Speaker 1: This is The Eds with Eddie, Judge and Edwin Aoyavi
Speaker 1: the Husband's know Best, a too cheese production. Here we
Speaker 1: go The Eds are back, Episode ten. Bro, can you
Speaker 1: believe that we are right?
Speaker 2: And it's flying? And well? I think we're pros now.
Speaker 1: I think we know what we're doing now.
Speaker 2: Now I don't know do we still have that five star?
Speaker 2: I have to check back.
Speaker 1: I got to check with our team. I haven't reviewed
Speaker 1: watched the reviews lately, but and this is a good
Speaker 1: time to mention that it is important to send those
Speaker 1: reviews in because it does help us understand what we're
Speaker 1: doing right and what we're doing wrong. So please please
Speaker 1: keep sending us the reviews. Today we are going to
Speaker 1: talk about what makes or breaks a relationship, fighting and communication.
Speaker 1: This is going to be a very interesting one and
Speaker 1: one that I'm going to have to go deep in
Speaker 1: because I'm a completely different person today when it comes
Speaker 1: to fighting and communication than I was when I was young.
Speaker 2: Same here, yeah, yeah, you know.
Speaker 1: One of the interesting things that that that comes up
Speaker 1: is like, what what was our communication model when we
Speaker 1: were young? I mean, who who did you look up
Speaker 1: to or learn from? How to you know? Quote unquote.
Speaker 1: I think that's the key is how do you fight
Speaker 1: and how do you fight to get to the next
Speaker 1: level of productivity versus fighting to just kill each other? Right,
Speaker 1: I think there's a big difference. So who was your
Speaker 1: like role model? Was it parents or.
Speaker 2: I would think parents. I mean, my again, my dad
Speaker 2: was is a wonderful man. He's still my hero. There's
Speaker 2: so many great things I learned from him. Yeah, one
Speaker 2: of them was like, make sure you always take care
Speaker 2: of your mom. But he did have a different way
Speaker 2: of communicating when I mean, he was very stern and
Speaker 2: I mean if I would i'd mess something up, he
Speaker 2: would basically kick my ass and I was scared of him,
Speaker 2: and God forbid, I would cry in front of him
Speaker 2: because then he'd give me something to cry about. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so you know, that level of communication for me was
Speaker 2: you know, sometimes now, like my son starts crying out
Speaker 2: of nowhere for nothing, it almost takes me back to
Speaker 2: those moments, right. It triggers me and then I want
Speaker 2: to react the way my dad used to react with me,
Speaker 2: and then I got to hold myself right. And it's
Speaker 2: that sort of self awareness is self mastery in many ways,
Speaker 2: because you know how to like maybe stop yourself, because
Speaker 2: you could very easily go revert back to kind of
Speaker 2: what you're used to, which is, hey, you're crying. I'm
Speaker 2: going to give you something to cry about. Like you
Speaker 2: shouldn't be crying. You are a man. You're not supposed
Speaker 2: to cry a kind of deal, right, Like that's what
Speaker 2: I remember.
Speaker 1: As a kid, That's how I remember it too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I are you saying that at this point as
Speaker 1: a father yourself, you don't think it's a productive way
Speaker 1: of treating your child, your male child, or is there
Speaker 1: a better way? What do you tell what do you
Speaker 1: what are you telling me?
Speaker 2: I think love is always the best way, right than fear.
Speaker 2: I think love would always cast out fear. That said,
Speaker 2: it's easier said than done, right because you want to
Speaker 2: go there. But when that doesn't work, you you immediately
Speaker 2: want to go to all right, let me just put
Speaker 2: fear into them, right, you know? For me, you know,
Speaker 2: Teddy's been a big help with that with me and
Speaker 2: just you know, helping me with that stuff. Uh. But
Speaker 2: you know, sometimes I gotta raise my voice style like
Speaker 2: that's that's still one that I revert back to, is
Speaker 2: that tonality of raising the voice and and and and
Speaker 2: getting that sort of reaction. Once I the boys, I
Speaker 2: kind of get, you know, get them to calm down.
Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't think it's the best way
Speaker 2: to do it. But that's sometimes where I'll revert back
Speaker 2: to that that I'm still trying to work on, you know,
Speaker 2: Like it gets a lot to get me upset. But
Speaker 2: if I get upset, it's not good. Yeah, but it
Speaker 2: takes a lot. Like you really don't push my buttons.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And there's really only one person in this world
Speaker 1: that knows that combination. And I think it's for you too.
Speaker 1: It's our wives. They know the right combination to push
Speaker 1: to get piss us off. Outside of them, nobody really
Speaker 1: pisses me off, right, Yeah, nobody bothers me. The interesting
Speaker 1: thing that you mentioned just now by your son getting emotional.
Speaker 1: I remember when I was a kid, I was emotional,
Speaker 1: and when I was either getting bullied or upset, or
Speaker 1: anxious or just really angry about something, I would cry,
Speaker 1: and I would I didn't have a father like you
Speaker 1: to tell me, you know, if you cry, I'm going
Speaker 1: to give you something to cry about. I had either
Speaker 1: uncles or friends that would portray that message. And I
Speaker 1: would be mad at myself because I was crying. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I should not be emotional. I should not be crying
Speaker 1: right now. I should be upset, ready to kick somebody's ass.
Speaker 1: Why am I emotional? I'll never forget that, those moments
Speaker 1: when I just couldn't control those those emotions. Right.
Speaker 2: How did that whole bullying thing happen? Well, because I
Speaker 2: know that happens a lot in school too.
Speaker 1: Now, Yeah, I mean the bullying varied between you know,
Speaker 1: the bigger kids picking on the little guy, and that's
Speaker 1: just that's normal. The other bullying would be in the
Speaker 1: neighborhood where you know, predominantly white and you have a
Speaker 1: Mexican kid and they're picking on you because you're a Mexican, right,
Speaker 1: or just little things like that. Never really, I've been
Speaker 1: in one fight, really physical fight in my entire life.
Speaker 1: And it was in high school and I was sick
Speaker 1: and I didn't even know why I was fighting, but
Speaker 1: I went and fought, and you know, all meetrue other
Speaker 1: after school and we got in a fight and it
Speaker 1: was a I think he ended up winning, but it
Speaker 1: was pretty much a draw because I wasn't myself. I
Speaker 1: was sick, I had a cold. I couldn't keep up.
Speaker 1: But ever since then, I said, this doesn't resolve anything,
Speaker 1: This didn't do anything. You know, I still hate the guy,
Speaker 1: and I learned from that point, like you know, I
Speaker 1: just tried to avoid any physical conflict from this point forward.
Speaker 1: But in that journey, the biggest challenge for me was
Speaker 1: how do I manage these emotions that you know, when
Speaker 1: I'm really really upset and this is really young, I
Speaker 1: just want to cry. And today I think it would
Speaker 1: helped me tremendously. Was reading a book called Emotional Intelligence,
Speaker 1: and they had a sequel emotion Emotional Intelligence too. And
Speaker 1: and of course you remember I took acting classes in
Speaker 1: college that all helped me really get in touch in
Speaker 1: control of my emotions. And now that I'm older, I
Speaker 1: find that, you know, there's always a story behind somebody
Speaker 1: on the other side that makes him act or be
Speaker 1: the way they are. You know, somebody, for example, you're
Speaker 1: driving down the street and I used to get really
Speaker 1: upset with road rage when people cut me off. And
Speaker 1: you know, again when I was younger, I'm like, you know,
Speaker 1: what do you think you are cutting me off? Right?
