WEBVTT - “I’M 15K IN CREDIT CARD DEBT”

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, I am a person.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi. What's your name? Person? I am Vincent Vince, Sir?

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<v Speaker 2>What's going on? How's life?

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<v Speaker 1>Life is? It is what it is? There's good, there's batters,

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<v Speaker 1>ups and downs. You know.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, man, what's uh would you want to talk about today?

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<v Speaker 1>Well, a thing that I've been trying to work through

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<v Speaker 1>with therapy and you know, stuff for a couple of

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<v Speaker 1>my eggs, like half a year ago. Uh, And I've

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<v Speaker 1>been resorting to transactional relationships and in fear of putting

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<v Speaker 1>myself out there and getting hurt while being vulnerable again right,

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<v Speaker 1>mm hmm, So that's an unhealthy coping mechanism.

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<v Speaker 2>What sorts of transactional relationships? Uh?

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<v Speaker 1>In the past is like strip club, but I went

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<v Speaker 1>there a few times and I got over it. Massages,

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<v Speaker 1>regular places for like physical touch like a love language thing,

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<v Speaker 1>or just even something like talking to someone on a fiver,

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<v Speaker 1>like paying someone to talk to me, because all I

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<v Speaker 1>do is go to work and pretty much day in life.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and how how have those experiences been for you?

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<v Speaker 1>It's it is what it is, like you pay for

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<v Speaker 1>the service or and sometimes I'm understanding of like what

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<v Speaker 1>your needs are, like reading you because they're in that business, right,

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<v Speaker 1>not necessarily sex book or anything. Even like my massage therapist,

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<v Speaker 1>shed understands like I'm looking for some type of not

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<v Speaker 1>necessarily affection, but like just like being there present is

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<v Speaker 1>like a nice thing. And she even gives me hugs

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<v Speaker 1>or like you know, when we're partying and stuff. So

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<v Speaker 1>that's one. But I'm trying to walk through with my

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<v Speaker 1>therapist and.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, what's your therapist say about all this?

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<v Speaker 1>My therapist actually actually my insurance just changed so that

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<v Speaker 1>that was a therapist anymore. And my last therapist left

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<v Speaker 1>me with the bill of five hundred dollars because because

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<v Speaker 1>because my insurance changed and didn't cover the last month

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<v Speaker 1>and the last portion of one of our sessions. I

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<v Speaker 1>mentioned how I questioned if a this therapy was a

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<v Speaker 1>transactional relationship and she said no, but on the on's

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<v Speaker 1>the mill game? What's the milk game? I was like,

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<v Speaker 1>I see, and they have the rate on there, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>on those SMSY sign and you know liable for that.

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<v Speaker 1>You know he's playing name all that. So yeah, it

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<v Speaker 1>became what it was, uh yeah, hm hm.

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<v Speaker 2>So you you said that you're afraid of putting yourself

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<v Speaker 2>out there? Why is that?

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<v Speaker 1>Mmm? I guess the lot of the relationship I was in. Uh,

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't. I wasn't in a relationship for a long time.

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<v Speaker 1>And then she came along as she was into me

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<v Speaker 1>and that we were just friends for like two years

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<v Speaker 1>from like online stuff, and then I just gave a shot.

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<v Speaker 1>And then somewhere along the line she didn't have time.

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<v Speaker 1>She started making excuses and it didn't work out well.

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<v Speaker 1>In the two years. That's a short time.

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<v Speaker 2>But yes, And when you say you're afraid of putting

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<v Speaker 2>yourself out there, what do you envision putting yourself out

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<v Speaker 2>there to be in the form of team To phrase

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<v Speaker 2>that question, what would you putting yourself out there look like?

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<v Speaker 1>I guess being more comfortable in my own skin again,

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<v Speaker 1>And I don't know, I just I just I guess

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<v Speaker 1>I hold a lot of like I don't know if

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<v Speaker 1>the words we that meant, but like kind of like

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<v Speaker 1>pain or when she wants to keep in touch, like

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<v Speaker 1>to be friends and stuff, so she hits me up

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<v Speaker 1>and she's like, oh, I don't have to have them

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<v Speaker 1>to hang out, but she wants to text me and

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<v Speaker 1>tell me about her problems, you know, Yeah, But I

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<v Speaker 1>just want to be comfortable my own skin and feel

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<v Speaker 1>confident in self esteem and then you know, hopefully you

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<v Speaker 1>get back into a like regular life, normal life.

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<v Speaker 2>As I say, well, I don't think you should feel

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<v Speaker 2>shame about any of these transactional relationships, and I'll say

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<v Speaker 2>about like how do they make you feel? Like do

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<v Speaker 2>you do you feel good afterwards? Do you feel bad afterwards?

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<v Speaker 1>The strip club? I felt shame. There were some guy

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<v Speaker 1>things that I did that I felt shame and guilt for,

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<v Speaker 1>like shame about maybe a topic that isn't talked about

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<v Speaker 1>or because of in certain cultures, your pressure, sexuality and

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<v Speaker 1>growing up. That's what I did. And then I never

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<v Speaker 1>did anything like that until this, right, Like that outlandish

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<v Speaker 1>for a guy. Guy stuff, right, So that was something

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<v Speaker 1>I had to process, like acknowledging the different sides of

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<v Speaker 1>me and trying to accept myself and although the past

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<v Speaker 1>has happened, like try to move on. But I guess

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<v Speaker 1>it was just triggering when she texted me the other

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<v Speaker 1>day as well. But yeah, that's that happens, and I

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<v Speaker 1>should probably block, but I just haven't blocked anyone ever.

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<v Speaker 2>You're a you're a smart You're a you're a smart guy,

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<v Speaker 2>to understand the root of the of the of the

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<v Speaker 2>issue though, that you're not comfortable in your own skin,

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<v Speaker 2>right because right because a lot of because you really

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<v Speaker 2>you could confuse it, right, you could confuse it and

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<v Speaker 2>you could go, I need to be in love, I

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<v Speaker 2>need to have sex, this and that and the other thing.

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<v Speaker 2>And it's like, well, those are just like if you,

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<v Speaker 2>if you like look deep enough, those are kind of

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<v Speaker 2>I don't and I don't fucking know. I really don't.

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<v Speaker 2>I really don't fucking know, but I think those are

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<v Speaker 2>are you know, in my higher mind, I'm like, I

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<v Speaker 2>I really feel as though those are like probably are

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<v Speaker 2>just band aids for not feeling comfortable in your own skin,

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<v Speaker 2>but also I don't know, they're also like integral parts

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<v Speaker 2>of the human experience, right of course, And to say

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<v Speaker 2>that one can live calmly without them is uh, I

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<v Speaker 2>guess a stretch.

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<v Speaker 1>I would say, it's like a cope, a heavy cope,

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<v Speaker 1>and everyone has their own vices and stuff, some healthy

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<v Speaker 1>someone healthy just gotta yeah, I'm totally aware of what's

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<v Speaker 1>going on from just lacking action.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, what would that action look like?

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<v Speaker 1>And I blame it on like, you know, any mental

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<v Speaker 1>illness or ADHD, shit blah blah blah. You know, so

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<v Speaker 1>like procrastination and getting shit done besides work outside of work,

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<v Speaker 1>like using those four to six hours after work or

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<v Speaker 1>on the weekends to be productive or but there is

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<v Speaker 1>it like what I want to do to improve or

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<v Speaker 1>like to to myself or is it because what society?

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<v Speaker 3>Right?

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<v Speaker 1>I'm trying to find that balance.

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<v Speaker 2>What do you want? What do you want to do

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<v Speaker 2>to improve? Then?

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<v Speaker 1>Mm hmm keep reading and learning, although I don't absorb

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<v Speaker 1>information that well h but I get like the main

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<v Speaker 1>points of stuff. Have a hobby that allows me to

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<v Speaker 1>have an emotional creative outlet. Yeah, I'm not sure.

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<v Speaker 2>That's all smart stuff.

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<v Speaker 1>Just needs action, yeah, action, curious fear.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, what are you doing today?

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<v Speaker 1>Work? Work?

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<v Speaker 2>What do you do for work?

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<v Speaker 1>I am in the entertainment industry. Well that's what I say. Uh,

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<v Speaker 1>fireworks company doing contracts imperments?

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<v Speaker 2>Do you call.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm the entertainment industry and I love Yeah? Yeah, that's

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<v Speaker 1>how I say it, right, that's how you sell it.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's very I've never heard

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<v Speaker 2>of anyone saying that working in fireworks is the entertainment industry.

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<v Speaker 2>But you are not people.

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<v Speaker 1>All right, You're not wrong.

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<v Speaker 2>You're not wrong. You're not wrong. I'm not saying you're wrong.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not saying. I'm not saying you're wrong.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I'm not kidding. I'm sorry.

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<v Speaker 2>I was making I was trying to make some joke

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<v Speaker 2>about jizzing and fireworks, but it didn't. It didn't.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, very explosive. No, not. November is very successful. I

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<v Speaker 1>was actually at your show in Los Angeles, by the way.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, oh, you're at the show. Oh that's all. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>the fucking the cemetery. That's cool.

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<v Speaker 1>I wish it was longer, but you know, it was

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<v Speaker 1>a great experience. I love the crowd, and I appreciate

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<v Speaker 1>you taking my call today.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, of course. Well I don't know if we're done yet.

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<v Speaker 2>We don't have to be.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh hello, I'm still here. Hello.

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<v Speaker 2>Hello, I'm I'm rooting for you. Man, You're you seem

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<v Speaker 2>like a smart guy. I really, I really feel that way.

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<v Speaker 2>You're on a good path. I wish you wouldn't be

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<v Speaker 2>so afraid of putting yourself out there, because I like,

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<v Speaker 2>I gets the thing with the transactional relationships is that

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<v Speaker 2>you come to find out that they're unsustainable, right. I

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<v Speaker 2>mean they're like, they're good, like little band aids, I

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<v Speaker 2>guess to like. But but once you start relying too

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<v Speaker 2>much on the band aids, it can it can take

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<v Speaker 2>your focus off of all the positive, all the ship

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<v Speaker 2>that you're talking about that's positive, you know, right.

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<v Speaker 1>I would like you to let y'all know that I

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<v Speaker 1>was hospitalized actually last year before I got this job.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh shit, let's they know who I am on this internet. Uh, like,

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<v Speaker 1>in a psychiatric ward for having psychosis as I was

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<v Speaker 1>addicted to adderall endemics.

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<v Speaker 2>That's cool, all is awesome that.

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<v Speaker 1>From Well, I got sober since then, so I haven't.

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<v Speaker 1>It's just like such a crazy change in life in

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<v Speaker 1>my life since like the previous year, right, So that's

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<v Speaker 1>when I'm like coming from and I'm just trying to

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<v Speaker 1>move forward. But then, you know, like you said, it's

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<v Speaker 1>a experience of just living on life, just going through

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<v Speaker 1>the motions. I got my lexapro.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry. I said it was cool that you were hospitalized,

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<v Speaker 2>but I was because I but also.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh no, it was it was it was fun, okay.

