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Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, I am a person.

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Speaker 2: Hi. What's your name? Person? I am Vincent Vince, Sir?

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Speaker 2: What's going on? How's life?

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Speaker 1: Life is? It is what it is? There's good, there's batters,

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Speaker 1: ups and downs. You know.

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Speaker 2: Well, man, what's uh would you want to talk about today?

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Speaker 1: Well, a thing that I've been trying to work through

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Speaker 1: with therapy and you know, stuff for a couple of

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Speaker 1: my eggs, like half a year ago. Uh, And I've

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Speaker 1: been resorting to transactional relationships and in fear of putting

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Speaker 1: myself out there and getting hurt while being vulnerable again right,

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Speaker 1: mm hmm, So that's an unhealthy coping mechanism.

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Speaker 2: What sorts of transactional relationships? Uh?

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Speaker 1: In the past is like strip club, but I went

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Speaker 1: there a few times and I got over it. Massages,

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Speaker 1: regular places for like physical touch like a love language thing,

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Speaker 1: or just even something like talking to someone on a fiver,

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Speaker 1: like paying someone to talk to me, because all I

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Speaker 1: do is go to work and pretty much day in life.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and how how have those experiences been for you?

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Speaker 1: It's it is what it is, like you pay for

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Speaker 1: the service or and sometimes I'm understanding of like what

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Speaker 1: your needs are, like reading you because they're in that business, right,

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Speaker 1: not necessarily sex book or anything. Even like my massage therapist,

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Speaker 1: shed understands like I'm looking for some type of not

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Speaker 1: necessarily affection, but like just like being there present is

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Speaker 1: like a nice thing. And she even gives me hugs

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Speaker 1: or like you know, when we're partying and stuff. So

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Speaker 1: that's one. But I'm trying to walk through with my

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Speaker 1: therapist and.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, what's your therapist say about all this?

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Speaker 1: My therapist actually actually my insurance just changed so that

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Speaker 1: that was a therapist anymore. And my last therapist left

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Speaker 1: me with the bill of five hundred dollars because because

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Speaker 1: because my insurance changed and didn't cover the last month

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Speaker 1: and the last portion of one of our sessions. I

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Speaker 1: mentioned how I questioned if a this therapy was a

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Speaker 1: transactional relationship and she said no, but on the on's

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Speaker 1: the mill game? What's the milk game? I was like,

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Speaker 1: I see, and they have the rate on there, you know,

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Speaker 1: on those SMSY sign and you know liable for that.

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Speaker 1: You know he's playing name all that. So yeah, it

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Speaker 1: became what it was, uh yeah, hm hm.

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Speaker 2: So you you said that you're afraid of putting yourself

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Speaker 2: out there? Why is that?

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Speaker 1: Mmm? I guess the lot of the relationship I was in. Uh,

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Speaker 1: I didn't. I wasn't in a relationship for a long time.

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Speaker 1: And then she came along as she was into me

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Speaker 1: and that we were just friends for like two years

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Speaker 1: from like online stuff, and then I just gave a shot.

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Speaker 1: And then somewhere along the line she didn't have time.

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Speaker 1: She started making excuses and it didn't work out well.

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Speaker 1: In the two years. That's a short time.

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Speaker 2: But yes, And when you say you're afraid of putting

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Speaker 2: yourself out there, what do you envision putting yourself out

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Speaker 2: there to be in the form of team To phrase

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Speaker 2: that question, what would you putting yourself out there look like?

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Speaker 1: I guess being more comfortable in my own skin again,

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Speaker 1: And I don't know, I just I just I guess

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Speaker 1: I hold a lot of like I don't know if

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Speaker 1: the words we that meant, but like kind of like

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Speaker 1: pain or when she wants to keep in touch, like

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Speaker 1: to be friends and stuff, so she hits me up

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Speaker 1: and she's like, oh, I don't have to have them

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Speaker 1: to hang out, but she wants to text me and

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Speaker 1: tell me about her problems, you know, Yeah, But I

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Speaker 1: just want to be comfortable my own skin and feel

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Speaker 1: confident in self esteem and then you know, hopefully you

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Speaker 1: get back into a like regular life, normal life.

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Speaker 2: As I say, well, I don't think you should feel

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Speaker 2: shame about any of these transactional relationships, and I'll say

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Speaker 2: about like how do they make you feel? Like do

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Speaker 2: you do you feel good afterwards? Do you feel bad afterwards?

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Speaker 1: The strip club? I felt shame. There were some guy

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Speaker 1: things that I did that I felt shame and guilt for,

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Speaker 1: like shame about maybe a topic that isn't talked about

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Speaker 1: or because of in certain cultures, your pressure, sexuality and

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Speaker 1: growing up. That's what I did. And then I never

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Speaker 1: did anything like that until this, right, Like that outlandish

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Speaker 1: for a guy. Guy stuff, right, So that was something

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Speaker 1: I had to process, like acknowledging the different sides of

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Speaker 1: me and trying to accept myself and although the past

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Speaker 1: has happened, like try to move on. But I guess

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Speaker 1: it was just triggering when she texted me the other

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Speaker 1: day as well. But yeah, that's that happens, and I

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Speaker 1: should probably block, but I just haven't blocked anyone ever.

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Speaker 2: You're a you're a smart You're a you're a smart guy,

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Speaker 2: to understand the root of the of the of the

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Speaker 2: issue though, that you're not comfortable in your own skin,

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Speaker 2: right because right because a lot of because you really

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Speaker 2: you could confuse it, right, you could confuse it and

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Speaker 2: you could go, I need to be in love, I

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Speaker 2: need to have sex, this and that and the other thing.

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Speaker 2: And it's like, well, those are just like if you,

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Speaker 2: if you like look deep enough, those are kind of

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Speaker 2: I don't and I don't fucking know. I really don't.

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Speaker 2: I really don't fucking know, but I think those are

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Speaker 2: are you know, in my higher mind, I'm like, I

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Speaker 2: I really feel as though those are like probably are

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Speaker 2: just band aids for not feeling comfortable in your own skin,

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Speaker 2: but also I don't know, they're also like integral parts

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Speaker 2: of the human experience, right of course, And to say

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Speaker 2: that one can live calmly without them is uh, I

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Speaker 2: guess a stretch.

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Speaker 1: I would say, it's like a cope, a heavy cope,

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Speaker 1: and everyone has their own vices and stuff, some healthy

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Speaker 1: someone healthy just gotta yeah, I'm totally aware of what's

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Speaker 1: going on from just lacking action.

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Speaker 2: Okay, what would that action look like?

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Speaker 1: And I blame it on like, you know, any mental

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Speaker 1: illness or ADHD, shit blah blah blah. You know, so

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Speaker 1: like procrastination and getting shit done besides work outside of work,

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Speaker 1: like using those four to six hours after work or

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Speaker 1: on the weekends to be productive or but there is

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Speaker 1: it like what I want to do to improve or

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Speaker 1: like to to myself or is it because what society?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to find that balance.

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Speaker 2: What do you want? What do you want to do

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Speaker 2: to improve? Then?

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Speaker 1: Mm hmm keep reading and learning, although I don't absorb

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Speaker 1: information that well h but I get like the main

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Speaker 1: points of stuff. Have a hobby that allows me to

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Speaker 1: have an emotional creative outlet. Yeah, I'm not sure.

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Speaker 2: That's all smart stuff.

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Speaker 1: Just needs action, yeah, action, curious fear.

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Speaker 2: I mean, what are you doing today?

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Speaker 1: Work? Work?

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Speaker 2: What do you do for work?

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Speaker 1: I am in the entertainment industry. Well that's what I say. Uh,

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Speaker 1: fireworks company doing contracts imperments?

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Speaker 2: Do you call.

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Speaker 1: I'm the entertainment industry and I love Yeah? Yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: how I say it, right, that's how you sell it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's very I've never heard

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Speaker 2: of anyone saying that working in fireworks is the entertainment industry.

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Speaker 2: But you are not people.

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Speaker 1: All right, You're not wrong.

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Speaker 2: You're not wrong. You're not wrong. I'm not saying you're wrong.

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Speaker 2: I'm not saying. I'm not saying you're wrong.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not kidding. I'm sorry.

