WEBVTT - More Than Just a Mom ft. Aazhia 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.480 Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife. 0:00:03.680 --> 0:00:06.560 She cooked, she cleaned, cared for her children and the 0:00:06.600 --> 0:00:08.360 man of the house, and of course. 0:00:08.200 --> 0:00:09.639 She didn't talk back. 0:00:09.760 --> 0:00:10.600 She was both. 0:00:10.400 --> 0:00:12.240 Obedient and soft by nature. 0:00:12.320 --> 0:00:15.600 She was a good woman who always made good choices. 0:00:16.600 --> 0:00:19.960 That we're good mom's bad choices. Who's single mom? Who said? 0:00:20.000 --> 0:00:22.639 But the patriarchy shared all their bad choices and found 0:00:22.640 --> 0:00:24.079 out they were so bad after all. 0:00:24.000 --> 0:00:24.599 We're experts. 0:00:24.640 --> 0:00:26.479 Overhairs and your new vestie. 0:00:26.680 --> 0:00:29.319 Sit back and near the rive. I can do a 0:00:29.400 --> 0:00:41.640 bad I can do all on my Welcome back to 0:00:41.720 --> 0:00:44.360 good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica, I'm Nila. 0:00:44.640 --> 0:00:49.160 Happy hump Day, Happy Wednesday, y'all, we're back at it again, 0:00:49.280 --> 0:00:52.720 another fine Wednesday with your favorite good moms. 0:00:52.479 --> 0:00:57.640 Back in the girl Cave. How are you? I am good? 0:00:57.760 --> 0:00:59.920 I like your top. It's cute. 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:01.520 Got it in BALI it's cute. 0:01:01.520 --> 0:01:02.000 I like it. 0:01:03.560 --> 0:01:06.000 If you're not subscribed to YouTube, this is your opportunity 0:01:06.040 --> 0:01:08.679 to pause. Go to YouTube follow us there, help us 0:01:08.720 --> 0:01:10.920 monetize this page. I'm really trying my best to not 0:01:10.959 --> 0:01:13.440 curse in the first five minutes five minutes of this episode, 0:01:13.440 --> 0:01:17.880 because apparently, according to our producer. We are unmonetized, unmonetized 0:01:17.880 --> 0:01:19.080 consistently because. 0:01:18.800 --> 0:01:23.240 Of our because every Wednesday we say, hey, our potty mouths. 0:01:23.400 --> 0:01:28.200 So this is me being really really good. Should we 0:01:28.240 --> 0:01:31.920 just get into it. We have a special. 0:01:31.600 --> 0:01:36.360 Guest you guys, And I'm really excited because she actually 0:01:36.360 --> 0:01:39.200 came through the studio a few years ago and just 0:01:39.200 --> 0:01:42.319 like came through like a tornado and fucking style the 0:01:42.319 --> 0:01:43.119 fuck out of us. 0:01:43.080 --> 0:01:44.399 Like one hour. 0:01:44.600 --> 0:01:46.320 It was like she like wrapped us in leathers and 0:01:46.360 --> 0:01:48.200 bonded us and was like boom, we took a picture. 0:01:48.240 --> 0:01:49.760 We took like pictures like four seconds, and it was 0:01:49.760 --> 0:01:51.520 like and then she like disappeared like a thief in 0:01:51.520 --> 0:01:51.840 the night. 0:01:51.880 --> 0:01:52.880 I was like, what the fuck. 0:01:53.720 --> 0:01:55.560 And I've been following I've been following her for so 0:01:55.600 --> 0:01:57.600 long online. I saw her, I saw her at an event. 0:01:57.640 --> 0:02:00.480 I was like, Hi, I'm your friend on Instagram. She's 0:02:00.520 --> 0:02:01.400 like hi, It's like hi. 0:02:02.280 --> 0:02:02.960 That's how we met. 0:02:03.880 --> 0:02:12.160 Well, I'm really excited to introduce Aziah the multifaceted woman, artist, entrepreneur, creative, mother, 0:02:13.040 --> 0:02:14.160 just overall bad bitch. 0:02:15.000 --> 0:02:15.760 Welcome to Good. 0:02:15.639 --> 0:02:19.240 Momp, to be good here today with you guys. Of course, 0:02:19.320 --> 0:02:20.560 I mean I've been here before, but. 0:02:21.440 --> 0:02:23.760 A fellow good mom doing whatever the fuck she wants 0:02:24.160 --> 0:02:27.680 exactly well and so good doing it. 0:02:29.600 --> 0:02:30.600 I'm happy to be here. 0:02:32.040 --> 0:02:34.680 So tell us about you, girl, because like I are you? 0:02:34.960 --> 0:02:36.640 Like, first of all, I think you popped up on 0:02:36.639 --> 0:02:40.160 my feed many many moons ago. As just like with 0:02:40.240 --> 0:02:43.600 these fashions, these like if you guys, take a second 0:02:43.639 --> 0:02:47.200 and go look at her page, she is serving high 0:02:47.240 --> 0:02:51.000 fashion little all the time and making them just like 0:02:51.120 --> 0:02:54.920 wrapping shit, cutting shiit Just you're just so yourself and 0:02:54.960 --> 0:02:55.880 I love that about you. 0:02:56.480 --> 0:02:58.840 Have you always been so yourself? 0:03:00.200 --> 0:03:02.280 Like okay, you me? Who are you ever? 0:03:02.400 --> 0:03:02.720 Really? 0:03:02.760 --> 0:03:06.240 But your your environment. You're the people that grow you, right, 0:03:06.360 --> 0:03:10.320 but you become your own. So it started young, definitely, 0:03:10.400 --> 0:03:13.040 and I always say it started with my sister Janey. 0:03:13.240 --> 0:03:16.320 She's the one that like I looked up to, you know, 0:03:16.480 --> 0:03:22.000 like my big sister. So watching her, she was really 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:25.639 my idea of fashion and what I wanted to do, 0:03:25.840 --> 0:03:28.600 like in that space as a young girl watching her 0:03:28.680 --> 0:03:31.840 cut things, watching her make things, listening to her dreams 0:03:31.880 --> 0:03:33.280 because I didn't know what I wanted. I was just 0:03:33.280 --> 0:03:35.920 a little girl, right and I loved her and just 0:03:35.960 --> 0:03:37.280 wanted to be like her so much. 0:03:37.320 --> 0:03:37.480 So. 0:03:37.920 --> 0:03:41.440 I remember we used to do this game, like a 0:03:41.440 --> 0:03:43.200 computer game. My dad had, you know, like the big 0:03:43.200 --> 0:03:45.560 old school computers in the nineties, and he got us 0:03:45.600 --> 0:03:47.800 like a Barbie game. My thing was barbiees. I was obsessed, 0:03:47.840 --> 0:03:50.120 so like fashion and beauty has been always something I've 0:03:50.160 --> 0:03:54.600 been into. And we used to do fashion shows. You 0:03:54.600 --> 0:03:56.840 would dress up the Barbies. It was like a flat 0:03:57.000 --> 0:03:58.960 Barbie on the computer and you put clothes on that. 0:03:59.440 --> 0:04:02.000 Remember remember that game, that game you listen to it 0:04:02.160 --> 0:04:03.920 the computer? What was that? Like a die? It wasn't 0:04:03.920 --> 0:04:06.120 even dial up. It was a sound the computer made. 0:04:06.120 --> 0:04:10.000 But it's just in my brain, right. So we would 0:04:10.040 --> 0:04:12.160 do these games and my sister said something to me 0:04:12.200 --> 0:04:12.760 I'll never forget. 0:04:12.760 --> 0:04:13.200 We were in an. 0:04:13.160 --> 0:04:15.440 Apartment with my dad and she goes, I want to 0:04:15.440 --> 0:04:17.560 be a designer, right, That's what she said. I'm like, 0:04:18.120 --> 0:04:21.200 that's what I want to be, not knowing I would 0:04:21.240 --> 0:04:24.200 really become one, you know what I mean. So I 0:04:24.360 --> 0:04:28.279 just kept going, Like in life, I kept making things 0:04:28.400 --> 0:04:31.400 as I grew up and figuring it out. And I 0:04:31.440 --> 0:04:35.359 think when you grow up with not a lot, and 0:04:35.920 --> 0:04:37.559 you know, I have kind of like a dual life. 0:04:38.000 --> 0:04:40.200 I was privileged, but I also grew up in the hood, 0:04:40.320 --> 0:04:42.839 so you had to like make things shake with what 0:04:42.960 --> 0:04:45.600 you had, right, you didn't have like all the clothes 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:47.120 and all of this and all the that. Like I 0:04:47.160 --> 0:04:50.039 loved Clueless. You watch her go in her class. That 0:04:50.160 --> 0:04:52.760 was a dream. But I maybe had my one little 0:04:52.800 --> 0:04:56.520 skirt from ross or early ten, some socks, some hand 0:04:56.560 --> 0:04:59.440 I remember one time my dad gave me some hand 0:04:59.480 --> 0:05:01.080 me down g and he wanted me to wear them 0:05:01.120 --> 0:05:05.480 to school. I cried because they were flooded. Not even 0:05:05.520 --> 0:05:07.919 because they were hand me down, they were floodied. I'm like, 0:05:07.960 --> 0:05:10.200 I can't do this. I wore them. I cried. He 0:05:10.279 --> 0:05:12.120 was like, you need to cut it out. I went home, 0:05:12.200 --> 0:05:14.000 pulled out my skirt, I mean, went to school, pulled 0:05:14.040 --> 0:05:16.479 out the skirt that I and I changed. Yeah, and 0:05:16.520 --> 0:05:18.560 I put on my knee. Hyes, like I had to 0:05:18.600 --> 0:05:21.279 give a look. And that was at maybe five. 0:05:21.160 --> 0:05:23.120 Or and now you changed it five or six. 0:05:23.760 --> 0:05:27.080 Yeah. I've been very serious about this for a long time, 0:05:27.200 --> 0:05:30.919 you know. So it started young, and it really was. 0:05:31.000 --> 0:05:34.960 My sister was my seed. My that's pretty. My sister 0:05:35.120 --> 0:05:37.920 was my seed. I love my sister. She's passed away, 0:05:37.960 --> 0:05:41.520 but she is she was, she is my seed. 0:05:41.800 --> 0:05:44.880 Yeah that's beautiful. Yeah they lived out her dream. 0:05:45.560 --> 0:05:47.400 Yeah it's crazy how that happened. 0:05:47.560 --> 0:05:49.720 Yeah, I don't think we realized how much. 0:05:49.760 --> 0:05:52.600 Sometimes, like as children, we're planning seeds for our future. 0:05:52.640 --> 0:05:54.520 And like I think sometimes as a kid, you think 0:05:54.760 --> 0:05:56.920 adulthood and whatever you're gonna be when you grow up 0:05:57.000 --> 0:05:59.839 is so far fetch or so far away. That sometimes 0:06:00.120 --> 0:06:02.640 get we arrived to adulthood like so quickly, and then 0:06:02.640 --> 0:06:04.680 you're like, oh shit, I did I did really like 0:06:04.720 --> 0:06:06.440 this as a kid. I really did do this as 0:06:06.480 --> 0:06:09.240 a kid, and then like it always becomes for full circle. 0:06:09.279 --> 0:06:11.360 But yeah, sometimes we live our lives and like these 0:06:11.440 --> 0:06:14.120 different chapters and like that chapter so far away, but 0:06:14.160 --> 0:06:15.960 in fact it's really not. You know, like all the 0:06:16.000 --> 0:06:18.600 things and dreams that we dream of as kids are 0:06:18.720 --> 0:06:22.000 still so like obtainable in adulthood. But like it's just 0:06:22.040 --> 0:06:24.440 remembering that your dreams are still right there. 0:06:24.360 --> 0:06:25.360 Yeah right there. 0:06:25.480 --> 0:06:25.800 Yeah. 0:06:25.839 --> 0:06:26.440 Absolutely. 0:06:26.760 --> 0:06:27.400 Where are you from? 0:06:27.800 --> 0:06:30.160 I'm from Oakland, Okay, so that's where I was when 0:06:30.160 --> 0:06:31.920 I was talking about the apartment and growing up. My 0:06:32.040 --> 0:06:36.360 dad we our family's home is in Oakland and East Oakland, 0:06:36.440 --> 0:06:42.760 so the Dubs that's where I'm from. Yeah, and my 0:06:42.880 --> 0:06:45.760 dad now lives in Berkeley. My you know, my I 0:06:45.800 --> 0:06:50.760 still have other brothers and sisters and they're scattered throughout California, 0:06:50.839 --> 0:06:51.840 but in northern California. 0:06:51.920 --> 0:06:54.599 Yeah. Yeah, How long have you been been down here? 0:06:55.200 --> 0:06:57.559 Oh, I've been here for a minute, so I would 0:06:57.560 --> 0:06:58.760 say about ten years. 0:06:58.880 --> 0:07:01.479 Did you come come down here with the aspirations of 0:07:01.520 --> 0:07:02.360 being a designer? 0:07:02.520 --> 0:07:07.080 No, I actually came down here. Did you want me 0:07:07.120 --> 0:07:08.760 to be honest with you. I really came down here 0:07:08.760 --> 0:07:11.440 because I had a man and he was much older 0:07:11.440 --> 0:07:13.760 than me. At the time when I moved, I was 0:07:13.840 --> 0:07:16.760 like still I think I think I was like seventeen 0:07:16.840 --> 0:07:19.760 or eighteen, and he was my boyfriend. He was in 0:07:19.760 --> 0:07:22.360 his thirties. So that's extremely like we look at that 0:07:22.440 --> 0:07:25.120 now and we're like, oh, that's completely wrong, But at. 0:07:25.000 --> 0:07:27.760 That time, totally normalized. I was normalized. 0:07:27.840 --> 0:07:33.120 Supermature exactly, Definitely not supermature, definitely doing too much, definitely 0:07:33.200 --> 0:07:36.160 very fast. Okay, definitely what I was telling you guys 0:07:36.200 --> 0:07:39.960 before we started chatting, the finding some sort of distraction, 0:07:40.320 --> 0:07:41.920 you know what I mean, Like, and it was just oh, 0:07:41.920 --> 0:07:44.080 he was a cute guy, like he looked like this, 0:07:44.280 --> 0:07:45.480 he looked like David Beckup. 0:07:45.520 --> 0:07:51.960 Oh my god, I was no shame. How'd you find it? 0:07:53.400 --> 0:07:56.160 I've never dated another white man again. I've actually come 0:07:56.200 --> 0:07:58.280 to a terms with that yesterday. 0:07:58.760 --> 0:08:00.800 Really this is you know what this is around the 0:08:00.840 --> 0:08:04.160 age that I said I'm not as worldly as I think. 0:08:04.240 --> 0:08:06.760 I think that I like black men only, like I 0:08:06.840 --> 0:08:08.360 always like the only black man, but I always be 0:08:08.360 --> 0:08:11.040 trying it. So was there something coming. 0:08:10.840 --> 0:08:11.880 To what happened? 0:08:13.240 --> 0:08:14.600 I've had a lot of yesterday. 0:08:15.120 --> 0:08:20.520 Yesterday it was. 0:08:20.560 --> 0:08:22.840 Just some things, like I said it in my spirit, 0:08:22.920 --> 0:08:24.600 like I'm like, you need to like figure out some 0:08:24.680 --> 0:08:27.920 things and like understand where you're at right now, right 0:08:28.240 --> 0:08:31.880 and with the with these men and relationships and what 0:08:32.000 --> 0:08:34.600 is where are you going? Like what is your bottom 0:08:34.640 --> 0:08:35.480 line at this point? 0:08:35.600 --> 0:08:35.800 Right? 0:08:36.679 --> 0:08:39.679 And being a little weary and not knowing but not 0:08:39.720 --> 0:08:42.320 one hundred percent knowing and being like, oh yeah, I 0:08:42.400 --> 0:08:44.360 kind of want to day I kind of don't or 0:08:44.480 --> 0:08:47.120 whatever always got me into some ship. So I need 0:08:47.160 --> 0:08:49.760 to know because what time it really is with myself 0:08:50.320 --> 0:08:55.840 and I with the interracial things. I don't mind inter 0:08:55.960 --> 0:09:00.840 racial relationships. I've had a great interracial relationships outside of him, 0:09:01.280 --> 0:09:06.760 But I just think that there's such a cultural disconnect 0:09:08.040 --> 0:09:11.080 even if they grow up in an area in the US. Like, 0:09:11.120 --> 0:09:13.840 I've dated a French guy as well, and that was 0:09:13.920 --> 0:09:18.000 extremely strange because but not in a bad way, but 0:09:18.080 --> 0:09:22.240 there was a lot of he didn't understand, like my nuance, okay, 0:09:22.280 --> 0:09:24.360 but he was like so obsessed and loved that I 0:09:24.520 --> 0:09:27.560 was brown skinned and you know, and at times I'm like, 0:09:28.240 --> 0:09:29.800 later on, was that a fetish? 0:09:30.360 --> 0:09:30.520 Right? 0:09:30.640 --> 0:09:33.920 Because he would always show me other black model girls. 0:09:34.000 --> 0:09:35.560 Yeah, you see her, you see her? 0:09:35.640 --> 0:09:36.200 Oh my god? 0:09:36.320 --> 0:09:37.480 Like right? 0:09:38.200 --> 0:09:41.760 And he had friends. I remember one time we read 0:09:41.760 --> 0:09:44.120 out a pool and this is the French guy and 0:09:44.160 --> 0:09:49.080 he says about his friend, a dark skinned woman, black 0:09:49.120 --> 0:09:51.360 girl came in the pool and he comes over to 0:09:51.440 --> 0:09:54.520 us and says, I wonder what her vagina looks like? 0:09:55.280 --> 0:09:56.560 Whoa like? 0:09:56.720 --> 0:10:00.800 He said? He said, it's like a you like, it's 0:10:00.840 --> 0:10:04.280 like But it was derogatory. It wasn't like, oh I 0:10:04.280 --> 0:10:06.600 would love to see it, Oh she's so beautiful. It 0:10:06.640 --> 0:10:08.439 was more like he was made a joke about what 0:10:08.480 --> 0:10:11.520 it could look like because she was black, right, And 0:10:11.600 --> 0:10:17.760 that was the day that that was a very powerful 0:10:17.840 --> 0:10:22.800 day for me because I was like I was still young, 0:10:22.880 --> 0:10:24.959 though then I was I didn't even I wasn't even 0:10:24.960 --> 0:10:28.080 a mom yet. I was probably twenty one when that happened, right, 0:10:28.160 --> 0:10:34.480 and then the American Ex that was like David Beckham aesthetic, 0:10:34.880 --> 0:10:37.679 like he was a vibe. He was in fashion like 0:10:37.720 --> 0:10:39.760 I really just like it was more so about the 0:10:39.840 --> 0:10:42.760 image with him, right, And I thought like that meant something. 0:10:43.080 --> 0:10:44.600 So I didn't know who I was. I just oh, 0:10:44.640 --> 0:10:46.640 he was hot. I liked him, you know, he had 0:10:46.679 --> 0:10:48.440 a little coin on him. He could do things for me. 0:10:48.480 --> 0:10:50.680 I didn't have to, Like I felt really mature because 0:10:50.720 --> 0:10:54.480 I started modeling at thirteen. I was always around adults 0:10:54.520 --> 0:10:56.959 and I wasn't. I was like, I felt like all 0:10:56.960 --> 0:10:58.640 the boys in school. I'm like, what can I do 0:10:58.720 --> 0:10:59.280 with you? 0:10:59.280 --> 0:10:59.920 You know what I mean? 0:11:00.320 --> 0:11:02.920 Granted I made my own money, but still he could 0:11:03.000 --> 0:11:05.040 keep up. It was if I did it a high schooler, 0:11:05.720 --> 0:11:09.120 what are we doing? I was doing photo shoots, I 0:11:09.200 --> 0:11:12.440 was on runways. I was getting paid really good money, 0:11:12.840 --> 0:11:14.920 you know. So it was just like it didn't make sense. 0:11:14.960 --> 0:11:17.080 It felt like I needed to be with somebody older 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:19.520 who could like match me, or I could learn something 0:11:19.559 --> 0:11:23.200 from is what I thought was happening. And I found 0:11:23.240 --> 0:11:26.240 out with the American guy. He was just completely I 0:11:26.280 --> 0:11:30.280 think he actually had an issue. What did they call 0:11:30.320 --> 0:11:31.720 it when you like young people? 