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Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional profession. Hey,

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Speaker 1: Professional home Girls is the kid of a name from

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Speaker 1: the PSD podcast, the only place where you would hear

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Speaker 1: interviews from black women an honestly on stories that will

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Speaker 1: enlighten and expand on taboo topics. Now, if you hear

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Speaker 1: someone that sounds familiar, mind the business that pays you child.

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Speaker 1: If you like the PhD podcast, please rate, review and

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Speaker 1: subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Please five star reviews only. Hold

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Speaker 1: me down, don't hold me up. Merchants now enveloped on

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Speaker 1: the site as well as my book list, so please

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Speaker 1: make sure you visit the link in the show notes below.

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Speaker 1: You can connect with the kid on Instagram at the

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Speaker 1: Professional home Girl and at the PhD podcast. If you

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Speaker 1: are on Twitter, please follow me at the PhD podcast Now.

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Speaker 1: If you are all caught up with episode, listen to

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Speaker 1: the bonus episodes by supporting the PSD podcast Patreon account.

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Speaker 1: To support, please visit www dot patreon dot com. Forward

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Speaker 1: slash the PSG podcast now. Please keep in mind that

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Speaker 1: all of my guests are Annes. So let's again this

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Speaker 1: week's episode. You know it makes a lot of sense

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Speaker 1: now because I'm thinking about certain videos that I watched

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Speaker 1: over the weekend, and I can see that dynamic because

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Speaker 1: there would be times where you would just be like,

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Speaker 1: you're talking and you're just expressing yourself and she would

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Speaker 1: just be sitting there just watching you, and it seems

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Speaker 1: like she wanted to say something but she can't. She

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Speaker 1: didn't like it, she didn't like but she would never

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Speaker 1: say it out loud that she didn't like it. And

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Speaker 1: did you notice I wouldn't let her talk much? Yeah? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: because because I wouldn't let go take over my show.

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Speaker 1: She wanted to talk and take and she want to

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Speaker 1: make me shut up? How could you say that? And

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Speaker 1: we would get in the argument sometimes before we got

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Speaker 1: on the show and she would put me down. She

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Speaker 1: would have to have that stab m hm for the

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Speaker 1: cameras on and says she was better than me. And

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Speaker 1: you can also see the difference of yourself when you

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Speaker 1: did the show by yourself compared to where she on

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Speaker 1: the shows that she was with you. Now, what you know,

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Speaker 1: what did you notice when she wasn't there and when

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Speaker 1: she was there? What did you feel like when you

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Speaker 1: was when I think that you were always who you

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Speaker 1: are as far as like the shouldermanship and you speaking

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Speaker 1: yourself this net. But I also feel like, I don't

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Speaker 1: know something. It was just something different, like you can

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Speaker 1: just see your your mannerism. And maybe I'm just thinking

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Speaker 1: about it because of her presence, because she didn't speak

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Speaker 1: much at all, and when she did speak, it was

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Speaker 1: very like a couple of sentences here and there. But

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Speaker 1: I'll cut her off, right, But I feel like when

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Speaker 1: you was there by yourself, I don't know, maybe he

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Speaker 1: was like a calmness to you. It's they were like,

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Speaker 1: because you will still be yourself. But I feel like

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Speaker 1: it was a difference. But girl, I had to hold

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Speaker 1: back the pain because, like I said, what y'all didn't know.

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Speaker 1: We're sitting there and I'm smiling. I'm like, welcome the

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Speaker 1: power show. But she had just insulted me, and I

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Speaker 1: had to sit there and smile and make it laugh

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Speaker 1: and and act like she has not just insulted me. Right,

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Speaker 1: But I also feel like with the platform and hearing

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Speaker 1: you share your story and have a conversation with you

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Speaker 1: right now, I feel like you was the mother to

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Speaker 1: a lot of women that you wanted your mother to

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Speaker 1: be to you. That's what got me taking advantage of

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Speaker 1: because I was so wounded, and I'm like, well, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna give this because I wanted and I didn't get it,

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Speaker 1: and I didn't set up boundaries, and and women took

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Speaker 1: advantage of me. People took advantage of me because I

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Speaker 1: didn't want to set a dollar shigne or a value.

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Speaker 1: And you know, I actually had um. A young lady

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Speaker 1: tell me she was dealing with one of the other

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Speaker 1: motivational speakers, who was I found out was stealing from me.

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Speaker 1: How do I know? Because the lady that had her

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Speaker 1: homework and her assignments, they knew that she had taken

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Speaker 1: him from a giant of power. And what they bought

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Speaker 1: from her, they sent it to me. It was exactly

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Speaker 1: my stuff that she stole. But they liked her wine

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Speaker 1: because she was very articulate. She had a staff that

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Speaker 1: would do her website, her marketing, and her management. She

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Speaker 1: actually had stolen the book from the lady Corstilettos in

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Speaker 1: the kitchen. M H. I ain't gonna say no name,

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Speaker 1: but if you're looking up, you know what I'm talking about.

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Speaker 1: She stole from that lady and that lady had to

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Speaker 1: sue her, and she said it was her book and

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Speaker 1: she plagiarized it and light like she was plagiarizing from

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Speaker 1: me and a lot of other women who were naturally

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Speaker 1: gifted and charismatic and came up with their own philosophies

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Speaker 1: and concepts. They were biting. That's what most of these

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Speaker 1: people on top do. They bite, and they have a

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Speaker 1: management of marketing team and sponsors, and they repackaged it

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Speaker 1: like it's airs. And the lady told me, we like

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Speaker 1: her and we pay her, and we will not pay

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Speaker 1: you because your videos are all of the place for free,

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Speaker 1: and you're on the phone talking to me for free.

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Speaker 1: And I have to pay her two hundred dollars an

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Speaker 1: hour just to get on the telephone. So we have

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Speaker 1: more value for her because she makes us pay her.

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Speaker 1: We have to pay for her classes, and um, you

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Speaker 1: don't mm hmm. And I actually felt like I was

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Speaker 1: okay to tell me, you're giving all this stuff out

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Speaker 1: of love and you just want to share. We're taking

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Speaker 1: it and we're listening to it, but we don't have

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Speaker 1: any value for you. You You know what that lady did

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Speaker 1: fuck them over and stow their money, and they didn't

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Speaker 1: get better because they found out she was stealing from

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Speaker 1: me and everybody else, and she really didn't tell them

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Speaker 1: anything to transform them. She took their money and it

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Speaker 1: sounded good. And to be honest with you, that's why

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Speaker 1: this why don't feel sorry for people when you want

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Speaker 1: to get mad at a mega preacher and he got

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Speaker 1: ten women pregnant, and y' also sucking your little boy

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Speaker 1: because he has a mega church, he has the bent leads.

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Speaker 1: And that's what this lady was doing, saying, I got

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Speaker 1: this house because I'm so prosperous. I teach a law

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Speaker 1: of attraction. But you rent now Airbnb. I see fifteen

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Speaker 1: years ago, we didn't know that that was possible. You

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Speaker 1: right in the house and you said, there yours, and

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Speaker 1: I can teach you how to track this, and you

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Speaker 1: send me your money and you pay up for the

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Speaker 1: class and you pay and you have to talk to me.

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Speaker 1: I understand why that would seem more valuable to somebody

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Speaker 1: that don't have nothing, and they admire the show, the

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Speaker 1: glitz and the glamour. And that's why mega preachers and

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Speaker 1: people that are bragging and reverend eight days on the

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Speaker 1: from a reverend eye and that works, and you send

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Speaker 1: the money in Tammy and Faye Tammy Faye the preachers

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Speaker 1: and and Jim Timm and Jim and you see the mansion,

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Speaker 1: you see the studio, you see the card most sets

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Speaker 1: up as least and rented and it's not belonging to them,

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Speaker 1: but people like that you being an honest person and

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Speaker 1: a sincere person. And I'm giving all this knowledge from

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Speaker 1: my heart and this energy me, just me, and they're

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Speaker 1: just vampire off of it, eating off of it. And

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Speaker 1: then said, we're not gonna pay you because you don't

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Speaker 1: have any value. You won't even charge you want to

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Speaker 1: structure your business, and she does and she gives less

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Speaker 1: information than you, and she charges more and just give

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Speaker 1: me hours of this stuff. I can't believe this black

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Speaker 1: bitch told me that. Black women told me we have

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Speaker 1: no value for you because you give from your heart

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Speaker 1: and you give it away and you will not cut

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Speaker 1: it down marketing, give us less and make us pay.

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Speaker 1: I never forgot that, And they watched me start, watched

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Speaker 1: me suffering. Then I was going through UM abusive relationship

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Speaker 1: with a dirty ass nigger that I was doing with it.

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Speaker 1: I did just this year, just got rid of got

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Speaker 1: away from UM. Sure. Yeah, like I said, I can't

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Speaker 1: blame white people. Black women showed me that they don't

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Speaker 1: have value for themselves, and they didn't have value from me.

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Speaker 1: When you're giving from a place of love, they feel

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Speaker 1: like that's not power. The only thing a lot of

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Speaker 1: these women really admire that come from nothing and have

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Speaker 1: nothing like I did, was youll excuse me still do

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Speaker 1: somebody getting up there with a shoeshine show talking eloquently,

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Speaker 1: not speaking, a bonyx, a good package with a con

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Speaker 1: on it, but charging you high dollars. That's how our

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Speaker 1: people are. Mm hmmm. Because why people ask me you're

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Speaker 1: gonna go back to that one? You won't get that

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Speaker 1: from me again. It's on YouTube, it's everywhere else. That

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Speaker 1: was the real me, my heart and soul. But you

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Speaker 1: know what, I was a wounded healer and I moved

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Speaker 1: from a place of wounds, and I felt like you

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Speaker 1: shouldn't have to sell everything. I'm just giving this as

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Speaker 1: a gift of love. All might hurt in my pain,

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Speaker 1: and I how I flipped it and set by myself

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Speaker 1: and learned black women didn't respect it. M how do

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Speaker 1: you feel about black women now? Because I I can,

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Speaker 1: I can, I can feel I can I can since

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Speaker 1: I don't like that when I'm just saying it in

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Speaker 1: it's like I think just like me. I'm just telling

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Speaker 1: you how they did me. I didn't do anything to

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Speaker 1: them that they didn't like me, and they really and

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Speaker 1: black women fight each other and they're each other's worst enemy.

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Speaker 1: And I hope you I know you're not trying to

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Speaker 1: say this is just me, because I know you've seen

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Speaker 1: what I see. No, no, no, I know, but I can,

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Speaker 1: I can, I can feel you. I can sense to

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Speaker 1: hurt like it's not like them. I fight them back

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Speaker 1: because unfortunately I'm still dealing with this and I see

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Speaker 1: I can't trust them. Only a few of them. I'm

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Speaker 1: good to them that are good to me, But now

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Speaker 1: I am open to everybody around the world, because you

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Speaker 1: will be hungry and you will die if you're trying

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Speaker 1: to be on some pro black, all black hate whitey

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Speaker 1: type of ship. When that conscious community would not accept

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Speaker 1: me and would not allow a lot of people in.

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Speaker 1: You will start trying to be on that pro black ship,

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Speaker 1: and you love all black women because you know what,

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Speaker 1: all of them are gonna love you, and they're all

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Speaker 1: not gonna support you. And they're very not all of them,

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Speaker 1: they're group of them like you and me. But you

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Speaker 1: have to find them. You have to find your sisters

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Speaker 1: and and test them and make sure that they love

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Speaker 1: you like you love them, and they down for you

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Speaker 1: like you down for them. And I say it doesn't exist.

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Speaker 1: But a lot of Black women as a whole, we

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Speaker 1: are taught to attack and fight each other and compete

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Speaker 1: with each other. So if they can't compete in another

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Speaker 1: arena and they look up to someone else and they

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Speaker 1: know they're not gonna let you in and another race

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Speaker 1: that I gonna let you in there, and they'll go

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Speaker 1: funk about you. They'll then to feel better and be

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Speaker 1: superior with their money in the house, the closers and

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Speaker 1: things will take other Black women and have a narcissistic

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Speaker 1: relationship with you and make you grobble or kissed, their

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Speaker 1: ask for certain trinkets and benefits when they know that

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Speaker 1: you could be naturally more gifted and more talent, but

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Speaker 1: you don't have the access, you don't have the connection.

