Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazer Podcast. O N here's Nikki. Hello there,
Speaker 1: welcome to the show. It's a Nicki Glaser podcast. I'm
Speaker 1: the problem. It's me. Um. I am in Los Angeles,
Speaker 1: still um. Andrew is in St. Louis. Noah is in Arizona.
Speaker 1: A great little morning here in Santa Monica. It's beautiful outside.
Speaker 1: Walked to get Starbucks this morning. Everything's good. I'm packing.
Speaker 1: I'm going to Atlanta for a taping. I get to
Speaker 1: sleep all day on the plane. That's awesome. I love
Speaker 1: I love going on a plane all day across country.
Speaker 1: I leave it to here. I landed there. The day
Speaker 1: will be over. Um And in the plane, no one
Speaker 1: can get you. There's no obligations, there's no like urgent,
Speaker 1: like you need to do this thing. Like the world
Speaker 1: just is on pause when you're in a plane. Even
Speaker 1: though you can get WiFi, you still it's the only place,
Speaker 1: besides maybe if you go spelunking or on a hike
Speaker 1: up a like, or if you're camping, those are the
Speaker 1: only places. Plane splunking, in a cave or camping are
Speaker 1: the only times where you have an excuse that your
Speaker 1: phone is not If you're not on your hospital. Hospital
Speaker 1: couldn't Maybe surgery, yeah, if you're getting surgery, um, But
Speaker 1: hospitals have great WiFi. But you always What I'm saying
Speaker 1: is there's those the only places where you have the
Speaker 1: benefit of like the WiFi wasn't working because otherwise you
Speaker 1: can get on a network um free. You can never
Speaker 1: escape it anymore. Is Are there a lot of homeless
Speaker 1: people in Santa Monica? Is it bad? Is it as
Speaker 1: bad as people say, like when you go for a
Speaker 1: wall in Santa Monica? Isn't because it's rich people, so
Speaker 1: it's like a couple of them. Yeah, Venice, I hear,
Speaker 1: is no offense to anyone living in Venice. I hear.
Speaker 1: It's I mean, we didn't we were about to get
Speaker 1: an airbing be there and I told Chris, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I think the homeless situation is not good there, and
Speaker 1: he was like, I don't know about that. And the
Speaker 1: Texas friend like, you know, my girlfriend's a little worried
Speaker 1: about the homeless situation event and she's like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: don't come here. It's bad they you know, especially when
Speaker 1: they break up the camps, which they do every so often.
Speaker 1: Like it's just and I feel so bad for these people.
Speaker 1: They don't know anywhere to go. They don't want to
Speaker 1: be fucking homeless, they don't want to be on drugs,
Speaker 1: they don't want to like it's just it sucks for
Speaker 1: everyone involved in Um yeah, I was. I was wanting
Speaker 1: to originally live in West Hollywood, and I just was like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to do that because I was thinking
Speaker 1: about bringing out Luigi and I just didn't feel safe
Speaker 1: fucking my dog. That's why I got all these weapons.
Speaker 1: I was just so scared of being attacked because you
Speaker 1: hear about it. But um yeah, that you know, Hollywood's
Speaker 1: not great, It's not horrible, but um yeah, and the
Speaker 1: valley is nice. I mean there's places that don't have that.
Speaker 1: But man, when I used to I used to live
Speaker 1: in Silver Lake and I moved out in two thousand eighteen,
Speaker 1: and I drive over there now and like everywhere near
Speaker 1: my old apartment, which was in a nice area, like
Speaker 1: all the underpasses, homeless encampments, and like just tons of
Speaker 1: tents on the side of the road. Everyone looks like
Speaker 1: they're camping out for a Harry Styles concert or like
Speaker 1: a sail At best, it looks like Black Friday on
Speaker 1: every um they're tailgating. It's it's so sad, but I
Speaker 1: can make fun of it. Yeah, they don't have to
Speaker 1: well they get to be off the grid even Yeah,
Speaker 1: added to it, added to the list, bunking airplane homeless.
Speaker 1: Now that's not even true. They all have they all phones,
Speaker 1: and that is such a shitty thing to be, Like,
Speaker 1: I'm not giving him a book. He is a phone.
Speaker 1: A phone is It's almost like shelter and water. Now,
Speaker 1: just just because someone has a phone doesn't mean that
Speaker 1: they have enough money to get clean clothes, to go
Speaker 1: get a job, and you know, all these things. So
Speaker 1: don't be one of those things that I'm not giving.
Speaker 1: He has a phone, don't be stupid. Come on, like
Speaker 1: of Horizon, they're not like paying one twenty a month.
Speaker 1: They don't have good WiFi. They probably connect to WiFi
Speaker 1: outside of Starbucks. Like, don't act there, like how can they?
Speaker 1: You know, sometimes you'll see a people are like, well
Speaker 1: they're shaved, they have a shaved face. People love to
Speaker 1: give anything, don't care money. Yeah, even my mom will
Speaker 1: be like that guy's not really homeless. Like some people
Speaker 1: do stand out with signs and say I'm homeless and
Speaker 1: they aren't and then My mom was like, I know
Speaker 1: that motherfucker. That guy goes home. I know where he lives.
Speaker 1: There's an article about him, and I go, but isn't
Speaker 1: this humiliating? Like isn't this a job and of itself?
Speaker 1: I don't. I wouldn't do this. Would you stand on
Speaker 1: the sidewalk and and in traffic and go up to
Speaker 1: windows and have a sign? Not that I'm saying that's
Speaker 1: like we should all give to him, but it's not
Speaker 1: not work. That to me is war work than anything
Speaker 1: I would do. Or like sitting on the sidewalk with
Speaker 1: a sign and begging. That's embarrassing, it's it's shameful to
Speaker 1: these people. They get they get spit on, they get
Speaker 1: told they're people are mean to homeless people. So before
Speaker 1: you judge to one of like they're just looking for handouts,
Speaker 1: do you think they want to be on the fucking
Speaker 1: sidewalk asking for help and do like and I'm talking
Speaker 1: to all of your dad's, you know, like everyone's dad
Speaker 1: is just like this that bomb. Like I feel like
Speaker 1: dad's just don't have a lot of empathy for the homeless,
Speaker 1: like they chose it or something. I know our listeners
Speaker 1: are smarter than that. But it's just I think that
Speaker 1: there's a lot of like just they chose that, or
Speaker 1: they don't want to work. That guy in the morning,
Speaker 1: like instead of putting a suit on, he like has
Speaker 1: to throw some mud on and throw on a contours
Speaker 1: all over his face. I get it, I've done it.
Speaker 1: He doesn't rub the contour in. You ever see a
Speaker 1: girl put on contour, It's just like she was like,
Speaker 1: looks like she's putting on war paint. He just does
Speaker 1: that but doesn't rub it in. Um, it's a fucking job.
Speaker 1: You're right. You have to stand outside for people say
Speaker 1: she's using her kids. You know the women that have kids,
Speaker 1: those poor fun Give that woman money even though she
Speaker 1: might be using her kids, like she has kids. Do
Speaker 1: you think those kids want to be there? Do you
Speaker 1: think they know the difference between their mom and someone
Speaker 1: other moms? Do you think they chose that mom? Do
Speaker 1: you think they want to be there? Like, think about them.
Speaker 1: I know that the mom is shitty, maybe, like I
Speaker 1: don't know. People just have so much and I'm the
Speaker 1: same way. I can judge people so quickly about stuff
Speaker 1: and not consider like what really brought them to this moment.
Speaker 1: The other day, Chris and I got into a uh,
Speaker 1: I don't want to say fight, an argument pretty heated
Speaker 1: and it was so helpful. And I know I've shared
Speaker 1: this before, but I really I worked this tool so
Speaker 1: hard the other day. And by the tool, I mean Chris,
Speaker 1: I worked. Um, I know I worked this tool. He
Speaker 1: would not like that joke. I'm just getting baby, it
Speaker 1: was just a joke. I think he ate that more. Baby, Yeah,
Speaker 1: he might name that. I thought you were referencing his
Speaker 1: penis that tool. Oh yeah, well that later on old
Speaker 1: Nosa over there. Um, if you are just joining the podcast,
Speaker 1: that's a deep ham drip from way back when when
Speaker 1: Noah revealed Twists that she likes to take her nose
Speaker 1: and gently push it up against the ball satic scrowdum,
Speaker 1: separating the two balls with her nose into yeah on
Speaker 1: the bottom, like going up from the bottom and separating
Speaker 1: the sack at the seam with her nose and feeling
Speaker 1: each ball gently massage it is. It looks like exactly
Speaker 1: like a division sign. Yeah, like the line and the
Speaker 1: ball yeah division long ball division. But we did this thing,
Speaker 1: like I was. We were both so mad at each
Speaker 1: other about the misunderstanding about just we were both at
Speaker 1: a stalemate of like so mad and we've all been
Speaker 1: there before with our partners, of like you're so frustrated.
