illness and that

354
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Speaker 2: and to that much degree. But now it's like I

355
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:01,560
Speaker 2: think they're a little bit more careful. Maybe I haven't

356
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:05,159
Speaker 2: been hospitalized since twenty nineteen, which was obviously before everything

357
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:09,160
Speaker 2: broke out. But yeah, to go back to my first experience,

358
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:14,160
Speaker 2: it was it was just not well kept. Number one.

359
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Speaker 2: It was you know, over crowded. The people who worked

360
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:24,480
Speaker 2: there were overworked, and yeah, they just did not pay

361
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:28,360
Speaker 2: close attention to us, it was. And when they did,

362
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:32,240
Speaker 2: it was like in so far as they didn't want

363
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:34,600
Speaker 2: us like making bonds with each other, like they didn't

364
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Speaker 2: want us to really get to know each other as patients.

365
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Speaker 2: You know, it was. It was a very isolating place,

366
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Speaker 2: and like I said, it was, it was relatively disgusting

367
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Speaker 2: just to be there. When my brother and sister picked

368
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Speaker 2: me up, they flew from Texas to the Bronx to

369
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Speaker 2: come get me, and they were just like, I can't

370
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Speaker 2: believe you were there, Like I'm so sorry that you

371
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Speaker 2: spent all that time there. The friends that I had

372
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Speaker 2: in New York at that time they visited me and

373
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Speaker 2: they were just like, we felt so bad, like we

374
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Speaker 2: didn't want to visit you because we just felt terrible

375
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:08,560
Speaker 2: about the conditions of the place that you were in. So,

376
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Speaker 2: you know, it was it was not a good place.

377
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Speaker 1: To be and yeah, I'm not to cut you off.

378
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:17,360
Speaker 1: My mouth would have been so slick. I was like, yeah,

379
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,439
Speaker 1: so if you if you can't come visit, imagine how

380
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Speaker 1: I feel living here.

381
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:24,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, we're around and I was there for five weeks.

382
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Speaker 2: You know, it was like come on now, it was

383
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,760
Speaker 2: a minute, and like, you know, one one of those

384
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:32,360
Speaker 2: friends visited me I think one time, and the other

385
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:35,800
Speaker 2: visited me twice, and then the yeah, and then the

386
00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:39,480
Speaker 2: guy that I was dating, who like was you know,

387
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:41,360
Speaker 2: I was staying with him and then I went missing,

388
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Speaker 2: which I think we talked about in our initial conversation.

389
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Speaker 2: You know, he visited he lived like right up the street,

390
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:52,399
Speaker 2: and he visited me maybe three or four times in

391
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Speaker 2: five weeks, just like a nigga yet again. So yeah,

392
00:21:57,440 --> 00:22:00,600
Speaker 2: so yeah, it was. It was really lone. And on

393
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:03,560
Speaker 2: top of that, it was really difficult to contact my

394
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:08,400
Speaker 2: family because they had this ridiculous system where you had

395
00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:11,840
Speaker 2: to like get like a code and then you would

396
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:13,639
Speaker 2: have to take it to a nurse, and then the

397
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:16,199
Speaker 2: nurse would have to like dial in her station and

398
00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:18,680
Speaker 2: then you'd go to a pay phone type of situation

399
00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:21,760
Speaker 2: and then you could dial out. But like, of course,

400
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:23,960
Speaker 2: I was like manic for most of that stay, so

401
00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:26,800
Speaker 2: I couldn't really like my mind was like, okay, there's

402
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:28,840
Speaker 2: trickery afoot, you know, like I gotta do this and

403
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:32,679
Speaker 2: this and this. This can't be my family, so you know.

404
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:35,120
Speaker 2: And then when my family did call me, they would

405
00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:37,320
Speaker 2: tell them that I was asleep or that I was,

406
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 2: you know, in a meeting or in something like that.

407
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:43,080
Speaker 2: And then it was just like very difficult to communicate

408
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:45,560
Speaker 2: with my family. And I feel like when I, especially

409
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:47,920
Speaker 2: with my sister, when I talked to her, that's when

410
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:51,960
Speaker 2: I come back to myself the quickest. So it was

411
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,480
Speaker 2: just I don't want to say it was like an

412
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:57,240
Speaker 2: elaborate scheme to keep people there longer, but I wouldn't

413
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Speaker 2: be surprised if it was. I'll just say that.

414
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Speaker 1: So, you know what, I want to ask you this

415
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:04,719
Speaker 1: question because you know, living in New York City, and

416
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:06,840
Speaker 1: you've been in New York City for quite some time,

417
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:11,760
Speaker 1: and especially since the pandemic happened, like it has gotten

418
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:16,040
Speaker 1: very dangerous outside, and so what do you think that

419
00:23:16,119 --> 00:23:18,840
Speaker 1: the city should do for those because you don't I

420
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:23,879
Speaker 1: don't agree with involuntarily doing something against somebody's will, but

421
00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:26,000
Speaker 1: you do want to give them support and give them

422
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,639
Speaker 1: what the proper way. So what do you recommend the

423
00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:29,920
Speaker 1: city doing in that case?

424
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it's it's a big task, but really

425
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 2: just like getting people off the streets permanently, you know,

426
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:43,560
Speaker 2: like not just temporarily in terms of making sure that

427
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:46,800
Speaker 2: they're because like the thing about this new agenda from

428
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:52,399
Speaker 2: Eric Adams is he is enforcing or allowing the police

429
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:57,080
Speaker 2: to enforce their own, you know, mechanisms to get people

430
00:23:57,160 --> 00:24:00,560
Speaker 2: off the street even if they're not harming anybody else.

431
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:03,400
Speaker 2: Because that's like the main reason why I was picked

432
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:06,320
Speaker 2: up by the police in twenty sixteen is because they

433
00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:08,240
Speaker 2: thought that I was a harm to myself and to

434
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:11,520
Speaker 2: other people. So you know, they're saying, like, if you're

435
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:15,320
Speaker 2: exhibiting any kind of symptom that is not normal, quote unquote,

436
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:17,560
Speaker 2: we can pick you up and take you somewhere. So

437
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,480
Speaker 2: that's what I have issue with, because anybody could be

438
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:23,840
Speaker 2: having a bad day and you know, just like go

439
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:26,119
Speaker 2: off or be crying or you know, people cry on

440
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:27,919
Speaker 2: the train. I cryed on the train so many times,

441
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:33,560
Speaker 2: you know, and it's like does that make I need

442
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 2: stressed out y'all? Yo? Yeah, So to answer your question.