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Speaker 1: I see it. It's not just mean. So no, when

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Speaker 1: I said that, I'm not saying from place so anger.

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Speaker 1: I don't hate all women of color. I don't. I'm

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Speaker 1: just telling you what I learned. I'm telling you what

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Speaker 1: they told me and how they would justify the mistreatment

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Speaker 1: me and the rejection of my message and the way

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Speaker 1: that I gave it, And I, you know what, I agree,

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Speaker 1: But what she said, Um, because I didn't know business,

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Speaker 1: I didn't know marketing. I couldn't get managers, I couldn't

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Speaker 1: get people that would sit down and structure me. I

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Speaker 1: didn't have the education. Um. I was a wounded person

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Speaker 1: and just wanted to give the knowledge. I'll put it

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Speaker 1: out there and just at that time, think about it,

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Speaker 1: I understand it. I had all these people not upon

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Speaker 1: in my hand, and I was viral millions of views

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Speaker 1: on YouTube before they start censoring me and taking my

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Speaker 1: channels down, and did not know how to take that

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Speaker 1: to the bank, and did not have people to say, girl,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, you're a goal mine. Let me teach

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Speaker 1: you how to structure this and get your money because

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Speaker 1: everybody wants you. Instead, I got people to come to

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Speaker 1: me and say, Wow, you're a gold mine, and I

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Speaker 1: want to sign a contract with you and take your

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Speaker 1: rights and put you as a host on the show.

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Speaker 1: And I owned the show and you own nothing. Mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: Black people wanted to do that to me. I know

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Speaker 1: what you have, and I know what to do with it.

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Speaker 1: You don't know what you have and you don't know

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Speaker 1: what to do with it. So instead of me teaching

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Speaker 1: you instructuring you, I would have been given a percentage

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Speaker 1: as a partner. They wanted me to have no rights

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Speaker 1: because you're too stupid to see what you have. And

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Speaker 1: it wasn't that I was stupid to not know what

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Speaker 1: I had. I just didn't have the right people in

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Speaker 1: my corner to teach me how to market it. I

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Speaker 1: didn't have the sponsors, the backing. No, it's not just

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Speaker 1: like you don't know. I knew I needed the marketing

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Speaker 1: in the structure, but I didn't have the money to

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Speaker 1: do it myself. And when I was trying to look

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Speaker 1: for people to help me structured it, they wanted to

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Speaker 1: charge me a lot of money and they wanted to

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Speaker 1: take my rights. That's what I'm saying. I knew that

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Speaker 1: needed to be done, but I didn't have the access

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Speaker 1: to the media, the agents, the managers, the marketers, all

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Speaker 1: the people I was trying to tap into. They acted

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Speaker 1: like they didn't want to touch me. And when they

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Speaker 1: would talk to me, I see my talent, say like

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Speaker 1: we don't know what to do with you because it's

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Speaker 1: either box A or box B. And now we're talking

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Speaker 1: to you and we see how multifascinating you are in

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Speaker 1: your mind is we can't box you. We don't know

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Speaker 1: what to do with you. That was also the problem.

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Speaker 1: So when people ask me to go back there, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not going back there. I am finally learning now

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Speaker 1: what I am, who I am and what I have

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Speaker 1: from all that pain and creating the power from the pain,

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Speaker 1: learning to stand on my own learning too. And I've

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Speaker 1: actually had people say, but I don't care about your

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Speaker 1: your abilities. I don't care about your new abilities you're showing.

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Speaker 1: I don't care about your new businesses. I just want

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Speaker 1: to laugh off the vagina power. I like when you

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Speaker 1: talk to you crack jokes. I said, you don't give

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Speaker 1: a funk about me, right, because if you're telling me

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Speaker 1: to go back to something that that that I can't

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Speaker 1: eat off of because I don't have sponsors even if

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Speaker 1: I did. Let's say, if I did that now on

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Speaker 1: the website, because you Tube won't pay me, they won't

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Speaker 1: monetize my channel. They say, I'm talking nast when people

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Speaker 1: talk naster than me, and they have sponsors and they

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Speaker 1: monetize them, or they have the chats, the super chats.

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Speaker 1: I don't even have that option, so I have to

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Speaker 1: expert donation. I have to get my money in other ways,

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Speaker 1: and I have to work with my reading is, my

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Speaker 1: products and my services. But if I were to do

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Speaker 1: that on my website or somewhere else, I wouldn't do

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Speaker 1: that without sponsors, because unfortunately I eat from doing my

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Speaker 1: readings and making my products. I never ate off of

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Speaker 1: vagina power. So I'm not going I've learned now, I'm

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Speaker 1: not going back to anything that doesn't make me money.

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Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Damn. I feel like I don't want to

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Speaker 1: ask you no more about join the power now. No,

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Speaker 1: it's fine. I talked about it in a different way

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Speaker 1: now that benefits me and I do private confrontations and

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Speaker 1: I tie it into the work I do and with

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Speaker 1: the spirituality in the sexuality, which to me, being a

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Speaker 1: vagina power is to honor my own self and honor

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Speaker 1: my gifts and don't shrink for nobody or being shamed

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Speaker 1: and embarrassed and hide my gifts for nobody. You love

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Speaker 1: it or you don't like I. Just like I said,

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Speaker 1: you were talking you know a while ago. I will

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Speaker 1: do that, but I will do that in a way

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Speaker 1: that I can chop and screw it in package it

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Speaker 1: to make my money. Even if I bring that back

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Speaker 1: and I chop it up and I put it in

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Speaker 1: a new UM downloads or UM new videos so they

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Speaker 1: can go to my site and pay to download what

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Speaker 1: I've done or my lectures. But basically, I don't even

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Speaker 1: know why people will want me to do it over

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Speaker 1: because I'm basically saying the same thing I said twenty

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Speaker 1: years ago, and they still want me to hear me

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Speaker 1: say the same thing I said twenty years ago and

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Speaker 1: a new video. Well, you're gonna pay me for it.

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Speaker 1: I realized now, even though people said that I said

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Speaker 1: it twenty years ago, and the younger people are listening

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Speaker 1: to it and re listening to it, they still want

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Speaker 1: me now. They want me to teach that now. So

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Speaker 1: now you're gonna pay me, right, And you have all

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Speaker 1: of your content from the show, so can you sell it?

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Speaker 1: Of course, I own it. I own my trademarks and

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Speaker 1: I own my copyrights. Nobody owns it for me. Mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: So when I would need an editor until I learned

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Speaker 1: how to edit this stuff, which I think at this point,

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Speaker 1: because I've even been funk like they were editors and

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Speaker 1: people trying to steal my content once I give to

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Speaker 1: them to do this with it, that with it, and

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Speaker 1: my documentary is about my life, I think at this

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Speaker 1: point I need to learn like a lot of other

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Speaker 1: people like you do. I need to learn how to

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Speaker 1: do the technical side that way that that would never

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Speaker 1: happen to me. Um, that's excuse me. That's what that

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Speaker 1: has taught me. And where black women have told me,

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Speaker 1: we don't value you, we value her and this person

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Speaker 1: ain't ship and you can't see it until she sucks

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Speaker 1: you over, and they don't want to vue me being

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Speaker 1: a good person. A lot of times people devalue you

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Speaker 1: when you're a good person to consider you weak, you's

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. And when when you don't charge

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Speaker 1: them for everything, you're weak and you're stupid. Subliminally, that's

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Speaker 1: how our people treat each other. They will buy something

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Speaker 1: the same product you got. They were back from that

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Speaker 1: that shirt you got you've given them away or you're

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Speaker 1: selling it for a hundred dollars. They go back from

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Speaker 1: another car artists bitch that was selling for three d

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Speaker 1: and fifty dollars the same because we're taught that the

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Speaker 1: more you pay for something, the more valuable than it is.

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Speaker 1: When you know, most wealthy people, they walk around, especially

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Speaker 1: with the white folks, they're walking around with some old

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Speaker 1: tennis shoes on the blue jeans, might drive a Reggatar car.

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Speaker 1: And then they go out with their friends that out

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Speaker 1: in the suburbs, up in the mountains. They got all

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Speaker 1: types of trucks and hammers and Bentley's and fries and

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Speaker 1: you don't even know because they teach us to be

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Speaker 1: to consume and to sell your soul through your pocketbook, uh,

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Speaker 1: your booty hall and everywhere else, to give your value away,

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Speaker 1: when on the other hand, they take it and they

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Speaker 1: keep their value and they invest because they have extra

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Speaker 1: money to invest. Why are you trying to press people

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Speaker 1: and you give yours away? So I realized the psychology

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Speaker 1: and the sickness and a lot of our people, Um

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Speaker 1: so no, and I gonna say, I'm not gonna do it,

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Speaker 1: but the way I did it, And being a martyr,

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Speaker 1: people black people don't respect martyrs. They'll eat you and

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Speaker 1: they'll pick you to the bone, and then you're broken.

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Speaker 1: You're hungry, and then they'll say, well, you're a dumb

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Speaker 1: bitch because you let us eat off you and we

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Speaker 1: know you weren't charging, but we ate it anyway, and

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Speaker 1: now we don't respect you because you broke. So why

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Speaker 1: are you broke? So why are you hungry? Why didn't

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Speaker 1: you charge? Why didn't structure your business like such and such?

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Speaker 1: Who we give our money to, who will give us

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Speaker 1: nothing and over us and exchange We over you because

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Speaker 1: we feel like you're too dumb the week because you

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Speaker 1: gave it to us from love. Love is considered weakness.

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Speaker 1: M hmm. So then my whole attitude. I realized I

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Speaker 1: didn't think I was worthy of being paid because I

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Speaker 1: was with a man and I was with a mother,

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Speaker 1: and I was around people who said I didn't deserve

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Speaker 1: to be paid, and what I said was stupid and

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Speaker 1: had no value. That's another reason when you said where

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Speaker 1: the relationship is, it's where it needs to be for

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Speaker 1: me to form a good relationship with me. And here

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Speaker 1: my wounded little girl, because I realized everybody deserves to

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Speaker 1: be paid for what they do. Everybody deserves to be

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Speaker 1: paid for the services and the gifts that they offer,

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Speaker 1: and they don't want to get paid and they want

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Speaker 1: to give it out. That's something they got to work

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Speaker 1: out within themselves. But what I realized, I'm this is

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Speaker 1: christ and I'm not Mother Teresa. And I was living

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Speaker 1: that way and that's what got me so disrespected. And

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Speaker 1: like you said, other people copying me and trying to

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Speaker 1: act like me, and they're getting paid for what they've

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Speaker 1: bid off me and probably you and everyone else. But

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Speaker 1: it's not too late for me because you cannot copy me.

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Speaker 1: I am an original and there are so many abilities

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Speaker 1: and talents they cannot copy because those things are born

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Speaker 1: in you there in Nate either you have them. That's

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Speaker 1: why I don't really worry about anybody copying me. I

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Speaker 1: don't worry about anybody saying, oh, she's just like you.

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Speaker 1: She talked like you know she doesn't. You don't do

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Speaker 1: everything that I do. You you don't have the abilities

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Speaker 1: that I have. I know that for a fact. And

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Speaker 1: I would never try to be like anyone else. Everybody

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00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:58,959
Speaker 1: is uniquely them and it's certain things to me, Like

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Speaker 1: you said, I'm a psyching me him. On a medical intuitive,

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Speaker 1: I have the altars for the people I cook for

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Speaker 1: the people that are physically passed because those are ancestor altars,

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Speaker 1: and I'm not the first one that's done that. There's

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Speaker 1: a matter of respect to someone that has physically died,

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Speaker 1: especially when they want to be heard, they want to speak,

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Speaker 1: they want to see. Nobody does that but me. You

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Speaker 1: can't tell me you see any reader that's a psychn

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Speaker 1: meet him at those readings that cook for the dead,

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Speaker 1: and that set their altars up and honor and respect them,

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Speaker 1: and pass their messages and dress up and saying to

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Speaker 1: them and make their insense. I have an inset here.