Speaker 1: You know that you're not getting through. Your point is
Speaker 1: not You've already made your point. They get your point
Speaker 1: and they don't care about your point, and you feel
Speaker 1: the same way about them. It's a beautiful thing. In
Speaker 1: that moment, I was like, I knew that there was
Speaker 1: no getting out of it. It's like this was either
Speaker 1: going to like not break us up, but like be
Speaker 1: a really really arduous, long time fight. And I just
Speaker 1: didn't have the energy for it. And I also just
Speaker 1: I just didn't want to, you know. It's just like
Speaker 1: this is a thing that we've gotten into before. I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't want to do this again. So
Speaker 1: I just imagined I felt my anger at how fucking
Speaker 1: angry I was at being misunderstood and and and how
Speaker 1: I actually understood and not empathized with. I felt so
Speaker 1: much anger that he wasn't getting it, wasn't apologizing right,
Speaker 1: And then I go, oh, my god, he feels the
Speaker 1: exact same way about me right now. There's no way
Speaker 1: he doesn't. And then all of a sudden, I was
Speaker 1: like Nicky just switched. Like, know that whatever you're feeling,
Speaker 1: he's feeling it towards you. He's feeling just as much frustration.
Speaker 1: He's feeling just as backed up against the wall, he's
Speaker 1: feeling just as much resistance. And I was able to
Speaker 1: just go, imagine you are in the wrong for just
Speaker 1: a second, even though you know you're not, because you're
Speaker 1: both we were both in the right in our own way.
Speaker 1: I was just like, just imagine how much he hates
Speaker 1: you right now, not hates me, but like the anger
Speaker 1: that he feels towards me right now. I know that
Speaker 1: he has it and feels sad like feel like, try
Speaker 1: to get him out of that, you know, like do
Speaker 1: what he what you want him to do for you
Speaker 1: right now? Do for him, apologize, just do even though
Speaker 1: if you don't think you're wrong, like try to find it.
Speaker 1: Was just helpful to go because one time, I remember
Speaker 1: my sister and I were fighting as kids, and I
Speaker 1: used to hate my sister like they hatured I would
Speaker 1: have for her in some moments was so raw and
Speaker 1: hot and real like and if you have a sibling,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm talking about, Like where you're just
Speaker 1: like I like, just hate and I remember one time
Speaker 1: I was like, Lauren, my sister was like, I hate
Speaker 1: you so much, like you don't even understand, like I
Speaker 1: wish you were dead. I hate you, and I go, Lauren,
Speaker 1: it's so weird. I've told this before. I'm like, I
Speaker 1: hate you too, like I feel the exact same way,
Speaker 1: like I know exactly, like I get you don't even
Speaker 1: have to communicate how much you want me to die,
Speaker 1: like I literally want you to die, like I hate
Speaker 1: you so much. And it was like brought us together
Speaker 1: because we both hated each other equally and it almost
Speaker 1: was like we have so much more in common than
Speaker 1: we think. But it always brings me back to that
Speaker 1: because I really sensed it, and my sister I was like,
Speaker 1: I just realized. I was like, oh, she feels the
Speaker 1: same way. Do you ever have that you for sure?
Speaker 1: I mean last night would would and you say the
Speaker 1: apology though last night or the other day with Chris,
Speaker 1: did you get an apology back or were you just
Speaker 1: okay with given the apology like that I said, I said, listen,
Speaker 1: I miss I misspoke. I because I did. I figured
Speaker 1: out like what the issue was, like I could find
Speaker 1: some fault I was like, my tone was not good.
Speaker 1: I was kind of looking to bring up a fight
Speaker 1: that I like, I wanted to talk about something that
Speaker 1: wasn't this, But this was kind of like the spur
Speaker 1: of it for sure, Like I I said something like,
Speaker 1: you're right, my tone wasn't good. I misspoke. I repeated
Speaker 1: back to him what he needed me to understand, and
Speaker 1: I said, do you believe me? I was like, I know,
Speaker 1: that's not what you meant. What you meant was this,
Speaker 1: even though it came off across this way to me,
Speaker 1: this is what you meant. Do you believe me? He's like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, you know? And I was like, well
Speaker 1: do you? Can you see? And after you kind of
Speaker 1: like he accepted my apology, I said, but can you
Speaker 1: see how your tone and the way you said the
Speaker 1: thing you said might lead me to get very defensive
Speaker 1: about this? And he was like, yes, I can't see that.
Speaker 1: And so then it was we Eventually, when things cooled down,
Speaker 1: we both got each other. We both apologize to each
Speaker 1: other for how we had acted. So I did get that,
Speaker 1: but I had to be the one to do it first,
Speaker 1: and not because I'm the better person or something. It
Speaker 1: just happened you know, you can't both do it at
Speaker 1: the same time, or we'd have to jinx by me
Speaker 1: a coke. That's neither of us. Soda. Well maybe, but um, yeah,
Speaker 1: that that happens. And we've talked about tone on here before.
Speaker 1: Like I have a lot of trouble with it, especially
Speaker 1: if someone's like, let's say someone's having a bad day,
Speaker 1: you know, and then the tone is then and shifted
Speaker 1: towards you, even though it has nothing to do with you.
Speaker 1: It's so shitty what they're going through that it comes
Speaker 1: towards you, and I can't help but take it personally,
Speaker 1: and I don't know how. And then I give and
Speaker 1: then I give tone back. I give tone back, you know. Um,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, well, my tone is legitimate because I
Speaker 1: was in the first half the time. You know. What
Speaker 1: I've also realized, Andrew and that you're talking about is
Speaker 1: like like even this morning, I was a little bit
Speaker 1: like upset about something and I'm not going to see
Speaker 1: him until Sunday and I'm packing to get ready and
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to like I'm just being not as cool.
Speaker 1: You're like, I'm just not being warm, And I was like,
Speaker 1: are you doing this because you want him to ask
Speaker 1: you what's wrong and the answer or do you are
Speaker 1: you doing this because you really don't want to be
Speaker 1: close to him right now and this is just a
Speaker 1: natural thing. And I was like, I'm doing it. It's
Speaker 1: a little of both, but it was mainly because I
Speaker 1: wanted him to kind of notice and ask me so
Speaker 1: I can tell him what's going on my mind because
Speaker 1: I just don't want to bring it up and feel
Speaker 1: like a nag and all those things, like I want
Speaker 1: him to like dig for it. So it was like
Speaker 1: I realized that I sometimes I am not helping the situation,
Speaker 1: Like sometimes I feel like when this is where and
Speaker 1: I saw on love is blind and this is what
Speaker 1: a trap I think relationships get into. He so let's say, um,
Speaker 1: he's in a bad mood and he comes home and
Speaker 1: I can sense it in him. He's hungry, he's tired,
Speaker 1: it's whatever. He had a bad day at work. I
Speaker 1: he I take it so personally, because I'm an adult,
Speaker 1: child's an alcoholic. I take it personally. And then instead
Speaker 1: of being nurturing to him, which is what he needs,
Speaker 1: sweet to him, which is what he needs because he's
Speaker 1: had a rough day, I take it personally and then
Speaker 1: I shut down and then I get then I get bitchy,
Speaker 1: and one person is going to feel closer to you
Speaker 1: that if you act pitchy like that's only he's that's
Speaker 1: just giving him more of what he's dealt with in
Speaker 1: his day, more of what's going on in his head.
