1 00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:09,080 Speaker 1: Hey everyone, thanks for joining us on Table for Two. Today. 2 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:13,760 Speaker 1: We're back at the Tower Bar. So happy to see you. 3 00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:17,560 Speaker 2: I'm so excited to be having lunch with an incredible 4 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:22,320 Speaker 2: producer activists. Born and raised in Beverly Hills, served as 5 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:26,560 Speaker 2: the US Ambassador to the Bahamas under President Barack Obama, 6 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:31,200 Speaker 2: and her father, Clarence just happened to be chairman of 7 00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:32,280 Speaker 2: Motown Records. 8 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:33,159 Speaker 1: What would you like? 9 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:35,280 Speaker 3: I would just like eating. 10 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:37,880 Speaker 1: Oh you know we're eating. Yeah, we get menus. 11 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:45,120 Speaker 2: We Her just released memoir called Think You'll Be Happy, 12 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:49,599 Speaker 2: moving through grief with grit, grace and gratitude about her 13 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:53,360 Speaker 2: life and the loss of her mother. An incredible moving book. 14 00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:56,080 Speaker 2: And we're going deep so too. 15 00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:58,360 Speaker 1: Chop with avocado perfect, that's. 16 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:08,440 Speaker 2: So Pull up a chair, poor, glass of rose, because 17 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:13,959 Speaker 2: today we're having lunch with Nicole Avon. I'm Bruce Bossi 18 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:23,520 Speaker 2: and this is my podcast Table for two. If you've 19 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:25,880 Speaker 2: pulled up a chair today, I am sitting with the 20 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:29,759 Speaker 2: beautiful Nicole Avant. Nicole has just written a memoir which 21 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:31,039 Speaker 2: is so incredible. 22 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:31,800 Speaker 3: Thank you. 23 00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:34,240 Speaker 1: The memoir is Think You'll Be Happy. 24 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:39,760 Speaker 2: It's a story of family, love, loss, celebration. 25 00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:43,760 Speaker 3: It's so rich, Oh, I love that you got all 26 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:44,319 Speaker 3: those points. 27 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:48,160 Speaker 2: Thank you with so much that will address So congratulations, 28 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:49,640 Speaker 2: thank you, thank you. 29 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:51,320 Speaker 3: I appreciate you. 30 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:54,600 Speaker 4: You know, because grief is in the title, it's like, no, 31 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:55,560 Speaker 4: it's a book about it. 32 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:56,720 Speaker 3: I think you'll be happy. 33 00:01:56,800 --> 00:02:01,360 Speaker 4: It's about inspiration and I hope that people inspired. 34 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:03,200 Speaker 3: And encouraged, restored. 35 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:08,400 Speaker 4: Yes, and also a new renown so renowned passion for 36 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:13,960 Speaker 4: American excellence and American progress and America. You know, just 37 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:17,320 Speaker 4: love of country and service is what we do better 38 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:19,360 Speaker 4: than anyone in the world. Now. Of course we're not perfect, 39 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,160 Speaker 4: and everyone's like, oh, we have all these problems. 40 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:22,600 Speaker 3: Please tell me one country that does. 41 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:25,200 Speaker 2: Not write your book and your life and your journey, 42 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:27,920 Speaker 2: in the journey of your parents and your family. This 43 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:31,240 Speaker 2: book shares all that. Yeah, everything you just said it was. 44 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,480 Speaker 2: You know, I'm writing things down not about grief. They're 45 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:39,440 Speaker 2: about raising children. They're about community, like really good stuff. Nicole, 46 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:43,320 Speaker 2: you grew up in Beverly Hills, and your references the 47 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:46,360 Speaker 2: seventies the eighties, we are were the same, the. 48 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:47,320 Speaker 1: Best, you know. 49 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,240 Speaker 2: Could you talk to us just a little bit about 50 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:52,400 Speaker 2: those years and you know what it was like to 51 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:55,960 Speaker 2: grow up here in a world where because of the 52 00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:58,880 Speaker 2: nature of your mom and your dad, you were meeting 53 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:02,240 Speaker 2: a lot of very successful people. Your dad was responsible 54 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:05,280 Speaker 2: for a lot of people's success, and your mother and 55 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:07,120 Speaker 2: father kept you and your. 56 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:09,119 Speaker 3: Brother very grounded. 57 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:11,160 Speaker 1: So talk to us about like your life, what was 58 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:11,480 Speaker 1: it like? 59 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:14,919 Speaker 4: You know, it was so great because I every time 60 00:03:14,919 --> 00:03:18,200 Speaker 4: I still drive through Beverly Hills now, I just have 61 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:21,200 Speaker 4: a huge smile on my face because the best memories, 62 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:24,200 Speaker 4: the best people. It was a great city at the time, 63 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,760 Speaker 4: still is, but at the time, in the seventies, at the. 64 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,799 Speaker 3: Time, it was magic, magic and it was community. 65 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:34,520 Speaker 4: And I remember seeing Jimmy start walking to church and 66 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,600 Speaker 4: he was always dapper, always sometimes had a little hat on. 67 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,920 Speaker 4: You know Ella Fitzgerald when you know, when she was 68 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,720 Speaker 4: walking around the neighborhood. I mean, I just I told Ted, 69 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:44,560 Speaker 4: I said, no she off of Sunset. You make it 70 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:47,200 Speaker 4: right on Whittyer at her house was right there. It's 71 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:49,440 Speaker 4: it's and our friends live in that house now, which 72 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:52,200 Speaker 4: I love. And then just but at the time, like 73 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:54,080 Speaker 4: I was saying, it was a community and it was 74 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:54,920 Speaker 4: put this way. 75 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:55,960 Speaker 3: No children, none of us. 76 00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:57,720 Speaker 4: Were on rodeo or drive with our parents. It was 77 00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:00,440 Speaker 4: a different time. Verdea was for the adult. There was 78 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:02,440 Speaker 4: a different thing. But the schools were great and the 79 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:07,200 Speaker 4: kids were great, and everyone at that time was focused 80 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:11,320 Speaker 4: on community and service and you know, sports and this 81 00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:11,640 Speaker 4: and that. 82 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:12,840 Speaker 3: But we were walking everywhere. 83 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,040 Speaker 4: I mean now, I mean I remember my mom dropping 84 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:18,120 Speaker 4: me off at the corner of Whittier and Wilsher to 85 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:21,080 Speaker 4: take the bus to go to the beach, and then 86 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:22,840 Speaker 4: she'd pick me up at the. 87 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:26,039 Speaker 3: Bus stop because she said, listen, yes, can I drive 88 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:28,400 Speaker 3: you everywhere ashore? But you need to know how life works. 89 00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:31,159 Speaker 4: So I'm not going to coddle you so much where 90 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:34,279 Speaker 4: you're going to freak out when you're eighteen twenty twenty 91 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:36,600 Speaker 4: three and not know how the world works. You're going 92 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:39,440 Speaker 4: to be a little scared for a minute. And it's fine, 93 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:41,720 Speaker 4: you know. And it was great if we all went 94 00:04:41,839 --> 00:04:44,320 Speaker 4: in packs and she'd drop us off in Westwood and 95 00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:46,120 Speaker 4: I have friends and I we talked about going to the. 96 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:48,560 Speaker 3: Avco or going to all the theaters in Westwood. 97 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:50,360 Speaker 4: They drop us off with the Arcade who leave us 98 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:53,000 Speaker 4: for eight hours. 99 00:04:52,839 --> 00:04:55,800 Speaker 1: It's funny. And I was thinking about that, you know, 100 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:56,480 Speaker 1: and just. 101 00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:59,160 Speaker 4: Carol O'Connor and all these people again at that time, 102 00:04:59,839 --> 00:05:02,000 Speaker 4: the they were at the top of their game, like 103 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:04,440 Speaker 4: you said, really great friends with my parents. 104 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:05,960 Speaker 3: Caroline Nancy O'Connor were at my. 105 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:08,600 Speaker 4: House all the time, but they were there to talk 106 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:09,880 Speaker 4: about neighbors of Watts. 107 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,920 Speaker 3: They were there serving with my mom in wants. 108 00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:16,240 Speaker 4: And I think that the beauty of the way I 109 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:18,720 Speaker 4: was able to grow up and what I had was 110 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:23,200 Speaker 4: they were actually great people who happened to be famous, 111 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:27,599 Speaker 4: versus famous people who are empty inside. 112 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:28,800 Speaker 3: I didn't get that. 113 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:30,200 Speaker 1: Right, you know. 114 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:33,359 Speaker 2: And I just want to really point out because I 115 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:36,440 Speaker 2: don't know if everyone understands by your mom dropping you 116 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:40,000 Speaker 2: off at the bus stop, which is a very in 117 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:43,360 Speaker 2: Los Angeles, it was a big deal to teach you 118 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:47,400 Speaker 2: that lesson because people don't take public transportation here if 119 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:50,040 Speaker 2: you have cars and if your parents can, and so 120 00:05:50,279 --> 00:05:51,400 Speaker 2: she hurt like. 121 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:51,760 Speaker 1: That to me. 122 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:54,719 Speaker 3: She was a very on purpose woman. Yes, she really. 