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Speaker 1: You saw it that I make. This is the four

415
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:45,280
Speaker 1: K gold sage stick. Nobody makes that but me. Nobody

416
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:49,000
Speaker 1: likes that. Me and every spirit that comes in here,

417
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:52,439
Speaker 1: somebody who was physically killed, they have one for them,

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Speaker 1: uniquely for them, countles for them, foods for them, prayers

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Speaker 1: for them. M You can't tell me saw anybody to

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Speaker 1: do that. You get little parts of me to talk

421
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Speaker 1: and nasty. Anybody can talk like that because everybody got

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00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:08,480
Speaker 1: a pussy, everybody got a dick. But the other aspects

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00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,800
Speaker 1: of me will never be imitated to duplicate it, because

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Speaker 1: I'm the one to do what I do. Vagina power

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00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:18,840
Speaker 1: just like only you can do you mm hmmm, um.

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Speaker 1: You also spoke about being celibate for a very long time,

427
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:27,040
Speaker 1: and I've been selling that's still like, how has celibacy

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00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:32,560
Speaker 1: improved your life? Again? My mother told me I was

429
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,480
Speaker 1: a whore when I didn't know what that was. Its

430
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:37,120
Speaker 1: four and five years old, and trashed me and beat

431
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:39,080
Speaker 1: me and left me places for people to molestment. Grown

432
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:43,480
Speaker 1: people have sex with me. I never had a healthy

433
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:47,040
Speaker 1: view of my body and my vagina and my sexuality.

434
00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:49,200
Speaker 1: But yet she was sucking, sucking a check on every

435
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:52,119
Speaker 1: man she was with, and people aren't respected that. And

436
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:55,400
Speaker 1: she was very comfortable in her sexualthy fucking anybody and everybody,

437
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,480
Speaker 1: but then did that to her daughters. So as a

438
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:01,560
Speaker 1: result of that, I always had very fat relationships, as

439
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:04,320
Speaker 1: I said, through a law of attraction and the subconscious mind.

440
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:06,719
Speaker 1: They were very destructive to me and abusive. Then men

441
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:08,520
Speaker 1: want to lock me in a cage and put a

442
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:10,720
Speaker 1: doll on the shelf, and the great men tell me

443
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:12,800
Speaker 1: nobody else would want me, and that nobody else would

444
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:14,159
Speaker 1: be better. And I knew there was a lat They

445
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:16,000
Speaker 1: knew I was sick in ahead and I was wounded

446
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,600
Speaker 1: a little girl with a fully functional growing aman was

447
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:23,160
Speaker 1: with Jina, So I wasn't going to keep on getting

448
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:26,919
Speaker 1: getting in relationships. But I was always the loser and

449
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,800
Speaker 1: I was always the victim. And a man tells you

450
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:30,719
Speaker 1: he loves you and he's crazy about you, and then

451
00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:32,359
Speaker 1: he gets you in sex with you, he treats you

452
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:35,200
Speaker 1: like shit and tell you that you're nothing. I couldn't

453
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,600
Speaker 1: heal and really sending my power and heal that one

454
00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:40,240
Speaker 1: a little girl who was molested and violated by my

455
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:43,600
Speaker 1: mother and letting men do this, and then saying at

456
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:45,919
Speaker 1: seven and eight, this guy tried to rape me my

457
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,600
Speaker 1: two cousins, and she says, you liked it and you

458
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:49,879
Speaker 1: wanted it, and you're gonna be a whore you grow

459
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:52,680
Speaker 1: up anyway, So so I'm not gonna confront them. You're

460
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:58,280
Speaker 1: no good. I felt that I needed to heal myself

461
00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:01,440
Speaker 1: and stop letting me and go up in that ejaculates

462
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:03,760
Speaker 1: and me even if with a condom on, they're still

463
00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:07,879
Speaker 1: ejaculating energy and you and men to control you and

464
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:11,200
Speaker 1: dominate you and tell you that you're nothing. And they're

465
00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:14,639
Speaker 1: spreading that energy through your etheric anatomy, your chakras and

466
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:18,919
Speaker 1: your or feel and you're walking and talking and giving

467
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:23,280
Speaker 1: that information out. I'd rather be by myself and hell

468
00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:27,280
Speaker 1: and clear that destructive, negative lyne energy out of me,

469
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:32,840
Speaker 1: so that can stand in my power, crystallized pure gold

470
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:38,160
Speaker 1: energy and power without all of that ship on me

471
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:42,000
Speaker 1: and all that negative calm on me, so I can

472
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:45,120
Speaker 1: really see me and know me and control my own

473
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:47,159
Speaker 1: life and my own world and attract the type of

474
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:49,000
Speaker 1: man that I knew I deserved because I didn't feel

475
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,200
Speaker 1: like I deserve better because I was always told sorry,

476
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:54,240
Speaker 1: my mother was nothing, and and everybody was just gonna

477
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,800
Speaker 1: calm on you and use you for arm candy, and

478
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:58,840
Speaker 1: then they're gonna self sect with you and come on

479
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:00,639
Speaker 1: you and throw you in a trap. Can't to leave you.

480
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:02,240
Speaker 1: My mother was saying that to me and my sister.

481
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:05,080
Speaker 1: We were like twelve thirteen years old. That's all you're

482
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:08,000
Speaker 1: gonna get, and that's all I was getting. Mm hmm.

483
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,320
Speaker 1: So why do you think people have struggles with standing

484
00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:15,439
Speaker 1: in their vagina and penis power? All the things that

485
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:19,440
Speaker 1: we mentioned? Where you come from? What's your childhood islife?

486
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:23,679
Speaker 1: What you experienced but you didn't experience, Yeah, abusing your

487
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:27,679
Speaker 1: issues in your pain. It's many reasons because a lot

488
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:30,160
Speaker 1: of the things we've always talked about, already talked about

489
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:32,920
Speaker 1: dealing with your mother, your father, or their lack of one,

490
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:35,639
Speaker 1: and the architects you came into math Fest or to

491
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:39,119
Speaker 1: work through an heal and rise above. And I just

492
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:40,639
Speaker 1: made up my mind, it's not gonna happen to me

493
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:44,080
Speaker 1: anymore because I learned how to set boundaries and in

494
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:47,359
Speaker 1: my life, you will come in my life on my terms,

495
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:50,320
Speaker 1: or you will exit as fast as you came in.

496
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:54,560
Speaker 1: Because I realized it's my world, it's my life, and

497
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:56,720
Speaker 1: I never felt I had power to do that. Some

498
00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:58,520
Speaker 1: always feel like some man was doing me a favor

499
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,240
Speaker 1: to talk to me, just it with me, to take

500
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 1: me out, like I was less than or some orphan

501
00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:09,840
Speaker 1: or something. And I was always treated that way. That's

502
00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:14,480
Speaker 1: that's all I know. That's that's all my history. And

503
00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:16,640
Speaker 1: then you know what, when I would meet men that

504
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:18,880
Speaker 1: would want to put me on a pedestal, I thought

505
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:22,880
Speaker 1: they were stupid. I didn't want them, I didn't like them.

506
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:25,199
Speaker 1: It was always the bad boy that I couldn't catch it.

507
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:30,360
Speaker 1: I had to chase that was stronger and better. Uh,

508
00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:32,440
Speaker 1: he was stronger, but he because he could leave and

509
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:35,040
Speaker 1: the other man was weaker because he could stay. And

510
00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:37,280
Speaker 1: many times we're twisted and are thinking like that, we

511
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:39,600
Speaker 1: had those types of childhoods. Well, now I don't like

512
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,560
Speaker 1: that at all. I like the bad boy, but I

513
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:45,199
Speaker 1: like the gangster and the gentleman and the one that

514
00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:48,400
Speaker 1: realized what you have in me and showed compassion and

515
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:52,920
Speaker 1: love to me when I need it and strength when

516
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:54,960
Speaker 1: I needed And someone doesn't come in and out of

517
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:57,399
Speaker 1: my life and runs away and walks away, I know

518
00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:00,600
Speaker 1: that's not strength, that's weakness. Because anybody that loves you,

519
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:04,359
Speaker 1: they submit and they stay and they fight through the heartbreak,

520
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:06,639
Speaker 1: the hurt and the pain, and they call up your

521
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 1: wounded little girl and they let her know she's safe

522
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:11,000
Speaker 1: with them, and they're not gonna give her candy and

523
00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:13,200
Speaker 1: kidnapper and raper and they find her in the woods.

524
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:15,680
Speaker 1: They're going to embrace that little girl and you. They're

525
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:17,680
Speaker 1: gonna heal her, they're gonna love her, they're gonna stay

526
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:20,440
Speaker 1: present with her, and they're not gonna let her go.

527
00:26:21,119 --> 00:26:24,639
Speaker 1: They will cherish her. And I understand that now. I

528
00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:29,120
Speaker 1: understand that now. And if you can't give me that,

529
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:32,040
Speaker 1: I will give it to myself and I will stay

530
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:36,040
Speaker 1: seller right same. I've been settled it for over a year.

531
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 1: It's one of the best decisions I made so far. Um.

532
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:44,679
Speaker 1: After the ending of your show, it seemed like you disappear,

533
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:47,439
Speaker 1: But you also mentioned to me before we say I

534
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:50,119
Speaker 1: was sick. I was the bois and by someone that

535
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:53,800
Speaker 1: I trusted, not just community, that dealt with herbs, and

536
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:56,080
Speaker 1: I took the herbs and they tainted the herbs, and

537
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:58,520
Speaker 1: I got very ill and almost died, and all my

538
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:02,080
Speaker 1: glands and my limps well roll up all over my body.

539
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,040
Speaker 1: I'm still dealing with it. And then I didn't know

540
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:07,000
Speaker 1: until lately the house was filled with mold because my

541
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:09,959
Speaker 1: ex would not repair the house. It was his house,

542
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:12,679
Speaker 1: and it was a lot of flooding off and on

543
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:16,280
Speaker 1: in here, and he wouldn't fix things. And I realized

544
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:19,680
Speaker 1: that he wanted me to be sick. Um. He would

545
00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:22,639
Speaker 1: not ever test it from mole. Luckily, I finally tested

546
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:24,560
Speaker 1: it from mo and it was confirmed. The black mold

547
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:26,679
Speaker 1: has been in here for years, and I didn't know

548
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:28,920
Speaker 1: what was making me sick. The doctors could not diagnose

549
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:30,919
Speaker 1: me with anything because I didn't know to tell him

550
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:33,400
Speaker 1: to test me for a mold and this man knew

551
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:35,879
Speaker 1: that was going on, and he literally tried to destroy me.

552
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:40,200
Speaker 1: So I kept that secret and now I'm very open

553
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:45,520
Speaker 1: about it. I'm very honest, um about where I come from,

554
00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:48,960
Speaker 1: because I'm not in that relationship with him anymore. And

555
00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:50,960
Speaker 1: I stopped having sex with him a long time ago

556
00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:53,520
Speaker 1: once I realized he was having sex with me with

557
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:57,040
Speaker 1: lies and ejaculating lies, and he wanted me to hate

558
00:27:57,040 --> 00:28:00,720
Speaker 1: myself and he wanted me um took were like he

559
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,040
Speaker 1: was better than me and less than and he controlled

560
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:07,000
Speaker 1: me through money. I trusted this man and he basically

561
00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:10,240
Speaker 1: he controlled all of my money. I looked at him

562
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:13,040
Speaker 1: as my best friend because he was older and very successful,

563
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,359
Speaker 1: and I wanted him to be my teacher, my lover,

564
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:18,840
Speaker 1: and my friend. He promised to be that, but you

565
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:22,840
Speaker 1: know what, the closer we got, the more controlling and

566
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:27,359
Speaker 1: more narcissistic, and he stole the more. And then he

567
00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:30,480
Speaker 1: would try to destroy my self esteem when I noticed it,

568
00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:32,520
Speaker 1: and confront of me and like to call me dumb

569
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:38,800
Speaker 1: and crazy, just like my mother did. Uh. So now

570
00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:42,560
Speaker 1: I'm not embarrassed. I mean kind of embarrassed and kind

571
00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:46,160
Speaker 1: of hurt, but I'm not so embarrassed in a shame

572
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:49,240
Speaker 1: that I can't share it. I've never shared it. And

573
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:52,400
Speaker 1: his abuse towards me and financial abuse and like um

574
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:56,520
Speaker 1: holding me hostage, uh, financially because I trusted him so

575
00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:59,320
Speaker 1: much and he handled my money and I got my

576
00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:04,479
Speaker 1: money from him, and he used that too, literally destroy

577
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:07,680
Speaker 1: me and all my opportunities in every business opportunity he

578
00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:09,720
Speaker 1: was in it and he knew, and I would wonder

579
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:12,120
Speaker 1: after I introduced myself to someone, or he would sit

580
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 1: down with a business meeting. All of my options were

581
00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:19,920
Speaker 1: destroyed because he was telling them behind my back, Oh

582
00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:22,640
Speaker 1: she's a dumb bit, or she's crazy, done the best

583
00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:25,120
Speaker 1: in her, don't help her because he was afraid. And

584
00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:27,280
Speaker 1: he literally told me he was afraid one day, you're

585
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:30,240
Speaker 1: so talented, they're gonna pick you up, and then you'll

586
00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:33,240
Speaker 1: leave me for a younger man. He was so and

587
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:35,360
Speaker 1: he was like, all my friends say, so, all my

588
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:37,560
Speaker 1: friends said, you're no good and all my friends say,

589
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:39,600
Speaker 1: you just want money. And like I told you earlier

590
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:41,680
Speaker 1: that you didn't know. I was doing that show for

591
00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:44,280
Speaker 1: years for free, just to proof I was a good person.

