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Speaker 1: Hey girl, Hey, welcome to my show.

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Speaker 2: I hope. I'm so proud of you.

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Speaker 1: Thank you honey so much.

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Speaker 2: You're such a baller and all the ways, all the

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Speaker 2: good things.

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Speaker 1: Thank you everyone. The one and only Brooke Baldwin, the sweetest,

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Speaker 1: genuine human. I know that I was so lucky. Well,

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Speaker 1: I am so lucky to call you a friend, but

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Speaker 1: I was so lucky to host Late Night Late Never

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Speaker 1: Roy go heels, Everyone go heels, And I feel like

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Speaker 1: we were meant to be there.

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Speaker 2: It was a couple of years ago when we were,

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Speaker 2: for those who are not familiar with the best university

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Speaker 2: on the planet, the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill,

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Speaker 2: where this one obviously crushed it on the soccer field,

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Speaker 2: and I just enjoyed going there, and so like we

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Speaker 2: invited to go co host this. Basically it's like the

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Speaker 2: beginning of basketball season, which is like the biggest.

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Speaker 1: You wait late Night with Roy's like the second the

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Speaker 1: clock hits, these boys can train. Yeah, you just like

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Speaker 1: it's almost like an old school pep brow it is.

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Speaker 2: We're like we're the pep rally leaders. And I just

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Speaker 2: remember meeting you and you have this like you had

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Speaker 2: those amazing off white Carolina high tops, which obviously I

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Speaker 2: went out and bought and literally laced orange and blue

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Speaker 2: because if Adelin Harris does, I did. And we just

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Speaker 2: bonded that night, like eating pizza late night we did

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Speaker 2: in China, Franklin Street, late night Franklin Street.

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Speaker 1: Also, I was so terrified. That's like the first time

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Speaker 1: I was ever really hosting anything. And You're like, yes,

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Speaker 1: oh girl, you got this, blah blah blah. I was like,

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Speaker 1: there are thirty thousand people here. I am uncomfortable. How

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Speaker 1: am I supposed to get everyone?

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Speaker 2: You're amazing, you were a natural.

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Speaker 1: Well, it's easy to have you by my side. Let's

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Speaker 1: just say that.

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Speaker 2: So what should we discuss.

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Speaker 1: Let's start from the beginning. Let's start from the beginning,

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Speaker 1: because you were such an important personality on CNN, and

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Speaker 1: I feel like you were You were in my living

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Speaker 1: room before I even knew you, and when we became

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Speaker 1: friends and you, you know, told me your story and

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Speaker 1: I got to read your book, Huddle. I think a

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Speaker 1: lot of parallels in our life in terms of what

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Speaker 1: you were doing and how you felt in a very

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Speaker 1: male dominated industry and Jesus Chris identity and then Trump

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Speaker 1: and all of these fucking things piling up. I just

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Speaker 1: want you to kind of bring me to the start

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Speaker 1: before we even get to CNN, and I like to

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Speaker 1: before we dive into the start of who Brooke Baldwin is.

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Speaker 1: I always say this, and I always ask this to

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Speaker 1: my guest, what was the moment in your life that

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Speaker 1: really split you wide open?

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Speaker 2: Ooh, coming in hot with the good questions.

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Speaker 1: It's just like, we gotta go there because I really

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Speaker 1: find that when people know the breaking point or the moment,

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Speaker 1: then you can really start unpacking the why.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so I'm going to tell the story I've definitely

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Speaker 2: never told in my life out loud. But when you

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Speaker 2: say broken wide open, you know, you know so much

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Speaker 2: goes back to childhood. And I remember, I think I

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Speaker 2: was like shopping in a mall with my mom. I'm

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Speaker 2: from Atlanta, and it was Christmas time and I was

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Speaker 2: maybe like in the fifth or the sixth grade, and

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Speaker 2: we were, you know, shopping for whatever head of Christmas.

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Speaker 2: And I remember there was this whole you know, Santa

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Speaker 2: Claus was in the mall. Santa Claus, the y Elves,

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Speaker 2: everyone else. And I remember seeing a little friend of

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Speaker 2: mine at the time who was an elf. And I

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Speaker 2: remember sitting on a bench not too far from her

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Speaker 2: with our shopping bags and looking over and then just

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Speaker 2: having this I don't know how else to describe it,

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Speaker 2: but this like deep knowing in my twelve year old,

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Speaker 2: thirteen year old body of I want to do big things.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to be the elf in the Santa

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Speaker 2: Claus mall setup like bless her for you know, wanting

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Speaker 2: to do that, but like I don't know what the

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Speaker 2: thing is going to be. But I know I'm going

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Speaker 2: to have a voice, and I know I want to

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Speaker 2: do big things. And my mother to this day still

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Speaker 2: references the part at the mall and the Santa Claus

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Speaker 2: and she was like, Brook, you knew, and I knew

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Speaker 2: you knew. I just didn't know what it was going

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Speaker 2: to be. And so from then I ended up at

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Speaker 2: Carolina to go to journalism school. That is why I went.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I'm from Atlanta, you know, CNN was like

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Speaker 2: two miles from my house. Ted Turner loom Large, I'd

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Speaker 2: go to the Braves games. We'd bring binoculars, not just

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Speaker 2: to see like you know that such a baseball fan,

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Speaker 2: like that whole team of ninety five when they won

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Speaker 2: the series. But all so, you know, looking for like

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Speaker 2: Jane fond On, Ted Turner, Turner Stadium, well icons total

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Speaker 2: and so it was like, okay, TV news. And then

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Speaker 2: I went to j school at Carolina and that just

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Speaker 2: like ripped me wide open. And I interned at CNN

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Speaker 2: and then interned at a couple of different TV stations

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Speaker 2: while I was there. I worked at the ABC affiliate

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Speaker 2: in Durham while we were seeing while I was a senior,

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Speaker 2: And that was the beginning of wanting to become a

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Speaker 2: TV news reporter, not having any clue. You know, when

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Speaker 2: you start on soccer, it's like, God, do you have

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Speaker 2: all these huge goals. I want to play, I want

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Speaker 2: to I want to win gold, I want to be

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Speaker 2: on the national team. But you never know. You just

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Speaker 2: have to have that faith in yourself. And I did

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Speaker 2: the same thing.

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Speaker 1: There's no plan B. Everyone always talks about that. No,

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Speaker 1: I mean, when you're on a mission, nothing else matters.

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Speaker 1: And what I'll say is weirdly enough, so many of

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Speaker 1: my mentors were pushing me to go to the journalism school,

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Speaker 1: were they and I don't I don't think people realize

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Speaker 1: how first, how difficult it is to get into it,

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Speaker 1: and how prestigious it is and how well known it is.

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Speaker 1: It was like that. And the Business School, yeah, it

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Speaker 1: was like a big, big deal.

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Speaker 2: And amazing it is.

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Speaker 1: I remember because Chris Dukarr, my goalkeeper coach at the time,

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Speaker 1: they would show up to my classes to make sure

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Speaker 1: I actually went. And I had this public speaking class

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Speaker 1: because honestly, it was just an easy elective for me. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I was up there and I had these note cards

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Speaker 1: and I was walking up and down the aisles of

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Speaker 1: the classroom and touching the desk and so performative. And

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Speaker 1: the teacher was just like, oh my god, this bitch

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Speaker 1: is wild. And then she was like I sat down

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Speaker 1: and she looked at me after class and she goes, well,

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Speaker 1: you have to turn in your note cards. It's twenty

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Speaker 1: percent of your grade, following like exactly what. And I

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Speaker 1: gave her like three blank note cards and she said,

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Speaker 1: you stood up there and pretend the whole time. I said, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I did.

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Speaker 2: Oh wow, oh wow.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 2: You knew then.

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Speaker 1: I knew I would be sitting here, not really, but

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Speaker 1: here we are God.

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Speaker 2: Because these were planted there were you know, you're inner sparkle.

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Speaker 1: You knew it, you had it and you're such a

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Speaker 1: natural though, Like that's right, It's just you're such a natural,

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Speaker 1: warm personality where you make people feel safe, and I

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Speaker 1: think that's invaluable.

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Speaker 2: Thank you, And I'd like to.

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Speaker 1: Hope that I give off that vibe. And I think

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Speaker 1: maybe that's why we are really really similar. So you

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Speaker 1: you land the job at CNN. Yes, and that's like

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Speaker 1: a big deal. That's a big deal. You said you

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Speaker 1: were down the road, you always knew that was the vision. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: once you got in there.

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Speaker 2: Yes, Yes, what was it?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 2: I stuck the landing. I worked in local news all

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Speaker 2: through my twenties and rolled the teleprompter with my foot

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Speaker 2: under the desk and worked all the holidays and really

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Speaker 2: sort of you know, sacrificed and then landed at CNN

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Speaker 2: in I was like twenty nine maybe, And I think

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Speaker 2: I got my own show around the age of thirty.

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Speaker 2: Like I was a thirty thirty year old young woman

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Speaker 2: hosting two live hours to myself literally like I'm going

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Speaker 2: to tell you all this now, but literally like learning

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Speaker 2: about the world. As I was sitting at the anchor desk.

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Speaker 2: Shit would flare up in Israel, shit would flare up

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Speaker 2: in the Middle East. Stuff would happen in you know,

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Speaker 2: in Afghanistan, Syria, Pakistan, and it was like boof, teleprompter

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Speaker 2: goes blank. I need to be read in on what's

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Speaker 2: going on. And then I also, like you, like I

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Speaker 2: know how to channel the people who are watching. I'm

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Speaker 2: not the expert. I'm about to talk to a bunch

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Speaker 2: of experts. I need to know enough to you know,

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Speaker 2: connective tissue, to get from person AB to Z and

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Speaker 2: to just guide people through what's happening around the world.