0:11:32.160 --> 0:11:32.640 Pedophile? 0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:39.800 Yeah, I wasn't say I wasn't. No, I wasn't gonna 0:11:39.800 --> 0:11:43.240 say pedophile because because we actually met when I was thirteen, 0:11:44.080 --> 0:11:44.360 well you. 0:11:45.880 --> 0:11:46.080 Weren't. 0:11:47.240 --> 0:11:49.360 We never did anything, but we had each other's numbers. 0:11:49.360 --> 0:11:50.560 He waited, he did wait. 0:11:51.000 --> 0:11:53.240 What I will say, he prayed, like I was trying to. 0:11:53.200 --> 0:11:56.320 Say, like a situation. 0:11:56.440 --> 0:11:59.199 And it was a bad relationship, like because he wanted 0:11:59.200 --> 0:12:03.199 to control me, right, he wanted me as this girl 0:12:03.240 --> 0:12:11.880 that could become what he wanted. And I'm ungroomable. These 0:12:11.920 --> 0:12:14.200 men have tried to groom me my whole life. 0:12:14.280 --> 0:12:17.040 Yeah, even now, well, I mean I would imagine too. 0:12:17.280 --> 0:12:18.880 I actually didn't know that you were like a child 0:12:19.000 --> 0:12:21.720 model and that world in that space, yeah can be 0:12:21.760 --> 0:12:27.080 so it's literally for that, not for that reason, but 0:12:27.320 --> 0:12:31.000 so many young girls in that space have been subject 0:12:31.120 --> 0:12:34.160 to predatory men and women, like just in general. And 0:12:34.200 --> 0:12:36.720 you are around a lot of older people and even 0:12:36.760 --> 0:12:39.280 the models, I mean I think sometimes too, like we 0:12:39.280 --> 0:12:41.000 don't even realize when we're looking at models in some 0:12:41.000 --> 0:12:44.199 of these Vogue fashion magazines these are like thirteen year 0:12:44.200 --> 0:12:48.520 old girls, fourteen year old girls wearing like designer Dulce 0:12:48.640 --> 0:12:51.600 and gabana because they're tiny and they're like little fingers 0:12:51.640 --> 0:12:53.560 and tall and they're awkward, but they're like, you know, 0:12:53.960 --> 0:12:55.040 awkward in the most. 0:12:54.840 --> 0:12:57.960 Like beautiful, high fashion way. But they're children. 0:12:58.040 --> 0:13:01.400 If we really think about it, the industry is like 0:13:01.559 --> 0:13:04.680 on some weird ship, like some fetishizing young women. It's 0:13:04.760 --> 0:13:07.320 it's kind of weird because there's oh, it's because she's young, 0:13:07.360 --> 0:13:09.400 she looks youthful and she's little. Now it's that shit 0:13:09.480 --> 0:13:10.400 is not sexy, no shit. 0:13:10.600 --> 0:13:15.920 Our society primes men to think that young girls are 0:13:16.520 --> 0:13:19.240 the app like the epitome of beauty purity, and it 0:13:19.240 --> 0:13:23.080 starts with like hairlessness and like like yeah, purity culture 0:13:23.120 --> 0:13:26.960 there is. It's literally they like to say it's biological 0:13:27.080 --> 0:13:31.120 because young women are fruitful, but it's literally seeds that 0:13:31.160 --> 0:13:34.959 are planted socially in our society that make it okay. 0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:36.480 And then you look at the government, you look at 0:13:36.520 --> 0:13:38.080 where we are, and you look at what's at when 0:13:38.080 --> 0:13:41.760 this when the fucking cover is uncovered that the men 0:13:41.880 --> 0:13:47.240 are fucking kids, and it's because this is society in 0:13:47.280 --> 0:13:49.760 which we exist in and yeah, it's real shit. 0:13:49.800 --> 0:13:50.079 It is. 0:13:50.880 --> 0:13:54.440 Yeah, it's dark space. 0:13:54.520 --> 0:13:57.439 I mean even like like Brad Pitt was kissing Uh, 0:13:57.960 --> 0:14:02.360 here's Dunce and Diary, a vampire like who was normalized 0:14:02.640 --> 0:14:04.880 green lighted this. There's been a lot of shit like that, 0:14:04.920 --> 0:14:07.320 but yet now everyone's waking up and thinking like, oh shit, 0:14:07.400 --> 0:14:10.040 this is insane. Yeah, and I'm I mean I had 0:14:10.600 --> 0:14:14.280 hella grown ass men boyfriends in high school and I 0:14:14.320 --> 0:14:16.720 was like, I'm so mature. I actually ran into one 0:14:16.920 --> 0:14:18.880 I saw when we were out this weekend, and I 0:14:18.920 --> 0:14:21.560 was like looking at him, like, wow, you're fucking old, 0:14:21.640 --> 0:14:22.720 and that's weird. 0:14:22.920 --> 0:14:25.440 That's how I felt about the guy now, the white 0:14:25.480 --> 0:14:36.320 guy recently David Okay, Like no, he's like ill. Now 0:14:36.560 --> 0:14:39.520 he's so ill, and he's like so Dwayne. He's tried 0:14:39.560 --> 0:14:40.360 to add to block him. 0:14:40.560 --> 0:14:43.320 Yeah, oh my god. Let this be a message for 0:14:43.360 --> 0:14:45.960 any young girl. He'll be fun. 0:14:46.560 --> 0:14:47.920 But also, you know, I mean and Erica had this 0:14:47.920 --> 0:14:51.160 conversation this week as far as like this conversation is 0:14:51.920 --> 0:14:53.640 the problem is, and this is what I really I 0:14:53.680 --> 0:14:58.600 hope young women are listening to this is women are 0:14:58.600 --> 0:15:03.080 not empowered to say you're making me uncomfortable. Stop, no, 0:15:03.280 --> 0:15:05.720 I don't want to. And so we kind of have 0:15:05.880 --> 0:15:10.960 also been socialized to normalize certain behaviors and not realize 0:15:10.960 --> 0:15:13.760 it's creepy, it's weird, and then so and then when 0:15:13.760 --> 0:15:18.080 you call men fucking predators, they're like, oh, what do 0:15:18.120 --> 0:15:20.920 you mean? But they want to have predatorial behavior without 0:15:20.960 --> 0:15:22.840 anyone ever labeling it, And as soon as you say 0:15:22.840 --> 0:15:26.560 something like rapie or predator or I'm uncomfortable, then they 0:15:26.600 --> 0:15:27.240 want to react. 0:15:27.280 --> 0:15:28.160 And then they want to be. 0:15:28.080 --> 0:15:30.400 Like, ugh, like nigga, don't act like a predator and 0:15:30.400 --> 0:15:31.880 we won't have to label it. But I think a 0:15:31.880 --> 0:15:34.160 lot of the issue is as young women, we are 0:15:34.200 --> 0:15:35.800 not empowered to say the thing. 0:15:36.400 --> 0:15:37.320 You know, what's okay? 0:15:37.320 --> 0:15:37.480 God? 0:15:37.520 --> 0:15:39.800 Oh no, go ahead, what's interesting to me about what 0:15:39.840 --> 0:15:44.200 you just said? It comes from our mothers, and a 0:15:44.280 --> 0:15:46.720 lot everybody's mother But I'll speak for mine because she 0:15:47.000 --> 0:15:51.320 is a baby boomer, right, and not every baby boomer 0:15:51.400 --> 0:15:54.560 is like this, But women have been silenced for so 0:15:54.840 --> 0:15:58.120 long that they don't know how to activate their voice, 0:15:58.360 --> 0:16:01.520 and we're living in the time of what the repercussions 0:16:01.520 --> 0:16:04.440 of that look like. So I'm a child, I'm not 0:16:04.480 --> 0:16:07.200 going to say victim. But I'm a child that my 0:16:07.280 --> 0:16:10.120 mother wanted to protect me. But she was also afraid 0:16:10.200 --> 0:16:13.400 to use her voice and even sometimes maybe even had 0:16:13.440 --> 0:16:14.400 the language. 0:16:14.040 --> 0:16:15.880 Yet the language just what I'm saying, you literally have 0:16:15.920 --> 0:16:17.760 to say, you're making me uncomfortable. We don't even know 0:16:17.800 --> 0:16:19.600 where to begin and what to say because men are 0:16:19.640 --> 0:16:22.440 so sensitive about being what they are. 0:16:22.600 --> 0:16:25.800 Well, I know, speaking for my mother, she came from 0:16:26.160 --> 0:16:32.920 a background where she watched my my grandfather, her father 0:16:33.800 --> 0:16:38.280 abuse her mother. So not everybody's situation is like that, right, 0:16:38.360 --> 0:16:40.840 But she grew up and she's the oldest out of 0:16:40.880 --> 0:16:46.480 all of the children in her family. She has three 0:16:46.520 --> 0:16:49.600 sisters and two brothers, so that's five kids and she's 0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:50.080 the oldest. 0:16:50.160 --> 0:16:50.320 Right. 0:16:50.800 --> 0:16:53.720 So my mom is a sweet woman, right, like loving 0:16:53.880 --> 0:16:58.280 sweet like she is a great woman. But she was 0:16:58.480 --> 0:17:00.720 she really got to understand what was going on, and 0:17:00.760 --> 0:17:02.440 I remember she would say things to me like if 0:17:02.440 --> 0:17:04.959 we watched when we watched the Tina Turner thing, right, 0:17:05.200 --> 0:17:07.159 I don't ever let a man hit you, And that 0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:12.320 meant something to me. But without understanding of the depth 0:17:12.359 --> 0:17:15.160 of that which comes with communication and as a mother, 0:17:15.359 --> 0:17:18.200 one thing I realized growing up because nobody listened to me, 0:17:18.800 --> 0:17:23.680 I went had a fucking horrible childhood, horrible because nobody listened. 0:17:23.880 --> 0:17:27.280 Nobody listened, and nobody explained anything to me. And you 0:17:27.400 --> 0:17:31.920 need to understand your child, what type of spirit they have, right, 0:17:32.000 --> 0:17:36.399 And it gives me chills because it really comes down 0:17:36.440 --> 0:17:38.320 to knowing what kind of kid you have and just 0:17:38.359 --> 0:17:40.440 talking to them. I know I have a sensitive son. 0:17:40.760 --> 0:17:42.800 I know he's sensitive, and I know he's growing up 0:17:42.800 --> 0:17:45.280 in a world. He's a young black man, right, he's 0:17:45.280 --> 0:17:47.439 growing up in a broken home, not saying that in 0:17:47.480 --> 0:17:50.800 a negative way, but he doesn't have a two parent household. 0:17:51.000 --> 0:17:53.240 So sometimes he's getting this information over here and getting 0:17:53.240 --> 0:17:56.240 this information over here, and he's trying to figure it out, right, 0:17:56.280 --> 0:18:00.240 So I have to give him psychology, psychology behind things 0:18:00.520 --> 0:18:04.200 so he can make it make sense in his mind. 0:18:04.280 --> 0:18:06.840 And he comes back with questions and he understands, and 0:18:07.200 --> 0:18:10.240 you know, because if he thinks that he can get 0:18:10.359 --> 0:18:13.280 he's emotional, because he is a very sensitive kid. And 0:18:13.320 --> 0:18:15.439 I love that about him. But I'm like, our thing is, 0:18:15.760 --> 0:18:19.199 don't let your emotions control you. You can have them, 0:18:19.359 --> 0:18:22.280 but you don't let them control you. So whenever you 0:18:22.320 --> 0:18:25.400 get upset, just with yourself, for a second. Just take 0:18:25.400 --> 0:18:27.879 a breather, take it in. Think about how you're feeling 0:18:28.160 --> 0:18:32.240 as opposed to doing something bad or acting out. Just 0:18:32.280 --> 0:18:35.040 think about it. And one thing people always say about 0:18:35.119 --> 0:18:38.600 him like, wow, he's so introspective and while he's so 0:18:38.800 --> 0:18:40.960 like well behaved and you know, and not in a 0:18:40.960 --> 0:18:43.720 way where he's like he can't be himself because I, 0:18:44.000 --> 0:18:47.359 you know me, I'm be you. We're doing activities for 0:18:47.440 --> 0:18:50.040 him to find that out and figure that out. But 0:18:50.119 --> 0:18:52.600 there is this space where you have to know how to, like, 0:18:53.119 --> 0:18:55.840 you know, make it make sense to children. And I 0:18:55.880 --> 0:18:59.600 think when my mom watched her mother get abused, right, 0:18:59.640 --> 0:19:02.160 and she doesn't even really like talking to me about it, 0:19:02.720 --> 0:19:04.439 with a couple of times we talked about it, she 0:19:04.520 --> 0:19:09.040 broke down in tears. And when you've been taught not 0:19:09.119 --> 0:19:11.520 to activate your voice, which I'm sure maybe my grandmother 0:19:11.600 --> 0:19:15.159 didn't do that much right, And now my mother is 0:19:15.200 --> 0:19:16.960 here and she's trying to raise me, she doesn't really 0:19:17.040 --> 0:19:18.880 know how to. I just want you to be safe, 0:19:18.880 --> 0:19:21.600 I want you to be okay. But I needed the explaining. 0:19:22.040 --> 0:19:24.400 I needed it broken down, you know. And so we're 0:19:24.440 --> 0:19:27.080 seeing what that looks like of not being able to 0:19:27.280 --> 0:19:29.720 say what you need to say to a man. And 0:19:29.800 --> 0:19:31.840 now I've grown and went through all the shit, a 0:19:31.880 --> 0:19:33.960 lot of shit, and I'm like, oh no, baby, we're 0:19:34.000 --> 0:19:36.080 not doing that. This is what it is today, you know. 0:19:36.160 --> 0:19:38.560 And I think that's so empowering for women to be 0:19:38.600 --> 0:19:41.480 able to know who they are and be okay to 0:19:41.560 --> 0:19:44.320 say no. But when I was twenty two or twenty 0:19:44.320 --> 0:19:48.119 one dating this thirty old man, he was manipulating. 0:19:47.320 --> 0:19:49.080 You're like, I guess I'm gonna be quiet. He's older 0:19:49.080 --> 0:19:54.200 than money exactly. And kids need scripts, That's what I'm 0:19:54.200 --> 0:19:56.600 really saying. We need specific scripts to say. Like I 0:19:56.680 --> 0:19:58.080 was talking to someone. I think they were a teacher, 0:19:58.119 --> 0:20:00.159 and they're like the kids. The problem is the with 0:20:00.200 --> 0:20:02.199 the kids is they're not dumb, but they're literally you 0:20:02.280 --> 0:20:03.960 have to show them. She was like they were doing 0:20:04.000 --> 0:20:07.240 like basic showing kids basic things and they're like how 0:20:07.280 --> 0:20:09.040 to iron and she was like, the kids didn't even 0:20:09.080 --> 0:20:11.040 fucking know to plug the iron in. And she's like, 0:20:11.080 --> 0:20:13.080 our first response is be like, are you fucking stupid? 0:20:13.359 --> 0:20:14.720 And it's like that would be my first thought, but 0:20:14.760 --> 0:20:17.639 it's like if you don't literally show a child, but 0:20:18.080 --> 0:20:18.880 how would they know that? 0:20:19.000 --> 0:20:21.159 Yeah, that wouldn't be my first thought because literally, like 0:20:21.240 --> 0:20:22.920 why why would I think these kids were like in 0:20:22.960 --> 0:20:25.880 junior high. So it's to. 0:20:25.920 --> 0:20:30.160 Us it's common sense, but you are assuming that children 0:20:30.200 --> 0:20:33.280 know certain things. But we are literally the first person 0:20:33.400 --> 0:20:36.639 to show examples of and that includes especially with communication. 0:20:37.040 --> 0:20:39.480 You can present an idea, but if you're in this 0:20:39.520 --> 0:20:42.560 situation and you're fearful, or you've never seen a woman 0:20:42.680 --> 0:20:44.800 use her words or say fuck no, get the fuck 0:20:44.840 --> 0:20:47.480 off me, or whatever it is, you literally don't have 0:20:48.040 --> 0:20:51.120 the words. So it's so important in like as parents, 0:20:51.440 --> 0:20:53.600 especially as women, especially with little you know of little 0:20:53.680 --> 0:20:56.960 men and young men. It's like giving them literally the 0:20:57.119 --> 0:20:59.439 lines to say in the case that this does not 0:20:59.480 --> 0:21:00.200 feel good to. 0:21:00.119 --> 0:21:02.600 You, So yeah, you do. You have to teach them that. 0:21:03.640 --> 0:21:04.720 I want to go back to you. 0:21:04.960 --> 0:21:09.920 You lightly touched on or said that you I think 0:21:10.000 --> 0:21:12.760 believe or feel as though your son comes from a 0:21:12.760 --> 0:21:16.720 broken home. I'm curious about, like what that, what that 0:21:16.840 --> 0:21:20.399 means to you. Okay, just because you know I'm a 0:21:20.440 --> 0:21:22.440 single mom as well, I don't identify as my child 0:21:22.480 --> 0:21:24.720 coming from a broken home because I see I see 0:21:24.720 --> 0:21:27.800 so many people that are married that are there's no 0:21:27.800 --> 0:21:31.040 communication happening in their household either, Yeah, which could be 0:21:31.119 --> 0:21:33.399 perceived as a broken broken home as well too. So 0:21:33.440 --> 0:21:35.159 I'm just wondering, So, what is your definition of a 0:21:35.160 --> 0:21:35.560 broken home? 0:21:35.880 --> 0:21:40.520 Me, a broken home is a where the mother and 0:21:40.560 --> 0:21:44.120 father that created the child they have a broken relationship 0:21:44.119 --> 0:21:47.840 in some capacity. And so for me, like my son, 0:21:47.920 --> 0:21:50.080 we were together when he was born, but he doesn't 0:21:50.080 --> 0:21:52.280 remember a lot of the time when he after that 0:21:54.040 --> 0:21:57.919 and he has seen us. We're good, we're good, we 0:21:57.960 --> 0:22:00.719 get along, we have love for each other, or not together, 0:22:01.000 --> 0:22:05.280 you know. So to me, being in two places also 0:22:05.480 --> 0:22:08.280 is like a broken like. You can make it, like 0:22:08.320 --> 0:22:10.760 we were talking about earlier, you can make these things 0:22:10.920 --> 0:22:16.520 become normal. We can normalize these things. But for me, 0:22:17.520 --> 0:22:19.359 I think that that's what I would that's what I 0:22:19.359 --> 0:22:21.520 consider to be broken home. Like he has. Sometimes he 0:22:21.560 --> 0:22:23.920 goes with his dad, sometimes he goes with me. We're 0:22:23.920 --> 0:22:26.719 making the best of our situation, but we're not together, 0:22:26.840 --> 0:22:30.280 and that's a broken nucleus. The family nucleus is a 0:22:30.320 --> 0:22:32.640 mother and father together having a child and raising them. 0:22:32.640 --> 0:22:32.800 Well. 0:22:32.840 --> 0:22:35.480 Now, if I choose I want another kid, I don't 0:22:35.480 --> 0:22:38.000 know if I'll ever have a husband, just because of 0:22:38.359 --> 0:22:41.600 my mindset now about how I feel about relationships. But 0:22:41.680 --> 0:22:44.239 let's say I don't get the husband, but I have 0:22:44.320 --> 0:22:48.600 a best friend that I love down and it gives 0:22:48.800 --> 0:22:51.680 husband or you know, we're there for each other as friends. 0:22:51.960 --> 0:22:53.760 But I want another kid and he doesn't have a kid. Okay, 0:22:53.800 --> 0:22:56.720 let's have a kid together. I would, and we get along. 