123 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,240 Speaker 4: In New York, she would have her driver and I'd say, 124 00:05:57,279 --> 00:05:59,080 Speaker 4: I'll be right there. She said, I'm not go take 125 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:01,400 Speaker 4: the subway and then you'll meet me where we're going. 126 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:04,239 Speaker 4: And I said, Mom, you have a driver. She said, yes, 127 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:06,479 Speaker 4: but you need to know how to function. I need 128 00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:09,480 Speaker 4: you to learn how to function in life, and it's okay. 129 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:12,760 Speaker 1: So when you do fly, yes, and wow did you fly? 130 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:15,320 Speaker 1: And what a career in life you've created for yourself. 131 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:18,280 Speaker 4: You know, I'm grateful that you know. Now I look back, 132 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,400 Speaker 4: she used to this is what I love. I was 133 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:24,599 Speaker 4: just a tomboy from the beginning. And I would skateboard 134 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:26,960 Speaker 4: and i'd skateboard with all the guys. And she'd dropped 135 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,640 Speaker 4: me off in Venice and then she leave me, and 136 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,200 Speaker 4: then she'd come back and pick me up. And then 137 00:06:31,279 --> 00:06:33,280 Speaker 4: one day, right when I was going to go into 138 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,680 Speaker 4: a skateboarding tournament, she said, you can't skate here anymore. 139 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:38,120 Speaker 3: And I said, why wait, I'm going to win this. 140 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:41,560 Speaker 4: She said, Nicole, it's getting dangerous and I'm actually not 141 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,800 Speaker 4: being a responsible person by letting you come down here. 142 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:46,719 Speaker 4: It's just not okay, even with some of the adults 143 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:48,320 Speaker 4: looking out. It's changing. 144 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:48,839 Speaker 3: And it did. 145 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:52,440 Speaker 4: Venice used to be the best beating. Venice Beach was great, 146 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:57,239 Speaker 4: the boardwalk was great. And so I'm just so grateful 147 00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:59,279 Speaker 4: that I didn't understand it when I was growing up, 148 00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:01,599 Speaker 4: and I didn't necessary really appreciated either. It's not of 149 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:05,159 Speaker 4: as do mindsight as everything, and she I love the 150 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:10,480 Speaker 4: fact that she was so on purpose about life and 151 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:15,920 Speaker 4: about understanding people and different people and different situations and 152 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:20,720 Speaker 4: the importance of making sure that I saw everyone in 153 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:23,920 Speaker 4: everything so that it would change me as I was 154 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:27,120 Speaker 4: a voter. Later, Yeah, of course, you have to be 155 00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:29,200 Speaker 4: around people that you're voting for other people. 156 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:31,080 Speaker 3: That's what she'd say. Most of the time, you're going 157 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:33,280 Speaker 3: to be fine, but most of these people aren't. 158 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,240 Speaker 4: So when you vote, it can't just be about you 159 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:37,600 Speaker 4: and your attacks, and it has to be about everybody. 160 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:40,440 Speaker 4: Sometimes it might be a conservative vote, sometimes it might 161 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:41,400 Speaker 4: be a progressive vote. 162 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:42,640 Speaker 3: You don't know which one. 163 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:46,440 Speaker 4: But I have to put you out in different situations 164 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:48,720 Speaker 4: and hopefully you'll. 165 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:49,480 Speaker 3: Take the lesson. 166 00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:01,120 Speaker 1: The book your story. 167 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:03,640 Speaker 2: Of course, you know, you lost your mom in a 168 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:08,000 Speaker 2: horrific way, and she was a hero, even in that 169 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:11,080 Speaker 2: moment in which I didn't realize until you wrote, you know, 170 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,520 Speaker 2: like she could have said and screamed out for your father, 171 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:17,400 Speaker 2: mister Yvonne, who I got to see because he would 172 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:19,840 Speaker 2: come into the restaurant that I worked in for lunch. 173 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:21,320 Speaker 1: And it was always a big deal of it, and 174 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:23,560 Speaker 1: you know, and pay respect. 175 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:25,720 Speaker 2: He was, you know, just always a little hard to 176 00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:28,640 Speaker 2: read because you know when he smiled at you, you 177 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:33,160 Speaker 2: just knew it just warmed you. You talk about your mom, 178 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:36,400 Speaker 2: you know, and I love this, you know, being genuine, feminine, 179 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:41,280 Speaker 2: being a multitasker, an intuitive, a problem solve, an EmPATH, 180 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:46,520 Speaker 2: a person who impresses, who inspires was one of my 181 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:48,079 Speaker 2: mother's superpowers. 182 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:51,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, and she truly loved being alive. 183 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:55,280 Speaker 2: And I think that is just an incredible to be 184 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:58,319 Speaker 2: raised by a woman that those are her superpowers. 185 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:00,960 Speaker 1: And what's It's really. 186 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:03,040 Speaker 2: Funny that you share or the time she had to 187 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:05,840 Speaker 2: remind you so like tell us about like, which I 188 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:09,240 Speaker 2: love like. And I even talked to Eva, my fifteen 189 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:11,000 Speaker 2: year old, after I read this thing. When you didn't 190 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:13,840 Speaker 2: get up after you making the T shirts in the eighties, 191 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:17,559 Speaker 2: say goodbye, tell the lesson. 192 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,360 Speaker 3: She just it was so funny because I thought I 193 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:23,679 Speaker 3: was having a great time and I was like, bye bye, 194 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:25,040 Speaker 3: Anne a a good day. 195 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:27,560 Speaker 4: And I'm just sitting there making T shirts and putting 196 00:09:27,559 --> 00:09:29,440 Speaker 4: those little beads that we've done in bed As Beach, 197 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:31,480 Speaker 4: and we'd cut the T shirts and make all these 198 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:36,120 Speaker 4: we all wanted to be Cher and pat Atuitar and whatever. 199 00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:39,240 Speaker 4: So we're making the T shirts and her mom comes 200 00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:42,800 Speaker 4: together and she leaves, and it I didn't go to 201 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:43,120 Speaker 4: the door. 202 00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:45,280 Speaker 3: My mom always taught me to go to the door. 203 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:48,000 Speaker 3: I figured, Okay, well I already say goodbye. My mom's 204 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:49,240 Speaker 3: at the door. It's no big deal. 205 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:53,160 Speaker 4: Oh no, my mother is like pulled my ear and 206 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:55,760 Speaker 4: I said, what is what? She said, You don't have 207 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,680 Speaker 4: a friend who's leaving and her mother's at the door. 208 00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:02,439 Speaker 4: Get up and say goodbye. Someone is leaving your home. 209 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:05,040 Speaker 3: Yes, And I thought, oh god, you and your rules 210 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:06,360 Speaker 3: and you're so proper. You said this. 211 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,920 Speaker 4: And now I look at her and I'm thinking, of 212 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:12,599 Speaker 4: course she did, because you know, she'd always say to me, 213 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:15,160 Speaker 4: everybody wants a great society, but everyone thinks that you 214 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,600 Speaker 4: don't get a good society with bad manners. 215 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:18,480 Speaker 1: Exactly. 216 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:20,800 Speaker 3: You just don't. You think you do, you don't. 217 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:22,720 Speaker 2: And so when I said that to Ava in the 218 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:25,880 Speaker 2: car yesterday, she was like, well, I mean times have 219 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:26,559 Speaker 2: sort of changed. 220 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:31,160 Speaker 1: I go, No, that nothing's changed about that, you know. 221 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:34,240 Speaker 2: So when your friends leave, I go, I would appreciate, 222 00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:38,040 Speaker 2: you know, let me know that they're leaving, so I 223 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:40,679 Speaker 2: could say goodbye to them, you know, And then you. 224 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,400 Speaker 1: Know, and this is another great. 225 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:47,199 Speaker 2: Quote, and she says and then she was like, okay, 226 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,520 Speaker 2: like you know, and I said, because it's important to 227 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:52,920 Speaker 2: acknowledge that, to say hello, to say goodbye. And I said, look, 228 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:55,280 Speaker 2: I grew up saying mister or missus to all my parents' 229 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,720 Speaker 2: friends and my friend's friends. 