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Speaker 1: This is The Eds with Eddie, Judge and Edwin Aoyavi

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Speaker 1: the Husband's know Best, a too cheese production. Here we

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Speaker 1: go The Eds are back, Episode ten. Bro, can you

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Speaker 1: believe that we are right?

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Speaker 2: And it's flying? And well? I think we're pros now.

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Speaker 1: I think we know what we're doing now.

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Speaker 2: Now I don't know do we still have that five star?

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Speaker 2: I have to check back.

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Speaker 1: I got to check with our team. I haven't reviewed

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Speaker 1: watched the reviews lately, but and this is a good

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Speaker 1: time to mention that it is important to send those

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Speaker 1: reviews in because it does help us understand what we're

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Speaker 1: doing right and what we're doing wrong. So please please

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Speaker 1: keep sending us the reviews. Today we are going to

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Speaker 1: talk about what makes or breaks a relationship, fighting and communication.

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Speaker 1: This is going to be a very interesting one and

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Speaker 1: one that I'm going to have to go deep in

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Speaker 1: because I'm a completely different person today when it comes

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Speaker 1: to fighting and communication than I was when I was young.

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Speaker 2: Same here, yeah, yeah, you know.

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Speaker 1: One of the interesting things that that that comes up

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Speaker 1: is like, what what was our communication model when we

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Speaker 1: were young? I mean, who who did you look up

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Speaker 1: to or learn from? How to you know? Quote unquote.

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Speaker 1: I think that's the key is how do you fight

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Speaker 1: and how do you fight to get to the next

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Speaker 1: level of productivity versus fighting to just kill each other? Right,

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Speaker 1: I think there's a big difference. So who was your

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Speaker 1: like role model? Was it parents or.

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Speaker 2: I would think parents. I mean, my again, my dad

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Speaker 2: was is a wonderful man. He's still my hero. There's

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Speaker 2: so many great things I learned from him. Yeah, one

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Speaker 2: of them was like, make sure you always take care

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Speaker 2: of your mom. But he did have a different way

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Speaker 2: of communicating when I mean, he was very stern and

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Speaker 2: I mean if I would i'd mess something up, he

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Speaker 2: would basically kick my ass and I was scared of him,

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Speaker 2: and God forbid, I would cry in front of him

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Speaker 2: because then he'd give me something to cry about. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: so you know, that level of communication for me was

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Speaker 2: you know, sometimes now, like my son starts crying out

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Speaker 2: of nowhere for nothing, it almost takes me back to

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Speaker 2: those moments, right. It triggers me and then I want

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Speaker 2: to react the way my dad used to react with me,

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Speaker 2: and then I got to hold myself right. And it's

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Speaker 2: that sort of self awareness is self mastery in many ways,

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Speaker 2: because you know how to like maybe stop yourself, because

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Speaker 2: you could very easily go revert back to kind of

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Speaker 2: what you're used to, which is, hey, you're crying. I'm

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Speaker 2: going to give you something to cry about. Like you

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Speaker 2: shouldn't be crying. You are a man. You're not supposed

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Speaker 2: to cry a kind of deal, right, Like that's what

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Speaker 2: I remember.

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Speaker 1: As a kid, That's how I remember it too. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And I are you saying that at this point as

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Speaker 1: a father yourself, you don't think it's a productive way

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Speaker 1: of treating your child, your male child, or is there

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Speaker 1: a better way? What do you tell what do you

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Speaker 1: what are you telling me?

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Speaker 2: I think love is always the best way, right than fear.

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Speaker 2: I think love would always cast out fear. That said,

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Speaker 2: it's easier said than done, right because you want to

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Speaker 2: go there. But when that doesn't work, you you immediately

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Speaker 2: want to go to all right, let me just put

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Speaker 2: fear into them, right, you know? For me, you know,

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Speaker 2: Teddy's been a big help with that with me and

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Speaker 2: just you know, helping me with that stuff. Uh. But

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Speaker 2: you know, sometimes I gotta raise my voice style like

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Speaker 2: that's that's still one that I revert back to, is

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Speaker 2: that tonality of raising the voice and and and and

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Speaker 2: getting that sort of reaction. Once I the boys, I

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Speaker 2: kind of get, you know, get them to calm down.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't think it's the best way

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Speaker 2: to do it. But that's sometimes where I'll revert back

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Speaker 2: to that that I'm still trying to work on, you know,

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Speaker 2: Like it gets a lot to get me upset. But

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Speaker 2: if I get upset, it's not good. Yeah, but it

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Speaker 2: takes a lot. Like you really don't push my buttons.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And there's really only one person in this world

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Speaker 1: that knows that combination. And I think it's for you too.

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Speaker 1: It's our wives. They know the right combination to push

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Speaker 1: to get piss us off. Outside of them, nobody really

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Speaker 1: pisses me off, right, Yeah, nobody bothers me. The interesting

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Speaker 1: thing that you mentioned just now by your son getting emotional.

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Speaker 1: I remember when I was a kid, I was emotional,

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Speaker 1: and when I was either getting bullied or upset, or

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Speaker 1: anxious or just really angry about something, I would cry,

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Speaker 1: and I would I didn't have a father like you

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Speaker 1: to tell me, you know, if you cry, I'm going

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Speaker 1: to give you something to cry about. I had either

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Speaker 1: uncles or friends that would portray that message. And I

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Speaker 1: would be mad at myself because I was crying. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I should not be emotional. I should not be crying

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Speaker 1: right now. I should be upset, ready to kick somebody's ass.

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Speaker 1: Why am I emotional? I'll never forget that, those moments

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Speaker 1: when I just couldn't control those those emotions. Right.

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Speaker 2: How did that whole bullying thing happen? Well, because I

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Speaker 2: know that happens a lot in school too.

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Speaker 1: Now, Yeah, I mean the bullying varied between you know,

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Speaker 1: the bigger kids picking on the little guy, and that's

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Speaker 1: just that's normal. The other bullying would be in the

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Speaker 1: neighborhood where you know, predominantly white and you have a

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Speaker 1: Mexican kid and they're picking on you because you're a Mexican, right,

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Speaker 1: or just little things like that. Never really, I've been

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Speaker 1: in one fight, really physical fight in my entire life.

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Speaker 1: And it was in high school and I was sick

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Speaker 1: and I didn't even know why I was fighting, but

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Speaker 1: I went and fought, and you know, all meetrue other

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Speaker 1: after school and we got in a fight and it

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Speaker 1: was a I think he ended up winning, but it

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Speaker 1: was pretty much a draw because I wasn't myself. I

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Speaker 1: was sick, I had a cold. I couldn't keep up.

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Speaker 1: But ever since then, I said, this doesn't resolve anything,

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Speaker 1: This didn't do anything. You know, I still hate the guy,

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Speaker 1: and I learned from that point, like you know, I

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Speaker 1: just tried to avoid any physical conflict from this point forward.

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Speaker 1: But in that journey, the biggest challenge for me was

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Speaker 1: how do I manage these emotions that you know, when

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Speaker 1: I'm really really upset and this is really young, I

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Speaker 1: just want to cry. And today I think it would

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Speaker 1: helped me tremendously. Was reading a book called Emotional Intelligence,

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Speaker 1: and they had a sequel emotion Emotional Intelligence too. And

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Speaker 1: and of course you remember I took acting classes in

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Speaker 1: college that all helped me really get in touch in

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Speaker 1: control of my emotions. And now that I'm older, I

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Speaker 1: find that, you know, there's always a story behind somebody

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Speaker 1: on the other side that makes him act or be

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Speaker 1: the way they are. You know, somebody, for example, you're

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Speaker 1: driving down the street and I used to get really

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Speaker 1: upset with road rage when people cut me off. And

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Speaker 1: you know, again when I was younger, I'm like, you know,

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Speaker 1: what do you think you are cutting me off? Right?

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Speaker 1: But they could be you know, late to work, or

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Speaker 1: they could be running to their grandmother because she's sick,

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Speaker 1: or you know, whatever the reason is, it's best to

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Speaker 1: just let them have it and not, you know, not

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Speaker 1: say anything right, not get upset, not not escalate the

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Speaker 1: problem that didn't even really exist before. He's just cutting

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Speaker 1: you off right. More recently, I learned sort of the

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Speaker 1: hard way. I was writing my Harley to go pick

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Speaker 1: up some shirts, some sample shirts at this print shop

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Speaker 1: that my buddy owns, and I was just cruising, having

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Speaker 1: a good time, and this guy cuts me off on

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Speaker 1: the freeway exit and he literally cut me off. I

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Speaker 1: know he saw me coming because I got these huge

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Speaker 1: bright headlights on my bike, and so I went around

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Speaker 1: him and I just gave him the finger. And he

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Speaker 1: was in this little Honda black Civi Conda, and he

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Speaker 1: got pissed off and he chased me down for like

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Speaker 1: a mile. He chased me down all the way until

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Speaker 1: I got to the shop. I pulled up into the shop,

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Speaker 1: obviously my friend's there and now his employees, and the

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Speaker 1: guy gets out. I was like, well, you flipped me off,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, you really want to get down through it.