592
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:47,960
Speaker 1: I was hard, I had nothing, and yet he said,

593
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:51,240
Speaker 1: oh that's all you want, and I could have eased

594
00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:54,120
Speaker 1: the left and slept with people they had more than younger,

595
00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:57,600
Speaker 1: better looking. I didn't. It remind me of Tina Turner.

596
00:29:57,640 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 1: What she said was, I could say, y'all always leave me.

597
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:02,560
Speaker 1: He's beating him in the face, he's sucking over him. Uh,

598
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 1: he's taking a money. You're gonna leave, You're gonna leave,

599
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,200
Speaker 1: and you you should someone doing that. But she started

600
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:09,080
Speaker 1: to try to prove to him she wasn't like that.

601
00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:11,040
Speaker 1: I used to be a dummy and try to prove

602
00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:14,640
Speaker 1: this man. I wasn't like that, and he literally do

603
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:17,520
Speaker 1: what he could destroy my whole life. Watched me go

604
00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 1: through bankruptcy my money because he controlled it and I

605
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:24,040
Speaker 1: had nothing, and I trusted him to handle everything becare

606
00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:27,040
Speaker 1: it was hell and I literally had to get out

607
00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:31,960
Speaker 1: of the relationship with nothing. I'm literally right now later

608
00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:33,600
Speaker 1: in life, I'm just trying to beat myself up and

609
00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:36,400
Speaker 1: feel bad about it, having to start over with nothing

610
00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:40,760
Speaker 1: right because of the way I did not I did

611
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:44,640
Speaker 1: and did not handle my business and trusted this man

612
00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 1: who was lying to me for twenty years. Mm hmm.

613
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:55,200
Speaker 1: You haven't regrets and I just told you everything. Mm hmmm.

614
00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:59,000
Speaker 1: And guess why I'm sharing it now. And I just

615
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:01,720
Speaker 1: it's nothing I can do about it but learn and

616
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:05,400
Speaker 1: get over, because I can't go back. I regret everything

617
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:08,360
Speaker 1: about my life, like I told you, I regret the way,

618
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:11,840
Speaker 1: idea of aaginta power and all that, and let people well,

619
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:13,520
Speaker 1: they were playing on my pain because I had so

620
00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:15,880
Speaker 1: much pain and I just want to give and to help.

621
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:19,640
Speaker 1: That's not what you do. You can give and help,

622
00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:21,960
Speaker 1: but first, Dawn, you gotta look out for yourself. And

623
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:24,720
Speaker 1: I was never taught to do that. It was taught

624
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:27,680
Speaker 1: to sacrifice yourself as that's what Jesus would do. And

625
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:29,760
Speaker 1: you be a good Samaritan and you give service and

626
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:32,400
Speaker 1: you don't expect anything return. You give everything out like

627
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:34,840
Speaker 1: women are taught to do, and you don't actually anything back.

628
00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:37,520
Speaker 1: That's why women get breast cancer because everybody's sucking your

629
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:40,200
Speaker 1: breast and your children sucking your breast, and everybody's fucking you.

630
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:43,520
Speaker 1: Your man is fucking you. And they have oberian and

631
00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:46,480
Speaker 1: uterine cancer because they're giving away and they're afraid to

632
00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:50,160
Speaker 1: say no, and everybody just test from them and they

633
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:52,960
Speaker 1: say no and don't give anything. They only come around

634
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:57,720
Speaker 1: when they're gonna gonna take right. Well, if there's one

635
00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:00,000
Speaker 1: thing that you like people to take away from your journey,

636
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:04,840
Speaker 1: what would that be? Like I said, don't be like me.

637
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 1: You know, you have to heal your issues and your wounds,

638
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:12,480
Speaker 1: and you cannot heal yourself by giving yourself away because

639
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:14,960
Speaker 1: people teach you to give yourself away. You have to

640
00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:17,360
Speaker 1: realize who you are, and you're only gonna do that

641
00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:21,720
Speaker 1: by getting alone and finding out where the original source

642
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:26,320
Speaker 1: of those wounds come from. And it hurts so bad,

643
00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:28,920
Speaker 1: and it's so difficult to do, but you really have

644
00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 1: to spend time and every they're not gonna tell you,

645
00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:34,400
Speaker 1: but everybody knows where it comes from. I don't know,

646
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:36,160
Speaker 1: and I don't know why I let people do this

647
00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:37,920
Speaker 1: and that you know, you just don't want to tell

648
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:40,520
Speaker 1: us that, you know, because you're embarrassing, you're shamed about it.

649
00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:43,840
Speaker 1: But everybody knows what their problem is. And when you

650
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:47,760
Speaker 1: see somebody constantly giving themselves away, that usual childhood wounds

651
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:50,320
Speaker 1: an issue. And then you keep it so deep because

652
00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:52,720
Speaker 1: everybody comes to your life. Folks, you over walks over

653
00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:54,920
Speaker 1: you like that, and then you wonder, you see, they

654
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:56,440
Speaker 1: just don't see how good I am they don't know

655
00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:58,600
Speaker 1: value me and appreach because they know you're a stupid bitch.

656
00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:02,560
Speaker 1: Because you won't stand in your power. You won't realize

657
00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:04,920
Speaker 1: you're a powerful person. You believe your mother and everybody

658
00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:07,280
Speaker 1: else who said you had no power, and that's the

659
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 1: only way that's going to change. No counsel is gonna

660
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:11,440
Speaker 1: fix that. They can help you see it, but nobody's

661
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:14,880
Speaker 1: gonna fix you but you. And unfortunately, you usually get

662
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:17,640
Speaker 1: like me because I keep having people around me and

663
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:20,600
Speaker 1: my mother and my family saying God, it's going to

664
00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:23,040
Speaker 1: fix this, and you're a good person, and God's gonna

665
00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:28,400
Speaker 1: reward you. No, God isn't. It doesn't happen. I don't

666
00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:31,440
Speaker 1: know anybody that happens. To keep being a doormat and

667
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:34,240
Speaker 1: God watch you be a doormat and you pray to

668
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 1: God and God doesn't stop you from being a doormat

669
00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:39,040
Speaker 1: and get your ass kicked to get your brains blowed out?

670
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:41,120
Speaker 1: Oh is that our God's gonna help you? Not take

671
00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:44,280
Speaker 1: you to heaven? Why did why let your brains get

672
00:33:44,280 --> 00:33:46,520
Speaker 1: blowed out? You're trusting the wrong God, and you're not

673
00:33:46,520 --> 00:33:48,440
Speaker 1: trusting to God within you because you feel like it's

674
00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:51,840
Speaker 1: not there and you're not healing your own ship. That's

675
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:54,000
Speaker 1: all I can say is I have nothing elaborate or

676
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:57,280
Speaker 1: philosophically deep to say about that, because that's the only

677
00:33:57,320 --> 00:34:00,960
Speaker 1: way it's going to change, when you face you and

678
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:02,440
Speaker 1: you stand in your power and you learn how to

679
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:06,200
Speaker 1: heal it. Because nobody's gonna come save you. No God, nobody,

680
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 1: it's gonna come save you long term. Eventually, if you

681
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:12,040
Speaker 1: really want to stand in your power, you're going to

682
00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:14,759
Speaker 1: have to look at that person that always looks back

683
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:16,560
Speaker 1: at you, because this person is always with you. So

684
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:19,080
Speaker 1: this person is always with you, and you keep attracting

685
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:23,239
Speaker 1: different people, but you're always right there. You're the fucking problem.

686
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:25,279
Speaker 1: And even not standing in your power and taking it

687
00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:30,239
Speaker 1: back and fighting back, you are the problem. That's just

688
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:33,240
Speaker 1: how I live now. That's why I like being alone

689
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:38,360
Speaker 1: because now I can be comfortable being with me. I

690
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:40,920
Speaker 1: don't need no lover here on, need no friends here

691
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:44,080
Speaker 1: on you, no drinks here on, need no drugs here no.

692
00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:48,800
Speaker 1: I need to really face my ship and be all

693
00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:51,680
Speaker 1: I can be, even though this is in the last

694
00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:55,279
Speaker 1: part of my life, and contribute whatever I'm supposed to

695
00:34:55,280 --> 00:35:00,080
Speaker 1: contribute to everybody. But I can't contribute everything to everybody. Um,

696
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:02,359
Speaker 1: unless I'm doing what I'm doing now, which I've been

697
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:05,959
Speaker 1: a better place now because I'm first giving me what

698
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:09,840
Speaker 1: I need and I'm not ashamed to say what I need.

699
00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:12,239
Speaker 1: And if you don't respect that, I will cut you

700
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:16,200
Speaker 1: the funk off because that tells me you're not what

701
00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:18,680
Speaker 1: I need, and I need to see that and get

702
00:35:18,719 --> 00:35:21,840
Speaker 1: the funk away from you. And it's been all the

703
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:25,719
Speaker 1: people around me have been predators my whole life, and

704
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:28,440
Speaker 1: so and I had to recognize that and I had

705
00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:32,000
Speaker 1: to do what you're taught not to do. You're taught

706
00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:35,440
Speaker 1: to look outside of yourself for something to somebody and

707
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:38,640
Speaker 1: give your power away. They don't teach you, at least

708
00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:40,960
Speaker 1: women of color don't teach you. That would teach you

709
00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:43,759
Speaker 1: this God or something outside of you en up in

710
00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:49,560
Speaker 1: the sky. I don't believe that anymore mm hmm, because

711
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:54,879
Speaker 1: you're giving me away power mm hmm. But I really

712
00:35:54,920 --> 00:36:00,760
Speaker 1: do hope. I really want you to seed and winning life,

713
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:03,920
Speaker 1: and I really do hope that you get everything that

714
00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:07,280
Speaker 1: you deserve because you are iconic and you are legendary,

715
00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:10,200
Speaker 1: and I really hate that people took advantage of you

716
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:15,640
Speaker 1: the way that they did, so however I can help.

717
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:20,080
Speaker 1: I feel that now that I have to start over,

718
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:23,880
Speaker 1: and I'll get it now because I'm doing what I

719
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:26,759
Speaker 1: wasn't taught to do. And if I had a little

720
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:29,160
Speaker 1: girl or had children, I think that's the first thing

721
00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:31,480
Speaker 1: you should teach your daughter to do, is that she's powerful,

722
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:34,440
Speaker 1: and do everything you can to develop her natural abilities

723
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:38,040
Speaker 1: and have her resonate and stand in her power when

724
00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:41,239
Speaker 1: she's a baby. If she does, there's nothing that can

725
00:36:41,239 --> 00:36:43,759
Speaker 1: stop her. When I see women do that and teach

726
00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:48,239
Speaker 1: their children those years as those little girls become very unstoppable.

727
00:36:49,120 --> 00:36:53,080
Speaker 1: So I think it's still better late than never because

728
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:58,040
Speaker 1: all my little girl things I do now, and um,

729
00:36:58,080 --> 00:37:00,560
Speaker 1: I have my little girl toys and all the things

730
00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:02,480
Speaker 1: I want to do, just like when I don't know,

731
00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:04,960
Speaker 1: if you saw like my new outfits that I wear,

732
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:08,759
Speaker 1: that's my little girl's outfits and when I never had

733
00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:13,400
Speaker 1: the curase to wear. I'm bonding with her. I enjoyed it.