230 00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:02,640 Speaker 1: Wasn't like, hey, no, I'm like no, So nico are 231 00:11:02,679 --> 00:11:03,640 Speaker 1: you're right? Which you know? 232 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:07,800 Speaker 2: So Nicole and I have this word douchebag that we love, 233 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,679 Speaker 2: and we've once gone to a conversation years ago about 234 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:14,480 Speaker 2: the douchebags that surround us, some of them you know, 235 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:18,840 Speaker 2: and but you you talk about badass And I think 236 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:20,120 Speaker 2: this is so great. 237 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,640 Speaker 1: So I'm going to read this again. I'm not sure 238 00:11:22,679 --> 00:11:23,760 Speaker 1: why we now. 239 00:11:23,679 --> 00:11:26,720 Speaker 2: Often consider raising kids are running a household or supporting 240 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:30,200 Speaker 2: our partner things. My mother excelled at and extolled the 241 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:34,160 Speaker 2: virtues of negatives, which I agree that's the toughest job. 242 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:37,760 Speaker 2: It's the toughest job some awful women being bad asses, 243 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:40,280 Speaker 2: but there's a balance to be achieved. You're a badass 244 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,480 Speaker 2: and you have a kid who's bullying other kids at school, 245 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:45,560 Speaker 2: what does that say about you? Doesn't sound very badass. 246 00:11:45,559 --> 00:11:48,080 Speaker 2: To me, it's actually pretty pathetic. Do you want to 247 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:49,880 Speaker 2: be the bad badass or do you want to raise 248 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:51,280 Speaker 2: your kid to not be an asshole? 249 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:55,040 Speaker 1: That the badass should be icing, not the cake. I 250 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,079 Speaker 1: love that MO was. 251 00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:01,760 Speaker 4: In that love it because you know my my parents 252 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,440 Speaker 4: this way. 253 00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:06,319 Speaker 3: So there's a couple of things on that. One is 254 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,880 Speaker 3: I do remember that day at the palm, that night 255 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:09,680 Speaker 3: when we just. 256 00:12:09,679 --> 00:12:12,320 Speaker 4: Because we were trying to figure out, we figured out. 257 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,480 Speaker 4: We kept calling people all these saf why would they 258 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:16,719 Speaker 4: do that? Why would they do this? Because we're all 259 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:19,880 Speaker 4: so stuck on the why people do things? And I 260 00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:22,080 Speaker 4: think you and I really connected on this level of 261 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:24,760 Speaker 4: some people just mean. Some people are mean. 262 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:28,320 Speaker 3: They are there's mean spirited people, period, end of story. 263 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:30,000 Speaker 3: That just let's own that. 264 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:32,000 Speaker 4: You know, my mom used to say to me, good 265 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:36,440 Speaker 4: people do good things, kind people do kind things. Thieves steel, 266 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:39,480 Speaker 4: mean people are mean, you know, bullies, bully that. You 267 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:43,280 Speaker 4: have words for these people and there's a decision that 268 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:43,679 Speaker 4: they make. 269 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:47,040 Speaker 3: I think we're so focused on. I wonder what kind 270 00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:47,800 Speaker 3: of childhood they had. 271 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,640 Speaker 4: I wonder what I know so many people, as do you, 272 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:54,160 Speaker 4: that have had the worst childhoods, that have every reason 273 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:58,480 Speaker 4: to be mean, to be cold, to be distant, and 274 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:03,000 Speaker 4: to harm, and they don't because they chose not to, 275 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:06,439 Speaker 4: because they made a decision. And I wish, I hope 276 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:09,320 Speaker 4: that we can all kind of shift the focus of 277 00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:12,200 Speaker 4: who is doing the right thing? Who are the people 278 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:15,080 Speaker 4: who are working three jobs a day and nothing is 279 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:16,840 Speaker 4: fair to them, and they're trying to put their kids 280 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,679 Speaker 4: into good school and they're trying to do the right thing, 281 00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:22,040 Speaker 4: and society doesn't show up for them, government doesn't show 282 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:25,720 Speaker 4: up for them, nothing, and they're still choosing to be good. 283 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:28,200 Speaker 4: And I think that's why I loved how you just landed. 284 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,120 Speaker 4: You're the one who said maybe some people were just 285 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:32,840 Speaker 4: douche backs. I thought it was I knew I loved 286 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:34,880 Speaker 4: you in that moment. I said, Oh, he's my friend forever. 287 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:39,040 Speaker 4: And my mom, going back to that bullying part, she 288 00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:42,200 Speaker 4: would always say to me, the one time I knew 289 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,560 Speaker 4: I was in trouble, perus no matter what. And I 290 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:46,800 Speaker 4: never did it, but she said, if I ever find 291 00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:52,280 Speaker 4: out that you were hurting somebody on purpose, that's it. Yeah, 292 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:54,360 Speaker 4: And I would say, what does that's it mean? What 293 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:54,839 Speaker 4: does that mean? 294 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:57,120 Speaker 3: She said, Oh, you'll see, that's it because those are 295 00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:57,840 Speaker 3: not our values. 296 00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:00,560 Speaker 4: You don't have to like everybody, you don't have to 297 00:14:00,559 --> 00:14:03,480 Speaker 4: be friends with everybody, but you do not have the 298 00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:07,040 Speaker 4: right to disrespect someone else's soul because you feel like it. 299 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,520 Speaker 3: You don't get to do that. I'm not raising you 300 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:10,000 Speaker 3: that way. 301 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:12,320 Speaker 4: And she always wanted to be able to look in 302 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:18,000 Speaker 4: the mirror and say, regardless of how Nicole and Alex 303 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:20,880 Speaker 4: decide to behave in the world, I have to be 304 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,000 Speaker 4: able to look at myself in the mirror and know 305 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:26,200 Speaker 4: that I was committed to raising them the right way. 306 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,040 Speaker 3: Whether they choose to listen to me or not is 307 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:28,560 Speaker 3: up to them. 308 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:32,360 Speaker 4: But she really was focused on I have to be 309 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,480 Speaker 4: able to look at myself in the mirror and know 310 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:36,920 Speaker 4: that I did my job, and my job is to 311 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:41,240 Speaker 4: raise decent people who can go into society and be 312 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:46,840 Speaker 4: civil and be good and serve others and do whatever 313 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:47,360 Speaker 4: they want. 314 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:49,360 Speaker 3: But you can't be an asshole. 315 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:49,760 Speaker 1: No. 316 00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:55,760 Speaker 4: She had no tolerance for anybody who was. I remember 317 00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,920 Speaker 4: one time I got punished in Washington, DC. We went 318 00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:00,280 Speaker 4: on a family trip and I didn't hold the door 319 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:02,960 Speaker 4: open for the person behind me. I was just yak 320 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:06,720 Speaker 4: yak yaking with my friends and my father looked at 321 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:09,520 Speaker 4: me like as I had committed the worst crime, and 322 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:11,080 Speaker 4: I said, what did you see? 323 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:11,920 Speaker 3: That person behind you? 324 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,160 Speaker 4: Go? Oh, Dad, I'm sorry. Okay, not a big deal. 325 00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:17,600 Speaker 4: And I said, mistakenly, dude, not a big deal. That 326 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:21,000 Speaker 4: was a big mistake. Did you actually say dude? 327 00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:22,080 Speaker 1: I said dude because. 328 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:23,800 Speaker 4: It was such a skateboarder and I would pick up 329 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,320 Speaker 4: all this slang from the surfers and the skateboarders. And 330 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:29,280 Speaker 4: my father said, what'd you call it? I said, Dad, whatever, 331 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:31,520 Speaker 4: I'm sorry, and he said I said, I didn't do 332 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:33,680 Speaker 4: it on purpose. He said, no, but you you have to. 333 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:37,560 Speaker 4: You can't slip like that a lot. You can't, you, 334 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:39,440 Speaker 4: you know. And I'm happy he gave me that habit 335 00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:42,640 Speaker 4: because I've of course done that as an adult where 336 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:45,000 Speaker 4: I oh my god, I'm on the phone. 337 00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:46,440 Speaker 3: And I did it a couple of years ago and 338 00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,720 Speaker 3: I ran after the woman. I go, she had a stroller, 339 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,080 Speaker 3: a baby and a stroller. 340 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:51,600 Speaker 4: And I slammed the door on her and I said, 341 00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:54,960 Speaker 4: I am so sorry, and good for her because she'd 342 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:57,160 Speaker 4: still give me stink eye, which she showed have It's fine, 343 00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:59,240 Speaker 4: but I had to apologize for myself. 344 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,320 Speaker 3: I said, I just want you to know I am 345 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:01,960 Speaker 3: sorry for that. 346 00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:04,440 Speaker 4: And after, you know, she realized she gave me stink guy, 347 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:06,480 Speaker 4: and then she smiled later because I think I scared 348 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:07,120 Speaker 4: her because. 