Speaker 1: Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife.
Speaker 1: She cooked, she cleaned, cared for her children and the
Speaker 1: man of the house, and of course.
Speaker 2: She didn't talk back.
Speaker 3: She was both.
Speaker 2: Obedient and soft by nature.
Speaker 3: She was a good woman who always made good choices.
Speaker 3: That we're good mom's bad choices. Who's single mom? Who said?
Speaker 4: But the patriarchy shared all their bad choices and found
Speaker 4: out they were so bad after all.
Speaker 3: We're experts.
Speaker 5: Overhairs and your new vestie.
Speaker 3: Sit back and near the rive. I can do a
Speaker 3: bad I can do all on my Welcome back to
Speaker 3: good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica, I'm Nila.
Speaker 5: Happy hump Day, Happy Wednesday, y'all, we're back at it again,
Speaker 5: another fine Wednesday with your favorite good moms.
Speaker 3: Back in the girl Cave. How are you? I am good?
Speaker 3: I like your top. It's cute.
Speaker 5: Got it in BALI it's cute.
Speaker 3: I like it.
Speaker 4: If you're not subscribed to YouTube, this is your opportunity
Speaker 4: to pause. Go to YouTube follow us there, help us
Speaker 4: monetize this page. I'm really trying my best to not
Speaker 4: curse in the first five minutes five minutes of this episode,
Speaker 4: because apparently, according to our producer. We are unmonetized, unmonetized
Speaker 4: consistently because.
Speaker 3: Of our because every Wednesday we say, hey, our potty mouths.
Speaker 3: So this is me being really really good. Should we
Speaker 3: just get into it. We have a special.
Speaker 4: Guest you guys, And I'm really excited because she actually
Speaker 4: came through the studio a few years ago and just
Speaker 4: like came through like a tornado and fucking style the
Speaker 4: fuck out of us.
Speaker 3: Like one hour.
Speaker 4: It was like she like wrapped us in leathers and
Speaker 4: bonded us and was like boom, we took a picture.
Speaker 4: We took like pictures like four seconds, and it was
Speaker 4: like and then she like disappeared like a thief in
Speaker 4: the night.
Speaker 3: I was like, what the fuck.
Speaker 5: And I've been following I've been following her for so
Speaker 5: long online. I saw her, I saw her at an event.
Speaker 5: I was like, Hi, I'm your friend on Instagram. She's
Speaker 5: like hi, It's like hi.
Speaker 2: That's how we met.
Speaker 4: Well, I'm really excited to introduce Aziah the multifaceted woman, artist, entrepreneur, creative, mother,
Speaker 4: just overall bad bitch.
Speaker 3: Welcome to Good.
Speaker 2: Momp, to be good here today with you guys. Of course,
Speaker 2: I mean I've been here before, but.
Speaker 3: A fellow good mom doing whatever the fuck she wants
Speaker 3: exactly well and so good doing it.
Speaker 2: I'm happy to be here.
Speaker 3: So tell us about you, girl, because like I are you?
Speaker 4: Like, first of all, I think you popped up on
Speaker 4: my feed many many moons ago. As just like with
Speaker 4: these fashions, these like if you guys, take a second
Speaker 4: and go look at her page, she is serving high
Speaker 4: fashion little all the time and making them just like
Speaker 4: wrapping shit, cutting shiit Just you're just so yourself and
Speaker 4: I love that about you.
Speaker 3: Have you always been so yourself?
Speaker 2: Like okay, you me? Who are you ever?
Speaker 3: Really?
Speaker 2: But your your environment. You're the people that grow you, right,
Speaker 2: but you become your own. So it started young, definitely,
Speaker 2: and I always say it started with my sister Janey.
Speaker 2: She's the one that like I looked up to, you know,
Speaker 2: like my big sister. So watching her, she was really
Speaker 2: my idea of fashion and what I wanted to do,
Speaker 2: like in that space as a young girl watching her
Speaker 2: cut things, watching her make things, listening to her dreams
Speaker 2: because I didn't know what I wanted. I was just
Speaker 2: a little girl, right and I loved her and just
Speaker 2: wanted to be like her so much.
Speaker 3: So.
Speaker 2: I remember we used to do this game, like a
Speaker 2: computer game. My dad had, you know, like the big
Speaker 2: old school computers in the nineties, and he got us
Speaker 2: like a Barbie game. My thing was barbiees. I was obsessed,
Speaker 2: so like fashion and beauty has been always something I've
Speaker 2: been into. And we used to do fashion shows. You
Speaker 2: would dress up the Barbies. It was like a flat
Speaker 2: Barbie on the computer and you put clothes on that.
Speaker 2: Remember remember that game, that game you listen to it
Speaker 2: the computer? What was that? Like a die? It wasn't
Speaker 2: even dial up. It was a sound the computer made.
Speaker 2: But it's just in my brain, right. So we would
Speaker 2: do these games and my sister said something to me
Speaker 2: I'll never forget.
Speaker 3: We were in an.
Speaker 2: Apartment with my dad and she goes, I want to
Speaker 2: be a designer, right, That's what she said. I'm like,
Speaker 2: that's what I want to be, not knowing I would
Speaker 2: really become one, you know what I mean. So I
Speaker 2: just kept going, Like in life, I kept making things
Speaker 2: as I grew up and figuring it out. And I
Speaker 2: think when you grow up with not a lot, and
Speaker 2: you know, I have kind of like a dual life.
Speaker 2: I was privileged, but I also grew up in the hood,
Speaker 2: so you had to like make things shake with what
Speaker 2: you had, right, you didn't have like all the clothes
Speaker 2: and all of this and all the that. Like I
Speaker 2: loved Clueless. You watch her go in her class. That
Speaker 2: was a dream. But I maybe had my one little
Speaker 2: skirt from ross or early ten, some socks, some hand
Speaker 2: I remember one time my dad gave me some hand
Speaker 2: me down g and he wanted me to wear them
Speaker 2: to school. I cried because they were flooded. Not even
Speaker 2: because they were hand me down, they were floodied. I'm like,
Speaker 2: I can't do this. I wore them. I cried. He
Speaker 2: was like, you need to cut it out. I went home,
Speaker 2: pulled out my skirt, I mean, went to school, pulled
Speaker 2: out the skirt that I and I changed. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: I put on my knee. Hyes, like I had to
Speaker 2: give a look. And that was at maybe five.
Speaker 3: Or and now you changed it five or six.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I've been very serious about this for a long time,
Speaker 2: you know. So it started young, and it really was.
Speaker 2: My sister was my seed. My that's pretty. My sister
Speaker 2: was my seed. I love my sister. She's passed away,
Speaker 2: but she is she was, she is my seed.
Speaker 5: Yeah that's beautiful. Yeah they lived out her dream.
Speaker 2: Yeah it's crazy how that happened.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think we realized how much.
Speaker 5: Sometimes, like as children, we're planning seeds for our future.
Speaker 5: And like I think sometimes as a kid, you think
Speaker 5: adulthood and whatever you're gonna be when you grow up
Speaker 5: is so far fetch or so far away. That sometimes
Speaker 5: get we arrived to adulthood like so quickly, and then
Speaker 5: you're like, oh shit, I did I did really like
Speaker 5: this as a kid. I really did do this as
Speaker 5: a kid, and then like it always becomes for full circle.
Speaker 5: But yeah, sometimes we live our lives and like these
Speaker 5: different chapters and like that chapter so far away, but
Speaker 5: in fact it's really not. You know, like all the
Speaker 5: things and dreams that we dream of as kids are
Speaker 5: still so like obtainable in adulthood. But like it's just
Speaker 5: remembering that your dreams are still right there.
Speaker 2: Yeah right there.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Absolutely.
Speaker 3: Where are you from?
Speaker 2: I'm from Oakland, Okay, so that's where I was when
Speaker 2: I was talking about the apartment and growing up. My
Speaker 2: dad we our family's home is in Oakland and East Oakland,
Speaker 2: so the Dubs that's where I'm from. Yeah, and my
Speaker 2: dad now lives in Berkeley. My you know, my I
Speaker 2: still have other brothers and sisters and they're scattered throughout California,
Speaker 2: but in northern California.
Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah, How long have you been been down here?
Speaker 2: Oh, I've been here for a minute, so I would
Speaker 2: say about ten years.
Speaker 5: Did you come come down here with the aspirations of
Speaker 5: being a designer?
Speaker 2: No, I actually came down here. Did you want me
Speaker 2: to be honest with you. I really came down here
Speaker 2: because I had a man and he was much older
Speaker 2: than me. At the time when I moved, I was
Speaker 2: like still I think I think I was like seventeen
Speaker 2: or eighteen, and he was my boyfriend. He was in
Speaker 2: his thirties. So that's extremely like we look at that
Speaker 2: now and we're like, oh, that's completely wrong, But at.
Speaker 3: That time, totally normalized. I was normalized.
Speaker 2: Supermature exactly, Definitely not supermature, definitely doing too much, definitely
Speaker 2: very fast. Okay, definitely what I was telling you guys
Speaker 2: before we started chatting, the finding some sort of distraction,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like, and it was just oh,
Speaker 2: he was a cute guy, like he looked like this,
Speaker 2: he looked like David Beckup.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I was no shame. How'd you find it?
Speaker 2: I've never dated another white man again. I've actually come
Speaker 2: to a terms with that yesterday.
Speaker 5: Really this is you know what this is around the
Speaker 5: age that I said I'm not as worldly as I think.
Speaker 5: I think that I like black men only, like I
Speaker 5: always like the only black man, but I always be
Speaker 5: trying it. So was there something coming.
Speaker 3: To what happened?
Speaker 2: I've had a lot of yesterday.
Speaker 3: Yesterday it was.
Speaker 2: Just some things, like I said it in my spirit,
Speaker 2: like I'm like, you need to like figure out some
Speaker 2: things and like understand where you're at right now, right
Speaker 2: and with the with these men and relationships and what
Speaker 2: is where are you going? Like what is your bottom
Speaker 2: line at this point?
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 2: And being a little weary and not knowing but not
Speaker 2: one hundred percent knowing and being like, oh yeah, I
Speaker 2: kind of want to day I kind of don't or
Speaker 2: whatever always got me into some ship. So I need
Speaker 2: to know because what time it really is with myself
Speaker 2: and I with the interracial things. I don't mind inter
Speaker 2: racial relationships. I've had a great interracial relationships outside of him,
Speaker 2: But I just think that there's such a cultural disconnect
Speaker 2: even if they grow up in an area in the US. Like,
Speaker 2: I've dated a French guy as well, and that was
Speaker 2: extremely strange because but not in a bad way, but
Speaker 2: there was a lot of he didn't understand, like my nuance, okay,
Speaker 2: but he was like so obsessed and loved that I
Speaker 2: was brown skinned and you know, and at times I'm like,
Speaker 2: later on, was that a fetish?
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 2: Because he would always show me other black model girls.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you see her, you see her?
Speaker 2: Oh my god?
Speaker 5: Like right?
Speaker 2: And he had friends. I remember one time we read
Speaker 2: out a pool and this is the French guy and
Speaker 2: he says about his friend, a dark skinned woman, black
Speaker 2: girl came in the pool and he comes over to
Speaker 2: us and says, I wonder what her vagina looks like?
Speaker 3: Whoa like?
Speaker 2: He said? He said, it's like a you like, it's
Speaker 2: like But it was derogatory. It wasn't like, oh I
Speaker 2: would love to see it, Oh she's so beautiful. It
Speaker 2: was more like he was made a joke about what
Speaker 2: it could look like because she was black, right, And
Speaker 2: that was the day that that was a very powerful
Speaker 2: day for me because I was like I was still young,
Speaker 2: though then I was I didn't even I wasn't even
Speaker 2: a mom yet. I was probably twenty one when that happened, right,
Speaker 2: and then the American Ex that was like David Beckham aesthetic,
Speaker 2: like he was a vibe. He was in fashion like
Speaker 2: I really just like it was more so about the
Speaker 2: image with him, right, And I thought like that meant something.
Speaker 2: So I didn't know who I was. I just oh,
Speaker 2: he was hot. I liked him, you know, he had
Speaker 2: a little coin on him. He could do things for me.
