1 00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:02,960 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Tutor Dixon Podcast. We have a treat today. 2 00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:06,320 Speaker 1: We've been talking so much about young people and how 3 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:09,320 Speaker 1: there's been a challenge with young people connecting and we 4 00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:12,080 Speaker 1: don't see as many romantic relationships. So we thought we'd 5 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:14,240 Speaker 1: bring on an expert to talk about it, and we 6 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:19,040 Speaker 1: have an expert from iHeartRadio. She is on Iheartradios KFM 7 00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:23,560 Speaker 1: or KFIAM six point forty in Los Angeles. It is 8 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:28,080 Speaker 1: the Love and Relationship Ship Expert, doctor Wendy Walsh. 9 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:32,200 Speaker 2: Hi, how are you. I'm great? How are you good? Good? Good? 10 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:34,640 Speaker 2: Always happy? Around this time and year to be talking 11 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:37,640 Speaker 2: about love because so many people are expecting engagement rings. 12 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:40,080 Speaker 1: Oh I never even thought about that, but I guess 13 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:43,400 Speaker 1: that's true, and I think, actually, I feel like I'm 14 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:45,279 Speaker 1: at the point now where I have a lot of 15 00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:48,920 Speaker 1: my friends who are expecting their children to be getting 16 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:53,200 Speaker 1: engaged around this time. But they also I've heard from 17 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:56,600 Speaker 1: so many moms of young men in our area I'm 18 00:00:56,640 --> 00:01:00,120 Speaker 1: in the Midwest, and moms of young men who say 19 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:02,920 Speaker 1: they are struggling to figure out how to connect to women. 20 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:06,360 Speaker 1: So what are your best suggestions for love people or 21 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:10,839 Speaker 1: love relationships connection in young people today. 22 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:15,440 Speaker 2: Well, let's set the stage for what's happening culturally, especially 23 00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:18,839 Speaker 2: around gen Z. Right. So this is a group of people, 24 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:22,640 Speaker 2: young people who literally lost three years of social development 25 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:26,200 Speaker 2: during the kandemic. When we came back to the college classroom, 26 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:30,080 Speaker 2: I'm a psychology professor. I would put students into discussion 27 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:31,959 Speaker 2: groups and they couldn't even look each other in the 28 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,160 Speaker 2: eye or talk to each other. They were just staring 29 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:38,000 Speaker 2: at their phones while in discussion groups. So I see, 30 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:41,680 Speaker 2: and I have young adult daughters. I see the stress 31 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:45,320 Speaker 2: and the fear and the widespread social anxiety. So they 32 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:47,840 Speaker 2: go to the apps, right, because that's what they know. 33 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:51,240 Speaker 2: They're digital natives. But the apps do something else to 34 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:54,320 Speaker 2: their brains. It creates, first of all, paradox of choice. 35 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,880 Speaker 2: So we know one thing about the human brain. The 36 00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:59,360 Speaker 2: more choice we have, the harder it is to make 37 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:02,440 Speaker 2: a choice. And dating apps keep fall, keep feeding you 38 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:08,200 Speaker 2: at this endless supply of potential mates. Secondly, they unfairly 39 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:11,720 Speaker 2: take the people with the I would call the top 40 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:16,280 Speaker 2: mate value different for men and women. So younger, hotter, 41 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:19,760 Speaker 2: whatever in women and men maybe more money or deeper. 42 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:23,760 Speaker 2: Voices are tall, and they get the illusion that anybody 43 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:26,720 Speaker 2: can have access to this small ten percent of the population, 44 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:32,440 Speaker 2: and it leaves this other population feeling mostly rejected on 45 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:36,040 Speaker 2: dating apps. So my biggest the biggest trend that's happening 46 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:38,120 Speaker 2: though with gen Z is they're going off dating apps. 47 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,000 Speaker 2: In twenty twenty six, we're going to see more and 48 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:45,359 Speaker 2: more I r L in real life meetings, and that 49 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:48,920 Speaker 2: means they're joining clubs, they're joining churches, they're finding ways 50 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:52,600 Speaker 2: to meet young people in the real world. But for 51 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:56,560 Speaker 2: parents who are worrying about their kids, you know, coupling up, 52 00:02:56,919 --> 00:02:59,680 Speaker 2: it's going to be delayed in this group. It's already 53 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,400 Speaker 2: we've seen in a trend of many generations where people 54 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:04,960 Speaker 2: aren't marrying, and I think the average age of first 55 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:08,400 Speaker 2: time marriage for men has gone up to thirty now, okay, 56 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:12,600 Speaker 2: it used to be twenty two, twenty four, right, and 57 00:03:12,639 --> 00:03:15,400 Speaker 2: we may even see it move further. But here's the 58 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:19,880 Speaker 2: good news. The research shows that the later you marry, 59 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:23,480 Speaker 2: the more developed your prefrontal cortex is for making decisions, 60 00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:28,520 Speaker 2: and the happier, the more satisfied, the safer, the healthier 61 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:31,600 Speaker 2: your marriage will be. So parents need to not stress. 