443
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:44,480
Speaker 2: I feel like, you know, the main thing is to

444
00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:50,159
Speaker 2: just give these people real long term support, and I

445
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:52,399
Speaker 2: feel like, for some reason, that's the one thing that

446
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,320
Speaker 2: they can't get a grip on. And it doesn't just

447
00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:58,080
Speaker 2: have to be like, well, you know, give them an

448
00:24:58,119 --> 00:25:00,760
Speaker 2: apartment for a year for free or whatever. It's like,

449
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:05,680
Speaker 2: what are meaningful, like actual practical things that we can

450
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:09,600
Speaker 2: do to help people, And just based on the way

451
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:13,639
Speaker 2: that this whole country is set up, it's not kind

452
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:16,960
Speaker 2: to people who don't have money, right, and you know,

453
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 2: even people who are like I want to work, but

454
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:22,520
Speaker 2: people look at me and they see a bum or

455
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:24,919
Speaker 2: they see a homeless person or whatever, And I'm a

456
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:26,919
Speaker 2: person too. I want to I want to work, I

457
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:28,880
Speaker 2: want to have things. I want to have a nice

458
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,280
Speaker 2: you know, living space and et cetera, et cetera. So

459
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:34,280
Speaker 2: you know, just like helping people to like take those

460
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:37,119
Speaker 2: steps to get to that place, I think is the

461
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:38,760
Speaker 2: most important thing that could be done.

462
00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:42,359
Speaker 1: And I think ever since our last conversation, I often

463
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:47,159
Speaker 1: think about those individuals who were wrongfully hospitalized because they

464
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:50,560
Speaker 1: are having a bad day. I'm just like, wow, like

465
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:51,640
Speaker 1: that is so scary.

466
00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:56,840
Speaker 2: It is it's frightening. You know, it's it's sick. You know,

467
00:25:56,960 --> 00:25:58,879
Speaker 2: not to like get on a soapbox about it, but

468
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,640
Speaker 2: I'm just like, where would I be. I mean, I'm

469
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 2: grateful for my trajectory and everything that has happened in

470
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:09,359
Speaker 2: my life. I'm very blessed and I'm very grateful, but

471
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:12,520
Speaker 2: you know, I do wonder like if we had different

472
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:15,520
Speaker 2: kinds of systems set up, if we had people who

473
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:18,639
Speaker 2: were not afraid to just sit with a person who's

474
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:21,360
Speaker 2: going through a mental health crisis for a day or

475
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,320
Speaker 2: two days or three days or a week or whatever,

476
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:26,679
Speaker 2: or change those people up or anything like that, instead

477
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:28,480
Speaker 2: of just being like, Okay, we're going to put you

478
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 2: in this hospital, we're going to sedate you, which has

479
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:33,600
Speaker 2: happened to me more than once because they didn't know

480
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:35,240
Speaker 2: what to do with me. So there's just like we're

481
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:37,560
Speaker 2: going to shut up and sit her down. So it's like,

482
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:41,240
Speaker 2: instead of taking that course of action, why not like

483
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:43,560
Speaker 2: be with somebody and ask them, like, why are you

484
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:45,240
Speaker 2: going through this crisis? What do you think is going on?

485
00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:48,240
Speaker 2: If they can't, yeah, talk to them. And that's a

486
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:52,560
Speaker 2: big big thing about like my experiences with mental health

487
00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:56,640
Speaker 2: is or a mental health crisis is there's not much talking,

488
00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:59,840
Speaker 2: you know, like if I talk to anybody, it's just

489
00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:03,800
Speaker 2: like chiatrists and it's for five minutes tops. And they

490
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:06,320
Speaker 2: asked me the general questions to kind of assess my

491
00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:09,480
Speaker 2: mood or figure out like is she psychotic right now?

492
00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:13,119
Speaker 2: She is she manic? Is she hypomanic? You know, whatever

493
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:17,240
Speaker 2: the case may be. Either it's not it's so impersonal.

494
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 2: It's you know, like I thought, foolish me. I thought that,

495
00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:25,600
Speaker 2: you know, getting help for my mental health would encompass

496
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:27,840
Speaker 2: like talk therapy. You know, I thought that I was

497
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:30,400
Speaker 2: going to be able to talk to somebody about my issues,

498
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:34,800
Speaker 2: about my life crisis or whatever. But it's really just

499
00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:37,359
Speaker 2: about like, Okay, you want to try this med or

500
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:39,720
Speaker 2: this med, like you want an injection or do you

501
00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:43,360
Speaker 2: want pills? Like it's not really a conversation about how

502
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:46,240
Speaker 2: are you doing? You know, like what trauma are you

503
00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 2: working through? Because like when I had my first episode,

504
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:52,199
Speaker 2: I had been in therapy for some months and I

505
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:55,760
Speaker 2: was really uncovering a lot of trauma and discovering like

506
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:58,240
Speaker 2: why do I feel so strongly about like my mother's

507
00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:00,840
Speaker 2: passing even though she died like years ago. At that

508
00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:03,560
Speaker 2: point or something. So you know, it was like I

509
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:07,840
Speaker 2: was uncovering all of these truths and I finally sat

510
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:10,240
Speaker 2: down and it was like, damn, like I'm still going

511
00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:13,520
Speaker 2: through it. So you know, for me, it was like

512
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:18,960
Speaker 2: I hit that breaking point of you know, I am

513
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 2: having a mental health crisis because I'm going through all

514
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 2: of this uncovering of trauma and all of these situations

515
00:28:26,119 --> 00:28:30,560
Speaker 2: and nobody. I'm almost certain that at that first hospital,

516
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:33,520
Speaker 2: nobody asked me like have you been in therapy? You know,

517
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:36,320
Speaker 2: like have you talked about your issues anything like that.

518
00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:40,120
Speaker 2: It was just like, all right, she's wiling out, let's

519
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 2: sed data, and then when she comes to let's try

520
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,240
Speaker 2: to like figure out what kind of medication she wants

521
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:47,240
Speaker 2: to take, does she have Medicaid? Does she have a

522
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:49,440
Speaker 2: way to pay for this day? You know, it was

523
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:52,520
Speaker 2: like it was not about like me, It was about

524
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 2: all the little tentacles around me that they could profit from.

