WEBVTT - When are you having kids? 0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:06.000 This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast. 0:00:07.560 --> 0:00:09.479 Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema coming to you from the 0:00:09.480 --> 0:00:12.040 home office in Austin, Texas. It's good to be back, 0:00:12.240 --> 0:00:14.800 although it was great to be out west again. And 0:00:14.840 --> 0:00:17.920 one of our favorite places in the world Pebble Beach, 0:00:18.160 --> 0:00:21.520 Monterey Peninsula. I have said many times it's not just 0:00:21.520 --> 0:00:23.360 the golf, by the way, but it is one of 0:00:23.400 --> 0:00:27.760 my just most special places in the world. The air 0:00:27.880 --> 0:00:30.800 is sweet, it's the most beautiful. Weather is sweet. 0:00:30.920 --> 0:00:33.000 It makes me feel like I'm in a Nancy Meyers movie. 0:00:33.080 --> 0:00:35.960 It's very coastal grandmother, as they say on TikTok, like 0:00:36.240 --> 0:00:39.280 you're in a sweater, You're walking the beach, You're drinking charenay. 0:00:39.320 --> 0:00:39.960 It's wonderful. 0:00:40.040 --> 0:00:42.159 You're eating chowder three times a day. 0:00:42.240 --> 0:00:42.959 Yeah, I sure am. 0:00:43.280 --> 0:00:45.680 But most importantly, we were there for an incredible reason 0:00:45.760 --> 0:00:50.159 for an organization you started working with years ago, AIM 0:00:50.200 --> 0:00:51.960 and all the work that they do for mental health. 0:00:52.000 --> 0:00:54.040 Yeah, Elzy and I have been involved with this together 0:00:54.120 --> 0:00:56.120 for a couple of years now, as well the AIM 0:00:56.200 --> 0:00:59.800 Mental Health galle that they do every year, and kudos 0:00:59.840 --> 0:01:03.200 to them for putting on such a tremendous event every year. 0:01:03.760 --> 0:01:07.679 The talent is amazing, and more importantly, the cause is 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:12.760 It's all about mental health, suicide prevention and coming at 0:01:12.800 --> 0:01:18.880 it from a very scientific medical perspective of stopping this 0:01:19.160 --> 0:01:22.679 in its tracks, treating it as the disease that it is. 0:01:23.760 --> 0:01:27.120 And there are some amazing other organizations that Elsie and 0:01:27.160 --> 0:01:29.680 I are involved with, like the Grant Halliburton Foundation out 0:01:29.720 --> 0:01:34.840 of Dallas that is also about youth suicide prevention, but 0:01:34.880 --> 0:01:36.840 it comes at it from a very different perspective. So 0:01:37.040 --> 0:01:39.440 I love being a part of both of these organizations 0:01:39.480 --> 0:01:42.520 because they're both doing great work and we are always 0:01:42.840 --> 0:01:46.720 so proud and honored to talk about mental health, to 0:01:46.760 --> 0:01:51.040 say suicide, to talk about it, to take that taboo away, 0:01:51.160 --> 0:01:54.120 because it is something that can and should be discussed 0:01:54.160 --> 0:01:57.640 in your own house with your friends. It is paramount 0:01:57.720 --> 0:01:58.600 to have that discussion. 0:01:58.840 --> 0:02:01.560 Yes, so thank you to AIM for everything that they 0:02:01.640 --> 0:02:04.320 do and for having Chris and I come host the event. 0:02:04.720 --> 0:02:07.960 There's just so many wonderful people, so it's a great 0:02:08.000 --> 0:02:09.800 work and also a blessing that we get to do it. 0:02:10.480 --> 0:02:12.799 So we turn to the DMS that we get at 0:02:12.800 --> 0:02:15.600 the most dramatic pod ever to come up with our 0:02:15.680 --> 0:02:18.799 topic for this podcast, and our producer Kendall flagged for 0:02:18.880 --> 0:02:21.239 us that we've actually gotten a good amount of questions 0:02:21.600 --> 0:02:24.760 in recent weeks, maybe because the wedding's coming up about 0:02:24.800 --> 0:02:28.240 one topic, a very big topic, which is are we 0:02:28.360 --> 0:02:30.400 ever going to have children? 