WEBVTT - “You Close-minded Butthead” | Navigating Multicultural Families 0:00:00.960 --> 0:00:03.840 Did you realize that I did upon job? John bon 0:00:03.920 --> 0:00:07.520 Jovi quote, just then, No, it's my life. It's now ormember. 0:00:07.760 --> 0:00:09.799 I'm I ain't gonna god, how did I miss that? 0:00:11.480 --> 0:00:17.639 Where can I hand in my jersey card? Jesus more Better, 0:00:20.360 --> 0:00:34.680 More Better? Just for posterity reasons, I want on the 0:00:34.760 --> 0:00:38.520 recording for everyone to know that our producer Isis didn't 0:00:38.600 --> 0:00:41.200 hit record and I did like probably the greatest intro 0:00:41.360 --> 0:00:45.080 that I've ever done on anything ever. It was so clean. 0:00:45.240 --> 0:00:47.760 I sounded so profreshed. Anyway, this is More Better, a 0:00:47.840 --> 0:00:49.680 podcast where we stop pretending to try to have it 0:00:49.680 --> 0:00:53.680 all together. You know what you're listening to. It's us 0:00:53.720 --> 0:00:57.640 trying to be better at life. That's so Romo laughing 0:00:57.640 --> 0:01:03.960 in the background, and that is Stephanie Beatrice. Hey, y'all, 0:01:04.240 --> 0:01:09.600 I'm just drinking my coffee. Sorry, you're in rare form today. 0:01:09.640 --> 0:01:13.440 I really am. This is what we got. Here's my 0:01:13.640 --> 0:01:16.119 life hack for those of you don't that have trouble 0:01:16.400 --> 0:01:20.560 working out in the morning. I did it. I bought 0:01:20.640 --> 0:01:23.360 myself a tiny little espresso maker. It's one of those 0:01:23.440 --> 0:01:26.280 little boopy doo You just press them in the boot 0:01:26.319 --> 0:01:28.400 bump bump, and then you're done, and I have a 0:01:28.440 --> 0:01:31.920 shot of espresso at seven am, and then I walk 0:01:32.000 --> 0:01:34.319 my ass downstairs to the basement and fucking work out 0:01:34.680 --> 0:01:37.920 yep yah, and so then I have my regular coffee later, 0:01:38.400 --> 0:01:41.119 which is why I am in rear form right now. Yeah, 0:01:41.640 --> 0:01:45.160 I like it. I hate that little No, I'm the 0:01:45.240 --> 0:01:50.800 same sometimes I am. If I'm I'm going our setup 0:01:50.920 --> 0:01:53.600 is in the garage, or even if I'm going to 0:01:53.760 --> 0:01:57.240 a class, I just I do this thing where I 0:01:57.320 --> 0:01:59.120 almost like try to turn my brain off. I don't 0:01:59.160 --> 0:02:02.320 think about where I'm going. I just am like, put 0:02:02.360 --> 0:02:04.840 one foot in front of the other, bitch, drink your coffee, 0:02:05.240 --> 0:02:07.600 get in the car, and then you will get there 0:02:07.680 --> 0:02:10.040 and you will have no choice. You have no choice 0:02:10.080 --> 0:02:12.200 because you are just there and you will do the thing. 0:02:13.000 --> 0:02:15.160 Maybe you'll do it well today, maybe you won't, but 0:02:15.240 --> 0:02:18.200 you did it. You did it. That's why I think 0:02:18.680 --> 0:02:22.360 a lot of the time. Why it's my workout closer 0:02:22.440 --> 0:02:25.760 and the drawer and they're like all everything's together, like 0:02:25.880 --> 0:02:28.760 the socks are right above where the pants are and 0:02:28.840 --> 0:02:31.000 the bras are and it's just grab, grab, don't think, 0:02:31.080 --> 0:02:33.840 go downstairs, Like I don't have to think because if 0:02:33.880 --> 0:02:36.720 I have to think about trying to do it. It's 0:02:36.800 --> 0:02:38.679 not gonna happen because I have to think twice. I 0:02:38.720 --> 0:02:40.120 mean I had to think twice this month. I was 0:02:40.120 --> 0:02:41.679 like I want to and Brad was like, you better 0:02:41.800 --> 0:02:46.280 do it. You're gonna be sad that you didn't do it. Yeah. Yeah. 0:02:46.320 --> 0:02:49.040 The workout closes is another one too. Sometimes I'll just 0:02:49.600 --> 0:02:52.000 put workout clothes on to go drop the kids off, 0:02:52.440 --> 0:02:54.239 and then there's something about having the outfit on that 0:02:54.320 --> 0:02:56.200 where I'm like, well, no, I gotta do it. I 0:02:56.240 --> 0:02:58.639 gotta do it. Yeah, otherwise I gotta