WEBVTT - Eating Disorders & Feelings of Shame

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<v Speaker 1>I won't let my body out me outwait everything that

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<v Speaker 1>I'm made dope, won't spend my life trying to change.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm learning to love who I am. I get I'm strong,

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<v Speaker 1>I feel free, I know who every part of me

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<v Speaker 1>it's beautiful. And then hello always out wait if you

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<v Speaker 1>feel it with your hands, and there she'll love to

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<v Speaker 1>the boom by the let's say good day and time

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<v Speaker 1>did you and die out? Happy Saturday. Outweigh fam Amy

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<v Speaker 1>here and it's just gonna be me solo for this episode.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to start off with an email that Lisa

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<v Speaker 1>and I got, though you can always email us. We

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<v Speaker 1>love hearing from you. Hello, Outweigh podcast dot com and

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<v Speaker 1>a fellow listener, so just like you listening right now,

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<v Speaker 1>Sarah sent this in and I thought, I want to

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<v Speaker 1>read this email on the podcast as encouragement for others listening.

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<v Speaker 1>And Sarah is the reason why we do this podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>You listening right now, that is why we do this.

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<v Speaker 1>I assume maybe you're taking in our episodes, hopefully over

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<v Speaker 1>the weekend if you need it, or maybe one day

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<v Speaker 1>during the week when you're on a walk. But it's

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<v Speaker 1>just that one sliver of encouragement throughout the week. Hopefully

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<v Speaker 1>you have multiple slivers of encouragement happening and coming from

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<v Speaker 1>different resources and places and people. But Outweigh, like our hope.

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<v Speaker 1>Lisa and I both just want you to at least

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<v Speaker 1>have that. If you don't have those others, you at

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<v Speaker 1>least have Outweigh that you can count on for. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>fifty minutes of something that is going to make you

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<v Speaker 1>not feel alone is going to give you that extra

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<v Speaker 1>bost of encouragement that you need to keep going because

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<v Speaker 1>I know firsthand that living with an eating disorder or

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<v Speaker 1>any disordered eating behaviors that alter your life, it's exhausting

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<v Speaker 1>and it can feel lonely and there's a lot of shame.

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<v Speaker 1>So we're gonna get into some of that today. But

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<v Speaker 1>like I said, we're going to start off with an

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<v Speaker 1>email from Sarah. She said, Hey, I just wanted to

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<v Speaker 1>thank you for this podcast and being a safe place

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<v Speaker 1>for people like myself who are recovering from disordered eating.

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<v Speaker 1>Throughout the pandemic and the last few years, I unknowingly

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<v Speaker 1>developed many disordered eating habits and it started to significantly

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<v Speaker 1>impact my physical health. I've been listening since the beginning

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<v Speaker 1>and I've learned that this is my absolute safe space

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<v Speaker 1>to listen, knowing that you won't allow negative body talk,

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<v Speaker 1>suggestive behaviors that could be harmful to those in recovery,

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<v Speaker 1>and overall a healthy way to respect and learn about

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<v Speaker 1>our bodies. I noticed the impact when I listened to

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<v Speaker 1>an episode of another podcast yesterday and could start picking

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<v Speaker 1>up disordered discussion. Because of your podcast, I knew it

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't healthy to continue to listen, so I skipped that

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<v Speaker 1>episode altogether. Prior to outweigh I probably would have continued

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<v Speaker 1>listening to pick up on tips and further connect that

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<v Speaker 1>eating disorder behavior. I'm so so thankful for the work

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<v Speaker 1>that you'll do your friend Sarah, which Sarah, thank you

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<v Speaker 1>for sharing that. And that's what we want this to

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<v Speaker 1>be again, A safe place, your encouragement, a place where

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<v Speaker 1>you're not going to feel any judgment, a place where

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<v Speaker 1>hopefully you won't get triggered. I say that because sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not always perfect and I might say something that

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<v Speaker 1>might throw someone. That's why I don't ever do episodes alone.