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Speaker 2: And it was such a frickin' honor to be able

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Speaker 2: to do that.

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Speaker 1: But it had to be digestible for everyone to understand

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Speaker 1: and follow. And I think that's what people don't understand enough.

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Speaker 1: And how great you were at your job, thank you,

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Speaker 1: But what separates you is it's not like when you're

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Speaker 1: breaking things down for the general public who has no idea.

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Speaker 1: You do make it digestible where it's easy to understand

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Speaker 1: and follow, which is not always easy to do.

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Speaker 2: Right. Well, I think the audience is really smart, so

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Speaker 2: I never ever would think, oh, you know, this whole

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Speaker 2: notion of dumbing it down, it's just make it How

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Speaker 2: would I want to explain this thing that's happening with

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Speaker 2: Isis and Syria to my to my mother or my

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Speaker 2: best friend. Yeah, you know, how can I make it

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Speaker 2: palatable digestible? And why should they care about something that's

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Speaker 2: happening half a world away, you know, or what's been happening,

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Speaker 2: you know, in the United States. So like it was

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Speaker 2: an honor and a privilege to do that. I sat

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Speaker 2: in that seat all by myself and did that every

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Speaker 2: day for almost eleven years. Wow, almost eleven years, and

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Speaker 2: we covered everything. And I've been to the DMZ, I've

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Speaker 2: landed on an aircraft carrier. I've been on the Willie

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Speaker 2: Nelson tour bus and gotten some souvenir the few times. Okay,

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Speaker 2: you know, I've met some cool people and it was

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Speaker 2: amazing until it wasn't. Kind of wasn't.

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Speaker 1: So talk to me about that. And not only that,

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Speaker 1: I'll say this before you even dive into that, because

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Speaker 1: I think what people I think what people are now

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Speaker 1: starting to realize. I know you're not necessarily in that

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Speaker 1: type of profession in this moment, but you carry it

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Speaker 1: with you in everything you do. You are an EmPATH.

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Speaker 1: I feel it every time I'm around the path, So

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Speaker 1: am I so that's why I really really connect with you.

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Speaker 1: And I think the vulnerability lately of journalists who are

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Speaker 1: finally just breaking and showing exactly who they are on air.

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Speaker 1: It's it's a breakthrough for me. It's exactly what you

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Speaker 1: and I are talking about. Just totally be wide open

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Speaker 1: and think about what you had to go through as

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Speaker 1: a journalist in a really, really difficult time, whether it's

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Speaker 1: the election, whether it's right before you know, the pandemic demic,

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Speaker 1: whether it was the war in Iraq, like so much

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Speaker 1: was going on in such a short amount of time.

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Speaker 1: You're young, you're in this new profession, like there has

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Speaker 1: to be a part of you that brought that home

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Speaker 1: with you all the time, and it had for someone

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Speaker 1: who's twenty nine and thirty years old, who I would

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Speaker 1: consider doesn't really know themselves that well yet they're not

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Speaker 1: in the best years of their life, and it's got

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Speaker 1: to be so fucking hard to go home who you

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Speaker 1: feel all of that for sure, and then you have

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Speaker 1: to button everything up and you have to play neutral

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Speaker 1: and you have to play about the you know, you

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Speaker 1: have to present the facts and it's not opinionated. It

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Speaker 1: can't be right, ye, I can't imagine the toll that

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Speaker 1: takes on a young woman.

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Speaker 2: Ooh ooh. Yes, I happened to anchor the two hours

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Speaker 2: in the late afternoon when kids would be getting out

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Speaker 2: of school, and I sat in that seat so many

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Speaker 2: times when there would be school shootings and mass shootings,

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Speaker 2: and I was always I became the person. I think

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Speaker 2: because of my empathy in my humanity that I became

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Speaker 2: the person I was always sent to like the worst

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Speaker 2: disasters involving, you know, the loss of human life, and

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Speaker 2: it was I I could feel it. It's like coming

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Speaker 2: up in my body right now. I can feel it,

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Speaker 2: you know. I can feel if I close my eyes

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Speaker 2: and think about going down to Parkland, Florida, or going

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Speaker 2: to Sandy Hook. And I mean, I have to say,

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Speaker 2: my colleagues, when you go to a place where that

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Speaker 2: many first graders are murdered and you're with such professional

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Speaker 2: colleagues who are all like, we're all wiping tears and

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Speaker 2: trying to be professional as we're interviewing firefighters and the

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Speaker 2: daughter of the principal who was murdered, and parents and

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Speaker 2: friends of parents and teachers and standing in front of

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Speaker 2: you know, I would have a producer say to me,

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Speaker 2: can you get to the can you get to the more?

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Speaker 2: Can you can you try to talk to someone you

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Speaker 2: know who's having to handle these these children, and you

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Speaker 2: know you have to say no at some point. But

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Speaker 2: I remember standing outside of this one building and seeing

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Speaker 2: this tiny white casket be rolled out. I was standing

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Speaker 2: with my photographer, my producer, and we just we just

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Speaker 2: stood there, and like, you know, it does take a toll,

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Speaker 2: and you do have to be a professional, and you

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Speaker 2: do go home and are flat on the floor. And

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Speaker 2: I would also add to that, even covering certain White Houses,

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Speaker 2: and I happen to be on for those four years

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Speaker 2: when those Sean Spicer White House briefings would be going on,

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Speaker 2: we'd have to ditch our show and go straight to

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Speaker 2: the White House and he'd be spewing lies. And I

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Speaker 2: covered this a liar for really five years, and it

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Speaker 2: definitely takes a toll. You know. I start to twitch

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Speaker 2: a little bit when I hear his voice. And it

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Speaker 2: was my whole life. But I'm proud of the work

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Speaker 2: I did. I'm proud of my professionalism and also now

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Speaker 2: like I'm proud to be amongst everyone else and be

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Speaker 2: able to be out and be myself and be free

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Speaker 2: and you know my have my outsides match my insides?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Absolutely? And after you left, which I can imagine

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Speaker 1: wasn't exactly the easy yeah, the easiest journey after dedicating

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Speaker 1: and sacrificing so much to your craft, How did you

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Speaker 1: handle that? Is that why you wrote huddle?

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Speaker 2: Is?

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Speaker 1: What was? What was it like? You know, your identity

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Speaker 1: for so long was wrapped up in that, and then

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden, it's like the rugs pulled out

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Speaker 1: under you because you stopped being this yes woman that

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Speaker 1: everyone wanted you to be in this toxic culture that

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Speaker 1: you know that I can relate to. Is the shut

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Speaker 1: up and dribble? Yes, right, yes, So talk to me

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Speaker 1: about that because I can't imagine that was easy, but

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Speaker 1: I think it's important because you and I are disruptors.

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Speaker 1: You and I are trying to.

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Speaker 2: Never knew I was. I thought I was the good girl.

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Speaker 2: I'm from the South, Yes, I color in the lines,

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Speaker 2: and I never thought I would be a disruptor. And

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Speaker 2: now I like, thank you?

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Speaker 1: How did you find your voice?

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Speaker 2: I wrote Huddle in the throes of covering the Trump

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Speaker 2: White House and feeling like I needed to do something

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Speaker 2: to fill my soul. And so I started running around

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Speaker 2: the country and my free time, which was not a

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Speaker 2: lot of free time, you know, and interviewing folks who played,

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Speaker 2: you know, some of the women on the NAT team,

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Speaker 2: you know, subirds, some of the Necho Gumake, some of

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Speaker 2: the women who play professional basketball. I talked to women,

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Speaker 2: congress women, more moderate women, congress women. And I talked

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Speaker 2: to teachers. I talked to Stacy Abrams, I talked to moms.

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Speaker 2: I talked to a lot of women. And what I

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Speaker 2: realized in sitting in those spaces was this word no.

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Speaker 2: And I started showing up differently at work, and the

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Speaker 2: expectation was to shut up and dribble a hondo. And

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Speaker 2: I was never this. I never was a squeaky wheel,

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Speaker 2: heaven forbid. But I definitely started speaking up a bit more.

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Speaker 2: And when the expectation is to shut up and dribble

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Speaker 2: and I instead want a different play, it's very easy

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Speaker 2: to be replaced. Let me just say that there's a

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Speaker 2: line of women and men as far back as you

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Speaker 2: can possibly see who'd be willing to, like, you know,

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Speaker 2: cut off their left arm to have the position I had.

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Speaker 2: And in the end, I knew, I knew I wasn't

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Speaker 2: in full alignment, just based upon how we were covering news.

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Speaker 2: I missed more traditional journalism. I missed a variety of

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Speaker 2: stories instead of like myopically covering this one man and

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Speaker 2: the way we did over and over and over and

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Speaker 2: over and over. And kudos to all the people who

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Speaker 2: remained there and who were going to have a lot

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Speaker 2: of work to do these next couple of years. I

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Speaker 2: have all the respect for them. But like in the end,

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Speaker 2: I knew I needed to go. But the way in

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Speaker 2: which I was essentially drop kicked out of my job

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Speaker 2: without cause, yeah, well I was a wreck. I was

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Speaker 2: a wreck. The way it was handled was abhorrent. And yeah,

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Speaker 2: that's why I wrote that piece finally in Vanity Fair

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Speaker 2: because I needed to like risk sort of everything and

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Speaker 2: a lot, like, you know, some money i'd made from

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Speaker 2: my own salary there and I wasn't supposed to speak up,

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Speaker 2: and I took a really fucking big risk and was

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Speaker 2: literally on my knees, not pouring out of my nose

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Speaker 2: like two days before they hit published at Vanity Fair

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Speaker 2: over that piece that I wrote. But I'm a truth teller, yeah,

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Speaker 2: and I had to tell the truth.

