Speaker 1: Also media.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to Behind the Bastards, a podcast where my
Speaker 2: headphones were not plugged in when I started talking, and
Speaker 2: now they are. We we have a we have a keen,
Speaker 2: eagle like grip on on on the professional competence required
Speaker 2: to do our jobs. Uh, Sophie and I uh, and are.
Speaker 3: Much funnier when the headphones that are not plugged in
Speaker 3: aren't like small I bought it, like you knows, but
Speaker 3: like the big black ones. That is so much funnier.
Speaker 3: I had.
Speaker 2: I had a lot of opportunities to get this right. Sophia, Alexandra,
Speaker 2: Welcome back to the pod. Sophia, how how have you been?
Speaker 2: How's it going? How's the world bad?
Speaker 4: The most terrible?
Speaker 3: Thank you? Yeah, thanks for having me on the pod.
Speaker 4: I am good.
Speaker 3: It's been a minute. It's so nice to see y'all's faces.
Speaker 3: I've missed you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I missed you too. And you know, obviously, Sophia,
Speaker 2: as you're aware, as I think most people are aware.
Speaker 2: As a podcast host, I maintain medical power of attorney
Speaker 2: over each of our guests. Now, this is probably standard
Speaker 2: standard in the industry. My understanding is it's a holdover
Speaker 2: from English common law established in the sixteen hundreds by
Speaker 2: the very first podcasters. So the other day you called
Speaker 2: me up and you said, Robert, should I dose myself
Speaker 2: with moderate quantities of radiation to gain unclear unspecified health benefits?
Speaker 4: And I sure did?
Speaker 2: And I was like, let me look into that, Sophia,
Speaker 2: let me look into that. So I did. I did
Speaker 2: a quick google. Is it bad to radiate yourself for health?
Speaker 2: And it turns out yes, that's what we're talking about
Speaker 2: this week, is the radium.
Speaker 3: Christ You wrote that entire scripted, that whole bit.
Speaker 2: I scripted the whole bit, Sophia.
Speaker 4: Scripted that entire thing is so you of you. That's
Speaker 4: so funny.
Speaker 3: It makes me think of like you doing stand up
Speaker 3: writing out all of the parts where you're.
Speaker 2: Like, come right, you guys, Yeah, your little life plug
Speaker 2: throws to the audience. Sure, No, I mean what this
Speaker 2: is is I have a little This is a free
Speaker 2: productivity hack for you writers out there. If you have
Speaker 2: a whole thing you have to write, like, say, eight
Speaker 2: thousand words about radium grifters, and you're being you're being
Speaker 2: a procrastinator. Maybe just spend a paragraph or two writing
Speaker 2: out some bullshit jokes to your friends. You know, and
Speaker 2: then just keep it in the script. Why not. Nobody
Speaker 2: has to read these button me, so you know, it
Speaker 2: doesn't have to be tight.
Speaker 1: Well that was cool, But I'm just excited that Sophia
Speaker 1: is here.
Speaker 2: I'm so excited that Sophia is here, and she's got to.
Speaker 1: Be a new Patreon.
Speaker 4: Let's start there.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, let's begin with the plugs.
Speaker 2: That's the right way to do this.
Speaker 4: Oh shit, yeah.
Speaker 3: Come to patreon dot com slash Sophia Alexandra. There's writing
Speaker 3: on there, there's videos. There is just random shit I'm into,
Speaker 3: like galer and and relationship anarchy and making clay pots
Speaker 3: and John Lee Hooker. I don't know, I'm a weird bitch.
Speaker 4: Come through.
Speaker 2: Well check that out, and you know, check out check
Speaker 2: out Sofia. Alexandra's many other podcasts that she's done with
Speaker 2: us too, some of our our very best. And this
Speaker 2: is about to be this one, Sophia going to be
Speaker 2: a classic because we're getting back to our roots here.
Speaker 2: You know, we've been covering some dark shit a lot
Speaker 2: on this show, and you know, we've really gone hard.
Speaker 4: Really comes as a surprise to me.
Speaker 3: This is the old one that is guested on more
Speaker 3: Dead Baby episodes than anyone.
Speaker 4: No Dead Baby crazy that this is gonna be a
Speaker 4: dark one.
Speaker 2: A lot of dead people, but not dead babies.
Speaker 4: Thank you for me.
Speaker 2: But it's it's a fun mostly up until the second episode,
Speaker 2: mostly funny ways that people are horribly injuring themselves because
Speaker 2: it's good. It's good old timey medical nonsense. Right, it's
Speaker 2: people just poisoning their bodies with urine because they think
Speaker 2: it'll it'll help him deal with a cough. It's super
Speaker 2: funny if you can kind of associate yourself from the
Speaker 2: human cost Hey, which.
Speaker 4: Is a soil podcast, Daddy, I am ready.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, it's going to be a good time. So
Speaker 2: the history of people using radiation as like a pop
Speaker 2: medical treatment, the way they use colloidal silver today, starts
Speaker 2: in eighteen ninety five, when a German physicist named Wilhelm
Speaker 2: Rotingen discovered X rays for the first time. He published
Speaker 2: an article on a new kind of rays fifty days later,
Speaker 2: which is what we're all looking for in life, right.
Speaker 2: I'm usually referring to ray bands there, but Ray.
Speaker 4: Talking about guys named Ray.
Speaker 2: Usually when guys named Ray, I've had good relations with
Speaker 2: guys named ray.
Speaker 4: You know, I only fuck men named ray. It's terrible.
Speaker 2: That's like like that that diet where you only red
Speaker 2: things like yeah, yeah, just as evasive.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm either celibate or I get hit a lot.
Speaker 4: That's what it is.
Speaker 2: That is the duality of ray.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Hey everyone, my notes on this were a little messy.
Speaker 2: I just wanted to add that while it was Rojin
Speaker 2: who discovered X rays, the guy who actually kind of
Speaker 2: discovered radioactivity as a phenomenon was Henri Beccarel. He worked
Speaker 2: with the Curi's. He shared a Nobel prize in Night
Speaker 2: you Know three with Pierre and Marie Curriy. It was
Speaker 2: I believe Marie Curriy who named radioactivity, but Henri was
Speaker 2: the guy who kind of first started discussing the phenomenon
Speaker 2: after the discovery of X rays. So, in eighteen ninety eight,
Speaker 2: famous scientist power couple Marie and Pierre Curie found radium
Speaker 2: and a sample of uranian height. These are kind of
Speaker 2: we're going over like sort of the birth of understanding
Speaker 2: radiation as a thing. Radium was soon found to have
Speaker 2: properties that were like similar to X rays. Right, you
Speaker 2: could like expose photo negatives and stuff with it and
Speaker 2: a new field of study in this kind of wondrous
Speaker 2: and magical property that certain cereals had started to open up.
Speaker 2: And obviously X rays I mean even today, like reading
Speaker 2: about studying radiation, it's like wild, It's like space alien shit, right,
Speaker 2: So obviously people in the late eighteen hundreds starting to
Speaker 2: realize how radiation works. Is it's not just like fascinating
Speaker 2: to scientists, but it also you know, honestly, a good
Speaker 2: comparison note is in popular culture, radiation was treated in
Speaker 2: this period very similar to how people are treating AI now,
Speaker 2: where like some people are you know, just trying to
Speaker 2: be reasonable about it and say like, well it may
Speaker 2: have this application of that, and other people are saying
Speaker 2: this is the silver bullet to every problem in society,
Speaker 2: you know. Now it's like we can just add AI
Speaker 2: to every problem and it'll fix it. And like you
Speaker 2: just got to radiate everything hunger, Yeah, yeah, and that's
Speaker 2: the attitude they're like, yeah we can in world hunger,
Speaker 2: you just irradiate all your craps. It'll be great. Yeah.
Speaker 2: That is that is like how this where this is
Speaker 2: going to go. A Japanese scientific journal published Rotentin's work
Speaker 2: in eighteen ninety six. Japanese physicists constructed one of the
Speaker 2: first X ray machines the same year to beam crystals
Speaker 2: with X rays for purposes that are not clear to me.
Speaker 4: The first X ray crystals like like like the rocks,
Speaker 4: like quartz or but yeah, he was shooting them.
Speaker 2: I think he was like, crystals are cool, X rays
Speaker 2: are cool. Let's see we can see what happens.
Speaker 4: It's a real PB and J situation.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: They had X ray machines in Japan for like a
Speaker 2: surprisingly long time before anybody started using them for like
Speaker 2: medical purposes. They were just like shooting random shit with
Speaker 2: them to see what it would do that, which is
Speaker 2: fair yeah.
Speaker 3: Kind of awesome and what I would do so.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah yeah basically.
Speaker 3: So that's why I'm not a doctor.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's why I'm not. But you know, these
Speaker 2: people barely wear right. It was the eighteen nineties. Most
Speaker 2: early radiation researchers did learn quite quickly that this stuff
Speaker 2: was They didn't. I wrote that they learned it was
Speaker 2: not something to play with. They with it constantly, but
Speaker 2: they learned that it was a dangerous thing to play with.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: Marie Currie herself suffered pretty significant radiation burns a number
Speaker 2: of times touching this stuff. She's also like she and
Speaker 2: her husband both die horribly as a result.
Speaker 4: I was just gonna say, I was like, Dad, she
Speaker 4: fucking died from it.