0:02:30.520 --> 0:02:32.640 And this is an interesting topic because this is something 0:02:32.680 --> 0:02:35.720 you and I have faced because we're engaged in getting married, 0:02:35.880 --> 0:02:38.240 but it's also something that are our friends as they 0:02:38.320 --> 0:02:41.440 get married face and when is it time? And you 0:02:42.040 --> 0:02:44.080 always get that question, when are you getting engaged? When 0:02:44.080 --> 0:02:46.079 are you all going to get married? Once you get married, 0:02:46.520 --> 0:02:49.440 it's immediately when are you having kids? And I think 0:02:49.480 --> 0:02:53.040 we start with taking us out of it. When is 0:02:53.080 --> 0:02:57.680 it or is it ever appropriate to ask someone that question? 0:02:58.400 --> 0:02:59.359 Such a good point. 0:02:59.440 --> 0:03:02.400 I struggle with this so much at ET working in 0:03:02.600 --> 0:03:07.560 entertainment news, and my personal awareness of it opinion on 0:03:07.639 --> 0:03:10.920 it changed over the years when I was younger. You know, 0:03:11.080 --> 0:03:12.959 you think you're coming from a place of good intent, 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:15.320 and in many ways you are, you know, asking somebody 0:03:15.600 --> 0:03:16.320 are you gonna have kids? 0:03:16.360 --> 0:03:17.399 Or when are you guys can have kids? 0:03:17.480 --> 0:03:19.560 Like you're trying to show that you're invested in someone's 0:03:19.600 --> 0:03:24.560 life and that you care, But truly it can be 0:03:24.560 --> 0:03:28.440 a very difficult, very triggering, very painful question to ask, 0:03:29.360 --> 0:03:31.239 you know. I look back at times when I asked 0:03:31.320 --> 0:03:34.200 about kids on the Red carpet, and I wish I 0:03:34.200 --> 0:03:35.360 hadn't in some of those moments. 0:03:35.360 --> 0:03:38.400 You never know what someone's going through. Privately. I was 0:03:38.440 --> 0:03:40.120 just thought I was doing my job and thought I 0:03:40.160 --> 0:03:42.560 was doing the right thing. And yeah, I. 0:03:42.560 --> 0:03:44.840 Would have handled some of it differently during my laters 0:03:44.920 --> 0:03:48.160 years at ET, I tried to handle it differently. And 0:03:48.240 --> 0:03:50.680 part of the problem is right, there's, honestly also this 0:03:50.760 --> 0:03:53.920 appetite for that knowledge, Like people, kids are a blessing 0:03:53.960 --> 0:03:56.480 and people want to know about celebrities having kids and 0:03:56.520 --> 0:03:59.520 it's a joyful thing. So again I thought I was 0:03:59.560 --> 0:04:01.880 doing my job. And when people ask each other, they 0:04:02.480 --> 0:04:05.520 are often coming from a good place. But it can 0:04:05.560 --> 0:04:07.720 be a very difficult question to answer. 0:04:08.000 --> 0:04:10.280 It's something that I agree. I think back in the day, 0:04:11.000 --> 0:04:14.280 without thinking, we knew it was coming from a place 0:04:14.280 --> 0:04:17.120 of love, and it was just kind of the next stage, right, 0:04:17.400 --> 0:04:18.720 when are you going to start a family when you're 0:04:18.720 --> 0:04:22.039 going to have kids? Not thinking at all, and I 0:04:22.080 --> 0:04:24.480 give a little credit. I hate to do this publicly. 0:04:24.520 --> 0:04:27.200 I give credit to social media. So many people have 0:04:27.279 --> 0:04:30.640 talked about the fact that they can have children, the 0:04:30.640 --> 0:04:33.640 fact that they've had miscarriages, the fact that we've kind 0:04:33.640 --> 0:04:38.320 of lived and made it more normal that so many 0:04:38.360 --> 0:04:44.080 of us go through these ordeals and traumatic situations, and 0:04:44.480 --> 0:04:46.320 I think we all just didn't talk about it. It's 0:04:46.360 --> 0:04:48.720 kind of like mental health. We all just didn't talk 0:04:48.760 --> 0:04:49.120 about this. 0:04:49.160 --> 0:04:50.320 And so social media. 