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Speaker 1: Time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if you need

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Speaker 1: advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more. Please

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Speaker 1: submit your Strawberry Letter at Steve HARVEYFM dot com and

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Speaker 1: click submit Strawberry Letter.

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Speaker 2: We could be reading.

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Speaker 1: Your letter live. That's for you, Jay on the air,

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Speaker 1: like we're doing this one right here, right now. Never

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Speaker 1: know it could be yours could be Buckle up and

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Speaker 1: hold on tight.

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Speaker 3: We got it for you here. It is a Strawberry.

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Speaker 1: Letter subject It's time for a change. Dear Stephen Shirley.

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Speaker 1: I'm a board certified registered nurse, and I was raised

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Speaker 1: in public housing by my aunt because my mother had

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Speaker 1: me when she was sixteen. After I graduated from high school,

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Speaker 1: I found out my aunt was sleeping with my boyfriend,

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Speaker 1: so I beat her up and spent time in juvenile detention.

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Speaker 1: From that point on, I was told that I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: amount to anything. I beat the odds and I got

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Speaker 1: a nursing degree. I'm thirty years old and I just

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Speaker 1: bought my first house not far from where I grew up.

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Speaker 1: All of my female friends from high school are still

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Speaker 1: fighting over the same men and working two and three.

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Speaker 2: Jobs to pay the bills.

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Speaker 1: We still have house parties and go on vacations, but

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Speaker 1: I usually pay most of the expenses when we plan anything.

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Speaker 1: I have been dating the same guy for ten years,

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Speaker 1: and I'm really proud of the man he's become. I've

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Speaker 1: been patient with him while he completes his degree, but

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Speaker 1: I don't think he's taking classes right now. When I

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Speaker 1: evaluate where I am and who I associate with, I

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Speaker 1: get sad. At work, I'm a different person. I get

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Speaker 1: to talk to the other shift nurses and doctors, and

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Speaker 1: it's a different world than what I live. And when

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Speaker 1: I go home, my boyfriend loves to say I'm different

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Speaker 1: and I talk proper. When I'm at work, I am

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Speaker 1: aware that I'm two different people, and I enjoy the

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Speaker 1: progressive side of life more so than the one I

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Speaker 1: grew up in. The more I hang with my girls

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Speaker 1: on the weekend and we drink till three am, the

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Speaker 1: more I know that I'm growing them. I'm ready to

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Speaker 1: walk away from everything that's familiar in my life. But

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Speaker 1: I can't do this anymore. Am I being a sellout

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Speaker 1: if I pull away from my friends? Am I supposed

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Speaker 1: to keep waiting for my boyfriend to get himself all

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Speaker 1: the way together. Is there a way to distance myself respectfully? Wow,

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Speaker 1: if anyone needs a change in their life, I would

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Speaker 1: say it would be you and those of us who

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Speaker 1: have lived and have some experience at life, we will

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Speaker 1: definitely tell you that the one constant in life is

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Speaker 1: change and we can't avoid it because it's going to

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Speaker 1: happen whether we want it to or not. And guess

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Speaker 1: what what you're feeling and what you're going through right now,

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Speaker 1: that's a good thing. You distance yourself by trying new things,

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Speaker 1: different things, and staying busy.

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Speaker 2: That's how you do it respectfully. And you can say no.

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Speaker 1: It's okay to say no if you don't want to

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Speaker 1: do stuff with them like hanging out and drinking till

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Speaker 1: three a m.

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Speaker 2: You know that's not what you do anymore.

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Speaker 1: Change means growth, and you already said that you are

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Speaker 1: out growing them.

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Speaker 2: You feel it, you see it, and that's okay. Trust me.

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Speaker 1: You will not be the first one to get a

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Speaker 1: new circle of friends. It's nothing wrong with that. You

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Speaker 1: should accept and embrace it where it's taking you. This

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Speaker 1: is your path, now, your journey. You're on your journey.

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Speaker 1: You're not a sellout, and don't let them try to

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Speaker 1: make you think you're a sellout because you want to

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Speaker 1: move up and move on and move differently. They they

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Speaker 1: just don't want you to outshine them, all right, that's

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Speaker 1: where that hate would be coming from. You're thirty. Now

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Speaker 1: what is your man doing besides putting you down, talking

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Speaker 1: about you? Talk proper and you're different. Now you said

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Speaker 1: he's not even in school taking classes, so you have

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Speaker 1: no idea when or if he's going to finish. I say,

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Speaker 1: stop wasting your time. Go ahead and live your life. Please,

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Speaker 1: don't waste any more of your time with your hating friends.

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Speaker 1: You have to pay for everything with them anyway. What

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Speaker 1: is that about that says to me that they're users?

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Speaker 1: Letting you pay for everything. That's not right If they

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Speaker 1: don't appreciate the change in you, that doesn't ignite like

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Speaker 1: something in them to be better. I think there are

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Speaker 1: plenty of other people out there that will. I just say,

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Speaker 1: go on, live your life, be great.

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Speaker 4: Steve, all right, the subject is his time for a chain.

