Speaker 1: I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
Speaker 1: I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 1: I'm learning love who I am. I I'm strong, I
Speaker 1: feel free, I know every part of me. It's beautiful.
Speaker 1: And then will always out way if you feel it,
Speaker 1: but you are She'll some love to the h have there,
Speaker 1: take you one day and did you and die out way?
Speaker 2: Happy Saturday outweigh amy here and I have Leanne Ellington
Speaker 2: joining me. And the fun part of saying that is
Speaker 2: that Leanne is going to be joining me well sort
Speaker 2: of indefinitely at this point.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: She did a little takeover for us, and I say little.
Speaker 2: I'm not making it small by any means, but it
Speaker 2: was about four weeks five I think, yeah, okay, hey,
Speaker 2: who's counting? Apparently I am I take.
Speaker 3: Over and it went really well.
Speaker 2: And Leanne and I have just been talking about what
Speaker 2: it could look like if we do some episodes together
Speaker 2: and then she has some interviews she would love to do,
Speaker 2: so I guess welcome my new co host, Thanks Leanne Ellington,
Speaker 2: and we're going to do a little mini series called
Speaker 2: two Things Can Be True at the same time, which
Speaker 2: we've talked about that here on outway before, but we're
Speaker 2: going to focus on specific things, two different things each
Speaker 2: each episode that can be true at the same time
Speaker 2: themes I guess in that space. We'll do four weeks
Speaker 2: that and then Lane's got some fun interviews that she's
Speaker 2: going to have for y'all, and then we'll do another
Speaker 2: four weeks of two things can be true at the
Speaker 2: same time. So today we're going to start with you
Speaker 2: can be pro body image and pro self worth and
Speaker 2: body positive and still have health goals you want to reach.
Speaker 2: And Leanne has a very personal story related to this
Speaker 2: because you have your backstory of your disordered behaviors and
Speaker 2: then you know, being in recovery and then while you
Speaker 2: were turning forty, So I'll let you take it from
Speaker 2: there of what popped up for you when that time came.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and it's such an interesting topic too, because you know,
Speaker 4: we've talked about this a lot. There's a lot of
Speaker 4: extremism out there of you know, the good, the bad,
Speaker 4: the right, the wrong, and I really believe there is
Speaker 4: the gray that we have permission to fill in you.
Speaker 2: So when Lisa and I started this, we actually defined
Speaker 2: it as the gray area, but it's so much of
Speaker 2: what people are not talking abouts.
Speaker 3: And our first graphic.
Speaker 2: For the the podcast was black and white, but it
Speaker 2: kind of looked gray.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what I mean. I love it, so
Speaker 3: was it, I guess to my pressure wasn't.
Speaker 2: Black and white, but we were kind of wanted to
Speaker 2: have that vibe of gray.
Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 4: And we should definitely do an episode about living in
Speaker 4: the gray because sometimes that can that can keep us
Speaker 4: complacent as well. But that's another topic for another day.
Speaker 4: But that being said, there's you know, extremism. I think
Speaker 4: that's one of the things that I've had to really
Speaker 4: heal from over the years, and it comes alongside perfectionism
Speaker 4: a lot, but this concept of you know, and for
Speaker 4: anybody who's not heard my story, and you know, I
Speaker 4: had many, many years of disordered eating and self image
Speaker 4: and body image struggles that really took over my life.
Speaker 4: And when I decided to heal all of the things
Speaker 4: that used to be kind of a golden carrot for me,
Speaker 4: all the things externally that were driving me that were
Speaker 4: really defining myself worth, like what I ate that day,
Speaker 4: and my gene size and my scale weight and how
Speaker 4: I looked and all of those things that I mean,
Speaker 4: there is a time and place for them, but when
Speaker 4: they consume your every thought, that is disorder, right, and
Speaker 4: that can lead to so much toxicity. And for me,
Speaker 4: it manifested in a very ubercritical, you know, harsh relationship
Speaker 4: with myself in turn with others and all the things.
Speaker 4: So all that's to say, when I did commit myself
Speaker 4: to this new way of being, in this healed version
Speaker 4: of myself, all of that went on the back burner
Speaker 4: and I was super happy about that. Right, And we
Speaker 4: should also do an episode of the dark side of
Speaker 4: too much confidence, because there's you know, things that you
Speaker 4: can let fall by the wayside and and other habits
Speaker 4: that can take over. But I'll bring it back streamlined
Speaker 4: to this topic. You know what happened in my real life.