Speaker 1: I'm like adding to it. And I see this on
Speaker 1: Love His Blind there's this couple. If you're watching it,
Speaker 1: they are um uh it's um Cole and uh Jenab
Speaker 1: Jenab I think her name is. And it's so interesting
Speaker 1: because they had sex in the morning. Cole was trying
Speaker 1: to be quiet and not wake her up and got
Speaker 1: out of bed and was like trying, you know, doing
Speaker 1: his like morning rituals. But he was being quiet and
Speaker 1: she didn't know that. I'm guessing she did not know
Speaker 1: that he knew that that that she was awake, so
Speaker 1: she thought he was giving her the silent treatment after
Speaker 1: they had sex, but all she wanted it. So then
Speaker 1: what does she do Instead of saying, why are you
Speaker 1: giving me the sound Truman, she starts fucking punishing him
Speaker 1: because she's like, I'm not gonna be the first to
Speaker 1: get hurt. I'm gonna hurt you before you hurt me,
Speaker 1: and then he all of a sudden is like, she
Speaker 1: is being so mean to me. What's going on? Then
Speaker 1: he's been back to her. So it's the cycle. It's
Speaker 1: like someone's gonna break it and just be nice to
Speaker 1: the other person. And I thought, you know, I was
Speaker 1: a little bitchy this morning because I didn't get what
Speaker 1: I needed last night in terms of something, you know,
Speaker 1: some kind of emotional connection. And the truth is he
Speaker 1: was tired. I came home late, he was like bleary
Speaker 1: eyed watching Game of Thrones, and I like walked in
Speaker 1: and turn on the lights and I'm like I want attention,
Speaker 1: and he didn't give it to me. And so this
Speaker 1: morning I'm like, I'm I really regret how I acted
Speaker 1: this morning because I was adding to what was probably
Speaker 1: he probably I went to therapy and she goes, one
Speaker 1: of you always needs to be the schmoopy, you know,
Speaker 1: like what she said, one of you needs to be
Speaker 1: the one that's like the baby, and the other needs
Speaker 1: to be really gentle. And if that baby is in
Speaker 1: a bad mood, don't respond to it with a bad mood,
Speaker 1: don't take it personally. But it is so hard not
Speaker 1: to it's so hard not to because we just want
Speaker 1: everyone to like us. That's why we're comedians, like we
Speaker 1: want everyone to like us, and when they're in a
Speaker 1: bad mood, we think it's our responsibility when it really
Speaker 1: has nothing to do with us. People get be in
Speaker 1: a bad mood despite us. You know, I know about
Speaker 1: then what is the answer to okay? If it's if
Speaker 1: it has nothing? To find out that answer right after
Speaker 1: this break, besties, I don't know, you know, but I
Speaker 1: have a new tour that is happening right now. It's
Speaker 1: called the Good Girl Tour. It is sweeping the nation,
Speaker 1: starting out in Iowa this weekend, and then I'm in Reno,
Speaker 1: I'm in um California. Have four different cities there. I
Speaker 1: am in Vermont, I am in the Providence, Rhode Island, Memphis, Tennessee, Waterloo,
Speaker 1: New York, Quercy, Pennsylvania, Oklahoma City pulls Us, Louis, Albany,
Speaker 1: Portland's Maine, New York, Hampton, New Hampshire, and then I
Speaker 1: hit Europe. So those are all the cities I'm going
Speaker 1: to be reminding you. If you know anyone in those cities,
Speaker 1: let them know they have a fun night of comedy
Speaker 1: awaiting them. Just down the street. You can go to
Speaker 1: nikulaser dot com for tickets. I would love to see
Speaker 1: you there. As always, there are meet and greets available.
Speaker 1: If you go alone, I will grant to a free
Speaker 1: meet and greet. You just have to write me going
Speaker 1: alone in all caps, your name and the city in
Speaker 1: which you're going to see me, nothing else. You don't
Speaker 1: even need to write thank you. If you write anything else,
Speaker 1: it will actually make it so I don't see the message.
Speaker 1: But you must start the message with going alone, and
Speaker 1: don't follow it up with anything, because otherwise I won't
Speaker 1: see it. It's very weird how it works. So thank
Speaker 1: you so much. And I hope I get to meet you.
Speaker 1: And if you don't go alone, meet and greet tickets
Speaker 1: are available at the merch booth. And I've got some
Speaker 1: sick merch this time around too. I can't wait to
Speaker 1: see you. I can't wait to perform for you. I
Speaker 1: can't wait to meet you. Come on out Iowa this
Speaker 1: weekend and California next weekend. So what was your question,
Speaker 1: Andrew with what is the answer? We should add in
Speaker 1: every segment with me? But what is what is the
Speaker 1: meaning of what? And why did my dad have an affair.
Speaker 1: But what is the answer, you said, you know what, like,
Speaker 1: what is the answer to go? Okay? Right? Meet meet
Speaker 1: their mood with like a hug of like hey, what
Speaker 1: thing are you okay? Do you want to talk? Be loving,
Speaker 1: be gentle, be treat them like smoopy, they're a baby.
Speaker 1: And then sometimes you get to be a baby and
Speaker 1: they treat you like one. You know, like it gets
Speaker 1: to go back and forth. It's really hard. I'll try
Speaker 1: to breathe in the moment and just take a step
Speaker 1: back and be a smoop. It doesn't come naturally. I
Speaker 1: think we all want like, well, that's not how I'm feeling,
Speaker 1: so I'm not gonna do it. It's like, well, sometimes
Speaker 1: you've gotta be the better person and and just do
Speaker 1: a harder thing to see if it gives you different results.
Speaker 1: If it doesn't, if there's still a piece of ship,
Speaker 1: then yeah, go in your bad mood, but like try
Speaker 1: maybe gentleness. Do you ever feel like you're like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm tired in a bad mood too, Like that's when
Speaker 1: my therapist session sounds. She was like, it sounds like
Speaker 1: this fight that we were rehashing the therapy. She was,
Speaker 1: it sounds like This originated from you both being tired,
Speaker 1: not feeling like you got enough of love. For the
Speaker 1: past few weeks, I hadn't seen each other, and you
Speaker 1: both felt I was you know, the fight we were
Speaker 1: reliving was I was right after surgery for me, and
Speaker 1: he had just come off this bike trip where he's
Speaker 1: giving all and then he was helping me through surgery.
Speaker 1: We get into a little tiff and I'm like, I
Speaker 1: can't give him love because I can't even talk and
Speaker 1: I've just been through surgery and I'm tired. He's tired
Speaker 1: because he's just like gotten me through surgery. So we
Speaker 1: were both just not there for each other. And that's
Speaker 1: where I said, next time that happens, we space. We
Speaker 1: we create space because it's not neither one of us
Speaker 1: are strong or you know, awake enough to be the
Speaker 1: bigger person and take that do the harder step, which
Speaker 1: is to be nice to the other person and see
Speaker 1: what happens. Um. But I think that's really helpful for
Speaker 1: people because I think so many space in space hard
Speaker 1: to create space in a relationship. You right, and you
Speaker 1: get to Nikki because for your career, you get to
Speaker 1: leave for a little bit and come back and I
Speaker 1: think that's so helpful, or could be so helpful in
Speaker 1: a relationship for people who don't have that as part
Speaker 1: of their job. It is, it's a great part of
Speaker 1: my job is that I get to leave and we
Speaker 1: get to miss each other. But I do think that
Speaker 1: there is a way to get it because I told Chris.
Speaker 1: I've told Chris, like when we get to those places
Speaker 1: again where I can't be nice to you and you
Speaker 1: can't be nice to me and we're at a stalemate,
Speaker 1: I will leave. And I don't want you to take
Speaker 1: that like I'm abandoning you that I won't come back.
Speaker 1: Like I said this in a neutral tone, like when
Speaker 1: we were both like talking about a fight and we're
Speaker 1: both totally neutral. I was like, you need to know
Speaker 1: that if that happens again, I'm gonna leave because it's
Speaker 1: not going to get better. I'm going to present you
Speaker 1: so like it's going to build. And he sometimes takes
Speaker 1: me leaving and I know I've taken his leave before
Speaker 1: and getting space as abandonment. He's breaking up with me.
Speaker 1: He's going off to start like finding a new apartment.
Speaker 1: He's going off to call a friend and figure out
Speaker 1: how to break up with me like I take it
Speaker 1: as you're leaving me. It's abandoned mentastic. Yeah, but I
Speaker 1: think that there's a way to just go, like I
Speaker 1: still love you. I always need that reassurance. Whenever we're fighting,
Speaker 1: I'm like, please just put a hand on my leg,
Speaker 1: Please put a hand on my hold my hand. When
Speaker 1: you are you know, expressing how frustrate you are with me,
Speaker 1: Just give me something that says I'm not going anywhere,
Speaker 1: but I'm mad at you. And I think that's what
Speaker 1: marriage gives people in a lot of ways, is like
Speaker 1: we but I mean, you can always get divorced, but
Speaker 1: it gives you that reassurance of like I can't leave,
Speaker 1: Like if I do, it's going to take a hell
Speaker 1: of a lot more. But with your boyfriend and girlfriend
Speaker 1: like holding a hand of saying I'm gonna step out,
Speaker 1: I will be back. You can reach me on the phone,
Speaker 1: but I just need some time alone. This is you know.
Speaker 1: But that's hard to do because people are so scared
Speaker 1: of abandonment, and they really get triggered when you leave them.
Speaker 1: Especially I find I find like many like little mini
Speaker 1: space breaks, even in your own apartment, can be so refreshing.
Speaker 1: So like something as simple as like I'll go watch
Speaker 1: baseball or football in the in the living room for
Speaker 1: like four hours and we don't have to be on
Speaker 1: the same couch, we don't have to be next to
Speaker 1: each other, but I still love you your twenty feet away,
Speaker 1: but that twenty ft can literally like that four hours
Speaker 1: can really like refresh everything and you start and I
Speaker 1: find it very helpful. And it sounds like it's nothing,
Speaker 1: but it really is. Like, you know, that's the reason
Speaker 1: why guys build man caves and women you know, fucking
Speaker 1: whatever you guys do. We need a little break from
Speaker 1: each other. You need you need breaks even if you
Speaker 1: live together. And it's not because you love them less.