Speaker 2: I think Robert like she dies decades later, but like.
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe saying like you can suffer a burn in
Speaker 3: your life and keep going, but.
Speaker 4: I think it's the painful death for me.
Speaker 2: Yeah. What I'm saying is that, like, well before the
Speaker 2: painful death, they knew that, like, oh shit, this is
Speaker 2: like bad for us, right, Like we're hurting ourselves by
Speaker 2: being near this shit. Yeah, Like Pierre Curie made a
Speaker 2: statement in nineteen oh one that like, I would not
Speaker 2: want to be alone with a pound of pure radium
Speaker 2: because I think it will burn. I don't know this,
Speaker 2: no one's ever had this much, but I think it
Speaker 2: will burn all of the skin off of my body
Speaker 2: if I'm close to that much of it.
Speaker 4: And by somewhere in Hollywood and Actress was like, eh,
Speaker 4: oh that the skin off my body.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So, you know, by the turn of the century
Speaker 2: again like five years into you know, serious research on
Speaker 2: this stuff, like several researchers had already died due to
Speaker 2: radiation exposures. So again within the scientific community, as much
Speaker 2: exuberance as there is about you know, radium and uranium,
Speaker 2: people are very much aware this shit is like deadly.
Speaker 2: We don't fully get why it's deadly, but we know
Speaker 2: that it is super dangerous to be around in quantity. Right,
Speaker 2: So after witness, now, one of the side effects of
Speaker 2: this is that like people aren't people are seeing how
Speaker 2: dangerous this stuff is. They're seeing the kind of horrible
Speaker 2: burns it can cause. One of my favorite stories like
Speaker 2: one of the scientists working on this keeps some like
Speaker 2: radium in his pocket and it like burns a hole
Speaker 2: through his leg. But when what.
Speaker 3: When did you notice that it started burning and he
Speaker 3: just kept it in there.
Speaker 2: I think maybe I'm wrong about this, but my reading
Speaker 2: of it, I think it's the sort of you know
Speaker 2: how like at that bored Ape yacht club party, they
Speaker 2: had those UV lights that just look like normal UV
Speaker 2: lights but were for disinfecting slaughterhouses, and so it gave
Speaker 2: everyone horrible sunburns on their eyes, Like, oh.
Speaker 4: My god, I didn't know that.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, they used So there's you know, people put
Speaker 3: UV lights in like dance, you know, like rave parties
Speaker 3: and stuff all the time.
Speaker 2: But there's also UV lights that are meant to like
Speaker 2: disinfect slaughterhouses, and somebody got the wrong UV light in
Speaker 2: this party and it gave people like sunburns on their eyes.
Speaker 2: But they didn't notice it until like the next day. Right,
Speaker 2: It wasn't immediate. They weren't immediately aware that anything was
Speaker 2: was awry. They just kind of woke up Burning. I
Speaker 2: think it's like.
Speaker 3: That we woke up Burning is the first country song
Speaker 3: that I had to put out on my Patreon.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's about your experiments with radium.
Speaker 4: It's about a uti actually.
Speaker 2: But yeah, so Pierre Curie like he sees his friends
Speaker 2: get in his wife getting horribly burned by radium, and
Speaker 2: he's like, well, this stuff is dangerous, but also if
Speaker 2: it can burn skin this way, maybe we could burn
Speaker 2: away cancer, right, And that is the start of chemotherapy,
Speaker 2: is like some of these scientists realizing like, well, the
Speaker 2: way that this burns people, you might actually be able
Speaker 2: to effectively like kill tumors and stuff with it.
Speaker 3: Okay, just someone that has chemo, I'm like totally did
Speaker 3: not make that connection. Yeah, in terms of yeah, wow.
Speaker 2: That's that's I mean that's that's what you're doing basically
Speaker 2: with chemo is Yeah, you're like, you're you're effectively using
Speaker 2: radiation as a laser to murder a tumor. Well, my
Speaker 2: basic understanding that.
Speaker 3: No, because chemo is chemicals.
Speaker 4: Well yeah, I mean it's not like we're talking about
Speaker 4: the other treatment.
Speaker 3: You're talking about actual radiation, which I.
Speaker 2: Also had, which I think it's like skin cancer they're
Speaker 2: they're dealing with first, right, is my guess, Right.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because that's probably the simplest it's on the surface,
Speaker 3: until they figure out how to like actually, you know,
Speaker 3: radiate like tumors inside you, which I'm sure took you know,
Speaker 3: at least another week.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a while, But like so they start figuring out like, Okay,
Speaker 2: this stuff is dangerous. It can hurt people pretty badly,
Speaker 2: but if you use it the right way, you can
Speaker 2: actually like kill cancer with it, right, which is you
Speaker 2: have to think about where medical science is in early
Speaker 2: nineteen oh one, the early nineteen hundreds. That is, this
Speaker 2: kind of reinforces the attitude that these radioactive materials are
Speaker 2: fucking magic, because cancer is just fucking death, right, It's
Speaker 2: the hand of God. There's nothing to there's very very
Speaker 2: little treatment available for a lot of this stuff.
Speaker 3: And suddenly, can I ask the dumb question, Yeah, when
Speaker 3: did people start realizing what the fuck cancer was?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: I mean, I mean for thousands of years we have understood,
Speaker 2: you know, we didn't maybe we didn't have the kind
Speaker 2: of understanding we have about it now, but we knew
Speaker 2: that certain people would develop tumors and stuff and that
Speaker 2: that was inimical to life, right, And I think you know,
Speaker 2: like physical removal of like skin cancer and stuff like
Speaker 2: that has gone back a while. Although it was obviously
Speaker 2: like of of middling ethics. This is this is kind
Speaker 2: of the beginning of us starting and obviously we still
Speaker 2: don't have a great handle on cancer, but this is
Speaker 2: like you have to you have to keep in mind.
Speaker 2: The possibility of any sort of effective cancer treatments beyond
Speaker 2: the crudest and most violent is like that hits the
Speaker 2: medical community like a bomb, right, Like it's it's it's
Speaker 2: a miracle almost, Like that is how they're thinking about it, right.
Speaker 2: Some of that is irrational exuberance. They think it's going
Speaker 2: to work better than it does because it takes a
Speaker 2: long time for this to get more effective. But like
Speaker 2: there is this that's going to play into the the
Speaker 2: way people think about radiation and it as a miracle cure.
Speaker 2: Is that like, yeah, it's the first thing that's given
Speaker 2: people really effective hope against cancer. That's a big deal. Obviously.
Speaker 2: I'm going to quote from an article in the Journal
Speaker 2: of Medical History by Micah Nicau. Quote. The first to
Speaker 2: use X rays for skin diseases was physician Leopold Freud
Speaker 2: of Vienna, who treated a patient's pigmented No, no, no, Freund,
Speaker 2: not Freud Freud oh, okay, which I think means friend,
Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't know. German Neil's rereiberg Finsen's
Speaker 2: light therapy for tuberculosis of the skin by that time,
Speaker 2: also achieved a reputation. Radiation therapy spread quickly, and X
Speaker 2: ray technologies were introduced to many hospitals for the diagnosis
Speaker 2: and treatment of diseases such as broken bones, exema, and
Speaker 2: skin cancer. Radioactivity from radium seemed similar to X rays,
Speaker 2: giving scientists in medical doctors high hopes for the medical
Speaker 2: use of radium before understanding the actual chemical and physical conditions.
Speaker 2: In terms of modern science, Doctors in different parts of
Speaker 2: the world, including Germany, in the United States used radium
Speaker 2: in the treatment of diseases such as keloids, tuberculosis, syphilitic ulcers, hyperthyroidism, tumors,
Speaker 2: and cancers. Some of these treatments work. Some of this stuff,
Speaker 2: like tumors, you can effectively treat with radiation. I think
Speaker 2: syphilitic ulcers are not helped by radiation, but they're just
Speaker 2: kind of they're trying it on everything, you know, they're
Speaker 2: giving it a shot.
Speaker 3: I mean it's hard. Syphilis, Like, honestly, syphilis goes hard.
Speaker 2: I've always said that, you know, Yeah, yeah, that's why
Speaker 2: I respect it.
Speaker 3: That's why it's like Wharton, syphilis is out here making
Speaker 3: you crazy.
Speaker 4: Long term, that shit goes.
Speaker 2: Hard, making you crazy, and possibly contributing to the birth
Speaker 2: of horror as a genre. You know, So respect respect
Speaker 2: to syphilis exactly.
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, that's merch respect to syphilis.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So one thing that's interesting to me is, right
Speaker 2: from the very start, even among people who knew better,
Speaker 2: there's obviously all this enthusiasm for radiation for reasonable reasons,
Speaker 2: but for basically everybody, including these very hard no scientists
Speaker 2: like the Kurries, there's this irrational obsession with it that
Speaker 2: forms two Marie Curiy wrote about it. She would often
Speaker 2: write about it as my beautiful radium and would discuss
Speaker 2: kind of with this sort of awe her feeling at
Speaker 2: the glow that pure radium have quote.
Speaker 3: Oh it's a jerk off situation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh it's hot to her. She's hot, she's hot
Speaker 2: for radium. Right, those glee being seemed suspended in the
Speaker 2: darkness and stirred us with ever new emotion and enchantment. Right,
Speaker 2: there's something magical about it. One US Surgeon General described
Speaker 2: radium as reminding him of a mythological super being, while
Speaker 2: an English physician described it as the unknown God. And again,
Speaker 2: we're not doing nuclear ship right, nobody, that's crazy.