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Speaker 2: I was making I was trying to make some joke

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Speaker 2: about jizzing and fireworks, but it didn't. It didn't.

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Speaker 1: Yes, very explosive. No, not. November is very successful. I

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Speaker 1: was actually at your show in Los Angeles, by the way.

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Speaker 2: Oh, oh, you're at the show. Oh that's all. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: the fucking the cemetery. That's cool.

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Speaker 1: I wish it was longer, but you know, it was

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Speaker 1: a great experience. I love the crowd, and I appreciate

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Speaker 1: you taking my call today.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, of course. Well I don't know if we're done yet.

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Speaker 2: We don't have to be.

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Speaker 1: Oh hello, I'm still here. Hello.

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Speaker 2: Hello, I'm I'm rooting for you. Man, You're you seem

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Speaker 2: like a smart guy. I really, I really feel that way.

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Speaker 2: You're on a good path. I wish you wouldn't be

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Speaker 2: so afraid of putting yourself out there, because I like,

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Speaker 2: I gets the thing with the transactional relationships is that

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Speaker 2: you come to find out that they're unsustainable, right. I

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Speaker 2: mean they're like, they're good, like little band aids, I

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Speaker 2: guess to like. But but once you start relying too

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Speaker 2: much on the band aids, it can it can take

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Speaker 2: your focus off of all the positive, all the ship

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Speaker 2: that you're talking about that's positive, you know, right.

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Speaker 1: I would like you to let y'all know that I

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Speaker 1: was hospitalized actually last year before I got this job.

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Speaker 1: Oh shit, let's they know who I am on this internet. Uh, like,

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Speaker 1: in a psychiatric ward for having psychosis as I was

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Speaker 1: addicted to adderall endemics.

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Speaker 2: That's cool, all is awesome that.

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Speaker 1: From Well, I got sober since then, so I haven't.

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Speaker 1: It's just like such a crazy change in life in

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Speaker 1: my life since like the previous year, right, So that's

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Speaker 1: when I'm like coming from and I'm just trying to

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Speaker 1: move forward. But then, you know, like you said, it's

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Speaker 1: a experience of just living on life, just going through

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Speaker 1: the motions. I got my lexapro.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry. I said it was cool that you were hospitalized,

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Speaker 2: but I was because I but also.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, it was it was it was fun, okay.

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Speaker 2: See I thought it was fun. And then I looked

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Speaker 2: at the chat and somebody was like, why are you

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Speaker 2: saying that? And I'm like, well, this is why I

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Speaker 2: shouldn't read the chat anyway.

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Speaker 1: You should read the chat.

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Speaker 2: I shouldn't read the chat. You know what, You're god,

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Speaker 2: you know what? Thanks man. I shouldn't read the chat.

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Speaker 1: YouTube comments, Twitch chat. They just want to, you know, say,

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Speaker 1: you just say hi hi chat and they say hi

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Speaker 1: back and they give you emojis. That's pretty cool, though,

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Speaker 1: you got dope, gig na fuck fuck all that.

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Speaker 2: Oh okay, no, we see Now everyone's gonna be like,

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Speaker 2: all right, all right, I'm talking to you. I'm not

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Speaker 2: talking to anyone else. I'm talking to you right now.

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Speaker 1: I've a read my tarrat card reading too. I gotta

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Speaker 1: read my chair card reading.

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Speaker 2: Tarot card reading? Was what you you read tarot cards?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Just like your last person, like, you know, it's

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Speaker 1: an app. It's an app. We're twenty four.

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Speaker 2: What's your U taro?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. That's why I gotta read it.

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Speaker 2: Okay, all right, before we go, give me a list.

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Speaker 2: What are your things? What are your let's let's do,

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Speaker 2: let's let's do self improvement nonsense.

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Speaker 1: I plug my music that I haven't made or released

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Speaker 1: in two years of the.

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Speaker 2: Spotifyc you gotta do this self improvement thing with me first,

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Speaker 2: and then we can do that.

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Speaker 1: Okay, okay, here I go, here I go. Sorry, self improvement,

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Speaker 1: self improvement. Okay, let's go.

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Speaker 2: Okay, all right, what are we gonna do? What do

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Speaker 2: we do?

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Speaker 1: What?

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Speaker 4: What?

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Speaker 2: Never mind?

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Speaker 1: This was?

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Speaker 2: This was stupid. I don't know what I'm talking about.

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Speaker 2: That you're out of the healthy, healthy, healthy habits.

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Speaker 1: How they have over over small gains over time. If

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Speaker 1: you go a big goal, you go, what the fuck?

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Speaker 1: I can't do that. But if you break it down

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Speaker 1: and make it sustainable, like something like making your bed,

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Speaker 1: make your fucking bed right, and you're like yeah, and

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Speaker 1: you go home and you're like, that's a nice bet.

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Speaker 1: And then keep doing that, and you do little things

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Speaker 1: that you say you love yourself, and you do your

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Speaker 1: you fucking wash your face at night, and you're like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: my face is going to get better so I don't

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Speaker 1: look like a fucking mess head because I used to

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Speaker 1: do adderall right exactly. So all I'm the saying is.

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Speaker 2: You know, I like the idea that you made your

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Speaker 2: bed so well that they sent you to the psych ward.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, those those posts.

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Speaker 2: Like The only way he could have made his bed

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Speaker 2: so perfectly was by being on a ton of adderall.

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Speaker 1: The cycle word was crazy though. I mean ten days

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Speaker 1: and every day is just the same on cycle three

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Speaker 1: days and femals a day you watch TV and you

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Speaker 1: sit out there, and once a week this lady comes

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Speaker 1: in with activities and you know, like, ah, get me

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Speaker 1: out of hair. But they give you milk, and the

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Speaker 1: milk's so good because it comes like you know when

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Speaker 1: you're a little kid, you know you got the little

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Speaker 1: milk with a little thing. And then like this one girl,

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Speaker 1: she was like eklepto and she would steal other people's

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Speaker 1: clothes and she was steeled milk and eat other feel

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Speaker 1: of foud. But she's diabetic. And then there was one

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Speaker 1: guy that was playing guitar like all the time and

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Speaker 1: he was just chilled there and he had like a

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Speaker 1: conservator or something and that's what he said, cool stuff.

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Speaker 2: What kind of activities are we talking? Like, like they

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Speaker 2: bring you like a coloring book.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, coloring was was one.

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Speaker 2: That actually does sound nice, Like if I were going insane,

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Speaker 2: that was what that would be. Something I would want

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Speaker 2: to do, is color like structure.

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Speaker 1: They gave you structure.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, they're not gonna.

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Speaker 1: Put sixty four and there super smash. I would be like, ah,

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Speaker 1: I think to that again, you know, but no, they

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Speaker 1: give us coloring books to calm this the fuck down.

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Speaker 1: Within the lines, you know, you know, but some people

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Speaker 1: breaking rules and that's how they got there.

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Speaker 2: This guy's crazy. He's coloring outside the lines exactly.

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Speaker 1: Imagine what he was doing the real world with those crowns.

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Speaker 2: Fuck right, are you doing better? You sound like you're

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Speaker 2: doing a lot better.

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Speaker 1: I am doing better, yes, thank you. I just happened

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Speaker 1: to go in those you know once a month, got

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Speaker 1: to cry it all out, cathartic feelings, you know, those

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Speaker 1: motions trying to well For me, I didn't have like

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Speaker 1: everyone I feel like everyone has trauma, right, and then

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Speaker 1: I was lacking uh role models growing up. So now

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Speaker 1: I look through to like authors or like, not necessarily friends,

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Speaker 1: but mentors are somewhat you know, a pastor, and not

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Speaker 1: necessarily for religion or anything, but for like like to

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Speaker 1: model off of their good traits and stuff, like to

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Speaker 1: develop healthy masculinity.

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Speaker 2: Do you feel as though you've developed a healthy sense of.

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Speaker 1: Masculinity better than before, Because there's a lot of work

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Speaker 1: to go.

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Speaker 2: Still, you sound all right, you honestly, and I really

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Speaker 2: mean this, sound like you're on an upward trajectory in.

