1 00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:03,840 Speaker 1: Did you realize that I did upon job? John bon 2 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:07,520 Speaker 1: Jovi quote, just then, No, it's my life. It's now ormember. 3 00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:09,799 Speaker 1: I'm I ain't gonna god, how did I miss that? 4 00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:17,639 Speaker 1: Where can I hand in my jersey card? Jesus more Better, 5 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:34,680 Speaker 1: More Better? Just for posterity reasons, I want on the 6 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:38,520 Speaker 1: recording for everyone to know that our producer Isis didn't 7 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:41,200 Speaker 1: hit record and I did like probably the greatest intro 8 00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:45,080 Speaker 1: that I've ever done on anything ever. It was so clean. 9 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:47,760 Speaker 1: I sounded so profreshed. Anyway, this is More Better, a 10 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:49,680 Speaker 1: podcast where we stop pretending to try to have it 11 00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:53,680 Speaker 1: all together. You know what you're listening to. It's us 12 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:57,640 Speaker 1: trying to be better at life. That's so Romo laughing 13 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:03,960 Speaker 1: in the background, and that is Stephanie Beatrice. Hey, y'all, 14 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:09,600 Speaker 1: I'm just drinking my coffee. Sorry, you're in rare form today. 15 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:13,440 Speaker 1: I really am. This is what we got. Here's my 16 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:16,119 Speaker 1: life hack for those of you don't that have trouble 17 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:20,560 Speaker 1: working out in the morning. I did it. I bought 18 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:23,360 Speaker 1: myself a tiny little espresso maker. It's one of those 19 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:26,280 Speaker 1: little boopy doo You just press them in the boot 20 00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:28,400 Speaker 1: bump bump, and then you're done, and I have a 21 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:31,920 Speaker 1: shot of espresso at seven am, and then I walk 22 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,319 Speaker 1: my ass downstairs to the basement and fucking work out 23 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:37,920 Speaker 1: yep yah, and so then I have my regular coffee later, 24 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:41,119 Speaker 1: which is why I am in rear form right now. Yeah, 25 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:45,160 Speaker 1: I like it. I hate that little No, I'm the 26 00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:50,800 Speaker 1: same sometimes I am. If I'm I'm going our setup 27 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:53,600 Speaker 1: is in the garage, or even if I'm going to 28 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:57,240 Speaker 1: a class, I just I do this thing where I 29 00:01:57,320 --> 00:01:59,120 Speaker 1: almost like try to turn my brain off. I don't 30 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:02,320 Speaker 1: think about where I'm going. I just am like, put 31 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:04,840 Speaker 1: one foot in front of the other, bitch, drink your coffee, 32 00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:07,600 Speaker 1: get in the car, and then you will get there 33 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:10,040 Speaker 1: and you will have no choice. You have no choice 34 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:12,200 Speaker 1: because you are just there and you will do the thing. 35 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,160 Speaker 1: Maybe you'll do it well today, maybe you won't, but 36 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:18,200 Speaker 1: you did it. You did it. That's why I think 37 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:22,360 Speaker 1: a lot of the time. Why it's my workout closer 38 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:25,760 Speaker 1: and the drawer and they're like all everything's together, like 39 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:28,760 Speaker 1: the socks are right above where the pants are and 40 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:31,000 Speaker 1: the bras are and it's just grab, grab, don't think, 41 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:33,840 Speaker 1: go downstairs, Like I don't have to think because if 42 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:36,720 Speaker 1: I have to think about trying to do it. It's 43 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:38,679 Speaker 1: not gonna happen because I have to think twice. I 44 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:40,120 Speaker 1: mean I had to think twice this month. I was 45 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:41,679 Speaker 1: like I want to and Brad was like, you better 46 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:46,280 Speaker 1: do it. You're gonna be sad that you didn't do it. Yeah. Yeah. 47 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:49,040 Speaker 1: The workout closes is another one too. Sometimes I'll just 48 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:52,000 Speaker 1: put workout clothes on to go drop the kids off, 49 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:54,239 Speaker 1: and then there's something about having the outfit on that 50 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:56,200 Speaker 1: where I'm like, well, no, I gotta do it. I 51 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,639 Speaker 1: gotta do it. Yeah, otherwise I gotta get dressed. I'm 52 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:01,720 Speaker 1: off actually, so if I put them on and then 53 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:04,360 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, work out later, I never do. Oh, 54 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,639 Speaker 1: I'm just like I just I'm like living at my 55 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:09,919 Speaker 1: ladies ladies who lunch moment and I'm like, I don't know, 56 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:12,280 Speaker 1: I'm just like running errands and my yoga pants, you know, 57 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,840 Speaker 1: like I can't I have to do I have to 58 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:17,400 Speaker 1: do it first. I have to do it first thing 59 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:20,800 Speaker 1: otherwise it's not gonna happen. Or I can sign up 60 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:23,400 Speaker 1: for a class like in the evening or something, but oh, 61 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:25,919 Speaker 1: that's my favorite, Like signing up for the class and 62 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,959 Speaker 1: then you know, you spend the money. Yeah, and you're like, 63 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:33,000 Speaker 1: now I have to go. Two days ago, I was 64 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:35,960 Speaker 1: sitting in our front yard and uh so nice outside 65 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,720 Speaker 1: of sitting in our front yard and Brad and Ross 66 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,440 Speaker 1: came out and Brad handed me in Appearl sprits and 67 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:42,640 Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, it was so I 68 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:47,080 Speaker 1: did it. And then I was like shit because I 69 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:55,240 Speaker 1: signed up for You're like the epsy doodle that was. 70 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,160 Speaker 1: That did kind of suck because I was like, dang, 71 00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,840 Speaker 1: I can't go now, like, yeah, what we're gonna do? 72 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:03,640 Speaker 1: I can't I mean not drink your approls. Yeah, in 73 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:06,400 Speaker 1: the beautiful day and Friday, think about it until like 74 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:08,960 Speaker 1: halfway through the approl sprits, you know, oh yeah yeah, 75 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:11,880 Speaker 1: and it's over. It's over. Yeah, It's okay, you're human. 76 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:14,720 Speaker 1: It's fine, I'm human. What have you done lately? That's 77 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:18,240 Speaker 1: more better. I guess we just talked about it, honestly, yeah, 78 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:22,240 Speaker 1: kind of you know. I are you working on in 79 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:25,000 Speaker 1: the ATL are you doing? Do people call it this? 80 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:27,560 Speaker 1: Does everyone just hate me for calling it this? I 81 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:30,280 Speaker 1: don't know. I haven't been here long enough. I don't 82 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:34,360 Speaker 1: think people say ATL. Nobody calls it that that's so dumb. Ya, 83 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:38,479 Speaker 1: that's the air, that's very the atl. What am I doing? 84 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,600 Speaker 1: What is the I don't know, how's it going in 85 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:48,400 Speaker 1: the lax yi yike. I was on a really good 86 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:53,040 Speaker 1: run of working out and then was working a lot, 87 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:57,719 Speaker 1: and it just it hasn't really happened in uh, probably 88 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:01,880 Speaker 1: more than two weeks, which sucks because that means, first 89 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:06,200 Speaker 1: of all, there's that fun thing where you get like 90 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,160 Speaker 1: I get like achy and like little pains when I'm 91 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:11,800 Speaker 1: not working out. I don't know what that's about. Is 92 00:05:11,839 --> 00:05:14,160 Speaker 1: it just like getting older or is it like because 93 00:05:14,279 --> 00:05:16,920 Speaker 1: you've been working out and then your body gets used 94 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,320 Speaker 1: to I don't know. I don't know, but my knee's 95 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:23,680 Speaker 1: hurt and yeah cool. And then I just know that 96 00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:28,960 Speaker 1: whenever I do work out, it's going to suck so bad. Yeah, 97 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:33,880 Speaker 1: those first few workouts and uh, and then you just 98 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,040 Speaker 1: have to like push through and you feel like you're 99 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:39,280 Speaker 1: starting over and you're like more sore, even though you're like, 100 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:43,920 Speaker 1: all I did was a fucking squat, not even multiple squats. 