1 00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:05,160 Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shondaland Audio in 2 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:06,680 Speaker 1: partnership with iHeartRadio. 3 00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:10,000 Speaker 2: The polls of the movie, our Joy wants to keep 4 00:00:10,039 --> 00:00:13,080 Speaker 2: the core emotions away from sadness, right, so Joy, the 5 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:15,040 Speaker 2: whole movie is keep awake, don't touch. And at the 6 00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:16,959 Speaker 2: end of the movie, because now she understands way I 7 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:20,680 Speaker 2: created all of this because I'm trying to avoid sadness. 8 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:23,759 Speaker 2: Riley being sad is Joy's handing the balls. 9 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:25,400 Speaker 1: This memory balls over to sadness. 10 00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:27,880 Speaker 2: This little girl in the back of the theater yells no, 11 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:31,960 Speaker 2: and I thought, oh, there needs to be a discussion 12 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:32,440 Speaker 2: in the car. 13 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:32,880 Speaker 1: On the way home. 14 00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:34,639 Speaker 3: Oh God, I hope there was. 15 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:37,559 Speaker 2: I did get some some things from parents that they 16 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:40,240 Speaker 2: did have to have interesting discussions with their kids after, 17 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:42,880 Speaker 2: but in a good way. Their kids were opening up 18 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,920 Speaker 2: to them about things and because now they have language 19 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:49,440 Speaker 2: to talk about it. 20 00:00:54,560 --> 00:01:00,680 Speaker 1: Hello, everybody, Welcome back to Katie's Crib. I've been trying 21 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:04,120 Speaker 1: to get today's guest on for a hot minute. Her 22 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:09,280 Speaker 1: movie affected me. It affected me inside and out. He 23 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:12,319 Speaker 1: he he. Do you get that Today's guest we are 24 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:18,200 Speaker 1: having on to talk about children's feelings, emotions, internal validation, 25 00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:25,240 Speaker 1: and she is the brilliant brains behind the Oscar nominated 26 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:30,280 Speaker 1: film Inside Out. She also is a producer and a director. 27 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:34,760 Speaker 1: Her name is Meg Lava and She's brilliant. She was 28 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:37,200 Speaker 1: also nominated for a Primetime Emmy Award in nineteen ninety 29 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,440 Speaker 1: nine for producing The Baby Dance. She also produced the 30 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:42,080 Speaker 1: two thousand and two film The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys. 31 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:45,399 Speaker 1: She also wrote the script for The Good Dinosaur and 32 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:48,120 Speaker 1: also co wrote the story. She also wrote the script 33 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:51,960 Speaker 1: for the live action Captain Marvel movie alongside Nicole Pearlman. 34 00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:56,400 Speaker 1: And LeVaux is married to filmmaker Joe Forte, with whom 35 00:01:56,440 --> 00:02:00,559 Speaker 1: she has two sons, Aiden and Julian. Did you guys 36 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:05,120 Speaker 1: all see Inside Out? Has there ever been a better 37 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:10,000 Speaker 1: movie for adults and children to try to explain our emotions, 38 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:15,919 Speaker 1: our brains, our deepest well, fears, joys, anger, all the things? 39 00:02:15,919 --> 00:02:17,480 Speaker 1: And I felt like the movie did such a great 40 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:21,120 Speaker 1: job of explaining emotions to our kids, and so I 41 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,840 Speaker 1: wanted to hear it from her first and bring it 42 00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:27,440 Speaker 1: all to you guys. So here we are today with 43 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:31,080 Speaker 1: the one and only Meg Leveaux. Welcome to Katie's Crib. 44 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:37,640 Speaker 1: Meg Meg it's such a pleasure to meet you. 45 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:39,520 Speaker 2: It's so wonderful to be here. 46 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,480 Speaker 1: Oh, thank you for coming and making the time. It's 47 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:44,760 Speaker 1: so funny. I was just going to say thank you 48 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:47,720 Speaker 1: for having me, but it's because I'm at the time 49 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:50,240 Speaker 1: of this recording. I've just been coming off like a 50 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:53,440 Speaker 1: bunch of days of doing interviews. That's funny that that 51 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:57,200 Speaker 1: was my knee jerk reaction. I think you come to 52 00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:02,000 Speaker 1: me through Rebecca Beninatti. Is that correct? Oh, yes, that's true. 53 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:05,400 Speaker 2: Rebecca and my kids went to preschool together, and of 54 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:07,040 Speaker 2: course we became best friends. 55 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:12,440 Speaker 1: So your children and Rebecca's children and my children all 56 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:15,280 Speaker 1: go to the same nursery school. 57 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:17,360 Speaker 3: Mine are now in college. 58 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:24,399 Speaker 1: So while ago the movie Inside Out so deeply affected 59 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:27,760 Speaker 1: me as an adult, the work that I'm most proud 60 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:31,359 Speaker 1: of on this podcast is for kids and adults similar 61 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:34,360 Speaker 1: to your film. So I have done a ton of 62 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:37,520 Speaker 1: research with a ton of notes. Okay, if you are 63 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:40,040 Speaker 1: a listener to Katie's Crib and you have not watched 64 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,320 Speaker 1: Inside Out, if you're a pregnant person you don't have 65 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:44,920 Speaker 1: kids yet, if you're a person with small kids, middle 66 00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:47,760 Speaker 1: aged kids, older kids, or if you don't have any 67 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:50,960 Speaker 1: kids at all, do yourself a favor. Watch Inside Out 68 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:53,600 Speaker 1: because it is for everyone. 69 00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:56,120 Speaker 2: Humans, It's for humans. 70 00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:59,960 Speaker 1: It's for humans. How did you get involved in the project, 71 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:03,600 Speaker 1: How did you write the movie? I know you came 72 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:06,160 Speaker 1: along a little bit later in the process. Correct. 73 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:08,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, they were a couple of screens in so they 74 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:12,920 Speaker 2: spend years researching, and Pete doctor it's his movie, it's 75 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:16,280 Speaker 2: his baby, and he researched for years. Emotions and I 76 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:18,719 Speaker 2: think at one point they had twenty four and boiled 77 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:21,159 Speaker 2: it down to the five. He brought me in because 78 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:24,159 Speaker 2: they had their five emotions and locations, but the story. 79 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:26,360 Speaker 2: They were really struggling to find the story and what 80 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,760 Speaker 2: he wanted to say with the movie. He knew he 81 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:32,160 Speaker 2: wanted to talk about his daughter and how when she 82 00:04:32,279 --> 00:04:35,400 Speaker 2: was younger, she was very outgoing and like she'd meet 83 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,440 Speaker 2: people at the front door and tap dance for them 84 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:40,960 Speaker 2: and just so joyful and happy and confident, and then 85 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:44,560 Speaker 2: when she turned eleven, she seemed to disappear. She was 86 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:47,520 Speaker 2: very withdrawn, and he literally had the question, what happened 87 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:49,279 Speaker 2: to my daughter's joy? I want to go inside her 88 00:04:49,279 --> 00:04:51,839 Speaker 2: head and find out. But as he developed the story, 89 00:04:51,839 --> 00:04:54,120 Speaker 2: he realized what do I want to say about joy? 90 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,640 Speaker 2: What do I want to say about the internal life 91 00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:59,320 Speaker 2: of any person, whatever age they are. When we were 92 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:03,240 Speaker 2: working together, he came to the idea that it's sadness 93 00:05:03,279 --> 00:05:06,279 Speaker 2: that he really wanted to be discovered, and that sadness 94 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:09,440 Speaker 2: connects us. It's not something to be avoided and to 95 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:12,279 Speaker 2: avoid in your children. It's something that connects us. And 96 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,440 Speaker 2: what's interesting about the fact that we have this connection 97 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:18,120 Speaker 2: with preschool is I wasn't involved in all of that research, 98 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:24,279 Speaker 2: but I came in really understanding emotional intelligence. My research 99 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:25,240 Speaker 2: was going to that. 100 00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:29,279 Speaker 1: Preschool social emotional learning. It's like, forget about ABC's, you're 101 00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:29,919 Speaker 1: going to learn that. 102 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:32,919 Speaker 2: The way you learn that is you have social emotional intelligence. 