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<v Speaker 2>See I thought it was fun. And then I looked

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<v Speaker 2>at the chat and somebody was like, why are you

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<v Speaker 2>saying that? And I'm like, well, this is why I

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<v Speaker 2>shouldn't read the chat anyway.

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<v Speaker 1>You should read the chat.

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<v Speaker 2>I shouldn't read the chat. You know what, You're god,

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<v Speaker 2>you know what? Thanks man. I shouldn't read the chat.

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<v Speaker 1>YouTube comments, Twitch chat. They just want to, you know, say,

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<v Speaker 1>you just say hi hi chat and they say hi

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<v Speaker 1>back and they give you emojis. That's pretty cool, though,

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<v Speaker 1>you got dope, gig na fuck fuck all that.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh okay, no, we see Now everyone's gonna be like,

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<v Speaker 2>all right, all right, I'm talking to you. I'm not

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<v Speaker 2>talking to anyone else. I'm talking to you right now.

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<v Speaker 1>I've a read my tarrat card reading too. I gotta

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<v Speaker 1>read my chair card reading.

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<v Speaker 2>Tarot card reading? Was what you you read tarot cards?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah? Just like your last person, like, you know, it's

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<v Speaker 1>an app. It's an app. We're twenty four.

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<v Speaker 2>What's your U taro?

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know. That's why I gotta read it.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, all right, before we go, give me a list.

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<v Speaker 2>What are your things? What are your let's let's do,

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<v Speaker 2>let's let's do self improvement nonsense.

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<v Speaker 1>I plug my music that I haven't made or released

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<v Speaker 1>in two years of the.

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<v Speaker 2>Spotifyc you gotta do this self improvement thing with me first,

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<v Speaker 2>and then we can do that.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, okay, here I go, here I go. Sorry, self improvement,

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<v Speaker 1>self improvement. Okay, let's go.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, all right, what are we gonna do? What do

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<v Speaker 2>we do?

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<v Speaker 1>What?

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<v Speaker 4>What?

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<v Speaker 2>Never mind?

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<v Speaker 1>This was?

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<v Speaker 2>This was stupid. I don't know what I'm talking about.

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<v Speaker 2>That you're out of the healthy, healthy, healthy habits.

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<v Speaker 1>How they have over over small gains over time. If

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<v Speaker 1>you go a big goal, you go, what the fuck?

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<v Speaker 1>I can't do that. But if you break it down

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<v Speaker 1>and make it sustainable, like something like making your bed,

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<v Speaker 1>make your fucking bed right, and you're like yeah, and

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<v Speaker 1>you go home and you're like, that's a nice bet.

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<v Speaker 1>And then keep doing that, and you do little things

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<v Speaker 1>that you say you love yourself, and you do your

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<v Speaker 1>you fucking wash your face at night, and you're like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>my face is going to get better so I don't

0:15:26.840 --> 0:15:29.040
<v Speaker 1>look like a fucking mess head because I used to

0:15:29.080 --> 0:15:33.040
<v Speaker 1>do adderall right exactly. So all I'm the saying is.

0:15:34.200 --> 0:15:38.480
<v Speaker 2>You know, I like the idea that you made your

0:15:38.520 --> 0:15:41.080
<v Speaker 2>bed so well that they sent you to the psych ward.

0:15:42.160 --> 0:15:46.080
<v Speaker 1>Oh no, those those posts.

0:15:48.120 --> 0:15:50.480
<v Speaker 2>Like The only way he could have made his bed

0:15:50.960 --> 0:15:55.320
<v Speaker 2>so perfectly was by being on a ton of adderall.

0:15:56.080 --> 0:15:59.560
<v Speaker 1>The cycle word was crazy though. I mean ten days

0:15:59.600 --> 0:16:02.920
<v Speaker 1>and every day is just the same on cycle three

0:16:03.000 --> 0:16:05.680
<v Speaker 1>days and femals a day you watch TV and you

0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:08.640
<v Speaker 1>sit out there, and once a week this lady comes

0:16:08.640 --> 0:16:11.960
<v Speaker 1>in with activities and you know, like, ah, get me

0:16:12.040 --> 0:16:14.200
<v Speaker 1>out of hair. But they give you milk, and the

0:16:14.320 --> 0:16:16.920
<v Speaker 1>milk's so good because it comes like you know when

0:16:16.920 --> 0:16:18.840
<v Speaker 1>you're a little kid, you know you got the little

0:16:18.840 --> 0:16:22.240
<v Speaker 1>milk with a little thing. And then like this one girl,

0:16:22.320 --> 0:16:25.640
<v Speaker 1>she was like eklepto and she would steal other people's

0:16:25.680 --> 0:16:29.600
<v Speaker 1>clothes and she was steeled milk and eat other feel

0:16:29.600 --> 0:16:32.400
<v Speaker 1>of foud. But she's diabetic. And then there was one

0:16:32.440 --> 0:16:35.400
<v Speaker 1>guy that was playing guitar like all the time and

0:16:35.400 --> 0:16:37.360
<v Speaker 1>he was just chilled there and he had like a

0:16:37.360 --> 0:16:40.640
<v Speaker 1>conservator or something and that's what he said, cool stuff.

0:16:41.600 --> 0:16:43.520
<v Speaker 2>What kind of activities are we talking? Like, like they

0:16:43.560 --> 0:16:44.720
<v Speaker 2>bring you like a coloring book.

0:16:45.600 --> 0:16:47.640
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, coloring was was one.

0:16:48.080 --> 0:16:51.320
<v Speaker 2>That actually does sound nice, Like if I were going insane,

0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:53.240
<v Speaker 2>that was what that would be. Something I would want

0:16:53.280 --> 0:16:54.760
<v Speaker 2>to do, is color like structure.

0:16:54.800 --> 0:16:55.880
<v Speaker 1>They gave you structure.

0:16:56.160 --> 0:16:58.560
<v Speaker 2>Yes, yeah, they're not gonna.

0:16:58.400 --> 0:17:01.560
<v Speaker 1>Put sixty four and there super smash. I would be like, ah,

0:17:01.640 --> 0:17:03.640
<v Speaker 1>I think to that again, you know, but no, they

0:17:03.680 --> 0:17:06.200
<v Speaker 1>give us coloring books to calm this the fuck down.

0:17:06.760 --> 0:17:09.720
<v Speaker 1>Within the lines, you know, you know, but some people

0:17:09.840 --> 0:17:13.680
<v Speaker 1>breaking rules and that's how they got there.

0:17:14.400 --> 0:17:18.880
<v Speaker 2>This guy's crazy. He's coloring outside the lines exactly.

0:17:19.400 --> 0:17:21.840
<v Speaker 1>Imagine what he was doing the real world with those crowns.

0:17:21.920 --> 0:17:25.480
<v Speaker 2>Fuck right, are you doing better? You sound like you're

0:17:25.480 --> 0:17:26.200
<v Speaker 2>doing a lot better.

0:17:27.240 --> 0:17:30.760
<v Speaker 1>I am doing better, yes, thank you. I just happened

0:17:30.840 --> 0:17:34.320
<v Speaker 1>to go in those you know once a month, got

0:17:34.320 --> 0:17:38.960
<v Speaker 1>to cry it all out, cathartic feelings, you know, those

0:17:39.080 --> 0:17:51.480
<v Speaker 1>motions trying to well For me, I didn't have like

0:17:52.119 --> 0:17:56.120
<v Speaker 1>everyone I feel like everyone has trauma, right, and then

0:17:56.240 --> 0:18:02.919
<v Speaker 1>I was lacking uh role models growing up. So now

0:18:03.600 --> 0:18:09.000
<v Speaker 1>I look through to like authors or like, not necessarily friends,

0:18:09.080 --> 0:18:15.600
<v Speaker 1>but mentors are somewhat you know, a pastor, and not

0:18:15.640 --> 0:18:19.399
<v Speaker 1>necessarily for religion or anything, but for like like to

0:18:19.600 --> 0:18:22.480
<v Speaker 1>model off of their good traits and stuff, like to

0:18:22.560 --> 0:18:25.440
<v Speaker 1>develop healthy masculinity.

0:18:27.040 --> 0:18:29.240
<v Speaker 2>Do you feel as though you've developed a healthy sense of.

0:18:29.160 --> 0:18:34.320
<v Speaker 1>Masculinity better than before, Because there's a lot of work

0:18:34.359 --> 0:18:34.520
<v Speaker 1>to go.

0:18:34.840 --> 0:18:41.760
<v Speaker 2>Still, you sound all right, you honestly, and I really

0:18:41.840 --> 0:18:44.640
<v Speaker 2>mean this, sound like you're on an upward trajectory in.

0:18:44.600 --> 0:18:52.280
<v Speaker 1>Life, upward trajectory until probably eight pm, and then I'm like.

0:18:52.280 --> 0:18:54.440
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, what's what's at eight pm? What's going on? APM?

0:18:55.040 --> 0:18:58.000
<v Speaker 1>You know my mood slips for some reason. Can I

0:18:58.080 --> 0:18:58.719
<v Speaker 1>tell my doctor?

0:19:01.680 --> 0:19:05.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? The night nights are crazy. It's easy to it's

0:19:05.359 --> 0:19:08.040
<v Speaker 2>easy to not go insane when the sun is out.

0:19:08.160 --> 0:19:10.840
<v Speaker 1>When the sun's I probably need more sunlight. To be honest,

0:19:10.880 --> 0:19:11.880
<v Speaker 1>I need to touch grass.

0:19:12.840 --> 0:19:14.240
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you do need to touch We all got we

0:19:14.280 --> 0:19:15.640
<v Speaker 2>all need to touch grass.

0:19:15.760 --> 0:19:20.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. I used to live on Reddit, so that's where

0:19:20.000 --> 0:19:23.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm coming from. Back then, do you twitch.

0:19:23.680 --> 0:19:25.240
<v Speaker 2>Do you go outside? Do you do anything?

0:19:26.480 --> 0:19:30.400
<v Speaker 1>Uh? Walks around the neighborhood. When I had really severe anxiety,

0:19:30.440 --> 0:19:32.800
<v Speaker 1>I started playing Pokemon Go and that got me out

0:19:32.800 --> 0:19:36.320
<v Speaker 1>of the house. That was like post COVID. But I

0:19:36.359 --> 0:19:39.400
<v Speaker 1>don't play with much now but not really physical now.

0:19:42.040 --> 0:19:44.439
<v Speaker 2>Mm hm oh wait we never did it. Wait no,

0:19:44.480 --> 0:19:45.879
<v Speaker 2>we did do healthy habits. We did that.

0:19:45.880 --> 0:19:49.120
<v Speaker 1>Already, healthy habits.

0:19:49.200 --> 0:19:52.280
<v Speaker 2>Not vaping, Okay, we're not We're gonna We're gonna not vape.

0:19:54.280 --> 0:19:56.399
<v Speaker 2>We're gonna not go on only fans.

0:19:58.520 --> 0:20:02.239
<v Speaker 1>What if you're cherrier and you want to explore.