101 00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:46,680 Speaker 1: I did a squat, and now I can't walk and 102 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:49,440 Speaker 1: you feel bad about yourself and it fucking sucks. And 103 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:51,799 Speaker 1: then you just have to like push through that phase. 104 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:53,760 Speaker 1: And so like that's where I am now, Like I 105 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:57,560 Speaker 1: just know that that is uh where I am headed. 106 00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,160 Speaker 1: Whenever I well, next week, I have some time. I'm 107 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:01,840 Speaker 1: next week, so I know I'm going to work out 108 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:04,960 Speaker 1: next week and it's gonna suck. It's gonna suck. What 109 00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:08,080 Speaker 1: if you had acceptance of the suckage, you know what 110 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:11,040 Speaker 1: I mean, radical acceptance of the suckage. Yes, you just 111 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 1: have to sort of go, okay, this is what I mean, 112 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:17,200 Speaker 1: Like if you want, because I straight up will resist. 113 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:18,720 Speaker 1: I'll be like, oh no, it's going to be so hard. 114 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:21,080 Speaker 1: It's going to be And then like three weeks have 115 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:25,000 Speaker 1: passed by. That's where I'm at right now. Because I 116 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:26,800 Speaker 1: was like in my closet trying on clothes and I 117 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:31,040 Speaker 1: was like, this skirt doesn't fit. I don't understand, Like 118 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:33,800 Speaker 1: I guess this up in the same way. I mean, 119 00:06:33,839 --> 00:06:37,520 Speaker 1: I got it on, but it didn't it wasn't giving 120 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:39,680 Speaker 1: what I wanted it to give. So I was like, 121 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,600 Speaker 1: what is going on? How could this be? And I 122 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:45,400 Speaker 1: was like it's because I haven't been waking out at all. 123 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:48,760 Speaker 1: I was like not doing anything. So you know, that 124 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:53,640 Speaker 1: combined with like a sedentary lifestyle. It's probably gonna change. 125 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,719 Speaker 1: It's going to happen. You know it's going to happen. 126 00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:58,760 Speaker 1: But yeah, I don't today. Yeah, I just had to 127 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:02,520 Speaker 1: sort of go whoa, yeah, okay, like, let's do this 128 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:09,000 Speaker 1: more better? Why why would I have done anything more better? 129 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,800 Speaker 1: I'm just hanging out in my house. I mean it's 130 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:15,720 Speaker 1: been nice. I've got therapy, you know, Like, listen, you 131 00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:22,600 Speaker 1: have earned a RESTful period, a RESTful season, and you 132 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:24,800 Speaker 1: are making the most of it. And I think that 133 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:29,520 Speaker 1: that's amazing. I am making the most of it. Ish Yeah, yeah, 134 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:34,320 Speaker 1: I mean, listen, have ever did I buy three thirty 135 00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:37,360 Speaker 1: inch necklaces off of atsy yesterday because they were each 136 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,560 Speaker 1: price to twenty dollars? Yes? I did making the most 137 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:43,360 Speaker 1: of it. I made the most of it. I'm going 138 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:47,600 Speaker 1: on a tangent. Guys, Come on, this is three technically 139 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:54,360 Speaker 1: this is a third espresso, so more better? What are 140 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:59,720 Speaker 1: we talking about today? We are talking about something a 141 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:03,840 Speaker 1: little heavy. It comes from a listener. We'll see, We'll see, 142 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:11,520 Speaker 1: John accept it. Today's topic comes from a listener. And 143 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:15,000 Speaker 1: as a reminder, if you listeners out there, whoever you 144 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,760 Speaker 1: may be, need help with something in your life or 145 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:21,240 Speaker 1: you have an idea for us. Please send us an 146 00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:25,080 Speaker 1: email at Morebetter Pod at gmail dot com. You can 147 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:27,360 Speaker 1: include a voice note and we will feature it on 148 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:31,880 Speaker 1: the pod. And today we have an email. Shall I 149 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:37,559 Speaker 1: read it? Yes? Read it? Okay? It is from Rachel, Hi, Stephanie, 150 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:41,199 Speaker 1: Melissa and team. I've really enjoyed the More Better podcast, 151 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:44,599 Speaker 1: so thank you all for your hard work. I have 152 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:46,920 Speaker 1: a question I've been mulling over for a while and 153 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,880 Speaker 1: would love any advice or even just shared stories some 154 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:53,319 Speaker 1: context for you. My husband and I just got married 155 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:57,680 Speaker 1: in October twenty twenty four, which was amazing Corets, congrats. 156 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:00,959 Speaker 1: We had been together for about six years before getting married, 157 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:04,079 Speaker 1: and we lived together for two years as well. Fairy sound. 158 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:08,199 Speaker 1: I am white and my husband is Indian. Born in 159 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:10,800 Speaker 1: India but grew up in the US. From the start 160 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:13,319 Speaker 1: of our relationship, my parents had always been pretty chill 161 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:16,640 Speaker 1: about cultural and religious differences and quickly came to love him. 162 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:20,120 Speaker 1: His parents were not thrilled with me being white and Christian, 163 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:22,760 Speaker 1: but came to love and accept me as well. We 164 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,559 Speaker 1: planned our wedding to honor both cultures, with two different 165 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:29,600 Speaker 1: ceremonies and including different traditions from both sides, gorgeous cool. 166 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:33,559 Speaker 1: My family had been relatively hands off during a wedding process, 167 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,040 Speaker 1: and I perceived them as being laid back about everything 168 00:09:36,679 --> 00:09:43,040 Speaker 1: until just two days before my wedding. Oh God, I'm scared. 169 00:09:43,679 --> 00:09:47,640 Speaker 1: My parents expressed fears over our combined wedding and how 170 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:51,559 Speaker 1: I seem to be quote losing myself and my faith 171 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:54,960 Speaker 1: because we were doing a lot of traditional Hindu rituals 172 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:59,600 Speaker 1: as well. Oh my Okay, needless to say, this horribly 173 00:09:59,679 --> 00:10:02,320 Speaker 1: upset me. Of course it did, and I felt extremely 174 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:06,240 Speaker 1: betrayed by this sudden opinion. I feel like it came 175 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:09,560 Speaker 1: from them being uncomfortable and avoiding it since we planned 176 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:12,319 Speaker 1: the wedding for over a year and did not hide 177 00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:17,000 Speaker 1: anything totally. Yeah, trying to keep a long story short ish. 178 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,320 Speaker 1: All the wedding festivities went beautifully and both families had 179 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:24,480 Speaker 1: an amazing time. However, months after, I'm still processing and 180 00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:27,120 Speaker 1: working through the hurt that came right before we got married. 181 00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:30,520 Speaker 1: So with this backstory, my question is, how do you 182 00:10:30,679 --> 00:10:34,320 Speaker 1: handle sharing parts of your culture or loved ones, culture, beliefs, 183 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:37,959 Speaker 1: et cetera with those outside of it. Any advice for 184 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:42,960 Speaker 1: navigating multicultural families or friend groups. How to handle criticism 185 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:48,079 Speaker 1: with it. Thank you for taking the time to read this, Rachel. Ooh, Rachel, 186 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:53,199 Speaker 1: how to handle criticism with it? You could just be like, 187 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,920 Speaker 1: don't be still closed minded, you fucking closed minded. Button. 