525
00:28:56,920 --> 00:29:03,120
Speaker 1: M Yeah that is heartbreaking, Yeah, it really is. Yeah,

526
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 1: And I just I don't know because I feel like

527
00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:08,680
Speaker 1: it's obvious of the things that need to be changed

528
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:11,080
Speaker 1: within these facilities, but like do you think that will

529
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:12,800
Speaker 1: ever happen? Like a change will come.

530
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:18,360
Speaker 2: If one does, it'll be a very slow process. I

531
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:20,880
Speaker 2: don't know what it's going to take. If it's like

532
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:24,560
Speaker 2: from a presidential level or a state level or you know,

533
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 2: government whatever. I don't know who is on top of

534
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:33,200
Speaker 2: making this change. But there has to be like a

535
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:38,240
Speaker 2: very thorough sweeping across the board of like every facility

536
00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:40,680
Speaker 2: has to be checked out. Every staff member who is

537
00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:44,440
Speaker 2: on call for any given night has to be checked

538
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:46,640
Speaker 2: out to be sure that are you here for the

539
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:48,880
Speaker 2: right reasons? Are you just here to collect the check?

540
00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:51,640
Speaker 2: Like And that's the case for a lot of people

541
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:54,520
Speaker 2: who work in these facilities that I've experienced. Is they

542
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:57,400
Speaker 2: just want they want the money, or they want the

543
00:29:57,480 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 2: proximity to you know, like uh, or I don't know

544
00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:04,880
Speaker 2: how to explain it, but basically they just want to

545
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:07,760
Speaker 2: live a good life. And you know, I've seen the

546
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:10,000
Speaker 2: cars that they drive. My sister told me, like every

547
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:13,080
Speaker 2: time she visited Yeah, every time she visited me in

548
00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:16,240
Speaker 2: the last hospital that I was in in October twenty nineteen,

549
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 2: she was like, I see the cars they drive. They

550
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:21,960
Speaker 2: are not they ain't making chump change, Like it's not.

551
00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:24,800
Speaker 2: And I don't know if this depends on where the

552
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:29,440
Speaker 2: where you're located or whatever. Even I remember like when

553
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:32,400
Speaker 2: the first hospital that I was in, you know, there

554
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:34,960
Speaker 2: was this guy that worked there and he had like

555
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:41,240
Speaker 2: his audi keys, like he was like about the site. Yes, wow, yes, absolutely.

556
00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:44,800
Speaker 2: So it's like these people are not suffering for cash,

557
00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:48,600
Speaker 2: but at the same time, they're not exactly there because

558
00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:50,600
Speaker 2: they want to be there or they want to make

559
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:53,160
Speaker 2: a difference, or they want to help kill there were

560
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:55,720
Speaker 2: it is and there. I'm not going to say everybody,

561
00:30:55,760 --> 00:31:00,000
Speaker 2: because in each hospital, I feel there was at least

562
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:03,120
Speaker 2: one person that would that I could tell was there

563
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:05,520
Speaker 2: because it was in their heart to be there. But

564
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:07,920
Speaker 2: for the most part, most of the staff that I

565
00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:11,440
Speaker 2: dealt with, like were sour pusses, Like they didn't want

566
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:13,640
Speaker 2: to fucking show up, Like they were just like I'm

567
00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:15,520
Speaker 2: here because I have to be here, you know, and

568
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,080
Speaker 2: they would give me attitude. I'd give them attitude back,

569
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:21,400
Speaker 2: you know. So it was like it's just very clear

570
00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:24,080
Speaker 2: that some of these people are not in it for

571
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:26,920
Speaker 2: the right reason. So that's you know, another thing that

572
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:29,680
Speaker 2: I would say would need to take place. It's just

573
00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:32,239
Speaker 2: like an evaluation of the people who are signing up

574
00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:33,480
Speaker 2: for these shops.

575
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:36,640
Speaker 1: Because they'd have to be certified to be Yeah, I'm

576
00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:37,240
Speaker 1: pretty sure.

577
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:40,680
Speaker 2: I don't know much about how they do that, but yeah,

578
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:43,640
Speaker 2: like the people like the nurses anyway obviously have to

579
00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:46,880
Speaker 2: be certified, but they have what they call texts like

580
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:52,760
Speaker 2: tec hs, like a like a health exactly exactly. Yeah,

581
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:55,240
Speaker 2: so they have texts, and I don't think they have

582
00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:57,880
Speaker 2: to be certified. If they do, it's like probably a

583
00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:00,760
Speaker 2: very easy process. But the people that I have been

584
00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:04,720
Speaker 2: interacted with who are texts are just any motherfucker off

585
00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:07,600
Speaker 2: the street, you know. It's just like people just yeah,

586
00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:10,080
Speaker 2: people just like you know, and it's like they don't

587
00:32:10,480 --> 00:32:13,160
Speaker 2: like some of the people. And again I'm not trying

588
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:15,840
Speaker 2: to be generalizing here, but some of the people that

589
00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:19,680
Speaker 2: I've dealt with like have egos and they go on

590
00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:22,880
Speaker 2: power trips and they feel like because in these four

591
00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:26,000
Speaker 2: walls or this hallway or whatever, like they have power,

592
00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:30,240
Speaker 2: they like to exert that power. And yeah, I had

593
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:35,280
Speaker 2: a situation where actually, in two separate hospitals, I was

594
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:38,040
Speaker 2: like taken to the isolation room because I was being

595
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:40,240
Speaker 2: too rambunctious or whatever.

596
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:42,760
Speaker 1: Give a question too about the isolation room.

597
00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:46,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, so the first time it happened was in

598
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:51,480
Speaker 2: twenty seventeen, and it was in this all women's you know, facility,

599
00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:54,520
Speaker 2: and there was this woman who I'm still friends with

600
00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:57,680
Speaker 2: to this day. We actually keep in touch. We've like,

601
00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:00,960
Speaker 2: we've gone a brunch, we've got a concerts together. Yeah,

602
00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:03,600
Speaker 2: it was She's an amazing person. Shout out to her.

603
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:08,360
Speaker 2: But yeah, we I was there and she was brought

604
00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:10,440
Speaker 2: in and she was just crying and crying and crying,

605
00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:13,080
Speaker 2: and nobody was consoling her. No, but it was asking

606
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:15,760
Speaker 2: her what was up again, nobody really having that personable

607
00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:18,520
Speaker 2: nature that you need to like work in a place

608
00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:20,960
Speaker 2: like that. So I was like, why is nobody helping her?