Speaker 4: I turned forty a few months ago, and sixteen months
Speaker 4: before that, I realized I was turning forty, and I
Speaker 4: just said to myself, I'm like, who do you want
Speaker 4: to be when you turn forty?
Speaker 3: How do you want to feel?
Speaker 4: The big thing for me is I didn't want to
Speaker 4: buy into the myth that like everything goes downhill and
Speaker 4: you age in a negative fashion. I was like, no,
Speaker 4: I want to be my healthiest, my happiest. I want
Speaker 4: to feel amazing. I want to have more impact all
Speaker 4: of the things that we think about when we get
Speaker 4: in those existential conversations. But then on a practical level,
Speaker 4: it dawned me. I was like, you know what, I
Speaker 4: would love to prove to myself because pain is also
Speaker 4: a big part of my backstory, literally and figuratively. I
Speaker 4: had major spine surgery that caused a lot of neurological
Speaker 4: struggles and a lot of chronic pain. So being strong
Speaker 4: and fit and healthy had very new definitions to me
Speaker 4: than they did ten to fifteen years ago. But that
Speaker 4: being said, I was like, who do I want to
Speaker 4: be and what's the body I want to be living
Speaker 4: in at forty And it included things like pain free.
Speaker 4: Of course, like the human side of me was like,
Speaker 4: I want to feel amazing in a bikini at forty,
Speaker 4: you know. And so I just started thinking, like, how
Speaker 4: can two things be true at the same time. How
Speaker 4: can I still maintain this healthy, loving relationship with my
Speaker 4: body and this really freedom but also you know, peaceful
Speaker 4: relationship with food and freedom can have two sides of
Speaker 4: it too, right, there's too much permission and too much
Speaker 4: control and all the things. So we have to find
Speaker 4: our own own definition of that. But how can I
Speaker 4: have that and also up level my health and my
Speaker 4: discipline and utilize and leverage things that might have once
Speaker 4: been a weapon and now use them as a tool
Speaker 4: to go focus on things that I may have put
Speaker 4: in the category of superficial because at the time, again
Speaker 4: I was using them as a weapon. Little side note,
Speaker 4: there's an entire episode on that way a few weeks
Speaker 4: ago about the distinction between using things between a tool
Speaker 4: and a weapon. But that's been such a powerful tool,
Speaker 4: no pun intended, because you know now this thing that
Speaker 4: was once like kind of my nemesis.
Speaker 3: It took me down this rabbit hole.
Speaker 4: I was like, Okay, what would be possible if two
Speaker 4: things could be true with the same time. I can
Speaker 4: be healthy and free and love who I am and
Speaker 4: want to like and trust my body even more. And
Speaker 4: so it sent me on this journey which we're going
Speaker 4: to unravel over the coming weeks and all of that.
Speaker 4: But that's kind of the cliff notes version.
Speaker 3: Of what was the evidence of this subject matter.
Speaker 2: I feel like an example that pops into my head
Speaker 2: about where I am now is before I got into recovery.
Speaker 2: I was tracking everything. I knew how many carbs I had,
Speaker 2: how much protein, how many calories, how much fat, whatever,
Speaker 2: macros right right, So I was tracking those, but I
Speaker 2: was coming at it from the wrong place. I was
Speaker 2: not tracking to be the healthiest version of myself. I
Speaker 2: was tracking so I could control it, and it was
Speaker 2: all consuming and if I deviated from it, I didn't
Speaker 2: really know how to proceed with my day.
Speaker 3: I would lose sleep over it.
Speaker 2: I would be dividing an egg into eights, like, oh,
Speaker 2: I had these waffles and there was one egg, but
Speaker 2: I only had one waffle and it made six, So
Speaker 2: how many eggs did I have?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: That sort of stuff for sure, which is exhausting. So
Speaker 2: where I am now, over three years out from that,
Speaker 2: now in my forties, being forty two, and thinking of
Speaker 2: how my body composition is and how my body is
Speaker 2: aging and it but biologically it doesn't have to as
Speaker 2: quickly as my chronological age. We can control that. And
Speaker 2: so I am starting to get more curious about, well,
Speaker 2: how much protein am I having a day?
Speaker 3: Totally?