Speaker 1: But they could be you know, late to work, or
Speaker 1: they could be running to their grandmother because she's sick,
Speaker 1: or you know, whatever the reason is, it's best to
Speaker 1: just let them have it and not, you know, not
Speaker 1: say anything right, not get upset, not not escalate the
Speaker 1: problem that didn't even really exist before. He's just cutting
Speaker 1: you off right. More recently, I learned sort of the
Speaker 1: hard way. I was writing my Harley to go pick
Speaker 1: up some shirts, some sample shirts at this print shop
Speaker 1: that my buddy owns, and I was just cruising, having
Speaker 1: a good time, and this guy cuts me off on
Speaker 1: the freeway exit and he literally cut me off. I
Speaker 1: know he saw me coming because I got these huge
Speaker 1: bright headlights on my bike, and so I went around
Speaker 1: him and I just gave him the finger. And he
Speaker 1: was in this little Honda black Civi Conda, and he
Speaker 1: got pissed off and he chased me down for like
Speaker 1: a mile. He chased me down all the way until
Speaker 1: I got to the shop. I pulled up into the shop,
Speaker 1: obviously my friend's there and now his employees, and the
Speaker 1: guy gets out. I was like, well, you flipped me off,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, you really want to get down through it.
Speaker 1: I mean, this guy was breaking the law doing you know,
Speaker 1: you turns like he he If you didn't know it,
Speaker 1: you would think he's trying to kill me. And it
Speaker 1: was a pretty bad situation. That taught me like, yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe from now and forward, don't flip anybody off. Don't
Speaker 1: escalate the problem, because you never know what is wrong
Speaker 1: with their life, all right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's people that have gotten shot over that, So
Speaker 2: you just don't know who you're at the time and
Speaker 2: who you might be flipping off, and they might just
Speaker 2: be having a horrible the whole ole day and they
Speaker 2: might just pull a gun on you.
Speaker 1: Right. Yeah. A buddy of mine recently had the same experience,
Speaker 1: but he didn't flip the guy off. He just he
Speaker 1: was on the freeway and this guy was just going
Speaker 1: in and out of traffic, one of those idiot drivers,
Speaker 1: right that is just it's a matter of time before
Speaker 1: he's going to cause an accident. And he came up
Speaker 1: to my friend, you know, pretty hard behind him and
Speaker 1: swerved away, and my friend just lifted his hand, you know,
Speaker 1: his arm up like what you know, and the guy
Speaker 1: chased him down all the way into the exit of
Speaker 1: the freeway, and my buddy's like, you know what, I
Speaker 1: don't want anything to do with this guy. This guy's
Speaker 1: a nut job. And he ended up writing he exited
Speaker 1: the freeway, and the guy exited the freeway and he
Speaker 1: went around him and stopped in front of him. He
Speaker 1: started backing his car up, and my buddy just turned
Speaker 1: around and went the wrong way on the freeway off ramp,
Speaker 1: going like, yeah, what is wrong with these people that
Speaker 1: they're so crazy they want to kill you?
Speaker 2: Well, you know what's interesting is, you know we talked
Speaker 2: about like how do you stop you know, reacting right,
Speaker 2: And and that's where meditation comes in, right, because meditation
Speaker 2: allows you to focus and it allows you to like
Speaker 2: respond instead of react to things, because sometimes you won't
Speaker 2: even know you're doing it right, So it's like something
Speaker 2: will trigger you and then all of a sudden you'll
Speaker 2: just get anger. But if you can again, if you
Speaker 2: could focus so much and you could be aware of like, okay,
Speaker 2: this is just this is a trigger that's going to
Speaker 2: make me do it, and you could actually respond to
Speaker 2: it versus reacting. I think for me that's what like
Speaker 2: meditation has been helping me with quite a bit. Yeah,
Speaker 2: because now I could I could almost see what's going
Speaker 2: to happen before it's it's like it just doesn't trigger
Speaker 2: me anymore. But like I think of like, you know,
Speaker 2: there's been you know, past relationships where because of their
Speaker 2: past just anything, you would say something and it's all
Speaker 2: of a sudden they're in your face and they want
Speaker 2: to box it out. Yeah right. And I've dated women
Speaker 2: like that that that I have wanted to just box
Speaker 2: it out. Like the minute you you god forbid you
Speaker 2: said a word, yeah, and all of a sudden it
Speaker 2: was like, okay, let's let's I'm gonna I'm gonna punch
Speaker 2: you in the face kind of deal, you know, and.
Speaker 1: You're like, whoa, wow, Wow. Yeah, I I haven't experienced that.
Speaker 1: I think it's a real thing, especially because I've seen
Speaker 1: guys you know.
Speaker 2: Who gets right. There's guys thing right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the guys do. It's it's more predominantly that that
Speaker 1: guys you know do that. But I'm sure there's women
Speaker 1: out there that are very you know, angry, and and
Speaker 1: that's there, I guess way of handling a situation. I mean,
Speaker 1: growing up Latinos, we're pretty much stereotype as my cheese.
Speaker 1: Most and and that's how most Latino men are, like
Speaker 1: Rye and you know, mess with me or my family, right.
Speaker 1: And the funny thing is, for me, I think it
Speaker 1: was experience and all that helped me become more understanding
Speaker 1: of the world. Right when I was young, I would
Speaker 1: say that I'm pretty ignorant to the world, you know,
Speaker 1: the realities of the even in my especially in my twenties,
Speaker 1: right when you think you know the whole what the
Speaker 1: world's all about, right, everybody in their twenties things they
Speaker 1: got it all in control. But it wasn't you know,
Speaker 1: until I experienced just life and learning, you know, especially
Speaker 1: being illegal and watching some of these unnecessary cases come
Speaker 1: across your desk and you're like, these guys are fighting
Speaker 1: over trash cans left outside of their you know, front yard,
Speaker 1: or you know, parking in front of your neighbor's front
Speaker 1: of your neighbor's house. You're fighting about that. It opens
Speaker 1: up your eyes to all the stupidity out there of
Speaker 1: people getting upset and fighting over nothing. Growing up, I
Speaker 1: used to hang out with all kinds of people, including
Speaker 1: gang members, right. And the mentality with a gang member
Speaker 1: group is you mess with my my homie, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: kick your ass. You know, you got to get through
Speaker 1: me to get through my homie, and that taught me
Speaker 1: the lesson of Okay, there's loyalty involved here, but why
Speaker 1: would I put myself in the line of fire over
Speaker 1: some dude, you know, especially if the dude deserved it, right,
Speaker 1: It didn't make any sense at the time. It doesn't
Speaker 1: make sense now and I completely understand it today. It's
Speaker 1: just the way they value their relationship, and that's what
Speaker 1: puts value in their in their life. Right. It's not
Speaker 1: much different if somebody is threatening my family, if somebody
Speaker 1: is you know, that's the hardest part when it came
Speaker 1: to the show. It's like, all right, you're you're in
Speaker 1: my wife's face, you know, and you're a guy and
Speaker 1: you're you're arguing with my wife. You know, what the
Speaker 1: hell am I supposed to do? Initially? I just want
Speaker 1: to lean over, reach over this table here and beat
Speaker 1: the shit out of you, right and get physical. But
Speaker 1: the reality is, ay, it's a television show. It shouldn't
Speaker 1: get to that point. B You're gonna look like the
Speaker 1: idiot because you're arguing with the woman on TV. Right,
Speaker 1: And see, it's kind of not real, you know, this
Speaker 1: is all fabricated shit that doesn't really mean anything or
Speaker 1: matter ultimately right. So that's helped me really in that situation.