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, I love you so much that with this,
Speaker 1: you know, it's like uh, restarting a computer. Like every
Speaker 1: you know, he'll go in the bedroom and watch his
Speaker 1: phone or whatever, and I'll stay out here and play guitar.
Speaker 1: Like we we take breaks, for sure, but it's hard
Speaker 1: because sometimes I feel, I'll say, from speaking for myself,
Speaker 1: I feel abandoned when he when he doesn't want to
Speaker 1: be close to me. When we have the time to
Speaker 1: be close to each other, there's like you would rather
Speaker 1: be on your phone or watching football or whatever or um.
Speaker 1: But whenever I expressed that to him, he usually makes
Speaker 1: time for me. Like there's so many times where we
Speaker 1: have been hanging out and we're watching Love Is Blind
Speaker 1: or something, and I'll go, what's going on with rooms today?
Speaker 1: I call I call I call um formula one racing
Speaker 1: room rooms just because I'm like, are you watching your room? Rooms?
Speaker 1: And it's just to like infantilize it, and uh, I'll go,
Speaker 1: what's going on with rooms lately? And He's like, oh,
Speaker 1: there's a race right now, but and I'm like, why
Speaker 1: aren't you watching it? This is so that's like if
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift like dropped a live like a new album
Speaker 1: and I was sitting there, he will like, you know,
Speaker 1: put aside and these really important things to make quality
Speaker 1: time with me. And I really appreciate that. But um,
Speaker 1: I'm totally into him having his own things that he
Speaker 1: really cares about that he can go do. Like last night,
Speaker 1: I was at the comedy store, I was at the improv.
Speaker 1: I did a podcast. I did Tiger but I can
Speaker 1: tell you what podcast it was because it went great
Speaker 1: and um, but Tiger Belly, which will be out. I
Speaker 1: Guess This Week. UM. You can find it on YouTube.
Speaker 1: It's wildly popular. You'll see UM if you haven't. It's
Speaker 1: a fun podcast with Bobby Lee and his and Khalila. UM.
Speaker 1: I don't know about girlfriend ex girlfriend, and we got
Speaker 1: into some couple's counts. It's funny because I was like
Speaker 1: asking them about, like what really went wrong, because I
Speaker 1: didn't know what they've covered on the show or not
Speaker 1: that you know. This is a couple that's been together
Speaker 1: for like a really long time. I think he said
Speaker 1: like eight years or something, and they broke up recently.
Speaker 1: They lived together for a while, they were sleeping in
Speaker 1: the same bed for a while. They still do this podcast.
Speaker 1: They share a lot together and they're still best friends.
Speaker 1: And so I didn't know what they had covered on
Speaker 1: the podcast because I wasn't caught up. But I started
Speaker 1: like asking them about it, and he's getting into some
Speaker 1: good stuff and he's like, I mean, hold on, people
Speaker 1: don't want to hear this, And I go, you are
Speaker 1: so wrong, like this, your listeners are dying for these details.
Speaker 1: Like I know, I am, like this is some interesting
Speaker 1: you know, they went to therapy. I was asking about
Speaker 1: like what they discovered in their essentially, um, Bobby is
Speaker 1: a comedian. That's what we discovered. That's the issue. He's
Speaker 1: someone that you know, and very much like me, needs
Speaker 1: constant validation, and when you're in a relationship, that's really
Speaker 1: hard because we want new validation from new people and
Speaker 1: knew we want. We're addicted to being liked and being like,
Speaker 1: what's the next thing I want someone else to be
Speaker 1: into me. It's not even like we really want to
Speaker 1: fund other people or date other people. We just want
Speaker 1: we can't. You know, when you're in a relationship, you
Speaker 1: don't get validation constantly of how great you are and
Speaker 1: so and we start to crave that if you know,
Speaker 1: and you know I did. Bobby's like, I went to
Speaker 1: I was in New York last week. I did like
Speaker 1: eight sets in three days, and I was like, I
Speaker 1: did eighteen last week. I did eighteen to twenty two.
Speaker 1: I can't. I kind of lost track, and he's like,
Speaker 1: you get it. I'm like yes, like, and he was
Speaker 1: trying to tell me that as as a comed he's
Speaker 1: not a comedian because he was. I was like, it's
Speaker 1: because you didn't. You weren't loved in the way that
Speaker 1: you could have been as a child, and for you,
Speaker 1: you seek it out like we seek it out on
Speaker 1: stage every night, like getting these strangers to like us
Speaker 1: and you know, media validation, all the things we know.
Speaker 1: And he's like, no, no, no, that's not it for me.
Speaker 1: I just like it because I like I just I
Speaker 1: like performing. I felt I didn't feel seen as a child.
Speaker 1: I'm like, yes, yes, that you do like performing, but
Speaker 1: you didn't feel seen as a child. You want to
Speaker 1: feel seen, you want to feel liked. And we talked
Speaker 1: about bombing and he's like, I just like, oh. Kalilah
Speaker 1: had read read this text that Bobby had said after
Speaker 1: a rough set at the seller. Sorry, if you listen
Speaker 1: to podcast you'll hear all this. But it was something
Speaker 1: like I just had a really bad set and she goes,
Speaker 1: oh no, what happened with bad crowd? And he goes,
Speaker 1: they just didn't like me. And I go, see, Bobby,
Speaker 1: they didn't like you. It wasn't like they didn't like
Speaker 1: my jokes. They didn't like you. It's about being liked
Speaker 1: and essentially, but that was that was kind of what
Speaker 1: we on Earth was like. And it was funny because
Speaker 1: Kalila is dating women too, and I was like, now,
Speaker 1: that she's you know, single, she's she's bisexual and so
Speaker 1: or I don't know how she defines it, but she
Speaker 1: definitely dates women. And I was like so, and we
Speaker 1: were talking about like she kind of revealed other comedians,
Speaker 1: comedians have asked her out, like Bobby's friends have asked
Speaker 1: her out, and like even Bobby, yes, yes, I mean
Speaker 1: she's gorgeous and cool and not a comedian but gets
Speaker 1: it like it makes sense. So Bobby was like, and
Speaker 1: I go, would you ever go down that road? And
Speaker 1: she was like, oh, never, never, never, And I go,
Speaker 1: out of respect for Bobby or because they're comedians, she goes, oh,
Speaker 1: because they're comedians. She's like. She was like, I mean
Speaker 1: it works out that it seems respectful. She didn't say that,
Speaker 1: but that's kind of like what it implied. She was like, no,
Speaker 1: I don't want to be dragged through that ship again,
Speaker 1: like and I was trying to get to the root
Speaker 1: of it, like what is the ship? And she was like,
Speaker 1: female comics are different. I would date a female comic
Speaker 1: And I was like um and um. But it was
Speaker 1: an interesting conversation. But anyway, so afterwards I went and
Speaker 1: did some sets and and Ben Gleeb met up with
Speaker 1: me and he's going through a thing right now and
Speaker 1: we were both talking and I was like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: just want to sing and he was like, let's I
Speaker 1: was like, can we go to karaoke because we've done
Speaker 1: that before, and I was like, let's go get a
Speaker 1: karaoke room and just sing like four songs. And then
Speaker 1: I gotta go home because I got an early morning.
Speaker 1: And he's like great, He's like, let's just go to
Speaker 1: karaoke at my house and I'm like okay because he
Speaker 1: has this whole like comedy club in his house, and
Speaker 1: so we went to the cellar. I ran into Carlisle.
Speaker 1: We're like, we got Carlisle on board. She's like after
Speaker 1: my Syddle, come over. And then I got late and
Speaker 1: I was like, can we just like sing in the
Speaker 1: car on the right home. But it was nice because
Speaker 1: I wrote Chris and I'm like, can I go do
Speaker 1: karaoke tonight? And he's sitting at home waiting for me
Speaker 1: to come home, and he's like, yeah, sure, do it.
Speaker 1: Live your life, like have fun, and it was just
Speaker 1: so nice to like be a be with someone who's
Speaker 1: not going to like be resentful of that or you
Speaker 1: know on my last night in town that I want
Speaker 1: to go saying he was like, Nicky needs this, like
Speaker 1: he knew and he and Ben was talking to me.
