Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, I am a person.
Speaker 2: Hi. What's your name? Person? I am Vincent Vince, Sir?
Speaker 2: What's going on? How's life?
Speaker 1: Life is? It is what it is? There's good, there's batters,
Speaker 1: ups and downs. You know.
Speaker 2: Well, man, what's uh would you want to talk about today?
Speaker 1: Well, a thing that I've been trying to work through
Speaker 1: with therapy and you know, stuff for a couple of
Speaker 1: my eggs, like half a year ago. Uh, And I've
Speaker 1: been resorting to transactional relationships and in fear of putting
Speaker 1: myself out there and getting hurt while being vulnerable again right,
Speaker 1: mm hmm, So that's an unhealthy coping mechanism.
Speaker 2: What sorts of transactional relationships? Uh?
Speaker 1: In the past is like strip club, but I went
Speaker 1: there a few times and I got over it. Massages,
Speaker 1: regular places for like physical touch like a love language thing,
Speaker 1: or just even something like talking to someone on a fiver,
Speaker 1: like paying someone to talk to me, because all I
Speaker 1: do is go to work and pretty much day in life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and how how have those experiences been for you?
Speaker 1: It's it is what it is, like you pay for
Speaker 1: the service or and sometimes I'm understanding of like what
Speaker 1: your needs are, like reading you because they're in that business, right,
Speaker 1: not necessarily sex book or anything. Even like my massage therapist,
Speaker 1: shed understands like I'm looking for some type of not
Speaker 1: necessarily affection, but like just like being there present is
Speaker 1: like a nice thing. And she even gives me hugs
Speaker 1: or like you know, when we're partying and stuff. So
Speaker 1: that's one. But I'm trying to walk through with my
Speaker 1: therapist and.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's your therapist say about all this?
Speaker 1: My therapist actually actually my insurance just changed so that
Speaker 1: that was a therapist anymore. And my last therapist left
Speaker 1: me with the bill of five hundred dollars because because
Speaker 1: because my insurance changed and didn't cover the last month
Speaker 1: and the last portion of one of our sessions. I
Speaker 1: mentioned how I questioned if a this therapy was a
Speaker 1: transactional relationship and she said no, but on the on's
Speaker 1: the mill game? What's the milk game? I was like,
Speaker 1: I see, and they have the rate on there, you know,
Speaker 1: on those SMSY sign and you know liable for that.
Speaker 1: You know he's playing name all that. So yeah, it
Speaker 1: became what it was, uh yeah, hm hm.
Speaker 2: So you you said that you're afraid of putting yourself
Speaker 2: out there? Why is that?
Speaker 1: Mmm? I guess the lot of the relationship I was in. Uh,
Speaker 1: I didn't. I wasn't in a relationship for a long time.
Speaker 1: And then she came along as she was into me
Speaker 1: and that we were just friends for like two years
Speaker 1: from like online stuff, and then I just gave a shot.
Speaker 1: And then somewhere along the line she didn't have time.
Speaker 1: She started making excuses and it didn't work out well.
Speaker 1: In the two years. That's a short time.
Speaker 2: But yes, And when you say you're afraid of putting
Speaker 2: yourself out there, what do you envision putting yourself out
Speaker 2: there to be in the form of team To phrase
Speaker 2: that question, what would you putting yourself out there look like?
Speaker 1: I guess being more comfortable in my own skin again,
Speaker 1: And I don't know, I just I just I guess
Speaker 1: I hold a lot of like I don't know if
Speaker 1: the words we that meant, but like kind of like
Speaker 1: pain or when she wants to keep in touch, like
Speaker 1: to be friends and stuff, so she hits me up
Speaker 1: and she's like, oh, I don't have to have them
Speaker 1: to hang out, but she wants to text me and
Speaker 1: tell me about her problems, you know, Yeah, But I
Speaker 1: just want to be comfortable my own skin and feel
Speaker 1: confident in self esteem and then you know, hopefully you
Speaker 1: get back into a like regular life, normal life.
Speaker 2: As I say, well, I don't think you should feel
Speaker 2: shame about any of these transactional relationships, and I'll say
Speaker 2: about like how do they make you feel? Like do
Speaker 2: you do you feel good afterwards? Do you feel bad afterwards?
Speaker 1: The strip club? I felt shame. There were some guy
Speaker 1: things that I did that I felt shame and guilt for,
Speaker 1: like shame about maybe a topic that isn't talked about
Speaker 1: or because of in certain cultures, your pressure, sexuality and
Speaker 1: growing up. That's what I did. And then I never
Speaker 1: did anything like that until this, right, Like that outlandish
Speaker 1: for a guy. Guy stuff, right, So that was something
Speaker 1: I had to process, like acknowledging the different sides of
Speaker 1: me and trying to accept myself and although the past
Speaker 1: has happened, like try to move on. But I guess
Speaker 1: it was just triggering when she texted me the other
Speaker 1: day as well. But yeah, that's that happens, and I
Speaker 1: should probably block, but I just haven't blocked anyone ever.
Speaker 2: You're a you're a smart You're a you're a smart guy,
Speaker 2: to understand the root of the of the of the
Speaker 2: issue though, that you're not comfortable in your own skin,
Speaker 2: right because right because a lot of because you really
Speaker 2: you could confuse it, right, you could confuse it and
Speaker 2: you could go, I need to be in love, I
Speaker 2: need to have sex, this and that and the other thing.
Speaker 2: And it's like, well, those are just like if you,
Speaker 2: if you like look deep enough, those are kind of
Speaker 2: I don't and I don't fucking know. I really don't.
Speaker 2: I really don't fucking know, but I think those are
Speaker 2: are you know, in my higher mind, I'm like, I
Speaker 2: I really feel as though those are like probably are
Speaker 2: just band aids for not feeling comfortable in your own skin,
Speaker 2: but also I don't know, they're also like integral parts
Speaker 2: of the human experience, right of course, And to say
Speaker 2: that one can live calmly without them is uh, I
Speaker 2: guess a stretch.
Speaker 1: I would say, it's like a cope, a heavy cope,
Speaker 1: and everyone has their own vices and stuff, some healthy
Speaker 1: someone healthy just gotta yeah, I'm totally aware of what's
Speaker 1: going on from just lacking action.
Speaker 2: Okay, what would that action look like?