609
00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:23,720
Speaker 2: And somebody like a tech got my face and he

610
00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:25,960
Speaker 2: was like, you know, go in your room like this

611
00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:28,520
Speaker 2: doesn't concern you. And then I've like gotten his face

612
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:34,240
Speaker 2: and then yeah, legs, use the buck out of me.

613
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:36,720
Speaker 2: So yeah, I got right back in his face and

614
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:38,840
Speaker 2: then he like took me to the ground and dragged

615
00:33:38,840 --> 00:33:41,480
Speaker 2: me to the isolation room. And I was only in

616
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:44,720
Speaker 2: there for maybe like thirty minutes score an hour, but

617
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:48,200
Speaker 2: it was still like damn Like it wasn't like your

618
00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:53,040
Speaker 2: traditional pad room. It was the floors were definitely bouncier

619
00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:57,479
Speaker 2: than your typical linoleum or whatever. But it wasn't like,

620
00:33:57,520 --> 00:33:59,760
Speaker 2: you know, the the white padding. I wasn't in a

621
00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:03,120
Speaker 2: street jacket. It wasn't anything like that. It was just like, okay, girl,

622
00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:04,440
Speaker 2: you want to act up, You're going to go in

623
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:06,960
Speaker 2: here for a bit. So, you know, they locked the door,

624
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:10,879
Speaker 2: and I remember being in there and wondering all these

625
00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:14,440
Speaker 2: manic thoughts and you know, like maybe my identity changed,

626
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:16,080
Speaker 2: maybe they don't know who I am, you know, like

627
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:20,839
Speaker 2: random shit. So yeah, they finally let me out, and

628
00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:23,600
Speaker 2: then her, she and I you know, started to like

629
00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:25,760
Speaker 2: kind of talk a little bit, and you know, after

630
00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:28,560
Speaker 2: we were released, we became friends. And that's how that

631
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:32,359
Speaker 2: story went. So yeah. And then the latest time, the

632
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:35,359
Speaker 2: second time that I was in putting an isolation room,

633
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:39,400
Speaker 2: I was talking to my grandmother on the phone. And

634
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:43,440
Speaker 2: I have a very complex relationship with her, and I

635
00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:45,719
Speaker 2: guess I was like not being kind to her. I

636
00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 2: was probably cussing her out for some shit she did

637
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:51,960
Speaker 2: decades ago. I don't know, but one of the texts

638
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:54,600
Speaker 2: was like, you can't talk to your grandma that way,

639
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:56,680
Speaker 2: And I was like, who the fuck are you to

640
00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:58,759
Speaker 2: tell me, Mike, I'm talking to Marc.

641
00:34:59,040 --> 00:34:59,880
Speaker 1: Yeah.

642
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:02,920
Speaker 2: So like I hung up the phone and like he

643
00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:05,080
Speaker 2: was just like telling me, you know, what I should

644
00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:07,600
Speaker 2: and shouldn't be doing. And I was like, bro, if

645
00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:09,920
Speaker 2: you don't, if you don't, shut up and get out

646
00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:10,520
Speaker 2: of my face.

647
00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 1: And I guess it.

648
00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:16,640
Speaker 2: Is every time, it's it's I feel like it's rarely

649
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:20,239
Speaker 2: the women who work in facilities who like want to

650
00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:23,759
Speaker 2: act up, because I guess it's because they know that

651
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:28,200
Speaker 2: like we can actually fight fight, but like you know,

652
00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:30,960
Speaker 2: but the men, for some reason, they're the ones who

653
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:36,720
Speaker 2: are like ready to like go, and that's it is

654
00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:48,960
Speaker 2: it very much is. So this particular tech, you know,

655
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:51,760
Speaker 2: he like grabbed me, put me in a choke hold

656
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,040
Speaker 2: and like put like you know, took me to the

657
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:56,799
Speaker 2: isolation room and there was another male tech who was

658
00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:59,040
Speaker 2: in there as well, and like they were just like

659
00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:00,840
Speaker 2: trying to hold me down and like having in the

660
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:02,799
Speaker 2: show hold and shit, and I was like I'm not

661
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:04,720
Speaker 2: trying to die up in here. So I just started

662
00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:06,840
Speaker 2: screw I just like trigger warning. I was just screaming

663
00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 2: right right right because I was like I'm getting out

664
00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:10,920
Speaker 2: of this shit. I'm not about to be choked to

665
00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:12,720
Speaker 2: death in no fucking hospital, right.

666
00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:14,960
Speaker 1: You know, with two niggas in earth.

667
00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:18,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. So I'm like, what am I supposed to

668
00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:20,759
Speaker 2: do aside and get out of this situation. So the

669
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:23,520
Speaker 2: nurse who was on duty like came running in because

670
00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:26,520
Speaker 2: she heard me screaming. And then finally they were just like, okay,

671
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:28,480
Speaker 2: well we'll get up, but you got to stay here

672
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:32,439
Speaker 2: for like a day or Yeah, they were not with

673
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:36,880
Speaker 2: me at all, but yeah, so moving forward, me like

674
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:40,200
Speaker 2: it was two there were two black guys to the

675
00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:43,040
Speaker 2: two texts, and one of them would try to like

676
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:45,759
Speaker 2: be friendly with me after that, and I was like,

677
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:47,680
Speaker 2: I have nothing to say to you, and the other

678
00:36:47,719 --> 00:36:50,040
Speaker 2: one just like, we'll give me my snacks and going

679
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:52,799
Speaker 2: about his business. So, you know, it was just like

680
00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:57,279
Speaker 2: it's such a weird dynamic of you know, especially these

681
00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:00,160
Speaker 2: people who don't have all the training in the world

682
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:02,360
Speaker 2: when it comes to how to deal with mental health patience.

683
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:04,280
Speaker 2: But yeah, it's a trip.

684
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:08,239
Speaker 1: And then also you I was reading your article and

685
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:11,239
Speaker 1: you were talking about the conditions of the hospital and

686
00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:13,080
Speaker 1: you were also talking about how you and your friend

687
00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:14,520
Speaker 1: felt like y'all was eating dog food.

688
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:20,120
Speaker 2: Oh yes, yes, oh my god. Yeah, so that was

689
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:23,240
Speaker 2: the first place. I know, I'm like jumping from experience

690
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:26,360
Speaker 2: to experience, but it's all the same really, But yeah,

691
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:29,400
Speaker 2: the first place, in the second place terrible food. It

692
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:33,000
Speaker 2: was awful. But the last two places not bad, you know.