Speaker 2: And maybe I need to start really tracking that. But
Speaker 2: it's so freeing because I am holding onto it loosely
Speaker 2: and it's more data than it is control. And so
Speaker 2: that is an example of wanting to have some health
Speaker 2: goals but still being in this free space where I'm
Speaker 2: I'm caring for myself in a loving way and not
Speaker 2: caring about the things I used to care about. But
Speaker 2: I can have health goals.
Speaker 3: Amazing, totally. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Now I could see myself tracking more of that information,
Speaker 2: but not losing sleep over it, not dividing eggs, not
Speaker 2: having to track every single day, not having to get
Speaker 2: it one hundred percent right because it may change point
Speaker 2: whatever on the scale. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Absolutely? Yeah, And you bring up another distinction.
Speaker 4: One of the things we talk about with my clients
Speaker 4: is this difference between influence versus control, Right, And the
Speaker 4: more we try to control, ironically, the more out of
Speaker 4: control we feel.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 4: So control is obviously not the solution, but we think
Speaker 4: we want more control. But what if it was about
Speaker 4: influence influencing who you're being around the thing? In this case,
Speaker 4: it's the food, the macro, the whatever, influencing who you're
Speaker 4: being so that you're showing up as the version of
Speaker 4: yourself that makes decisions in alignment with who you want
Speaker 4: to be so influencing who you want to be versus
Speaker 4: controlling the thing. And that's a gain that you can
Speaker 4: win because you do have the ability to influence who
Speaker 4: you're being when things are going right or not going great.
Speaker 4: And it's it is that distinction between there's the data
Speaker 4: of the macro versus the drama of the macro and
Speaker 4: all of these again distinctions within distinctions. But coming back
Speaker 4: full circle to this topic, like the blanket statement, if
Speaker 4: I were to cliff notes it, we all have our
Speaker 4: different version of this story.
Speaker 3: But like I believe, we have the ability to.
Speaker 4: Give ourself pruistion to say, you know what, I can
Speaker 4: have a healthy, happy relationship with my body and food,
Speaker 4: and I can have health goals, weight loss goals, all that,
Speaker 4: But the difference is is who you're being when you're
Speaker 4: doing the doing. So the big thing I kind of
Speaker 4: share with my clients on the front end is it's
Speaker 4: not wrong to want to go lose weight or be
Speaker 4: fitter or healthier or whatever fill in the blank. But
Speaker 4: I do invite women especially that are struggling with some
Speaker 4: sort of disordered behavior or the negative self image and
Speaker 4: body image that usually comes alongside those habits to kind
Speaker 4: of take a sabbatical from those typical goals and heal first.
Speaker 3: Right, you know, which was to the why I shared.
Speaker 2: Three and a half years have passed and I'm just
Speaker 2: now to the point where I could track it. I'm
Speaker 2: so glad you touched on that because I'm like, so
Speaker 2: much work went into where I am now. It's not
Speaker 2: just that you listen to this and like, oh, well
Speaker 2: land a name, you said that I can wake up
Speaker 2: tomorrow and be body positive and have health goals, right,
Speaker 2: because your brain is not there yet.
Speaker 4: Yeah, You've got to become the version of yourself that
Speaker 4: can have that kind of conversation where those health goals
Speaker 4: can be a tool to serve you and move you
Speaker 4: forward and influence your life versus a weapon against yourself.
Speaker 2: Something that just popped into my head too is old
Speaker 2: me because I know how I was would have heard
Speaker 2: this and used it as permission to create a bunch
Speaker 2: of health goals. Totally yeah, right, but I do you
Speaker 2: were you that way? Oh a thousand persons, I hear
Speaker 2: certain things and I'm like, oh, what I'm doing. It's
Speaker 2: totally acceptable because this person said that, and I'm going
Speaker 2: to make it fit into this little box that I'm
Speaker 2: going to control.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, we bargain with ourselves. Oh yeah, for sure.
Speaker 4: And that's why it's so important. It's like none of
Speaker 4: these things are bad or wrong, and two of these
Speaker 4: things can exist at the same time. They can both
Speaker 4: be true. But start from a place of carve out
Speaker 4: your freedom, carve out true health. And when I say health,
Speaker 4: I mean it physically and mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially, all
Speaker 4: of it right, and then go bring that with you
Speaker 4: into your goals, your health journey, all of that, but
Speaker 4: start at a true definition of health, but instead of
Speaker 4: that place of disorder. And if you are in disorder,
Speaker 4: there's no shame in that. Like you know, you and
Speaker 4: I have both been there and we talked to the
Speaker 4: hundred thousands of women all the time that are But
Speaker 4: just knowing what that is and where you are in
Speaker 4: your journey before you go take on that next goal
Speaker 4: is everything again. Awareness, awareness, right, being aware that you
Speaker 4: have the ability to be aware of Okay, this isn't
Speaker 4: bad that I want to go lose weight, but this
Speaker 4: isn't the time.