0:04:50.160 --> 0:04:52.080 Has been so important for taking away the stigma and 0:04:52.120 --> 0:04:54.359 the shame I think we talked about when I was 0:04:54.400 --> 0:04:58.080 a counselor at Experience Camps, at camp for grieving kids. 0:04:58.360 --> 0:05:00.839 I see so many parallels there, like social media has 0:05:00.839 --> 0:05:04.480 helps people talk about grief too, And again I get 0:05:04.520 --> 0:05:08.039 frustrated with why don't we learn this in school, Like, okay, 0:05:08.080 --> 0:05:10.520 you learn the basic sex set of here's how a 0:05:10.600 --> 0:05:13.880 baby is made, but we don't learn about miscarriages in 0:05:13.960 --> 0:05:16.640 sex said, we don't and think about how common it is. 0:05:16.880 --> 0:05:18.360 Well and how to deal with it too. I mean, 0:05:18.400 --> 0:05:21.680 I think what you talked about it never dawned on me. 0:05:21.880 --> 0:05:26.360 But everybody, everybody on walking this planet is going to 0:05:26.400 --> 0:05:30.440 suffer loss. We don't talk about that at all in school. 0:05:30.520 --> 0:05:34.320 You know, we're teaching you trigonometry and algebra and teaching 0:05:34.320 --> 0:05:36.520 you maybe how to make a wallet or an ash tray, 0:05:36.760 --> 0:05:39.080 But we're not talking about the fact that, yeah, there 0:05:39.120 --> 0:05:42.600 are miscarriages. How do you handle this grief? What are 0:05:42.600 --> 0:05:44.840 the stages of grief? How do you deal with this? 0:05:44.920 --> 0:05:49.200 Because we will all at some point unfortunately deal with that. 0:05:49.240 --> 0:05:49.960 It's inevitable. 0:05:50.160 --> 0:05:52.839 Well, if we get back to you and I and. 0:05:52.920 --> 0:05:56.640 Withoud said and getting back to this question, I will 0:05:56.640 --> 0:05:59.040 also say as a woman, and I would guess many 0:05:59.040 --> 0:06:04.080 women out there can relate to this. It's that questions 0:06:04.200 --> 0:06:07.120 asked differently to women than it is to men. I 0:06:07.360 --> 0:06:10.240 sometimes feel a judgment with it. 0:06:12.520 --> 0:06:13.159 I don't know. 0:06:13.279 --> 0:06:14.960 Yeah, Nicee, where you're coming from. 0:06:15.000 --> 0:06:15.560 Well, don't you. 0:06:15.520 --> 0:06:18.880 Think that people probably react like say that you and 0:06:19.040 --> 0:06:20.800 take out that you and I were even together. So 0:06:20.839 --> 0:06:23.719 pretend we're both single right now. Don't you think that 0:06:24.360 --> 0:06:26.880 I would get asked are you going to have kids? 0:06:27.200 --> 0:06:27.680 Yeah? 0:06:27.720 --> 0:06:29.279 But you would probably never get asked are you gonna 0:06:29.279 --> 0:06:29.720 have more kids? 0:06:29.760 --> 0:06:30.479 One hundred percent? 0:06:30.600 --> 0:06:30.800 Yeah? 0:06:30.800 --> 0:06:34.839 And I understand towards you, it feels like pity, like, oh, 0:06:34.960 --> 0:06:37.159 you haven't had that you need to reach that stage 0:06:37.200 --> 0:06:41.080 in life. You are missing something, Yes, And that's obviously 0:06:41.120 --> 0:06:45.160 not the case, and you're right. Nobody would ever ask me, hey, man, 0:06:46.080 --> 0:06:47.919 you didn't get married again so you can have more kids. 0:06:48.120 --> 0:06:49.039 I've just noticed that. 0:06:49.320 --> 0:06:51.600 I think sometimes it comes with a little bit from 0:06:51.640 --> 0:06:53.600 some people, not from everyone, but with a little bit 0:06:53.640 --> 0:06:56.560 of like, but why not, or like or you're making 0:06:56.600 --> 0:06:58.600 the wrong decision, Like sometimes I can feel that. 0:06:58.640 --> 0:07:01.240 Tone a little bit like judgment. 