get dressed. I'm 0:02:58.680 --> 0:03:01.720 off actually, so if I put them on and then 0:03:01.760 --> 0:03:04.360 I'm like, oh, work out later, I never do. Oh, 0:03:04.400 --> 0:03:06.639 I'm just like I just I'm like living at my 0:03:06.800 --> 0:03:09.919 ladies ladies who lunch moment and I'm like, I don't know, 0:03:09.960 --> 0:03:12.280 I'm just like running errands and my yoga pants, you know, 0:03:12.560 --> 0:03:14.840 like I can't I have to do I have to 0:03:15.840 --> 0:03:17.400 do it first. I have to do it first thing 0:03:17.520 --> 0:03:20.800 otherwise it's not gonna happen. Or I can sign up 0:03:20.800 --> 0:03:23.400 for a class like in the evening or something, but oh, 0:03:23.480 --> 0:03:25.919 that's my favorite, Like signing up for the class and 0:03:26.040 --> 0:03:28.959 then you know, you spend the money. Yeah, and you're like, 0:03:29.240 --> 0:03:33.000 now I have to go. Two days ago, I was 0:03:33.000 --> 0:03:35.960 sitting in our front yard and uh so nice outside 0:03:35.960 --> 0:03:37.720 of sitting in our front yard and Brad and Ross 0:03:37.760 --> 0:03:40.440 came out and Brad handed me in Appearl sprits and 0:03:40.480 --> 0:03:42.640 I was like, oh my god, it was so I 0:03:42.960 --> 0:03:47.080 did it. And then I was like shit because I 0:03:47.280 --> 0:03:55.240 signed up for You're like the epsy doodle that was. 0:03:55.400 --> 0:03:57.160 That did kind of suck because I was like, dang, 0:03:57.320 --> 0:03:59.840 I can't go now, like, yeah, what we're gonna do? 0:04:00.440 --> 0:04:03.640 I can't I mean not drink your approls. Yeah, in 0:04:03.840 --> 0:04:06.400 the beautiful day and Friday, think about it until like 0:04:06.520 --> 0:04:08.960 halfway through the approl sprits, you know, oh yeah yeah, 0:04:09.240 --> 0:04:11.880 and it's over. It's over. Yeah, It's okay, you're human. 0:04:12.240 --> 0:04:14.720 It's fine, I'm human. What have you done lately? That's 0:04:14.760 --> 0:04:18.240 more better. I guess we just talked about it, honestly, yeah, 0:04:18.520 --> 0:04:22.240 kind of you know. I are you working on in 0:04:22.360 --> 0:04:25.000 the ATL are you doing? Do people call it this? 0:04:25.160 --> 0:04:27.560 Does everyone just hate me for calling it this? I 0:04:27.640 --> 0:04:30.280 don't know. I haven't been here long enough. I don't 0:04:30.320 --> 0:04:34.360 think people say ATL. Nobody calls it that that's so dumb. Ya, 0:04:34.440 --> 0:04:38.479 that's the air, that's very the atl. What am I doing? 0:04:38.600 --> 0:04:40.600 What is the I don't know, how's it going in 0:04:40.680 --> 0:04:48.400 the lax yi yike. I was on a really good 0:04:48.520 --> 0:04:53.040 run of working out and then was working a lot, 0:04:53.360 --> 0:04:57.719 and it just it hasn't really happened in uh, probably 0:04:57.800 --> 0:05:01.880 more than two weeks, which sucks because that means, first 0:05:01.920 --> 0:05:06.200 of all, there's that fun thing where you get like 0:05:06.640 --> 0:05:09.160 I get like achy and like little pains when I'm 0:05:09.240 --> 0:05:11.800 not working out. I don't know what that's about. Is 0:05:11.839 --> 0:05:14.160 it just like getting older or is it like because 0:05:14.279 --> 0:05:16.920 you've been working out and then your body gets used 0:05:16.960 --> 0:05:19.320 to I don't know. I don't know, but my knee's 0:05:19.400 --> 0:05:23.680 hurt and yeah cool. And then I just know that 0:05:23.839 --> 0:05:28.960 whenever I do work out, it's going to suck so bad. Yeah, 0:05:29.800 --> 0:05:33.880 those first few workouts and uh, and then you just 0:05:33.960 --> 0:05:36.040 have to like push through and you feel like you're 0:05:36.040 --> 0:05:39.280 starting over and you're like more sore, even though you're like, 0:05:39.400 --> 0:05:43.920 all I did was a fucking squat, not even multiple squats. 0:05:43.960 --> 0:05:46.680 I did a squat, and now I can't walk and 0:05:46.760 --> 0:05:49.440 you feel bad about yourself and it fucking sucks. And 0:05:49.520 --> 0:05:51.799 then you just have to like push through that phase. 