0:22:56.760 --> 0:22:58.879 But we live in two different homes. I wouldn't consider 0:22:58.920 --> 0:23:01.639 that a broken home because we are we made the 0:23:01.680 --> 0:23:04.200 conscious choice to say, let's have this kid together and 0:23:04.280 --> 0:23:08.360 let's raise them to be these amazing there little these 0:23:08.400 --> 0:23:09.840 amazing human beings in this world. 0:23:09.920 --> 0:23:12.000 So what I'm hearing is like collaboration, yah, is the 0:23:12.040 --> 0:23:14.879 collaborating on the raising of the child, not just having 0:23:14.920 --> 0:23:17.480 a cool relationship with your baby daddy. But you still 0:23:17.480 --> 0:23:22.800 are kind of navigating as these individual nucleuses, raising this 0:23:22.960 --> 0:23:23.920 entity that you've created. 0:23:24.040 --> 0:23:26.560 Yeah, and when I say broken home, I don't want 0:23:26.600 --> 0:23:30.159 it to be negative. But that's just the term that 0:23:30.240 --> 0:23:32.040 we know. But I know a lot of people have 0:23:32.200 --> 0:23:35.399 associated that being with something negative. I'm making the best 0:23:35.600 --> 0:23:39.119 with my son with his circumstance and with my with 0:23:39.160 --> 0:23:42.200 our situation. But at the end of the day, we're 0:23:42.200 --> 0:23:44.320 not together and we could be together and it could 0:23:44.320 --> 0:23:46.600 be horrible, and I could, you know, be in the 0:23:46.600 --> 0:23:50.160 worst relationship right, and that is still breaking. I grew 0:23:50.240 --> 0:23:53.320 up with a two parent household with my mom being married, 0:23:53.760 --> 0:23:56.880 but they had a horrible relationship, even though that wasn't 0:23:56.880 --> 0:24:00.439 my daddy, but still it was. I saw Mayorge and 0:24:00.480 --> 0:24:03.439 it was a broken marriage right. To me, it was 0:24:03.760 --> 0:24:06.719 that was a broken situation I was in. And then 0:24:06.760 --> 0:24:10.239 the fact that my parents weren't together was a broken 0:24:10.560 --> 0:24:13.919 you know narrative. But I had love from all of 0:24:13.960 --> 0:24:17.359 these places, which was good, right, but it still was 0:24:17.400 --> 0:24:20.960 like a broken nucleus. So to me, that's like a broken. 0:24:22.440 --> 0:24:23.679 Home. Got it. 0:24:23.920 --> 0:24:26.080 Yeah, you said that you want another kid, but you 0:24:26.080 --> 0:24:28.320 don't know if you would like be married. What is 0:24:28.359 --> 0:24:30.919 your perspective and outlook on relationships right now that you 0:24:30.920 --> 0:24:32.600 think that may not be a possibility for you? 0:24:33.520 --> 0:24:36.400 Okay, So this is another thing I came to terms yesterday. 0:24:37.720 --> 0:24:38.680 You came on the right day. 0:24:39.280 --> 0:24:41.600 Oh my god, the moon was mooning. 0:24:41.720 --> 0:24:43.680 I looked up at the moon last night because I 0:24:43.720 --> 0:24:45.800 think the full moon was like two days ago, every 0:24:45.840 --> 0:24:46.400 three days. 0:24:46.200 --> 0:24:48.600 Ago, and I was like, bitch, you still round as hell? 0:24:48.800 --> 0:24:51.480 What lessons have I not learned since yesterday when you 0:24:51.520 --> 0:24:53.240 were supposed to be full and I was like, I 0:24:53.240 --> 0:24:55.280 feels like the full moon is like this energy right 0:24:55.320 --> 0:24:57.720 now is just and now we're in a retrograde too. Yeah, 0:24:57.760 --> 0:25:00.360 in cancer, I'm always in a retrograde. I was born 0:25:00.400 --> 0:25:05.919 in retrograde. So I feel like red. 0:25:06.359 --> 0:25:06.439 D. 0:25:08.560 --> 0:25:10.440 Sorry I mean to interrupt your thought, but like, yeah, 0:25:10.480 --> 0:25:12.840 what what is to follow what Mila was saying, like, 0:25:12.880 --> 0:25:14.560 where are you at now in that regard? 0:25:14.680 --> 0:25:21.320 Okay, so says yesterday, I am really really really happy. 0:25:21.400 --> 0:25:23.480 I've always you know, when I'm seeing I'm like, okay, 0:25:23.480 --> 0:25:25.359 I like this. I'm never I've never been desperate for 0:25:25.400 --> 0:25:29.120 a relationship. But I'm a relationship girl, if that makes sense, 0:25:29.160 --> 0:25:34.080 Like tend to be in relationships. But I really really 0:25:34.440 --> 0:25:38.000 love being single. And I had to accept that in 0:25:38.040 --> 0:25:40.399 the video that I posted talking about you know, these 0:25:40.960 --> 0:25:43.639 these things that are indoctrinated in us, Like I have 0:25:43.680 --> 0:25:45.360 to sit back and think about that for myself too, 0:25:45.400 --> 0:25:48.520 write about what has been imposed on me as a woman, 0:25:48.920 --> 0:25:51.800 that I'm shaping my life by these things. Is that 0:25:52.040 --> 0:25:53.199 really my divinity? 0:25:53.680 --> 0:25:54.360 You know what I mean? 0:25:54.480 --> 0:25:57.800 Like, is that really what God called me here to 0:25:57.840 --> 0:26:00.560 do is to be conformed to the these. 0:26:01.240 --> 0:26:03.480 Structures, check out these boxes. 0:26:03.160 --> 0:26:06.439 Mindset and all of that, and I don't feel like 0:26:06.520 --> 0:26:10.359 that's for me. The more I've come into my identity 0:26:10.720 --> 0:26:14.040 and owning my individuality, I've I know, I'm segueing, I'm 0:26:14.040 --> 0:26:18.160 gonna go back, but it's helped me really understand what 0:26:18.200 --> 0:26:20.840 it is that works for me. And I don't have. 0:26:20.800 --> 0:26:21.399 It all together. 0:26:21.440 --> 0:26:26.480 But what I did realize that I love being single, 0:26:27.240 --> 0:26:31.679 and I don't want to conform for a man. I 0:26:31.680 --> 0:26:32.119 don't want to. 0:26:32.680 --> 0:26:35.080 And what if you found a man who didn't ask 0:26:35.119 --> 0:26:35.919 you to conform? 0:26:36.000 --> 0:26:41.400 Now that's the thing, so conform. But also I don't 0:26:41.440 --> 0:26:45.280 want to sacrifice. And the sacrifice you can have a 0:26:45.359 --> 0:26:47.840 you can be in a great loving relationship. And I 0:26:47.880 --> 0:26:49.840 love the idea of love and having a partner. I 0:26:49.840 --> 0:26:52.560 think it's great because again, if I want to have 0:26:52.600 --> 0:26:55.080 a kid, I don't want to just have I don't 0:26:55.080 --> 0:26:58.280 want to create a broken situation, you know, and I 0:26:58.320 --> 0:27:00.359 don't and I really don't want to say that, like 0:27:00.440 --> 0:27:03.720 my son's situation's bad, But I want to have a 0:27:03.880 --> 0:27:08.199 loving environment where whether or not we're like together, living together, 0:27:08.560 --> 0:27:11.520 we have come together to raise this child in an 0:27:11.560 --> 0:27:14.119 immaculate way, right, and we have the same values and 0:27:14.160 --> 0:27:17.719 same morals. There's no disconnect, right, and we can always 0:27:17.720 --> 0:27:23.040 communicate our way through everything. Anyway, going back, there are 0:27:23.080 --> 0:27:26.720 men there, There are men like that. But the sacrifice 0:27:26.720 --> 0:27:34.200 aspect is I have to make sure you're always okay. 0:27:34.600 --> 0:27:36.240 Well, you become responsible for their feelings. 0:27:36.320 --> 0:27:39.240 Yeah, and not that I don't think that's like, that's 0:27:39.280 --> 0:27:41.520 a great thing if you want that, but I don't 0:27:41.600 --> 0:27:44.000 want it. I don't want to have to think about 0:27:44.560 --> 0:27:46.800 I need to make this man dinner tonight. And if 0:27:46.840 --> 0:27:49.480 I don't make him dinner and he's okay with that, 0:27:50.760 --> 0:27:53.919 you're internalizing that. In a month later, you're upset with me, 0:27:54.040 --> 0:27:56.359 and now we have to talk about these things. I 0:27:56.400 --> 0:27:58.280 don't want to have to do that. I don't want 0:27:58.320 --> 0:28:00.840 to have to work through all this shit. It with you, bitch, 0:28:01.840 --> 0:28:03.679 you know what I'm saying, Like I don't and it 0:28:03.840 --> 0:28:06.280 and I and I and I thought that maybe it 0:28:06.400 --> 0:28:10.359 was selfish to be like this, but it's like I choose, 0:28:10.359 --> 0:28:13.880 I'm choosing me. I'm choosing me, and if a man 0:28:13.920 --> 0:28:15.720 were to come in my life, he's going to feel 0:28:15.720 --> 0:28:17.880 like he can't have all of me. And I want 0:28:17.880 --> 0:28:18.360 it that way. 0:28:19.680 --> 0:28:21.520 Yeah, I resonate with that. 0:28:21.800 --> 0:28:24.959 I resonate with that as someone who's newly single myself, 0:28:25.000 --> 0:28:26.639 maybe this is newly maybe you know what. And I 0:28:26.760 --> 0:28:31.000 and I've I've been like deeply analyzing this process of 0:28:31.040 --> 0:28:35.320 me uncoupling from somebody that I was deeply in, you know, 0:28:35.680 --> 0:28:39.680 entrenched in for two years, and my my normal habits 0:28:39.720 --> 0:28:42.360 of what happens after I exit a relationship because I 0:28:42.360 --> 0:28:47.560 can see the like the habits that come up. Right, 0:28:47.600 --> 0:28:50.840 it's like, oh, let me replace this energy with something else, 0:28:51.160 --> 0:28:54.480 or let me go down a rabbit path of checking 0:28:54.480 --> 0:28:58.000 his Instagram every five seconds, or let me like start 0:28:58.080 --> 0:28:59.920 new business, or let me like you know, like it's 0:29:00.040 --> 0:29:00.800 just like you feel like you have. 0:29:00.760 --> 0:29:02.000 To rebrand your whole shit. 0:29:03.000 --> 0:29:05.680 And part of one of the things that I realized 0:29:05.720 --> 0:29:09.440 as I was exiting this relationship was that part is that, 0:29:09.520 --> 0:29:13.800 like I was, like I as much as like I 0:29:13.880 --> 0:29:18.760 have in some ways prioritize relationships in my life. I 0:29:18.960 --> 0:29:21.920 realized that I have a really hard time with compromise, 0:29:22.760 --> 0:29:25.240 and I can do it for so long, but it's 0:29:25.280 --> 0:29:28.280 not I don't have longevity in it. And so I 0:29:28.320 --> 0:29:31.360 was like, do I am am I really a relationship girly, 0:29:31.520 --> 0:29:34.880 like I think I am or do I just attract 0:29:34.960 --> 0:29:38.840 relationships and because I am attractive and not just physically 0:29:38.920 --> 0:29:40.000 but just like I attract. 0:29:41.000 --> 0:29:43.000 Yeah, you have the capacity to be this. 0:29:43.200 --> 0:29:44.160 I have an aura. 0:29:44.320 --> 0:29:46.200 We have auras, like people want to be around us. 0:29:46.200 --> 0:29:47.960 And I was watching one of the people feel Good, 0:29:48.320 --> 0:29:49.960 I was watching one of your other videos around just 0:29:50.000 --> 0:29:52.120 like having that discernment because when you are attractive, when 0:29:52.120 --> 0:29:55.440 you are a beautiful woman, and that doesn't mean necessarily 0:29:55.480 --> 0:29:58.240 just esthetically like you, you attract, you have a light 0:29:58.320 --> 0:30:00.120 about you, and people will come and you have to 0:30:00.120 --> 0:30:02.160 have that discernment around who you're gonna share and give 0:30:02.160 --> 0:30:04.560 you that energy to because when I do, I do, 0:30:04.640 --> 0:30:05.080 I give it. 0:30:05.120 --> 0:30:07.520 I'm an overflowist of that. 0:30:08.040 --> 0:30:09.960 And I'm like now in a space where I'm like 0:30:10.520 --> 0:30:13.840 I'm gonna be forty next year and I'm like really 0:30:14.280 --> 0:30:14.880 like thinking like. 0:30:14.880 --> 0:30:16.400 Am I gonna have children? I don't know? 0:30:16.480 --> 0:30:18.800 Maybe not, Like what do I want like the next 0:30:19.000 --> 0:30:20.960 ten years of my life to feel like do I 0:30:21.000 --> 0:30:23.800 want to waste not waste, but spend any more time 0:30:25.440 --> 0:30:31.240 like considering other people and like adjusting to whatever their 0:30:31.360 --> 0:30:33.840 needs might be. And granted, like that's the dance and 0:30:33.880 --> 0:30:35.520 the beauty of relationships. And I don't mean for it 0:30:35.520 --> 0:30:37.480 to sound negative, because there is a lot of beauty 0:30:37.520 --> 0:30:39.000 in that and parts of it that I that I 0:30:39.040 --> 0:30:43.600 really do enjoy. But there I have not yet found 0:30:43.600 --> 0:30:47.880 a relationship that didn't really require a sacrifice that made 0:30:47.880 --> 0:30:53.000 me feel like I had to dim a certain part 0:30:53.040 --> 0:30:56.240 of myself and kind of wait it out, just wait 0:30:56.320 --> 0:30:58.080 and then this will happen. And it's like I don't 0:30:58.080 --> 0:31:00.200 want to wait. I don't I don't have the luxury 0:31:00.200 --> 0:31:02.760 of weight and time and I yeah, and that's. 0:31:02.600 --> 0:31:05.360 How I feel too. Yeah, maybe my life what I'm 0:31:05.360 --> 0:31:08.840 not gonna be getting to this age in my life 0:31:08.880 --> 0:31:10.720 and look and be like I just spend all this 0:31:10.760 --> 0:31:12.840 time trying to explain stuff to this man all the time, 0:31:12.880 --> 0:31:14.560 and us get on the same page all the time. 0:31:14.600 --> 0:31:17.400 It's like it's not gonna work. I keep saying, it's like, 0:31:17.560 --> 0:31:18.520 but yeah, it's like no. 0:31:19.520 --> 0:31:21.400 And like early on in Mimela, you know, when we 0:31:21.400 --> 0:31:23.400 first started a podcast, we were you know, very very 0:31:23.440 --> 0:31:26.960 single and talking about open relationships and just like we were. 0:31:26.920 --> 0:31:28.800 Really gung ho. We were like, we're going to be 0:31:28.800 --> 0:31:31.560 an open relationships. There's nowhere space and shape. 0:31:32.560 --> 0:31:35.040 However, though, like I don't I think that even you 0:31:35.080 --> 0:31:38.800 have curated a life that is it's not an open relationship, 0:31:38.800 --> 0:31:41.600 but it allows you to be open to the possibilities 0:31:41.640 --> 0:31:45.240 of exploring yourself alongside your partner. So there is a 0:31:45.360 --> 0:31:47.800 level of openness that still exists that you called in. 0:31:47.880 --> 0:31:52.960 It's just different and and so like for me, I 0:31:53.000 --> 0:31:56.440 was like really thinking, like I think I feel like 0:31:56.800 --> 0:31:58.480 and this maybe I thought about this and like and 0:31:58.560 --> 0:32:00.600 that is this gonna make me sad later future? Or 0:32:00.640 --> 0:32:02.840 is this just me being hurt right now because I'm 0:32:02.880 --> 0:32:07.080 grieving my relationship currently And is it like, am I 0:32:07.080 --> 0:32:08.920 just supposed to have a lot of wonderful loves of 0:32:08.960 --> 0:32:11.000 my life right and then towards the end of my 0:32:11.040 --> 0:32:15.640 life as I age, pick one, like pick one, like okay, 0:32:15.960 --> 0:32:18.320 like this one actually, like let's just fuck around and 0:32:18.720 --> 0:32:21.240 let's do this. But like like right now, my time 0:32:21.280 --> 0:32:23.160 and my life, like I'm in a place where I 0:32:23.240 --> 0:32:26.320 just want to receive. I am like if you don't 0:32:26.320 --> 0:32:28.120 have anything to give me, And I don't mean that 0:32:28.200 --> 0:32:31.280 necessarily in a negative bad like spend that shit like 0:32:31.400 --> 0:32:36.080 fucking my young Miami type of energy sorta, But also 0:32:36.320 --> 0:32:38.640 like I just want to receive, like if there's nothing 0:32:38.640 --> 0:32:41.720 that because ultimately, when I receive, I'm going to give 0:32:41.920 --> 0:32:42.560 no matter what. 0:32:42.680 --> 0:32:44.080 I am a giver, no matter what. 0:32:44.360 --> 0:32:46.680 But I feel like I've Yeah, but I just feel 0:32:46.680 --> 0:32:50.560 like I've I've given so much and and received a 0:32:50.600 --> 0:32:52.960 lot too, But like I just want to I just 0:32:53.040 --> 0:32:55.880 I'm like, what offerings can you put put up before 0:32:55.920 --> 0:32:59.840 my alter my nigga to like make me move? And 0:33:00.920 --> 0:33:03.400 I don't think that there's one person that can fulfill 0:33:03.480 --> 0:33:05.480 that for me. And I've never met one man that 0:33:05.560 --> 0:33:10.800 really can really genuinely make me feel complete in a relationship. Obviously, 0:33:10.840 --> 0:33:13.640 like it's about you feeling complete in yourself. I get 0:33:13.640 --> 0:33:16.040 all that, but I just more so mean like feeling 0:33:16.080 --> 0:33:18.520 really like okay, like this person really checks all the 0:33:18.520 --> 0:33:21.640 boxes for me. And I'm I feel like there's not 0:33:21.680 --> 0:33:23.720 a point in which I might get bored. There's not 0:33:23.760 --> 0:33:26.040 a point in which I might want to seek something else. 0:33:26.040 --> 0:33:27.560 There's not a point in which I'm like, damn, like 0:33:27.600 --> 0:33:28.560 you don't really like to do shit? 0:33:28.640 --> 0:33:29.280 Did I like to do? 0:33:29.760 --> 0:33:31.960 You know, I haven't met that person, and I don't 0:33:32.000 --> 0:33:35.160 know if like all of us meet that person in 0:33:35.240 --> 0:33:38.680 every lifetime. Yeah, you know, like sometimes that person that 0:33:38.680 --> 0:33:41.920 we're supposed to be to just ourselves right and like 0:33:42.040 --> 0:33:44.800 and enjoying that part of it. And as women, we've 0:33:44.800 --> 0:33:48.080 been fed this idea that we're supposed to have this 0:33:48.160 --> 0:33:52.240 other half that completes us and that's beautiful. And I 0:33:52.520 --> 0:33:56.080 feel like I've had experiences like that, But I don't 0:33:56.120 --> 0:33:58.880 know if it's like if I'm in this life, and 0:33:58.920 --> 0:34:01.080 it'll be it's to be seen because we'll find out 0:34:01.120 --> 0:34:04.320 at the end of my life how it all transpired. 0:34:04.360 --> 0:34:08.719 But like something in me inside of me tells me that, 0:34:08.840 --> 0:34:12.520 like I am meant to like experience a lot of beautiful, 0:34:12.600 --> 0:34:16.719 great loves in my life, and I'll know when I'm 0:34:16.719 --> 0:34:19.600 supposed to stop and be like, Okay, I can I 0:34:19.640 --> 0:34:20.560 can settle down. 0:34:20.400 --> 0:34:23.400 Here this person yeah yeah, yeah yeah. 0:34:23.200 --> 0:34:29.080 So I think women we're just so deeply socialized, domesticated 0:34:29.160 --> 0:34:32.800 from the beginning of time to expect this great love, 0:34:33.040 --> 0:34:35.080 you know, like you get baby dolls, you get the 0:34:35.080 --> 0:34:37.400 fucking kitchenette, you get the fucking broom, Like why the 0:34:37.400 --> 0:34:40.319 fuck are you giving my three year old a broom, bitch? Like, 0:34:40.440 --> 0:34:45.520 why are we we're so like indoctrinated into wife and 0:34:45.600 --> 0:34:48.640 motherhood so young? That like it doesn't really give a 0:34:48.680 --> 0:34:51.000 lot of young girls the opportunity to discover themselves or 0:34:51.120 --> 0:34:55.319 discover life without prioritizing a relationship, and like our worthiness 0:34:55.400 --> 0:34:57.920 is tied to our relationship status, and like even to 0:34:57.960 --> 0:35:00.839 what you said, like I am very blessed. Like I 0:35:00.920 --> 0:35:03.480 definitely knew for a fact that I was going to 0:35:03.560 --> 0:35:06.080 have lovers all over the world long term. I'm a cancer. 