Speaker 2: I didn't have to, Like I felt really mature because
Speaker 2: I started modeling at thirteen. I was always around adults
Speaker 2: and I wasn't. I was like, I felt like all
Speaker 2: the boys in school. I'm like, what can I do
Speaker 2: with you?
Speaker 3: You know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Granted I made my own money, but still he could
Speaker 2: keep up. It was if I did it a high schooler,
Speaker 2: what are we doing? I was doing photo shoots, I
Speaker 2: was on runways. I was getting paid really good money,
Speaker 2: you know. So it was just like it didn't make sense.
Speaker 2: It felt like I needed to be with somebody older
Speaker 2: who could like match me, or I could learn something
Speaker 2: from is what I thought was happening. And I found
Speaker 2: out with the American guy. He was just completely I
Speaker 2: think he actually had an issue. What did they call
Speaker 2: it when you like young people?
Speaker 3: Pedophile?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wasn't say I wasn't. No, I wasn't gonna
Speaker 2: say pedophile because because we actually met when I was thirteen,
Speaker 2: well you.
Speaker 3: Weren't.
Speaker 2: We never did anything, but we had each other's numbers.
Speaker 3: He waited, he did wait.
Speaker 2: What I will say, he prayed, like I was trying to.
Speaker 5: Say, like a situation.
Speaker 2: And it was a bad relationship, like because he wanted
Speaker 2: to control me, right, he wanted me as this girl
Speaker 2: that could become what he wanted. And I'm ungroomable. These
Speaker 2: men have tried to groom me my whole life.
Speaker 3: Yeah, even now, well, I mean I would imagine too.
Speaker 4: I actually didn't know that you were like a child
Speaker 4: model and that world in that space, yeah can be
Speaker 4: so it's literally for that, not for that reason, but
Speaker 4: so many young girls in that space have been subject
Speaker 4: to predatory men and women, like just in general. And
Speaker 4: you are around a lot of older people and even
Speaker 4: the models, I mean I think sometimes too, like we
Speaker 4: don't even realize when we're looking at models in some
Speaker 4: of these Vogue fashion magazines these are like thirteen year
Speaker 4: old girls, fourteen year old girls wearing like designer Dulce
Speaker 4: and gabana because they're tiny and they're like little fingers
Speaker 4: and tall and they're awkward, but they're like, you know,
Speaker 4: awkward in the most.
Speaker 3: Like beautiful, high fashion way. But they're children.
Speaker 2: If we really think about it, the industry is like
Speaker 2: on some weird ship, like some fetishizing young women. It's
Speaker 2: it's kind of weird because there's oh, it's because she's young,
Speaker 2: she looks youthful and she's little. Now it's that shit
Speaker 2: is not sexy, no shit.
Speaker 5: Our society primes men to think that young girls are
Speaker 5: the app like the epitome of beauty purity, and it
Speaker 5: starts with like hairlessness and like like yeah, purity culture
Speaker 5: there is. It's literally they like to say it's biological
Speaker 5: because young women are fruitful, but it's literally seeds that
Speaker 5: are planted socially in our society that make it okay.
Speaker 5: And then you look at the government, you look at
Speaker 5: where we are, and you look at what's at when
Speaker 5: this when the fucking cover is uncovered that the men
Speaker 5: are fucking kids, and it's because this is society in
Speaker 5: which we exist in and yeah, it's real shit.
Speaker 3: It is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's dark space.
Speaker 5: I mean even like like Brad Pitt was kissing Uh,
Speaker 5: here's Dunce and Diary, a vampire like who was normalized
Speaker 5: green lighted this. There's been a lot of shit like that,
Speaker 5: but yet now everyone's waking up and thinking like, oh shit,
Speaker 5: this is insane. Yeah, and I'm I mean I had
Speaker 5: hella grown ass men boyfriends in high school and I
Speaker 5: was like, I'm so mature. I actually ran into one
Speaker 5: I saw when we were out this weekend, and I
Speaker 5: was like looking at him, like, wow, you're fucking old,
Speaker 5: and that's weird.
Speaker 2: That's how I felt about the guy now, the white
Speaker 2: guy recently David Okay, Like no, he's like ill. Now
Speaker 2: he's so ill, and he's like so Dwayne. He's tried
Speaker 2: to add to block him.
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh my god. Let this be a message for
Speaker 3: any young girl. He'll be fun.
Speaker 5: But also, you know, I mean and Erica had this
Speaker 5: conversation this week as far as like this conversation is
Speaker 5: the problem is, and this is what I really I
Speaker 5: hope young women are listening to this is women are
Speaker 5: not empowered to say you're making me uncomfortable. Stop, no,
Speaker 5: I don't want to. And so we kind of have
Speaker 5: also been socialized to normalize certain behaviors and not realize
Speaker 5: it's creepy, it's weird, and then so and then when
Speaker 5: you call men fucking predators, they're like, oh, what do
Speaker 5: you mean? But they want to have predatorial behavior without
Speaker 5: anyone ever labeling it, And as soon as you say
Speaker 5: something like rapie or predator or I'm uncomfortable, then they
Speaker 5: want to react.
Speaker 3: And then they want to be.
Speaker 5: Like, ugh, like nigga, don't act like a predator and
Speaker 5: we won't have to label it. But I think a
Speaker 5: lot of the issue is as young women, we are
Speaker 5: not empowered to say the thing.
Speaker 2: You know, what's okay?
Speaker 3: God?
Speaker 2: Oh no, go ahead, what's interesting to me about what
Speaker 2: you just said? It comes from our mothers, and a
Speaker 2: lot everybody's mother But I'll speak for mine because she
Speaker 2: is a baby boomer, right, and not every baby boomer
Speaker 2: is like this, But women have been silenced for so
Speaker 2: long that they don't know how to activate their voice,
Speaker 2: and we're living in the time of what the repercussions
Speaker 2: of that look like. So I'm a child, I'm not
Speaker 2: going to say victim. But I'm a child that my
Speaker 2: mother wanted to protect me. But she was also afraid
Speaker 2: to use her voice and even sometimes maybe even had
Speaker 2: the language.
Speaker 5: Yet the language just what I'm saying, you literally have
Speaker 5: to say, you're making me uncomfortable. We don't even know
Speaker 5: where to begin and what to say because men are
Speaker 5: so sensitive about being what they are.
Speaker 2: Well, I know, speaking for my mother, she came from
Speaker 2: a background where she watched my my grandfather, her father
Speaker 2: abuse her mother. So not everybody's situation is like that, right,
Speaker 2: But she grew up and she's the oldest out of
Speaker 2: all of the children in her family. She has three
Speaker 2: sisters and two brothers, so that's five kids and she's
Speaker 2: the oldest.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 2: So my mom is a sweet woman, right, like loving
Speaker 2: sweet like she is a great woman. But she was
Speaker 2: she really got to understand what was going on, and
Speaker 2: I remember she would say things to me like if
Speaker 2: we watched when we watched the Tina Turner thing, right,
Speaker 2: I don't ever let a man hit you, And that
Speaker 2: meant something to me. But without understanding of the depth
Speaker 2: of that which comes with communication and as a mother,
Speaker 2: one thing I realized growing up because nobody listened to me,
Speaker 2: I went had a fucking horrible childhood, horrible because nobody listened.
Speaker 2: Nobody listened, and nobody explained anything to me. And you
Speaker 2: need to understand your child, what type of spirit they have, right,
Speaker 2: And it gives me chills because it really comes down
Speaker 2: to knowing what kind of kid you have and just
Speaker 2: talking to them. I know I have a sensitive son.
Speaker 2: I know he's sensitive, and I know he's growing up
Speaker 2: in a world. He's a young black man, right, he's
Speaker 2: growing up in a broken home, not saying that in
Speaker 2: a negative way, but he doesn't have a two parent household.
Speaker 2: So sometimes he's getting this information over here and getting
Speaker 2: this information over here, and he's trying to figure it out, right,
Speaker 2: So I have to give him psychology, psychology behind things
Speaker 2: so he can make it make sense in his mind.
Speaker 2: And he comes back with questions and he understands, and
Speaker 2: you know, because if he thinks that he can get
Speaker 2: he's emotional, because he is a very sensitive kid. And
Speaker 2: I love that about him. But I'm like, our thing is,
Speaker 2: don't let your emotions control you. You can have them,
Speaker 2: but you don't let them control you. So whenever you
Speaker 2: get upset, just with yourself, for a second. Just take
Speaker 2: a breather, take it in. Think about how you're feeling
Speaker 2: as opposed to doing something bad or acting out. Just
Speaker 2: think about it. And one thing people always say about
Speaker 2: him like, wow, he's so introspective and while he's so
Speaker 2: like well behaved and you know, and not in a
Speaker 2: way where he's like he can't be himself because I,
Speaker 2: you know me, I'm be you. We're doing activities for
Speaker 2: him to find that out and figure that out. But
Speaker 2: there is this space where you have to know how to, like,
Speaker 2: you know, make it make sense to children. And I
Speaker 2: think when my mom watched her mother get abused, right,
Speaker 2: and she doesn't even really like talking to me about it,
Speaker 2: with a couple of times we talked about it, she
Speaker 2: broke down in tears. And when you've been taught not
Speaker 2: to activate your voice, which I'm sure maybe my grandmother
Speaker 2: didn't do that much right, And now my mother is
Speaker 2: here and she's trying to raise me, she doesn't really
Speaker 2: know how to. I just want you to be safe,
Speaker 2: I want you to be okay. But I needed the explaining.
Speaker 2: I needed it broken down, you know. And so we're
Speaker 2: seeing what that looks like of not being able to
Speaker 2: say what you need to say to a man. And
Speaker 2: now I've grown and went through all the shit, a
Speaker 2: lot of shit, and I'm like, oh no, baby, we're
Speaker 2: not doing that. This is what it is today, you know.
Speaker 2: And I think that's so empowering for women to be
Speaker 2: able to know who they are and be okay to
Speaker 2: say no. But when I was twenty two or twenty
Speaker 2: one dating this thirty old man, he was manipulating.
Speaker 5: You're like, I guess I'm gonna be quiet. He's older
Speaker 5: than money exactly. And kids need scripts, That's what I'm
Speaker 5: really saying. We need specific scripts to say. Like I
Speaker 5: was talking to someone. I think they were a teacher,
Speaker 5: and they're like the kids. The problem is the with
Speaker 5: the kids is they're not dumb, but they're literally you
Speaker 5: have to show them. She was like they were doing
Speaker 5: like basic showing kids basic things and they're like how
Speaker 5: to iron and she was like, the kids didn't even
Speaker 5: fucking know to plug the iron in. And she's like,
Speaker 5: our first response is be like, are you fucking stupid?
Speaker 5: And it's like that would be my first thought, but
Speaker 5: it's like if you don't literally show a child, but
Speaker 5: how would they know that?
Speaker 3: Yeah, that wouldn't be my first thought because literally, like
Speaker 3: why why would I think these kids were like in
Speaker 3: junior high. So it's to.
Speaker 5: Us it's common sense, but you are assuming that children
Speaker 5: know certain things. But we are literally the first person
Speaker 5: to show examples of and that includes especially with communication.
Speaker 5: You can present an idea, but if you're in this
Speaker 5: situation and you're fearful, or you've never seen a woman
Speaker 5: use her words or say fuck no, get the fuck
Speaker 5: off me, or whatever it is, you literally don't have
Speaker 5: the words. So it's so important in like as parents,
Speaker 5: especially as women, especially with little you know of little
Speaker 5: men and young men. It's like giving them literally the
Speaker 5: lines to say in the case that this does not
Speaker 5: feel good to.
Speaker 2: You, So yeah, you do. You have to teach them that.
Speaker 3: I want to go back to you.
Speaker 4: You lightly touched on or said that you I think
Speaker 4: believe or feel as though your son comes from a
Speaker 4: broken home. I'm curious about, like what that, what that
Speaker 4: means to you. Okay, just because you know I'm a
Speaker 4: single mom as well, I don't identify as my child
Speaker 4: coming from a broken home because I see I see
Speaker 4: so many people that are married that are there's no
Speaker 4: communication happening in their household either, Yeah, which could be
Speaker 4: perceived as a broken broken home as well too. So
Speaker 4: I'm just wondering, So, what is your definition of a
Speaker 4: broken home?