349 00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:07,480 Speaker 3: She had a baby. 350 00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:25,480 Speaker 5: Did I get it right? 351 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:32,600 Speaker 1: Welcome back to Table for two. 352 00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:36,120 Speaker 2: Nicole was appointed Ambassador to the Bahamas in two thousand 353 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:39,480 Speaker 2: and nine. Like many of us, it wasn't always easy 354 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:44,040 Speaker 2: to balance life and work. In her book, Nicole writes 355 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:49,520 Speaker 2: honestly about one challenging event during this time. You paint 356 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:53,200 Speaker 2: many beautiful pictures in your memoir, and you're welcome and 357 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:56,960 Speaker 2: thank you, because I will say it really made me 358 00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:00,000 Speaker 2: think a lot about my life, my life and service. 359 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:04,359 Speaker 2: Being a parent one of the things you talk about, 360 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:07,320 Speaker 2: and you're very vulnerable. It's a real thing when you 361 00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:10,600 Speaker 2: you know. So, Nicole was appointed to be the US 362 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:14,560 Speaker 2: Ambassador to the Bahamas under President Obama. You tell a 363 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:19,280 Speaker 2: story of when Ted Ted is Nicole's husband, Ted Sorrando's 364 00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:19,920 Speaker 2: if you don't. 365 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:24,800 Speaker 1: Know, and your reaction to when his mother passed. 366 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:30,040 Speaker 2: And that was a really interesting story for me to 367 00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:34,000 Speaker 2: read because I understood it and then I understood too, 368 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:37,720 Speaker 2: which it led to the choice of I have to 369 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:40,800 Speaker 2: go home because this is now going to have to 370 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:45,760 Speaker 2: make a choice between my family and my career. And 371 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:48,439 Speaker 2: even though that is unfair at times, but you know, 372 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,960 Speaker 2: if it was a career that was here, you know, 373 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,040 Speaker 2: down the block, you want to can you kind of 374 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,359 Speaker 2: talk about that and share because I think it's as 375 00:17:55,359 --> 00:17:56,639 Speaker 2: a very vulnerable, real moment. 376 00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:58,000 Speaker 4: That's why I wanted to put it in the book 377 00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:01,520 Speaker 4: because I think I want to use myself as an example. 378 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:04,000 Speaker 4: So I didn't feel like, you know, I'm sitting on 379 00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:07,359 Speaker 4: some soapbox telling people how to live and don't do this. 380 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:09,160 Speaker 4: And I was like, let me put in my own 381 00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:13,840 Speaker 4: mistakes right, so that hopefully people don't feel so alone 382 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:15,680 Speaker 4: in their mistakes. 383 00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:17,280 Speaker 3: Or you know what have you And a reminder we're 384 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:17,760 Speaker 3: all human. 385 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,080 Speaker 4: We're all going to slip, even with people with the 386 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:22,640 Speaker 4: best hearts and the best intentions. We all have smudge 387 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:26,800 Speaker 4: and we all slip right smudge and we're human, all 388 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:30,640 Speaker 4: of us. And so yeah, so I was serving as 389 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:34,920 Speaker 4: a US ambassador to the Bahamas, and everything was new 390 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:37,240 Speaker 4: for me. It was a new marriage. I mean ten 391 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:39,520 Speaker 4: and I date courted nine months and then we got married. 392 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:40,760 Speaker 3: I had two, you. 393 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,879 Speaker 4: Know, beautiful step children, and but I moved to a 394 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,399 Speaker 4: new country with a new job and a new home, 395 00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:49,880 Speaker 4: no friends, no nobody, big deal. It was a big deal, 396 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,080 Speaker 4: and I didn't realize until I got there in the 397 00:18:52,119 --> 00:18:54,960 Speaker 4: first week, got like thinking, oh, wow, right, I don't 398 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:59,560 Speaker 4: I don't know anybody here. And Ted was flying back 399 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:02,280 Speaker 4: and forth and he and the kids did not move 400 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:05,120 Speaker 4: there permanently with me, which is usually because I was young. 401 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,159 Speaker 4: You know, you have most ambassadors, I mean I was 402 00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:11,000 Speaker 4: forty years old, and you know, most ambassadors start, you know, 403 00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:13,520 Speaker 4: do that job later in life, and I understand why. 404 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:16,680 Speaker 4: But the opportunity showed up, so I took it. And 405 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,879 Speaker 4: but once I got my sea legs because I loved 406 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:23,440 Speaker 4: the job so much, and I saw the differences that 407 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,560 Speaker 4: the whole embassy team was making, and they. 408 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,560 Speaker 3: All worked so hard before I got there. 409 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,520 Speaker 4: After I left him, it was a great team, and 410 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:33,240 Speaker 4: we were so excited about this one delegation. And then 411 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:38,560 Speaker 4: I completely slipped into ego mode and Ted loses his 412 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,640 Speaker 4: mom suddenly. I mean, she wasn't in the best health, 413 00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:42,400 Speaker 4: but we did not expect for her to pass away 414 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:42,719 Speaker 4: like that. 415 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:47,000 Speaker 3: He was called to Arizona to check on her, and 416 00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:49,160 Speaker 3: she died. When Ted was there. 417 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:51,399 Speaker 4: I mean it was he went downstairs, I think to 418 00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:52,480 Speaker 4: get something to Eatie. 419 00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:53,119 Speaker 3: Came up and she's gone. 420 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:57,679 Speaker 4: And what he needed and obviously any of us in 421 00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:05,680 Speaker 4: a partner was empathy and gentleness and kindness. And I 422 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:07,840 Speaker 4: you know, I was in the car with the driver 423 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,119 Speaker 4: and the security guard and they could hear me speaking 424 00:20:10,119 --> 00:20:13,359 Speaker 4: to Ted, and I love them for being letting me 425 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:16,199 Speaker 4: know suddenly like you're off, lady, like what do. 426 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:18,359 Speaker 3: You what are you doing? 427 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,240 Speaker 4: And you know, Rubin never said anything. It was the 428 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:23,679 Speaker 4: greatest and always calm and cool. And I could just 429 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,680 Speaker 4: see the stinky coming back to me in. 430 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,840 Speaker 3: The rear of the mirror, like what is wrong with everybody? 431 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:29,359 Speaker 3: But I had said to Ted. 432 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:32,800 Speaker 4: He called to tell me that Sue had died, and 433 00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:35,040 Speaker 4: I said, I'm so sorry this and that, and then 434 00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:37,480 Speaker 4: my ego just took over and I said, well, wait 435 00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:39,000 Speaker 4: a minute, when do you think the. 436 00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:39,840 Speaker 3: Service is going to be? 437 00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:43,040 Speaker 4: And of course Ted is shaking and thinking, not even 438 00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,359 Speaker 4: thinking of that, He said, well, I don't know anything. 439 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:48,920 Speaker 4: I mean, she just asked away, and I said, well, 440 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:51,680 Speaker 4: I mean, I hope it's not next week. 441 00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:53,360 Speaker 3: I hope it's not during this time. I mean, we 442 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:56,160 Speaker 3: have a delegation, Teddy, we have people coming. 443 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:59,000 Speaker 4: From Washington and it's very important, and you know, we're 444 00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:02,280 Speaker 4: talking about traffic, and I'm going on and on about myself, 445 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:07,960 Speaker 4: about my job, everything excepted everything, accept his grief, everything 446 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:09,240 Speaker 4: except what he needed. 447 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:10,880 Speaker 3: And it was the. 448 00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:14,640 Speaker 4: Height of selfishness. And I didn't even recognize it. And again, 449 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,359 Speaker 4: thank god, the team around me did. 450 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:17,960 Speaker 3: And I walked. 451 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:19,240 Speaker 4: Upstairs, like I say in the book, and I'm looking 452 00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:20,679 Speaker 4: in the Mirror'm like, what is wrong with everybody? 453 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,200 Speaker 3: I'm looking at the dog, going what is everyone of 454 00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:23,000 Speaker 3: an attitude for? 455 00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:25,880 Speaker 4: And then I look at myself in the mirror, and 456 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,959 Speaker 4: I swear to you, I did not recognize myself. 457 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:33,040 Speaker 3: And I thought, oh my god, I've become that character. 