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Speaker 1: I mean, this guy was breaking the law doing you know,

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Speaker 1: you turns like he he If you didn't know it,

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Speaker 1: you would think he's trying to kill me. And it

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Speaker 1: was a pretty bad situation. That taught me like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: maybe from now and forward, don't flip anybody off. Don't

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Speaker 1: escalate the problem, because you never know what is wrong

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Speaker 1: with their life, all right.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, there's people that have gotten shot over that, So

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Speaker 2: you just don't know who you're at the time and

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Speaker 2: who you might be flipping off, and they might just

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Speaker 2: be having a horrible the whole ole day and they

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Speaker 2: might just pull a gun on you.

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Speaker 1: Right. Yeah. A buddy of mine recently had the same experience,

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Speaker 1: but he didn't flip the guy off. He just he

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Speaker 1: was on the freeway and this guy was just going

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Speaker 1: in and out of traffic, one of those idiot drivers,

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Speaker 1: right that is just it's a matter of time before

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Speaker 1: he's going to cause an accident. And he came up

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Speaker 1: to my friend, you know, pretty hard behind him and

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Speaker 1: swerved away, and my friend just lifted his hand, you know,

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Speaker 1: his arm up like what you know, and the guy

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Speaker 1: chased him down all the way into the exit of

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Speaker 1: the freeway, and my buddy's like, you know what, I

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Speaker 1: don't want anything to do with this guy. This guy's

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Speaker 1: a nut job. And he ended up writing he exited

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Speaker 1: the freeway, and the guy exited the freeway and he

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Speaker 1: went around him and stopped in front of him. He

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Speaker 1: started backing his car up, and my buddy just turned

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Speaker 1: around and went the wrong way on the freeway off ramp,

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Speaker 1: going like, yeah, what is wrong with these people that

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Speaker 1: they're so crazy they want to kill you?

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Speaker 2: Well, you know what's interesting is, you know we talked

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Speaker 2: about like how do you stop you know, reacting right,

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Speaker 2: And and that's where meditation comes in, right, because meditation

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Speaker 2: allows you to focus and it allows you to like

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Speaker 2: respond instead of react to things, because sometimes you won't

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Speaker 2: even know you're doing it right, So it's like something

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Speaker 2: will trigger you and then all of a sudden you'll

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Speaker 2: just get anger. But if you can again, if you

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Speaker 2: could focus so much and you could be aware of like, okay,

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Speaker 2: this is just this is a trigger that's going to

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Speaker 2: make me do it, and you could actually respond to

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Speaker 2: it versus reacting. I think for me that's what like

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Speaker 2: meditation has been helping me with quite a bit. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: because now I could I could almost see what's going

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Speaker 2: to happen before it's it's like it just doesn't trigger

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Speaker 2: me anymore. But like I think of like, you know,

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Speaker 2: there's been you know, past relationships where because of their

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Speaker 2: past just anything, you would say something and it's all

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Speaker 2: of a sudden they're in your face and they want

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Speaker 2: to box it out. Yeah right. And I've dated women

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Speaker 2: like that that that I have wanted to just box

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Speaker 2: it out. Like the minute you you god forbid you

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Speaker 2: said a word, yeah, and all of a sudden it

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Speaker 2: was like, okay, let's let's I'm gonna I'm gonna punch

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Speaker 2: you in the face kind of deal, you know, and.

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Speaker 1: You're like, whoa, wow, Wow. Yeah, I I haven't experienced that.

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Speaker 1: I think it's a real thing, especially because I've seen

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Speaker 1: guys you know.

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Speaker 2: Who gets right. There's guys thing right.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, the guys do. It's it's more predominantly that that

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Speaker 1: guys you know do that. But I'm sure there's women

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Speaker 1: out there that are very you know, angry, and and

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Speaker 1: that's there, I guess way of handling a situation. I mean,

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Speaker 1: growing up Latinos, we're pretty much stereotype as my cheese.

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Speaker 1: Most and and that's how most Latino men are, like

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Speaker 1: Rye and you know, mess with me or my family, right.

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Speaker 1: And the funny thing is, for me, I think it

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Speaker 1: was experience and all that helped me become more understanding

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Speaker 1: of the world. Right when I was young, I would

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Speaker 1: say that I'm pretty ignorant to the world, you know,

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Speaker 1: the realities of the even in my especially in my twenties,

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Speaker 1: right when you think you know the whole what the

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Speaker 1: world's all about, right, everybody in their twenties things they

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Speaker 1: got it all in control. But it wasn't you know,

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Speaker 1: until I experienced just life and learning, you know, especially

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Speaker 1: being illegal and watching some of these unnecessary cases come

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Speaker 1: across your desk and you're like, these guys are fighting

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Speaker 1: over trash cans left outside of their you know, front yard,

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Speaker 1: or you know, parking in front of your neighbor's front

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Speaker 1: of your neighbor's house. You're fighting about that. It opens

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Speaker 1: up your eyes to all the stupidity out there of

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Speaker 1: people getting upset and fighting over nothing. Growing up, I

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Speaker 1: used to hang out with all kinds of people, including

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Speaker 1: gang members, right. And the mentality with a gang member

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Speaker 1: group is you mess with my my homie, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: kick your ass. You know, you got to get through

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Speaker 1: me to get through my homie, and that taught me

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Speaker 1: the lesson of Okay, there's loyalty involved here, but why

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Speaker 1: would I put myself in the line of fire over

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Speaker 1: some dude, you know, especially if the dude deserved it, right,

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Speaker 1: It didn't make any sense at the time. It doesn't

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Speaker 1: make sense now and I completely understand it today. It's

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Speaker 1: just the way they value their relationship, and that's what

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Speaker 1: puts value in their in their life. Right. It's not

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Speaker 1: much different if somebody is threatening my family, if somebody

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Speaker 1: is you know, that's the hardest part when it came

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Speaker 1: to the show. It's like, all right, you're you're in

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Speaker 1: my wife's face, you know, and you're a guy and

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Speaker 1: you're you're arguing with my wife. You know, what the

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Speaker 1: hell am I supposed to do? Initially? I just want

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Speaker 1: to lean over, reach over this table here and beat

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Speaker 1: the shit out of you, right and get physical. But

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Speaker 1: the reality is, ay, it's a television show. It shouldn't

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Speaker 1: get to that point. B You're gonna look like the

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Speaker 1: idiot because you're arguing with the woman on TV. Right,

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Speaker 1: And see, it's kind of not real, you know, this

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Speaker 1: is all fabricated shit that doesn't really mean anything or

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Speaker 1: matter ultimately right. So that's helped me really in that situation.

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Speaker 1: But if it was a real life situation where some

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Speaker 1: drunk or some you know woman attacks my wife, like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know what I would do. It's almost like

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Speaker 1: a case by case, you know what I would I

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Speaker 1: just try to separate them. Would I get involved? If

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Speaker 1: somebody punches me? What do I do? You know, it's

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Speaker 1: it's kind of scary. This world is getting a little

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Speaker 1: bit more and more fearful, in my opinion.

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Speaker 2: Do you remember fighting? What was your last fight with

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Speaker 2: with a girlfriend? Was that a big one or.

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Speaker 1: The last real fight with the girlfriend? And it was

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Speaker 1: the only reason it was a fight. It was way

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Speaker 1: before camera. The only reason it was a fight was

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Speaker 1: because she would not let me go. You know, she

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Speaker 1: wanted to just make sure we tried everything on this relationship.

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Speaker 1: She was she was an mba very highly educated, very

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Speaker 1: motivated woman, very inspired, inspiring. But you know, we knocked

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Speaker 1: heads and I just didn't like the way she tried

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Speaker 1: to control everything and I was out. I'm out. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to be in this relationship anymore. And it

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Speaker 1: literally took probably a month, you know, to get out

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Speaker 1: of that relationship. That was the first time I've ever

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Speaker 1: felt like, you know, kind of threatened, like, I mean,

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Speaker 1: what do you mean You're not gonna let me go?

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Speaker 1: What do you mean We're not breaking up? We're breaking up.

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Speaker 1: It's over. Yeah, But that was the only time I've

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Speaker 1: ever felt kind of uneasy about a conflict with with

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Speaker 1: with a girlfriend. To her, they've been pretty easy, you know,

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Speaker 1: I have. I had this attitude before I met Tama

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Speaker 1: that as soon as something was wrong in the relationship,

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Speaker 1: I just go bye bye. You know, I'm done. I

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Speaker 1: can't deal with this. And I think it's part of

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Speaker 1: my experience growing up, you know, just not really having

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Speaker 1: a guide or an example of how to deal with conflict,

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Speaker 1: but more how do I protect myself? You know, how

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Speaker 1: do I protect my my feelings and my emotions when

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Speaker 1: you know this relationship is not working out? I'm out?

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Speaker 1: And I didn't learn the value of it until I

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Speaker 1: met Tamra. And you know, we had a few for

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Speaker 1: her first few fights and I was like, Okay, I'm out,

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Speaker 1: and she's like, but I mean you're out, We're not out.

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Speaker 1: We're going to work through this, and and she totally

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Speaker 1: pulled me in. But in a very positive way, you know,

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Speaker 1: and taught me the lesson like, no, this is we're

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Speaker 1: in love and we got to make this work. And

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Speaker 1: and it really opened up my eyes to it. Again,

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Speaker 1: It's a life experience that I never had because I

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Speaker 1: never had those examples or the or a book that

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Speaker 1: I can read to tell me this is how you

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Speaker 1: handle conflict if in case, this is the scenario you

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Speaker 1: find yourself in.

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Speaker 2: Right, m hmm, what about you.