0:35:06.080 --> 0:35:08.839 I love niggas, but not that live with me. I 0:35:08.880 --> 0:35:11.200 wanted to live. I wanted to know you forever and 0:35:11.239 --> 0:35:13.640 have sex with you forever, and you and I see 0:35:13.640 --> 0:35:16.400 you every twice a year. But then I have my husband, 0:35:16.400 --> 0:35:20.000 and where I compromise nothing. I don't have to hide anything. 0:35:20.040 --> 0:35:22.160 I don't have to dim down shit because you know 0:35:22.200 --> 0:35:24.680 exactly who you married and you love it. And I realized, 0:35:24.719 --> 0:35:27.839 like even in this chapter of my life. He goes 0:35:27.880 --> 0:35:29.840 to work, he comes home, he pays the bills, and 0:35:29.880 --> 0:35:31.839 I'm like, cut to make dinner. I didn't do shit. 0:35:32.239 --> 0:35:35.000 And then I'm like, sorry, I didn't do shit today, 0:35:35.040 --> 0:35:37.160 and he's like, I don't care. This is what I 0:35:37.160 --> 0:35:39.759 wanted you to do. This is who I wanted this. 0:35:39.960 --> 0:35:41.920 I wanted to go to work and my wife have 0:35:42.040 --> 0:35:46.080 the choice and the option to do nothing. I'm not 0:35:46.320 --> 0:35:48.359 pressed about whether or not made dinner or not. We'll 0:35:48.400 --> 0:35:51.080 figure it out. And I think even with him saying that, 0:35:51.080 --> 0:35:53.879 there's still sometimes levels of like guilt, because I've been 0:35:53.880 --> 0:35:56.480 telling myself that there's a certain way in which I'm 0:35:56.480 --> 0:36:01.600 supposed to show up. And it's interesting that, like I'm realizing, 0:36:01.600 --> 0:36:04.719 like the patriarchy is so much deeper than just the patriarchy, 0:36:04.760 --> 0:36:07.520 like taking the taking the poison we have, we have 0:36:07.640 --> 0:36:10.440 also taken the poison and believed it, even when a 0:36:10.440 --> 0:36:12.759 man is in my face telling me, bitch, I don't care. Yeah, 0:36:13.080 --> 0:36:17.360 it's so like deeply indoctrinated into our like our fucking DNA, 0:36:17.520 --> 0:36:21.400 yeah being yeah, And it's just there's, like you said, 0:36:21.480 --> 0:36:24.839 there's so many things, especially for women, especially for black women, 0:36:25.200 --> 0:36:29.040 to undo and unlike unlike to ask themselves. 0:36:29.360 --> 0:36:29.799 Is this me? 0:36:29.920 --> 0:36:31.520 Or is this something that someone told me I was 0:36:31.520 --> 0:36:33.920 supposed to be? Because there's parts of us that we 0:36:34.000 --> 0:36:39.520 are born into religion, money like or not money, like 0:36:39.760 --> 0:36:42.920 the geographically where we show up like I was, culturally, 0:36:42.920 --> 0:36:46.200 Like there's Muslim women in fucking Afghanistan that can't fucking 0:36:46.280 --> 0:36:50.280 speak in public, insane right now in current day and time, 0:36:50.680 --> 0:36:53.680 children who are being you know, married off, they're fucking 0:36:53.760 --> 0:36:55.600 eleven to fucking fifty year old men. 0:36:55.760 --> 0:36:56.440 What the fuck. 0:36:57.080 --> 0:36:59.640 But it's like, if you are born in a certain place, 0:36:59.719 --> 0:37:01.680 there's certain things that you were just born with thinking 0:37:01.680 --> 0:37:04.560 that are normalized that are not. And women are so like, 0:37:04.880 --> 0:37:07.720 we're so deeply indoctrinated into those systems that it takes 0:37:08.239 --> 0:37:11.120 until we're like thirty three, thirty five, thirty seven to 0:37:11.160 --> 0:37:13.000 be like, do I even give a fuck about any 0:37:13.040 --> 0:37:15.480 of these things or these things even me? And that's 0:37:15.520 --> 0:37:18.000 why I think like this show is very important. Our 0:37:18.120 --> 0:37:20.760 voices are very important. Hearing women's stories are very important 0:37:20.760 --> 0:37:22.600 because sometimes it really takes for you to hear another 0:37:22.640 --> 0:37:24.719 woman and be like, damn, what the fuck are the 0:37:24.760 --> 0:37:26.680 things that I'm living in that I did not choose? 0:37:27.200 --> 0:37:30.360 And that was with relationship status, with work, with jobs, 0:37:30.360 --> 0:37:33.240 with everything that we believe motherhood, we believe are supposed 0:37:33.280 --> 0:37:34.880 to look and feel a certain way. And it's like 0:37:35.840 --> 0:37:38.160 you have to see women living out loud and living 0:37:38.160 --> 0:37:40.640 outside the box, and you have to have the bravery 0:37:41.000 --> 0:37:43.319 to step outside of the box to even figure out 0:37:43.320 --> 0:37:45.359 what the fuck it is that you want you gotta 0:37:45.400 --> 0:37:47.640 hoe a little, You gotta get in a relationship a 0:37:47.680 --> 0:37:50.360 little bit. Unfortunately, some of us had to get smacked 0:37:50.360 --> 0:37:51.160 in the face a little. 0:37:51.360 --> 0:37:52.600 That's me, you know what I mean. 0:37:52.880 --> 0:37:54.520 You had to look at your mother and be like, 0:37:54.560 --> 0:37:56.279 I love you, but this is not what I want 0:37:56.360 --> 0:37:59.359 for my life. You have to have like I've read 0:37:59.360 --> 0:38:03.560 a meme recently and it was like, ladies, disappoint your 0:38:03.600 --> 0:38:06.360 families now, so you don't spend your whole life living 0:38:06.400 --> 0:38:10.640 in fucking pregatory or whatever, like disappoint motherfuckers now. 0:38:11.360 --> 0:38:12.239 You are not here. 0:38:12.400 --> 0:38:16.480 We are not here to live for anybody else's approval. 0:38:16.920 --> 0:38:20.200 I'm not here to live for anybody else's respectability politics. 0:38:20.520 --> 0:38:22.319 How I live my life does not have shit to 0:38:22.320 --> 0:38:24.600 do with anybody else. And the fact that men, even 0:38:24.600 --> 0:38:26.719 till this day, are trying to control women or dumb 0:38:26.840 --> 0:38:29.239 us down or make us feel less human when we 0:38:29.360 --> 0:38:32.560 clearly are fucking human. We're birthing you, niggas, We're birthing 0:38:32.640 --> 0:38:37.239 the whole earth, we're populating it. It is required that 0:38:37.280 --> 0:38:40.640 we break all of the systems, all of the box 0:38:40.680 --> 0:38:44.000 that we're in, all the ceilings, to experience some shit, 0:38:44.280 --> 0:38:45.919 to know what the fuck it is that you want 0:38:45.920 --> 0:38:47.680 because you have to have you have to live it 0:38:47.719 --> 0:38:50.879 a little to understand Hell no, fuck no, I'm good, 0:38:51.360 --> 0:38:54.520 or yes, yes, yes, but it requires experience. And if 0:38:54.520 --> 0:38:57.760 you're too afraid to have the experience, you'll never really 0:38:57.880 --> 0:39:00.040 figure out who the fuck you are. You know, So 0:39:00.080 --> 0:39:03.400 if you're living according to other people's terms, So I 0:39:03.520 --> 0:39:07.719 just like this show these conversations even amongst your friends. 0:39:07.719 --> 0:39:09.960 If you have friends that are scary ass bitches, bitch, 0:39:10.040 --> 0:39:10.360 move on. 0:39:11.160 --> 0:39:11.920 If you have a friend. 0:39:11.800 --> 0:39:13.960 Who follows all the fucking rules, that's great for her, 0:39:14.040 --> 0:39:18.040 But bitch, that's not most people's trajectory. Men have been 0:39:18.080 --> 0:39:20.360 able to break the rules because they don't really have 0:39:20.440 --> 0:39:23.160 any except to exist. They can be sexual, they can 0:39:23.239 --> 0:39:26.399 have kids, lay up, move around, have another kid, get married, 0:39:26.440 --> 0:39:30.200 get divorced, be fifty, get divorced. There's no rules really 0:39:30.239 --> 0:39:32.440 when it comes to them except provide and protect, and 0:39:32.440 --> 0:39:35.279 a lot of these niggas don't even do that. So 0:39:35.800 --> 0:39:38.200 live your fucking life. And if you don't have a 0:39:38.280 --> 0:39:40.719 tribe or a village or people that support you living 0:39:40.719 --> 0:39:42.720 your life like bitch, yeah, drop off the kidd go 0:39:42.719 --> 0:39:45.400 go ho ou out. They can sleepover. Then you're in 0:39:45.440 --> 0:39:48.800 the wrong place. If you're not amongst people in community 0:39:48.880 --> 0:39:51.840 that free you and make you feel liberated and inspire 0:39:51.920 --> 0:39:54.799 you to break the box in which we exist in 0:39:54.840 --> 0:39:57.040 this invisible box because there's a lot of rules that 0:39:57.080 --> 0:40:00.160 we don't even know are following, you are amongst the 0:40:00.200 --> 0:40:03.360 wrong people. And I just I think, I pray that 0:40:03.440 --> 0:40:05.520 every woman has the opportunity to step out of her 0:40:05.520 --> 0:40:08.600 comfort zone and step out of fear in order to 0:40:08.640 --> 0:40:11.040 experience all of the things that people say are so 0:40:11.120 --> 0:40:14.560 bad or wrong or frivolous and do whatever the fuck 0:40:14.560 --> 0:40:16.280 you want because it's your body, of your life, and Yolo, 0:40:16.360 --> 0:40:17.839 we only live once, and the shit is going by 0:40:17.880 --> 0:40:18.760 fast as fuck. 0:40:19.040 --> 0:40:21.800 And it's easier said than done right, Like it's easier 0:40:21.840 --> 0:40:25.600 said to just yolo. So that's what I'm saying, I know, 0:40:25.760 --> 0:40:29.000 but I'm saying like, as a resource, you're listening to 0:40:29.080 --> 0:40:31.880 this and you need a community, and you're looking for community. 0:40:31.880 --> 0:40:33.680 That is the work that Meila and I do. That 0:40:33.760 --> 0:40:36.080 is why good Mom's bad choices exist. That's why we 0:40:36.200 --> 0:40:41.600 have our community on discord, where women are communicating, sharing 0:40:41.640 --> 0:40:44.120 things they would never share with their current friend groups, 0:40:44.200 --> 0:40:47.440 and experimenting using their voice. 0:40:47.360 --> 0:40:49.600 In that way and you may not know anybody. 0:40:49.640 --> 0:40:50.640 It's the whole time. Yeah. 0:40:50.719 --> 0:40:53.160 Like so if you are like, well, we're bitch, where 0:40:53.160 --> 0:40:54.560 do I find them? Start here? 0:40:55.120 --> 0:40:58.400 Go to our discord. Go to patreon dot com slash 0:40:58.400 --> 0:41:00.960 good Mom's Bad Choices. Join our disc It's five dollars 0:41:01.000 --> 0:41:03.160 a fucking month. You want a new friend, bitch, you 0:41:03.160 --> 0:41:06.640 could you could spend five dollars a month. Maybe ten, fine, ten, 0:41:06.840 --> 0:41:08.359 it's ten dollars. That's a latte, bitch. 0:41:08.360 --> 0:41:11.200 Okay, but that's also friendship. That's also community. That's also 0:41:11.239 --> 0:41:12.839 somebody who might be living in your city. 0:41:12.960 --> 0:41:13.400 Exactly. 0:41:13.440 --> 0:41:15.080 No, And that's and that's the and that is what 0:41:15.160 --> 0:41:18.680 the community is. We have different sections within the community 0:41:18.800 --> 0:41:20.520 dedicated to different cities, so you can I was just 0:41:20.520 --> 0:41:23.080 telling our friend, our good friend right now is on 0:41:23.120 --> 0:41:25.560 Instagram saying I need friends in Brooklyn? 0:41:25.600 --> 0:41:26.840 Is it? I'm like, bitch, if you don't get on 0:41:26.840 --> 0:41:28.840 the goddamn discord and stop acting like we don't like, 0:41:28.880 --> 0:41:31.560 you don't know bitches that no bitches, You don't know 0:41:31.640 --> 0:41:33.240 bitches that no bitches, no bitches. 0:41:33.400 --> 0:41:35.200 There's there's a lot of women over there, so we 0:41:35.320 --> 0:41:37.120 just have to like put yourself out there, Like I 0:41:37.160 --> 0:41:39.000 think a lot of times are really scared to do that. 0:41:38.960 --> 0:41:41.680 And be uncomfortable and make friends as adults. This is 0:41:41.719 --> 0:41:44.400 my friend as an adult. We built this because I 0:41:44.440 --> 0:41:47.160 needed a friend as an adult to try new things 0:41:47.200 --> 0:41:49.319 with that I didn't really know and be like, let's 0:41:49.400 --> 0:41:50.240 go be hosed together. 0:41:50.320 --> 0:41:51.279 Let's go outside. 0:41:51.520 --> 0:41:54.239 Let's not let's not feel ashamed in our breakups and 0:41:54.280 --> 0:41:56.759 in our baby mamahood and our single motherhood. 0:41:56.960 --> 0:41:58.560 Let's go outside and feel empowered. 0:41:58.680 --> 0:42:00.799 And if it wasn't for this friendship, we wouldn't be 0:42:00.880 --> 0:42:03.240 here eight years later, in this room, in this studio, 0:42:03.560 --> 0:42:06.920 interviewing you who has this incredible story and it's so inspiring. 0:42:06.920 --> 0:42:08.879 Like I've been following you for a long time, I'm like, God, 0:42:08.880 --> 0:42:10.600 I need to get more creative. God, you know like 0:42:10.680 --> 0:42:12.839 I used to I like cut up close too. I'm 0:42:12.880 --> 0:42:15.319 don't go downtown and rob some a belt around this 0:42:15.360 --> 0:42:19.239 little waist, But like, we need friends and peers that 0:42:19.360 --> 0:42:21.759 inspire us. And so I'm thankful. I'm thankful for you 0:42:21.840 --> 0:42:24.200 like coming to tell your story. And granted all we're 0:42:24.239 --> 0:42:27.480 all different women, we are, there's space for all of that. 0:42:27.640 --> 0:42:27.960 Love it. 0:42:28.440 --> 0:42:30.920 And just because I think we got sidetracks, we were 0:42:30.920 --> 0:42:33.560 sharing about like why this in this chapter of your life, 0:42:33.640 --> 0:42:35.680 like a relationship is just like really not the priority. 0:42:35.719 --> 0:42:39.480 And I'm curious just off of that, what is it? 0:42:39.560 --> 0:42:42.000 What is what is something that you're that you're not 0:42:42.200 --> 0:42:45.160 willing to sacrifice at this point, not even for your 0:42:45.239 --> 0:42:49.479 child at this point in your life, not for love, 0:42:49.640 --> 0:42:52.879 not for your child, not for your child as hard, 0:42:54.080 --> 0:42:56.520 I'm not really to sacrifice certain things for my child, 0:42:56.800 --> 0:43:00.600 like what like my happiness, Oh, I mean yeah, like 0:43:00.320 --> 0:43:01.560 my like my sensuality. 0:43:01.640 --> 0:43:02.319 I mean, but you will. 0:43:02.360 --> 0:43:05.239 You'll, like, you'll sign up for a six month volleyball 0:43:05.360 --> 0:43:07.560 fucking toryment. You're gonna have to drive far away for 0:43:07.640 --> 0:43:08.800 six months on the weekends. 0:43:08.840 --> 0:43:10.680 You don't, you're not happy about it, but you're gonna 0:43:10.760 --> 0:43:11.000 do it. 0:43:11.400 --> 0:43:11.560 No. 0:43:11.600 --> 0:43:13.279 But I think I think there's a lot of things 0:43:13.280 --> 0:43:15.200 that niggas will sacrifice for their kid, and they would 0:43:15.200 --> 0:43:17.000 have no problems sitting on a podcast saying what they 0:43:17.000 --> 0:43:19.400 would what they would do. As women, we feel like, well, 0:43:19.440 --> 0:43:20.879 there's not much. I mean, I don't think I even 0:43:20.920 --> 0:43:22.520 considered it a sacrifice. They're just like, this is what 0:43:22.560 --> 0:43:23.759 I'm going to do. Well, that's what I'm saying. 0:43:23.760 --> 0:43:25.960 I think that we need to step into this as 0:43:26.120 --> 0:43:28.000 I think we need to step more into that energy 0:43:28.000 --> 0:43:29.520 as women and as mothers, we. 0:43:29.480 --> 0:43:34.000 Need to step more into our white man That's what 0:43:34.000 --> 0:43:35.680 I'm saying, so as a white white man. 0:43:35.800 --> 0:43:40.239 So when you're a white man, audacity, what are you 0:43:40.320 --> 0:43:42.080 not willing to sacrifice at this point in your life? 0:43:44.800 --> 0:43:51.080 I'm not willing to sacrifice my What keeps coming to 0:43:51.160 --> 0:43:56.600 my mind is really just my sense my peace, like 0:43:56.640 --> 0:44:01.879 my sense of like feeling good. I guess you can 0:44:01.960 --> 0:44:05.359 consider that my piece, my joy, my happiness, like the 0:44:05.400 --> 0:44:08.480 things that keep my alignment. That's probably the best way 0:44:08.480 --> 0:44:10.600 to put it, because all of those things go into 0:44:10.640 --> 0:44:13.719 my alignment and I'm not willing to sacrifice that. And 0:44:13.760 --> 0:44:17.600 that's really what brought me to my new conclusion about 0:44:17.800 --> 0:44:23.200 the I feel most aligned being with me, being into me. 0:44:23.560 --> 0:44:27.600 You know, I get it. Just it all makes it 0:44:27.640 --> 0:44:30.520 makes so much more sense, you know, So you. 0:44:30.480 --> 0:44:32.920 Don't have to do any balancing of someone else's alignments 0:44:33.080 --> 0:44:34.840 to match to fit into your alignment. 0:44:34.840 --> 0:44:37.319 And you have to oh they're trauma, and oh they're this, 0:44:37.480 --> 0:44:40.799 they had a long day, and and you know, I 0:44:40.880 --> 0:44:42.319 can be considered in that. 0:44:42.320 --> 0:44:46.120 Way, but every day of your whole life. Yeah, you know, and. 0:44:46.080 --> 0:44:48.440 I love that you have a man that you've come 0:44:48.520 --> 0:44:51.799 into this union with that it just works, and I 0:44:51.880 --> 0:44:54.480 believe in it. This isn't a and I hate men. 0:44:54.760 --> 0:44:56.400 You can't find that's because you. 0:44:58.800 --> 0:45:02.359 And I think like that's why my feeling around that 0:45:02.840 --> 0:45:04.640 it does not come from my hatred of men. 0:45:04.960 --> 0:45:05.920 I actually love men. 0:45:06.160 --> 0:45:09.520 I think that, like I've been, I'm exposed constantly to 0:45:09.600 --> 0:45:12.120 the worst of them, not necessarily in my personal life, 0:45:12.160 --> 0:45:15.080 but just in this space of the internet and stuff. 