Speaker 1: And I blame it on like, you know, any mental
Speaker 1: illness or ADHD, shit blah blah blah. You know, so
Speaker 1: like procrastination and getting shit done besides work outside of work,
Speaker 1: like using those four to six hours after work or
Speaker 1: on the weekends to be productive or but there is
Speaker 1: it like what I want to do to improve or
Speaker 1: like to to myself or is it because what society?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 1: I'm trying to find that balance.
Speaker 2: What do you want? What do you want to do
Speaker 2: to improve? Then?
Speaker 1: Mm hmm keep reading and learning, although I don't absorb
Speaker 1: information that well h but I get like the main
Speaker 1: points of stuff. Have a hobby that allows me to
Speaker 1: have an emotional creative outlet. Yeah, I'm not sure.
Speaker 2: That's all smart stuff.
Speaker 1: Just needs action, yeah, action, curious fear.
Speaker 2: I mean, what are you doing today?
Speaker 1: Work? Work?
Speaker 2: What do you do for work?
Speaker 1: I am in the entertainment industry. Well that's what I say. Uh,
Speaker 1: fireworks company doing contracts imperments?
Speaker 2: Do you call.
Speaker 1: I'm the entertainment industry and I love Yeah? Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: how I say it, right, that's how you sell it.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's very I've never heard
Speaker 2: of anyone saying that working in fireworks is the entertainment industry.
Speaker 2: But you are not people.
Speaker 1: All right, You're not wrong.
Speaker 2: You're not wrong. You're not wrong. I'm not saying you're wrong.
Speaker 2: I'm not saying. I'm not saying you're wrong.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not kidding. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: I was making I was trying to make some joke
Speaker 2: about jizzing and fireworks, but it didn't. It didn't.
Speaker 1: Yes, very explosive. No, not. November is very successful. I
Speaker 1: was actually at your show in Los Angeles, by the way.
Speaker 2: Oh, oh, you're at the show. Oh that's all. Yeah,
Speaker 2: the fucking the cemetery. That's cool.
Speaker 1: I wish it was longer, but you know, it was
Speaker 1: a great experience. I love the crowd, and I appreciate
Speaker 1: you taking my call today.
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course. Well I don't know if we're done yet.
Speaker 2: We don't have to be.
Speaker 1: Oh hello, I'm still here. Hello.
Speaker 2: Hello, I'm I'm rooting for you. Man, You're you seem
Speaker 2: like a smart guy. I really, I really feel that way.
Speaker 2: You're on a good path. I wish you wouldn't be
Speaker 2: so afraid of putting yourself out there, because I like,
Speaker 2: I gets the thing with the transactional relationships is that
Speaker 2: you come to find out that they're unsustainable, right. I
Speaker 2: mean they're like, they're good, like little band aids, I
Speaker 2: guess to like. But but once you start relying too
Speaker 2: much on the band aids, it can it can take
Speaker 2: your focus off of all the positive, all the ship
Speaker 2: that you're talking about that's positive, you know, right.
Speaker 1: I would like you to let y'all know that I
Speaker 1: was hospitalized actually last year before I got this job.
Speaker 1: Oh shit, let's they know who I am on this internet. Uh, like,
Speaker 1: in a psychiatric ward for having psychosis as I was
Speaker 1: addicted to adderall endemics.
Speaker 2: That's cool, all is awesome that.
Speaker 1: From Well, I got sober since then, so I haven't.
Speaker 1: It's just like such a crazy change in life in
Speaker 1: my life since like the previous year, right, So that's
Speaker 1: when I'm like coming from and I'm just trying to
Speaker 1: move forward. But then, you know, like you said, it's
Speaker 1: a experience of just living on life, just going through
Speaker 1: the motions. I got my lexapro.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. I said it was cool that you were hospitalized,
Speaker 2: but I was because I but also.
Speaker 1: Oh no, it was it was it was fun, okay.
Speaker 2: See I thought it was fun. And then I looked
Speaker 2: at the chat and somebody was like, why are you
Speaker 2: saying that? And I'm like, well, this is why I
Speaker 2: shouldn't read the chat anyway.
Speaker 1: You should read the chat.
Speaker 2: I shouldn't read the chat. You know what, You're god,
Speaker 2: you know what? Thanks man. I shouldn't read the chat.
Speaker 1: YouTube comments, Twitch chat. They just want to, you know, say,
Speaker 1: you just say hi hi chat and they say hi
Speaker 1: back and they give you emojis. That's pretty cool, though,
Speaker 1: you got dope, gig na fuck fuck all that.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, no, we see Now everyone's gonna be like,
Speaker 2: all right, all right, I'm talking to you. I'm not
Speaker 2: talking to anyone else. I'm talking to you right now.
Speaker 1: I've a read my tarrat card reading too. I gotta
Speaker 1: read my chair card reading.
Speaker 2: Tarot card reading? Was what you you read tarot cards?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Just like your last person, like, you know, it's
Speaker 1: an app. It's an app. We're twenty four.
Speaker 2: What's your U taro?
Speaker 1: I don't know. That's why I gotta read it.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, before we go, give me a list.
Speaker 2: What are your things? What are your let's let's do,
Speaker 2: let's let's do self improvement nonsense.
Speaker 1: I plug my music that I haven't made or released
Speaker 1: in two years of the.
Speaker 2: Spotifyc you gotta do this self improvement thing with me first,
Speaker 2: and then we can do that.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, here I go, here I go. Sorry, self improvement,
Speaker 1: self improvement. Okay, let's go.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, what are we gonna do? What do
Speaker 2: we do?
Speaker 1: What?
Speaker 4: What?
Speaker 2: Never mind?
Speaker 1: This was?
Speaker 2: This was stupid. I don't know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2: That you're out of the healthy, healthy, healthy habits.
Speaker 1: How they have over over small gains over time. If
Speaker 1: you go a big goal, you go, what the fuck?
Speaker 1: I can't do that. But if you break it down
Speaker 1: and make it sustainable, like something like making your bed,
Speaker 1: make your fucking bed right, and you're like yeah, and
Speaker 1: you go home and you're like, that's a nice bet.
Speaker 1: And then keep doing that, and you do little things
Speaker 1: that you say you love yourself, and you do your
Speaker 1: you fucking wash your face at night, and you're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: my face is going to get better so I don't
Speaker 1: look like a fucking mess head because I used to
Speaker 1: do adderall right exactly. So all I'm the saying is.