0:20:01.760 --> 0:20:04.360
<v Speaker 2>Your masculinity, Isn't that that's.

0:20:06.200 --> 0:20:10.600
<v Speaker 1>What you want to support? Entrepreneurs and artists over the world.

0:20:11.760 --> 0:20:14.000
<v Speaker 1>Don't you want to support them?

0:20:14.280 --> 0:20:16.960
<v Speaker 2>Stay stay with me, man, come on, stay with me.

0:20:17.000 --> 0:20:21.359
<v Speaker 2>All right, stay with me, Stay with me. Oh all right,

0:20:22.240 --> 0:20:25.879
<v Speaker 2>stay stay with me. We're gonna go on some walks.

0:20:26.040 --> 0:20:29.879
<v Speaker 2>We're gonna fucking we're gonna get ripped.

0:20:30.119 --> 0:20:32.800
<v Speaker 1>But but this is me sober and then like people

0:20:32.960 --> 0:20:34.560
<v Speaker 1>are like are you hot?

0:20:34.640 --> 0:20:42.800
<v Speaker 2>And I'm like, no, no, you're doing great. Trust man's

0:20:42.920 --> 0:20:47.760
<v Speaker 2>gonna it's gonna be all right, okay, all right, what else?

0:20:48.880 --> 0:20:50.840
<v Speaker 2>We're gonna not go on only fans. We're gonna go

0:20:50.880 --> 0:20:58.240
<v Speaker 2>on walks. We're gonna look at the sun, take some supplements.

0:20:58.000 --> 0:21:02.440
<v Speaker 1>Wash your face, high gene, self care, self care, love

0:21:02.440 --> 0:21:06.320
<v Speaker 1>yourself affirmation, affirmation, less negative self talk.

0:21:06.400 --> 0:21:10.040
<v Speaker 2>Less negative self talk. All right, alright, what's your band?

0:21:10.119 --> 0:21:11.680
<v Speaker 2>You can hit me with the band now we did it.

0:21:12.119 --> 0:21:15.040
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to. And if we say another healthy habit,

0:21:15.040 --> 0:21:19.199
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna immediately hang up the phone and go eat a.

0:21:19.200 --> 0:21:20.520
<v Speaker 1>Fucking healthy habit.

0:21:21.359 --> 0:21:23.560
<v Speaker 2>No more healthy habits, healthy habit.

0:21:24.040 --> 0:21:30.080
<v Speaker 1>Oh have a creative outlet, uh, creative outlet for producing music.

0:21:30.359 --> 0:21:33.040
<v Speaker 1>That's why I just got this. I just got this synse,

0:21:33.600 --> 0:21:38.360
<v Speaker 1>this DST Virtual Sensifizer instrument whatever for five hundred dollars

0:21:38.400 --> 0:21:42.160
<v Speaker 1>and has ten thousand sounds. And I've been making electronic music,

0:21:42.200 --> 0:21:44.200
<v Speaker 1>but I'm going to incorporate those sounds and it's gonna

0:21:44.200 --> 0:21:44.520
<v Speaker 1>be fun.

0:21:44.680 --> 0:21:47.800
<v Speaker 2>Okay, where do we find your do you well? Okay,

0:21:47.880 --> 0:21:49.200
<v Speaker 2>let me just ask say this to you real quick.

0:21:49.480 --> 0:21:53.360
<v Speaker 2>Do you want because for all intentsive purposes, this podcast

0:21:53.400 --> 0:21:56.520
<v Speaker 2>is anonymous. Do you do? You do you desire to

0:21:56.600 --> 0:21:59.440
<v Speaker 2>forego your anonymity to plug your music?

0:22:01.000 --> 0:22:07.760
<v Speaker 1>At this point, who cares? Am I going to get canceled?

0:22:08.160 --> 0:22:13.639
<v Speaker 1>That's if you get scared of getting canceled. Nothing, nothing,

0:22:13.720 --> 0:22:16.080
<v Speaker 1>But I'm just saying, okay, okay. So here's the thing.

0:22:16.359 --> 0:22:19.560
<v Speaker 1>I released a song called It's Only Binary.

0:22:20.000 --> 0:22:20.200
<v Speaker 3>Right.

0:22:20.359 --> 0:22:24.919
<v Speaker 1>It's like like kind of like digital analog sounding, you know,

0:22:25.200 --> 0:22:29.040
<v Speaker 1>like a eight minute driving tracks. And then I don't

0:22:29.040 --> 0:22:30.920
<v Speaker 1>want people to think that you know, it's.

0:22:30.880 --> 0:22:36.720
<v Speaker 2>You know, I don't think anyone's there's no lyrics in

0:22:36.800 --> 0:22:37.680
<v Speaker 2>the song, right.

0:22:38.160 --> 0:22:39.280
<v Speaker 1>There's no lyrics, but.

0:22:39.640 --> 0:22:42.400
<v Speaker 2>You never why why would there was I would Why

0:22:42.400 --> 0:22:48.040
<v Speaker 2>would somebody think that a song called It's only binary,

0:22:48.240 --> 0:22:52.040
<v Speaker 2>that's just you making beeping noises. Why would they think

0:22:52.040 --> 0:22:53.399
<v Speaker 2>they're gonna do you think they're going to think it's

0:22:53.400 --> 0:22:53.960
<v Speaker 2>about gender?

0:22:55.040 --> 0:22:57.960
<v Speaker 1>Oh? Good point. Yeah, I think too much into a thing.

0:22:58.280 --> 0:22:59.359
<v Speaker 2>You think it too much into it?

0:22:59.560 --> 0:23:02.399
<v Speaker 1>You think it yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're.

0:23:02.240 --> 0:23:03.280
<v Speaker 2>Reading too much into it.

0:23:03.280 --> 0:23:03.760
<v Speaker 1>You're it.

0:23:03.800 --> 0:23:05.920
<v Speaker 2>We're both we're both looking at the chat too much.

0:23:05.960 --> 0:23:07.680
<v Speaker 2>We're both looking at the chat of I'm not looking

0:23:07.680 --> 0:23:11.840
<v Speaker 2>at all. Hold on, province the chat of life. It's

0:23:11.880 --> 0:23:15.360
<v Speaker 2>a proverbial. Oh, I'm sorry, we're both looking at too much.

0:23:15.480 --> 0:23:16.600
<v Speaker 2>Sor ry. I. No, you don't have to have nothing

0:23:16.600 --> 0:23:17.240
<v Speaker 2>to apologize for.

0:23:18.119 --> 0:23:18.840
<v Speaker 1>Oh, take it back.

0:23:19.400 --> 0:23:22.200
<v Speaker 2>We're both we're both looking at the we're both looking

0:23:22.200 --> 0:23:24.240
<v Speaker 2>at the chat of life too much. All right, you don't,

0:23:24.240 --> 0:23:26.320
<v Speaker 2>you don't. Just don't look at the chat. That's a

0:23:26.520 --> 0:23:28.399
<v Speaker 2>it's a it's a metaphor for life. Don't look at

0:23:28.400 --> 0:23:28.760
<v Speaker 2>the chat.

0:23:29.480 --> 0:23:31.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm totally wait for work.

0:23:31.840 --> 0:23:32.760
<v Speaker 2>Okay, I'm gonna let you go.

0:23:32.800 --> 0:23:35.080
<v Speaker 1>Then, okay, I want to plug.

0:23:34.880 --> 0:23:36.720
<v Speaker 2>It, plug it. What's your plug?

0:23:37.080 --> 0:23:38.760
<v Speaker 1>And I want to make new music, and then you

0:23:38.800 --> 0:23:40.440
<v Speaker 1>will listen that one day it will be your theve

0:23:40.520 --> 0:23:43.600
<v Speaker 1>song in the background like eight hour music, meditation music

0:23:43.680 --> 0:23:44.560
<v Speaker 1>I'll do for your dog.

0:23:45.920 --> 0:23:48.080
<v Speaker 2>Okay, you don't have to if you don't plug.

0:23:48.359 --> 0:23:51.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's a photic p h O t I K

0:23:51.240 --> 0:23:53.520
<v Speaker 1>on Spotify and p.

0:23:53.880 --> 0:23:56.840
<v Speaker 2>H O t O K photic photo.

0:23:56.760 --> 0:24:02.520
<v Speaker 1>I K p h O O tik photic pH.

0:24:02.280 --> 0:24:03.919
<v Speaker 2>O tik photic.

0:24:05.600 --> 0:24:06.959
<v Speaker 1>Electronic. Yeah.

0:24:07.080 --> 0:24:08.400
<v Speaker 2>Is there anything else going to say to the people

0:24:08.400 --> 0:24:09.640
<v Speaker 2>of the computer before we go vents?

0:24:11.640 --> 0:24:18.000
<v Speaker 1>Be kind to yourself and you're only human. Really, you're

0:24:18.040 --> 0:24:25.280
<v Speaker 1>only human after all? Right? Yeah, Yeah, that's it. Thank you.

0:24:25.680 --> 0:24:27.320
<v Speaker 2>I have faith in events.

0:24:27.760 --> 0:24:32.160
<v Speaker 1>Thank you, appreciabable. Bye bye, how going bye?

0:24:36.000 --> 0:24:39.640
<v Speaker 2>That was cool. I liked that. I kind of want

0:24:39.640 --> 0:24:42.960
<v Speaker 2>to color. Now. Hey, folks, this is Lyle. I am

0:24:43.080 --> 0:24:46.040
<v Speaker 2>very excited to announce that I am going back on

0:24:46.160 --> 0:24:50.000
<v Speaker 2>tour in twenty twenty four to do Therapy Gecko live

0:24:50.200 --> 0:24:52.600
<v Speaker 2>all across the country. If you've never been to one

0:24:52.640 --> 0:24:56.560
<v Speaker 2>of my live shows before, they are extremely fun, unpredictable,

0:24:56.880 --> 0:25:00.560
<v Speaker 2>wild evenings that involve a mix of group oop Gecko

0:25:00.720 --> 0:25:06.320
<v Speaker 2>therapy sessions as well as some material and presentations from myself.

0:25:06.680 --> 0:25:08.800
<v Speaker 2>And if you've been to the show before, I have

0:25:08.880 --> 0:25:13.080
<v Speaker 2>new presentations and will of course be interviewing new people.

0:25:13.320 --> 0:25:15.440
<v Speaker 2>If you're a fan of the podcast, you're gonna have

0:25:15.480 --> 0:25:17.800
<v Speaker 2>a great time at the live show. So I hope

0:25:17.800 --> 0:25:21.119
<v Speaker 2>to see you guys there. Go to therapy geckotour dot

0:25:21.160 --> 0:25:24.399
<v Speaker 2>com or check the link in the episode description for

0:25:24.480 --> 0:25:27.359
<v Speaker 2>a full list of cities where tickets are available. Also,

0:25:27.440 --> 0:25:30.000
<v Speaker 2>if you don't see your city on the list of cities,

0:25:30.160 --> 0:25:33.240
<v Speaker 2>please still click the link and RSVP with your phone

0:25:33.320 --> 0:25:35.919
<v Speaker 2>number so I can contact you when tickets go on

0:25:36.000 --> 0:25:38.919
<v Speaker 2>sale for your city, because I'm going to announce a

0:25:38.960 --> 0:25:47.600
<v Speaker 2>bunch more dates very soon. Gek Bluss, Hello, Hi there.

