Speaker 1: This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 1: Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema coming to you from the
Speaker 1: home office in Austin, Texas. It's good to be back,
Speaker 1: although it was great to be out west again. And
Speaker 1: one of our favorite places in the world Pebble Beach,
Speaker 1: Monterey Peninsula. I have said many times it's not just
Speaker 1: the golf, by the way, but it is one of
Speaker 1: my just most special places in the world. The air
Speaker 1: is sweet, it's the most beautiful. Weather is sweet.
Speaker 2: It makes me feel like I'm in a Nancy Meyers movie.
Speaker 2: It's very coastal grandmother, as they say on TikTok, like
Speaker 2: you're in a sweater, You're walking the beach, You're drinking charenay.
Speaker 3: It's wonderful.
Speaker 1: You're eating chowder three times a day.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I sure am.
Speaker 2: But most importantly, we were there for an incredible reason
Speaker 2: for an organization you started working with years ago, AIM
Speaker 2: and all the work that they do for mental health.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Elzy and I have been involved with this together
Speaker 1: for a couple of years now, as well the AIM
Speaker 1: Mental Health galle that they do every year, and kudos
Speaker 1: to them for putting on such a tremendous event every year.
Speaker 1: The talent is amazing, and more importantly, the cause is
Speaker 1: It's all about mental health, suicide prevention and coming at
Speaker 1: it from a very scientific medical perspective of stopping this
Speaker 1: in its tracks, treating it as the disease that it is.
Speaker 1: And there are some amazing other organizations that Elsie and
Speaker 1: I are involved with, like the Grant Halliburton Foundation out
Speaker 1: of Dallas that is also about youth suicide prevention, but
Speaker 1: it comes at it from a very different perspective. So
Speaker 1: I love being a part of both of these organizations
Speaker 1: because they're both doing great work and we are always
Speaker 1: so proud and honored to talk about mental health, to
Speaker 1: say suicide, to talk about it, to take that taboo away,
Speaker 1: because it is something that can and should be discussed
Speaker 1: in your own house with your friends. It is paramount
Speaker 1: to have that discussion.
Speaker 2: Yes, so thank you to AIM for everything that they
Speaker 2: do and for having Chris and I come host the event.
Speaker 2: There's just so many wonderful people, so it's a great
Speaker 2: work and also a blessing that we get to do it.
Speaker 2: So we turn to the DMS that we get at
Speaker 2: the most dramatic pod ever to come up with our
Speaker 2: topic for this podcast, and our producer Kendall flagged for
Speaker 2: us that we've actually gotten a good amount of questions
Speaker 2: in recent weeks, maybe because the wedding's coming up about
Speaker 2: one topic, a very big topic, which is are we
Speaker 2: ever going to have children?
Speaker 1: And this is an interesting topic because this is something
Speaker 1: you and I have faced because we're engaged in getting married,
Speaker 1: but it's also something that are our friends as they
Speaker 1: get married face and when is it time? And you
Speaker 1: always get that question, when are you getting engaged? When
Speaker 1: are you all going to get married? Once you get married,
Speaker 1: it's immediately when are you having kids? And I think
Speaker 1: we start with taking us out of it. When is
Speaker 1: it or is it ever appropriate to ask someone that question?
Speaker 3: Such a good point.
Speaker 2: I struggle with this so much at ET working in
Speaker 2: entertainment news, and my personal awareness of it opinion on
Speaker 2: it changed over the years when I was younger. You know,
Speaker 2: you think you're coming from a place of good intent,
Speaker 2: and in many ways you are, you know, asking somebody
Speaker 2: are you gonna have kids?
Speaker 3: Or when are you guys can have kids?
Speaker 2: Like you're trying to show that you're invested in someone's
Speaker 2: life and that you care, But truly it can be
Speaker 2: a very difficult, very triggering, very painful question to ask,
Speaker 2: you know. I look back at times when I asked
Speaker 2: about kids on the Red carpet, and I wish I
Speaker 2: hadn't in some of those moments.
Speaker 3: You never know what someone's going through. Privately. I was
Speaker 3: just thought I was doing my job and thought I
Speaker 3: was doing the right thing. And yeah, I.
Speaker 2: Would have handled some of it differently during my laters
Speaker 2: years at ET, I tried to handle it differently. And
Speaker 2: part of the problem is right, there's, honestly also this
Speaker 2: appetite for that knowledge, Like people, kids are a blessing
Speaker 2: and people want to know about celebrities having kids and
Speaker 2: it's a joyful thing. So again I thought I was
Speaker 2: doing my job. And when people ask each other, they
Speaker 2: are often coming from a good place. But it can
Speaker 2: be a very difficult question to answer.
Speaker 1: It's something that I agree. I think back in the day,
Speaker 1: without thinking, we knew it was coming from a place
Speaker 1: of love, and it was just kind of the next stage, right,
Speaker 1: when are you going to start a family when you're
Speaker 1: going to have kids? Not thinking at all, and I
Speaker 1: give a little credit. I hate to do this publicly.