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Speaker 1: Have you had any adverse fights or anything like that

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Speaker 1: in relationships when you're in a relationship with crazy girl.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, definitely had my share of fights. Definitely

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Speaker 2: had my share of back to back women that were

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Speaker 2: I guess, very aggressive, I should say so. A couple

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Speaker 2: of times. One tried breaking a couple of TVs in

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Speaker 2: my house, tried to mess up a couple of things

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Speaker 2: at the house, a couple of imagine that. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: so it was it was interesting dealing with that. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I think you know, one thing my my dad always

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Speaker 2: taught me too, is you know, never to hit a girl, right.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, that was I don't know where I learned that,

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Speaker 1: but that was one of the most important things. And yep,

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Speaker 1: it's hard to understand though, because what if she hits

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Speaker 1: you first?

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Speaker 2: And right?

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Speaker 1: No, yeah, right, how do you handle it then?

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Speaker 2: Right? So that's you know, that's a tough one, right

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Speaker 2: when when you're getting struck first and all that. But

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Speaker 2: you know that was that's always been like my dad

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Speaker 2: was always like, hey, you don't touch a girl. I

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Speaker 2: don't care what they do, you just you don't go there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: So again, I think you pick up a lot of

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Speaker 2: stuff when you're young, and uh, I think that helped

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Speaker 2: me control myself during those moments. Yeah, and also know

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Speaker 2: that it's just you know, you react to one of

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Speaker 2: those moments and you're gonna end up in the in

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Speaker 2: a bad place there. So yeah, yeah, so's it's interesting

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Speaker 2: because especially when you're younger, Right, when you're younger, you

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Speaker 2: don't know as much. I mean, you know, now it's

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Speaker 2: funny because not funny, but like Teddy and I, one

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Speaker 2: of the few times we get in an argument, she's

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Speaker 2: the type that will not go to sleep until it

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Speaker 2: gets fixed, right, So she wants to talk it out.

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Speaker 2: She wants to get it fixed and go to sleep.

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Speaker 2: I'm not that way. I'm like, let me go to

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Speaker 2: sleep and I'll be fine. In the morning. Yeah so,

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Speaker 2: but because I shut down, I just it. Just when

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Speaker 2: I shut down, I shut down. If I get pissed,

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Speaker 2: it's like I got no emotion, no emotion whatever. It

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Speaker 2: just I don't even know how it happens. It's just

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Speaker 2: I just turned cold and there's nothing you can say

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Speaker 2: to me. I'm just not talking now. The next day, though,

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Speaker 2: I wake up like, I know myself, I'm cool, I'm good,

361
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Speaker 2: I'm fine. But she Nope, she needs to have that conversation,

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Speaker 2: and that sometimes has gotten me more upset because I'm like,

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Speaker 2: just wait till the morning. I do not want to talk. Now.

364
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Speaker 2: We'll end up doing it and it ends up being well as well.

365
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Speaker 2: But for me, my natural reaction is to just wake

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Speaker 2: up the next morning talk about it then, because I'm

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Speaker 2: calm and my emotion is back. She wants to figure

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Speaker 2: that stuff out, like on the spot.

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Speaker 1: I think I'm exactly the same way and when, and

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Speaker 1: what I've learned in my experience and analyzing as much

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Speaker 1: as I can about it is that I personally rather

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Speaker 1: shut down and calm myself down and get my thoughts,

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Speaker 1: collect my thoughts, and manage my emotions, because if I'm

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Speaker 1: pushed and cornered into a wall. I am going to

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Speaker 1: come out fighting and saying the worst things that could

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Speaker 1: come out of my mouth and mean it right. Yeah,

377
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Speaker 1: So I know this about me. And every single time

378
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Speaker 1: I've ever been in a situation in a relationship, and

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Speaker 1: I think it's only been two one is my current

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Speaker 1: relationship with my wife. She's like teddy, she wants to

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Speaker 1: resolve it before she goes to bed. She wants to

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Speaker 1: talk it through da da da, And if I'm not

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Speaker 1: in control, I'm like, don't talk to me right now.

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Speaker 1: It just just leave me alone. It took probably maybe

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Speaker 1: three to six scenarios where that happened, and my wife

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Speaker 1: finally learned like, Okay, I don't want to push him

387
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Speaker 1: right now because I know he's about to lose it,

388
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Speaker 1: right And I've gotten to the point where I just

389
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Speaker 1: remind her, hey, listen, is this not a time to

390
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Speaker 1: talk about it. If you keep pushing it, I'm gonna

391
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Speaker 1: lose my shit. And of course she's so pissed, like

392
00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:51,480
Speaker 1: are you threatening me? I'm like, I'm promising you. You

393
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Speaker 1: know how I can get you know. And that's the

394
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Speaker 1: thing that I learned is I hated those moments when

395
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Speaker 1: I did lose my shit and I lost control and

396
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:02,680
Speaker 1: I said some horrible things. But once I've calmed down

397
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:05,879
Speaker 1: and I apologize and we talk it through, because that's important.

398
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:07,840
Speaker 1: You both have to be in the frame of mind

399
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:11,680
Speaker 1: to be able to communicate, clear minded, right, and emotionally

400
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:16,560
Speaker 1: ready to accept whatever caused the issue. If you're both

401
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:18,719
Speaker 1: in that place, it's going to be effective. But if

402
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:20,959
Speaker 1: one of you is shut down because it's like a

403
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:23,520
Speaker 1: time bomb ready to explode, and the other one's just

404
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:25,320
Speaker 1: trying to push because they want to get to the

405
00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:27,919
Speaker 1: other side, you know, I don't want to deal with

406
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:29,879
Speaker 1: this anymore. I just want to just get into a

407
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,280
Speaker 1: fight and get over with and move on. Right. That's

408
00:22:32,359 --> 00:22:35,800
Speaker 1: kind of what Icy my wife does. She's really good

409
00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:38,480
Speaker 1: about just get into a fight, get it over with,

410
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Speaker 1: and then then after it's done, ah, I love you, honey,

411
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:44,120
Speaker 1: it is like nothing happened. And one of the cool

412
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:47,040
Speaker 1: things is that she doesn't necessarily bring it up again,

413
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Speaker 1: right like some other women that I've dated, where you know,

414
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:53,040
Speaker 1: ten years from now is like remember that moment, Like, no,

415
00:22:53,119 --> 00:22:58,879
Speaker 1: I don't remember that, but yeah, I think it took

416
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Speaker 1: actually fighting and navigating through the conflict between my wife

417
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:09,560
Speaker 1: and I for us to learn how how to fight right,

418
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:14,240
Speaker 1: to learn what is my max threshold, what's her max threshold?

419
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Speaker 1: What are her you know, soft buttons and her triggers

420
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Speaker 1: and what are my triggers? And unfortunately it had to

421
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Speaker 1: be a fight before we found out, Okay, I'm not

422
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Speaker 1: going to push her right now, or I'm not going

423
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:29,560
Speaker 1: to push him right now. And I'm not saying that.

424
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Speaker 1: You know, it's the perfect way of communicating. It's it's

425
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:37,119
Speaker 1: working for us, you know when when it when it

426
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:40,000
Speaker 1: comes to conflicts. But at the same time, we're at

427
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,760
Speaker 1: the point in our relationship where like, yeah, I really

428
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:45,479
Speaker 1: don't want to bring that up because it's just going

429
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:49,000
Speaker 1: to be a fight. It's kind of like where are

430
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:50,919
Speaker 1: the landmines right now? Because I don't want to go

431
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:51,879
Speaker 1: down that path.

432
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:56,240
Speaker 2: Well, I think to your point, right, when you get

433
00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:59,000
Speaker 2: you get to know your partner right where again, I'm

434
00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:02,160
Speaker 2: the same way. If you push me and you continue

435
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:06,040
Speaker 2: to push me, I'm going to know exactly what to

436
00:24:06,119 --> 00:24:10,159
Speaker 2: say to like hurt you. Yeah, but I'm only going

437
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:12,720
Speaker 2: to go there like if you really really pissed me off,

438
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,720
Speaker 2: and and I'm the same way, let me just go

439
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:17,200
Speaker 2: to sleep. Let me go to sleep, cause I already

440
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:19,280
Speaker 2: know I'm a taking time bomb. I'm a taking time

441
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:21,760
Speaker 2: bomb if you keep pushing, pushing, pushing, So now you know,

442
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:24,399
Speaker 2: it's like she kind of knows. All right, I'm just

443
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:27,160
Speaker 2: gonna let them wake up in the morning. We'll talk

444
00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:28,960
Speaker 2: about it in the morning. And I am a total

445
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:33,200
Speaker 2: different person in the morning, like I'm it's like new day.

446
00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:35,680
Speaker 2: I'm in a good mood. I'm good.

447
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:36,159
Speaker 1: You know.

448
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:40,240
Speaker 2: So you said about that, right, Yeah.

