Speaker 1: This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 1: Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema coming to you and today
Speaker 1: is a very interesting topic.
Speaker 2: We've been debating what to call this episode Laughing through
Speaker 2: a Funeral, the Silver Linings of Death, Joy in the Darkness?
Speaker 2: How do you appropriately title it? Basically, what's happened? Everybody
Speaker 2: is and we've been a little quiet on social media
Speaker 2: for the past week or so. We've been dealing with
Speaker 2: some family stuff.
Speaker 1: Chris Harrison's uncle, Yeah, Uncle Ken, My uncle Ken passed
Speaker 1: away and he had been sick for quite some time,
Speaker 1: and so we knew the end was drawing near, and
Speaker 1: it has and so we lost our uncle and Ken.
Speaker 1: By the way, before we jump into kind of what
Speaker 1: we're going to talk about today, I'd love to give
Speaker 1: him a shout out, just because he meant so much
Speaker 1: to all of us, not only as a family, but
Speaker 1: to the community of Dallas Fort Worth. He owned this
Speaker 1: my favorite word habitat sariye Kin's man Shop in Dallas, Texas.
Speaker 1: It's been around for decades and decades.
Speaker 2: If you're in Dallas, the shop is there, run by
Speaker 2: his son Corey, now alive and thriving, it is where
Speaker 2: Chris Harrison got his suit and all of his groomsmen
Speaker 2: suits for our weddings.
Speaker 1: And over the years, coolest store throughout the years on
Speaker 1: The Bachelor of Bacheorette, you saw a lot of Kin's
Speaker 1: Man Shop clothes on the show, only the good ones.
Speaker 1: And it was a place that meant a lot to
Speaker 1: us and a man that meant a lot to us
Speaker 1: because of spending so much time there. Again, my dad
Speaker 1: worked there, my uncle worked there other than my uncle Ken,
Speaker 1: So it was a big family thing. And now I'm
Speaker 1: really excited my cousin Corey has taken over and the
Speaker 1: legacy will continue. And they are alive and well they're
Speaker 1: at Preston Royal in Dallas. So if you're ever in Dallas,
Speaker 1: swing by Kins. But Ken passed away. And this is
Speaker 1: the Jewish side of my family. And it is a
Speaker 1: very very interesting too. We could break this down into
Speaker 1: a lot of things. When there is a death in
Speaker 1: the Jewish family, there is a and this happens in
Speaker 1: other religions as well, but definitely a big rallying around,
Speaker 1: families come together. It's what we do, very tribal, and
Speaker 1: it's what we did. And the interesting thing that you
Speaker 1: and I were talking about, is is it okay to
Speaker 1: almost enjoy some of this stuff?
Speaker 2: That was what I think we kept struggling with. Now
Speaker 2: I will say, of course, the loss of Ken is
Speaker 2: so sad and sad for his kids is wonderful kids,
Speaker 2: Corey and Theresa and Daniel. And one beautiful thing about
Speaker 2: it was they had some time he had been ill,
Speaker 2: and they also had some time in hospice to make
Speaker 2: some beautiful memories with him. And I think anytime there's
Speaker 2: like this is an extra layer, because the first layer
Speaker 2: is anytime there's loss, I'm a big believer, like you
Speaker 2: have to be able to laugh at the tough moments,
Speaker 2: and you should because when someone's passing, you also wanted
Speaker 2: to try to celebrate their life. And they shared these
Speaker 2: great stories of like customers from the store who came
Speaker 2: to visit Ken and wore the clothes they bought at
Speaker 2: the store. Is like just like he was like a
Speaker 2: designer and laughed and had great times, like their HVAT
Speaker 2: guy came and visited him because he was so close
Speaker 2: with everyone he worked with in the community. But the
Speaker 2: second layer is, can you like find some additional joy
Speaker 2: in just being around your family.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean, I'm the youngest of seven grandchildren, so
Speaker 1: I have six cousins and we all drop everything to
Speaker 1: be there, and I haven't seen some of them in years.