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Speaker 1: Life, upward trajectory until probably eight pm, and then I'm like.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, what's what's at eight pm? What's going on? APM?

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Speaker 1: You know my mood slips for some reason. Can I

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Speaker 1: tell my doctor?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? The night nights are crazy. It's easy to it's

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Speaker 2: easy to not go insane when the sun is out.

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Speaker 1: When the sun's I probably need more sunlight. To be honest,

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Speaker 1: I need to touch grass.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you do need to touch We all got we

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Speaker 2: all need to touch grass.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I used to live on Reddit, so that's where

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Speaker 1: I'm coming from. Back then, do you twitch.

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Speaker 2: Do you go outside? Do you do anything?

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Speaker 1: Uh? Walks around the neighborhood. When I had really severe anxiety,

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Speaker 1: I started playing Pokemon Go and that got me out

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Speaker 1: of the house. That was like post COVID. But I

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Speaker 1: don't play with much now but not really physical now.

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Speaker 2: Mm hm oh wait we never did it. Wait no,

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Speaker 2: we did do healthy habits. We did that.

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Speaker 1: Already, healthy habits.

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Speaker 2: Not vaping, Okay, we're not We're gonna We're gonna not vape.

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Speaker 2: We're gonna not go on only fans.

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Speaker 1: What if you're cherrier and you want to explore.

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Speaker 2: Your masculinity, Isn't that that's.

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Speaker 1: What you want to support? Entrepreneurs and artists over the world.

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Speaker 1: Don't you want to support them?

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Speaker 2: Stay stay with me, man, come on, stay with me.

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Speaker 2: All right, stay with me, Stay with me. Oh all right,

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Speaker 2: stay stay with me. We're gonna go on some walks.

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Speaker 2: We're gonna fucking we're gonna get ripped.

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Speaker 1: But but this is me sober and then like people

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Speaker 1: are like are you hot?

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Speaker 2: And I'm like, no, no, you're doing great. Trust man's

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Speaker 2: gonna it's gonna be all right, okay, all right, what else?

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Speaker 2: We're gonna not go on only fans. We're gonna go

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Speaker 2: on walks. We're gonna look at the sun, take some supplements.

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Speaker 1: Wash your face, high gene, self care, self care, love

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Speaker 1: yourself affirmation, affirmation, less negative self talk.

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Speaker 2: Less negative self talk. All right, alright, what's your band?

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Speaker 2: You can hit me with the band now we did it.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to. And if we say another healthy habit,

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna immediately hang up the phone and go eat a.

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Speaker 1: Fucking healthy habit.

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Speaker 2: No more healthy habits, healthy habit.

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Speaker 1: Oh have a creative outlet, uh, creative outlet for producing music.

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Speaker 1: That's why I just got this. I just got this synse,

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Speaker 1: this DST Virtual Sensifizer instrument whatever for five hundred dollars

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Speaker 1: and has ten thousand sounds. And I've been making electronic music,

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Speaker 1: but I'm going to incorporate those sounds and it's gonna

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Speaker 1: be fun.

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Speaker 2: Okay, where do we find your do you well? Okay,

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Speaker 2: let me just ask say this to you real quick.

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Speaker 2: Do you want because for all intentsive purposes, this podcast

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00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:56,520
Speaker 2: is anonymous. Do you do? You do you desire to

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Speaker 2: forego your anonymity to plug your music?

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Speaker 1: At this point, who cares? Am I going to get canceled?

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Speaker 1: That's if you get scared of getting canceled. Nothing, nothing,

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Speaker 1: But I'm just saying, okay, okay. So here's the thing.

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Speaker 1: I released a song called It's Only Binary.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 1: It's like like kind of like digital analog sounding, you know,

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Speaker 1: like a eight minute driving tracks. And then I don't

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Speaker 1: want people to think that you know, it's.

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Speaker 2: You know, I don't think anyone's there's no lyrics in

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Speaker 2: the song, right.

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Speaker 1: There's no lyrics, but.

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Speaker 2: You never why why would there was I would Why

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Speaker 2: would somebody think that a song called It's only binary,

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Speaker 2: that's just you making beeping noises. Why would they think

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Speaker 2: they're gonna do you think they're going to think it's

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Speaker 2: about gender?

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Speaker 1: Oh? Good point. Yeah, I think too much into a thing.

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Speaker 2: You think it too much into it?

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Speaker 1: You think it yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're.

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Speaker 2: Reading too much into it.

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00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:03,760
Speaker 1: You're it.

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00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:05,920
Speaker 2: We're both we're both looking at the chat too much.

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Speaker 2: We're both looking at the chat of I'm not looking

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Speaker 2: at all. Hold on, province the chat of life. It's

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Speaker 2: a proverbial. Oh, I'm sorry, we're both looking at too much.

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00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:16,600
Speaker 2: Sor ry. I. No, you don't have to have nothing

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Speaker 2: to apologize for.

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Speaker 1: Oh, take it back.

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Speaker 2: We're both we're both looking at the we're both looking

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Speaker 2: at the chat of life too much. All right, you don't,

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Speaker 2: you don't. Just don't look at the chat. That's a

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Speaker 2: it's a it's a metaphor for life. Don't look at

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Speaker 2: the chat.

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Speaker 1: I'm totally wait for work.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I'm gonna let you go.

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Speaker 1: Then, okay, I want to plug.

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Speaker 2: It, plug it. What's your plug?

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Speaker 1: And I want to make new music, and then you

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Speaker 1: will listen that one day it will be your theve

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00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:43,600
Speaker 1: song in the background like eight hour music, meditation music

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Speaker 1: I'll do for your dog.

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Speaker 2: Okay, you don't have to if you don't plug.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a photic p h O t I K

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00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:53,520
Speaker 1: on Spotify and p.

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Speaker 2: H O t O K photic photo.

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Speaker 1: I K p h O O tik photic pH.

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00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:03,919
Speaker 2: O tik photic.

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Speaker 1: Electronic. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Is there anything else going to say to the people

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Speaker 2: of the computer before we go vents?

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Speaker 1: Be kind to yourself and you're only human. Really, you're

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00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:25,280
Speaker 1: only human after all? Right? Yeah, Yeah, that's it. Thank you.

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Speaker 2: I have faith in events.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, appreciabable. Bye bye, how going bye?

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Speaker 2: That was cool. I liked that. I kind of want

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Speaker 2: to color. Now. Hey, folks, this is Lyle. I am

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Speaker 2: very excited to announce that I am going back on

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Speaker 2: tour in twenty twenty four to do Therapy Gecko live

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Speaker 2: all across the country. If you've never been to one

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Speaker 2: of my live shows before, they are extremely fun, unpredictable,

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00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:00,560
Speaker 2: wild evenings that involve a mix of group oop Gecko

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00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:06,320
Speaker 2: therapy sessions as well as some material and presentations from myself.

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00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:08,800
Speaker 2: And if you've been to the show before, I have

402
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:13,080
Speaker 2: new presentations and will of course be interviewing new people.

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00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,440
Speaker 2: If you're a fan of the podcast, you're gonna have

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00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:17,800
Speaker 2: a great time at the live show. So I hope

405
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:21,119
Speaker 2: to see you guys there. Go to therapy geckotour dot

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00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:24,399
Speaker 2: com or check the link in the episode description for

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00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:27,359
Speaker 2: a full list of cities where tickets are available. Also,

408
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:30,000
Speaker 2: if you don't see your city on the list of cities,

409
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:33,240
Speaker 2: please still click the link and RSVP with your phone

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00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,919
Speaker 2: number so I can contact you when tickets go on

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00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,919
Speaker 2: sale for your city, because I'm going to announce a

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Speaker 2: bunch more dates very soon. Gek Bluss, Hello, Hi there.

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Speaker 2: What's your name?

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Speaker 4: Willow?

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Speaker 1: Willow?

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Speaker 2: What's up? What you want to talk about today?

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Speaker 3: I mean, I'm just trying to catch you vibe, but like, uh,

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Speaker 3: I don't. We could talk about when I went fifteen

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00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:05,200
Speaker 3: thousand dollars in credit cards debt over two years because

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Speaker 3: I was being manic.

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00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:09,919
Speaker 2: We can talk about that if you would, like, what

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Speaker 2: did you spend fifteen thousand dollars on?