Speaker 2: Me, a broken home is a where the mother and
Speaker 2: father that created the child they have a broken relationship
Speaker 2: in some capacity. And so for me, like my son,
Speaker 2: we were together when he was born, but he doesn't
Speaker 2: remember a lot of the time when he after that
Speaker 2: and he has seen us. We're good, we're good, we
Speaker 2: get along, we have love for each other, or not together,
Speaker 2: you know. So to me, being in two places also
Speaker 2: is like a broken like. You can make it, like
Speaker 2: we were talking about earlier, you can make these things
Speaker 2: become normal. We can normalize these things. But for me,
Speaker 2: I think that that's what I would that's what I
Speaker 2: consider to be broken home. Like he has. Sometimes he
Speaker 2: goes with his dad, sometimes he goes with me. We're
Speaker 2: making the best of our situation, but we're not together,
Speaker 2: and that's a broken nucleus. The family nucleus is a
Speaker 2: mother and father together having a child and raising them.
Speaker 3: Well.
Speaker 2: Now, if I choose I want another kid, I don't
Speaker 2: know if I'll ever have a husband, just because of
Speaker 2: my mindset now about how I feel about relationships. But
Speaker 2: let's say I don't get the husband, but I have
Speaker 2: a best friend that I love down and it gives
Speaker 2: husband or you know, we're there for each other as friends.
Speaker 2: But I want another kid and he doesn't have a kid. Okay,
Speaker 2: let's have a kid together. I would, and we get along.
Speaker 2: But we live in two different homes. I wouldn't consider
Speaker 2: that a broken home because we are we made the
Speaker 2: conscious choice to say, let's have this kid together and
Speaker 2: let's raise them to be these amazing there little these
Speaker 2: amazing human beings in this world.
Speaker 4: So what I'm hearing is like collaboration, yah, is the
Speaker 4: collaborating on the raising of the child, not just having
Speaker 4: a cool relationship with your baby daddy. But you still
Speaker 4: are kind of navigating as these individual nucleuses, raising this
Speaker 4: entity that you've created.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and when I say broken home, I don't want
Speaker 2: it to be negative. But that's just the term that
Speaker 2: we know. But I know a lot of people have
Speaker 2: associated that being with something negative. I'm making the best
Speaker 2: with my son with his circumstance and with my with
Speaker 2: our situation. But at the end of the day, we're
Speaker 2: not together and we could be together and it could
Speaker 2: be horrible, and I could, you know, be in the
Speaker 2: worst relationship right, and that is still breaking. I grew
Speaker 2: up with a two parent household with my mom being married,
Speaker 2: but they had a horrible relationship, even though that wasn't
Speaker 2: my daddy, but still it was. I saw Mayorge and
Speaker 2: it was a broken marriage right. To me, it was
Speaker 2: that was a broken situation I was in. And then
Speaker 2: the fact that my parents weren't together was a broken
Speaker 2: you know narrative. But I had love from all of
Speaker 2: these places, which was good, right, but it still was
Speaker 2: like a broken nucleus. So to me, that's like a broken.
Speaker 3: Home. Got it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you said that you want another kid, but you
Speaker 5: don't know if you would like be married. What is
Speaker 5: your perspective and outlook on relationships right now that you
Speaker 5: think that may not be a possibility for you?
Speaker 2: Okay, So this is another thing I came to terms yesterday.
Speaker 3: You came on the right day.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, the moon was mooning.
Speaker 3: I looked up at the moon last night because I
Speaker 3: think the full moon was like two days ago, every
Speaker 3: three days.
Speaker 4: Ago, and I was like, bitch, you still round as hell?
Speaker 4: What lessons have I not learned since yesterday when you
Speaker 4: were supposed to be full and I was like, I
Speaker 4: feels like the full moon is like this energy right
Speaker 4: now is just and now we're in a retrograde too. Yeah,
Speaker 4: in cancer, I'm always in a retrograde. I was born
Speaker 4: in retrograde. So I feel like red.
Speaker 1: D.
Speaker 4: Sorry I mean to interrupt your thought, but like, yeah,
Speaker 4: what what is to follow what Mila was saying, like,
Speaker 4: where are you at now in that regard?
Speaker 2: Okay, so says yesterday, I am really really really happy.
Speaker 2: I've always you know, when I'm seeing I'm like, okay,
Speaker 2: I like this. I'm never I've never been desperate for
Speaker 2: a relationship. But I'm a relationship girl, if that makes sense,
Speaker 2: Like tend to be in relationships. But I really really
Speaker 2: love being single. And I had to accept that in
Speaker 2: the video that I posted talking about you know, these
Speaker 2: these things that are indoctrinated in us, Like I have
Speaker 2: to sit back and think about that for myself too,
Speaker 2: write about what has been imposed on me as a woman,
Speaker 2: that I'm shaping my life by these things. Is that
Speaker 2: really my divinity?
Speaker 3: You know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Like, is that really what God called me here to
Speaker 2: do is to be conformed to the these.
Speaker 3: Structures, check out these boxes.
Speaker 2: Mindset and all of that, and I don't feel like
Speaker 2: that's for me. The more I've come into my identity
Speaker 2: and owning my individuality, I've I know, I'm segueing, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna go back, but it's helped me really understand what
Speaker 2: it is that works for me. And I don't have.
Speaker 3: It all together.
Speaker 2: But what I did realize that I love being single,
Speaker 2: and I don't want to conform for a man. I
Speaker 2: don't want to.
Speaker 3: And what if you found a man who didn't ask
Speaker 3: you to conform?
Speaker 2: Now that's the thing, so conform. But also I don't
Speaker 2: want to sacrifice. And the sacrifice you can have a
Speaker 2: you can be in a great loving relationship. And I
Speaker 2: love the idea of love and having a partner. I
Speaker 2: think it's great because again, if I want to have
Speaker 2: a kid, I don't want to just have I don't
Speaker 2: want to create a broken situation, you know, and I
Speaker 2: don't and I really don't want to say that, like
Speaker 2: my son's situation's bad, But I want to have a
Speaker 2: loving environment where whether or not we're like together, living together,
Speaker 2: we have come together to raise this child in an
Speaker 2: immaculate way, right, and we have the same values and
Speaker 2: same morals. There's no disconnect, right, and we can always
Speaker 2: communicate our way through everything. Anyway, going back, there are
Speaker 2: men there, There are men like that. But the sacrifice
Speaker 2: aspect is I have to make sure you're always okay.
Speaker 3: Well, you become responsible for their feelings.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and not that I don't think that's like, that's
Speaker 2: a great thing if you want that, but I don't
Speaker 2: want it. I don't want to have to think about
Speaker 2: I need to make this man dinner tonight. And if
Speaker 2: I don't make him dinner and he's okay with that,
Speaker 2: you're internalizing that. In a month later, you're upset with me,
Speaker 2: and now we have to talk about these things. I
Speaker 2: don't want to have to do that. I don't want
Speaker 2: to have to work through all this shit. It with you, bitch,
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, Like I don't and it
Speaker 2: and I and I and I thought that maybe it
Speaker 2: was selfish to be like this, but it's like I choose,
Speaker 2: I'm choosing me. I'm choosing me, and if a man
Speaker 2: were to come in my life, he's going to feel
Speaker 2: like he can't have all of me. And I want
Speaker 2: it that way.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I resonate with that.
Speaker 4: I resonate with that as someone who's newly single myself,
Speaker 4: maybe this is newly maybe you know what. And I
Speaker 4: and I've I've been like deeply analyzing this process of
Speaker 4: me uncoupling from somebody that I was deeply in, you know,
Speaker 4: entrenched in for two years, and my my normal habits
Speaker 4: of what happens after I exit a relationship because I
Speaker 4: can see the like the habits that come up. Right,
Speaker 4: it's like, oh, let me replace this energy with something else,
Speaker 4: or let me go down a rabbit path of checking
Speaker 4: his Instagram every five seconds, or let me like start
Speaker 4: new business, or let me like you know, like it's
Speaker 4: just like you feel like you have.
Speaker 3: To rebrand your whole shit.
Speaker 4: And part of one of the things that I realized
Speaker 4: as I was exiting this relationship was that part is that,
Speaker 4: like I was, like I as much as like I
Speaker 4: have in some ways prioritize relationships in my life. I
Speaker 4: realized that I have a really hard time with compromise,
Speaker 4: and I can do it for so long, but it's
Speaker 4: not I don't have longevity in it. And so I
Speaker 4: was like, do I am am I really a relationship girly,
Speaker 4: like I think I am or do I just attract
Speaker 4: relationships and because I am attractive and not just physically
Speaker 4: but just like I attract.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you have the capacity to be this.
Speaker 3: I have an aura.
Speaker 4: We have auras, like people want to be around us.
Speaker 4: And I was watching one of the people feel Good,
Speaker 4: I was watching one of your other videos around just
Speaker 4: like having that discernment because when you are attractive, when
Speaker 4: you are a beautiful woman, and that doesn't mean necessarily
Speaker 4: just esthetically like you, you attract, you have a light
Speaker 4: about you, and people will come and you have to
Speaker 4: have that discernment around who you're gonna share and give
Speaker 4: you that energy to because when I do, I do,
Speaker 4: I give it.
Speaker 3: I'm an overflowist of that.
Speaker 4: And I'm like now in a space where I'm like
Speaker 4: I'm gonna be forty next year and I'm like really
Speaker 4: like thinking like.
Speaker 3: Am I gonna have children? I don't know?
Speaker 4: Maybe not, Like what do I want like the next
Speaker 4: ten years of my life to feel like do I
Speaker 4: want to waste not waste, but spend any more time
Speaker 4: like considering other people and like adjusting to whatever their
Speaker 4: needs might be. And granted, like that's the dance and
Speaker 4: the beauty of relationships. And I don't mean for it
Speaker 4: to sound negative, because there is a lot of beauty
Speaker 4: in that and parts of it that I that I
Speaker 4: really do enjoy. But there I have not yet found
Speaker 4: a relationship that didn't really require a sacrifice that made
Speaker 4: me feel like I had to dim a certain part
Speaker 4: of myself and kind of wait it out, just wait
Speaker 4: and then this will happen. And it's like I don't
Speaker 4: want to wait. I don't I don't have the luxury
Speaker 4: of weight and time and I yeah, and that's.
Speaker 2: How I feel too. Yeah, maybe my life what I'm
Speaker 2: not gonna be getting to this age in my life
Speaker 2: and look and be like I just spend all this
Speaker 2: time trying to explain stuff to this man all the time,
Speaker 2: and us get on the same page all the time.
Speaker 2: It's like it's not gonna work. I keep saying, it's like,
Speaker 2: but yeah, it's like no.
Speaker 4: And like early on in Mimela, you know, when we
Speaker 4: first started a podcast, we were you know, very very
Speaker 4: single and talking about open relationships and just like we were.
Speaker 5: Really gung ho. We were like, we're going to be
Speaker 5: an open relationships. There's nowhere space and shape.
Speaker 4: However, though, like I don't I think that even you
Speaker 4: have curated a life that is it's not an open relationship,
Speaker 4: but it allows you to be open to the possibilities
Speaker 4: of exploring yourself alongside your partner. So there is a
Speaker 4: level of openness that still exists that you called in.
Speaker 4: It's just different and and so like for me, I
Speaker 4: was like really thinking, like I think I feel like
Speaker 4: and this maybe I thought about this and like and
Speaker 4: that is this gonna make me sad later future? Or
Speaker 4: is this just me being hurt right now because I'm
Speaker 4: grieving my relationship currently And is it like, am I
Speaker 4: just supposed to have a lot of wonderful loves of
Speaker 4: my life right and then towards the end of my
Speaker 4: life as I age, pick one, like pick one, like okay,
Speaker 4: like this one actually, like let's just fuck around and
Speaker 4: let's do this. But like like right now, my time
Speaker 4: and my life, like I'm in a place where I
Speaker 4: just want to receive. I am like if you don't
Speaker 4: have anything to give me, And I don't mean that
Speaker 4: necessarily in a negative bad like spend that shit like
Speaker 4: fucking my young Miami type of energy sorta, But also
Speaker 4: like I just want to receive, like if there's nothing
Speaker 4: that because ultimately, when I receive, I'm going to give
Speaker 4: no matter what.