62 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:32,919 Speaker 2: These guys are going to figure it out. 63 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:35,920 Speaker 1: Well, and certainly I think my friends are like, I 64 00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:37,800 Speaker 1: don't want to push my kid. I don't want to 65 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:40,760 Speaker 1: I feel like there's there is an anxiety there. But 66 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:43,760 Speaker 1: I guess we haven't really identified that that anxiety might 67 00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:46,920 Speaker 1: just be that in person connection, because that is something 68 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:51,680 Speaker 1: that I think we have kind of not necessarily acknowledged 69 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:54,680 Speaker 1: the fact that there was this period of no connection, 70 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:58,160 Speaker 1: and it was encouraged no connection. It was encouraged to 71 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:02,400 Speaker 1: have a digital connection and with your grandparents, with your friends, 72 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:05,040 Speaker 1: you could only connect. And I see this with my kids. 73 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:08,080 Speaker 1: I have four girls. I see them. They connect on 74 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:11,920 Speaker 1: the phone, they connect through FaceTime, and they're not going 75 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:12,480 Speaker 1: out as much. 76 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:12,839 Speaker 2: They don't. 77 00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:15,040 Speaker 1: When I was a kid, we drove and we all 78 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:17,360 Speaker 1: hung out together. We wanted to see each other. Now 79 00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:20,360 Speaker 1: we'll all get together and play a game on an app. 80 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:24,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, they're very, very isolated, and we have to remember 81 00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:29,880 Speaker 2: that those three important years were crucial developmental years for 82 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:34,039 Speaker 2: social development. What adolescents and young adults do developmentally is 83 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:38,440 Speaker 2: they're separating from their family of origin. They're taking with 84 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:41,560 Speaker 2: them some of the great lessons from their family of origin, 85 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,800 Speaker 2: but they're starting to create sort of a new family 86 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:48,840 Speaker 2: of peer groups as they self individuate, as they become, 87 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,240 Speaker 2: as they figure out what their identity is going to be. 88 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:55,279 Speaker 2: So they missed three crucial years of development and it's 89 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:58,920 Speaker 2: going to be a while before they catch up. It's 90 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:02,240 Speaker 2: also important for gus to realize, and well guys and 91 00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:05,120 Speaker 2: girls to realize that it is not dorky, It is 92 00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:07,279 Speaker 2: not weird to get on the phone and have a 93 00:05:07,279 --> 00:05:11,239 Speaker 2: conversation with somebody. I've been actually coaching some young adult 94 00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:13,839 Speaker 2: women in New York City who are ready to get married. 95 00:05:13,839 --> 00:05:16,400 Speaker 2: They're thirty years old, they got great careers, and I'm like, 96 00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:18,760 Speaker 2: don't waste your time getting all dressed up on a 97 00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:22,280 Speaker 2: date to go on a date with a stranger. Your 98 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:24,880 Speaker 2: time is way too valuable for that. Get on the phone, hell, 99 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:27,600 Speaker 2: a little conversation you can know And they're like, oh, 100 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:31,240 Speaker 2: that's so weird. But what's interesting is as they match 101 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:33,520 Speaker 2: with guys on the apps and they do suggest a 102 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:36,240 Speaker 2: phone call, the guys are so happy because they don't 103 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:38,239 Speaker 2: have to spend any money on this. Remember, we're also 104 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:43,440 Speaker 2: talking about a generation who economically feel very insecure. The 105 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:46,640 Speaker 2: price of housing, the gig economy, the fact that they're 106 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:51,080 Speaker 2: delaying the onset of their economic independence means that guys 107 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:54,560 Speaker 2: who used to strut their money and pay for expensive 108 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:57,320 Speaker 2: dates just can't afford to do that. So the smart 109 00:05:57,360 --> 00:06:00,839 Speaker 2: guys are figuring out other ways to make a woman's 110 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:04,360 Speaker 2: life better, whether it's fixing something on her car, walking 111 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:07,960 Speaker 2: her dog for her, doing whatever. They're showing that they 112 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:11,920 Speaker 2: can sacrifice time and talent for her and that's kind 113 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:14,640 Speaker 2: of the new way for this generation. It's interesting. 114 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:17,920 Speaker 1: I wonder if it is as women become more competitive 115 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,039 Speaker 1: in the workplace and they are getting more of those 116 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,880 Speaker 1: CEO or executive level jobs. 117 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:23,280 Speaker 2: And maybe men. 118 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:26,920 Speaker 1: We're hearing that men are staying even out of universities, 119 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:30,120 Speaker 1: they're not as much going to universities. They're getting more 120 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:32,440 Speaker 1: of the blue collar jobs and they're working their way 121 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:36,400 Speaker 1: up through the manufacturing sector. Is that intimidating and is 122 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:39,640 Speaker 1: that making it harder for those men to connect with 123 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:42,359 Speaker 1: a woman if they feel like, oh, she's more successful 124 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,440 Speaker 1: than I am, or she's on a different track than 125 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:45,000 Speaker 1: I am. 126 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:47,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a really great question to talk about social 127 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:50,480 Speaker 2: class here. So we've seen the feminization of college campuses 128 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:53,200 Speaker 2: for the last few decades. I teach on one trust 129 00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:56,240 Speaker 2: me for every guy that graduates college, there are two 130 00:06:56,360 --> 00:07:00,479 Speaker 2: or three women in America. Really, Yeah, been going on 131 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:04,559 Speaker 2: for twenty years, so yes, women are moving up. Women 132 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:07,560 Speaker 2: actually make up the majority of the American workforce. Now. 133 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:11,280 Speaker 2: Now we're not in enough boardrooms, we don't own enough capital, 134 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:14,000 Speaker 2: but there are more female employees than there are male employees. 