Speaker 1: Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
Speaker 1: and the Black Effects Mike Check one to Want two.
Speaker 1: The Realist is Back. What did you gonna do?
Speaker 2: Guess what? Y'all?
Speaker 1: Welcome to Season three of Carefully Reckless. This a third
Speaker 1: time I spun the ben three times on a ass, y'all.
Speaker 1: I'm happy to be back.
Speaker 2: Listen.
Speaker 1: That's clap it up for me. Clap it up, clap
Speaker 1: it up, clap it up, because this would not be
Speaker 1: a podcast without y'all, and I'm super excited to jump
Speaker 1: straight in this season. We're going to be fixing mess
Speaker 1: just like we.
Speaker 2: Was last season. And my apologies, y'all.
Speaker 1: I told y'all that I would not be taking a
Speaker 1: break in between seasons, that I was just gonna go
Speaker 1: straight into it and the last episode of the last
Speaker 1: season would be immediately followed by the first episode in
Speaker 1: the third season. But I had some things that I
Speaker 1: had to do. I'm doing way more TV than IVER
Speaker 1: been doing before. I got a lot of new projects
Speaker 1: coming out on different networks, streaming networks, cable, doing movies
Speaker 1: that are gonna be in theaters, Still touring full time,
Speaker 1: still being a mom as full time as I can
Speaker 1: and listen. It's been a journey, but I'm glad that
Speaker 1: you guys are patient and you guys are willing to
Speaker 1: go through it with me. So we're gonna jump straight in, y'all,
Speaker 1: this very first story that we're about to jump into.
Speaker 1: I gave her advice before. I don't know if you
Speaker 1: guys remember her, but she was in a relationship with
Speaker 1: the guy. Everything was good, was perfect. Now they're young,
Speaker 1: I do believe, if I can remember, they were a
Speaker 1: young couple in their early twenties, and she had a
Speaker 1: problem with drinking, and he didn't like that. She would
Speaker 1: drink Kasumigo's, you know, tequila, until the point where she
Speaker 1: were black out, and they would get into arguments and
Speaker 1: stuff like that. And she went through his phone and
Speaker 1: caught him talking to somebody. Nothing had ever happened. He
Speaker 1: never like, she never found any proof that he actually
Speaker 1: slept with someone or met up with him. But he
Speaker 1: had started conversating with somebody in his past or whatever.
Speaker 1: I guess just seeking the attention and that she had
Speaker 1: stopped giving him due to her alcoholism or whatever. But
Speaker 1: she is back with an update, so let's listen to
Speaker 1: what she gotta say, Hi, Jess.
Speaker 3: I just really needed you to fix my mess again.
Speaker 3: I had messaged you earlier about a bitch being on
Speaker 3: off of the Cosamigos, like a couple of months ago,
Speaker 3: and then I went through my man's phone saw some
Speaker 3: things I didn't want to see. We're about ten months later,
Speaker 3: but long story short, we ended up breaking up.
Speaker 4: He ended up moving out.
Speaker 3: I ended up being a motherfucking bodybuilder helping him move
Speaker 3: his motherfucking couches out.
Speaker 4: Where was his friends at? So now I was.
Speaker 3: Without couches, I was without a bedroom dresser.
Speaker 4: But whatever, he ended up moving out, it is what
Speaker 4: it is.
Speaker 3: We stopped talking for a little bit, and then we
Speaker 3: ended up meeting up a few months later. So we
Speaker 3: ended up breaking up in about August. And we started
Speaker 3: talking again in about November, like right before Thanksgiving, and
Speaker 3: we met up at like one of the.
Speaker 4: Places if we just like to go to when we
Speaker 4: went and talked.
Speaker 3: Long story short, we just started talking and I just
Speaker 3: noticed our communication is getting actively better.
Speaker 4: We do listen separate places now.
Speaker 3: I sometimes spend the night at his place, he spends
Speaker 3: the night at my place. And I am twenty three
Speaker 3: he is twenty five, So I do feel like it's
Speaker 3: healthy that we had this period only because we'd only
Speaker 3: known each other for two months before he initially moved in.
Speaker 3: But now we're getting to the point where we were
Speaker 3: together for two years, living together for two years, but.
Speaker 4: He moved out, and I would genuinely say, one hundred percent,
Speaker 4: we're getting better. But how long am I supposed to
Speaker 4: wait to ask to be his girlfriend again?