Speaker 3: It is.
Speaker 2: It is, I think, honestly, the best the best touch
Speaker 2: point for for how people were talking about radium at
Speaker 2: the turn of the century and radiation at the turn
Speaker 2: of the century is like AI and shit, it's just this.
Speaker 2: The discussions of it are often completely divorced from what
Speaker 2: it can actually do because it just seems magic, you know, But.
Speaker 3: No one's out here like writing sonnets being like my
Speaker 3: beautiful ais.
Speaker 2: And they're dog shit, Yeah, you're not wrong. So newspapers
Speaker 2: reporting on early medical studies and a radium as a
Speaker 2: cancer treatment published breathless reports with titles like radium is
Speaker 2: restoring health to thousands. This is the last time we're
Speaker 2: going to talk about radium that way. In nineteen oh four,
Speaker 2: John McLeod, a physician at charing Cross Hospital in London,
Speaker 2: developed radium applicators to treat internal cancers and showed evidence
Speaker 2: that they shrank tumors. This is like, I think the
Speaker 2: birth of kind of modern chemotherapy. Right, first, we're using
Speaker 2: it to just kind of like shoot rays at sort
Speaker 2: of external cancers and the like McLoud figures out and
Speaker 2: I'm assuming this is horrifically crude, but like here is
Speaker 2: how you deal with Like you basically use radium to
Speaker 2: kill internal tumors in the earliest manner of like what
Speaker 2: we are doing today more or less. Right, this was
Speaker 2: treated as a go ahead by some in the medical
Speaker 2: community and many mini grifters in the quack medicine industry
Speaker 2: to start dumping radium into every conceivable product. Right we
Speaker 2: know now, like, yeah, you have to be very careful
Speaker 2: about how you introduce this stuff to the body to
Speaker 2: treat internal tumors, because it's dangerous and it can potentially
Speaker 2: be worse than the disease, or at least just as
Speaker 2: bad as the disease if you're not careful about it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but people are just like, oh, asi is a
Speaker 3: thing now, everything is si in it it argon oil,
Speaker 3: argan oils now and everything.
Speaker 2: And they do treat it exactly like people fucking treat
Speaker 2: a saie berries right where they're like, well, if it's
Speaker 2: good in your body to kill cancer, it must just
Speaker 2: be good to like microdose, right, like mushrooms. Right, we
Speaker 2: just hear radiation all the time, right, why will we
Speaker 2: middle We'll go a long way. Yeah. If a lot
Speaker 2: of it can help you when you're sick, a little
Speaker 2: bit of it must keep you all well. Right, that
Speaker 2: is is literally what a lot of and like that is.
Speaker 2: That is an insane thing to think, although you have
Speaker 2: to give them some credit. They just didn't know as
Speaker 2: much back then, right, Like I'm never.
Speaker 4: Clowning like all of us are stupid too.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, they were as dumb as we are,
Speaker 2: just exactly you know about different things, Like we just
Speaker 2: don't know.
Speaker 3: Yet what we've been extremely stupid about.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, no, I mean I still think we're
Speaker 2: gonna find out that like a lot of the stuff
Speaker 2: in our SODA's is the worst thing ever. They're going
Speaker 2: to talk about some of that, but also maybe not.
Speaker 2: It'll probably just be you know, all of the all
Speaker 2: of the fucking gasoline fumes in the air.
Speaker 3: But like literally they were like, hey, Lacroix made of
Speaker 3: like fucked up stuff, and everyone was like cheers and
Speaker 3: popped another fucking six pack, like no one cares, no cares.
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm drinking fucking it says it's brewed with
Speaker 2: real tea and lemon, but it's one of those nonsense
Speaker 2: bubbly waters. Who knows what kind of poison is in
Speaker 2: this fucking thing.
Speaker 4: No one trust anything, and we're just selling slowly dying.
Speaker 3: That's it it is.
Speaker 2: I do love it whenever, Like my friends that I
Speaker 2: spent ten years doing drugs with get like on a
Speaker 2: health kick and are like, no, I'm not going to
Speaker 2: drink that diet soda because it's got this And it's like, man,
Speaker 2: I know what we snorted together, right, Like You're like
Speaker 2: that cocaine smelled like a fucking gas station. Okay, I
Speaker 2: seen you smoke.
Speaker 4: Whatever you found no cushions of the couch. Now we care.
Speaker 2: About aspect whatever. Eric, I watched you pick up a
Speaker 2: half smoked cigarette from outside a bar and lighted because
Speaker 2: you were that drunk, Like, don't don't talk to me
Speaker 2: about fucking ASPI dade.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you lit the filter, dog, Yeah, yeah, you just.
Speaker 2: Turn it on the filter. So people are getting real
Speaker 2: excited about radiation and the seemingly magical properties of radium
Speaker 2: were reinforced by a series of discoveries around the turn
Speaker 2: of the century. And this I wouldn't have guessed into
Speaker 2: the healing properties of hot springs. Now. If you like
Speaker 2: spending a lot of time reading Victorian novels, right, there's
Speaker 2: basically always a character who gets sick and has to
Speaker 2: take to the spa town to like take in the vapors, right,
Speaker 2: taking the waters and shit right like that goes.
Speaker 4: That's a tringle convalesce always, yeah, And.
Speaker 2: I think probably for as long as there's been civilization,
Speaker 2: people have known while I felt better once I got
Speaker 2: in that hot spring, it's probably good for me. And
Speaker 2: it is actually for pretty basic reasons, right, For what
Speaker 2: soaking in hot water can be really healthy for your
Speaker 2: joints and your muscles.
Speaker 3: It can be no pain, better than just odds bring
Speaker 3: Robert is a hot tub with Yeah, well no, what
Speaker 3: if we combine two of our favorite things?
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, actually this is weird. What they find is
Speaker 2: that those things have always been combined, right, So they're
Speaker 2: they're trying to figure out and hot springs have always
Speaker 2: been together. Yeah, yeah, that is a property. I'm gonna
Speaker 2: explain this. It actually makes a lot of sense. I
Speaker 2: just had never thought about this before. So, you know,
Speaker 2: there's this folk belief that has some backing in it
Speaker 2: that like hot springs are good for your body, right,
Speaker 2: And they didn't really know why. And so they start
Speaker 2: at the same time as they're discovering, you know, that
Speaker 2: radiation is the thing, how it works, They're start being
Speaker 2: scientists who are trying to figure out, like, what is
Speaker 2: it about hot springs that have healing properties? And I'm
Speaker 2: gonna I want to read from a write up on
Speaker 2: radium patent medications in the Journal of the American Medical Association.
Speaker 2: Here this is talking about researcher studying hot springs. They
Speaker 2: noted throughout history, hot springs like those at Brombach in Germany,
Speaker 2: Iseshia in Italy, and Saldebane in France had been touted
Speaker 2: as panaceas for a variety of ailments, including rheumatism, cretonism, impotence,
Speaker 2: and melancholy. These salutary effects were achieved only when the
Speaker 2: waters were drunk or their vapors deeply inhaled. Bottled water
Speaker 2: from these springs rapidly lost its potency. The great German
Speaker 2: chemists Eustus von Leibig attempted to analyze the waters from
Speaker 2: Gostein Springs, eventually ascribing their power to a dissolved gas
Speaker 2: with mysterious electrical effects. In nineteen oh three, the discovery
Speaker 2: was made that the apparent pharmacological agent in these waters
Speaker 2: was rayd on radium emanation, an alpha particle emitting gas
Speaker 2: with a half life of less than four days that
Speaker 2: was produced by decaying radium. Alpha particle emitting isotopes taken
Speaker 2: internally and minute quantities were hailed as powerful natural elixirs
Speaker 2: capable of delivering direct energy transfusions to depleted organs. So
Speaker 2: I have a basement, right, This is not the case
Speaker 2: everywhere that their abasements. I really didn't think.
Speaker 3: Your transition from that quote was going to be so
Speaker 3: I have a basement.
Speaker 2: It's relevant because in the Northwest at least, and I've
Speaker 2: only ever had a basement here in Texas. We don't
Speaker 2: have basements because of the ground's weird. But I had
Speaker 2: to get I was told like, basically, hey, your basement
Speaker 2: has not had radon mitigation, so it will fill up
Speaker 2: with a radioactive gas and you will get horrible lung
Speaker 2: cancer if you spend a lot of time in your
Speaker 2: basement unless you install what's called a radon mitigation system,
Speaker 2: which basically is a pump that pumps the air regularly
Speaker 2: up out so it can rise into the sky. But
Speaker 2: it's just that, like, because of decaying radium in the earth,
Speaker 2: the dirt is filled with radon, right, that gets in things.
Speaker 2: So if you have a basement, it will fill with radon.
Speaker 2: And these hot springs because they're being fed from like underwater,
Speaker 2: you know, rivers or pumps or whatever fill like also
Speaker 2: have radon in them. Now, the radon is not causing
Speaker 2: the health benefits, right, that's just because it's nice to
Speaker 2: be in hot water. It's good, it's relaxing, it's good
Speaker 2: if you're muscles and joints. But they're starting to realize
Speaker 2: there are health benefits to radiation, and they realize that
Speaker 2: a lot of hot springs have natural rate on gas,
Speaker 2: and they're like, the radon is what makes springs good
Speaker 2: for you. So clearly if we just dose people with radon,
Speaker 2: it will make them healthier, right, is.