734
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:18,640
Speaker 1: I tell myself and I tell people when I'm a

735
00:37:18,719 --> 00:37:20,520
Speaker 1: guest on their show that I just want to honor

736
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:24,000
Speaker 1: the little girl in me. I do it. I'm like

737
00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:26,080
Speaker 1: you like that, and I'm just like, oh my god,

738
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:28,839
Speaker 1: you're too old. You cannot put that outfit on. They're

739
00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:31,480
Speaker 1: gonna laugh, and I'm like, fuck it. I mean, it's

740
00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:34,080
Speaker 1: like my little girl. She always wanted to do it.

741
00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:38,440
Speaker 1: And I always pushed her little girls down and never

742
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:41,200
Speaker 1: said they were beautiful, but she would dress very voluptuously.

743
00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:46,280
Speaker 1: And it makes me giggle when I get on the show,

744
00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:48,160
Speaker 1: like I did a couple of nights ago with the

745
00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:53,319
Speaker 1: the gold crystal bra and it's just chains on it,

746
00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:57,120
Speaker 1: and the twenty and thirty years olds are going crazy,

747
00:37:57,800 --> 00:37:59,759
Speaker 1: and I like, y'all, don't just don't look bad, y'all

748
00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:04,279
Speaker 1: don't They said, we love it? And actually, hell, all

749
00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:07,640
Speaker 1: the younger women and me and going, hey go and Mike.

750
00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:10,520
Speaker 1: I was talking to a young lady and she said

751
00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:13,839
Speaker 1: her husband was doing and she's like, what you keep

752
00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:16,400
Speaker 1: staring at that screen when he looks good? And I

753
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:18,880
Speaker 1: thank you. I said, you didn't get messages to know

754
00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:23,120
Speaker 1: we liked it. And she's what I think. She's in

755
00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:26,759
Speaker 1: her thirties and she's happidely married, and I'm like, you

756
00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:30,200
Speaker 1: know what, that makes me think I still got a

757
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:36,000
Speaker 1: chance to find some because it look good. I told

758
00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:39,120
Speaker 1: you that you still look good because you know, I

759
00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:41,440
Speaker 1: never took my clothes off, and I was always I

760
00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:44,240
Speaker 1: had all these hang ups around my issues and stretch

761
00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:47,160
Speaker 1: marks and scars, and my breast were covered in the

762
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:50,839
Speaker 1: middle with chocolate covered. It looked like bear claws. And

763
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:52,879
Speaker 1: now you're saying I can show the breast and it's

764
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:56,600
Speaker 1: nothing there, Well, how I got there Because of the pain.

765
00:38:57,160 --> 00:39:00,719
Speaker 1: I learned how to make skincare products to foliate and

766
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:04,040
Speaker 1: take how the dead skin off. And you know what,

767
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:07,360
Speaker 1: it's the best revenge. I know what I'm gonna say.

768
00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:09,640
Speaker 1: You probably never went through this. You have no children,

769
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:12,360
Speaker 1: but even with some children, women that's never got scard

770
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:15,280
Speaker 1: I did. And I felt like I had to learn

771
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:20,000
Speaker 1: how to make something good out of the bad stuff,

772
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:26,839
Speaker 1: and I created you know my ex mm hmm. He

773
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:30,399
Speaker 1: would laugh and put me put my body down. When

774
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:33,520
Speaker 1: I had the stretch marks literally like dark bear clouds

775
00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:35,440
Speaker 1: in the middle of my cleavah right there, and I

776
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:37,320
Speaker 1: had them on my stomach, I had them on my butt.

777
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:43,080
Speaker 1: I couldn't um, I couldn't show anything. And when I

778
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:46,239
Speaker 1: started off, and I want to show you can be

779
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:48,719
Speaker 1: powerful without taking your clothes off. So there was another

780
00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:50,520
Speaker 1: reason why I covered everything, because I started to make

781
00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:52,200
Speaker 1: the farmers and work on it back then, but they

782
00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:56,640
Speaker 1: were still there. Um I felt and what I'm gonna say,

783
00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:58,560
Speaker 1: I don't know if you would understand what I'm gars say.

784
00:39:59,719 --> 00:40:02,200
Speaker 1: And other women get ready to say. He came over

785
00:40:02,239 --> 00:40:04,480
Speaker 1: here last year and it came out earlier this year,

786
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:06,960
Speaker 1: and he was fixing something and I had one of

787
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:09,000
Speaker 1: my sea through jumps was saw that I've never ever

788
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:10,560
Speaker 1: worn in my life, that I always wanted to wear

789
00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:12,000
Speaker 1: when I was a little girl. And I love shared,

790
00:40:12,239 --> 00:40:13,920
Speaker 1: you know Turner, And I don't know if you remember

791
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:16,400
Speaker 1: or heard of Lola Pallada, but all those were some

792
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:18,840
Speaker 1: beautiful women and I love them a Lotapo Landa, I

793
00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:21,000
Speaker 1: think for Playboy, she posted naked on the horse and

794
00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:23,000
Speaker 1: she was in Vegas, and I like, when I could

795
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:24,400
Speaker 1: grow up, I want to look like that and have

796
00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:27,200
Speaker 1: a body like that and like Sha Tina Turner. And

797
00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:29,719
Speaker 1: that happened to me. I got pregnant and just eight

798
00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:32,640
Speaker 1: from depression and being put down and humulated my whole pregnancy.

799
00:40:32,719 --> 00:40:34,759
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, that's over, That's never gonna happen. And

800
00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:37,680
Speaker 1: I started looking for ways and talking skincare special instheticians

801
00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:40,799
Speaker 1: and learned how to create this formulas and what would

802
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:44,960
Speaker 1: folly and peel down the skin? And he saw me

803
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:47,799
Speaker 1: with the out and on. He called into the other

804
00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:52,239
Speaker 1: room and he said, why do you have on that

805
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:54,560
Speaker 1: sea through jump suit? Do you realize this man in

806
00:40:54,640 --> 00:40:57,360
Speaker 1: here doing maintenance? And I said, it's my house and

807
00:40:57,400 --> 00:40:59,239
Speaker 1: what do they have to do with me? I don't

808
00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:01,680
Speaker 1: know that they're coming to for maintenance and leave? And

809
00:41:01,719 --> 00:41:04,920
Speaker 1: I said, do you see my chest now? And how

810
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:07,600
Speaker 1: I can do see through and there's no scars? And

811
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:10,680
Speaker 1: I said, remember how you would laugh, how you would

812
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:13,319
Speaker 1: point and and say, oh, there's a stretch my f there?

813
00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:15,560
Speaker 1: Oh and ha ha, there's a stress my right there?

814
00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:19,239
Speaker 1: And who's gonna want you? Who's gonna want to see

815
00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:22,439
Speaker 1: you naked? With that on you? And that ha ha

816
00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:28,440
Speaker 1: ha girl? That destroyed my self esteem. And you know what,

817
00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 1: I already have self esteem. But if somebody does that

818
00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:35,040
Speaker 1: to a woman, you know why he's doing that? So

819
00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:38,160
Speaker 1: she won't leave m hmmm, because she believes she's not

820
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:42,000
Speaker 1: beautiful and who's gonna want to see her? You know that?

821
00:41:42,239 --> 00:41:44,000
Speaker 1: And you know and I know there are women that

822
00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:47,160
Speaker 1: are big, got stretched marks everywhere, that are skinny and

823
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:49,040
Speaker 1: me and love their dirty draws and a kid you

824
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:52,080
Speaker 1: a bottom, so you don't have flawless for a man

825
00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:56,160
Speaker 1: to want you. But he knew that hurt me and

826
00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:59,239
Speaker 1: he liked me like that, and so he then I

827
00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:01,040
Speaker 1: would say, well, he take me to a doctor or

828
00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:03,080
Speaker 1: can you take me to a spa? Oh? I don't

829
00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:05,320
Speaker 1: have the money for that. It's like you, you don't

830
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:07,880
Speaker 1: want to get me out of that prison, but you

831
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:10,480
Speaker 1: want to make fun of me that I'm there, and say, well,

832
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:14,120
Speaker 1: who would want you? I want to see that girl?

833
00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:15,920
Speaker 1: He would actually say, And he's older than me and

834
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:20,120
Speaker 1: not cute, not by nothing. He's like in his fucking seventies,

835
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:22,640
Speaker 1: not a good looking guy. But he liked to tear

836
00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:25,120
Speaker 1: me up because you know how any woman that would

837
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:27,120
Speaker 1: hurt her for her own man is to make fun

838
00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:30,279
Speaker 1: of her naked and say that my other girlfriend looked

839
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:35,239
Speaker 1: better than you. My other girlfriend has no scars. And

840
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:37,880
Speaker 1: so I said that to say, don't you think this

841
00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:40,920
Speaker 1: is the best revenge that even though it's later in

842
00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:45,440
Speaker 1: my life, we're not together and I don't want him

843
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:48,960
Speaker 1: touching me. Why because you said I was nothing and

844
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:52,840
Speaker 1: you said nobody wants me, and you laughed at my

845
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:55,840
Speaker 1: scars and he didn't know, like you didn't know what

846
00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:59,640
Speaker 1: you're telling you now. When I was covering um, I

847
00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:02,279
Speaker 1: was working on formulas of tests to help to eat

848
00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 1: up the scars because it was painful. I'll even going

849
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:07,600
Speaker 1: to the doctor or going back from looking at yourself

850
00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:10,560
Speaker 1: and you see that, and it's like, no, nobody wanted me.

851
00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:13,080
Speaker 1: I didn't have anybody that wotan. You know, some men,

852
00:43:13,160 --> 00:43:14,680
Speaker 1: when they don't love you, you think they love you,

853
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:16,919
Speaker 1: and you take off your clothes and they see that

854
00:43:17,239 --> 00:43:19,120
Speaker 1: because they don't really love you, and then they make

855
00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:21,200
Speaker 1: fun of you or to go tell someone about it.

856
00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:23,920
Speaker 1: And that was my experience in the past. And you know,

857
00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:25,799
Speaker 1: I was a young woman, but I felt old with

858
00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:28,480
Speaker 1: those cars there, and so I didn't tell him, and

859
00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:30,200
Speaker 1: he wouldn't help me go to a doctor to fix it.

860
00:43:30,440 --> 00:43:34,640
Speaker 1: So I learned how to create chemistry ship on my

861
00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:38,120
Speaker 1: own and read and research. And when he saw it,

862
00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:41,080
Speaker 1: I said, remember how you will make fun of me,

863
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:43,400
Speaker 1: and I was like wow, I took it off. I

864
00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:46,560
Speaker 1: was like, do you see anything now? You know he

865
00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:52,480
Speaker 1: got angry because it was yes, and he did what

866
00:43:52,480 --> 00:43:54,920
Speaker 1: he could destroy me. And and that's why when I

867
00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:56,680
Speaker 1: see it now. I like being alone. Like you said,

868
00:43:56,800 --> 00:43:58,759
Speaker 1: how do you feel about selling being alone? Because it's

869
00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:02,960
Speaker 1: a healing for me because I feel like this, if

870
00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:07,160
Speaker 1: a man tortures you and puts you down when something

871
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:09,680
Speaker 1: is wrong with you, and they know it hurts you,

872
00:44:09,960 --> 00:44:12,720
Speaker 1: and it makes you extremely insecure and afraid to be naked,

873
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:16,680
Speaker 1: and it makes you scared to be vulnerable with them

874
00:44:16,719 --> 00:44:18,840
Speaker 1: because when they're having sex with you, they're like, ha ha,

875
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:21,399
Speaker 1: look at this and look at that. But I want

876
00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:22,839
Speaker 1: you and I don't want you to go nowhere else

877
00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:25,200
Speaker 1: and nobody's else is gonna want you. And I'm not

878
00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:27,799
Speaker 1: gonna help you get rid of it either. Girl, Why

879
00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:31,239
Speaker 1: should you let them fuck you when you have to

880
00:44:31,239 --> 00:44:35,919
Speaker 1: struggle to get rid of that stuff yourself. At that point,

881
00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:40,040
Speaker 1: he could never touch me, and it's the best of menage.