Speaker 3: Like I keep applying pressure, pplying pressure. It's not about
Speaker 3: giving alltimatums. It's more just about come on out. Like
Speaker 3: the same thing I tell him, Why do I feel
Speaker 3: like I'm auditioning to be your girlfriend? And you know,
Speaker 3: sometimes it's like Instagram gets into my head, But it
Speaker 3: is that if he wanted to, he would.
Speaker 4: So if we broke up in August, we.
Speaker 3: Started talking again in November, and now it's April and
Speaker 3: we have we lived together two years.
Speaker 4: We're hitting year three of knowing each other.
Speaker 3: We're doing just random things like snow tubing, We're talking
Speaker 3: about planning vacations.
Speaker 4: Here's the thing. End of the day, he's talking about
Speaker 4: me being meeting his mom again just for his birthday.
Speaker 3: He wants her to come down here to Lake Tahoe,
Speaker 3: he's like, oh, yeah, I already told her you were
Speaker 3: going to be there, because it's not that me and
Speaker 3: his mom had problems, but you know, when you break
Speaker 3: up with her baby, then obviously you're gonna have problems.
Speaker 3: So everything is going so good. We're talking so much healthier.
Speaker 3: It's not about screaming or yelling at each other. Granted,
Speaker 3: I still have hiccups off the costum egos.
Speaker 4: So here's the thing.
Speaker 3: This man sees my soul in a way that I
Speaker 3: can't describe. And I'm a very dominant, aggressive person, but
Speaker 3: when I'm around him, I just want him to understand
Speaker 3: that I just want.
Speaker 4: Him and I want to be around him.
Speaker 3: And it just makes me emotional because first I wasn't
Speaker 3: able to describe how much I felt for him, But like,
Speaker 3: this man is my whole heart, and it's kind of
Speaker 3: just dumb to tell people that someone's your whole heart
Speaker 3: when you guys have already been together and it didn't
Speaker 3: work out, and now you're trying to make it work
Speaker 3: and now you're in a situationship. But you explain to
Speaker 3: them how it's getting better, but they don't understand it,
Speaker 3: and it's not for them to understand and that's the thing.
Speaker 3: You tell people what you want to tell them, but
Speaker 3: at the end of the day, you can't describe how
Speaker 3: this person makes you feel. And I can definitely say
Speaker 3: how we are right now is one hundred percent better
Speaker 3: than how we were during our honeymoon phase, like of
Speaker 3: like the first six months of knowing each other, six
Speaker 3: months to a year. I just see such potential in
Speaker 3: what we could be together. And I still feel like
Speaker 3: he's stuck on old stuff or I don't really know
Speaker 3: what he's stuck on or what he's afraid of. But
Speaker 3: the reason that I called or just since this tonight
Speaker 3: was because I had finally told him how I felt.
Speaker 4: I've been keeping like stuff bottled up. You know. I
Speaker 4: had a little bit of one no cost of egos,
Speaker 4: no cost a egos.
Speaker 3: But I did have some wine tonight with my girl.
Speaker 3: We're about to go on our cruise in three days
Speaker 3: to Mexico, so I just told him how I felt.
Speaker 3: He just came back from Dallas. I'm about to go
Speaker 3: to Mexico. So I just told him flat out, like
Speaker 3: sometimes I get nervous when he goes other places because
Speaker 3: we don't have any rules of established commitment and I
Speaker 3: want that. I want you to be loyal to me,
Speaker 3: and I want to be loyal to you. We were
Speaker 3: together for two years. You lived with me for two years.
Speaker 3: We might have broke up for a little bit, but
Speaker 3: in general, you know who I am.
Speaker 4: You know we have a good time together.
Speaker 3: But it's not just a good time, it's just we
Speaker 3: just when people say like it's just something that you
Speaker 3: can't explain, that's how I really feel about him.
Speaker 4: And it's definitely not perfect.
Speaker 3: I'm not perfect and he's not perfect, and I'm not
Speaker 3: saying we don't have hiccups.
Speaker 4: But if you find someone that you want to really rock.
Speaker 3: With or really deal with, then I think you decide
Speaker 3: you want to work it out.
Speaker 4: And I feel like I figured it out.