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Speaker 1: And I love that about you, and I think anyone

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Speaker 1: who is lucky enough to sit five minutes in your

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Speaker 1: presence knows that. And it's interesting having a front row

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Speaker 1: seat lately to your life and what you've done in

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Speaker 1: the past. I can't help but draw the parallel between

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Speaker 1: you writing Huddle Yes, which was the story of other people,

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Speaker 1: to finding your voice and writing about your own. This

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Speaker 1: is wide open, and I'm your host, Ashlyn Harris. We'll

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Speaker 1: be right back, So talk to me about that. Why,

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Speaker 1: what was the journey, what was the breaking point? What

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Speaker 1: was it that you needed to do, the soul searching

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Speaker 1: that took to really be confident enough to really put

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Speaker 1: it all out there, because that's a really brave thing

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Speaker 1: to do. And how did that impact your life, your

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Speaker 1: self worth, your relationship, the way you moved in the world.

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Speaker 2: My God, you're gonna make me cry.

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Speaker 1: Oh sorry, honey.

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Speaker 2: I was always a journalist first and foremost for twenty years,

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Speaker 2: and when you're a journalist, you are not the center

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Speaker 2: of the story. It was my job for those years

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Speaker 2: to shine the light on someone else, to speak up

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Speaker 2: on behalf of someone else, and in doing so I

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Speaker 2: so rarely spoke up for myself. And after what happened

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Speaker 2: at CNN, and I was suddenly out after these twenty years.

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Speaker 2: I could have had a choice, you know, I guess

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Speaker 2: I could stayed in news. I could have taken a

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Speaker 2: different job. I could have kind of kept the status quo,

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Speaker 2: stayed in my marriage, stayed stuck, stayed unaligned. And I really, though,

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Speaker 2: felt so missionized, Like I was like, fuck, okay, I

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Speaker 2: need to get to the bottom of who I really

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Speaker 2: am and fucking take off my armor, you know, all

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Speaker 2: of my like you know, I'd roll around like I

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Speaker 2: was seeing it in his Brooke Baldwin, and I had

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Speaker 2: fancy flows and I had hair extensions, and I, you know,

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Speaker 2: like sort of rested on being associated with that that

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Speaker 2: company and what an what a privilege, but also like

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Speaker 2: m like who was just Brooke? And in doing so,

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Speaker 2: I got really quiet and still and read a lot

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Speaker 2: of books Martha Beck's Way of Integrity became my bible,

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Speaker 2: and spent a lot of time with myself and in nature,

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Speaker 2: and did some a lot of spiritual shit, does some psychedelics, yeah,

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Speaker 2: which we can talk about. And I then realized, you know,

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Speaker 2: I put my my dog of nineteen years. It's like, okay,

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Speaker 2: universe it was like it was like my job, my

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Speaker 2: career closed out the way I knew it. My dog

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Speaker 2: of my pug of nineteen years, you know that that

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Speaker 2: chapter completed. I was a mess for so long. My

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Speaker 2: husband at the time hated New York City, and so

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Speaker 2: I like did the thing that women do. It's like, okay, honey,

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Speaker 2: like I want your happiness. I'm going to leave the

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Speaker 2: place that I am in my most joy in New

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Speaker 2: York City, and I'm going to help you buy this

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Speaker 2: house in the middle of nowhere, Connecticut where I know

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Speaker 2: no one. I'm going to do that for you because

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Speaker 2: that's what we do, because I want your happiness.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And so I was just like teetering without solid ground

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Speaker 2: under me, and then just kind of started coming home

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Speaker 2: to myself and finding myself and that then led to

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Speaker 2: knowing I needed to love my husband but let him go.

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Speaker 2: I think had I not left CNN, had that frying

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Speaker 2: pand to the forehead not happened, I would have been

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Speaker 2: fine with like just going through the motions. And I

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Speaker 2: knew I needed to shit got blown up for me,

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Speaker 2: and then I needed to blow some shit up to

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Speaker 2: then like find my fucking.

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Speaker 1: Path and I love that, and I think it's I know,

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Speaker 1: you know, Oh, I know, and I feel it and

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Speaker 1: it gives me goosebumps because what people don't know it's

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Speaker 1: the hardest and most brave thing you'll ever do in

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Speaker 1: your life is choosing yourself. I feel it in my

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Speaker 1: bones when you just say fuck enough is enough? What

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Speaker 1: about me? What about what I want? What about my

407
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Speaker 1: hopes and dreams? Do I have to compromise in Kate

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Speaker 1: and Caven belittle myself to fit this narrative of this

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Speaker 1: person that I'm really just not? Yeah, And I know

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Speaker 1: the pain in which and the journey to go through

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Speaker 1: it because you can only go through it, can't go

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Speaker 1: around it. You can't avoid it. You have to go

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Speaker 1: through it.

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Speaker 2: And you love that person, Yes, you love that person dearly,

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Speaker 2: and you know that if you're not happy, like like

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Speaker 2: who's kidding themselves? Like they're not happy either, But there

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Speaker 2: always has to be the one person who finds the

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Speaker 2: courage to do the hard thing.

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Speaker 1: Do the hard thing. And with that is that when

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Speaker 1: it took you to your mental health process and your

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Speaker 1: physical wealth process of going on, was it like a

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Speaker 1: where did you I remember you talking to me about this?

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Speaker 2: I went to the Hoffin Institute.

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Speaker 1: Hoffman Institute is that when you decided it is really

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Speaker 1: fucking dark and I need to put myself first and

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Speaker 1: I'm going to go.

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Speaker 2: That was my That was my AHA. I had had

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Speaker 2: like all these moments leading up to it. I had

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Speaker 2: gone on you know, retreats. I've been around amazing women.

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Speaker 2: Thank God for the friends in our life. Vis I

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Speaker 2: had read a bunch of books. I'd really gotten into

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Speaker 2: meditating really sort of daily. I'm a journaler. I was

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Speaker 2: just doing all these things. And then I signed. I

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Speaker 2: had two really wise friends didn't know each other. I

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Speaker 2: was literally leaving like the Women's Final four, and a

436
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:20,280
Speaker 2: buddy in Minneapolis was like, have you ever heard of

437
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:21,919
Speaker 2: the Hoffmin Institute? And the next day I flew to

438
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:27,879
Speaker 2: Cabo for Domini Krin's wet like birthday, and her you know,

439
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:30,399
Speaker 2: former partner was like, have you ever heard the Hoffmin Institute.

440
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:32,760
Speaker 2: So anyway, it was like boof the universe was bang

441
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:35,040
Speaker 2: Like it wasn't just a whisper. They were like boom,

442
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:39,840
Speaker 2: boo boom. And so I went to this place in Pedaluma, California,

443
00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:42,080
Speaker 2: and you know, I don't recommend it everyone, but if

444
00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:44,200
Speaker 2: you're ready, if you've done the work and you're ready

445
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:49,320
Speaker 2: for big change and really upgrades in your life. But

446
00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:51,960
Speaker 2: you know you have to handle all the ripple effects

447
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:55,040
Speaker 2: of the choices you're gonna make. And so I went,

448
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:57,880
Speaker 2: and I don't want to for anyone. I don't want

449
00:24:57,880 --> 00:24:59,600
Speaker 2: to talk about the specifics of this one day, But

450
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:01,400
Speaker 2: there's this one day sort of four days in out

451
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:04,639
Speaker 2: of seven you've headed in your electronics. You know, you

452
00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:08,320
Speaker 2: can't you can't read. They even are like you can't masturbate,

453
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:12,320
Speaker 2: Like wow, you can't do anything that takes you your brain,

454
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:15,120
Speaker 2: your body out of the work that you're doing every day.

455
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:18,840
Speaker 2: And I don't.

456
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:22,119
Speaker 1: Know, but now I'm gonna ask. You know, she's probably

457
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:23,560
Speaker 1: probably like y'all's jam.

458
00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:28,040
Speaker 2: It really does. And so on this day I had this,

459
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 2: I had this giant aha. After you know, it's a

460
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:33,800
Speaker 2: lot to do with like patterning of your parents and

461
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:36,000
Speaker 2: your childhood and how that manifest in your current life.

462
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:38,160
Speaker 2: And for sure I was thinking about my own husband

463
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:40,360
Speaker 2: and how I was repeating so many of these patterns

464
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:42,600
Speaker 2: and how to break free of them. And then at

465
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:44,200
Speaker 2: the end of the day, I don't know how spiritual

466
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:47,879
Speaker 2: you are, but I have become. I'm not religious, but

467
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:51,720
Speaker 2: I'm deeply spiritual and I'm wide awake. I look for signs,

468
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:53,720
Speaker 2: and one sign for me as a rainbow. And I

469
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:57,239
Speaker 2: had this moment where I was like outside and they

470
00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:01,320
Speaker 2: had us essentially imagine like our death, like our death

471
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:04,520
Speaker 2: taking one road, which would be the ego driven not

472
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:07,120
Speaker 2: taking the hard choices, you know, and eventually you die

473
00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:09,960
Speaker 2: and who comes to who comes to say goodbye to you?

474
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:11,639
Speaker 2: And the point being like not a lot of people

475
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:14,200
Speaker 2: because they're sick of your same fucking complaints your whole life.