188 00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:02,719 Speaker 1: That's dialogue, though, don't do that out loud. Don't do 189 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:09,280 Speaker 1: that out loud. Yeah, so sucks. Sucks. My heart goes 190 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:12,079 Speaker 1: out to Rachel. That's a really tough thing. I'm so 191 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:16,199 Speaker 1: sorry your family sprung that on you two days before 192 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 1: your wedding, which, you know what, I feel like that's 193 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:21,720 Speaker 1: always the case though, like not just with this topic, 194 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:26,120 Speaker 1: but like anytime particularly, I don't know what weddings do 195 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:31,000 Speaker 1: to parents. They will like sit on their opinion, sit 196 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:34,360 Speaker 1: on their opinions until they become like they burst right 197 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:38,040 Speaker 1: before the wedding like a boil, like a yackfle And 198 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:39,720 Speaker 1: then you're just like, what the fuck? 199 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:43,839 Speaker 2: First of all, this is not your wedding, it's out wedding. 200 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,600 Speaker 2: And second of all, why don't you say this shit 201 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:50,120 Speaker 2: to begin with? This is a lesson, and don't keep 202 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:50,920 Speaker 2: shit inside. 203 00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:54,800 Speaker 1: Say what you think or feel in a nice, appropriate, 204 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:58,520 Speaker 1: empathetic way, because you're supposed to be my family Damn, 205 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:05,200 Speaker 1: I am in a marriage where my family is Bolivian 206 00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:09,040 Speaker 1: and Colombian and my husband's family is not, but they are. 207 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:12,360 Speaker 1: I think he's like, I don't know, the dnahs is hilarious. 208 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:17,599 Speaker 1: It's like one hundred percent European, you know. But you know, 209 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:22,480 Speaker 1: there's different kinds of people have different reactions to being 210 00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:28,880 Speaker 1: introduced to new cultures. I think one of the cool 211 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:33,520 Speaker 1: things about having a kid is that, uh, I can 212 00:12:33,679 --> 00:12:39,760 Speaker 1: see how heavy my influence kind of lands with my kids. 213 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:43,640 Speaker 1: You know, the things that I say and how I 214 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:48,120 Speaker 1: am around her inform how she feels about the world too, 215 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:52,360 Speaker 1: because like at this point, I'm her hero, you know, Like, right, 216 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:59,680 Speaker 1: they listen to everything that we say. You know, however 217 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:05,839 Speaker 1: you're parents feel about your husband, and however his parents 218 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:09,400 Speaker 1: felt about you, they each did a good enough job 219 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:13,560 Speaker 1: of raising two people that like, we're interested and curious 220 00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:16,040 Speaker 1: about the world and fell in love with someone that 221 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:20,200 Speaker 1: was unlike themselves, and yeah, and like you should put 222 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:23,880 Speaker 1: yourself on the back about that, right, you know, Like 223 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:29,240 Speaker 1: you and Ross are in love? And did you like 224 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:35,280 Speaker 1: that that I named him Ross? Just then I was like, wait, Nan, 225 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:42,360 Speaker 1: you and Ross are deeply in love, and yeah, I mean, 226 00:13:42,679 --> 00:13:46,439 Speaker 1: this is such a hard question because, like you know, 227 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:51,560 Speaker 1: in my experience, most of the time, people are pretty 228 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:56,280 Speaker 1: interested and open, but have some fear, you know, because 229 00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:59,520 Speaker 1: it's being introduced to cultures that are not like yourself. 230 00:13:59,679 --> 00:14:02,360 Speaker 1: Your can be like, yes, what's this going to be? 231 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,199 Speaker 1: I'm not used to it. I don't know what it is, 232 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:08,920 Speaker 1: you know, Yes, I don't know where this lands. Like 233 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,320 Speaker 1: I don't I've never had an experience like this before. 234 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:14,880 Speaker 1: I'm a little nervous or worried or like I don't 235 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:18,000 Speaker 1: know how to be, you know. And the less you've 236 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:23,160 Speaker 1: been exposed to different cultures in your own life, the 237 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,840 Speaker 1: more fear you're going to have about it. So like, yeah, 238 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:30,160 Speaker 1: you know, if the only exposure you have to other 239 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:33,560 Speaker 1: cultures is going out to eat at different kinds of restaurants, like, 240 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:35,800 Speaker 1: that's gonna be hard for you when you get to 241 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:38,680 Speaker 1: a wedding that is very, very different culturally than your own. 242 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:47,760 Speaker 1: I just yeah, like it's hard because like it sounds 243 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,120 Speaker 1: like what happened is they had a bunch of feelings 244 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:52,760 Speaker 1: and then they like busted out with them two days 245 00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:56,600 Speaker 1: before the wedding. All you can continue to do and 246 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,800 Speaker 1: it sounds like everybody had fun at the wedding. So like, 247 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:05,400 Speaker 1: all you can continue to do is slowly gently foster 248 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:15,240 Speaker 1: a environment in which when your husband's uh, culture and 249 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:20,160 Speaker 1: and like traditions. Yeah, parts of that are like involved. 250 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,240 Speaker 1: You can choose which way to go about it, right, 251 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:27,160 Speaker 1: Like if you you can choose to be it sucks 252 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:30,080 Speaker 1: because it lands on you, right, Like it's going to 253 00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:35,400 Speaker 1: be like a little bit more emotional labor for Rachel. Yes, 254 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,280 Speaker 1: this is what this is, and this is what this is, 255 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,560 Speaker 1: and here's some you know, like here's some explanations of this, 256 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:43,960 Speaker 1: and like I want you know, like and this is 257 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,240 Speaker 1: why I like this, and this is what I how 258 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:49,640 Speaker 1: it's important to it and why we we think it's 259 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:53,600 Speaker 1: important to include in our life for our children's life. 260 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:58,120 Speaker 1: And yeah, and just like hold their hand a little bit. Maybe, Yeah, 261 00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:02,000 Speaker 1: the hand holding is restrating because you want to be like, 262 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,560 Speaker 1: what the fuck? The Internet's right there, you guys, But 263 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,200 Speaker 1: can you do some of this work? You can you 264 00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:11,480 Speaker 1: utilize Google a little bit? Yeah, the handholding it also 265 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:16,000 Speaker 1: does make it personal. So in my experience with for example, 266 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:20,680 Speaker 1: some of my husband's family, they've been really curious and 267 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:24,120 Speaker 1: they just don't know and so when I talk about it, 268 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:28,200 Speaker 1: it's fun for them to be, you know, interested, They're interested, 269 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:31,240 Speaker 1: they want to know more. They have like, they have questions. 270 00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:36,160 Speaker 1: Some of their questions are hilarious, but I try to 271 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:41,480 Speaker 1: answer them as best I can, you know, even you know, 272 00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:47,840 Speaker 1: I think the more that you can accept that they're 273 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:53,720 Speaker 1: trying it sounds like they're trying, the more that you 274 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:58,800 Speaker 1: can come at them with like a less frustrated, more 275 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:03,040 Speaker 1: kind of like open. But at the same time, it's like, 276 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:08,080 Speaker 1: you know, some of your parents maybe prejudices are showing 277 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:11,119 Speaker 1: through if they're saying things like we're afraid we're gonna 278 00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:16,480 Speaker 1: lose you, We're afraid we're gonna you know, like, depending 279 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:20,080 Speaker 1: on certain people's religions, it can feel like a battle 280 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:23,040 Speaker 1: for somebody's soul to be like, oh no, you have 281 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,720 Speaker 1: to be a practicing xyz, you know, and that can 282 00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:30,080 Speaker 1: get really tricky and sticky. And I don't really have 283 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:33,520 Speaker 1: any advice about that because I don't practice a specific religion. 