693
00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:36,920
Speaker 2: But the first one, I literally would eat bread and

694
00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:40,080
Speaker 2: drink milk, like that's all I ate and I lost

695
00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:43,400
Speaker 2: so much weight it was crazy. But yeah, it was

696
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:47,239
Speaker 2: just like it was just they you could tell like

697
00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:50,080
Speaker 2: some of the things they just like the snacks they

698
00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:53,080
Speaker 2: would have, like PB and J sandwiches, and then you

699
00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:55,480
Speaker 2: could like taste the freezer burn on it. You know.

700
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:58,160
Speaker 2: It was like they were just doing whatever they wanted

701
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:01,239
Speaker 2: to do. And the act tue meals were just like

702
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:04,000
Speaker 2: it just looked like slop. It was gross. And the

703
00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 2: guy that I became close to at that facility, he's

704
00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:10,160
Speaker 2: the one that was like, Yo, this is dog food.

705
00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:13,120
Speaker 2: Fuck this. And I was like, oh my god, be quiet,

706
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:15,759
Speaker 2: like we have to eat this, and you know, he

707
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:17,359
Speaker 2: was like, no, we don't. We don't have to stay

708
00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:19,320
Speaker 2: quiet in this bitch, Like what are you talking about.

709
00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:23,080
Speaker 2: So yeah, he taught me a lot. But yeah, it

710
00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:26,400
Speaker 2: was two of the four places it was not a

711
00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:29,080
Speaker 2: good experience with the food, but the other two places

712
00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:30,600
Speaker 2: it was like who's decent?

713
00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:34,080
Speaker 1: Mmm? And you also talked about the lack of hair products,

714
00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:36,160
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, wow, I didn't you won't even

715
00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:38,720
Speaker 1: think about things like that that was so important, especially

716
00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:39,800
Speaker 1: to women of color.

717
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:45,120
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, ma'am, Oh my god, it's so yeah. The

718
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:48,799
Speaker 2: first hospital, I was obviously not expecting to stay there,

719
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:52,640
Speaker 2: and you know, like my hair was a mess when

720
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:54,799
Speaker 2: I got out, and I ended up having to get

721
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:57,120
Speaker 2: like an undercut that I still have today, and that

722
00:38:57,239 --> 00:39:00,560
Speaker 2: was like six years ago. So yeah, it was just

723
00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:01,879
Speaker 2: like and I couldn't.

724
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:03,640
Speaker 1: Afford, well, she has a lot of.

725
00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:10,880
Speaker 2: Hair, y'all. It's nice, Yes it is. My puff is puffin.

726
00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:14,840
Speaker 2: But yeah, so yeah, I didn't at that point. I

727
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:17,279
Speaker 2: couldn't afford to like go to a hair salon and

728
00:39:17,320 --> 00:39:20,200
Speaker 2: have somebody tease out all those tangles. So I did

729
00:39:20,239 --> 00:39:23,200
Speaker 2: the best I could, and then my brother's friend just

730
00:39:23,239 --> 00:39:26,319
Speaker 2: like cut up the back where I couldn't really entangle it.

731
00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:30,560
Speaker 2: And yeah, the second experience, I just happened to get

732
00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:35,040
Speaker 2: my hair flat out, flat ironed shortly before I was hospitalized,

733
00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:36,920
Speaker 2: so I just kept it up in a bun and

734
00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:38,920
Speaker 2: I didn't wash it for I think I was there

735
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:41,440
Speaker 2: for about a yeah, four weeks I was there, so

736
00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:44,600
Speaker 2: that's how I did that. And then the third day,

737
00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:49,239
Speaker 2: I had my hair in a natural puff and it

738
00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:51,839
Speaker 2: was it got a little tangled, you know, towards the end,

739
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:55,120
Speaker 2: but luckily I was able to afford a hairstylist or

740
00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:58,080
Speaker 2: a salon visit. So I told them, you know, like

741
00:39:58,160 --> 00:39:59,960
Speaker 2: I just got out of the hospital, if you can help,

742
00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:03,160
Speaker 2: and they were very tender and caring. And then the

743
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:09,200
Speaker 2: last one, this black woman, actually she saw me when

744
00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:10,920
Speaker 2: I first came in and I had my hair in

745
00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:14,279
Speaker 2: a natural puff again, and I guess she knew that

746
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:16,279
Speaker 2: I was going to be there for a minute, so

747
00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:18,200
Speaker 2: she just took the time to braid my hair for me,

748
00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:21,239
Speaker 2: like in the hospital. And that was like one of

749
00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:23,800
Speaker 2: the most touching things that anybody could have done, because,

750
00:40:24,320 --> 00:40:27,319
Speaker 2: as you were saying, like the products are scarce, as

751
00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:30,680
Speaker 2: it is, like some of the facilities they just give

752
00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:33,120
Speaker 2: you like body wash and say wash your hair with this,

753
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:36,600
Speaker 2: and I'm like, you do not understand, like that's not

754
00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:39,759
Speaker 2: going to work for me. So she, you know, she

755
00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:42,320
Speaker 2: kind of understood that I needed some help in that moment,

756
00:40:42,360 --> 00:40:44,839
Speaker 2: and she just had me down. I know, I wish

757
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:46,960
Speaker 2: I knew her name. I wish I did, But I

758
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:48,799
Speaker 2: saw her toward the end of that stay and I

759
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:51,279
Speaker 2: was like, and she was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, how

760
00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:53,520
Speaker 2: are you? You know, obviously I was doing better, not

761
00:40:53,600 --> 00:40:56,000
Speaker 2: quite one hundred percent, but I was better. And she

762
00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:58,600
Speaker 2: was just like telling me, like, you know, just focus

763
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:00,520
Speaker 2: on taking care of yourself and everything. And I just

764
00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:03,759
Speaker 2: thank her for what she did. So yeah, that's how

765
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:08,160
Speaker 2: that played out for those four separate stays.

766
00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:11,279
Speaker 1: And during our last conversation, you share your thoughts on

767
00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:14,640
Speaker 1: being sedated. So I was doing some research on sedation

768
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:17,839
Speaker 1: and there are a lot of cases where patients were

769
00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:21,319
Speaker 1: included in clinical trials and didn't know it, and some

770
00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:25,160
Speaker 1: institutions were not authorized to do so. So when you

771
00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:27,320
Speaker 1: hear stories like this, how does that make you feel?