0:45:15.360 --> 0:45:18.360 But the men that I have encounter my regular daily 0:45:18.640 --> 0:45:22.360 experience are are for the most part, they're doing, They're trying, 0:45:22.600 --> 0:45:25.960 you know what I mean. And so my desire to like, 0:45:26.560 --> 0:45:29.000 like I think where I'm heading more towards where you're 0:45:29.040 --> 0:45:33.200 probably even are farther down the path of like my 0:45:33.360 --> 0:45:37.160 alignment being like the utmost of my priority is it's 0:45:37.200 --> 0:45:42.080 like connecting to like this higher self, which which then really. 0:45:43.320 --> 0:45:46.399 Benefits and overflows into every aspect of your life. 0:45:46.520 --> 0:45:50.640 Your art, your creativity, your confidence, your career, your abundance, 0:45:50.880 --> 0:45:54.040 your manifestation, energy, and of course all those things can 0:45:54.080 --> 0:45:55.799 also be magnified in a relationship. 0:45:55.800 --> 0:45:56.840 I believe that as well. 0:45:57.200 --> 0:45:59.440 But I think like for me, I don't think I 0:45:59.560 --> 0:46:05.520 fully have explored myself completely in this space. I haven't single, 0:46:05.560 --> 0:46:07.279 and I've done the I've done work, but like, I 0:46:07.280 --> 0:46:10.200 feel like I've birthed a new version of myself in ways, 0:46:10.480 --> 0:46:14.719 and I really want to explore what complete Like that 0:46:14.880 --> 0:46:19.040 is what that feels like on my own. Yeah, worried 0:46:19.040 --> 0:46:22.960 of pouring into someone, just worrying, but you know, but 0:46:23.400 --> 0:46:25.480 on the other side of that, I don't want to 0:46:25.520 --> 0:46:29.400 sacrifice my pleasure, so I do, Like, this is not 0:46:29.480 --> 0:46:32.120 mean that I'm not going to have no lovers and 0:46:32.160 --> 0:46:34.839 I'm not gonna be having sex and I'm not going 0:46:34.920 --> 0:46:38.879 to be like also like experiencing pleasure within myself with 0:46:38.920 --> 0:46:42.480 my girlfriends and eating delicious foods and traveling the world like. 0:46:42.440 --> 0:46:43.480 I already fucking do. 0:46:44.160 --> 0:46:47.160 But I think that there's like I think that sometimes 0:46:47.200 --> 0:46:50.279 when women choose that path, people assume, oh. 0:46:50.440 --> 0:46:52.719 Okay, so she's just she ain't fucking she ain't doing 0:46:52.760 --> 0:46:54.880 none of that or what are or everybody or that 0:46:55.160 --> 0:46:55.960 or that, Yeah. 0:46:56.000 --> 0:46:58.560 Which is so crazy because women at a certain age, 0:46:58.680 --> 0:47:01.080 just as long as you're like evolved and healing, like, 0:47:01.280 --> 0:47:05.120 it becomes harder to have frivolous sex it's not like 0:47:05.160 --> 0:47:07.360 saying like and there's not saying some casual sex is 0:47:07.400 --> 0:47:09.560 not good because it could be liberating, it could be respectful, 0:47:09.600 --> 0:47:12.200 it could feel great. But like even when I was single, 0:47:12.320 --> 0:47:14.640 I was like, and I like to have lovers, and 0:47:14.680 --> 0:47:17.399 I was like, I'm so fucking bored with these niggas, Like. 0:47:17.360 --> 0:47:19.400 It was hard to I was like, I only want 0:47:19.440 --> 0:47:20.200 to give you any pussy. 0:47:20.200 --> 0:47:22.840 You're so stupid, Like damn, you could have got some, 0:47:22.880 --> 0:47:24.839 but you're talking your way out of the panties. I've 0:47:24.840 --> 0:47:27.640 never seen that happen. And like, I think also it's 0:47:27.680 --> 0:47:31.560 just something to consider. We have a nat old chart 0:47:31.600 --> 0:47:33.920 reader in Costa Rica who's our friend. And when she 0:47:33.960 --> 0:47:36.399 when I first met her, the first time we sat down, 0:47:36.480 --> 0:47:41.440 she said, I was so fucking irritated. And this life, 0:47:42.400 --> 0:47:44.600 you're supposed to find a tantric lover that's going to 0:47:44.680 --> 0:47:47.520 heal you. Your one of your purposes in this life is 0:47:47.560 --> 0:47:51.400 to find that love. And I was like, bitch, are 0:47:51.440 --> 0:47:55.120 you sure to check it again? Because I think we 0:47:55.200 --> 0:47:57.040 all as women, have been told in this life we're 0:47:57.040 --> 0:48:00.279 supposed to get married, have a baby, settle down house, 0:48:00.719 --> 0:48:03.160 and the truth is like that's not everybody's goal in 0:48:03.160 --> 0:48:03.800 this lifetime. 0:48:03.880 --> 0:48:07.000 That's not everybody's purpose, that's not their souls. 0:48:07.280 --> 0:48:08.879 If that doesn't happen for you, it does not mean 0:48:08.920 --> 0:48:11.400 you have not lived your life as you're supposed to be. 0:48:11.400 --> 0:48:13.920 Like God did not intend for every woman with a 0:48:13.920 --> 0:48:15.720 pussy to have a baby and a husband. 0:48:16.760 --> 0:48:17.960 It's just not the reality. 0:48:18.040 --> 0:48:21.840 Like when you talk about pleasure and you talk about autonomy, 0:48:22.080 --> 0:48:24.240 that is God. 0:48:23.760 --> 0:48:27.080 Well, and when you talk about just the again, like 0:48:27.560 --> 0:48:30.080 the full spectrum of what it means to be a human, 0:48:31.040 --> 0:48:34.840 Like there's so much like you might not hit every box, bitch, 0:48:35.040 --> 0:48:36.840 because you're over here working on this thing on this 0:48:36.920 --> 0:48:38.000 lifetime and it's. 0:48:37.920 --> 0:48:38.760 Not even a box. 0:48:38.920 --> 0:48:41.279 It's not even a check Like life is not a 0:48:41.360 --> 0:48:42.320 check off the list. 0:48:42.080 --> 0:48:44.719 I know, but but but that's what society does. There 0:48:44.760 --> 0:48:47.520 is a check off list order, especially for women. 0:48:47.520 --> 0:48:49.480 There's an order. Men kind of can go out of 0:48:49.560 --> 0:48:52.400 order to follow the step by step. 0:48:53.160 --> 0:48:55.960 So what has been Like you're because you're such a creative, 0:48:56.040 --> 0:48:56.920 you're such an artist. 0:48:57.000 --> 0:48:59.399 I've seen you just do whatever the fuck you want. 0:48:59.440 --> 0:49:01.799 Make a music video, fucking do some hair, make a 0:49:01.920 --> 0:49:04.439 dress YAZ got the dress up. Whatever the fuck you've 0:49:04.480 --> 0:49:06.440 done a lot of things, and it's extremely expiring. It 0:49:06.480 --> 0:49:08.160 look like when I look at your page, I see 0:49:08.160 --> 0:49:11.360 like a little girl and a grown like in a 0:49:11.360 --> 0:49:14.920 grown woman body playing in her in her playbox, you know, 0:49:15.000 --> 0:49:17.759 like in her and her toy box. And it's like 0:49:18.880 --> 0:49:20.920 and it connects me to a part of my like 0:49:21.520 --> 0:49:23.560 my youth, and like that part of me. Like you 0:49:23.560 --> 0:49:25.719 remember when there was no fucking internet. You just be 0:49:25.760 --> 0:49:28.520 in your room cutting up pictures or writing your journal, 0:49:29.000 --> 0:49:31.640 dancing hard as fuck, or cutting up your clothes that 0:49:31.760 --> 0:49:34.439 you don't want anymore, going through your mom's closet. You're 0:49:34.520 --> 0:49:36.960 dreaming and you're creating, not with the expectation is this 0:49:37.040 --> 0:49:38.919 gonna make money? Is this gonna pay my bills? People 0:49:39.000 --> 0:49:39.600 gonna like it? 0:49:39.920 --> 0:49:40.399 Am I gonna? 0:49:41.960 --> 0:49:42.080 Am? 0:49:42.120 --> 0:49:43.239 I gonna get likes on it? 0:49:43.360 --> 0:49:43.480 Right? 0:49:43.719 --> 0:49:47.600 That has never been our drive for inspiration and imagination, 0:49:47.880 --> 0:49:50.440 but now it is. And it kills the child inside 0:49:50.440 --> 0:49:52.120 of you. It kills the joy and the passion, and 0:49:52.120 --> 0:49:54.359 it kills the creativity. To be honest, and I've been 0:49:54.360 --> 0:49:58.319 finding myself there, like I don't feel inspired sometimes and 0:49:58.360 --> 0:50:01.480 I'm clear about my purpose, I'm clear about our message. 0:50:01.480 --> 0:50:04.040 I'm clear about my existence. In that way, but I 0:50:04.120 --> 0:50:06.959 forget to play because there's so much pressure in every 0:50:07.000 --> 0:50:08.640 other aspect of my life. I have a child, I 0:50:08.640 --> 0:50:10.080 have a husband, I have a fucking house that has 0:50:10.080 --> 0:50:12.160 to be cleaned every five minutes for some goddamn dinner 0:50:12.200 --> 0:50:15.360 has to be made clean. The fucking cleaning and the 0:50:15.360 --> 0:50:17.719 fucking eating is going to take me out child literally. 0:50:17.760 --> 0:50:21.839 But when I see you, I see this woman that's 0:50:21.920 --> 0:50:25.399 playing in her toy box, and I think that's so 0:50:25.440 --> 0:50:28.000 beautiful and I want to know, like you in your gym, 0:50:28.120 --> 0:50:31.279 thank you, Like seriously, I told you I've rolled up 0:50:31.320 --> 0:50:33.200 on you at the event, like, hey girl, you know 0:50:33.560 --> 0:50:35.879 I know you, you don't know me, and now we're 0:50:35.920 --> 0:50:38.920 here and I'm grateful for that. But what like you 0:50:39.000 --> 0:50:41.360 came down here, you knew you know, you're in a model. 0:50:41.560 --> 0:50:44.640 What gave you permission to live your life in this way? 0:50:45.000 --> 0:50:47.279 And how like how would you find that way to 0:50:47.320 --> 0:50:49.120 like cause I think people think in motherhood you have 0:50:49.200 --> 0:50:51.560 to kill the creative. So how have you merged and 0:50:51.640 --> 0:50:54.120 married that and and birth this version of yourself? 0:50:57.080 --> 0:51:03.120 That's the best way to really put this. I just 0:51:03.200 --> 0:51:10.800 be doing shit, Just be doing shit, like no shade, okay, 0:51:10.880 --> 0:51:14.040 like for real, I think it's that. I also think 0:51:14.120 --> 0:51:17.120 it's because I have ADHD. I think that probably plays 0:51:17.120 --> 0:51:19.440 a big factor now that I'm learning more about my 0:51:19.440 --> 0:51:24.640 ADHD actually started, Did you get diamuse? I actually took 0:51:24.680 --> 0:51:27.440 the test and the I am like the highest score, 0:51:28.600 --> 0:51:31.920 like very extreme, like I think the highest was like 0:51:31.920 --> 0:51:36.239 one hundred. It's a really interesting test that they watch 0:51:36.239 --> 0:51:37.759 you in a camera, like you have to put your 0:51:37.800 --> 0:51:40.960 laptop up. There's a camera and just dots come on 0:51:41.440 --> 0:51:44.239 and keep blinking in everything in their different colors, and 0:51:44.320 --> 0:51:47.440 you have to press the space bar when let's say X, 0:51:47.520 --> 0:51:51.120 Y and Z changes right, so it's different shapes, just 0:51:51.160 --> 0:51:55.840 square circles and triangles and their colors. So three triangles 0:51:55.840 --> 0:51:59.000 will come but when and they're blue. But when it 0:51:59.200 --> 0:52:04.520 changes to a triangle, but that that's red, you have 0:52:04.600 --> 0:52:07.040 to hit the button. Yes, I can't even remember. It's 0:52:07.040 --> 0:52:10.480 something like this is the test. Yes, but for twenty minutes, 0:52:10.920 --> 0:52:15.680 I just hypnotism and they watch you and I my well, 0:52:15.840 --> 0:52:18.319 she is psychiatric whatever she is, I love her. 0:52:18.400 --> 0:52:19.120 She's so sweet. 0:52:19.280 --> 0:52:20.839 She was like when we got back after I took 0:52:20.880 --> 0:52:24.160 the test, she looked at me and she how are 0:52:24.160 --> 0:52:26.520 you today? And I was like I'm good. 0:52:26.800 --> 0:52:29.719 And she was like, what at the test co I 0:52:29.760 --> 0:52:36.239 was like, it's hard. She was like no, she was like, 0:52:36.280 --> 0:52:36.760 it's okay. 0:52:36.920 --> 0:52:38.400 How did you feel when you took it? I was like, 0:52:38.440 --> 0:52:42.440 I was upset. I was. I was pissed because I 0:52:42.440 --> 0:52:44.840 wanted it to be over. I didn't have my coffee yet, 0:52:45.080 --> 0:52:48.560 which is my dopamine. Dopamine hit right, didn't have it yet, 0:52:48.640 --> 0:52:50.640 didn't eat, didn't do anything that kind of makes me 0:52:50.680 --> 0:52:53.200 feel good enough in the morning to do shit right. 0:52:53.960 --> 0:52:55.920 I just did the test. I don't know why. And 0:52:55.960 --> 0:52:58.879 that made it even harder, I think. And she was like, okay, 0:52:58.960 --> 0:53:01.160 well you got a ninety and the worst you could, 0:53:01.160 --> 0:53:04.799 like the highest to have adds one hundred. So she 0:53:04.960 --> 0:53:06.960 was like yeah, and I'm realizing this has been my 0:53:07.040 --> 0:53:10.640 life all these years and not realizing that I needed. 0:53:10.840 --> 0:53:12.600 She was like, I'm gonna put you on not adderall, 0:53:12.680 --> 0:53:14.520 but this other thing I take, which is like a 0:53:14.640 --> 0:53:16.080 lighter version of adderall. 0:53:16.080 --> 0:53:16.560 I guess that. 0:53:18.080 --> 0:53:21.719 It's been really helpful, but I also on my days 0:53:21.760 --> 0:53:23.359 off because I don't want to take it every day. 0:53:23.880 --> 0:53:27.600 I also take like a natural supplement because I was 0:53:27.640 --> 0:53:31.880 doing natural stuff before and then I just started I 0:53:32.000 --> 0:53:35.120 kept finding that it was things were getting more. I 0:53:35.120 --> 0:53:37.360 feel like it's almost got worse as I got older, 0:53:37.360 --> 0:53:40.759 that it's harder for me to like focus. I get 0:53:40.760 --> 0:53:42.920 too much in my head. I try to like and 0:53:42.960 --> 0:53:46.680 then I just sometimes will just not do anything. Yeah, 0:53:46.719 --> 0:53:49.000 so it did. It has helped me, and I'm using 0:53:49.040 --> 0:53:51.040 it like, Okay, I know I have a really busy 0:53:51.120 --> 0:53:52.840 day today and I need to get this done and 0:53:52.880 --> 0:53:54.760 I need to do this, and I'm working on this project. 0:53:55.080 --> 0:53:55.879 I'm going to take it. 0:53:56.040 --> 0:53:57.480 And they tell you can do it, you can take it, 0:53:57.520 --> 0:53:59.399 like she was happy. 0:53:59.120 --> 0:54:00.799 That I was doing it that because I don't want 0:54:00.800 --> 0:54:03.520 to become addicted. So she was really she was like, 0:54:03.600 --> 0:54:07.120 I love that. Keep taking your other. It's called el Thinanine, 0:54:07.160 --> 0:54:10.239 I believe is the like natural supplement you can take 0:54:10.360 --> 0:54:13.880 for like focus or like some form of like lions 0:54:13.920 --> 0:54:16.160 made or something like that. But I used to that 0:54:16.239 --> 0:54:20.480 I tried that that doesn't work, is not enough, but els, 0:54:20.600 --> 0:54:22.960 I think I'm butchering it. But that's been one of 0:54:23.000 --> 0:54:24.520 like my favorite things to take. 0:54:24.600 --> 0:54:24.759 Right. 0:54:26.440 --> 0:54:28.759 Yeah, so I switch off. But it does help me 0:54:28.800 --> 0:54:31.400 focus and I get a lot of things done, and 0:54:31.440 --> 0:54:31.960 I love it. 0:54:32.360 --> 0:54:34.120 I do know I'm happy that you have we're having 0:54:34.120 --> 0:54:36.920 this conversation because I feel like ADHD specifically is something 0:54:36.960 --> 0:54:43.880 that like people either like don't believe exists or just 0:54:43.960 --> 0:54:47.400 self diagnose themselves. Yeah, And I think that it's important 0:54:47.480 --> 0:54:50.120 for you to understand where you really live on the 0:54:50.160 --> 0:54:53.319 spectrum so that you actually can like help you help 0:54:53.360 --> 0:54:53.960 yourself and. 0:54:53.920 --> 0:54:56.760 You understand you understand yourself ware. 0:54:56.520 --> 0:54:58.759 Because it actually is a gift, because it is a 0:54:58.760 --> 0:55:01.680 gift to be able to like have so many ideas 0:55:01.760 --> 0:55:04.640 and like that can like magnify in your mind. It's 0:55:04.640 --> 0:55:06.239 just but it's a matter of like honing them in. 0:55:06.280 --> 0:55:08.400 And a lot of the most like genius people like 0:55:08.440 --> 0:55:10.960 are basically that you're just a little extra tapped in. 0:55:11.160 --> 0:55:12.400 Yeah, there's a little. 0:55:12.080 --> 0:55:13.280 Extra, yeah. 0:55:13.440 --> 0:55:13.720 Yeah. 0:55:13.760 --> 0:55:15.960 And I think that's what helped me, honestly and not 0:55:16.080 --> 0:55:19.600 and like trying all these different things and really like 0:55:19.960 --> 0:55:23.000 just being that little girl. And I will say, maybe 0:55:23.040 --> 0:55:27.120 my fucked up childhood is what why I'm drawn to 0:55:27.280 --> 0:55:30.319 being the little girl still because it got taken away 0:55:30.320 --> 0:55:34.600 from me. My lip looked chap, No, they feel chapped. 0:55:34.960 --> 0:55:35.680 Do you want some water? 0:55:36.280 --> 0:55:38.200 Yeah, I'll take a sip in a second. But I 0:55:38.239 --> 0:55:42.640 think that plays a big factor in why I'm so 0:55:42.880 --> 0:55:45.640 drawn to Before I came here and I was getting ready, 0:55:46.080 --> 0:55:49.400 I was like, I don't know what made this crossed 0:55:49.400 --> 0:55:52.320 my mind, but it was like you love to like I, 0:55:52.400 --> 0:55:55.920 everything's like like a fantasy. Like me creating clothing was 0:55:55.960 --> 0:55:59.399 a fantasy imagination, right, like becoming a designer. The clothes 0:55:59.440 --> 0:56:00.959 that I wear, I don't even wear them all the time. 0:56:01.120 --> 0:56:03.719 Now if I'm going out, I'm probably gonna put them on, 0:56:03.760 --> 0:56:06.480 but I'm always creating in a fantasy. Even the music 0:56:06.480 --> 0:56:06.879 that I make. 0:56:06.960 --> 0:56:07.399 It's like. 0:56:08.920 --> 0:56:11.680 I don't listen to my music every day. It's when 0:56:11.680 --> 0:56:12.880 I'm in a certain energy. 0:56:13.280 --> 0:56:13.480 Great. 