284 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:37,320 Speaker 1: So yeah, I don't know, do you. I don't even know, 285 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:41,119 Speaker 1: do you You're not like I don't know. No, we 286 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:44,920 Speaker 1: don't really practice. We have religious traditions that we love, 287 00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:52,840 Speaker 1: but yeah, yes, yeah, spiritual perhaps, but I've definitely seen 288 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:56,159 Speaker 1: that dynamic with some Jewish friends I have that have 289 00:17:56,320 --> 00:18:01,760 Speaker 1: married non Jewish people, and it, you know, can be tricky. 290 00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:08,679 Speaker 1: And some of them celebrate both Christian holidays and Jewish 291 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:12,680 Speaker 1: holidays and sort of do like a combined thing, and 292 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:17,320 Speaker 1: some have just fully converted, and you know, I think, yeah, 293 00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:20,520 Speaker 1: the religious part can be really tricky. And ultimately though, 294 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:26,800 Speaker 1: like since you and Ross got married, you this is 295 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,240 Speaker 1: the start of your family, yeah, and it is a 296 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:34,280 Speaker 1: blended family and outside of and it can be hard 297 00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:39,200 Speaker 1: and tricky, but you two will decide together what your 298 00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:43,080 Speaker 1: combined life and culture and traditions are going to look 299 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:45,719 Speaker 1: like and what makes sense for you, and people are 300 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:50,720 Speaker 1: gonna have fucking opinions about it, and you know, and 301 00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:54,280 Speaker 1: it's we're not here to today like that's gonna be easy, 302 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:57,000 Speaker 1: Like it's not, you know, I'm sure it's gonna be 303 00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:02,520 Speaker 1: tough at times, particularly if there's any traditions you choose 304 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:08,399 Speaker 1: to not do anymore or engage in or replace maybe 305 00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:11,440 Speaker 1: with some that you connect with more from your husband's side. Like, 306 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:16,240 Speaker 1: however it all lays out, I think boundaries kind of 307 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:20,800 Speaker 1: come into play here, and like reminding yourself that this 308 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:23,119 Speaker 1: is especially if you have kids, like this is, or 309 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,680 Speaker 1: even if you don't have kids, this is your new 310 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:30,400 Speaker 1: family unit, right, and it's your new life and it's 311 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:35,520 Speaker 1: how you want it to look and be and and 312 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:38,840 Speaker 1: you know it's hey, and that's okay, and you can 313 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:42,720 Speaker 1: still have empathy for your families and their opinions. But 314 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:44,920 Speaker 1: then eventually you have to get to the point where 315 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:48,679 Speaker 1: it's like I hear you, I empathize, I'm sorry you're upset, 316 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:53,439 Speaker 1: but this is our life. It's my life. It's now 317 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:57,680 Speaker 1: or ever. I ain't gonna live forever. This is my life. 318 00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:01,040 Speaker 1: This is how yeah, this this is how we want 319 00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:04,280 Speaker 1: to live our life. And these are the things that 320 00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:06,480 Speaker 1: we want to include in our life. And that just 321 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:08,960 Speaker 1: you know, it is what it is. And you know, 322 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,600 Speaker 1: there's lots of families I think that have to navigate that, 323 00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:18,159 Speaker 1: and hopefully everyone will come to a place where you know, 324 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,560 Speaker 1: they see the value in it, especially like if they 325 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:22,920 Speaker 1: see you happy, they see you guys happy and you 326 00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:26,480 Speaker 1: have a happy life, hopefully they are open and love 327 00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:29,280 Speaker 1: you enough to see that you're doing what's best for 328 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,080 Speaker 1: you and your family. Did you realize that I did 329 00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:35,399 Speaker 1: a bon Jovi John bon Jovi quote just son, No, 330 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:38,840 Speaker 1: it's my life. It's now or never. I'm gonna god, 331 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:42,000 Speaker 1: how did I miss that? Can I hand in my 332 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:47,560 Speaker 1: jersey card? Jesus? I can't sing it, you guys, because 333 00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:51,320 Speaker 1: we'll have to pay sorry to the State of New Jersey, 334 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:55,920 Speaker 1: r Jersey girl, and to bon Jovi for not clocking that. 335 00:20:56,160 --> 00:21:07,840 Speaker 1: Oh God, I'm embarrassed or better. I think part of this, 336 00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:15,880 Speaker 1: like especially with marriages and people making their new family. Yes, 337 00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:20,359 Speaker 1: it's like some families do have a and this is 338 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,520 Speaker 1: like across the board and lots of different cultures, they 339 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,040 Speaker 1: have a sort of like you owe it to us 340 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,520 Speaker 1: to live your life the way that we've taught you, 341 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:35,560 Speaker 1: you know, right, And that's harry on the family, the 342 00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:39,280 Speaker 1: way we built the family. And it's very tricky, right, 343 00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:41,840 Speaker 1: Like I mean, tricky is not the word that I 344 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:43,960 Speaker 1: want to use, but I don't know what word to use. 345 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:51,120 Speaker 1: It's fucking frustrating, and like you've got to decide whether 346 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:53,520 Speaker 1: or not you're going to do that, whether you're going 347 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:57,160 Speaker 1: to say, yes, my parents have ultimate control of my marriage, 348 00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:00,920 Speaker 1: or if you're going to say no, that's not okay 349 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,240 Speaker 1: for me, you know. And and I don't know what 350 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:07,840 Speaker 1: it sounds like. It sounds like, you know, Rachel and Ross, 351 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:12,520 Speaker 1: what you want out of your lives, Like you guys 352 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,240 Speaker 1: met each other, and even though his parents at first 353 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:17,680 Speaker 1: were like you guys were like, we're getting married, we 354 00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:23,240 Speaker 1: love each other. For some people, it's more complex than that. 355 00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:27,120 Speaker 1: It might be more challenging than that. I will say, 356 00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:32,640 Speaker 1: I'm certainly I know people that are estranged from their 357 00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:36,040 Speaker 1: families because of it, you know, and that's really really tough. 358 00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:39,840 Speaker 1: But those are the choices that you ultimately have to make, 359 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:44,919 Speaker 1: because I think if you want to be the kind 360 00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:47,520 Speaker 1: of person that is that you describe yourself as, like 361 00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:49,720 Speaker 1: I'm open minded, I want to learn about the world, 362 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:51,520 Speaker 1: I want to learn about different cultures, I want to 363 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:54,879 Speaker 1: learn about this kind of stuff. Like, then that's a 364 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,639 Speaker 1: that's you get to choose that for your life. And 365 00:22:57,720 --> 00:22:59,639 Speaker 1: there's some people that don't want that, you know, Like 366 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:02,560 Speaker 1: we're seeing it more and more all over the world 367 00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:05,600 Speaker 1: right now. They're like, it's my way or the highway, 368 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:09,160 Speaker 1: it's this way, and everybody else's way is wrong, which 369 00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:11,920 Speaker 1: I don't really understand because, like you know, if you 370 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:15,240 Speaker 1: look at historically the history of people on the planet. 371 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:17,400 Speaker 1: That's just not how we do it. We don't really 372 00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:21,919 Speaker 1: do it like that. So trying to fit a square 373 00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:24,200 Speaker 1: peg in a round hole is a bit strange in 374 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:28,479 Speaker 1: that way. I think if you're a listener of this podcast, 375 00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:33,360 Speaker 1: you probably skew kind of like open minded if you're 376 00:23:33,359 --> 00:23:37,080 Speaker 1: at this point in the podcast and you don't I 377 00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:39,680 Speaker 1: don't really know why you're hanging around, but maybe like 378 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:41,600 Speaker 1: the sounds of our voices, what can we do? Maybe 379 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:47,359 Speaker 1: they're melodious. I just feel like there's and there's lots 380 00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:54,199 Speaker 1: of ways to integrate two different cultures, three different cultures, 381 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:56,960 Speaker 1: four different cultures in your family, right, Like there's ways 382 00:23:57,040 --> 00:24:02,480 Speaker 1: of of like you know, choosing picking and choosing like 383 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:04,800 Speaker 1: what you want to celebrate how you want to. I mean, 384 00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:09,000 Speaker 1: like listen, we are not My family is not pagan. 