WEBVTT - Stress Over Gift Giving + Toxic Masculinity 0:00:00.320 --> 0:00:02.240 As far as like him being able to go into it. 0:00:02.320 --> 0:00:07.280 If I die, he wouldn't be able to. Bella knows 0:00:07.320 --> 0:00:09.400 all my passwords, you know what I call them. That's 0:00:09.400 --> 0:00:15.920 a cleanup crew. I'm Honey German. My parents are Dominican. 0:00:16.000 --> 0:00:17.920 I was born and raised in New York City. I 0:00:17.960 --> 0:00:22.000 love sneakers and I'm a body positive advocate. I'm Carolina Bermudez, 0:00:23.640 --> 0:00:26.720 but i was born and raised in Ohio. I'm a wife, 0:00:26.880 --> 0:00:30.960 a mama, and a worker being. This is life is English, 0:00:31.360 --> 0:00:33.559 and we are back. I'm Honey German and I am 0:00:33.640 --> 0:00:36.360 Carolina Bermudez, and we are ready to do this. Are 0:00:36.400 --> 0:00:39.000 you ready? I'm ready? Are you holiday ready? That's the 0:00:39.080 --> 0:00:41.959 question I want to ask you, girl? We were? This 0:00:42.040 --> 0:00:44.320 is the thing? Okay, No, you first, because how many 0:00:44.320 --> 0:00:45.879 people do you have to buy for? I feel like 0:00:45.920 --> 0:00:48.519 you have a bigger family. So then like, do you 0:00:48.600 --> 0:00:51.199 have an actual total of people that you're doing. I'm 0:00:51.200 --> 0:00:53.920 probably doing like eighteen, I'm doing kids, and then I'm 0:00:53.920 --> 0:00:56.520 doing everybody that really like part of my life in 0:00:56.560 --> 0:00:58.120 some way, shape or form. So I'm doing like my 0:00:58.160 --> 0:01:00.840 hair girl, my makeup girl, my nail But you have 0:01:00.880 --> 0:01:03.400 consistent people that I do. Yeah, yeah, these are like 0:01:03.440 --> 0:01:05.560 my right hands. And then I'm doing like everybody who 0:01:05.600 --> 0:01:09.040 works on my Sunday show, my my producer, my board op. 0:01:09.160 --> 0:01:11.319 So I my list was long, but for many years 0:01:11.319 --> 0:01:13.840 my list was only children. But I feel like I've 0:01:13.840 --> 0:01:16.480 had such an amazing year thanks to old these people 0:01:16.520 --> 0:01:18.840 that I have in my life. It's great that I 0:01:18.880 --> 0:01:20.640 want to give back and I want to make them 0:01:20.680 --> 0:01:23.319 feel special. Well, I haven't done a damn thing. I 0:01:23.360 --> 0:01:27.839 have not do, not purchased one gift. Honka is now 0:01:28.959 --> 0:01:34.320 and my husband, God bless him, said you didn't get anything, Ronica. 0:01:34.480 --> 0:01:39.440 I was like, uh, really, it's it's it's like today, 0:01:39.480 --> 0:01:42.520 it's happening now, what are you talking about? So I 0:01:42.560 --> 0:01:45.280 would frantically get things for my kids, but like, honestly 0:01:45.319 --> 0:01:49.800 for Christmas, definitely not Christmas ready. But I'm not alone. 0:01:49.800 --> 0:01:52.840 I feel like anybody who might be like listening right now. 0:01:52.880 --> 0:01:54.760 I feel like there are some people who are very 0:01:54.760 --> 0:01:57.960 strategic and they have their lists, and I just feel 0:01:57.960 --> 0:02:03.440 like life was so crazy easy that Cyber Monday, I 0:02:03.480 --> 0:02:05.800 was trying to like buy a bunch of stuff, and 0:02:05.800 --> 0:02:07.120 then I was going to the car the H and 0:02:07.240 --> 0:02:09.240 M site kept crashing. Sorry, but I'm gonna throwing under 0:02:09.240 --> 0:02:11.040 the bus h and m and um. And every time 0:02:11.040 --> 0:02:12.880 I would go to my cart, it was like things 0:02:12.880 --> 0:02:15.320 were missing because then they were sold, so it was 0:02:15.440 --> 0:02:18.520 I got so frustrated. I was like, no, no, I'm 0:02:18.520 --> 0:02:21.079 going to devote like one day because I just don't 0:02:21.120 --> 0:02:22.480 know how that. Are you going to devote one day 0:02:22.480 --> 0:02:24.000 and go to the stores? Are you going to devote 0:02:24.000 --> 0:02:26.200 one day and go online? Let's not go crazy. I'm 