0:05:52.120 --> 0:05:53.760 And so like that's where I am now, Like I 0:05:53.920 --> 0:05:57.560 just know that that is uh where I am headed. 0:05:57.640 --> 0:06:00.160 Whenever I well, next week, I have some time. I'm 0:06:00.240 --> 0:06:01.840 next week, so I know I'm going to work out 0:06:01.880 --> 0:06:04.960 next week and it's gonna suck. It's gonna suck. What 0:06:05.080 --> 0:06:08.080 if you had acceptance of the suckage, you know what 0:06:08.120 --> 0:06:11.040 I mean, radical acceptance of the suckage. Yes, you just 0:06:11.120 --> 0:06:14.080 have to sort of go, okay, this is what I mean, 0:06:14.200 --> 0:06:17.200 Like if you want, because I straight up will resist. 0:06:17.240 --> 0:06:18.720 I'll be like, oh no, it's going to be so hard. 0:06:18.760 --> 0:06:21.080 It's going to be And then like three weeks have 0:06:21.160 --> 0:06:25.000 passed by. That's where I'm at right now. Because I 0:06:25.120 --> 0:06:26.800 was like in my closet trying on clothes and I 0:06:26.880 --> 0:06:31.040 was like, this skirt doesn't fit. I don't understand, Like 0:06:31.320 --> 0:06:33.800 I guess this up in the same way. I mean, 0:06:33.839 --> 0:06:37.520 I got it on, but it didn't it wasn't giving 0:06:37.880 --> 0:06:39.680 what I wanted it to give. So I was like, 0:06:40.000 --> 0:06:42.600 what is going on? How could this be? And I 0:06:42.680 --> 0:06:45.400 was like it's because I haven't been waking out at all. 0:06:45.600 --> 0:06:48.760 I was like not doing anything. So you know, that 0:06:49.040 --> 0:06:53.640 combined with like a sedentary lifestyle. It's probably gonna change. 0:06:53.640 --> 0:06:55.719 It's going to happen. You know it's going to happen. 0:06:56.440 --> 0:06:58.760 But yeah, I don't today. Yeah, I just had to 0:06:58.960 --> 0:07:02.520 sort of go whoa, yeah, okay, like, let's do this 0:07:04.360 --> 0:07:09.000 more better? Why why would I have done anything more better? 0:07:09.080 --> 0:07:10.800 I'm just hanging out in my house. I mean it's 0:07:10.840 --> 0:07:15.720 been nice. I've got therapy, you know, Like, listen, you 0:07:16.040 --> 0:07:22.600 have earned a RESTful period, a RESTful season, and you 0:07:22.680 --> 0:07:24.800 are making the most of it. And I think that 0:07:24.920 --> 0:07:29.520 that's amazing. I am making the most of it. Ish Yeah, yeah, 0:07:29.840 --> 0:07:34.320 I mean, listen, have ever did I buy three thirty 0:07:34.360 --> 0:07:37.360 inch necklaces off of atsy yesterday because they were each 0:07:37.400 --> 0:07:40.560 price to twenty dollars? Yes? I did making the most 0:07:40.560 --> 0:07:43.360 of it. I made the most of it. I'm going 0:07:43.440 --> 0:07:47.600 on a tangent. Guys, Come on, this is three technically 0:07:47.680 --> 0:07:54.360 this is a third espresso, so more better? What are 0:07:54.400 --> 0:07:59.720 we talking about today? We are talking about something a 0:07:59.760 --> 0:08:03.840 little heavy. It comes from a listener. We'll see, We'll see, 0:08:04.200 --> 0:08:11.520 John accept it. Today's topic comes from a listener. And 0:08:11.640 --> 0:08:15.000 as a reminder, if you listeners out there, whoever you 0:08:15.160 --> 0:08:17.760 may be, need help with something in your life or 0:08:17.840 --> 0:08:21.240 you have an idea for us. Please send us an 0:08:21.280 --> 0:08:25.080 email at Morebetter Pod at gmail dot com. You can 0:08:25.120 --> 0:08:27.360 include a voice note and we will feature it on 0:08:27.480 --> 0:08:31.880 the pod. And today we have an email. Shall I 0:08:32.280 --> 0:08:37.559 read it? Yes? Read it? Okay? It is from Rachel, Hi, Stephanie, 0:08:37.600 --> 0:08:41.199 Melissa and team. I've really enjoyed the More Better podcast, 0:08:41.280 --> 0:08:44.599 so thank you all for your hard work. I have 0:08:44.760 --> 0:08:46.920 a question I've been mulling over for a while and 0:08:46.920 --> 0:08:49.880 would love any advice or even just shared stories some 0:08:50.080 --> 0:08:53.319 context for you. My husband and I just got married 0:08:53.360 --> 0:08:57.680 in October twenty twenty four, which was amazing Corets, congrats. 