Speaker 1: I give credit to social media. So many people have
Speaker 1: talked about the fact that they can have children, the
Speaker 1: fact that they've had miscarriages, the fact that we've kind
Speaker 1: of lived and made it more normal that so many
Speaker 1: of us go through these ordeals and traumatic situations, and
Speaker 1: I think we all just didn't talk about it. It's
Speaker 1: kind of like mental health. We all just didn't talk
Speaker 1: about this.
Speaker 3: And so social media.
Speaker 2: Has been so important for taking away the stigma and
Speaker 2: the shame I think we talked about when I was
Speaker 2: a counselor at Experience Camps, at camp for grieving kids.
Speaker 2: I see so many parallels there, like social media has
Speaker 2: helps people talk about grief too, And again I get
Speaker 2: frustrated with why don't we learn this in school, Like, okay,
Speaker 2: you learn the basic sex set of here's how a
Speaker 2: baby is made, but we don't learn about miscarriages in
Speaker 2: sex said, we don't and think about how common it is.
Speaker 1: Well and how to deal with it too. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think what you talked about it never dawned on me.
Speaker 1: But everybody, everybody on walking this planet is going to
Speaker 1: suffer loss. We don't talk about that at all in school.
Speaker 1: You know, we're teaching you trigonometry and algebra and teaching
Speaker 1: you maybe how to make a wallet or an ash tray,
Speaker 1: But we're not talking about the fact that, yeah, there
Speaker 1: are miscarriages. How do you handle this grief? What are
Speaker 1: the stages of grief? How do you deal with this?
Speaker 1: Because we will all at some point unfortunately deal with that.
Speaker 1: It's inevitable.
Speaker 3: Well, if we get back to you and I and.
Speaker 2: Withoud said and getting back to this question, I will
Speaker 2: also say as a woman, and I would guess many
Speaker 2: women out there can relate to this. It's that questions
Speaker 2: asked differently to women than it is to men. I
Speaker 2: sometimes feel a judgment with it.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Nicee, where you're coming from.
Speaker 3: Well, don't you.
Speaker 2: Think that people probably react like say that you and
Speaker 2: take out that you and I were even together. So
Speaker 2: pretend we're both single right now. Don't you think that
Speaker 2: I would get asked are you going to have kids?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: But you would probably never get asked are you gonna
Speaker 3: have more kids?
Speaker 1: One hundred percent?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: And I understand towards you, it feels like pity, like, oh,
Speaker 1: you haven't had that you need to reach that stage
Speaker 1: in life. You are missing something, Yes, And that's obviously
Speaker 1: not the case, and you're right. Nobody would ever ask me, hey, man,
Speaker 1: you didn't get married again so you can have more kids.
Speaker 3: I've just noticed that.
Speaker 2: I think sometimes it comes with a little bit from
Speaker 2: some people, not from everyone, but with a little bit
Speaker 2: of like, but why not, or like or you're making
Speaker 2: the wrong decision, Like sometimes I can feel that.
Speaker 1: Tone a little bit like judgment.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not explicit or overt, but sometimes I feel
Speaker 2: it or I and then I hear myself trying to
Speaker 2: feel like I have to justify it. Actually, it was
Speaker 2: interesting bringing up Experience camps again. But I noticed a
Speaker 2: lot of other women at that camp because it was
Speaker 2: an all it's all female counselors, but a lot of
Speaker 2: the other counselors. It was the first time I'd been
Speaker 2: around so many other women who said, and I guess
Speaker 2: we should say for the record, right now, we are
Speaker 2: not talking about having kids. In fact, we're I don't know,
Speaker 2: how do we best put it, we don't plan to
Speaker 2: have more kids. Yes, And a lot of other women
Speaker 2: at that camp said the same thing, like said, I
Speaker 2: don't know, they like, they don't really plan to have kids,
Speaker 2: And so it was sort of refreshing. I thought a
Speaker 2: lot about the podcast we did with doctor Sterling and
Speaker 2: how she said she's seeing that gynecologist and she's seeing
Speaker 2: more and more people not have kids, which could be
Speaker 2: a dangerous thing for our population. I don't really know
Speaker 2: on that, but yeah, so it was it was interesting
Speaker 2: to discuss that with the other women.
Speaker 1: Do you think that those women are just more of
Speaker 1: a sign of the times, or do you think there
Speaker 1: was a direct correlation. Because you were at grief camp,
Speaker 1: You've all lost somebody at a very young traumatic stage
Speaker 1: in your life.
Speaker 3: There's probably a myriad of connections there.
Speaker 2: I wondered too, just somebody who maybe doesn't want to
Speaker 2: have kids.
Speaker 3: Are they like like there.