135 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:18,360 Speaker 2: There is this wonderful trend on social media that I 136 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:23,280 Speaker 2: love seeing where blue collar wives are touting the wonderful 137 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,880 Speaker 2: virtues of their blue collar husbands. It's great, you should 138 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:28,320 Speaker 2: check it out search online. But they're saying, you know, 139 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:31,560 Speaker 2: blue collar men are loyal, they loved a parent, they 140 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:34,600 Speaker 2: can fix anything at the zombie apocalypse comes, they've got 141 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:36,920 Speaker 2: enough duct tape, and they're truck trust me. I mean, 142 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:41,640 Speaker 2: they are just like touting the protective side of masculinity 143 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:45,360 Speaker 2: versus the resource side. Although we know that electricians and 144 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,720 Speaker 2: plumbers make a ton of money, right, Yeah, us need 145 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:52,800 Speaker 2: to convince those college educated women that it's certainly not settling, 146 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:56,280 Speaker 2: it's certainly not a step down. In fact, ladies, your 147 00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:58,400 Speaker 2: idea of a power man just might be a guy 148 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:01,800 Speaker 2: who can power a stroller. All right, So it's really 149 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:06,080 Speaker 2: important that we start to create sort of get rid 150 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:10,400 Speaker 2: of all our discrimination based on social class and man, 151 00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:13,960 Speaker 2: don't be intimidated by these ways. How do you do that? 152 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:17,440 Speaker 1: Though? I mean, because there has been such there's always pressure. 153 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:21,040 Speaker 1: We were talking about this the other day about we 154 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:23,280 Speaker 1: had someone on that was talking about ozebic and they 155 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:25,679 Speaker 1: were like, you know, it is crazy because the people 156 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:28,160 Speaker 1: that I've talked to that have lost weight say they 157 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:31,280 Speaker 1: are treated so differently. And I think it's similar to this. 158 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,600 Speaker 1: If you are wearing a suit or if you have 159 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:38,400 Speaker 1: a blue jacket was your name on it, people are 160 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:41,240 Speaker 1: looking at those two people differently. You know, if you're 161 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:45,040 Speaker 1: in the overalls and the coveralls and you're going to 162 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:47,080 Speaker 1: the shop every day, or if you're wearing the suit 163 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:51,240 Speaker 1: and tie, there is just a I guess, a preconceived 164 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:54,400 Speaker 1: notion of whether or not you're you're successful, and that's 165 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:55,040 Speaker 1: not right. 166 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:57,800 Speaker 2: But how do you change that? Yeah, Tudor, you are 167 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:00,400 Speaker 2: all over my soapbox. Trust me, I am standing every 168 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:04,880 Speaker 2: day on social media telling women this message. I actually 169 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,920 Speaker 2: I was a single mother for twenty years dated a 170 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,160 Speaker 2: lot of bad boys went off the market for very 171 00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:14,640 Speaker 2: decades because I didn't want to expose my daughters to 172 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:18,080 Speaker 2: a potential bad mistake I would make romantically. So when 173 00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:20,600 Speaker 2: I dipped back into the mating marketplace once my girls 174 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:25,160 Speaker 2: were in high school, I found an amazing husband. He 175 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:27,960 Speaker 2: happens to make less money than me, but guess what, 176 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:31,480 Speaker 2: he loves laundry and dishes. Oh and it's a funny thing. 177 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:33,559 Speaker 2: And all of a sudden, I went from having these 178 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:35,920 Speaker 2: two other humans living in my house who did nothing 179 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,840 Speaker 2: around the house to a guy who carries his weight 180 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:42,880 Speaker 2: and then some. So I am just I've never been 181 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:44,160 Speaker 2: so happy as I am. 182 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,520 Speaker 1: And I think that's a message that we don't talk 183 00:09:47,559 --> 00:09:50,640 Speaker 1: about and women in general. I'm glad you are talking 184 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:53,880 Speaker 1: about it because I think that women who have tried 185 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:56,360 Speaker 1: to have it all have found that if you don't 186 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,480 Speaker 1: have that at home, if you don't have that person, 187 00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:02,040 Speaker 1: that is sharing. Because we have now started to share 188 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:06,000 Speaker 1: the income, women and men are both bringing home the bacon. 189 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:09,760 Speaker 1: They're both trying to contribute to the economic status of 190 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,680 Speaker 1: the household. But it seems like women are still falling 191 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:15,040 Speaker 1: into the category that everything else at home is your 192 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:19,880 Speaker 1: responsibility too. How do we start talking to women about 193 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,440 Speaker 1: it's okay to want somebody that will help you. How 194 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:25,559 Speaker 1: do we start talking to men about your woman needs help. 195 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,640 Speaker 1: I was just talking to someone else about I read this, 196 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:31,320 Speaker 1: and my audience will say, you just talked about this, 197 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:33,760 Speaker 1: But I read this and it really hit home with 198 00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:37,079 Speaker 1: me that a man put on social media. My wife 199 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:40,000 Speaker 1: said she was concerned about Christmas, and I said, don't worry, 200 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,120 Speaker 1: It'll come together. And I kept telling her that and 201 00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:44,600 Speaker 1: she was getting more and more stressed. And on Christmas Eve, 202 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:46,800 Speaker 1: I went down and found her wrapping the gifts and 203 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:48,920 Speaker 1: it struck me, it's only going to come together because 204 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:53,319 Speaker 1: my wife is Christmas and I'm not helping exactly. 