0:02:26.200 --> 0:02:28.200 gonna do one day and I'm just gonna like look 0:02:28.200 --> 0:02:30.399 at my entire list, and I want to be thoughtful 0:02:30.440 --> 0:02:33.040 with my gift giving because I don't like just giving 0:02:33.040 --> 0:02:34.800 a gift just to give it to like cross that 0:02:34.840 --> 0:02:37.639 person off the list. You know. I'm kind of like 0:02:37.720 --> 0:02:40.560 I prepared this year and I asked people like, what 0:02:40.560 --> 0:02:42.560 what do you thinking? Did you really what do you want? 0:02:42.919 --> 0:02:44.560 The only thing that I did prepare is that there 0:02:44.560 --> 0:02:48.239 are thirteen children in our family, all of the grandchildren, 0:02:48.320 --> 0:02:50.600 and so I said to my brothers and sisters, I'm like, look, 0:02:50.639 --> 0:02:53.040 we all end up getting gifts for the kids that 0:02:53.120 --> 0:02:54.760 it's like, oh, what is your kid? And do what 0:02:54.840 --> 0:02:56.440 are they? You know, and we don't know what each 0:02:56.480 --> 0:02:58.440 one because we all live so far apart, I said, 0:02:58.440 --> 0:03:03.160 why don't we just do gift hearts everybody. That's a 0:03:03.200 --> 0:03:04.880 good idea, and then we say to them, you get 0:03:04.919 --> 0:03:07.600 to spend it anyway you want. If you want to 0:03:07.600 --> 0:03:09.440 spend it on gaming, if you want to spend it 0:03:09.480 --> 0:03:12.000 on going to the movies with your friends. That's from 0:03:12.080 --> 0:03:15.919 your family and they want you to enjoy that. So yeah, 0:03:15.960 --> 0:03:17.600 but then also, you know, you get the kids their 0:03:17.639 --> 0:03:20.040 gifts and stuff like that. But I feel like your 0:03:20.080 --> 0:03:23.040 husband might be onto you as far as what does 0:03:23.080 --> 0:03:24.880 he check? Like does he say, like, do you guys 0:03:24.880 --> 0:03:27.799 have a holiday budget? No, you don't, don't. We don't 0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:30.040 even have a joint bank account. Wait, so how do 0:03:30.080 --> 0:03:32.840 you guys do things at home? Like? Wait, like I 0:03:32.960 --> 0:03:34.280 be like I need money for the light bill and 0:03:34.280 --> 0:03:38.280 then he'll like memo it to me. You guys each other. 0:03:38.320 --> 0:03:41.600 That is so millennial. This is like the coolest thing ever. 0:03:41.920 --> 0:03:45.000 He doesn't know how much I make? What are you kidding? 0:03:45.000 --> 0:03:48.160 I sound like little John right now, Like his check 0:03:48.240 --> 0:03:50.680 is his check, my check is my check. And then um, 0:03:50.720 --> 0:03:53.080 we just split the bills. Do you guys know each 0:03:53.120 --> 0:03:58.560 other's credit scores? What's really? And we're shaming you, I'm not. 0:03:58.560 --> 0:04:00.320 I don't want no, no, no, no, I don't want 0:04:00.320 --> 0:04:02.560 anybody who's listening right now to think that I'm shaming 0:04:02.600 --> 0:04:05.160 at all. I'm just I'm not taking it that way. No, no, 0:04:05.280 --> 0:04:08.600 I'm gonna qualify this because I'm married to a financial planner. 0:04:08.680 --> 0:04:11.280 Oh so he needs to know everything that's happening. That's 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:15.280 why I'm saying this is so different for me. No, nothing, 0:04:15.360 --> 0:04:17.800 Like I shop for my family, he shops for his family. 0:04:18.000 --> 0:04:21.120 Or so it's kind of like we're very um fifty 0:04:21.160 --> 0:04:25.560 with everything. So it's like the cablebile is fifty the like. 0:04:26.320 --> 0:04:28.800 So yeah, it's very even. But we've always kind of 0:04:28.800 --> 0:04:31.960 been like that through our whole entire relationship. But he 0:04:32.040 --> 0:04:34.000 has no idea how much money you make, or how 0:04:34.040 --> 0:04:38.560 much money have in a bank? What is that retirement savings? 