Speaker 1: He's like, he, I guess saw me on Rya. I
Speaker 1: guess my profile is still active on Riya And he
Speaker 1: was like, you gotta take that down. What if Christie's
Speaker 1: did or finds out? And I'm like, he wouldn't think
Speaker 1: that I was on, Like he wouldn't care because he
Speaker 1: would know that it's a glitch. Like I'm not with
Speaker 1: someone who's like suspicious about me, like or jet like
Speaker 1: thinking I'm going out there and doing things like it
Speaker 1: just felt safe to go, like oh right, like most
Speaker 1: people would go, you're on Riya, but like it's nice
Speaker 1: to be with someone who just trust like oh yeah,
Speaker 1: because my account, I don't know. He still from Kimmel
Speaker 1: from your picture has Today's newspaper and what's going on?
Speaker 1: It was a I went to this future exhibit um
Speaker 1: four years ago. Um I was looking on his his
Speaker 1: iPad and it downloaded all his apps like from his phone,
Speaker 1: you know when it just downloads, and it had Tinder
Speaker 1: on it, and I go, who is doing You're doing
Speaker 1: Tinder on your iPad hinge or whatever, and he's like, no,
Speaker 1: we just downloaded from the thing. And I go, someone
Speaker 1: downloaded Hinge on their big old iPad and he was
Speaker 1: like no, which And I was like, I trust you,
Speaker 1: I don't care. I love It's hilarious to me that
Speaker 1: your profile is still out there. I don't care. Um,
Speaker 1: but yeah it was. It was nice. Um, what um
Speaker 1: would you do last you end up singing? Did you
Speaker 1: end up singing or not? On the car ride home?
Speaker 1: It was funny. We took the car ride home and
Speaker 1: I go, Ben, what do you need to sing? Because
Speaker 1: he's going through a little bit of a thing. And
Speaker 1: he was like, and we he had this like breakup
Speaker 1: mix on Spotify and I was listening songs. He's like,
Speaker 1: I don't know that one. So we listened to Post
Speaker 1: Malon's you probably Think that You are better now, Better Now,
Speaker 1: and then we also listened to um, if you look
Speaker 1: the way you look so much? And I was about
Speaker 1: to get to my first choice of a song, which
Speaker 1: is going to be Kelly Clarkson's breakaway um, because I'm
Speaker 1: obsessed with this version of her doing it with Sam
Speaker 1: Smith that was on her show a few weeks ago
Speaker 1: and and Ben was like, can I just actually read
Speaker 1: to you this email that I sent her like really quick?
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, so I'm just I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, this is such a scene in a
Speaker 1: movie where this girl is like a bad friend just
Speaker 1: wants to sing her song keeps starting it as like
Speaker 1: spend my wings and wait, sorry what Okay, yeah, I
Speaker 1: do think I don't think it's bad that you said that. Okay, good? Yeah,
Speaker 1: he Oh my god, that is so funny. And then
Speaker 1: he's like he's been so sad, he's been writing poetry
Speaker 1: and he was like, I want you to read my poetry.
Speaker 1: So he hands me a song. Dude, he wrote like,
Speaker 1: I'm not Ben, if you're listening, which I'm sure you
Speaker 1: probably are. You he wrote like, I'm not even kidding you,
Speaker 1: like eleven pages of poems and I I have started.
Speaker 1: I read like a couple and I handed back to
Speaker 1: him and he goes, no, keep going like read them
Speaker 1: all and I'm like this is so they weren't good.
Speaker 1: But then then I I literally read remember do you
Speaker 1: remember any of the rhymes? There was no rhymes, but
Speaker 1: it was all like it was, um, they were really
Speaker 1: can please I was, but it was just so funny.
Speaker 1: I was like, he's such a comedian. He's such a
Speaker 1: little boy like my guy friends. I just see them
Speaker 1: as little boys sometimes where I just go it's so cute,
Speaker 1: Like it almost looked like he was because I tried
Speaker 1: to hand it back to him like two different times,
Speaker 1: and he goes, you're almost done, you have three more
Speaker 1: to go. It's like for me, if I was making
Speaker 1: someone read my poems right and they handed it back
Speaker 1: to me, I would I would grab it. But I
Speaker 1: don't even like to make people look at a picture
Speaker 1: of like a trip I took. I'm like instantly like, oh,
Speaker 1: you don't want to be bothered by that. And Ben,
Speaker 1: It's like, wait, there's like two more and I'm like
Speaker 1: ten minutes reading your poems. This is the most poetry
Speaker 1: I've read in my entire life. By the way, I've
Speaker 1: never read this much poetry. Uh and silver Stea, do
Speaker 1: you have any notes? Like what do you feel like,
Speaker 1: what do you like? How do you feel about the
Speaker 1: third like verse? Like, and You're like, dude, I just
Speaker 1: want to sing. I was just like I loved it.
Speaker 1: I love him so much, and I know he's going
Speaker 1: through it. And it was it made me love him
Speaker 1: that he is the kind of guy that will ask
Speaker 1: you to finish reading his poems when you've clearly the
Speaker 1: last interest. And it's like a little a little kid
Speaker 1: who's like, mom, look at my drawing and you go,
Speaker 1: oh wow. The snoke man looks like so happy and
Speaker 1: there's the sun I love. And he goes, wait, what
Speaker 1: about this part the flower? And you're like, oh, that's
Speaker 1: good too, and it's like it just it was a
Speaker 1: little there. All my friends are little boys. Let's go
Speaker 1: to break and come back with a little bit of
Speaker 1: news and then a fun game that will play because
Speaker 1: it's wild Wednesday. All right, we're back. Let's do some news.
Speaker 1: You oh you heard it here. It's Wednesday, folks, you
Speaker 1: know what that means. It is Wednesday. Apparently we're having
Speaker 1: all the swells. Hope you are to out there all right,
Speaker 1: coming back down to no over there, right over there? Yeah,
Speaker 1: all right, thanks Andrew. Actually this story was submitted by Andrew.
Speaker 1: Are you reading it? But I will? So we've been
Speaker 1: talking about why women want to have babies, and one
Speaker 1: woman says she had an orgasm during labor and she
Speaker 1: didn't want it to stop. A thirty six year old
Speaker 1: woman said she entered the orgasmic state while giving birth
Speaker 1: to her daughter, and she credits prenatal yoga classes with
Speaker 1: the pleasurable pain free process. Pain free during birth, I
Speaker 1: surrendered my body and I had a similar sensation to
Speaker 1: an orgasm. It was really natural to put and the
Speaker 1: contractions didn't feel as painful. I had this fullness and
Speaker 1: I didn't want the feeling to stop. Um. That's weird
Speaker 1: to be in the you know, delivery room and being
Speaker 1: like keep going, keep going, keep going right right there,
Speaker 1: right there, right there, and your baby is like emerging.
Speaker 1: The first thing your baby here is is your mom coming. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's like put the baby back in, then back out,
Speaker 1: then back in. Oh, put the baby foot in. Oh
Speaker 1: my God. Said it was harder than a marathon, and
Speaker 1: I've run many. Um. Yeah, So prenatal yoga classes famously
Speaker 1: help women prepare for pain three labor um. If you
Speaker 1: allow birthing hormones to work for you, then a woman
Speaker 1: can come into a state of bliss or labor land.
Speaker 1: The pain is then not so intense because the endorphins
Speaker 1: are flowing and there is no fear. It's said that
Speaker 1: the endorphins are ten times stronger than morphine and that
Speaker 1: working for you. Wow, it does help. If you have
Speaker 1: a butt plug too. I heard giving birth, I think
Speaker 1: I would kind of like labor, and I mean cramps
Speaker 1: or hell if you give if you have a butt
Speaker 1: plug in while you give birth, is what you're saying. Like,
Speaker 1: I just love the idea of like, let's do it right,
Speaker 1: But I don't know, but I don't I guess I
Speaker 1: don't really understand what the pain is when you give birth.