205 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:56,800 Speaker 2: So now we're having conversation about gender roles. And I 206 00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:00,880 Speaker 2: really think that young men, if they try to not 207 00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:06,000 Speaker 2: showcase themselves as being such a traditional male that like 208 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,120 Speaker 2: women saying, how is he going to be helpful to me? 209 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:12,000 Speaker 2: If they can actually show a greater diversity of what 210 00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,560 Speaker 2: it is to be masculine. We don't need to put 211 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,320 Speaker 2: men in a man box, and young men don't want 212 00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:18,280 Speaker 2: to be put in a man box. And I will 213 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:21,400 Speaker 2: say this about women. The biggest danger of patriarchy was 214 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:24,160 Speaker 2: that it swims in women's heads too. Women have this 215 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:26,439 Speaker 2: idea that they're going to get educated, they're going to 216 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:28,040 Speaker 2: have a big career, and then they're going to come 217 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:30,640 Speaker 2: home and have a prince in a castle who makes 218 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:34,280 Speaker 2: more money than they do. And that's just not reality. 219 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,720 Speaker 2: It's not going to happen, So I think, you know, 220 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:41,079 Speaker 2: my favorite example is my daughter did her semester abroad 221 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:44,439 Speaker 2: in Stockholm, and I went to visit her there, and 222 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:48,200 Speaker 2: they have a really interesting childcare policy in Stockholm. A 223 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:52,360 Speaker 2: family gets eighteen months of paid leave when a baby comes, 224 00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:55,840 Speaker 2: but one parent's not allowed to take it all. You 225 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:58,839 Speaker 2: have to split it in some form. So what's risen 226 00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:02,320 Speaker 2: because men are being legislated as parents actually happy to 227 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:04,960 Speaker 2: have the time off work and parent is You see 228 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:09,560 Speaker 2: these roving bands in Stockholm of muscled, tattooed, bearded guys 229 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:12,600 Speaker 2: wearing babies, showing up in groups at the coffee shops 230 00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:15,880 Speaker 2: changing diapers together, and I'm just like, wow, this is 231 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:18,480 Speaker 2: this is where we're headed. When we can all just 232 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:21,280 Speaker 2: be human beings and understand there's work that needs to 233 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,360 Speaker 2: be done in the house and out the house, and 234 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:25,240 Speaker 2: we just need to talk to each other about what 235 00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,520 Speaker 2: we like to do best. For instance, I mentioned those 236 00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:30,520 Speaker 2: non traditional gender roles in my own marriage. But yet 237 00:12:30,559 --> 00:12:34,640 Speaker 2: I just hate taking out the trash and my husband 238 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:37,120 Speaker 2: is fine with that. So there's a traditional gender role 239 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:40,640 Speaker 2: we're fine with. Right, you just have to talk about everything. 240 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,480 Speaker 1: Let's take a quick commercial break. We'll continue next on 241 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:50,560 Speaker 1: a Tutor Dixon podcast. I saw a video recently that 242 00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:53,640 Speaker 1: you did about shreking. I don't know what you're talking about. 243 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:56,400 Speaker 1: You said, You're like, shreking is not what is shreking? 244 00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:58,960 Speaker 1: So shreking is twofold? 245 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,679 Speaker 2: What it is this idea that you're dating someone less 246 00:13:01,679 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 2: than you in this case maybe not as physically attractive, 247 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:07,040 Speaker 2: where I tell women to just open up their world. 248 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:11,200 Speaker 2: But secondly, there's another meaning to it with a young generation. 249 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:15,280 Speaker 2: When a woman has been shreked, it means that she has, 250 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:18,840 Speaker 2: in her mind dated below her value a guy who 251 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,920 Speaker 2: didn't make as much money or wasn't as good looking, 252 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:24,440 Speaker 2: and he's still dun'd her. There was still no commitment there, right, 253 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:28,119 Speaker 2: and so she goes, I was shrecked, right, like I 254 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:32,440 Speaker 2: lowered my standards and still right. But I think the 255 00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:38,040 Speaker 2: problem isn't about standards or lowering. It's about young people 256 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:42,040 Speaker 2: not having the skills to fall in love and have 257 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:47,720 Speaker 2: an intimate connection, to prevent ghosting, to prevent situationships. It 258 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:51,440 Speaker 2: will happen. I mean that will happen, preventing that when 259 00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:55,440 Speaker 2: people learn to be open, honest, and vulnerable from the beginning. 260 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:57,920 Speaker 2: In fact, on my very first coffee date with my 261 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:02,360 Speaker 2: now husband, because I know these things, I said to him, Hey, 262 00:14:02,559 --> 00:14:04,839 Speaker 2: you know, instead of us starting off telling each other 263 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:07,559 Speaker 2: just how great we are, why don't we each start 264 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:11,520 Speaker 2: by telling a story about why we think we're completely undateable. 