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Speaker 1: Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio

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Speaker 1: and the Black Effects Mike Check one to Want two.

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Speaker 1: The Realist is Back. What did you gonna do?

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Speaker 2: Guess what? Y'all?

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Season three of Carefully Reckless. This a third

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Speaker 1: time I spun the ben three times on a ass, y'all.

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Speaker 1: I'm happy to be back.

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Speaker 2: Listen.

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Speaker 1: That's clap it up for me. Clap it up, clap

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Speaker 1: it up, clap it up, because this would not be

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Speaker 1: a podcast without y'all, and I'm super excited to jump

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Speaker 1: straight in this season. We're going to be fixing mess

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Speaker 1: just like we.

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Speaker 2: Was last season. And my apologies, y'all.

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Speaker 1: I told y'all that I would not be taking a

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Speaker 1: break in between seasons, that I was just gonna go

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Speaker 1: straight into it and the last episode of the last

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Speaker 1: season would be immediately followed by the first episode in

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Speaker 1: the third season. But I had some things that I

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Speaker 1: had to do. I'm doing way more TV than IVER

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Speaker 1: been doing before. I got a lot of new projects

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Speaker 1: coming out on different networks, streaming networks, cable, doing movies

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Speaker 1: that are gonna be in theaters, Still touring full time,

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Speaker 1: still being a mom as full time as I can

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Speaker 1: and listen. It's been a journey, but I'm glad that

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Speaker 1: you guys are patient and you guys are willing to

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Speaker 1: go through it with me. So we're gonna jump straight in, y'all,

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Speaker 1: this very first story that we're about to jump into.

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Speaker 1: I gave her advice before. I don't know if you

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Speaker 1: guys remember her, but she was in a relationship with

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Speaker 1: the guy. Everything was good, was perfect. Now they're young,

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Speaker 1: I do believe, if I can remember, they were a

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Speaker 1: young couple in their early twenties, and she had a

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Speaker 1: problem with drinking, and he didn't like that. She would

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Speaker 1: drink Kasumigo's, you know, tequila, until the point where she

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Speaker 1: were black out, and they would get into arguments and

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Speaker 1: stuff like that. And she went through his phone and

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Speaker 1: caught him talking to somebody. Nothing had ever happened. He

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Speaker 1: never like, she never found any proof that he actually

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Speaker 1: slept with someone or met up with him. But he

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Speaker 1: had started conversating with somebody in his past or whatever.

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Speaker 1: I guess just seeking the attention and that she had

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Speaker 1: stopped giving him due to her alcoholism or whatever. But

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Speaker 1: she is back with an update, so let's listen to

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Speaker 1: what she gotta say, Hi, Jess.

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Speaker 3: I just really needed you to fix my mess again.

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Speaker 3: I had messaged you earlier about a bitch being on

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Speaker 3: off of the Cosamigos, like a couple of months ago,

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Speaker 3: and then I went through my man's phone saw some

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Speaker 3: things I didn't want to see. We're about ten months later,

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Speaker 3: but long story short, we ended up breaking up.

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Speaker 4: He ended up moving out.

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Speaker 3: I ended up being a motherfucking bodybuilder helping him move

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Speaker 3: his motherfucking couches out.

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Speaker 4: Where was his friends at? So now I was.

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Speaker 3: Without couches, I was without a bedroom dresser.

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Speaker 4: But whatever, he ended up moving out, it is what

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Speaker 4: it is.

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Speaker 3: We stopped talking for a little bit, and then we

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Speaker 3: ended up meeting up a few months later. So we

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Speaker 3: ended up breaking up in about August. And we started

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Speaker 3: talking again in about November, like right before Thanksgiving, and

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Speaker 3: we met up at like one of the.

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Speaker 4: Places if we just like to go to when we

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Speaker 4: went and talked.

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Speaker 3: Long story short, we just started talking and I just

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Speaker 3: noticed our communication is getting actively better.

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Speaker 4: We do listen separate places now.

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Speaker 3: I sometimes spend the night at his place, he spends

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Speaker 3: the night at my place. And I am twenty three

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Speaker 3: he is twenty five, So I do feel like it's

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Speaker 3: healthy that we had this period only because we'd only

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Speaker 3: known each other for two months before he initially moved in.

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Speaker 3: But now we're getting to the point where we were

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Speaker 3: together for two years, living together for two years, but.

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Speaker 4: He moved out, and I would genuinely say, one hundred percent,

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Speaker 4: we're getting better. But how long am I supposed to

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Speaker 4: wait to ask to be his girlfriend again?