Speaker 2: I would imagine if you're a parent and you're parenting
Speaker 2: every day, it's probably not easy to then be like
Speaker 2: I'm going to go to a camp and like be
Speaker 2: account camp.
Speaker 3: Council for kids all day. That's true, Like if you
Speaker 3: don't have kids, it's a little more like, oh, this
Speaker 3: is special.
Speaker 2: I get to go help these kids, and this is
Speaker 2: you know, not something I do all the time, and
Speaker 2: I'm coming at it, you know, without a lot of exhaustion.
Speaker 2: So I wondered that. I'm sure there's several factors going
Speaker 2: into it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it is something that I have noticed just
Speaker 1: a change in myself as well about how I approach
Speaker 1: talking to people, just because I know so many people
Speaker 1: who have been through some really traumatic things or just
Speaker 1: can't have kids, and it's that's something. Also we talked
Speaker 1: a little bit to the doctor about that it's harder
Speaker 1: for people to get pregnant today than it was. I
Speaker 1: don't know, you know, scientifically what's going on, medically, what's
Speaker 1: going on, but it is so much.
Speaker 3: Did you say it's just talked about more.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Well, she I think no. She said, there is a
Speaker 1: direct there is a change in the amount of testosteroman men.
Speaker 1: And remember we kind of went into that whole thing,
Speaker 1: and we we cause a lot of it ourselves, and
Speaker 1: there's things you can do well.
Speaker 3: We are yes, planning to have children back. I feel
Speaker 3: like I get very well.
Speaker 1: We don't mind opening up our own lives. It's just
Speaker 1: it's how we approach other people. And it's it's not,
Speaker 1: you know, crazy, because I get that when people come
Speaker 1: up to us and ask that or want to talk
Speaker 1: about it, it's it's they just want to connect with
Speaker 1: you totally.
Speaker 2: And I want to see as we get into this
Speaker 2: that this is a different choice for everybody. This is
Speaker 2: an individual choice. I think kids are wonderful. I think
Speaker 2: getting to that that negativity I maybe sometimes feel. And
Speaker 2: I I said this to the other counselors at camp.
Speaker 2: Here's the distinction. I think people think like you don't
Speaker 2: like kids, or you think parenting is bad because you're
Speaker 2: not choosing to have kids. That's not at all. I think
Speaker 2: parenting is the hardest job in the world. I have
Speaker 2: an immense amount of respect for it. Maybe that's in
Speaker 2: part why I.
Speaker 3: Feel like I I think it's really hard.
Speaker 2: And I know that I have no idea how hard
Speaker 2: it is, so I can't imagine how hard it is.
Speaker 2: And maybe that's what puts me off from having kids
Speaker 2: a little bit. So I have so much respect.
Speaker 3: For it, and I think kids are amazing. I loved
Speaker 3: being at camp.
Speaker 2: I loved trying to be a positive presence in those kids' lives,
Speaker 2: and I think I have a caretaking heart. It's just that,
Speaker 2: like one thing I said to some of the other
Speaker 2: camp counselors as we were talking about it, is like,
Speaker 2: sometimes I've had a hard time talking to my mom
Speaker 2: about this. Yeah, because I think my mom, and rightfully so,
Speaker 2: puts a lot of her identity in being a mom,
Speaker 2: and she should. She's raised all tuot our Horns, three
Speaker 2: incredible successful kids, and she did an incredible job at parenting.
Speaker 2: So I think sometimes she struggles with me not being
Speaker 2: so on board with having kids. But I've said to her,
Speaker 2: and I told this to the other counselors. The way
Speaker 2: I put it is, Look, I probably could have done
Speaker 2: a lot of things well in life. My parents were
Speaker 2: both lawyers. They wanted me to go to law school.
Speaker 2: I probably could have been a great lawyer.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 2: He's in his head, he's thinking about how I argue
Speaker 2: with him. But I didn't want to be a lawyer.
Speaker 2: Do I think that if tomorrow, like I don't know,
Speaker 2: if there was some reason we needed to adopt or something,
Speaker 2: I think i'd be a good mom.
Speaker 3: I just don't.
Speaker 2: I've never really felt that super strong need, and I
Speaker 2: think it's such a difficult job that I don't know
Speaker 2: that I want to jump in when I don't feel
Speaker 2: like I really want this.
Speaker 1: Someone asked us if we had this conversation when we
Speaker 1: started dating.
Speaker 3: I think we started talking about this on our first
Speaker 3: date exactly.
Speaker 1: I think it came up and I said, absolutely, we
Speaker 1: had this discussion, and to have not had this discussion
Speaker 1: would be incredibly I mean, ignorant and irresponsible. I urge everybody,
Speaker 1: whether you are getting married for the second time, like
Speaker 1: Lzie and I, if you were getting married for the
Speaker 1: first time and you are twenty three, twenty four to
Speaker 1: twenty five years old, or whatever, wherever you find yourself
Speaker 1: in life, you must have that conversation of what you
Speaker 1: both want out of life, what you both want out
Speaker 1: of a family. And look, I know you may not
Speaker 1: have all the answers, and you shouldn't have all the
Speaker 1: answers when you're just kind of starting out, but you
Speaker 1: should have a pretty good overall idea.