0:07:01.920 --> 0:07:06.200 Yeah, it's not explicit or overt, but sometimes I feel 0:07:06.240 --> 0:07:08.480 it or I and then I hear myself trying to 0:07:08.720 --> 0:07:11.280 feel like I have to justify it. Actually, it was 0:07:11.280 --> 0:07:14.520 interesting bringing up Experience camps again. But I noticed a 0:07:14.640 --> 0:07:18.800 lot of other women at that camp because it was 0:07:18.800 --> 0:07:21.720 an all it's all female counselors, but a lot of 0:07:21.720 --> 0:07:24.960 the other counselors. It was the first time I'd been 0:07:25.000 --> 0:07:27.840 around so many other women who said, and I guess 0:07:27.880 --> 0:07:30.760 we should say for the record, right now, we are 0:07:30.760 --> 0:07:33.720 not talking about having kids. In fact, we're I don't know, 0:07:33.720 --> 0:07:35.480 how do we best put it, we don't plan to 0:07:35.520 --> 0:07:39.080 have more kids. Yes, And a lot of other women 0:07:39.160 --> 0:07:43.000 at that camp said the same thing, like said, I 0:07:43.040 --> 0:07:45.480 don't know, they like, they don't really plan to have kids, 0:07:45.880 --> 0:07:49.480 And so it was sort of refreshing. I thought a 0:07:49.480 --> 0:07:52.440 lot about the podcast we did with doctor Sterling and 0:07:52.440 --> 0:07:55.240 how she said she's seeing that gynecologist and she's seeing 0:07:55.280 --> 0:07:59.040 more and more people not have kids, which could be 0:07:59.080 --> 0:08:01.160 a dangerous thing for our population. I don't really know 0:08:01.240 --> 0:08:03.840 on that, but yeah, so it was it was interesting 0:08:03.880 --> 0:08:05.040 to discuss that with the other women. 0:08:05.160 --> 0:08:07.680 Do you think that those women are just more of 0:08:07.720 --> 0:08:09.520 a sign of the times, or do you think there 0:08:09.560 --> 0:08:12.000 was a direct correlation. Because you were at grief camp, 0:08:12.040 --> 0:08:16.480 You've all lost somebody at a very young traumatic stage 0:08:16.480 --> 0:08:17.160 in your life. 0:08:17.240 --> 0:08:19.240 There's probably a myriad of connections there. 0:08:19.320 --> 0:08:21.880 I wondered too, just somebody who maybe doesn't want to 0:08:21.920 --> 0:08:22.720 have kids. 0:08:22.800 --> 0:08:24.679 Are they like like there. 0:08:24.960 --> 0:08:27.320 I would imagine if you're a parent and you're parenting 0:08:27.360 --> 0:08:29.960 every day, it's probably not easy to then be like 0:08:29.960 --> 0:08:31.280 I'm going to go to a camp and like be 0:08:31.280 --> 0:08:32.120 account camp. 0:08:31.960 --> 0:08:33.960 Council for kids all day. That's true, Like if you 0:08:33.960 --> 0:08:35.600 don't have kids, it's a little more like, oh, this 0:08:35.679 --> 0:08:36.120 is special. 0:08:36.160 --> 0:08:37.840 I get to go help these kids, and this is 0:08:38.160 --> 0:08:39.599 you know, not something I do all the time, and 0:08:39.640 --> 0:08:43.240 I'm coming at it, you know, without a lot of exhaustion. 0:08:43.800 --> 0:08:46.840 So I wondered that. I'm sure there's several factors going 0:08:46.840 --> 0:08:47.240 into it. 0:08:47.480 --> 0:08:51.760 Yeah, but it is something that I have noticed just 0:08:51.760 --> 0:08:54.080 a change in myself as well about how I approach 0:08:54.200 --> 0:08:56.040 talking to people, just because I know so many people 0:08:56.040 --> 0:08:59.520 who have been through some really traumatic things or just 0:08:59.559 --> 0:09:02.559 can't have kids, and it's that's something. Also we talked 0:09:02.559 --> 0:09:04.920 a little bit to the doctor about that it's harder 0:09:04.920 --> 0:09:07.040 for people to get pregnant today than it was. I 0:09:07.040 --> 0:09:09.840 don't know, you know, scientifically what's going on, medically, what's 0:09:09.880 --> 0:09:11.880 going on, but it is so much. 0:09:12.320 --> 0:09:13.760 Did you say it's just talked about