Speaker 1: We talk or you know, we find you know, we
Speaker 1: check in on each other. But the fact that we
Speaker 1: all came together and I saw my cousins and aunts
Speaker 1: and my other aunts and uncles, that part, honestly, was lovely.
Speaker 1: It reminded me of Passover in many ways, of all
Speaker 1: coming together, which we do, you know, every year for Passover.
Speaker 2: And but you know what, but not necessarily if you're
Speaker 2: being honest, Yeah, we haven't lately here, No, I mean
Speaker 2: the pandemic effect of that. And since you and I
Speaker 2: have been together, which is six years now, I've been
Speaker 2: to one Passover. But the I think what you put
Speaker 2: in perspective for me, and I've been thinking about this
Speaker 2: with my own family too. The older everybody gets, the
Speaker 2: harder it is to get everybody together. When kids are little, right,
Speaker 2: they are all on school vacation and they don't have
Speaker 2: jobs in college and all their own crap going on,
Speaker 2: so you can kind of gather everybody and that's a
Speaker 2: beautiful time and a big extended family for kids to
Speaker 2: play together, and it's easy. But everybody gets older and
Speaker 2: it gets harder.
Speaker 1: Oh, you start adding generations, don't you. You have your say,
Speaker 1: your grandmother, and then she has kids, and so you
Speaker 1: have two generations. No big deal, right, Mom's telling the
Speaker 1: kids what to do. Well, then those kids have kids, right,
Speaker 1: So now we have three generations. Those kids grow up,
Speaker 1: they have lives. You have three pretty complicated generations. Well
Speaker 1: they have kids now the great grandchildren, So now you
Speaker 1: have four generations, which we did in this family. That's
Speaker 1: a lot of moving parts and it's a lot of people,
Speaker 1: so it is hard to kind of wrangle everybody is.
Speaker 1: Everyone's going in different directions, and jobs get important at
Speaker 1: certain times, and we all just have things going on
Speaker 1: and alive. So there are as you said, there is
Speaker 1: a silver lining too, when something is so definite, so
Speaker 1: important that we all just drop everything because it just
Speaker 1: has to be. There are no excuses, You just drop
Speaker 1: it and you all show up. That's what death is.
Speaker 1: Sadly and happily.
Speaker 2: After this couple of days together as a family, I
Speaker 2: am now on group texts with your cousins that I
Speaker 2: wasn't on before. You know, well, there's also an element
Speaker 2: of like I think, when you know, probably when you
Speaker 2: first got married, everybody's younger and you're kind of integrating
Speaker 2: into families more so. I didn't. I hadn't even met
Speaker 2: some of these people. So we're on group text now,
Speaker 2: and it's.
Speaker 1: Different when we were dating, right, you came dating or engaged.
Speaker 1: Now we're married.
Speaker 2: It's that's true too. Your family, Oh my gosh, yeah,
Speaker 2: I guess now i'm your wife. But I think we
Speaker 2: were literally all trying to craft the right text after
Speaker 2: these couple of days were over. Like I found myself
Speaker 2: doing that, saying like I didn't want to say, I
Speaker 2: had such a great time with you. It's horrible the
Speaker 2: loss of a wonderful father and husband, but there is
Speaker 2: a beauty. And I think we were all just finally like, Okay,
Speaker 2: let's just acknowledge we've had a good time together and
Speaker 2: it's been really good to connect, to reconnect, to learn
Speaker 2: more about each other, to remember, yeah, share share stories,
Speaker 2: the beauty of morning.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there was crying and there was laughter. It was
Speaker 1: let you get everything. And I think I guess my
Speaker 1: takeaway too, is is always you know, as I've gotten older,
Speaker 1: I've seen plenty of death and people have passed away
Speaker 1: in our lives. Is that it's whatever you're doing, whatever
Speaker 1: you're feeling, it's okay. And I'm sure you talk about
Speaker 1: this at experience camps and you could probably articulate it better.
