WEBVTT - Goals should help, not trap

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is that goals exist to help us, not

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<v Speaker 1>to trap us. If something is improving your life, that

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<v Speaker 1>is great. If it is not, you are allowed to

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<v Speaker 1>let it go. Today's tip comes from Sarah hart Unger's podcast,

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<v Speaker 1>Best Laid Plans. If you listen to my other podcast,

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<v Speaker 1>Best of Both Worlds, you may know her as my

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<v Speaker 1>co host. Best Laid Plans is her other podcast, which

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<v Speaker 1>focuses on planners and planning. Fans of Sarah know that

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<v Speaker 1>she loves setting goals and monitoring her progress toward these goals.

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<v Speaker 1>But Sarah is also intentional about letting go of goals

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<v Speaker 1>that end up not serving her well, because, as she

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<v Speaker 1>puts it, goals are to help us, not to trap us.

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<v Speaker 1>I think this is wise. Ideally, goals motivate us to

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<v Speaker 1>work towards something that we find valuable. They not just

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<v Speaker 1>to take small, steady steps towards becoming the people that

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<v Speaker 1>we want to be. If you have a goal that

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<v Speaker 1>is not doing that well, then you've got some thinking

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<v Speaker 1>to do. Goals should enhance well being, not diminish it.

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<v Speaker 1>If a goal is making you feel trapped, then it

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<v Speaker 1>might not be the right goal for you, or at

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<v Speaker 1>least not the right goal for right now. This realization

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<v Speaker 1>usually plays out in one of two ways. First, sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>we do theoretically want to achieve the goal, but we

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<v Speaker 1>come to recognize that the opportunity cost is too i

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<v Speaker 1>for instance, you say you want to run a marathon.

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<v Speaker 1>Great goal, but with your work and family schedule, it

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<v Speaker 1>seems that the cost will mean giving up that Sunday

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<v Speaker 1>morning brunch with your best friends for the four months

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<v Speaker 1>that you are training, and that Sunday morning brunch is

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<v Speaker 1>what makes the rest of the week feel doable. Or

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<v Speaker 1>maybe your goal of retiring early means you are saving

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<v Speaker 1>so aggressively that you feel like you need to say

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<v Speaker 1>no to things that really you'd like to say yes to,

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<v Speaker 1>like travel, getting together with friends, or giving to a

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<v Speaker 1>cause you care about. The Pursuit of a future goal

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<v Speaker 1>can cause the present to feel out of balance. If

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<v Speaker 1>that's the case, you can do several things. One is

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<v Speaker 1>to make sure that you are truly viewing the trade

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<v Speaker 1>offs correctly. When I trained for a marathon many years ago,

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<v Speaker 1>I decided to start work late on either Wednesday or

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<v Speaker 1>Thursday morning each week, and I do my long run

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<v Speaker 1>on that morning, no weekend sacrifice required. As for the

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<v Speaker 1>aggressive saving, maybe there are ways to say yes to

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<v Speaker 1>things without huge outlays of cash. You suggest potlucks with friends,

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<v Speaker 1>and you volunteer regularly in place of donating. That said,

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<v Speaker 1>you might also decide to modify your goal. The shorter

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<v Speaker 1>long runs that are necessary for a half marathon might

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<v Speaker 1>have you done in time for brunch. You could retire

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<v Speaker 1>it fifty four instead of fifty and get a better

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<v Speaker 1>balance of present and future desires. Figure out how the

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<v Speaker 1>goal can be life affirming, helpful instead of something that

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<v Speaker 1>traps you into unwanted outcomes. Aside from the opportunity cost,

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<v Speaker 1>the second way that goals wind up feeling like traps

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<v Speaker 1>is when we discover that they are actually not as

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<v Speaker 1>attractive as anticipated. All sorts of things sound awesome until

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<v Speaker 1>you spend a lot of time doing them. Just because

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<v Speaker 1>something is meaningful or enjoyable for someone else doesn't mean

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<v Speaker 1>it will be for you. Maybe everyone has said that

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<v Speaker 1>you would be great in marketing, so you set a

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<v Speaker 1>goal of career change. You go on a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>informational interviews and realize as you do that the field

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<v Speaker 1>just doesn't seem like a good fit good to now

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<v Speaker 1>it is okay to let the goal go. In fact,

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<v Speaker 1>it is great that you realize this. You should celebrate

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<v Speaker 1>this new knowledge. Goals are here to help us, not

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<v Speaker 1>trap us in something that doesn't feel right. Time to

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<v Speaker 1>start working towards something else. This is especially important to

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<v Speaker 1>remember now as people start setting their goals for the

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<v Speaker 1>new Year. I of New Year's resolutions as much as

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<v Speaker 1>the next person. Just remember to think through how the

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<v Speaker 1>goal will play out in day to day life and

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<v Speaker 1>what the ramifications of that will be. And keep in

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<v Speaker 1>mind that if a goal is going to make you

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<v Speaker 1>feel unhappy with life by February, then you should rethink it.

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<v Speaker 1>Goals are here to serve us. They are there to

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<v Speaker 1>help us, not trap us. There's no reason to have

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<v Speaker 1>goals that do anything else. In the meantime, this is Laura,

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of

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<v Speaker 1>our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear from you.

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<v Speaker 1>You can send me your tips, your questions, or anything else.

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<v Speaker 1>Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at

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<v Speaker 1>Before Breakfast Pod. That's b E. The number four. Then

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<v Speaker 1>Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me an

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<v Speaker 1>email at Before Breakfast podcast at i heeartmedia dot com

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<v Speaker 1>that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks so much, I look forward to staying in touch.

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