Speaker 1: But if it was a real life situation where some
Speaker 1: drunk or some you know woman attacks my wife, like,
Speaker 1: I don't know what I would do. It's almost like
Speaker 1: a case by case, you know what I would I
Speaker 1: just try to separate them. Would I get involved? If
Speaker 1: somebody punches me? What do I do? You know, it's
Speaker 1: it's kind of scary. This world is getting a little
Speaker 1: bit more and more fearful, in my opinion.
Speaker 2: Do you remember fighting? What was your last fight with
Speaker 2: with a girlfriend? Was that a big one or.
Speaker 1: The last real fight with the girlfriend? And it was
Speaker 1: the only reason it was a fight. It was way
Speaker 1: before camera. The only reason it was a fight was
Speaker 1: because she would not let me go. You know, she
Speaker 1: wanted to just make sure we tried everything on this relationship.
Speaker 1: She was she was an mba very highly educated, very
Speaker 1: motivated woman, very inspired, inspiring. But you know, we knocked
Speaker 1: heads and I just didn't like the way she tried
Speaker 1: to control everything and I was out. I'm out. I
Speaker 1: don't want to be in this relationship anymore. And it
Speaker 1: literally took probably a month, you know, to get out
Speaker 1: of that relationship. That was the first time I've ever
Speaker 1: felt like, you know, kind of threatened, like, I mean,
Speaker 1: what do you mean You're not gonna let me go?
Speaker 1: What do you mean We're not breaking up? We're breaking up.
Speaker 1: It's over. Yeah, But that was the only time I've
Speaker 1: ever felt kind of uneasy about a conflict with with
Speaker 1: with a girlfriend. To her, they've been pretty easy, you know,
Speaker 1: I have. I had this attitude before I met Tama
Speaker 1: that as soon as something was wrong in the relationship,
Speaker 1: I just go bye bye. You know, I'm done. I
Speaker 1: can't deal with this. And I think it's part of
Speaker 1: my experience growing up, you know, just not really having
Speaker 1: a guide or an example of how to deal with conflict,
Speaker 1: but more how do I protect myself? You know, how
Speaker 1: do I protect my my feelings and my emotions when
Speaker 1: you know this relationship is not working out? I'm out?
Speaker 1: And I didn't learn the value of it until I
Speaker 1: met Tamra. And you know, we had a few for
Speaker 1: her first few fights and I was like, Okay, I'm out,
Speaker 1: and she's like, but I mean you're out, We're not out.
Speaker 1: We're going to work through this, and and she totally
Speaker 1: pulled me in. But in a very positive way, you know,
Speaker 1: and taught me the lesson like, no, this is we're
Speaker 1: in love and we got to make this work. And
Speaker 1: and it really opened up my eyes to it. Again,
Speaker 1: It's a life experience that I never had because I
Speaker 1: never had those examples or the or a book that
Speaker 1: I can read to tell me this is how you
Speaker 1: handle conflict if in case, this is the scenario you
Speaker 1: find yourself in.
Speaker 2: Right, m hmm, what about you.
Speaker 1: Have you had any adverse fights or anything like that
Speaker 1: in relationships when you're in a relationship with crazy girl.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, definitely had my share of fights. Definitely
Speaker 2: had my share of back to back women that were
Speaker 2: I guess, very aggressive, I should say so. A couple
Speaker 2: of times. One tried breaking a couple of TVs in
Speaker 2: my house, tried to mess up a couple of things
Speaker 2: at the house, a couple of imagine that. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: so it was it was interesting dealing with that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I think you know, one thing my my dad always
Speaker 2: taught me too, is you know, never to hit a girl, right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, that was I don't know where I learned that,
Speaker 1: but that was one of the most important things. And yep,
Speaker 1: it's hard to understand though, because what if she hits
Speaker 1: you first?
Speaker 2: And right?
Speaker 1: No, yeah, right, how do you handle it then?
Speaker 2: Right? So that's you know, that's a tough one, right
Speaker 2: when when you're getting struck first and all that. But
Speaker 2: you know that was that's always been like my dad
Speaker 2: was always like, hey, you don't touch a girl. I
Speaker 2: don't care what they do, you just you don't go there.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So again, I think you pick up a lot of
Speaker 2: stuff when you're young, and uh, I think that helped
Speaker 2: me control myself during those moments. Yeah, and also know
Speaker 2: that it's just you know, you react to one of
Speaker 2: those moments and you're gonna end up in the in
Speaker 2: a bad place there. So yeah, yeah, so's it's interesting
Speaker 2: because especially when you're younger, Right, when you're younger, you
Speaker 2: don't know as much. I mean, you know, now it's
Speaker 2: funny because not funny, but like Teddy and I, one
Speaker 2: of the few times we get in an argument, she's
Speaker 2: the type that will not go to sleep until it
Speaker 2: gets fixed, right, So she wants to talk it out.
Speaker 2: She wants to get it fixed and go to sleep.
Speaker 2: I'm not that way. I'm like, let me go to
Speaker 2: sleep and I'll be fine. In the morning. Yeah so,
Speaker 2: but because I shut down, I just it. Just when
Speaker 2: I shut down, I shut down. If I get pissed,
Speaker 2: it's like I got no emotion, no emotion whatever. It
Speaker 2: just I don't even know how it happens. It's just
Speaker 2: I just turned cold and there's nothing you can say
Speaker 2: to me. I'm just not talking now. The next day, though,
Speaker 2: I wake up like, I know myself, I'm cool, I'm good,
Speaker 2: I'm fine. But she Nope, she needs to have that conversation,
Speaker 2: and that sometimes has gotten me more upset because I'm like,
Speaker 2: just wait till the morning. I do not want to talk. Now.
Speaker 2: We'll end up doing it and it ends up being well as well.
Speaker 2: But for me, my natural reaction is to just wake
Speaker 2: up the next morning talk about it then, because I'm
Speaker 2: calm and my emotion is back. She wants to figure
Speaker 2: that stuff out, like on the spot.
Speaker 1: I think I'm exactly the same way and when, and
Speaker 1: what I've learned in my experience and analyzing as much
Speaker 1: as I can about it is that I personally rather
Speaker 1: shut down and calm myself down and get my thoughts,
Speaker 1: collect my thoughts, and manage my emotions, because if I'm
Speaker 1: pushed and cornered into a wall. I am going to
Speaker 1: come out fighting and saying the worst things that could
Speaker 1: come out of my mouth and mean it right. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So I know this about me. And every single time
Speaker 1: I've ever been in a situation in a relationship, and
Speaker 1: I think it's only been two one is my current
Speaker 1: relationship with my wife. She's like teddy, she wants to
Speaker 1: resolve it before she goes to bed. She wants to
Speaker 1: talk it through da da da, And if I'm not
Speaker 1: in control, I'm like, don't talk to me right now.