476
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:17,840
Speaker 2: And then you imagine essentially your death when you are

477
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:22,800
Speaker 2: being courageous and you're being brave and you're putting yourself first,

478
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:26,320
Speaker 2: but not an egotistic way, but you know, like you're

479
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:27,959
Speaker 2: not wearing the arm or you're showing, you're showing up

480
00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:31,200
Speaker 2: and being seen. So it's pouring rain in Pedaluma. They

481
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:36,200
Speaker 2: have you outside and I'm imagining my death, and I'm

482
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:40,000
Speaker 2: imagining my I was still married, my then husband, and

483
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:41,960
Speaker 2: I imagine and there are all these pug puppies running

484
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:44,199
Speaker 2: around because I just lost my dog and it was

485
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,399
Speaker 2: a celebration, and so I imagine my husband off to

486
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:49,000
Speaker 2: the side, and then I imagine another woman with him.

487
00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:51,600
Speaker 2: This is all just my eyes are closed in my imagination.

488
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:54,639
Speaker 2: I imagine this and there's this man standing in the crystal

489
00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:56,560
Speaker 2: blue waters. I'm in the Caribbean in my head, and

490
00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:58,480
Speaker 2: there's this man holding my ashes. And I don't know

491
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:03,280
Speaker 2: who this man is, but it's not my husband. And

492
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 2: in the end, there is this giant and my eyes

493
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:08,159
Speaker 2: are closed. There's this giant rainbow that appears over the

494
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:15,640
Speaker 2: Caribbean sea and Ashland, I open my motherfucker eyes. In Petaluma, California,

495
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 2: the rain stops and there is an actual rainbow that

496
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:26,400
Speaker 2: forms in the distance over the hills and I at

497
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 2: this point, I am just weeping buckets of tears. And

498
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:33,040
Speaker 2: my first instinct is to like look around, like does

499
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,800
Speaker 2: anyone else see the rainbow? Like does anyone? Does anyone know?

500
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:39,639
Speaker 2: I'm like making these crazy gestures and and then I

501
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:44,159
Speaker 2: realize that, like maybe this rainbow is for me, and

502
00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:48,320
Speaker 2: I'm worthy of the rainbow all to myself. And I

503
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:52,440
Speaker 2: had these rings made. This is Drew Jewelry, shout out

504
00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:55,320
Speaker 2: to thea here in La and it's I had her

505
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:57,239
Speaker 2: right on the inside of these rings. It goes from

506
00:27:57,359 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 2: dark black diamonds to white, and it says I'm worthy

507
00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:02,359
Speaker 2: of the rainbow all to myself on the inside, and

508
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 2: I say that out loud to myself every single day

509
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,280
Speaker 2: I wear these because that's when I knew that I

510
00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 2: was so supported and I knew that I would be

511
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:19,880
Speaker 2: okay leaving my marriage and being on my own. And

512
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:23,040
Speaker 2: that was my moment. Wow, that was my moment.

513
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:27,520
Speaker 1: That is beautiful and I appreciate you sharing that because

514
00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 1: I think that the universe will always present something to us. Yes,

515
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:41,280
Speaker 1: I am a firm believer that things happen for us,

516
00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:44,160
Speaker 1: not to us. Yes I do. I really think that

517
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:47,680
Speaker 1: your journey and your process led you to that moment, yes,

518
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:51,479
Speaker 1: to show you that you are worthy and that you

519
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:56,360
Speaker 1: are enough and all of these things. But you chose

520
00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:59,280
Speaker 1: to go. You chose to open your heart when it

521
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:02,880
Speaker 1: could have easy been shut off from the trauma and

522
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:08,600
Speaker 1: the pain and the constant just whiplash of every turn

523
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:12,440
Speaker 1: you took, something was met with like a brick wall

524
00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:15,800
Speaker 1: in front of your face, and you were still open

525
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:18,040
Speaker 1: to receive. And I think that's beautiful and I think

526
00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:23,600
Speaker 1: that's special, and I think that is why you are

527
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:25,840
Speaker 1: on the other side of things right now. Like I

528
00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:32,200
Speaker 1: what I will say is your physical appearance has absolutely changed.

529
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:37,880
Speaker 1: You look fit, you look vibrant. You're just really investing

530
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:44,400
Speaker 1: in your spirituality, your physicality, your emotional well being. And

531
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 1: then I know you do you look in here. But

532
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:52,120
Speaker 1: happiness looks good on people, and it's not performative, Brooke.

533
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:55,000
Speaker 1: No one knows it more than I do. You know,

534
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:59,000
Speaker 1: like you and I are public figures. We have to

535
00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:04,880
Speaker 1: perform in terms of showing every everyone everything's good, We're good,

536
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:08,360
Speaker 1: we're strong women. So I think the difference is you're

537
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:11,760
Speaker 1: no longer performing. You drop the rope, put the bucket down,

538
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 1: and you're open to receiving the kind of love and

539
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:18,120
Speaker 1: kindness and tenderness you always imagined.

540
00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:21,440
Speaker 2: I love you for that, thank you for seeing me. Yes,

541
00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:22,120
Speaker 2: thank you.

542
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:25,520
Speaker 1: But you were willing to receive and someone walked into

543
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:27,440
Speaker 1: your life that probably changed it forever.

544
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:34,440
Speaker 2: It was like the heavens parted and the and as

545
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:36,840
Speaker 2: if on cue. And at first I was like I

546
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:41,480
Speaker 2: could my body felt it before my sort of intellect,

547
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:46,000
Speaker 2: and I just was. I was just open to it

548
00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:50,719
Speaker 2: and was listening and needed to, Like you know, I

549
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:55,280
Speaker 2: needed to close out one chapter and open the next

550
00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:58,480
Speaker 2: and there was a little bit of overlap and and

551
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:01,640
Speaker 2: just in terms of like me saying I love you,

552
00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:04,000
Speaker 2: but I've got to let you go and then pursuing

553
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:09,800
Speaker 2: this other potential, beautiful human and and that's okay, Like

554
00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:14,480
Speaker 2: I'm okay with that. And yeah, his name is Peter,

555
00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:17,920
Speaker 2: and he is if I was sort of coming from

556
00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 2: a spiritual desert. He is a motherfucking rainforest.

557
00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:29,880
Speaker 1: He is so lucky a thank you, but he's just

558
00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:33,520
Speaker 1: so genuine and so sweet, and.

559
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 2: So he's a man.

560
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:38,800
Speaker 1: He is a I mean when I first met him,

561
00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:42,600
Speaker 1: I like wrapped my arms around him because I know

562
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:47,880
Speaker 1: I've lived it. I've lived the same pain. I've lived

563
00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:54,800
Speaker 1: the same sacrifices. I've lived the hardship of saying I

564
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,920
Speaker 1: can't do this anymore. And I know the pain it's

565
00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 1: going to cause someone, and it's really really hard. And

566
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:04,840
Speaker 1: I think what people don't realize and what I'll say

567
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:09,720
Speaker 1: is the best thing I ever did in such a

568
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:14,840
Speaker 1: broken state was still open my heart to receive because

569
00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:18,680
Speaker 1: I would have never I was in the darkest moment

570
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:21,320
Speaker 1: of my life. I did not deserve Sophia at all.

571
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:23,880
Speaker 1: I don't know why she stayed around when I was

572
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:26,800
Speaker 1: half of a human and broken because I couldn't offer

573
00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:31,680
Speaker 1: the things I wanted to offer at my best. So

574
00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:35,560
Speaker 1: I want to talk about that because it was I

575
00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:37,920
Speaker 1: think for a lot of us, we talk about, well,

576
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:41,640
Speaker 1: I'm not ready for this? Are you ever really ready?

577
00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:46,280
Speaker 1: Is it ever? The perfect timing? And I think back

578
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 1: and I talked to my therapist a lot about this

579
00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:53,719
Speaker 1: because I kept being like, this feels very early and

580
00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:57,720
Speaker 1: soon to feel this way, yes, And I was so

581
00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:01,560
Speaker 1: scared about how everyone else receive it and how this

582
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:01,960
Speaker 1: and that.

583
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:04,600
Speaker 2: Because you've been so public facing as another couple.

584
00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:09,320
Speaker 1: Yes, And as much as I was set on fire

585
00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:14,480
Speaker 1: for how quickly, I really knew that this was important

586
00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:17,240
Speaker 1: for me and special. So the greatest thing I ever did,

587
00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:20,480
Speaker 1: because if I would have said no, my life would

588
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:23,760
Speaker 1: have been so different. And I'm finally experiencing the joy

589
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:26,600
Speaker 1: I always imagined. And I'm not going to apologize for that.

590
00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:30,640
Speaker 2: As I'm listening to you, I want to share it.

591
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:33,000
Speaker 2: So I was up in Toronto a couple weekns again

592
00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:37,720
Speaker 2: for this like magic and Creativity workshop with the goddesses

593
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:41,040
Speaker 2: who is Liz Gilbert and Martha Beck Okay, and one

594
00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:43,880
Speaker 2: of them I literally wore my phoenix ring because for

595
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:47,360
Speaker 2: us and for our journeys and because of this story,

596
00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:49,480
Speaker 2: and so one of them was essentially saying, like, the

597
00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:53,600
Speaker 2: difference between feeling stuck and feeling free, which is where

598
00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:58,320
Speaker 2: we are right now, is telling the truth. And imagine

599
00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:02,280
Speaker 2: a bonfire in front of you. There are two ways

600
00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:05,120
Speaker 2: it's gonna go. You Either are gonna step into the

601
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:08,319
Speaker 2: bonfire and you're like, oh, this doesn't hurt, like this

602
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:10,520
Speaker 2: is kind of a nothing burger, like I'm fine, doesn't

603
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:13,400
Speaker 2: leave any marks. The other option is you step in

604
00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:16,920
Speaker 2: the bonfire and it burns you to pieces and you

605
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:22,040
Speaker 2: become dust, and then you emerge like a fucking phoenix. Yes,

606
00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:24,279
Speaker 2: this ring, I wear it to remind myself of this,

607
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:28,640
Speaker 2: but no matter what, in order to be free, you

608
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:32,400
Speaker 2: have no choice but to step into that bonfire. And

609
00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:37,200
Speaker 2: we stepped into the bonfire willingly. No one coerced us,

610
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:42,759
Speaker 2: but we knew we were not living these aligned, truthful lives.