Speaker 4: The danger correlation? Yeah, being you know, causation, it's not.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's also there, but that's not yeah yeah, And
Speaker 2: that's what like they decide is like, oh, it must
Speaker 2: be the radon that makes the hot springs good for you.
Speaker 2: Everyone should start taking as much rate on as they
Speaker 2: fucking could. So this is this is going to take
Speaker 2: off very quickly in the early nineteen hundreds, and initially
Speaker 2: it is not like radiation putting. Radiation in food and
Speaker 2: medicine is not regulated, especially in the United States. Now
Speaker 2: we had it, we had at this point in nineteen
Speaker 2: oh six, we passed the Pure Food and Drug Act. Right,
Speaker 2: We've done episodes on this. It was part a large
Speaker 2: part of it was in reaction to like the fact
Speaker 2: that milk kept killing entire city's worth of babies when
Speaker 2: it would be full of worms or whatever raid on.
Speaker 2: Though radium was not regulated under the Pure Food and
Speaker 2: Drug Act because it's a natural element, which is still
Speaker 2: this is still a problem with like supplements today where
Speaker 2: they're like, you can make a lot of bullshit claims
Speaker 2: and like sell people. Alex Jones says, all these sells,
Speaker 2: all these nonsense supplements, and it's like, well, it's it's
Speaker 2: a natural element. It's not a drug, so you can
Speaker 2: you can basically do whatever as long as you avoid
Speaker 2: a couple of easy pitfalls. This is how they're what's
Speaker 2: this is how radium gets introduced to the American diet.
Speaker 2: Is they're like, well, the FDA says it's it's it's natural,
Speaker 2: so you can put as much of it as you
Speaker 2: want in your milk.
Speaker 3: That's so wild. I didn't know about that natural pole
Speaker 3: or whatever. The fuck. Yeah, it's like, well there's a
Speaker 3: lot of poison found naturally too. Yeah, are we just
Speaker 3: like chill with arsenic being just slowly?
Speaker 2: Just come into this story, Sophia, because we were for
Speaker 2: a while. Yeah, shut the fuck up. So all of
Speaker 2: these fraud treatments starts out into pages of newspaper and
Speaker 2: magazine ads with bold claims like remarkable new radium cream
Speaker 2: liniment drives out pain for making joints and muscles instantly. Right,
Speaker 2: They're like, it's the radium in the hot spring. So
Speaker 2: let's get rid of those healthy like hot waters and
Speaker 2: just put pure radium on people's bones.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, petition to make that voice your permanent voice.
Speaker 2: Oh you're gonna be hearing a lot of that voice today, Sophia,
Speaker 2: don't worry.
Speaker 4: I am delighted.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So the reveal that so many healing springs gave
Speaker 2: off raid on again, it doesn't mean that that's why,
Speaker 2: like the good things like we don't spend time in
Speaker 2: our basements as place as of healing just because they're
Speaker 2: full of raid on. But dumb time, dumbass, old tiny people.
Speaker 2: You know they're not as smart as you. And I
Speaker 2: is right, you know we we smarter than this. We
Speaker 2: would never do any We would never, for example, take
Speaker 2: a cattle deworming medication because we believe it's going to
Speaker 2: cure all of our sicknesses.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and because a very tiny man they used to
Speaker 3: host a show where they ORMs stills to do it.
Speaker 2: Like and definitely abs one hundred percent. If if it
Speaker 2: was like if podcasts had existed in nineteen oh six,
Speaker 2: and so had Joe Rogan, he would have been he
Speaker 2: would have been telling people to microdose radium. He would
Speaker 2: have been, like, you're a dumbass. If you're not microdosing
Speaker 2: straight radiation, you get it some rads every day.
Speaker 3: He would have been glowing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he would be yeah, nothing but elk meat and
Speaker 2: fucking radium. So the name of the new therapy that
Speaker 2: a lot of health grifters start pushing based on these
Speaker 2: ideas is called mild radium therapy as opposed to like
Speaker 2: what we're actually doing when we're treating cancer, which is
Speaker 2: a much heavier dose right of this kind of stuff.
Speaker 2: So mild radium therapy is basically we're microdosing this shit,
Speaker 2: you know. Mild radiation therapy advocates weren't sure why this
Speaker 2: stuff worked right. There were significant debates. Some suggested radium
Speaker 2: compounds stimulated organs directly. Others believed the radiation acted as
Speaker 2: superpowered bleach killing microscopic toxins that caused cancerous tumors. There
Speaker 2: were theories that radium stimulated your adrenal glands or perhaps
Speaker 2: the thyroid. What seemed clear beyond doubt was that the
Speaker 2: healing properties of radium came from alpha particles emitted by
Speaker 2: a radium nucleus. Now obviously Sophia Sophie all three of
Speaker 2: us are trained nuclear physicists. We don't talk about it
Speaker 2: much on the show, but you know, privately, all we
Speaker 2: talk about is like thorium plants and shit. We're very
Speaker 2: knowledgeable about this, but because our audience or a bunch
Speaker 2: of dumb dums, I'm going to read a quote from
Speaker 2: the AMA's journal explaining how this shit works rather than
Speaker 2: try to do it myself. Alpha particles are large, relatively
Speaker 2: slow moving chunks of nuclear matter consisting of two protons
Speaker 2: and two neutrons. They possess tremendous energy and produce a
Speaker 2: dense cloud of ionization events when traversing matter. Because they
Speaker 2: dissipate their energy so rapidly, they can only penetrate forty
Speaker 2: two one hundred um, limiting the range over which they
Speaker 2: can exert their effects to a distance of about ten
Speaker 2: cell diameters. Such a lack of penetration prevented their use
Speaker 2: in cancer therapy, and the early radioactive source is produced
Speaker 2: for curey therapy all contained filters designed to stop alpha
Speaker 2: particle transmission. Though high doses of alpha radiation produced an
Speaker 2: intense blistering response on the skin, alpha particles were considered
Speaker 2: just too difficult to harness in the service of cancer treatment,
Speaker 2: and we're largely ignored by oncologists. So, like, the basically
Speaker 2: what this is saying is like the method of action
Speaker 2: that like is being used in this mild therapy is
Speaker 2: the stuff that once they oncology just started fucking around
Speaker 2: with radiation, they realize this stuff is too hard to control,
Speaker 2: so we're not going to use it for most things.
Speaker 2: And then it becomes the province of medical grifters who
Speaker 2: are like, we're going to use this for fucking everything. Now,
Speaker 2: I mean I.
Speaker 4: Heard that, but really all I heard was not enough penetration.
Speaker 2: Not enough penetration. That's that's right, that's right. This is
Speaker 2: this is mild radiation therapy is basically getting deep dicked
Speaker 2: by straight up radiation. Like that is what's going on
Speaker 2: here now. To be fair to our old timey idiots,
Speaker 2: by you know, early kind of the outbreak of World
Speaker 2: War One that period, there are some studies that seem
Speaker 2: to show real medical benefits to light radiation therapy. Now
Speaker 2: these are all very flawed studies, but they led to
Speaker 2: this belief that people could back up with what seemed
Speaker 2: like good evidence that radium might treat rheumatism. Gout, syphilis, anemia, epilepsy,
Speaker 2: multiple sclerosis, and white right. Yeah, ed well, yes, by
Speaker 2: far the most common kind of radiation medication I've come
Speaker 2: across our variations of dick bills. So yeah, we'll be
Speaker 2: talking a lot about that.
Speaker 4: That's what the original jerkoff machines were for.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, just like people think it's like there's that
Speaker 3: whole whole thing that they think, like gynecologists used to
Speaker 3: like jerk their patients off, which is like not a thing.
Speaker 3: It was a thing invented for a.
Speaker 4: Movie that just spread.
Speaker 3: But originally the jerkoff machines were definitely were like, oh,
Speaker 3: we're going to solve all these men's problems. If like
Speaker 3: these jerk off machines them off, like obviously, we'll get
Speaker 3: all the bad to come out through their jizz. Yeah,
Speaker 3: that's doctoring one oh one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, get them a prostate poker that's like made out
Speaker 2: of puer uranium. You know. That's actually that's actually more
Speaker 2: or less where this ends up. One of the things
Speaker 2: they did know that was shown pretty early on in
Speaker 2: radiation research is that when you exposed like a portion
Speaker 2: of someone's body to radioactive waves, their leukocytes, their white
Speaker 2: blood cells would kind of cluster around where that beam
Speaker 2: was hitting. I'm guessing this is just your immune system
Speaker 2: trying to defend itself from something. But like they they
Speaker 2: this kind of this led the assumption that if you
Speaker 2: irradiate part of the body, it will bring the white
Speaker 2: blood cells there. And the white blood cells those are
Speaker 2: basically the worker bees of your immune system. So that's
Speaker 2: part of what the logic here is. Is it clearly
Speaker 2: this stimulates our immune system, which must mean if you're sick,
Speaker 2: you kind of like X ray the part of you
Speaker 2: that is suffering, and it'll bring the white blood cells
Speaker 2: and they'll take care of the problem. That's one of
Speaker 2: the reasons people think this works. That's not what's happening.