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<v Speaker 1>Lisa and I weren't able to connect this week, so

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<v Speaker 1>here we are. It is just me and I don't

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<v Speaker 1>consider myself to be an expert in any way, shape

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<v Speaker 1>or form, And I'm going to be sharing things today

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<v Speaker 1>that are from experts that we know and trust and

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<v Speaker 1>hopefully will yes be that sliver of encouragement that you

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<v Speaker 1>need as you go into this weekend, this week ahead.

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<v Speaker 1>And I just want to, you know, make sure you'll

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<v Speaker 1>know that if if you're new to the podcast, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not the expert. Lisa is the registered dietitian that has

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<v Speaker 1>an emphasis in eating disorders and it's her passion and

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<v Speaker 1>she is just very wise and knowledgeable when it comes

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<v Speaker 1>to this field. And we have Cat de Fata on

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<v Speaker 1>at times, he's a licensed therapist. We have other experts

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<v Speaker 1>that come and bring their amazing wealth of knowledge to

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<v Speaker 1>us where I feel safe talking with them because I

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<v Speaker 1>know that if I say anything triggering, they're gonna they're

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<v Speaker 1>gonna call me out. Because I host Four Things with

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<v Speaker 1>Amy Brown, and that's a podcast I've done for a

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<v Speaker 1>few years now, way longer than Outweigh, And there is

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<v Speaker 1>a time in my career where I have said things

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<v Speaker 1>either on the podcast or on the Bobby Bones Show

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<v Speaker 1>that have been triggering and toxic and I didn't realize

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<v Speaker 1>I was spreading disordered topics or encouraging people to engage

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<v Speaker 1>in disordered behavior, having disordered discussion kind of like Sarah

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<v Speaker 1>said in the email, she was listening to an episode

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<v Speaker 1>of another podcast and immediately she could start picking up

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<v Speaker 1>on the disordered talk and she was able to shut

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<v Speaker 1>it down. Like Taylor Swift said in her documentary or

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<v Speaker 1>little movie thing that she put out, she sometimes has

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<v Speaker 1>to change the channel. And that's literally what Sarah did

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<v Speaker 1>with that podcast is she skipped that episode altogether. She

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<v Speaker 1>was able to shut it down. She changed the channel

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<v Speaker 1>before it got into her little head or big head

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<v Speaker 1>I guess I should say, and started to impact her

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<v Speaker 1>day because I used to do that. I would pick

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<v Speaker 1>up on things from other people, but then I was

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<v Speaker 1>the person also delivering the things for people to pick

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<v Speaker 1>up on. And I don't like that that's part of

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<v Speaker 1>my past. But also I'm thankful for it, because I'm

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<v Speaker 1>thankful for how I've evolved and that there's been growth

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<v Speaker 1>and that I have proof of that and that we're

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<v Speaker 1>allowed to change and again evolve. If you're not evolving,

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<v Speaker 1>you're dead. I had some girlfriends over a couple of

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<v Speaker 1>weeks ago for my birthday, and that was like our

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<v Speaker 1>theme of the night, and we were talking about ways

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<v Speaker 1>where we've grown, and then we would all like say

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<v Speaker 1>together out loud, if you're not evolving, you're dead. So

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<v Speaker 1>I just want to give you that quote as well.

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<v Speaker 1>And everybody evolves in their own time, eating disorder recovery

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<v Speaker 1>or disordered behavior recovery. It takes a lot of work,

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<v Speaker 1>and you are on your own timeline, So don't feel shame.

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<v Speaker 1>And if you're not where I am now in what

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<v Speaker 1>I consider to be full recovery. But honestly, I still

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<v Speaker 1>have thoughts in my brain like I don't know will

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<v Speaker 1>I ever be back in the throes of this. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't know. I hope not. And I'm thankful for the

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<v Speaker 1>tools that I have in my toolbox that will hopefully

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<v Speaker 1>keep me where I am and I can continue to

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<v Speaker 1>be an encouragement to each of you and be that

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<v Speaker 1>that story of hope. Because I never thought I would

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<v Speaker 1>be this person. I just thought this was going to

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<v Speaker 1>be something that I had to live with the rest

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<v Speaker 1>of my life. And it was daunting and tiring and

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<v Speaker 1>exhausting and frustrating and sad and depressing and all the things.