449
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:45,440
Speaker 1: The interesting question I have is what why are our

450
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:48,399
Speaker 1: wives like that? Why do they feel they have to

451
00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:51,720
Speaker 1: get it resolved right away? You know, what's the psychology

452
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:55,080
Speaker 1: behind that? And what what what can I do to

453
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:59,880
Speaker 1: help them feel better about, you know, not giving in

454
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:03,520
Speaker 1: and fighting with them, you know, to resolve it because

455
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 1: it doesn't work for me. It might work for them,

456
00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 1: but it doesn't work for me. You know, what can

457
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:13,600
Speaker 1: we do to help the situation so they feel like okay,

458
00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:16,959
Speaker 1: maybe you know, maybe it is okay to wait till

459
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,879
Speaker 1: the morning to get in a fight, or what is

460
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,800
Speaker 1: it that that makes them feel like I just got

461
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:24,040
Speaker 1: to get in the fight and get it over with

462
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 1: and then I'll move on, you know, because I've seen

463
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,200
Speaker 1: that a lot in my wife at least, Like, Okay,

464
00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:31,359
Speaker 1: we fight, we you know, sometimes we can't help ourselves

465
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,920
Speaker 1: and we say something stupid, and then ten minutes later

466
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:40,639
Speaker 1: we're back to normal. That can never happened. But maybe

467
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:42,639
Speaker 1: it's just that it's maybe it's just like, let's just

468
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:46,800
Speaker 1: get it over with and move on, versus I don't

469
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:49,280
Speaker 1: want to get over with. You know, I am ready

470
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:52,600
Speaker 1: to explode because of the scenario we're in, and I

471
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:56,680
Speaker 1: need some time to just calm down. So please let

472
00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:58,440
Speaker 1: me calm down before we talk about this.

473
00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:00,920
Speaker 2: Right, That's a good question, and I've been trying to

474
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:03,680
Speaker 2: figure that one out myself. I mean, how do you right?

475
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:07,960
Speaker 2: But you know, it's interesting for me too. I'm you

476
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,800
Speaker 2: know what, sometimes it takes me a couple of days

477
00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:14,440
Speaker 2: to forgive, right. Yeah. It's like, are you gonna apologize?

478
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:18,359
Speaker 2: Like I got nothing to apologize, You should be apologizing

479
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:22,520
Speaker 2: to me, right yeah? And then after a couple of days,

480
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:25,000
Speaker 2: you're just like, all right, let's you just kind of

481
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,200
Speaker 2: have fun with it at that point because you're all right, right,

482
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:30,879
Speaker 2: But there is something to be said about you know,

483
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:36,840
Speaker 2: forgiveness and gratefulness are unseparable. Right, they're inseparable, I should say, yeah,

484
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:43,760
Speaker 2: And bitterness and ungratefulness are also inseparable. So you know,

485
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:45,960
Speaker 2: you got to be careful with not forgiving because you

486
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:49,359
Speaker 2: become bitter and then you become ungrateful, and then that's

487
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:55,399
Speaker 2: how that relationship starts to drift. Right, you know the

488
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:58,520
Speaker 2: opposite again. You you forgive somebody, then all of a sudden,

489
00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 2: you're grateful for it again. You know, those two things

490
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:04,159
Speaker 2: are inseparable, forgiveness and gratefulness.

491
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:07,119
Speaker 1: I think though, to your point earlier, I think you

492
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:10,160
Speaker 1: hit the nail on the head and when it comes

493
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:15,160
Speaker 1: to communicating, love is the most important thing that can

494
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:19,920
Speaker 1: get you through anything, any hardship, any situation. Not saying

495
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:23,639
Speaker 1: that it's going to be you know, bunny bunny tails

496
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:26,560
Speaker 1: and you know, beautiful life. It's going to be hard.

497
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:28,879
Speaker 1: But as long as you have love, you have something

498
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:32,920
Speaker 1: really powerful that is worth fighting for. Right.

499
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:33,359
Speaker 2: Yeah.

500
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 1: I think that's what's really helped me with my relationship

501
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:40,320
Speaker 1: with my wife, is like, we have love and it's

502
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:43,199
Speaker 1: worth the fight. It's worth learning how to fight and

503
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:46,479
Speaker 1: how how to get to the other side together versus

504
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 1: a part. I think that's the you know what.

505
00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:54,639
Speaker 2: I haven't tried, and I'm just it's like, a I

506
00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:58,400
Speaker 2: don't know. I just I've never really understood why shouldn't

507
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:01,880
Speaker 2: say I never tried it. I tried it once therapy,

508
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:06,639
Speaker 2: and I tried it once just because Teddy's like, we

509
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:08,920
Speaker 2: should go to therapy because you know, we're going through

510
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 2: a tough time, and I felt like all I'm doing

511
00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:19,080
Speaker 2: is talking. I'm not getting any They're not solving my issue.

512
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 2: I'm sitting here like I'm just talking away for an

513
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:26,159
Speaker 2: hour and I just got charged whatever it was. I

514
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:34,680
Speaker 2: don't know, a thousand bucks, and I'm like, talk, you did,

515
00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:37,520
Speaker 2: just hear me talk? I could. I could hear myself

516
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 2: talk all day long, but I never you know, that's

517
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:46,840
Speaker 2: that's that's been. I've never really understood that one. It's

518
00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:48,959
Speaker 2: always I don't know if it's because the way I

519
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:53,560
Speaker 2: was I was brought up, but I'm not saying therapy

520
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 2: is wrong. I want to clear that up. But in

521
00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:58,040
Speaker 2: my head, I'm just like, I don't why do I

522
00:28:58,080 --> 00:28:58,920
Speaker 2: need therapy.

523
00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:04,040
Speaker 1: I'm yeah, I'm good. I've never had therapy. I've never

524
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:07,880
Speaker 1: experienced that, And a lot of it had to do

525
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:10,000
Speaker 1: with the fact that we couldn't afford it growing up, right,

526
00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:10,600
Speaker 1: So we.

527
00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:13,000
Speaker 2: Write same thing, But I feel like everything now is

528
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:14,720
Speaker 2: you need therapy for this, you need therapy for that.

529
00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:22,640
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, my understanding on the effectiveness of therapy

530
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:25,680
Speaker 1: is kind of like a friendship. They got to get

531
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:28,960
Speaker 1: to know the real you. And one of one of

532
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:32,000
Speaker 1: my closest friends is my wife. But it took I

533
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:34,400
Speaker 1: don't know, thirteen years to get to this point.

534
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, therapy.

535
00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:40,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's some level of professional psychology that that you

536
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:45,360
Speaker 1: know is behind a lot of their credentials, but I

537
00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:51,640
Speaker 1: have never experienced it. I have, I don't. I'm not

538
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:54,560
Speaker 1: against it for the record. I think it works for

539
00:29:54,640 --> 00:30:00,520
Speaker 1: some people. But I think the value in talk with

540
00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:05,680
Speaker 1: your partner and communicating is therapy in and of itself.

541
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:09,680
Speaker 1: But the most important part is is that your partner

542
00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:12,560
Speaker 1: has to understand that communication is when both of you

543
00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:16,200
Speaker 1: actually understand what each other says. And if you're just

544
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 1: discounting what one person is saying because you're thinking about

545
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:23,680
Speaker 1: what you're going to say, you're not communicating right. You're

546
00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:26,520
Speaker 1: so upset and you're stuck on that subject and I

547
00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:28,520
Speaker 1: just want to get my point out so he hears me,

548
00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 1: and you're doing the same thing and it just becomes

549
00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:34,400
Speaker 1: a fight. So that's where the third party comes in

550
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:37,680
Speaker 1: and allows you to put you in one corner and

551
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:39,920
Speaker 1: the other one in the other corner and like, Okay,

552
00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:44,040
Speaker 1: catch your breath and listen to yourself talk and you'll

553
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:44,760
Speaker 1: figure it out.

554
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:46,520
Speaker 2: Yep.

555
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:50,440
Speaker 1: I think that's the effectiveness of it. I mean, obviously

556
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:53,600
Speaker 1: a lot of people have taken therapy and it's helped tremendously,

557
00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:58,240
Speaker 1: and some people go through therapy their entire life because

558
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:02,200
Speaker 1: sometimes it's hard to find somebody you can really trust

559
00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:05,840
Speaker 1: one hundred percent. You know, you gotta It's like our

560
00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:09,959
Speaker 1: our forum brothers and sisters, right when you're in forum,

561
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:13,200
Speaker 1: those are the people you trust. Those are the people

562
00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:17,280
Speaker 1: that know pretty much everything about you. And where else

563
00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:19,560
Speaker 1: are you going to go and do that if you

564
00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:30,640
Speaker 1: don't have that? Did you ever we talked a little

565
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:32,560
Speaker 1: bit about this, did you ever figure out your wife's

566
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:33,400
Speaker 1: love language?

567
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:37,680
Speaker 2: She is definitely one of the choices on those Again,

568
00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:42,080
Speaker 2: I want to say, she's the words of affirmation. She's

569
00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:47,440
Speaker 2: all about her. I want my card for our birthday,

570
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:52,120
Speaker 2: I want our card for our anniversary, and I'm like, well,

571
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:53,560
Speaker 2: I didn't get you the card but I wrote you

572
00:31:53,600 --> 00:32:00,160
Speaker 2: a nice post on Instagram. I mean, the card just

573
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:02,280
Speaker 2: gonna probably throw it away, you guys, I know, I

574
00:32:02,360 --> 00:32:04,600
Speaker 2: just did an awesome post for you on Instagram. It

575
00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:08,080
Speaker 2: doesn't get better than that. But she is definitely a

576
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:13,360
Speaker 2: word of affirmation person for sure. And that is not

577
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:15,720
Speaker 2: my love language.

578
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:17,000
Speaker 1: That is yours.

579
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:19,200
Speaker 2: No, that's not like, that's not yours.

580
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:20,040
Speaker 1: What's yours?