772
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:32,480
Speaker 2: Honestly, it doesn't surprise me. It really doesn't. It's fucking

773
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:38,120
Speaker 2: frustrating because that's bullshit. Like this is the thing about

774
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 2: mental health and mental illness. Nobody knows the right answer.

775
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:45,279
Speaker 2: You know. Nobody has a magic pill, nobody has a

776
00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:49,719
Speaker 2: magic injection. This shit is complicated and it's different for everybody.

777
00:41:49,800 --> 00:41:53,879
Speaker 2: It's a big guessing game. It's all experimentation. So when

778
00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:57,080
Speaker 2: I hear something like that that hospitals and facilities and

779
00:41:57,120 --> 00:42:02,160
Speaker 2: institutions are literally taking people like treating them like guinea

780
00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:04,360
Speaker 2: pigs and being like, oh, let's see how this works

781
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:06,799
Speaker 2: on this person, you know, especially I'm sure they're doing

782
00:42:06,800 --> 00:42:09,960
Speaker 2: it on black people. People you know are exactly you

783
00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:13,920
Speaker 2: know they are, so yeah, it's just like it's extremely

784
00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:18,280
Speaker 2: disheartening because it just takes away your your autonomy, your agency,

785
00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:21,600
Speaker 2: and it doesn't they don't ask you like would you

786
00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:23,520
Speaker 2: like to be a part of this trial? Of course,

787
00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:26,279
Speaker 2: not like that's why they don't ask, I'm sure, but

788
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:26,839
Speaker 2: you know.

789
00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:28,759
Speaker 1: The health effects is gonna have on you in the

790
00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:30,640
Speaker 1: long run, Like that's the scary.

791
00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:36,120
Speaker 2: Part, exactly exactly. It's really wild. It's it's you would

792
00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:38,640
Speaker 2: think that in twenty twenty two, almost twenty twenty three

793
00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:40,760
Speaker 2: at this point, that we would have a better grip

794
00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:45,720
Speaker 2: on how we treat people and how we construct these

795
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:49,360
Speaker 2: trials in order to get better information about how a

796
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:53,080
Speaker 2: drug may or may not work. But we're still honestly

797
00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 2: stuck in some of those older eras where it's like,

798
00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:59,960
Speaker 2: you know, like the Tuskegee experiment, you know, like we're

799
00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:02,920
Speaker 2: they just like didn't tell people the truth or right,

800
00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:05,719
Speaker 2: you know, like it's just it's just it's not just

801
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:08,520
Speaker 2: like that because obviously that was completely awful and terrible

802
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:12,720
Speaker 2: and life threatening. But but we don't know what, yeah, exactly,

803
00:43:12,760 --> 00:43:14,719
Speaker 2: we don't know what these drugs are gonna do. Like

804
00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:17,719
Speaker 2: we don't Like I was allergic to the first medication

805
00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:19,879
Speaker 2: I ever got for my mental health and it gave

806
00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:21,840
Speaker 2: me like a full body rash and I was just

807
00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:25,279
Speaker 2: dealing with it and I didn't know, Like I went

808
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:28,160
Speaker 2: to hospitals doctors like they were like, well, we can't

809
00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:30,160
Speaker 2: do this until we have this person's approval, and then

810
00:43:30,160 --> 00:43:32,800
Speaker 2: they would say we can't do this without this person's approval.

811
00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:34,800
Speaker 2: So I was just like I was like, well, fuck it,

812
00:43:34,840 --> 00:43:37,239
Speaker 2: I'm gonna stop taking the meds. And I did, and

813
00:43:37,239 --> 00:43:39,759
Speaker 2: then I ended up being hospitalized a second time. So

814
00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:42,000
Speaker 2: you know, like I said, it's just a big experiment.

815
00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:46,359
Speaker 2: Nobody knows what the right or wrong answer is. It's

816
00:43:46,440 --> 00:43:50,200
Speaker 2: just like let's do this and hope for the best,

817
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:52,440
Speaker 2: or let's do this and we'll just see what happens

818
00:43:52,480 --> 00:43:54,239
Speaker 2: to this person. They might not even hope for.

819
00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:57,600
Speaker 1: The best, right, So what would you say would be

820
00:43:57,600 --> 00:44:03,880
Speaker 1: an alternative or being sedated? Because I don't think sedation

821
00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:07,000
Speaker 1: that that's just crazy to me. Yeah, I see a

822
00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:09,160
Speaker 1: different way for you to be able to calm somebody

823
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:10,520
Speaker 1: down exactly.

824
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:17,200
Speaker 2: Wow, what's an alternative? I mean, you know, like I

825
00:44:17,239 --> 00:44:21,480
Speaker 2: said isolation rooms earlier, They're not perfect, but it does

826
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:25,640
Speaker 2: give people a chance to kind of exhaust themselves to

827
00:44:25,719 --> 00:44:30,560
Speaker 2: the point where they can naturally calm down and number, yeah,

828
00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:33,200
Speaker 2: possibly remember because there are so many weeks of my

829
00:44:33,239 --> 00:44:35,799
Speaker 2: life that I don't remember because I was sedated. So

830
00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:39,040
Speaker 2: you know, it's just like, how can we do this

831
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:42,080
Speaker 2: in a humane way? You know? And you know, whether

832
00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:46,239
Speaker 2: that be like, like I said earlier, having a designated

833
00:44:46,280 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 2: person to sit down with folks and be like, what

834
00:44:49,280 --> 00:44:52,799
Speaker 2: are you going through? What issues have you recently you know,

835
00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:55,839
Speaker 2: excavated from your past, Like what have you been through?

836
00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:57,760
Speaker 2: What are you going through? What will you go through?

837
00:44:58,320 --> 00:45:01,200
Speaker 2: Anything like that I feel be more helpful than just

838
00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:03,279
Speaker 2: injecting somebody and hoping they shut.

839
00:45:03,040 --> 00:45:08,719
Speaker 1: Down right and lobotomies. Oh my god, yo, that I

840
00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:14,239
Speaker 1: couldn't imagine what that ship is crazy? How is that?

841
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:16,319
Speaker 1: How can you do that? How can you perform that

842
00:45:16,440 --> 00:45:18,200
Speaker 1: in the state. Is okay with that?