Speaker 1: Is it the is it the cramping contractions or is
Speaker 1: it the ripping? And I always thought it was like
Speaker 1: your your pelvic floors opening, so it's like your bones
Speaker 1: are shifting, Oh God, and your vagina rips. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's the epplesiastic me, I think is what they do
Speaker 1: when they cut your taint um and just make it
Speaker 1: all one. I mean it's crazy. Um, and I can't
Speaker 1: believe we do it. I can't believe we've done it
Speaker 1: for millennia and we'll continue to do it. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I it feels good, but it feels like the most
Speaker 1: like release ever because that's what orgasm is for me
Speaker 1: at least, It's like it just feels like I'm finally
Speaker 1: surrendering to this thing. Like because I fought off orgasms
Speaker 1: my whole life. I felt like like they were just
Speaker 1: felt like this is I don't know what's going to
Speaker 1: happen on the other side of this whatever. This like
Speaker 1: boiling like teapot is, I don't I'd rather just turn
Speaker 1: down the heat than like see what happens when it
Speaker 1: starts whistling, you know, like I don't want it to
Speaker 1: boil over. And you know, that was always so scary
Speaker 1: to me, and I think some I don't know why
Speaker 1: more people why I don't hear that more often that
Speaker 1: like having an orgasm is terrifying because you feel like
Speaker 1: you're gonna ship yourself, you're gonna screw, you're gonna say expletives,
Speaker 1: you're gonna fart, you're gonna like I just was too
Speaker 1: scared of everything. And I think that, um, like what
Speaker 1: she's saying, Yeah, you just have to like let go
Speaker 1: and it's a really and it would it would feel
Speaker 1: like the biggest you know, I love taking like I
Speaker 1: like anal because it feels like you're taking a really
Speaker 1: big ship, which feels really good. It's not like why
Speaker 1: I like it. I think that shipping actually feels more
Speaker 1: like anal than adol feels like shitting. If that makes sense,
Speaker 1: Um doesn't make sense. I don't know. But uh, why
Speaker 1: don't men ever? I never hear men saying they're scared
Speaker 1: to come like women. I have heard they're like, I
Speaker 1: don't need to come. It's like too much, like it's
Speaker 1: too sensitive. Like I have a friend now who's like,
Speaker 1: it just feels like I'm being tickled, like in a
Speaker 1: bad way. It's just too much sensitivity, and they don't
Speaker 1: want to come. Why don't never fight it? It's because
Speaker 1: guys masturbate and come thousands of times before they ever
Speaker 1: have sex, from the ages of thirteen, even before that,
Speaker 1: even when you masturbate like I feel like it. I
Speaker 1: also think I think it's because it takes you, guys less.
Speaker 1: It takes less sensitivity and less pressure and less it
Speaker 1: takes less to make you guys come, and it's not
Speaker 1: as intense when it happens, so you're not there's no fear. Yeah, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: but I think they're but it's not they're not scared
Speaker 1: of the feeling of coming, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I dated one guy who would not come, who refused
Speaker 1: to come and he it was really weird. He was
Speaker 1: always like saving it, like I'll do it another time,
Speaker 1: like let's we'll do it then when it's like this
Speaker 1: kind of sex. And I found out later from talking
Speaker 1: to therapists and who knows that this is his story,
Speaker 1: but like when he comes, he feels like that woman
Speaker 1: now like has a piece of him, and that he
Speaker 1: owes her something that it's like it's now like and
Speaker 1: and the truth is like you do like men don't
Speaker 1: understand this. When you like have sex with a woman,
Speaker 1: she does feel like this closeness for you that you
Speaker 1: might not feel for her, and there is going to
Speaker 1: be a kind of an expectation on the other side
Speaker 1: of that, whether you want to want it or not.
Speaker 1: A lot of time you feel though that it's closer
Speaker 1: if they have an orgasm, like does that maybe I
Speaker 1: think that in his mind that made it like that
Speaker 1: sex to him that is like actually like I'm gonna
Speaker 1: and it's like, yeah, you have the potential to get
Speaker 1: that person pregnant, So it makes sense that that act
Speaker 1: would make you feel like I'm going to be locked
Speaker 1: into this woman forever, and so he would just put
Speaker 1: it off because I think he knew the inevitable, which
Speaker 1: was when he did eventually come. And he did this
Speaker 1: to me multiple times in our course of our dating,
Speaker 1: that he would get he would change his mind about
Speaker 1: me as soon as he came. He would go, I
Speaker 1: this is moving too fast, literally in bed holding each other,
Speaker 1: after we'd have sex, he would change his mind. And
Speaker 1: it was something that you know, I just was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'll never trust this again. Not that he gave me
Speaker 1: the chance to trust it again, but I was like,
Speaker 1: I can't. Yeah, it was. It was so weird. But
Speaker 1: it happened twice where the first time I didn't see
Speaker 1: it coming, and then the second time I was like,
Speaker 1: are you going to change after this? And he's like,
Speaker 1: I don't think so, but maybe, And then we did it,
Speaker 1: and then right afterwards I was like, how are you feeling?
Speaker 1: And he was like, I just think we rushed this,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, are you fucking I just flew across
Speaker 1: the country and changed my life to make this happen,
Speaker 1: Like it was just so devastating, but I hate you,
Speaker 1: like it's such a such a sad like it should
Speaker 1: be the most like happy, joyous moment and it's just
Speaker 1: nothing but sadness and despair. Oh god, it's I mean there,
Speaker 1: it makes sense. I mean I talked about him, my
Speaker 1: special It makes sense because it's time to move on
Speaker 1: to the next woman. You already got this one pregnant.
Speaker 1: It makes sense. Why you guys your brains shift that way? No,
Speaker 1: what's the next news story? Okay, the next news story?
Speaker 1: Do you guys, wife having baby? Do you remember who
Speaker 1: Billy McFarland is the singer. No, it's the man behind
Speaker 1: the infamous fire festival. Yes, of course, of course. Apparently
Speaker 1: this week he teased a new project. Uh he was
Speaker 1: on TikTok and um. Of course he basically from what
Speaker 1: source as are saying, planning another festival. Hell yeah, because
Speaker 1: which to that? Why wouldn't you trust I actually want
Speaker 1: to go to that one? I got it. I mean
Speaker 1: maybe you know you go through you to go be
Speaker 1: an influencer at that one and go and get and
Speaker 1: you wouldn't you would be happy with that meal? I
Speaker 1: saw that meal. I remember seeing that like bread and cheese,
Speaker 1: and I was like, Andrew would probably think this is
Speaker 1: dynam like over here. Yeah, yeah, that I would not
Speaker 1: be upset that, Yeah, it'd be great. Were so like
Speaker 1: thinking they're gonna die. It's like you're not. You're fine.
Speaker 1: Like that guy knew he'd be up to more. That
Speaker 1: guy is that's the kind of go get her attitude
Speaker 1: that I just don't have. That I envy, Like he
Speaker 1: is operating from prison making a new festival. Like I
Speaker 1: was even walking past stores the other day on the
Speaker 1: street and I was saying to Chris, like, god, opening
Speaker 1: a store like managing a store, and like opening a
Speaker 1: store is like I could never do that, And He's like,
Speaker 1: I would love to do it. I'm like you would.
Speaker 1: I could never When people just like love organizing things
Speaker 1: and putting things together. Thank God for those people. The
Speaker 1: world would not run without you. But man, that is
Speaker 1: to get out of here. If I have to refill
Speaker 1: a shelf, that shelf would never that would be an
Speaker 1: empty shelf. Even girl's name Tori. Do do you think
Speaker 1: the Firefest? He'll probably try to do it in like
Speaker 1: I don't know, New Jersey. Like he's not gonna go
Speaker 1: He's not going Ham again. He's not going to try
Speaker 1: to do an island. Yeah. I mean, like this is
Speaker 1: just ridiculous. If anyone trusts him, I just can't. I
Speaker 1: can't even imagine anyone going into this thing. That's enough news.
Speaker 1: Let's get to the game. Est parrel. Noah picked two
Speaker 1: cards set us up for some storytelling. This is so
Speaker 1: funny because it goes right with what we've been talking
Speaker 1: about today. And you didn't see the cards when I
Speaker 1: picked them, No, I did not, David Blaine, Yeah, alright.
Speaker 1: So the prompt card is close, share something close to
Speaker 1: your heart, and the other card is the hardest lesson
Speaker 1: I've learned about love, The hardest lesson that I've learned
Speaker 1: about love. Okay, the hardest lesson I've learned about love
Speaker 1: is that I mean that you have to say goodbye
Speaker 1: to everything, like at some point you're not you're either
Speaker 1: going to die or they're going to die, or you're
Speaker 1: going to break up or they're going to break up
Speaker 1: with you, or that honeymoon period will end in your relationship,
Speaker 1: or you will move out of that a place that
Speaker 1: brings you a lot of good memories. Your dog will die,
Speaker 1: like in a in a relationship, there are so many
Speaker 1: small deaths, and it's like it's like grieving all the
Speaker 1: time for just different things of like, oh, like even
Speaker 1: this place that I have with Chris, right, now in
Speaker 1: Santa Monticu. It's like, I'm already sad about moving out
Speaker 1: of here because we have so many memories here, and
Speaker 1: I just think, Um, I guess, like that's the hardest lesson,
Speaker 1: is like it's it's um, yeah, And the more you
Speaker 1: love someone, the more you risk being sad when they're gone.
Speaker 1: And like every time you add someone to your list
Speaker 1: of things that you love, whether it's a pet or
Speaker 1: a person, you're just signing up for pain down the road.
Speaker 1: You You're just you no matter what people go. I
Speaker 1: don't want to I don't want to date again because
Speaker 1: I can't handle a breakup. I don't want to go
Speaker 1: through the pain. It's like, even if it works out,
Speaker 1: there's gonna be pain because when he was gonna die,
Speaker 1: you know, like it's it's always gonna be pain, no
Speaker 1: matter if it's successful. So I guess that's the hardest lesson,
Speaker 1: h the hardest lesson about love spoken from the heart.