103 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:35,800 Speaker 2: It's the base for all learning. And you know what 104 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:38,640 Speaker 2: we used to learn at that preschool literally happens in 105 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:42,000 Speaker 2: the movie. We used to learn that when your kid 106 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,599 Speaker 2: is crying because some other kid knocked down their block 107 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:47,799 Speaker 2: structure and your kid is furious and screaming and angry 108 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:50,720 Speaker 2: or crying, you don't say, let's fix that, you can 109 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:53,640 Speaker 2: build another block structure. Let's get back to happiness as 110 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,520 Speaker 2: quickly as possible, which we all do. 111 00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:56,400 Speaker 1: We all do it. 112 00:05:56,760 --> 00:06:00,919 Speaker 2: The idea instead is sit down with them and reflect 113 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,400 Speaker 2: back what they're feeling so they can start to learn 114 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:07,080 Speaker 2: what that emotion is. First of all, can you identify 115 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,039 Speaker 2: what's happening inside your body, which, by the way, a 116 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:09,920 Speaker 2: lot of adults I know. 117 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:10,960 Speaker 1: Can't even do this one. 118 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,800 Speaker 2: What is this emotion? So you say to them, Wow, 119 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:18,559 Speaker 2: you're really mad. Ah, yeah, I'm really mad, they might say, 120 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:20,760 Speaker 2: and then they might start to get tears in their eyes. Oh, 121 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,719 Speaker 2: I see, Oh now you're very sad. I'm really sad. 122 00:06:23,839 --> 00:06:27,800 Speaker 2: Just helping them reflect it and then letting it move 123 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:31,080 Speaker 2: through its process. I would be mad too if somebody 124 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:34,240 Speaker 2: knocked over my block structure. If you were doing a 125 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:37,479 Speaker 2: project all morning on your computer and it crashed and 126 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:38,640 Speaker 2: you lost the whole. 127 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:40,280 Speaker 3: Thing, would you be mad? 128 00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:40,920 Speaker 1: That's right? 129 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:43,839 Speaker 2: Why are you assuming this child can't have an emotional life? 130 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:46,920 Speaker 2: They worked on something. So if you look in the movie, 131 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:50,719 Speaker 2: this happens. Bing Bong's wagon gets thrown into the dump 132 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:54,080 Speaker 2: and forgotten, and he's crying, and Joy wants him to 133 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:57,640 Speaker 2: move on. She wants to get going, And it's Sadness 134 00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:00,640 Speaker 2: who has the emotional intelligence to sit down and say, Wow, 135 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:04,960 Speaker 2: you loved your wagon, I did, and he cries, Candy, 136 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:06,880 Speaker 2: I did. I loved my wagon. 137 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:08,320 Speaker 1: It's so sad. 138 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:09,600 Speaker 3: It is sad. 139 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:12,120 Speaker 2: She just sits with him and puts her hand on 140 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:15,240 Speaker 2: his little paw, and then he works through it and 141 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:18,480 Speaker 2: Joy as a character gets to watch, Oh, this is 142 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:22,400 Speaker 2: a different way of being in the world and processing 143 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:25,280 Speaker 2: that all of Riley's memories don't need to be joyful, 144 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:29,280 Speaker 2: and that there is value in all of our emotions. 145 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:33,640 Speaker 1: Ah. Everyone, I mean, come on, you really had your 146 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:37,080 Speaker 1: finger on the pulse. In terms of educating people towards 147 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:40,640 Speaker 1: this type of learning. 148 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:42,840 Speaker 2: Well, it's funny though, because people take what they take. 149 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:44,679 Speaker 2: I had a guywalk up to me at a function 150 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:47,880 Speaker 2: and he goes, that movie changed the way I parent. 151 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:50,239 Speaker 2: And I was like, oh my gosh, thank you so much. 152 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:51,040 Speaker 1: What a compliment. 153 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:53,720 Speaker 2: And he goes, because now when my kids said, I go, 154 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:56,840 Speaker 2: get joy on the controls, and I was like, yeah, 155 00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:58,520 Speaker 2: that's the opposite of the movie. 156 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:04,640 Speaker 1: But okay, yeah, that's the morals. But my first foray 157 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:07,200 Speaker 1: in to work like this was I was a nanny 158 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:12,200 Speaker 1: before I had children, for a family who had me 159 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:16,120 Speaker 1: as the caretaker. There are some similarities similarities, they are 160 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:18,640 Speaker 1: not everything, but When I first heard oh, when a 161 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:22,000 Speaker 1: kid is crying, my jump to was always like, you're okay, 162 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,000 Speaker 1: You're okay, it's okay, it's okay, okay. It was like 163 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:28,040 Speaker 1: a word I said one thousand times. And the teacher, 164 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:31,440 Speaker 1: similarly to your story, you know about if you were 165 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:34,520 Speaker 1: an adult and this was happening to you, she would say, 166 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:38,440 Speaker 1: in their world, it's not okay, they're not okay right now, 167 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:41,160 Speaker 1: and it's okay to not be okay. Fast forward to 168 00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:42,839 Speaker 1: me having a five year old and a two year old. 169 00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:47,120 Speaker 1: I've now since tried getting through sadness or tantrums. I'm 170 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:48,920 Speaker 1: lucky enough to say I've tried to get through it 171 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:52,760 Speaker 1: fifty million different ways. And I can tell you the 172 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:56,440 Speaker 1: quickest way out, and I know from you and your 173 00:08:56,559 --> 00:08:59,760 Speaker 1: movie and other psychologists and experts we've had on this podcast, 174 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:06,120 Speaker 1: and the healthiest way out is to actually just sit there, reflect, narrate, listen. 175 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,520 Speaker 2: It's a way for a person to feel seen, be 176 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:14,160 Speaker 2: you five, two or fifty two. It doesn't matter if 177 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:17,320 Speaker 2: my sister's on the zoom and she seems to be 178 00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:20,080 Speaker 2: saying words that are I'm fine and I'm just trying 179 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,200 Speaker 2: to explain something. But I can see in her face 180 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:25,000 Speaker 2: what is happening, and that there's a lot of sadness 181 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:27,920 Speaker 2: coming up for me to be able to say, hey, 182 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:32,000 Speaker 2: are you sad? You know what, I'm just I want 183 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:35,400 Speaker 2: to acknowledge what's happening right now and that this is 184 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:37,600 Speaker 2: really bringing up a lot of stuff for you. And 185 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,320 Speaker 2: it's okay, you don't have to talk about it, but 186 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:41,320 Speaker 2: I just want to say, I see you, I see this. 187 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:45,679 Speaker 2: It's a way to be seen, for your life experience 188 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:48,840 Speaker 2: to be real. And I think when we'd say to 189 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:53,640 Speaker 2: our kids, no, you're fine, you're telling them that feeling 190 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:56,800 Speaker 2: of not being fine is not real, but of course 191 00:09:56,840 --> 00:10:00,480 Speaker 2: it is. Gosh, how does that mix up your brain? Listen, 192 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:03,280 Speaker 2: there is a moment in the movie where Mom sits 193 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:06,400 Speaker 2: down on the sleeping bag and says to Riley, Oh, 194 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:09,160 Speaker 2: it's been such a hard move and your dad's been 195 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:12,440 Speaker 2: so busy and overwhelmed, and we're just so grateful that 196 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:13,559 Speaker 2: you're a happy girl. 197 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:15,079 Speaker 1: Now. 198 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:17,559 Speaker 2: That was a scene that was on the chopping block 199 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:20,240 Speaker 2: a lot because there was a concern in the notes 200 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:22,839 Speaker 2: that Mom isn't likable. It was the hill I was 201 00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:25,640 Speaker 2: going to die on because I was like, wow, every 202 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:28,679 Speaker 2: parent does this, and it's out of love. We're not 203 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:31,640 Speaker 2: doing it to mess up our child. We're doing it 204 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:34,720 Speaker 2: a out of love because we want them to be happy. 