Speaker 1: It just just leave me alone. It took probably maybe
Speaker 1: three to six scenarios where that happened, and my wife
Speaker 1: finally learned like, Okay, I don't want to push him
Speaker 1: right now because I know he's about to lose it,
Speaker 1: right And I've gotten to the point where I just
Speaker 1: remind her, hey, listen, is this not a time to
Speaker 1: talk about it. If you keep pushing it, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: lose my shit. And of course she's so pissed, like
Speaker 1: are you threatening me? I'm like, I'm promising you. You
Speaker 1: know how I can get you know. And that's the
Speaker 1: thing that I learned is I hated those moments when
Speaker 1: I did lose my shit and I lost control and
Speaker 1: I said some horrible things. But once I've calmed down
Speaker 1: and I apologize and we talk it through, because that's important.
Speaker 1: You both have to be in the frame of mind
Speaker 1: to be able to communicate, clear minded, right, and emotionally
Speaker 1: ready to accept whatever caused the issue. If you're both
Speaker 1: in that place, it's going to be effective. But if
Speaker 1: one of you is shut down because it's like a
Speaker 1: time bomb ready to explode, and the other one's just
Speaker 1: trying to push because they want to get to the
Speaker 1: other side, you know, I don't want to deal with
Speaker 1: this anymore. I just want to just get into a
Speaker 1: fight and get over with and move on. Right. That's
Speaker 1: kind of what Icy my wife does. She's really good
Speaker 1: about just get into a fight, get it over with,
Speaker 1: and then then after it's done, ah, I love you, honey,
Speaker 1: it is like nothing happened. And one of the cool
Speaker 1: things is that she doesn't necessarily bring it up again,
Speaker 1: right like some other women that I've dated, where you know,
Speaker 1: ten years from now is like remember that moment, Like, no,
Speaker 1: I don't remember that, but yeah, I think it took
Speaker 1: actually fighting and navigating through the conflict between my wife
Speaker 1: and I for us to learn how how to fight right,
Speaker 1: to learn what is my max threshold, what's her max threshold?
Speaker 1: What are her you know, soft buttons and her triggers
Speaker 1: and what are my triggers? And unfortunately it had to
Speaker 1: be a fight before we found out, Okay, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to push her right now, or I'm not going
Speaker 1: to push him right now. And I'm not saying that.
Speaker 1: You know, it's the perfect way of communicating. It's it's
Speaker 1: working for us, you know when when it when it
Speaker 1: comes to conflicts. But at the same time, we're at
Speaker 1: the point in our relationship where like, yeah, I really
Speaker 1: don't want to bring that up because it's just going
Speaker 1: to be a fight. It's kind of like where are
Speaker 1: the landmines right now? Because I don't want to go
Speaker 1: down that path.
Speaker 2: Well, I think to your point, right, when you get
Speaker 2: you get to know your partner right where again, I'm
Speaker 2: the same way. If you push me and you continue
Speaker 2: to push me, I'm going to know exactly what to
Speaker 2: say to like hurt you. Yeah, but I'm only going
Speaker 2: to go there like if you really really pissed me off,
Speaker 2: and and I'm the same way, let me just go
Speaker 2: to sleep. Let me go to sleep, cause I already
Speaker 2: know I'm a taking time bomb. I'm a taking time
Speaker 2: bomb if you keep pushing, pushing, pushing, So now you know,
Speaker 2: it's like she kind of knows. All right, I'm just
Speaker 2: gonna let them wake up in the morning. We'll talk
Speaker 2: about it in the morning. And I am a total
Speaker 2: different person in the morning, like I'm it's like new day.
Speaker 2: I'm in a good mood. I'm good.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: So you said about that, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1: The interesting question I have is what why are our
Speaker 1: wives like that? Why do they feel they have to
Speaker 1: get it resolved right away? You know, what's the psychology
Speaker 1: behind that? And what what what can I do to
Speaker 1: help them feel better about, you know, not giving in
Speaker 1: and fighting with them, you know, to resolve it because
Speaker 1: it doesn't work for me. It might work for them,
Speaker 1: but it doesn't work for me. You know, what can
Speaker 1: we do to help the situation so they feel like okay,
Speaker 1: maybe you know, maybe it is okay to wait till
Speaker 1: the morning to get in a fight, or what is
Speaker 1: it that that makes them feel like I just got
Speaker 1: to get in the fight and get it over with
Speaker 1: and then I'll move on, you know, because I've seen
Speaker 1: that a lot in my wife at least, Like, Okay,
Speaker 1: we fight, we you know, sometimes we can't help ourselves
Speaker 1: and we say something stupid, and then ten minutes later
Speaker 1: we're back to normal. That can never happened. But maybe
Speaker 1: it's just that it's maybe it's just like, let's just
Speaker 1: get it over with and move on, versus I don't
Speaker 1: want to get over with. You know, I am ready
Speaker 1: to explode because of the scenario we're in, and I
Speaker 1: need some time to just calm down. So please let
Speaker 1: me calm down before we talk about this.
Speaker 2: Right, That's a good question, and I've been trying to
Speaker 2: figure that one out myself. I mean, how do you right?
Speaker 2: But you know, it's interesting for me too. I'm you
Speaker 2: know what, sometimes it takes me a couple of days
Speaker 2: to forgive, right. Yeah. It's like, are you gonna apologize?
Speaker 2: Like I got nothing to apologize, You should be apologizing
Speaker 2: to me, right yeah? And then after a couple of days,
Speaker 2: you're just like, all right, let's you just kind of
Speaker 2: have fun with it at that point because you're all right, right,
Speaker 2: But there is something to be said about you know,
Speaker 2: forgiveness and gratefulness are unseparable. Right, they're inseparable, I should say, yeah,
Speaker 2: And bitterness and ungratefulness are also inseparable. So you know,
Speaker 2: you got to be careful with not forgiving because you
Speaker 2: become bitter and then you become ungrateful, and then that's
Speaker 2: how that relationship starts to drift. Right, you know the
Speaker 2: opposite again. You you forgive somebody, then all of a sudden,
Speaker 2: you're grateful for it again. You know, those two things
Speaker 2: are inseparable, forgiveness and gratefulness.
Speaker 1: I think though, to your point earlier, I think you
Speaker 1: hit the nail on the head and when it comes
Speaker 1: to communicating, love is the most important thing that can
Speaker 1: get you through anything, any hardship, any situation. Not saying
Speaker 1: that it's going to be you know, bunny bunny tails
Speaker 1: and you know, beautiful life. It's going to be hard.
Speaker 1: But as long as you have love, you have something
Speaker 1: really powerful that is worth fighting for. Right.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think that's what's really helped me with my relationship
Speaker 1: with my wife, is like, we have love and it's
Speaker 1: worth the fight. It's worth learning how to fight and
Speaker 1: how how to get to the other side together versus
Speaker 1: a part. I think that's the you know what.