Speaker 3: I am a giver, no matter what.
Speaker 4: But I feel like I've Yeah, but I just feel
Speaker 4: like I've I've given so much and and received a
Speaker 4: lot too, But like I just want to I just
Speaker 4: I'm like, what offerings can you put put up before
Speaker 4: my alter my nigga to like make me move? And
Speaker 4: I don't think that there's one person that can fulfill
Speaker 4: that for me. And I've never met one man that
Speaker 4: really can really genuinely make me feel complete in a relationship. Obviously,
Speaker 4: like it's about you feeling complete in yourself. I get
Speaker 4: all that, but I just more so mean like feeling
Speaker 4: really like okay, like this person really checks all the
Speaker 4: boxes for me. And I'm I feel like there's not
Speaker 4: a point in which I might get bored. There's not
Speaker 4: a point in which I might want to seek something else.
Speaker 4: There's not a point in which I'm like, damn, like
Speaker 4: you don't really like to do shit?
Speaker 3: Did I like to do?
Speaker 4: You know, I haven't met that person, and I don't
Speaker 4: know if like all of us meet that person in
Speaker 4: every lifetime. Yeah, you know, like sometimes that person that
Speaker 4: we're supposed to be to just ourselves right and like
Speaker 4: and enjoying that part of it. And as women, we've
Speaker 4: been fed this idea that we're supposed to have this
Speaker 4: other half that completes us and that's beautiful. And I
Speaker 4: feel like I've had experiences like that, But I don't
Speaker 4: know if it's like if I'm in this life, and
Speaker 4: it'll be it's to be seen because we'll find out
Speaker 4: at the end of my life how it all transpired.
Speaker 4: But like something in me inside of me tells me that,
Speaker 4: like I am meant to like experience a lot of beautiful,
Speaker 4: great loves in my life, and I'll know when I'm
Speaker 4: supposed to stop and be like, Okay, I can I
Speaker 4: can settle down.
Speaker 2: Here this person yeah yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 5: So I think women we're just so deeply socialized, domesticated
Speaker 5: from the beginning of time to expect this great love,
Speaker 5: you know, like you get baby dolls, you get the
Speaker 5: fucking kitchenette, you get the fucking broom, Like why the
Speaker 5: fuck are you giving my three year old a broom, bitch? Like,
Speaker 5: why are we we're so like indoctrinated into wife and
Speaker 5: motherhood so young? That like it doesn't really give a
Speaker 5: lot of young girls the opportunity to discover themselves or
Speaker 5: discover life without prioritizing a relationship, and like our worthiness
Speaker 5: is tied to our relationship status, and like even to
Speaker 5: what you said, like I am very blessed. Like I
Speaker 5: definitely knew for a fact that I was going to
Speaker 5: have lovers all over the world long term. I'm a cancer.
Speaker 5: I love niggas, but not that live with me. I
Speaker 5: wanted to live. I wanted to know you forever and
Speaker 5: have sex with you forever, and you and I see
Speaker 5: you every twice a year. But then I have my husband,
Speaker 5: and where I compromise nothing. I don't have to hide anything.
Speaker 5: I don't have to dim down shit because you know
Speaker 5: exactly who you married and you love it. And I realized,
Speaker 5: like even in this chapter of my life. He goes
Speaker 5: to work, he comes home, he pays the bills, and
Speaker 5: I'm like, cut to make dinner. I didn't do shit.
Speaker 5: And then I'm like, sorry, I didn't do shit today,
Speaker 5: and he's like, I don't care. This is what I
Speaker 5: wanted you to do. This is who I wanted this.
Speaker 5: I wanted to go to work and my wife have
Speaker 5: the choice and the option to do nothing. I'm not
Speaker 5: pressed about whether or not made dinner or not. We'll
Speaker 5: figure it out. And I think even with him saying that,
Speaker 5: there's still sometimes levels of like guilt, because I've been
Speaker 5: telling myself that there's a certain way in which I'm
Speaker 5: supposed to show up. And it's interesting that, like I'm realizing,
Speaker 5: like the patriarchy is so much deeper than just the patriarchy,
Speaker 5: like taking the taking the poison we have, we have
Speaker 5: also taken the poison and believed it, even when a
Speaker 5: man is in my face telling me, bitch, I don't care. Yeah,
Speaker 5: it's so like deeply indoctrinated into our like our fucking DNA,
Speaker 5: yeah being yeah, And it's just there's, like you said,
Speaker 5: there's so many things, especially for women, especially for black women,
Speaker 5: to undo and unlike unlike to ask themselves.
Speaker 3: Is this me?
Speaker 5: Or is this something that someone told me I was
Speaker 5: supposed to be? Because there's parts of us that we
Speaker 5: are born into religion, money like or not money, like
Speaker 5: the geographically where we show up like I was, culturally,
Speaker 5: Like there's Muslim women in fucking Afghanistan that can't fucking
Speaker 5: speak in public, insane right now in current day and time,
Speaker 5: children who are being you know, married off, they're fucking
Speaker 5: eleven to fucking fifty year old men.
Speaker 3: What the fuck.
Speaker 5: But it's like, if you are born in a certain place,
Speaker 5: there's certain things that you were just born with thinking
Speaker 5: that are normalized that are not. And women are so like,
Speaker 5: we're so deeply indoctrinated into those systems that it takes
Speaker 5: until we're like thirty three, thirty five, thirty seven to
Speaker 5: be like, do I even give a fuck about any
Speaker 5: of these things or these things even me? And that's
Speaker 5: why I think like this show is very important. Our
Speaker 5: voices are very important. Hearing women's stories are very important
Speaker 5: because sometimes it really takes for you to hear another
Speaker 5: woman and be like, damn, what the fuck are the
Speaker 5: things that I'm living in that I did not choose?
Speaker 5: And that was with relationship status, with work, with jobs,
Speaker 5: with everything that we believe motherhood, we believe are supposed
Speaker 5: to look and feel a certain way. And it's like
Speaker 5: you have to see women living out loud and living
Speaker 5: outside the box, and you have to have the bravery
Speaker 5: to step outside of the box to even figure out
Speaker 5: what the fuck it is that you want you gotta
Speaker 5: hoe a little, You gotta get in a relationship a
Speaker 5: little bit. Unfortunately, some of us had to get smacked
Speaker 5: in the face a little.
Speaker 3: That's me, you know what I mean.
Speaker 5: You had to look at your mother and be like,
Speaker 5: I love you, but this is not what I want
Speaker 5: for my life. You have to have like I've read
Speaker 5: a meme recently and it was like, ladies, disappoint your
Speaker 5: families now, so you don't spend your whole life living
Speaker 5: in fucking pregatory or whatever, like disappoint motherfuckers now.
Speaker 3: You are not here.
Speaker 5: We are not here to live for anybody else's approval.
Speaker 5: I'm not here to live for anybody else's respectability politics.
Speaker 5: How I live my life does not have shit to
Speaker 5: do with anybody else. And the fact that men, even
Speaker 5: till this day, are trying to control women or dumb
Speaker 5: us down or make us feel less human when we
Speaker 5: clearly are fucking human. We're birthing you, niggas, We're birthing
Speaker 5: the whole earth, we're populating it. It is required that
Speaker 5: we break all of the systems, all of the box
Speaker 5: that we're in, all the ceilings, to experience some shit,
Speaker 5: to know what the fuck it is that you want
Speaker 5: because you have to have you have to live it
Speaker 5: a little to understand Hell no, fuck no, I'm good,
Speaker 5: or yes, yes, yes, but it requires experience. And if
Speaker 5: you're too afraid to have the experience, you'll never really
Speaker 5: figure out who the fuck you are. You know, So
Speaker 5: if you're living according to other people's terms, So I
Speaker 5: just like this show these conversations even amongst your friends.
Speaker 5: If you have friends that are scary ass bitches, bitch,
Speaker 5: move on.
Speaker 3: If you have a friend.
Speaker 5: Who follows all the fucking rules, that's great for her,
Speaker 5: But bitch, that's not most people's trajectory. Men have been
Speaker 5: able to break the rules because they don't really have
Speaker 5: any except to exist. They can be sexual, they can
Speaker 5: have kids, lay up, move around, have another kid, get married,
Speaker 5: get divorced, be fifty, get divorced. There's no rules really
Speaker 5: when it comes to them except provide and protect, and
Speaker 5: a lot of these niggas don't even do that. So
Speaker 5: live your fucking life. And if you don't have a
Speaker 5: tribe or a village or people that support you living
Speaker 5: your life like bitch, yeah, drop off the kidd go
Speaker 5: go ho ou out. They can sleepover. Then you're in
Speaker 5: the wrong place. If you're not amongst people in community
Speaker 5: that free you and make you feel liberated and inspire
Speaker 5: you to break the box in which we exist in
Speaker 5: this invisible box because there's a lot of rules that
Speaker 5: we don't even know are following, you are amongst the
Speaker 5: wrong people. And I just I think, I pray that
Speaker 5: every woman has the opportunity to step out of her
Speaker 5: comfort zone and step out of fear in order to
Speaker 5: experience all of the things that people say are so
Speaker 5: bad or wrong or frivolous and do whatever the fuck
Speaker 5: you want because it's your body, of your life, and Yolo,
Speaker 5: we only live once, and the shit is going by
Speaker 5: fast as fuck.
Speaker 4: And it's easier said than done right, Like it's easier
Speaker 4: said to just yolo. So that's what I'm saying, I know,
Speaker 4: but I'm saying like, as a resource, you're listening to
Speaker 4: this and you need a community, and you're looking for community.
Speaker 4: That is the work that Meila and I do. That
Speaker 4: is why good Mom's bad choices exist. That's why we
Speaker 4: have our community on discord, where women are communicating, sharing
Speaker 4: things they would never share with their current friend groups,
Speaker 4: and experimenting using their voice.
Speaker 3: In that way and you may not know anybody.
Speaker 5: It's the whole time. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Like so if you are like, well, we're bitch, where
Speaker 3: do I find them? Start here?
Speaker 4: Go to our discord. Go to patreon dot com slash
Speaker 4: good Mom's Bad Choices. Join our disc It's five dollars
Speaker 4: a fucking month. You want a new friend, bitch, you
Speaker 4: could you could spend five dollars a month. Maybe ten, fine, ten,
Speaker 4: it's ten dollars. That's a latte, bitch.
Speaker 5: Okay, but that's also friendship. That's also community. That's also
Speaker 5: somebody who might be living in your city.
Speaker 3: Exactly.
Speaker 4: No, And that's and that's the and that is what
Speaker 4: the community is. We have different sections within the community
Speaker 4: dedicated to different cities, so you can I was just
Speaker 4: telling our friend, our good friend right now is on
Speaker 4: Instagram saying I need friends in Brooklyn?
Speaker 3: Is it? I'm like, bitch, if you don't get on
Speaker 3: the goddamn discord and stop acting like we don't like,
Speaker 3: you don't know bitches that no bitches, You don't know
Speaker 3: bitches that no bitches, no bitches.
Speaker 4: There's there's a lot of women over there, so we
Speaker 4: just have to like put yourself out there, Like I
Speaker 4: think a lot of times are really scared to do that.
Speaker 5: And be uncomfortable and make friends as adults. This is
Speaker 5: my friend as an adult. We built this because I
Speaker 5: needed a friend as an adult to try new things
Speaker 5: with that I didn't really know and be like, let's
Speaker 5: go be hosed together.
Speaker 3: Let's go outside.
Speaker 5: Let's not let's not feel ashamed in our breakups and
Speaker 5: in our baby mamahood and our single motherhood.
Speaker 3: Let's go outside and feel empowered.
Speaker 5: And if it wasn't for this friendship, we wouldn't be
Speaker 5: here eight years later, in this room, in this studio,
Speaker 5: interviewing you who has this incredible story and it's so inspiring.