0:25:47.600 --> 0:25:48.200
<v Speaker 2>What's your name?

0:25:48.440 --> 0:25:48.760
<v Speaker 4>Willow?

0:25:49.320 --> 0:25:49.639
<v Speaker 1>Willow?

0:25:49.760 --> 0:25:51.120
<v Speaker 2>What's up? What you want to talk about today?

0:25:53.320 --> 0:25:55.679
<v Speaker 3>I mean, I'm just trying to catch you vibe, but like, uh,

0:25:55.840 --> 0:26:00.640
<v Speaker 3>I don't. We could talk about when I went fifteen

0:26:00.720 --> 0:26:05.200
<v Speaker 3>thousand dollars in credit cards debt over two years because

0:26:05.240 --> 0:26:06.040
<v Speaker 3>I was being manic.

0:26:08.080 --> 0:26:09.919
<v Speaker 2>We can talk about that if you would, like, what

0:26:09.960 --> 0:26:13.439
<v Speaker 2>did you spend fifteen thousand dollars on?

0:26:14.480 --> 0:26:16.679
<v Speaker 3>So it was really stupid. I had just gotten out

0:26:16.680 --> 0:26:21.360
<v Speaker 3>of a divorce and I was just like, all right,

0:26:21.440 --> 0:26:25.760
<v Speaker 3>I'm going to reclaim my shit. So sorry, I can't breathe.

0:26:25.800 --> 0:26:27.000
<v Speaker 3>I'm like shaking right now.

0:26:27.880 --> 0:26:29.000
<v Speaker 2>Tell me, let me know if you if you need,

0:26:29.040 --> 0:26:31.439
<v Speaker 2>if you need a second, we can do some breathing

0:26:31.480 --> 0:26:32.880
<v Speaker 2>exercises or something. I'm open.

0:26:33.000 --> 0:26:35.280
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, let's do that, all right?

0:26:35.960 --> 0:26:36.120
<v Speaker 1>One?

0:26:36.160 --> 0:26:40.520
<v Speaker 2>All right? Obviously wearing counts of ten one? Two?

0:26:45.160 --> 0:26:45.280
<v Speaker 1>Was it?

0:26:45.320 --> 0:26:46.800
<v Speaker 2>Were those two breaths good enough for you? Do you

0:26:46.800 --> 0:26:47.400
<v Speaker 2>want to do the whole?

0:26:47.480 --> 0:26:48.240
<v Speaker 3>That was beautiful?

0:26:48.320 --> 0:26:48.639
<v Speaker 1>Thank you?

0:26:48.680 --> 0:26:48.960
<v Speaker 2>Okay?

0:26:49.000 --> 0:26:49.200
<v Speaker 1>Great?

0:26:49.480 --> 0:26:49.720
<v Speaker 2>Great?

0:26:49.880 --> 0:26:50.200
<v Speaker 4>Okay.

0:26:50.560 --> 0:26:54.160
<v Speaker 3>So I went into like the era of me, if

0:26:54.200 --> 0:26:57.760
<v Speaker 3>that makes sense. So I spent a lot of money

0:26:57.760 --> 0:27:00.880
<v Speaker 3>on clothes, but like the main thing was on rays,

0:27:01.040 --> 0:27:02.440
<v Speaker 3>which was shit ton of raise.

0:27:05.160 --> 0:27:08.240
<v Speaker 2>How many raves is fifteen thousand dollars worth of raves?

0:27:12.119 --> 0:27:18.080
<v Speaker 4>Well over two years? Probably like eighty. But a lot

0:27:18.119 --> 0:27:19.760
<v Speaker 4>of it was that, like I had.

0:27:19.600 --> 0:27:21.720
<v Speaker 3>To take an uber like forty minutes away because I

0:27:21.720 --> 0:27:25.240
<v Speaker 3>don't have a car, And at first I was going

0:27:25.240 --> 0:27:27.520
<v Speaker 3>by myself for like the first year, and then I

0:27:27.560 --> 0:27:28.440
<v Speaker 3>met some people.

0:27:28.200 --> 0:27:29.760
<v Speaker 1>So it was fine.

0:27:30.080 --> 0:27:33.560
<v Speaker 2>You went to eighty raves over the course of two years.

0:27:34.000 --> 0:27:35.760
<v Speaker 4>I mean that's an estimate, but yeah.

0:27:35.560 --> 0:27:37.760
<v Speaker 2>Probably were they all in the same.

0:27:37.600 --> 0:27:41.320
<v Speaker 3>State, Yeah, they're on Dallas.

0:27:41.680 --> 0:27:49.160
<v Speaker 2>Oh wow, Were you doing a lot of MDMA.

0:27:47.160 --> 0:27:48.879
<v Speaker 4>No, I've actually only done it one time.

0:27:49.520 --> 0:27:51.720
<v Speaker 2>Really, I just want to buy.

0:27:51.520 --> 0:27:51.879
<v Speaker 1>It, you know.

0:27:52.200 --> 0:27:54.120
<v Speaker 2>No, that's good. I mean if you had done MDMA

0:27:54.200 --> 0:27:56.639
<v Speaker 2>eighty times in the last two years, you would absolutely

0:27:56.680 --> 0:28:02.720
<v Speaker 2>be done right now. No, you'd be dead. So all right,

0:28:02.760 --> 0:28:06.040
<v Speaker 2>So you went through a divorce, yeah, and you went

0:28:06.160 --> 0:28:11.720
<v Speaker 2>rave mode? Did you did this debt? Are you still

0:28:11.720 --> 0:28:14.440
<v Speaker 2>in debt? Are you still in fifteen thousand dollars a debt?

0:28:14.640 --> 0:28:16.760
<v Speaker 3>I'm in thirteen thousand dollars in debt?

0:28:16.840 --> 0:28:22.360
<v Speaker 2>Now, okay? Is that negatively impacting your life?

0:28:22.680 --> 0:28:26.000
<v Speaker 4>Absolutely? This is all I think about. I'm so fucking shressed.

0:28:29.840 --> 0:28:32.119
<v Speaker 2>What do you? How old are you? Willow?

0:28:32.920 --> 0:28:33.720
<v Speaker 4>I'm twenty six?

0:28:34.320 --> 0:28:36.640
<v Speaker 2>Okay? Wait? When did you go on this rave.

0:28:36.520 --> 0:28:39.760
<v Speaker 4>Journey when I was like twenty four?

0:28:40.560 --> 0:28:43.000
<v Speaker 2>Okay? And it's all the debt because of the raves?

0:28:44.520 --> 0:28:48.040
<v Speaker 4>Oh, I mean mostly yeah, that's that's the main cause.

0:28:48.080 --> 0:28:52.800
<v Speaker 2>I would say, did you did you do you regret it?

0:28:52.880 --> 0:28:53.760
<v Speaker 2>Or did you have a good time?

0:28:54.280 --> 0:28:57.400
<v Speaker 4>Hell no, it was amazing. I fucking loved raving. It's

0:28:57.440 --> 0:28:58.480
<v Speaker 4>such a good community.

0:29:01.440 --> 0:29:04.080
<v Speaker 2>I mean that's good because that's the thing, right if

0:29:04.120 --> 0:29:06.200
<v Speaker 2>you're gonna get yourself ato thirteen thousand dollars of debt.

0:29:06.240 --> 0:29:09.440
<v Speaker 2>You might as well look back on those rays finally

0:29:09.560 --> 0:29:09.800
<v Speaker 2>or else?

0:29:09.800 --> 0:29:11.840
<v Speaker 4>What was the point exactly?

0:29:12.200 --> 0:29:14.560
<v Speaker 3>And like I started with going to like larger ones,

0:29:14.600 --> 0:29:16.040
<v Speaker 3>but now I got I go to a lot of

0:29:16.080 --> 0:29:18.479
<v Speaker 3>local shows and it's even better and it's cheaper.

0:29:18.720 --> 0:29:25.280
<v Speaker 2>So people are gonna hate me for this. It's fine,

0:29:25.760 --> 0:29:27.840
<v Speaker 2>I get it. I'm not gonna get invited to the

0:29:27.840 --> 0:29:30.760
<v Speaker 2>cool parties anymore. No, no, No cool DJs are gonna

0:29:30.760 --> 0:29:32.920
<v Speaker 2>want to come on my show. Everyone's gonna think I suck,

0:29:33.000 --> 0:29:34.360
<v Speaker 2>But I'm just gonna say it. It's how I feel.

0:29:34.360 --> 0:29:37.640
<v Speaker 2>I'm pretty sure I've said it before, but I have

0:29:37.680 --> 0:29:45.400
<v Speaker 2>a thing all edm mm hmm. Kind of sounds exactly

0:29:45.440 --> 0:29:46.160
<v Speaker 2>the same to me.

0:29:48.040 --> 0:29:50.960
<v Speaker 3>Well, you're not getting deep into it enough. I've been

0:29:50.960 --> 0:29:53.200
<v Speaker 3>listening to since I was like ten, though, so like

0:29:53.360 --> 0:29:55.240
<v Speaker 3>I feel like i've been.

0:29:55.120 --> 0:29:55.800
<v Speaker 4>Here a minute.

0:29:56.320 --> 0:29:59.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna tell a story real quick. I'm almost positive

0:29:59.640 --> 0:30:02.239
<v Speaker 2>I've hold this on the podcast before, and you've been

0:30:02.240 --> 0:30:03.920
<v Speaker 2>if you've been listening for three years, can you tell

0:30:03.920 --> 0:30:05.720
<v Speaker 2>me if you've heard me told this story before and

0:30:06.120 --> 0:30:07.760
<v Speaker 2>about me, and tell me if you've heard me tell

0:30:07.760 --> 0:30:10.800
<v Speaker 2>this before. I was at I was at d C

0:30:11.720 --> 0:30:15.160
<v Speaker 2>Great Festival whether you're into electronic music or not, if

0:30:15.200 --> 0:30:17.280
<v Speaker 2>you ever get the chance to d C fucking rocks.

0:30:18.920 --> 0:30:21.160
<v Speaker 2>I was at e DC and I was with these

0:30:21.200 --> 0:30:25.520
<v Speaker 2>people and this guy like we're at we're at this

0:30:25.720 --> 0:30:30.160
<v Speaker 2>uh tent or whatever, and there's a DJ playing and

0:30:30.200 --> 0:30:33.520
<v Speaker 2>this guy that is in this group, he turns to

0:30:33.920 --> 0:30:36.400
<v Speaker 2>the group and he goes, this is like, this is

0:30:36.440 --> 0:30:40.880
<v Speaker 2>like mainstream d M music. This is like kind of

0:30:40.920 --> 0:30:44.520
<v Speaker 2>like the your basic kind of d M that like

0:30:44.600 --> 0:30:46.840
<v Speaker 2>everyone listens to. This is like the popular stuff. This

0:30:46.880 --> 0:30:50.760
<v Speaker 2>is the mainstream stuff. Later on, deeper into the night,

0:30:51.720 --> 0:30:56.560
<v Speaker 2>we're gonna go to this other tent and that's where

0:30:56.600 --> 0:30:59.000
<v Speaker 2>we're gonna hear the real underground stuff. Like this is

0:30:59.000 --> 0:31:00.320
<v Speaker 2>the good this is the good stuff. So what we're

0:31:00.320 --> 0:31:02.400
<v Speaker 2>watching right now, this is nothing. Right later on, we're

0:31:02.400 --> 0:31:04.400
<v Speaker 2>gonna go to this other tent. We're gonna hear the real,

0:31:04.480 --> 0:31:07.120
<v Speaker 2>true underground electronic music. Okay.