581
00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 2: I'm not a like, let me write you this long

582
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:28,040
Speaker 2: poem like, it's not me. I like acts of service, okay,

583
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:32,640
Speaker 2: Like I like being taken care of. I like, uh yeah,

584
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:36,040
Speaker 2: So Teddy doesn't cook that much anymore, but like when

585
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 2: she'd back in the day, when I'd come home and

586
00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:42,200
Speaker 2: she'd have dinner cooked and she'd serve me. That was cool. Actually,

587
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:49,160
Speaker 2: funny thing about funny thing about Teddy is so my mom.

588
00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:52,520
Speaker 2: You know, growing up, she she just always took care

589
00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:55,320
Speaker 2: of me. I'm like a big mama's boy, So she

590
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:59,640
Speaker 2: always served me. Like, so when ted Teddy and I

591
00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:02,120
Speaker 2: were dating, Mom would always come and serve me and

592
00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:04,800
Speaker 2: all that good stuff. Right, So Teddy kind of got

593
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:08,320
Speaker 2: used to that. So whenever we'd go to parties and

594
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:10,360
Speaker 2: you know, they'd have the whole buffet style kind of

595
00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:13,800
Speaker 2: thing where you'd go serve yourself. Teddy would always come

596
00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:17,800
Speaker 2: serve me, right, and all her white friends that were

597
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:21,640
Speaker 2: married wouldn't do that for their husbands, right. So Teddy's

598
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:24,280
Speaker 2: like the only white girl right there serving serving me

599
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:27,239
Speaker 2: and she brings me my plate, right, and all all

600
00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:29,240
Speaker 2: her friends would make fun of her because like, Teddy,

601
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:31,240
Speaker 2: you're making us look bad. You're serving your husband and

602
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:34,200
Speaker 2: we don't serve our husband. But I think it was

603
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:38,440
Speaker 2: just you know, something that she started doing because she'd

604
00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:40,280
Speaker 2: see my mom do it all the time, and she

605
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:43,640
Speaker 2: just yeah, So now I'm just not very good at

606
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:46,040
Speaker 2: serving myself. Like whenever I do try to serve myself,

607
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:50,320
Speaker 2: I like mess up the whole freaking dinner table. And

608
00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:56,160
Speaker 2: so anyway, it's like even when we go to a party,

609
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:57,720
Speaker 2: that's I'm like, hey, Teddy, can you serve me? Because

610
00:33:57,720 --> 00:33:59,239
Speaker 2: I don't want to mess up the you know, they

611
00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:01,760
Speaker 2: have everything on nicely sput out, and here I come,

612
00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:05,080
Speaker 2: I start throwing everything all over the place. So but

613
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:06,920
Speaker 2: I just got used to that from being a mama's boy.

614
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 2: Didn't serve myself.

615
00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:11,160
Speaker 1: It's and that will go that will give her so

616
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:14,800
Speaker 1: many brownie points, simple things like that. Little simple things

617
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:17,000
Speaker 1: like that. And as long as she doesn't have you know,

618
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:20,960
Speaker 1: her friends mocking her or telling her, what are you

619
00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:25,680
Speaker 1: a slave? You know, so just people are haters for us,

620
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:29,520
Speaker 1: My wife is words of affirmation as well. But I

621
00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:32,200
Speaker 1: also think she's an acts of service, so I have.

622
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 1: What I know makes her happy is when I talk

623
00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:37,680
Speaker 1: to her and tell her how great she's doing, and

624
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:40,600
Speaker 1: you know, and put her up on a pedestal. And

625
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:44,320
Speaker 1: obviously when I do shit around the house or especially

626
00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:46,280
Speaker 1: in the big Bear house, when we're putting things together

627
00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:49,680
Speaker 1: or you know, upgrading this or doing that. She loves

628
00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:56,360
Speaker 1: me doing stuff like that, And personally, I am the

629
00:34:56,400 --> 00:35:00,160
Speaker 1: only thing for me for for the love language that's

630
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:03,920
Speaker 1: really the most prominent is the physical touch. And I

631
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:06,640
Speaker 1: don't know what it is, but I didn't have, you know,

632
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:11,480
Speaker 1: obviously parents growing up telling me and doing things for me.

633
00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:16,000
Speaker 1: In fact, for the first thirty years of my life,

634
00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:18,719
Speaker 1: it was all about taking care of myself, you know,

635
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:21,520
Speaker 1: and doing my own laundry, cleaning my own house and

636
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:25,359
Speaker 1: doing all these things for myself that in my relationships

637
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:27,120
Speaker 1: the girls were like, well let me do it, you know. No,

638
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:30,440
Speaker 1: even when I married Tarma, and she's and I had.

639
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:32,080
Speaker 1: I got to a point where I had a house

640
00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:34,880
Speaker 1: cleaner doing all the house cleaning, and then of course

641
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:38,080
Speaker 1: my laundry, and my wife's like, uh uh, I am

642
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:40,440
Speaker 1: not going to have some other woman washing your underwear.

643
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:45,120
Speaker 1: I'm like, it's just underwear. I don't do my laundry anymore,

644
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:47,080
Speaker 1: you know. And I was, and it got to the

645
00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:49,399
Speaker 1: point where now she wants to do my laundry because

646
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:51,360
Speaker 1: she doesn't want another woman to do my laundry.

647
00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:53,759
Speaker 2: They're gonna smell your underwear or what are they gonna do.

648
00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:56,480
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know. It might be one

649
00:35:56,480 --> 00:35:58,920
Speaker 1: of those power trip things like you know, why is

650
00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:02,839
Speaker 1: another woman taking care of my man? Thing? Right? Because

651
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:05,560
Speaker 1: now we're back at the point where I actually prefer

652
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:07,800
Speaker 1: doing my own laundry because I have a whole system

653
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:11,120
Speaker 1: and it's just easy and efficient, and it's one of

654
00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:15,120
Speaker 1: those things like Tamera does one or two loads, maybe

655
00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:17,920
Speaker 1: one load every day, and you know, so she kind

656
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:21,040
Speaker 1: of rotates and is doing laundry three or four days

657
00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:23,400
Speaker 1: a week, unless she's super busy, then she can she

658
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:26,000
Speaker 1: takes all day one day to do her laundry. I

659
00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:28,439
Speaker 1: like to just get it all done in one day.

660
00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:31,440
Speaker 1: It's either Saturday or Sunday. I put it in, it's

661
00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:34,120
Speaker 1: all organized, it comes out organized, it's easy to put away,

662
00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:39,120
Speaker 1: and I'm done, right Versus I just put this load

663
00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:42,200
Speaker 1: in and I where's the matching sock. Oh, it's in

664
00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:44,640
Speaker 1: the next load that's going to go in tomorrow. Like

665
00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:49,480
Speaker 1: it drives me nuts. So yeah, I think for me

666
00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:52,120
Speaker 1: is physical touch. And if I was to pick a

667
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:58,240
Speaker 1: second one that is my love language, it's probably quality time.

668
00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:02,319
Speaker 1: I've really have valued my time now that I'm in

669
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:05,440
Speaker 1: my fifties, and I want to spend it with quality

670
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:09,840
Speaker 1: people doing quality things that you know, bring bring joy

671
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:14,759
Speaker 1: to us and and in the family. Right, So when

672
00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:17,279
Speaker 1: we go to these you know events that we just

673
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:20,600
Speaker 1: went to one recently in La for Bravo and it

674
00:37:20,719 --> 00:37:24,360
Speaker 1: was at a bar. I mean, it's just it was stupid,

675
00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:26,880
Speaker 1: but you know, we kind of have to do it

676
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:29,439
Speaker 1: because it's part of the business. But it's not quality time.

677
00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:32,839
Speaker 1: And for us it's it's sort of like I don't

678
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:34,800
Speaker 1: want to go, bab, but she wanted me to go

679
00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:37,520
Speaker 1: because she doesn't want to go by herself, Right, So

680
00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:39,600
Speaker 1: I have to look at it as somewhat of quality

681
00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:42,279
Speaker 1: time together. As much as I didn't want to do it,

682
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:46,240
Speaker 1: and we we did end up actually spending some quality

683
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:49,440
Speaker 1: time with Heather and Terry afterwards. We went to dinner

684
00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:52,920
Speaker 1: together and we spent some quality time with them, and

685
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:54,879
Speaker 1: and they're and their boy and there and his friends

686
00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:58,080
Speaker 1: were there too. So those experiences are really what's important

687
00:37:58,120 --> 00:38:01,480
Speaker 1: to me. It's it's it's just physical touch. Obviously I

688
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 1: can only get that from my wife and my massage therapist.

689
00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:10,880
Speaker 2: But is there a therapist a man or a female female?

690
00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:14,400
Speaker 1: I could not have a guy touch me, Okay, I

691
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:17,080
Speaker 1: mean good to know. I've had a good friend who

692
00:38:17,239 --> 00:38:23,520
Speaker 1: was an incredible massage therapist and he was also homosexual,

693
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:26,400
Speaker 1: but he was he was married to one of my

694
00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:30,799
Speaker 1: best friends, and he was one of the most incredible therapists.

695
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:33,560
Speaker 1: He knew everything about the body and how to really

696
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:37,520
Speaker 1: help me with my pains, and I trusted him, you know,

697
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:39,920
Speaker 1: like a brother. So he's the probably the only guy

698
00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:43,560
Speaker 1: that's ever worked on me. But I prefer females when

699
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:45,000
Speaker 1: I go get massaged.