205 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:38,640 Speaker 2: And b I'm sorry half the time because we are overwhelmed. 206 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:42,440 Speaker 2: We have no emotional regulation, and we're trying to regulate 207 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:45,520 Speaker 2: our emotions by regulating our kids' emotion I found at 208 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:48,880 Speaker 2: that set that preschool, they're mostly teaching the parents. That's 209 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:49,840 Speaker 2: mostly what they're doing. 210 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:52,920 Speaker 1: It's so much less about teaching my children than it 211 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:55,480 Speaker 1: is about teaching myself. It's remarkable. 212 00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:59,800 Speaker 2: It is just a zen experience of self knowledge every day. 213 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:04,280 Speaker 2: Just can you be with yourself right now? I had 214 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:08,040 Speaker 2: a moment where I had I was trying to plug 215 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:10,920 Speaker 2: in my car, and I had bags of food and 216 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,880 Speaker 2: one kid screaming and one kid saying, by the way, 217 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:15,960 Speaker 2: I have this dude tomorrow at school, and there was 218 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,160 Speaker 2: so much going on, and I went to plug in 219 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:22,520 Speaker 2: my car and the electric current went up my arm. No, 220 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:26,760 Speaker 2: I just went and I sat down, and my kid 221 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:29,559 Speaker 2: went started screaming, I need dinner. 222 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:30,480 Speaker 1: And I lost my mind. 223 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:32,120 Speaker 3: Of course what's happening? 224 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:34,719 Speaker 2: And my body is first of all, fear that I 225 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:37,679 Speaker 2: almost killed myself and then, honestly, the very next response 226 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:40,240 Speaker 2: is I almost killed myself in front of my children. 227 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,920 Speaker 2: There is no worse parenting that could possibly happen. Yeah, 228 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:44,520 Speaker 2: they don't come back from that. 229 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:46,760 Speaker 3: They don't come back from that. You are such a 230 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:47,280 Speaker 3: bad mom. 231 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:50,680 Speaker 2: Now I'm yelling because I'm so overwhelmed emotionally and I 232 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:53,679 Speaker 2: cannot get mostly regulated. Right in front of everybody, I'm 233 00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:56,120 Speaker 2: yelling at my kids. I get them inside and I 234 00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:57,880 Speaker 2: just go in the bathroom because I've got to get 235 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:00,800 Speaker 2: myself regulated. And my little kid comes in and he 236 00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:02,440 Speaker 2: sits on the tub in the dark with me, and 237 00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:06,360 Speaker 2: he goes, Mama, are you okay? And I said, you 238 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,319 Speaker 2: know what, I have to be honest, I'm not. I'm 239 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:11,920 Speaker 2: a little upset. That was really scary, but I'm going 240 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:13,839 Speaker 2: to be okay. You know, you have to reassure me. 241 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:16,640 Speaker 2: He's little, but it's okay. And thank you so much 242 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:19,840 Speaker 2: for seeing me and coming to check on me. Thank 243 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,840 Speaker 2: you so much. And he put his hand on my 244 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:24,920 Speaker 2: hand and he goes, Mama, I think the universe is 245 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,600 Speaker 2: trying to tell you something. And I said, what is 246 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,960 Speaker 2: the universe trying to tell me? And he goes, you're 247 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:33,280 Speaker 2: too busy you're just too busy, Mama. You need to 248 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:37,440 Speaker 2: take a break sometimes. All those years of social emotional 249 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:41,240 Speaker 2: support and it comes back to you, It comes back 250 00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:44,439 Speaker 2: to you in this emotional being who can be present 251 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:46,200 Speaker 2: with you and who can see you. 252 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:50,480 Speaker 1: I feel really confident in the vocabulary I've learned in 253 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,760 Speaker 1: the last five years and the work I've gotten to 254 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:57,080 Speaker 1: do on this podcast and at the nursery school we 255 00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:59,640 Speaker 1: picked and all of that. But of course, like right 256 00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:03,920 Speaker 1: before me my period, I'm ready to fucking kill someone, 257 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:08,040 Speaker 1: and I'm cranky and everything is wrong and no one 258 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:11,439 Speaker 1: can do anything right, mostly myself. And she falls in 259 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:14,240 Speaker 1: a puddle and she's soaking wet, and he's like, where 260 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:17,520 Speaker 1: is my breakfast or whatever it is? I've taken it. 261 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:19,480 Speaker 1: I remember I asked him to brush his teeth like 262 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:22,160 Speaker 1: a thousand times, just to get out the door. And 263 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:23,840 Speaker 1: I just said, you know what, forget it. And I 264 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:26,000 Speaker 1: took his toothbrush and I threw it out the floor 265 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:31,040 Speaker 1: and I just said, I mommy needs a time out. 266 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:33,480 Speaker 1: I'm going to take a time out. I need to 267 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:37,719 Speaker 1: remove myself. I'm so angry and frustrated, not at you, 268 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:40,640 Speaker 1: but it frustrated at the situation and just how the 269 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:43,600 Speaker 1: day is going, that I need a moment because I'm 270 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:46,840 Speaker 1: not the best version of myself. And he always says, Mommy, 271 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:49,480 Speaker 1: you just need to take a long breath. 272 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:52,079 Speaker 2: Oh I love it. 273 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:56,760 Speaker 1: And he's five, but I'll tell you I want to 274 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:58,280 Speaker 1: throw in his face and I want to say I 275 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:02,760 Speaker 1: want to take a bath, and then I go, ida, what, Yes, 276 00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:05,000 Speaker 1: I have to take a very long breath. Thank you 277 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:05,839 Speaker 1: for reminding me. 278 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:07,160 Speaker 2: But they're modeling. 279 00:14:07,679 --> 00:14:08,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, they're modeling. 280 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,080 Speaker 2: They model what we do. We can say all we 281 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:13,800 Speaker 2: want a million times, they're going to model what we do. 282 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:17,040 Speaker 2: And I also think it's so important and I can 283 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:19,240 Speaker 2: see it now that my kid is a college aided 284 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:22,560 Speaker 2: student that I can see the emotional social training he 285 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:24,920 Speaker 2: has with his friends and with other people and with me. 286 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:27,880 Speaker 2: He needs to know that he can freak out. He 287 00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:29,840 Speaker 2: needs to know that he can have a mildown, that 288 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:32,600 Speaker 2: he can lose his social emotional regulation because he's a 289 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:36,080 Speaker 2: human being. So he's going to So I don't think 290 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:37,680 Speaker 2: it's bad to freak out in front of your kids 291 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:40,160 Speaker 2: every once in a while, because you're teaching them this 292 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:42,400 Speaker 2: is what it is to be human. As long as 293 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,840 Speaker 2: you repair and that's what I keep telling myself, and 294 00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:45,560 Speaker 2: I put money in. 295 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:46,520 Speaker 1: The therapy jar for later. 296 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:48,720 Speaker 2: You lived with an actual human being who's a mother 297 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:49,880 Speaker 2: and doing the best I can. 298 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:55,080 Speaker 1: Number One, we've had dan segel On rupture and repair. 