Speaker 2: I haven't tried, and I'm just it's like, a I
Speaker 2: don't know. I just I've never really understood why shouldn't
Speaker 2: say I never tried it. I tried it once therapy,
Speaker 2: and I tried it once just because Teddy's like, we
Speaker 2: should go to therapy because you know, we're going through
Speaker 2: a tough time, and I felt like all I'm doing
Speaker 2: is talking. I'm not getting any They're not solving my issue.
Speaker 2: I'm sitting here like I'm just talking away for an
Speaker 2: hour and I just got charged whatever it was. I
Speaker 2: don't know, a thousand bucks, and I'm like, talk, you did,
Speaker 2: just hear me talk? I could. I could hear myself
Speaker 2: talk all day long, but I never you know, that's
Speaker 2: that's that's been. I've never really understood that one. It's
Speaker 2: always I don't know if it's because the way I
Speaker 2: was I was brought up, but I'm not saying therapy
Speaker 2: is wrong. I want to clear that up. But in
Speaker 2: my head, I'm just like, I don't why do I
Speaker 2: need therapy.
Speaker 1: I'm yeah, I'm good. I've never had therapy. I've never
Speaker 1: experienced that, And a lot of it had to do
Speaker 1: with the fact that we couldn't afford it growing up, right,
Speaker 1: So we.
Speaker 2: Write same thing, But I feel like everything now is
Speaker 2: you need therapy for this, you need therapy for that.
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, my understanding on the effectiveness of therapy
Speaker 1: is kind of like a friendship. They got to get
Speaker 1: to know the real you. And one of one of
Speaker 1: my closest friends is my wife. But it took I
Speaker 1: don't know, thirteen years to get to this point.
Speaker 2: Yeah, therapy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's some level of professional psychology that that you
Speaker 1: know is behind a lot of their credentials, but I
Speaker 1: have never experienced it. I have, I don't. I'm not
Speaker 1: against it for the record. I think it works for
Speaker 1: some people. But I think the value in talk with
Speaker 1: your partner and communicating is therapy in and of itself.
Speaker 1: But the most important part is is that your partner
Speaker 1: has to understand that communication is when both of you
Speaker 1: actually understand what each other says. And if you're just
Speaker 1: discounting what one person is saying because you're thinking about
Speaker 1: what you're going to say, you're not communicating right. You're
Speaker 1: so upset and you're stuck on that subject and I
Speaker 1: just want to get my point out so he hears me,
Speaker 1: and you're doing the same thing and it just becomes
Speaker 1: a fight. So that's where the third party comes in
Speaker 1: and allows you to put you in one corner and
Speaker 1: the other one in the other corner and like, Okay,
Speaker 1: catch your breath and listen to yourself talk and you'll
Speaker 1: figure it out.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 1: I think that's the effectiveness of it. I mean, obviously
Speaker 1: a lot of people have taken therapy and it's helped tremendously,
Speaker 1: and some people go through therapy their entire life because
Speaker 1: sometimes it's hard to find somebody you can really trust
Speaker 1: one hundred percent. You know, you gotta It's like our
Speaker 1: our forum brothers and sisters, right when you're in forum,
Speaker 1: those are the people you trust. Those are the people
Speaker 1: that know pretty much everything about you. And where else
Speaker 1: are you going to go and do that if you
Speaker 1: don't have that? Did you ever we talked a little
Speaker 1: bit about this, did you ever figure out your wife's
Speaker 1: love language?
Speaker 2: She is definitely one of the choices on those Again,
Speaker 2: I want to say, she's the words of affirmation. She's
Speaker 2: all about her. I want my card for our birthday,
Speaker 2: I want our card for our anniversary, and I'm like, well,
Speaker 2: I didn't get you the card but I wrote you
Speaker 2: a nice post on Instagram. I mean, the card just
Speaker 2: gonna probably throw it away, you guys, I know, I
Speaker 2: just did an awesome post for you on Instagram. It
Speaker 2: doesn't get better than that. But she is definitely a
Speaker 2: word of affirmation person for sure. And that is not
Speaker 2: my love language.
Speaker 1: That is yours.
Speaker 2: No, that's not like, that's not yours.
Speaker 1: What's yours?
Speaker 2: I'm not a like, let me write you this long
Speaker 2: poem like, it's not me. I like acts of service, okay,
Speaker 2: Like I like being taken care of. I like, uh yeah,
Speaker 2: So Teddy doesn't cook that much anymore, but like when
Speaker 2: she'd back in the day, when I'd come home and
Speaker 2: she'd have dinner cooked and she'd serve me. That was cool. Actually,
Speaker 2: funny thing about funny thing about Teddy is so my mom.
Speaker 2: You know, growing up, she she just always took care
Speaker 2: of me. I'm like a big mama's boy, So she
Speaker 2: always served me. Like, so when ted Teddy and I
Speaker 2: were dating, Mom would always come and serve me and
Speaker 2: all that good stuff. Right, So Teddy kind of got
Speaker 2: used to that. So whenever we'd go to parties and
Speaker 2: you know, they'd have the whole buffet style kind of
Speaker 2: thing where you'd go serve yourself. Teddy would always come
Speaker 2: serve me, right, and all her white friends that were
Speaker 2: married wouldn't do that for their husbands, right. So Teddy's
Speaker 2: like the only white girl right there serving serving me
Speaker 2: and she brings me my plate, right, and all all
Speaker 2: her friends would make fun of her because like, Teddy,
Speaker 2: you're making us look bad. You're serving your husband and
Speaker 2: we don't serve our husband. But I think it was
Speaker 2: just you know, something that she started doing because she'd
Speaker 2: see my mom do it all the time, and she
Speaker 2: just yeah, So now I'm just not very good at
Speaker 2: serving myself. Like whenever I do try to serve myself,
Speaker 2: I like mess up the whole freaking dinner table. And
Speaker 2: so anyway, it's like even when we go to a party,
Speaker 2: that's I'm like, hey, Teddy, can you serve me? Because
Speaker 2: I don't want to mess up the you know, they
Speaker 2: have everything on nicely sput out, and here I come,
Speaker 2: I start throwing everything all over the place. So but
Speaker 2: I just got used to that from being a mama's boy.
Speaker 2: Didn't serve myself.
Speaker 1: It's and that will go that will give her so
Speaker 1: many brownie points, simple things like that. Little simple things
Speaker 1: like that. And as long as she doesn't have you know,
Speaker 1: her friends mocking her or telling her, what are you
Speaker 1: a slave? You know, so just people are haters for us,
Speaker 1: My wife is words of affirmation as well. But I
Speaker 1: also think she's an acts of service, so I have.
Speaker 1: What I know makes her happy is when I talk
Speaker 1: to her and tell her how great she's doing, and
Speaker 1: you know, and put her up on a pedestal. And
Speaker 1: obviously when I do shit around the house or especially
Speaker 1: in the big Bear house, when we're putting things together
Speaker 1: or you know, upgrading this or doing that. She loves
Speaker 1: me doing stuff like that, And personally, I am the
Speaker 1: only thing for me for for the love language that's
Speaker 1: really the most prominent is the physical touch. And I
Speaker 1: don't know what it is, but I didn't have, you know,
Speaker 1: obviously parents growing up telling me and doing things for me.