0:08:58.160 --> 0:09:00.959 We had been together for about six years before getting married, 0:09:01.000 --> 0:09:04.079 and we lived together for two years as well. Fairy sound. 0:09:05.080 --> 0:09:08.199 I am white and my husband is Indian. Born in 0:09:08.280 --> 0:09:10.800 India but grew up in the US. From the start 0:09:10.840 --> 0:09:13.319 of our relationship, my parents had always been pretty chill 0:09:13.360 --> 0:09:16.640 about cultural and religious differences and quickly came to love him. 0:09:17.240 --> 0:09:20.120 His parents were not thrilled with me being white and Christian, 0:09:20.240 --> 0:09:22.760 but came to love and accept me as well. We 0:09:22.880 --> 0:09:25.559 planned our wedding to honor both cultures, with two different 0:09:25.640 --> 0:09:29.600 ceremonies and including different traditions from both sides, gorgeous cool. 0:09:30.360 --> 0:09:33.559 My family had been relatively hands off during a wedding process, 0:09:33.640 --> 0:09:36.040 and I perceived them as being laid back about everything 0:09:36.679 --> 0:09:43.040 until just two days before my wedding. Oh God, I'm scared. 0:09:43.679 --> 0:09:47.640 My parents expressed fears over our combined wedding and how 0:09:47.720 --> 0:09:51.559 I seem to be quote losing myself and my faith 0:09:52.120 --> 0:09:54.960 because we were doing a lot of traditional Hindu rituals 0:09:55.040 --> 0:09:59.600 as well. Oh my Okay, needless to say, this horribly 0:09:59.679 --> 0:10:02.320 upset me. Of course it did, and I felt extremely 0:10:02.440 --> 0:10:06.240 betrayed by this sudden opinion. I feel like it came 0:10:06.280 --> 0:10:09.560 from them being uncomfortable and avoiding it since we planned 0:10:09.600 --> 0:10:12.319 the wedding for over a year and did not hide 0:10:12.520 --> 0:10:17.000 anything totally. Yeah, trying to keep a long story short ish. 0:10:17.200 --> 0:10:20.320 All the wedding festivities went beautifully and both families had 0:10:20.320 --> 0:10:24.480 an amazing time. However, months after, I'm still processing and 0:10:24.600 --> 0:10:27.120 working through the hurt that came right before we got married. 0:10:27.600 --> 0:10:30.520 So with this backstory, my question is, how do you 0:10:30.679 --> 0:10:34.320 handle sharing parts of your culture or loved ones, culture, beliefs, 0:10:34.400 --> 0:10:37.959 et cetera with those outside of it. Any advice for 0:10:38.120 --> 0:10:42.960 navigating multicultural families or friend groups. How to handle criticism 0:10:43.080 --> 0:10:48.079 with it. Thank you for taking the time to read this, Rachel. Ooh, Rachel, 0:10:49.200 --> 0:10:53.199 how to handle criticism with it? You could just be like, 0:10:53.440 --> 0:10:55.920 don't be still closed minded, you fucking closed minded. Button. 0:10:58.840 --> 0:11:02.719 That's dialogue, though, don't do that out loud. Don't do 0:11:02.840 --> 0:11:09.280 that out loud. Yeah, so sucks. Sucks. My heart goes 0:11:09.320 --> 0:11:12.079 out to Rachel. That's a really tough thing. I'm so 0:11:12.320 --> 0:11:16.199 sorry your family sprung that on you two days before 0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:19.040 your wedding, which, you know what, I feel like that's 0:11:19.080 --> 0:11:21.720 always the case though, like not just with this topic, 0:11:21.800 --> 0:11:26.120 but like anytime particularly, I don't know what weddings do 0:11:26.400 --> 0:11:31.000 to parents. They will like sit on their opinion, sit 0:11:31.080 --> 0:11:34.360 on their opinions until they become like they burst right 0:11:34.440 --> 0:11:38.040 before the wedding like a boil, like a yackfle And 0:11:38.120 --> 0:11:39.720 then you're just like, what the fuck? 0:11:40.760 --> 0:11:43.839 First of all, this is not your wedding, it's out wedding. 0:11:44.480 --> 0:11:46.600 And second of all, why don't you say this shit 0:11:47.000 --> 0:11:50.120 to begin with? This is a lesson, and don't keep 0:11:50.160 --> 0:11:50.920 shit inside. 