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Speaker 4: Let me say this about Shirley's response. Every single word

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Speaker 4: Shirley Strawberry just said was one thousand percent through period.

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Speaker 4: There's no getting around what she told you.

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Speaker 3: Nothing like this, but sometimes you have to hear it

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Speaker 3: a different way.

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Speaker 4: Now, what Shirley did was she told you exactly right.

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Speaker 4: I hope you hear that because she told you almost

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Speaker 4: in a way where your new, better and more improved

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Speaker 4: side could understand and take it in.

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Speaker 3: So, since Shirley has so eloquently.

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Speaker 4: Done that for the new improve new youth, I would

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Speaker 4: talk to you you as the old you, so you

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Speaker 4: can get both sides. You can pick which one you

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Speaker 4: I want you to understand. I'm gonna say the exact

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Speaker 4: same thing Shirley just said, but we're gonna take the

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Speaker 4: other route.

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Speaker 3: Let's break the letter down. Here we go.

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Speaker 4: I'm a board certified registered nurse. I was raised in

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Speaker 4: public housing by my aunt because my mother had me.

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Speaker 3: When she was sixteen.

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Speaker 4: After I graduated from high school, I found out my

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Speaker 4: aunt was sleeping with my boyfriend, so I beat her

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Speaker 4: up and I had to spend time at juvenile detention. Okay, great,

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Speaker 4: let's break this down. Your mama had you, ally, you

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Speaker 4: moved in with your aunt. Your aunt was, you know, tricky.

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Speaker 4: You found out she slept with your boyfriend. You whooped

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Speaker 4: your aunt ass.

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Speaker 3: Yep, this is what happened that sums it up.

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Speaker 1: Ye.

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Speaker 4: Now you jumped on her real good because you got

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Speaker 4: charges pressed and now you done went down to juvie.

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Speaker 4: Now you were told that you would never amount to anything,

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Speaker 4: and then you beat the odds. You got out, You

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Speaker 4: rolls above your circumstances. You did exactly that. You have

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Speaker 4: a nursing degree, You're thirty years old, and you just

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Speaker 4: bought your first house not far from where I grew up.

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Speaker 3: That was the mistake.

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Speaker 4: H You bought your first house not far from where

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Speaker 4: you grew up. That was your first mistake, because now

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Speaker 4: it has kept you too close to your past. And

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Speaker 4: I hate to tell y'all this, but the antig in

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Speaker 4: the hood. You got to keep it real. The real

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Speaker 4: answer should be, you got to keep it moving.

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Speaker 1: I'll beg on the state with why Yeah, hang on,

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Speaker 1: We'll have part two of your response coming up at

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Speaker 1: twenty three minutes after today's Strawberry letter subject it's time

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Speaker 1: for a change. We'll get back into it right after this.

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Speaker 1: You're listening Steve Harvey Morning Show.

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Speaker 3: Hey, this is your boy nephew. Tell me.

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Speaker 5: for your ten percent discount.

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Speaker 1: All right, come on, Steve, let's recap today's strawberry letter.

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Speaker 2: The subject it's time for a change.

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Speaker 4: Young girl had a very who's thirty year old woman

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Speaker 4: is writing this letter had a very similar pass to

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Speaker 4: a lot of people. Her mother was young when she

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Speaker 4: had a that's not a problem or sin. Are you

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Speaker 4: raised by your aunt? And then you found out when

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Speaker 4: you graduate from high school, y' aren't sleeping with your

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Speaker 4: born friend.

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Speaker 3: So you beat that as you had spend.

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Speaker 4: Some time down in juvie, and from that point on

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Speaker 4: you was told you wasn't amount to anything.

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Speaker 3: And then you did what so many of us have done.

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Speaker 3: You beat the odds.

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Speaker 4: You got a nursing degree, you're thirty years old, you

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Speaker 4: just bought your first house, here's a problem not far

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Speaker 4: from where I grew up, right around them, very same

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Speaker 4: people that said you would never amount to anything. All

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Speaker 4: your female friends from high school are still fighting over

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Speaker 4: the same inn and working two at three jobs to

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Speaker 4: pay the bills. All my female friends from high school

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Speaker 4: are still fighting over the same inn and working two

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Speaker 4: three jobs pay the bills.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna save my next statement.

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Speaker 4: We still have house parties, go on vacations, but I

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Speaker 4: usually pay most of the expenses when we plan anything.

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Speaker 3: Shirley said that this way you need a new group

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Speaker 3: of friends.

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Speaker 4: Why is your ass trying to hang on to something

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Speaker 4: that is not providing a benefit to you. You know why,

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Speaker 4: because you are suffering from what so many people use

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Speaker 4: as an emotion that has turned out to be the

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Speaker 4: most useless emotion in the world, and it is called guilt.

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Speaker 4: Stop suffering from guilt because it's a useless emotion. It

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Speaker 4: serves nobody any purpose except the person who's applying the guilt,

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Speaker 4: and the guilt is being applied by your friends. Since

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Speaker 4: they can't afford to do nothing you can. You got

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Speaker 4: to pay for it. You need some new damn friends.

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Speaker 4: Here we go, but I usually pay for most of dispensive.