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Speaker 3: So it was really stupid. I had just gotten out

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Speaker 3: of a divorce and I was just like, all right,

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Speaker 3: I'm going to reclaim my shit. So sorry, I can't breathe.

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Speaker 3: I'm like shaking right now.

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00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:29,000
Speaker 2: Tell me, let me know if you if you need,

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00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,439
Speaker 2: if you need a second, we can do some breathing

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Speaker 2: exercises or something. I'm open.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, let's do that, all right?

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Speaker 1: One?

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00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:40,520
Speaker 2: All right? Obviously wearing counts of ten one? Two?

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Speaker 1: Was it?

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Speaker 2: Were those two breaths good enough for you? Do you

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Speaker 2: want to do the whole?

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Speaker 3: That was beautiful?

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Speaker 1: Thank you?

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Speaker 2: Okay?

439
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:49,200
Speaker 1: Great?

440
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:49,720
Speaker 2: Great?

441
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:50,200
Speaker 4: Okay.

442
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:54,160
Speaker 3: So I went into like the era of me, if

443
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:57,760
Speaker 3: that makes sense. So I spent a lot of money

444
00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:00,880
Speaker 3: on clothes, but like the main thing was on rays,

445
00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:02,440
Speaker 3: which was shit ton of raise.

446
00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:08,240
Speaker 2: How many raves is fifteen thousand dollars worth of raves?

447
00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:18,080
Speaker 4: Well over two years? Probably like eighty. But a lot

448
00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:19,760
Speaker 4: of it was that, like I had.

449
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:21,720
Speaker 3: To take an uber like forty minutes away because I

450
00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 3: don't have a car, And at first I was going

451
00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 3: by myself for like the first year, and then I

452
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:28,440
Speaker 3: met some people.

453
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 1: So it was fine.

454
00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:33,560
Speaker 2: You went to eighty raves over the course of two years.

455
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 4: I mean that's an estimate, but yeah.

456
00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:37,760
Speaker 2: Probably were they all in the same.

457
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:41,320
Speaker 3: State, Yeah, they're on Dallas.

458
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:49,160
Speaker 2: Oh wow, Were you doing a lot of MDMA.

459
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:48,879
Speaker 4: No, I've actually only done it one time.

460
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:51,720
Speaker 2: Really, I just want to buy.

461
00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:51,879
Speaker 1: It, you know.

462
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:54,120
Speaker 2: No, that's good. I mean if you had done MDMA

463
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:56,639
Speaker 2: eighty times in the last two years, you would absolutely

464
00:27:56,680 --> 00:28:02,720
Speaker 2: be done right now. No, you'd be dead. So all right,

465
00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:06,040
Speaker 2: So you went through a divorce, yeah, and you went

466
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:11,720
Speaker 2: rave mode? Did you did this debt? Are you still

467
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:14,440
Speaker 2: in debt? Are you still in fifteen thousand dollars a debt?

468
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:16,760
Speaker 3: I'm in thirteen thousand dollars in debt?

469
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:22,360
Speaker 2: Now, okay? Is that negatively impacting your life?

470
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:26,000
Speaker 4: Absolutely? This is all I think about. I'm so fucking shressed.

471
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:32,119
Speaker 2: What do you? How old are you? Willow?

472
00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:33,720
Speaker 4: I'm twenty six?

473
00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:36,640
Speaker 2: Okay? Wait? When did you go on this rave.

474
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:39,760
Speaker 4: Journey when I was like twenty four?

475
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:43,000
Speaker 2: Okay? And it's all the debt because of the raves?

476
00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:48,040
Speaker 4: Oh, I mean mostly yeah, that's that's the main cause.

477
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:52,800
Speaker 2: I would say, did you did you do you regret it?

478
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:53,760
Speaker 2: Or did you have a good time?

479
00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:57,400
Speaker 4: Hell no, it was amazing. I fucking loved raving. It's

480
00:28:57,440 --> 00:28:58,480
Speaker 4: such a good community.

481
00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:04,080
Speaker 2: I mean that's good because that's the thing, right if

482
00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:06,200
Speaker 2: you're gonna get yourself ato thirteen thousand dollars of debt.

483
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:09,440
Speaker 2: You might as well look back on those rays finally

484
00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 2: or else?

485
00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:11,840
Speaker 4: What was the point exactly?

486
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:14,560
Speaker 3: And like I started with going to like larger ones,

487
00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:16,040
Speaker 3: but now I got I go to a lot of

488
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:18,479
Speaker 3: local shows and it's even better and it's cheaper.

489
00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:25,280
Speaker 2: So people are gonna hate me for this. It's fine,

490
00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:27,840
Speaker 2: I get it. I'm not gonna get invited to the

491
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:30,760
Speaker 2: cool parties anymore. No, no, No cool DJs are gonna

492
00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:32,920
Speaker 2: want to come on my show. Everyone's gonna think I suck,

493
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:34,360
Speaker 2: But I'm just gonna say it. It's how I feel.

494
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:37,640
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure I've said it before, but I have

495
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:45,400
Speaker 2: a thing all edm mm hmm. Kind of sounds exactly

496
00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:46,160
Speaker 2: the same to me.

497
00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:50,960
Speaker 3: Well, you're not getting deep into it enough. I've been

498
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:53,200
Speaker 3: listening to since I was like ten, though, so like

499
00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:55,240
Speaker 3: I feel like i've been.

500
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:55,800
Speaker 4: Here a minute.

501
00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:59,520
Speaker 2: I'm gonna tell a story real quick. I'm almost positive

502
00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:02,239
Speaker 2: I've hold this on the podcast before, and you've been

503
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:03,920
Speaker 2: if you've been listening for three years, can you tell

504
00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:05,720
Speaker 2: me if you've heard me told this story before and

505
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:07,760
Speaker 2: about me, and tell me if you've heard me tell

506
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:10,800
Speaker 2: this before. I was at I was at d C

507
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:15,160
Speaker 2: Great Festival whether you're into electronic music or not, if

508
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:17,280
Speaker 2: you ever get the chance to d C fucking rocks.

509
00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:21,160
Speaker 2: I was at e DC and I was with these

510
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:25,520
Speaker 2: people and this guy like we're at we're at this

511
00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:30,160
Speaker 2: uh tent or whatever, and there's a DJ playing and

512
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:33,520
Speaker 2: this guy that is in this group, he turns to

513
00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:36,400
Speaker 2: the group and he goes, this is like, this is

514
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:40,880
Speaker 2: like mainstream d M music. This is like kind of

515
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:44,520
Speaker 2: like the your basic kind of d M that like

516
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:46,840
Speaker 2: everyone listens to. This is like the popular stuff. This

517
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:50,760
Speaker 2: is the mainstream stuff. Later on, deeper into the night,

518
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 2: we're gonna go to this other tent and that's where

519
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:59,000
Speaker 2: we're gonna hear the real underground stuff. Like this is

520
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 2: the good this is the good stuff. So what we're

521
00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 2: watching right now, this is nothing. Right later on, we're

522
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:04,400
Speaker 2: gonna go to this other tent. We're gonna hear the real,

523
00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:07,120
Speaker 2: true underground electronic music. Okay.

524
00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:08,480
Speaker 1: Yeah.

525
00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:13,040
Speaker 2: An hour later, a couple hours later, we go to

526
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:16,600
Speaker 2: a tent, a different tent, and the guy says, now,

527
00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:20,120
Speaker 2: this this is the real underground electronic stuff. This is

528
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:21,400
Speaker 2: like the real this is like what I listened to

529
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 2: is a real and willow. Yeah, it fucking sounded exactly

530
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:28,760
Speaker 2: the same.

531
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:32,040
Speaker 4: Well, what kind of edim was it?

532
00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:32,480
Speaker 1: Though?

533
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:36,160
Speaker 4: Like house music, gub stub? Do you even know? It?

534
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:45,240
Speaker 5: Went like, it's all the same, And I know I'm

535
00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:46,280
Speaker 5: not here to shoot on your hobbit.

536
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:47,400
Speaker 2: By the way, by the way, by the way, I

537
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:50,200
Speaker 2: know I sound like a grinch. I like I like raves,

538
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:52,760
Speaker 2: I like idiom, I like the see, I like the like.