0:31:07.960 --> 0:31:08.480
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:31:08.720 --> 0:31:13.040
<v Speaker 2>An hour later, a couple hours later, we go to

0:31:13.200 --> 0:31:16.600
<v Speaker 2>a tent, a different tent, and the guy says, now,

0:31:16.640 --> 0:31:20.120
<v Speaker 2>this this is the real underground electronic stuff. This is

0:31:20.120 --> 0:31:21.400
<v Speaker 2>like the real this is like what I listened to

0:31:21.520 --> 0:31:28.320
<v Speaker 2>is a real and willow. Yeah, it fucking sounded exactly

0:31:28.360 --> 0:31:28.760
<v Speaker 2>the same.

0:31:30.360 --> 0:31:32.040
<v Speaker 4>Well, what kind of edim was it?

0:31:32.160 --> 0:31:32.480
<v Speaker 1>Though?

0:31:33.520 --> 0:31:36.160
<v Speaker 4>Like house music, gub stub? Do you even know? It?

0:31:36.200 --> 0:31:45.240
<v Speaker 5>Went like, it's all the same, And I know I'm

0:31:45.240 --> 0:31:46.280
<v Speaker 5>not here to shoot on your hobbit.

0:31:46.240 --> 0:31:47.400
<v Speaker 2>By the way, by the way, by the way, I

0:31:47.680 --> 0:31:50.200
<v Speaker 2>know I sound like a grinch. I like I like raves,

0:31:50.200 --> 0:31:52.760
<v Speaker 2>I like idiom, I like the see, I like the like.

0:31:52.800 --> 0:31:55.200
<v Speaker 2>I like the scene of it, you know, I like

0:31:55.280 --> 0:31:57.440
<v Speaker 2>the scene. I love like anytime I've got gone to

0:31:57.480 --> 0:31:59.560
<v Speaker 2>a music festival or a rave. It's it's so much

0:31:59.640 --> 0:32:04.040
<v Speaker 2>fun for the scene. But it just unfortunately sounds very

0:32:04.080 --> 0:32:04.680
<v Speaker 2>similar to me.

0:32:06.080 --> 0:32:07.520
<v Speaker 3>No, dude, you don't get it.

0:32:08.440 --> 0:32:10.280
<v Speaker 2>I don't I don't get it. I don't get it.

0:32:10.280 --> 0:32:13.120
<v Speaker 2>I don't get it. I'm this is me said. It's

0:32:13.200 --> 0:32:16.120
<v Speaker 2>not me shitting on it. It's not me saying that

0:32:16.120 --> 0:32:18.920
<v Speaker 2>people who like it are stupid. It is me saying,

0:32:18.960 --> 0:32:20.280
<v Speaker 2>truly that I do not get it.

0:32:20.800 --> 0:32:23.520
<v Speaker 3>You said you like country music, right, I like a lot.

0:32:23.360 --> 0:32:24.120
<v Speaker 2>Of kinds of music.

0:32:24.200 --> 0:32:28.240
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I don't like country music because that all sounds

0:32:28.280 --> 0:32:28.840
<v Speaker 3>the same to me.

0:32:30.200 --> 0:32:32.080
<v Speaker 2>I don't really listen to it. I've just been listening

0:32:32.080 --> 0:32:34.760
<v Speaker 2>to like old stuff, like I'm listening to like Johnny

0:32:34.760 --> 0:32:36.040
<v Speaker 2>Cash and oh I.

0:32:36.000 --> 0:32:38.080
<v Speaker 3>Love Johnny Cash's Johnny Cash.

0:32:38.320 --> 0:32:40.200
<v Speaker 2>Like I don't. I don't know a single who like

0:32:40.440 --> 0:32:43.800
<v Speaker 2>Brad Paisley, who I've never like. I couldn't name a

0:32:43.880 --> 0:32:49.719
<v Speaker 2>single song from him. All right, so you're in thirteen

0:32:49.760 --> 0:32:52.520
<v Speaker 2>thousand dollars. This was fun. We got to forget about

0:32:53.000 --> 0:32:54.880
<v Speaker 2>being in credit card debt for two seconds.

0:32:55.160 --> 0:32:56.880
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, that's always.

0:32:56.640 --> 0:32:58.880
<v Speaker 2>Nice, David, job.

0:33:00.360 --> 0:33:00.840
<v Speaker 5>I do.

0:33:01.520 --> 0:33:05.160
<v Speaker 3>I'm a beauty salesperson for a big retail store.

0:33:06.200 --> 0:33:09.000
<v Speaker 2>Okay, when you said all right, you're because when you

0:33:09.000 --> 0:33:11.280
<v Speaker 2>said I'm a beauty salesperson, I was about to wonder

0:33:11.280 --> 0:33:13.240
<v Speaker 2>if you were in an MLM, but I don't. You

0:33:13.240 --> 0:33:16.360
<v Speaker 2>don't seem like you are. Oh, what do you know?

0:33:16.400 --> 0:33:18.160
<v Speaker 2>An MLM is? No?

0:33:18.280 --> 0:33:18.720
<v Speaker 5>What is that?

0:33:19.080 --> 0:33:20.920
<v Speaker 2>Have you ever had a high school friend message you

0:33:20.960 --> 0:33:24.080
<v Speaker 2>on Facebook being like, hey, Girley, I have a great

0:33:24.120 --> 0:33:27.880
<v Speaker 2>deal on these Uh oh oh yeah, PARI straight nerds.

0:33:27.960 --> 0:33:28.840
<v Speaker 2>You know what I'm talking about.

0:33:29.280 --> 0:33:30.160
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I know it's not like that.

0:33:31.160 --> 0:33:31.280
<v Speaker 1>Uh.

0:33:32.360 --> 0:33:33.120
<v Speaker 2>Do you like your job?

0:33:34.280 --> 0:33:36.520
<v Speaker 3>I fucking hate it, But I've been there for seven years,

0:33:36.560 --> 0:33:38.240
<v Speaker 3>so it's kind of complexting.

0:33:38.480 --> 0:33:38.840
<v Speaker 4>I don't know.

0:33:38.840 --> 0:33:45.840
<v Speaker 2>How you since you were nineteen. Yeah, dude, what would

0:33:45.840 --> 0:33:46.440
<v Speaker 2>you do instead?

0:33:48.200 --> 0:33:48.800
<v Speaker 4>That's the thing.

0:33:48.840 --> 0:33:51.560
<v Speaker 3>I don't know, Like I feel like I have no direction.

0:33:54.000 --> 0:33:54.400
<v Speaker 1>Mm hmm.

0:33:55.480 --> 0:33:57.800
<v Speaker 3>Like I'd like to do something with music, Like I

0:33:57.880 --> 0:34:03.240
<v Speaker 3>really like helping people get more exposure, but like I

0:34:03.240 --> 0:34:03.760
<v Speaker 3>don't know what I.

0:34:03.720 --> 0:34:04.600
<v Speaker 4>Could do with that, you know?

0:34:06.760 --> 0:34:07.080
<v Speaker 1>Hmm?

0:34:13.120 --> 0:34:17.920
<v Speaker 2>What about uh you? I mean, I mean I here, Well, okay,

0:34:18.160 --> 0:34:21.440
<v Speaker 2>you've after going to eighty raves, I assume you've got

0:34:21.520 --> 0:34:23.279
<v Speaker 2>friends in the rave community.

0:34:23.880 --> 0:34:24.439
<v Speaker 4>Oh a ton?

0:34:25.320 --> 0:34:27.799
<v Speaker 2>Have you asked around and seen, you know, what, what

0:34:27.920 --> 0:34:31.400
<v Speaker 2>opportunities may exist in in for making money and working

0:34:31.560 --> 0:34:32.960
<v Speaker 2>at raves and things like that.

0:34:34.080 --> 0:34:37.000
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, but here's the thing, Like I don't I don't

0:34:37.040 --> 0:34:39.400
<v Speaker 3>have a car either, and most of that's like forty

0:34:39.440 --> 0:34:40.520
<v Speaker 3>five minutes away from me.

0:34:41.200 --> 0:34:41.640
<v Speaker 1>Mm hmm.

0:34:45.520 --> 0:34:47.680
<v Speaker 2>Do they do they pay you well enough at the

0:34:47.800 --> 0:34:48.760
<v Speaker 2>at the retailer place?

0:34:49.800 --> 0:34:50.000
<v Speaker 4>No?

0:34:50.920 --> 0:34:52.800
<v Speaker 2>Have you gotten to raise at least after seven.

0:34:52.640 --> 0:34:54.200
<v Speaker 1>Years you think?

0:34:54.320 --> 0:34:54.520
<v Speaker 2>Right?

0:34:54.600 --> 0:34:58.120
<v Speaker 3>So I make fifty cents more than somebody that started yesterday.

0:34:58.640 --> 0:35:01.680
<v Speaker 2>That's fucking crazy, it.

0:35:01.520 --> 0:35:02.120
<v Speaker 4>Is, dude.

0:35:02.320 --> 0:35:04.560
<v Speaker 3>And like they're always like praising me for how good

0:35:04.560 --> 0:35:06.399
<v Speaker 3>I work, the like where's the money though?

0:35:08.840 --> 0:35:13.800
<v Speaker 2>Mm hmm? I mean, could you get a different job?

0:35:15.160 --> 0:35:18.480
<v Speaker 3>I mean probably, But like I'm scared because like they

0:35:18.480 --> 0:35:21.240
<v Speaker 3>have really good like benefits like health insurance and stuff,

0:35:21.280 --> 0:35:23.279
<v Speaker 3>and like I need that because I take like four

0:35:23.320 --> 0:35:24.359
<v Speaker 3>different medications.

0:35:24.800 --> 0:35:25.680
<v Speaker 4>I'm all fucked up.

0:35:26.360 --> 0:35:35.320
<v Speaker 2>Mmm mmmm, well, I'm glad. I'm glad that the raves

0:35:35.360 --> 0:35:37.120
<v Speaker 2>were fun. Do you still go to raves?

0:35:38.160 --> 0:35:38.319
<v Speaker 1>Oh?