Speaker 3: And it's hard to tell someone that you figured it out,
Speaker 3: but you don't want to hit them with the ultimatum.
Speaker 3: But then you see shit on Instagram like, oh, but
Speaker 3: if he wanted to, he will, And I get.
Speaker 4: The if he wanted to, it will.
Speaker 3: But if you also did things in the past that
Speaker 3: makes him question why he should, then I can't just
Speaker 3: be like, what are you waiting for? Because if I
Speaker 3: were perfect, there would literally be no reason there's nothing
Speaker 3: wrong with weighing out pros and cons, but it's just
Speaker 3: the fact that I don't know, Jess. I guess what
Speaker 3: I am asking is everyone has pros and cons to
Speaker 3: their spouse. But what do you think are the key
Speaker 3: factors or elements that are needed to make a relationship
Speaker 3: last consistently in long term?
Speaker 4: That is ultimately my question.
Speaker 3: Just a couple of things, Just a little bit of advice,
Speaker 3: like what is how do you know it's long term?
Speaker 3: Or what do you do to make it long term?
Speaker 3: Just anything would help. Thank you so much. But as always, Jess,
Speaker 3: you are one of my favorite podcasts listen to, so
Speaker 3: I just wanted to.
Speaker 4: Send you an audio.
Speaker 3: I would just love some advice because I love this man,
Speaker 3: and I know this man loves me. But when you
Speaker 3: come from families that never show you how to how
Speaker 3: do you love on someone, How do you choose to
Speaker 3: be vulnerable with someone, how do you open up with
Speaker 3: someone in your most vulnerable moments?
Speaker 4: And how do.
Speaker 3: You work through like already pent up residual shit.
Speaker 4: You know, I'm sorry, I know I'm hitting you with
Speaker 4: a lot of questions.
Speaker 3: It's just I'm not necessarily asking you all this it's
Speaker 3: just man. I love this man, so please just give
Speaker 3: me something, help me.
Speaker 4: Please.
Speaker 3: Oh and just to give you a little bit more background,
Speaker 3: we live on the West Coast. Neither of us have kids,
Speaker 3: and obviously we have two separate compoles and two different cars.
Speaker 1: Hold up, hold up, I know this shit getting good,
Speaker 1: But listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial.
Speaker 2: If you love me, you'll listen.
Speaker 1: Hey girl, so you checked back in with me, and
Speaker 1: I love that. First of all, it's nothing wrong with
Speaker 1: you venting. Stop apologizing for asking me.
Speaker 2: So many questions. Stop it. If I didn't want to
Speaker 2: fix your mess, I wouldn't be doing this, you know.
Speaker 1: If I felt like this was too much, or if
Speaker 1: one person's story was going to involve too many different
Speaker 1: complex questions, I wouldn't even be doing this right now.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you just need to vent, to vent to somebody
Speaker 1: that you don't know and who don't know you, and
Speaker 1: who wouldn't be biased, because I'm not ever going to
Speaker 1: be biased. I am a woman, and I stand with women. However,
Speaker 1: sometimes we're wrong and sometimes men are wrong, you know,
Speaker 1: So I stand with who is right, But I give perspectives,
Speaker 1: two perspectives on each situation, you know. And I'm here
Speaker 1: to help people open up their minds, you know, so
Speaker 1: you don't look at a situation one particular way. You
Speaker 1: don't be too closed minded, you know, to see what
Speaker 1: your problem is or to see how you could be
Speaker 1: making this person react. Now, let's get to the part
Speaker 1: with the auditioned part. You said you feel like you
Speaker 1: are auditioning to be his girlfriend again because you guys
Speaker 1: were together, but some damage was done. You guys needed
Speaker 1: to separate and then revisit. You guys are in a
Speaker 1: good space right now, but you're kind of back and forth.
Speaker 1: I can tell that you love him, yes, and I
Speaker 1: can tell that you also know that you messed up too, okay.