700
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:51,640
Speaker 2: Would Tamera allow you to have a hot a massage?

701
00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:52,680
Speaker 2: What do they called again?

702
00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:57,360
Speaker 1: Massuse messus? I've never met one that's super hot, you

703
00:38:57,440 --> 00:39:02,879
Speaker 1: know what I mean, like, holy shit. So, I mean

704
00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:05,719
Speaker 1: she she's always questioning the massage thing, you know, like

705
00:39:06,160 --> 00:39:08,359
Speaker 1: what's going on? How can I always get massages? Right?

706
00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:10,799
Speaker 1: I'm good. I love it and it fixed and I

707
00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:13,520
Speaker 1: need it. And I'm very physical and I have sore

708
00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:17,440
Speaker 1: muscles and sometimes really tight joints and tight you know body,

709
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:21,279
Speaker 1: And for me, honestly, it just brings It makes me

710
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:24,799
Speaker 1: feel good that, you know, I'm being touched now. I'm

711
00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:29,040
Speaker 1: not being touched in a sexual, sensual loving way, not

712
00:39:29,239 --> 00:39:31,040
Speaker 1: like the way I want my wife to touch me,

713
00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:37,200
Speaker 1: but I'm being it's the therapy of massaging the sore

714
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:41,040
Speaker 1: muscles or the pain, and sometimes it's fucking painful, you know.

715
00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:46,960
Speaker 1: I have a therapist that is also incredible, and she's Romanian,

716
00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:50,360
Speaker 1: super strong, and she just knows her shit and she

717
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:53,800
Speaker 1: goes in there and she it's freaking painful sometimes, and

718
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:58,200
Speaker 1: I feel good afterwards because she gets rid of the

719
00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:01,480
Speaker 1: pain area, not just the but the whole pain area.

720
00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:04,799
Speaker 1: And even my wife has had her work on her

721
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:06,399
Speaker 1: and she's like, oh my god, how do you deal

722
00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:08,800
Speaker 1: with that? It's painful the whole time. I'm like, that's

723
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:12,680
Speaker 1: the kind of massage I like, not the pain most

724
00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:16,120
Speaker 1: full massage, but the massage is actually doing something. I

725
00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:18,799
Speaker 1: don't go get massage where they're just you know, the

726
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:22,040
Speaker 1: sweetest massage which is just touching my skin and putting

727
00:40:22,120 --> 00:40:24,719
Speaker 1: rocks on my body or you know, none of that.

728
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:29,440
Speaker 1: I don't like that. I like the athletic performance enhancement,

729
00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:33,440
Speaker 1: you know, the physical massages, and I like going to

730
00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:37,520
Speaker 1: time massage just because they stretch you, right, Oh, it's

731
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:40,319
Speaker 1: pretty awesome. They stretch the hell out of you. They

732
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:44,440
Speaker 1: turn you into a pretzol, especially for flexible and obviously

733
00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:48,279
Speaker 1: they have their own thigh technique too. So for me,

734
00:40:48,360 --> 00:40:52,319
Speaker 1: it's really the therapy that makes me feel good. And

735
00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:56,200
Speaker 1: obviously there's touching involved in the physical touch. So that's

736
00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:58,160
Speaker 1: kind of where I sense, you know, the physical touch.

737
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:00,799
Speaker 1: Plus I'm a very physical touching kind of guy. Like

738
00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:03,000
Speaker 1: I touch my wife all the time, and she loves it.

739
00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:07,200
Speaker 1: Not always, you know, because she's not a physical touch

740
00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:09,960
Speaker 1: kind of person with her love language. But you know,

741
00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:12,200
Speaker 1: I hug my friends, I hug everybody.

742
00:41:12,320 --> 00:41:12,480
Speaker 2: You know.

743
00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:13,640
Speaker 1: I'm just that kind of person.

744
00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:14,759
Speaker 2: I'm too.

745
00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:18,719
Speaker 1: That's how we exchange energy when I shake somebody's hand,

746
00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:21,560
Speaker 1: I feel a lot of energy coming through, and it's

747
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:25,439
Speaker 1: sometimes it's not great. Most of the time, you get

748
00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:28,919
Speaker 1: a sense of who you're talking to, right or who

749
00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:32,960
Speaker 1: you're meeting right right. So it's important for me to

750
00:41:32,960 --> 00:41:35,120
Speaker 1: touch somebody, even if I put my hand on the shoulder,

751
00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:37,880
Speaker 1: I just have a sense of the energy that I

752
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:41,600
Speaker 1: get from that person, and that's that helps me understand

753
00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:56,000
Speaker 1: that person better. What about fighting styles, how do you? Yeah,

754
00:41:56,040 --> 00:41:58,120
Speaker 1: do you have a fighting style? When it comes to

755
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:02,160
Speaker 1: well talked about that, you kind of shut down, right,

756
00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:03,560
Speaker 1: I shut down?

757
00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:07,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, I mean I think, Yeah, I think, I mean,

758
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:12,600
Speaker 2: I think fighting styles. I mean, I mean, I call

759
00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:14,960
Speaker 2: it a superpower. I could be very encouraging, but I

760
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:17,839
Speaker 2: could also I mean, if I wanted to, I could

761
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:22,640
Speaker 2: really shoot you down, right. Yeah. So yeah, that's not

762
00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:24,359
Speaker 2: where I like to go. But I guess if that's

763
00:42:24,360 --> 00:42:27,680
Speaker 2: a fighting style for me, I know what words to

764
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:31,040
Speaker 2: get you, you know, But that's definitely try not to

765
00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:31,520
Speaker 2: go there.

766
00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:35,160
Speaker 1: You have to be pushed into a corner, right, yeah

767
00:42:35,200 --> 00:42:35,640
Speaker 1: before you.

768
00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:39,680
Speaker 2: I'm usually the opposite. I'm usually like, I think one

769
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:43,120
Speaker 2: of my superpowers is probably I'm very good at encouraging people.

770
00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:47,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And trying to diffuse the situation.

771
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:49,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, that also could be a bad thing if you

772
00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:52,000
Speaker 2: get pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed,

773
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:55,000
Speaker 2: you could use it for the other side, you know.

774
00:42:55,080 --> 00:43:00,799
Speaker 2: But yeah, but I've definitely never been an aggressive person ever. Like,

775
00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:03,359
Speaker 2: it's just it. It would take a lot to get

776
00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:04,120
Speaker 2: me pissed off.

777
00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:09,600
Speaker 1: I I'm the same way. And the thing I always

778
00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:14,279
Speaker 1: chalked it up to was always, you know, when I

779
00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:18,839
Speaker 1: ride my bike, my road bike, I've done that for

780
00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:21,319
Speaker 1: since I was in high school. Every single time I

781
00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:24,399
Speaker 1: ride it, and I clear my head and I just

782
00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:27,200
Speaker 1: obviously the endorphins and the hormones that go through that,

783
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:32,200
Speaker 1: I feel at peace with myself so much that you

784
00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:34,359
Speaker 1: can burn the house down, you can crash the car,

785
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:38,759
Speaker 1: you can take anything you want. Nothing, absolutely nothing bothers me.

786
00:43:40,239 --> 00:43:42,360
Speaker 2: So that's a great point about It's one of the

787
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:45,120
Speaker 2: reasons I love to work out in the mornings because

788
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:50,360
Speaker 2: no matter what comes after that workout, like, I'm calm

789
00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:54,480
Speaker 2: because your muscles are relaxed, You're relaxed, and it's it's

790
00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:56,440
Speaker 2: one of the ways you can take on a lot

791
00:43:56,480 --> 00:44:01,640
Speaker 2: of resistance. Is that is the working out, because man, yeah,

792
00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:03,400
Speaker 2: There's always going to be stuff that comes up and

793
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:05,680
Speaker 2: you need to be sort of relaxed, and the workouts

794
00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:07,799
Speaker 2: do that for me every morning. That's why I'm like

795
00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:10,840
Speaker 2: every morning, I got to have some people take pills.

796
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:16,360
Speaker 2: I work out, you know, I hit the the treadmill

797
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:18,799
Speaker 2: of the bike, you know, something to just kind of

798
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:19,880
Speaker 2: get me relaxed. You know.

799
00:44:20,680 --> 00:44:22,879
Speaker 1: I think you're right. I think that is our superpower.

800
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:27,480
Speaker 1: I think that's what's helped me be calm and collected

801
00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:30,799
Speaker 1: and be able to handle most situations that you know

802
00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:34,640
Speaker 1: that I that I'm faced with, you know, whatever that is.

803
00:44:34,719 --> 00:44:39,440
Speaker 1: You know, I haven't faced a death in the family.