0:11:51.280 --> 0:11:54.800 Say what you think or feel in a nice, appropriate, 0:11:54.880 --> 0:11:58.520 empathetic way, because you're supposed to be my family Damn, 0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:05.200 I am in a marriage where my family is Bolivian 0:12:05.240 --> 0:12:09.040 and Colombian and my husband's family is not, but they are. 0:12:09.280 --> 0:12:12.360 I think he's like, I don't know, the dnahs is hilarious. 0:12:12.440 --> 0:12:17.599 It's like one hundred percent European, you know. But you know, 0:12:17.920 --> 0:12:22.480 there's different kinds of people have different reactions to being 0:12:22.559 --> 0:12:28.880 introduced to new cultures. I think one of the cool 0:12:28.960 --> 0:12:33.520 things about having a kid is that, uh, I can 0:12:33.679 --> 0:12:39.760 see how heavy my influence kind of lands with my kids. 0:12:39.840 --> 0:12:43.640 You know, the things that I say and how I 0:12:43.760 --> 0:12:48.120 am around her inform how she feels about the world too, 0:12:48.360 --> 0:12:52.360 because like at this point, I'm her hero, you know, Like, right, 0:12:53.200 --> 0:12:59.680 they listen to everything that we say. You know, however 0:12:59.720 --> 0:13:05.839 you're parents feel about your husband, and however his parents 0:13:05.880 --> 0:13:09.400 felt about you, they each did a good enough job 0:13:09.440 --> 0:13:13.560 of raising two people that like, we're interested and curious 0:13:13.559 --> 0:13:16.040 about the world and fell in love with someone that 0:13:16.200 --> 0:13:20.200 was unlike themselves, and yeah, and like you should put 0:13:20.240 --> 0:13:23.880 yourself on the back about that, right, you know, Like 0:13:25.120 --> 0:13:29.240 you and Ross are in love? And did you like 0:13:29.320 --> 0:13:35.280 that that I named him Ross? Just then I was like, wait, Nan, 0:13:37.840 --> 0:13:42.360 you and Ross are deeply in love, and yeah, I mean, 0:13:42.679 --> 0:13:46.439 this is such a hard question because, like you know, 0:13:46.920 --> 0:13:51.560 in my experience, most of the time, people are pretty 0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:56.280 interested and open, but have some fear, you know, because 0:13:56.280 --> 0:13:59.520 it's being introduced to cultures that are not like yourself. 0:13:59.679 --> 0:14:02.360 Your can be like, yes, what's this going to be? 0:14:02.440 --> 0:14:04.199 I'm not used to it. I don't know what it is, 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:08.920 you know, Yes, I don't know where this lands. Like 0:14:09.040 --> 0:14:11.320 I don't I've never had an experience like this before. 0:14:11.520 --> 0:14:14.880 I'm a little nervous or worried or like I don't 0:14:14.920 --> 0:14:18.000 know how to be, you know. And the less you've 0:14:18.040 --> 0:14:23.160 been exposed to different cultures in your own life, the 0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:25.840 more fear you're going to have about it. So like, yeah, 0:14:27.080 --> 0:14:30.160 you know, if the only exposure you have to other 0:14:30.200 --> 0:14:33.560 cultures is going out to eat at different kinds of restaurants, like, 0:14:33.840 --> 0:14:35.800 that's gonna be hard for you when you get to 0:14:35.840 --> 0:14:38.680 a wedding that is very, very different culturally than your own. 0:14:41.000 --> 0:14:47.760 I just yeah, like it's hard because like it sounds 0:14:47.840 --> 0:14:50.120 like what happened is they had a bunch of feelings 0:14:50.160 --> 0:14:52.760 and then they like busted out with them two days 0:14:52.760 --> 0:14:56.600 before the wedding. All you can continue to do and 0:14:56.760 --> 0:14:58.800 it sounds like everybody had fun at the wedding. So like, 0:14:58.920 --> 0:15:05.400 all you can continue to do is slowly gently foster 0:15:05.840 --> 0:15:15.240 a environment in which when your husband's uh, culture and 0:15:15.920 --> 0:15:20.160 and like traditions. Yeah, parts of that are like involved. 