843
00:45:18,880 --> 00:45:22,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's I don't girl, it's it's a lot. Even

844
00:45:23,080 --> 00:45:25,839
Speaker 2: just again talking about one flow over the Cuckoo's it's

845
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:32,520
Speaker 2: like that shit was wild. But yeah, Lobotomi's it's like

846
00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:36,560
Speaker 2: some horror movie shit. You know, it doesn't make any sense.

847
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:40,840
Speaker 1: Take me out, Yeah, exactly.

848
00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:44,879
Speaker 2: Exactly, Like I would rather not deal with the effects

849
00:45:44,920 --> 00:45:48,680
Speaker 2: of something so severe, like you want people to be

850
00:45:48,880 --> 00:45:52,560
Speaker 2: sane quote unquote that bad that you're willing to literally

851
00:45:52,680 --> 00:45:55,839
Speaker 2: do that to someone and just like be like, oh,

852
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:58,239
Speaker 2: well we tried, or you know what I mean. It's like,

853
00:45:58,320 --> 00:46:02,400
Speaker 2: what the It's crazy, It's really crazy. Oh my god.

854
00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:06,239
Speaker 1: So Thanksgiving just passed a few weeks ago, and I

855
00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:08,799
Speaker 1: saw on one of your TikTok videos that you spent

856
00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:11,680
Speaker 1: Thanksgiving a few years ago doing one of your days.

857
00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:14,040
Speaker 1: When you look back on how far you came, how

858
00:46:14,080 --> 00:46:15,319
Speaker 1: does it make you feel?

859
00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:22,960
Speaker 2: Man, it makes me feel very proud, you know. I

860
00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:27,400
Speaker 2: that was I remember that day talking to my family

861
00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:30,920
Speaker 2: and a couple of friends and over the phone and

862
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:32,719
Speaker 2: just being like, I miss y'all, wish I could spend

863
00:46:32,760 --> 00:46:34,680
Speaker 2: time with y'all, you know, And it was just like, damn,

864
00:46:34,680 --> 00:46:37,839
Speaker 2: I can't believe I'm in this bitch like again, you know. So,

865
00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:41,560
Speaker 2: you know, granted it was a different facility, but still

866
00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:45,720
Speaker 2: like being like institutionalized remains the same across the board.

867
00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:49,920
Speaker 2: But yeah, I'm very happy that, you know, even though

868
00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:53,200
Speaker 2: my Thanksgiving was a bit on the complicated side, I

869
00:46:53,440 --> 00:46:56,520
Speaker 2: was free, you know, and I was able to like

870
00:46:56,600 --> 00:47:00,520
Speaker 2: spend it with my sister and my loved one and

871
00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:06,560
Speaker 2: just you know, be able to really appreciate what I

872
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:10,160
Speaker 2: have and how far I've come because it's been a journey.

873
00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 2: It has been one Always a journey, child, ain't it.

874
00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:18,799
Speaker 2: Every time? Every time it's like, all right, I made

875
00:47:18,800 --> 00:47:20,720
Speaker 2: it through that stage, Let's get to the next stage.

876
00:47:20,760 --> 00:47:22,279
Speaker 2: And then you make it to the next stage. It's

877
00:47:22,320 --> 00:47:26,879
Speaker 2: like it's always something progressive, you know, hopefully progressive. So yeah,

878
00:47:26,920 --> 00:47:31,480
Speaker 2: I'm very happy that I, you know, am now past

879
00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:35,680
Speaker 2: three years of not having had an episode. So I

880
00:47:35,920 --> 00:47:38,520
Speaker 2: pray and I hope and I wish that I you

881
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:41,560
Speaker 2: on this path. Thank you, thank you, you know, And

882
00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:43,200
Speaker 2: that's that's the hope.

883
00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:47,759
Speaker 1: Yes, And if someone is considering checking themselves in, what

884
00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:49,200
Speaker 1: is some advice you would give to them?

885
00:47:50,800 --> 00:47:56,920
Speaker 2: Research where you're going. Yes, that's of the utmost importance.

886
00:47:57,160 --> 00:47:59,880
Speaker 2: You have to figure out if you do feel like

887
00:48:00,080 --> 00:48:04,600
Speaker 2: you need extended help. Figure out Number one, is there

888
00:48:04,719 --> 00:48:09,239
Speaker 2: a facility that is not a hospital? You know, like

889
00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:12,080
Speaker 2: because I think of the three of three of the

890
00:48:12,080 --> 00:48:15,640
Speaker 2: four places I stayed were psych wards in an overall hospital,

891
00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:19,040
Speaker 2: and then one of them was like a facility facility

892
00:48:19,040 --> 00:48:22,600
Speaker 2: that was specifically for mental health purposes. So that was

893
00:48:22,680 --> 00:48:26,360
Speaker 2: my favorite one because they had the equipment, they had

894
00:48:26,560 --> 00:48:30,000
Speaker 2: the space, they had mostly the staff that was willing

895
00:48:30,040 --> 00:48:34,000
Speaker 2: to be there for that reason. So I really enjoyed,

896
00:48:34,280 --> 00:48:37,040
Speaker 2: not enjoyed, but you know that was the place that

897
00:48:37,320 --> 00:48:40,040
Speaker 2: caused me the most comfortable harm. Yeah, exactly. You know,

898
00:48:40,640 --> 00:48:45,720
Speaker 2: so research where you're gonna go, and you know, figure

899
00:48:45,760 --> 00:48:52,480
Speaker 2: out like does an inpatient ooh, does an inpatient experience

900
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:56,759
Speaker 2: work for you? Because some people may need outpatient help,

901
00:48:56,840 --> 00:48:58,920
Speaker 2: you know, where you just like talk to a therapist,

902
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:04,080
Speaker 2: or you consider going to a psychiatrist for a medication purposes,

903
00:49:04,480 --> 00:49:06,920
Speaker 2: anything like that you can do in out patient. But

904
00:49:06,920 --> 00:49:09,600
Speaker 2: if you really think you need to be inpatient, research

905
00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:13,839
Speaker 2: where you're going and try to figure out like are

906
00:49:13,880 --> 00:49:16,440
Speaker 2: they going to hold you, you know, for longer than

907
00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:20,319
Speaker 2: you anticipate because I had another person close to me

908
00:49:20,520 --> 00:49:23,920
Speaker 2: earlier this year going through a crisis, and you know,

909
00:49:23,960 --> 00:49:27,600
Speaker 2: we tried to find them help and we couldn't find

910
00:49:27,640 --> 00:49:30,400
Speaker 2: anywhere that wasn't going to like hold them for an