0:35:38.400 --> 0:35:41.640
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, but I cut down drastically. I've only gotten one

0:35:41.840 --> 0:35:44.080
<v Speaker 3>so far this year, trying to do like one a

0:35:44.120 --> 0:35:47.520
<v Speaker 3>month in the more because it was really messing up

0:35:47.520 --> 0:35:49.680
<v Speaker 3>my sleep schedule and I was going to work like

0:35:49.760 --> 0:35:52.120
<v Speaker 3>hungover a lot, and I was coming in late all

0:35:52.160 --> 0:35:54.839
<v Speaker 3>the time, and I almost lost my job like three times.

0:35:55.160 --> 0:35:57.320
<v Speaker 2>You ever, I do you have an interest in making music?

0:35:58.760 --> 0:36:00.160
<v Speaker 4>What? No, I don't know.

0:36:00.400 --> 0:36:01.080
<v Speaker 3>I really don't.

0:36:02.520 --> 0:36:04.879
<v Speaker 4>A lot of my friends make music, but it's not

0:36:04.920 --> 0:36:05.160
<v Speaker 4>for me.

0:36:06.520 --> 0:36:08.320
<v Speaker 2>Who's your favorite d M person?

0:36:09.160 --> 0:36:09.359
<v Speaker 4>Oh?

0:36:09.400 --> 0:36:21.720
<v Speaker 3>My god, right now, my god, I really like insect?

0:36:23.080 --> 0:36:29.840
<v Speaker 2>Who's insect? Who's whose insect?

0:36:30.320 --> 0:36:31.799
<v Speaker 4>He's a He's a rhythm DJ.

0:36:32.880 --> 0:36:37.320
<v Speaker 2>He's a rhythm D Yeah, he was really? Is aren't

0:36:37.320 --> 0:36:40.000
<v Speaker 2>all is it? Aren't? Is it all music about rhythm?

0:36:40.120 --> 0:36:42.480
<v Speaker 4>Kind of not rhythm?

0:36:42.760 --> 0:36:48.719
<v Speaker 3>Rhythm R I D D I m oh what is rhythm?

0:36:48.760 --> 0:36:49.600
<v Speaker 4>So rhythm?

0:36:49.840 --> 0:36:54.160
<v Speaker 3>Like it's a sub genre of duve stuff, but it's

0:36:54.200 --> 0:36:57.239
<v Speaker 3>you would hate it. It's very super repetitive. But like

0:36:58.280 --> 0:37:00.160
<v Speaker 3>you can like throw ass to it, you can't and

0:37:00.320 --> 0:37:01.440
<v Speaker 3>do some high knees to it.

0:37:01.480 --> 0:37:03.879
<v Speaker 4>Those are the main two things people do. But it's

0:37:03.960 --> 0:37:05.600
<v Speaker 4>just it gets the crowd jumpy.

0:37:06.440 --> 0:37:07.720
<v Speaker 2>Why do you assume I would hate.

0:37:07.600 --> 0:37:11.480
<v Speaker 3>It because it's very repetitive, Like the whole song, so

0:37:11.680 --> 0:37:14.399
<v Speaker 3>all of it's very repetitive. Like I get why it's

0:37:14.440 --> 0:37:15.320
<v Speaker 3>not for all people.

0:37:16.200 --> 0:37:19.640
<v Speaker 2>Wait, you know what, I'm glad you brought this up

0:37:19.640 --> 0:37:22.759
<v Speaker 2>because I was in a McDonald's a few days ago.

0:37:22.800 --> 0:37:24.040
<v Speaker 2>I know, I've been talking a bunch of shit on

0:37:24.040 --> 0:37:25.680
<v Speaker 2>here about how I'm gonna get ripped. But I was

0:37:25.680 --> 0:37:29.120
<v Speaker 2>in a McDonald's a few days ago and there was

0:37:29.160 --> 0:37:34.920
<v Speaker 2>a song playing and it was the same beat, just

0:37:35.040 --> 0:37:37.839
<v Speaker 2>over and over and over and over and over and

0:37:37.920 --> 0:37:42.160
<v Speaker 2>over again. And my friends and I thought that like

0:37:42.200 --> 0:37:46.239
<v Speaker 2>it was stuck or something was broken. Yeah, but I

0:37:46.280 --> 0:37:47.799
<v Speaker 2>wish I had known at the time, because I would

0:37:47.800 --> 0:37:51.600
<v Speaker 2>have been like, oh, it's just rhythm.

0:37:51.640 --> 0:37:55.280
<v Speaker 3>Maybe maybe, But I feel like a lot of people

0:37:55.400 --> 0:37:59.319
<v Speaker 3>at raves are neurodivergent, and like from me, I have ADHD,

0:37:59.360 --> 0:38:01.160
<v Speaker 3>and so I like repetitive stuff.

0:38:05.080 --> 0:38:07.520
<v Speaker 2>Oh, so the repetitive nature like the Oh, there's something

0:38:08.200 --> 0:38:10.720
<v Speaker 2>fulfilling to the sense of OCD that you might have.

0:38:12.920 --> 0:38:13.839
<v Speaker 4>To ADHD.

0:38:16.200 --> 0:38:21.400
<v Speaker 2>Something something about the repetitive nature fulfills your ADHD yeh focus.

0:38:22.480 --> 0:38:23.320
<v Speaker 4>I don't know, man.

0:38:25.320 --> 0:38:28.000
<v Speaker 2>Willow, before we go, I just I'll just I'll throw

0:38:28.040 --> 0:38:32.680
<v Speaker 2>a hail Mary out here before we go? Is there

0:38:32.760 --> 0:38:36.360
<v Speaker 2>any if I if I wanted to make the experience

0:38:36.360 --> 0:38:39.440
<v Speaker 2>of this phone call the most positive experience for you

0:38:39.480 --> 0:38:41.600
<v Speaker 2>that it could be, if I wanted to be of

0:38:41.640 --> 0:38:44.240
<v Speaker 2>any assistance to you in any way, shape or form,

0:38:44.920 --> 0:38:46.440
<v Speaker 2>if I wanted you to hang up the phone and

0:38:46.480 --> 0:38:47.799
<v Speaker 2>be like, you know what, that was worthy of my

0:38:47.880 --> 0:38:50.120
<v Speaker 2>time to talk to the gecko guy for twenty minutes

0:38:50.200 --> 0:38:52.279
<v Speaker 2>or however long we've been talking for. What would that

0:38:52.320 --> 0:38:53.759
<v Speaker 2>what would that look like? Is there anything else I

0:38:53.760 --> 0:38:56.239
<v Speaker 2>can do for you before before we go?

0:38:57.040 --> 0:38:58.840
<v Speaker 4>I don't know. I just feel like this was a

0:38:58.960 --> 0:38:59.640
<v Speaker 4>horrible call.

0:38:59.800 --> 0:39:01.000
<v Speaker 3>Not I'm not on your side.

0:39:01.000 --> 0:39:01.640
<v Speaker 4>On my side.

0:39:01.719 --> 0:39:03.120
<v Speaker 2>Why do you feel like this is a horrible call?

0:39:03.840 --> 0:39:06.480
<v Speaker 3>Because because I felt like I was talking about nothing

0:39:06.520 --> 0:39:08.040
<v Speaker 3>and I was talking about raves too much.

0:39:08.480 --> 0:39:08.960
<v Speaker 4>I don't know.

0:39:10.680 --> 0:39:12.040
<v Speaker 2>Do you think it would have been a better call

0:39:12.080 --> 0:39:17.480
<v Speaker 2>if you talked about something horribly depressing. Maybe I don't

0:39:17.520 --> 0:39:21.279
<v Speaker 2>think so. No, No, I think this was a good call.

0:39:21.320 --> 0:39:23.640
<v Speaker 2>I enjoy I enjoyed having this conversation. I felt very

0:39:23.640 --> 0:39:28.719
<v Speaker 2>present and engaged the entire time. Beautiful, did you.

0:39:30.560 --> 0:39:32.560
<v Speaker 3>Yes, I've just been really nervous this whole time.

0:39:33.719 --> 0:39:37.480
<v Speaker 2>You sound super chill.

0:39:37.480 --> 0:39:42.000
<v Speaker 4>Listen. I'm really good at faking it. Thank you?

0:39:43.120 --> 0:39:45.160
<v Speaker 2>Well? Is there anything else you wanted to I'm sorry

0:39:45.200 --> 0:39:48.600
<v Speaker 2>I couldn't help you with your debt in any better way.

0:39:48.640 --> 0:39:50.920
<v Speaker 2>I feel like this. I've said this up three times.

0:39:51.440 --> 0:39:53.600
<v Speaker 2>I say this on every podcast, but I feel like

0:39:53.600 --> 0:39:57.680
<v Speaker 2>I'm becoming the Dave Ramsey Show, where like I'm like,

0:39:57.680 --> 0:39:59.439
<v Speaker 2>all right, let's look at your budget. You know, let's

0:39:59.480 --> 0:40:01.839
<v Speaker 2>let's that's all in the books here. But we don't

0:40:02.040 --> 0:40:02.319
<v Speaker 2>do that.

0:40:02.440 --> 0:40:04.719
<v Speaker 4>I just I just go with the flow. Everything's for

0:40:04.840 --> 0:40:06.000
<v Speaker 4>the plot. I'll be fine.

0:40:06.640 --> 0:40:10.839
<v Speaker 2>I think you will too, Willow. Is there anything else

0:40:10.920 --> 0:40:12.560
<v Speaker 2>you want to say to the people of the computer

0:40:12.640 --> 0:40:13.120
<v Speaker 2>before we go?

0:40:15.040 --> 0:40:18.800
<v Speaker 4>I mean, if you're gonna folk around, you're gonna find out.

0:40:21.040 --> 0:40:26.560
<v Speaker 2>Words if you If you understand one thing, uh, it

0:40:26.600 --> 0:40:31.520
<v Speaker 2>should probably be that. I suppose tell ya take care well.

0:40:31.640 --> 0:40:31.840
<v Speaker 2>Thank you?

0:40:31.880 --> 0:40:33.960
<v Speaker 1>For calling y bye.

0:40:34.480 --> 0:40:39.279
<v Speaker 2>Oh I'm gonna make my own form of e DM.

0:40:39.280 --> 0:40:43.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna call it g DM Gecko Dance Music, and

0:40:44.000 --> 0:40:49.640
<v Speaker 2>it's just gonna be a bunch of lizard clicks. Someone

0:40:49.719 --> 0:40:50.719
<v Speaker 2>make that a beat.

0:40:54.200 --> 0:40:54.319
<v Speaker 1>Hi.

0:40:54.840 --> 0:41:00.600
<v Speaker 2>Hi, what's your name? My name is Donata, Donada, what's

0:41:00.640 --> 0:41:02.239
<v Speaker 2>up to Nada? I'm not going to make the joke,

0:41:02.480 --> 0:41:02.880
<v Speaker 2>thank you.

0:41:02.880 --> 0:41:04.960
<v Speaker 4>You already made it in Seattle when I was up

0:41:05.000 --> 0:41:06.520
<v Speaker 4>on stage at your shoes.

0:41:06.680 --> 0:41:08.080
<v Speaker 2>Wait, you were up, but you were on stage at

0:41:08.080 --> 0:41:08.439
<v Speaker 2>my show?