385 00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:15,080 Speaker 1: But there's some cool like pagan winter Solstice things that 386 00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:17,040 Speaker 1: we did this year because I thought they were really 387 00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:21,240 Speaker 1: interesting for Roz to hear about, like the wheel of 388 00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:23,600 Speaker 1: time and like my stuff that I don't really know about, 389 00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:26,000 Speaker 1: but I wanted to introduce the ideas to her a 390 00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:29,480 Speaker 1: little bit, and like you know, just sort of like 391 00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:34,760 Speaker 1: learning about like where religious holidays come from. And like 392 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,920 Speaker 1: how they've evolved over the years and listen choose three, 393 00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:40,440 Speaker 1: So like it was like Chapin's books, you know, and 394 00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:43,959 Speaker 1: me looking at books too, and you know, I'm fascinated 395 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,520 Speaker 1: and interested in different cultures and how they celebrate and 396 00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:51,040 Speaker 1: like how how like different cultures have echoes of similar 397 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:54,320 Speaker 1: things in you know, there's so many For example, there's 398 00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:59,840 Speaker 1: so many winter ish around wintertime celebrations that had to 399 00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:05,639 Speaker 1: with light and light coming back, like going away, the 400 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:09,800 Speaker 1: celebration of light, what light means, like human beings are 401 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:13,280 Speaker 1: all we're also connected. And I don't know, I just 402 00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:15,960 Speaker 1: think like the finding the similarities and different kinds of 403 00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,320 Speaker 1: cultures can be interesting too. That could be maybe a 404 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:21,280 Speaker 1: way to kind of like attack it with family that's 405 00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:22,879 Speaker 1: like what is this? I don't know what this is? 406 00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:26,720 Speaker 1: You know? Oh yeah, yeah. And I have to wonder too, 407 00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:31,880 Speaker 1: like going back to their reaction a couple of days 408 00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,720 Speaker 1: before the wedding, kind of off of what you said, Stephanie, 409 00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:39,040 Speaker 1: is a little bit I have to wonder too if 410 00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:46,680 Speaker 1: it's maybe just more that feeling of being uncomfortable and 411 00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:50,520 Speaker 1: maybe it was more projection, Maybe it was more about 412 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:53,159 Speaker 1: them than it actually is about you. Know, you know, 413 00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:58,440 Speaker 1: it always is right. Like I can remember, you know, 414 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,320 Speaker 1: first time I was at like a cultural wedding and 415 00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:03,199 Speaker 1: feeling like, oh am I going to mess up? Oh 416 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,240 Speaker 1: I don't know the dances or I don't know what 417 00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:08,440 Speaker 1: comes next, and everyone else seems too and it's uncomfortable. 418 00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:12,280 Speaker 1: And it's really easy to go to a place because 419 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:13,920 Speaker 1: you're a human being of like I don't like this, 420 00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:16,720 Speaker 1: I don't you know, like why why do they have 421 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:19,840 Speaker 1: to do this? But that's just like resistance, you know, 422 00:26:20,119 --> 00:26:24,520 Speaker 1: that's just like being uncomfortable, and it can be hard 423 00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:28,240 Speaker 1: sometimes to just like, oh, nobody wants to be uncomfortable. 424 00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:31,440 Speaker 1: Nobody wants to be uncomfortable. Humanity are like constantly avoiding 425 00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:34,720 Speaker 1: any kind of still avoiding that, you know what I mean. 426 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:38,040 Speaker 1: And so maybe that was about like are they gonna 427 00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:41,000 Speaker 1: look dumb, you know, and some of the more traditional 428 00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:43,840 Speaker 1: Indian aspects of the wedding and are they going to 429 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:45,880 Speaker 1: mess up? Or are they going to do the wrong thing? 430 00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:48,480 Speaker 1: And like maybe it was about that, you know, to 431 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:52,040 Speaker 1: give them the benefit of the doubt and like maybe 432 00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:55,280 Speaker 1: or maybe they'd always imagined you know you and some 433 00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:59,119 Speaker 1: kind of like rightific church setting and now they're not 434 00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:02,040 Speaker 1: getting exactly what they want and they can't kind of 435 00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:04,879 Speaker 1: they have to come to deal with it, yes, and 436 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:08,360 Speaker 1: they have to like rewire the image and their brains 437 00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:11,120 Speaker 1: and like, Okay, it's gonna look like this, And off 438 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:13,280 Speaker 1: topic just for a second, though, I have always wanted 439 00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:15,159 Speaker 1: to go to a fucking Indian wedding. They look so 440 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:18,800 Speaker 1: bomb and so fun. South Asian parties period are just 441 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:23,879 Speaker 1: the best and greatest parties. I don't know what it is. 442 00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:29,000 Speaker 1: I just I really the color, it's so beautiful. It's 443 00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:33,200 Speaker 1: like anyways, that was just a side tangent side. Do 444 00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:37,280 Speaker 1: you want to invite me to your You're beautiful? Glorious? 445 00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:42,920 Speaker 1: You're beautiful glorious? I was. When I got married. My 446 00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:45,159 Speaker 1: mom was like, well, you're not going to do it 447 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,760 Speaker 1: in a church and I was like no. She's like, 448 00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:50,119 Speaker 1: why you're not gonna have a priest and I was like, no, 449 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:54,640 Speaker 1: we don't. We don't practice, Like, yeah, we're not, We're 450 00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:56,920 Speaker 1: not doing that, and like she had a hard time 451 00:27:56,960 --> 00:27:58,359 Speaker 1: with that. She had a really hard time with it, 452 00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:01,960 Speaker 1: you know at first. Yeah, So sometimes it really is 453 00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:05,680 Speaker 1: just like your parents having these expectations or dreams of 454 00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:08,600 Speaker 1: you know, they've been around you since you were little, 455 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:12,960 Speaker 1: and they sure this day many time about it, you know, 456 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:17,080 Speaker 1: particularly with girls. Yeah, and it's true. It's it's really like, 457 00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:20,240 Speaker 1: it can be challenging to let go of your own 458 00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:26,600 Speaker 1: expectations of your children as a mother. And she's only three, 459 00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:30,280 Speaker 1: so you know, you're a grown person. It can be 460 00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:32,960 Speaker 1: challenging for my mom to let go of expectations of me. 461 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:36,680 Speaker 1: And I'm a grown, grown, grown person, you know, and 462 00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:39,080 Speaker 1: she still thinks of me as like a ten year old. 463 00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:40,920 Speaker 1: My sister is an eight year old, you know. So 464 00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:45,200 Speaker 1: there's a it's a fine line between like cutting them 465 00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:48,520 Speaker 1: some slack and also knowing when to be like whoa bro? No, 466 00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:55,200 Speaker 1: like not that's sokay, prejudice, you're not opening your mind. 467 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:58,240 Speaker 1: I need you to do harder work because you're going 468 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,760 Speaker 1: to lose our relationship. You know. I'm not saying like 469 00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:04,000 Speaker 1: to make threats or anything, but I do think it's like, yeah, 470 00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:08,480 Speaker 1: I think calling about yeah, bulling them in. And you know, 471 00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:12,320 Speaker 1: everyone's like family's everything, family has everything, and family is everything. 