Speaker 2: You know, I like the idea that you made your
Speaker 2: bed so well that they sent you to the psych ward.
Speaker 1: Oh no, those those posts.
Speaker 2: Like The only way he could have made his bed
Speaker 2: so perfectly was by being on a ton of adderall.
Speaker 1: The cycle word was crazy though. I mean ten days
Speaker 1: and every day is just the same on cycle three
Speaker 1: days and femals a day you watch TV and you
Speaker 1: sit out there, and once a week this lady comes
Speaker 1: in with activities and you know, like, ah, get me
Speaker 1: out of hair. But they give you milk, and the
Speaker 1: milk's so good because it comes like you know when
Speaker 1: you're a little kid, you know you got the little
Speaker 1: milk with a little thing. And then like this one girl,
Speaker 1: she was like eklepto and she would steal other people's
Speaker 1: clothes and she was steeled milk and eat other feel
Speaker 1: of foud. But she's diabetic. And then there was one
Speaker 1: guy that was playing guitar like all the time and
Speaker 1: he was just chilled there and he had like a
Speaker 1: conservator or something and that's what he said, cool stuff.
Speaker 2: What kind of activities are we talking? Like, like they
Speaker 2: bring you like a coloring book.
Speaker 1: Yeah, coloring was was one.
Speaker 2: That actually does sound nice, Like if I were going insane,
Speaker 2: that was what that would be. Something I would want
Speaker 2: to do, is color like structure.
Speaker 1: They gave you structure.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, they're not gonna.
Speaker 1: Put sixty four and there super smash. I would be like, ah,
Speaker 1: I think to that again, you know, but no, they
Speaker 1: give us coloring books to calm this the fuck down.
Speaker 1: Within the lines, you know, you know, but some people
Speaker 1: breaking rules and that's how they got there.
Speaker 2: This guy's crazy. He's coloring outside the lines exactly.
Speaker 1: Imagine what he was doing the real world with those crowns.
Speaker 2: Fuck right, are you doing better? You sound like you're
Speaker 2: doing a lot better.
Speaker 1: I am doing better, yes, thank you. I just happened
Speaker 1: to go in those you know once a month, got
Speaker 1: to cry it all out, cathartic feelings, you know, those
Speaker 1: motions trying to well For me, I didn't have like
Speaker 1: everyone I feel like everyone has trauma, right, and then
Speaker 1: I was lacking uh role models growing up. So now
Speaker 1: I look through to like authors or like, not necessarily friends,
Speaker 1: but mentors are somewhat you know, a pastor, and not
Speaker 1: necessarily for religion or anything, but for like like to
Speaker 1: model off of their good traits and stuff, like to
Speaker 1: develop healthy masculinity.
Speaker 2: Do you feel as though you've developed a healthy sense of.
Speaker 1: Masculinity better than before, Because there's a lot of work
Speaker 1: to go.
Speaker 2: Still, you sound all right, you honestly, and I really
Speaker 2: mean this, sound like you're on an upward trajectory in.
Speaker 1: Life, upward trajectory until probably eight pm, and then I'm like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's what's at eight pm? What's going on? APM?
Speaker 1: You know my mood slips for some reason. Can I
Speaker 1: tell my doctor?
Speaker 2: Yeah? The night nights are crazy. It's easy to it's
Speaker 2: easy to not go insane when the sun is out.
Speaker 1: When the sun's I probably need more sunlight. To be honest,
Speaker 1: I need to touch grass.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you do need to touch We all got we
Speaker 2: all need to touch grass.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I used to live on Reddit, so that's where
Speaker 1: I'm coming from. Back then, do you twitch.
Speaker 2: Do you go outside? Do you do anything?
Speaker 1: Uh? Walks around the neighborhood. When I had really severe anxiety,
Speaker 1: I started playing Pokemon Go and that got me out
Speaker 1: of the house. That was like post COVID. But I
Speaker 1: don't play with much now but not really physical now.
Speaker 2: Mm hm oh wait we never did it. Wait no,
Speaker 2: we did do healthy habits. We did that.
Speaker 1: Already, healthy habits.
Speaker 2: Not vaping, Okay, we're not We're gonna We're gonna not vape.
Speaker 2: We're gonna not go on only fans.
Speaker 1: What if you're cherrier and you want to explore.
Speaker 2: Your masculinity, Isn't that that's.
Speaker 1: What you want to support? Entrepreneurs and artists over the world.
Speaker 1: Don't you want to support them?
Speaker 2: Stay stay with me, man, come on, stay with me.
Speaker 2: All right, stay with me, Stay with me. Oh all right,
Speaker 2: stay stay with me. We're gonna go on some walks.
Speaker 2: We're gonna fucking we're gonna get ripped.
Speaker 1: But but this is me sober and then like people
Speaker 1: are like are you hot?
Speaker 2: And I'm like, no, no, you're doing great. Trust man's
Speaker 2: gonna it's gonna be all right, okay, all right, what else?
Speaker 2: We're gonna not go on only fans. We're gonna go
Speaker 2: on walks. We're gonna look at the sun, take some supplements.
Speaker 1: Wash your face, high gene, self care, self care, love
Speaker 1: yourself affirmation, affirmation, less negative self talk.
Speaker 2: Less negative self talk. All right, alright, what's your band?
Speaker 2: You can hit me with the band now we did it.
Speaker 2: I don't want to. And if we say another healthy habit,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna immediately hang up the phone and go eat a.
Speaker 1: Fucking healthy habit.
Speaker 2: No more healthy habits, healthy habit.
Speaker 1: Oh have a creative outlet, uh, creative outlet for producing music.
Speaker 1: That's why I just got this. I just got this synse,
Speaker 1: this DST Virtual Sensifizer instrument whatever for five hundred dollars
Speaker 1: and has ten thousand sounds. And I've been making electronic music,
Speaker 1: but I'm going to incorporate those sounds and it's gonna
Speaker 1: be fun.
Speaker 2: Okay, where do we find your do you well? Okay,
Speaker 2: let me just ask say this to you real quick.
Speaker 2: Do you want because for all intentsive purposes, this podcast
Speaker 2: is anonymous. Do you do? You do you desire to
Speaker 2: forego your anonymity to plug your music?