Speaker 2: Police do not radiate your like elbow if you've got
Speaker 2: tennis elbow, right, But that's what people think is going on.
Speaker 2: Treatments like this take off like gangbusters among certain segments
Speaker 2: of the medical community. One physician reported that from nineteen
Speaker 2: thirteen to nineteen twenty one he dispensed over seven thousand
Speaker 2: injections of radium, the over the counter trade in radium,
Speaker 2: and he's again just shooting straight radiation into people's body.
Speaker 2: When they're like sick or whatever. Yeah, so well, yeah,
Speaker 2: the over the counter trade in radium based pharmaceutical remedies
Speaker 2: was even more widespread. One of the most popular early
Speaker 2: devices was inspired by the supposed benefits of radon hot springs,
Speaker 2: The Revigator by R. W. Thomas. This was basically a
Speaker 2: big crockpot type device that you poured your water in.
Speaker 2: It has a spigot, and this is like how you
Speaker 2: drink your water every day, Right, You pour it into
Speaker 2: it's like a filter bottle. Right, but you know what
Speaker 2: the bottle is made out of, Tell me pure uranium.
Speaker 2: It is. It is a cistern of uranium that you
Speaker 2: pour your water in, and you're supposed to drink six
Speaker 2: or seven glasses of uranium water every day.
Speaker 4: Hey, I'm sorry, that's flawless.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it would have been a lot easier to make
Speaker 2: like a backyard nuclear weapon back in the day. But
Speaker 2: you know who will teach you how to make an
Speaker 2: atomic bomb.
Speaker 3: Our sponsors, Yeah, next goods and Services providers.
Speaker 2: We are sponsored entirely by Doc Brown from the first
Speaker 2: Back to the Future movie, and there's nothing he loves
Speaker 2: more than giving people access to nuclear weapons. And we're
Speaker 2: back so I want to read a quote from the
Speaker 2: book Quackery by Lydia King and Nate Peterson next talking
Speaker 2: about this uranium water dispensing system and if you had
Speaker 2: any leftover water at the end of the day. Advertisements
Speaker 2: encouraged consumers to water their plants. One of the problems
Speaker 2: with the revigator, besides slowly poisoning people with about five
Speaker 2: times the radium concentration recommended for drinking water, was its
Speaker 2: lack of portability. Several similar, but smaller devices sprang onto
Speaker 2: the market, including the Thomas Cone, the Zimmer Aminator, and
Speaker 2: the Radium Aminator, all of which operated on a similar
Speaker 2: principle that you simply PLoP them into water you were
Speaker 2: about to drink. These devices, collectively dubbed eminators, were typically
Speaker 2: manufactured from carnotite or a primary ore of uranium. The
Speaker 2: uranium would gradually decompose, producing radium and radon gas in turn,
Speaker 2: which then infuse the water to make it radioactive. So
Speaker 2: you just dump in some uranium in your water to
Speaker 2: take like a sip. You know that's what you need, right,
Speaker 2: you know, just a little bit of uranium. It's good
Speaker 2: for you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, callie, Yes, don't disrespect it.
Speaker 2: Thank you, oh man, Yeah, that it does sound and
Speaker 2: one of the things that's weird. I haven't found a
Speaker 2: good explanation of this, but a lot of people report
Speaker 2: they feel better, they feel invigorated, they feel energized when
Speaker 2: they start consuming this stuff, and a lot of that
Speaker 2: is certainly has to be the placebo effect. I do
Speaker 2: wonder if maybe like there's a physical just because of
Speaker 2: it's doing shit like it. Maybe there's some sort of
Speaker 2: weird high that comes from taking radiation in this way.
Speaker 2: I don't know how you would like study or prove
Speaker 2: that objectively, but a lot of people do seem to
Speaker 2: report like, yeah, I felt like I had more energy.
Speaker 2: Now all these people die horribly of cancer, like five
Speaker 2: years later, but it does seem to make people very energetically.
Speaker 4: They pass like real pep.
Speaker 2: I haven't found like a solid explanation for this, but
Speaker 2: there are enough reports that a lot of people seem
Speaker 2: to experience and maybe it is all placebo, but it
Speaker 2: seems like it's more consistent than you'd see for that.
Speaker 2: I don't know, but it does seem like people experience
Speaker 2: some like beneficial like they feel good on this stuff
Speaker 2: for a while, So maybe there is some sort of
Speaker 2: weird high you get when you're poisoning your body with radiation.
Speaker 2: I don't know, but that is that is at least
Speaker 2: how people report feeling when they're on this stuff right now.
Speaker 2: If you're making health products in the early nineteen hundreds
Speaker 2: and you really want to provide people with the maximum benefit,
Speaker 2: of course, people barely drank water back then, right, it
Speaker 2: was all high balls, you know, so if you want.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like it was like stupid people would make
Speaker 3: fun of you if you drink water.
Speaker 4: Yeah, like you fucking dumb ass, square little bitch.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So and they're talking to a baby who's trying to
Speaker 3: literally drink milk out of its mother's teat.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they were just like.
Speaker 4: You were, dumb ass. Where's your fucking Manhattan?
Speaker 2: I do say that to babies often. But so, if
Speaker 2: you want people to get enough radiation in the early
Speaker 2: nineteen hundreds, water is not your best bet. Cigarettes are.
Speaker 2: And so the good people at the a but Shari
Speaker 2: Tobacco Company and bod in Germany started producing the world's
Speaker 2: first radium laced cigarettes for when you really want to
Speaker 2: give your lung cancer some chest hair, right like that
Speaker 2: lung cancer is not doing enough on its own. You
Speaker 2: gotta you gotta really puck fucking pump those numbers up.
Speaker 2: That's some wookie lung cancer you got. Now, that is insane.
Speaker 2: That is like one of the craziest things I've ever heard.
Speaker 2: But the craziest thing is that, like, while these radium
Speaker 2: cigarettes had a lot more radium than normal cigarettes, cigarettes
Speaker 2: already have radium in them. Cigarettes actually have like more
Speaker 2: radium than you would guess in them, Like all of
Speaker 2: our cigarettes are to some extent radioactive. I did not
Speaker 2: know this. I actually found this idea. Yeah, I'm going
Speaker 2: to quote for an explanation. I'm going to quote from
Speaker 2: an article on the EPA's website. Naturally occurring radium found
Speaker 2: in the soil and from fertilizers can be taken up
Speaker 2: by the roots of the tobacco plant. Radium radioactively decays
Speaker 2: to release rate on gas, which then rises from the
Speaker 2: soil around the plants. Rate on later decays into the
Speaker 2: radioactive elements led to tin and polonium two ten. As
Speaker 2: the plant grows, the rate on from fertilizer, along with
Speaker 2: naturally occurring rate on decay products and surrounding soil and rocks,
Speaker 2: cling to the sticky hairs on the bottom of the
Speaker 2: tobacco leaves called trichomees. Rain does not wash them away.
Speaker 2: Polonium two tin is an alpha emitter and carries the
Speaker 2: most risks. Cigarettes made from this tobacco still contain these
Speaker 2: radioactive elements. The radioactive particles settle in smokers lungs, where
Speaker 2: they continue to build up as long as the person smokes.
Speaker 2: Over time, the radiation can damage the lungs and can
Speaker 2: contribute to lung cancer. And like one of the things
Speaker 2: like radon heavy fertilizer is often used by the tobacco industry.
Speaker 2: I think they from what I've read, it makes for
Speaker 2: like bigger yields, And it is like research has found
Speaker 2: that if you are smoking tobacco with lots of radon
Speaker 2: in it, you are at a higher risk of lung
Speaker 2: cancer than normal obviously the non smokers, but the normal smokers. Right,
Speaker 2: it's like if you have two it's the same thing
Speaker 2: if you're like getting exposed to rad on because you're
Speaker 2: in like a basement that hasn't been mitigated. If you're
Speaker 2: a non smoker, you are less likely to get cancer
Speaker 2: from that than a smoker who was also exposed to radon,
Speaker 2: Like the two the risks compound upon each other. Right,
Speaker 2: I had no idea of that, but I guess cigarettes
Speaker 2: are all radioactive, So that's cool.
Speaker 3: I'm literally used to like run a student organization in
Speaker 3: college that, like a lot of what we did was
Speaker 3: anti Philip Morris action. And I knew all this other
Speaker 3: shit about them. Did not know this?
Speaker 2: Yeah, neither did I wild Yeah, so that's cool. All
Speaker 2: of this brings me to the story of our actual
Speaker 2: bastard for the episode, William John Aloysius Bailey. That is,
Speaker 2: we have We do have a.
Speaker 3: Speca a name. I refuse to hate a name, a
Speaker 3: man that has eloquishes in.