Speaker 1: In fact, for the first thirty years of my life,
Speaker 1: it was all about taking care of myself, you know,
Speaker 1: and doing my own laundry, cleaning my own house and
Speaker 1: doing all these things for myself that in my relationships
Speaker 1: the girls were like, well let me do it, you know. No,
Speaker 1: even when I married Tarma, and she's and I had.
Speaker 1: I got to a point where I had a house
Speaker 1: cleaner doing all the house cleaning, and then of course
Speaker 1: my laundry, and my wife's like, uh uh, I am
Speaker 1: not going to have some other woman washing your underwear.
Speaker 1: I'm like, it's just underwear. I don't do my laundry anymore,
Speaker 1: you know. And I was, and it got to the
Speaker 1: point where now she wants to do my laundry because
Speaker 1: she doesn't want another woman to do my laundry.
Speaker 2: They're gonna smell your underwear or what are they gonna do.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know. It might be one
Speaker 1: of those power trip things like you know, why is
Speaker 1: another woman taking care of my man? Thing? Right? Because
Speaker 1: now we're back at the point where I actually prefer
Speaker 1: doing my own laundry because I have a whole system
Speaker 1: and it's just easy and efficient, and it's one of
Speaker 1: those things like Tamera does one or two loads, maybe
Speaker 1: one load every day, and you know, so she kind
Speaker 1: of rotates and is doing laundry three or four days
Speaker 1: a week, unless she's super busy, then she can she
Speaker 1: takes all day one day to do her laundry. I
Speaker 1: like to just get it all done in one day.
Speaker 1: It's either Saturday or Sunday. I put it in, it's
Speaker 1: all organized, it comes out organized, it's easy to put away,
Speaker 1: and I'm done, right Versus I just put this load
Speaker 1: in and I where's the matching sock. Oh, it's in
Speaker 1: the next load that's going to go in tomorrow. Like
Speaker 1: it drives me nuts. So yeah, I think for me
Speaker 1: is physical touch. And if I was to pick a
Speaker 1: second one that is my love language, it's probably quality time.
Speaker 1: I've really have valued my time now that I'm in
Speaker 1: my fifties, and I want to spend it with quality
Speaker 1: people doing quality things that you know, bring bring joy
Speaker 1: to us and and in the family. Right, So when
Speaker 1: we go to these you know events that we just
Speaker 1: went to one recently in La for Bravo and it
Speaker 1: was at a bar. I mean, it's just it was stupid,
Speaker 1: but you know, we kind of have to do it
Speaker 1: because it's part of the business. But it's not quality time.
Speaker 1: And for us it's it's sort of like I don't
Speaker 1: want to go, bab, but she wanted me to go
Speaker 1: because she doesn't want to go by herself, Right, So
Speaker 1: I have to look at it as somewhat of quality
Speaker 1: time together. As much as I didn't want to do it,
Speaker 1: and we we did end up actually spending some quality
Speaker 1: time with Heather and Terry afterwards. We went to dinner
Speaker 1: together and we spent some quality time with them, and
Speaker 1: and they're and their boy and there and his friends
Speaker 1: were there too. So those experiences are really what's important
Speaker 1: to me. It's it's it's just physical touch. Obviously I
Speaker 1: can only get that from my wife and my massage therapist.
Speaker 2: But is there a therapist a man or a female female?
Speaker 1: I could not have a guy touch me, Okay, I
Speaker 1: mean good to know. I've had a good friend who
Speaker 1: was an incredible massage therapist and he was also homosexual,
Speaker 1: but he was he was married to one of my
Speaker 1: best friends, and he was one of the most incredible therapists.
Speaker 1: He knew everything about the body and how to really
Speaker 1: help me with my pains, and I trusted him, you know,
Speaker 1: like a brother. So he's the probably the only guy
Speaker 1: that's ever worked on me. But I prefer females when
Speaker 1: I go get massaged.
Speaker 2: Would Tamera allow you to have a hot a massage?
Speaker 2: What do they called again?
Speaker 1: Massuse messus? I've never met one that's super hot, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, like, holy shit. So, I mean
Speaker 1: she she's always questioning the massage thing, you know, like
Speaker 1: what's going on? How can I always get massages? Right?
Speaker 1: I'm good. I love it and it fixed and I
Speaker 1: need it. And I'm very physical and I have sore
Speaker 1: muscles and sometimes really tight joints and tight you know body,
Speaker 1: And for me, honestly, it just brings It makes me
Speaker 1: feel good that, you know, I'm being touched now. I'm
Speaker 1: not being touched in a sexual, sensual loving way, not
Speaker 1: like the way I want my wife to touch me,
Speaker 1: but I'm being it's the therapy of massaging the sore
Speaker 1: muscles or the pain, and sometimes it's fucking painful, you know.
Speaker 1: I have a therapist that is also incredible, and she's Romanian,
Speaker 1: super strong, and she just knows her shit and she
Speaker 1: goes in there and she it's freaking painful sometimes, and
Speaker 1: I feel good afterwards because she gets rid of the
Speaker 1: pain area, not just the but the whole pain area.
Speaker 1: And even my wife has had her work on her
Speaker 1: and she's like, oh my god, how do you deal
Speaker 1: with that? It's painful the whole time. I'm like, that's
Speaker 1: the kind of massage I like, not the pain most
Speaker 1: full massage, but the massage is actually doing something. I
Speaker 1: don't go get massage where they're just you know, the
Speaker 1: sweetest massage which is just touching my skin and putting
Speaker 1: rocks on my body or you know, none of that.
Speaker 1: I don't like that. I like the athletic performance enhancement,
Speaker 1: you know, the physical massages, and I like going to
Speaker 1: time massage just because they stretch you, right, Oh, it's
Speaker 1: pretty awesome. They stretch the hell out of you. They
Speaker 1: turn you into a pretzol, especially for flexible and obviously
Speaker 1: they have their own thigh technique too. So for me,
Speaker 1: it's really the therapy that makes me feel good. And
Speaker 1: obviously there's touching involved in the physical touch. So that's
Speaker 1: kind of where I sense, you know, the physical touch.
Speaker 1: Plus I'm a very physical touching kind of guy. Like
Speaker 1: I touch my wife all the time, and she loves it.
Speaker 1: Not always, you know, because she's not a physical touch
Speaker 1: kind of person with her love language. But you know,
Speaker 1: I hug my friends, I hug everybody.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: I'm just that kind of person.
Speaker 2: I'm too.
Speaker 1: That's how we exchange energy when I shake somebody's hand,
Speaker 1: I feel a lot of energy coming through, and it's
Speaker 1: sometimes it's not great. Most of the time, you get
Speaker 1: a sense of who you're talking to, right or who
Speaker 1: you're meeting right right. So it's important for me to
Speaker 1: touch somebody, even if I put my hand on the shoulder,
Speaker 1: I just have a sense of the energy that I
Speaker 1: get from that person, and that's that helps me understand
Speaker 1: that person better. What about fighting styles, how do you? Yeah,
Speaker 1: do you have a fighting style? When it comes to
Speaker 1: well talked about that, you kind of shut down, right,
Speaker 1: I shut down?