472 00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:15,959 Speaker 1: Family is so special. But that doesn't mean family can 473 00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:20,040 Speaker 1: do anything exactly, you know, that part, that part, it 474 00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:24,360 Speaker 1: doesn't mean that they can't treat you badly. They can't 475 00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:28,000 Speaker 1: manipulate you into They shouldn't manipulate you into doing what 476 00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:32,080 Speaker 1: they want. You're not an extension of your parents. You're 477 00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:35,000 Speaker 1: your own person. You're your own person. You're not an 478 00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:38,840 Speaker 1: extension of your parents. And I think particularly for people 479 00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:42,440 Speaker 1: that you know are coming into their own and being 480 00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:44,840 Speaker 1: grown ups now, I think I don't think that their 481 00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:49,120 Speaker 1: parents knew that, right. I think everybody thought, oh, well, 482 00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:52,320 Speaker 1: my kid is a little me, you know, an extension 483 00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:55,640 Speaker 1: of me. And yeah, it really is like a newer concept. 484 00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:59,160 Speaker 1: I think of trying to parent from a place of 485 00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:01,560 Speaker 1: thinking of our childre and as their own individuals and 486 00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:03,920 Speaker 1: their own people, and that really our jobs as parents 487 00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:08,240 Speaker 1: are to get to know them. Yeah, steward steward them 488 00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:12,320 Speaker 1: through life. But it's not our lives, not at all. 489 00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:16,760 Speaker 1: I mean, I will say, like, isis our producer. I 490 00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:21,280 Speaker 1: just sent us this article from very well mind that 491 00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:24,800 Speaker 1: is about how when your parents disapprove of your marriage, 492 00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:28,240 Speaker 1: not saying that yours due, but because we're talking about 493 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:31,080 Speaker 1: this kind of stuff, it can be really challenging and 494 00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:36,240 Speaker 1: it can take a toll on your marriage, Like it 495 00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:43,240 Speaker 1: could be really tricky. That's stupid word. But the article 496 00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:45,760 Speaker 1: is really cool because like the main points in it are, like, 497 00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:49,000 Speaker 1: help your parents get to know your partner, consider counseling, 498 00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:51,960 Speaker 1: Like that's something to consider, right, Like if they're open 499 00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:55,920 Speaker 1: to it, plan for the future, like you can, you know, 500 00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:59,680 Speaker 1: like if there is a wedge between your parents and 501 00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:04,000 Speaker 1: your like maybe you don't force your spouse to go 502 00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:07,719 Speaker 1: with you to events that are more of your family 503 00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:10,480 Speaker 1: and you know they are going to be like hard 504 00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:12,680 Speaker 1: on your spouse. You know, I'm not saying that this 505 00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:17,440 Speaker 1: is Rachel and Ross's experience because but maybe it's Monica 506 00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:21,840 Speaker 1: and Chandler's. I don't know, you know, like I would say, 507 00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:25,640 Speaker 1: I think that this is the quote that I thought 508 00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:28,280 Speaker 1: was really cool from this article. Don't allow your parents' 509 00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:31,360 Speaker 1: reservations to destroy your relationship with your fiance or spouse. 510 00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:34,840 Speaker 1: Studies show the parental disapproval of a spouse can create distrust, criticism, 511 00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:37,440 Speaker 1: and conflict in a marriage. But it can and also 512 00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:39,760 Speaker 1: can be a reoccurring topic of your arguments that can 513 00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:42,440 Speaker 1: drive a wedge between you both if that happens. Considered 514 00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:47,840 Speaker 1: seeing a marriage counselor. I think it's really important to 515 00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:50,800 Speaker 1: talk about this stuff with your partner, even though it 516 00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:55,800 Speaker 1: might be like and you guys, obviously they have it, 517 00:31:55,920 --> 00:32:01,440 Speaker 1: sounds like, but continuing that conversation as you're marriage goes 518 00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,720 Speaker 1: along as your parents, both both of you as your parents' age, 519 00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:07,920 Speaker 1: and continuing to talk about, like how you want to 520 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:11,600 Speaker 1: integrate both of your cultures so that both of you 521 00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:16,080 Speaker 1: feel seen in the relationship is really important, you know, 522 00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:19,880 Speaker 1: Like I spend so much time in my childhood and 523 00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:25,960 Speaker 1: adolescents assimilating and now as an adult, I really really 524 00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:32,560 Speaker 1: desire a connection to much more of my own Latini dad, 525 00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:35,560 Speaker 1: because I want my daughter to have access to it 526 00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:39,040 Speaker 1: in a way that feels not like she's having to 527 00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:42,480 Speaker 1: necessarily pick up a book and read about it, but 528 00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:48,480 Speaker 1: that she has memories and experiences from holidays that's a 529 00:32:48,520 --> 00:32:50,680 Speaker 1: part of her life. That's a part of her life. Yeah, 530 00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:53,120 Speaker 1: that's part of her you know. And like, and some 531 00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:57,320 Speaker 1: of those aren't necessarily my own cultural traditions, but that 532 00:32:57,440 --> 00:33:00,800 Speaker 1: I've adopted because I'm LEATINGO in the United States, and 533 00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:03,400 Speaker 1: I want, you know, I want her to celebrate the 534 00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:06,080 Speaker 1: little Mortals and I think it's a really beautiful holiday, 535 00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:09,920 Speaker 1: and like that's important saying and yeah, she is she 536 00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:13,720 Speaker 1: recognizes now that that's coming, and she's excited about it 537 00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:17,120 Speaker 1: and wants to like be a part of it. Yeah. 538 00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:31,840 Speaker 1: I think the other uh sorry, tricky thing and this 539 00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:37,920 Speaker 1: in some of these family dynamics too, is also finding 540 00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:41,720 Speaker 1: the moments like yes, having complete open communication with your spouse, 541 00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:49,200 Speaker 1: but also being careful to not become the thing that's 542 00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:53,120 Speaker 1: like between your spouse and their parents, you know, like 543 00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:59,480 Speaker 1: I mean, well that can try, but yeah, so it can. Well, 544 00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:04,160 Speaker 1: I think it can be some You know, if your 545 00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:08,800 Speaker 1: mother in law you know, says something where to you, 546 00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:11,640 Speaker 1: you know, you might have to decide whether you just 547 00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:14,200 Speaker 1: like keep that to yourself or share it with your husband, 548 00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:17,320 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like depends on your boundaries 549 00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:19,879 Speaker 1: your own personally. I think it becomes to your own Yes, 550 00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:23,640 Speaker 1: like where where obviously if the line is crossed, like yeah, 551 00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:26,680 Speaker 1: to share that with your spouse, but but what's your line? 552 00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:29,640 Speaker 1: But what's your line? You know? If it's just kind 553 00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:34,279 Speaker 1: of like I didn't that bothered me? You know, you 554 00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:36,239 Speaker 1: know you're gonna have to decide like the areas that 555 00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:39,960 Speaker 1: you just like choose to deal with yourself. Yeah, as 556 00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:43,200 Speaker 1: your own person and your own person married who is 557 00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:45,719 Speaker 1: married to him, right, and the things that you let 558 00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:48,239 Speaker 1: go or just kind of like I'm just gonna like 559 00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:50,920 Speaker 1: push that. I'm not gonna give that any power. I'm 560 00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:53,279 Speaker 1: not going to give that any you know space. It's 561 00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:55,719 Speaker 1: a hard one. It can be a hard one. It 562 00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:59,480 Speaker 1: can be, and then you know what to really bring 563 00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:07,280 Speaker 1: because also I think it can get uh, unintentionally harder 564 00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:12,200 Speaker 1: if you know you are creating even more at tension 565 00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:15,160 Speaker 1: between your spouse and their parents too, Like that can be. 566 00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:19,120 Speaker 1: That can be tricky to navigate like that dynamic because 567 00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:22,360 Speaker 1: they have their whole relationship, their whole life, all the 568 00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:26,759 Speaker 1: hardships they've been through. Sure, and you know, I think 569 00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:29,680 Speaker 1: are you adding to the plate? You mean, yes, you know, 570 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:32,440 Speaker 1: are you adding to the plate? You know? And sometimes 571 00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:37,840 Speaker 1: I think you have to be selective and thoughtful about 572 00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:41,160 Speaker 1: what battles to choose. Totally makes sense. That's a good point. 