Speaker 1: But the key in that is okay. You know that
Speaker 1: you messed up. You owned it, your apologize. That's all
Speaker 1: you can do. Do not keep beating a dead horse,
Speaker 1: And what I mean is beating on yourself. Don't keep
Speaker 1: beating yourself up about what happened in the past. Because
Speaker 1: y'all two have done somewhat of a reconciliation, you know, y'all,
Speaker 1: it seems like you guys are getting back or trying
Speaker 1: to navigate back to that good place that you guys
Speaker 1: once we're in. But it's like a wall built up
Speaker 1: on his side. I don't know the severity of detriment
Speaker 1: behind what you did to him, but apparently it's taking
Speaker 1: him a little bit more time than you would like
Speaker 1: to get back together with you. Are you also communicating
Speaker 1: what you ask me for? The tools to actually make
Speaker 1: something long term? How do you keep it together? How
Speaker 1: do you get that longevity in a relationship that has
Speaker 1: gone through problems? The tool is honesty, communication, and time.
Speaker 1: You got to give another person time. Just because you're
Speaker 1: over what you did and you're over seeing somebody that
Speaker 1: he talked to in the phone, doesn't mean that he
Speaker 1: can get over it as quickly as you did. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Because we as females can look
Speaker 1: at it like, damn, you act like I cheated on you.
Speaker 1: I didn't cheat on you.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: So all I had was a little alcohol, you know,
Speaker 1: was a little drinking problem. But you don't know how
Speaker 1: traumatic that was for him. You don't know his trauma
Speaker 1: behind that. He could have grown up with a drunk
Speaker 1: in his family that he saw abuse his cousins or
Speaker 1: you know, not saying that's the case, but that could
Speaker 1: be the case.
Speaker 2: Now this is your.
Speaker 1: Boyfriend, your ex boyfriend soon to be boyfriend again if
Speaker 1: that happens. So you know him way more than I
Speaker 1: know him. You know him well. But I know people,
Speaker 1: I know what I've been through, I know certain situations,
Speaker 1: you know. I know how people work in certain situations
Speaker 1: depending on the situation.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: And even in my last relationship, we will argue and
Speaker 1: I can get over things quicker.
Speaker 2: I would be over it, like you know, in a
Speaker 2: few hours.
Speaker 1: It would take him a few days to have the
Speaker 1: process and internalize and look at it from this from
Speaker 1: this microscope over here in the corner, and then you
Speaker 1: have to go girl. And at times that shit gets
Speaker 1: annoying as fuck. I'm just gonna say some people are
Speaker 1: slower than others. And I don't mean that coming at
Speaker 1: anybody's intelligence or whatever. I'm not talking about your mental capacity, No,
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm talking about transitioning, Like you can't transition
Speaker 1: out of an argument until you fully processed it and
Speaker 1: all that shit. That shit is annoying when you are
Speaker 1: with someone who don't really hold grudges, who can't stay
Speaker 1: in one fucking miserable space, miserable space for too long, Like, no.
Speaker 2: Let's get past this shit. Let's talk about this shit,
Speaker 2: Let's get over it.
Speaker 1: I don't want to let anything linger. I don't want
Speaker 1: to go to sleep angry, motherfucker. That's that's what you
Speaker 1: want to do. And I know it sounds like that.
Speaker 1: I'm going back in time. That's why that nigga is
Speaker 1: my ex. I cannot deal with somebody who takes too
Speaker 1: fucking long. Yep, the Bottomore two. Do not take too
Speaker 1: fucking long getting over this shit, because by the time
Speaker 1: you get over it in a few days or weeks,
Speaker 1: I'm already on something else. And I don't mean on
Speaker 1: another guy I'm talking about. Listen, I'm on some other shit.
Speaker 1: I'm on some other shit. I cannot dwell and be
Speaker 1: grudging about some shit with the man that I plan
Speaker 1: to spend the rest of my life with, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. But we also that's also us putting
Speaker 1: expectations on people, putting standards on people, and trusting them
Speaker 1: to handle situations like we would handle them. Everybody's different,
Speaker 1: you know, and it's different strokes for different folks. If
Speaker 1: you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then
Speaker 1: we'll be right back. I think you should give him
Speaker 1: just a little bit more time. You know, it hasn't
Speaker 1: been ages since y'all broke up.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: I think that you need to communicate with him that
Speaker 1: you have changed, you know, if you haven't already, And
Speaker 1: I think that you need to solidify some type of boundary.
Speaker 1: I think, like you said, you can just make it
Speaker 1: as a conversation. Hey, I know we haven't solidified anything
Speaker 1: yet official.
Speaker 2: That would deem us official. Again.