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, I mean I think, Yeah, I think, I mean,
Speaker 2: I think fighting styles. I mean, I mean, I call
Speaker 2: it a superpower. I could be very encouraging, but I
Speaker 2: could also I mean, if I wanted to, I could
Speaker 2: really shoot you down, right. Yeah. So yeah, that's not
Speaker 2: where I like to go. But I guess if that's
Speaker 2: a fighting style for me, I know what words to
Speaker 2: get you, you know, But that's definitely try not to
Speaker 2: go there.
Speaker 1: You have to be pushed into a corner, right, yeah
Speaker 1: before you.
Speaker 2: I'm usually the opposite. I'm usually like, I think one
Speaker 2: of my superpowers is probably I'm very good at encouraging people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And trying to diffuse the situation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that also could be a bad thing if you
Speaker 2: get pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed,
Speaker 2: you could use it for the other side, you know.
Speaker 2: But yeah, but I've definitely never been an aggressive person ever. Like,
Speaker 2: it's just it. It would take a lot to get
Speaker 2: me pissed off.
Speaker 1: I I'm the same way. And the thing I always
Speaker 1: chalked it up to was always, you know, when I
Speaker 1: ride my bike, my road bike, I've done that for
Speaker 1: since I was in high school. Every single time I
Speaker 1: ride it, and I clear my head and I just
Speaker 1: obviously the endorphins and the hormones that go through that,
Speaker 1: I feel at peace with myself so much that you
Speaker 1: can burn the house down, you can crash the car,
Speaker 1: you can take anything you want. Nothing, absolutely nothing bothers me.
Speaker 2: So that's a great point about It's one of the
Speaker 2: reasons I love to work out in the mornings because
Speaker 2: no matter what comes after that workout, like, I'm calm
Speaker 2: because your muscles are relaxed, You're relaxed, and it's it's
Speaker 2: one of the ways you can take on a lot
Speaker 2: of resistance. Is that is the working out, because man, yeah,
Speaker 2: There's always going to be stuff that comes up and
Speaker 2: you need to be sort of relaxed, and the workouts
Speaker 2: do that for me every morning. That's why I'm like
Speaker 2: every morning, I got to have some people take pills.
Speaker 2: I work out, you know, I hit the the treadmill
Speaker 2: of the bike, you know, something to just kind of
Speaker 2: get me relaxed. You know.
Speaker 1: I think you're right. I think that is our superpower.
Speaker 1: I think that's what's helped me be calm and collected
Speaker 1: and be able to handle most situations that you know
Speaker 1: that I that I'm faced with, you know, whatever that is.
Speaker 1: You know, I haven't faced a death in the family.
Speaker 1: You know, I just haven't experienced that. But those are
Speaker 1: the moments where you know you need to be able
Speaker 1: to handle life, and you have the option. You can
Speaker 1: go and get drunk and take drugs and ruin your life,
Speaker 1: or you can go exercise and you know, take care
Speaker 1: of your health and clear your mind and kind of
Speaker 1: manage your perspective on what happened just now right and
Speaker 1: handle the situation better. I mean, if I was to
Speaker 1: give any advice on you know, how to handle fighting
Speaker 1: or communicating or you know, with the spouse, I think
Speaker 1: exercising before. I mean, you can't predict when you're going
Speaker 1: to fight, but if you can exercise on a regular basis,
Speaker 1: you're going to be pretty calm and you could definitely
Speaker 1: handle situations better. But also on top of that learning
Speaker 1: how to fight, which I learned recently, includes learning how
Speaker 1: to communicate. And when it comes to communicating, is what
Speaker 1: I mean is you understand exactly what I'm saying, and
Speaker 1: I understand exactly what you're saying. I'm not just hearing you,
Speaker 1: I'm not just letting you talk, you know, but really
Speaker 1: just understanding each other. That takes a while because there's
Speaker 1: so many different styles of fighting and communicating and languages,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like, for example, take a
Speaker 1: person who and this is not to put people down
Speaker 1: that didn't go to college, but let's say somebody that
Speaker 1: didn't go to college, they don't have as huge a
Speaker 1: vocabulary as a physician or even worse yet, a lawyer.
Speaker 1: Lawyers have like a thousand words that they have to learn.
Speaker 1: Right when you fight with the lawyer, you're learning new
Speaker 1: vocabulary because they throw at you. You know, a whole
Speaker 1: book of the Dictionary of Law that they they learn
Speaker 1: in college and you're like, I don't understand anything you
Speaker 1: just said, all these big words you just said, So
Speaker 1: we're not going to get anywhere, right, That's why you
Speaker 1: have to have a lawyer fight with another lawyer and
Speaker 1: maybe they'll communicate and actually get shit done. But to me,
Speaker 1: communicating is really actually understanding what the words I'm saying
Speaker 1: and meaning behind them, and you understanding what I said.
Speaker 1: Because there's different ways I can communicate the same message,
Speaker 1: and if if I have to, I will try. You know.
Speaker 1: That's why sometimes people say the same shit five different ways,
Speaker 1: right when you're talking to them.
Speaker 2: Tonality, yeah, total, you will make a big difference.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean I think it comes down to you being
Speaker 2: happy with yourself, right. I think if if you really
Speaker 2: think we're a fight starts with someone's not happy with themselves, right,
Speaker 2: And the more toxic stuff you have inside, the more
Speaker 2: that's gonna come out. Right. You can't transfer something that
Speaker 2: you're experiencing. So if you're experiencing nothing but toxic inside
Speaker 2: of you, because that's all you're consuming, and eventually you're
Speaker 2: going to unleash that to the person you love, right,
Speaker 2: So I think you know again, it's it's It's why
Speaker 2: I think it's important to take care of yourself first. Right.
Speaker 2: For me, I get up, I do a gratitude exercise,
Speaker 2: I read scripture, I go to the gym. Those three
Speaker 2: things right off the bat put me in a pretty
Speaker 2: good mood. Right. That makes me feel good about myself. Now,
Speaker 2: I could transfer love out right, But if you're not
Speaker 2: feeling great about yourself, you're gonna constantly want to attack people. Right.
Speaker 2: So you know, a big part of communicating communicating the
Speaker 2: right way is you got to you gotta get right
Speaker 2: with yourself. Right. So it's while I'm such a big
Speaker 2: fan of personal development rights, it's that self awareness is
Speaker 2: so key because you can't change something you're unaware of.
Speaker 2: You can't improve on something you're not aware of. But
Speaker 2: the minute you start becoming aware of things, then you
Speaker 2: can actually improve on them. Problem is, most people aren't
Speaker 2: even aware that they're doing that. Like most people don't
Speaker 2: even aware that they get triggered and then they start
Speaker 2: saying all this stuff that they don't even realize they're
Speaker 2: It's just like people that cuss all the time, right,
Speaker 2: they have no idea they're cussing all the time. They
Speaker 2: have no idea that every other word that's coming out
Speaker 2: of their mouth is an F word. Right. They're not
Speaker 2: even purposely saying F they're just it's a habit, right,
Speaker 2: So it's how do you stop that habit is by
Speaker 2: becoming aware of it, right.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So, and that's my thought on it.