882
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:42,040
Speaker 1: I might be older in life, but I feel like

883
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:44,120
Speaker 1: I'm better in life because when it happened to me,

884
00:44:44,160 --> 00:44:46,279
Speaker 1: I had my baby at twenty and my body was

885
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:50,600
Speaker 1: torn up and then I was surgically botched and my

886
00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:53,719
Speaker 1: c section. Instead of going straight, Greta was like this,

887
00:44:54,560 --> 00:44:59,759
Speaker 1: oh wow, he saw that too, and he made fun

888
00:44:59,840 --> 00:45:04,840
Speaker 1: of me, and I found the right surgeon to fix it,

889
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:07,759
Speaker 1: and my also had herneails in the inside because I

890
00:45:07,760 --> 00:45:09,600
Speaker 1: got so big. And when they cut my son out

891
00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:13,520
Speaker 1: of me. Um, it was like, you know, the public hospital,

892
00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:15,640
Speaker 1: and they botched me. And I walked around for like

893
00:45:15,680 --> 00:45:20,319
Speaker 1: twelve years in my stomach asymmetrical and these lumps, but

894
00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 1: I don't know what they were. I didn't really know

895
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:23,439
Speaker 1: my body. I didn't know they were were pieces of gut.

896
00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:29,239
Speaker 1: I had to get yeah, and he made fun of it.

897
00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:33,279
Speaker 1: So it was like so much pain. I don't mind

898
00:45:33,320 --> 00:45:35,040
Speaker 1: sharing with you in case you share someone that might

899
00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:37,680
Speaker 1: here and may relate to it. And so being alone

900
00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:40,239
Speaker 1: and just working on me, and I had to look

901
00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:43,040
Speaker 1: in the mirror and I looked at me naked, and

902
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:45,560
Speaker 1: it was so disfigured. I thought I could never come

903
00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:48,439
Speaker 1: back from it. Um, I feel like nobody was gonna

904
00:45:48,440 --> 00:45:52,799
Speaker 1: want me. I started hugging the stretch marks, hugging the scar,

905
00:45:53,840 --> 00:45:56,680
Speaker 1: hugging the breast and say that I'm enough right now,

906
00:45:57,400 --> 00:46:01,680
Speaker 1: I'm good enough right now. I I I love myself

907
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:04,560
Speaker 1: right now, I trust myself right now, I'm enough right now.

908
00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:07,239
Speaker 1: And the more I did that and I started to

909
00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:10,520
Speaker 1: embrace myself and I just knew, I don't know when

910
00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:12,520
Speaker 1: and wherever. I knew somebody's gonna meet the right doctor,

911
00:46:12,600 --> 00:46:15,520
Speaker 1: somebody to help me fix it, as well as um

912
00:46:15,520 --> 00:46:17,120
Speaker 1: creating the formulas. And that goes back what I was

913
00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:19,480
Speaker 1: saying to you about the science of the mind and

914
00:46:19,600 --> 00:46:22,360
Speaker 1: the law of attraction and think and grow rich. I

915
00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:24,400
Speaker 1: actually started almost like a vision board, but it was

916
00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:26,840
Speaker 1: a vision board in my head where I started like

917
00:46:26,880 --> 00:46:29,719
Speaker 1: going into magazines and I started getting pictures of the

918
00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:32,440
Speaker 1: body I wanted to look like and flawless in the

919
00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:34,480
Speaker 1: pini and I should put my face on it, and

920
00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:36,759
Speaker 1: created like a vision board of it. Every day that's

921
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:38,880
Speaker 1: all I saw. And when I looked in the mirror

922
00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:40,680
Speaker 1: to see what I didn't want to see, I would

923
00:46:40,680 --> 00:46:42,680
Speaker 1: always bless it and I love it, and I knew

924
00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:48,719
Speaker 1: the divine solution, the right solution, would come. And it

925
00:46:48,760 --> 00:46:51,799
Speaker 1: took a while. So I said all that to say,

926
00:46:52,040 --> 00:46:55,239
Speaker 1: when I wear those bras, now you see they made

927
00:46:55,280 --> 00:46:59,960
Speaker 1: something deeper to me. Show my Tommy, I can show

928
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:02,200
Speaker 1: my stomach now and it's not all these chocolate stretch

929
00:47:02,280 --> 00:47:05,320
Speaker 1: mar style over it. And it was so so hurtful

930
00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:07,479
Speaker 1: for somebody said they love me and you're having sex

931
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:10,920
Speaker 1: with me and you're like a kid pointing it was this,

932
00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:15,120
Speaker 1: what was that? Ha ha? Yescarda yescardir or your your

933
00:47:15,400 --> 00:47:18,600
Speaker 1: your breast stir full stretch man, ha ha? Who's gonna

934
00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:22,360
Speaker 1: want to see that? And girl, it was awful to

935
00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:24,480
Speaker 1: have a man to sleep with you and do that,

936
00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:27,719
Speaker 1: to do that to you. You know, I'm I'm really

937
00:47:27,719 --> 00:47:30,120
Speaker 1: thankful that you're sharing your story because I always feel

938
00:47:30,160 --> 00:47:32,200
Speaker 1: like you never know people are going through behind closed

939
00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:34,399
Speaker 1: through closed doors, and I feel like you went through

940
00:47:34,440 --> 00:47:37,759
Speaker 1: a lot, and I feel like when people look at

941
00:47:37,840 --> 00:47:40,560
Speaker 1: you and they see you, they don't see the things

942
00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:43,000
Speaker 1: that you share with us. I I really appreciate you

943
00:47:43,080 --> 00:47:45,640
Speaker 1: doing that because I'm pretty sure it's gonna help somebody.

944
00:47:46,080 --> 00:47:47,960
Speaker 1: I don't think you do you really want them to

945
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:50,520
Speaker 1: see that? Though? I don't. I don't think because the

946
00:47:50,520 --> 00:47:53,919
Speaker 1: people that did it to you it would give them satisfaction, like, yeah,

947
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:56,239
Speaker 1: we're not together anymore, but look at the shame ship.

948
00:47:56,360 --> 00:47:59,160
Speaker 1: Don't nobody want her? She's an alcoholic, she's a drug addic,

949
00:47:59,239 --> 00:48:01,840
Speaker 1: she looks a mess. You would really give another human

950
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:05,000
Speaker 1: being the power to say that and to enjoy that.

951
00:48:05,040 --> 00:48:07,000
Speaker 1: Now she's not with me, but she won't go nowhere

952
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:09,120
Speaker 1: either because nobody wants her and she's all fucked up.

953
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:12,680
Speaker 1: I wasn't gonna leave this relationship like that, and he

954
00:48:12,719 --> 00:48:15,239
Speaker 1: had to see it because it hurts so bad. I'm

955
00:48:15,239 --> 00:48:16,879
Speaker 1: a woman, and you know, I was such a good

956
00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:19,440
Speaker 1: person and I was so vulnerable and I loved you,

957
00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:21,719
Speaker 1: and all you could do, because you're so insecure, is

958
00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:25,480
Speaker 1: to serve me that and then you won't help me

959
00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:28,840
Speaker 1: come up with the solution. Because I really wanted a husband.

960
00:48:28,840 --> 00:48:30,560
Speaker 1: I didn't want to slip around. I wanted to be

961
00:48:30,560 --> 00:48:32,120
Speaker 1: with him. But girl, he was so messed up in

962
00:48:32,120 --> 00:48:35,440
Speaker 1: the head that he could never see. He didn't have

963
00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:37,279
Speaker 1: to be the finest neck to me, he didn't have

964
00:48:37,320 --> 00:48:39,319
Speaker 1: to have the pretty face, pretty by, none of that.

965
00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:41,239
Speaker 1: I just wanted to be loved. And you know what,

966
00:48:41,280 --> 00:48:44,839
Speaker 1: I think that was my problem, m hmm, because I

967
00:48:44,880 --> 00:48:47,359
Speaker 1: didn't set a statud. I just felt like, if I'm

968
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:49,400
Speaker 1: loving you and I'm good to you, I was told

969
00:48:49,400 --> 00:48:52,160
Speaker 1: to come back and read with you. So girl, you

970
00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:55,320
Speaker 1: don't when you don't have any boundaries and you're truely

971
00:48:55,320 --> 00:48:58,840
Speaker 1: not focusing on the mental science of the law of

972
00:48:58,920 --> 00:49:03,680
Speaker 1: attraction and your mind, you're really not focusing on okay,

973
00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:08,680
Speaker 1: like this, and now I'm making sure when you're when

974
00:49:08,719 --> 00:49:12,520
Speaker 1: you say that you want someone to love you and

975
00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:14,960
Speaker 1: be good to you, but you always got what I

976
00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:20,160
Speaker 1: just described a part of you, your emotions and your

977
00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:23,520
Speaker 1: total attention and the passion you're feeling is not only

978
00:49:23,600 --> 00:49:27,239
Speaker 1: focusing on what you want. It's focusing on what you

979
00:49:27,280 --> 00:49:30,359
Speaker 1: don't want and the pain that you haven't dealt with

980
00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:32,760
Speaker 1: from the trauma. So that's all you're seeing and you're feeling.

981
00:49:32,960 --> 00:49:36,160
Speaker 1: And then you keep getting more of what your passion

982
00:49:36,600 --> 00:49:40,279
Speaker 1: and what your pain and what your intention is focusing on.

983
00:49:41,360 --> 00:49:44,120
Speaker 1: And then you wonder why it's always mismatched, Why what

984
00:49:44,239 --> 00:49:47,800
Speaker 1: shows up physically mismatched. It's really not mismatches. Is is

985
00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:50,520
Speaker 1: focusing on what's in your subconscious man that you're not

986
00:49:50,560 --> 00:49:53,799
Speaker 1: telling everybody, and that you're not clearing it's on. That's

987
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:55,640
Speaker 1: why I tell people, and I had to learn, don't

988
00:49:55,719 --> 00:49:57,960
Speaker 1: write a list and say the pros and cons what

989
00:49:58,080 --> 00:50:00,279
Speaker 1: I want and I don't want this, and it can't

990
00:50:00,280 --> 00:50:01,960
Speaker 1: do that, and then you keep getting what you said

991
00:50:01,960 --> 00:50:03,520
Speaker 1: you don't want. You don't, folks know why, because that's

992
00:50:03,520 --> 00:50:07,880
Speaker 1: where your feelings are. That's why you are right. I

993
00:50:08,520 --> 00:50:10,919
Speaker 1: had to be alone and clear, and that really hurt

994
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:13,799
Speaker 1: me and girl, and I showed it to him and

995
00:50:13,840 --> 00:50:15,799
Speaker 1: the bras and the broad I'm like, look at the stomach, now,

996
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:19,319
Speaker 1: look at the breast. He couldn't take it and then

997
00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:22,359
Speaker 1: started to insult me. Are you're showing the men that

998
00:50:22,560 --> 00:50:24,640
Speaker 1: or they're they're doing maintenance The maintenance man have to

999
00:50:24,680 --> 00:50:26,919
Speaker 1: look at that. And I'm like, they're not even looking

1000
00:50:26,920 --> 00:50:28,680
Speaker 1: at me. They're around the corner and we're in here.

1001
00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:35,759
Speaker 1: But you made fun of the image, and I was

1002
00:50:35,840 --> 00:50:38,360
Speaker 1: like to snatch the back. I said, that's not funny anymore.

1003
00:50:38,920 --> 00:50:41,520
Speaker 1: You don't want to laugh anymore. But I'm just curious.

1004
00:50:41,560 --> 00:50:45,960
Speaker 1: Ain't no celebrities or ain't know, like basketball plays, anybody

1005
00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:49,880
Speaker 1: trying to haul at you? No? And I think too,

1006
00:50:50,080 --> 00:50:53,080
Speaker 1: I don't go out. I'm not social. And girl, I'm

1007
00:50:53,160 --> 00:50:57,120
Speaker 1: scared of them. I'm scared of them, and they're probably

1008
00:50:57,160 --> 00:51:01,799
Speaker 1: scared of me. He well, probably because I'm not like

1009
00:51:01,840 --> 00:51:03,680
Speaker 1: a lot of men. Is like, oh, you're a timidating

1010
00:51:03,920 --> 00:51:06,839
Speaker 1: You're you're so strong, You're boss is so regressive and

1011
00:51:06,960 --> 00:51:09,520
Speaker 1: I I don't know, you seem like you're mean and

1012
00:51:09,680 --> 00:51:12,439
Speaker 1: and your vicious and I'm like, no, I'm not the girl.