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<v Speaker 1>It was low On the outside, people probably saw me

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<v Speaker 1>as high, but in my personal private moments at home,

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<v Speaker 1>it was very very very low and so many feelings

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<v Speaker 1>of shame. Which leads me to the next thing that

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to share with you, which is from one

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<v Speaker 1>of my favorites, Jennifer Rowland. We've had her on the

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<v Speaker 1>podcast multiple times, we talk about her all the time.

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<v Speaker 1>I follow on Instagram. She is just awesome. Now. She

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<v Speaker 1>is an eating disorder therapist, and she put up a

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<v Speaker 1>blog post called Eating Disorders and Feelings of Shame, and

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just gonna read it. Like I said, we don't

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<v Speaker 1>have an expert on as a guest today, but I'm

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<v Speaker 1>going to bring the expert to you. And as you're walking,

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<v Speaker 1>I want you to take in these words. If you're walking,

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<v Speaker 1>or as you're sitting, or you're running errands, or you're

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<v Speaker 1>doing things at your house, however you listen to podcasts.

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<v Speaker 1>I just listen to so many podcasts while I walk

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<v Speaker 1>that I picture you listening out there right now walking.

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<v Speaker 1>But you don't even have to be moving while you

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<v Speaker 1>listen to this at all if you do not feel

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<v Speaker 1>like doing that at all. But for me, that's something

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<v Speaker 1>I like to do when I listen to podcasts. So

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<v Speaker 1>this blog is called Eating Disorders and Feelings of Shame.

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<v Speaker 1>I shouldn't feel so anxious around food. This shouldn't be

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<v Speaker 1>so hard. It's my fault that I developed an eating disorder.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just such a shallow person. I often see clients

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<v Speaker 1>struggling with feelings of shame around their eating disorders, thoughts,

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<v Speaker 1>or behaviors. I've also had clients who express feeling like

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<v Speaker 1>it was some of their own choices which led them

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<v Speaker 1>to develop a neating disorder. The reality is that I've

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<v Speaker 1>never seen anyone successfully shame themselves into recovery from an

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<v Speaker 1>eating disorder. Shame actually can cause people to be dishonest, disconnected,

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<v Speaker 1>and not reach out for support when they need it.

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<v Speaker 1>The antidote to shame is having the courage to be vulnerable.

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<v Speaker 1>It's having the strength to reach out to someone and say, actually,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not okay. It's also important to practice self compassion,

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<v Speaker 1>especially when self critical or shame based thoughts start to

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<v Speaker 1>come up. The following is an example of how you

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<v Speaker 1>can start to respond to your eating disorder thoughts with

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<v Speaker 1>more compassionate ones. It can be helpful to picture how

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<v Speaker 1>you might respond to a friend or a loved one

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<v Speaker 1>who was struggling. Eating disorder thought, I shouldn't feel so

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<v Speaker 1>anxious around food. Compassionate response. It's perfectly understandable that I'm

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<v Speaker 1>feeling anxious around food. I'm in recovery from an eating disorder,

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<v Speaker 1>and this is how my manifests. How can I take

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<v Speaker 1>the next pro recovery action anyways, Eating disorder thought, this

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<v Speaker 1>shouldn't be so hard. Compassionate response. If recovery were easy,

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<v Speaker 1>that my therapist and dietitian wouldn't have jobs. Recovery is

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<v Speaker 1>definitely tough, but it will get easier with time and practice.

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<v Speaker 1>Eating disorder thought, it's my fault that I developed a

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<v Speaker 1>needing disorder. Compassionate response. No one would choose to develop

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<v Speaker 1>in eating disorder. They're miserable, the same way that no

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<v Speaker 1>one would choose to have cancer. However, recovery is a

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<v Speaker 1>choice that I can keep making in each moment. Eating

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<v Speaker 1>disorder thought, I'm such a shallow person. Compassionate response. If

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<v Speaker 1>I were truly shallow, I wouldn't feel so distressed about

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<v Speaker 1>the fact that I'm fixating on weight. I'm not hello,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm someone who is in recovery from an eating disorder.