265 00:14:12,559 --> 00:14:16,840 Speaker 2: And he went, oh, okay, you go first. So I 266 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:19,760 Speaker 2: told a story that was very intimate, and then he 267 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:23,040 Speaker 2: shared a story about himself. So we started out with 268 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:25,640 Speaker 2: honesty and authenticity. Hmmm. 269 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:30,040 Speaker 1: That is something that I think young people are struggling 270 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:32,800 Speaker 1: with because you can create a persona online. And I 271 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:37,040 Speaker 1: see this with why I see more with young women, 272 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:40,160 Speaker 1: but probably because I follow young women more than I 273 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:43,280 Speaker 1: follow young men, but especially with the whole like this 274 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,720 Speaker 1: is my bridal shower and this is my wedding, and 275 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,960 Speaker 1: there's a focus on the show of everything and not 276 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:54,000 Speaker 1: the relationship. And I see that crushing people once they 277 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:56,720 Speaker 1: get into marriage and they realize, you know, it's all 278 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:59,680 Speaker 1: about the I have the perfect dress, I've had the 279 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:03,120 Speaker 1: perfect I have the perfect venue, I'm having a baby, 280 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:06,920 Speaker 1: I have the perfect gender reveal, and the days aren't perfect. 281 00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:09,720 Speaker 1: I mean the reality of every mother we know. We 282 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:13,080 Speaker 1: go home and you are pulling your hair out, trying 283 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:16,360 Speaker 1: to stay up past the kids and get them get 284 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:19,440 Speaker 1: them food, and get them washed, and get everything ready 285 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:23,120 Speaker 1: for them. Life is actually really it's not social media. 286 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:27,880 Speaker 1: So when these women get past these moments where they 287 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:32,960 Speaker 1: get through these beautiful social media events and then they 288 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:36,240 Speaker 1: actually get to life, are you seeing that they weren't 289 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:37,920 Speaker 1: prepared for what a relationship is. 290 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:42,280 Speaker 2: Well many people. Yes, I mean they don't have relationship skills, 291 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:45,120 Speaker 2: as I said, because they lost three years of development. Secondly, 292 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:48,840 Speaker 2: they come from a generation of divorce where the parents' 293 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:51,640 Speaker 2: way of solving conflict was to simply separate instead of 294 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:54,640 Speaker 2: learning how to work through conflict. So this is their lesson, right, 295 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:58,920 Speaker 2: and I think that, But I want to remind everybody 296 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:03,200 Speaker 2: that relationships cantills can be learned. You may have an 297 00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:06,480 Speaker 2: anxious attachment style or an ambivalent attachment style from early 298 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:10,440 Speaker 2: childhood stuff, but you can change and you can learn 299 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:14,040 Speaker 2: how to behave. And that's a lot of what I 300 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,160 Speaker 2: think what I teach both on my radio show in 301 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:20,040 Speaker 2: the classroom and on my social media basic communication skills. 302 00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:22,560 Speaker 2: Here's a quick one for you. So whenever you want 303 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:25,880 Speaker 2: to tell your partner something maybe a little bit critical, 304 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:28,200 Speaker 2: maybe a little bit negative, you always begin with a 305 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:32,200 Speaker 2: communication sandwich, which begins with a layer of love, followed 306 00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:34,600 Speaker 2: by a layer of something a little hard to chew on, 307 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:37,240 Speaker 2: backed up by another layer of love. So it goes 308 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:39,640 Speaker 2: like this, Hey, honey, one of the things I love 309 00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:42,360 Speaker 2: about you is you're such an amazing provider. And it's 310 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:45,840 Speaker 2: so great that I have this security and confidence seeing 311 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:47,560 Speaker 2: how hard you work. And I love to see how 312 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,640 Speaker 2: hard you work. But the kids have been noticing that 313 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,360 Speaker 2: you haven't been able to make their baseball games or 314 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:54,440 Speaker 2: their ballet recitals, and we would love to see more 315 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,800 Speaker 2: of you there, because, you know what, we're super proud 316 00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:58,240 Speaker 2: of you and we want to show you off at 317 00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:02,280 Speaker 2: those spaces too. Communication sandwich. How can he complain about 318 00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:05,840 Speaker 2: that criticism? Instead of you're never there, I'm always there alone, 319 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:09,080 Speaker 2: you don't show up at his things right well. 320 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,240 Speaker 1: And that's something that a lot of people. We've gotten 321 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:15,000 Speaker 1: to a point of absolute words are used way too often. 322 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:18,120 Speaker 1: This is the you are always or you are never, 323 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:21,680 Speaker 1: and we see that always every day. 324 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:22,600 Speaker 2: In the political world. 325 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:26,080 Speaker 1: And the political world has infiltrated culture like never before 326 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:29,600 Speaker 1: because of social media, and so I think that that's 327 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,080 Speaker 1: a whole other issue in relationships. But I think that 328 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:35,040 Speaker 1: we are taking a cue from what we see on 329 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:39,680 Speaker 1: the infotainment. You know, it's not news anymore, it's a 330 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:44,879 Speaker 1: twenty four hours of information entertainment, and we see people 331 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:48,160 Speaker 1: fighting like it's always this or it's never that. That 332 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,440 Speaker 1: is coming into our homes, and it seems like it's 333 00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:53,720 Speaker 1: becoming a really dangerous place because there is no gray area, 334 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:57,560 Speaker 1: there's no compromise, there's no discussion, there's no compliments anymore. 