1013
00:51:12,480 --> 00:51:14,720
Speaker 1: I'm scared of them. And when I see men with money,

1014
00:51:15,080 --> 00:51:17,520
Speaker 1: and I've seen them hanging all socials, I get scared

1015
00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:20,879
Speaker 1: of them. So I don't reach out or men try

1016
00:51:20,880 --> 00:51:23,160
Speaker 1: to hit on me. Now I'm like, thank you, and

1017
00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:25,200
Speaker 1: I'll say something email thank you and herp and close

1018
00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:29,240
Speaker 1: it because I feel that men that are high profile

1019
00:51:29,360 --> 00:51:32,239
Speaker 1: like that. You know, it's different now. I think that

1020
00:51:32,320 --> 00:51:34,320
Speaker 1: if they take you out or you tim if I'm wrong,

1021
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:37,200
Speaker 1: if they take you out and they start spending money

1022
00:51:37,239 --> 00:51:42,200
Speaker 1: or they want to screw and I'm not ready. I'm

1023
00:51:42,320 --> 00:51:45,040
Speaker 1: so afraid I'm admitting that to you. But girl, I'm

1024
00:51:45,080 --> 00:51:51,080
Speaker 1: so afraid to open my body up because that's the

1025
00:51:51,120 --> 00:51:57,320
Speaker 1: place I always got hurt mm hmm, giving your body

1026
00:51:58,600 --> 00:52:02,400
Speaker 1: and always having that social with pain and never meeting

1027
00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:05,920
Speaker 1: men to love me and then love and know myself.

1028
00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:08,920
Speaker 1: I attracted all, like I just told, girl, I attracted

1029
00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:12,800
Speaker 1: all the wrong men, so I would like that of course,

1030
00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:15,960
Speaker 1: like you said, a man is a successful and beautiful.

1031
00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:18,319
Speaker 1: But then, girl, look at what we hear about them.

1032
00:52:18,960 --> 00:52:21,879
Speaker 1: All those athletes and celebrity funk around on every woman

1033
00:52:21,880 --> 00:52:24,200
Speaker 1: they get with this beautiful, strong and beat their gass

1034
00:52:24,280 --> 00:52:26,040
Speaker 1: and leading with babies and then have how to deal

1035
00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:29,880
Speaker 1: with child support and and cheat. It's like, that's that's

1036
00:52:29,960 --> 00:52:33,440
Speaker 1: all I see. So I see the beauty of them.

1037
00:52:33,600 --> 00:52:37,120
Speaker 1: But could they scare me? I can really honestly say

1038
00:52:37,120 --> 00:52:40,960
Speaker 1: they're scared, dick scared me? Would you? Would you ever

1039
00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:44,279
Speaker 1: go back to data women? No? I don't want that.

1040
00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:48,439
Speaker 1: I love men because I don't know how to deal

1041
00:52:48,520 --> 00:52:53,279
Speaker 1: with them, and I never attracted the right one. Could

1042
00:52:53,320 --> 00:52:56,239
Speaker 1: I love man? When Nipsey Cademy and started reading me Girl,

1043
00:52:56,280 --> 00:52:58,680
Speaker 1: I fell in love with him. I was like, why

1044
00:52:58,760 --> 00:53:01,720
Speaker 1: can meet somebody like that? That's so charming and so

1045
00:53:01,800 --> 00:53:06,600
Speaker 1: sexy and so beautiful and so intelligent the ladies man

1046
00:53:06,640 --> 00:53:09,520
Speaker 1: at the time, I think at some point everybody might

1047
00:53:09,640 --> 00:53:13,240
Speaker 1: find somewhere. Every man, well, they might cheat on women,

1048
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:15,200
Speaker 1: but I don't think they cheat on every woman when

1049
00:53:15,239 --> 00:53:18,280
Speaker 1: there's a spiritual bond with them. And so now I'm open,

1050
00:53:18,600 --> 00:53:22,399
Speaker 1: But girl, I have to be honest about my wounds, right,

1051
00:53:23,520 --> 00:53:27,319
Speaker 1: So if I meet a man, I would rather be

1052
00:53:27,480 --> 00:53:31,480
Speaker 1: friends first, and if it doesn't go anywhere, it's okay,

1053
00:53:31,760 --> 00:53:34,400
Speaker 1: we can still be friends. But I really have trust.

1054
00:53:34,520 --> 00:53:38,919
Speaker 1: It's especially in Atlanta, A rich, down low and ship

1055
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:41,440
Speaker 1: and and like to funk a lot of whole bunch

1056
00:53:41,480 --> 00:53:44,600
Speaker 1: of women because it's a shortage of men. Yeah, a

1057
00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:46,680
Speaker 1: lot of my guests, especially when it comes to like

1058
00:53:46,840 --> 00:53:50,319
Speaker 1: HIV and other STV episodes, a lot of them are

1059
00:53:50,360 --> 00:53:52,440
Speaker 1: from Atlanta, and a lot of them they share their

1060
00:53:52,520 --> 00:53:54,759
Speaker 1: stories of being with men they are, they're on the

1061
00:53:54,840 --> 00:53:59,399
Speaker 1: down low. It's crazy. I don't know what I'm gonna do.

1062
00:53:59,680 --> 00:54:03,120
Speaker 1: So that's why I said, let me learn. You're like

1063
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:06,239
Speaker 1: I told you, Earl. I'm enjoying that, little girl, but

1064
00:54:06,360 --> 00:54:10,160
Speaker 1: I do like it. Girl. When they look still and

1065
00:54:10,239 --> 00:54:19,120
Speaker 1: my fifth they still good, steel man, they still looking girl.

1066
00:54:19,160 --> 00:54:23,239
Speaker 1: I'm just now getting comfortable with my vagina and with

1067
00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:25,320
Speaker 1: my body. When you have a mother, I don't know

1068
00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:27,719
Speaker 1: if your mother did it, but I always said that

1069
00:54:27,760 --> 00:54:31,160
Speaker 1: you're nothing. Your two daughters are nothing, but you are everything.

1070
00:54:32,200 --> 00:54:37,239
Speaker 1: And now I look at her and she's not beautiful anymore.

1071
00:54:37,640 --> 00:54:39,600
Speaker 1: And she was such a brightened person in the inside.

1072
00:54:39,640 --> 00:54:42,960
Speaker 1: I don't think she knew she was beautiful on the outside.

1073
00:54:43,040 --> 00:54:47,000
Speaker 1: But she was very banging and very narcissistic. And you see,

1074
00:54:47,320 --> 00:54:50,359
Speaker 1: if you don't take care of yourself, that does come

1075
00:54:50,400 --> 00:54:54,399
Speaker 1: to an end. And she tormented her daughters. And so

1076
00:54:54,480 --> 00:54:56,839
Speaker 1: now I'm finally too a place in life. It's like,

1077
00:54:57,480 --> 00:55:00,719
Speaker 1: that's fine. You don't like me, that's fine. Attracted to me,

1078
00:55:01,280 --> 00:55:03,400
Speaker 1: that's fine, you don't want to be my friend. But

1079
00:55:03,640 --> 00:55:08,680
Speaker 1: finally I love me. I'm okay with me. Um um,

1080
00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:11,400
Speaker 1: okay with sitting in front of the camera eating doughnuts

1081
00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:14,319
Speaker 1: with ship in my teeth and all. And I mean

1082
00:55:15,400 --> 00:55:17,440
Speaker 1: and saying, hey, you like I fit. You don't like it?

1083
00:55:17,440 --> 00:55:19,520
Speaker 1: Oh fuck you. I'm aware that I like it. Y'all

1084
00:55:19,600 --> 00:55:26,080
Speaker 1: like it? God, I'm never It's like, it's the freedom. Um,

1085
00:55:26,120 --> 00:55:30,160
Speaker 1: even though I'm not sexual. That's the little girl, that's

1086
00:55:30,160 --> 00:55:33,920
Speaker 1: the stuff she always wanted to do. No, I definitely

1087
00:55:33,920 --> 00:55:36,279
Speaker 1: feel you. I feel like being Seliban has been one

1088
00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:39,880
Speaker 1: of the best decisions and it has definitely had his rewards.

1089
00:55:40,360 --> 00:55:43,279
Speaker 1: I feel I'm in a great space, and I think

1090
00:55:43,280 --> 00:55:44,920
Speaker 1: there has a lot to do with me being celibate.

1091
00:55:46,520 --> 00:55:48,839
Speaker 1: And I think because you're so like a beautiful person,

1092
00:55:48,880 --> 00:55:52,680
Speaker 1: beautiful past, beautiful smile. I think when you're ready, you

1093
00:55:52,760 --> 00:55:56,640
Speaker 1: know who you are and where you are and what

1094
00:55:56,719 --> 00:55:59,839
Speaker 1: you want and when you want it, it'll come when

1095
00:55:59,880 --> 00:56:03,279
Speaker 1: you say that. I'm ready to have this experience and

1096
00:56:03,280 --> 00:56:05,440
Speaker 1: and that experience. But I can't believe I said that

1097
00:56:05,480 --> 00:56:08,799
Speaker 1: to you, Like wow, I admitted I'm scared. Mm hmm.

1098
00:56:09,600 --> 00:56:12,520
Speaker 1: I'm really scared of men because I don't know. And

1099
00:56:12,560 --> 00:56:14,760
Speaker 1: the good ones I met, they was with a woman

1100
00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:19,120
Speaker 1: they loved. Mm hmmm. It's like they're already taken, and

1101
00:56:19,160 --> 00:56:23,239
Speaker 1: I'm like, I want to know what that feels like.

1102
00:56:23,320 --> 00:56:27,279
Speaker 1: I hope I get to know me too. And that's

1103
00:56:27,280 --> 00:56:30,719
Speaker 1: why I'm you're more advanced than me. I think you

1104
00:56:30,719 --> 00:56:32,960
Speaker 1: are no be easy for you to attract it. You

1105
00:56:33,040 --> 00:56:36,520
Speaker 1: probably have the hangups I have and have to overcome

1106
00:56:37,160 --> 00:56:39,080
Speaker 1: the stuff. And you know what when I when I

1107
00:56:39,160 --> 00:56:41,960
Speaker 1: told I wanted to tell like I was telling you

1108
00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:44,680
Speaker 1: when I could show him, And I'm like, you can't

1109
00:56:44,719 --> 00:56:47,400
Speaker 1: touch it anymore because you didn't want it when it

1110
00:56:47,440 --> 00:56:49,279
Speaker 1: was tainting, and you wouldn't help me. If you love me,

1111
00:56:49,560 --> 00:56:51,359
Speaker 1: you would help me fix all this stuff and say

1112
00:56:51,360 --> 00:56:54,520
Speaker 1: look what I got. Instead, Okay, to beat me up

1113
00:56:54,600 --> 00:56:56,560
Speaker 1: like a lot of people do with their mate. I know,

1114
00:56:57,600 --> 00:57:04,120
Speaker 1: excuse me. I really want never I never knew, and

1115
00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:07,759
Speaker 1: I want to know what it feels like to be worshiped,

1116
00:57:08,200 --> 00:57:10,239
Speaker 1: like when you see some man, girl, they just love

1117
00:57:10,320 --> 00:57:14,160
Speaker 1: the ground they want to walk on. You want. I

1118
00:57:14,200 --> 00:57:18,880
Speaker 1: want to know what's for you. But you gotta go

1119
00:57:18,880 --> 00:57:23,120
Speaker 1: outside though, now without the sex, Yeah, without the sex.