0:04:38.600 --> 0:04:41.200 Like nothing, It's just and we like to keep it 0:04:41.279 --> 0:04:44.360 that way. I don't know why, but it's just like 0:04:44.520 --> 0:04:46.880 it even though we're married, it kind of like still 0:04:46.880 --> 0:04:50.479 gives us a sense of being independent individuals, if that 0:04:50.560 --> 0:04:53.040 makes any sense. It's just like, you don't know how 0:04:53.080 --> 0:04:54.480 much I spend, You don't know how much I make, 0:04:54.520 --> 0:04:55.960 You don't know how much I have, but if he 0:04:56.040 --> 0:04:58.560 needs me for anything, I'm there, and if I need him, 0:04:58.560 --> 0:05:02.000 he's there. But it it's we're really big on privacy. 0:05:02.040 --> 0:05:03.960 We both have our phones with passwords, so we don't 0:05:03.960 --> 0:05:06.599 have each other's password. You don't have his password. Oh 0:05:06.640 --> 0:05:08.800 my gosh, this just happened to me the other day. 0:05:09.240 --> 0:05:11.920 So I'm getting a new car and um, my husband 0:05:12.320 --> 0:05:15.280 was communicating with the person and I said, have you 0:05:15.360 --> 0:05:18.359 spoken to this person? And he said, oh no, UM, 0:05:18.360 --> 0:05:21.279 it's on my email and I know his password to 0:05:21.320 --> 0:05:22.719 his phone. So I went over to his phone and 0:05:22.720 --> 0:05:24.200 I picked it up and then I was just like, 0:05:24.480 --> 0:05:26.960 I go, you're you're yah? Who was logged out? He's 0:05:27.000 --> 0:05:29.000 like why and I'm like I don't know. And he 0:05:29.040 --> 0:05:31.200 was like, oh, put in my password, and so I 0:05:31.240 --> 0:05:33.320 put in. I put in his password and it came 0:05:33.360 --> 0:05:35.080 up again. He was like, well, what's wrong with my phone? 0:05:35.080 --> 0:05:36.560 So we spend half the day trying to figure out 0:05:36.680 --> 0:05:40.160 we know each other's there isn't anything. Well, I'm trying 0:05:40.160 --> 0:05:42.720 to think we we do do something similar to what 0:05:42.760 --> 0:05:45.080 you guys do. But I mean as far as my phone, 0:05:45.120 --> 0:05:46.719 he picks up my phone all the time and like, 0:05:46.920 --> 0:05:49.080 I don't mind if my husband holds my phone like 0:05:49.440 --> 0:05:51.520 he looks at anything. But as far as like him 0:05:51.520 --> 0:05:53.280 being able to go into it, if I die, he 0:05:53.320 --> 0:05:58.600 wouldn't be able to. Bella knows all my passwords, you 0:05:58.640 --> 0:06:00.560 know what I call him. That's a lean up crew. 0:06:00.720 --> 0:06:05.159 Yeah everything. Don't let them know how crazy I was. 0:06:07.520 --> 0:06:11.680 My memories and pick too. That's right, because we had 0:06:11.720 --> 0:06:14.280 a problem with some pictures. Girl, please, we don't want 0:06:14.279 --> 0:06:16.960 to go there. So we do something similar to you guys. 0:06:17.000 --> 0:06:21.000 When it comes to expenses as far as holiday um expenses, um, 0:06:21.160 --> 0:06:22.880 we don't really have a holiday budget, which a lot 0:06:22.920 --> 0:06:25.040 of people do have, and I would recommend because the 0:06:25.080 --> 0:06:26.719 one thing that you don't want to do is carry 0:06:26.720 --> 0:06:29.360 debt into the next year. This is my finanity, this 0:06:29.440 --> 0:06:32.960 is my financial year. This is my this is what 0:06:33.040 --> 0:06:35.320 I've learned from my husband. If you don't have the cash, 0:06:35.360 --> 0:06:37.440 you can't buy it. That's like, that's we did our 0:06:37.480 --> 0:06:39.000 wedding like that. I'll tell you that much. We did 0:06:39.040 --> 0:06:41.840 our whole entire wedding cash. And I tell people that's 0:06:41.839 --> 0:06:43.520 one of the best things you can do, one of 0:06:43.560 --> 0:06:46.440 the best decisions you could have done. Absolutely. So my 0:06:46.640 --> 0:06:50.320 husband and I we um, we know what the other. 