Speaker 5: Like I've been following you for a long time, I'm like, God,
Speaker 5: I need to get more creative. God, you know like
Speaker 5: I used to I like cut up close too. I'm
Speaker 5: don't go downtown and rob some a belt around this
Speaker 5: little waist, But like, we need friends and peers that
Speaker 5: inspire us. And so I'm thankful. I'm thankful for you
Speaker 5: like coming to tell your story. And granted all we're
Speaker 5: all different women, we are, there's space for all of that.
Speaker 5: Love it.
Speaker 4: And just because I think we got sidetracks, we were
Speaker 4: sharing about like why this in this chapter of your life,
Speaker 4: like a relationship is just like really not the priority.
Speaker 4: And I'm curious just off of that, what is it?
Speaker 4: What is what is something that you're that you're not
Speaker 4: willing to sacrifice at this point, not even for your
Speaker 4: child at this point in your life, not for love,
Speaker 4: not for your child, not for your child as hard,
Speaker 4: I'm not really to sacrifice certain things for my child,
Speaker 4: like what like my happiness, Oh, I mean yeah, like
Speaker 4: my like my sensuality.
Speaker 3: I mean, but you will.
Speaker 5: You'll, like, you'll sign up for a six month volleyball
Speaker 5: fucking toryment. You're gonna have to drive far away for
Speaker 5: six months on the weekends.
Speaker 3: You don't, you're not happy about it, but you're gonna
Speaker 3: do it.
Speaker 5: No.
Speaker 3: But I think I think there's a lot of things
Speaker 3: that niggas will sacrifice for their kid, and they would
Speaker 3: have no problems sitting on a podcast saying what they
Speaker 3: would what they would do. As women, we feel like, well,
Speaker 3: there's not much. I mean, I don't think I even
Speaker 3: considered it a sacrifice. They're just like, this is what
Speaker 3: I'm going to do. Well, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 4: I think that we need to step into this as
Speaker 4: I think we need to step more into that energy
Speaker 4: as women and as mothers, we.
Speaker 5: Need to step more into our white man That's what
Speaker 5: I'm saying, so as a white white man.
Speaker 4: So when you're a white man, audacity, what are you
Speaker 4: not willing to sacrifice at this point in your life?
Speaker 2: I'm not willing to sacrifice my What keeps coming to
Speaker 2: my mind is really just my sense my peace, like
Speaker 2: my sense of like feeling good. I guess you can
Speaker 2: consider that my piece, my joy, my happiness, like the
Speaker 2: things that keep my alignment. That's probably the best way
Speaker 2: to put it, because all of those things go into
Speaker 2: my alignment and I'm not willing to sacrifice that. And
Speaker 2: that's really what brought me to my new conclusion about
Speaker 2: the I feel most aligned being with me, being into me.
Speaker 2: You know, I get it. Just it all makes it
Speaker 2: makes so much more sense, you know, So you.
Speaker 4: Don't have to do any balancing of someone else's alignments
Speaker 4: to match to fit into your alignment.
Speaker 2: And you have to oh they're trauma, and oh they're this,
Speaker 2: they had a long day, and and you know, I
Speaker 2: can be considered in that.
Speaker 3: Way, but every day of your whole life. Yeah, you know, and.
Speaker 2: I love that you have a man that you've come
Speaker 2: into this union with that it just works, and I
Speaker 2: believe in it. This isn't a and I hate men.
Speaker 2: You can't find that's because you.
Speaker 4: And I think like that's why my feeling around that
Speaker 4: it does not come from my hatred of men.
Speaker 3: I actually love men.
Speaker 4: I think that, like I've been, I'm exposed constantly to
Speaker 4: the worst of them, not necessarily in my personal life,
Speaker 4: but just in this space of the internet and stuff.
Speaker 4: But the men that I have encounter my regular daily
Speaker 4: experience are are for the most part, they're doing, They're trying,
Speaker 4: you know what I mean. And so my desire to like,
Speaker 4: like I think where I'm heading more towards where you're
Speaker 4: probably even are farther down the path of like my
Speaker 4: alignment being like the utmost of my priority is it's
Speaker 4: like connecting to like this higher self, which which then really.
Speaker 3: Benefits and overflows into every aspect of your life.
Speaker 4: Your art, your creativity, your confidence, your career, your abundance,
Speaker 4: your manifestation, energy, and of course all those things can
Speaker 4: also be magnified in a relationship.
Speaker 3: I believe that as well.
Speaker 4: But I think like for me, I don't think I
Speaker 4: fully have explored myself completely in this space. I haven't single,
Speaker 4: and I've done the I've done work, but like, I
Speaker 4: feel like I've birthed a new version of myself in ways,
Speaker 4: and I really want to explore what complete Like that
Speaker 4: is what that feels like on my own. Yeah, worried
Speaker 4: of pouring into someone, just worrying, but you know, but
Speaker 4: on the other side of that, I don't want to
Speaker 4: sacrifice my pleasure, so I do, Like, this is not
Speaker 4: mean that I'm not going to have no lovers and
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna be having sex and I'm not going
Speaker 4: to be like also like experiencing pleasure within myself with
Speaker 4: my girlfriends and eating delicious foods and traveling the world like.
Speaker 3: I already fucking do.
Speaker 4: But I think that there's like I think that sometimes
Speaker 4: when women choose that path, people assume, oh.
Speaker 3: Okay, so she's just she ain't fucking she ain't doing
Speaker 3: none of that or what are or everybody or that
Speaker 3: or that, Yeah.
Speaker 5: Which is so crazy because women at a certain age,
Speaker 5: just as long as you're like evolved and healing, like,
Speaker 5: it becomes harder to have frivolous sex it's not like
Speaker 5: saying like and there's not saying some casual sex is
Speaker 5: not good because it could be liberating, it could be respectful,
Speaker 5: it could feel great. But like even when I was single,
Speaker 5: I was like, and I like to have lovers, and
Speaker 5: I was like, I'm so fucking bored with these niggas, Like.
Speaker 3: It was hard to I was like, I only want
Speaker 3: to give you any pussy.
Speaker 5: You're so stupid, Like damn, you could have got some,
Speaker 5: but you're talking your way out of the panties. I've
Speaker 5: never seen that happen. And like, I think also it's
Speaker 5: just something to consider. We have a nat old chart
Speaker 5: reader in Costa Rica who's our friend. And when she
Speaker 5: when I first met her, the first time we sat down,
Speaker 5: she said, I was so fucking irritated. And this life,
Speaker 5: you're supposed to find a tantric lover that's going to
Speaker 5: heal you. Your one of your purposes in this life is
Speaker 5: to find that love. And I was like, bitch, are
Speaker 5: you sure to check it again? Because I think we
Speaker 5: all as women, have been told in this life we're
Speaker 5: supposed to get married, have a baby, settle down house,
Speaker 5: and the truth is like that's not everybody's goal in
Speaker 5: this lifetime.
Speaker 3: That's not everybody's purpose, that's not their souls.
Speaker 5: If that doesn't happen for you, it does not mean
Speaker 5: you have not lived your life as you're supposed to be.
Speaker 5: Like God did not intend for every woman with a
Speaker 5: pussy to have a baby and a husband.
Speaker 3: It's just not the reality.
Speaker 5: Like when you talk about pleasure and you talk about autonomy,
Speaker 5: that is God.
Speaker 4: Well, and when you talk about just the again, like
Speaker 4: the full spectrum of what it means to be a human,
Speaker 4: Like there's so much like you might not hit every box, bitch,
Speaker 4: because you're over here working on this thing on this
Speaker 4: lifetime and it's.
Speaker 3: Not even a box.
Speaker 5: It's not even a check Like life is not a
Speaker 5: check off the list.
Speaker 4: I know, but but but that's what society does. There
Speaker 4: is a check off list order, especially for women.
Speaker 3: There's an order. Men kind of can go out of
Speaker 3: order to follow the step by step.
Speaker 5: So what has been Like you're because you're such a creative,
Speaker 5: you're such an artist.
Speaker 3: I've seen you just do whatever the fuck you want.
Speaker 5: Make a music video, fucking do some hair, make a
Speaker 5: dress YAZ got the dress up. Whatever the fuck you've
Speaker 5: done a lot of things, and it's extremely expiring. It
Speaker 5: look like when I look at your page, I see
Speaker 5: like a little girl and a grown like in a
Speaker 5: grown woman body playing in her in her playbox, you know,
Speaker 5: like in her and her toy box. And it's like
Speaker 5: and it connects me to a part of my like
Speaker 5: my youth, and like that part of me. Like you
Speaker 5: remember when there was no fucking internet. You just be
Speaker 5: in your room cutting up pictures or writing your journal,
Speaker 5: dancing hard as fuck, or cutting up your clothes that
Speaker 5: you don't want anymore, going through your mom's closet. You're
Speaker 5: dreaming and you're creating, not with the expectation is this
Speaker 5: gonna make money? Is this gonna pay my bills? People
Speaker 5: gonna like it?
Speaker 3: Am I gonna?
Speaker 4: Am?
Speaker 5: I gonna get likes on it?
Speaker 6: Right?
Speaker 5: That has never been our drive for inspiration and imagination,
Speaker 5: but now it is. And it kills the child inside
Speaker 5: of you. It kills the joy and the passion, and
Speaker 5: it kills the creativity. To be honest, and I've been
Speaker 5: finding myself there, like I don't feel inspired sometimes and
Speaker 5: I'm clear about my purpose, I'm clear about our message.
Speaker 5: I'm clear about my existence. In that way, but I
Speaker 5: forget to play because there's so much pressure in every
Speaker 5: other aspect of my life. I have a child, I
Speaker 5: have a husband, I have a fucking house that has
Speaker 5: to be cleaned every five minutes for some goddamn dinner
Speaker 5: has to be made clean. The fucking cleaning and the
Speaker 5: fucking eating is going to take me out child literally.
Speaker 5: But when I see you, I see this woman that's
Speaker 5: playing in her toy box, and I think that's so
Speaker 5: beautiful and I want to know, like you in your gym,
Speaker 5: thank you, Like seriously, I told you I've rolled up
Speaker 5: on you at the event, like, hey girl, you know
Speaker 5: I know you, you don't know me, and now we're
Speaker 5: here and I'm grateful for that. But what like you
Speaker 5: came down here, you knew you know, you're in a model.
Speaker 5: What gave you permission to live your life in this way?
Speaker 5: And how like how would you find that way to
Speaker 5: like cause I think people think in motherhood you have
Speaker 5: to kill the creative. So how have you merged and
Speaker 5: married that and and birth this version of yourself?
Speaker 2: That's the best way to really put this. I just
Speaker 2: be doing shit, Just be doing shit, like no shade, okay,
Speaker 2: like for real, I think it's that. I also think
Speaker 2: it's because I have ADHD. I think that probably plays
Speaker 2: a big factor now that I'm learning more about my
Speaker 2: ADHD actually started, Did you get diamuse? I actually took
Speaker 2: the test and the I am like the highest score,
Speaker 2: like very extreme, like I think the highest was like
Speaker 2: one hundred. It's a really interesting test that they watch
Speaker 2: you in a camera, like you have to put your
Speaker 2: laptop up. There's a camera and just dots come on
Speaker 2: and keep blinking in everything in their different colors, and
Speaker 2: you have to press the space bar when let's say X,
Speaker 2: Y and Z changes right, so it's different shapes, just
Speaker 2: square circles and triangles and their colors. So three triangles
Speaker 2: will come but when and they're blue. But when it
Speaker 2: changes to a triangle, but that that's red, you have
Speaker 2: to hit the button. Yes, I can't even remember. It's
Speaker 2: something like this is the test. Yes, but for twenty minutes,
Speaker 2: I just hypnotism and they watch you and I my well,
Speaker 2: she is psychiatric whatever she is, I love her.
Speaker 5: She's so sweet.
Speaker 2: She was like when we got back after I took
Speaker 2: the test, she looked at me and she how are
Speaker 2: you today? And I was like I'm good.
Speaker 1: And she was like, what at the test co I
Speaker 1: was like, it's hard. She was like no, she was like,
Speaker 1: it's okay.