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Speaker 3: Like I keep applying pressure, pplying pressure. It's not about

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Speaker 3: giving alltimatums. It's more just about come on out. Like

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Speaker 3: the same thing I tell him, Why do I feel

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Speaker 3: like I'm auditioning to be your girlfriend? And you know,

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Speaker 3: sometimes it's like Instagram gets into my head, But it

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Speaker 3: is that if he wanted to, he would.

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Speaker 4: So if we broke up in August, we.

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Speaker 3: Started talking again in November, and now it's April and

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Speaker 3: we have we lived together two years.

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Speaker 4: We're hitting year three of knowing each other.

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Speaker 3: We're doing just random things like snow tubing, We're talking

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Speaker 3: about planning vacations.

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Speaker 4: Here's the thing. End of the day, he's talking about

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Speaker 4: me being meeting his mom again just for his birthday.

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Speaker 3: He wants her to come down here to Lake Tahoe,

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Speaker 3: he's like, oh, yeah, I already told her you were

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Speaker 3: going to be there, because it's not that me and

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Speaker 3: his mom had problems, but you know, when you break

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Speaker 3: up with her baby, then obviously you're gonna have problems.

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Speaker 3: So everything is going so good. We're talking so much healthier.

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Speaker 3: It's not about screaming or yelling at each other. Granted,

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Speaker 3: I still have hiccups off the costum egos.

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Speaker 4: So here's the thing.

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Speaker 3: This man sees my soul in a way that I

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Speaker 3: can't describe. And I'm a very dominant, aggressive person, but

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Speaker 3: when I'm around him, I just want him to understand

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Speaker 3: that I just want.

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Speaker 4: Him and I want to be around him.

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Speaker 3: And it just makes me emotional because first I wasn't

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Speaker 3: able to describe how much I felt for him, But like,

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Speaker 3: this man is my whole heart, and it's kind of

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Speaker 3: just dumb to tell people that someone's your whole heart

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Speaker 3: when you guys have already been together and it didn't

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Speaker 3: work out, and now you're trying to make it work

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Speaker 3: and now you're in a situationship. But you explain to

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Speaker 3: them how it's getting better, but they don't understand it,

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Speaker 3: and it's not for them to understand and that's the thing.

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Speaker 3: You tell people what you want to tell them, but

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Speaker 3: at the end of the day, you can't describe how

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Speaker 3: this person makes you feel. And I can definitely say

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Speaker 3: how we are right now is one hundred percent better

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Speaker 3: than how we were during our honeymoon phase, like of

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Speaker 3: like the first six months of knowing each other, six

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Speaker 3: months to a year. I just see such potential in

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Speaker 3: what we could be together. And I still feel like

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Speaker 3: he's stuck on old stuff or I don't really know

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Speaker 3: what he's stuck on or what he's afraid of. But

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Speaker 3: the reason that I called or just since this tonight

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Speaker 3: was because I had finally told him how I felt.

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Speaker 4: I've been keeping like stuff bottled up. You know. I

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Speaker 4: had a little bit of one no cost of egos,

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Speaker 4: no cost a egos.

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Speaker 3: But I did have some wine tonight with my girl.

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Speaker 3: We're about to go on our cruise in three days

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Speaker 3: to Mexico, so I just told him how I felt.

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Speaker 3: He just came back from Dallas. I'm about to go

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Speaker 3: to Mexico. So I just told him flat out, like

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Speaker 3: sometimes I get nervous when he goes other places because

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Speaker 3: we don't have any rules of established commitment and I

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Speaker 3: want that. I want you to be loyal to me,

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Speaker 3: and I want to be loyal to you. We were

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Speaker 3: together for two years. You lived with me for two years.

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Speaker 3: We might have broke up for a little bit, but

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Speaker 3: in general, you know who I am.

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Speaker 4: You know we have a good time together.

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Speaker 3: But it's not just a good time, it's just we

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Speaker 3: just when people say like it's just something that you

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Speaker 3: can't explain, that's how I really feel about him.

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Speaker 4: And it's definitely not perfect.

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Speaker 3: I'm not perfect and he's not perfect, and I'm not

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Speaker 3: saying we don't have hiccups.

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Speaker 4: But if you find someone that you want to really rock.

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Speaker 3: With or really deal with, then I think you decide

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Speaker 3: you want to work it out.

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Speaker 4: And I feel like I figured it out.