0:06:50.800 --> 0:06:54.000 We know what we both make and then um, we 0:06:54.120 --> 0:06:56.880 have the joint family accounts, so that takes care of 0:06:56.960 --> 0:07:00.559 like you know, mortgage insurance, cars, like kids. I've always 0:07:00.560 --> 0:07:02.240 wanted one of those things like that. We've never been 0:07:02.279 --> 0:07:03.560 able to make it to the bank. Do you know? No, 0:07:03.720 --> 0:07:05.120 you know what you need. You just need to sit 0:07:05.160 --> 0:07:07.800 down and get every bill that you guys have to 0:07:07.839 --> 0:07:09.880 pay and then just because then that that will eliminate 0:07:09.880 --> 0:07:13.200 the venmoing. No, seriously, like that that may be mad ragic. 0:07:13.200 --> 0:07:16.680 Can you vemmo me the damn grocery money? I'm telling you, 0:07:16.760 --> 0:07:18.560 I think this is like such a millennial thing and 0:07:18.600 --> 0:07:20.120 like there are people who are listening right now. I 0:07:20.120 --> 0:07:22.480 am forty years old. This is like not we have 0:07:22.560 --> 0:07:25.080 a joint bank account, and this is that's not how 0:07:25.080 --> 0:07:26.640 we do it. That doesn't mean that you're not doing 0:07:26.680 --> 0:07:28.400 it the right way the supermarket, like give me the 0:07:28.400 --> 0:07:30.600 money now before I pay it, because I'm not chasing you. 0:07:32.040 --> 0:07:34.720 So I just went the whole foods okay, So then um, 0:07:34.800 --> 0:07:36.800 what we do though. The funny thing is is that 0:07:36.840 --> 0:07:39.200 I have my my m X and he has his 0:07:39.400 --> 0:07:42.520 and then it's like he would never question me and 0:07:42.560 --> 0:07:45.520 say like, oh, would you buy you know, so it's 0:07:45.560 --> 0:07:48.160 like I can buy my own things. Like it's I 0:07:48.160 --> 0:07:50.600 don't know. I think maybe our is are set up weird. 0:07:50.920 --> 0:07:52.680 Is are set up a little bit weird because like 0:07:52.720 --> 0:07:56.280 we don't know, you know what I'm saying, Like, um no, 0:07:56.440 --> 0:07:59.360 me and my husband moved very privately in a weird way, 0:07:59.720 --> 0:08:02.280 and I think that came from us living together for 0:08:02.360 --> 0:08:05.000 so many years without being married. So it's like, okay, 0:08:05.040 --> 0:08:07.320 we're not co mingling anything because if you cheat on me, 0:08:07.360 --> 0:08:09.760 I'm kicking you out into the streets. And then we 0:08:09.800 --> 0:08:11.720 got married and it kind of stood that way. Well 0:08:11.760 --> 0:08:13.520 then that's like then you guys are kind of it's 0:08:13.520 --> 0:08:15.800 a habit. Then it's like for you guys worked in 0:08:15.840 --> 0:08:18.680 the beginning, like you formed this habit. But yeah, my 0:08:18.680 --> 0:08:21.320 my husband has been the biggest asset to me as 0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:25.400 far as financial planning because I was in order well 0:08:25.440 --> 0:08:27.360 you know what it was. I actually had a financial 0:08:27.400 --> 0:08:30.120 planner before I met him. So I had been working 0:08:30.200 --> 0:08:32.360 over at Z for a while, and um, I had 0:08:32.360 --> 0:08:34.720 a person who was like managing my money and I 0:08:35.120 --> 0:08:36.680 you know, I wasn't happy with what he was doing. 0:08:36.720 --> 0:08:38.760 And I met this guy and then I said to 0:08:38.800 --> 0:08:40.600 him after like three months of dating, was like, so, 0:08:40.640 --> 0:08:42.480 when are you gonna help me figure out I say. 0:08:42.520 --> 0:08:47.840 He was like, uh no, because I like you too much, 0:08:48.080 --> 0:08:50.079 and I don't like because they didn't want to mix 0:08:50.080 --> 0:08:51.959 the business and you were just eighty three months. So 0:08:52.000 --> 0:08:55.200 it's kind of exactly. Yes. Later it took about a 0:08:55.280 --> 0:08:57.960 year before he would do it, before he would really 0:08:57.960 --> 0:09:00.040 take me on as a client, you know. And and 0:09:00.120 --> 0:09:02.200 I said to him, and so now I'll be like, uh, 0:09:02.600 --> 0:09:05.560 when is my appointment? It's your end. I have not 0:09:05.679 --> 0:09:08.160 had time with you. I'd like to