299 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:58,080 Speaker 2: Well, if you had dan Segelon, that's like the expert 300 00:14:58,280 --> 00:14:59,520 Speaker 2: of the experts of all of this. 301 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:01,000 Speaker 3: Yes, he has come on. 302 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,960 Speaker 1: Of course, I feel like I completely botched the opportunity 303 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:05,800 Speaker 1: and was like a fumbling, bumbling mess. 304 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:10,240 Speaker 3: But I tried. But yes, there's a lot of I. 305 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:15,320 Speaker 1: Think relief in parenthood when the hard moments come that 306 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:17,920 Speaker 1: I'm not doing what. I think my parents did a 307 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:21,240 Speaker 1: wonderful job with the knowledge they have for what they knew. Yes, 308 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:24,000 Speaker 1: and I think it's so beneficial for me that when 309 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:26,920 Speaker 1: I'm sad that our dog died two years ago, and 310 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:29,520 Speaker 1: it still comes up. Sometimes my son checks in on 311 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:31,640 Speaker 1: me and says, oh, you're you sad, and I say, yeah, 312 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,200 Speaker 1: I'm really missing Roger. And sometimes I have a little 313 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:37,360 Speaker 1: bit of a cry. My mom used to I saw 314 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:39,400 Speaker 1: her cry maybe twice in my whole life when he 315 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,560 Speaker 1: dada and she hid it. She would go to her 316 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:45,520 Speaker 1: bedroom she wouldn't let me see. And so again you're 317 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:48,240 Speaker 1: painting the picture that there's something wrong with being sad 318 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:51,080 Speaker 1: or there's something exactly wrong with being angry when they're not. 319 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:53,280 Speaker 1: It's part of the human experience and it's part of 320 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:56,880 Speaker 1: something that makes us all connected to each other. How 321 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:57,960 Speaker 1: did you find that. 322 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:00,680 Speaker 2: On the DVD extras? I think they've put it on 323 00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:03,240 Speaker 2: Disney Plus. I wish they would. But on the DVD 324 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:07,240 Speaker 2: extras of the film, Pete doctor is in a state 325 00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:09,960 Speaker 2: and when he would get confused, he'd go our walks. 326 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:12,400 Speaker 2: You can see him. He takes a video out while 327 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:15,840 Speaker 2: he's walking in the woods and he's processing what's happening, 328 00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:19,160 Speaker 2: which is I have this idea, but I can't get 329 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:21,320 Speaker 2: it to turn into a movie. Everybody's still saying it's 330 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:23,600 Speaker 2: a good idea. They're not yet seeing the story the 331 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:26,440 Speaker 2: movie yet, and I'm really you can see him processing 332 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:29,720 Speaker 2: I think I'm gonna get fired. So what he does 333 00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:32,720 Speaker 2: is what we're talking about. He just gets emotionally intimate 334 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:35,760 Speaker 2: with himself on camera. You can watch him do it, 335 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:39,000 Speaker 2: and he is a genius at this. Most of us, 336 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,760 Speaker 2: when we start to feel those feelings of oh my god, 337 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,360 Speaker 2: I might get fired, we start to make excuses or 338 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:46,120 Speaker 2: fix it, or we move away from it, or our 339 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:49,440 Speaker 2: anxiety takes over and begins to project forward into eventually, 340 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:53,000 Speaker 2: I'll die alone and a ditch somewhere. It catastrophizes into 341 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,840 Speaker 2: the future and projects versus staying present with what's happening 342 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:58,000 Speaker 2: right now. And Pete is a genius at this, and 343 00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:00,000 Speaker 2: you can watch him on the camera say, Okay, well, 344 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,280 Speaker 2: I'm worried I'm gonna get fired. The guy has two 345 00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:04,159 Speaker 2: Academy Awards at this point, which is just but still, 346 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:06,520 Speaker 2: it just tells you human beings, right. They just starts 347 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:09,320 Speaker 2: to ask questions to stay present with the feeling. What 348 00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:10,800 Speaker 2: am I going to miss if I get fired? Well, 349 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:12,320 Speaker 2: I'm going to miss my house because I might have 350 00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:14,080 Speaker 2: to sell it. But I'm also going to miss going to. 351 00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:14,760 Speaker 1: Work every day. 352 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:16,840 Speaker 2: Why will I miss going to work every day? Well, 353 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:18,919 Speaker 2: because we've had such good times at Pixar. We've had 354 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,040 Speaker 2: so much fun. Is that the only thing I'm going 355 00:17:21,119 --> 00:17:24,840 Speaker 2: to mix. No, I'm going to miss them because of 356 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:27,720 Speaker 2: the losses we've shared together and that we've been there 357 00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:32,240 Speaker 2: for each other. Because they lost two people from the company. 358 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:35,040 Speaker 2: There was one of the founding members, Joe Ranff, died 359 00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:38,680 Speaker 2: in a car accident and Steve jobs they suffered through 360 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:43,880 Speaker 2: and were there for each other, and he's suddenly realizing, Oh, 361 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:46,720 Speaker 2: it's the sadness that brought us together. And it's that 362 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,680 Speaker 2: connection that I will actually miss, is that we went 363 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,880 Speaker 2: through this together and we were there for each other 364 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:56,000 Speaker 2: in our sadness. That the sadness brought us together. And 365 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,320 Speaker 2: that's the movie. But he was able to get there 366 00:17:58,359 --> 00:18:01,560 Speaker 2: because he just kept staying with the emotions that are 367 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:05,639 Speaker 2: signaling to him something. You know, our emotions are very wise. 368 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:09,000 Speaker 2: They're there for a reason. Pete Doctor was just a 369 00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:12,560 Speaker 2: genius and is a genius at staying with those emotions 370 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,720 Speaker 2: in order to get the information that they're telling you. 371 00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:29,440 Speaker 1: What do you hope little kids take away from the movies? 372 00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:33,920 Speaker 2: Well, it's interesting because that was a discussion will little 373 00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:37,320 Speaker 2: kids get this movie? And they did a screening for 374 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:40,920 Speaker 2: some employees' kids and they got it better than the adults. 375 00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:45,359 Speaker 2: They don't have all the layers of resistance that we have. 376 00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:48,680 Speaker 2: They have not built it up yet. So they're very 377 00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:52,800 Speaker 2: open to their emotions. They are living inside of them. 378 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,800 Speaker 2: They're not judging them, they're not critiquing them and trying 379 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,720 Speaker 2: to push them down. So they really did understand it, 380 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:01,800 Speaker 2: though there was I went to when it was in 381 00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:03,600 Speaker 2: the theaters. You know, you kind of sneak around and 382 00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:05,760 Speaker 2: go to different theaters and see how the audience is 383 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:09,439 Speaker 2: liking it. And I was in one theater and the 384 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:12,480 Speaker 2: whole movie the polls of the movie our Joy wants 385 00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:15,760 Speaker 2: to keep the core emotions away from sadness, right, so Joy, 386 00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:17,760 Speaker 2: the whole movie is keep away, don't touch. And at 387 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,440 Speaker 2: the end of the movie, because now she understands the 388 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:21,919 Speaker 2: way I created all of this because I'm trying to 389 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:27,320 Speaker 2: avoid sadness. Riley being sad here sadness. Change these core 390 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,520 Speaker 2: emotions sad because you know, when you move all those 391 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:32,560 Speaker 2: memories do have a tinge of sadness. Now, this little 392 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,520 Speaker 2: girl in the theater is Joy's handing the balls the 393 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,800 Speaker 2: memory balls over to sadness. This little girl in the 394 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:42,520 Speaker 2: back of the theater yells no, And I thought, oh, 395 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,040 Speaker 2: there needs to be a discussion in the car on 396 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:44,560 Speaker 2: the way home. 397 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:46,320 Speaker 3: Oh God, I hope there was. 398 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:49,040 Speaker 2: I hope you heard that kid, and she needs to 399 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:52,000 Speaker 2: talk about some stuff. I mean, I did get some 400 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,080 Speaker 2: some things from parents that they did have to have 401 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,920 Speaker 2: interesting discussions with their kids. After, but in a good way. 402 00:19:57,359 --> 00:20:00,400 Speaker 2: Their kids were opening up to them about things because 403 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:04,040 Speaker 2: now they have language to talk about it. In this business, 404 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,640 Speaker 2: you Academy awards and blah blah blah. The best thing 405 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:08,840 Speaker 2: that ever happened to me is how this film is 406 00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:12,680 Speaker 2: now being used to help children communicate what's happening inside 407 00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:16,000 Speaker 2: of them. I was at a wards ceremony right after 408 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:17,720 Speaker 2: the movie came out, and a woman walked up to 409 00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:20,440 Speaker 2: me and said, your film is still helpful for my job. 410 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:23,040 Speaker 2: I work for the City of la and I go 411 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:26,719 Speaker 2: in the night of the trauma and I'm now able 412 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:29,880 Speaker 2: to have them talk to me immediately because we can 413 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,280 Speaker 2: just use your movie to talk to them and I 414 00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:33,640 Speaker 2: can get to them. 415 00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:36,240 Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, my god, my god, you 416 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:39,000 Speaker 1: must have been Wow. 417 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:42,200 Speaker 2: What an incredible thing, Pete doctor did. What an incredible thing. 418 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:46,680 Speaker 1: What do you hope parents take away from the movie? 419 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:47,680 Speaker 1: And is there a difference. 420 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,720 Speaker 2: It's a great story, right, and it's for a human being, 421 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:55,120 Speaker 2: whatever age, economic status, create class, color, It doesn't matter 422 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,800 Speaker 2: like it's a human it's the human condition and we 423 00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:00,560 Speaker 2: get that by digging into ourselves. If I was an 424 00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:03,199 Speaker 2: eleven year old girl who wanted to say to her parents, 425 00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:05,239 Speaker 2: you want me to be happy, but I'm not. I 426 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,440 Speaker 2: never had the courage to say it, but Riley does 427 00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:10,200 Speaker 2: have the courage to say it. And it was really 428 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:12,200 Speaker 2: important to me that at the climax of the film, 429 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,520 Speaker 2: when she speaks her truth to her parents, which is 430 00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:16,560 Speaker 2: you want me to be happy, but I'm not, that 431 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:19,879 Speaker 2: then changes the parents because she allows them to be 432 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:23,560 Speaker 2: brave and talk about their sadness, and they're able to 433 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:26,520 Speaker 2: now let go of their I have always having to 434 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:30,520 Speaker 2: be happy. So the film is for everybody, but it's 435 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:33,960 Speaker 2: also I think it would be extra special if parents 436 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:38,399 Speaker 2: could just, for one moment, allow their child to have 437 00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:41,560 Speaker 2: the emotions they have. I think about little girls and anger. 438 00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:45,000 Speaker 2: My friend's daughter for her birthday party in elementary school 439 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:49,040 Speaker 2: dressed up as anger, and I was like, that's the coolest. 440 00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:51,359 Speaker 1: Thing ever, the coolest thing ever. 441 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:54,600 Speaker 2: You must be a great mom because you're allowing a 442 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:58,040 Speaker 2: female child to be angry, which I think is one 443 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:03,399 Speaker 2: of the final frontiers femaling. If a person, a human, 444 00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:08,240 Speaker 2: a woman, cannot have anger, she can't have boundaries. Anger 445 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:11,080 Speaker 2: is an important emotion. I'm not talking about a meltdown 446 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,560 Speaker 2: or freaking out. You freak out and have those milkdowns 447 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:17,040 Speaker 2: because you haven't had anything. You've been stopping the natural 448 00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:19,960 Speaker 2: process of anger. You're not there as a parent to 449 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,879 Speaker 2: control them. You're there to help them, regulate them, not 450 00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:26,919 Speaker 2: get rid of them, investigate them, identify them. What is 451 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,520 Speaker 2: this emotion here to tell me? I mean, by the way, 452 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:32,800 Speaker 2: here's the irony of the story. I like, sound like 453 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:36,040 Speaker 2: the super expert and I'm such a good parent. I'm 454 00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:38,520 Speaker 2: in the premiere of the movie sitting next to my son. 455 00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:41,119 Speaker 2: When Riley says at the end, you want me to 456 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,439 Speaker 2: be happy, but I'm not. My kid leans over to 457 00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:46,440 Speaker 2: me and goes, well, I know what she's talking about. 458 00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:47,719 Speaker 1: So there you go. 459 00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:51,600 Speaker 2: I did you can You're gonna do it. 460 00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,520 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, you're gonna do it. But that's why there's 461 00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:56,800 Speaker 1: also the therapy jar, you know exactly. 462 00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,800 Speaker 3: It's like, we're all just doing the best we can. 463 00:22:59,240 --> 00:22:59,920 Speaker 3: It's just a race. 464 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,120 Speaker 1: My mom says the same thing about my kids eating 465 00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:05,199 Speaker 1: their vegetables. She's like, I always used to say, does 466 00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:07,040 Speaker 1: it add up at the end of the month. No, 467 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,280 Speaker 1: is the ratio better? It's sort of in your life, 468 00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:12,120 Speaker 1: you know, like exactly, that's a great way to put 469 00:23:12,119 --> 00:23:15,560 Speaker 1: it and looking at what your son said to you 470 00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:19,080 Speaker 1: in the premiere. Your two children, now, what is in 471 00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:21,199 Speaker 1: college at the time. I'm not sure how old they 472 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,200 Speaker 1: were when the movie came out. What did they love 473 00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:25,200 Speaker 1: about the movie and how did they respond to knowing 474 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:26,000 Speaker 1: that you wrote it? 475 00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:28,040 Speaker 2: Well, of course they're kids, so they want to see 476 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,320 Speaker 2: themselves in it. So the first thing was that meat 477 00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:32,800 Speaker 2: was that something I did so adorable, because don't we 478 00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:36,960 Speaker 2: all do that. They were very proud of their mom, 479 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:39,080 Speaker 2: and they loved the movie. And I also wrote The 480 00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:42,439 Speaker 2: Good Dinosaur with Pixar, which was even more personal for me. 481 00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:45,760 Speaker 2: I have a special need son, so a little dinosaur 482 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:49,000 Speaker 2: who can't figure out how to do anything and how 483 00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:52,480 Speaker 2: this all works and how he fits. And your kids 484 00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:54,160 Speaker 2: never talked to you about that stuff, Like your. 485 00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:56,840 Speaker 1: Kids aren't like, Mom, let's talk about the movie. 486 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,119 Speaker 2: You're just kids who are like, can I get a 487 00:23:59,119 --> 00:23:59,960 Speaker 2: bigger popcorn? 488 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:00,920 Speaker 3: Yeah? Right? 489 00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:07,879 Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, yeah, sure, I know you said that a 490 00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:10,760 Speaker 1: lot of the nursery school you sent your kids to 491 00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:14,080 Speaker 1: had already done a lot of the heavy lifting in 492 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:19,280 Speaker 1: terms of this sort of work. Did the movie further 493 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,800 Speaker 1: enhance or change your parenting at all? 494 00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:22,600 Speaker 2: So? 495 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:23,280 Speaker 1: It Pixar. 496 00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:26,280 Speaker 2: When you do an animated movie, you're showing the whole 497 00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:29,320 Speaker 2: movie and board, so you know, employees come in and 498 00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:31,480 Speaker 2: watch and give you three hundred sets of notes. Right, 499 00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:35,639 Speaker 2: And we went so fast that I just puked that 500 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:38,920 Speaker 2: out of my soul one day. And now we're suddenly 501 00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:43,480 Speaker 2: in a theater watching it on a giant screen with 502 00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:46,879 Speaker 2: all these people, and I hear Riley say basically, you 503 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:48,560 Speaker 2: want me to be happy, but I'm not. And my 504 00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:51,879 Speaker 2: whole body started to shake because I had just broken 505 00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:56,720 Speaker 2: the code man, the embedded DNA code of my childhood, 506 00:24:57,440 --> 00:25:00,040 Speaker 2: and in front of all these people, I literally I 507 00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:03,399 Speaker 2: was like, I'm getting fired, Like my catatriphizing started. 