0:56:13.640 --> 0:56:16.879 I may listen to Maxwell or like DiAngelo every day 0:56:16.960 --> 0:56:20.640 just because I like that. But there's my music is 0:56:20.840 --> 0:56:23.399 like the fantasy side of myself and I still love 0:56:23.440 --> 0:56:26.640 it and I and granted the music in the future 0:56:26.640 --> 0:56:28.359 that I want to make is more jazzy and more 0:56:28.360 --> 0:56:30.960 funky like that too, But right now the sound that 0:56:31.040 --> 0:56:33.440 I have and what I'm talking about and what I'm 0:56:33.440 --> 0:56:36.440 saying really is in this not not that it's a 0:56:36.480 --> 0:56:40.000 fantasy what I'm saying, but the world of it becomes 0:56:40.080 --> 0:56:44.880 like the more fantasized playful space and the clothing was 0:56:44.960 --> 0:56:48.080 the first thing that I actually was able to do 0:56:48.400 --> 0:56:52.919 that started to allow me to really be in that world. Right, 0:56:53.239 --> 0:56:55.319 and then that once you start finding yourself and the 0:56:55.320 --> 0:56:57.719 things that you're doing because they're giving you You're like, wow, 0:56:57.760 --> 0:56:59.320 this is like a part of my calling, this is 0:56:59.320 --> 0:57:02.640 part of my purpose sor I'm inspiring people, I'm I'm 0:57:02.680 --> 0:57:07.920 helping myself heal. Right now it transforms into something else, 0:57:07.960 --> 0:57:10.400 there's another medium, and that's why you just got to 0:57:10.440 --> 0:57:11.960 be able to just play with it all and do 0:57:12.040 --> 0:57:14.600 it all and find a way, you know. So that's 0:57:14.680 --> 0:57:17.880 where it comes from. I think it's a healing aspect. 0:57:17.960 --> 0:57:21.000 And then also the brain is operating in a way 0:57:21.080 --> 0:57:22.919 that's like Okay, do that now? 0:57:23.200 --> 0:57:25.160 Yeah, next benef that? 0:57:25.640 --> 0:57:26.240 Yeah? 0:57:26.760 --> 0:57:27.040 Yeah? 0:57:27.080 --> 0:57:29.640 And I think if I wasn't neuro difvergit, maybe I 0:57:29.640 --> 0:57:34.640 wouldn't be so ready to just go after things, you know. 0:57:35.080 --> 0:57:39.760 So yeah, what would you like? What's what would you 0:57:39.760 --> 0:57:42.320 define your or do you have a genre of music? 0:57:42.360 --> 0:57:44.720 What's your genre or do you call it ghetto pop? 0:57:45.160 --> 0:57:46.920 Ghetto pop? Ghetto? 0:57:48.040 --> 0:57:51.320 Yeah, it's ghetto pop. It's a mixture of sounds. There's dance, 0:57:51.440 --> 0:57:55.320 there's uh, there's hip hop. You know, there's R and 0:57:55.360 --> 0:57:59.840 B elements. Some songs are more focused on a specific 0:58:00.000 --> 0:58:01.800 genre where it could feel just like, oh, this was 0:58:01.800 --> 0:58:02.160 like an R. 0:58:02.080 --> 0:58:03.320 And B trip, right. 0:58:04.640 --> 0:58:06.720 I haven't put those tracks out yet, but they will 0:58:06.760 --> 0:58:11.640 be coming out eventually. Yeah, so yeah eventually. So right now, though, 0:58:11.720 --> 0:58:14.640 the songs that I do have out there very genre bending. 0:58:14.760 --> 0:58:18.680 Like there's some voguing sounds. There's dance music, there's house music, 0:58:19.040 --> 0:58:22.480 there's hip hop too, so it's a mixture. 0:58:22.320 --> 0:58:24.520 That sounds fun. Yeah, genre bending. 0:58:24.560 --> 0:58:30.680 I've heard that a girl with range genre bending gall okays. 0:58:30.480 --> 0:58:31.920 As we tend to be ranged? 0:58:32.120 --> 0:58:33.680 What's aries? 0:58:34.840 --> 0:58:37.080 Okay? Wait before we let's I'm wanna play a game 0:58:37.120 --> 0:58:39.360 with you. Okay, we've talked so much. 0:58:39.400 --> 0:58:41.640 I'm like, Dan, there's things, there's things I wanted to 0:58:41.920 --> 0:58:43.960 other things. 0:58:44.600 --> 0:58:46.760 Okay. So this game is called trigger. Okay. 0:58:47.240 --> 0:58:50.560 And so basically I'm gonna say a word or a sentence, 0:58:50.640 --> 0:58:51.800 and you just say the first. 0:58:51.560 --> 0:58:52.480 Thing that comes to mind. 0:58:52.840 --> 0:59:05.120 Okay. Religion, m I mean, God comes to mind, aliens, 0:59:06.560 --> 0:59:07.880 a lot of stuff we don't know yet. 0:59:07.960 --> 0:59:13.240 Fashion, work, bitch, beautiful women. 0:59:13.040 --> 0:59:18.160 Always, beautiful women always. 0:59:18.840 --> 0:59:19.880 How you finish that sentence? 0:59:20.280 --> 0:59:25.480 Oh, finish the sentence, beautiful women always love you as 0:59:25.480 --> 0:59:26.560 long as you love yourself. 0:59:29.880 --> 0:59:31.600 Feminine hierarchy is. 0:59:33.720 --> 0:59:43.720 Putting women into boxes, and that's associated with judgment, patriarchy, 0:59:45.840 --> 0:59:53.919 the whole motherfucking system. Birth Lord, God, the most beautiful thing. 0:59:54.280 --> 0:59:56.960 This is an amazing thing. Make I think of womb, 0:59:57.000 --> 1:00:04.880 I think of life. Wow, motherhood, nothing like it. Love language, 1:00:09.720 --> 1:00:12.360 what's the one where you like, give gifts. 1:00:13.120 --> 1:00:15.160 As a service gives? 1:00:16.000 --> 1:00:16.680 I'm all of them? 1:00:16.720 --> 1:00:18.080 Really polyamory? 1:00:20.120 --> 1:00:20.360 Hell? 1:00:20.440 --> 1:00:36.640 No, oh, my god, black man? Mm hmm, chocolate, wealth 1:00:36.720 --> 1:00:38.360 or wealth or respect? 1:00:40.640 --> 1:00:41.200 Respect? 1:00:43.200 --> 1:00:44.120 Success is. 1:00:47.400 --> 1:00:48.200 Knowing yourself. 1:00:48.720 --> 1:00:51.040 Let's see what. 1:00:52.240 --> 1:00:55.080 Oh, figuring it out? 1:00:55.880 --> 1:01:08.800 Happy eve, judgmental people, bad choices, good moms, and you. 1:01:08.800 --> 1:01:16.240 Have survived trigger. I was enmous. So no polyamory for you. No, 1:01:16.240 --> 1:01:18.760 none of that. None that's happening. No, No, you don't share. 1:01:19.040 --> 1:01:19.320 No. 1:01:19.520 --> 1:01:22.160 I don't really believe women are polyamorous. 1:01:22.680 --> 1:01:23.560 I'm not into it. 1:01:23.800 --> 1:01:25.000 I think it's a lie. 1:01:25.000 --> 1:01:28.200 Someone's gonna cover. I don't believe women are naturally polyamorous. 1:01:28.240 --> 1:01:30.760 I think that you're dating and now you have a 1:01:30.880 --> 1:01:34.800 language for it to say. I'm fucking niggas because I'm 1:01:34.800 --> 1:01:38.080 outside and I'm figuring it out. But I think as 1:01:38.080 --> 1:01:40.200 soon as a man that you actually like is like 1:01:40.320 --> 1:01:41.800 I want to just be with you, but she's gonna 1:01:41.840 --> 1:01:45.640 be like okay, sure, Like okay, I'll cut off my 1:01:45.720 --> 1:01:47.320 other satellites for you, babe. 1:01:47.360 --> 1:01:47.520 Yeah. 1:01:47.560 --> 1:01:48.960 I think it's a state of confusion. 1:01:49.080 --> 1:01:51.120 I think it's ethical nonminogamy with. 1:01:52.920 --> 1:01:57.720 Long term relationships that you don't want to really live with. Yeah, 1:01:57.880 --> 1:01:58.440 you know what I mean. 1:01:58.440 --> 1:02:00.600 It's like that's what poor noma. 1:02:00.720 --> 1:02:04.840 I basically what the fun you because like even in dating, 1:02:04.880 --> 1:02:06.480 you might see the same nigga for a year, but 1:02:06.480 --> 1:02:08.360 you're not like it's not like you know, I don't know. 1:02:08.400 --> 1:02:10.720 I just think it's I'm fucking people and I have 1:02:10.760 --> 1:02:13.520 religion and I want love. 1:02:14.560 --> 1:02:15.560 That's what it is to you. 1:02:16.000 --> 1:02:18.520 I just think, like the language of polyamory, like I 1:02:18.560 --> 1:02:21.920 think women generally you want to have freedom. 1:02:22.120 --> 1:02:24.120 But like if someone a man that you. 1:02:24.120 --> 1:02:27.120 Really like, is like, let's do this together, it's easy 1:02:27.160 --> 1:02:29.520 for us to be like easier to be like, yes, okay, 1:02:29.560 --> 1:02:31.800 I could do that. I think there's still some women 1:02:31.840 --> 1:02:34.360 that can can fully thrive in polyamory. 1:02:35.320 --> 1:02:37.360 No, I'm not saying we can't fully thrive in polyamory, 1:02:37.400 --> 1:02:38.160 but I'm like, when there's. 1:02:37.960 --> 1:02:39.760 You said, it's not natural. I'm saying, like I think 1:02:39.800 --> 1:02:42.600 that there's women that I think when. 1:02:42.520 --> 1:02:45.680 We feel safe and like someone can hold us wholly, 1:02:46.000 --> 1:02:49.000 I think, Yeah, like I it's easier to have one 1:02:49.000 --> 1:02:52.280 person I like. I've never liked three people the same 1:02:52.520 --> 1:02:54.120 at the same time, even when I had niggas, you 1:02:54.120 --> 1:02:55.600 know what I mean, I'd be like, there'd be always 1:02:55.600 --> 1:02:57.520 one particular if I like somebody, I like somebody, and 1:02:57.560 --> 1:02:58.880 then the other two were not going to seem as 1:02:58.920 --> 1:03:01.080 exciting because like maybe because I have. 1:03:02.520 --> 1:03:04.520 Focused on Yeah, it's a lot. 1:03:04.560 --> 1:03:06.400 I mean, of course you can like different people and 1:03:06.440 --> 1:03:07.280 have different experiences. 1:03:07.280 --> 1:03:09.440 I don't know, maybe, well that do you have a 1:03:09.480 --> 1:03:13.880 hierarchy that not everyone has the access to numeral energy? 1:03:14.040 --> 1:03:16.320 Yeah? Yeah, you know what I mean. You gotta have 1:03:16.360 --> 1:03:17.919 a lot of energy, and bitch, I don't. 1:03:18.040 --> 1:03:20.040 I'm tired. I ain't got that much energy. I don't 1:03:20.080 --> 1:03:22.440 have that much brain power to remember everyone's story. 1:03:22.840 --> 1:03:25.840 It is what's your grandma's name again? You have a 1:03:25.880 --> 1:03:30.520 brother named Freddy? Are you going going through tragedy right now? Wait? Wait? 1:03:30.920 --> 1:03:33.280 Your was your mom? Let me check my notes. 1:03:34.520 --> 1:03:37.440 I have notes of niggas, like because because my memory 1:03:37.440 --> 1:03:39.800 is so bad I will write down people's I'm like, wait, okay, 1:03:39.800 --> 1:03:43.040 you have three brothers. I will I will write down 1:03:43.080 --> 1:03:46.760 notes of people that I care about sometimes, yes, yeah, 1:03:46.760 --> 1:03:48.320 because I want to remember certain things. 1:03:48.360 --> 1:03:51.360 I've actually done it a couple of times. Soon, not everybody. 1:03:51.400 --> 1:03:53.680 I'm going to start. I like, have shoe sizes of 1:03:53.760 --> 1:03:56.800 people that you see. Yeah. 1:03:56.840 --> 1:03:59.000 Wait, because one of my one of my exes had 1:03:59.000 --> 1:04:00.800 a lot of siblings, so I had to remember. 1:04:00.920 --> 1:04:02.840 I was like, how many Sundays. I'm not going to 1:04:02.920 --> 1:04:04.800 keep asking him how many he has? You know what 1:04:04.880 --> 1:04:08.200 I mean? Like, is it seven? I spoke? 1:04:08.240 --> 1:04:12.080 We's what messes me up to the memory. And then 1:04:12.480 --> 1:04:15.240 and then meeting people that have really sharp memories like 1:04:15.240 --> 1:04:17.280 that or like really good with details, it makes me 1:04:17.320 --> 1:04:19.640 feel worse because they're like, so, how is your grandmother Virginia? 1:04:20.400 --> 1:04:20.600 Yeah? 1:04:20.640 --> 1:04:23.600 And her brother yeah? And I'm like, what the fuck 1:04:23.680 --> 1:04:24.240 you remember that? 1:04:24.960 --> 1:04:25.200 Yeah? 1:04:25.360 --> 1:04:28.560 Then I feel bad. So then I write notes crazy. 1:04:28.840 --> 1:04:32.440 I love it. Have you made any bad bad choices 1:04:32.520 --> 1:04:33.320 this this week? 1:04:34.080 --> 1:04:38.480 Bad mom? Not a bad mom, but a bad mom 1:04:38.600 --> 1:04:39.440 so good. 1:04:42.960 --> 1:04:55.120 I'm living, come to mind, I'm thinking about a bad 1:04:55.200 --> 1:04:58.600 choices currently right now, and I haven't fully decided. 1:04:58.600 --> 1:04:59.760 Advice. Yeah, can we help you? 1:05:00.280 --> 1:05:00.560 Yeah? 1:05:01.360 --> 1:05:07.280 Right, So a guy I've been talking to, we don't 1:05:07.280 --> 1:05:10.800 talk anymore and it's done. He blocked me. 1:05:11.400 --> 1:05:12.880 Thinks wow aggressive. 1:05:13.920 --> 1:05:18.000 So anyway, I think it's quite funny and very bitchy. 1:05:18.160 --> 1:05:22.360 But anyway, like I walked out to my car today 1:05:22.920 --> 1:05:24.640 and a note was on my car from him, and 1:05:24.680 --> 1:05:28.000 we haven't probably smoked smoked, we haven't. I think it's 1:05:28.040 --> 1:05:30.160 maybe been about two months. 1:05:29.920 --> 1:05:32.120 Now and you're still blocked. 1:05:32.960 --> 1:05:35.200 I don't know because I haven't tried to call him. 1:05:35.240 --> 1:05:38.200 But like the one time when I was on Instagram 1:05:38.200 --> 1:05:40.320 because we always always send, we send each other stuff. 1:05:40.360 --> 1:05:42.880 When I went to send him something, even though we 1:05:42.880 --> 1:05:47.800 were like arguing there, I couldn't send it, and I'm like, wait, 1:05:47.800 --> 1:05:52.000 he blocked me on Instagram, Like, oh he's upset now baby, 1:05:54.040 --> 1:05:56.760 I don't need to fix at that point, Okay, I 1:05:56.800 --> 1:05:57.200 see what. 1:05:57.360 --> 1:05:57.840 We're good. 1:05:58.480 --> 1:06:01.000 There's no for me. There's not really need coming back 1:06:01.040 --> 1:06:05.280 after that right now, because I feel like I'm the 1:06:05.280 --> 1:06:07.600 only one I could throw a bitch in this bitch. 1:06:08.600 --> 1:06:11.000 I mean, I don't want a nigga throwing a bitch 1:06:11.040 --> 1:06:16.000 pick with me. There's only one diva and she ain't one. Okay, 1:06:16.160 --> 1:06:19.120 so anyway, the note was there. 1:06:19.240 --> 1:06:20.120 What did the note say? 1:06:20.200 --> 1:06:21.600 Maybe it was four pages. 1:06:22.080 --> 1:06:29.280 That's a letter cursive, that's just cursive, not cursive. I'm 1:06:29.320 --> 1:06:30.600 happy that Nigga knows cursive. 1:06:31.040 --> 1:06:33.040 White. 1:06:33.760 --> 1:06:37.240 No, why I gotta be white because he's using I 1:06:37.280 --> 1:06:39.240 don't know, niggat cursive. 1:06:39.800 --> 1:06:42.280 I don't know, Nigga. I've never got a cursive letter 1:06:42.280 --> 1:06:44.120 from the black maid in my whole life, and I've 1:06:44.160 --> 1:06:46.880 acquired many a love letter, so I thought this must 1:06:46.920 --> 1:06:49.800 be another race. Honey, no, baby, wow. 1:06:50.120 --> 1:06:52.440 I don't know what he was trying to do, I know, 1:06:52.920 --> 1:06:58.520 and I was just like, oh, and I opened it. 1:06:58.720 --> 1:07:01.200 I saw my nickname at the top instead of my name, 1:07:02.080 --> 1:07:04.160 and I saw the first line and I was like, 1:07:04.160 --> 1:07:06.240 I'm not reading this. I'm going on this show today, 1:07:06.400 --> 1:07:10.479 like I'm not not all I resk. I looked at 1:07:10.480 --> 1:07:16.120 some lines. The first line made me nervous because I 1:07:16.160 --> 1:07:18.800 don't truly think that even though it's been a couple 1:07:18.840 --> 1:07:23.280 of months, I doubt he really understands, like and the 1:07:23.360 --> 1:07:26.200 time for me was revealing for me. For you, you're 1:07:26.240 --> 1:07:28.720 sad and you miss me. Granted I miss you in 1:07:28.720 --> 1:07:31.360 some capacity, like the little things about us. And I 1:07:31.880 --> 1:07:34.000 did see it for you at one point. But I've 1:07:34.040 --> 1:07:36.840 taken the time to actually realize why the fuck did 1:07:36.880 --> 1:07:37.640 I even fuck with you? 1:07:38.360 --> 1:07:38.640 Is what? 1:07:38.800 --> 1:07:41.840 But there's still that little voice inside that's like that, 1:07:42.200 --> 1:07:44.680 once you read the note, what are you gonna do? 1:07:44.840 --> 1:07:46.919 Yeah, you really need to decide right now. 1:07:47.040 --> 1:07:49.280 And I know we're in a freaking the first day 1:07:49.280 --> 1:07:52.200 of the retrograde. The note pops up, I'm like, yo, 1:07:52.880 --> 1:07:54.080 so I'm scared to read it. 1:07:54.640 --> 1:07:58.120 So you're considering not reading it at all, like burning 1:07:58.160 --> 1:07:58.680 it in the fire. 1:07:58.840 --> 1:08:00.959 Just that's probably what I see. 1:08:01.920 --> 1:08:04.280 But don't tell this as that she's like burned in 1:08:04.280 --> 1:08:08.520 the fire. Curiosity, the curiosity, burn it all up. 1:08:08.840 --> 1:08:09.480 Curiosity. 1:08:09.560 --> 1:08:13.320 You know, they say you killed the cat exactly, but ultimately, 1:08:13.400 --> 1:08:16.960 you know, you know what it is. Ultimately, whether you 1:08:17.000 --> 1:08:18.479 read it or you don't read it, you know how 1:08:18.479 --> 1:08:18.920 you feel. 1:08:19.240 --> 1:08:21.320 Yeah, But if you know you're not I don't not 1:08:21.320 --> 1:08:24.599 strong enough, If you know you're not like what kind 1:08:24.680 --> 1:08:28.600 of kryptonite a nikka has on you, there's certain you 1:08:28.680 --> 1:08:30.920 got to just not do. You can be curious about everything. 1:08:31.760 --> 1:08:35.120 You're not that healed, ye, you know, walk away burn it. 1:08:35.280 --> 1:08:38.120 Yeah, because the toxic side is going to want to 1:08:38.120 --> 1:08:38.800 play like a cat. 1:08:38.920 --> 1:08:40.599 Part of healing is knowing when the fuck. 1:08:40.439 --> 1:08:41.880 To burn, the when the door is closed and you 1:08:41.920 --> 1:08:45.400 want to go back right and it's like, I feel 1:08:45.400 --> 1:08:50.200 like this time showed me that you're not the man 1:08:50.280 --> 1:08:51.960 for me, you know what I mean? Like, this is 1:08:52.000 --> 1:08:54.320 what this time showed me? And then I just came 1:08:54.360 --> 1:08:56.920 to that epiphany. My whole thing yesterday I was telling 1:08:56.960 --> 1:08:59.040 you about this is a test, That's what I'm saying. 1:09:00.360 --> 1:09:00.559 Test. 1:09:00.800 --> 1:09:02.559 But there's a piece of me that really wants to 1:09:02.600 --> 1:09:03.639 read it. But I feel like. 1:09:03.920 --> 1:09:04.519 What piece of you? 1:09:04.640 --> 1:09:07.080 Is it like the higher version of you? Or is 1:09:07.080 --> 1:09:08.160 it like the version that. 1:09:08.200 --> 1:09:11.759 Probably is it the ego or is it your higher self? 1:09:12.600 --> 1:09:15.559 I don't think it's the ego. I think it's the 1:09:15.920 --> 1:09:20.479 what if side, curiosity side, or like because I did 1:09:20.760 --> 1:09:24.200 like him and I do like you know, I let. 1:09:24.160 --> 1:09:24.680 Me ask you this. 1:09:24.840 --> 1:09:28.519 It's such. What has the two months revealed that you 1:09:28.560 --> 1:09:31.120 didn't see before? Is it the pettiness that he blocked you? 1:09:31.240 --> 1:09:33.479 And or what is it that has revealed that you 1:09:33.520 --> 1:09:36.720 didn't that you're now seeing that you feel like, is 1:09:36.720 --> 1:09:40.200 is what you didn't see before? It's whack it does 1:09:40.400 --> 1:09:41.600 that makes you not compatible? 