Speaker 1: At this point, who cares? Am I going to get canceled?
Speaker 1: That's if you get scared of getting canceled. Nothing, nothing,
Speaker 1: But I'm just saying, okay, okay. So here's the thing.
Speaker 1: I released a song called It's Only Binary.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: It's like like kind of like digital analog sounding, you know,
Speaker 1: like a eight minute driving tracks. And then I don't
Speaker 1: want people to think that you know, it's.
Speaker 2: You know, I don't think anyone's there's no lyrics in
Speaker 2: the song, right.
Speaker 1: There's no lyrics, but.
Speaker 2: You never why why would there was I would Why
Speaker 2: would somebody think that a song called It's only binary,
Speaker 2: that's just you making beeping noises. Why would they think
Speaker 2: they're gonna do you think they're going to think it's
Speaker 2: about gender?
Speaker 1: Oh? Good point. Yeah, I think too much into a thing.
Speaker 2: You think it too much into it?
Speaker 1: You think it yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're.
Speaker 2: Reading too much into it.
Speaker 1: You're it.
Speaker 2: We're both we're both looking at the chat too much.
Speaker 2: We're both looking at the chat of I'm not looking
Speaker 2: at all. Hold on, province the chat of life. It's
Speaker 2: a proverbial. Oh, I'm sorry, we're both looking at too much.
Speaker 2: Sor ry. I. No, you don't have to have nothing
Speaker 2: to apologize for.
Speaker 1: Oh, take it back.
Speaker 2: We're both we're both looking at the we're both looking
Speaker 2: at the chat of life too much. All right, you don't,
Speaker 2: you don't. Just don't look at the chat. That's a
Speaker 2: it's a it's a metaphor for life. Don't look at
Speaker 2: the chat.
Speaker 1: I'm totally wait for work.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm gonna let you go.
Speaker 1: Then, okay, I want to plug.
Speaker 2: It, plug it. What's your plug?
Speaker 1: And I want to make new music, and then you
Speaker 1: will listen that one day it will be your theve
Speaker 1: song in the background like eight hour music, meditation music
Speaker 1: I'll do for your dog.
Speaker 2: Okay, you don't have to if you don't plug.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a photic p h O t I K
Speaker 1: on Spotify and p.
Speaker 2: H O t O K photic photo.
Speaker 1: I K p h O O tik photic pH.
Speaker 2: O tik photic.
Speaker 1: Electronic. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Is there anything else going to say to the people
Speaker 2: of the computer before we go vents?
Speaker 1: Be kind to yourself and you're only human. Really, you're
Speaker 1: only human after all? Right? Yeah, Yeah, that's it. Thank you.
Speaker 2: I have faith in events.
Speaker 1: Thank you, appreciabable. Bye bye, how going bye?
Speaker 2: That was cool. I liked that. I kind of want
Speaker 2: to color. Now. Hey, folks, this is Lyle. I am
Speaker 2: very excited to announce that I am going back on
Speaker 2: tour in twenty twenty four to do Therapy Gecko live
Speaker 2: all across the country. If you've never been to one
Speaker 2: of my live shows before, they are extremely fun, unpredictable,
Speaker 2: wild evenings that involve a mix of group oop Gecko
Speaker 2: therapy sessions as well as some material and presentations from myself.
Speaker 2: And if you've been to the show before, I have
Speaker 2: new presentations and will of course be interviewing new people.
Speaker 2: If you're a fan of the podcast, you're gonna have
Speaker 2: a great time at the live show. So I hope
Speaker 2: to see you guys there. Go to therapy geckotour dot
Speaker 2: com or check the link in the episode description for
Speaker 2: a full list of cities where tickets are available. Also,
Speaker 2: if you don't see your city on the list of cities,
Speaker 2: please still click the link and RSVP with your phone
Speaker 2: number so I can contact you when tickets go on
Speaker 2: sale for your city, because I'm going to announce a
Speaker 2: bunch more dates very soon. Gek Bluss, Hello, Hi there.
Speaker 2: What's your name?
Speaker 4: Willow?
Speaker 1: Willow?
Speaker 2: What's up? What you want to talk about today?
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm just trying to catch you vibe, but like, uh,
Speaker 3: I don't. We could talk about when I went fifteen
Speaker 3: thousand dollars in credit cards debt over two years because
Speaker 3: I was being manic.
Speaker 2: We can talk about that if you would, like, what
Speaker 2: did you spend fifteen thousand dollars on?
Speaker 3: So it was really stupid. I had just gotten out
Speaker 3: of a divorce and I was just like, all right,
Speaker 3: I'm going to reclaim my shit. So sorry, I can't breathe.
Speaker 3: I'm like shaking right now.
Speaker 2: Tell me, let me know if you if you need,
Speaker 2: if you need a second, we can do some breathing
Speaker 2: exercises or something. I'm open.
Speaker 4: Yeah, let's do that, all right?
Speaker 1: One?
Speaker 2: All right? Obviously wearing counts of ten one? Two?
Speaker 1: Was it?
Speaker 2: Were those two breaths good enough for you? Do you
Speaker 2: want to do the whole?
Speaker 3: That was beautiful?
Speaker 1: Thank you?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 1: Great?
Speaker 2: Great?
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 3: So I went into like the era of me, if
Speaker 3: that makes sense. So I spent a lot of money
Speaker 3: on clothes, but like the main thing was on rays,
Speaker 3: which was shit ton of raise.
Speaker 2: How many raves is fifteen thousand dollars worth of raves?
Speaker 4: Well over two years? Probably like eighty. But a lot
Speaker 4: of it was that, like I had.
Speaker 3: To take an uber like forty minutes away because I
Speaker 3: don't have a car, And at first I was going
Speaker 3: by myself for like the first year, and then I
Speaker 3: met some people.
Speaker 1: So it was fine.
Speaker 2: You went to eighty raves over the course of two years.
Speaker 4: I mean that's an estimate, but yeah.
Speaker 2: Probably were they all in the same.
Speaker 3: State, Yeah, they're on Dallas.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, Were you doing a lot of MDMA.
Speaker 4: No, I've actually only done it one time.
Speaker 2: Really, I just want to buy.
Speaker 1: It, you know.