look at my 0:09:08.360 --> 0:09:12.280 assets office, I know. And then he's like he goes, 0:09:12.760 --> 0:09:14.360 he goes, we can have our meeting. I like where 0:09:14.400 --> 0:09:16.520 He's like, um, go to the bedroom. We'll talk about 0:09:16.559 --> 0:09:21.559 it exactly. But I think it's important for people to 0:09:21.600 --> 0:09:24.480 talk about finances, especially like in this day and age, 0:09:24.520 --> 0:09:27.040 and you know what it's like you can get caught 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:31.160 up in the whole, like you know, keeping track of everything, 0:09:31.200 --> 0:09:34.920 but you really do have to maintain a budget. Do 0:09:34.960 --> 0:09:38.080 you and your husband actually meet, like meet me? You 0:09:38.120 --> 0:09:40.480 know what we do? Yeah? We do? Where do you 0:09:40.480 --> 0:09:42.679 meet in the kitchen? And at least you don't go 0:09:42.720 --> 0:09:44.520 to the office. No no, no, no, no, no, I 0:09:44.520 --> 0:09:46.960 actually I love his office. Um, I would actually prefer that, 0:09:47.400 --> 0:09:49.040 but no, we sit down at the kitchen table and 0:09:49.080 --> 0:09:50.840 we'll just go through things. He'll just be like, you know, 0:09:50.880 --> 0:09:52.600 what do you what do you like? Like what you know? 0:09:52.640 --> 0:09:54.280 Where do you think you want to grow? Like what 0:09:54.320 --> 0:09:57.000 do you want to do? Like he's just he's the 0:09:57.040 --> 0:10:01.400 brains behind the operation. That's good that you actually have that. 0:10:01.520 --> 0:10:03.600 And like we talked about our goals as a couple, 0:10:03.720 --> 0:10:05.280 like where do we like, where do we want to 0:10:05.360 --> 0:10:06.680 end up? Like what do we want to do? Do 0:10:06.720 --> 0:10:08.600 we want to buy a place like we you know 0:10:08.720 --> 0:10:10.880 for the kids, And so there's just a lot of 0:10:10.880 --> 0:10:16.240 stuff doing. No, no, but you know what it's it's 0:10:16.280 --> 0:10:18.760 just different different strokes for different folks, you know. And 0:10:18.760 --> 0:10:21.040 it's like that's why I say he was the best 0:10:21.080 --> 0:10:23.160 thing that ever happened to me. And I truly mean 0:10:23.200 --> 0:10:26.559 that because like not even just from a emotional perspective 0:10:26.640 --> 0:10:29.400 or a love perspective, but it's just like mentally he's 0:10:29.480 --> 0:10:32.120 challenged me, he's introduced me to new things. He's really 0:10:32.160 --> 0:10:36.240 like helped me grow as a person. But yeah, yeah, 0:10:36.760 --> 0:10:40.559 I'll I'll hook you up. You know, it's crazy, Like 0:10:40.600 --> 0:10:41.960 all the time, I would be like, the only type 0:10:41.960 --> 0:10:44.320 of husband want was a plastic surgeon so he could 0:10:44.360 --> 0:10:47.080 keep me snatched all your long. We'll probably have you know, 0:10:47.400 --> 0:10:50.360 a clinic at the house with me every time I 0:10:50.360 --> 0:10:52.840 pull off the bandwagon. No, you know what it's it's 0:10:52.840 --> 0:10:55.640 funny because my brother is actually a dermatologist and he 0:10:55.679 --> 0:10:57.880 won't work on me. Here we go. I know, I'm 0:10:57.880 --> 0:10:59.720 just like, why are you so selfish? I would pull 0:10:59.800 --> 0:11:01.960 up to office and be like, I'm waiting, I'm outside 0:11:02.200 --> 0:11:04.319 coffee for me to come on hook us to strup. 