508 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:04,680 Speaker 3: I started sweating. 509 00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:08,200 Speaker 2: It really helped push me through that threshold and speak 510 00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:10,680 Speaker 2: my truth. And by somehow speaking your truth in such 511 00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:13,200 Speaker 2: a public way, it changed me. And by me being 512 00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,679 Speaker 2: able to speak my truth, I think I can therefore 513 00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:18,480 Speaker 2: allow my kids to speak their truth. Half the time, 514 00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:20,320 Speaker 2: we can't let our kids speak their truth because we're 515 00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:23,439 Speaker 2: not speaking our own. It's like all backwards, right, So 516 00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:25,840 Speaker 2: I think that's mostly how it affected me. 517 00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:34,119 Speaker 1: So brave, I can't imagine that. It's like, why stand 518 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,760 Speaker 1: up comedy is so frightening or oh yeah, like being 519 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:39,000 Speaker 1: a singer is so frightening. I mean, I bring my 520 00:25:39,119 --> 00:25:42,360 Speaker 1: own self and my own personal experiences to a character, 521 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:45,280 Speaker 1: but I'm still hiding like it's not me. I can 522 00:25:45,359 --> 00:25:48,840 Speaker 1: still I'm not you like writing this stuff? God, that 523 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:51,760 Speaker 1: would I get sweating just even like thinking about that. 524 00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:55,520 Speaker 2: It's funny on my podcast when I'm talking to creators 525 00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:58,760 Speaker 2: and again any creating anything, I think being a parent 526 00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,560 Speaker 2: as being a creator. You know, we talk about lava. 527 00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:04,520 Speaker 2: If you're really doing it, you're gonna hit some lava. 528 00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:05,359 Speaker 1: It's gonna burn. 529 00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:10,080 Speaker 2: Sometimes it's gonna bring up that hidden stuff that you've 530 00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:14,480 Speaker 2: been ignoring, or that unconscious soul stuff that the brain 531 00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:16,240 Speaker 2: wants to bring it up now wants you to look 532 00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:19,120 Speaker 2: at it, and it can feel like lava. I don't 533 00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:21,600 Speaker 2: know about you, but I had that experience at the preschool, 534 00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:23,800 Speaker 2: and I watch other parents have it, because when you're 535 00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:27,920 Speaker 2: trying to help learn emotional regulation, your stuff comes up. 536 00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:31,480 Speaker 1: And there's a We had another wonderful author on I 537 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:35,080 Speaker 1: think maybe season one, no maybe season two of this podcast. 538 00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:38,240 Speaker 1: We had this writer named Shefali Sabari who wrote The 539 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:42,000 Speaker 1: Conscious Parent MM hmm. She's talks a lot about you 540 00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:44,560 Speaker 1: get the child to who's going to teach you the most? 541 00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:49,159 Speaker 1: And I yes, and I remember I have a huge 542 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:55,760 Speaker 1: people pleasing societal norm. I was thrown right out of 543 00:26:56,119 --> 00:26:59,720 Speaker 1: left field with anything I thought parenting was the minute 544 00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:02,120 Speaker 1: my kid, at two years old, hit the shit out 545 00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:05,320 Speaker 1: of a baby on a New York City public playground 546 00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:07,720 Speaker 1: and everyone's looking at me and angry at me, and 547 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:10,359 Speaker 1: it's my fault and I'm a bad And of course, 548 00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:15,080 Speaker 1: who the fuck knows that they were actually thinking lava, lava, lava, 549 00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:18,080 Speaker 1: and my son is not conflict averse and I am 550 00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:23,320 Speaker 1: conflict averse. And it's been the greatest life lessons of 551 00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:27,840 Speaker 1: my life, reteaching myself how to advocate for someone and 552 00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:31,119 Speaker 1: reteach myself, Yeah, why do I care what people think? Like, 553 00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:36,000 Speaker 1: it's unbelievably incredible, this journey of lava. 554 00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:38,479 Speaker 2: It's incredible of lava. And here's the thing, as parents, 555 00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:40,520 Speaker 2: just let's be honest. Half the time, we're like, I 556 00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,399 Speaker 2: don't have time to deal with this lava right now. 557 00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:46,080 Speaker 2: It's gonna submerge again and send off little weird signals 558 00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:47,600 Speaker 2: and you're gonna do weird stuff and you don't even 559 00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:49,920 Speaker 2: know why you're doing it. It's up, it's walking around 560 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:50,840 Speaker 2: your belief systems. 561 00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:51,439 Speaker 3: That lava. 562 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:53,760 Speaker 2: I had a situation where I was getting on a 563 00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:56,440 Speaker 2: train and we've got luggage, we got kids, and there's 564 00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:58,760 Speaker 2: so many things, and this train's gonna leave, it's gonna 565 00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:01,119 Speaker 2: leave the station, and we have to get seats. 566 00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:02,399 Speaker 3: Why aren't there assigned seats? 567 00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:05,720 Speaker 2: And this guy in front of me's going so slow, literally, 568 00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:08,199 Speaker 2: and he's like asking people, can you move over? And 569 00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:09,880 Speaker 2: I'm like, we have to get a seat. The train 570 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:11,919 Speaker 2: is leaving, and so I'm like, excuse me, can you 571 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,680 Speaker 2: let us pass? And I'm clearly pissed off. And now 572 00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:17,399 Speaker 2: the guy moves and I see why he's going so slow, 573 00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:19,480 Speaker 2: because he's got his wife in front of him. 574 00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:23,199 Speaker 3: Who's holding up two kids. Oh, I'm Karen. 575 00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:25,159 Speaker 2: All of a sudden and literally they both turn back 576 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,080 Speaker 2: and look at me, and the whole train's looking at me, like. 577 00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:30,360 Speaker 1: Oh, how damn dare you? She's so made? 578 00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:31,080 Speaker 3: And I sit down. 579 00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:33,800 Speaker 2: Oh the lava's coming up now, Like I'm literally. 580 00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:35,960 Speaker 1: Like, I was the bad person. I was the I 581 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:37,119 Speaker 1: What am I doing? 582 00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:38,680 Speaker 3: I was such an asshole? 583 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:41,880 Speaker 2: And I'm like, why was I so nervous about the 584 00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:43,640 Speaker 2: train leaving, like we're on the train. 585 00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:45,760 Speaker 3: Hold on, just like take a breath. 586 00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:48,280 Speaker 2: So I was like, Okay, I can just ignore this 587 00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,760 Speaker 2: right now and like go get a cookie, or I 588 00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:51,560 Speaker 2: can say. 589 00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:52,440 Speaker 1: What was that about? 590 00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:54,640 Speaker 2: And just sit in there. I was so much lava, 591 00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:57,520 Speaker 2: and I was like, there's something about being left behind. 592 00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:00,720 Speaker 2: I'm so afraid of not having a place and being 593 00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:04,000 Speaker 2: left behind that all my lava comes up around it. 594 00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:05,920 Speaker 2: And so I had to talk to that little man's 595 00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:09,160 Speaker 2: say you're all right, You're all right. This is all 596 00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:12,320 Speaker 2: happening in five minutes on a train, because I let 597 00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:14,760 Speaker 2: the lava just be present for a minute, because it 598 00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:16,800 Speaker 2: feels like it's going to burn you up into nothing, 599 00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:37,480 Speaker 2: but it's. 600 00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:31,880 Speaker 1: You sent in an Academy conversation panel for the oscars. 