335 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:02,000 Speaker 2: And I think you're absolutely right. It comes from the 336 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:06,199 Speaker 2: top down. It's a cultural issue, but we as a 337 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:10,359 Speaker 2: bottom grassroots people need to learn to be kind again, 338 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:13,840 Speaker 2: learn to be understanding. You know, I'm gonna give everybody 339 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:18,040 Speaker 2: a little tip. I follow a social media channel on 340 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:24,160 Speaker 2: Instagram called Global Positive News. They post probably ten times 341 00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:27,560 Speaker 2: a day, So in my feed of all the negativity 342 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:31,280 Speaker 2: and all the awfulness, there are these amazing, heart warming 343 00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:34,840 Speaker 2: stories of people who literally risk their lives for others 344 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:39,520 Speaker 2: or recovered from something, or change something positively. Global positive 345 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:43,199 Speaker 2: news keeps your brain in a place of people are 346 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:45,800 Speaker 2: mostly good. Yesterday I noticed they posted about a guy 347 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:49,920 Speaker 2: who walked twenty seven countries, No, he walked for twenty 348 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:54,720 Speaker 2: seven years, something like eighty one countries and refuse to 349 00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:58,320 Speaker 2: take any wheel to transportation unless he literally had to 350 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:01,080 Speaker 2: take a boat or couldn't get across something. And he 351 00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:02,680 Speaker 2: said that he found that when he ran out of 352 00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:07,159 Speaker 2: money or inability to move, that ninety nine point nine 353 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:11,320 Speaker 2: percent of human beings were kind and helpful all the 354 00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:14,439 Speaker 2: way around the world. And that's our natural state to 355 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:18,439 Speaker 2: be a good person. And in our relationships, what is 356 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:22,639 Speaker 2: a romantic relationship. It's an exchange of care, and we 357 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:25,240 Speaker 2: have to think of all the ways that we can give. 358 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:28,920 Speaker 2: I believe that love is an action word, it's a verb. 359 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:30,720 Speaker 2: It's a verb to give. 360 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:36,520 Speaker 1: So I've read that men are very responsive to what 361 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:39,600 Speaker 1: you just said, that that sandwich conversation, and I don't know, 362 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,439 Speaker 1: I haven't seen as much about how women respond to it. 363 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:46,440 Speaker 1: I would imagine we respond very similarly. But for women 364 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:50,080 Speaker 1: it's sometimes we are sometimes used to getting bogged down 365 00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:53,520 Speaker 1: and we forget to go to our husband's and say hey, 366 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:57,399 Speaker 1: you really helped me today, Hey I appreciate this about you. 367 00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:00,600 Speaker 2: Or even just say you look really great that outfit. 368 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:03,280 Speaker 1: We get to the point where we forget that they 369 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:06,600 Speaker 1: need affirmation as well. So how do we remind women 370 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,920 Speaker 1: that the relationship when it comes to affirmations. I think 371 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,400 Speaker 1: we're used to being the ones that are like, come on, 372 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:14,160 Speaker 1: pour it on us, but. 373 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:17,120 Speaker 2: We have to diss amount too, right exactly, I think 374 00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:21,960 Speaker 2: all humans thrive when they get positive encouragement. In fact, 375 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:25,600 Speaker 2: relationship trick number two, you want to transform your relationship. 376 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,240 Speaker 2: Catch your partner being good, Catch them being good all 377 00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:31,160 Speaker 2: day long. When you catch them being good, and especially 378 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,840 Speaker 2: for the little things, hey, hun, thanks thanks for passing 379 00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:35,720 Speaker 2: the salt, or thanks for doing that. That's so sweet 380 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:39,080 Speaker 2: of you. Besides the fact that it's a positive reward 381 00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:41,040 Speaker 2: system for them, so they start to do more good 382 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:44,600 Speaker 2: things because they like the reward system. Besides that, it 383 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:47,760 Speaker 2: reminds your own brain of why you're there, so you 384 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:51,520 Speaker 2: continue to value your partner. If you spend your life 385 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:53,840 Speaker 2: looking at your partner thinking what have you done for 386 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:57,560 Speaker 2: me lately, you are on a road to a breakup 387 00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:01,399 Speaker 2: or divorce. The thing that keeps long term committed people 388 00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:05,440 Speaker 2: together is they actually kind of overvalue each other. They 389 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:08,560 Speaker 2: believe that they've got a catch, and they keep focusing 390 00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:10,640 Speaker 2: on the fact that they have a high value made. 391 00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:13,439 Speaker 2: And that is a wonderful brain trick that we can 392 00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:16,040 Speaker 2: all do it. 393 00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:19,720 Speaker 1: That's a I think that's an interesting thought. Let's take 394 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:22,440 Speaker 1: a quick commercial break. We'll continue next on the Tutor 395 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:28,359 Speaker 1: Dixon Podcast. In a world where we seem like we 396 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:31,800 Speaker 1: focus on becoming a victim, and I was recently talking 397 00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:35,919 Speaker 1: about this from a political standpoint, on both sides, there 398 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:39,240 Speaker 1: has been this push for this is why you should 399 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,960 Speaker 1: be angry, this is why you deserve to be angry, 400 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,440 Speaker 1: and I do think that that becomes a part of 401 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:47,320 Speaker 1: our culture in relationships too, and I've seen too many 402 00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:52,400 Speaker 1: It's kind of like a social contagion too. In relationships. 