Speaker 2: No, that's good. I mean if you had done MDMA
Speaker 2: eighty times in the last two years, you would absolutely
Speaker 2: be done right now. No, you'd be dead. So all right,
Speaker 2: So you went through a divorce, yeah, and you went
Speaker 2: rave mode? Did you did this debt? Are you still
Speaker 2: in debt? Are you still in fifteen thousand dollars a debt?
Speaker 3: I'm in thirteen thousand dollars in debt?
Speaker 2: Now, okay? Is that negatively impacting your life?
Speaker 4: Absolutely? This is all I think about. I'm so fucking shressed.
Speaker 2: What do you? How old are you? Willow?
Speaker 4: I'm twenty six?
Speaker 2: Okay? Wait? When did you go on this rave.
Speaker 4: Journey when I was like twenty four?
Speaker 2: Okay? And it's all the debt because of the raves?
Speaker 4: Oh, I mean mostly yeah, that's that's the main cause.
Speaker 2: I would say, did you did you do you regret it?
Speaker 2: Or did you have a good time?
Speaker 4: Hell no, it was amazing. I fucking loved raving. It's
Speaker 4: such a good community.
Speaker 2: I mean that's good because that's the thing, right if
Speaker 2: you're gonna get yourself ato thirteen thousand dollars of debt.
Speaker 2: You might as well look back on those rays finally
Speaker 2: or else?
Speaker 4: What was the point exactly?
Speaker 3: And like I started with going to like larger ones,
Speaker 3: but now I got I go to a lot of
Speaker 3: local shows and it's even better and it's cheaper.
Speaker 2: So people are gonna hate me for this. It's fine,
Speaker 2: I get it. I'm not gonna get invited to the
Speaker 2: cool parties anymore. No, no, No cool DJs are gonna
Speaker 2: want to come on my show. Everyone's gonna think I suck,
Speaker 2: But I'm just gonna say it. It's how I feel.
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure I've said it before, but I have
Speaker 2: a thing all edm mm hmm. Kind of sounds exactly
Speaker 2: the same to me.
Speaker 3: Well, you're not getting deep into it enough. I've been
Speaker 3: listening to since I was like ten, though, so like
Speaker 3: I feel like i've been.
Speaker 4: Here a minute.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna tell a story real quick. I'm almost positive
Speaker 2: I've hold this on the podcast before, and you've been
Speaker 2: if you've been listening for three years, can you tell
Speaker 2: me if you've heard me told this story before and
Speaker 2: about me, and tell me if you've heard me tell
Speaker 2: this before. I was at I was at d C
Speaker 2: Great Festival whether you're into electronic music or not, if
Speaker 2: you ever get the chance to d C fucking rocks.
Speaker 2: I was at e DC and I was with these
Speaker 2: people and this guy like we're at we're at this
Speaker 2: uh tent or whatever, and there's a DJ playing and
Speaker 2: this guy that is in this group, he turns to
Speaker 2: the group and he goes, this is like, this is
Speaker 2: like mainstream d M music. This is like kind of
Speaker 2: like the your basic kind of d M that like
Speaker 2: everyone listens to. This is like the popular stuff. This
Speaker 2: is the mainstream stuff. Later on, deeper into the night,
Speaker 2: we're gonna go to this other tent and that's where
Speaker 2: we're gonna hear the real underground stuff. Like this is
Speaker 2: the good this is the good stuff. So what we're
Speaker 2: watching right now, this is nothing. Right later on, we're
Speaker 2: gonna go to this other tent. We're gonna hear the real,
Speaker 2: true underground electronic music. Okay.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: An hour later, a couple hours later, we go to
Speaker 2: a tent, a different tent, and the guy says, now,
Speaker 2: this this is the real underground electronic stuff. This is
Speaker 2: like the real this is like what I listened to
Speaker 2: is a real and willow. Yeah, it fucking sounded exactly
Speaker 2: the same.
Speaker 4: Well, what kind of edim was it?
Speaker 1: Though?
Speaker 4: Like house music, gub stub? Do you even know? It?
Speaker 5: Went like, it's all the same, And I know I'm
Speaker 5: not here to shoot on your hobbit.
Speaker 2: By the way, by the way, by the way, I
Speaker 2: know I sound like a grinch. I like I like raves,
Speaker 2: I like idiom, I like the see, I like the like.
Speaker 2: I like the scene of it, you know, I like
Speaker 2: the scene. I love like anytime I've got gone to
Speaker 2: a music festival or a rave. It's it's so much
Speaker 2: fun for the scene. But it just unfortunately sounds very
Speaker 2: similar to me.
Speaker 3: No, dude, you don't get it.
Speaker 2: I don't I don't get it. I don't get it.
Speaker 2: I don't get it. I'm this is me said. It's
Speaker 2: not me shitting on it. It's not me saying that
Speaker 2: people who like it are stupid. It is me saying,
Speaker 2: truly that I do not get it.
Speaker 3: You said you like country music, right, I like a lot.
Speaker 2: Of kinds of music.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't like country music because that all sounds
Speaker 3: the same to me.
Speaker 2: I don't really listen to it. I've just been listening
Speaker 2: to like old stuff, like I'm listening to like Johnny
Speaker 2: Cash and oh I.
Speaker 3: Love Johnny Cash's Johnny Cash.
Speaker 2: Like I don't. I don't know a single who like
Speaker 2: Brad Paisley, who I've never like. I couldn't name a
Speaker 2: single song from him. All right, so you're in thirteen
Speaker 2: thousand dollars. This was fun. We got to forget about
Speaker 2: being in credit card debt for two seconds.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's always.
Speaker 2: Nice, David, job.
Speaker 5: I do.
Speaker 3: I'm a beauty salesperson for a big retail store.
Speaker 2: Okay, when you said all right, you're because when you
Speaker 2: said I'm a beauty salesperson, I was about to wonder
Speaker 2: if you were in an MLM, but I don't. You
Speaker 2: don't seem like you are. Oh, what do you know?
Speaker 2: An MLM is? No?
Speaker 5: What is that?
Speaker 2: Have you ever had a high school friend message you
Speaker 2: on Facebook being like, hey, Girley, I have a great
Speaker 2: deal on these Uh oh oh yeah, PARI straight nerds.
Speaker 2: You know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I know it's not like that.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: Do you like your job?