more. 0:09:13.840 --> 0:09:14.160 I don't know. 0:09:14.160 --> 0:09:16.200 Well, she I think no. She said, there is a 0:09:16.240 --> 0:09:21.520 direct there is a change in the amount of testosteroman men. 0:09:21.600 --> 0:09:23.760 And remember we kind of went into that whole thing, 0:09:24.679 --> 0:09:26.559 and we we cause a lot of it ourselves, and 0:09:26.600 --> 0:09:28.640 there's things you can do well. 0:09:29.160 --> 0:09:32.320 We are yes, planning to have children back. I feel 0:09:32.320 --> 0:09:33.040 like I get very well. 0:09:33.040 --> 0:09:34.880 We don't mind opening up our own lives. It's just 0:09:35.000 --> 0:09:37.320 it's how we approach other people. And it's it's not, 0:09:37.679 --> 0:09:41.000 you know, crazy, because I get that when people come 0:09:41.080 --> 0:09:42.679 up to us and ask that or want to talk 0:09:42.720 --> 0:09:44.520 about it, it's it's they just want to connect with 0:09:44.600 --> 0:09:45.240 you totally. 0:09:45.280 --> 0:09:46.960 And I want to see as we get into this 0:09:47.080 --> 0:09:49.640 that this is a different choice for everybody. This is 0:09:49.679 --> 0:09:53.680 an individual choice. I think kids are wonderful. I think 0:09:53.720 --> 0:09:59.760 getting to that that negativity I maybe sometimes feel. And 0:09:59.840 --> 0:10:01.679 I I said this to the other counselors at camp. 0:10:02.840 --> 0:10:05.880 Here's the distinction. I think people think like you don't 0:10:05.920 --> 0:10:08.600 like kids, or you think parenting is bad because you're 0:10:08.640 --> 0:10:11.400 not choosing to have kids. That's not at all. I think 0:10:11.440 --> 0:10:14.400 parenting is the hardest job in the world. I have 0:10:14.440 --> 0:10:17.200 an immense amount of respect for it. Maybe that's in 0:10:17.240 --> 0:10:18.840 part why I. 0:10:19.559 --> 0:10:22.560 Feel like I I think it's really hard. 0:10:22.440 --> 0:10:24.280 And I know that I have no idea how hard 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:25.959 it is, so I can't imagine how hard it is. 0:10:26.000 --> 0:10:28.280 And maybe that's what puts me off from having kids 0:10:28.280 --> 0:10:31.000 a little bit. So I have so much respect. 0:10:30.760 --> 0:10:33.840 For it, and I think kids are amazing. I loved 0:10:33.880 --> 0:10:34.520 being at camp. 0:10:34.600 --> 0:10:38.200 I loved trying to be a positive presence in those kids' lives, 0:10:38.679 --> 0:10:44.080 and I think I have a caretaking heart. It's just that, 0:10:44.920 --> 0:10:46.360 like one thing I said to some of the other 0:10:46.400 --> 0:10:49.120 camp counselors as we were talking about it, is like, 0:10:49.160 --> 0:10:51.000 sometimes I've had a hard time talking to my mom 0:10:51.040 --> 0:10:55.160 about this. Yeah, because I think my mom, and rightfully so, 0:10:55.679 --> 0:10:58.360 puts a lot of her identity in being a mom, 0:10:58.600 --> 0:11:01.520 and she should. She's raised all tuot our Horns, three 0:11:01.559 --> 0:11:06.880 incredible successful kids, and she did an incredible job at parenting. 0:11:07.000 --> 0:11:12.000 So I think sometimes she struggles with me not being 0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:14.720 so on board with having kids. But I've said to her, 0:11:14.760 --> 0:11:16.640 and I told this to the other counselors. The way 0:11:16.679 --> 0:11:20.319 I put it is, Look, I probably could have done 0:11:20.320 --> 0:11:22.720 a lot of things well in life. My parents were 0:11:22.720 --> 0:11:24.400 both lawyers. They wanted me to go to law school. 0:11:24.400 --> 0:11:25.680 I probably could have been a great lawyer. 0:11:26.640 --> 0:11:27.000 Thank you. 0:11:28.360 --> 0:11:30.200 He's in his head, he's thinking about how I argue 0:11:30.200 --> 0:11:33.560 with him. But I didn't want to be a lawyer. 