0:15:20.520 --> 0:15:22.240 You can choose which way to go about it, right, 0:15:22.360 --> 0:15:27.160 Like if you you can choose to be it sucks 0:15:27.200 --> 0:15:30.080 because it lands on you, right, Like it's going to 0:15:30.160 --> 0:15:35.400 be like a little bit more emotional labor for Rachel. Yes, 0:15:35.560 --> 0:15:38.280 this is what this is, and this is what this is, 0:15:38.400 --> 0:15:41.560 and here's some you know, like here's some explanations of this, 0:15:41.760 --> 0:15:43.960 and like I want you know, like and this is 0:15:44.000 --> 0:15:46.240 why I like this, and this is what I how 0:15:46.680 --> 0:15:49.640 it's important to it and why we we think it's 0:15:49.720 --> 0:15:53.600 important to include in our life for our children's life. 0:15:53.720 --> 0:15:58.120 And yeah, and just like hold their hand a little bit. Maybe, Yeah, 0:15:58.680 --> 0:16:02.000 the hand holding is restrating because you want to be like, 0:16:02.920 --> 0:16:05.560 what the fuck? The Internet's right there, you guys, But 0:16:05.840 --> 0:16:08.200 can you do some of this work? You can you 0:16:08.360 --> 0:16:11.480 utilize Google a little bit? Yeah, the handholding it also 0:16:11.600 --> 0:16:16.000 does make it personal. So in my experience with for example, 0:16:16.240 --> 0:16:20.680 some of my husband's family, they've been really curious and 0:16:20.840 --> 0:16:24.120 they just don't know and so when I talk about it, 0:16:24.440 --> 0:16:28.200 it's fun for them to be, you know, interested, They're interested, 0:16:28.280 --> 0:16:31.240 they want to know more. They have like, they have questions. 0:16:31.560 --> 0:16:36.160 Some of their questions are hilarious, but I try to 0:16:36.200 --> 0:16:41.480 answer them as best I can, you know, even you know, 0:16:42.680 --> 0:16:47.840 I think the more that you can accept that they're 0:16:48.240 --> 0:16:53.720 trying it sounds like they're trying, the more that you 0:16:53.840 --> 0:16:58.800 can come at them with like a less frustrated, more 0:16:59.240 --> 0:17:03.040 kind of like open. But at the same time, it's like, 0:17:04.760 --> 0:17:08.080 you know, some of your parents maybe prejudices are showing 0:17:08.119 --> 0:17:11.119 through if they're saying things like we're afraid we're gonna 0:17:11.119 --> 0:17:16.480 lose you, We're afraid we're gonna you know, like, depending 0:17:16.560 --> 0:17:20.080 on certain people's religions, it can feel like a battle 0:17:20.160 --> 0:17:23.040 for somebody's soul to be like, oh no, you have 0:17:23.200 --> 0:17:26.720 to be a practicing xyz, you know, and that can 0:17:26.840 --> 0:17:30.080 get really tricky and sticky. And I don't really have 0:17:30.160 --> 0:17:33.520 any advice about that because I don't practice a specific religion. 0:17:33.680 --> 0:17:37.320 So yeah, I don't know, do you. I don't even know, 0:17:37.640 --> 0:17:41.119 do you You're not like I don't know. No, we 0:17:41.240 --> 0:17:44.920 don't really practice. We have religious traditions that we love, 0:17:45.080 --> 0:17:52.840 but yeah, yes, yeah, spiritual perhaps, but I've definitely seen 0:17:52.880 --> 0:17:56.159 that dynamic with some Jewish friends I have that have 0:17:56.320 --> 0:18:01.760 married non Jewish people, and it, you know, can be tricky. 0:18:01.960 --> 0:18:08.679 And some of them celebrate both Christian holidays and Jewish 0:18:08.720 --> 0:18:12.680 holidays and sort of do like a combined thing, and 0:18:13.320 --> 0:18:17.320 some have just fully converted, and you know, I think, yeah, 0:18:17.359 --> 0:18:20.520 the religious part can be really tricky. And ultimately though, 0:18:20.800 --> 0:18:26.800 like since you and Ross got married, you this is 0:18:26.840 --> 0:18:29.240 the start of your family, yeah, and it is a 0:18:29.320 --> 0:18:34.280 blended family and outside of and it can be hard 0:18:34.359 --> 0:18:39.200 and tricky, but you two will decide together what your 0:18:39.480 --> 0:18:43.080 combined life and culture and traditions are going to look 0:18:43.200 --> 0:18:45.719 like and what makes sense for you, and people are 0:18:45.760 --> 0:18:50.720 gonna have fucking opinions