Speaker 3: I fucking hate it, But I've been there for seven years,
Speaker 3: so it's kind of complexting.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 2: How you since you were nineteen. Yeah, dude, what would
Speaker 2: you do instead?
Speaker 4: That's the thing.
Speaker 3: I don't know, Like I feel like I have no direction.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
Speaker 3: Like I'd like to do something with music, Like I
Speaker 3: really like helping people get more exposure, but like I
Speaker 3: don't know what I.
Speaker 4: Could do with that, you know?
Speaker 1: Hmm?
Speaker 2: What about uh you? I mean, I mean I here, Well, okay,
Speaker 2: you've after going to eighty raves, I assume you've got
Speaker 2: friends in the rave community.
Speaker 4: Oh a ton?
Speaker 2: Have you asked around and seen, you know, what, what
Speaker 2: opportunities may exist in in for making money and working
Speaker 2: at raves and things like that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but here's the thing, Like I don't I don't
Speaker 3: have a car either, and most of that's like forty
Speaker 3: five minutes away from me.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
Speaker 2: Do they do they pay you well enough at the
Speaker 2: at the retailer place?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 2: Have you gotten to raise at least after seven.
Speaker 1: Years you think?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 3: So I make fifty cents more than somebody that started yesterday.
Speaker 2: That's fucking crazy, it.
Speaker 4: Is, dude.
Speaker 3: And like they're always like praising me for how good
Speaker 3: I work, the like where's the money though?
Speaker 2: Mm hmm? I mean, could you get a different job?
Speaker 3: I mean probably, But like I'm scared because like they
Speaker 3: have really good like benefits like health insurance and stuff,
Speaker 3: and like I need that because I take like four
Speaker 3: different medications.
Speaker 4: I'm all fucked up.
Speaker 2: Mmm mmmm, well, I'm glad. I'm glad that the raves
Speaker 2: were fun. Do you still go to raves?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I cut down drastically. I've only gotten one
Speaker 3: so far this year, trying to do like one a
Speaker 3: month in the more because it was really messing up
Speaker 3: my sleep schedule and I was going to work like
Speaker 3: hungover a lot, and I was coming in late all
Speaker 3: the time, and I almost lost my job like three times.
Speaker 2: You ever, I do you have an interest in making music?
Speaker 4: What? No, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I really don't.
Speaker 4: A lot of my friends make music, but it's not
Speaker 4: for me.
Speaker 2: Who's your favorite d M person?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: My god, right now, my god, I really like insect?
Speaker 2: Who's insect? Who's whose insect?
Speaker 4: He's a He's a rhythm DJ.
Speaker 2: He's a rhythm D Yeah, he was really? Is aren't
Speaker 2: all is it? Aren't? Is it all music about rhythm?
Speaker 4: Kind of not rhythm?
Speaker 3: Rhythm R I D D I m oh what is rhythm?
Speaker 4: So rhythm?
Speaker 3: Like it's a sub genre of duve stuff, but it's
Speaker 3: you would hate it. It's very super repetitive. But like
Speaker 3: you can like throw ass to it, you can't and
Speaker 3: do some high knees to it.
Speaker 4: Those are the main two things people do. But it's
Speaker 4: just it gets the crowd jumpy.
Speaker 2: Why do you assume I would hate.
Speaker 3: It because it's very repetitive, Like the whole song, so
Speaker 3: all of it's very repetitive. Like I get why it's
Speaker 3: not for all people.
Speaker 2: Wait, you know what, I'm glad you brought this up
Speaker 2: because I was in a McDonald's a few days ago.
Speaker 2: I know, I've been talking a bunch of shit on
Speaker 2: here about how I'm gonna get ripped. But I was
Speaker 2: in a McDonald's a few days ago and there was
Speaker 2: a song playing and it was the same beat, just
Speaker 2: over and over and over and over and over and
Speaker 2: over again. And my friends and I thought that like
Speaker 2: it was stuck or something was broken. Yeah, but I
Speaker 2: wish I had known at the time, because I would
Speaker 2: have been like, oh, it's just rhythm.
Speaker 3: Maybe maybe, But I feel like a lot of people
Speaker 3: at raves are neurodivergent, and like from me, I have ADHD,
Speaker 3: and so I like repetitive stuff.
Speaker 2: Oh, so the repetitive nature like the Oh, there's something
Speaker 2: fulfilling to the sense of OCD that you might have.
Speaker 4: To ADHD.
Speaker 2: Something something about the repetitive nature fulfills your ADHD yeh focus.
Speaker 4: I don't know, man.
Speaker 2: Willow, before we go, I just I'll just I'll throw
Speaker 2: a hail Mary out here before we go? Is there
Speaker 2: any if I if I wanted to make the experience
Speaker 2: of this phone call the most positive experience for you
Speaker 2: that it could be, if I wanted to be of
Speaker 2: any assistance to you in any way, shape or form,
Speaker 2: if I wanted you to hang up the phone and
Speaker 2: be like, you know what, that was worthy of my
Speaker 2: time to talk to the gecko guy for twenty minutes
Speaker 2: or however long we've been talking for. What would that
Speaker 2: what would that look like? Is there anything else I
Speaker 2: can do for you before before we go?
Speaker 4: I don't know. I just feel like this was a
Speaker 4: horrible call.
Speaker 3: Not I'm not on your side.
Speaker 4: On my side.
Speaker 2: Why do you feel like this is a horrible call?
Speaker 3: Because because I felt like I was talking about nothing
Speaker 3: and I was talking about raves too much.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Do you think it would have been a better call
Speaker 2: if you talked about something horribly depressing. Maybe I don't
Speaker 2: think so. No, No, I think this was a good call.
Speaker 2: I enjoy I enjoyed having this conversation. I felt very
Speaker 2: present and engaged the entire time. Beautiful, did you.
Speaker 3: Yes, I've just been really nervous this whole time.
Speaker 2: You sound super chill.
Speaker 4: Listen. I'm really good at faking it. Thank you?
Speaker 2: Well? Is there anything else you wanted to I'm sorry
Speaker 2: I couldn't help you with your debt in any better way.
Speaker 2: I feel like this. I've said this up three times.
Speaker 2: I say this on every podcast, but I feel like
Speaker 2: I'm becoming the Dave Ramsey Show, where like I'm like,
Speaker 2: all right, let's look at your budget. You know, let's
Speaker 2: let's that's all in the books here. But we don't
Speaker 2: do that.