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Speaker 3: And it's hard to tell someone that you figured it out,

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Speaker 3: but you don't want to hit them with the ultimatum.

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Speaker 3: But then you see shit on Instagram like, oh, but

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Speaker 3: if he wanted to, he will, And I get.

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Speaker 4: The if he wanted to, it will.

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Speaker 3: But if you also did things in the past that

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Speaker 3: makes him question why he should, then I can't just

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Speaker 3: be like, what are you waiting for? Because if I

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Speaker 3: were perfect, there would literally be no reason there's nothing

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Speaker 3: wrong with weighing out pros and cons, but it's just

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Speaker 3: the fact that I don't know, Jess. I guess what

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Speaker 3: I am asking is everyone has pros and cons to

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Speaker 3: their spouse. But what do you think are the key

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Speaker 3: factors or elements that are needed to make a relationship

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Speaker 3: last consistently in long term?

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Speaker 4: That is ultimately my question.

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Speaker 3: Just a couple of things, Just a little bit of advice,

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Speaker 3: like what is how do you know it's long term?

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Speaker 3: Or what do you do to make it long term?

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Speaker 3: Just anything would help. Thank you so much. But as always, Jess,

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Speaker 3: you are one of my favorite podcasts listen to, so

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Speaker 3: I just wanted to.

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Speaker 4: Send you an audio.

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Speaker 3: I would just love some advice because I love this man,

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Speaker 3: and I know this man loves me. But when you

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Speaker 3: come from families that never show you how to how

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Speaker 3: do you love on someone, How do you choose to

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Speaker 3: be vulnerable with someone, how do you open up with

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Speaker 3: someone in your most vulnerable moments?

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Speaker 4: And how do.

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Speaker 3: You work through like already pent up residual shit.

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Speaker 4: You know, I'm sorry, I know I'm hitting you with

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Speaker 4: a lot of questions.

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Speaker 3: It's just I'm not necessarily asking you all this it's

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Speaker 3: just man. I love this man, so please just give

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Speaker 3: me something, help me.

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Speaker 4: Please.

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Speaker 3: Oh and just to give you a little bit more background,

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Speaker 3: we live on the West Coast. Neither of us have kids,

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Speaker 3: and obviously we have two separate compoles and two different cars.

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Speaker 1: Hold up, hold up, I know this shit getting good,

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Speaker 1: But listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial.

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Speaker 2: If you love me, you'll listen.

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Speaker 1: Hey girl, so you checked back in with me, and

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Speaker 1: I love that. First of all, it's nothing wrong with

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Speaker 1: you venting. Stop apologizing for asking me.

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Speaker 2: So many questions. Stop it. If I didn't want to

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Speaker 2: fix your mess, I wouldn't be doing this, you know.

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Speaker 1: If I felt like this was too much, or if

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Speaker 1: one person's story was going to involve too many different

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Speaker 1: complex questions, I wouldn't even be doing this right now.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes you just need to vent, to vent to somebody

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Speaker 1: that you don't know and who don't know you, and

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Speaker 1: who wouldn't be biased, because I'm not ever going to

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Speaker 1: be biased. I am a woman, and I stand with women. However,

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Speaker 1: sometimes we're wrong and sometimes men are wrong, you know,

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Speaker 1: So I stand with who is right, But I give perspectives,

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Speaker 1: two perspectives on each situation, you know. And I'm here

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Speaker 1: to help people open up their minds, you know, so

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Speaker 1: you don't look at a situation one particular way. You

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Speaker 1: don't be too closed minded, you know, to see what

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Speaker 1: your problem is or to see how you could be

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Speaker 1: making this person react. Now, let's get to the part

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Speaker 1: with the auditioned part. You said you feel like you

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Speaker 1: are auditioning to be his girlfriend again because you guys

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Speaker 1: were together, but some damage was done. You guys needed

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Speaker 1: to separate and then revisit. You guys are in a

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Speaker 1: good space right now, but you're kind of back and forth.

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Speaker 1: I can tell that you love him, yes, and I

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Speaker 1: can tell that you also know that you messed up too, okay.