539
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:55,200
Speaker 2: I like the scene of it, you know, I like

540
00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:57,440
Speaker 2: the scene. I love like anytime I've got gone to

541
00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:59,560
Speaker 2: a music festival or a rave. It's it's so much

542
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:04,040
Speaker 2: fun for the scene. But it just unfortunately sounds very

543
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:04,680
Speaker 2: similar to me.

544
00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:07,520
Speaker 3: No, dude, you don't get it.

545
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:10,280
Speaker 2: I don't I don't get it. I don't get it.

546
00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:13,120
Speaker 2: I don't get it. I'm this is me said. It's

547
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:16,120
Speaker 2: not me shitting on it. It's not me saying that

548
00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:18,920
Speaker 2: people who like it are stupid. It is me saying,

549
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:20,280
Speaker 2: truly that I do not get it.

550
00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:23,520
Speaker 3: You said you like country music, right, I like a lot.

551
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:24,120
Speaker 2: Of kinds of music.

552
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:28,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't like country music because that all sounds

553
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:28,840
Speaker 3: the same to me.

554
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:32,080
Speaker 2: I don't really listen to it. I've just been listening

555
00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:34,760
Speaker 2: to like old stuff, like I'm listening to like Johnny

556
00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:36,040
Speaker 2: Cash and oh I.

557
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:38,080
Speaker 3: Love Johnny Cash's Johnny Cash.

558
00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:40,200
Speaker 2: Like I don't. I don't know a single who like

559
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:43,800
Speaker 2: Brad Paisley, who I've never like. I couldn't name a

560
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:49,719
Speaker 2: single song from him. All right, so you're in thirteen

561
00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:52,520
Speaker 2: thousand dollars. This was fun. We got to forget about

562
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:54,880
Speaker 2: being in credit card debt for two seconds.

563
00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:56,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's always.

564
00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:58,880
Speaker 2: Nice, David, job.

565
00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:00,840
Speaker 5: I do.

566
00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 3: I'm a beauty salesperson for a big retail store.

567
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:09,000
Speaker 2: Okay, when you said all right, you're because when you

568
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:11,280
Speaker 2: said I'm a beauty salesperson, I was about to wonder

569
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:13,240
Speaker 2: if you were in an MLM, but I don't. You

570
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:16,360
Speaker 2: don't seem like you are. Oh, what do you know?

571
00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:18,160
Speaker 2: An MLM is? No?

572
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 5: What is that?

573
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:20,920
Speaker 2: Have you ever had a high school friend message you

574
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:24,080
Speaker 2: on Facebook being like, hey, Girley, I have a great

575
00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:27,880
Speaker 2: deal on these Uh oh oh yeah, PARI straight nerds.

576
00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:28,840
Speaker 2: You know what I'm talking about.

577
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:30,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, I know it's not like that.

578
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:31,280
Speaker 1: Uh.

579
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:33,120
Speaker 2: Do you like your job?

580
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:36,520
Speaker 3: I fucking hate it, But I've been there for seven years,

581
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:38,240
Speaker 3: so it's kind of complexting.

582
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:38,840
Speaker 4: I don't know.

583
00:33:38,840 --> 00:33:45,840
Speaker 2: How you since you were nineteen. Yeah, dude, what would

584
00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:46,440
Speaker 2: you do instead?

585
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:48,800
Speaker 4: That's the thing.

586
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:51,560
Speaker 3: I don't know, Like I feel like I have no direction.

587
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:54,400
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.

588
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:57,800
Speaker 3: Like I'd like to do something with music, Like I

589
00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:03,240
Speaker 3: really like helping people get more exposure, but like I

590
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:03,760
Speaker 3: don't know what I.

591
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:04,600
Speaker 4: Could do with that, you know?

592
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 1: Hmm?

593
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:17,920
Speaker 2: What about uh you? I mean, I mean I here, Well, okay,

594
00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:21,440
Speaker 2: you've after going to eighty raves, I assume you've got

595
00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:23,279
Speaker 2: friends in the rave community.

596
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:24,439
Speaker 4: Oh a ton?

597
00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:27,799
Speaker 2: Have you asked around and seen, you know, what, what

598
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:31,400
Speaker 2: opportunities may exist in in for making money and working

599
00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:32,960
Speaker 2: at raves and things like that.

600
00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:37,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, but here's the thing, Like I don't I don't

601
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:39,400
Speaker 3: have a car either, and most of that's like forty

602
00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:40,520
Speaker 3: five minutes away from me.

603
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:41,640
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.

604
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:47,680
Speaker 2: Do they do they pay you well enough at the

605
00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:48,760
Speaker 2: at the retailer place?

606
00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:50,000
Speaker 4: No?

607
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:52,800
Speaker 2: Have you gotten to raise at least after seven.

608
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:54,200
Speaker 1: Years you think?

609
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:54,520
Speaker 2: Right?

610
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:58,120
Speaker 3: So I make fifty cents more than somebody that started yesterday.

611
00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:01,680
Speaker 2: That's fucking crazy, it.

612
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:02,120
Speaker 4: Is, dude.

613
00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:04,560
Speaker 3: And like they're always like praising me for how good

614
00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:06,399
Speaker 3: I work, the like where's the money though?

615
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:13,800
Speaker 2: Mm hmm? I mean, could you get a different job?

616
00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:18,480
Speaker 3: I mean probably, But like I'm scared because like they

617
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:21,240
Speaker 3: have really good like benefits like health insurance and stuff,

618
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:23,279
Speaker 3: and like I need that because I take like four

619
00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:24,359
Speaker 3: different medications.

620
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:25,680
Speaker 4: I'm all fucked up.

621
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:35,320
Speaker 2: Mmm mmmm, well, I'm glad. I'm glad that the raves

622
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:37,120
Speaker 2: were fun. Do you still go to raves?

623
00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:38,319
Speaker 1: Oh?

624
00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:41,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I cut down drastically. I've only gotten one

625
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 3: so far this year, trying to do like one a

626
00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:47,520
Speaker 3: month in the more because it was really messing up

627
00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 3: my sleep schedule and I was going to work like

628
00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:52,120
Speaker 3: hungover a lot, and I was coming in late all

629
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:54,839
Speaker 3: the time, and I almost lost my job like three times.

630
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:57,320
Speaker 2: You ever, I do you have an interest in making music?

631
00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:00,160
Speaker 4: What? No, I don't know.

632
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 3: I really don't.

633
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:04,879
Speaker 4: A lot of my friends make music, but it's not

634
00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:05,160
Speaker 4: for me.

635
00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:08,320
Speaker 2: Who's your favorite d M person?

636
00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:09,359
Speaker 4: Oh?

637
00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:21,720
Speaker 3: My god, right now, my god, I really like insect?

638
00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:29,840
Speaker 2: Who's insect? Who's whose insect?

639
00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:31,799
Speaker 4: He's a He's a rhythm DJ.

640
00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:37,320
Speaker 2: He's a rhythm D Yeah, he was really? Is aren't

641
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:40,000
Speaker 2: all is it? Aren't? Is it all music about rhythm?

642
00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:42,480
Speaker 4: Kind of not rhythm?

643
00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:48,719
Speaker 3: Rhythm R I D D I m oh what is rhythm?

644
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:49,600
Speaker 4: So rhythm?

645
00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:54,160
Speaker 3: Like it's a sub genre of duve stuff, but it's

646
00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:57,239
Speaker 3: you would hate it. It's very super repetitive. But like

647
00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:00,160
Speaker 3: you can like throw ass to it, you can't and

648
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:01,440
Speaker 3: do some high knees to it.

649
00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:03,879
Speaker 4: Those are the main two things people do. But it's

650
00:37:03,960 --> 00:37:05,600
Speaker 4: just it gets the crowd jumpy.

651
00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:07,720
Speaker 2: Why do you assume I would hate.

652
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:11,480
Speaker 3: It because it's very repetitive, Like the whole song, so

653
00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:14,399
Speaker 3: all of it's very repetitive. Like I get why it's

654
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:15,320
Speaker 3: not for all people.