about it, and you know, and 0:18:50.840 --> 0:18:54.280 it's we're not here to today like that's gonna be easy, 0:18:54.440 --> 0:18:57.000 Like it's not, you know, I'm sure it's gonna be 0:18:57.440 --> 0:19:02.520 tough at times, particularly if there's any traditions you choose 0:19:02.880 --> 0:19:08.399 to not do anymore or engage in or replace maybe 0:19:08.560 --> 0:19:11.440 with some that you connect with more from your husband's side. Like, 0:19:11.520 --> 0:19:16.240 however it all lays out, I think boundaries kind of 0:19:16.320 --> 0:19:20.800 come into play here, and like reminding yourself that this 0:19:21.040 --> 0:19:23.119 is especially if you have kids, like this is, or 0:19:23.160 --> 0:19:25.680 even if you don't have kids, this is your new 0:19:25.800 --> 0:19:30.400 family unit, right, and it's your new life and it's 0:19:30.560 --> 0:19:35.520 how you want it to look and be and and 0:19:36.320 --> 0:19:38.840 you know it's hey, and that's okay, and you can 0:19:38.920 --> 0:19:42.720 still have empathy for your families and their opinions. But 0:19:43.040 --> 0:19:44.920 then eventually you have to get to the point where 0:19:44.960 --> 0:19:48.679 it's like I hear you, I empathize, I'm sorry you're upset, 0:19:49.280 --> 0:19:53.439 but this is our life. It's my life. It's now 0:19:53.520 --> 0:19:57.680 or ever. I ain't gonna live forever. This is my life. 0:19:57.880 --> 0:20:01.040 This is how yeah, this this is how we want 0:20:01.160 --> 0:20:04.280 to live our life. And these are the things that 0:20:04.359 --> 0:20:06.480 we want to include in our life. And that just 0:20:06.720 --> 0:20:08.960 you know, it is what it is. And you know, 0:20:09.080 --> 0:20:11.600 there's lots of families I think that have to navigate that, 0:20:12.359 --> 0:20:18.159 and hopefully everyone will come to a place where you know, 0:20:18.320 --> 0:20:20.560 they see the value in it, especially like if they 0:20:20.600 --> 0:20:22.920 see you happy, they see you guys happy and you 0:20:23.080 --> 0:20:26.480 have a happy life, hopefully they are open and love 0:20:26.520 --> 0:20:29.280 you enough to see that you're doing what's best for 0:20:29.400 --> 0:20:32.080 you and your family. Did you realize that I did 0:20:32.160 --> 0:20:35.399 a bon Jovi John bon Jovi quote just son, No, 0:20:36.280 --> 0:20:38.840 it's my life. It's now or never. I'm gonna god, 0:20:38.920 --> 0:20:42.000 how did I miss that? Can I hand in my 0:20:42.240 --> 0:20:47.560 jersey card? Jesus? I can't sing it, you guys, because 0:20:47.600 --> 0:20:51.320 we'll have to pay sorry to the State of New Jersey, 0:20:51.560 --> 0:20:55.920 r Jersey girl, and to bon Jovi for not clocking that. 0:20:56.160 --> 0:21:07.840 Oh God, I'm embarrassed or better. I think part of this, 0:21:08.080 --> 0:21:15.880 like especially with marriages and people making their new family. Yes, 0:21:16.240 --> 0:21:20.359 it's like some families do have a and this is 0:21:20.480 --> 0:21:23.520 like across the board and lots of different cultures, they 0:21:23.640 --> 0:21:26.040 have a sort of like you owe it to us 0:21:26.840 --> 0:21:29.520 to live your life the way that we've taught you, 0:21:29.920 --> 0:21:35.560 you know, right, And that's harry on the family, the 0:21:35.680 --> 0:21:39.280 way we built the family. And it's very tricky, right, 0:21:39.440 --> 0:21:41.840 Like I mean, tricky is not the word that I 0:21:41.880 --> 0:21:43.960 want to use, but I don't know what word to use. 0:21:44.160 --> 0:21:51.120 It's fucking frustrating, and like you've got to decide whether 0:21:51.240 --> 0:21:53.520 or not you're going to do that, whether you're going 0:21:53.600 --> 0:21:57.160 to say, yes, my parents have ultimate control of my marriage, 0:21:58.240 --> 0:22:00.920 or if you're going to say no, that's not okay 0:22:01.000 --> 0:22:03.240 for me, you know. And and I don't know what 0:22:03.640 --> 0:22:07.840 it sounds like. It sounds like, you know, Rachel and Ross, 0:22:10.240 --> 0:22:12.520 what you want out of your lives, Like you guys 0:22:13.280 --> 0:22:15.240 met each other, and even though his parents at first 0:22:15.280 --> 0:22:17.680 were like you guys were like, we're getting married, we 0:22:17.760 --> 0:22:23.240 love each other. For some people, it's more complex than that. 0:22:23.520 --> 0:22:27.120 It might be more challenging than that. I will say, 0:22:27.119 --> 0:22:32.640 I'm certainly I know people that are estranged from their 0:22:32.680 --> 0:22:36.040 families because of it, you know, and that's really really tough. 