1:09:43.439 --> 1:09:44.480 We're very compatible. 1:09:44.800 --> 1:09:46.120 So what are the things that you're seeing. 1:09:46.160 --> 1:09:47.920 So there's like a lot of things I like about 1:09:48.040 --> 1:09:50.320 I liked about the relationship, Like we have a great 1:09:50.360 --> 1:09:52.200 time together, we are compatible, we have a lot of 1:09:52.200 --> 1:09:54.439 same values and morals. Like there's a lot of things there, 1:09:55.000 --> 1:09:57.719 Like I'm attracted to him. There's all those things, right. 1:09:57.960 --> 1:10:01.160 I think he's a great person. He's very very motivated, 1:10:01.479 --> 1:10:04.600 very like you know, driven. There's all these aspects of 1:10:04.640 --> 1:10:06.479 him that I really like. I like the way he lives, 1:10:07.000 --> 1:10:09.360 you know, he's a very put together person. I like 1:10:09.400 --> 1:10:11.840 things like that. I don't like messy men, you know. 1:10:11.760 --> 1:10:12.200 What I mean. 1:10:12.240 --> 1:10:15.679 Like, there's a lot of things that I the point 1:10:16.080 --> 1:10:18.000 when I was I thought I was like I finally 1:10:18.040 --> 1:10:20.720 met that kind of guy. I was like, okay, but 1:10:20.880 --> 1:10:25.479 our issues are something that are the thing. The thing. 1:10:25.560 --> 1:10:28.200 The thing is the thing that I realized where I'm 1:10:28.240 --> 1:10:31.960 going to have to compromise myself to be with you. 1:10:32.600 --> 1:10:35.240 And that was really the thing. So like I think 1:10:35.240 --> 1:10:38.240 it's more so my lower self that's feeling like I 1:10:38.280 --> 1:10:41.360 want to read it, and well, if I read it, 1:10:41.400 --> 1:10:44.920 I don't I know I shouldn't respond, right, So but 1:10:44.960 --> 1:10:48.320 a part of you may want to like oh, I'm 1:10:48.320 --> 1:10:49.800 supposed to rekindle. 1:10:49.439 --> 1:10:49.840 Part of me. 1:10:50.200 --> 1:10:52.559 Part of me is like if you're supposed to, it'll 1:10:52.720 --> 1:10:55.120 it's this isn't the last opportunity, do you know what 1:10:55.160 --> 1:10:59.240 I mean? If something in you is like telling you no, no, 1:10:59.520 --> 1:11:01.559 then just to lead with it because you know that 1:11:02.160 --> 1:11:03.160 whatever's for you is. 1:11:03.120 --> 1:11:04.519 Going to be for you, you know what. 1:11:04.600 --> 1:11:07.440 Absolutely, and doing that hard thing and killing the curiosity. 1:11:07.479 --> 1:11:09.400 It's actually the hardest ship we're as humans. 1:11:09.439 --> 1:11:11.720 It's natural. It's a natural feeling. 1:11:11.560 --> 1:11:12.880 Right, I need to learn it because I don't even 1:11:12.920 --> 1:11:17.000 need to play because it's going to be. Actually, I 1:11:17.000 --> 1:11:18.920 wish I would have brought it. I left it at home. 1:11:19.560 --> 1:11:20.400 I left it at home. 1:11:21.240 --> 1:11:22.800 They do a little ritual, you know what I mean. 1:11:22.800 --> 1:11:25.400 It's a little prayer over it, folded away from you and. 1:11:25.439 --> 1:11:27.400 Pray about it. But I think it's definitely giving. Just 1:11:27.400 --> 1:11:28.080 don't read it. 1:11:28.120 --> 1:11:30.320 But like compromising yourself is something you can't come from. 1:11:30.560 --> 1:11:32.439 I'm not going to do. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't even 1:11:32.680 --> 1:11:36.280 we answered the question. Yeah, but that would have could 1:11:36.280 --> 1:11:39.360 have maybe still maybe the bad decision, just to explore 1:11:39.760 --> 1:11:41.960 what is he? Did he does he understand? 1:11:42.160 --> 1:11:42.439 Does he? 1:11:42.640 --> 1:11:45.280 What are you? Now? Maybe I'll read the note and 1:11:45.479 --> 1:11:48.360 I'll realize that, Oh my god, you're a fucking idiot. Yeah, 1:11:48.400 --> 1:11:50.559 you don't get it because the first line was really 1:11:50.560 --> 1:11:53.200 more so about him, So that kind of was like 1:11:53.880 --> 1:12:01.040 maybe all I need to read, right, So I love that? Yeah, Yeah, 1:12:01.320 --> 1:12:02.840 I was like, maybe maybe don't read us? 1:12:02.840 --> 1:12:05.960 Who could preserve something some sort of we're really trying 1:12:05.960 --> 1:12:06.160 to fight. 1:12:07.160 --> 1:12:09.760 I mean, I just we got to preserve some sort 1:12:09.760 --> 1:12:13.000 of love and like, not you too, Jesus Christ. 1:12:14.080 --> 1:12:19.040 Sometimes you just gotta Yeah, it's like learning the language 1:12:19.080 --> 1:12:21.720 of men, but they don't even have the language for themselves. 1:12:21.760 --> 1:12:24.839 They're so stunted because they're so fucking closed off because 1:12:24.840 --> 1:12:25.760 that's how they've had to be. 1:12:26.320 --> 1:12:27.839 That literally, they. 1:12:27.680 --> 1:12:29.800 Don't even know what the fuck they're feeling and how 1:12:29.800 --> 1:12:30.960 to communicate. 1:12:30.439 --> 1:12:31.400 It and what they need. 1:12:32.000 --> 1:12:33.920 So it's like you missed the good thing right in 1:12:33.920 --> 1:12:34.360 front of you. 1:12:34.479 --> 1:12:36.960 Yes, yes, I mean in us too, we've been so 1:12:37.840 --> 1:12:40.760 like unfortunately deprived of men who can just see us 1:12:40.760 --> 1:12:43.599 as human. God, damn is a bitch asking for a lot, 1:12:43.640 --> 1:12:47.000 Like just want a man that knows that I have range. 1:12:47.080 --> 1:12:48.240 I just want a man that knows that I could 1:12:48.240 --> 1:12:49.560 be a mother and I could be sexy. And I 1:12:49.560 --> 1:12:51.720 could be sensual and I did some shit in my 1:12:51.760 --> 1:12:52.799 day because bitch, I'm. 1:12:52.640 --> 1:12:53.519 Thirty fucking eight. 1:12:53.720 --> 1:12:56.640 You know, like I I just need a man that 1:12:56.880 --> 1:12:59.680 accepts me as a human being, is not does it 1:12:59.680 --> 1:13:02.639 seem a lot to ask, but it seems so rare 1:13:02.680 --> 1:13:05.360 that even women when they do get a real man 1:13:05.439 --> 1:13:08.439 who's like maybe sensitive or is what, does. 1:13:08.240 --> 1:13:09.559 Have boundaries or whatever? The fuck? 1:13:09.920 --> 1:13:14.760 I'm just making, you know, assumptions about his blocking him 1:13:15.280 --> 1:13:18.559 like his his boundaries. But I'm just like that it's 1:13:18.560 --> 1:13:20.960 hard for us to come to terms like we have had. 1:13:21.040 --> 1:13:24.200 We haven't had that much practice in having a relationship 1:13:24.240 --> 1:13:25.959 that's super emotionally evolved because. 1:13:25.720 --> 1:13:27.080 A lot of that's a good point. 1:13:27.120 --> 1:13:29.000 The love is immature because a lot of us don't 1:13:29.000 --> 1:13:30.720 know how to do it. Yeah, so when you do 1:13:30.920 --> 1:13:33.080 meet a man that has finally roast the casion, I'm 1:13:33.120 --> 1:13:36.040 selling from my experience, like, fuck, I know that I 1:13:36.120 --> 1:13:38.479 have to do better because I love you and you're 1:13:38.479 --> 1:13:40.760 doing everything right and there's nothing I have no complaints, 1:13:40.760 --> 1:13:43.920 And so it has required me to show up in 1:13:43.920 --> 1:13:45.280 a way that I haven't never had to show up 1:13:45.280 --> 1:13:47.599 before because niggas you usually don't even have the fucking 1:13:47.960 --> 1:13:51.400 step one common sense. So it's like when someone I 1:13:51.439 --> 1:13:54.120 see myself, so I see where i've you know, like 1:13:54.880 --> 1:13:57.000 how I act out and things like that. But it's 1:13:57.040 --> 1:13:59.880 like we have it's you know, the language of men 1:14:00.200 --> 1:14:02.120 is still developing. 1:14:02.320 --> 1:14:06.320 Yeah, I mean they were literally brought up to hot 1:14:06.479 --> 1:14:13.240 like tonight. We were taught the complete opposite but mixed 1:14:13.280 --> 1:14:17.439 with the princess thing you were talking about earlier, like 1:14:17.680 --> 1:14:20.360 a fairy tale like concept. And then we live in 1:14:20.360 --> 1:14:22.400 a society that's like making us feel like we can't 1:14:22.439 --> 1:14:24.280 even be who we are supposed to be, and we 1:14:24.320 --> 1:14:26.719 can't express ourselves and we have to become this certain 1:14:26.760 --> 1:14:28.719 way to like fit into their thing. It's a weird 1:14:28.960 --> 1:14:31.479 situation with a to figure it out. 1:14:31.520 --> 1:14:33.400 The only way we be saved is the prince comes 1:14:33.400 --> 1:14:35.920 and saves us and kisses us. He votes his life 1:14:35.960 --> 1:14:38.479 to us, and like, you have to be proper in 1:14:38.520 --> 1:14:40.640 prim and modest, but also be sexual because it will 1:14:40.720 --> 1:14:42.479 cheat on you with the help. Don't lose your man, 1:14:42.640 --> 1:14:44.599 yeah you know what I mean, Like, don't but don't 1:14:44.640 --> 1:14:45.160 have more than three. 1:14:45.280 --> 1:14:47.639 Don't we gotta do all. We gotta do all. 1:14:47.400 --> 1:14:51.320 We're doing, all they're doing, all the mending like, yeah, like, 1:14:51.360 --> 1:14:52.360 what the fuck do you want for me? 1:14:52.960 --> 1:14:55.480 That's probably why they want to go get Ben over themselves. 1:14:55.280 --> 1:14:58.280 That's sure they finally want to get Ben. They want 1:14:58.280 --> 1:15:02.320 to get I'm the princess, but you guess do want 1:15:02.320 --> 1:15:03.400 to be princesses really bad? 1:15:03.439 --> 1:15:06.479 You want to get I mean, yeah, there's a lot, 1:15:06.760 --> 1:15:08.479 like I could literally go get this drop. 1:15:08.600 --> 1:15:11.760 Gone too far down one spec? Have you stopped on 1:15:11.880 --> 1:15:13.040 anybody before now? 1:15:13.200 --> 1:15:15.479 But I've been asked to She's like, no. 1:15:16.439 --> 1:15:18.320 Is that getting us into a horror story? 1:15:23.320 --> 1:15:25.559 Horror stories. 1:15:31.280 --> 1:15:33.400 By a man? I guess I know, damit. 1:15:33.600 --> 1:15:35.960 This was one of the stories. Yeah, I was like 1:15:36.000 --> 1:15:36.960 should I share this with? 1:15:37.200 --> 1:15:37.479 Yeah? 1:15:38.960 --> 1:15:42.679 Horror story because it never happened, like it didn't fully happen, 1:15:42.760 --> 1:15:46.240 but it was a conversation about it. 1:15:46.280 --> 1:15:48.040 Did you explore? Did you? It was did you? 1:15:48.640 --> 1:15:54.200 Horror story? Not a horror? You know what horror R 1:15:54.360 --> 1:16:00.360 R O R, not the w horror. It was a 1:16:00.360 --> 1:16:03.640 horse Sorry. Yeah, this boy asked me to strap. I 1:16:03.720 --> 1:16:06.280 was like, huh, he was like, would you ever do that? 1:16:06.520 --> 1:16:07.519 The text was on person. 1:16:07.560 --> 1:16:09.400 We were on the phone, Oh and that's when you're 1:16:09.439 --> 1:16:11.640 doing We weren't. We were just friends. We would talk 1:16:11.680 --> 1:16:13.800 on the phone, Like I was much younger too. I 1:16:13.800 --> 1:16:18.439 don't even think I was twenty yet, held nineteen, not 1:16:18.479 --> 1:16:20.439 that much older than we're like in the same age range. 1:16:20.680 --> 1:16:23.040 He was explored yeah, and I was. 1:16:23.000 --> 1:16:25.360 Really turned off. I was like, yeah, no, it's not 1:16:25.400 --> 1:16:28.160 gonna happen. I don't want to. I'm not interested in 1:16:28.560 --> 1:16:30.360 doing it to a man. I don't want to do 1:16:30.360 --> 1:16:32.479 it now. If that's your thing. Did he don't judge you? 1:16:32.479 --> 1:16:34.120 I always wonder, like, did you wonder if you did? 1:16:34.160 --> 1:16:35.439 He tell you, like, don't tell anyone. 1:16:35.640 --> 1:16:35.760 No. 1:16:35.880 --> 1:16:37.760 I think I made him feel like I have a 1:16:37.840 --> 1:16:41.000 tendency to make men feel very comfortable to tell me things, 1:16:41.040 --> 1:16:43.200 which is totally fine. Like I'm not outing the guy. 1:16:43.240 --> 1:16:46.080 Nobody knows, but like the concept of what happened is 1:16:46.120 --> 1:16:49.000 still a thing. It's not for me. I still see him. 1:16:49.200 --> 1:16:51.599 We show each other love like what I do. Like 1:16:51.640 --> 1:16:53.400 we're good, Like we would hang out, we could hang out, 1:16:53.400 --> 1:16:56.840 we could do was Yeah, it was just like we 1:16:56.920 --> 1:16:58.439 talked a lot on the phone. I think he just 1:16:58.439 --> 1:17:00.760 felt comfortable and asked me, and you know, wanted to 1:17:00.800 --> 1:17:02.800 probably see if I would do it, but I didn't 1:17:02.800 --> 1:17:06.520 want to. Yeah, so each of them, Yeah, no, no, No, 1:17:06.560 --> 1:17:10.519 But my horror story would be having two boyfriends at 1:17:10.520 --> 1:17:12.280 want do they know about each other? 1:17:12.680 --> 1:17:12.760 No? 1:17:12.880 --> 1:17:13.760 I got caught. 1:17:14.320 --> 1:17:15.160 How did you get caught? 1:17:17.600 --> 1:17:20.360 I was outside of my house with one talking and 1:17:20.400 --> 1:17:23.240 the other one pulled up and taught me, and I 1:17:23.400 --> 1:17:25.759 like just broke up with him, like I or something 1:17:25.800 --> 1:17:27.519 like that, Like I was there was something. I was 1:17:27.600 --> 1:17:30.280 dating these two guys, and one day I was like, 1:17:30.680 --> 1:17:32.040 I need to just pick one. 1:17:32.320 --> 1:17:34.240 Like they were like they were like full boyfriends, like 1:17:34.240 --> 1:17:35.160 this is my boyfriend. 1:17:35.240 --> 1:17:37.240 One was like my like I had. It was a 1:17:37.280 --> 1:17:42.880 black one and a white one. You get the best 1:17:43.439 --> 1:17:46.360 the boat, chill it, I take it. 1:17:46.479 --> 1:17:48.680 So and that was that the last time you're trying 1:17:48.680 --> 1:17:49.880 to travel two boyfriends. 1:17:50.120 --> 1:17:53.280 Yeah, yeah, it was the last time. Yeah, I got 1:17:53.360 --> 1:17:56.360 he got up, he popped out the car, So you 1:17:56.439 --> 1:17:59.360 end up I stayed with the white one, okay, and 1:17:59.360 --> 1:18:00.880 then I didn't regain with him like a week later. 1:18:01.120 --> 1:18:07.240 He was older, you uh, I was probably like seventeen. 1:18:09.000 --> 1:18:10.759 Yeah, the white one was going to be more accepting 1:18:10.800 --> 1:18:11.320 at that point. 1:18:12.040 --> 1:18:15.080 Yeah. I really liked the way he was handsome. He 1:18:15.160 --> 1:18:17.559 was a model. We met modeling, so like it was 1:18:17.600 --> 1:18:19.880 kind of a whole nother world. And then the other 1:18:19.960 --> 1:18:22.200 one was just like a guy that I knew through friends, 1:18:22.240 --> 1:18:23.080 like in high school. 1:18:23.280 --> 1:18:23.679 Whatever. 1:18:24.160 --> 1:18:26.280 They're both a few years older than me, though they weren't. 1:18:26.600 --> 1:18:28.840 Neither one of them were in high school anymore. I was, 1:18:29.040 --> 1:18:32.000 and so I was just like whatever. I was living 1:18:32.040 --> 1:18:36.120 my life, Babe. I was a bad teen, stealing cars. 1:18:36.520 --> 1:18:41.280 I was stealing cars. Yeah, your mom's car. Yeah, okay, 1:18:41.280 --> 1:18:42.760 that seem sounds like you're in the streets. I was 1:18:42.800 --> 1:18:46.439 stealing cars too, my mom's car as a mom. 1:18:46.479 --> 1:18:48.680 I'm so scared for the teens, man. 1:18:48.320 --> 1:18:51.439 I think they're too scary. I think these teens are different. 1:18:51.560 --> 1:18:53.880 Yeah. We were risky as fuck. Yeah we were. 1:18:53.880 --> 1:18:55.360 We were kind of dumb getting in the cars. Are 1:18:55.400 --> 1:18:56.960 strangers meeting grown niggas? 1:18:57.000 --> 1:18:57.320 I was doing? 1:18:57.360 --> 1:18:58.799 Oh yeah, I was doing a lot of that stuff. 1:18:58.920 --> 1:19:00.720 You just reminded me that one I got caught by 1:19:00.840 --> 1:19:04.360 my high school sweethearts, my baby daddy. I guess my 1:19:04.479 --> 1:19:07.000 Nokia was turned off. I was home alone. I was 1:19:07.080 --> 1:19:09.120 like closed all the blinds, and I was with this 1:19:09.360 --> 1:19:12.679 other nigga. I was sixteen, and this crazy mother forgot 1:19:13.120 --> 1:19:15.840 your parents house. Yes, because I know he's fucking crazy. 1:19:15.880 --> 1:19:18.160 I just had an epiphany, like, bitch, you this is 1:19:18.240 --> 1:19:22.479 own fault, your fault. He goes to my backyard, comes 1:19:22.479 --> 1:19:25.760 around the back the yard and comes through the back 1:19:25.800 --> 1:19:28.240 and into my house. And I'm just chilling with this nigga, 1:19:28.360 --> 1:19:31.639 and I'm like, what the fuck are you. 1:19:31.640 --> 1:19:34.800 Doing in my house? He trying to climb through a 1:19:34.840 --> 1:19:37.120 window before bitch, that was the prequel, I know. I 1:19:37.160 --> 1:19:38.559 just realized I was remembered. 1:19:38.560 --> 1:19:39.759 I was sixteenth the prequel. 1:19:39.960 --> 1:19:42.839 So I was like, oh my god, like you're crazy 1:19:42.960 --> 1:19:45.200 or something. The other guy like leaves, he's in the car. 1:19:45.240 --> 1:19:47.519 He texts me like are you okay. The guy's like 1:19:47.640 --> 1:19:50.840 lecturing me my baby daddy. And I'm like, I take 1:19:50.880 --> 1:19:53.439 the phone. Know why I did this? I stuffed it 1:19:53.439 --> 1:19:56.080 at my parents' couch and the side and I said, 1:19:56.439 --> 1:19:58.040 let me just go and tell him to leave and 1:19:58.160 --> 1:20:01.080 have no shoes on, bitch. I got in the car 1:20:01.120 --> 1:20:03.840 and I said, just leave, just drive off. He said 1:20:03.880 --> 1:20:05.240 he's in there. I said, I don't care. 1:20:05.280 --> 1:20:05.960 Oh, like you live. 1:20:07.120 --> 1:20:10.000 Left with the nigga with no shoes and no phone, pulled, 1:20:10.000 --> 1:20:10.400 no phone. 1:20:10.439 --> 1:20:12.160 I stepped in the couch. Then I pulled up to 1:20:12.200 --> 1:20:13.960 Danielle's house, asked for some flip flop. 1:20:14.080 --> 1:20:16.120 Was the baby daddy not you were scared of the baby. 1:20:16.160 --> 1:20:19.360 I left the baby daddy in the house, in my 1:20:19.400 --> 1:20:19.880 own house. 1:20:20.160 --> 1:20:22.360 I was like sixteen, and I went to my friend's house, 1:20:22.400 --> 1:20:24.320 got some shoes, and we went to Californi and pizza kitchen. 1:20:25.000 --> 1:20:27.400 Wow, you know what. That's what girlfriends are for. But 1:20:27.960 --> 1:20:29.160 why would I leave a nigga? 