Speaker 1: But and I always love your your river metaphor.
Speaker 2: Grief is a river. It's always there, always moving, always changing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And so sometimes it is laughter and it's still
Speaker 1: It's not like Ken wasn't still front of mind for
Speaker 1: all of us, but there was so much love in
Speaker 1: the room and so much joy. And don't feel guilty
Speaker 1: that you are feeling so much joy for enjoying the living.
Speaker 1: It's you know, I still say, Uncle Ken, you brought
Speaker 1: us all together. I was grateful. You know, I'm sad
Speaker 1: you're not here, but Uncle Ken brought us all together.
Speaker 1: You know that was kind of his maybe his last
Speaker 1: purpose or his last gift to all of us, was
Speaker 1: this gathering that we all had. And so I allowed
Speaker 1: myself to enjoy being with those people I love as
Speaker 1: well as think about and more. And it made me
Speaker 1: think about you know, you more and your dad, and
Speaker 1: I know you got to talk about your dad more.
Speaker 1: And that was an interesting thing that you get to
Speaker 1: share more about your own grief and things that people
Speaker 1: you've lost through this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean a big thing I say about grief
Speaker 2: is like, keep talking about the person, and if you
Speaker 2: know someone who's lost, somebody ask about that person they've lost. Like,
Speaker 2: I want to still share stories about my dad, but
Speaker 2: because he's dead, nobody asks about him. Nobody's like, how's
Speaker 2: your dad? He's dead, So you have to keep those
Speaker 2: stories alive for yourself to honor the memory of the person.
Speaker 2: And yeah, like I found myself getting emotional at different
Speaker 2: points because it certainly brings stuff up. I mean, it's
Speaker 2: it's hard to not think of your own grief when
Speaker 2: you're at the funeral for somebody's dad. And part of
Speaker 2: that is a great thing where like I want to
Speaker 2: kind of share my experience and hopefully help someone in
Speaker 2: that way. But then I also don't want to make
Speaker 2: it about me. And you're like walking that line a lot.
Speaker 1: I have a question for you. Yeah, so someone who's
Speaker 1: unfortunately experienced this, obviously, there is the onslaught of love
Speaker 1: right as someone passes away, Right, there's that first week,
Speaker 1: lots of food, lots of casse roles, lots of visits.
Speaker 1: You know, we're all sitting shiver, we're all together, but
Speaker 1: then there's the we all go back to our lives.
Speaker 1: So what I'm asking you is, what is the proper
Speaker 1: check in you know, times, how often? What should we.
Speaker 2: Be difficult answer about this is forever, right, but ever,
Speaker 2: you know, But but let me give you some tools.
Speaker 2: But I'm saying like it's a difficult question to answer
Speaker 2: because the answer is forever. Yeah, my dad had lost
Speaker 2: his own dad. My dad was twenty eight when his
Speaker 2: own dad passed. I never met my grandfather. I knew
Speaker 2: my dad in his forties. He still wanted he was
Speaker 2: still sad about his dad. You still want to talk
Speaker 2: about his dad. And that's you know, more than twenty
Speaker 2: years later, that your family, your loved ones, are with
Speaker 2: you forever. So but in terms of actual practical things
Speaker 2: you can do to support somebody. The second I know
Speaker 2: someone who's lost somebody, I open my calendar on my
Speaker 2: phone and I get the information from the obituary. I
Speaker 2: put in that person's birthday, and I put in also
Speaker 2: the day that person passed, so that like I can
Speaker 2: text them on like, hey, note, I know it's your
Speaker 2: dad's birthday today. Like I'm thinking of you. I know
Speaker 2: he's watching over you, like just a nice note of support.