Speaker 1: We haven't established any type of commitment as to are
Speaker 1: we going to just try this exclusively together? Are we
Speaker 1: dating other people while we're trying to be back together?
Speaker 1: Because that you know that doesn't work. Everybody in they
Speaker 1: right mind knows that shit don't work.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: I think that needs to be a conversation, maybe after
Speaker 1: your cruise, Before your cruise. You just sent this to me,
Speaker 1: so I think you may already be back from your cruise.
Speaker 1: You sent this last week, Okay, so you might even
Speaker 1: be back from your cruise. I think you should sit
Speaker 1: down and talk to him about it. See how he is.
Speaker 1: Is he nonchalant with you? Does he give you vibes
Speaker 1: like I'm a fuck with you? Just because you was
Speaker 1: my ex, and I'm comfortable with you. You know, do
Speaker 1: you think do you actually really think he sees the
Speaker 1: future with you? Get inside of his mind if you
Speaker 1: know how to do that, and you should be able
Speaker 1: to know how to do it because you ain't drunk.
Speaker 1: You said you done went to wine, and that's great,
Speaker 1: you know, and you're young.
Speaker 2: You're young, you're young, Okay.
Speaker 1: A lot of us have gone through things dealing with
Speaker 1: alcohol and shit.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm in my thirties.
Speaker 1: Girl, I'm thirty one, and I'm telling you, I don't
Speaker 1: want to look at another fucking bottle of Kasumi Go's.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: I did that shit all through my twenties, Tequila and
Speaker 1: kanyak and vaka and all that shit. Girl, I'm so
Speaker 1: sick of fucking liquor. So communication, communicate with him, sit
Speaker 1: down and talk to him. Check back in with me,
Speaker 1: because I really think that you also shouldn't swallow yourself
Speaker 1: up in trying to be with him. Either you're early
Speaker 1: in age, boo, you're twenty five or twenty three, I
Speaker 1: don't remember which one you said, was twenty five or
Speaker 1: twenty three? You were him, but it's so many other
Speaker 1: things that you could be focusing on.
Speaker 2: I know you love him.
Speaker 1: I know I know you love him, love him enough
Speaker 1: to let him go and see if he's as find
Speaker 1: his way back. Love his ass like that, love is
Speaker 1: ass from a distance. He'll be fine and you will too. Okay,
Speaker 1: check back in with me.
Speaker 2: Let me. I think that was a pretty good one.
Speaker 1: Her story took up a lot of times, So we'll
Speaker 1: be back next week with a second episode of season three. Y'all,
Speaker 1: clap it out one more time. Clap it up, clap
Speaker 1: it up, clap it up.
Speaker 2: I love you, guys.
Speaker 1: I also want you to know again you can send
Speaker 1: in voice notes. A lot of y'all are sending me essays,
Speaker 1: bdfs and fucking oh my god speeches, and y'all not
Speaker 1: proofreading what y'all sending before y'all send it. So a
Speaker 1: lot of y'all stories I can't read because I don't
Speaker 1: know y'all, so I can't make up pieces to y'all
Speaker 1: puzzle if y'all not really taking y'all time and reading
Speaker 1: through what y'all want me to read, you know, And
Speaker 1: then also if I try to read this shit, y'all would.
Speaker 2: Be like, damn, did I sound crazy? As a motherfucker.
Speaker 1: A lot of y'all would question y'allselves on y'all literature
Speaker 1: and shit.
Speaker 2: All right, I needs y'all to slow down. I know
Speaker 2: y'all got a lot of shit y'all want to tell me.
Speaker 1: And before I get out of here, the very first
Speaker 1: Black Effect Podcast Festival will be hosted by yours truly
Speaker 1: just hilarious y'all. Yes, the tickets are all sold out,
Speaker 1: but that's a good thing because this is not a
Speaker 1: one time thing. This is gonna be an annual thing.
Speaker 1: So next year, if you didn't get your tickets for
Speaker 1: this year, get your tickets for next year, because we
Speaker 1: are doing this shit for years and years to come, y'all.
Speaker 2: Me and Charlemagne will be hosting.
Speaker 1: Make sure that you stay tapped in and tune in
Speaker 1: each and every Wednesday to carefully Reckless, And then my
Speaker 1: deepest praying boys, please can't fully Reckless. Is a production
Speaker 1: of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,
Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
Speaker 1: to your favorite shows.