1120
00:57:23,160 --> 00:57:26,600
Speaker 1: If you're happy for you, I wanna know what it likes,

1121
00:57:26,640 --> 00:57:29,840
Speaker 1: what it feels like to be worshiped without having to

1122
00:57:29,880 --> 00:57:32,840
Speaker 1: get in bed with someone first, just like an energy

1123
00:57:33,640 --> 00:57:38,400
Speaker 1: energy relationship, a spiritual relationship, a verbal relationship, because I

1124
00:57:38,440 --> 00:57:42,320
Speaker 1: think those are rare where a man would actually be

1125
00:57:42,320 --> 00:57:44,400
Speaker 1: willing to go there with you, where you would have

1126
00:57:44,480 --> 00:57:50,280
Speaker 1: a mind, a body, a spirit connection and you get

1127
00:57:50,280 --> 00:57:53,200
Speaker 1: to know the internal parts of the person and practice

1128
00:57:53,240 --> 00:57:58,880
Speaker 1: tantric sex whenout become physical. Because that way, girl, when

1129
00:57:58,880 --> 00:58:01,320
Speaker 1: you that doesn't have for with everybody. But when you

1130
00:58:01,440 --> 00:58:04,800
Speaker 1: bond with a man like that, girl, you have him

1131
00:58:04,880 --> 00:58:07,640
Speaker 1: and it's the physical sex is going to be explosive.

1132
00:58:07,640 --> 00:58:09,720
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter how much pretty another woman is, how

1133
00:58:09,760 --> 00:58:14,600
Speaker 1: fatter ass is, how well she can subdc. Those type

1134
00:58:14,640 --> 00:58:19,760
Speaker 1: of energetic agreements and bonds don't happen with everybody because

1135
00:58:19,760 --> 00:58:22,160
Speaker 1: you're good at sex or because the person is attractive.

1136
00:58:22,600 --> 00:58:26,520
Speaker 1: That is like a cosmic and a karmic soul make

1137
00:58:26,600 --> 00:58:30,520
Speaker 1: like a twin flame and everything else starts connecting and

1138
00:58:30,560 --> 00:58:34,200
Speaker 1: bonding before it becomes physical. That way, nobody can come

1139
00:58:34,240 --> 00:58:36,280
Speaker 1: in between it. I want to know what that feels

1140
00:58:36,320 --> 00:58:40,120
Speaker 1: like me too, That's what I want. You're a twin flame.

1141
00:58:40,680 --> 00:58:43,680
Speaker 1: So when you start working on your manifestation, tell your

1142
00:58:43,760 --> 00:58:47,000
Speaker 1: ancestors and tell the universe you want the twin flame

1143
00:58:47,320 --> 00:58:50,680
Speaker 1: because nobody can take them from you. Nobody can interfere,

1144
00:58:50,720 --> 00:58:53,880
Speaker 1: and it's not physical. First, And if you haven't already

1145
00:58:53,880 --> 00:58:57,560
Speaker 1: started studying the tantric sex. When I was telling one

1146
00:58:57,640 --> 00:58:59,920
Speaker 1: lady today, I said, you need to do this at

1147
00:58:59,920 --> 00:59:01,240
Speaker 1: a certain time every day, and you can do this

1148
00:59:01,360 --> 00:59:05,120
Speaker 1: many times as you want. When you're practicing tantric sex

1149
00:59:05,120 --> 00:59:07,320
Speaker 1: with your man, you first want to know that you

1150
00:59:07,400 --> 00:59:09,640
Speaker 1: are one. And I heard Deepak Choper saying it's a

1151
00:59:09,680 --> 00:59:11,800
Speaker 1: long time ago. He said, when somebody dies in one

1152
00:59:11,840 --> 00:59:13,959
Speaker 1: country or another part of the world and they become

1153
00:59:14,040 --> 00:59:18,120
Speaker 1: just energy and breath or or their body disintegrates, you

1154
00:59:18,280 --> 00:59:21,160
Speaker 1: actually that that breath moves all around the earth, and

1155
00:59:21,280 --> 00:59:24,720
Speaker 1: you inhale their breath and exhaling everybody inhales and exhales everybody.

1156
00:59:26,200 --> 00:59:30,080
Speaker 1: I told her to start working on inhaling and exhaling

1157
00:59:30,240 --> 00:59:32,960
Speaker 1: the breath of her lover, so they become one and

1158
00:59:33,000 --> 00:59:37,040
Speaker 1: they're bonded with their rhythm, their breath, their heartbeat, their pulse,

1159
00:59:37,600 --> 00:59:43,120
Speaker 1: and their fluids, their salava, their tongues, um, their thoughts,

1160
00:59:43,320 --> 00:59:47,240
Speaker 1: their energy, their hands, um the secretions from the vagina

1161
00:59:47,800 --> 00:59:50,400
Speaker 1: and the penis. Because do you realize how many people

1162
00:59:50,600 --> 00:59:53,640
Speaker 1: are walking around here having sex with someone and they're

1163
00:59:53,720 --> 00:59:55,200
Speaker 1: not in sync with the person to the point you

1164
00:59:55,240 --> 00:59:57,720
Speaker 1: can throw their pulse and their heartbeat and getting on

1165
00:59:58,160 --> 01:00:02,160
Speaker 1: with yours and their breath. I think that everybody should

1166
01:00:02,200 --> 01:00:04,520
Speaker 1: be that way, but people get together for the wrong

1167
01:00:04,600 --> 01:00:07,240
Speaker 1: reasons or they're not balanced, and it's not gonna happen

1168
01:00:07,520 --> 01:00:11,920
Speaker 1: with everybody with money or fame or connections or prestige

1169
01:00:12,040 --> 01:00:16,760
Speaker 1: or or arranged marriages. But they have an energy marriage, girl,

1170
01:00:17,080 --> 01:00:19,280
Speaker 1: nobody can take them away from you when you have

1171
01:00:19,560 --> 01:00:23,240
Speaker 1: a twin flame and a karmit marriage that's based on

1172
01:00:24,120 --> 01:00:26,960
Speaker 1: just the pulse of the universe that moves through your

1173
01:00:27,040 --> 01:00:31,360
Speaker 1: heartbeat and moves through your breath. Mm hmmm. As she's

1174
01:00:31,360 --> 01:00:33,840
Speaker 1: gonna let me know she liked the idea, I'm gonna

1175
01:00:33,840 --> 01:00:37,080
Speaker 1: see when she tried to be because you don't think

1176
01:00:37,120 --> 01:00:39,800
Speaker 1: that's a rodic, you're breathing your person's breath. Your man

1177
01:00:39,880 --> 01:00:42,400
Speaker 1: is laying on you, You're laying on him. You're feeling

1178
01:00:42,440 --> 01:00:45,000
Speaker 1: his heartbeat, your heartbeat, you laying your heart beat up

1179
01:00:45,040 --> 01:00:48,080
Speaker 1: with his, post with his, You're breathing with his. To

1180
01:00:48,200 --> 01:00:50,840
Speaker 1: the point that everything about you all, and the spirit

1181
01:00:50,920 --> 01:00:52,880
Speaker 1: in side of him and the soul inside of him

1182
01:00:53,200 --> 01:00:54,919
Speaker 1: allignes with the one and you and you all become

1183
01:00:55,000 --> 01:00:59,640
Speaker 1: one energetically where function at the same time we all

1184
01:01:00,640 --> 01:01:03,280
Speaker 1: we don't. We don't have much of that. Yeah, that's

1185
01:01:03,320 --> 01:01:06,320
Speaker 1: what I want. I want to have it. I want

1186
01:01:06,360 --> 01:01:08,760
Speaker 1: to find my person. I want my person to find me.

1187
01:01:08,880 --> 01:01:10,800
Speaker 1: And I feel like I'm getting closer because I see

1188
01:01:10,880 --> 01:01:15,480
Speaker 1: him in my dreams and he's already in you, because

1189
01:01:15,560 --> 01:01:18,400
Speaker 1: you have the vagina power and you are the creator,

1190
01:01:18,800 --> 01:01:22,920
Speaker 1: your divine matriarch and matrix of all life. So if

1191
01:01:22,960 --> 01:01:25,280
Speaker 1: he's if you're feeling this part set in your body,

1192
01:01:25,560 --> 01:01:30,520
Speaker 1: you're saying in your dreams, cure, he already exist. You

1193
01:01:30,680 --> 01:01:34,040
Speaker 1: just have to put it to you. You, you one

1194
01:01:34,160 --> 01:01:37,120
Speaker 1: that has power, not him. We're the creators. We say

1195
01:01:37,160 --> 01:01:42,840
Speaker 1: what goes on and what doesn't right? Right, Well, I

1196
01:01:43,000 --> 01:01:46,200
Speaker 1: appreciate you. I think that this was an amazing conversation

1197
01:01:46,600 --> 01:01:48,960
Speaker 1: that I really did look forward to us build in

1198
01:01:49,000 --> 01:01:51,280
Speaker 1: our relationship and how I can however I can help

1199
01:01:51,360 --> 01:01:55,200
Speaker 1: you and I change you. I think that this was amazing.

1200
01:01:55,280 --> 01:01:58,440
Speaker 1: I definitely learned a lot about you, and I'm just

1201
01:01:58,560 --> 01:02:03,480
Speaker 1: so honored to be speaking to you. I love the

1202
01:02:03,680 --> 01:02:06,920
Speaker 1: younger women talking to I. I respect y'all. I listen,

1203
01:02:07,200 --> 01:02:11,120
Speaker 1: I learned. I love it. I'm still a student. I

1204
01:02:11,240 --> 01:02:13,640
Speaker 1: feel like it's so much I don't know. So when

1205
01:02:13,680 --> 01:02:15,480
Speaker 1: you all want to talk to me and you share

1206
01:02:15,520 --> 01:02:19,000
Speaker 1: with me, I listened and I learned, and I thank

1207
01:02:19,040 --> 01:02:21,960
Speaker 1: you for for that. Let me be your space. I

1208
01:02:22,040 --> 01:02:24,560
Speaker 1: love it. Thank you, and hopefully we can get this

1209
01:02:24,760 --> 01:02:28,200
Speaker 1: book out, get this documentary out, because you have definitely

1210
01:02:29,040 --> 01:02:31,280
Speaker 1: put a stamp in our culture, and I think people

1211
01:02:31,320 --> 01:02:33,080
Speaker 1: need to know more about you and the things that

1212
01:02:33,200 --> 01:02:35,919
Speaker 1: you went through and how you overcame a lot of things.

1213
01:02:37,640 --> 01:02:41,000
Speaker 1: Thank you. I look forward to talking to you again.

1214
01:02:41,160 --> 01:02:43,960
Speaker 1: I'm so honored about you. Let me into your space. Now,

1215
01:02:44,160 --> 01:02:46,400
Speaker 1: let me feel better. I feel better today. Now I'm

1216
01:02:46,440 --> 01:02:49,520
Speaker 1: happy to feel bad because y'all. At first, she didn't

1217
01:02:49,560 --> 01:02:51,560
Speaker 1: she didn't want to do the episode because of my

1218
01:02:53,040 --> 01:02:55,800
Speaker 1: I do I did. I just wanted us to be.

1219
01:02:56,120 --> 01:02:58,040
Speaker 1: It's like when I'm telling you all the whole time

1220
01:02:58,080 --> 01:03:01,640
Speaker 1: about boundaries and making sure, like, I'm like, I don't

1221
01:03:01,640 --> 01:03:03,479
Speaker 1: care what you do with it. I don't I don't

1222
01:03:03,520 --> 01:03:05,280
Speaker 1: care if you make money, I have no problem with that.

1223
01:03:05,840 --> 01:03:07,840
Speaker 1: Just let me make something too. And once you said

1224
01:03:07,880 --> 01:03:10,240
Speaker 1: I don't do that, I'm like, let's call, let's yes,

1225
01:03:10,400 --> 01:03:12,720
Speaker 1: And I was. I prayed over and I'm like, come on, God,

1226
01:03:12,920 --> 01:03:14,600
Speaker 1: I really wanted to be a part of this because

1227
01:03:14,600 --> 01:03:16,600
Speaker 1: I really respect you and I looked up to you,

1228
01:03:17,160 --> 01:03:19,960
Speaker 1: and you are definitely a pioneer. So I'm so happy

1229
01:03:20,040 --> 01:03:23,600
Speaker 1: that we were able to do this. Thank you, baby,

1230
01:03:24,200 --> 01:03:29,360
Speaker 1: You welcome, You welcome, and until next time, everyone later

1231
01:03:31,120 --> 01:03:35,000
Speaker 1: you're not gonna say bye bye babies by