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<v Speaker 1>It's perfectly understandable that I'm going to have a tough

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<v Speaker 1>time with body image as this is one of my symptoms.

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<v Speaker 1>What can I do to be kind to myself right now?

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<v Speaker 1>Eating disorder thought, I'm not even sick enough to have

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<v Speaker 1>an eating disorder. Compassionate response. It doesn't matter what someone weighs,

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<v Speaker 1>whether they have normal labs or medical complications, or how

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<v Speaker 1>often they use behaviors. Everyone who is struggling with an

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<v Speaker 1>unhealthy relationship to food and their body is sick enough

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<v Speaker 1>and deserves to get treatment. It's not your fault that

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<v Speaker 1>you developed an eating disorder. Eating disorders or mental illnesses

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<v Speaker 1>that are caused by a combination of biopsychosocial factors. They

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<v Speaker 1>are not choices. You are not weak or a bad

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<v Speaker 1>person for struggling. You are someone who is doing the

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<v Speaker 1>best that you can right now with the coping strategies

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<v Speaker 1>that you have. Reaching out for help when you are

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<v Speaker 1>struggling is true courage. It takes incredible to say, actually,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not okay and I need support. If you're struggling

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<v Speaker 1>with feelings of shame around your eating disorder, you are

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<v Speaker 1>not alone. The more that we can speak up about

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<v Speaker 1>eating disorders, the more we can start to shatter the

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<v Speaker 1>shame and stigma again. That's from Jennifer Rawlin. It's a

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<v Speaker 1>blog post that she put up on her website that's

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<v Speaker 1>called a Disorders and Feelings of Shame. So if any

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<v Speaker 1>of those feelings of shame resonate with you, then make

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<v Speaker 1>sure you give yourself the compassionate response. You might need

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<v Speaker 1>to rewind and listen to some of those, or go

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<v Speaker 1>to Jennifer Rowlin dot com r O L L I

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<v Speaker 1>N to get this blog so you can print it out,

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<v Speaker 1>keep it with you, type it into your phone, copy

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<v Speaker 1>and paste it. Put it wherever you can see those

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<v Speaker 1>compassionate responses, so that way you have a way to

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<v Speaker 1>combat the feelings of shame again, stuff like I shouldn't

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<v Speaker 1>feel so anxious around food. This shouldn't be so hard.

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<v Speaker 1>It's my fault that I developed an eating disorder. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>just such a shallow person. Those are feelings that can

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<v Speaker 1>be natural. Shame is normal. There's nothing wrong with you. However,

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<v Speaker 1>it's what you do with it. After you have the

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<v Speaker 1>thought and you have a person right here, shout out

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<v Speaker 1>Jennifer that has given you a compassionate response to yourself

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<v Speaker 1>that will help you change the channel that will help

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<v Speaker 1>you shut it down. Now. I had again so much

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<v Speaker 1>shame with my eating disort of I said it earlier,

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<v Speaker 1>like there you just it's very lonely. I would binge

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<v Speaker 1>and purge. I felt like, oh, why couldn't I just

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<v Speaker 1>not eat instead of being the person that eats so

0:12:38.320 --> 0:12:41.040
<v Speaker 1>much and then chooses to, you know, get rid of

0:12:41.080 --> 0:12:43.600
<v Speaker 1>it and purge it in a way, which purging you know,

0:12:43.920 --> 0:12:46.920
<v Speaker 1>might have been an actual like purge type situation, or

0:12:46.960 --> 0:12:49.120
<v Speaker 1>it might have been going to the gym for hours

0:12:49.160 --> 0:12:51.720
<v Speaker 1>on end to try to burn all of the calories.