Speaker 3: I'm not in that place. Have you ever used magic eraser? Oh?
Speaker 3: The thing that yeah, them I was just.
Speaker 2: Using one the other day and something just popped into
Speaker 2: my head as sort of a I like imagining stuff
Speaker 2: and analogies, and you know, there's some scuffs on my
Speaker 2: wall or wherever. I'm trying to get stuff out, and
Speaker 2: it takes several tries with the magic eraser. Eventually it
Speaker 2: goes away and I have a clean slate. But some
Speaker 2: stuff is kind of stubborn and it's not something that
Speaker 2: I can take a rag to and go. It takes
Speaker 2: the magic eraser, and I don't know what the magic is,
Speaker 2: but it's almost like we have our own magic erasers.
Speaker 2: So I want you to picture that, like for years
Speaker 2: you've been operating a certain way, and that's what's on
Speaker 2: the wall right now, and that you're going to take
Speaker 2: the time with your magic eraser and you're going to
Speaker 2: go after it, go after it, and eventually your wall
Speaker 2: is going to be a clean slate and you get
Speaker 2: to build a new story, which is the new narrative.
Speaker 2: But it takes time and sometimes some elbow grease and
Speaker 2: you got to get in and do it. But it
Speaker 2: is it's like magic. Once you're on.
Speaker 4: The other side, you're like wow, yeah, and now you
Speaker 4: can have conversations, and I think just to stack on
Speaker 4: what you just said, because I love that analogy you said,
Speaker 4: like you're magic, like finding your version of your magic
Speaker 4: recipe and a racer.
Speaker 3: So what's a race for you?
Speaker 2: Or how you got it to race? May not work
Speaker 2: for me.
Speaker 3: And the dirt on my wall is different than the
Speaker 3: dirt on yours.
Speaker 2: And we've talked before about pendulum swinging so far one direction,
Speaker 2: and I feel like for me, I was so far
Speaker 2: one way with my disordered behaviors that when I got
Speaker 2: or I wanted to change, I swung so far the
Speaker 2: other direction that it was probably more obnoxious that way,
Speaker 2: but it was necessary. And then eventually I leveled out
Speaker 2: and now I'm not obnoxious on either side, at least
Speaker 2: I try not to be. But you'll you'll find that
Speaker 2: balance that feels really right and good.
Speaker 4: Absolutely, that pendulum is a perfect picture of it.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 4: I was that gal that judged people at the supermarket
Speaker 4: when I saw them buying fattening stuff air quotes fattening
Speaker 4: stuff back in the day.
Speaker 3: And then I was the one that's like, everybody eat
Speaker 3: chocolate chip cookies all day every day. You know which
Speaker 3: one is the lesser version of me.
Speaker 4: I mean, that's just two different examples of extremism. But
Speaker 4: that's why these conversations are so important to show you.
Speaker 4: First of all, the pendulum swinging either extreme is normal
Speaker 4: and natural, but giving yourself permission to allow that pendulum
Speaker 4: to swing back to that neutral.
Speaker 3: Yep, I love it. Well.
Speaker 2: This is the first of eight that will be happening
Speaker 2: this year related to this topic. Two things can be
Speaker 2: true at the same time, So take from it what
Speaker 2: you needed, sit with it, journal about it, find your
Speaker 2: magic eraser, and then go from there. Thank you Leanne
Speaker 2: for chatting with us about that and sharing your personal
Speaker 2: story with it too.
Speaker 3: Where can people find you?
Speaker 4: Yeah, if you want to find more about how to
Speaker 4: rewire your brain and really heal your relationship with food
Speaker 4: your body, but really taking a self image and identity
Speaker 4: and brain based approach to that topic, you can find
Speaker 4: all you need to find over at Stressless Eating dot com.
Speaker 2: Awesome and I'm at Radio Amy on Instagram. We will
Speaker 2: see you next Saturday for part two of two things
Speaker 2: can be true at the same time.
Speaker 3: Bye bye, MHM.