Speaker 2: How did you feel when you took it? I was like,
Speaker 2: I was upset. I was. I was pissed because I
Speaker 2: wanted it to be over. I didn't have my coffee yet,
Speaker 2: which is my dopamine. Dopamine hit right, didn't have it yet,
Speaker 2: didn't eat, didn't do anything that kind of makes me
Speaker 2: feel good enough in the morning to do shit right.
Speaker 2: I just did the test. I don't know why. And
Speaker 2: that made it even harder, I think. And she was like, okay,
Speaker 2: well you got a ninety and the worst you could,
Speaker 2: like the highest to have adds one hundred. So she
Speaker 2: was like yeah, and I'm realizing this has been my
Speaker 2: life all these years and not realizing that I needed.
Speaker 2: She was like, I'm gonna put you on not adderall,
Speaker 2: but this other thing I take, which is like a
Speaker 2: lighter version of adderall.
Speaker 5: I guess that.
Speaker 2: It's been really helpful, but I also on my days
Speaker 2: off because I don't want to take it every day.
Speaker 2: I also take like a natural supplement because I was
Speaker 2: doing natural stuff before and then I just started I
Speaker 2: kept finding that it was things were getting more. I
Speaker 2: feel like it's almost got worse as I got older,
Speaker 2: that it's harder for me to like focus. I get
Speaker 2: too much in my head. I try to like and
Speaker 2: then I just sometimes will just not do anything. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so it did. It has helped me, and I'm using
Speaker 2: it like, Okay, I know I have a really busy
Speaker 2: day today and I need to get this done and
Speaker 2: I need to do this, and I'm working on this project.
Speaker 2: I'm going to take it.
Speaker 3: And they tell you can do it, you can take it,
Speaker 3: like she was happy.
Speaker 2: That I was doing it that because I don't want
Speaker 2: to become addicted. So she was really she was like,
Speaker 2: I love that. Keep taking your other. It's called el Thinanine,
Speaker 2: I believe is the like natural supplement you can take
Speaker 2: for like focus or like some form of like lions
Speaker 2: made or something like that. But I used to that
Speaker 2: I tried that that doesn't work, is not enough, but els,
Speaker 2: I think I'm butchering it. But that's been one of
Speaker 2: like my favorite things to take.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I switch off. But it does help me
Speaker 2: focus and I get a lot of things done, and
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 4: I do know I'm happy that you have we're having
Speaker 4: this conversation because I feel like ADHD specifically is something
Speaker 4: that like people either like don't believe exists or just
Speaker 4: self diagnose themselves. Yeah, And I think that it's important
Speaker 4: for you to understand where you really live on the
Speaker 4: spectrum so that you actually can like help you help
Speaker 4: yourself and.
Speaker 2: You understand you understand yourself ware.
Speaker 4: Because it actually is a gift, because it is a
Speaker 4: gift to be able to like have so many ideas
Speaker 4: and like that can like magnify in your mind. It's
Speaker 4: just but it's a matter of like honing them in.
Speaker 4: And a lot of the most like genius people like
Speaker 4: are basically that you're just a little extra tapped in.
Speaker 5: Yeah, there's a little.
Speaker 2: Extra, yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And I think that's what helped me, honestly and not
Speaker 2: and like trying all these different things and really like
Speaker 2: just being that little girl. And I will say, maybe
Speaker 2: my fucked up childhood is what why I'm drawn to
Speaker 2: being the little girl still because it got taken away
Speaker 2: from me. My lip looked chap, No, they feel chapped.
Speaker 3: Do you want some water?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll take a sip in a second. But I
Speaker 2: think that plays a big factor in why I'm so
Speaker 2: drawn to Before I came here and I was getting ready,
Speaker 2: I was like, I don't know what made this crossed
Speaker 2: my mind, but it was like you love to like I,
Speaker 2: everything's like like a fantasy. Like me creating clothing was
Speaker 2: a fantasy imagination, right, like becoming a designer. The clothes
Speaker 2: that I wear, I don't even wear them all the time.
Speaker 2: Now if I'm going out, I'm probably gonna put them on,
Speaker 2: but I'm always creating in a fantasy. Even the music
Speaker 2: that I make.
Speaker 3: It's like.
Speaker 2: I don't listen to my music every day. It's when
Speaker 2: I'm in a certain energy.
Speaker 3: Great.
Speaker 2: I may listen to Maxwell or like DiAngelo every day
Speaker 2: just because I like that. But there's my music is
Speaker 2: like the fantasy side of myself and I still love
Speaker 2: it and I and granted the music in the future
Speaker 2: that I want to make is more jazzy and more
Speaker 2: funky like that too, But right now the sound that
Speaker 2: I have and what I'm talking about and what I'm
Speaker 2: saying really is in this not not that it's a
Speaker 2: fantasy what I'm saying, but the world of it becomes
Speaker 2: like the more fantasized playful space and the clothing was
Speaker 2: the first thing that I actually was able to do
Speaker 2: that started to allow me to really be in that world. Right,
Speaker 2: and then that once you start finding yourself and the
Speaker 2: things that you're doing because they're giving you You're like, wow,
Speaker 2: this is like a part of my calling, this is
Speaker 2: part of my purpose sor I'm inspiring people, I'm I'm
Speaker 2: helping myself heal. Right now it transforms into something else,
Speaker 2: there's another medium, and that's why you just got to
Speaker 2: be able to just play with it all and do
Speaker 2: it all and find a way, you know. So that's
Speaker 2: where it comes from. I think it's a healing aspect.
Speaker 2: And then also the brain is operating in a way
Speaker 2: that's like Okay, do that now?
Speaker 3: Yeah, next benef that?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: And I think if I wasn't neuro difvergit, maybe I
Speaker 2: wouldn't be so ready to just go after things, you know.
Speaker 4: So yeah, what would you like? What's what would you
Speaker 4: define your or do you have a genre of music?
Speaker 4: What's your genre or do you call it ghetto pop?
Speaker 3: Ghetto pop? Ghetto?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's ghetto pop. It's a mixture of sounds. There's dance,
Speaker 2: there's uh, there's hip hop. You know, there's R and
Speaker 2: B elements. Some songs are more focused on a specific
Speaker 2: genre where it could feel just like, oh, this was
Speaker 2: like an R.
Speaker 3: And B trip, right.
Speaker 2: I haven't put those tracks out yet, but they will
Speaker 2: be coming out eventually. Yeah, so yeah eventually. So right now, though,
Speaker 2: the songs that I do have out there very genre bending.
Speaker 2: Like there's some voguing sounds. There's dance music, there's house music,
Speaker 2: there's hip hop too, so it's a mixture.
Speaker 5: That sounds fun. Yeah, genre bending.
Speaker 2: I've heard that a girl with range genre bending gall okays.
Speaker 3: As we tend to be ranged?
Speaker 2: What's aries?
Speaker 3: Okay? Wait before we let's I'm wanna play a game
Speaker 3: with you. Okay, we've talked so much.
Speaker 4: I'm like, Dan, there's things, there's things I wanted to
Speaker 4: other things.
Speaker 3: Okay. So this game is called trigger. Okay.
Speaker 4: And so basically I'm gonna say a word or a sentence,
Speaker 4: and you just say the first.
Speaker 3: Thing that comes to mind.
Speaker 2: Okay. Religion, m I mean, God comes to mind, aliens,
Speaker 2: a lot of stuff we don't know yet.
Speaker 3: Fashion, work, bitch, beautiful women.
Speaker 2: Always, beautiful women always.
Speaker 3: How you finish that sentence?
Speaker 2: Oh, finish the sentence, beautiful women always love you as
Speaker 2: long as you love yourself.
Speaker 3: Feminine hierarchy is.
Speaker 2: Putting women into boxes, and that's associated with judgment, patriarchy,
Speaker 2: the whole motherfucking system. Birth Lord, God, the most beautiful thing.
Speaker 2: This is an amazing thing. Make I think of womb,
Speaker 2: I think of life. Wow, motherhood, nothing like it. Love language,
Speaker 2: what's the one where you like, give gifts.
Speaker 3: As a service gives?
Speaker 2: I'm all of them?
Speaker 3: Really polyamory?
Speaker 5: Hell?
Speaker 4: No, oh, my god, black man? Mm hmm, chocolate, wealth
Speaker 4: or wealth or respect?
Speaker 2: Respect?
Speaker 3: Success is.
Speaker 2: Knowing yourself.
Speaker 3: Let's see what.
Speaker 2: Oh, figuring it out?
Speaker 4: Happy eve, judgmental people, bad choices, good moms, and you.
Speaker 3: Have survived trigger. I was enmous. So no polyamory for you. No,
Speaker 3: none of that. None that's happening. No, No, you don't share.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 3: I don't really believe women are polyamorous.
Speaker 2: I'm not into it.
Speaker 3: I think it's a lie.
Speaker 5: Someone's gonna cover. I don't believe women are naturally polyamorous.
Speaker 5: I think that you're dating and now you have a
Speaker 5: language for it to say. I'm fucking niggas because I'm
Speaker 5: outside and I'm figuring it out. But I think as
Speaker 5: soon as a man that you actually like is like
Speaker 5: I want to just be with you, but she's gonna
Speaker 5: be like okay, sure, Like okay, I'll cut off my
Speaker 5: other satellites for you, babe.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think it's a state of confusion.
Speaker 3: I think it's ethical nonminogamy with.
Speaker 5: Long term relationships that you don't want to really live with. Yeah,
Speaker 5: you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: It's like that's what poor noma.
Speaker 5: I basically what the fun you because like even in dating,
Speaker 5: you might see the same nigga for a year, but
Speaker 5: you're not like it's not like you know, I don't know.
Speaker 5: I just think it's I'm fucking people and I have
Speaker 5: religion and I want love.
Speaker 2: That's what it is to you.
Speaker 5: I just think, like the language of polyamory, like I
Speaker 5: think women generally you want to have freedom.
Speaker 3: But like if someone a man that you.
Speaker 4: Really like, is like, let's do this together, it's easy
Speaker 4: for us to be like easier to be like, yes, okay,
Speaker 4: I could do that. I think there's still some women
Speaker 4: that can can fully thrive in polyamory.
Speaker 5: No, I'm not saying we can't fully thrive in polyamory,
Speaker 5: but I'm like, when there's.
Speaker 4: You said, it's not natural. I'm saying, like I think
Speaker 4: that there's women that I think when.
Speaker 5: We feel safe and like someone can hold us wholly,
Speaker 5: I think, Yeah, like I it's easier to have one
Speaker 5: person I like. I've never liked three people the same
Speaker 5: at the same time, even when I had niggas, you
Speaker 5: know what I mean, I'd be like, there'd be always
Speaker 5: one particular if I like somebody, I like somebody, and
Speaker 5: then the other two were not going to seem as
Speaker 5: exciting because like maybe because I have.
Speaker 2: Focused on Yeah, it's a lot.
Speaker 3: I mean, of course you can like different people and
Speaker 3: have different experiences.
Speaker 4: I don't know, maybe, well that do you have a
Speaker 4: hierarchy that not everyone has the access to numeral energy?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, you know what I mean. You gotta have
Speaker 3: a lot of energy, and bitch, I don't.
Speaker 4: I'm tired. I ain't got that much energy. I don't
Speaker 4: have that much brain power to remember everyone's story.
Speaker 3: It is what's your grandma's name again? You have a
Speaker 3: brother named Freddy? Are you going going through tragedy right now? Wait? Wait?
Speaker 3: Your was your mom? Let me check my notes.
Speaker 4: I have notes of niggas, like because because my memory
Speaker 4: is so bad I will write down people's I'm like, wait, okay,
Speaker 4: you have three brothers. I will I will write down
Speaker 4: notes of people that I care about sometimes, yes, yeah,
Speaker 4: because I want to remember certain things.
Speaker 2: I've actually done it a couple of times. Soon, not everybody.
Speaker 3: I'm going to start. I like, have shoe sizes of
Speaker 3: people that you see. Yeah.
Speaker 4: Wait, because one of my one of my exes had
Speaker 4: a lot of siblings, so I had to remember.
Speaker 3: I was like, how many Sundays. I'm not going to
Speaker 3: keep asking him how many he has? You know what
Speaker 3: I mean? Like, is it seven? I spoke?