Speaker 1: That's that's the thing. Um, I think it's the hardest
Speaker 1: lesson I've ever learned, is that the more you give
Speaker 1: doesn't you're gonna get more in return. And that's the
Speaker 1: hardest thing. So like, even if you show them so
Speaker 1: hard that you love them and you're fucking running in
Speaker 1: the rain for them or crying on their face whatever.
Speaker 1: Like the more you give doesn't doesn't equal the return
Speaker 1: value you're gonna get. And that's hard because you would
Speaker 1: think why not, why wouldn't that work? I'm giving everything
Speaker 1: And sometimes then that's hard. That's a hard lesson to learn,
Speaker 1: and I feel like everyone learns that one. It's really hard,
Speaker 1: like really bad. Yeah, there's no that some people just yeah,
Speaker 1: there's some people think that they get broken up with
Speaker 1: and there's like there's something I can do, and it's like, no,
Speaker 1: whatever they're telling you is the reason they're breaking up
Speaker 1: with you, it's that's not it. It's a lot of
Speaker 1: other things. And you're like, I'll fix that thing, and
Speaker 1: they go, don't bother because there's you know, it's just
Speaker 1: usually not that it's too late. What the person to
Speaker 1: like pull out a whole list of this is why
Speaker 1: I'm breaking up with you. You know, you're just like
Speaker 1: we don't vide this way, and like I could fix
Speaker 1: and then it's like if you pulled out, you would
Speaker 1: kill the person. But you have to give a reason
Speaker 1: because people always want a reason. When you're breaking up
Speaker 1: with them and you go, well, i'll fix that. I
Speaker 1: can fix that. I'm so you know when they go
Speaker 1: you know. The saddest thing is when I've had friends
Speaker 1: who like get like they the guy will cheat on
Speaker 1: them because the guy just wants out and he wants
Speaker 1: a reason to get out, and so he gets caught
Speaker 1: cheating or he tells her and because he knows that's
Speaker 1: a deal breaker and the girl's like, I'm willing to
Speaker 1: forgive you, and he's like, oh, come on, han no,
Speaker 1: like I'm not gonna it's over, Like the guy still
Speaker 1: has to end it like that's a really and the
Speaker 1: girls do that two men too, where it's like it's
Speaker 1: just funny if that happens and you forgive him and
Speaker 1: he's like, actually that's fourth on my list. You're too
Speaker 1: forgiving And he's like, okay, well, I mean that is
Speaker 1: a problem, like you're a push over. People kind of
Speaker 1: don't like that. Um, but that that happens on no,
Speaker 1: what about you? Um, I think it kind of goes
Speaker 1: in line with, um, what you guys are saying. But um,
Speaker 1: the hardest thing that I've learned is that like you
Speaker 1: have to and it's kind of cliche. You have to
Speaker 1: like let go of your loves and um, whenever they
Speaker 1: come back to you, it's always going to be stronger.
Speaker 1: Like you have to let people exist on their own
Speaker 1: for them to be better for their relationship, including myself.
Speaker 1: That's that's kind of the most you have to let go.
Speaker 1: You can't control things as much as you wish you can,
Speaker 1: and you certainly can't control someone else. And so many
Speaker 1: of my friends and my girls chat when we talk
Speaker 1: about our boyfriends or husbands or whatever, it's so much
Speaker 1: of like I wish he would do this thing. I
Speaker 1: need to confront him about this, but instead we always
Speaker 1: get to I need to get to a place where
Speaker 1: he can figure it out on his own and think
Speaker 1: and think that it's his idea that I asked him
Speaker 1: to change, you know, like that's and that's usually giving
Speaker 1: a person the space to go, um, just giving them
Speaker 1: space or give not trying to change them and actually
Speaker 1: and saying how you feel as opposed to like you
Speaker 1: never do this and being like it makes me sad
Speaker 1: that I don't get to you know that you don't
Speaker 1: take out the trash as much like it just it
Speaker 1: bums me out and let them do what do something
Speaker 1: with your feelings as opposed to you need to take
Speaker 1: out the trash more like let them figure out. Oh,
Speaker 1: if I took out the trash, maybe she wouldn't be
Speaker 1: sad like that in love though, to like be able
Speaker 1: to have a life outside of the relationship, because in
Speaker 1: my past, my relationship was everything. We would hang out
Speaker 1: all day, twenty four hours, do everything together. But now
Speaker 1: I see the advantage of live your own lives, go
Speaker 1: on the Tiger Belly podcast and then go to karaoke
Speaker 1: and you know, like have your own fun and then
Speaker 1: you come home and you have something to share. Would
Speaker 1: not be in trouble when I get home, not have
Speaker 1: like not have it be I mean, I was worried
Speaker 1: about that. The first couple of times I went out
Speaker 1: to dinner with friends here and Chris and I had
Speaker 1: kind of decided, oh, we'll go to dinner together every
Speaker 1: night that we can. And it was one of the
Speaker 1: first nights here and I got asked to go to
Speaker 1: dinner with some ends and I didn't feel comfortable inviting
Speaker 1: Chris because it wasn't my dinner to do that, And
Speaker 1: I was so scared all the dinner that like I
Speaker 1: was gonna come home and he was going to be
Speaker 1: kind of in a bad mood because even though he
Speaker 1: said it's fine, Like was he fine about it? And
Speaker 1: I was so glad when I walked in, and like
Speaker 1: the energy was just like no resentment. So fine. How
Speaker 1: is dinner? I hope you had fun? Like, ah, what
Speaker 1: a fucking relief to have someone that allows you to
Speaker 1: do that final thought. Um, it sucks when you have
Speaker 1: that feeling that you're gonna come back and be in
Speaker 1: trouble and and then you end up not in trouble
Speaker 1: and you're like, no, that is how life should be.
Speaker 1: You shouldn't be in trouble like you like. But I
Speaker 1: have those same intrusive thoughts of like I'm fucking up,
Speaker 1: I'm not I gotta get home. I gotta get home.
Speaker 1: They're gonna be piste, They're gonna and and nine at
Speaker 1: ten times. They're never pissed, but every time I go
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be in trouble, this time is different text
Speaker 1: message and you're like, did they is this? There's not
Speaker 1: an explanation mark, so they're definitely mad about that, Like
Speaker 1: what's the tone of this extent? You just think they're
Speaker 1: gonna be mad at you, and like, what aren't people
Speaker 1: allowed to be mad at us? To like? I want that.
Speaker 1: I want that ability. I want that superpower that some
Speaker 1: people have where if someone's mad at them, they let
Speaker 1: there just like, okay, be mad at me, and they
Speaker 1: don't take it. It's like you're a bad person. And
Speaker 1: I take Chris as when he is mad at me,
Speaker 1: I think he I jumped to the conclusion he's disgusted
Speaker 1: with me, he hates me, he doesn't want to be
Speaker 1: around me. He can't even believe he's ever been in
Speaker 1: a relationship with me, because I'm like, if you're mad
Speaker 1: at me one time and disappointed at me, let's say
Speaker 1: he's disappointed. I'm like, he he'll never get over this.
Speaker 1: That's where my mind goes where I'm like and he's like,
Speaker 1: can you please just not go all to those places?
Speaker 1: But it's so hard for me not to where I
Speaker 1: just think anyone who's mad at me, I'll never win
Speaker 1: them over again. I'll I've lost it completely. I'm okay
Speaker 1: with Like, I had a fan right to me the
Speaker 1: other day and say something that was a little bit
Speaker 1: like accusatory and like something I did that bummed them out.
Speaker 1: Something I said, and usually that would spot make me
Speaker 1: spiral and I would hold on to it all day.
Speaker 1: But I was just like that person is allowed to
Speaker 1: be mad at me. I don't know, like I'm It
Speaker 1: was something about I said something about my feelings and
Speaker 1: they were like, you're not They said, I'm not relatable
Speaker 1: anymore because my my feelings that day were not like
Speaker 1: my I had, Like you know, it's like what do
Speaker 1: they call it, um champagne problems, like you know, complaining.
Speaker 1: And I go, listen, I wish my do you want
Speaker 1: me to lie and say that my feelings are something
Speaker 1: different than they are like these you know this relatable
Speaker 1: but it's real the heat that Tailor got for the
Speaker 1: like in the video she went on the scale, yes, yes, okay.