Speaker 4: I just I just go with the flow. Everything's for
Speaker 4: the plot. I'll be fine.
Speaker 2: I think you will too, Willow. Is there anything else
Speaker 2: you want to say to the people of the computer
Speaker 2: before we go?
Speaker 4: I mean, if you're gonna folk around, you're gonna find out.
Speaker 2: Words if you If you understand one thing, uh, it
Speaker 2: should probably be that. I suppose tell ya take care well.
Speaker 2: Thank you?
Speaker 1: For calling y bye.
Speaker 2: Oh I'm gonna make my own form of e DM.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna call it g DM Gecko Dance Music, and
Speaker 2: it's just gonna be a bunch of lizard clicks. Someone
Speaker 2: make that a beat.
Speaker 1: Hi.
Speaker 2: Hi, what's your name? My name is Donata, Donada, what's
Speaker 2: up to Nada? I'm not going to make the joke,
Speaker 2: thank you.
Speaker 4: You already made it in Seattle when I was up
Speaker 4: on stage at your shoes.
Speaker 2: Wait, you were up, but you were on stage at
Speaker 2: my show?
Speaker 4: Yeah, in Seattle, Like I think that was last year.
Speaker 2: Oh shit, I made the joke.
Speaker 4: Yeah you did.
Speaker 2: What did I say?
Speaker 4: You were like, oh, that's like you're welcome in Spanish
Speaker 4: or something like that. I get it a bunch of times.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sorry, that was stupid. Why what did we talk
Speaker 2: about on stage?
Speaker 4: I experienced U sober ego death, just realizing I was
Speaker 4: the problem. I don't know if you remember that at all.
Speaker 2: Was that this past year or was that twenty twenty two?
Speaker 4: I honestly don't remember. Time is time is strange.
Speaker 2: Time is strange. Well, I guess if I don't remember,
Speaker 2: that means that means you're new to me. So good.
Speaker 2: Nice to see you again or meet you? Yeah again.
Speaker 2: Nice to nice to hear from people.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well you talk to a lot of people.
Speaker 2: So yeah, well Donada, what's up. What do you want
Speaker 2: to talk about today?
Speaker 4: I wanted to talk about dying.
Speaker 2: Yeah, tell me more.
Speaker 4: Like lately, I've just been like trying to make the
Speaker 4: most of my life, you know, making all the connections
Speaker 4: that I need, And lately I've been pretty satisfied, and
Speaker 4: I've just thought to myself, like I can keep going
Speaker 4: like this, and I think I'll be pretty alright times. Look,
Speaker 4: it's tough, but like eventually, I think I just want
Speaker 4: to like I feel like at one point I'll just
Speaker 4: be like done doing everything that I want to do
Speaker 4: and I'll just want to like die on my own
Speaker 4: terms because like i'd rather do that if I live,
Speaker 4: like to be eighty or something rather than you know,
Speaker 4: Diahrisic death.
Speaker 2: Interesting. So you're okay, So you're telling me you want
Speaker 2: to do everything you want to. You have this like
Speaker 2: list of everything that you want to do, and you're
Speaker 2: going to do it, and then you're gonna be like
Speaker 2: you know and not in like, oh I want to
Speaker 2: I'm so sad. I want to kill myself way, but
Speaker 2: in like you know what, like in the way that
Speaker 2: they ended the office, they were like, we did twelve
Speaker 2: fourteen whatever, how many seasons? You know, every every great
Speaker 2: show has to have a series finale. Let's check out
Speaker 2: like that that kind that kind of thing.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I like Saws documentary of this French woman who
Speaker 4: just like ethanized herself at the age of like seventy something.
Speaker 4: She's like, I lived my life, I did everything that
Speaker 4: I wanted to do, and she died listening to her
Speaker 4: favorite records, rounded by her family and people she loved.
Speaker 4: And I thought that was kind of nice actually, like
Speaker 4: I'd rather go that way than get hit by a
Speaker 4: car something like that.
Speaker 2: Oh so, I mean, are you well, how old are
Speaker 2: you now?
Speaker 4: I'm twenty five.
Speaker 2: Okay, you're twenty five. You're already thinking about I mean,
Speaker 2: Jesus how much? When When would you do this?
Speaker 4: I don't know, maybe when I'm eighty.
Speaker 2: Oh you know what, I think at eighty years old,
Speaker 2: you should definitely be allowed to kill yourself.
Speaker 4: Yeah, because like I'm chronically ill, Like I don't even
Speaker 4: know falsey eighty, but like I have a chronic illness,
Speaker 4: and it's like i'd rather, I'd rather pass peacefully surrounded
Speaker 4: by people. I love listening to music, I like, you know,
Speaker 4: eating good food, rather than you know, like slowly with
Speaker 4: or away and be shitting myself forever until I'm like
Speaker 4: ninety five, you.
Speaker 2: Know, kind of why are you why? I'm curious, why
Speaker 2: do you? Why are you thinking about this so much?
Speaker 2: If it's so far away?
Speaker 4: I mean, just thinking about death makes me think about
Speaker 4: the things that I actually care about and want to do.
Speaker 4: Like I'm kind of working backwards here, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it's uh it, what is it? It's it's
Speaker 2: memento moriy you know what that means. I've heard of it,
Speaker 2: but no, I think it's Latin or some ship. And
Speaker 2: it's like remember remembering death every day. Every day you
Speaker 2: remember that you're going to die, and it boot it
Speaker 2: beefs you up to want to do ship, you know.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like I was listening to your rant and I
Speaker 4: thought like, yeah, life is fickle and you do have
Speaker 4: some agency over it, so like, might as well go
Speaker 4: do the ship that you want to do before you
Speaker 4: get hit by a car or something or you know,
Speaker 4: because you could die any.
Speaker 2: More any moment. You could die at any moment, and
Speaker 2: it doesn't. It won't even be fair, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean. There's no such thing. There's no central arbiter
Speaker 2: of the universe making sure that everything is fair and
Speaker 2: cool and good. There is just randomness and chaos. There's
Speaker 2: no God. Maybe I don't know, but yeah, it's all crazy.
Speaker 2: It's just all craziness. What do you want to do.