1:20:29.240 --> 1:20:29.720 I should have. 1:20:29.760 --> 1:20:31.800 Known what is going on? Wow, that was a fighter. 1:20:31.880 --> 1:20:33.519 That's flight. That's called flight. I know. 1:20:33.560 --> 1:20:37.040 I'm still I'm living in it for thirty twenty years, 1:20:37.080 --> 1:20:39.360 twenty years A you just reminded me that. 1:20:39.439 --> 1:20:40.080 Wow. 1:20:40.520 --> 1:20:43.760 Wow, Yeah, I. 1:20:43.720 --> 1:20:47.880 Was I gonna say, sorry, do you have any affirmations 1:20:47.960 --> 1:20:49.320 for the dolls today? 1:20:50.640 --> 1:20:56.080 Yeah, let's see, hmmm, okay one then I'm saying a 1:20:56.080 --> 1:20:59.960 lot right now? Is I am so grateful for this 1:21:00.080 --> 1:21:01.439 new timeline that I'm on. 1:21:02.680 --> 1:21:04.640 Grateful for this new timeline that I'm on. 1:21:04.800 --> 1:21:07.680 Yeah, I am so grateful for this new timeline that 1:21:07.720 --> 1:21:08.599 I'm on. Yeah. 1:21:08.720 --> 1:21:09.439 I love that. 1:21:09.920 --> 1:21:12.880 Yeah, yes, And I'm just I'm so open, like I 1:21:13.200 --> 1:21:15.280 like to think about that, you know, like being on 1:21:15.320 --> 1:21:20.879 the new timeline, all the miracles and opportunities, magic magic 1:21:21.240 --> 1:21:24.400 that I deserve is here. And I get to just 1:21:24.560 --> 1:21:26.960 receive it. So yeah, that's where I'm at. 1:21:27.720 --> 1:21:28.280 I like that. 1:21:28.560 --> 1:21:30.439 I like jump hoping a timeline. 1:21:30.479 --> 1:21:33.080 Baby, you just feel like a different timeline girls, Yeah, 1:21:33.160 --> 1:21:34.080 it does. Really. 1:21:34.479 --> 1:21:36.360 Maybe I had a birthday recently, but I do I 1:21:36.400 --> 1:21:38.160 feel like a shift? 1:21:39.000 --> 1:21:40.120 Yeah, yeah, definitely. 1:21:40.160 --> 1:21:43.400 It's definitely amongst women that are listening to one another 1:21:43.920 --> 1:21:45.080 and are loving. 1:21:44.880 --> 1:21:45.400 We're changing. 1:21:45.439 --> 1:21:47.760 There's a lot of things going to just yeah, I'm 1:21:47.760 --> 1:21:48.519 excited to see. 1:21:48.720 --> 1:21:49.160 Yeah. 1:21:49.640 --> 1:21:51.559 I don't know how it's gonna go, but it's gonna go. 1:21:52.840 --> 1:21:54.719 Like I always say, there's a resurrection of the wild 1:21:54.760 --> 1:21:58.400 and free woman. That's honest the witch, which is the 1:21:58.479 --> 1:22:01.479 you know, the very it's all the things I just. 1:22:01.439 --> 1:22:07.519 Feels in your own individuality. Amen, you know you need 1:22:07.600 --> 1:22:12.320 all the individuals and collective priestesses to link up, all 1:22:12.320 --> 1:22:15.920 the female fucking titans and soldiers at least they're like. 1:22:15.840 --> 1:22:18.120 Their purpose and their divine purpose and live in it 1:22:18.200 --> 1:22:22.280 so that we could like, yeah, be in community. Honestly, 1:22:22.320 --> 1:22:27.360 that is the medicine and like the pushback of this 1:22:27.680 --> 1:22:33.120 regimen that we're in right now, regime measurement, I guess 1:22:33.479 --> 1:22:36.639 for the regime, that's what I. 1:22:36.560 --> 1:22:38.280 Can't believe we're in a regime. We are. 1:22:38.280 --> 1:22:42.599 We are Like there's like people are outside talking about yeah, 1:22:42.640 --> 1:22:46.080 like have more babies, but don't vote, Like our rights 1:22:46.120 --> 1:22:49.639 are poor household, poor household. They're about to give they're 1:22:49.640 --> 1:22:52.439 talking about giving a stipen or something for women to 1:22:52.640 --> 1:22:53.719 for young women. 1:22:53.520 --> 1:22:56.920 To have babies. Doctor Oz got onto. 1:22:57.160 --> 1:23:00.519 Okay, okay, sorry, doctor Oz said women are under baby 1:23:00.760 --> 1:23:03.240 Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, So. 1:23:03.120 --> 1:23:04.799 How about we work with the men, we get. 1:23:04.600 --> 1:23:06.960 Them, how about we get them up to like how 1:23:06.960 --> 1:23:10.120 I get them up to speak? Yeah? And then but 1:23:10.120 --> 1:23:10.559 that's the thing. 1:23:10.720 --> 1:23:13.599 Women are stopping stopping babies. They're dating later, they're getting 1:23:13.640 --> 1:23:16.800 married later because we're we don't have to rely on you. Yeah, 1:23:17.240 --> 1:23:19.000 and we know that we're human and I don't need 1:23:19.040 --> 1:23:19.679 your validation. 1:23:19.840 --> 1:23:21.800 So they want to pull us down here because they 1:23:21.840 --> 1:23:23.120 know what they call it pregnant. 1:23:22.800 --> 1:23:25.360 And barefoot baby. You can't pull us down. We're already 1:23:25.400 --> 1:23:25.960 out the box. 1:23:26.200 --> 1:23:29.040 The fire is list, and I feel like there's so 1:23:29.120 --> 1:23:31.080 many women we're going to see come up that are 1:23:31.240 --> 1:23:33.559 that are really now stepping into their power like this, 1:23:34.040 --> 1:23:36.519 like the stupid ship is out, which is like and 1:23:36.520 --> 1:23:37.599 we're happy, which. 1:23:37.439 --> 1:23:40.280 Is gonna make all of us collectively, like, just let 1:23:40.360 --> 1:23:42.760 us do our things so that y'all can catch up, 1:23:42.840 --> 1:23:44.639 because collectively we'll all rise. 1:23:44.479 --> 1:23:46.640 Together because that's just what women and our energy and. 1:23:46.640 --> 1:23:50.120 Our friend and honestly we are what even though the 1:23:50.160 --> 1:23:53.360 men are supposed to be like leaders in this capacity, 1:23:53.760 --> 1:23:56.320 us shifting to then vibration we need to be on 1:23:56.640 --> 1:23:57.400 is going to help them. 1:23:57.400 --> 1:24:00.240 That's what I mean. There'll be better leaders eventually. It's 1:24:00.280 --> 1:24:03.920 not that Nigga shouldn't be leading, are leading to where 1:24:03.920 --> 1:24:04.439 are we going? 1:24:04.479 --> 1:24:05.960 It needs we need to be leading together. 1:24:06.320 --> 1:24:09.760 Gin alphas will do good. Like your baby's a gin Alpha. Yeah, yeah, 1:24:09.800 --> 1:24:11.600 my son is too. I think they're going to be 1:24:11.680 --> 1:24:12.160 that ulous. 1:24:12.160 --> 1:24:12.880 It's going to be fine. 1:24:12.880 --> 1:24:13.840 I think they're gonna be great. 1:24:13.920 --> 1:24:14.080 Yeah. 1:24:14.080 --> 1:24:16.120 I think they're not with any of the bullshit, just 1:24:16.200 --> 1:24:17.599 like these old people get it. 1:24:18.400 --> 1:24:19.639 But there's a lot of dumb people. 1:24:19.680 --> 1:24:22.160 I know they've taught their children stupid ship too. So 1:24:22.240 --> 1:24:25.280 it's kind of we're battling. We're in, we're in, we're 1:24:25.320 --> 1:24:27.719 in different timelines. We're also in different like a different 1:24:27.760 --> 1:24:30.120 fight now, you know, with AI and all the things 1:24:30.160 --> 1:24:30.639 that are happening. 1:24:30.680 --> 1:24:33.880 Oh god, anyway, that's neither here nor that that's a 1:24:33.920 --> 1:24:34.360 whole nother. 1:24:35.040 --> 1:24:36.400 That's a little card before we get. 1:24:36.240 --> 1:25:02.600 Out of it, which is in Fairies and Priestesses. 1:25:02.800 --> 1:25:04.599 Okay, I'm gonna put a card I like this. 1:25:07.520 --> 1:25:09.080 Oh yeah, that's okay. With his own. 1:25:11.800 --> 1:25:12.920 Looks like a man. What is this? 1:25:13.080 --> 1:25:17.280 You know what this is? That is the Six of Swords? Okay? 1:25:18.880 --> 1:25:20.160 What does it look like? What is he doing? 1:25:20.320 --> 1:25:22.479 Is he using a sword to He looks like he's 1:25:22.800 --> 1:25:23.759 swimming through sorts. 1:25:23.880 --> 1:25:31.479 It's a man with a woman and baby. 1:25:30.800 --> 1:25:35.160 Okay, what do the cards say? The cards are saying 1:25:35.400 --> 1:25:44.600 that m keep saying. 1:25:41.400 --> 1:25:47.000 Okay, six of Swords. The Six of Swords shows that 1:25:47.040 --> 1:25:50.040 you're in a state of transition, leaving behind what was 1:25:50.080 --> 1:25:53.080 familiar and moving towards the unknown. You might be moving 1:25:53.080 --> 1:25:56.920 a house, leaving a relationship, changing jobs, going through a 1:25:56.960 --> 1:25:59.960 rite of passage, or a mental shift. This change made 1:26:00.160 --> 1:26:02.320 your own doing or forced upon you, and you may 1:26:02.320 --> 1:26:05.759 feel sad to leave behind what is so familiar to you. However, 1:26:06.200 --> 1:26:08.400 you know this move is essential for your growth and 1:26:08.439 --> 1:26:11.640 personal development. The sadness over what you have lost or 1:26:11.680 --> 1:26:14.760 released will soon be replaced by greater mental clarity and 1:26:14.800 --> 1:26:18.080 a renewed acceptance of change. You'll become a better person 1:26:18.120 --> 1:26:20.800 as a result. The Six of Swords invites you to 1:26:20.880 --> 1:26:23.360 let go of whatever is holding you back, be it 1:26:23.400 --> 1:26:26.880 from your past or from your present circumstances. Instead, gaze 1:26:26.880 --> 1:26:29.519 ahead of your future to choose the way most in 1:26:29.600 --> 1:26:35.120 alignment with your highest good and long term potential. You 1:26:35.560 --> 1:26:38.479 will not need to make tough decisions and compromises along. Oh, 1:26:38.479 --> 1:26:40.920 you will need to make tough decisions and compromises along 1:26:40.960 --> 1:26:43.479 the way. See it as a right of passage. You 1:26:43.479 --> 1:26:46.479 are headed towards a better position in life, so long 1:26:46.520 --> 1:26:48.640 as you are willing to evolve and shed whatever you 1:26:48.680 --> 1:26:51.120 no longer need. Do not dwell on the what gets 1:26:51.120 --> 1:26:54.040 who you left behind. Instead, use this opportunity for changing 1:26:54.040 --> 1:26:58.000 your beliefs about yourself, moving away from whom you used 1:26:58.000 --> 1:26:59.519 to be and towards whom you want to be. 1:27:00.600 --> 1:27:00.960 Hm hmm. 1:27:01.160 --> 1:27:06.520 Interesting. Basically everything we talked about in a nutshell alignment. 1:27:07.560 --> 1:27:11.000 The next chapter being grateful for this new timeline that 1:27:11.080 --> 1:27:16.360 you're on, shutting past versions of yourself, burning the motherfucking letter. 1:27:16.720 --> 1:27:22.640 Changing your beliefs about yourself like breaking the boxes, changing timelines. 1:27:22.920 --> 1:27:26.720 Wow, yeah, yeah. 1:27:25.960 --> 1:27:26.840 The cards never lie. 1:27:27.080 --> 1:27:33.080 I shay I, shay, Well, this is wonderful, so fun. Well, 1:27:33.080 --> 1:27:34.160 thank you for coming on. 1:27:35.200 --> 1:27:38.680 Can you tell the people where they can find you? 1:27:38.680 --> 1:27:41.760 You can find me? Where can you find me? Like 1:27:41.800 --> 1:27:42.479 on my Instagram? 1:27:42.520 --> 1:27:47.280 Yeah? 1:27:47.320 --> 1:27:52.160 Okay, so it's at sign a a z h I 1:27:52.320 --> 1:27:56.120 a Asia. That's where you can find me. I do, 1:27:56.200 --> 1:27:59.200 respond to DMS. I do, and I just mean, if 1:27:59.200 --> 1:28:00.840 you want to talk about it, anything, we could talk, 1:28:01.000 --> 1:28:02.720 so you know, come find me and we could chat 1:28:02.760 --> 1:28:04.480 to Okay, yes. 1:28:04.479 --> 1:28:06.160 Wait, are you still selling pieces and stuff? 1:28:06.160 --> 1:28:08.720 Because you like, are you like, where are you at 1:28:08.760 --> 1:28:13.040 in like the merchandising of all your fucking bomb ass fashions? 1:28:13.040 --> 1:28:13.559 So you keep them? 1:28:13.560 --> 1:28:17.200 ALTI on a break, I can keep them, ay, I thought, So. 1:28:16.880 --> 1:28:19.840 I think twenty twenty four, I took a break, okay, 1:28:20.120 --> 1:28:23.439 and I needed to like realign, which is, you know, 1:28:23.520 --> 1:28:25.559 interesting the transition I've been on. I've been on a 1:28:25.560 --> 1:28:28.280 transition for damn near four years at this point, right, 1:28:28.640 --> 1:28:33.479 just a long transition shout but anyway, uh yeah, so 1:28:33.720 --> 1:28:37.360 I do. I am going to be coming back to 1:28:37.400 --> 1:28:40.959 market soon, which I'm happy about. Although I still kept 1:28:41.160 --> 1:28:44.080 things moving, like just not in that way. 1:28:44.280 --> 1:28:44.759 Yeah. 1:28:44.840 --> 1:28:47.320 With tz lafem, I took a break from that because 1:28:47.320 --> 1:28:50.080 that was at such a high demand, like brand, I 1:28:50.160 --> 1:28:55.280 needed to like pull back to step forward, and I decided, Yeah, 1:28:55.320 --> 1:29:00.160 so I decided to work in a different way. That's 1:29:00.240 --> 1:29:02.559 it in me. I needed to find my flow because 1:29:02.600 --> 1:29:05.439 when you get into something and it blows up and 1:29:05.479 --> 1:29:07.920 all these things are going on and you don't really 1:29:08.000 --> 1:29:10.439 have the your little bit in fear. A lot of 1:29:10.520 --> 1:29:14.040 choices I made with my brand. I was fearful because 1:29:14.040 --> 1:29:17.360 I wasn't ready to let go and step into it 1:29:17.400 --> 1:29:19.720 the way I needed to to like go to the 1:29:19.760 --> 1:29:22.559 next level because I needed to control. So I had 1:29:22.560 --> 1:29:25.760 to really during this transition over these few years, I've 1:29:25.800 --> 1:29:28.240 had to learn to just like surrender sind render to 1:29:28.280 --> 1:29:30.400 God and what God's saying to me and doing and 1:29:30.439 --> 1:29:33.479 not having to know like how it's going to go, 1:29:33.600 --> 1:29:36.240 but just trusting that God is going to make it 1:29:36.280 --> 1:29:39.479 all come together right, and that's where the faith comes in. 1:29:39.960 --> 1:29:41.800 So I put my brand. 1:29:41.560 --> 1:29:42.080 To the side. 1:29:42.200 --> 1:29:44.880 I still started I work with people like clients, like 1:29:45.040 --> 1:29:49.120 doing styline branding, all of these things kind of like 1:29:49.200 --> 1:29:52.240 mix into one because I kind of can do it all, 1:29:52.400 --> 1:29:55.800 weave it all in together, right. So that's what I've 1:29:55.840 --> 1:29:58.000 been doing in the meantime and I still have. I 1:29:58.000 --> 1:30:00.480 have a new brand that I created, which is a 1:30:01.000 --> 1:30:02.880 which is more so like mine. I look at this 1:30:02.920 --> 1:30:06.519 brand like an experimental brand, and I'm not really sure 1:30:06.520 --> 1:30:08.200 where I'm gonna take it, and I'm okay with that. 1:30:08.280 --> 1:30:11.880 But right now it's just been like, I curate cool, 1:30:11.920 --> 1:30:15.080 funky things that aren't necessarily like the things that are 1:30:15.080 --> 1:30:18.200 gonna be sold in every single store or everybody's gonna 1:30:18.200 --> 1:30:20.840 want to wear it. It's just an experimental space because 1:30:21.400 --> 1:30:25.479 during that transition to the needing to break, I wasn't 1:30:25.560 --> 1:30:30.240 having fun anymore. And like you said, the play the imagination, 1:30:30.320 --> 1:30:32.080 it just becomes so rigid. Oh you got to do 1:30:32.080 --> 1:30:33.559 this for sales, and you got to do this like 1:30:34.040 --> 1:30:36.960 for views or whatever. I need to be able to 1:30:37.000 --> 1:30:39.840 have fun, yea. And what you're seeing now, for sure 1:30:40.000 --> 1:30:41.800 is definitely me being in that. Those are the things 1:30:41.840 --> 1:30:43.599 that have always made me feel good, having fun, being 1:30:43.640 --> 1:30:46.840 a little girl, playing creating. So that new brand has 1:30:46.840 --> 1:30:49.439 helped me get back to that. We'll bring her back soon, 1:30:49.520 --> 1:30:52.200 so hopefully this year. Actually I think it's gonna be 1:30:52.200 --> 1:30:54.519 in August. We're gonna drop. I'm excited. 1:30:54.840 --> 1:30:56.840 Yes, And if you're listening to this, let this be 1:30:56.880 --> 1:31:00.000 a reminder to play, to prioritize the play in your life, 1:31:00.479 --> 1:31:02.360 to find the hobby and just. 1:31:02.360 --> 1:31:04.519 Do it and just do it for no reason kind 1:31:04.560 --> 1:31:05.120 of things. 1:31:05.280 --> 1:31:08.759 Yeah, what do they say, romanticize your life, fun with yourself. 1:31:08.840 --> 1:31:13.120 And a big thing for me was tapping into the 1:31:13.120 --> 1:31:15.160 little girl that I used to be, Like, I needed 1:31:15.200 --> 1:31:17.479 to start honoring that, like because when you think about 1:31:17.520 --> 1:31:19.480 who you were as a kid, even though my childhood 1:31:19.560 --> 1:31:22.760 was rocky, there's still a lot of magic there. 1:31:22.880 --> 1:31:23.080 Yeah. 1:31:23.120 --> 1:31:26.080 You know she was fearless. She didn't she just did it. 1:31:26.160 --> 1:31:28.240 That's why we were getting into those things. 1:31:28.040 --> 1:31:31.280 Right, Okay, yeah, literally just doing stuff. 1:31:31.320 --> 1:31:33.880 But you're doing stuff, Yeah, doing stuff. 1:31:33.920 --> 1:31:36.160 Literally, just Stechol to go see us you at University 1:31:36.200 --> 1:31:40.400 City Walk. He's not on my CD album at Tower Records. 1:31:40.520 --> 1:31:45.400 Yeah, I'm going. Yeah. Sounds about right. 1:31:45.960 --> 1:31:46.479 I love it. 1:31:47.160 --> 1:31:49.639 Well, y'all, please make sure you subscribe to this episode. 1:31:49.760 --> 1:31:52.599 We leave us a review on Apple Podcast. Like I said, 1:31:52.720 --> 1:31:55.680 join our discord by way of Patreon. 1:31:55.880 --> 1:31:56.880 You get episodes early. 1:31:56.920 --> 1:31:58.880 When you join our Patreon it's ten dollars a month 1:31:58.920 --> 1:32:01.879 and with that you get access to our community on discord. 1:32:01.920 --> 1:32:04.639 We have so many people over there, so many incredible 1:32:04.640 --> 1:32:07.080 women all over the country, all over the world. There's 1:32:07.120 --> 1:32:10.240 people from other places too, from other spots. 1:32:09.840 --> 1:32:14.080 Of the globe. Over there, and make sure you follow 1:32:14.520 --> 1:32:15.439 a good fibe retreat. 1:32:15.840 --> 1:32:18.040 We're probably going to be going to post Rico when 1:32:18.040 --> 1:32:20.880 this episode drop, so come check in with our feed. 1:32:20.920 --> 1:32:23.599 It's probably tropical and peaceful, so see what we're doing 1:32:23.600 --> 1:32:24.000 over there. 1:32:24.160 --> 1:32:25.960 Yeah, and we love you. 1:32:26.040 --> 1:32:27.000 See you next week. 1:32:26.760 --> 1:32:27.920 Than by