655
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:19,640
Speaker 2: Wait, you know what, I'm glad you brought this up

656
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:22,759
Speaker 2: because I was in a McDonald's a few days ago.

657
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:24,040
Speaker 2: I know, I've been talking a bunch of shit on

658
00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:25,680
Speaker 2: here about how I'm gonna get ripped. But I was

659
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:29,120
Speaker 2: in a McDonald's a few days ago and there was

660
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:34,920
Speaker 2: a song playing and it was the same beat, just

661
00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:37,839
Speaker 2: over and over and over and over and over and

662
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:42,160
Speaker 2: over again. And my friends and I thought that like

663
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:46,239
Speaker 2: it was stuck or something was broken. Yeah, but I

664
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:47,799
Speaker 2: wish I had known at the time, because I would

665
00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:51,600
Speaker 2: have been like, oh, it's just rhythm.

666
00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:55,280
Speaker 3: Maybe maybe, But I feel like a lot of people

667
00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:59,319
Speaker 3: at raves are neurodivergent, and like from me, I have ADHD,

668
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:01,160
Speaker 3: and so I like repetitive stuff.

669
00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:07,520
Speaker 2: Oh, so the repetitive nature like the Oh, there's something

670
00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:10,720
Speaker 2: fulfilling to the sense of OCD that you might have.

671
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:13,839
Speaker 4: To ADHD.

672
00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:21,400
Speaker 2: Something something about the repetitive nature fulfills your ADHD yeh focus.

673
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:23,320
Speaker 4: I don't know, man.

674
00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:28,000
Speaker 2: Willow, before we go, I just I'll just I'll throw

675
00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:32,680
Speaker 2: a hail Mary out here before we go? Is there

676
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:36,360
Speaker 2: any if I if I wanted to make the experience

677
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:39,440
Speaker 2: of this phone call the most positive experience for you

678
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:41,600
Speaker 2: that it could be, if I wanted to be of

679
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:44,240
Speaker 2: any assistance to you in any way, shape or form,

680
00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:46,440
Speaker 2: if I wanted you to hang up the phone and

681
00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:47,799
Speaker 2: be like, you know what, that was worthy of my

682
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:50,120
Speaker 2: time to talk to the gecko guy for twenty minutes

683
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:52,279
Speaker 2: or however long we've been talking for. What would that

684
00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:53,759
Speaker 2: what would that look like? Is there anything else I

685
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:56,239
Speaker 2: can do for you before before we go?

686
00:38:57,040 --> 00:38:58,840
Speaker 4: I don't know. I just feel like this was a

687
00:38:58,960 --> 00:38:59,640
Speaker 4: horrible call.

688
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:01,000
Speaker 3: Not I'm not on your side.

689
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:01,640
Speaker 4: On my side.

690
00:39:01,719 --> 00:39:03,120
Speaker 2: Why do you feel like this is a horrible call?

691
00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:06,480
Speaker 3: Because because I felt like I was talking about nothing

692
00:39:06,520 --> 00:39:08,040
Speaker 3: and I was talking about raves too much.

693
00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:08,960
Speaker 4: I don't know.

694
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:12,040
Speaker 2: Do you think it would have been a better call

695
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:17,480
Speaker 2: if you talked about something horribly depressing. Maybe I don't

696
00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:21,279
Speaker 2: think so. No, No, I think this was a good call.

697
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:23,640
Speaker 2: I enjoy I enjoyed having this conversation. I felt very

698
00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:28,719
Speaker 2: present and engaged the entire time. Beautiful, did you.

699
00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:32,560
Speaker 3: Yes, I've just been really nervous this whole time.

700
00:39:33,719 --> 00:39:37,480
Speaker 2: You sound super chill.

701
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:42,000
Speaker 4: Listen. I'm really good at faking it. Thank you?

702
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:45,160
Speaker 2: Well? Is there anything else you wanted to I'm sorry

703
00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:48,600
Speaker 2: I couldn't help you with your debt in any better way.

704
00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:50,920
Speaker 2: I feel like this. I've said this up three times.

705
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:53,600
Speaker 2: I say this on every podcast, but I feel like

706
00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:57,680
Speaker 2: I'm becoming the Dave Ramsey Show, where like I'm like,

707
00:39:57,680 --> 00:39:59,439
Speaker 2: all right, let's look at your budget. You know, let's

708
00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:01,839
Speaker 2: let's that's all in the books here. But we don't

709
00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:02,319
Speaker 2: do that.

710
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:04,719
Speaker 4: I just I just go with the flow. Everything's for

711
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:06,000
Speaker 4: the plot. I'll be fine.

712
00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:10,839
Speaker 2: I think you will too, Willow. Is there anything else

713
00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:12,560
Speaker 2: you want to say to the people of the computer

714
00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:13,120
Speaker 2: before we go?

715
00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:18,800
Speaker 4: I mean, if you're gonna folk around, you're gonna find out.

716
00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:26,560
Speaker 2: Words if you If you understand one thing, uh, it

717
00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:31,520
Speaker 2: should probably be that. I suppose tell ya take care well.

718
00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:31,840
Speaker 2: Thank you?

719
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:33,960
Speaker 1: For calling y bye.

720
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:39,279
Speaker 2: Oh I'm gonna make my own form of e DM.

721
00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:43,960
Speaker 2: I'm gonna call it g DM Gecko Dance Music, and

722
00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:49,640
Speaker 2: it's just gonna be a bunch of lizard clicks. Someone

723
00:40:49,719 --> 00:40:50,719
Speaker 2: make that a beat.

724
00:40:54,200 --> 00:40:54,319
Speaker 1: Hi.

725
00:40:54,840 --> 00:41:00,600
Speaker 2: Hi, what's your name? My name is Donata, Donada, what's

726
00:41:00,640 --> 00:41:02,239
Speaker 2: up to Nada? I'm not going to make the joke,

727
00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:02,880
Speaker 2: thank you.

728
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:04,960
Speaker 4: You already made it in Seattle when I was up

729
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:06,520
Speaker 4: on stage at your shoes.

730
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:08,080
Speaker 2: Wait, you were up, but you were on stage at

731
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:08,439
Speaker 2: my show?

732
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:11,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, in Seattle, Like I think that was last year.

733
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:13,200
Speaker 2: Oh shit, I made the joke.

734
00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:15,200
Speaker 4: Yeah you did.

735
00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:16,440
Speaker 2: What did I say?

736
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:21,400
Speaker 4: You were like, oh, that's like you're welcome in Spanish

737
00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:23,480
Speaker 4: or something like that. I get it a bunch of times.

738
00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:27,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, sorry, that was stupid. Why what did we talk

739
00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:28,840
Speaker 2: about on stage?

740
00:41:30,440 --> 00:41:34,719
Speaker 4: I experienced U sober ego death, just realizing I was

741
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:37,279
Speaker 4: the problem. I don't know if you remember that at all.

742
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:40,799
Speaker 2: Was that this past year or was that twenty twenty two?

743
00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:46,320
Speaker 4: I honestly don't remember. Time is time is strange.

744
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:50,800
Speaker 2: Time is strange. Well, I guess if I don't remember,

745
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:53,879
Speaker 2: that means that means you're new to me. So good.

746
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:56,560
Speaker 2: Nice to see you again or meet you? Yeah again.

747
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:58,800
Speaker 2: Nice to nice to hear from people.

748
00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:01,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, well you talk to a lot of people.

749
00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:05,000
Speaker 2: So yeah, well Donada, what's up. What do you want

750
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:05,680
Speaker 2: to talk about today?

751
00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:09,440
Speaker 4: I wanted to talk about dying.

752
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:14,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, tell me more.

753
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:20,080
Speaker 4: Like lately, I've just been like trying to make the

754
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:22,600
Speaker 4: most of my life, you know, making all the connections

755
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:27,600
Speaker 4: that I need, And lately I've been pretty satisfied, and

756
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:30,600
Speaker 4: I've just thought to myself, like I can keep going

757
00:42:30,719 --> 00:42:32,839
Speaker 4: like this, and I think I'll be pretty alright times. Look,

758
00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:36,319
Speaker 4: it's tough, but like eventually, I think I just want

759
00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:38,400
Speaker 4: to like I feel like at one point I'll just

760
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:40,759
Speaker 4: be like done doing everything that I want to do

761
00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:44,279
Speaker 4: and I'll just want to like die on my own

762
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:47,080
Speaker 4: terms because like i'd rather do that if I live,

763
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:50,719
Speaker 4: like to be eighty or something rather than you know,

764
00:42:50,840 --> 00:42:51,759
Speaker 4: Diahrisic death.