Speaker 2: Well, I think it depends on your age, Like if
Speaker 2: you're twenty three, you don't need to bring up kids
Speaker 2: on the let's not freak each other out, right, But
Speaker 2: we were older, and I think back on our first date,
Speaker 2: our first date was a pretty It ended up being
Speaker 2: a very long conversation. We talked for hours, and we
Speaker 2: got into like where we maybe start ourselves living one day,
Speaker 2: how we wanted to live the rest of our lives,
Speaker 2: and probably it was just because we thought, look, we're
Speaker 2: a little older, I know what I want. I don't
Speaker 2: want to mess around and waste anybody's time. So we
Speaker 2: got into some.
Speaker 3: Of those big really deal breaker time.
Speaker 1: We talked about moving to Austin. We talked about moving
Speaker 1: to Texas on that first day. Yeah, we did, because
Speaker 1: I let Lauren know that was kind of my dream
Speaker 1: and my goal eventually. I obviously I didn't know I
Speaker 1: was leaving the show at that point, but I said,
Speaker 1: you know, I will be heading back to Texas at
Speaker 1: some point, and I said on night one with her,
Speaker 1: please come with me. No, I didn't go that far.
Speaker 3: Again, don't free people out.
Speaker 1: I do think it's important, and I didn't mean for
Speaker 1: if you're twenty four, twenty five years old and you're
Speaker 1: you know, dating, to have that conversation. But eventually, if
Speaker 1: you get serious with someone, when you see a life
Speaker 1: with someone, if you think about proposing or whatever, yeah
Speaker 1: you should have that. And it's not just kids. It
Speaker 1: has to do with your career, where you may want
Speaker 1: to live. All those things should be discussed so it's
Speaker 1: not a big thing when it comes up later. And
Speaker 1: that conversation isn't set, and Cement, I think that's really important.
Speaker 1: And you and I have had this discussion. Just because
Speaker 1: you said something five years ago, ten years ago, it
Speaker 1: doesn't mean time's life. Your heart doesn't change. These conversations
Speaker 1: are not set, and Cement, it's okay to revisit. It's
Speaker 1: okay to talk and continue that conversation because we all change.
Speaker 2: I actually think one thing I said to you early
Speaker 2: on was losing my dad made me realize it's that
Speaker 2: old saying we plan and God laughs, Yeah, I thought
Speaker 2: my life was you see your life, you know, you
Speaker 2: see like your dad being there to talk to you
Speaker 2: about your first job or walk you down the aisle
Speaker 2: one day, and you kind of then life throws something
Speaker 2: at you that totally changes everything, and that may me
Speaker 2: realize that actually it can sometimes be detrimental to try
Speaker 2: to plan your life too much. And I have friends
Speaker 2: who I think have boxed themselves in sometimes by doing that.
Speaker 2: Very fair and so yeah, I totally agree with you.
Speaker 2: I think I said to you in the beginning, like
Speaker 2: I want you to know that the death of my
Speaker 2: father made me realize I don't totally know where I'll
Speaker 2: be in five years, you know, and I might feel
Speaker 2: differently about something like that was an experience that changed
Speaker 2: me as a person.
Speaker 3: So whatever life throws at me might change me.
Speaker 2: And it's interesting because I it makes me. Especially I
Speaker 2: think as we're thinking about getting married, you know, thinking
Speaker 2: about we're coming up on getting married, I think so
Speaker 2: much that like, the partner you pick has to be
Speaker 2: someone who.
Speaker 3: My dad actually, oh gosh, I don't want to hear it.
Speaker 3: My dad actually said this to me.
Speaker 2: He said, I love your mother because she's someone I've
Speaker 2: been through seasons with and I can see myself through
Speaker 2: seasons with. And what he meant was like, the seasons
Speaker 2: of life are going to change you, and you've got
Speaker 2: to pick somebody who's willing to be on those those
Speaker 2: changes with you. And it's a fine line, right, or
Speaker 2: maybe it's a great area. I'm not saying put up
Speaker 2: with everything from somebody, like, don't put up with someone who's,
Speaker 2: you know, making you miserable and who's not turning out
Speaker 2: to be the person that they told you they were
Speaker 2: going to be. This is case by case, but yeah,
Speaker 2: you have to be flexible with each other and empathetic
Speaker 2: with each other.