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Speaker 1: But the key in that is okay. You know that

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Speaker 1: you messed up. You owned it, your apologize. That's all

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Speaker 1: you can do. Do not keep beating a dead horse,

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Speaker 1: And what I mean is beating on yourself. Don't keep

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Speaker 1: beating yourself up about what happened in the past. Because

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Speaker 1: y'all two have done somewhat of a reconciliation, you know, y'all,

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Speaker 1: it seems like you guys are getting back or trying

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Speaker 1: to navigate back to that good place that you guys

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Speaker 1: once we're in. But it's like a wall built up

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Speaker 1: on his side. I don't know the severity of detriment

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Speaker 1: behind what you did to him, but apparently it's taking

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Speaker 1: him a little bit more time than you would like

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Speaker 1: to get back together with you. Are you also communicating

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Speaker 1: what you ask me for? The tools to actually make

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Speaker 1: something long term? How do you keep it together? How

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Speaker 1: do you get that longevity in a relationship that has

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Speaker 1: gone through problems? The tool is honesty, communication, and time.

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Speaker 1: You got to give another person time. Just because you're

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Speaker 1: over what you did and you're over seeing somebody that

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Speaker 1: he talked to in the phone, doesn't mean that he

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Speaker 1: can get over it as quickly as you did. You

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Because we as females can look

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Speaker 1: at it like, damn, you act like I cheated on you.

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Speaker 1: I didn't cheat on you.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 1: So all I had was a little alcohol, you know,

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Speaker 1: was a little drinking problem. But you don't know how

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Speaker 1: traumatic that was for him. You don't know his trauma

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Speaker 1: behind that. He could have grown up with a drunk

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Speaker 1: in his family that he saw abuse his cousins or

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Speaker 1: you know, not saying that's the case, but that could

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Speaker 1: be the case.

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Speaker 2: Now this is your.

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Speaker 1: Boyfriend, your ex boyfriend soon to be boyfriend again if

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Speaker 1: that happens. So you know him way more than I

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Speaker 1: know him. You know him well. But I know people,

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Speaker 1: I know what I've been through, I know certain situations,

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Speaker 1: you know. I know how people work in certain situations

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Speaker 1: depending on the situation.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 1: And even in my last relationship, we will argue and

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Speaker 1: I can get over things quicker.

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Speaker 2: I would be over it, like you know, in a

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Speaker 2: few hours.

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Speaker 1: It would take him a few days to have the

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Speaker 1: process and internalize and look at it from this from

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Speaker 1: this microscope over here in the corner, and then you

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Speaker 1: have to go girl. And at times that shit gets

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Speaker 1: annoying as fuck. I'm just gonna say some people are

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Speaker 1: slower than others. And I don't mean that coming at

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Speaker 1: anybody's intelligence or whatever. I'm not talking about your mental capacity, No,

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Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm talking about transitioning, Like you can't transition

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Speaker 1: out of an argument until you fully processed it and

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Speaker 1: all that shit. That shit is annoying when you are

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Speaker 1: with someone who don't really hold grudges, who can't stay

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Speaker 1: in one fucking miserable space, miserable space for too long, Like, no.

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Speaker 2: Let's get past this shit. Let's talk about this shit,

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Speaker 2: Let's get over it.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to let anything linger. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to go to sleep angry, motherfucker. That's that's what you

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Speaker 1: want to do. And I know it sounds like that.

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Speaker 1: I'm going back in time. That's why that nigga is

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Speaker 1: my ex. I cannot deal with somebody who takes too

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Speaker 1: fucking long. Yep, the Bottomore two. Do not take too

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Speaker 1: fucking long getting over this shit, because by the time

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Speaker 1: you get over it in a few days or weeks,

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Speaker 1: I'm already on something else. And I don't mean on

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Speaker 1: another guy I'm talking about. Listen, I'm on some other shit.

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Speaker 1: I'm on some other shit. I cannot dwell and be

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Speaker 1: grudging about some shit with the man that I plan

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Speaker 1: to spend the rest of my life with, you know

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. But we also that's also us putting

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Speaker 1: expectations on people, putting standards on people, and trusting them

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Speaker 1: to handle situations like we would handle them. Everybody's different,

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Speaker 1: you know, and it's different strokes for different folks. If

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Speaker 1: you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then

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Speaker 1: we'll be right back. I think you should give him

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Speaker 1: just a little bit more time. You know, it hasn't

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Speaker 1: been ages since y'all broke up.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: I think that you need to communicate with him that

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Speaker 1: you have changed, you know, if you haven't already, And

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Speaker 1: I think that you need to solidify some type of boundary.

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Speaker 1: I think, like you said, you can just make it

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Speaker 1: as a conversation. Hey, I know we haven't solidified anything

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Speaker 1: yet official.

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Speaker 2: That would deem us official. Again.

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Speaker 1: We haven't established any type of commitment as to are

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Speaker 1: we going to just try this exclusively together? Are we

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Speaker 1: dating other people while we're trying to be back together?