0:11:04.640 --> 0:11:06.480 But no, my mom. You know what my mom always 0:11:06.480 --> 0:11:11.839 tells me. She's like, when I'm you already know that. 0:11:11.880 --> 0:11:14.079 I tell my husband all the time, I will leave you. 0:11:14.520 --> 0:11:17.319 I don't need you. Do you know that I do not. 0:11:17.440 --> 0:11:19.120 I do not have a secret bank account. There are 0:11:19.120 --> 0:11:20.760 a lot of women who do have a secret And 0:11:20.760 --> 0:11:22.440 that's what my mom was saying. My mom was always like, 0:11:22.440 --> 0:11:24.080 you know, you always have to have like a little 0:11:24.080 --> 0:11:26.040 side hustle or like a little side money. And I'm like, 0:11:26.080 --> 0:11:28.720 you know what, I've always been a true believer and 0:11:28.800 --> 0:11:30.840 like I am who I am? I'm not who am 0:11:30.840 --> 0:11:33.920 I going to hide it from hid it from my husband, 0:11:36.080 --> 0:11:38.679 like he sees everything. I don't even let him see 0:11:38.679 --> 0:11:41.920 my timber seats. Are you serious? Now? It sounds like, 0:11:42.720 --> 0:11:45.840 you know what, it's kind of sexy. He'll apply pressure 0:11:45.880 --> 0:11:47.640 to me. It is it is, and it's very like 0:11:47.679 --> 0:11:50.920 it's very mysterious we are. And it's like if he 0:11:51.240 --> 0:11:53.000 has like an t he'll like crumble it up and 0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:54.920 throw it out the window, and then you'll go and 0:11:55.000 --> 0:11:58.400 dive into the I'm like on the Guarden State Parkway 0:11:58.440 --> 0:12:00.880 doing like tumbles trying to get to piece of paper. 0:12:01.320 --> 0:12:03.120 But yeah, if you see honey on the side of 0:12:03.120 --> 0:12:04.760 the road with a stick, she's looking, you already know 0:12:04.840 --> 0:12:07.240 what I'm looking for. My man's a TM meracy. I 0:12:07.280 --> 0:12:09.120 want to know how many bands you got in here. 0:12:09.480 --> 0:12:11.560 It's so funny. But wait, so now, what do you 0:12:11.559 --> 0:12:13.480 guys do as far as buying each other gifts? Like 0:12:13.520 --> 0:12:15.280 does he give you a list or does he tell 0:12:15.320 --> 0:12:18.240 you I have my eye on me. He'll tell me exactly, 0:12:18.360 --> 0:12:20.120 and then what do you do? And I'll tell him 0:12:20.160 --> 0:12:21.680 what I want? Okay, so why don't you just go 0:12:21.760 --> 0:12:23.920 buy it exactly? That's what we should do. And we 0:12:24.040 --> 0:12:25.839 kind of like we're weird. We kind of like I 0:12:25.960 --> 0:12:29.040 want to match each other's amount that we spent. Oh really, 0:12:29.520 --> 0:12:30.920 I was like, I spent a thousand dollars on you 0:12:31.000 --> 0:12:32.600 might get better to be a thousand hollars to Like 0:12:32.720 --> 0:12:35.840 we're that type of people. I swear were like kids. 0:12:35.880 --> 0:12:39.480 I guess you guys are the most entertaining, adorable couple. 0:12:39.520 --> 0:12:41.480 You have to come over. He told me what he wants. 0:12:41.679 --> 0:12:43.840 What does he want? He wants like a coat, like 0:12:43.880 --> 0:12:48.280 a really good winter coat, probably a month clear exactly. 0:12:48.320 --> 0:12:51.520 That's already like that's already like that way I need 0:12:51.559 --> 0:12:54.320 to go get Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll show you heard you. 0:12:54.600 --> 0:12:56.960 But you know what, I feel like, that's a very 0:12:57.040 --> 0:13:00.000 practical smart gift. It is, and he'll wear and he'll 0:13:00.000 --> 0:13:01.520 wear it a lot. Sometimes I tell him like, don't 0:13:01.520 --> 0:13:03.599 buy that. Yeah, Like sometimes you look at things, I'm like, 0:13:03.640 --> 0:13:07.160 you know with that like three times, yeah it's to trendy, 0:13:07.240 --> 0:13:08.680 or if it's like a Gucci T shirt or something 0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:10.880 like three snakes on the chest and it's green, I'm like, 0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:12.439 where are you going with that? Right? So you know, 0:13:12.559 --> 0:13:14.840 spend final jobs were two times and then it's just 0:13:14.840 --> 0:13:16.880 gonna sit in the drawer. But let's say it might 0:13:16.880 --> 0:13:20.040 be a Gucci belt that he might wear, then I'd 0:13:20.040 --> 0:13:22.920 be like, definitely buy it. I don't care, so I 0:13:23.040 --> 0:13:25.560 kind of like sometimes have to pull him off the 0:13:25.600 --> 0:13:27.840 ledge with the things that he bought. I love that 0:13:27.920 --> 0:13:31.440 he is so definitive about his style. He definitely is. 0:13:31.760 --> 0:13:34.400 He is, and he's very finicky about everything he wears. 