601 00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:36,000 Speaker 1: Be there with them where they are. I think that's 602 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,400 Speaker 1: really an easy way to put it. It's like, whatever 603 00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:41,600 Speaker 1: emotion they're at, it's just beat them where they are. 604 00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:46,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, be with them, be with them. You have to 605 00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:50,000 Speaker 2: be present. You have to be in your own being right, 606 00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:53,240 Speaker 2: your own experience of being with them, which can be hard, 607 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:56,760 Speaker 2: and to be with them, and that means you're going 608 00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:59,240 Speaker 2: to have to be with yourself. 609 00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,120 Speaker 1: Did anyone know when we signed up for this parenting 610 00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:03,840 Speaker 1: shit that it was going to be like all about 611 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:07,800 Speaker 1: Oh my god, my goodness. Word. It reminds me of 612 00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:11,440 Speaker 1: We had this psychologist ond named Zachary Blunkin, who's great. 613 00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:14,080 Speaker 1: He has three boys, and he was convinced. He said, 614 00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:16,200 Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure the world would be a different place 615 00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:20,400 Speaker 1: if everybody studied the rabbit listened in school. Do you 616 00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:21,120 Speaker 1: know this book? 617 00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:21,960 Speaker 2: I don't know this. 618 00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:25,720 Speaker 1: It's a book about a little boy's building a block 619 00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:29,520 Speaker 1: structure and a whole herd of pros come in and 620 00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:32,480 Speaker 1: they break it all down, and a bear comes by 621 00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:34,960 Speaker 1: and he's like, let's fuck him up and get even 622 00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:37,760 Speaker 1: with them. And then a snake comes by and says 623 00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,160 Speaker 1: to the little boy, let's plot revenge or you know 624 00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:43,719 Speaker 1: of something, And then another animal comes by, all different 625 00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:47,520 Speaker 1: emotions until a rabbit comes at the very last page 626 00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:50,880 Speaker 1: and just sits, and the boy just tells the rabbit 627 00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:56,080 Speaker 1: what happened, goes through a whole array of emotions, and 628 00:30:56,120 --> 00:31:00,800 Speaker 1: the rabbit just listens, and then the boy moves on. 629 00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:01,960 Speaker 3: You do. 630 00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:07,200 Speaker 1: Can you explain, also in layman's terms, what emotional intel? 631 00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:09,040 Speaker 1: Maybe I should have started with this, But whatever, You're 632 00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:13,080 Speaker 1: welcome people. I'm a great interviewer. What is emotional intelligence 633 00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:15,920 Speaker 1: and how is it different from social emotional learning or 634 00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:16,680 Speaker 1: is that the same thing. 635 00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:20,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm no expert for sure, but my understanding of 636 00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:25,520 Speaker 2: it is emotional intelligence is about you understanding your own emotions. 637 00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:28,840 Speaker 2: You can identify them, what is it that I'm feeling? 638 00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:32,600 Speaker 2: And then you can regulate that i e. Be with 639 00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:35,600 Speaker 2: it and allow it to give its information that needs 640 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:38,040 Speaker 2: to give you so it can wash out. That alone 641 00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:41,680 Speaker 2: is emotional intelligence, right. Social intelligence to me is more 642 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:45,480 Speaker 2: outside of you. Can you identify that as an emotion 643 00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:49,120 Speaker 2: on another person's face and what that person is asking 644 00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:52,080 Speaker 2: for or needing or it's a little bit more outside, 645 00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:55,440 Speaker 2: whereas the emotional intelligence to me is about it internally. 646 00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:59,800 Speaker 2: Can you regulate your emotions and know your emotions versus 647 00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:01,960 Speaker 2: just put them in a trunk over there? 648 00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:07,600 Speaker 1: Oh God, one big ass trunk. Is there anything you 649 00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:09,640 Speaker 1: want to teach your children that you felt you missed 650 00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:12,200 Speaker 1: in your own upbringing when it comes to emotions and 651 00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:13,400 Speaker 1: validating them. 652 00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:16,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, I definitely listen. Again, our parents did what they 653 00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:19,560 Speaker 2: could given what they had the tools, and there were 654 00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:22,800 Speaker 2: five kids in my family, they really approached it more 655 00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:25,640 Speaker 2: like my father, who was a Navy pilot, he kind 656 00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:28,080 Speaker 2: of approached it like the army, Like he literally would say, 657 00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:31,840 Speaker 2: this is not a democracy. It's interesting because my father 658 00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:34,960 Speaker 2: was big on the word responsibility, take responsibility, and I 659 00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:38,040 Speaker 2: totally understand that, and I think consequences are something that 660 00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:39,640 Speaker 2: every kid needs to learn. I'm just trying to do 661 00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:41,200 Speaker 2: this with my kid right now as a teenager and 662 00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:42,680 Speaker 2: will knock out of bed in the morning, and so 663 00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:45,080 Speaker 2: I've called his teacher and I've said he's gonna lay 664 00:32:45,080 --> 00:32:47,360 Speaker 2: for school probably for a couple of weeks, because he 665 00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:50,080 Speaker 2: has to learn the consequences of kno getting out of bed, right. 666 00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:53,760 Speaker 2: He just has to. But my dad was all about responsibility, responsibility, 667 00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:55,920 Speaker 2: and it wasn't util I as an adult that I 668 00:32:56,000 --> 00:33:01,480 Speaker 2: was like, the word response is in that I'm allowed 669 00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:04,840 Speaker 2: to have a response. My father only wanted one direction, 670 00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:08,760 Speaker 2: your responsibility to me again, because that's how he grew 671 00:33:08,840 --> 00:33:11,200 Speaker 2: up and that's what he was taught. Of course, how 672 00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:13,760 Speaker 2: you keep the craziness of five kids, which I'm sure 673 00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:17,800 Speaker 2: that's the track, keep the bananas that must have been bananas. 674 00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:20,120 Speaker 2: And as an adult, it's like no, but then I 675 00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:21,960 Speaker 2: need to have a response, and I want my kids 676 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,360 Speaker 2: to be able to have a response. They're allowed to 677 00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:27,719 Speaker 2: participate there, what's happening with you? What's going on with you? 678 00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:30,640 Speaker 2: Of course not all the time, because life is what 679 00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:35,160 Speaker 2: it is, but in general, they're allowed to participate in this. 680 00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:36,440 Speaker 2: It's their life too. 681 00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:39,960 Speaker 1: What can we expect for insight out two? 682 00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:42,400 Speaker 3: Are you allowed to talk about this? No, of course not. 683 00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:46,080 Speaker 3: We're Pixar. We're not allowed to talk about anything. 684 00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:48,720 Speaker 2: Well, but Amy Pohlar, Amy Polar in the announcement, let 685 00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:50,880 Speaker 2: people know there will be new emotions so that we 686 00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:51,880 Speaker 2: can say. 687 00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:58,440 Speaker 1: Whoa wh this is so exciting. I am so very 688 00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:00,200 Speaker 1: excited and when it comes out, oh my god. We 689 00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:02,240 Speaker 1: would love nothing more but for you to come back 690 00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:04,680 Speaker 1: on and tell us. Now that'll be fun things you've 691 00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:06,800 Speaker 1: learned and. 692 00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:08,879 Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a whole other kettle of fish, man, there's 693 00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:10,280 Speaker 2: a whole there morse at. 694 00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:14,160 Speaker 1: The top of that excites me and also terrifies me. Okay, 695 00:34:14,200 --> 00:34:17,000 Speaker 1: so there's not much you can tease there. What advice 696 00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:19,879 Speaker 1: would you like to give your kids? Are they do 697 00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:21,520 Speaker 1: they have any birthdays coming up? How old are they 698 00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:21,919 Speaker 1: right now? 699 00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:24,880 Speaker 2: My son is going to be twenty. I can't believe 700 00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:29,040 Speaker 2: it in July. Please, I just I can't even process it. 701 00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:32,719 Speaker 2: I'm just constantly asking him to stay with himself, because 702 00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:34,839 Speaker 2: it's easy to get all worried about what everybody else 703 00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:37,040 Speaker 2: is doing. In this poor generation, they can see what 704 00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:40,600 Speaker 2: everybody's doing around the world. Like I never knew what 705 00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:43,759 Speaker 2: anybody else was doing. I clearly God, people down the 706 00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:45,040 Speaker 2: hall and my dorm were doing. 