0:11:34.360 --> 0:11:37.520 Do I think that if tomorrow, like I don't know, 0:11:37.559 --> 0:11:41.760 if there was some reason we needed to adopt or something, 0:11:41.880 --> 0:11:43.000 I think i'd be a good mom. 0:11:43.720 --> 0:11:44.400 I just don't. 0:11:44.640 --> 0:11:49.560 I've never really felt that super strong need, and I 0:11:49.600 --> 0:11:52.800 think it's such a difficult job that I don't know 0:11:52.840 --> 0:11:55.480 that I want to jump in when I don't feel 0:11:55.480 --> 0:11:56.480 like I really want this. 0:12:08.520 --> 0:12:12.600 Someone asked us if we had this conversation when we 0:12:12.640 --> 0:12:13.360 started dating. 0:12:13.520 --> 0:12:15.640 I think we started talking about this on our first 0:12:15.760 --> 0:12:16.520 date exactly. 0:12:16.520 --> 0:12:20.080 I think it came up and I said, absolutely, we 0:12:20.160 --> 0:12:23.600 had this discussion, and to have not had this discussion 0:12:23.640 --> 0:12:29.680 would be incredibly I mean, ignorant and irresponsible. I urge everybody, 0:12:30.160 --> 0:12:32.240 whether you are getting married for the second time, like 0:12:32.400 --> 0:12:33.839 Lzie and I, if you were getting married for the 0:12:33.880 --> 0:12:35.559 first time and you are twenty three, twenty four to 0:12:35.559 --> 0:12:38.319 twenty five years old, or whatever, wherever you find yourself 0:12:38.520 --> 0:12:42.000 in life, you must have that conversation of what you 0:12:42.640 --> 0:12:45.319 both want out of life, what you both want out 0:12:45.360 --> 0:12:47.960 of a family. And look, I know you may not 0:12:48.240 --> 0:12:50.760 have all the answers, and you shouldn't have all the 0:12:50.800 --> 0:12:53.040 answers when you're just kind of starting out, but you 0:12:53.040 --> 0:12:54.840 should have a pretty good overall idea. 0:12:55.760 --> 0:12:58.280 Well, I think it depends on your age, Like if 0:12:58.320 --> 0:12:59.760 you're twenty three, you don't need to bring up kids 0:12:59.760 --> 0:13:02.720 on the let's not freak each other out, right, But 0:13:03.600 --> 0:13:06.319 we were older, and I think back on our first date, 0:13:06.360 --> 0:13:09.000 our first date was a pretty It ended up being 0:13:09.000 --> 0:13:11.800 a very long conversation. We talked for hours, and we 0:13:11.880 --> 0:13:14.480 got into like where we maybe start ourselves living one day, 0:13:14.520 --> 0:13:16.199 how we wanted to live the rest of our lives, 0:13:16.640 --> 0:13:18.880 and probably it was just because we thought, look, we're 0:13:18.880 --> 0:13:21.160 a little older, I know what I want. I don't 0:13:21.200 --> 0:13:23.840 want to mess around and waste anybody's time. So we 0:13:23.880 --> 0:13:24.520 got into some. 0:13:24.480 --> 0:13:26.720 Of those big really deal breaker time. 0:13:26.760 --> 0:13:29.160 We talked about moving to Austin. We talked about moving 0:13:29.160 --> 0:13:32.040 to Texas on that first day. Yeah, we did, because 0:13:32.040 --> 0:13:33.760 I let Lauren know that was kind of my dream 0:13:33.800 --> 0:13:36.480 and my goal eventually. I obviously I didn't know I 0:13:36.520 --> 0:13:38.240 was leaving the show at that point, but I said, 0:13:38.280 --> 0:13:40.240 you know, I will be heading back to Texas at 0:13:40.280 --> 0:13:43.319 some point, and I said on night one with her, 0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:45.600 please come with me. No, I didn't go that far. 0:13:46.400 --> 0:13:47.480 Again, don't free people out. 0:13:47.559 --> 0:13:49.720 I do think it's important, and I didn't mean for 0:13:49.800 --> 0:13:51.800 if you're twenty four, twenty five years old and you're 0:13:51.840 --> 0:13:56.160 you know, dating, to have that conversation. But eventually, if 0:13:56.200 --> 0:13:58.120 you get serious with someone, when you see a life 0:13:58.200 --> 0:14:00.920 with someone, if you think about proposing or whatever, yeah 0:14:00.960 --> 0:14:03.480 you should have that. And it's not just kids. It 0:14:03.480 --> 0:14:05.600 has to do with your career, where you may want 0:14:05.640 --> 0:14:09.480 to live. All those things should be discussed so it's 0:14:09.559 --> 0:14:11.880 not a big thing when it comes up later. And 0:14:12.320 --> 0:14:16.680 that conversation isn't set, and Cement, I think that's really important. 