0:13:34.679 --> 0:13:36.400 He even tells me like take that off, that don't 0:13:36.440 --> 0:13:38.760 even match. What's his real name? What's what's his name? 0:13:38.800 --> 0:13:42.360 I call him noony Noon is so cute. He looks 0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:45.120 liked his sister give he is. I call him teddy. 0:13:45.120 --> 0:13:48.239 But you guys have to follow us on Ali Spanglish 0:13:48.360 --> 0:13:50.360 on all of our social media. He is we have 0:13:50.400 --> 0:13:52.680 to post a picture of We do have to put yeah. 0:13:52.720 --> 0:13:54.840 But here's the problem with I don't post pictures of him? 0:13:54.880 --> 0:13:57.160 Why oh am I not supposed to? Because you know, 0:13:57.480 --> 0:13:59.880 he has been around a lot, like born and raised 0:13:59.880 --> 0:14:03.280 in New York. And then sometimes you know, somebody will 0:14:03.360 --> 0:14:05.640 tag somebody and be like, look who I found? Did 0:14:05.679 --> 0:14:08.200 you found my husband? Why are you tagging somebody else? 0:14:08.200 --> 0:14:10.720 Talk about look who you found? He has no social media, 0:14:11.120 --> 0:14:13.080 so whenever a picture of him goes up like on 0:14:13.080 --> 0:14:15.080 a friend's account or something. I will look at the 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:17.840 comments and then it's like old school females, and then 0:14:17.880 --> 0:14:22.160 you're like me, No, don't say. He doesn't need a 0:14:22.240 --> 0:14:25.200 hide from you. He's been living fine without your heart. 0:14:25.280 --> 0:14:26.440 You know. He was kind of like a mail that 0:14:26.640 --> 0:14:30.920 before I met him, so, oh my god, the whole entirely. Well, 0:14:30.960 --> 0:14:32.360 then we're not going to post it. We're not going 0:14:32.400 --> 0:14:36.160 to post him. I hate to disappoint you, but just 0:14:36.200 --> 0:14:39.320 take my word for it. He's an adorable little t browntle. 0:14:40.080 --> 0:14:42.600 All right, Well, let's move on. Let's talk about our 0:14:42.600 --> 0:14:44.560 listener emails, which, by the way, we love when you 0:14:44.600 --> 0:14:49.080 guys email us Life in Spanglish podcast at gmail dot com. Uh, 0:14:49.120 --> 0:14:51.360 when it was the ladies. I'm a mama to two 0:14:51.360 --> 0:14:54.680 beautiful boys. Oh, just like you, Carolina. They are my 0:14:54.720 --> 0:14:56.880 whole life, and I couldn't picture a better job than 0:14:56.920 --> 0:15:00.920 being a mama. I agree. Okay. Recently my five year 0:15:00.960 --> 0:15:03.320 old entered kindergarten has been getting along better with the 0:15:03.360 --> 0:15:06.560 girls in his class rather than the boys. My husband 0:15:06.600 --> 0:15:08.920 recently sat me down and asked if we should be 0:15:08.960 --> 0:15:12.360 worried about him hanging out with too many girls. I 0:15:12.400 --> 0:15:14.360 love my son, and I hate to think my husband 0:15:14.360 --> 0:15:17.160 thinks less of him for having girlfriends. Should I tell 0:15:17.200 --> 0:15:19.200 him to lay off and let our little boy just be? 0:15:19.880 --> 0:15:21.840 I'm not worried about my son, and I don't think 0:15:21.840 --> 0:15:26.480 he should be either. Please help. Yeah, So there's a 0:15:26.480 --> 0:15:28.720 lot of different directions that this can go. I'm not 0:15:28.800 --> 0:15:31.560 I don't know if your husband is letting you know too, 0:15:31.960 --> 0:15:35.520 So forgive me because I don't have that information. Um. 0:15:35.560 --> 0:15:37.760 I think that there are times and it's not just 0:15:37.840 --> 0:15:40.440 letting you knows, it's other you know, ethnicities or cultures 0:15:40.440 --> 0:15:43.600 that where people um tend to be very like macho. 