804
00:44:39,719 --> 00:44:46,239
Speaker 1: You know, I just haven't experienced that. But those are

805
00:44:46,280 --> 00:44:48,560
Speaker 1: the moments where you know you need to be able

806
00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:52,160
Speaker 1: to handle life, and you have the option. You can

807
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:55,760
Speaker 1: go and get drunk and take drugs and ruin your life,

808
00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:59,399
Speaker 1: or you can go exercise and you know, take care

809
00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:04,000
Speaker 1: of your health and clear your mind and kind of

810
00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:07,239
Speaker 1: manage your perspective on what happened just now right and

811
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:10,360
Speaker 1: handle the situation better. I mean, if I was to

812
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:14,400
Speaker 1: give any advice on you know, how to handle fighting

813
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:19,480
Speaker 1: or communicating or you know, with the spouse, I think

814
00:45:19,680 --> 00:45:22,279
Speaker 1: exercising before. I mean, you can't predict when you're going

815
00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:24,960
Speaker 1: to fight, but if you can exercise on a regular basis,

816
00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:28,600
Speaker 1: you're going to be pretty calm and you could definitely

817
00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:34,320
Speaker 1: handle situations better. But also on top of that learning

818
00:45:34,560 --> 00:45:41,440
Speaker 1: how to fight, which I learned recently, includes learning how

819
00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:45,000
Speaker 1: to communicate. And when it comes to communicating, is what

820
00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:48,239
Speaker 1: I mean is you understand exactly what I'm saying, and

821
00:45:48,280 --> 00:45:50,960
Speaker 1: I understand exactly what you're saying. I'm not just hearing you,

822
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:53,680
Speaker 1: I'm not just letting you talk, you know, but really

823
00:45:53,840 --> 00:45:59,000
Speaker 1: just understanding each other. That takes a while because there's

824
00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:04,880
Speaker 1: so many different styles of fighting and communicating and languages,

825
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:08,680
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like, for example, take a

826
00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:12,759
Speaker 1: person who and this is not to put people down

827
00:46:12,800 --> 00:46:14,759
Speaker 1: that didn't go to college, but let's say somebody that

828
00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:17,840
Speaker 1: didn't go to college, they don't have as huge a

829
00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:22,520
Speaker 1: vocabulary as a physician or even worse yet, a lawyer.

830
00:46:22,719 --> 00:46:25,080
Speaker 1: Lawyers have like a thousand words that they have to learn.

831
00:46:25,160 --> 00:46:30,120
Speaker 1: Right when you fight with the lawyer, you're learning new

832
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:32,680
Speaker 1: vocabulary because they throw at you. You know, a whole

833
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:35,480
Speaker 1: book of the Dictionary of Law that they they learn

834
00:46:35,560 --> 00:46:38,440
Speaker 1: in college and you're like, I don't understand anything you

835
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:41,160
Speaker 1: just said, all these big words you just said, So

836
00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:44,480
Speaker 1: we're not going to get anywhere, right, That's why you

837
00:46:44,600 --> 00:46:47,239
Speaker 1: have to have a lawyer fight with another lawyer and

838
00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:51,160
Speaker 1: maybe they'll communicate and actually get shit done. But to me,

839
00:46:51,280 --> 00:46:55,400
Speaker 1: communicating is really actually understanding what the words I'm saying

840
00:46:55,440 --> 00:46:58,800
Speaker 1: and meaning behind them, and you understanding what I said.

841
00:46:59,160 --> 00:47:02,240
Speaker 1: Because there's different ways I can communicate the same message,

842
00:47:03,480 --> 00:47:07,360
Speaker 1: and if if I have to, I will try. You know.

843
00:47:07,440 --> 00:47:10,800
Speaker 1: That's why sometimes people say the same shit five different ways,

844
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:12,160
Speaker 1: right when you're talking to them.

845
00:47:13,239 --> 00:47:16,280
Speaker 2: Tonality, yeah, total, you will make a big difference.

846
00:47:16,760 --> 00:47:19,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

847
00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:22,279
Speaker 2: I mean I think it comes down to you being

848
00:47:22,320 --> 00:47:25,319
Speaker 2: happy with yourself, right. I think if if you really

849
00:47:25,320 --> 00:47:29,839
Speaker 2: think we're a fight starts with someone's not happy with themselves, right,

850
00:47:30,120 --> 00:47:34,359
Speaker 2: And the more toxic stuff you have inside, the more

851
00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:37,120
Speaker 2: that's gonna come out. Right. You can't transfer something that

852
00:47:37,120 --> 00:47:41,600
Speaker 2: you're experiencing. So if you're experiencing nothing but toxic inside

853
00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:45,319
Speaker 2: of you, because that's all you're consuming, and eventually you're

854
00:47:45,320 --> 00:47:48,359
Speaker 2: going to unleash that to the person you love, right,

855
00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:51,040
Speaker 2: So I think you know again, it's it's It's why

856
00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:53,600
Speaker 2: I think it's important to take care of yourself first. Right.

857
00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:57,279
Speaker 2: For me, I get up, I do a gratitude exercise,

858
00:47:57,480 --> 00:48:01,240
Speaker 2: I read scripture, I go to the gym. Those three

859
00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:04,000
Speaker 2: things right off the bat put me in a pretty

860
00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:08,759
Speaker 2: good mood. Right. That makes me feel good about myself. Now,

861
00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:13,799
Speaker 2: I could transfer love out right, But if you're not

862
00:48:14,080 --> 00:48:20,520
Speaker 2: feeling great about yourself, you're gonna constantly want to attack people. Right.

863
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:23,759
Speaker 2: So you know, a big part of communicating communicating the

864
00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:25,279
Speaker 2: right way is you got to you gotta get right

865
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:29,240
Speaker 2: with yourself. Right. So it's while I'm such a big

866
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:34,360
Speaker 2: fan of personal development rights, it's that self awareness is

867
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:39,239
Speaker 2: so key because you can't change something you're unaware of.

868
00:48:39,440 --> 00:48:42,759
Speaker 2: You can't improve on something you're not aware of. But

869
00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:46,359
Speaker 2: the minute you start becoming aware of things, then you

870
00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:49,479
Speaker 2: can actually improve on them. Problem is, most people aren't

871
00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:52,200
Speaker 2: even aware that they're doing that. Like most people don't

872
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:56,200
Speaker 2: even aware that they get triggered and then they start

873
00:48:56,239 --> 00:48:59,200
Speaker 2: saying all this stuff that they don't even realize they're

874
00:48:59,480 --> 00:49:01,960
Speaker 2: It's just like people that cuss all the time, right,

875
00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:04,440
Speaker 2: they have no idea they're cussing all the time. They

876
00:49:04,440 --> 00:49:07,000
Speaker 2: have no idea that every other word that's coming out

877
00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:11,120
Speaker 2: of their mouth is an F word. Right. They're not

878
00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:15,799
Speaker 2: even purposely saying F they're just it's a habit, right,

879
00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:17,879
Speaker 2: So it's how do you stop that habit is by

880
00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:19,000
Speaker 2: becoming aware of it, right.

881
00:49:19,120 --> 00:49:19,319
Speaker 1: Yeah.

882
00:49:20,480 --> 00:49:23,680
Speaker 2: So, and that's my thought on it.

883
00:49:23,719 --> 00:49:26,239
Speaker 1: And if there's people around you kind of making a

884
00:49:26,280 --> 00:49:28,600
Speaker 1: point of it, that's another way to be aware of it.

885
00:49:28,719 --> 00:49:31,400
Speaker 2: Right. And you are who you associate with, right, So

886
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:34,319
Speaker 2: you start associating with your people that are all they

887
00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:37,840
Speaker 2: like is talking crap. All they like is starting rumors,

888
00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:41,760
Speaker 2: like that's exactly what you're going to be like, right. So,

889
00:49:41,200 --> 00:49:43,759
Speaker 2: now our parents are right. You are who you associate with.

890
00:49:43,840 --> 00:49:46,200
Speaker 2: So you start associating you want to change. You start

891
00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:49,600
Speaker 2: associating with people that are like the people you want

892
00:49:49,640 --> 00:49:53,759
Speaker 2: to be, right, Because if you start hanging out with

893
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:56,160
Speaker 2: people that are not about gossip, you're not going to

894
00:49:56,200 --> 00:49:58,160
Speaker 2: want a gossip in front of them because they'll put you.

895
00:49:58,440 --> 00:50:01,560
Speaker 2: They'll immediately tell you, hey, this person's not here, man,

896
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:03,960
Speaker 2: I want to talk about them like that, right, right,

897
00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:05,399
Speaker 2: And then all of a sudden you're like, oh shit, yeah,

898
00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:08,440
Speaker 2: these people don't roll like that. Yeah, So and then

899
00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:12,319
Speaker 2: start changing right, So yeah, that's huge too.

900
00:50:12,680 --> 00:50:17,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's interesting because that that puts her girls

901
00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:21,320
Speaker 1: in a predicament. You know, they're in a career where

902
00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:24,279
Speaker 1: they have to analyze all the shit talking, and it's

903
00:50:24,320 --> 00:50:26,680
Speaker 1: almost inevitable that they're going to talk shit, you know,

904
00:50:27,400 --> 00:50:32,359
Speaker 1: on their show. And part of that point I'm trying

905
00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:34,680
Speaker 1: to make is like when they come home, are they

906
00:50:34,680 --> 00:50:38,160
Speaker 1: able to shut it off or do they you know,

907
00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:40,400
Speaker 1: when when they have friends over and you hear them talking,

908
00:50:40,480 --> 00:50:42,120
Speaker 1: are they talking like the show?

909
00:50:43,120 --> 00:50:45,400
Speaker 2: Right, Well, we had an argument, Teddy and I had

910
00:50:45,400 --> 00:50:48,359
Speaker 2: an argument not too long ago. Or I had to

911
00:50:48,440 --> 00:50:52,200
Speaker 2: like tell her, hey, I think this is a you problem.