458 00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:35,480 Speaker 4: I've become that person we see in movies we read 459 00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:40,880 Speaker 4: about where nothing else matters, accept the job, nothing else matters, 460 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:46,160 Speaker 4: accept whatever they want. And it was a turning point 461 00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:48,960 Speaker 4: for me, and I of course immediately called ted and 462 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,840 Speaker 4: I apologized, and I but I really had to look 463 00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,080 Speaker 4: at myself and say, wait a minute, Okay, this is 464 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:58,200 Speaker 4: a this is two things that these are both true. 465 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:01,120 Speaker 4: And I had almost been on the job for two years, 466 00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:03,240 Speaker 4: so I had one more year, because you know, I 467 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:06,040 Speaker 4: went in at the end of twenty ten, and in 468 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:07,440 Speaker 4: that moment, it helped me. 469 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:08,520 Speaker 3: Transition to. 470 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:11,960 Speaker 4: Where I was going to move forward and how I 471 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:13,840 Speaker 4: was going to move forward to what you said of 472 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:18,040 Speaker 4: making a decision in that moment, as hard as it was, 473 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,639 Speaker 4: and sacrifice, by the way, is different for everybody. You know, 474 00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:24,320 Speaker 4: I'm not you know, I'm not going to war. I mean, 475 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:26,919 Speaker 4: that's the biggest sacrifice and fighting. But I was fighting 476 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:30,680 Speaker 4: for my family, yes, And I had to say to myself, 477 00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:33,240 Speaker 4: and I knew where I was going because I wanted 478 00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:36,280 Speaker 4: to stay the extra year and I knew we would 479 00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:38,359 Speaker 4: even get better, and I knew the embassy was going 480 00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:39,040 Speaker 4: to get stronger. 481 00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:40,600 Speaker 3: And then I thought, and then I'm going to go 482 00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:41,040 Speaker 3: to d C. 483 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:45,760 Speaker 4: I mean, I could see myself pulling myself away from 484 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:50,520 Speaker 4: my family, and I saw a new version of myself 485 00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:54,080 Speaker 4: that really had Oh well, they'll have to figure it out, 486 00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:56,280 Speaker 4: ted Antoni and Sarah. We'll have to figure it out. 487 00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:58,680 Speaker 4: And I thought, wait a minute, Oh no, no, no, no, 488 00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:01,679 Speaker 4: I have to this back and what is important to 489 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:06,520 Speaker 4: me and who was important to me. And it was 490 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:09,720 Speaker 4: the best decision I made. I came home for him 491 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:12,240 Speaker 4: for us, it wasn't just for Ted, it was for me. 492 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:14,320 Speaker 4: That's what I had to realize. It didn't come home 493 00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:15,680 Speaker 4: for Ted, I came. 494 00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:16,640 Speaker 1: Home for me exactly. 495 00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:20,000 Speaker 4: I always wanted a family more than anything in the world. 496 00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:22,520 Speaker 4: I wanted to be with my best friend. I wanted 497 00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:24,520 Speaker 4: to be married to a best friend, and I wanted 498 00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:27,359 Speaker 4: a family. You have to be aware when you did 499 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:30,160 Speaker 4: step into right ship. You have to be aware of 500 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:32,600 Speaker 4: when you miss the mark. 501 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:33,679 Speaker 3: You know. 502 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,880 Speaker 4: That's what sin means, actually just means miss the mark. 503 00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:40,760 Speaker 4: It means a mistake, and you have to be aware 504 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:44,280 Speaker 4: enough to know, Oh my god, wait a minute, you know. 505 00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:47,159 Speaker 4: And and to your point, it's again going back to fragility. 506 00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:50,680 Speaker 4: We're all fragile. We don't know what anyone's going through. 507 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:52,720 Speaker 4: And this has been a huge lesson for me of 508 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:56,119 Speaker 4: just it's not about the benefit of the doubt, because that's. 509 00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:57,800 Speaker 3: Got to me in trouble. But you know, I think 510 00:23:57,920 --> 00:23:59,600 Speaker 3: love when we say we have to love each other. 511 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:02,080 Speaker 4: For me and I try to teach Tony and Sarah 512 00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:06,359 Speaker 4: this respect is the highest form of love. And what 513 00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:09,840 Speaker 4: people really really want more than anything in the world 514 00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:11,120 Speaker 4: is respect. 515 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:12,160 Speaker 3: Yes, that's it. 516 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:12,520 Speaker 1: That's it. 517 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:13,280 Speaker 3: That's it. 518 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:27,960 Speaker 2: In your book, you quote scripture often, and you quote 519 00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:29,760 Speaker 2: incredible pieces of scripture. 520 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:31,479 Speaker 1: And I didn't realize. 521 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:34,760 Speaker 2: That scripture was such, you know, with such a big 522 00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:38,159 Speaker 2: piece of you, and it was so surprising in a 523 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,480 Speaker 2: wonderful way. Can you talk to me a little bit 524 00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:41,240 Speaker 2: about you? 525 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:45,159 Speaker 4: You know. I love that you asked that, because so 526 00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:47,280 Speaker 4: many people have said that, and there are people who said, 527 00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:50,359 Speaker 4: I've never even seen the scripture before, and it's beautiful. 528 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:53,679 Speaker 4: And you didn't shove religion down anybody. 529 00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:56,119 Speaker 1: You just picked scripture, and scripture is poetry. 530 00:24:56,600 --> 00:25:00,600 Speaker 4: Buddhas scripture is poetry, Christian scripture, the Torah, this is 531 00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:05,040 Speaker 4: all of it. It's it's all for character building, and 532 00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:08,040 Speaker 4: it's really there to help all of us reframe our. 533 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:11,880 Speaker 3: Minds and really think in a new way. It does, 534 00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:13,199 Speaker 3: I mean, that's what it's there for. 535 00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:17,359 Speaker 4: And for me, I thought, if I'm going to write 536 00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:20,840 Speaker 4: all of this and it's a very personal book, but 537 00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:23,600 Speaker 4: this has to be a part of the book. And 538 00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:27,280 Speaker 4: so I just we made the decision of you know, 539 00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:29,040 Speaker 4: every lesson that I put in that I had to 540 00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:32,400 Speaker 4: learn or what I was taught, if it's in scripture, 541 00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:35,480 Speaker 4: let's put the scripture in and I think it. 542 00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:36,360 Speaker 3: What I love is. 543 00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:39,160 Speaker 4: That it goes back to my mom being a woman 544 00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:39,600 Speaker 4: of faith. 545 00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:41,880 Speaker 3: She was not a religious woman. She loved all religion. 546 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:46,080 Speaker 4: She loved you know, she raised me with in Christianity, sure, 547 00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:47,960 Speaker 4: but she opened. 548 00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:48,800 Speaker 3: Up every good book. 549 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:49,240 Speaker 1: You know. 550 00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:51,240 Speaker 3: My mom was a lover of the world. She was 551 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:54,679 Speaker 3: a lover of culture. I love that she gave me that. 552 00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:56,240 Speaker 3: I mean, she gave me a team, you know, the 553 00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:58,119 Speaker 3: prairie that that now I leat me down to sleep. 554 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,119 Speaker 4: I prayed to the Lord may sole to keep if 555 00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:01,760 Speaker 4: it should die before I wake, I prayed. 556 00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:02,400 Speaker 3: To Lord my soul to take. 557 00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:06,200 Speaker 4: That was the only main prayer she gave me. There 558 00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:08,680 Speaker 4: was no religion, there was nothing attached to it. So 559 00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:11,920 Speaker 4: I never had a fear of the universe. I never 560 00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:13,080 Speaker 4: had a fear of source. 561 00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:15,080 Speaker 3: I never had. I never thought it was some man 562 00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:17,400 Speaker 3: with a cane who I never had. 563 00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:20,439 Speaker 4: That. She just made it very easy. And then you know, 564 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:22,960 Speaker 4: first Philippians eleven. You know, may you always be doing 565 00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:25,919 Speaker 4: those good kind things that show you're a child of 566 00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:29,520 Speaker 4: God like simple where she was focused mostly on the 567 00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:33,480 Speaker 4: character of a person and reminded me of you think 568 00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:37,520 Speaker 4: this is around every continent, just because every place in 569 00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:42,199 Speaker 4: the world has some scripture to remind its people to 570 00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:48,480 Speaker 4: return to love, to return to mercy, to return to service. Yes, 571 00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:50,960 Speaker 4: and it's just a good reminder, so I wanted to 572 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:52,680 Speaker 4: sprinkle it throughout the bulk. 573 00:26:53,600 --> 00:27:05,560 Speaker 1: You sprinkle it. Great. What do you put into the 574 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:06,480 Speaker 1: universe now? 575 00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:09,840 Speaker 2: Now that you've experienced this sort of you've gone through 576 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:12,840 Speaker 2: an archway, you've gone through a new door. 577 00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:16,240 Speaker 1: What's the universe? What's the world to you? Now? 578 00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:19,080 Speaker 3: It's that's a great question. 