573 00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:46,160 Speaker 1: That's a good point. I mean, I would say, you know, 574 00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:50,320 Speaker 1: if it's if it's about if it's just like about 575 00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:55,040 Speaker 1: like you know, I don't know, normal in law kind 576 00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:59,359 Speaker 1: of stuff, that's something right, right. If it's about well, 577 00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:03,520 Speaker 1: it's about I don't want you teaching, you know, she 578 00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:07,120 Speaker 1: should learn Spanish, you know, like because she's an American, 579 00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:10,960 Speaker 1: which is like what you know, like, and I think 580 00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:16,440 Speaker 1: like that that's uh, you know having I mean, speaking 581 00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:21,600 Speaker 1: from personal experience, there's only so much like choking down 582 00:36:21,920 --> 00:36:26,360 Speaker 1: that you should allow yourself to do. Yeah, some of 583 00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:29,800 Speaker 1: that is just gnarly, right. I I have a friend 584 00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:34,040 Speaker 1: who she's got a kid, and her kid loves hanging 585 00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:38,719 Speaker 1: out with her cousins. But the cousin's parents are like 586 00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:45,560 Speaker 1: pretty uh they're they can be very close minded about 587 00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:50,800 Speaker 1: the way that little girls should should be allowed to dress, 588 00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:56,280 Speaker 1: for example, And Okay, that's really difficult for my friend 589 00:36:56,440 --> 00:37:00,319 Speaker 1: because as somebody who she just like is like lives 590 00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:02,880 Speaker 1: in her own body and like it is like she 591 00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:04,759 Speaker 1: kind of can't help that. She's like a babe and 592 00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:08,439 Speaker 1: like she just is who she is. And she also 593 00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:12,400 Speaker 1: doesn't project sexuality onto her child, you know, right, And 594 00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:16,719 Speaker 1: this these family members kind of are like her shorts 595 00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:18,920 Speaker 1: are too short, her shirt is too short, you know, 596 00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:24,120 Speaker 1: like whatever, whatever, and it's like, uh, you know, that's 597 00:37:24,239 --> 00:37:28,120 Speaker 1: a for them. It's like a religious difference in like 598 00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:35,719 Speaker 1: how that particular family feels feels is okay, right, But 599 00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:37,440 Speaker 1: for my friend, she's like, well, then I'm just going 600 00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:39,399 Speaker 1: to take her out of that situation because like, yeah, 601 00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:42,799 Speaker 1: I'm not going to have her for her, for her 602 00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:46,440 Speaker 1: and her family, it's not it doesn't feel right to 603 00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:51,080 Speaker 1: have her have to change the way she's freely dressing 604 00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:54,400 Speaker 1: in the summer because of that, right cause she's a 605 00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:59,719 Speaker 1: little girl, she's like kid. So yeah, you have to 606 00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:03,080 Speaker 1: kind of like pick your battles, like you said, but 607 00:38:03,239 --> 00:38:05,719 Speaker 1: you also like don't. I mean, I would encourage you 608 00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:08,959 Speaker 1: not to bend over backwards because it does get worse. 609 00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:14,759 Speaker 1: Meaning like it people will if you give them an inch, 610 00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:16,719 Speaker 1: they'll take a mile, and so you do have to 611 00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:20,840 Speaker 1: I'm really glad that Rachel went through with the wedding 612 00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:23,279 Speaker 1: the way she wanted to go through with it, the 613 00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:25,800 Speaker 1: way they wanted to. Ye. Yes, like, kudos to you. 614 00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:29,120 Speaker 1: Pow yourself on the back. Yeah, because people will, they 615 00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:31,160 Speaker 1: will stick their nose in and be like you should 616 00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:32,879 Speaker 1: do it this way, you should be living this way. 617 00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:35,319 Speaker 1: I don't like this, I don't want this. And if 618 00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:37,239 Speaker 1: you give them an inch, they will take a mile 619 00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:39,200 Speaker 1: and they'll be like, oh, well she listened to me 620 00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:41,600 Speaker 1: about this. I wanted to listen to me about this 621 00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:44,600 Speaker 1: other thing. Now, you know. And let's also before we 622 00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:48,040 Speaker 1: wrap up talk about is just gave us also some 623 00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:55,479 Speaker 1: great articles here about the benefits of biculturalism. Oh yeah, 624 00:38:55,520 --> 00:39:01,440 Speaker 1: are so many. So there's one hear the Psychological impact 625 00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:09,040 Speaker 1: of Biculturalism Evidence and theory. The alternation model, which means biculturalism, 626 00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:13,360 Speaker 1: is a model that suggests that a person can become 627 00:39:13,480 --> 00:39:17,680 Speaker 1: proficient into different cultures without having to sacrifice their original 628 00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:21,600 Speaker 1: cultural identity or feel forced to choose one over the other, 629 00:39:21,920 --> 00:39:26,320 Speaker 1: essentially allowing them to comfortably navigate both cultures depending on 630 00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:30,120 Speaker 1: the situation. I love this quote because I feel like 631 00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:33,080 Speaker 1: it just you know, I think that's so true. I 632 00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:35,720 Speaker 1: think the more cultures were exposed to, the more people 633 00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:39,920 Speaker 1: that are different from us, the more flexible, flexible, and 634 00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:43,879 Speaker 1: proficient we can become. You can, you know, and don't 635 00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:46,440 Speaker 1: you ultimately want that for your kid? You want them 636 00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:48,600 Speaker 1: to be able to go into any room and be 637 00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:51,160 Speaker 1: comfortable with the people that are there and not feel 638 00:39:51,239 --> 00:39:54,160 Speaker 1: like out of place or you know, or be able 639 00:39:54,239 --> 00:39:56,200 Speaker 1: to you know. This is where like the idea of 640 00:39:56,320 --> 00:39:59,600 Speaker 1: code switching even comes from, you know, which is a 641 00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:05,200 Speaker 1: lot of bicultural people sort of do annoying naturally, naturally right, 642 00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:08,880 Speaker 1: It's like they just flow between different groups of people. 643 00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:12,000 Speaker 1: And I think in that there's also a lot of 644 00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:17,160 Speaker 1: open mindedness tolerance, right, Like we're just teaching you know, 645 00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:21,080 Speaker 1: to kind of love everyone, right and like judge people 646 00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:24,759 Speaker 1: based on like their character and their their actions or 647 00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:28,400 Speaker 1: words rather than you know, all these ex external things. 648 00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:33,400 Speaker 1: And so I think that there's a lot of benefits 649 00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:40,879 Speaker 1: from multiculturalism or biculturalism that can come from your sort 650 00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:44,440 Speaker 1: of blended family and like, what a beautiful experience if 651 00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:47,360 Speaker 1: you choose to have kids, what you uh, what a 652 00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:50,480 Speaker 1: beautiful experience in life you're going to give them, you know, 653 00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:54,799 Speaker 1: and what a special person you're going to set out 654 00:40:54,840 --> 00:40:58,600 Speaker 1: in the world when they're grown. I think also, you know, 655 00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:04,360 Speaker 1: in terms of handling when people are critical, there's a 656 00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:06,280 Speaker 1: lot of whisk go about it. To me, I always 657 00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:11,640 Speaker 1: defer to humor, sure, but I think humor and honesty 658 00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:15,320 Speaker 1: together is sort of like the most direct route. I 659 00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:20,719 Speaker 1: feel like, like, uh, you know, if if somebody is 660 00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:26,960 Speaker 1: saying something like really specifically to me prejudiced, then I 661 00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:30,160 Speaker 1: give myself the aokay, the highest sign to be like 662 00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:34,520 Speaker 1: yes to do it, Stephanie, And I'm like, WHOA, I 663 00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:36,959 Speaker 1: do not think that means what you think it means. 