911
00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:33,200
Speaker 2: extended amount of time and they had to like get

912
00:49:33,239 --> 00:49:35,120
Speaker 2: things going. They're about to start a new, you know,

913
00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:37,359
Speaker 2: position at work, and they were just trying to get

914
00:49:37,360 --> 00:49:40,439
Speaker 2: their head together, and you know, we couldn't find any

915
00:49:40,440 --> 00:49:43,240
Speaker 2: place like that. So, you know, if there are any

916
00:49:43,440 --> 00:49:47,279
Speaker 2: kinds of facilities that are specifically for mental health, I

917
00:49:47,280 --> 00:49:50,560
Speaker 2: would say opt for those. But if not, then at

918
00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:53,400
Speaker 2: least research the hospital that has the psych wards or

919
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:57,200
Speaker 2: wings and figure out, like, you know, would this be

920
00:49:57,440 --> 00:50:01,719
Speaker 2: conducive to my health, would this be a purposeful experience,

921
00:50:01,840 --> 00:50:05,319
Speaker 2: because sometimes they do more harm than good. So you know,

922
00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:07,040
Speaker 2: just make sure that the place you're going to is

923
00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:08,560
Speaker 2: actually for the greater good.

924
00:50:08,680 --> 00:50:10,399
Speaker 1: And you better off just being on the street trying

925
00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:11,040
Speaker 1: to figure it out.

926
00:50:13,880 --> 00:50:17,239
Speaker 2: And we know we've already talked about that, so yeah,

927
00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:20,680
Speaker 2: it's just yeah, some of these places are made for

928
00:50:21,680 --> 00:50:24,520
Speaker 2: made for the benefit of its patients, and some of

929
00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:26,439
Speaker 2: these places are made for the benefit of the people

930
00:50:26,440 --> 00:50:29,319
Speaker 2: who are making money, So you know, you just got

931
00:50:29,360 --> 00:50:32,560
Speaker 2: to be real smart and real intentional about how you

932
00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:34,680
Speaker 2: go about finding the right place right.

933
00:50:34,719 --> 00:50:37,680
Speaker 1: And I'm just curious, does insurance take care of this?

934
00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:42,719
Speaker 2: Yes? Oh so yeah, insurance does to an extent. Like

935
00:50:43,239 --> 00:50:47,360
Speaker 2: one of the places I stayed, it was like it

936
00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:49,760
Speaker 2: was a crazy amount of money. It was like hundreds

937
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:52,320
Speaker 2: of thousands of dollars, and I was like I can't

938
00:50:52,360 --> 00:50:55,720
Speaker 2: be that, you know, so like insurance cover a portion

939
00:50:55,840 --> 00:50:58,560
Speaker 2: of it. But then I was able to like get

940
00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:01,400
Speaker 2: it down to like a thousands of dollars. So it

941
00:51:01,520 --> 00:51:04,319
Speaker 2: really like if if you're willing to like work with them,

942
00:51:04,800 --> 00:51:07,160
Speaker 2: they can like help you figure out a payment system.

943
00:51:07,480 --> 00:51:10,400
Speaker 2: But yeah, for the most part, it's not cheap to

944
00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:14,920
Speaker 2: like be hospitalized. I think one time, or the first time,

945
00:51:14,960 --> 00:51:18,360
Speaker 2: I think I was on Medicaid, so that helped a lot.

946
00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:24,640
Speaker 2: But yeah, it's it's not a cheap thing to do, right. Yeah.

947
00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:27,719
Speaker 1: As always, I really appreciate speaking to you. I can't

948
00:51:27,719 --> 00:51:29,359
Speaker 1: believe an hour I already flew by child.

949
00:51:29,520 --> 00:51:31,399
Speaker 2: I know I was looking at the time, like for real,

950
00:51:31,560 --> 00:51:35,960
Speaker 2: I know we both looked at like damn. Well.

951
00:51:36,080 --> 00:51:38,480
Speaker 1: Then I felt like I just cannot wait for you

952
00:51:38,520 --> 00:51:40,640
Speaker 1: to share more of your story because I know you

953
00:51:40,719 --> 00:51:44,279
Speaker 1: have such an inspiring story just from you telling us

954
00:51:44,320 --> 00:51:47,120
Speaker 1: about your experience at the age of a and I

955
00:51:47,200 --> 00:51:49,880
Speaker 1: was like, wow, I wasn't even expecting that. So I

956
00:51:49,960 --> 00:51:53,359
Speaker 1: really look forward to your your second book that's coming out.

957
00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:57,840
Speaker 2: Thank you. Yeah, fingers crossed, that's like next on my

958
00:51:57,920 --> 00:51:59,880
Speaker 2: to do list. I really want to write a memoir.

959
00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:04,800
Speaker 1: You should or you should do your show us something exactly.

960
00:52:04,840 --> 00:52:12,080
Speaker 1: Oh my, soy, because I just feel like we need

961
00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:15,279
Speaker 1: a lot of representation when it comes to topics like this,

962
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:17,719
Speaker 1: and I think people really need to feel seen so

963
00:52:17,760 --> 00:52:19,480
Speaker 1: they can know that it will be okay because your

964
00:52:19,560 --> 00:52:21,920
Speaker 1: story is just such a beautiful story.

965
00:52:22,680 --> 00:52:24,640
Speaker 2: Thank you. I really appreciate that.

966
00:52:24,760 --> 00:52:29,160
Speaker 1: Of course, of course, and that's it, y'all. So if

967
00:52:29,200 --> 00:52:31,160
Speaker 1: y'all have any questions coming to then serias, please make

968
00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:34,200
Speaker 1: sure to email me a hello at the psgpodcast dot com.

969
00:52:34,480 --> 00:52:37,320
Speaker 1: And until next time, everyone later.

970
00:52:37,960 --> 00:52:38,560
Speaker 2: Bye y'all.

971
00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:48,600
Speaker 1: The Professional Homegirl Podcast is a production of the Black

972
00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:52,600
Speaker 1: Effect Podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the

973
00:52:52,640 --> 00:52:55,680
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app app a podcasts, or wherever you listen to

974
00:52:55,680 --> 00:52:58,920
Speaker 1: your favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe and break the show,

975
00:52:59,200 --> 00:53:01,640
Speaker 1: and you can connect with me on social media at

976
00:53:01,680 --> 00:53:03,320
Speaker 1: the PhD Podcast