Speaker 1: And so for us, you know, and I think I
Speaker 1: think back on our conversations, whether it was kids, whether
Speaker 1: it was moving to Texas, I was always very open
Speaker 1: to I'm always open to life. And that's one of
Speaker 1: the things I love about you. It's one of the
Speaker 1: things I love about us. And we have said, you know, well,
Speaker 1: we're going to grow wherever we're playing it like, we
Speaker 1: will go. If we want to go somewhere new, we'll
Speaker 1: leave Austin, we can go. It's I love the fact
Speaker 1: that we both have that sense of adventure, sense of spirit,
Speaker 1: but also just knowing we will make that work. And
Speaker 1: when it came to kids, it was a conversation we
Speaker 1: had early on, and you came to it from one direction.
Speaker 1: I came to it from another. Having two kids and
Speaker 1: knowing that they would be very involved in our lives
Speaker 1: and your life as well. If we ended up going
Speaker 1: the distance, then they have become part of your life
Speaker 1: as well.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean, I've always said that I've never came into
Speaker 2: their life trying to or wanting to be a parent,
Speaker 2: but wanting to be someone who's there for them, who
Speaker 2: loves them, who mentors them. For sure, I've like thought
Speaker 2: about inventing a new word for it.
Speaker 3: I actually I'm still very close.
Speaker 2: With my former mother in law, right, and she and
Speaker 2: I decided now I call her my mother and soul
Speaker 2: and she calls her me her daughter and soul.
Speaker 4: Oh.
Speaker 1: I like that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so we can like invent new words and phrases.
Speaker 1: No, that's actually much more appar Well, it's you.
Speaker 2: Know, because I hate stepmom, Like, well, damn, damn you Disney.
Speaker 3: I know, every step is always this villainous character.
Speaker 2: Rich. I mean, I don't know why step dads aren't
Speaker 2: out there getting a bad rap in the movies.
Speaker 3: It's not fair.
Speaker 2: Mothers have to be all things like it's like they
Speaker 2: have to be the one saving the kids and dying
Speaker 2: for the kids, and then the stepmom's got to be
Speaker 2: the villains. And it's like, like, I don't know, dads
Speaker 2: take some of the heat and these archetypes.
Speaker 1: Jesus, I blame I blame Uncle Walt on all that.
Speaker 1: So let's go with I like that mother and soul, Yeah,
Speaker 1: because it is that's that is definitely your relationship with
Speaker 1: the kids, and I love that.
Speaker 3: Kendall.
Speaker 2: Do you have any more specific questions we could address,
Speaker 2: because I'm yeah, I know you make topic I feel
Speaker 2: like I'm.
Speaker 1: Bringing our producer Kendall, who had a list of questions
Speaker 1: from all of you guys.
Speaker 4: Yes, I actually have a couple for you guys. One
Speaker 4: question is do you ever worry that you will regret
Speaker 4: this decision?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 2: If I'm being honest, yes, I mean sometimes I it's
Speaker 2: hard because again you have people who are so close
Speaker 2: with like my mom telling me literally, well, I just
Speaker 2: don't want you to regret it one day, but you
Speaker 2: know you could operate.
Speaker 3: I don't know. We could worry about so many things
Speaker 3: we might regret.
Speaker 2: And I have thought about freezing my eggs just as
Speaker 2: an insurance policy, because again, you never know what life's
Speaker 2: going to throw at you. And yeah, so like I
Speaker 2: think that little worry is there. But I also again
Speaker 2: go back to like, it's such a big decision that
Speaker 2: I remind myself, I can't operate out of this like fear.
Speaker 2: I need to operate out of what I want, and
Speaker 2: that's what's in my mind.
Speaker 1: I like that. I appreciate you being honest for everybody listening,
Speaker 1: because it would be very easy for you to just
Speaker 1: say no, no, like no regrets, no regrets, Yeah, no regards,
Speaker 1: not even one letter.
Speaker 4: What else Kendall, Chris, this is a question for you,
Speaker 4: how do your kids feel about this decision?
Speaker 1: Oh, that's interesting. I don't know exactly. I think they assume.
Speaker 1: I mean, we've kind of had these conversations. I think
Speaker 1: they kind of assume that we are not having more kids.
Speaker 1: I think if we chose to, they're such amazing, loving people,
Speaker 1: they would embrace it and be all over it and be,
Speaker 1: you know, a phenomenal big sister, big brother. So that's
Speaker 1: the kind of the great thing about Taylor and Joshua.
Speaker 1: It was more about I think the human that I'm
Speaker 1: with and who I would be doing that with with Lauren,
Speaker 1: that is most important to them. They are so evolved,
Speaker 1: so smart, and so kind, such better people than I am,
Speaker 1: and so yeah, I think that would be it. But
Speaker 1: I think they assume through our discussions because they're pretty
Speaker 1: close with Lauren and I and we've kind of been
Speaker 1: open about this.
Speaker 4: And a question for you both is what benefits do
Speaker 4: you see and not having children in terms of lifestyle, career,
Speaker 4: personal goals.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I remember seeing this one. And there was
Speaker 2: also one that said, like, how do you see your
Speaker 2: relationship without children?