579 00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:23,000 Speaker 4: It is a space now where I have walked through 580 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:25,399 Speaker 4: this new portal, like you said, and this new door, 581 00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:32,160 Speaker 4: and I am more grateful than ever. It's especially when 582 00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:35,400 Speaker 4: both parents leave you realize, oh wow, okay, of course 583 00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:37,240 Speaker 4: you don't want paper, and you feel like, yes, they're 584 00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:38,720 Speaker 4: my parents that gave me in life. But then when 585 00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:42,320 Speaker 4: they're gone, you realize, oh right, I'm the energy that 586 00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:46,480 Speaker 4: carries on. I'm the energy that now shows up and 587 00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:48,240 Speaker 4: reminds everybody of them. 588 00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:50,760 Speaker 3: So then I have to decide, well, then how am 589 00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:51,640 Speaker 3: I showing up? 590 00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:54,600 Speaker 4: And my mom, like I say in the book, loved 591 00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:59,800 Speaker 4: being alive so much that I need to be alive. 592 00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:03,440 Speaker 3: And can with the universe and it's various different ways. 593 00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:05,560 Speaker 4: You know, I walk in the gardens more because my 594 00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:07,600 Speaker 4: dad and I created new habits for him. 595 00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:10,399 Speaker 3: One of them was him walking in the garden. You know. 596 00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:13,919 Speaker 4: Then he started doing all his exercises outside. He exercised 597 00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:17,000 Speaker 4: up until the day, you know, right before he got 598 00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:21,640 Speaker 4: sick and left, and he started counting airplanes and taking 599 00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:24,200 Speaker 4: just taking a beat of you know, how many airplanes 600 00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:26,160 Speaker 4: just flew over that I didn't even know. I've lived 601 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:28,840 Speaker 4: there for seven years, never even heard an airplane, never 602 00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:30,720 Speaker 4: looked up in the sky. And I thought, all right, 603 00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:33,399 Speaker 4: these are new things that He's given me. And I 604 00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:39,000 Speaker 4: I look at life. I always have looked at life 605 00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:39,520 Speaker 4: as a gift. 606 00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:42,560 Speaker 3: I really have. But I think all of us forget 607 00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:43,160 Speaker 3: to open it. 608 00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:46,000 Speaker 4: You know, it is a gift. The present is a gift. Yes, 609 00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:48,200 Speaker 4: I know it sounds but it is. But half of 610 00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:48,600 Speaker 4: the time. 611 00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:50,760 Speaker 3: I never even opened the gift, you know, I didn't 612 00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:51,240 Speaker 3: unwrap it. 613 00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:56,400 Speaker 4: And I focus now on really my friends and the 614 00:28:56,480 --> 00:29:00,760 Speaker 4: people who deposit good things into my I want to 615 00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:02,720 Speaker 4: spend time with my friends, I want to spend time 616 00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:05,680 Speaker 4: with their families. I want to be helpful, but I 617 00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:09,480 Speaker 4: also know that and you'll feel this. There's a legacy 618 00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:12,760 Speaker 4: to continue because a baton is passed to you. It's 619 00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:16,760 Speaker 4: an energetic baton, but it's passed. And what I've learned 620 00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:19,680 Speaker 4: is the greatest way to honor people who have passed, 621 00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:23,840 Speaker 4: especially your family members, is to what I started to 622 00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:26,120 Speaker 4: do is I do everything. It's helped me with my 623 00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:28,959 Speaker 4: grief too. Everything that my mom loved I do. So 624 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:31,760 Speaker 4: I listened to the music she loves. I listened to 625 00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:35,200 Speaker 4: I watched the TV shows she loved. I watch movies 626 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:37,400 Speaker 4: that she loved. I now listen to dou g Ellington 627 00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:39,760 Speaker 4: and Frank Sinatra every day because my dad was obsessed. 628 00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:45,640 Speaker 4: And I love history, all history, all American history and 629 00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:49,160 Speaker 4: history around the world. And so I started to now 630 00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:54,960 Speaker 4: show up as someone more curious, someone more patient. Patience 631 00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:57,360 Speaker 4: was a big lesson for me in this lifetime. I'm 632 00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:01,120 Speaker 4: more patient and gentleness was ever something. 633 00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:03,360 Speaker 3: And you know, my mom would give me the greatest sauce, 634 00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:04,440 Speaker 3: and I thought about it today. 635 00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:09,280 Speaker 4: I'm a very loyal person and my mom was extremely devoted, 636 00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:12,760 Speaker 4: and at one of our last lunches, I said to her, 637 00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:15,240 Speaker 4: I hope I can move to the space where I'm 638 00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:17,720 Speaker 4: as devoted to you, because there is a difference between 639 00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:21,160 Speaker 4: devotion and loyalty. And she looked at me and she 640 00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:24,600 Speaker 4: said she was eighty one and she said, you know, 641 00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:30,880 Speaker 4: I don't regret being devoted, but if you choose devotion, 642 00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:36,560 Speaker 4: make sure boundaries come with it. 643 00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:37,360 Speaker 3: And it floored me. 644 00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:39,760 Speaker 4: I said what she said, If I can do it 645 00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:43,000 Speaker 4: all over again, I would still be a devoted woman, 646 00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:47,440 Speaker 4: but I would put up boundaries with my devotion because 647 00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:51,320 Speaker 4: people took advantage of my devotion and because when you're devoted, 648 00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:53,680 Speaker 4: you show up no matter what, and it's though, no 649 00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:56,400 Speaker 4: matter what, that's the you know, loyal, I'm loyal, but 650 00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:59,120 Speaker 4: there's a there's a consequence. Yeah, there's a oh you're 651 00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:02,800 Speaker 4: gonna do that. Devotion just shows up, yeah, all the 652 00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:06,160 Speaker 4: time and at any time of the day, and it's 653 00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:08,880 Speaker 4: a beautiful thing. But she said, if I could do 654 00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:12,360 Speaker 4: it again, I would still stay devoted, but I would 655 00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:13,120 Speaker 4: have boundaries. 656 00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:17,480 Speaker 3: And it was such a good what yes lesson for me? Wow? 657 00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:20,080 Speaker 4: And she said, you know there has to be You 658 00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:23,600 Speaker 4: don't want to change your spirit for other people, and 659 00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:26,440 Speaker 4: you don't want to change your heart for other people, 660 00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:30,520 Speaker 4: but if they cannot show up and if they're constantly 661 00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:35,680 Speaker 4: using you and disrespecting you and devaluing you. Yes, you 662 00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:38,040 Speaker 4: have to put a boundary up that says I love you. 663 00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:42,040 Speaker 3: And I wish you well. But no more, no more. 664 00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:43,000 Speaker 3: I can't. 665 00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:46,800 Speaker 4: I'm not because she said it. She said it was 666 00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:49,040 Speaker 4: such a heavy burden. And when I asked her, God, 667 00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:50,680 Speaker 4: do you have any burdens? Do you have any regrets? 668 00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:52,760 Speaker 4: She said, I really don't. The only regret is I 669 00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:55,520 Speaker 4: wish I would have taken care of myself better in 670 00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:55,920 Speaker 4: that way. 671 00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:57,560 Speaker 3: I said, But you took great care of yourself. 672 00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:18,040 Speaker 6: She goes, not so much with the boundary. 673 00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:21,440 Speaker 2: Thanks for joining us on Table for two. In Nicole 674 00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:24,920 Speaker 2: Avon's new memoir, she tackles loss and grief in a. 675 00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:26,240 Speaker 1: Very vulnerable way. 676 00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:30,520 Speaker 2: Her mother, Missus Avon, was murdered in a home invasion 677 00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:34,680 Speaker 2: in twenty twenty one. Something Nicole explores is what she 678 00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:38,120 Speaker 2: calls the dash. And I think it's a concept we 679 00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:42,960 Speaker 2: can all find inspiring. You talk about, I think, which 680 00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:46,200 Speaker 2: is really important, the sort of idea that we. 681 00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:48,680 Speaker 1: All are going to die, That is the thing that 682 00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:51,600 Speaker 1: we all share. You know, we can live in fear 683 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:53,360 Speaker 1: of it, we can come to terms with it. 684 00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:55,120 Speaker 2: You know, and it's really about, as you say, the dash, 685 00:32:56,440 --> 00:32:58,840 Speaker 2: the births in the end, And I think that's an 686 00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:01,800 Speaker 2: important thing just to remember. You don't you don't have 687 00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:05,120 Speaker 2: to live in that, but you have the responsibility to 688 00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:06,240 Speaker 2: live the dash. 689 00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:08,680 Speaker 1: You want to live and be the best Dash you can. 690 00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:12,480 Speaker 2: And you talk about to accomplish big things, to change 691 00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:14,160 Speaker 2: the world. You have to see the magic in the 692 00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:16,600 Speaker 2: moment and take what it offers you because you never 693 00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:20,040 Speaker 2: know when your name is gonna get called. That was 694 00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:23,680 Speaker 2: a really beautiful way to say it for me to 695 00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:28,920 Speaker 2: read it, because there were many times I was always 696 00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:35,880 Speaker 2: so afraid of the day. How do you feel about that? 697 00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:39,640 Speaker 2: How do you feel like your own my own dash? Yeah, 698 00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:42,520 Speaker 2: your own dad and you and your last day which 699 00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:44,640 Speaker 2: you know your own which one day? 700 00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:44,920 Speaker 5: Well? 701 00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:46,600 Speaker 1: And I mean, I. 702 00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:51,480 Speaker 2: Hope we have our jewelry, right, but I'm afraid of 703 00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:53,440 Speaker 2: who's going to take my jewelry? 