664 00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:40,080 Speaker 1: You know, we're some kind of like riff on, like whoa, 665 00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:43,160 Speaker 1: I know you didn't mean to say it like that, 666 00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:45,200 Speaker 1: and then dig a little deeper and see if they 667 00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:46,840 Speaker 1: did mean to say it like that, and then it 668 00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:50,239 Speaker 1: can become at least a back and forth at least 669 00:41:50,239 --> 00:41:55,120 Speaker 1: some conversation happens. Yeah. Man, but like in terms of uh, 670 00:41:56,000 --> 00:42:00,040 Speaker 1: you know, navigating multicultural families or friend groups, like like 671 00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:05,640 Speaker 1: I don't know, like I'm I My default is always 672 00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:11,000 Speaker 1: like listen, like mouth closed and eyes open and ears open, 673 00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:14,040 Speaker 1: and like listen, like listen to people's experiences, Listen to 674 00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:16,800 Speaker 1: how people are talking to each other, Listen to what 675 00:42:16,960 --> 00:42:18,840 Speaker 1: the vibe is. Try to catch the vibe. You know, 676 00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:22,439 Speaker 1: don't make it about you, make it about learning about them. 677 00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:25,920 Speaker 1: You know. It's the same kind of thing that you 678 00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:29,320 Speaker 1: were talking about Melissa about her parents possibly being nervous 679 00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:32,120 Speaker 1: about the wedding. Yeah, it's like, well, then just use 680 00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:34,920 Speaker 1: it as an opportunity, use this like hang out, use 681 00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:38,520 Speaker 1: this moment to like learn And doesn't mean you're like 682 00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:41,960 Speaker 1: taking notes necessarily, Yeah, but maybe in your head you 683 00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:45,480 Speaker 1: are a little like see just learn see and like 684 00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:49,160 Speaker 1: get to know these people as people, not just like 685 00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:52,080 Speaker 1: a wash of like this culture, right, Like it's like 686 00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:55,879 Speaker 1: individually like paying attention to like because you know, every 687 00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:59,360 Speaker 1: family has its culture. Every family, like every unit of 688 00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:02,840 Speaker 1: friends has its own culture, right like every everybody Like 689 00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:04,520 Speaker 1: in my house, we take our shoes off, you know, 690 00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:09,440 Speaker 1: Like yeah, there's little things that belong to every group 691 00:43:09,600 --> 00:43:13,320 Speaker 1: that are signs of them being a group together, and 692 00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:18,480 Speaker 1: you know, like trying to stay open to what they 693 00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:22,279 Speaker 1: can teach you about themselves. So I think that's like 694 00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:24,680 Speaker 1: kind of the fun of like you so like the 695 00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:27,360 Speaker 1: fun of getting to know people and being alive, Like 696 00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:29,359 Speaker 1: what are you doing? You're just like hanging on your 697 00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:33,480 Speaker 1: house like just by yourself, like reading Mad magazine, Like 698 00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:35,920 Speaker 1: no offense, Mad magazine, but you know what you what 699 00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:39,440 Speaker 1: are you doing? What are you doing? Yeah? Yeah, and 700 00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:42,880 Speaker 1: I yeah, I've always felt like I don't know, it 701 00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:46,160 Speaker 1: makes my life every time I get to meet someone 702 00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:51,200 Speaker 1: who's feels very different from me. I don't know, there's 703 00:43:51,239 --> 00:43:54,239 Speaker 1: like growth in that, right, Like yeah, it's cool. It 704 00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:57,520 Speaker 1: like fills fills your cup in a different way, makes 705 00:43:57,560 --> 00:43:59,800 Speaker 1: your life a little fuller, you know, And it's just 706 00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:05,279 Speaker 1: find I find those experiences and those encounters exciting, you know, 707 00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:07,960 Speaker 1: And I don't know, maybe there's a way to have 708 00:44:08,160 --> 00:44:12,640 Speaker 1: conversations with your parents, Rachel, where you can steer it 709 00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:16,120 Speaker 1: more in that direction. You know, like, look at how 710 00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:20,080 Speaker 1: exciting this is. Doesn't have to be scary or you know, 711 00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:23,759 Speaker 1: just because it's different, Like it's you know, you would 712 00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:26,040 Speaker 1: never have had this experience in your life, and now 713 00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:28,520 Speaker 1: you're getting to have this whole new experience and it's 714 00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:32,600 Speaker 1: not taking anything away, it's just adding. It's all adding, yeah, 715 00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:39,600 Speaker 1: you know, and you know, keep keep it more about that. Wow, 716 00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:42,240 Speaker 1: we solved it for you, Rachel and Ross. We fucking 717 00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:48,000 Speaker 1: solved it. We solved we solved it. You're welcome, welcome. 718 00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:51,759 Speaker 1: Look out for our bill. It'll be coming in the mail. 719 00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:04,560 Speaker 1: More better, I feel like, I mean, I hope we 720 00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:09,880 Speaker 1: gave her some solid me too advice. But that was hard, 721 00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:13,759 Speaker 1: and like, yeah, it's hard. It's hard. Everybody's dealing with 722 00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:18,320 Speaker 1: it in some way or another, you know. Yeah, yeah, friends, families, 723 00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:23,799 Speaker 1: this is a real multicultural world, real multicultural country. Open 724 00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:29,000 Speaker 1: yourself up or get left behind. Babe. Hey, I feel yeah, 725 00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:30,640 Speaker 1: I feel a little bit more better. I was a 726 00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:33,200 Speaker 1: little intimidated by this one. I don't know. It was 727 00:45:33,280 --> 00:45:35,400 Speaker 1: kind of an interesting one to talk out though. It 728 00:45:35,520 --> 00:45:39,600 Speaker 1: was something yeah that I've definitely encountered, but not necessarily 729 00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:43,120 Speaker 1: I think unpacked or thought about a lot. I've about 730 00:45:43,120 --> 00:45:48,960 Speaker 1: it a lot. I know you. And with that, dear listeners, 731 00:45:49,239 --> 00:45:52,440 Speaker 1: we leave you thanks for thanks for tuning in. And 732 00:45:52,560 --> 00:45:55,640 Speaker 1: like Mossa said, if you guys have questions that you 733 00:45:55,680 --> 00:45:57,520 Speaker 1: want to ask us, or like topics you want to 734 00:45:57,719 --> 00:46:01,800 Speaker 1: cover whatever, like, come on, maybe we'll do like a 735 00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:04,840 Speaker 1: like an EPP words just listener questions and we'll just 736 00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:08,520 Speaker 1: like yeah, fast, fasty fire those I love that idea. 737 00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:11,840 Speaker 1: Oh okay, get ready for that one. Guys, see you 738 00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:17,040 Speaker 1: next time. Bye bye, More More Better. Do you have 739 00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:18,759 Speaker 1: something you'd like to be more better at that you 740 00:46:18,840 --> 00:46:20,759 Speaker 1: want us to talk about in a future episode. Can 741 00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:23,160 Speaker 1: you relate to our struggles or have you tried one 742 00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:25,239 Speaker 1: of our tips and tricks? Shoot us your thoughts and 743 00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:29,520 Speaker 1: ideas at Morebetter pod at gmail dot com and include 744 00:46:29,520 --> 00:46:31,000 Speaker 1: a voice note if you want to be featured on 745 00:46:31,040 --> 00:46:34,120 Speaker 1: the pod. Ooh More Better with Stephanie Melissa is a 746 00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:39,279 Speaker 1: production from Wvsound and iHeartMedia's Mikutura podcast network hosted by Me, 747 00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:42,600 Speaker 1: Stephanie Beatriz, and Melissa FUMERA More Better is produced by 748 00:46:42,680 --> 00:46:46,480 Speaker 1: Isis Madrid and Sophie Spencer Zagos. Our executive producers are 749 00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:50,600 Speaker 1: Wilmer Valderrama and Leo Klem at Wvsound. This episode was 750 00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:53,759 Speaker 1: edited by Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy and 751 00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:57,120 Speaker 1: features original music by Madison Davenport and Heylo Boy. Our 752 00:46:57,160 --> 00:47:00,640 Speaker 1: cover art is by Vincent Remis and photography by Davis. 753 00:47:00,880 --> 00:47:04,880 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 754 00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:07,279 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. See you 755 00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:09,319 Speaker 1: next week, Sucker up, bye,