611
00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:46,960
Speaker 2: We were not. We just weren't. And everyone knows that

612
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:49,399
Speaker 2: feeling when you're like trying to convince yourself every day

613
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:50,799
Speaker 2: and you're trying to get up out of bed and

614
00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:54,279
Speaker 2: you're like, is this how it's supposed to feel and

615
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:56,840
Speaker 2: you don't have evidence. I'm such like a journalist. I'm like,

616
00:34:56,920 --> 00:34:59,239
Speaker 2: I need information, I need data, like what is this

617
00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:01,279
Speaker 2: going to be if I do X or why? And

618
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:05,400
Speaker 2: you just know that feeling. It's the opposite of uigui.

619
00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:11,480
Speaker 2: And once you acknowledge the truth to yourself of what

620
00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:14,359
Speaker 2: is not okay and what is not acceptable about your

621
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:18,160
Speaker 2: own life, and you you you like, we did burned

622
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:19,319
Speaker 2: the fuck up.

623
00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:23,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, Brooke, It's so crazy to me. It's

624
00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:26,440
Speaker 1: so fucking crazy to me that you and I not

625
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:28,799
Speaker 1: only are we so aligned and so similar, but we

626
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:31,439
Speaker 1: use the same language and we're not around each other

627
00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:35,359
Speaker 1: that much. Because there was a moment where Sofia was

628
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:41,719
Speaker 1: just absolutely in tears because everything went public and everyone

629
00:35:42,239 --> 00:35:47,040
Speaker 1: destroyed me and turned on me and made everything very

630
00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:50,120
Speaker 1: a false And no one knows this more than you.

631
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:55,160
Speaker 1: It's like everyone wanted clickbait. I was the easy yes target. Yes,

632
00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:58,280
Speaker 1: you know she is this person, you know my ex

633
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:00,880
Speaker 1: is this person, and then all of us I became

634
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:04,640
Speaker 1: this bad boy cheater and this and that, and it

635
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:06,920
Speaker 1: just was so far from the truth and it was

636
00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:12,200
Speaker 1: so hurtful, and Sophia kept being like, you have to

637
00:36:12,239 --> 00:36:16,440
Speaker 1: tell your truth, you have to say something, and I

638
00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:19,920
Speaker 1: was like, I have two kids, like I want to.

639
00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:23,960
Speaker 1: It was hard enough waking up every day through the unravelings,

640
00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:27,080
Speaker 1: which we're going to get to. I had to put

641
00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:30,040
Speaker 1: I had to realize waking up was enough, and I

642
00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:33,560
Speaker 1: was raising two kids alone and I had to put

643
00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:35,480
Speaker 1: one foot in front of the other every day, and

644
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 1: I was fucking burning alive. The media was torturing me.

645
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:43,960
Speaker 1: My teammates and friends wanted because of cancel culture. They

646
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:46,799
Speaker 1: wanted fucking nothing to do with me. It was the

647
00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:50,279
Speaker 1: best thing that could happen to me. Yes, because it's

648
00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:54,800
Speaker 1: so fucking interesting. The few times I went to friends

649
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:59,239
Speaker 1: to talk about my experience about why I left in

650
00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:03,200
Speaker 1: my marriage to justify it, which is fucking ridiculous I

651
00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:07,640
Speaker 1: have to do anyways, everyone projected their own experience on me,

652
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:12,560
Speaker 1: not surprised, and I just went I shut everyone out

653
00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:16,879
Speaker 1: because it had to be my choice. It had to be.

654
00:37:17,239 --> 00:37:19,000
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be swayed. I didn't want to

655
00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:21,360
Speaker 1: want one person to tell me this and want based

656
00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:25,400
Speaker 1: on their own experience. And it was so fucking clear

657
00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:29,440
Speaker 1: to me that every person I peeled apart the layers

658
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:33,680
Speaker 1: and became wide open with just really inserted their own

659
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:37,839
Speaker 1: experience on mine and weirdly enough made it about them

660
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:43,360
Speaker 1: and I shut everyone out. And Sophia was like, you

661
00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 1: need a support system, you need these people. Just tell

662
00:37:47,239 --> 00:37:51,040
Speaker 1: them the truth. People know you at your core, they

663
00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:56,879
Speaker 1: know you're a good human and finally you know now

664
00:37:56,920 --> 00:37:59,880
Speaker 1: that we're on the other side. I told her not

665
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:04,280
Speaker 1: long ago, Sofia. Yes, I told Sophia not long ago.

666
00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:07,400
Speaker 1: And that's where I'm circling back. I said, I'd gladly

667
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:11,719
Speaker 1: burn alive again to have you and have this life

668
00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:15,399
Speaker 1: because I shed the fat. Yes, I found out who

669
00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:18,480
Speaker 1: my fucking friends were and who the who weren't. And

670
00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:22,360
Speaker 1: now I burnt everything to the fucking ground. And now

671
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:27,919
Speaker 1: I am growing these beautiful parts of me that were

672
00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:34,239
Speaker 1: so restricted, that were it felt impossible to achieve right.

673
00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:37,120
Speaker 1: And I say this often.

674
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:38,120
Speaker 2: I had to.

675
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:44,719
Speaker 1: I had too two realizations. I guess when I was

676
00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:47,640
Speaker 1: unraveling and I was in the thick, it was I

677
00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:48,960
Speaker 1: was going to drop the rope or I was going

678
00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:53,320
Speaker 1: to put it around my neck. Yes, And I felt

679
00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:57,319
Speaker 1: like the second I dropped it and I ran, I

680
00:38:57,360 --> 00:39:01,040
Speaker 1: felt like everyone from my community and my ex wife

681
00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:03,040
Speaker 1: at the time, put it around my neck, torched me,

682
00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:05,279
Speaker 1: set me on fire, and kicked the chair from underneath me.

683
00:39:06,239 --> 00:39:09,760
Speaker 1: And when I sat and struggled in my most darkest moments,

684
00:39:10,280 --> 00:39:14,960
Speaker 1: people just watched and it became blood sport. And it

685
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:17,239
Speaker 1: was so hard for me to understand because I did

686
00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:19,799
Speaker 1: the bravest thing I ever could have done, and I

687
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:21,080
Speaker 1: chose myself.

688
00:39:20,719 --> 00:39:22,320
Speaker 2: Right, Like, where's my tick or tape parade?

689
00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:26,240
Speaker 1: Not only that, but where's my aunt Grace? Yeah, where's

690
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:29,080
Speaker 1: the understanding of you don't know the life I lived

691
00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:30,359
Speaker 1: within those walls.

692
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:32,640
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry you went through all that.

693
00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:36,000
Speaker 1: And also and now I'm a motherfucking phoenix.

694
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:37,400
Speaker 2: Yes, your motherfucking phoenix.

695
00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:40,880
Speaker 1: And there's no playbook people think that, Oh you know,

696
00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:42,560
Speaker 1: this is what I got a lot. I didn't like

697
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:44,760
Speaker 1: how you did it. I didn't like how it went down.

698
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:47,319
Speaker 1: I didn't like it was my choice, Like there's a

699
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:49,400
Speaker 1: perfect time to drop the rope.

700
00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:50,520
Speaker 2: And like they knew what it was like to be

701
00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:53,279
Speaker 2: in your shoes. Yeah, yeah, let it burn, baby, that's

702
00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:54,839
Speaker 2: what it says on the inside of my fings ring.

703
00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:57,200
Speaker 1: God, it lets you speak to my soul in a

704
00:39:57,239 --> 00:40:00,840
Speaker 1: way that like I just can't even exp rest sometimes.

705
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:03,680
Speaker 1: But I want to hear about the unraveling. I want

706
00:40:03,719 --> 00:40:07,279
Speaker 1: to hear about because your writing is so beautiful and

707
00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:11,360
Speaker 1: it's so real and it's so raw, and I I

708
00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:14,520
Speaker 1: you know, if anyone you know our listeners out there,

709
00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:17,000
Speaker 1: go check it out clearly, But I want you to

710
00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:22,600
Speaker 1: talk about it because even why that why unraveling? Why

711
00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:26,960
Speaker 1: Because it's such a powerful word and it's so clear.

712
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:27,840
Speaker 2: Why for me?

713
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:31,520
Speaker 1: Because I've been around? Yes, but tell me about that.

714
00:40:31,680 --> 00:40:33,839
Speaker 2: I love you for asking. I mean I am very

715
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:37,040
Speaker 2: much so still unraveling. I think my unraveling started with

716
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:39,920
Speaker 2: the dropkick out of CNN, out of my dream job

717
00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:43,719
Speaker 2: and moving me into where I am. But the unraveling continues.