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Speaker 1: Because that you know that doesn't work. Everybody in they

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Speaker 1: right mind knows that shit don't work.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 1: I think that needs to be a conversation, maybe after

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Speaker 1: your cruise, Before your cruise. You just sent this to me,

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Speaker 1: so I think you may already be back from your cruise.

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Speaker 1: You sent this last week, Okay, so you might even

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Speaker 1: be back from your cruise. I think you should sit

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Speaker 1: down and talk to him about it. See how he is.

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Speaker 1: Is he nonchalant with you? Does he give you vibes

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Speaker 1: like I'm a fuck with you? Just because you was

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Speaker 1: my ex, and I'm comfortable with you. You know, do

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Speaker 1: you think do you actually really think he sees the

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Speaker 1: future with you? Get inside of his mind if you

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Speaker 1: know how to do that, and you should be able

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Speaker 1: to know how to do it because you ain't drunk.

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Speaker 1: You said you done went to wine, and that's great,

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Speaker 1: you know, and you're young.

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Speaker 2: You're young, you're young, Okay.

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Speaker 1: A lot of us have gone through things dealing with

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Speaker 1: alcohol and shit.

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Speaker 2: You know, I'm in my thirties.

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Speaker 1: Girl, I'm thirty one, and I'm telling you, I don't

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Speaker 1: want to look at another fucking bottle of Kasumi Go's.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 1: I did that shit all through my twenties, Tequila and

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Speaker 1: kanyak and vaka and all that shit. Girl, I'm so

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Speaker 1: sick of fucking liquor. So communication, communicate with him, sit

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Speaker 1: down and talk to him. Check back in with me,

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Speaker 1: because I really think that you also shouldn't swallow yourself

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Speaker 1: up in trying to be with him. Either you're early

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Speaker 1: in age, boo, you're twenty five or twenty three, I

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Speaker 1: don't remember which one you said, was twenty five or

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Speaker 1: twenty three? You were him, but it's so many other

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Speaker 1: things that you could be focusing on.

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Speaker 2: I know you love him.

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Speaker 1: I know I know you love him, love him enough

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Speaker 1: to let him go and see if he's as find

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Speaker 1: his way back. Love his ass like that, love is

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Speaker 1: ass from a distance. He'll be fine and you will too. Okay,

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Speaker 1: check back in with me.

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Speaker 2: Let me. I think that was a pretty good one.

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Speaker 1: Her story took up a lot of times, So we'll

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Speaker 1: be back next week with a second episode of season three. Y'all,

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Speaker 1: clap it out one more time. Clap it up, clap

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Speaker 1: it up, clap it up.

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Speaker 2: I love you, guys.

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Speaker 1: I also want you to know again you can send

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Speaker 1: in voice notes. A lot of y'all are sending me essays,

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Speaker 1: bdfs and fucking oh my god speeches, and y'all not

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Speaker 1: proofreading what y'all sending before y'all send it. So a

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Speaker 1: lot of y'all stories I can't read because I don't

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Speaker 1: know y'all, so I can't make up pieces to y'all

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Speaker 1: puzzle if y'all not really taking y'all time and reading

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Speaker 1: through what y'all want me to read, you know, And

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Speaker 1: then also if I try to read this shit, y'all would.

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Speaker 2: Be like, damn, did I sound crazy? As a motherfucker.

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Speaker 1: A lot of y'all would question y'allselves on y'all literature

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Speaker 1: and shit.

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Speaker 2: All right, I needs y'all to slow down. I know

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Speaker 2: y'all got a lot of shit y'all want to tell me.

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Speaker 1: And before I get out of here, the very first

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Speaker 1: Black Effect Podcast Festival will be hosted by yours truly

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Speaker 1: just hilarious y'all. Yes, the tickets are all sold out,

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Speaker 1: but that's a good thing because this is not a

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Speaker 1: one time thing. This is gonna be an annual thing.

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Speaker 1: So next year, if you didn't get your tickets for

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Speaker 1: this year, get your tickets for next year, because we

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Speaker 1: are doing this shit for years and years to come, y'all.

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Speaker 2: Me and Charlemagne will be hosting.

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Speaker 1: Make sure that you stay tapped in and tune in

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Speaker 1: each and every Wednesday to carefully Reckless, And then my

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Speaker 1: deepest praying boys, please can't fully Reckless. Is a production

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Speaker 1: of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,

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Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen

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Speaker 1: to your favorite shows.