0:22:36.160 --> 0:22:39.840 But those are the choices that you ultimately have to make, 0:22:40.200 --> 0:22:44.919 because I think if you want to be the kind 0:22:44.960 --> 0:22:47.520 of person that is that you describe yourself as, like 0:22:47.680 --> 0:22:49.720 I'm open minded, I want to learn about the world, 0:22:49.800 --> 0:22:51.520 I want to learn about different cultures, I want to 0:22:51.560 --> 0:22:54.879 learn about this kind of stuff. Like, then that's a 0:22:55.240 --> 0:22:57.639 that's you get to choose that for your life. And 0:22:57.720 --> 0:22:59.639 there's some people that don't want that, you know, Like 0:22:59.720 --> 0:23:02.560 we're seeing it more and more all over the world 0:23:02.720 --> 0:23:05.600 right now. They're like, it's my way or the highway, 0:23:05.800 --> 0:23:09.160 it's this way, and everybody else's way is wrong, which 0:23:09.440 --> 0:23:11.920 I don't really understand because, like you know, if you 0:23:12.000 --> 0:23:15.240 look at historically the history of people on the planet. 0:23:15.720 --> 0:23:17.400 That's just not how we do it. We don't really 0:23:17.440 --> 0:23:21.919 do it like that. So trying to fit a square 0:23:21.960 --> 0:23:24.200 peg in a round hole is a bit strange in 0:23:24.320 --> 0:23:28.479 that way. I think if you're a listener of this podcast, 0:23:28.560 --> 0:23:33.360 you probably skew kind of like open minded if you're 0:23:33.359 --> 0:23:37.080 at this point in the podcast and you don't I 0:23:37.200 --> 0:23:39.680 don't really know why you're hanging around, but maybe like 0:23:39.720 --> 0:23:41.600 the sounds of our voices, what can we do? Maybe 0:23:42.560 --> 0:23:47.359 they're melodious. I just feel like there's and there's lots 0:23:47.400 --> 0:23:54.199 of ways to integrate two different cultures, three different cultures, 0:23:54.240 --> 0:23:56.960 four different cultures in your family, right, Like there's ways 0:23:57.040 --> 0:24:02.480 of of like you know, choosing picking and choosing like 0:24:02.600 --> 0:24:04.800 what you want to celebrate how you want to. I mean, 0:24:04.880 --> 0:24:09.000 like listen, we are not My family is not pagan. 0:24:10.359 --> 0:24:15.080 But there's some cool like pagan winter Solstice things that 0:24:15.200 --> 0:24:17.040 we did this year because I thought they were really 0:24:17.119 --> 0:24:21.240 interesting for Roz to hear about, like the wheel of 0:24:21.320 --> 0:24:23.600 time and like my stuff that I don't really know about, 0:24:23.800 --> 0:24:26.000 but I wanted to introduce the ideas to her a 0:24:26.080 --> 0:24:29.480 little bit, and like you know, just sort of like 0:24:30.359 --> 0:24:34.760 learning about like where religious holidays come from. And like 0:24:35.000 --> 0:24:37.920 how they've evolved over the years and listen choose three, 0:24:38.080 --> 0:24:40.440 So like it was like Chapin's books, you know, and 0:24:40.560 --> 0:24:43.959 me looking at books too, and you know, I'm fascinated 0:24:44.000 --> 0:24:46.520 and interested in different cultures and how they celebrate and 0:24:46.640 --> 0:24:51.040 like how how like different cultures have echoes of similar 0:24:51.200 --> 0:24:54.320 things in you know, there's so many For example, there's 0:24:54.359 --> 0:24:59.840 so many winter ish around wintertime celebrations that had to 0:25:00.119 --> 0:25:05.639 with light and light coming back, like going away, the 0:25:05.760 --> 0:25:09.800 celebration of light, what light means, like human beings are 0:25:09.880 --> 0:25:13.280