0:14:16.679 --> 0:14:19.000 And you and I have had this discussion. Just because 0:14:19.000 --> 0:14:22.320 you said something five years ago, ten years ago, it 0:14:22.360 --> 0:14:27.720 doesn't mean time's life. Your heart doesn't change. These conversations 0:14:27.760 --> 0:14:31.040 are not set, and Cement, it's okay to revisit. It's 0:14:31.120 --> 0:14:35.080 okay to talk and continue that conversation because we all change. 0:14:35.320 --> 0:14:37.080 I actually think one thing I said to you early 0:14:37.160 --> 0:14:41.840 on was losing my dad made me realize it's that 0:14:41.920 --> 0:14:45.200 old saying we plan and God laughs, Yeah, I thought 0:14:45.240 --> 0:14:48.040 my life was you see your life, you know, you 0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:51.960 see like your dad being there to talk to you 0:14:51.960 --> 0:14:54.360 about your first job or walk you down the aisle 0:14:54.360 --> 0:14:57.000 one day, and you kind of then life throws something 0:14:57.040 --> 0:15:00.240 at you that totally changes everything, and that may me 0:15:00.280 --> 0:15:03.400 realize that actually it can sometimes be detrimental to try 0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:05.200 to plan your life too much. And I have friends 0:15:05.200 --> 0:15:09.680 who I think have boxed themselves in sometimes by doing that. 0:15:09.880 --> 0:15:13.240 Very fair and so yeah, I totally agree with you. 0:15:13.280 --> 0:15:14.720 I think I said to you in the beginning, like 0:15:15.080 --> 0:15:16.920 I want you to know that the death of my 0:15:17.000 --> 0:15:20.320 father made me realize I don't totally know where I'll 0:15:20.320 --> 0:15:23.520 be in five years, you know, and I might feel 0:15:23.520 --> 0:15:27.560 differently about something like that was an experience that changed 0:15:27.560 --> 0:15:28.240 me as a person. 0:15:28.640 --> 0:15:31.160 So whatever life throws at me might change me. 0:15:31.520 --> 0:15:35.480 And it's interesting because I it makes me. Especially I 0:15:35.520 --> 0:15:37.480 think as we're thinking about getting married, you know, thinking 0:15:37.520 --> 0:15:40.080 about we're coming up on getting married, I think so 0:15:40.240 --> 0:15:42.840 much that like, the partner you pick has to be 0:15:42.920 --> 0:15:43.800 someone who. 0:15:45.160 --> 0:15:47.440 My dad actually, oh gosh, I don't want to hear it. 0:15:47.600 --> 0:15:48.840 My dad actually said this to me. 0:15:49.320 --> 0:15:55.560 He said, I love your mother because she's someone I've 0:15:55.560 --> 0:15:58.040 been through seasons with and I can see myself through 0:15:58.040 --> 0:16:00.960 seasons with. And what he meant was like, the seasons 0:16:00.960 --> 0:16:03.240 of life are going to change you, and you've got 0:16:03.320 --> 0:16:06.760 to pick somebody who's willing to be on those those 0:16:06.840 --> 0:16:09.200 changes with you. And it's a fine line, right, or 0:16:09.240 --> 0:16:11.760 maybe it's a great area. I'm not saying put up 0:16:11.760 --> 0:16:14.880 with everything from somebody, like, don't put up with someone who's, 0:16:15.320 --> 0:16:18.120 you know, making you miserable and who's not turning out 0:16:18.160 --> 0:16:20.480 to be the person that they told you they were 0:16:20.520 --> 0:16:23.560 going to be. This is case by case, but yeah, 0:16:23.600 --> 0:16:25.640 you have to be flexible with each other and empathetic 0:16:25.680 --> 0:16:26.200 with each other. 