Speaker 3: So those are sort of twofold. I mean, I think,
Speaker 3: to me, I've just always and part of it is I've.
Speaker 2: Been so passionate about what I do for work, and
Speaker 2: I like, that's what I want to keep doing. Right now,
Speaker 2: you know, we're working on some different things and and
Speaker 2: with our production company together working on some things. So
Speaker 2: I love working with you, and I think, you know,
Speaker 2: it's just I just see that as so much of
Speaker 2: my future that that's the passion. And you know, as
Speaker 2: many creative people will tell you, they like have projects
Speaker 2: that are their babies in some way.
Speaker 1: And I totally agree, and I love the future that
Speaker 1: we have and it's you know, it feels a little selfish,
Speaker 1: but you know, again, we've been there, and Lauren's been
Speaker 1: there with me getting the kids out of you know,
Speaker 1: high school, getting them to college. That has been a
Speaker 1: part of our relationship that we've shared. And we're about
Speaker 1: to kind of take that step into we're kind of
Speaker 1: empty nesters, but really the kids are still in college.
Speaker 1: We're about to become full empty nesters. And then you know, selfishly,
Speaker 1: I'm going to be like Dona Zema and I'm going
Speaker 1: to kind of put it on the kids and eventually,
Speaker 1: you know, we'll have grand babies to play with and
Speaker 1: to spoil and to watch, but then to quickly give back.
Speaker 1: And so it's exciting to think about what might come.
Speaker 1: And again, best la plans, you never know, but you know,
Speaker 1: having lived that life, and I love the stage the
Speaker 1: kids are at now. And Lauren's obviously super involved in
Speaker 1: this stage of the kids growing, figuring out what they
Speaker 1: want to do with life, their careers and internships and
Speaker 1: all that. So it's not like we're footloose and fancy free,
Speaker 1: even though we say we're empty nesters. So we get
Speaker 1: to we get to dabble in both right now, which
Speaker 1: is kind of awesome.
Speaker 3: I mean, I'll be honest, So I want to travel.
Speaker 2: I want to you know, there's so many things that
Speaker 2: I mean, we won't even get a dog for that reason.
Speaker 3: I'm like, I want to be I want to see
Speaker 3: the world.
Speaker 2: So so I see that as a huge thing that
Speaker 2: is going to be major in our lives over the
Speaker 2: next couple of years.
Speaker 1: And to be honest, you know, having been there and
Speaker 1: done that, I understand the commitment and the energy and
Speaker 1: the patience that it takes to have a baby then
Speaker 1: to raise that child and be at daycare and mommy
Speaker 1: and me and daddy and me, and you know, be
Speaker 1: at kindergarten, you know, parent teacher conferences and recitals and
Speaker 1: t ball and all those things which I loved. I
Speaker 1: was all in the thought of doing that again just
Speaker 1: doesn't seem like that's where I am in my life
Speaker 1: right now. It doesn't seem where that's where Lauren is
Speaker 1: in her life right now, and us as a couple.
Speaker 1: So that is our decision. Anybody else who's older who
Speaker 1: wants to dive in and do that again, God bless you.
Speaker 1: That's great. That's just not where we are right now.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, I'm looking at this list of questions you
Speaker 2: sent us Kendall from people. Yeah, one of them is
Speaker 2: Lauren growing up, did you always envision yourself have kids?
Speaker 2: And the answer really is no. I don't know if
Speaker 2: that's unusual or not. If other women have felt that way,
Speaker 2: Please DM me and let me know. Like I said,
Speaker 2: some of those other counselors at camp and I related
Speaker 2: on this, But I was never like, I want to
Speaker 2: have kids one day, I can't wait to have kids.
Speaker 2: I want to be a young mom, I want to
Speaker 2: be an older mom. I was never saying that stuff.
Speaker 2: My sister's very different than me. My sisters always wanted
Speaker 2: to have kids. I'm so excited for her to have kids.
Speaker 2: I can't wait to be an aunt. But I was
Speaker 2: never really I was always like, here's what i want
Speaker 2: to do for work, here's what i want to do
Speaker 2: with my life, here's what I'm passionate about. And that
Speaker 2: was my focus. And you know, then probably on top
Speaker 2: of that, I would say, again going back to the
Speaker 2: effects of grief, but losing my dad meant that, you know,
Speaker 2: I had to step up as a sibling in a
Speaker 2: lot of ways. I needed to help with my brother
Speaker 2: and sister and be there for them more in a
Speaker 2: little bit more of a maternal role, which you're already
Speaker 2: doing as the oldest child. So yeah, you know, I've
Speaker 2: been out here raising these these adult siblings of mine.
Speaker 2: My brother literally calls me second mom.
Speaker 3: Sometimes. I think fellow oldest sisters out there can relate.
Speaker 1: And we touched on a little bit earlier, but that
Speaker 1: really is a thing in society that we have put
Speaker 1: on young girls.