0:12:52.240 --> 0:12:55.920
<v Speaker 1>So for me, oh, the weight of shame with the binging,

0:12:56.559 --> 0:12:58.480
<v Speaker 1>I just felt like I had nobody to talk to

0:12:58.679 --> 0:13:02.080
<v Speaker 1>For some reason. I felt like if I just didn't

0:13:02.080 --> 0:13:03.960
<v Speaker 1>eat at all, that would be easier to talk to

0:13:04.040 --> 0:13:07.839
<v Speaker 1>someone about, because you know, society understood that better. But

0:13:07.920 --> 0:13:10.640
<v Speaker 1>the more and more people are talking about binging, the

0:13:10.720 --> 0:13:13.199
<v Speaker 1>less shame I feel about it, and it feels more

0:13:13.280 --> 0:13:16.240
<v Speaker 1>normal for me to talk about it. So that being said,

0:13:16.280 --> 0:13:19.240
<v Speaker 1>I want to share a newsletter that I got from

0:13:19.400 --> 0:13:23.440
<v Speaker 1>Katherine Hansen. She was a major part of my recovery.

0:13:23.520 --> 0:13:25.600
<v Speaker 1>I've never met herror, but I hope that one day

0:13:25.679 --> 0:13:27.360
<v Speaker 1>I get to tell her thank you for her book

0:13:27.480 --> 0:13:30.680
<v Speaker 1>Brain over Binge, and for her podcast, Brain over Binge,

0:13:30.760 --> 0:13:33.760
<v Speaker 1>and for her newsletters that are all about Brain over Binge.

0:13:34.280 --> 0:13:38.079
<v Speaker 1>And I feel like since I felt so much shame

0:13:38.360 --> 0:13:42.880
<v Speaker 1>around the binging that I did, and I had nobody

0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:46.040
<v Speaker 1>to talk to, and I felt hopeless at times, and

0:13:46.080 --> 0:13:49.120
<v Speaker 1>it was so hard to give up the binges and

0:13:49.320 --> 0:13:52.560
<v Speaker 1>rewire my brain, and I'm thankful that Katherine was part

0:13:52.559 --> 0:13:55.240
<v Speaker 1>of walking me through that, along with Lisa's fork, the

0:13:55.240 --> 0:13:58.560
<v Speaker 1>Noise program and other tools that I got from other

0:13:58.720 --> 0:14:01.680
<v Speaker 1>therapy that I have been doing. But I want to

0:14:01.720 --> 0:14:05.280
<v Speaker 1>read a newsletter that Catherine sent out. Hopefully it'll be

0:14:05.360 --> 0:14:07.400
<v Speaker 1>encouragement to y'all and maybe you'll want to go listen

0:14:07.480 --> 0:14:10.120
<v Speaker 1>to an episode that could help you out if you

0:14:10.240 --> 0:14:13.880
<v Speaker 1>happen to be someone that is struggling with binging right now,

0:14:14.360 --> 0:14:17.360
<v Speaker 1>so Katherine wrote, you may feel frustrated that you've reduced

0:14:17.400 --> 0:14:20.680
<v Speaker 1>your binge eating but haven't fully eliminated it from your life.

0:14:20.960 --> 0:14:24.720
<v Speaker 1>So instead of celebrating your progress and making more improvements

0:14:24.840 --> 0:14:28.120
<v Speaker 1>until the binge eating is gone, you may tell yourself

0:14:28.400 --> 0:14:31.160
<v Speaker 1>that improvement is not good enough and that you might

0:14:31.160 --> 0:14:33.920
<v Speaker 1>as well go back to binging more. It's okay to

0:14:34.000 --> 0:14:37.400
<v Speaker 1>acknowledge that you want binge eating fully gone. Of course

0:14:37.440 --> 0:14:40.960
<v Speaker 1>you do because it creates pain in your life. However,

0:14:41.320 --> 0:14:44.320
<v Speaker 1>less binge eating means less pain in your life, and

0:14:44.400 --> 0:14:47.480
<v Speaker 1>that's a step in the right direction. Going from binge

0:14:47.520 --> 0:14:50.960
<v Speaker 1>eating daily, for example, to binge eating once per week