718
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:45,920
Speaker 2: And you know, people think of an unraveling, it's an

719
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:49,680
Speaker 2: un it's a it's a it's to come apart. But

720
00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:53,480
Speaker 2: to me, it's to actually free yourself and to tell

721
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:56,440
Speaker 2: your truth. And so I refer to my own unraveling

722
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:58,759
Speaker 2: coming out of CNN. I'm writing the Substack, which is

723
00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:01,160
Speaker 2: bringing me so much joy for everyone listening, if you

724
00:41:01,239 --> 00:41:04,880
Speaker 2: just go to it's unraveling with me, Brooke Baldwin And

725
00:41:04,920 --> 00:41:06,960
Speaker 2: so I write every Sunday and I write about various

726
00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:09,080
Speaker 2: pieces of my unraveling and how I've been able to

727
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:13,160
Speaker 2: unravel because I believe that everyone is either wants to unravel,

728
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:17,200
Speaker 2: is in the throes of unraveling, or has unraveled, and

729
00:41:18,640 --> 00:41:21,280
Speaker 2: it can be and unraveling can be at the frying

730
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:23,280
Speaker 2: pan to the forehead is what I refer to, or oprah.

731
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:25,480
Speaker 2: It talks about like the brick and the wall, or

732
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:29,200
Speaker 2: you know, something that you choose, or something that feels

733
00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:31,799
Speaker 2: that's done to you that you are definitely not asking for,

734
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:33,920
Speaker 2: that feels like some sort of existential crisis. It can

735
00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:36,720
Speaker 2: be marriage, it can be work, it can be health,

736
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:42,719
Speaker 2: you know, illness, et cetera. And how we respond when

737
00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:46,480
Speaker 2: life hands us a shit sandwich. I can't get enough

738
00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:49,280
Speaker 2: from people and their own stories. And I so appreciate

739
00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:53,560
Speaker 2: you being so open about your own about like, and

740
00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:56,719
Speaker 2: we're all unraveling local what's happening in America. Look at

741
00:41:56,760 --> 00:41:59,960
Speaker 2: what we're being handed. How are we going to hand?

742
00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:04,160
Speaker 2: Like instead of making decisions from fear, Let's make decisions

743
00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:09,799
Speaker 2: from curiosity, Let's like lean into our goodness. Let's you

744
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:12,239
Speaker 2: know when you unravel. When I've unraveled, and I know

745
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:14,200
Speaker 2: you've experienced this too. It's like you think you have

746
00:42:14,280 --> 00:42:16,640
Speaker 2: this whole set of friends that you've had for forever,

747
00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:20,840
Speaker 2: and you realize suddenly, like, oh, those people aren't actually

748
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:23,360
Speaker 2: my friends, and these are the ones who stood by me,

749
00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:25,839
Speaker 2: and I'm going to collect some of these friends over here.

750
00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:30,680
Speaker 2: It's about what I do for my body to continue

751
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:33,879
Speaker 2: to be healthy and at peace, unraveling how I live

752
00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:37,080
Speaker 2: my life, the company I choose to keep. It's so

753
00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:39,680
Speaker 2: many pieces of it, and I'm just so interested in

754
00:42:39,719 --> 00:42:43,960
Speaker 2: people's stories and how in their life pivots and because

755
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:46,920
Speaker 2: everyone stands to learn something, I think there are a

756
00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:49,640
Speaker 2: lot of people who feel stuck. I think COVID is

757
00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:52,000
Speaker 2: a huge part of this in ways like we still

758
00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:54,560
Speaker 2: have yet to really figure out, Like we had these

759
00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:57,799
Speaker 2: quiet still moments in the middle of the pandemic, and

760
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,520
Speaker 2: you know, I had my own sort of come to

761
00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:03,560
Speaker 2: Jesus with certain ways I was living my life that

762
00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:07,799
Speaker 2: I wanted to change. But then life went back and

763
00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:10,560
Speaker 2: just like little ants, we went back to our lives

764
00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:12,880
Speaker 2: and we went back to our old choices. And I

765
00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:16,040
Speaker 2: think only now a couple of years removed, or at

766
00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:19,200
Speaker 2: least some women in my friend group are like, fuck,

767
00:43:19,239 --> 00:43:23,480
Speaker 2: I'm ready to I feel on the precipice of real change,

768
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:26,320
Speaker 2: and I just want to talk to women and men

769
00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:29,960
Speaker 2: about those changes and their courage and what the other

770
00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:30,840
Speaker 2: side looks like.

771
00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:35,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll be back in just a moment after this

772
00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:49,120
Speaker 1: brief message from our sponsors. When you talk about the

773
00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:54,880
Speaker 1: other side, I'm curious to know, once you burned everything

774
00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:59,399
Speaker 1: to the ground, who is this new Brook? What have

775
00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:01,960
Speaker 1: you learned and about her? What are you now not

776
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:07,360
Speaker 1: willing to compromise? What has changed in you now to

777
00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:12,600
Speaker 1: receive such a healthy relationship and open relationship, your physical health.

778
00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:15,480
Speaker 1: You know, I see you all the time doing yoga

779
00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:19,160
Speaker 1: and you're now spiritual, like more than ever. Like, who

780
00:44:19,280 --> 00:44:23,320
Speaker 1: is this new Brook? What did you What has really

781
00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:24,640
Speaker 1: changed inside you?

782
00:44:28,120 --> 00:44:34,799
Speaker 2: Who is just Brooke? Just Brook is someone who has

783
00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:40,240
Speaker 2: no tolerance for inauthenticity. If I smell it, I can't

784
00:44:40,239 --> 00:44:43,640
Speaker 2: be around it. And I know that's hard because sometimes

785
00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:47,239
Speaker 2: you have to work with people who aren't their best selves.

786
00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:50,560
Speaker 2: And I've definitely done that in my past, and sometimes

787
00:44:50,640 --> 00:44:52,719
Speaker 2: we can't choose, But as best as I can, I

788
00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:58,360
Speaker 2: surround myself with people who are as authentic as humanly possible,

789
00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:02,640
Speaker 2: who who live in full integrity. Martha Beck truly changed

790
00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:04,640
Speaker 2: my life when I read her book about you know,

791
00:45:04,800 --> 00:45:07,319
Speaker 2: not telling a single lie, like she talks about going

792
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:09,520
Speaker 2: on this integrity cleanse, meaning like how many days in

793
00:45:09,520 --> 00:45:10,960
Speaker 2: a row, how many months in a row, how many

794
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:12,520
Speaker 2: years in a row can you go without telling even

795
00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:15,279
Speaker 2: a single fucking lie? And so I subscribe to that

796
00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:18,040
Speaker 2: theory of like just being in full integrity. That's my

797
00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:21,840
Speaker 2: prayer every day, So being an integrity, not being around

798
00:45:21,880 --> 00:45:28,120
Speaker 2: in authenticity and saying yes to things that feel in

799
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:32,040
Speaker 2: full alignment with me. And also like realizing that some

800
00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:35,120
Speaker 2: of that means moving slower. I don't run at ninety

801
00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:37,560
Speaker 2: miles an hour like I used to. I would look

802
00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:41,040
Speaker 2: at this girl and be like, girlfriend, what are you doing?

803
00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:41,839
Speaker 1: You know?

804
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:46,040
Speaker 2: But I have slowed down to be able to open

805
00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:51,759
Speaker 2: my aperture and make wiser decisions. I say no a

806
00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:57,600
Speaker 2: lot more. I feel like I let my hair go wild,

807
00:45:57,719 --> 00:46:01,400
Speaker 2: like girlfriend, I had to do like blowouts and all

808
00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:04,120
Speaker 2: the things like mandatory for my old job. And now

809
00:46:04,120 --> 00:46:06,680
Speaker 2: it feels like some sort of you know, like lame

810
00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:09,279
Speaker 2: rebellion that I'm letting my hair be naturally curly, but

811
00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:12,400
Speaker 2: you know, having my outside to match match my inside,

812
00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:15,640
Speaker 2: Like wearing clothes. I want to as simple as like,

813
00:46:16,520 --> 00:46:18,759
Speaker 2: you know, putting on pants and cool shoes and the

814
00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:20,560
Speaker 2: things that I really want to wear that feel right

815
00:46:20,719 --> 00:46:23,879
Speaker 2: for me, and not putting on what felt like maybe

816
00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:32,719
Speaker 2: a costume, and being super curious, always asking the questions.

817
00:46:33,200 --> 00:46:36,600
Speaker 2: My circle is never closed. I always want to meet

818
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:39,640
Speaker 2: new people and bring them into the fold. Dying to

819
00:46:39,680 --> 00:46:42,040
Speaker 2: have a double date. We have so much to discuss,

820
00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:48,400
Speaker 2: so much to discuss, and yeah, just deepening my spiritual

821
00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:52,200
Speaker 2: practices and being with a partner who meets me there

822
00:46:52,440 --> 00:46:56,080
Speaker 2: and then some ooh that's a big one, like someone

823
00:46:56,120 --> 00:47:00,360
Speaker 2: I fucking respect. And the sexiest part of about my

824
00:47:00,400 --> 00:47:01,840
Speaker 2: man is his wisdom.

825
00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:07,080
Speaker 1: Oh I love that, it really had. You're so light,

826
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:11,839
Speaker 1: like you're just light, You're moving like you're happy, and

827
00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:18,040
Speaker 1: it's it's so beautiful to see. But also like you

828
00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:23,920
Speaker 1: put so much work into yourself, into choosing yourself. And

829
00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:28,719
Speaker 1: I think that's something that our audience can always take

830
00:47:28,760 --> 00:47:33,439
Speaker 1: away is we are so branded as women to say yes, yes, yes,

831
00:47:33,520 --> 00:47:38,360
Speaker 1: yes yes and sacrifice ourselves we can. The first fucking

832
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:42,560
Speaker 1: thing I heard from everyone is what about your kids?