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Speaker 4: I have been dating the same guy for ten years,

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Speaker 4: and I'm really proud of the man he's become. I've

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Speaker 4: been patient with him while he completes his agreement. I

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Speaker 4: don't think he's taking classes right now. And when I

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Speaker 4: elevate where I am and who I associate with, I

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Speaker 4: get sad. You are now sad with where you've gotten

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Speaker 4: yourself because where you've gotten remains to stay too close

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Speaker 4: to where you're from. Once again, the antig in the

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Speaker 4: hood of you got to keep it real, the antig

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Speaker 4: is really you got to keep it moving so you

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Speaker 4: have time.

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Speaker 3: Try to stay true to your roots.

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Speaker 4: When your roots is sick, your roots are poisoned, your

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Speaker 4: route is gonna hinder and do and thraught the development

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Speaker 4: of your growth as a plant because you're trying.

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Speaker 3: To stay true to your roots. Where your roots.

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Speaker 4: Ain't moving, they ain't any good salt, they ain't being

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Speaker 4: fertilized or nothing. Now you got the same guy for

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Speaker 4: ten years. You proud of the man he's become, but

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Speaker 4: you don't think he in classes.

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Speaker 3: You don't even know what he's doing.

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Speaker 4: So now your association, if you continue to associate, you

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Speaker 4: remember the saying association brings on participation. If you keep

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Speaker 4: hanging with them, guess what you keep doing what them

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Speaker 4: is doing. So now you're throwing house parties and you drinking.

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Speaker 4: What what's the benefit? At work, I'm a different person.

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Speaker 4: I get to talk to the other shift nurses. Oh,

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Speaker 4: you get to talk with people who are like minded.

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Speaker 4: Oh okay, you could talk to other shift nurses and doctors.

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Speaker 4: And it's a different world than when I live in.

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Speaker 3: When I go.

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Speaker 4: Home, that's because you brought your home in the wrong case.

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Speaker 4: You now you ain't got to keep it real, You

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Speaker 4: got to keep it moving. And this is not an

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Speaker 4: anti hood statement, because all the great things in my

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Speaker 4: life is from the hood.

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Speaker 3: I couldn't stay there and elevate at the same time.

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Speaker 3: So Number one, you need to think about that.

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Speaker 4: My boyfriend loves to say I'm different than I talk

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Speaker 4: proper when I'm at work.

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Speaker 3: I'm aware that I'm.

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Speaker 4: Two different people, and I enjoy the progressive side of

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Speaker 4: my life more than one.

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Speaker 3: I grew up here.

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Speaker 4: It's because you this time for you to grow up

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Speaker 4: and to move on. Some people are in your life

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Speaker 4: for a season. There are a lot of people in

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Speaker 4: your life that are seasonal people.

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Speaker 3: Everybody come with you can't go with you.

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Speaker 4: You've got to stop trying to hang on to your

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Speaker 4: past when it's thraarting your future. You can't keep hanging

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Speaker 4: out with what you used to be when God has

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Speaker 4: something clearly he wants you to be. But you have

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Speaker 4: the power of choice, so hanging on to what you

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Speaker 4: used to be is prohibiting you from fully reaching the potential.

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Speaker 3: Of what you could be.

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Speaker 4: I'm not ready to walk away from everything that's familiar

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Speaker 4: in my life. Then cools, stay down, throwout your growth,

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Speaker 4: continue not to grow, go to house parties, drink to

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Speaker 4: three o'clock in the morning. They the man that ain't

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Speaker 4: moving forward. That's tripping on you because you different and

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Speaker 4: you enjoy the difference. But you ain't ready to walk

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Speaker 4: away from everything that's familiar with you.

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Speaker 3: If you stay in.

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Speaker 4: Your comfort zone, that's where you're gonna fail.

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Speaker 2: That's true. Say that again.

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Speaker 4: If you stay in your comfort zone, that's where you

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Speaker 4: will fail. The success is not in your comfort zone.

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Speaker 4: It's on the other side. And if you want to

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Speaker 4: be successful, you got to get out your comfort zone

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Speaker 4: and prepare yourself to get uncomfortable. Am I being a

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Speaker 4: sellout if I pull out from my friend. No, hell, now,

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Speaker 4: you ain't being a sellout. It's called moved out. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: you ain't gonna sell out. You moved out. Am I

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Speaker 4: supposed to keep waiting for my boyfriend to get himself

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Speaker 4: all the way together? Is that way to distance myself respectfully?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 4: The way you distance yourself respectfully is that you you

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Speaker 4: stop hanging with them. Stop, lady, you know them nothing

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Speaker 4: they're going to say.

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Speaker 3: Keep it real to you. They gonna say you will sellout.

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Speaker 4: Or you can stay there and regret it the rest

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Speaker 4: of your life. Or you can go and move on

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Speaker 4: and see what God has for you.

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Speaker 3: You ain't finna be less black w.

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Speaker 1: You're coming today at Steve Harvey FM on Instagram and Facebook.

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Speaker 1: Check out the pod Strawberry Letter podcast on demand.

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Speaker 2: You're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show.