0:16:26.640 --> 0:16:29.720 And so for us, you know, and I think I 0:16:30.000 --> 0:16:32.800 think back on our conversations, whether it was kids, whether 0:16:32.840 --> 0:16:36.680 it was moving to Texas, I was always very open 0:16:36.760 --> 0:16:39.160 to I'm always open to life. And that's one of 0:16:39.200 --> 0:16:40.640 the things I love about you. It's one of the 0:16:40.640 --> 0:16:44.760 things I love about us. And we have said, you know, well, 0:16:44.960 --> 0:16:46.760 we're going to grow wherever we're playing it like, we 0:16:47.080 --> 0:16:50.560 will go. If we want to go somewhere new, we'll 0:16:50.640 --> 0:16:52.800 leave Austin, we can go. It's I love the fact 0:16:52.840 --> 0:16:56.040 that we both have that sense of adventure, sense of spirit, 0:16:56.120 --> 0:17:00.160 but also just knowing we will make that work. And 0:17:00.200 --> 0:17:02.240 when it came to kids, it was a conversation we 0:17:02.280 --> 0:17:05.359 had early on, and you came to it from one direction. 0:17:05.480 --> 0:17:08.120 I came to it from another. Having two kids and 0:17:08.280 --> 0:17:10.480 knowing that they would be very involved in our lives 0:17:10.520 --> 0:17:13.080 and your life as well. If we ended up going 0:17:13.080 --> 0:17:16.600 the distance, then they have become part of your life 0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:17.000 as well. 0:17:18.400 --> 0:17:18.720 Yeah. 0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:22.080 I mean, I've always said that I've never came into 0:17:22.119 --> 0:17:26.080 their life trying to or wanting to be a parent, 0:17:27.840 --> 0:17:30.760 but wanting to be someone who's there for them, who 0:17:30.840 --> 0:17:37.120 loves them, who mentors them. For sure, I've like thought 0:17:37.119 --> 0:17:38.720 about inventing a new word for it. 0:17:38.800 --> 0:17:40.359 I actually I'm still very close. 0:17:40.119 --> 0:17:43.840 With my former mother in law, right, and she and 0:17:43.880 --> 0:17:46.280 I decided now I call her my mother and soul 0:17:46.440 --> 0:17:48.800 and she calls her me her daughter and soul. 0:17:49.040 --> 0:17:49.200 Oh. 0:17:49.240 --> 0:17:49.720 I like that. 0:17:49.840 --> 0:17:52.320 Yeah, so we can like invent new words and phrases. 0:17:52.880 --> 0:17:55.560 No, that's actually much more appar Well, it's you. 0:17:55.600 --> 0:17:58.760 Know, because I hate stepmom, Like, well, damn, damn you Disney. 0:17:58.920 --> 0:18:01.679 I know, every step is always this villainous character. 0:18:01.920 --> 0:18:06.280 Rich. I mean, I don't know why step dads aren't 0:18:06.280 --> 0:18:07.760 out there getting a bad rap in the movies. 0:18:07.800 --> 0:18:08.400 It's not fair. 0:18:08.480 --> 0:18:10.720 Mothers have to be all things like it's like they 0:18:10.720 --> 0:18:13.320 have to be the one saving the kids and dying 0:18:13.320 --> 0:18:15.040 for the kids, and then the stepmom's got to be 0:18:15.080 --> 0:18:17.119 the villains. And it's like, like, I don't know, dads 0:18:17.160 --> 0:18:18.879 take some of the heat and these archetypes. 0:18:19.000 --> 0:18:22.159 Jesus, I blame I blame Uncle Walt on all that. 0:18:22.640 --> 0:18:25.080 So let's go with I like that mother and soul, Yeah, 0:18:25.160 --> 0:18:27.560 because it is that's that is definitely your relationship with 0:18:27.600 --> 0:18:29.080 the kids, and I love that. 0:18:29.359 --> 0:18:29.639 Kendall. 0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:32.440 Do you have any more specific questions we could address, 0:18:32.480 --> 0:18:35.040 because I'm yeah, I know you make topic I feel 0:18:35.080 --> 0:18:36.160