833
00:47:43,840 --> 00:47:44,040
Speaker 2: Wow?

834
00:47:44,680 --> 00:47:45,319
Speaker 1: What about me?

835
00:47:45,680 --> 00:47:46,040
Speaker 2: Yes?

836
00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:49,719
Speaker 1: Can't even get out of bed. I'm driving my car

837
00:47:50,040 --> 00:47:53,800
Speaker 1: figuring out how I could flip it every day because

838
00:47:53,840 --> 00:47:55,280
Speaker 1: I just wanted it to end.

839
00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:58,240
Speaker 2: Where you were going there, I was, Oh, I was there.

840
00:47:58,360 --> 00:48:03,360
Speaker 1: I was there. And that's the heart part is you

841
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:05,560
Speaker 1: know when people are like, this is so sudden, this

842
00:48:05,640 --> 00:48:07,680
Speaker 1: is so have you really thought through it? Have you

843
00:48:07,719 --> 00:48:11,920
Speaker 1: done this? Like I have thought about every option, even

844
00:48:12,040 --> 00:48:17,799
Speaker 1: that point of I'm so scared to get out. I'm

845
00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:23,400
Speaker 1: so scared to do the hard thing. It's so selfish

846
00:48:23,440 --> 00:48:27,360
Speaker 1: and how do I just end it? And it's like,

847
00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:31,040
Speaker 1: that is why we have these conversations. That is why

848
00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:34,120
Speaker 1: I am doing this show. That is why it's called

849
00:48:34,160 --> 00:48:41,080
Speaker 1: wide Open, because our pain can be turned into light.

850
00:48:41,360 --> 00:48:44,040
Speaker 1: And it was really, really dark, and I'm sure it

851
00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:48,120
Speaker 1: was very dark for you, and the Phoenix part is

852
00:48:48,160 --> 00:48:53,520
Speaker 1: so true. It's I got really comfortable in the dark

853
00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:57,360
Speaker 1: and I didn't run from it, and when I needed

854
00:48:57,400 --> 00:49:02,400
Speaker 1: to rest, I rested. And the most the biggest thing

855
00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:04,680
Speaker 1: I'm proud of is I didn't make my storm my

856
00:49:04,760 --> 00:49:10,000
Speaker 1: children's mmmm, well done, mom. And I'll never get credit

857
00:49:10,040 --> 00:49:13,279
Speaker 1: for that, clearly, and I'm not looking for credit. But

858
00:49:13,520 --> 00:49:17,680
Speaker 1: when a world judged me based on doing the hardest thing,

859
00:49:18,920 --> 00:49:22,040
Speaker 1: and I was in such a dark, broken place and

860
00:49:22,080 --> 00:49:25,759
Speaker 1: I had no one or anything. I chose to show

861
00:49:25,840 --> 00:49:29,120
Speaker 1: up and be the best possible parent I could, and

862
00:49:30,160 --> 00:49:31,880
Speaker 1: that probably was life saving.

863
00:49:34,160 --> 00:49:36,080
Speaker 2: As I'm listening to you, I think it's worth like

864
00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:39,040
Speaker 2: telling if I may be the journalist for a second

865
00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:43,439
Speaker 2: and ask you the question, Mash, because once you are

866
00:49:43,560 --> 00:49:47,600
Speaker 2: wide open and you have or maybe we are constantly unraveling,

867
00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:51,600
Speaker 2: to just let people know what it tastes like to

868
00:49:51,680 --> 00:49:56,280
Speaker 2: be living the life you're living now, Like why becoming

869
00:49:56,360 --> 00:49:58,880
Speaker 2: this phoenix? Like what it really feels like, because by

870
00:49:58,880 --> 00:50:02,960
Speaker 2: the way, everyone listening deserves it can feel it. It

871
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:05,680
Speaker 2: is out there for everyone, like when you like when

872
00:50:05,680 --> 00:50:07,359
Speaker 2: I wake up in the morning, when I go to bed,

873
00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:09,919
Speaker 2: I am so excited to drink coffee with my man

874
00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:12,800
Speaker 2: on our front steps. I have never been more excited

875
00:50:12,800 --> 00:50:14,799
Speaker 2: to just sit and drink coffee with someone in my

876
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:17,160
Speaker 2: entire life. I get so much joy, and that is

877
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:20,560
Speaker 2: just the beginning of my day. Yep. What is the joy?

878
00:50:20,640 --> 00:50:22,960
Speaker 2: What are those little moments that y'all enjoy so much

879
00:50:23,040 --> 00:50:27,560
Speaker 2: that you would have never experienced had this never happened

880
00:50:27,760 --> 00:50:28,080
Speaker 2: for you.

881
00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:34,640
Speaker 1: I never thought I think I was brainwashed by culture.

882
00:50:36,120 --> 00:50:38,719
Speaker 1: And what people always told me is you can't have

883
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:42,600
Speaker 1: it all. You have to compromise this. No one has

884
00:50:42,640 --> 00:50:45,960
Speaker 1: a perfect relationship. It takes work, it takes this. And

885
00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:50,920
Speaker 1: I had this idea of how I wanted to be loved,

886
00:50:51,480 --> 00:50:56,360
Speaker 1: and I love hard, and I got to a point

887
00:50:56,400 --> 00:51:01,640
Speaker 1: where I just gave up. I gave up that that's

888
00:51:01,680 --> 00:51:04,200
Speaker 1: not the type of love I'm gonna receive, which made

889
00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:07,520
Speaker 1: me shrink, which made me have shame, which made me

890
00:51:07,560 --> 00:51:14,640
Speaker 1: feel unlovable, unwanted. And now I wake up and two

891
00:51:14,719 --> 00:51:17,040
Speaker 1: days ago I wake I woke up next to Sophia,

892
00:51:17,080 --> 00:51:19,040
Speaker 1: and I looked at her and I said, I missed

893
00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:23,960
Speaker 1: you like I missed you. Slept next to me and

894
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:25,840
Speaker 1: I couldn't hang out with you for eight hours and

895
00:51:25,920 --> 00:51:30,840
Speaker 1: I missed you. And it is that kind of love

896
00:51:30,880 --> 00:51:35,600
Speaker 1: I love I never thought was possible. Yes, Yes, I

897
00:51:35,719 --> 00:51:39,319
Speaker 1: used to self medicate. As soon as my kids went down,

898
00:51:40,120 --> 00:51:42,680
Speaker 1: I put I smoked as much as I could, I

899
00:51:42,880 --> 00:51:45,799
Speaker 1: ate as many gummies as I could because I was

900
00:51:45,880 --> 00:51:52,239
Speaker 1: just it was so painful. I numbed and it was

901
00:51:52,320 --> 00:51:56,840
Speaker 1: like I had sleep doctors come in with the national team.

902
00:51:56,920 --> 00:52:00,560
Speaker 1: I never could sleep I had this really hard, hard

903
00:52:00,600 --> 00:52:06,440
Speaker 1: issue with insomnia. The second I started really feeling safe

904
00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:10,560
Speaker 1: with Sophia and the second I slept next to her.

905
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:16,080
Speaker 1: I think at one point I slept sixteen hours. Damn

906
00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:20,120
Speaker 1: my I woke up and she thought she woke me

907
00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:22,200
Speaker 1: up because she was like, are you okay? For three

908
00:52:22,239 --> 00:52:25,080
Speaker 1: straight days, I just slept And I looked at her

909
00:52:25,120 --> 00:52:27,440
Speaker 1: and I said, it's the first time in my life

910
00:52:27,440 --> 00:52:29,160
Speaker 1: I feel safe, and it's the first time in my

911
00:52:29,200 --> 00:52:30,160
Speaker 1: life I could sleep.

912
00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:34,359
Speaker 2: Hellelujah and Sophia Bush, she does your body good.

913
00:52:34,760 --> 00:52:38,640
Speaker 1: I just thought I had, you know, an issue with sleeping.

914
00:52:38,800 --> 00:52:41,319
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm so happy for you.

915
00:52:41,480 --> 00:52:43,920
Speaker 1: My issue was the.

916
00:52:43,880 --> 00:52:46,000
Speaker 2: Person in your bed, yeah, and the person you were

917
00:52:46,280 --> 00:52:48,280
Speaker 2: with the person in your bed yeah yeah.

918
00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:52,719
Speaker 1: And that to me, I am I moved differently. I

919
00:52:52,800 --> 00:52:56,680
Speaker 1: look different, Like I have so many people reaching out

920
00:52:56,680 --> 00:52:59,600
Speaker 1: to me being like I haven't seen you spy smile,

921
00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:04,759
Speaker 1: Like I'm posting pictures of me smiling. I'm like, who

922
00:53:04,880 --> 00:53:06,080
Speaker 1: is this happening?

923
00:53:06,280 --> 00:53:06,920
Speaker 2: Who is she?

924
00:53:07,960 --> 00:53:13,200
Speaker 1: But like I'm different, and that's the thing, Like, you know,

925
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:16,399
Speaker 1: I I do feel that I have lost a lot

926
00:53:16,719 --> 00:53:17,680
Speaker 1: choosing myself.

927
00:53:18,040 --> 00:53:18,640
Speaker 2: Yes I have.