Speaker 2: Right nobody's asking the boys, do you want to be
Speaker 2: a dad one day?
Speaker 1: What do you want to do when you grow up?
Speaker 1: That's what I got asked.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's maybe happening a little more now.
Speaker 1: I want to be an astronaut, I want to be
Speaker 1: a fireman. Oh, you're going to be a great mom.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think it's happening a little more now, but it's
Speaker 2: definitely still not the norm to hand a little boy
Speaker 2: a baby doll and say, why don't you play being
Speaker 2: daddy today?
Speaker 3: And here's a little toy stroller.
Speaker 1: I definitely talked to Taylor as she was growing up
Speaker 1: about just just as I talked to Joshua as far
Speaker 1: as business, and oh, you want to be a chef,
Speaker 1: that's great, Well, Taylor, you have you thought about owning
Speaker 1: a restaurant? You know you can own it, and you know,
Speaker 1: so just stilling that, yeah, and stilling the broader look
Speaker 1: of the world and being more entrepreneurial and being you know,
Speaker 1: and having that as opposed to are you so excited
Speaker 1: someday you get to have a baby? And you know,
Speaker 1: changing that conversation because and by the way, if that's
Speaker 1: what anybody wants to grow up and do, great, that
Speaker 1: is noble. It is beautiful and wonderful, But so as
Speaker 1: being CEO of any company, President of the United States,
Speaker 1: what have you. And by the way, we could use
Speaker 1: that anybody who wants to sign up.
Speaker 3: Please one thing about the career stuff.
Speaker 2: It's interesting. This might sound wild. Obviously, the traditional issue
Speaker 2: that women face is that if you have kids, like
Speaker 2: it affects your career. You know, I mean, your your
Speaker 2: body suffers and you're and our American jobs are so
Speaker 2: awful with how much maternity leave they give. You know,
Speaker 2: we're like the worst country in the world for that,
Speaker 2: and it's hard. Then you're you know, you're It's just
Speaker 2: so much for women to deal with. So I've heard
Speaker 2: other people say before that they did not have kids
Speaker 2: because of their career. I've also wondered lately, like it's interesting.
Speaker 2: I've actually I can't believe I'm saying this out loud.
Speaker 2: I don't know if this is going to be an
Speaker 2: awful thing to say. Sometimes I wonder if not having
Speaker 2: kids will affect my career. Will affect my career in
Speaker 2: a negative way in that like it will make me
Speaker 2: less relatable to people. People will feel like I don't
Speaker 2: understand their lives. People will feel like, you know, I'm
Speaker 2: talking to them on Instagram, but like I don't get it.
Speaker 2: And so yeah, that's like been a fear that I've had,
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Not unfounded, but I think and I'm just going to say,
Speaker 1: because of you, you're the most compassionate, understanding, loving person.
Speaker 1: And I don't think that defines you or ever would,
Speaker 1: but I understand where you're coming from. That makes sense
Speaker 1: to me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it's helped.
Speaker 2: It has helped to have Josh and Taylor because also
Speaker 2: it's helped me understand you, you know, to love them
Speaker 2: and to worry about them. And for sure, when you're parenting,
Speaker 2: you understand parenting better. Like you know, I've called my
Speaker 2: mom and said, God, I really get this now now
Speaker 2: that we've you know, I've lived with teenagers and college kids.
Speaker 3: And yeah, the second we start parenting.
Speaker 1: Lauren texts the latest fentanyl warnings, the you know, worried
Speaker 1: about everything then you know, whatever warning the.
Speaker 3: Scary headline, and I text the kids, Yes, I do it.
Speaker 1: So you get it. You get these sleepless nights. You
Speaker 1: understand that. And that's the thing is that the empathy
Speaker 1: is there, and you know that's the beauty of you.
Speaker 1: But I think there is.
Speaker 2: Something really beautiful about once you parent, then you understand
Speaker 2: your own.
Speaker 3: Parents better like I have.
Speaker 2: I have really loved being able to talk to my
Speaker 2: mom about some stuff now that I've experienced life with.
Speaker 3: Josh and Taylor. Kendall, any other questions.
Speaker 4: Well, I was going to ask if you guys would
Speaker 4: ever get a pet, but it sounds like.
Speaker 1: You want so, kendle As. We'll wrap on this because
Speaker 1: that's a good one. We don't even do great with plants.
Speaker 3: I've killed three orchids we have tried to keep. Everybody
Speaker 3: was telling me orchids, you don't really need to water them.
Speaker 3: They don't take that much water.
Speaker 1: A few ice cubes in them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can be out of town. It's fine. No,
Speaker 3: they're dead. We have three hundred dollars down the.
Speaker 1: Drink, three bare stems right now and we haven't even
Speaker 1: removed those. No, so we look at it as a
Speaker 1: piece of art now.
Speaker 2: I mean, a joke I've always made about myself is
Speaker 2: I don't do well with living things that rely on
Speaker 2: other living things to survive.