Speaker 2: His as I know, Aloish's fucking nonsense name, right, Like,
Speaker 2: how fucking dare you so? Will Bailey born May fifth,
Speaker 2: eighteen eighty four in Boston. We have woefully little about
Speaker 2: his childhood or his early life. He seems to have
Speaker 2: come from a working class background. Probably poor would be
Speaker 2: a better way to describe it. One writer in Scientific
Speaker 2: American described him as growing up in a tough neighborhood,
Speaker 2: and he is a rough back ground. His dad, who
Speaker 2: is a cook, dies when he's very young. He has
Speaker 2: he is he dies when he he dies when will
Speaker 2: is young. But he dies after having fathered nine children, right,
Speaker 2: so he was getting it in he I couldn't have
Speaker 2: been that old, right, so he must have just been
Speaker 2: putting one out per years from the time he was
Speaker 2: like sixty, you know. Yeah, yeah, putting in work, putting
Speaker 2: in work. But this means that like his so, Will's
Speaker 2: mom is always single, she doesn't remarry, So she is
Speaker 2: on a single mother's salary fifteen bucks a week raising
Speaker 2: nine kids. I know, and I looked it up. That's
Speaker 2: about in modern terms, that's the equivalent of raising nine
Speaker 2: children on two thousand dollars a month before taxes. Like,
Speaker 2: I don't know how you do that. I have literally
Speaker 2: no idea how you do that. That's like, that's a
Speaker 2: fucking nightmare. Like that is, yeah, just horrifying to comprehend.
Speaker 2: And and like you said before that before taxes. We
Speaker 2: don't know. I haven't found much really about his mom
Speaker 2: or about his background, but like, just from what we know,
Speaker 2: she kind of sounds amazing, like she was she somehow
Speaker 2: managed to pay for William to go to a private school.
Speaker 2: Like it becomes clear that he's a really gifted kid.
Speaker 2: She manages to pay she sends him to the Boston
Speaker 2: Public Latin School, which is like the I think the
Speaker 2: oldest public school, like private school, but public is in
Speaker 2: anyone can go if they pay in the country, right,
Speaker 2: So a very prestigious institution. It is the kind of
Speaker 2: private school you send your precocious young boys to if
Speaker 2: you want them if it basically like what it's it's
Speaker 2: big reputation.
Speaker 4: It's a precocious young boys.
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you're if you've got a gifted kid and
Speaker 2: you want him to go to an Ivy League school,
Speaker 2: but you don't have family money or like like legacy admissions,
Speaker 2: that you send them here, and it like it specializes
Speaker 2: in getting these kids ready for the Ivys. He does
Speaker 2: really well. He graduates high school twelfth in his class,
Speaker 2: and he and his mom basically have a goal of
Speaker 2: getting him admitted to Harvard. He does not do great
Speaker 2: on the entrance exam, particularly his science stuff is bad,
Speaker 2: but he gets accepted anyway, and he enters Harvard as
Speaker 2: a freshman in nineteen oh three. Again, we don't know
Speaker 2: a lot about what was going through this dude's head
Speaker 2: as a kid. From what we know about his background,
Speaker 2: the poverty and struggle that his mom has to go through.
Speaker 2: I think we can infer he grew up used to
Speaker 2: being very poor and fucking hating it. Right, this guy's goal,
Speaker 2: I want to go to Harvard. I want to like,
Speaker 2: I want to make something of myself. I don't want
Speaker 2: to be poor. I'm not going to do and like
Speaker 2: whatever I have to do to make money is going
Speaker 2: to be okay. Right, that's the uh, that's the conclusion
Speaker 2: this guy comes to. And obviously while he's in college,
Speaker 2: while he's sort of like starting to his formal education,
Speaker 2: it's the same period that all of these discoveries about
Speaker 2: radiation are happening. They're figuring out how you know about
Speaker 2: raidum on in Hot Springs. The curies are doing a
Speaker 2: lot of their work. So this is all kind of
Speaker 2: a boom period both for public fascination and what seems
Speaker 2: to be this miraculous new scientific discovery. And also the
Speaker 2: early nineteen hundreds is the boom period of what's called
Speaker 2: patent medication, which is basically random pills and elixirs that
Speaker 2: could be claimed to do anything because the FDA didn't
Speaker 2: really do a lot back then.
Speaker 3: That's what I'm saying, y'ah.
Speaker 2: Snake oil, Yeah, yeah, he's he's coming of age in
Speaker 2: the snake oil era. And while you know he's a
Speaker 2: smart kid, his grades are good. At Harvard, he's always
Speaker 2: struggling to afford to stay there. Right, And after about
Speaker 2: three semesters of increasing financial difficulties, William Bailey has a realization,
Speaker 2: which is, why do I want to finish college when
Speaker 2: the really valuable thing is just having the degree. I've
Speaker 2: been to Harvard enough that I can talk convincingly about it, right,
Speaker 2: I can just drop out and lie. You know, it's
Speaker 2: nineteen oh three, nobody's got the internet. Nobody's going to
Speaker 2: be able to check up on me, right, I just
Speaker 2: fake bloom. Yeah, you get all the benefits of glass.
Speaker 4: Fuck you Harvard. Yeah you can say did whatever?
Speaker 3: And O?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: How are what are they calling Harvard?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, the Harvard CoP's gonna come after me. Fuck it.
Speaker 2: I'll just lie exactly. So he moves to New York City.
Speaker 2: He gets a job at an import export business, editing
Speaker 2: their catalog, and he spends his free time scheming his
Speaker 2: earliest plot. Now that he's in this import export he's
Speaker 2: dealing with like international trade and stuff, he decides he
Speaker 2: thinks he can convince the federal government to appoint him
Speaker 2: to be the unofficial US trade ambassador to the Emperor
Speaker 2: of China. Again, he's like twenty, that's that's kind of ambitious.
Speaker 2: You know, I don't know hows are sky? Yeah, he
Speaker 2: starts with a big one, and he decides to try
Speaker 2: to do this. He spends hours, all of his free
Speaker 2: time basically writing and sending letters to god knows like
Speaker 2: huge numbers of US government officials, right, and he's just
Speaker 2: like laying out, here's how I would modernize trade with China.
Speaker 2: You know, here's what I'll do if you guys make
Speaker 2: me this, which, like, again he doesn't know these people.
Speaker 2: He has never visited China, he knows nothing about it.
Speaker 2: This does not go anywhere, right, People do not buy
Speaker 2: buy into making him the ambassador. So he gives this
Speaker 2: scheme up and he starts traveling. He starts living on
Speaker 2: the road basically just like going to different countries, lying
Speaker 2: about his background, and you know, getting whatever job it
Speaker 2: seems is going to get him the most money. This
Speaker 2: kind of ends in nineteen fourteen when he is in
Speaker 2: Russia working with the Tsar's government, like consulting on oil
Speaker 2: drilling operations. He has absolutely no experience here. He does
Speaker 2: not know what he's doing. But he's good at lying
Speaker 2: to the czar. So you know, that's a useful sat
Speaker 2: that will get you far, that will get you very
Speaker 2: far for about more years.
Speaker 3: At this point, man, you will most likely get murdered.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and then the Bolsheviks will kill you, yes, yeah.
Speaker 2: But he's smarter than the czar because when the war
Speaker 2: breaks out, you know, being a fairly observant person, you
Speaker 2: get the feeling this guy understands people pretty well. He
Speaker 2: decides quickly, Russia's not going to be safe much longer.
Speaker 2: Heads right on back to the United States. He gets
Speaker 2: a job working in a machine shop, and he would
Speaker 2: claim in his letters.
Speaker 3: Now, at any point in history, if you make that proclamation,
Speaker 3: you will be right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Russia's Russia might not be safe anymore.
Speaker 2: Always a good call, truly. So he decides, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: you know, he's He gets back home and he starts
Speaker 2: sending letters, you know, to his former classmates from Harvard,
Speaker 2: all of whom are you know, in their upper class
Speaker 2: careers and shit, and he just starts lying telling them
Speaker 2: that he's invented patents for like motor vehicles, moving pictures,
Speaker 2: armor plates. He starts claiming to have invented a magneto generator.
Speaker 2: Don't fully know what that is. He's just kind of
Speaker 2: like lying about.
Speaker 4: Elizabeth Holmes one point zero.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, yes, he very much is that kind of guy. Now,
Speaker 2: what he's really doing is launching his career as a
Speaker 2: con artist. He founds a company called the Carnegie Engineering Corporation.
Speaker 2: He has enough knowledge about industry terms about like because
Speaker 2: he's worked in sort of machine shops that he can
Speaker 2: kind of fill out a convincing face business prospectus, and
Speaker 2: he uses the name Carnegie because the Carnegie family are
Speaker 2: like the most famous industrial dynasty in the country at
Speaker 2: the time, so he just like sticks their name on
Speaker 2: his business because he figures like, yeah, yeah, smart, he
Speaker 2: knows what he's doing. And then he starts advertising, putting
Speaker 2: up ads and papers being like, for just you know,
Speaker 2: I'm selling a six hundred dollars mail order automobile and
Speaker 2: you can do it on credit. So you spit, send
Speaker 2: me a fifty dollars deposit, I'll ship you the automobile
Speaker 2: and you'll pay it back later. Right wo seems like
Speaker 2: a great deal, right, you know? You get a car
Speaker 2: for fifty bucks. That's not bad. Back me up, Sign
Speaker 2: me up. Of course, there was no factory and no
Speaker 2: mail order carre. Yeah, he's just lying, but thousands of
Speaker 2: Rubes send him their hard earned money and he makes up.
Speaker 2: He makes a good amount of money off of this.
Speaker 4: Some of us are not Rubes.
Speaker 3: We just thought that that sounded like a really great deal,
Speaker 3: and like that that car sounded awesome. So whatever catafor.