0:41:09.480 --> 0:41:11.640
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, in Seattle, Like I think that was last year.

0:41:12.000 --> 0:41:13.200
<v Speaker 2>Oh shit, I made the joke.

0:41:14.600 --> 0:41:15.200
<v Speaker 4>Yeah you did.

0:41:15.680 --> 0:41:16.440
<v Speaker 2>What did I say?

0:41:17.640 --> 0:41:21.400
<v Speaker 4>You were like, oh, that's like you're welcome in Spanish

0:41:21.520 --> 0:41:23.480
<v Speaker 4>or something like that. I get it a bunch of times.

0:41:23.800 --> 0:41:27.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, sorry, that was stupid. Why what did we talk

0:41:28.000 --> 0:41:28.840
<v Speaker 2>about on stage?

0:41:30.440 --> 0:41:34.719
<v Speaker 4>I experienced U sober ego death, just realizing I was

0:41:34.760 --> 0:41:37.279
<v Speaker 4>the problem. I don't know if you remember that at all.

0:41:37.760 --> 0:41:40.799
<v Speaker 2>Was that this past year or was that twenty twenty two?

0:41:42.400 --> 0:41:46.320
<v Speaker 4>I honestly don't remember. Time is time is strange.

0:41:46.960 --> 0:41:50.800
<v Speaker 2>Time is strange. Well, I guess if I don't remember,

0:41:50.840 --> 0:41:53.879
<v Speaker 2>that means that means you're new to me. So good.

0:41:54.000 --> 0:41:56.560
<v Speaker 2>Nice to see you again or meet you? Yeah again.

0:41:56.680 --> 0:41:58.800
<v Speaker 2>Nice to nice to hear from people.

0:41:59.440 --> 0:42:01.320
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, well you talk to a lot of people.

0:42:01.400 --> 0:42:05.000
<v Speaker 2>So yeah, well Donada, what's up. What do you want

0:42:05.000 --> 0:42:05.680
<v Speaker 2>to talk about today?

0:42:07.520 --> 0:42:09.440
<v Speaker 4>I wanted to talk about dying.

0:42:12.280 --> 0:42:14.399
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, tell me more.

0:42:17.000 --> 0:42:20.080
<v Speaker 4>Like lately, I've just been like trying to make the

0:42:20.080 --> 0:42:22.600
<v Speaker 4>most of my life, you know, making all the connections

0:42:22.600 --> 0:42:27.600
<v Speaker 4>that I need, And lately I've been pretty satisfied, and

0:42:27.719 --> 0:42:30.600
<v Speaker 4>I've just thought to myself, like I can keep going

0:42:30.719 --> 0:42:32.839
<v Speaker 4>like this, and I think I'll be pretty alright times. Look,

0:42:32.840 --> 0:42:36.319
<v Speaker 4>it's tough, but like eventually, I think I just want

0:42:36.360 --> 0:42:38.400
<v Speaker 4>to like I feel like at one point I'll just

0:42:38.440 --> 0:42:40.759
<v Speaker 4>be like done doing everything that I want to do

0:42:41.360 --> 0:42:44.279
<v Speaker 4>and I'll just want to like die on my own

0:42:44.360 --> 0:42:47.080
<v Speaker 4>terms because like i'd rather do that if I live,

0:42:48.360 --> 0:42:50.719
<v Speaker 4>like to be eighty or something rather than you know,

0:42:50.840 --> 0:42:51.759
<v Speaker 4>Diahrisic death.

0:42:54.160 --> 0:42:58.439
<v Speaker 2>Interesting. So you're okay, So you're telling me you want

0:42:58.440 --> 0:42:59.920
<v Speaker 2>to do everything you want to. You have this like

0:43:00.080 --> 0:43:03.120
<v Speaker 2>list of everything that you want to do, and you're

0:43:03.120 --> 0:43:05.719
<v Speaker 2>going to do it, and then you're gonna be like

0:43:06.280 --> 0:43:08.480
<v Speaker 2>you know and not in like, oh I want to

0:43:08.520 --> 0:43:10.440
<v Speaker 2>I'm so sad. I want to kill myself way, but

0:43:10.520 --> 0:43:13.160
<v Speaker 2>in like you know what, like in the way that

0:43:13.200 --> 0:43:17.160
<v Speaker 2>they ended the office, they were like, we did twelve

0:43:17.200 --> 0:43:21.800
<v Speaker 2>fourteen whatever, how many seasons? You know, every every great

0:43:21.800 --> 0:43:25.759
<v Speaker 2>show has to have a series finale. Let's check out

0:43:25.960 --> 0:43:27.600
<v Speaker 2>like that that kind that kind of thing.

0:43:28.920 --> 0:43:31.920
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I like Saws documentary of this French woman who

0:43:32.080 --> 0:43:35.640
<v Speaker 4>just like ethanized herself at the age of like seventy something.

0:43:36.360 --> 0:43:38.680
<v Speaker 4>She's like, I lived my life, I did everything that

0:43:38.719 --> 0:43:41.799
<v Speaker 4>I wanted to do, and she died listening to her

0:43:41.800 --> 0:43:45.160
<v Speaker 4>favorite records, rounded by her family and people she loved.

0:43:45.200 --> 0:43:47.640
<v Speaker 4>And I thought that was kind of nice actually, like

0:43:47.680 --> 0:43:50.560
<v Speaker 4>I'd rather go that way than get hit by a

0:43:50.560 --> 0:43:52.200
<v Speaker 4>car something like that.

0:43:54.880 --> 0:43:57.319
<v Speaker 2>Oh so, I mean, are you well, how old are

0:43:57.360 --> 0:43:57.680
<v Speaker 2>you now?

0:43:59.000 --> 0:43:59.879
<v Speaker 4>I'm twenty five.

0:44:00.719 --> 0:44:04.080
<v Speaker 2>Okay, you're twenty five. You're already thinking about I mean,

0:44:04.200 --> 0:44:06.359
<v Speaker 2>Jesus how much? When When would you do this?

0:44:08.960 --> 0:44:11.240
<v Speaker 4>I don't know, maybe when I'm eighty.

0:44:11.239 --> 0:44:14.000
<v Speaker 2>Oh you know what, I think at eighty years old,

0:44:14.040 --> 0:44:15.800
<v Speaker 2>you should definitely be allowed to kill yourself.

0:44:17.200 --> 0:44:20.120
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, because like I'm chronically ill, Like I don't even

0:44:20.160 --> 0:44:22.520
<v Speaker 4>know falsey eighty, but like I have a chronic illness,

0:44:22.520 --> 0:44:25.960
<v Speaker 4>and it's like i'd rather, I'd rather pass peacefully surrounded

0:44:25.960 --> 0:44:29.600
<v Speaker 4>by people. I love listening to music, I like, you know,

0:44:29.640 --> 0:44:32.960
<v Speaker 4>eating good food, rather than you know, like slowly with

0:44:33.200 --> 0:44:36.719
<v Speaker 4>or away and be shitting myself forever until I'm like

0:44:37.080 --> 0:44:38.479
<v Speaker 4>ninety five, you.

0:44:38.360 --> 0:44:47.439
<v Speaker 2>Know, kind of why are you why? I'm curious, why

0:44:47.440 --> 0:44:49.919
<v Speaker 2>do you? Why are you thinking about this so much?

0:44:50.680 --> 0:44:54.880
<v Speaker 2>If it's so far away?

0:44:55.000 --> 0:44:57.160
<v Speaker 4>I mean, just thinking about death makes me think about

0:44:57.200 --> 0:44:59.279
<v Speaker 4>the things that I actually care about and want to do.

0:44:59.719 --> 0:45:02.759
<v Speaker 4>Like I'm kind of working backwards here, if that makes sense.

0:45:04.120 --> 0:45:09.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's it's uh it, what is it? It's it's

0:45:10.080 --> 0:45:14.880
<v Speaker 2>memento moriy you know what that means. I've heard of it,

0:45:14.920 --> 0:45:18.759
<v Speaker 2>but no, I think it's Latin or some ship. And

0:45:18.800 --> 0:45:23.840
<v Speaker 2>it's like remember remembering death every day. Every day you

0:45:23.840 --> 0:45:26.840
<v Speaker 2>remember that you're going to die, and it boot it

0:45:26.880 --> 0:45:32.440
<v Speaker 2>beefs you up to want to do ship, you know.

0:45:33.800 --> 0:45:36.080
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, Like I was listening to your rant and I

0:45:36.080 --> 0:45:39.440
<v Speaker 4>thought like, yeah, life is fickle and you do have

0:45:39.480 --> 0:45:41.640
<v Speaker 4>some agency over it, so like, might as well go

0:45:41.840 --> 0:45:44.120
<v Speaker 4>do the ship that you want to do before you

0:45:44.120 --> 0:45:46.279
<v Speaker 4>get hit by a car or something or you know,

0:45:46.360 --> 0:45:48.080
<v Speaker 4>because you could die any.

0:45:48.000 --> 0:45:52.120
<v Speaker 2>More any moment. You could die at any moment, and

0:45:52.160 --> 0:45:55.000
<v Speaker 2>it doesn't. It won't even be fair, you know what

0:45:55.000 --> 0:46:00.680
<v Speaker 2>I mean. There's no such thing. There's no central arbiter

0:46:00.760 --> 0:46:03.439
<v Speaker 2>of the universe making sure that everything is fair and

0:46:04.000 --> 0:46:10.080
<v Speaker 2>cool and good. There is just randomness and chaos. There's

0:46:10.120 --> 0:46:15.880
<v Speaker 2>no God. Maybe I don't know, but yeah, it's all crazy.

0:46:15.960 --> 0:46:17.920
<v Speaker 2>It's just all craziness. What do you want to do.

0:46:20.560 --> 0:46:23.680
<v Speaker 4>I'm planning on moving into a van and you know,

0:46:23.719 --> 0:46:27.440
<v Speaker 4>going across the US and just seeing all the national parks,

0:46:29.440 --> 0:46:32.000
<v Speaker 4>go on backpacking trips around the US when I'm at it,

0:46:32.680 --> 0:46:35.239
<v Speaker 4>and then maybe someday go to Europe, and then I'll

0:46:35.280 --> 0:46:38.200
<v Speaker 4>travel to Asia. I specifically want to go to Vietnam

0:46:38.239 --> 0:46:42.319
<v Speaker 4>because I have family there, you know, travel see the world,

0:46:42.440 --> 0:46:45.560
<v Speaker 4>meet people, and then if I get too old or

0:46:45.600 --> 0:46:50.080
<v Speaker 4>if my body doesn't let me, I'll probably like buy

0:46:50.120 --> 0:46:54.480
<v Speaker 4>some land, maybe do some sort of homestead thing, and

0:46:54.520 --> 0:46:57.080
<v Speaker 4>then I'll have whenever I choose to, like when I'm

0:46:57.120 --> 0:47:00.000
<v Speaker 4>eighty or something, I'll pass away peacefully surrounded by every

0:47:00.040 --> 0:47:00.520
<v Speaker 4>when I love.