0:15:43.680 --> 0:15:45.880 They want their son to be like a football player, 0:15:46.040 --> 0:15:50.800 you know, testosterone and you know, trucks and things like that. Personally, 0:15:51.120 --> 0:15:55.280 I believe your son is in an exploratory age and 0:15:55.320 --> 0:15:58.760 it's a beautiful thing. And I think that by talking 0:15:58.800 --> 0:16:01.080 to him about it, you might be putting thoughts into 0:16:01.120 --> 0:16:03.640 his head that aren't even there to begin with. You know, 0:16:04.680 --> 0:16:07.880 um my son's and I'll just tell you from my perspective, 0:16:08.440 --> 0:16:11.920 um my son asked for a kitchen one year, and 0:16:12.200 --> 0:16:16.600 we were like, absolutely, there was not even because you know, 0:16:16.640 --> 0:16:20.280 a lot of traditional latinos or maybe, um, you know, 0:16:20.440 --> 0:16:23.440 just anybody who's macho or anybody who's old school traditional 0:16:23.520 --> 0:16:25.240 might be like, I'm not getting a kitchen. So that 0:16:25.360 --> 0:16:27.560 for a boy. Well, but you know what, look at 0:16:27.560 --> 0:16:32.400 your chefs. You've got Bobby Flay, You've got like David Burke, 0:16:32.480 --> 0:16:35.720 You've got all of these wonderful, notable chefs, and their 0:16:35.800 --> 0:16:38.320 passion for cooking came from something, whether it was from 0:16:38.360 --> 0:16:41.520 watching their mothers or whoever they were brought up by 0:16:41.560 --> 0:16:44.840 in the kitchen. So for me, I never equated my 0:16:44.880 --> 0:16:48.400 son asking for a kitchen with it being girly. I thought, oh, wow, 0:16:48.440 --> 0:16:51.240 he wants to like play house and he sees me 0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:53.120 cooking all the time because I cook all the time, 0:16:53.360 --> 0:16:56.960 So maybe that was like his way of being like mommy. 0:16:57.720 --> 0:17:01.320 I really think that him having a little girlfriends, that's 0:17:01.360 --> 0:17:03.840 not a bad thing. That's not like a bad life 0:17:03.840 --> 0:17:05.800 skill to have either is to be able to connect 0:17:05.800 --> 0:17:09.160 to the other sex. So what I would say, and this, 0:17:09.480 --> 0:17:11.359 I would go to your husband and just say, look, 0:17:12.000 --> 0:17:14.160 let him be for a little bit. If it turns 0:17:14.160 --> 0:17:16.040 out that you know, you want to have a conversation 0:17:16.080 --> 0:17:19.040 with him about it. But like, what's the conversation is 0:17:19.080 --> 0:17:22.160 my question, hang out with the guys. You know, some 0:17:22.160 --> 0:17:23.800 some men are just like that. It's like, why are 0:17:23.800 --> 0:17:25.119 you not hanging out with the guys? Why are you 0:17:25.160 --> 0:17:27.760 hanging out with the girls? And you know it also 0:17:27.840 --> 0:17:31.920 comes from again macho old school mentality. But I would say, 0:17:31.960 --> 0:17:34.480 just tell your husband and layoff or let him be. 0:17:34.560 --> 0:17:36.959 Maybe he's just gravitating. So it's kids to have similar 0:17:37.000 --> 0:17:41.000 interest and sometimes it's gonna be girls. Just maybe some 0:17:41.080 --> 0:17:43.800 of the boys are kind of you know, he doesn't 0:17:43.880 --> 0:17:46.520 get along with them. Yeah, maybe you have the connection 0:17:46.560 --> 0:17:49.040 because of that. But um, I don't know. I think 0:17:49.040 --> 0:17:51.119 that like little boys and girls that personally. Asher one 0:17:51.119 --> 0:17:52.800 of his little best friends, he tells me all the 0:17:52.800 --> 0:17:55.919 time he is a Hunter. It's a little girl. And 0:17:55.960 --> 0:17:57.840 I said to her mom, I said, we have to 0:17:57.840 --> 0:18:00.320 have a playdate. I said, because my my son's so 0:18:00.440 --> 0:18:03.680 highly of her daughter. And another one of his best 0:18:03.680 --> 0:18:06.760 friends is Logan. She's a little girl. You know, can 0:18:06.800 --> 0:18:09.360 we rewind Hunter and Logan are both girls. I love 0:18:09.359 --> 0:18:13.320 these names. Yeah, and um and and so, I said, 0:18:13.400 --> 0:18:15.960