403 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,800 Speaker 1: If my friend is unhappy, I can find reasons to 404 00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:57,000 Speaker 1: be unhappy. I don't know that this happens so much 405 00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:59,200 Speaker 1: with men, but I certainly see it with women, where 406 00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:03,080 Speaker 1: you can your friend wants a divorce, and then you 407 00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:05,840 Speaker 1: get there and then everybody kind of is unhappy and 408 00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:09,760 Speaker 1: it sort of like goes through the community like a storm. 409 00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:12,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, you've got good intuition, but let me 410 00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:15,160 Speaker 2: tell you there's data to back you up both marriage 411 00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:19,399 Speaker 2: and divorce. So weddings and divorces are highly contagious among 412 00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:23,400 Speaker 2: social communities, up to six degrees of separation, meaning that 413 00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:26,760 Speaker 2: a couple you don't even know could impact your relationship. 414 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,879 Speaker 2: But going back to politics and the negativity and the anger, 415 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:34,760 Speaker 2: I want to remind you that anger is an activating feeling. 416 00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,680 Speaker 2: It makes people vote, makes people go to the balls. Right. 417 00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:41,520 Speaker 2: So I always tell my students when they send out 418 00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:45,399 Speaker 2: those student ratings of teachers where they're supposed to rate 419 00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:48,679 Speaker 2: their professor, and every school does it, and part of 420 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:51,560 Speaker 2: our salary is based on that, and our job security 421 00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,639 Speaker 2: is based on that. I always tell the students, remember 422 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:57,240 Speaker 2: the small percentage of students, and this is just not 423 00:22:57,280 --> 00:23:00,560 Speaker 2: about my ratings, but all your professors, the percentage of 424 00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:03,280 Speaker 2: students who are unhappy and angry about the quality of 425 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:06,040 Speaker 2: education they received in that class, are going to rush 426 00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:09,240 Speaker 2: to their keyboard because anger is an awful place to keep, 427 00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:11,640 Speaker 2: this awful thing to keep inside. We want to get 428 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,040 Speaker 2: it out of us, and so they rush to keyboards 429 00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:16,360 Speaker 2: to get it out of their bodies. So I said, 430 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:19,640 Speaker 2: if you had a great time in this class, you're 431 00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:21,000 Speaker 2: going to sit back and go, yeah, that was pretty 432 00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:23,239 Speaker 2: good and not do anything about it. It's like a 433 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:25,920 Speaker 2: restaurant yelp review. If you come out of a restaurant 434 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,840 Speaker 2: and have bad service, you're going to run to Yelp. 435 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,080 Speaker 2: If you come out satisfying and feel good, you don't 436 00:23:30,119 --> 00:23:33,359 Speaker 2: run to Yelp. So it's really important that the people 437 00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:37,720 Speaker 2: who have good feelings make those feelings be known online, 438 00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:41,119 Speaker 2: in surveys and at the ballot box when they're voting. 439 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:43,439 Speaker 2: That's how I always judge my Amazon purchase. 440 00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:45,359 Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, I got to look at the reviews 441 00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:47,480 Speaker 1: and see what people say, and then I've got to 442 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:50,400 Speaker 1: drop the few that are just total psychos that clearly 443 00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:53,480 Speaker 1: had something that made them nuts exactly. 444 00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:55,880 Speaker 2: You know what. I think it's either Yelp. I think 445 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,600 Speaker 2: it's Yelp or Google reviews. You can actually click on 446 00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,639 Speaker 2: the reviewer and see all their past Oh don't really, 447 00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,399 Speaker 2: and if they're all negative, I'm like, forget this person 448 00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:06,680 Speaker 2: only complaints. So that's why in my case what I 449 00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:09,240 Speaker 2: leave a lot of Google reviews. I try to balance 450 00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:11,840 Speaker 2: positive and negative. So when people go to look at 451 00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:13,880 Speaker 2: my profile. They'll be like, Oh, I trust her. 452 00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:16,560 Speaker 1: She's kidding you. That's so funny because you're so right. 453 00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:17,800 Speaker 1: I never if I'm happy. 454 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:18,160 Speaker 2: I never. 455 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:21,080 Speaker 1: I'm not a big review lever regardless, but I wouldn't 456 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:23,960 Speaker 1: go to just be like this was wonderful. I love 457 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:24,840 Speaker 1: these genes. 458 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:26,960 Speaker 2: You know. That just doesn't strike me. 459 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:31,800 Speaker 1: So maybe I should up my review system so that 460 00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:34,880 Speaker 1: I can help people out before I let you go. 461 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:39,680 Speaker 1: We are this is the holiday season. We have everybody 462 00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:42,600 Speaker 1: seen family. There are going to be those people who 463 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:44,280 Speaker 1: are going to be asked when are you going to 464 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,879 Speaker 1: meet someone? Or when are you getting married? What's the 465 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:49,040 Speaker 1: next step? Or when are you having kids? How do 466 00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:51,719 Speaker 1: you handle all those questions from family members. 