765
00:42:54,160 --> 00:42:58,439
Speaker 2: Interesting. So you're okay, So you're telling me you want

766
00:42:58,440 --> 00:42:59,920
Speaker 2: to do everything you want to. You have this like

767
00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:03,120
Speaker 2: list of everything that you want to do, and you're

768
00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:05,719
Speaker 2: going to do it, and then you're gonna be like

769
00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:08,480
Speaker 2: you know and not in like, oh I want to

770
00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:10,440
Speaker 2: I'm so sad. I want to kill myself way, but

771
00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:13,160
Speaker 2: in like you know what, like in the way that

772
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:17,160
Speaker 2: they ended the office, they were like, we did twelve

773
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:21,800
Speaker 2: fourteen whatever, how many seasons? You know, every every great

774
00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:25,759
Speaker 2: show has to have a series finale. Let's check out

775
00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:27,600
Speaker 2: like that that kind that kind of thing.

776
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:31,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, I like Saws documentary of this French woman who

777
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:35,640
Speaker 4: just like ethanized herself at the age of like seventy something.

778
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:38,680
Speaker 4: She's like, I lived my life, I did everything that

779
00:43:38,719 --> 00:43:41,799
Speaker 4: I wanted to do, and she died listening to her

780
00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:45,160
Speaker 4: favorite records, rounded by her family and people she loved.

781
00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:47,640
Speaker 4: And I thought that was kind of nice actually, like

782
00:43:47,680 --> 00:43:50,560
Speaker 4: I'd rather go that way than get hit by a

783
00:43:50,560 --> 00:43:52,200
Speaker 4: car something like that.

784
00:43:54,880 --> 00:43:57,319
Speaker 2: Oh so, I mean, are you well, how old are

785
00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:57,680
Speaker 2: you now?

786
00:43:59,000 --> 00:43:59,879
Speaker 4: I'm twenty five.

787
00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:04,080
Speaker 2: Okay, you're twenty five. You're already thinking about I mean,

788
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:06,359
Speaker 2: Jesus how much? When When would you do this?

789
00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:11,240
Speaker 4: I don't know, maybe when I'm eighty.

790
00:44:11,239 --> 00:44:14,000
Speaker 2: Oh you know what, I think at eighty years old,

791
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:15,800
Speaker 2: you should definitely be allowed to kill yourself.

792
00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:20,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, because like I'm chronically ill, Like I don't even

793
00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:22,520
Speaker 4: know falsey eighty, but like I have a chronic illness,

794
00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:25,960
Speaker 4: and it's like i'd rather, I'd rather pass peacefully surrounded

795
00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:29,600
Speaker 4: by people. I love listening to music, I like, you know,

796
00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:32,960
Speaker 4: eating good food, rather than you know, like slowly with

797
00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:36,719
Speaker 4: or away and be shitting myself forever until I'm like

798
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:38,479
Speaker 4: ninety five, you.

799
00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:47,439
Speaker 2: Know, kind of why are you why? I'm curious, why

800
00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:49,919
Speaker 2: do you? Why are you thinking about this so much?

801
00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:54,880
Speaker 2: If it's so far away?

802
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:57,160
Speaker 4: I mean, just thinking about death makes me think about

803
00:44:57,200 --> 00:44:59,279
Speaker 4: the things that I actually care about and want to do.

804
00:44:59,719 --> 00:45:02,759
Speaker 4: Like I'm kind of working backwards here, if that makes sense.

805
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:09,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it's uh it, what is it? It's it's

806
00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:14,880
Speaker 2: memento moriy you know what that means. I've heard of it,

807
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:18,759
Speaker 2: but no, I think it's Latin or some ship. And

808
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:23,840
Speaker 2: it's like remember remembering death every day. Every day you

809
00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:26,840
Speaker 2: remember that you're going to die, and it boot it

810
00:45:26,880 --> 00:45:32,440
Speaker 2: beefs you up to want to do ship, you know.

811
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:36,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like I was listening to your rant and I

812
00:45:36,080 --> 00:45:39,440
Speaker 4: thought like, yeah, life is fickle and you do have

813
00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:41,640
Speaker 4: some agency over it, so like, might as well go

814
00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:44,120
Speaker 4: do the ship that you want to do before you

815
00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:46,279
Speaker 4: get hit by a car or something or you know,

816
00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:48,080
Speaker 4: because you could die any.

817
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:52,120
Speaker 2: More any moment. You could die at any moment, and

818
00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:55,000
Speaker 2: it doesn't. It won't even be fair, you know what

819
00:45:55,000 --> 00:46:00,680
Speaker 2: I mean. There's no such thing. There's no central arbiter

820
00:46:00,760 --> 00:46:03,439
Speaker 2: of the universe making sure that everything is fair and

821
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:10,080
Speaker 2: cool and good. There is just randomness and chaos. There's

822
00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:15,880
Speaker 2: no God. Maybe I don't know, but yeah, it's all crazy.

823
00:46:15,960 --> 00:46:17,920
Speaker 2: It's just all craziness. What do you want to do.

824
00:46:20,560 --> 00:46:23,680
Speaker 4: I'm planning on moving into a van and you know,

825
00:46:23,719 --> 00:46:27,440
Speaker 4: going across the US and just seeing all the national parks,

826
00:46:29,440 --> 00:46:32,000
Speaker 4: go on backpacking trips around the US when I'm at it,

827
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:35,239
Speaker 4: and then maybe someday go to Europe, and then I'll

828
00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:38,200
Speaker 4: travel to Asia. I specifically want to go to Vietnam

829
00:46:38,239 --> 00:46:42,319
Speaker 4: because I have family there, you know, travel see the world,

830
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:45,560
Speaker 4: meet people, and then if I get too old or

831
00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:50,080
Speaker 4: if my body doesn't let me, I'll probably like buy

832
00:46:50,120 --> 00:46:54,480
Speaker 4: some land, maybe do some sort of homestead thing, and

833
00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:57,080
Speaker 4: then I'll have whenever I choose to, like when I'm

834
00:46:57,120 --> 00:47:00,000
Speaker 4: eighty or something, I'll pass away peacefully surrounded by every

835
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:00,520
Speaker 4: when I love.

836
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:07,279
Speaker 2: That sounds great. That's the best life plan I've ever

837
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:10,000
Speaker 2: heard from. Somebody who started a call talking about how

838
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:17,520
Speaker 2: they want to kill themselves, I think, yeah, that's great.

839
00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:20,040
Speaker 2: I so you want to travel everywhere you want to?

840
00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:21,759
Speaker 2: You're a you got the travel bug?

841
00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:30,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, like, oh, go ahead, No, I think I talk

842
00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:31,600
Speaker 4: about this ship way too much.

843
00:47:31,600 --> 00:47:34,879
Speaker 2: But I'd love to go to Vietnam one day.

844
00:47:35,040 --> 00:47:35,360
Speaker 4: Really.

845
00:47:35,880 --> 00:47:38,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've always thought about I've never I've never been,

846
00:47:38,080 --> 00:47:40,040
Speaker 2: but I've never been. But I want to retire there

847
00:47:40,120 --> 00:47:43,560
Speaker 2: because I've heard you can, like you can just live

848
00:47:43,600 --> 00:47:45,680
Speaker 2: there off of like a thousand dollars a month. That's

849
00:47:45,680 --> 00:47:47,479
Speaker 2: probably not true, but that's what I heard.

850
00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:51,160
Speaker 4: I don't know. I don't know how the true true

851
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:55,440
Speaker 4: that is today, but like I know, the food's really good.

852
00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:56,560
Speaker 4: I want to eat all the food.

853
00:47:58,000 --> 00:47:59,960
Speaker 2: You were asking me something and I talked.