0:47:03.000 --> 0:47:07.279
<v Speaker 2>That sounds great. That's the best life plan I've ever

0:47:07.360 --> 0:47:10.000
<v Speaker 2>heard from. Somebody who started a call talking about how

0:47:10.040 --> 0:47:17.520
<v Speaker 2>they want to kill themselves, I think, yeah, that's great.

0:47:17.760 --> 0:47:20.040
<v Speaker 2>I so you want to travel everywhere you want to?

0:47:20.120 --> 0:47:21.759
<v Speaker 2>You're a you got the travel bug?

0:47:22.880 --> 0:47:30.520
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, like, oh, go ahead, No, I think I talk

0:47:30.560 --> 0:47:31.600
<v Speaker 4>about this ship way too much.

0:47:31.600 --> 0:47:34.879
<v Speaker 2>But I'd love to go to Vietnam one day.

0:47:35.040 --> 0:47:35.360
<v Speaker 4>Really.

0:47:35.880 --> 0:47:38.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I've always thought about I've never I've never been,

0:47:38.080 --> 0:47:40.040
<v Speaker 2>but I've never been. But I want to retire there

0:47:40.120 --> 0:47:43.560
<v Speaker 2>because I've heard you can, like you can just live

0:47:43.600 --> 0:47:45.680
<v Speaker 2>there off of like a thousand dollars a month. That's

0:47:45.680 --> 0:47:47.479
<v Speaker 2>probably not true, but that's what I heard.

0:47:48.960 --> 0:47:51.160
<v Speaker 4>I don't know. I don't know how the true true

0:47:51.160 --> 0:47:55.440
<v Speaker 4>that is today, but like I know, the food's really good.

0:47:55.600 --> 0:47:56.560
<v Speaker 4>I want to eat all the food.

0:47:58.000 --> 0:47:59.960
<v Speaker 2>You were asking me something and I talked.

0:47:59.800 --> 0:48:02.560
<v Speaker 4>To you, Oh would you ever do the gecko thing

0:48:02.560 --> 0:48:03.080
<v Speaker 4>in Vietnam?

0:48:03.560 --> 0:48:05.840
<v Speaker 2>Fuck? Yeah, I do the gecko thing in Vietnam everywhere

0:48:05.840 --> 0:48:08.000
<v Speaker 2>I for the rest of my life, everywhere I go,

0:48:08.120 --> 0:48:09.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna do the gecko thing easy.

0:48:10.560 --> 0:48:11.240
<v Speaker 4>That's awesome.

0:48:13.040 --> 0:48:14.880
<v Speaker 2>I mean it's a great way to see places and

0:48:14.920 --> 0:48:18.840
<v Speaker 2>do stuff. Yeah, so how do you want to do that?

0:48:18.880 --> 0:48:20.560
<v Speaker 2>You want to do it? Like a it we thinking

0:48:20.640 --> 0:48:22.759
<v Speaker 2>like a shot. We think and like, OK, so it

0:48:22.920 --> 0:48:24.759
<v Speaker 2>is that legal? Is it? Lee? Can you go to

0:48:24.800 --> 0:48:27.560
<v Speaker 2>a I've heard of the death doctor, you know.

0:48:28.320 --> 0:48:30.759
<v Speaker 4>I I honestly don't know. I haven't thought about it

0:48:30.760 --> 0:48:33.600
<v Speaker 4>that much. But like I think they just like do

0:48:33.719 --> 0:48:36.600
<v Speaker 4>it through like ivy and you kind of like slowly

0:48:36.640 --> 0:48:39.239
<v Speaker 4>fade out. I think that's how I'd like to do it.

0:48:39.800 --> 0:48:43.040
<v Speaker 2>Mm hmm. You know, normally i'd say it's not healthy

0:48:43.080 --> 0:48:46.600
<v Speaker 2>to think about how you're going to kill yourself when

0:48:46.600 --> 0:48:49.320
<v Speaker 2>you're eighty, but I understand the impetus behind it, because

0:48:49.360 --> 0:48:52.000
<v Speaker 2>it gets you fired up to want to do stuff.

0:48:52.760 --> 0:48:54.720
<v Speaker 2>Like it's a weirdly motivating factor.

0:48:55.880 --> 0:48:58.800
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, Because like I used to be in a position

0:48:58.920 --> 0:49:02.360
<v Speaker 4>where you know, I didn't find that life was worth living.

0:49:02.440 --> 0:49:05.120
<v Speaker 4>But like you know, I was able to make a

0:49:05.160 --> 0:49:08.239
<v Speaker 4>lot out of these past few years, Like I have

0:49:08.280 --> 0:49:14.680
<v Speaker 4>a really loving, supporting partner, and I've you know, made

0:49:14.960 --> 0:49:18.360
<v Speaker 4>like a life for myself, and I feel like I

0:49:18.360 --> 0:49:21.440
<v Speaker 4>have a pretty good relationship with my family now. And

0:49:21.480 --> 0:49:25.880
<v Speaker 4>it's just like you know, I got I've made the

0:49:25.920 --> 0:49:27.720
<v Speaker 4>most of this and I just want to keep going.

0:49:28.280 --> 0:49:31.399
<v Speaker 4>But it's like I don't want to. I don't want

0:49:31.400 --> 0:49:34.320
<v Speaker 4>to end my Like I don't want my life ending

0:49:34.360 --> 0:49:35.720
<v Speaker 4>where I'm in a place of despair.

0:49:35.840 --> 0:49:39.880
<v Speaker 2>You know, do you how do you feel now? Do

0:49:39.920 --> 0:49:43.640
<v Speaker 2>you feel despair or do you feel whatever? The opposite

0:49:43.680 --> 0:49:44.520
<v Speaker 2>of that word is.

0:49:46.360 --> 0:49:48.640
<v Speaker 4>Happy. Yeah, I'm pretty satisfied.

0:49:51.880 --> 0:49:54.160
<v Speaker 2>What advice do you have for people who feel like

0:49:54.239 --> 0:49:56.160
<v Speaker 2>who are in a pit of despair? What would you

0:49:56.160 --> 0:50:01.040
<v Speaker 2>tell them?

0:50:01.160 --> 0:50:01.239
<v Speaker 1>Like?

0:50:03.239 --> 0:50:07.040
<v Speaker 4>It does get better? Like the thing about feelings is

0:50:07.080 --> 0:50:11.240
<v Speaker 4>that they're only really temporary. And when you deny yourself

0:50:12.160 --> 0:50:15.880
<v Speaker 4>the ability to feel the feelings that you are feeling

0:50:15.960 --> 0:50:19.880
<v Speaker 4>right now, genuinely and deeply and holy, you're only gonna

0:50:19.920 --> 0:50:26.040
<v Speaker 4>like extend the suffering. You know. Just embrace how you're

0:50:26.040 --> 0:50:28.440
<v Speaker 4>feeling right now. Try to push away the shame in

0:50:28.520 --> 0:50:30.440
<v Speaker 4>the guilt or whatever you may have.

0:50:31.040 --> 0:50:35.879
<v Speaker 2>You know, it's like holding in diarrhea.

0:50:37.160 --> 0:50:39.160
<v Speaker 4>Exactly. You're gonna.

0:50:42.080 --> 0:50:44.400
<v Speaker 2>Well, Donada, is there anything you want to say to

0:50:44.440 --> 0:50:46.000
<v Speaker 2>the people of the computer before we go?

0:50:49.840 --> 0:50:52.120
<v Speaker 4>Drink water and go for a walk. If you're feeling

0:50:52.320 --> 0:50:54.200
<v Speaker 4>if you're feeling down, that's it.

0:50:54.960 --> 0:50:59.880
<v Speaker 2>Thanks to Nada, By bye. Sometimes you just got to

0:50:59.880 --> 0:51:01.960
<v Speaker 2>do it, man, Sometimes you just got a diarrhea out

0:51:01.960 --> 0:51:04.759
<v Speaker 2>of your eyes. It's good to cry. I mean, I

0:51:04.760 --> 0:51:06.600
<v Speaker 2>don't think it's good to know, it's I mean, it's

0:51:06.640 --> 0:51:08.680
<v Speaker 2>good to cry sometimes. I think, if you're crying every

0:51:08.719 --> 0:51:12.080
<v Speaker 2>single day, I was doing that for a while. Can

0:51:12.120 --> 0:51:14.279
<v Speaker 2>I say that on the podcast. I'm gonna say it.

0:51:14.760 --> 0:51:16.719
<v Speaker 2>I was doing that for maybe not every single day,

0:51:16.800 --> 0:51:21.239
<v Speaker 2>was crying a lot, try to cry less. I think

0:51:21.239 --> 0:51:23.880
<v Speaker 2>it's good. I think it's good. I'm I'm happy that

0:51:23.920 --> 0:51:27.040
<v Speaker 2>I have done it, you know what I mean. Anytime

0:51:27.080 --> 0:51:29.279
<v Speaker 2>anything shitty happens, like you know, like a week of

0:51:29.360 --> 0:51:35.400
<v Speaker 2>crying or whatever, it's good because now every time, because

0:51:35.440 --> 0:51:38.200
<v Speaker 2>I know in the future life will I'll have so

0:51:38.239 --> 0:51:41.680
<v Speaker 2>many more moments where life is sick, you know, And

0:51:41.719 --> 0:51:45.560
<v Speaker 2>then every time life is sick, I can go, hey,

0:51:45.600 --> 0:51:48.840
<v Speaker 2>I remember I was crying and I thought life was

0:51:49.000 --> 0:51:52.120
<v Speaker 2>bad for gonna be bad forever. But look right now,

0:51:52.200 --> 0:51:54.680
<v Speaker 2>life is sick and this and life has life is

0:51:54.719 --> 0:52:01.040
<v Speaker 2>sick further along in the timeline than life. So I

0:52:01.080 --> 0:52:04.360
<v Speaker 2>have that as proof now, So next time I'm crying

0:52:04.400 --> 0:52:08.440
<v Speaker 2>and life sucks, I can think, well, all right, I

0:52:08.800 --> 0:52:13.960
<v Speaker 2>life sucked before and then got better, so that's so

0:52:14.120 --> 0:52:16.480
<v Speaker 2>it'll get better again. But then it'll also suck again

0:52:16.520 --> 0:52:19.680
<v Speaker 2>because I have that data too, And you go through

0:52:19.719 --> 0:52:22.920
<v Speaker 2>that cycle of life sucking and then being awesome and

0:52:22.960 --> 0:52:25.520
<v Speaker 2>then sucking again, and then you and then you you

0:52:25.640 --> 0:52:30.480
<v Speaker 2>you you die. So I hope that's motivating.

0:52:31.920 --> 0:52:35.160
<v Speaker 1>Goes on the line, taking your phone calls every nine

0:52:35.480 --> 0:52:38.200
<v Speaker 1>every beacon goes to it and die. He's teaching your

0:52:38.280 --> 0:52:39.600
<v Speaker 1>cloud and the memory life.

0:52:40.239 --> 0:52:42.040
<v Speaker 2>He's not ready an expert