707 00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:48,719 Speaker 1: Thank god. I feel so relieved about that. It was 708 00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:51,919 Speaker 1: pressure enough when we didn't know. I can't imagine. 709 00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:54,279 Speaker 2: I just you know, it's just like, dude, you're young, 710 00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:57,359 Speaker 2: this is time to have fun and just you don't 711 00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:00,279 Speaker 2: have to get a's. I don't care about that. That's 712 00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:03,120 Speaker 2: not what this is about. This is about experience and 713 00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:08,280 Speaker 2: making mistakes. Make the mistakes. Pixar The motto is fail 714 00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:11,400 Speaker 2: fast because they as a creative being, they want you 715 00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:14,360 Speaker 2: out on the edge. They want you pushing and what 716 00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:16,520 Speaker 2: else when you're twenty should you be doing? You? Should 717 00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:18,319 Speaker 2: be trying stuff? And do you like? 718 00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:19,640 Speaker 3: It? Was that fun? 719 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:24,920 Speaker 2: And he's finding out experiment. It's just encouraging him and 720 00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:26,000 Speaker 2: he's good at that too. 721 00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:28,959 Speaker 1: Yeah, I gotta say as a forty year old. I 722 00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:31,560 Speaker 1: regret that I didn't live more on the edge in 723 00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:35,719 Speaker 1: my twenties in some way, because it does feel too late. 724 00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:38,239 Speaker 1: I didn't get my nose pierced, and now I think 725 00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:40,200 Speaker 1: about it, and I should have fucking done it. 726 00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:41,880 Speaker 2: When I was talking, why can't you get your nose piers? 727 00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:43,480 Speaker 2: Wait a minute, why can't you get your nose piers? 728 00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:46,399 Speaker 1: I mean because I just am like uugh, Like, now 729 00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:48,080 Speaker 1: I work as an actor and now I'm gonna have 730 00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:49,799 Speaker 1: to get there early, and they even cover it up. 731 00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:53,040 Speaker 1: And if I scar because I have those that things. 732 00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:56,000 Speaker 2: Okay, the actor thing is good, that's. 733 00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:58,560 Speaker 1: A pass, but I should have done it, Like why 734 00:35:58,640 --> 00:35:59,520 Speaker 1: who gives a shit? 735 00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:01,399 Speaker 3: Like just a little bit more of that. 736 00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:03,480 Speaker 1: I was such a goodie two shoe and I was 737 00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:09,279 Speaker 1: so interested in success and working hard and being validated 738 00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:15,279 Speaker 1: for my talent. And I love Pixar's thing fail fast, baby, Like, 739 00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,560 Speaker 1: just live on that edge a little bit. 740 00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:19,439 Speaker 3: Yeah. 741 00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:21,359 Speaker 2: And of course I don't mean physically, like I don't 742 00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:24,000 Speaker 2: want I'm drinking and driving in oh God, I'm talking 743 00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:27,239 Speaker 2: about emotionally creatively, he's in a film. 744 00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:28,800 Speaker 3: Score try an outcast. 745 00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:32,560 Speaker 1: Try stuff, Go make something that might be a piece 746 00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:33,520 Speaker 1: of shit. Who cares? 747 00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:37,359 Speaker 2: It will be it's going to be that. Like, that's 748 00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:38,759 Speaker 2: what we say on my podcast all the time. These 749 00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:40,640 Speaker 2: people who are like I wrote a first draft and 750 00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:42,120 Speaker 2: it was bad, so I must not be a writer. 751 00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:44,120 Speaker 2: And I'm like, no, it's the opposite. That means you 752 00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:47,279 Speaker 2: are a writer and welcome because everybody's first draft suck. Like, 753 00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:51,839 Speaker 2: just experiment, have fun. There's time for this whole like 754 00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:55,359 Speaker 2: obsession with being the best in success and picked out 755 00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:58,600 Speaker 2: and chosen because of those social media stuff they have 756 00:36:58,680 --> 00:36:59,040 Speaker 2: going on. 757 00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:02,680 Speaker 1: But okay, we asked this to everybody. I'm curious what 758 00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:05,879 Speaker 1: your answer is, and it can be long or short whatever. 759 00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:07,399 Speaker 1: Parenthood is. 760 00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:16,840 Speaker 2: Long and short. There's the days it feels like so long. 761 00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:18,399 Speaker 2: Oh my god, your. 762 00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:20,920 Speaker 1: Last night spend time. I was like, this is a 763 00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:23,359 Speaker 1: I was like this, we are on a plane of 764 00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:25,960 Speaker 1: we are in an alternate reality of Groundhog's day. 765 00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:30,239 Speaker 2: Time stops. It's such a cliche. I used to hate 766 00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:32,120 Speaker 2: when people said this to me when I was my 767 00:37:32,239 --> 00:37:34,839 Speaker 2: kids were little. It's so short, like I can't even 768 00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:38,200 Speaker 2: believe it. But you know, ultimately, parenting is a privilege. 769 00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:41,799 Speaker 2: It is a privilege, but it's lava man there's going 770 00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:42,640 Speaker 2: to be some lava. 771 00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:46,400 Speaker 1: Is there anything else where listeners can find you and 772 00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:47,520 Speaker 1: listen to you more. 773 00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:50,480 Speaker 2: I have a podcast that I co host with my 774 00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:54,080 Speaker 2: friend Lauren McKenna. It's called The Screenwriting Life. Don't let 775 00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:57,080 Speaker 2: this title fool you. It's really about the life of 776 00:37:57,440 --> 00:38:00,920 Speaker 2: any manifestor any artist of any star, And honestly, I 777 00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:03,640 Speaker 2: think parents are artists are Your creation is right in 778 00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:06,360 Speaker 2: front of you. So it's just about some of it. 779 00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:08,880 Speaker 2: It's the craft of writing because it's a writing podcast, 780 00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:11,880 Speaker 2: but a lot of it is life stuff. So if 781 00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:13,799 Speaker 2: you want to hear more about lava and where that 782 00:38:13,920 --> 00:38:17,200 Speaker 2: term came from, you can come over to The Screenwriting Life. 783 00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:22,120 Speaker 1: I'm listening to it immediately. I'm all about the lava. 784 00:38:22,239 --> 00:38:25,440 Speaker 1: I'm so honored to have met you, and thank you 785 00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:28,319 Speaker 1: so much for spending time here with our listeners. And 786 00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:31,840 Speaker 1: I'm so excited for Inside Out too. Thank you. What 787 00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:34,640 Speaker 1: a gift Inside Out one was for everyone who's listening. 788 00:38:34,719 --> 00:38:37,960 Speaker 1: If you want to do something for yourself and for 789 00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:40,200 Speaker 1: your kids this weekend to give you all a common 790 00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:45,799 Speaker 1: vocabulary of how we can best honor, process, and learn 791 00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:47,560 Speaker 1: from our emotion with that movie? Is it? 792 00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:49,440 Speaker 2: Thank you? 793 00:38:51,560 --> 00:38:52,440 Speaker 3: That was great. 794 00:38:53,160 --> 00:39:03,280 Speaker 1: Yay. Thank you guys so much for listening to today's episode. 795 00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:07,880 Speaker 1: I want to hear from you. Let's chat questions, comments, concerns. 796 00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:10,759 Speaker 1: Let me know. You can always find me at Katiescrib 797 00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:16,400 Speaker 1: at shondaland dot com. Katie's Crib is a production of 798 00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:20,279 Speaker 1: Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from 799 00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:23,840 Speaker 1: Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever 800 00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:27,320 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.