704 00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:54,280 Speaker 1: Nicole? 705 00:33:58,840 --> 00:33:59,960 Speaker 3: You know it's Mama. 706 00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:02,760 Speaker 4: I said, you come into this world alone and you 707 00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:04,360 Speaker 4: leave this world alone. 708 00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:09,239 Speaker 3: Really, Mom, is that it? But she's so right. When 709 00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:12,520 Speaker 3: she left and my dad left, everything else stayed, They 710 00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:16,160 Speaker 3: left with nothing, nothing, everything's just there. 711 00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:20,920 Speaker 1: So wild you really just you're gone you're gone. You're gone, 712 00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:22,680 Speaker 1: and right now. 713 00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:29,600 Speaker 3: You know, yeah, and no one you know. I think 714 00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:31,759 Speaker 3: this is the reason we all say, don't you say this? 715 00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:33,680 Speaker 4: Don't you find yourself saying this when you hear about 716 00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:36,160 Speaker 4: someone And the first reaction is, I just saw them. 717 00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:37,839 Speaker 3: What do you mean they died? I just saw them. 718 00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:39,359 Speaker 3: I just saw them. 719 00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:42,439 Speaker 4: Because we all go back to, what do you mean 720 00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:44,160 Speaker 4: that that energy stopped? 721 00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:48,080 Speaker 3: What do you mean it stocked? I just saw them. Everybody, 722 00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:50,480 Speaker 3: everybody who has passed away. My first reaction is, what 723 00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:52,839 Speaker 3: do you mean she died? I just saw her. I 724 00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:54,799 Speaker 3: just read something on her in a magazine. What do 725 00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:55,160 Speaker 3: you mean? 726 00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:59,520 Speaker 4: And I remember having a dinner at a friend's house 727 00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:02,640 Speaker 4: and Jackie Collins was one of the dinner guests, and 728 00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:04,760 Speaker 4: I did not know she was sick because she didn't 729 00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:06,959 Speaker 4: tell anybody she was sick, and she didn't talk about 730 00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:09,839 Speaker 4: her sickness. So when she passed away, I said, what 731 00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:11,600 Speaker 4: do you mean I just had dinner with her a 732 00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:12,239 Speaker 4: month ago? What? 733 00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:16,160 Speaker 3: But I love that she showed up until the end 734 00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:17,960 Speaker 3: to the. 735 00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:21,800 Speaker 4: Best of her ability and lived, you know, And I 736 00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:27,719 Speaker 4: think that we're all, you know, unfortunately reminded, especially when 737 00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:30,520 Speaker 4: the more tragic than we're reminded of just our own 738 00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:32,680 Speaker 4: fragility of you know, the people in Maine, for example, 739 00:35:32,719 --> 00:35:35,440 Speaker 4: they all were going bowling and playing, but what really, 740 00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:41,120 Speaker 4: you know, you can't process it, you can't fathom it. 741 00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:44,839 Speaker 4: And we all hope that we pass away, you know, 742 00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:48,120 Speaker 4: with our favorite last meal and with our family surrounding 743 00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:49,440 Speaker 4: us and in peace. 744 00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:51,920 Speaker 3: We all hope that. Sure, I hope that for the world. 745 00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:53,879 Speaker 3: The truth is, it just doesn't happen that way. 746 00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:58,719 Speaker 4: And so I think for me that's helped me is 747 00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:03,919 Speaker 4: to own the fact that part of living is passing over. 748 00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:07,919 Speaker 4: It's part of the living. It's not one or the other. 749 00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:10,600 Speaker 4: It's part of your circle of life. Yes, part of 750 00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:14,000 Speaker 4: your circle of life is you will transition and you 751 00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:18,960 Speaker 4: will go wherever. But that is you can escape it. 752 00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:21,799 Speaker 4: Every single one of us is going to leave this 753 00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:25,520 Speaker 4: earth at some point. And so and the beauty I 754 00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:28,320 Speaker 4: think of life is that we do get to reinvent 755 00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:31,200 Speaker 4: ourselves over and over and over again. 756 00:36:31,239 --> 00:36:34,360 Speaker 3: My grandmother used to always remind me the Lord's mercies 757 00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:36,279 Speaker 3: are new every single day. 758 00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:38,960 Speaker 4: No matter what mistake you've made, no matter who you 759 00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:42,480 Speaker 4: were yesterday, doesn't mean that you don't have to take. 760 00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:46,120 Speaker 4: You know, the consequences to your actions won't happen. Redemption 761 00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:48,560 Speaker 4: can either happen. They can happen behind a jail cell too. 762 00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:51,240 Speaker 3: I've seen that. I've done a lot. I've worked with lots. 763 00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:55,680 Speaker 4: Of people who go into prisons and do great work 764 00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:59,640 Speaker 4: and try to help someone's character become better or do 765 00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:01,960 Speaker 4: what ha you doesn't mean that person needs you back 766 00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:05,120 Speaker 4: on the street necessarily, but you can. Sometimes your redemption 767 00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:07,000 Speaker 4: is going to come behind a jail cell. That's okay, 768 00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:10,799 Speaker 4: that's okay, that's okay. And and I do have a 769 00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:14,000 Speaker 4: sense of urgency of life that I didn't have before. 770 00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:17,759 Speaker 4: And I have a new relationship with the universe that 771 00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:19,080 Speaker 4: I didn't have before. 772 00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:19,840 Speaker 3: I am more. 773 00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:24,080 Speaker 4: I'm not rushing through, but I am appreciating things at 774 00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:27,439 Speaker 4: a different level because of the way my mom died, 775 00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:32,080 Speaker 4: and it was so instant and violent and cruel, and 776 00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:34,200 Speaker 4: it's so opposite because you know, she's eighty one and 777 00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:36,239 Speaker 4: she lived in that house the whole time, and you know, 778 00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:38,360 Speaker 4: for fifty four years and nothing ever came to that, 779 00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:41,240 Speaker 4: there was no So it's just things changed. 780 00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:53,640 Speaker 2: Yes, tell us about think You'll be happy. It's a 781 00:37:53,719 --> 00:37:54,880 Speaker 2: beautiful title. 782 00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:55,120 Speaker 1: To your mind. 783 00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:59,000 Speaker 4: Thank you so think you'll be happy. Are the last 784 00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:02,080 Speaker 4: words my mom said to me that day. I had 785 00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:05,160 Speaker 4: called my mom a little bit before five, and my 786 00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:07,880 Speaker 4: dad said that she was resting, and he goes, you know, 787 00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:10,560 Speaker 4: she's very tired today, very upset today. And I said, Dad, 788 00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:12,880 Speaker 4: I just realized why I go, because you know how 789 00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:15,000 Speaker 4: mom gets when she hears about a school shooting. 790 00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:17,319 Speaker 3: There's a school shooting in Michigan that day. 791 00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:20,600 Speaker 4: And he goes and my father said, oh right, I'm 792 00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:21,600 Speaker 4: watching it on the news. 793 00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:21,799 Speaker 2: Now. 794 00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:23,799 Speaker 3: Yes, your mom went to sleep, so call her later. 795 00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:26,640 Speaker 4: So my last textar She texted me at eight oh 796 00:38:26,680 --> 00:38:28,920 Speaker 4: one and I wrote her back, I'm so sorry I 797 00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:29,560 Speaker 4: missed you earlier. 798 00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:30,319 Speaker 3: Dad said you were. 799 00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:32,080 Speaker 4: Sleeping, and she, of course, she was talking about me 800 00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:34,280 Speaker 4: coming over the next day to pick up the sweet 801 00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:37,240 Speaker 4: potato pie that she had brought bought to our house 802 00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:40,680 Speaker 4: for Thanksgiving, and then my father, being Clarence, took the 803 00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:44,720 Speaker 4: pie home with his leftovers and took our pie home. 804 00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:47,480 Speaker 3: I never got a piece of the pie. And my 805 00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:50,080 Speaker 3: mom was so weird about this pie, she said, Nicole. 