467 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:54,320 Speaker 2: So one of the clients I work with is a 468 00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:58,480 Speaker 2: website called datingadvice dot com where I provide a lot 469 00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:01,280 Speaker 2: of expertise for them, and they just ran a survey 470 00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:04,280 Speaker 2: about who's you know, who's thinking they're going to get engaged, 471 00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:07,400 Speaker 2: how long they've been together, et cetera. I was particularly 472 00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:10,560 Speaker 2: shocked to learn and this was a third survey of 473 00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:14,439 Speaker 2: one thousand single men and women. That's seventy percent of 474 00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:17,119 Speaker 2: single women said they would pay for their own engagement 475 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:19,679 Speaker 2: ring if they could get at this Christmas. This is 476 00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:22,880 Speaker 2: how badly women want a commitment okay, and that men 477 00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:25,280 Speaker 2: are not signing up for commitment a because they feel 478 00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:28,240 Speaker 2: they haven't launched and can't afford a relationship or marriage, 479 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:31,359 Speaker 2: et cetera. Also because there's a high supply of sex 480 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:33,159 Speaker 2: in the economy. You used to have to guys used 481 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:34,800 Speaker 2: to have to get married to have sex, not anymore. 482 00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:40,719 Speaker 2: And so so my advice though regarding family and Christmas 483 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,880 Speaker 2: is if you are an older adult, please don't ask 484 00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:45,960 Speaker 2: that question. Just don't ask it of any single names. 485 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:50,080 Speaker 2: That's a good thing ask. But secondly, if you are 486 00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:54,600 Speaker 2: a single person or anybody coming back to family, remember 487 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:57,199 Speaker 2: what happens when you come back to your family of 488 00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:01,119 Speaker 2: origin as an adult. Everybody becomes twelve years old. Again, 489 00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:05,320 Speaker 2: that old family system from way back when gets activated 490 00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:08,520 Speaker 2: in your brain. So it's okay to limit your time, 491 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:12,040 Speaker 2: limit the kinds of conversations. Decide you know my husband 492 00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:13,760 Speaker 2: and are going to get a hotel instead of staying 493 00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:16,280 Speaker 2: at your house. Mom, don't worry, so that you can 494 00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:21,040 Speaker 2: create safe boundaries around yourself, especially if you've come from 495 00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:24,240 Speaker 2: a childhood where there's been a lot of pain and trauma. Right, 496 00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:27,000 Speaker 2: you don't need to completely throw yourself back into that, 497 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:32,000 Speaker 2: but mostly try to enjoy. Try to enjoy, eat the food. 498 00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:35,159 Speaker 2: Don't think about dieting right now. There's a Sempic in January. 499 00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:39,920 Speaker 1: That is yes, hilarious, that's that's what I'm like. Oh 500 00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:41,880 Speaker 1: my gosh, this is that time. It is that time 501 00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:43,960 Speaker 1: of year when you think all about all of the 502 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,000 Speaker 1: things I'm going to eat and all the things I'm 503 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:49,000 Speaker 1: going to regret that I did eat. But yes, just enjoy. 504 00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:52,800 Speaker 1: This is the it's the It is sometimes the happiest 505 00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:54,840 Speaker 1: time of the year. It can be the most stressful. 506 00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:58,240 Speaker 1: Try to make it the happiest. Enjoy your friends, enjoy 507 00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:00,480 Speaker 1: your family, and try to find I'd love. 508 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:05,359 Speaker 2: That's right, it's coming. Everybody deserves love, everybody. 509 00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:09,960 Speaker 1: I agree, absolutely. And one other thing I wanted to say. 510 00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:13,439 Speaker 1: You were saying that sex comes easy. Also, we're hearing 511 00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:16,320 Speaker 1: the young people aren't even having sex now that this 512 00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:21,360 Speaker 1: is like this, the youngest generation, they have no interest 513 00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:23,359 Speaker 1: in that intimacy. And I kind of wonder if that 514 00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:27,080 Speaker 1: is also because they have been disconnected from one another, 515 00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:30,840 Speaker 1: if they like physical touch is not connecting the way 516 00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:33,280 Speaker 1: it used to. But I guess that's a whole other podcast. 517 00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:35,280 Speaker 2: But I do the podcast. We need to talk about 518 00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:37,760 Speaker 2: the high supply sexual economy. We need to talk about 519 00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:42,000 Speaker 2: how technology and pornography have become a surrogate relationship in 520 00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:44,320 Speaker 2: some ways. So that's a whole other pod. 521 00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,439 Speaker 1: Gosh, I didn't think about that. Maybe that is why 522 00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:50,879 Speaker 1: these young people are like, I don't need it. I 523 00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:53,880 Speaker 1: don't even know what it is. That's, yes, a whole 524 00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:56,760 Speaker 1: other podcast. Doctor Wendy Walsh, thank you so much for 525 00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:57,520 Speaker 1: being on today. 526 00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:58,760 Speaker 2: Good to see you. 527 00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:00,720 Speaker 1: Good to see you too, and thank you all for 528 00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,480 Speaker 1: joining the Tutor Dixon podcast. You can get this episode 529 00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:05,960 Speaker 1: and others at the Tutor Diixon podcast dot com or 530 00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:09,440 Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts, 531 00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:12,119 Speaker 1: or you can watch it on YouTube and run rumble 532 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,520 Speaker 1: at Tutor Dixon. Make sure you join us next time, 533 00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:16,320 Speaker 1: and have a blessed day.