Speaker 2: He did kind of do a tesla where he's can't
Speaker 2: pay me a little bit of money in front of it.
Speaker 2: There's totally a car coming. You'll get your cyber trucks soon.
Speaker 2: So according to the Journal of the American Medical Association quote,
Speaker 2: the supposed factory turned out to be an abandoned sawmill
Speaker 2: with one box of tools and three stenographers. This gets
Speaker 2: found out when like he gets the ftc comes after him,
Speaker 2: basically right, he gets arrested on December fourteenth of nineteen fifteen.
Speaker 2: He's convicted of fraud, and he spends thirty days in jail.
Speaker 2: Like most conmen in similar positions, getting caught and being
Speaker 2: given a slap on the wrist merely convinced him to
Speaker 2: be more careful next time. So we opt to go
Speaker 2: for a real product, now not a product that works, right,
Speaker 2: but an actual physical item his customers will receive so
Speaker 2: that it's harder for them to complain to the FTC.
Speaker 3: He's like, what I've learned is I need to be
Speaker 3: a better con artist? Thank you?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: They really Shancarceration doesn't really fix no anything.
Speaker 2: No, I figured for a guy like this. I feel
Speaker 2: the same thing about Elizabeth Holmes because I don't think
Speaker 2: we're getting any safer by keeping her in a prison
Speaker 2: for eleven years. You tattoo on their face con artist, right,
Speaker 2: that that should mitigate the danger, Right, they can stay free.
Speaker 2: Just everyone has to know that's a con artist whenever
Speaker 2: they walk past, you know.
Speaker 3: I mean, at the very least, maybe attach it to
Speaker 3: like every credit check, every whatever you should possibly on
Speaker 3: the person, you know, because otherwise, like what, they're just
Speaker 3: learning how to be better criminals in jail. It's like,
Speaker 3: I'm not really I don't think they need the help.
Speaker 2: Yeah, or we have, like, you know, instead of using
Speaker 2: the FBI for you know, entrapping random people at mosques,
Speaker 2: we have a federal agent follow every con artist and
Speaker 2: every conversation they have. They walk up afterwards and say
Speaker 2: she's full of shit, like just absolutely full of shit,
Speaker 2: like whatever she said to you, fucking lie, do not
Speaker 2: give this person any money.
Speaker 4: That would be actually the sickest job.
Speaker 2: I think that might work. Actually, Yeah, like you.
Speaker 3: Just come with individual like interesting ways to tell the
Speaker 3: person the same news. Yeah that that fucking person that
Speaker 3: you're on detail whether or whatever for is like they're
Speaker 3: con artists. But you just like, one time it'll be
Speaker 3: a singing telegram, one time it'll be balloons, Like you'll
Speaker 3: get a flash mob going, you'll do the robot like,
Speaker 3: I don't know, you could just really go crazy.
Speaker 2: You couldn't. I think, you know how, there's always I'm
Speaker 2: sure you have a few of these people in your life.
Speaker 2: I do like certain people are just like inherently trustworthy
Speaker 2: and like everyone likes them. Like you send out like
Speaker 2: NFL scouts to the colleges and be like, hmmm, oh Chris,
Speaker 2: everybody likes Chris. Everybody trusts Chris. Chris. You want a gig,
Speaker 2: America needs you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Chris is just saluting on his way.
Speaker 2: To But but Will Bailey has just learned how to
Speaker 2: be a better conn artist. So the next product that
Speaker 2: he picks is a patent medication called Lazzi Go like
Speaker 2: Las Dashi dash Go. Lazzi Go for superb Manhood is
Speaker 2: the full name of the product. And as you may
Speaker 2: have guessed, it's a boner drug, right, And yeah, obviously
Speaker 2: when you think boners, what chemical do you think?
Speaker 3: Radium?
Speaker 2: Oh? No, strychnine. Strychnine. He's not in the radium yet. Oh,
Speaker 2: these are just strychnine boner dis Yeah, that's why basically
Speaker 2: dick nine right, you know, that's what we call it
Speaker 2: is because it's so fucking good for the bonus. Now,
Speaker 2: giving people strict nine pills for erections seems dangerous and insane,
Speaker 2: but it was also pretty common in patent medications of
Speaker 2: the day. And I want to quote from an article
Speaker 2: I found hosted by the Buckley Valley Museum, and this
Speaker 2: is one such medicine from the Buckley Valley Museum's collection
Speaker 2: is a bottle of Fellows compound syrup of hypho phosphts,
Speaker 2: invented by James Fellows, a Saint John new Brunswick drug
Speaker 2: merchant in the late eighteen hundreds. This remedy was widely
Speaker 2: sold to doctors to dispense the patients, as well as
Speaker 2: directly over the counter in pharmacies. Fellows's compound was considered
Speaker 2: an excellent recuperative tonic that could be used as a
Speaker 2: treatment for anemia, neurasthenia, bronchitis, influenza, pulmonary tuberculosis, and wasting
Speaker 2: diseases of childhood. Like, oh yeah, your kid's not putting
Speaker 2: on weight. Strict nine will help with that little bit
Speaker 2: of stryct nine.
Speaker 3: You know, I'm sorry, wasting diseases of childhood. I'm gonna
Speaker 3: get that as like a bumper sticker.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, don't hog at me. I'm suffering from
Speaker 4: wasting diseases of childhood.
Speaker 3: Childhood.
Speaker 2: Now, if you're not a chemist, Strict nine is what
Speaker 2: we put in rat poison, right, it is very toxic.
Speaker 2: You should not ingest it, specifically, not in quantities. Despite
Speaker 2: its potential toxicity, Fellows's compound was manufactured and sold throughout
Speaker 2: the early nineteen hundreds. And what I found in that article, like,
Speaker 2: because again they have like a bottle of this at
Speaker 2: this museum, They're like our Fellows' compound bottle still contains
Speaker 2: its original liquid, making it a somewhat hazardous artifact to
Speaker 2: keep in our collection staff deal with this hazard by
Speaker 2: wearing nylon gloves whenever they handle the bottle. So it's
Speaker 2: still dangerous enough that you gotta wear ppe to hold this.
Speaker 2: They were just selling it to kids who are coughing. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's cool. So alas for William, the law caught onto
Speaker 2: his strict nine boner pill scheme and he was fined
Speaker 2: two hundred dollars plus costs for yeah, selling drinking rat poison.
Speaker 4: That's just not enough.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, not enough, no not, And it doesn't stop him.
Speaker 2: All it does is it makes him think, like, all right,
Speaker 2: clearly there's good money to be made in selling people
Speaker 2: dick pills, and you know, I am Also he's also
Speaker 2: getting increasingly interested in like, people are really obsessed with
Speaker 2: the indocrine system in this period, we're just starting to
Speaker 2: understand what it is. So he's like, I bet all
Speaker 2: problems are caused by issues of the indocrine system. I
Speaker 2: wonder I want to sell ways people can boost their
Speaker 2: indocrine function, you know. Now he's also aware that a
Speaker 2: lot of radium based patent medications are being released, and
Speaker 2: he's like, that seems like the fucking business to be in.
Speaker 2: Speaking of the business to be in whatever business is
Speaker 2: sponsoring our podcast is the business to be in love it.
Speaker 2: We're back. So at the turn of the decade nineteen twenty,
Speaker 2: radiation therapy was still At this point, it's a bigger
Speaker 2: market in Europe than it is in the US because
Speaker 2: Europe is where a lot of radiation research starts, and
Speaker 2: over in Europe can get radioactive candies that are like
Speaker 2: adverts like it'll make your teeth glow, which is great. Shit,
Speaker 2: oh my god, fun.
Speaker 3: I'm just picturing those Instagram ads, you know. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: they're always just like selling the teeth whitening shit.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, I mean that is exactly like how
Speaker 2: they're kind of marketing it, right. They're selling you know, liniments, potions, gadgets,
Speaker 2: a lot of different wild shit. But the tipping point
Speaker 2: for US based radium medication therapy is a tour of
Speaker 2: the States that Marie Curie takes in nineteen twenty one. Now,
Speaker 2: obviously Curi's a real scientist. I don't think she's a
Speaker 2: bad person. She's not trying to ignite like a scam
Speaker 2: medicine radiation industry.
Speaker 4: You're opening was She's a real person.
Speaker 2: I don't think she's a bad she's real sorry, real scientist.
Speaker 2: So she starts writing. She basically does this big tour
Speaker 2: of the US where she's like writing on a train
Speaker 2: and like giving speeches all over the place that he
Speaker 2: stops about like all of the potential that these different
Speaker 2: radioactive compounds and elements have in medicine, a whole bunch
Speaker 2: of other things. Right, this is the birth of like
Speaker 2: nuclear science basically. So she's she's talking a lot about
Speaker 2: that kind of shit. She's very charismatic, she's well spoken,
Speaker 2: and she gets people excited. Again. The hype is a
Speaker 2: lot like the hype for you know, AI or whatever.