0:14:51.520 --> 0:14:55.760
<v Speaker 1>leads to so much extra time, energy, money, and peace

0:14:55.800 --> 0:14:59.680
<v Speaker 1>of mind. Do not let a transition period of less

0:14:59.720 --> 0:15:02.800
<v Speaker 1>freak Went episodes make you want to return to full

0:15:02.840 --> 0:15:07.840
<v Speaker 1>scale binging. Instead, allow your experience of additional freedom make

0:15:07.920 --> 0:15:12.640
<v Speaker 1>you even more motivated to fully recover. For more motivation,

0:15:12.880 --> 0:15:19.800
<v Speaker 1>listen to episode Creating Motivation to Stop binge eating. Okay, Amy,

0:15:19.880 --> 0:15:23.080
<v Speaker 1>here that was the end of Catherine's little short newsletter,

0:15:23.320 --> 0:15:27.120
<v Speaker 1>But episode of the Brain over Binge podcast is where

0:15:27.160 --> 0:15:30.640
<v Speaker 1>you can find creating motivation to stop binge eating. And

0:15:30.680 --> 0:15:34.000
<v Speaker 1>I just felt like somebody out there needs to hear that.

0:15:34.160 --> 0:15:37.000
<v Speaker 1>And I wish I had had Catherine in my life

0:15:37.080 --> 0:15:41.160
<v Speaker 1>or a podcast like that to listen to ten, fifteen,

0:15:41.440 --> 0:15:44.360
<v Speaker 1>twenty years ago, but I didn't. And here we are,

0:15:44.600 --> 0:15:48.560
<v Speaker 1>and slowly but surely again, I'm in what I like

0:15:48.640 --> 0:15:52.440
<v Speaker 1>to consider my recovery, and my hope is that you

0:15:52.480 --> 0:15:54.840
<v Speaker 1>will all get there too if that's what you need,

0:15:54.960 --> 0:15:56.960
<v Speaker 1>or you'll be able to stay there, or you'll feel

0:15:56.960 --> 0:15:59.280
<v Speaker 1>like you have the support, or you'll find the friends

0:15:59.320 --> 0:16:01.479
<v Speaker 1>that you can talk to about it the right community

0:16:01.600 --> 0:16:04.440
<v Speaker 1>for you. In the meantime, Lisa and I we want

0:16:04.480 --> 0:16:08.920
<v Speaker 1>to be that community for you every Saturday Throughoutweigh and

0:16:08.960 --> 0:16:11.560
<v Speaker 1>again we do love hearing from you. Thanks again to

0:16:11.640 --> 0:16:13.720
<v Speaker 1>Sarah who sent that nice email that I read at

0:16:13.760 --> 0:16:17.240
<v Speaker 1>the beginning of this podcast, and we appreciate it so much.

0:16:17.320 --> 0:16:20.400
<v Speaker 1>It gives us the encouragement to to just keep going

0:16:20.520 --> 0:16:23.400
<v Speaker 1>and keep putting out content, and keep putting out episodes

0:16:23.440 --> 0:16:26.880
<v Speaker 1>and keep sharing because you know, one by one it

0:16:27.040 --> 0:16:29.520
<v Speaker 1>is making a difference. And I just want each and

0:16:29.560 --> 0:16:32.600
<v Speaker 1>every one of you listening today to know you are

0:16:33.000 --> 0:16:37.400
<v Speaker 1>not alone, and if you need support, I hope that

0:16:37.520 --> 0:16:40.520
<v Speaker 1>you will find a way to ask for it. There

0:16:40.600 --> 0:16:43.960
<v Speaker 1>is no shame in what you're going through at all whatsoever.

0:16:44.440 --> 0:16:46.320
<v Speaker 1>If you want to reach out to us again, the

0:16:46.360 --> 0:16:50.560
<v Speaker 1>email is Hello Outweigh podcast dot com and I hope

0:16:50.560 --> 0:16:52.680
<v Speaker 1>you'll have a great rest of your day and we'll

0:16:52.680 --> 0:16:56.400
<v Speaker 1>see again next Saturday.