928
00:53:19,080 --> 00:53:22,719
Speaker 1: I've lost a lot of friends yes, I feel like

929
00:53:23,080 --> 00:53:27,440
Speaker 1: in my small the world, yeah, yes, in my small world,

930
00:53:27,880 --> 00:53:33,719
Speaker 1: people felt the need to choose aside. And I let

931
00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:38,000
Speaker 1: it go because if you feel like you're that invested

932
00:53:38,000 --> 00:53:40,080
Speaker 1: where you have to choose a side, you never were

933
00:53:40,160 --> 00:53:42,719
Speaker 1: my friend in the first place. And you know what

934
00:53:42,760 --> 00:53:45,239
Speaker 1: it is. It allowed me to open my heart to

935
00:53:45,360 --> 00:53:48,640
Speaker 1: new people. And it's the greatest fucking thing I've ever done.

936
00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:52,360
Speaker 1: I will say this, I would have never met Renee

937
00:53:52,400 --> 00:53:57,160
Speaker 1: Stubs and she is a gift to this world. Was

938
00:53:57,200 --> 00:54:01,760
Speaker 1: a Renee. It's just she didn't have to. She didn't

939
00:54:01,800 --> 00:54:06,279
Speaker 1: know me well. And you know one thing, and I

940
00:54:06,600 --> 00:54:09,080
Speaker 1: sobbed at her birthday. We were all talking about a

941
00:54:09,120 --> 00:54:14,520
Speaker 1: story about Renee and I. Last Thanksgiving was the first

942
00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:17,560
Speaker 1: time I didn't have Thanksgiving with my family and my

943
00:54:17,640 --> 00:54:21,560
Speaker 1: ex wife had the kids and I was alone. And

944
00:54:21,600 --> 00:54:24,520
Speaker 1: she goes, pack your shit. I'm driving to pick you

945
00:54:24,600 --> 00:54:28,240
Speaker 1: up in New Jersey. We're going to Pennsylvania. I'm taking

946
00:54:28,400 --> 00:54:31,960
Speaker 1: you to Carson's Farm. I'm gonna we're just gonna.

947
00:54:31,719 --> 00:54:32,400
Speaker 2: Go for walks.

948
00:54:32,400 --> 00:54:35,040
Speaker 1: We're gonna have animals. It's just gonna be like us.

949
00:54:35,480 --> 00:54:39,480
Speaker 1: Oh she's the best, and I oh gosh, I cried.

950
00:54:39,600 --> 00:54:40,160
Speaker 1: I woke up.

951
00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:42,000
Speaker 2: I cried, You'll never forget that.

952
00:54:42,040 --> 00:54:44,560
Speaker 1: I'll never forget the way she showed up for me.

953
00:54:45,120 --> 00:54:47,680
Speaker 1: But it took so many people turning their back on

954
00:54:47,800 --> 00:54:50,400
Speaker 1: me for me to receive that kind of love and

955
00:54:50,440 --> 00:54:53,560
Speaker 1: be open to it. And I have some of the

956
00:54:53,600 --> 00:54:57,200
Speaker 1: best friends in the world who are new friendships that

957
00:54:57,320 --> 00:55:02,720
Speaker 1: I'll have forever. This love I have with this woman,

958
00:55:03,080 --> 00:55:06,840
Speaker 1: I mean, she is the you know, she always says this,

959
00:55:06,920 --> 00:55:09,239
Speaker 1: I am the sun to her, and now she is

960
00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:14,800
Speaker 1: absolutely the sun, the stars she is at all. I

961
00:55:14,880 --> 00:55:18,640
Speaker 1: genuinely mean, I genuinely mean this, Brook. I knew this

962
00:55:18,680 --> 00:55:21,839
Speaker 1: woman in another lifetime. I yes, I had to go

963
00:55:21,880 --> 00:55:23,719
Speaker 1: to I had to go through this pain to find

964
00:55:23,760 --> 00:55:27,000
Speaker 1: her against and I'm living the life I always imagined.

965
00:55:27,560 --> 00:55:29,799
Speaker 1: And fuck was it hard to get here what I

966
00:55:29,840 --> 00:55:35,719
Speaker 1: got here? And so did you? So what's next? What's next?

967
00:55:35,719 --> 00:55:36,480
Speaker 1: Brooke Baldwin?

968
00:55:37,600 --> 00:55:38,200
Speaker 2: Take us home?

969
00:55:38,280 --> 00:55:38,880
Speaker 1: What's next?

970
00:55:39,760 --> 00:55:42,640
Speaker 2: So I'm writing this substack about unraveling. I'm hoping to

971
00:55:42,680 --> 00:55:48,840
Speaker 2: parlay it into a book. I am hoping to also

972
00:55:49,160 --> 00:55:52,640
Speaker 2: host a podcast around the similar themes. So sister, get

973
00:55:52,640 --> 00:55:54,560
Speaker 2: ready to be on the other side of the microphone

974
00:55:54,600 --> 00:55:57,399
Speaker 2: with me, gladly, and you know, one thing I did

975
00:55:57,400 --> 00:56:00,239
Speaker 2: after leaving CNN, which I was like, I couldn't say

976
00:56:00,239 --> 00:56:02,520
Speaker 2: these words out loud for a minute. But I hosted

977
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:04,719
Speaker 2: a reality show and by the way, it was so

978
00:56:04,880 --> 00:56:08,280
Speaker 2: much funticks. It was so fun. I got to smile

979
00:56:08,280 --> 00:56:10,640
Speaker 2: on TV again. It's called the Trust If anyone wants

980
00:56:10,640 --> 00:56:14,000
Speaker 2: a good, good binge, and you know that show isn't

981
00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:15,920
Speaker 2: getting reupped, and that's okay. It just like opened the

982
00:56:15,920 --> 00:56:17,680
Speaker 2: door for me in a whole other way. And so

983
00:56:17,800 --> 00:56:20,200
Speaker 2: I'm kind of obsessed with the Golden Bachelorette. I'm just

984
00:56:20,200 --> 00:56:22,480
Speaker 2: gonna manifest something right now on this show. I'm not

985
00:56:22,480 --> 00:56:24,600
Speaker 2: saying I want to host The Golden Bachelorette again or

986
00:56:24,840 --> 00:56:27,359
Speaker 2: whenever it comes out, but I would love I used

987
00:56:27,360 --> 00:56:29,319
Speaker 2: to I used to say I would never do a

988
00:56:29,520 --> 00:56:32,120
Speaker 2: dating show. I'd never host a dating show. I want

989
00:56:32,120 --> 00:56:36,400
Speaker 2: to manifest a grown ass like finding love later in

990
00:56:36,480 --> 00:56:40,080
Speaker 2: life for women and men in their forties, fifties, sixties,

991
00:56:41,360 --> 00:56:44,360
Speaker 2: to show that it's possible to talk about like the

992
00:56:44,440 --> 00:56:47,760
Speaker 2: uey guy feelings, to also talk about sex and pleasure

993
00:56:47,880 --> 00:56:50,879
Speaker 2: and you know, like how we deserve it, even if

994
00:56:50,920 --> 00:56:54,640
Speaker 2: after you've been married once twice three times, like we

995
00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:58,359
Speaker 2: all deserve to have our dessert and I would love

996
00:56:58,480 --> 00:57:01,799
Speaker 2: to host something like that because I am living that

997
00:57:02,760 --> 00:57:04,759
Speaker 2: and I want to show other people that they can

998
00:57:04,800 --> 00:57:07,040
Speaker 2: live it to I love that. So that's on my

999
00:57:07,239 --> 00:57:10,640
Speaker 2: shelf of manifestation and the rest, you know, I think

1000
00:57:10,719 --> 00:57:12,440
Speaker 2: is in process. So that's what I'm up to.

1001
00:57:12,640 --> 00:57:16,960
Speaker 1: We are all a work in progress. Yes, we are

1002
00:57:17,000 --> 00:57:20,520
Speaker 1: all unraveling. And thank you for being so vulnerable and

1003
00:57:20,560 --> 00:57:23,440
Speaker 1: wide open. Thank you for coming on my show.

1004
00:57:23,640 --> 00:57:24,800
Speaker 2: I love you, girl.

1005
00:57:25,000 --> 00:57:27,880
Speaker 1: I love you so much to see the joy in

1006
00:57:27,920 --> 00:57:28,840
Speaker 1: your eyes and.

1007
00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:32,120
Speaker 2: The way you got it. You got it as they say.

1008
00:57:31,960 --> 00:57:33,760
Speaker 1: And we're really doing it. And I'm proud of us

1009
00:57:33,800 --> 00:57:36,720
Speaker 1: because it wasn't easy to get here and we're still

1010
00:57:36,800 --> 00:57:37,800
Speaker 1: learning in real time.

1011
00:57:38,160 --> 00:57:39,120
Speaker 2: I'm proud of us too.

1012
00:57:40,200 --> 00:57:46,480
Speaker 1: Thanks for being here. Love you, I'm done. Wide Open

1013
00:57:46,520 --> 00:57:50,520
Speaker 1: with Ashland Harris is an iHeart women's sports production. You

1014
00:57:50,520 --> 00:57:54,280
Speaker 1: can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or

1015
00:57:54,360 --> 00:58:00,880
Speaker 1: wherever you get your podcasts. Our producers are Carmen Borca, Coreo, Maronoff,

1016
00:58:01,160 --> 00:58:06,960
Speaker 1: and Lucy Jones. Production assistants from Malia Aguidello. Our executive

1017
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:11,680
Speaker 1: producers are Jesse Katz, Jenny Kaplan, and Emily Rudder. Our

1018
00:58:11,840 --> 00:58:15,720
Speaker 1: editors are Jenny Kaplan and Emily Rudder, and I'm your host,

1019
00:58:16,040 --> 00:58:17,000
Speaker 1: Ashlyn Harris.