854
00:47:59,800 --> 00:48:02,560
Speaker 4: To you, Oh would you ever do the gecko thing

855
00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:03,080
Speaker 4: in Vietnam?

856
00:48:03,560 --> 00:48:05,840
Speaker 2: Fuck? Yeah, I do the gecko thing in Vietnam everywhere

857
00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:08,000
Speaker 2: I for the rest of my life, everywhere I go,

858
00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:09,960
Speaker 2: I'm gonna do the gecko thing easy.

859
00:48:10,560 --> 00:48:11,240
Speaker 4: That's awesome.

860
00:48:13,040 --> 00:48:14,880
Speaker 2: I mean it's a great way to see places and

861
00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:18,840
Speaker 2: do stuff. Yeah, so how do you want to do that?

862
00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:20,560
Speaker 2: You want to do it? Like a it we thinking

863
00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:22,759
Speaker 2: like a shot. We think and like, OK, so it

864
00:48:22,920 --> 00:48:24,759
Speaker 2: is that legal? Is it? Lee? Can you go to

865
00:48:24,800 --> 00:48:27,560
Speaker 2: a I've heard of the death doctor, you know.

866
00:48:28,320 --> 00:48:30,759
Speaker 4: I I honestly don't know. I haven't thought about it

867
00:48:30,760 --> 00:48:33,600
Speaker 4: that much. But like I think they just like do

868
00:48:33,719 --> 00:48:36,600
Speaker 4: it through like ivy and you kind of like slowly

869
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:39,239
Speaker 4: fade out. I think that's how I'd like to do it.

870
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:43,040
Speaker 2: Mm hmm. You know, normally i'd say it's not healthy

871
00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:46,600
Speaker 2: to think about how you're going to kill yourself when

872
00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:49,320
Speaker 2: you're eighty, but I understand the impetus behind it, because

873
00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:52,000
Speaker 2: it gets you fired up to want to do stuff.

874
00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:54,720
Speaker 2: Like it's a weirdly motivating factor.

875
00:48:55,880 --> 00:48:58,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, Because like I used to be in a position

876
00:48:58,920 --> 00:49:02,360
Speaker 4: where you know, I didn't find that life was worth living.

877
00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:05,120
Speaker 4: But like you know, I was able to make a

878
00:49:05,160 --> 00:49:08,239
Speaker 4: lot out of these past few years, Like I have

879
00:49:08,280 --> 00:49:14,680
Speaker 4: a really loving, supporting partner, and I've you know, made

880
00:49:14,960 --> 00:49:18,360
Speaker 4: like a life for myself, and I feel like I

881
00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:21,440
Speaker 4: have a pretty good relationship with my family now. And

882
00:49:21,480 --> 00:49:25,880
Speaker 4: it's just like you know, I got I've made the

883
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:27,720
Speaker 4: most of this and I just want to keep going.

884
00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:31,399
Speaker 4: But it's like I don't want to. I don't want

885
00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:34,320
Speaker 4: to end my Like I don't want my life ending

886
00:49:34,360 --> 00:49:35,720
Speaker 4: where I'm in a place of despair.

887
00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:39,880
Speaker 2: You know, do you how do you feel now? Do

888
00:49:39,920 --> 00:49:43,640
Speaker 2: you feel despair or do you feel whatever? The opposite

889
00:49:43,680 --> 00:49:44,520
Speaker 2: of that word is.

890
00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:48,640
Speaker 4: Happy. Yeah, I'm pretty satisfied.

891
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:54,160
Speaker 2: What advice do you have for people who feel like

892
00:49:54,239 --> 00:49:56,160
Speaker 2: who are in a pit of despair? What would you

893
00:49:56,160 --> 00:50:01,040
Speaker 2: tell them?

894
00:50:01,160 --> 00:50:01,239
Speaker 1: Like?

895
00:50:03,239 --> 00:50:07,040
Speaker 4: It does get better? Like the thing about feelings is

896
00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:11,240
Speaker 4: that they're only really temporary. And when you deny yourself

897
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:15,880
Speaker 4: the ability to feel the feelings that you are feeling

898
00:50:15,960 --> 00:50:19,880
Speaker 4: right now, genuinely and deeply and holy, you're only gonna

899
00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:26,040
Speaker 4: like extend the suffering. You know. Just embrace how you're

900
00:50:26,040 --> 00:50:28,440
Speaker 4: feeling right now. Try to push away the shame in

901
00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:30,440
Speaker 4: the guilt or whatever you may have.

902
00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:35,879
Speaker 2: You know, it's like holding in diarrhea.

903
00:50:37,160 --> 00:50:39,160
Speaker 4: Exactly. You're gonna.

904
00:50:42,080 --> 00:50:44,400
Speaker 2: Well, Donada, is there anything you want to say to

905
00:50:44,440 --> 00:50:46,000
Speaker 2: the people of the computer before we go?

906
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:52,120
Speaker 4: Drink water and go for a walk. If you're feeling

907
00:50:52,320 --> 00:50:54,200
Speaker 4: if you're feeling down, that's it.

908
00:50:54,960 --> 00:50:59,880
Speaker 2: Thanks to Nada, By bye. Sometimes you just got to

909
00:50:59,880 --> 00:51:01,960
Speaker 2: do it, man, Sometimes you just got a diarrhea out

910
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:04,759
Speaker 2: of your eyes. It's good to cry. I mean, I

911
00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:06,600
Speaker 2: don't think it's good to know, it's I mean, it's

912
00:51:06,640 --> 00:51:08,680
Speaker 2: good to cry sometimes. I think, if you're crying every

913
00:51:08,719 --> 00:51:12,080
Speaker 2: single day, I was doing that for a while. Can

914
00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:14,279
Speaker 2: I say that on the podcast. I'm gonna say it.

915
00:51:14,760 --> 00:51:16,719
Speaker 2: I was doing that for maybe not every single day,

916
00:51:16,800 --> 00:51:21,239
Speaker 2: was crying a lot, try to cry less. I think

917
00:51:21,239 --> 00:51:23,880
Speaker 2: it's good. I think it's good. I'm I'm happy that

918
00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:27,040
Speaker 2: I have done it, you know what I mean. Anytime

919
00:51:27,080 --> 00:51:29,279
Speaker 2: anything shitty happens, like you know, like a week of

920
00:51:29,360 --> 00:51:35,400
Speaker 2: crying or whatever, it's good because now every time, because

921
00:51:35,440 --> 00:51:38,200
Speaker 2: I know in the future life will I'll have so

922
00:51:38,239 --> 00:51:41,680
Speaker 2: many more moments where life is sick, you know, And

923
00:51:41,719 --> 00:51:45,560
Speaker 2: then every time life is sick, I can go, hey,

924
00:51:45,600 --> 00:51:48,840
Speaker 2: I remember I was crying and I thought life was

925
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:52,120
Speaker 2: bad for gonna be bad forever. But look right now,

926
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:54,680
Speaker 2: life is sick and this and life has life is

927
00:51:54,719 --> 00:52:01,040
Speaker 2: sick further along in the timeline than life. So I

928
00:52:01,080 --> 00:52:04,360
Speaker 2: have that as proof now, So next time I'm crying

929
00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:08,440
Speaker 2: and life sucks, I can think, well, all right, I

930
00:52:08,800 --> 00:52:13,960
Speaker 2: life sucked before and then got better, so that's so

931
00:52:14,120 --> 00:52:16,480
Speaker 2: it'll get better again. But then it'll also suck again

932
00:52:16,520 --> 00:52:19,680
Speaker 2: because I have that data too, And you go through

933
00:52:19,719 --> 00:52:22,920
Speaker 2: that cycle of life sucking and then being awesome and

934
00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:25,520
Speaker 2: then sucking again, and then you and then you you

935
00:52:25,640 --> 00:52:30,480
Speaker 2: you you die. So I hope that's motivating.

936
00:52:31,920 --> 00:52:35,160
Speaker 1: Goes on the line, taking your phone calls every nine

937
00:52:35,480 --> 00:52:38,200
Speaker 1: every beacon goes to it and die. He's teaching your

938
00:52:38,280 --> 00:52:39,600
Speaker 1: cloud and the memory life.

939
00:52:40,239 --> 00:52:42,040
Speaker 2: He's not ready an expert