Speaker 4: We's what messes me up to the memory. And then
Speaker 4: and then meeting people that have really sharp memories like
Speaker 4: that or like really good with details, it makes me
Speaker 4: feel worse because they're like, so, how is your grandmother Virginia?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 3: And her brother yeah? And I'm like, what the fuck
Speaker 3: you remember that?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Then I feel bad. So then I write notes crazy.
Speaker 5: I love it. Have you made any bad bad choices
Speaker 5: this this week?
Speaker 3: Bad mom? Not a bad mom, but a bad mom
Speaker 3: so good.
Speaker 4: I'm living, come to mind, I'm thinking about a bad
Speaker 4: choices currently right now, and I haven't fully decided.
Speaker 3: Advice. Yeah, can we help you?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Right, So a guy I've been talking to, we don't
Speaker 2: talk anymore and it's done. He blocked me.
Speaker 3: Thinks wow aggressive.
Speaker 2: So anyway, I think it's quite funny and very bitchy.
Speaker 2: But anyway, like I walked out to my car today
Speaker 2: and a note was on my car from him, and
Speaker 2: we haven't probably smoked smoked, we haven't. I think it's
Speaker 2: maybe been about two months.
Speaker 3: Now and you're still blocked.
Speaker 2: I don't know because I haven't tried to call him.
Speaker 2: But like the one time when I was on Instagram
Speaker 2: because we always always send, we send each other stuff.
Speaker 2: When I went to send him something, even though we
Speaker 2: were like arguing there, I couldn't send it, and I'm like, wait,
Speaker 2: he blocked me on Instagram, Like, oh he's upset now baby,
Speaker 2: I don't need to fix at that point, Okay, I
Speaker 2: see what.
Speaker 3: We're good.
Speaker 2: There's no for me. There's not really need coming back
Speaker 2: after that right now, because I feel like I'm the
Speaker 2: only one I could throw a bitch in this bitch.
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't want a nigga throwing a bitch
Speaker 2: pick with me. There's only one diva and she ain't one. Okay,
Speaker 2: so anyway, the note was there.
Speaker 3: What did the note say?
Speaker 2: Maybe it was four pages.
Speaker 5: That's a letter cursive, that's just cursive, not cursive. I'm
Speaker 5: happy that Nigga knows cursive.
Speaker 3: White.
Speaker 4: No, why I gotta be white because he's using I
Speaker 4: don't know, niggat cursive.
Speaker 3: I don't know, Nigga. I've never got a cursive letter
Speaker 3: from the black maid in my whole life, and I've
Speaker 3: acquired many a love letter, so I thought this must
Speaker 3: be another race. Honey, no, baby, wow.
Speaker 2: I don't know what he was trying to do, I know,
Speaker 2: and I was just like, oh, and I opened it.
Speaker 2: I saw my nickname at the top instead of my name,
Speaker 2: and I saw the first line and I was like,
Speaker 2: I'm not reading this. I'm going on this show today,
Speaker 2: like I'm not not all I resk. I looked at
Speaker 2: some lines. The first line made me nervous because I
Speaker 2: don't truly think that even though it's been a couple
Speaker 2: of months, I doubt he really understands, like and the
Speaker 2: time for me was revealing for me. For you, you're
Speaker 2: sad and you miss me. Granted I miss you in
Speaker 2: some capacity, like the little things about us. And I
Speaker 2: did see it for you at one point. But I've
Speaker 2: taken the time to actually realize why the fuck did
Speaker 2: I even fuck with you?
Speaker 3: Is what?
Speaker 2: But there's still that little voice inside that's like that,
Speaker 2: once you read the note, what are you gonna do?
Speaker 3: Yeah, you really need to decide right now.
Speaker 2: And I know we're in a freaking the first day
Speaker 2: of the retrograde. The note pops up, I'm like, yo,
Speaker 2: so I'm scared to read it.
Speaker 3: So you're considering not reading it at all, like burning
Speaker 3: it in the fire.
Speaker 2: Just that's probably what I see.
Speaker 5: But don't tell this as that she's like burned in
Speaker 5: the fire. Curiosity, the curiosity, burn it all up.
Speaker 3: Curiosity.
Speaker 5: You know, they say you killed the cat exactly, but ultimately,
Speaker 5: you know, you know what it is. Ultimately, whether you
Speaker 5: read it or you don't read it, you know how
Speaker 5: you feel.
Speaker 3: Yeah, But if you know you're not I don't not
Speaker 3: strong enough, If you know you're not like what kind
Speaker 3: of kryptonite a nikka has on you, there's certain you
Speaker 3: got to just not do. You can be curious about everything.
Speaker 3: You're not that healed, ye, you know, walk away burn it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, because the toxic side is going to want to
Speaker 5: play like a cat.
Speaker 3: Part of healing is knowing when the fuck.
Speaker 2: To burn, the when the door is closed and you
Speaker 2: want to go back right and it's like, I feel
Speaker 2: like this time showed me that you're not the man
Speaker 2: for me, you know what I mean? Like, this is
Speaker 2: what this time showed me? And then I just came
Speaker 2: to that epiphany. My whole thing yesterday I was telling
Speaker 2: you about this is a test, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: Test.
Speaker 2: But there's a piece of me that really wants to
Speaker 2: read it. But I feel like.
Speaker 3: What piece of you?
Speaker 4: Is it like the higher version of you? Or is
Speaker 4: it like the version that.
Speaker 3: Probably is it the ego or is it your higher self?
Speaker 2: I don't think it's the ego. I think it's the
Speaker 2: what if side, curiosity side, or like because I did
Speaker 2: like him and I do like you know, I let.
Speaker 3: Me ask you this.
Speaker 5: It's such. What has the two months revealed that you
Speaker 5: didn't see before? Is it the pettiness that he blocked you?
Speaker 5: And or what is it that has revealed that you
Speaker 5: didn't that you're now seeing that you feel like, is
Speaker 5: is what you didn't see before? It's whack it does
Speaker 5: that makes you not compatible?
Speaker 2: We're very compatible.
Speaker 5: So what are the things that you're seeing.
Speaker 2: So there's like a lot of things I like about
Speaker 2: I liked about the relationship, Like we have a great
Speaker 2: time together, we are compatible, we have a lot of
Speaker 2: same values and morals. Like there's a lot of things there,
Speaker 2: Like I'm attracted to him. There's all those things, right.
Speaker 2: I think he's a great person. He's very very motivated,
Speaker 2: very like you know, driven. There's all these aspects of
Speaker 2: him that I really like. I like the way he lives,
Speaker 2: you know, he's a very put together person. I like
Speaker 2: things like that. I don't like messy men, you know.
Speaker 3: What I mean.
Speaker 2: Like, there's a lot of things that I the point
Speaker 2: when I was I thought I was like I finally
Speaker 2: met that kind of guy. I was like, okay, but
Speaker 2: our issues are something that are the thing. The thing.
Speaker 2: The thing is the thing that I realized where I'm
Speaker 2: going to have to compromise myself to be with you.
Speaker 2: And that was really the thing. So like I think
Speaker 2: it's more so my lower self that's feeling like I
Speaker 2: want to read it, and well, if I read it,
Speaker 2: I don't I know I shouldn't respond, right, So but
Speaker 2: a part of you may want to like oh, I'm
Speaker 2: supposed to rekindle.
Speaker 3: Part of me.
Speaker 4: Part of me is like if you're supposed to, it'll
Speaker 4: it's this isn't the last opportunity, do you know what
Speaker 4: I mean? If something in you is like telling you no, no,
Speaker 4: then just to lead with it because you know that
Speaker 4: whatever's for you is.
Speaker 5: Going to be for you, you know what.
Speaker 4: Absolutely, and doing that hard thing and killing the curiosity.
Speaker 4: It's actually the hardest ship we're as humans.
Speaker 3: It's natural. It's a natural feeling.
Speaker 2: Right, I need to learn it because I don't even
Speaker 2: need to play because it's going to be. Actually, I
Speaker 2: wish I would have brought it. I left it at home.
Speaker 2: I left it at home.
Speaker 4: They do a little ritual, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: It's a little prayer over it, folded away from you and.
Speaker 2: Pray about it. But I think it's definitely giving. Just
Speaker 2: don't read it.
Speaker 3: But like compromising yourself is something you can't come from.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to do. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't even
Speaker 2: we answered the question. Yeah, but that would have could
Speaker 2: have maybe still maybe the bad decision, just to explore
Speaker 2: what is he? Did he does he understand?
Speaker 5: Does he?
Speaker 2: What are you? Now? Maybe I'll read the note and
Speaker 2: I'll realize that, Oh my god, you're a fucking idiot. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you don't get it because the first line was really
Speaker 2: more so about him, So that kind of was like
Speaker 2: maybe all I need to read, right, So I love that? Yeah, Yeah,
Speaker 2: I was like, maybe maybe don't read us?
Speaker 3: Who could preserve something some sort of we're really trying
Speaker 3: to fight.
Speaker 4: I mean, I just we got to preserve some sort
Speaker 4: of love and like, not you too, Jesus Christ.
Speaker 5: Sometimes you just gotta Yeah, it's like learning the language
Speaker 5: of men, but they don't even have the language for themselves.
Speaker 5: They're so stunted because they're so fucking closed off because
Speaker 5: that's how they've had to be.
Speaker 3: That literally, they.
Speaker 5: Don't even know what the fuck they're feeling and how
Speaker 5: to communicate.
Speaker 3: It and what they need.
Speaker 2: So it's like you missed the good thing right in
Speaker 2: front of you.
Speaker 5: Yes, yes, I mean in us too, we've been so
Speaker 5: like unfortunately deprived of men who can just see us
Speaker 5: as human. God, damn is a bitch asking for a lot,
Speaker 5: Like just want a man that knows that I have range.
Speaker 5: I just want a man that knows that I could
Speaker 5: be a mother and I could be sexy. And I
Speaker 5: could be sensual and I did some shit in my
Speaker 5: day because bitch, I'm.
Speaker 3: Thirty fucking eight.
Speaker 5: You know, like I I just need a man that
Speaker 5: accepts me as a human being, is not does it
Speaker 5: seem a lot to ask, but it seems so rare
Speaker 5: that even women when they do get a real man
Speaker 5: who's like maybe sensitive or is what, does.
Speaker 3: Have boundaries or whatever? The fuck?
Speaker 5: I'm just making, you know, assumptions about his blocking him
Speaker 5: like his his boundaries. But I'm just like that it's
Speaker 5: hard for us to come to terms like we have had.
Speaker 5: We haven't had that much practice in having a relationship
Speaker 5: that's super emotionally evolved because.
Speaker 2: A lot of that's a good point.
Speaker 5: The love is immature because a lot of us don't
Speaker 5: know how to do it. Yeah, so when you do
Speaker 5: meet a man that has finally roast the casion, I'm
Speaker 5: selling from my experience, like, fuck, I know that I
Speaker 5: have to do better because I love you and you're
Speaker 5: doing everything right and there's nothing I have no complaints,
Speaker 5: And so it has required me to show up in
Speaker 5: a way that I haven't never had to show up
Speaker 5: before because niggas you usually don't even have the fucking
Speaker 5: step one common sense. So it's like when someone I
Speaker 5: see myself, so I see where i've you know, like
Speaker 5: how I act out and things like that. But it's
Speaker 5: like we have it's you know, the language of men
Speaker 5: is still developing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean they were literally brought up to hot
Speaker 2: like tonight. We were taught the complete opposite but mixed
Speaker 2: with the princess thing you were talking about earlier, like
Speaker 2: a fairy tale like concept. And then we live in
Speaker 2: a society that's like making us feel like we can't
Speaker 2: even be who we are supposed to be, and we
Speaker 2: can't express ourselves and we have to become this certain
Speaker 2: way to like fit into their thing. It's a weird
Speaker 2: situation with a to figure it out.
Speaker 5: The only way we be saved is the prince comes
Speaker 5: and saves us and kisses us. He votes his life
Speaker 5: to us, and like, you have to be proper in
Speaker 5: prim and modest, but also be sexual because it will
Speaker 5: cheat on you with the help. Don't lose your man,
Speaker 5: yeah you know what I mean, Like, don't but don't
Speaker 5: have more than three.