Speaker 1: So in her anti Hero video, I meant to address
Speaker 1: this yesterday. I think you know, it reminded me. In
Speaker 1: the Anti Year video, there's this part of the song
Speaker 1: It's All about self loathing that that music video and
Speaker 1: the song itself as a part where she's in the
Speaker 1: bathroom and she gets on a scale and she looks
Speaker 1: down in between her feet on the scale it just
Speaker 1: as fat instead of a number, and then she looks
Speaker 1: back up at the mirror, and behind her is her
Speaker 1: evil self staring at her, being like disappointed, like you're fat,
Speaker 1: and people are freaking out because she's obviously through that
Speaker 1: connotating fat with bad. You know her, her evil self
Speaker 1: is disappointed in her for being fat, and Taylor is
Speaker 1: obviously not fat. So there's a lot of things that
Speaker 1: play here. When I first saw that, I was like, yo,
Speaker 1: not the best word to use. She could have written
Speaker 1: the word bad, because there would be no indication that
Speaker 1: she's fat on the scale when you equit, when you
Speaker 1: equate fat with bad, which you know, Taylor is not
Speaker 1: the first person to do that, by the way, So
Speaker 1: everyone that's getting mad at her about this, do you
Speaker 1: think Taylor started the global narrative aside from a couple
Speaker 1: little communities in Africa where fat women are like the
Speaker 1: you know that's the the yeah, the idea ild body size, Like,
Speaker 1: do you think Taylor is the only one that equates
Speaker 1: fat with bad? She is just highlighting something that society
Speaker 1: is already telling us. And I get it that she
Speaker 1: is putting that loud out there loudly and maybe not
Speaker 1: helping the fat um positivity movement, which I absolutely feel
Speaker 1: like people should be allowed to be fat and not
Speaker 1: have it be um more something morally wrong with them
Speaker 1: or like anything shameful. Like I think fat shouldn't even
Speaker 1: be a bad word. You're fat and that's fine, Like
Speaker 1: you're I feel the same way about like any of
Speaker 1: these words that we think are some kind of moral judgment,
Speaker 1: like if you're not fuckable, people are like I'm not fuckable,
Speaker 1: Like oh my god, Like it's so mean. It's like
Speaker 1: you're allowed to be things. That doesn't mean you're a
Speaker 1: bad person that you know, But I I take those
Speaker 1: words too. I struggle with the word fat. I struggle
Speaker 1: with feeling and associating that with like you're somehow less
Speaker 1: than I'm not the first person to say that. People
Speaker 1: have come at me about it before. Nikki, you're still
Speaker 1: talking about how you feel fat, and you're you're kind
Speaker 1: of implying that that's a bad thing. Are you kidding me?
Speaker 1: Look around us? Do you think the society is am
Speaker 1: I the first person to say that this? Our society
Speaker 1: does not treat fat people the same way? And I
Speaker 1: know it's not helping the narrative of treating fat people better.
Speaker 1: But again, I think pretending like, Oh, everyone loves fat people.
Speaker 1: Now everyone's accepting of it. Is not the move, not
Speaker 1: acting blind to the fact that, no, we're still getting
Speaker 1: inundated with diet culture and being thin. The Kardashians are
Speaker 1: now sucking all the fat that they put into their
Speaker 1: bodies out because thin is in again. So Taylor or me,
Speaker 1: or whoever you're coming after about who are struggling with
Speaker 1: this feeling of being scared of being fat or being
Speaker 1: fat and feeling like that makes them less. I'm sorry
Speaker 1: that if you're a fat person and you feel like, wow,
Speaker 1: you're connotating fat with bad. We can't help that. That's
Speaker 1: how we feel. That's what society has given us. And
Speaker 1: when you make art like Taylor is making, maybe she
Speaker 1: made a I knew it was going to be a misstep.
Speaker 1: I knew people are going to come after her. But
Speaker 1: she's just highlighting what society is telling her. She's not
Speaker 1: saying fat is bad. She's saying that is what how
Speaker 1: her brain has been warped. So in doing that, she
Speaker 1: I bet you anything, that's what she would say. I'm
Speaker 1: not saying fat is bad. I wish I wish that
Speaker 1: weren't the case, but I feel like, that's what society
Speaker 1: is telling me, and that's what my inner demon on
Speaker 1: my shoulder is telling me. Does that make sense the
Speaker 1: distinction between those two. But I also see why fat
Speaker 1: people are very upset by that because if let's say
Speaker 1: Taylor wrote, um, I don't know, like like something I'm struggling,
Speaker 1: like like saggy jowls, and was just like, Oh, that's
Speaker 1: the grossest thing ever. Like whenever my friends are insecure
Speaker 1: about something that I have, I take it so personally
Speaker 1: because I'm like, you're saying that this thing that I
Speaker 1: have is bad, and it's like, yes, because we're you
Speaker 1: think it's bad about yourself. The only reason you're getting
Speaker 1: upset about feeling like it's bad because you you hear
Speaker 1: from society that it's bad, Nikki, Like you already got
Speaker 1: that message. They're just highlighting it and you're putting all
Speaker 1: your anger at them, when really the problem is is
Speaker 1: talking about these things and saying, how ridiculous is it
Speaker 1: that we think that being fat is bad? What because
Speaker 1: someone eats more food than someone else, When someone might
Speaker 1: struggle with a food addiction, someone might not be able
Speaker 1: to exercise as much, someone might have a thyroid condition,
Speaker 1: Why do we associate that with laziness, with their bad
Speaker 1: with they are unlovable? That is the issue. Why do
Speaker 1: we associate it with don't deny that? That's what we
Speaker 1: do as a society when artists are asked to censor
Speaker 1: themselves and not say they're true feelings, even if their
Speaker 1: feelings spit in the face of everything you want to
Speaker 1: believe about yourself. And Taylor Swiff doesn't want fat to
Speaker 1: equal bad, but that's what But that's what it still does.
Speaker 1: And we are not going to get past it, and
Speaker 1: we're not. I don't think we'll move past towards a
Speaker 1: fat um, a non fat phobic society. I don't think
Speaker 1: we'll get there unless we call out the fact that
Speaker 1: it is still rampant and that is not solved because
Speaker 1: of Dove body commercials. Lizzo didn't solve it, Adele didn't
Speaker 1: solve it. Uh, you know, Ashley Graham didn't solve it.
Speaker 1: There's we need so much more than that. And I
Speaker 1: think just acting like everything's fine now and fat is
Speaker 1: beautiful and everyone thinks so. I think so the American
Speaker 1: things so like it's okay. If you still struggle with
Speaker 1: connecting those two your whole life, you've been inundated with
Speaker 1: fat equals wrong, and it's we all know that not
Speaker 1: to be true deep in our core. But acting like
Speaker 1: everything's fine now is not the way to address things.
Speaker 1: It's just not. And I think that that's what cancel
Speaker 1: culture is. It's like, just you know, don't talk about rape.
Speaker 1: You can't make jokes about rape, you can't talk about rape,
Speaker 1: you can't do it like just pretend it doesn't happen.
Speaker 1: It will go away, because any mention of it is
Speaker 1: making someone who's been raped the butt of the joke.
Speaker 1: Is It's like, no, it's not. I'm commenting on something
Speaker 1: that is currently plaguing our nation and play my thoughts.
Speaker 1: And I don't think I don't like rape, but I've
Speaker 1: got to talk about it. And just because I haven't
Speaker 1: been raped doesn't give me, you know, doesn't mean I
Speaker 1: can't talk about it. I think that people just people
Speaker 1: are so sad, and people are feel so victimized, and
Speaker 1: they should because it sucks out there, and that they
Speaker 1: want they want everyone to shake everyone and just be
Speaker 1: like fat is okay, I'm okay, right, Taylor Swift thinks
Speaker 1: I'm okay. She does think you're okay. What she doesn't
Speaker 1: think is okay is these thoughts that tell her that
Speaker 1: fat is not okay. That's what she doesn't think is okay,
Speaker 1: and that is what she's calling out. Final answer, Okay,
Speaker 1: now I have to go. Well, say, dude, we have
Speaker 1: one more episode tomorrow. Thank you for letting me have
Speaker 1: that little tirade. Um. I appreciate you all, uh meaning
Speaker 1: Noah and Andrew and all the listeners. And if you
Speaker 1: disagree with me and have something else to say on
Speaker 1: the matter, maybe I'm getting it wrong, maybe there's a
Speaker 1: blind spot for me. Please let me know. I would
Speaker 1: love to hear it, because I don't think I have
Speaker 1: it all figured out, even though the tone boy voice
Speaker 1: definitely suggested that I did. H All right, guys, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for listening. Don't be cool and Williams. Okay,
Speaker 1: who's that Jack? Yeah, he's a basketball player, played high
Speaker 1: school ball with Moss. Yeah, I'll tell you about it later.
Speaker 1: Another person I don't know. Yeah, he's a bit football
Speaker 1: player who played basketball. Take goodbye. I'll let you know