Speaker 2: If it's Father's Day, I'm going to text the people
Speaker 2: I know who have lost the dads in their lives
Speaker 2: because that that's a tough day. Yeah, and that kind
Speaker 2: of thing. And I think like if the person crosses
Speaker 2: your mind, reach for your phone and send them a text,
Speaker 2: because the little text can really uplift somebody. There's a
Speaker 2: lot of things about our phones that are rough, but
Speaker 2: I think one good thing is the ability to show
Speaker 2: love in an instant.
Speaker 1: Because I mean when I say there was you know
Speaker 1: joy Like, we've lost both our grandparents. Grandmother and grandfather
Speaker 1: have passed away, my my aunt on that side, my
Speaker 1: mom's sister has passed away. And what's lovely even in
Speaker 1: you know, when we're there morning, Ken, we were talking
Speaker 1: about my grandmother and grandfather. We you know, we were
Speaker 1: all telling stories about them. You still keep them alive
Speaker 1: in that way. My aunt Joyce, you know, we continue
Speaker 1: to tell stories about her and that will now Ken
Speaker 1: will be added to that story telling as we get go.
Speaker 1: And you know, there's now you know they have passed
Speaker 1: long enough that you have you've gotten over the grief
Speaker 1: of it all. Not that you're not sad they're gone,
Speaker 1: but now it's just remembering these great stories about them
Speaker 1: and how they still to this day even though they're gone,
Speaker 1: teach us.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I think my big takeaway from this
Speaker 2: experience is just that, like, it's so k to find
Speaker 2: light in the darkest of times. And I think I
Speaker 2: just kind of quoted Albus Dumbledore for Mary Potter on that.
Speaker 2: As I think about it, I believe the quote from
Speaker 2: him is in the darkest of like one only needs
Speaker 2: to look for the light. But like but like you
Speaker 2: like feel okay about that that you have the green
Speaker 2: light to do that that because the truth is, this
Speaker 2: is not a fixable problem. And I said that to
Speaker 2: one of your cousins this week. You cannot fix this,
Speaker 2: You cannot solve this, you can't reason it away, you
Speaker 2: can't work hard at it to make it better. This
Speaker 2: person is gone, Yeah, and the pain is there. So
Speaker 2: give yourself the okay to find a little joy, to
Speaker 2: find a little laughter, like because you have to, or
Speaker 2: you're just sitting in that grief, you know. And I'm
Speaker 2: a believer that sometimes these big moments, I mean, you
Speaker 2: got all your crazy family together. This is where you're
Speaker 2: going to find some of the funniest trap you know.
Speaker 1: Someone always does something it's just funny, you know, because
Speaker 1: death brings out the most awkward in many of us. Yes,
Speaker 1: you know, you're not sure. What's like, what do I
Speaker 1: do with my hands? It's like what do I say?
Speaker 1: And yeah, I guess I'll just bring the weirdest fruit
Speaker 1: casse role over. You know, you don't know what to
Speaker 1: take you.
Speaker 2: One of the discussions this week was the urn like
Speaker 2: your mom bless her was like, it is so crazy
Speaker 2: with their their charging for these urns, and God blessed
Speaker 2: Mary Beeth Harrison. She had it to my favorite place
Speaker 2: in the world.
Speaker 1: Home Goods. She went to a home goods that's her
Speaker 1: uncle Ken.
Speaker 2: She was going to find and earn at the home goods.
Speaker 2: Now she was trying to look for the correct type
Speaker 2: of urn. She knew she needs something that appropriately like
Speaker 2: suctioned clothes and maybe had some kind of a like
Speaker 2: a plastic lining around the top, so you know, like
Speaker 2: lick when you're storing food and it needs to be
Speaker 2: kept fresh. If we're just really digging into.
Speaker 1: It as it may have brought up kind of an
Speaker 1: inappropriate joke and the thought in my head because Home
Speaker 1: Goods is famous for, you know, they label everything. So
Speaker 1: it's like your toothbrush thing says toothbrush.
Speaker 2: No, honey, that's not oh honey, that's not Home Goods.
Speaker 2: That's right done, that's a line that's at Home Goods.