Speaker 1: You know what, I'll throw this out there too. And
Speaker 1: I love pets. You love pets too, You love dogs,
Speaker 1: I do too.
Speaker 3: Maybe I don't love dogs.
Speaker 2: You that by the way, you want to talk about
Speaker 2: something that people judge, and that is a polarizing thing
Speaker 2: to say if it's a hot take.
Speaker 3: I don't love dogs.
Speaker 2: Other people will see they'll like see a dog out
Speaker 2: in public and say, oh, what a cute dog, and
Speaker 2: they'll want to pet it.
Speaker 3: I never have that instinct.
Speaker 2: I like a small, non shedding dog that I know
Speaker 2: those dogs are. I'm not reaching for the dogs. This
Speaker 2: is a very hot take. Please, I promise I'm a
Speaker 2: loving person.
Speaker 1: Lauren Ziema Chris P.
Speaker 2: Harris.
Speaker 3: I'm not a Disney villain with a heart of ice.
Speaker 3: I'm not. But I'm just not a big dog person.
Speaker 1: But a I'm telling you pets dogs can be even
Speaker 1: more time consuming because that's true.
Speaker 2: At a certain point a child is going to be
Speaker 2: able to take care of themselves.
Speaker 3: You can never leave the dog. You gotta go home
Speaker 3: and let the dog exactly.
Speaker 1: So that's going to be a note for us. But
Speaker 1: I loved talking about this topic. It's something that you
Speaker 1: and I get asked a lot.
Speaker 3: But also I was a little nervous to get into this.
Speaker 1: I think I was too, because.
Speaker 2: I'm afraid I don't want to offend anyone, and I
Speaker 2: don't want anyone to feel so I hope we've explained
Speaker 2: ourselves well today. And like also with again the note
Speaker 2: that I think this is such a personal decision, and.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like you do you? And also your mind
Speaker 3: can change.
Speaker 2: I mean I have said to you straight up, being honest,
Speaker 2: trying to talk about everything before we get married, and
Speaker 2: I said this to you a while ago actually, but
Speaker 2: I said, what if in five years I feel differently?
Speaker 3: What if I wake up and I change my mind?
Speaker 2: What if I have some kind of life experience where
Speaker 2: all of a sudden I feel totally differently, Just like
Speaker 2: when my dad died it made me feel totally differently
Speaker 2: about some things.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's why I will say again, having a
Speaker 1: conversation I think is really important and responsible to start,
Speaker 1: but nothing set in stone. I mean that cement doesn't dry.
Speaker 1: I think you have to be able to evolve. You
Speaker 1: have to be able to rethink and restructure your life,
Speaker 1: and as your spouse, as your lover in all ways,
Speaker 1: you got to be understanding of that. You've got to
Speaker 1: be willing to have that conversation. It doesn't mean you're
Speaker 1: just like okay, but it means you've got to be
Speaker 1: willing to open your heart to see what that looks
Speaker 1: like and have that discussion. And maybe you're bringing up alternatives,
Speaker 1: like maybe it makes sense for us to adopt, maybe
Speaker 1: it makes sense to whatever. But I think you have
Speaker 1: to be open and understanding enough to realize that because
Speaker 1: somebody said something five years ago, ten years ago, heart, mind, soul,
Speaker 1: body can change because life changes.
Speaker 3: It's okay either way, you know.
Speaker 1: The way I guess I look at it is I've
Speaker 1: been on both sides of the fence. I was the
Speaker 1: guy that knew he was going to be a dad.
Speaker 1: I wanted to be a dad. That was a goal
Speaker 1: of mine, that was my life. I for sure wanted
Speaker 1: to have kids. But I am now in the other camp,
Speaker 1: so I can see it from both sides now, which
Speaker 1: I guess makes it a little easier to discuss because
Speaker 1: I understand those feelings of oh my gosh, like that's
Speaker 1: all I want, But now I also appreciate it's not
Speaker 1: what everyone wants, and I think that's what we all
Speaker 1: need to appreciate. And now also, I think we're all
Speaker 1: a little bit more educated on getting pregnant and the
Speaker 1: things that other people have been through to be maybe
Speaker 1: a little bit more sensitive about just going up and saying, Hey,
Speaker 1: when are you gonna have kids?
Speaker 3: Hey, when are you gonna get a dog?
Speaker 1: Hey, y'all gonna get another orchid. But reach out to
Speaker 1: us on social media. We appreciate it. That's what prompted
Speaker 1: this talk today, and that's what we like doing, is
Speaker 1: discussing things that you guys want to dive into. And
Speaker 1: we will be doing it a lot more because we
Speaker 1: have a lot more to talk about. Thanks for listening.
Speaker 1: Follow us on Instagram at the most dramatic pod ever,
Speaker 1: and make sure to write us a review and leave
Speaker 1: us five stars. I'll talk to you next time.