Speaker 4: I'm planning on moving into a van and you know,
Speaker 4: going across the US and just seeing all the national parks,
Speaker 4: go on backpacking trips around the US when I'm at it,
Speaker 4: and then maybe someday go to Europe, and then I'll
Speaker 4: travel to Asia. I specifically want to go to Vietnam
Speaker 4: because I have family there, you know, travel see the world,
Speaker 4: meet people, and then if I get too old or
Speaker 4: if my body doesn't let me, I'll probably like buy
Speaker 4: some land, maybe do some sort of homestead thing, and
Speaker 4: then I'll have whenever I choose to, like when I'm
Speaker 4: eighty or something, I'll pass away peacefully surrounded by every
Speaker 4: when I love.
Speaker 2: That sounds great. That's the best life plan I've ever
Speaker 2: heard from. Somebody who started a call talking about how
Speaker 2: they want to kill themselves, I think, yeah, that's great.
Speaker 2: I so you want to travel everywhere you want to?
Speaker 2: You're a you got the travel bug?
Speaker 4: Yeah, like, oh, go ahead, No, I think I talk
Speaker 4: about this ship way too much.
Speaker 2: But I'd love to go to Vietnam one day.
Speaker 4: Really.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've always thought about I've never I've never been,
Speaker 2: but I've never been. But I want to retire there
Speaker 2: because I've heard you can, like you can just live
Speaker 2: there off of like a thousand dollars a month. That's
Speaker 2: probably not true, but that's what I heard.
Speaker 4: I don't know. I don't know how the true true
Speaker 4: that is today, but like I know, the food's really good.
Speaker 4: I want to eat all the food.
Speaker 2: You were asking me something and I talked.
Speaker 4: To you, Oh would you ever do the gecko thing
Speaker 4: in Vietnam?
Speaker 2: Fuck? Yeah, I do the gecko thing in Vietnam everywhere
Speaker 2: I for the rest of my life, everywhere I go,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna do the gecko thing easy.
Speaker 4: That's awesome.
Speaker 2: I mean it's a great way to see places and
Speaker 2: do stuff. Yeah, so how do you want to do that?
Speaker 2: You want to do it? Like a it we thinking
Speaker 2: like a shot. We think and like, OK, so it
Speaker 2: is that legal? Is it? Lee? Can you go to
Speaker 2: a I've heard of the death doctor, you know.
Speaker 4: I I honestly don't know. I haven't thought about it
Speaker 4: that much. But like I think they just like do
Speaker 4: it through like ivy and you kind of like slowly
Speaker 4: fade out. I think that's how I'd like to do it.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm. You know, normally i'd say it's not healthy
Speaker 2: to think about how you're going to kill yourself when
Speaker 2: you're eighty, but I understand the impetus behind it, because
Speaker 2: it gets you fired up to want to do stuff.
Speaker 2: Like it's a weirdly motivating factor.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Because like I used to be in a position
Speaker 4: where you know, I didn't find that life was worth living.
Speaker 4: But like you know, I was able to make a
Speaker 4: lot out of these past few years, Like I have
Speaker 4: a really loving, supporting partner, and I've you know, made
Speaker 4: like a life for myself, and I feel like I
Speaker 4: have a pretty good relationship with my family now. And
Speaker 4: it's just like you know, I got I've made the
Speaker 4: most of this and I just want to keep going.
Speaker 4: But it's like I don't want to. I don't want
Speaker 4: to end my Like I don't want my life ending
Speaker 4: where I'm in a place of despair.
Speaker 2: You know, do you how do you feel now? Do
Speaker 2: you feel despair or do you feel whatever? The opposite
Speaker 2: of that word is.
Speaker 4: Happy. Yeah, I'm pretty satisfied.
Speaker 2: What advice do you have for people who feel like
Speaker 2: who are in a pit of despair? What would you
Speaker 2: tell them?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 4: It does get better? Like the thing about feelings is
Speaker 4: that they're only really temporary. And when you deny yourself
Speaker 4: the ability to feel the feelings that you are feeling
Speaker 4: right now, genuinely and deeply and holy, you're only gonna
Speaker 4: like extend the suffering. You know. Just embrace how you're
Speaker 4: feeling right now. Try to push away the shame in
Speaker 4: the guilt or whatever you may have.
Speaker 2: You know, it's like holding in diarrhea.
Speaker 4: Exactly. You're gonna.
Speaker 2: Well, Donada, is there anything you want to say to
Speaker 2: the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 4: Drink water and go for a walk. If you're feeling
Speaker 4: if you're feeling down, that's it.
Speaker 2: Thanks to Nada, By bye. Sometimes you just got to
Speaker 2: do it, man, Sometimes you just got a diarrhea out
Speaker 2: of your eyes. It's good to cry. I mean, I
Speaker 2: don't think it's good to know, it's I mean, it's
Speaker 2: good to cry sometimes. I think, if you're crying every
Speaker 2: single day, I was doing that for a while. Can
Speaker 2: I say that on the podcast. I'm gonna say it.
Speaker 2: I was doing that for maybe not every single day,
Speaker 2: was crying a lot, try to cry less. I think
Speaker 2: it's good. I think it's good. I'm I'm happy that
Speaker 2: I have done it, you know what I mean. Anytime
Speaker 2: anything shitty happens, like you know, like a week of
Speaker 2: crying or whatever, it's good because now every time, because
Speaker 2: I know in the future life will I'll have so
Speaker 2: many more moments where life is sick, you know, And
Speaker 2: then every time life is sick, I can go, hey,
Speaker 2: I remember I was crying and I thought life was
Speaker 2: bad for gonna be bad forever. But look right now,
Speaker 2: life is sick and this and life has life is
Speaker 2: sick further along in the timeline than life. So I
Speaker 2: have that as proof now, So next time I'm crying
Speaker 2: and life sucks, I can think, well, all right, I
Speaker 2: life sucked before and then got better, so that's so
Speaker 2: it'll get better again. But then it'll also suck again
Speaker 2: because I have that data too, And you go through
Speaker 2: that cycle of life sucking and then being awesome and
Speaker 2: then sucking again, and then you and then you you
Speaker 2: you you die. So I hope that's motivating.
Speaker 1: Goes on the line, taking your phone calls every nine
Speaker 1: every beacon goes to it and die. He's teaching your
Speaker 1: cloud and the memory life.
Speaker 2: He's not ready an expert