912
00:50:52,280 --> 00:50:56,520
Speaker 2: Like I'm fine, Like don't like, I think you've been

913
00:50:56,600 --> 00:51:00,600
Speaker 2: watching too much like crazy stuff. You need to start

914
00:51:00,640 --> 00:51:02,840
Speaker 2: working on yourself a little bit, because I think this

915
00:51:02,960 --> 00:51:05,120
Speaker 2: is a you problem, like she was making it seem

916
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:06,960
Speaker 2: like I was. I'm like, I'm happy. I don't know

917
00:51:06,960 --> 00:51:10,600
Speaker 2: what you're talking about. I'm stop telling me I'm not happy.

918
00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:13,000
Speaker 2: Don't tell me I'm not happy. I'm actually very happy.

919
00:51:13,440 --> 00:51:16,360
Speaker 2: I said, if you feel like that, that's on you,

920
00:51:16,800 --> 00:51:18,640
Speaker 2: But don't try to push that on me just because

921
00:51:18,640 --> 00:51:21,359
Speaker 2: you're not feeling good. You know, and we we had

922
00:51:21,360 --> 00:51:25,480
Speaker 2: a good discussion around that, and I think she agreed

923
00:51:25,520 --> 00:51:28,480
Speaker 2: with me. We'll see what she says to it, but

924
00:51:28,520 --> 00:51:30,319
Speaker 2: I think she agreed with me, and it was right.

925
00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:32,319
Speaker 2: It's like, dude, you gotta in the mornings, you got

926
00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:35,239
Speaker 2: to you gotta work on yourself because if all you're

927
00:51:35,239 --> 00:51:39,439
Speaker 2: doing is watching Da Da Da Dad, Like, eventually, that's

928
00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:42,560
Speaker 2: going to get in your heart and that's gonna, you know, come.

929
00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:46,719
Speaker 1: Out, that's gonna spread spread if you're not only into

930
00:51:46,719 --> 00:51:51,040
Speaker 1: your relationships and all that. Yeah, No, I've seen a

931
00:51:51,120 --> 00:51:54,279
Speaker 1: difference now that the show's on. My life's a little

932
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:57,960
Speaker 1: bit more on edge. And that's what I was referring

933
00:51:58,000 --> 00:52:00,239
Speaker 1: to earlier about Okay, you know, maybe I don't want

934
00:52:00,239 --> 00:52:01,799
Speaker 1: to bring it up right now because I know this

935
00:52:01,840 --> 00:52:03,680
Speaker 1: little thing is going to blow up because she is

936
00:52:03,680 --> 00:52:07,480
Speaker 1: so pissed off about something else. Right. It's like sometimes

937
00:52:07,480 --> 00:52:12,000
Speaker 1: it is about timing so and knowing your spouse, and yeah,

938
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:15,479
Speaker 1: fighting and communicating is a very complex thing and it's

939
00:52:15,560 --> 00:52:19,880
Speaker 1: not something that I think is learned overnight, and certainly

940
00:52:19,920 --> 00:52:22,439
Speaker 1: not something you can learn in school. I think it's

941
00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:25,960
Speaker 1: something that you acquire with your partner and learn as

942
00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:29,680
Speaker 1: you go you know, and you're going to make mistakes,

943
00:52:29,840 --> 00:52:33,640
Speaker 1: and hopefully you can get past those mistakes, you know,

944
00:52:33,760 --> 00:52:36,919
Speaker 1: with your spouse, if you really are truly in love,

945
00:52:38,239 --> 00:52:40,880
Speaker 1: I think you can get past those things. But yeah,

946
00:52:41,080 --> 00:52:45,480
Speaker 1: it's tough. It's a tough subject communicating, fighting and getting

947
00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:48,640
Speaker 1: to the other side with a partner or anybody for

948
00:52:48,680 --> 00:52:51,200
Speaker 1: that matter. I mean, and business is different. You know,

949
00:52:51,440 --> 00:52:54,839
Speaker 1: business is pretty black and white. It's not emotional. It's

950
00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:56,560
Speaker 1: like we either got the deal or we don't have

951
00:52:56,640 --> 00:53:01,640
Speaker 1: the deal. But in personal, you know, I want to

952
00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:04,239
Speaker 1: stay married for the rest of my life, and I

953
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:06,360
Speaker 1: want to be in love with this woman for the

954
00:53:06,360 --> 00:53:08,160
Speaker 1: rest of my life, and I have to do whatever

955
00:53:08,200 --> 00:53:10,760
Speaker 1: it takes to continue making it happen.

956
00:53:10,840 --> 00:53:13,000
Speaker 2: Right, At the end of the day, people just want

957
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:16,440
Speaker 2: to They want to feel like they're being seen. They

958
00:53:16,440 --> 00:53:19,000
Speaker 2: want to feel like you care about them. They want

959
00:53:19,040 --> 00:53:21,719
Speaker 2: to feel like they belong. Yeah, and if you can

960
00:53:21,719 --> 00:53:26,120
Speaker 2: do those three things, whether it's personal, whether it's business like.

961
00:53:26,719 --> 00:53:28,359
Speaker 2: But a lot of times, if you think about it, right,

962
00:53:28,360 --> 00:53:30,160
Speaker 2: if you're just shut off and you don't want to

963
00:53:30,200 --> 00:53:32,919
Speaker 2: hear them out, yeah, it shows them you don't care.

964
00:53:33,000 --> 00:53:36,120
Speaker 2: So now they get more upset. Right, But carrying serving

965
00:53:36,160 --> 00:53:38,600
Speaker 2: all that good stuff is a good way to start.

966
00:53:38,920 --> 00:53:42,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it goes deep. It goes deep into

967
00:53:42,360 --> 00:53:45,560
Speaker 1: really getting to know yourself, to understand, you know, your

968
00:53:45,840 --> 00:53:50,279
Speaker 1: your good ways of communicating and your bad ways of communicating.

969
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:52,319
Speaker 1: Because I have my ways that are you know, not

970
00:53:52,560 --> 00:54:00,160
Speaker 1: necessarily the greatest. And it could be just described as yelling.

971
00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:05,319
Speaker 1: Right when I start getting like accused of stuff or

972
00:54:05,600 --> 00:54:08,879
Speaker 1: or putting in a corner or you know, words get

973
00:54:08,920 --> 00:54:11,200
Speaker 1: put in my mouth, I tend to get upset and

974
00:54:11,239 --> 00:54:14,920
Speaker 1: I tend to raise my voice. And I say this

975
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:17,960
Speaker 1: because there's there's been certain conversations I've had with my

976
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:19,680
Speaker 1: wife like you don't have to raise your voice. I'm

977
00:54:19,719 --> 00:54:23,439
Speaker 1: right here, and I'm like, well, it's frustrating that you're

978
00:54:23,480 --> 00:54:27,000
Speaker 1: not listening to the word I'm saying. Right.

979
00:54:28,400 --> 00:54:30,040
Speaker 2: It always comes down with, you know, when you're going

980
00:54:30,080 --> 00:54:31,359
Speaker 2: to get in a fight, though, now that I think

981
00:54:31,360 --> 00:54:34,800
Speaker 2: about it, it really comes down to when you're fighting

982
00:54:34,800 --> 00:54:38,160
Speaker 2: and you're in that moment, it's like, for whatever reason,

983
00:54:38,200 --> 00:54:40,680
Speaker 2: you want to hurt the person, right, So yeah, sometimes

984
00:54:40,680 --> 00:54:42,239
Speaker 2: it's like, all right, I know what to say to

985
00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:47,040
Speaker 2: hurt them. Or sometimes you're like, I know money hurts them.

986
00:54:47,040 --> 00:54:49,480
Speaker 2: So I'm gonna take the money away, all right, that

987
00:54:49,640 --> 00:54:51,920
Speaker 2: four hundred bucks. I gave you that two hundred bucks,

988
00:54:51,920 --> 00:54:53,920
Speaker 2: like I think of a child, right like, all right,

989
00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:57,320
Speaker 2: that's it. I'm not paying for this, this, this, this, Yeah,

990
00:54:57,400 --> 00:54:59,760
Speaker 2: you know you immediately want to take the money whatever

991
00:54:59,800 --> 00:55:03,480
Speaker 2: it is. It's gonna hurt them, right, I'm taking your

992
00:55:03,520 --> 00:55:04,480
Speaker 2: fortnite away.

993
00:55:04,640 --> 00:55:07,440
Speaker 1: Or get a reaction, You get a reaction to, you know,

994
00:55:07,560 --> 00:55:12,120
Speaker 1: piss them off, right, yeah, yeah, And that's part of fighting.

995
00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:15,000
Speaker 1: I think that's that's one of the normal things about

996
00:55:15,320 --> 00:55:20,400
Speaker 1: you know, communication and fighting. I think it happens to everybody,

997
00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:24,280
Speaker 1: Like especially if you call somebody out on their bullshit

998
00:55:24,520 --> 00:55:27,760
Speaker 1: and they get defensive, they will come swinging with stupid

999
00:55:27,760 --> 00:55:33,120
Speaker 1: bullshit like that, right, instead of just saying, yeah, you're right,

1000
00:55:33,280 --> 00:55:35,719
Speaker 1: I am an idiot. I shouldn't have done that and

1001
00:55:36,080 --> 00:55:42,520
Speaker 1: you know you're right. Great talking to you brother, likewise, Yeah,

1002
00:55:42,640 --> 00:55:47,160
Speaker 1: I think this is very productive and until next time,

1003
00:55:47,239 --> 00:55:48,040
Speaker 1: Until next time,