806 00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:52,480 Speaker 4: Yeah, I said, Mom, I love how you act as 807 00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:54,600 Speaker 4: if you bake this pie yourself. I made sure, went 808 00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:56,680 Speaker 4: to Bristol Farms, I'm sure, and bought the pie. She 809 00:38:56,760 --> 00:39:01,799 Speaker 4: was very proud of this pie. So but she so 810 00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:03,720 Speaker 4: she writes me a text and it's about the pie, 811 00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:05,960 Speaker 4: and I write back, you know, I'll think about it. 812 00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:08,160 Speaker 3: Sorry I missed you earlier. I'll think about it. 813 00:39:08,239 --> 00:39:10,960 Speaker 4: I'll let you know tomorrow because we all think we 814 00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:14,879 Speaker 4: have tomorrow. And her last words were, okay, I think 815 00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:18,080 Speaker 4: you'll be happy. And then I got in the bath, 816 00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:22,239 Speaker 4: I said my prayers, I took the dogs out and 817 00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:26,879 Speaker 4: went to sleep, and six hours later woken up, get 818 00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:28,560 Speaker 4: to the hospital. You know, da, da, And what I 819 00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:31,479 Speaker 4: love about think you'll be happy is out of all 820 00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:34,440 Speaker 4: the words that my mom could have said. In her 821 00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:38,080 Speaker 4: last text, a I'm glad she responded. Sometimes we didn't 822 00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:43,800 Speaker 4: always respond, and it gave me a mantra. It's almost 823 00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:47,719 Speaker 4: now like a mantra for me to remind myself to 824 00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:52,320 Speaker 4: renew my mind, to guard my heart, like scripture says, 825 00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:55,040 Speaker 4: guard your heart. You know, all the issues of life 826 00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:59,080 Speaker 4: come out of your heart, So your intentions should always 827 00:39:59,120 --> 00:39:59,799 Speaker 4: be to have to be. 828 00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:01,200 Speaker 3: Good hearted person. 829 00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:03,960 Speaker 4: Doesn't mean you won't make mistakes, does not mean you 830 00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:07,279 Speaker 4: won't hurt people does not mean but your intention is 831 00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:08,280 Speaker 4: never to cause. 832 00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:10,600 Speaker 3: Hert right, There's a difference. There's a difference. 833 00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:14,439 Speaker 4: And I'm so happy because my mom always talked about 834 00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:19,000 Speaker 4: be happy, you know. She always was so reminded me 835 00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:23,600 Speaker 4: all the time that your words and your beliefs will 836 00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:29,359 Speaker 4: help you shape your reality. So every time I came across, like, 837 00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:31,040 Speaker 4: you know, a mountain in my life, you know, with 838 00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:33,040 Speaker 4: the same issue, over the same lesson, I go, I 839 00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:35,200 Speaker 4: don't understand why this is here. Should always say what 840 00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:38,480 Speaker 4: are you thinking about? What are you thinking about? Because 841 00:40:38,719 --> 00:40:41,399 Speaker 4: you keep thinking. I hope this person doesn't do that again. 842 00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:44,440 Speaker 4: I hope this doesn't happen again. You're just putting out 843 00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:47,080 Speaker 4: into the universe. It doesn't The universe doesn't know that 844 00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:47,799 Speaker 4: you don't want to. 845 00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:51,040 Speaker 3: It just picks up on whatever you're thinking about. So 846 00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:54,560 Speaker 3: it just delivers what the thoughts are. So I don't 847 00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:57,200 Speaker 3: want that. It's like, oh she wants this. It just 848 00:40:57,640 --> 00:40:57,840 Speaker 3: you know. 849 00:40:58,080 --> 00:41:00,359 Speaker 4: So I just told my friend today, like we're going 850 00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:04,360 Speaker 4: to focus on what we want only, not what we 851 00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:06,239 Speaker 4: don't want or not. I hope this person gets it. 852 00:41:06,280 --> 00:41:08,759 Speaker 4: I hope they understand. No, we don't hope anything. Yeah, 853 00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:11,759 Speaker 4: it's all going to work out. Everything's going to work 854 00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:13,560 Speaker 4: out the way it's supposed to work out. And I 855 00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:14,920 Speaker 4: say that over and over again. 856 00:41:22,239 --> 00:41:25,239 Speaker 2: My lunch with Nicole has been so moving and insightful. 857 00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:28,080 Speaker 2: I also know that growing up in Beverly Hills with 858 00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:31,680 Speaker 2: a father in the music industry, she knew some very 859 00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:35,120 Speaker 2: interesting people. So I want to end today's lunch with 860 00:41:35,239 --> 00:41:36,080 Speaker 2: a fun question. 861 00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:38,400 Speaker 1: We're kind of wrapping up our lunch. 862 00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:40,759 Speaker 2: But you did grow up at a time in the 863 00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:43,000 Speaker 2: seventies and the eighties there were a lot of sort 864 00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:43,640 Speaker 2: of heart throbs. 865 00:41:43,640 --> 00:41:46,520 Speaker 1: You knew a lot of people. Is there any like 866 00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:52,319 Speaker 1: who was like your big crush that you met that 867 00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:52,759 Speaker 1: you were like? 868 00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:59,480 Speaker 4: I mean the truth, I honestly wanted to make I 869 00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:02,319 Speaker 4: thought for sure by the time I was seven years old, 870 00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:03,879 Speaker 4: you could not tell me that I was not going 871 00:42:03,920 --> 00:42:06,799 Speaker 4: to marry Randy Jackson. From the Jackson five there was 872 00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:09,600 Speaker 4: it was just impossible that I was not going to 873 00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:11,560 Speaker 4: marry Randy Jackson. 874 00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:13,000 Speaker 3: Then of course I was. 875 00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:16,640 Speaker 4: I was obsessed to the point where it's it's sickening, 876 00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:21,680 Speaker 4: it's it's Michael Jordan, Michael, forget it. I I but 877 00:42:21,719 --> 00:42:25,560 Speaker 4: I really as a child it was Sean Cassidy was 878 00:42:25,600 --> 00:42:29,520 Speaker 4: actually at my He was a magician at my birthday party. 879 00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:32,399 Speaker 3: Of course because his mom, again this is Beverly Hills. 880 00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:35,040 Speaker 4: At the time, his mom was saying to my mom, oh, 881 00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:37,120 Speaker 4: you know Sean and his friend. You know they have 882 00:42:37,239 --> 00:42:40,120 Speaker 4: Cassadini's or whatever. And my mom said, when Nicole loves 883 00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:41,960 Speaker 4: magic and I love that. His mom was like, well, 884 00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:45,000 Speaker 4: he's a magician, hire him, pay him as a teenager. 885 00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:47,560 Speaker 4: And there's this great photo of us. And Ted just 886 00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:50,040 Speaker 4: met him and showed him wow, and he's like, that's true. 887 00:42:50,880 --> 00:42:53,560 Speaker 3: And he remembered the house. He did, he remembered the house. 888 00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:57,839 Speaker 1: It was really a very special moment that you grew 889 00:42:57,880 --> 00:42:59,319 Speaker 1: up in. Yes, and to. 890 00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:05,080 Speaker 3: Have all these great memories good would be the best. 891 00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:08,040 Speaker 4: And again surely just I think they literally saw each 892 00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:09,920 Speaker 4: other at the supermarket and it was just a conversation 893 00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:10,720 Speaker 4: about their children. 894 00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:12,839 Speaker 3: Oh well, Sean's doing this. My mom said, I want 895 00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:15,560 Speaker 3: the cool loves magic. Let's have him be there. 896 00:43:16,200 --> 00:43:17,719 Speaker 1: Well, let me tell everyone as we wrap. 897 00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:20,440 Speaker 2: First of all, Nicole, thank you so much for taking 898 00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:22,879 Speaker 2: the time and for having lunch with me and being 899 00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:24,440 Speaker 2: on table for two And I hope everyone who pulled 900 00:43:24,520 --> 00:43:26,200 Speaker 2: up but you're really enjoyed this. 901 00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:29,680 Speaker 1: Your book, Think You'll Be Happy is an incredible memoir. 902 00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:33,120 Speaker 2: And as we end, a memoir that's about loss and 903 00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:36,840 Speaker 2: grief and love and celebration with laughter, it says everything 904 00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:39,240 Speaker 2: you need to know about Nicole, because if you want. 905 00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:41,840 Speaker 1: To have fun, you want someone who. 906 00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:44,080 Speaker 2: If you're lucky enough to be able to call you 907 00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:47,320 Speaker 2: friend in this life, you're a lucky person. 908 00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:50,880 Speaker 1: So thank you very much, thank you for having me, and. 909 00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:57,200 Speaker 2: I hope everyone enjoyed and have a great day. 910 00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:04,000 Speaker 7: Table for two with Bruce Bosi is produced by iHeartRadio 911 00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:08,080 Speaker 7: seven three seven Park and Airmail. Our executive producers are 912 00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:11,239 Speaker 7: Bruce Bosi and Nathan King. Table for two is researched 913 00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:15,239 Speaker 7: and written by Bridget arsenalt Our sound engineers are Paul 914 00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:19,040 Speaker 7: Bowman and Alyssa Midcalf. Table for two's la production team 915 00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:23,640 Speaker 7: is Danielle Romo and Lorraine Verrez. Our music supervisor is 916 00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:26,720 Speaker 7: Randall poster. Our talent booking is by James Harkin. 917 00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:31,600 Speaker 2: Special thanks to Amy Sugarman, Uni Cher, Kevin Yuvane, Bobby Bauer, 918 00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:35,239 Speaker 2: Alison Kanter Raber, Barbara and Jen and Jeff Klein, and 919 00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:36,480 Speaker 2: the staff at the Tower bar,