Speaker 1: And if there's people around you kind of making a
Speaker 1: point of it, that's another way to be aware of it.
Speaker 2: Right. And you are who you associate with, right, So
Speaker 2: you start associating with your people that are all they
Speaker 2: like is talking crap. All they like is starting rumors,
Speaker 2: like that's exactly what you're going to be like, right. So,
Speaker 2: now our parents are right. You are who you associate with.
Speaker 2: So you start associating you want to change. You start
Speaker 2: associating with people that are like the people you want
Speaker 2: to be, right, Because if you start hanging out with
Speaker 2: people that are not about gossip, you're not going to
Speaker 2: want a gossip in front of them because they'll put you.
Speaker 2: They'll immediately tell you, hey, this person's not here, man,
Speaker 2: I want to talk about them like that, right, right,
Speaker 2: And then all of a sudden you're like, oh shit, yeah,
Speaker 2: these people don't roll like that. Yeah, So and then
Speaker 2: start changing right, So yeah, that's huge too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's interesting because that that puts her girls
Speaker 1: in a predicament. You know, they're in a career where
Speaker 1: they have to analyze all the shit talking, and it's
Speaker 1: almost inevitable that they're going to talk shit, you know,
Speaker 1: on their show. And part of that point I'm trying
Speaker 1: to make is like when they come home, are they
Speaker 1: able to shut it off or do they you know,
Speaker 1: when when they have friends over and you hear them talking,
Speaker 1: are they talking like the show?
Speaker 2: Right, Well, we had an argument, Teddy and I had
Speaker 2: an argument not too long ago. Or I had to
Speaker 2: like tell her, hey, I think this is a you problem.
Speaker 2: Like I'm fine, Like don't like, I think you've been
Speaker 2: watching too much like crazy stuff. You need to start
Speaker 2: working on yourself a little bit, because I think this
Speaker 2: is a you problem, like she was making it seem
Speaker 2: like I was. I'm like, I'm happy. I don't know
Speaker 2: what you're talking about. I'm stop telling me I'm not happy.
Speaker 2: Don't tell me I'm not happy. I'm actually very happy.
Speaker 2: I said, if you feel like that, that's on you,
Speaker 2: But don't try to push that on me just because
Speaker 2: you're not feeling good. You know, and we we had
Speaker 2: a good discussion around that, and I think she agreed
Speaker 2: with me. We'll see what she says to it, but
Speaker 2: I think she agreed with me, and it was right.
Speaker 2: It's like, dude, you gotta in the mornings, you got
Speaker 2: to you gotta work on yourself because if all you're
Speaker 2: doing is watching Da Da Da Dad, Like, eventually, that's
Speaker 2: going to get in your heart and that's gonna, you know, come.
Speaker 1: Out, that's gonna spread spread if you're not only into
Speaker 1: your relationships and all that. Yeah, No, I've seen a
Speaker 1: difference now that the show's on. My life's a little
Speaker 1: bit more on edge. And that's what I was referring
Speaker 1: to earlier about Okay, you know, maybe I don't want
Speaker 1: to bring it up right now because I know this
Speaker 1: little thing is going to blow up because she is
Speaker 1: so pissed off about something else. Right. It's like sometimes
Speaker 1: it is about timing so and knowing your spouse, and yeah,
Speaker 1: fighting and communicating is a very complex thing and it's
Speaker 1: not something that I think is learned overnight, and certainly
Speaker 1: not something you can learn in school. I think it's
Speaker 1: something that you acquire with your partner and learn as
Speaker 1: you go you know, and you're going to make mistakes,
Speaker 1: and hopefully you can get past those mistakes, you know,
Speaker 1: with your spouse, if you really are truly in love,
Speaker 1: I think you can get past those things. But yeah,
Speaker 1: it's tough. It's a tough subject communicating, fighting and getting
Speaker 1: to the other side with a partner or anybody for
Speaker 1: that matter. I mean, and business is different. You know,
Speaker 1: business is pretty black and white. It's not emotional. It's
Speaker 1: like we either got the deal or we don't have
Speaker 1: the deal. But in personal, you know, I want to
Speaker 1: stay married for the rest of my life, and I
Speaker 1: want to be in love with this woman for the
Speaker 1: rest of my life, and I have to do whatever
Speaker 1: it takes to continue making it happen.
Speaker 2: Right, At the end of the day, people just want
Speaker 2: to They want to feel like they're being seen. They
Speaker 2: want to feel like you care about them. They want
Speaker 2: to feel like they belong. Yeah, and if you can
Speaker 2: do those three things, whether it's personal, whether it's business like.
Speaker 2: But a lot of times, if you think about it, right,
Speaker 2: if you're just shut off and you don't want to
Speaker 2: hear them out, yeah, it shows them you don't care.
Speaker 2: So now they get more upset. Right, But carrying serving
Speaker 2: all that good stuff is a good way to start.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it goes deep. It goes deep into
Speaker 1: really getting to know yourself, to understand, you know, your
Speaker 1: your good ways of communicating and your bad ways of communicating.
Speaker 1: Because I have my ways that are you know, not
Speaker 1: necessarily the greatest. And it could be just described as yelling.
Speaker 1: Right when I start getting like accused of stuff or
Speaker 1: or putting in a corner or you know, words get
Speaker 1: put in my mouth, I tend to get upset and
Speaker 1: I tend to raise my voice. And I say this
Speaker 1: because there's there's been certain conversations I've had with my
Speaker 1: wife like you don't have to raise your voice. I'm
Speaker 1: right here, and I'm like, well, it's frustrating that you're
Speaker 1: not listening to the word I'm saying. Right.
Speaker 2: It always comes down with, you know, when you're going
Speaker 2: to get in a fight, though, now that I think
Speaker 2: about it, it really comes down to when you're fighting
Speaker 2: and you're in that moment, it's like, for whatever reason,
Speaker 2: you want to hurt the person, right, So yeah, sometimes
Speaker 2: it's like, all right, I know what to say to
Speaker 2: hurt them. Or sometimes you're like, I know money hurts them.
Speaker 2: So I'm gonna take the money away, all right, that
Speaker 2: four hundred bucks. I gave you that two hundred bucks,
Speaker 2: like I think of a child, right like, all right,
Speaker 2: that's it. I'm not paying for this, this, this, this, Yeah,
Speaker 2: you know you immediately want to take the money whatever
Speaker 2: it is. It's gonna hurt them, right, I'm taking your
Speaker 2: fortnite away.
Speaker 1: Or get a reaction, You get a reaction to, you know,
Speaker 1: piss them off, right, yeah, yeah, And that's part of fighting.
Speaker 1: I think that's that's one of the normal things about
Speaker 1: you know, communication and fighting. I think it happens to everybody,
Speaker 1: Like especially if you call somebody out on their bullshit
Speaker 1: and they get defensive, they will come swinging with stupid
Speaker 1: bullshit like that, right, instead of just saying, yeah, you're right,
Speaker 1: I am an idiot. I shouldn't have done that and
Speaker 1: you know you're right. Great talking to you brother, likewise, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think this is very productive and until next time,
Speaker 1: Until next time,