Speaker 2: The problem with this and this isn't really her fault,
Speaker 2: but because she's such a good hype woman, a lot
Speaker 2: of dummies get convinced that radiation should belong in everything,
Speaker 2: and grifters like will Bailey realized that like if I
Speaker 2: slept just like how like there's like pepsi now that
Speaker 2: says made with AI on the fucking bottle. Grifters realize like,
Speaker 2: oh shit, if we just stick with this has radiation
Speaker 2: in it, people will buy even more of this. They'll
Speaker 2: pay a fucking premium. Now it's possible. William Bailey Metcuri
Speaker 2: at some point. We don't actually know that, but he
Speaker 2: was clearly inspired by her work, and his own dabbling
Speaker 2: with radiation therapy escalates. Right after her nineteen twenty one tour,
Speaker 2: Bailey produces and circulates a translation of Curie's groundbreaking nineteen
Speaker 2: ten two volume book Treatise on Radioactivity, which is what
Speaker 2: she got her second Nobel Prize for, and he establishes
Speaker 2: a company associated Radium Chemists, Incorporated, which starts firing out
Speaker 2: various radioactive medications. There was dax, a cough suppressant, claps,
Speaker 2: an influenza treatment that profited off of the still present
Speaker 2: terror of the recent nineteen eighteen pandemic, and then of
Speaker 2: course arim which is marketed as a weight loss Here
Speaker 2: this one might have worked because if you do I
Speaker 2: radiate yourself enough, you will get skinny.
Speaker 3: I mean yeah, like the more flesh falls away from you,
Speaker 3: fucking bones. Yeah, the skinner'll week he'll be not yoursto
Speaker 3: literally on.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So at this point there's not a lot to
Speaker 2: differentiate Bailey from all of the other grifters selling radium medications.
Speaker 2: Right every quack doctor and professional poisoner is racing to
Speaker 2: market new irradiated supplements.
Speaker 3: Hate it when I'm trying to scam and then everyone
Speaker 3: is the same way.
Speaker 4: I want Tony the only scammers.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Tragic. Now this is a time of astonishing creativity
Speaker 2: in the field of causing new and curable cancers. Perhaps
Speaker 2: the most reckless example of this was the radium eclipse sprayer.
Speaker 2: This is a pesticide gun that operates on the brilliant
Speaker 2: principle of killing insects by irradiating absolutely everything in your
Speaker 2: home and garden. One ad brag that it quickly kills
Speaker 2: all flies, mosquitoes, roaches. It has no equal as a
Speaker 2: cleanerough furniture, porcelain tile. It is harmless to humans and
Speaker 2: easy to use. I don't know about that. Certainly not
Speaker 2: harmless to humans, but yeah, it's basically just a radiation spray.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Home Products, a Denver based company, has the cunning plan
Speaker 2: to combine animal gland supplements, which at the time are
Speaker 2: being marketed by the likes of Bastard Plot alumni John Brinkley,
Speaker 2: the Goatball Doctor. So basically this is like the liver
Speaker 2: King shit where it's like organ meat is a super food.
Speaker 2: They're mixing organ meat and radium to produce one of
Speaker 2: the most Yeah.
Speaker 4: A perfect hot dog.
Speaker 2: Two tastes too great together. They call their product Vita Radium,
Speaker 2: and Home Products claimed it would help weak, discouraged men
Speaker 2: bubble over with joyous fatality. So again, it's a dick pill, right,
Speaker 2: you know now, I know what you want to know.
Speaker 2: It's not a pill, Sophia, because I know what you're wondering.
Speaker 2: How would you take a radiation in organ meat speedball? Right?
Speaker 2: Because that's what this is. I'm going to quote from
Speaker 2: the book Quackery here. I was not ready to learn this.
Speaker 2: The men who had the unfortunate experience of taking Vita
Speaker 2: radium certainly bubbled over with something. Because those radium supplements
Speaker 2: were suppositor radium suppositories, the patients were literally putting radium
Speaker 2: up their own asses. The women, however, had it worse.
Speaker 2: In an effort to combat the eternal feminine problem of
Speaker 2: sexual indifference, Home Products produced women's special suppositories. When inserted vaginally,
Speaker 2: these radium suppositories were claimed to cure all manner of
Speaker 2: sexual afflictions and once more, reinvigorate their sexual appetites. Your
Speaker 2: wife doesn't want to fuck, shove some radium upper hoho ha.
Speaker 3: I, it's like already bad enough just being a woman
Speaker 3: during that time, but now I also have to have
Speaker 3: a fucking nuclear pussy.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you got a nucure vagina for sure.
Speaker 3: You know, like my uterinelining already sheds now, like the
Speaker 3: rest of my internal organs will just shed right out
Speaker 3: of my pussy. Yeah, that's that's cool for me.
Speaker 2: One of my ovaries popped right out and just started
Speaker 2: walking around. The bills must be working in my hand.
Speaker 2: So the praud. The primary issue with these different products,
Speaker 2: outside of the fact that they're incredibly dangerous, was that
Speaker 2: they're not cheap.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: Radium is it's not common, right, it's rare and expensive,
Speaker 2: and you know, so is like yeah, uranium or like
Speaker 2: only the very wealthy can afford, for example, that full
Speaker 2: uranium cistern for their family kitchen. So most people who
Speaker 2: were selling, yeah, most purveyors of recreational radiation products were
Speaker 2: either marketing them just to rich people they were like
Speaker 2: premium products, or if they were affordable, it's because the
Speaker 2: company led about the product being radioactive, which in this
Speaker 2: case is a real good thing, you know, right, what
Speaker 2: you want.
Speaker 4: Into something good?
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's not how people see it at the time,
Speaker 2: and I'm going to quote from the Journal of the
Speaker 2: American Medical Association again. Pharmacope used from the nineteen twenties
Speaker 2: listed dozens of patent medications that supposedly contain small amounts
Speaker 2: of radioactive materials. Paradoxically, most of the governmental regulatory intervention
Speaker 2: in the growing field of radiopharmaceutical nostrums was limited to
Speaker 2: prosecuting patent medicine manufacturers who supposedly radioactive preparations were found
Speaker 2: to give off only background levels of radiation. So the
Speaker 2: FDID goes the FDA goes after people, but just because
Speaker 2: they're not putting enough poison in the meds. This isn't
Speaker 2: deadly enough. You're not going to give them any kind
Speaker 2: of crazy cancer with this.
Speaker 4: Honey, expect this woman's pussy to them.
Speaker 2: God, the FDA has one goal, and it's making sha
Speaker 2: people continue to get new kinds of vaginal cancers.
Speaker 3: So on myself and becomes a literal tarnis I don't
Speaker 3: we succeeded.
Speaker 2: So Bailey and some of his peers in the patent
Speaker 2: medicine industry are disturbed. Bailey particularly is a real He
Speaker 2: does seem to be a true believer in radiation, but
Speaker 2: he radiates himself quite a bit. So he is frustrated
Speaker 2: by like how many of these products are cons right,
Speaker 2: and so he starts working on a solution to this problem,
Speaker 2: an affordable economic way of exposing yourself to the equivalent
Speaker 2: of several dozen X rays each morning. This is where
Speaker 2: he would find his fortune and rack up his highest
Speaker 2: body count. But we're going to talk about that in
Speaker 2: part two. Sophia, Oh shit, hang in. Yeah, yeah, so
Speaker 2: you got anything to plug before we roll out apart one?
Speaker 4: Yeah, thank you for asking.
Speaker 3: I have a new Patreon It's the Sophia a Lexandra Project.
Speaker 3: So go to patreon dot com slash Sophia Alexandra and
Speaker 3: there I will be posting writing and videos and other
Speaker 3: really dope stuff.
Speaker 2: So go there, face well, go there or be square,
Speaker 2: you know. Thanks And obviously Sophia and I. You can
Speaker 2: subscribe to the show ad free at cooler Zone Media. Also,
Speaker 2: if you go to a cool Zone Health product dot com,
Speaker 2: we're released of a new supplement line. You know, everything
Speaker 2: you need to stay healthy, to stay energized. It's honestly, folks,
Speaker 2: It's just a fifty to fifty mix of uranium dust
Speaker 2: and cocaine. So you know, you'll have energy. You're gonna
Speaker 2: get fascinating new cancers, cancers. We're working on some cancers
Speaker 2: that people have never seen before. Doctors are very excited
Speaker 2: about about our uranium cocaine.
Speaker 3: It gonna be frenzy of that part in what hot
Speaker 3: American somewhere where they're like going into town and she's like, hey,
Speaker 3: get me some lube for my pussy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we've got an uranium loob. It's just just you
Speaker 2: know what. You can either use it as lube for
Speaker 2: sex or you can run a new clear reactor off
Speaker 2: of it. It works for both. No longer will you
Speaker 2: have to go two different places for that.
Speaker 4: Get you a girl who can do both, I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Listeners often ask me like, what would happen if I
Speaker 1: didn't interrupt Robert during one of those things? And honeys now, you.
Speaker 2: Know, yeah, it's not good. You're radium. We get it
Speaker 2: straight from the source. I go to Chernobyl, I dig
Speaker 2: up some Chernobyl dirt. I mix it with some fucking
Speaker 2: you know, industrial horse lube. Bada bing baya boom. We're
Speaker 2: good to go.
Speaker 3: Hey, I summer near Chernobyl when I was a kid,
Speaker 3: So I just have it inside my body.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Robert throwing, throwing, throwing an eel give that promo code.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we'll eel up a horse. We'll do it all, baby,
Speaker 2: We'll do it all anyway. See you all Thursday.
Speaker 4: Don't listen to Robert Bye.
Speaker 1: Behind the Bastards is a production of cool Zone Media.
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