Speaker 2: But yes, you're right, it's there things calling okay, go.
Speaker 1: On, yeah, stuff that says stuff, yes, yeah, the bane
Speaker 1: of my exit, yeah exactly. It's you're thinking, Yeah, there's
Speaker 1: just an earner of oz that says uncle.
Speaker 2: You know, so we didn't tell you that I'm like
Speaker 2: Home good Yeah.
Speaker 1: They always have stuff that says stuff on it, jewelry,
Speaker 1: you know, laundry.
Speaker 2: It's your like jar for coffee that says coffee.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh my god.
Speaker 2: Why don't I bet those need to exist. If they don't,
Speaker 2: we're going to start a new product line that's so
Speaker 2: darkly funny. That says uncle, Oh, dad, dad, yes, mom, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: So it's so find find the light of you know,
Speaker 1: even in the dark. But it was just something that
Speaker 1: you know, our family's been going through this week, and
Speaker 1: if you are going through something similar, God bless you, Laura,
Speaker 1: and I are thinking about you. Just know that you're
Speaker 1: not alone in that and allow yourself to feel what
Speaker 1: it is you are feeling, because we all go through
Speaker 1: something different and we all look he meant something different
Speaker 1: to everybody, and you know, some people are closer than others.
Speaker 1: And that's okay too, because sometimes I feel you feel
Speaker 1: weird because you're not feeling as much as the next
Speaker 1: person is. You see someone crying uncontrollably and you're like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm not feeling that. I feel I feel guilty.
Speaker 2: Is that how you feel?
Speaker 1: No, But I you know you can do that at
Speaker 1: funerals when you're like, well I'm not I'm not feeling
Speaker 1: this emotion that you're feeling right now, so should I be?
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Like, sometimes tears don't come
Speaker 1: to my eyes the same way and time yours do.
Speaker 1: So you know it's okay, is what I'm saying. You're
Speaker 1: going to process it differently, And I.
Speaker 2: Would argue like necessary that not everybody feels that all
Speaker 2: at once. If you're finding yourself in a moment of strength,
Speaker 2: that's whene's you know, it's like you're in the space
Speaker 2: for somebody to lean on you or again, you know,
Speaker 2: laugh at you like be funny, be stupid. I made
Speaker 2: some jokes about you and I this week just to
Speaker 2: try to help lighten the mood. Yes you did, yes,
Speaker 2: Uh you know. Yeah, I'm married an older guy and
Speaker 2: my dad's dead issues. I'm just kidding kind of, But
Speaker 2: I'm going to try to find and earn for my
Speaker 2: dad that says dad on it, because right now he's
Speaker 2: in a box. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And I'm going to get off this podcast today and
Speaker 1: go text my cousins before I go. Elsie, thank you
Speaker 1: for your insight, because I mean one thing I do
Speaker 1: always lean on you, and whether it's good or bad,
Speaker 1: is you. You do have such great insight and being
Speaker 1: so much death, so much death experience.
Speaker 2: It's doctorate and death.
Speaker 1: But I leave you with uh a shout out to
Speaker 1: Uncle Ken, someone who meant a lot to me. He
Speaker 1: was a great dad, good husband, a phenomenal uncle, and
Speaker 1: a legend in the DFW area. For those of you
Speaker 1: that stop by the store, I mean everybody who went.
Speaker 1: You were Kin's best friend, and there was I always
Speaker 1: admire people who make people feel like they're the only
Speaker 1: ones in the world, and he had that great gift
Speaker 1: to make everybody laugh and to feel loved. And uh,
Speaker 1: what a great legacy leave behind. So my love to
Speaker 1: Ken rest in peace, and to all of you, we
Speaker 1: love you. Thanks for listening, and we'll do it again
Speaker 1: next time because we have a lot more to talk about.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the most
Speaker 1: dramatic pod ever and make sure to write us a
Speaker 1: review and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you
Speaker 1: next time.