Speaker 3: Don't we gotta do all. We gotta do all.
Speaker 5: We're doing, all they're doing, all the mending like, yeah, like,
Speaker 5: what the fuck do you want for me?
Speaker 2: That's probably why they want to go get Ben over themselves.
Speaker 3: That's sure they finally want to get Ben. They want
Speaker 3: to get I'm the princess, but you guess do want
Speaker 3: to be princesses really bad?
Speaker 2: You want to get I mean, yeah, there's a lot,
Speaker 2: like I could literally go get this drop.
Speaker 3: Gone too far down one spec? Have you stopped on
Speaker 3: anybody before now?
Speaker 2: But I've been asked to She's like, no.
Speaker 3: Is that getting us into a horror story?
Speaker 2: Horror stories.
Speaker 3: By a man? I guess I know, damit.
Speaker 2: This was one of the stories. Yeah, I was like
Speaker 2: should I share this with?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Horror story because it never happened, like it didn't fully happen,
Speaker 2: but it was a conversation about it.
Speaker 3: Did you explore? Did you? It was did you?
Speaker 2: Horror story? Not a horror? You know what horror R
Speaker 2: R O R, not the w horror. It was a
Speaker 2: horse Sorry. Yeah, this boy asked me to strap. I
Speaker 2: was like, huh, he was like, would you ever do that?
Speaker 3: The text was on person.
Speaker 2: We were on the phone, Oh and that's when you're
Speaker 2: doing We weren't. We were just friends. We would talk
Speaker 2: on the phone, Like I was much younger too. I
Speaker 2: don't even think I was twenty yet, held nineteen, not
Speaker 2: that much older than we're like in the same age range.
Speaker 3: He was explored yeah, and I was.
Speaker 2: Really turned off. I was like, yeah, no, it's not
Speaker 2: gonna happen. I don't want to. I'm not interested in
Speaker 2: doing it to a man. I don't want to do
Speaker 2: it now. If that's your thing. Did he don't judge you?
Speaker 3: I always wonder, like, did you wonder if you did?
Speaker 3: He tell you, like, don't tell anyone.
Speaker 5: No.
Speaker 2: I think I made him feel like I have a
Speaker 2: tendency to make men feel very comfortable to tell me things,
Speaker 2: which is totally fine. Like I'm not outing the guy.
Speaker 2: Nobody knows, but like the concept of what happened is
Speaker 2: still a thing. It's not for me. I still see him.
Speaker 2: We show each other love like what I do. Like
Speaker 2: we're good, Like we would hang out, we could hang out,
Speaker 2: we could do was Yeah, it was just like we
Speaker 2: talked a lot on the phone. I think he just
Speaker 2: felt comfortable and asked me, and you know, wanted to
Speaker 2: probably see if I would do it, but I didn't
Speaker 2: want to. Yeah, so each of them, Yeah, no, no, No,
Speaker 2: But my horror story would be having two boyfriends at
Speaker 2: want do they know about each other?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: I got caught.
Speaker 5: How did you get caught?
Speaker 2: I was outside of my house with one talking and
Speaker 2: the other one pulled up and taught me, and I
Speaker 2: like just broke up with him, like I or something
Speaker 2: like that, Like I was there was something. I was
Speaker 2: dating these two guys, and one day I was like,
Speaker 2: I need to just pick one.
Speaker 3: Like they were like they were like full boyfriends, like
Speaker 3: this is my boyfriend.
Speaker 2: One was like my like I had. It was a
Speaker 2: black one and a white one. You get the best
Speaker 2: the boat, chill it, I take it.
Speaker 3: So and that was that the last time you're trying
Speaker 3: to travel two boyfriends.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it was the last time. Yeah, I got
Speaker 2: he got up, he popped out the car, So you
Speaker 2: end up I stayed with the white one, okay, and
Speaker 2: then I didn't regain with him like a week later.
Speaker 2: He was older, you uh, I was probably like seventeen.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the white one was going to be more accepting
Speaker 3: at that point.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I really liked the way he was handsome. He
Speaker 2: was a model. We met modeling, so like it was
Speaker 2: kind of a whole nother world. And then the other
Speaker 2: one was just like a guy that I knew through friends,
Speaker 2: like in high school.
Speaker 5: Whatever.
Speaker 2: They're both a few years older than me, though they weren't.
Speaker 2: Neither one of them were in high school anymore. I was,
Speaker 2: and so I was just like whatever. I was living
Speaker 2: my life, Babe. I was a bad teen, stealing cars.
Speaker 5: I was stealing cars. Yeah, your mom's car. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 5: that seem sounds like you're in the streets. I was
Speaker 5: stealing cars too, my mom's car as a mom.
Speaker 3: I'm so scared for the teens, man.
Speaker 5: I think they're too scary. I think these teens are different.
Speaker 3: Yeah. We were risky as fuck. Yeah we were.
Speaker 5: We were kind of dumb getting in the cars. Are
Speaker 5: strangers meeting grown niggas?
Speaker 3: I was doing?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I was doing a lot of that stuff.
Speaker 5: You just reminded me that one I got caught by
Speaker 5: my high school sweethearts, my baby daddy. I guess my
Speaker 5: Nokia was turned off. I was home alone. I was
Speaker 5: like closed all the blinds, and I was with this
Speaker 5: other nigga. I was sixteen, and this crazy mother forgot
Speaker 5: your parents house. Yes, because I know he's fucking crazy.
Speaker 5: I just had an epiphany, like, bitch, you this is
Speaker 5: own fault, your fault. He goes to my backyard, comes
Speaker 5: around the back the yard and comes through the back
Speaker 5: and into my house. And I'm just chilling with this nigga,
Speaker 5: and I'm like, what the fuck are you.
Speaker 3: Doing in my house? He trying to climb through a
Speaker 3: window before bitch, that was the prequel, I know. I
Speaker 3: just realized I was remembered.
Speaker 2: I was sixteenth the prequel.
Speaker 5: So I was like, oh my god, like you're crazy
Speaker 5: or something. The other guy like leaves, he's in the car.
Speaker 5: He texts me like are you okay. The guy's like
Speaker 5: lecturing me my baby daddy. And I'm like, I take
Speaker 5: the phone. Know why I did this? I stuffed it
Speaker 5: at my parents' couch and the side and I said,
Speaker 5: let me just go and tell him to leave and
Speaker 5: have no shoes on, bitch. I got in the car
Speaker 5: and I said, just leave, just drive off. He said
Speaker 5: he's in there. I said, I don't care.
Speaker 3: Oh, like you live.
Speaker 5: Left with the nigga with no shoes and no phone, pulled,
Speaker 5: no phone.
Speaker 3: I stepped in the couch. Then I pulled up to
Speaker 3: Danielle's house, asked for some flip flop.
Speaker 2: Was the baby daddy not you were scared of the baby.
Speaker 3: I left the baby daddy in the house, in my
Speaker 3: own house.
Speaker 5: I was like sixteen, and I went to my friend's house,
Speaker 5: got some shoes, and we went to Californi and pizza kitchen.
Speaker 3: Wow, you know what. That's what girlfriends are for. But
Speaker 3: why would I leave a nigga?
Speaker 5: I should have.
Speaker 3: Known what is going on? Wow, that was a fighter.
Speaker 3: That's flight. That's called flight. I know.
Speaker 5: I'm still I'm living in it for thirty twenty years,
Speaker 5: twenty years A you just reminded me that.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: Wow, Yeah, I.
Speaker 5: Was I gonna say, sorry, do you have any affirmations
Speaker 5: for the dolls today?
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's see, hmmm, okay one then I'm saying a
Speaker 2: lot right now? Is I am so grateful for this
Speaker 2: new timeline that I'm on.
Speaker 3: Grateful for this new timeline that I'm on.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I am so grateful for this new timeline that
Speaker 5: I'm on. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I love that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, And I'm just I'm so open, like I
Speaker 2: like to think about that, you know, like being on
Speaker 2: the new timeline, all the miracles and opportunities, magic magic
Speaker 2: that I deserve is here. And I get to just
Speaker 2: receive it. So yeah, that's where I'm at.
Speaker 3: I like that.
Speaker 5: I like jump hoping a timeline.
Speaker 3: Baby, you just feel like a different timeline girls, Yeah,
Speaker 3: it does. Really.
Speaker 5: Maybe I had a birthday recently, but I do I
Speaker 5: feel like a shift?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, definitely.
Speaker 4: It's definitely amongst women that are listening to one another
Speaker 4: and are loving.
Speaker 3: We're changing.
Speaker 2: There's a lot of things going to just yeah, I'm
Speaker 2: excited to see.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I don't know how it's gonna go, but it's gonna go.
Speaker 5: Like I always say, there's a resurrection of the wild
Speaker 5: and free woman. That's honest the witch, which is the
Speaker 5: you know, the very it's all the things I just.
Speaker 4: Feels in your own individuality. Amen, you know you need
Speaker 4: all the individuals and collective priestesses to link up, all
Speaker 4: the female fucking titans and soldiers at least they're like.
Speaker 5: Their purpose and their divine purpose and live in it
Speaker 5: so that we could like, yeah, be in community. Honestly,
Speaker 5: that is the medicine and like the pushback of this
Speaker 5: regimen that we're in right now, regime measurement, I guess
Speaker 5: for the regime, that's what I.
Speaker 3: Can't believe we're in a regime. We are.
Speaker 5: We are Like there's like people are outside talking about yeah,
Speaker 5: like have more babies, but don't vote, Like our rights
Speaker 5: are poor household, poor household. They're about to give they're
Speaker 5: talking about giving a stipen or something for women to
Speaker 5: for young women.
Speaker 3: To have babies. Doctor Oz got onto.
Speaker 5: Okay, okay, sorry, doctor Oz said women are under baby
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, So.
Speaker 2: How about we work with the men, we get.
Speaker 3: Them, how about we get them up to like how
Speaker 3: I get them up to speak? Yeah? And then but
Speaker 3: that's the thing.
Speaker 5: Women are stopping stopping babies. They're dating later, they're getting
Speaker 5: married later because we're we don't have to rely on you. Yeah,
Speaker 5: and we know that we're human and I don't need
Speaker 5: your validation.
Speaker 2: So they want to pull us down here because they
Speaker 2: know what they call it pregnant.
Speaker 5: And barefoot baby. You can't pull us down. We're already
Speaker 5: out the box.
Speaker 2: The fire is list, and I feel like there's so
Speaker 2: many women we're going to see come up that are
Speaker 2: that are really now stepping into their power like this,
Speaker 2: like the stupid ship is out, which is like and
Speaker 2: we're happy, which.
Speaker 4: Is gonna make all of us collectively, like, just let
Speaker 4: us do our things so that y'all can catch up,
Speaker 4: because collectively we'll all rise.
Speaker 3: Together because that's just what women and our energy and.
Speaker 2: Our friend and honestly we are what even though the
Speaker 2: men are supposed to be like leaders in this capacity,
Speaker 2: us shifting to then vibration we need to be on
Speaker 2: is going to help them.
Speaker 4: That's what I mean. There'll be better leaders eventually. It's
Speaker 4: not that Nigga shouldn't be leading, are leading to where
Speaker 4: are we going?
Speaker 3: It needs we need to be leading together.
Speaker 2: Gin alphas will do good. Like your baby's a gin Alpha. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: my son is too. I think they're going to be
Speaker 2: that ulous.
Speaker 3: It's going to be fine.
Speaker 2: I think they're gonna be great.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 5: I think they're not with any of the bullshit, just
Speaker 5: like these old people get it.
Speaker 3: But there's a lot of dumb people.
Speaker 4: I know they've taught their children stupid ship too. So
Speaker 4: it's kind of we're battling. We're in, we're in, we're
Speaker 4: in different timelines. We're also in different like a different
Speaker 4: fight now, you know, with AI and all the things
Speaker 4: that are happening.
Speaker 5: Oh god, anyway, that's neither here nor that that's a
Speaker 5: whole nother.
Speaker 3: That's a little card before we get.
Speaker 5: Out of it, which is in Fairies and Priestesses.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm gonna put a card I like this.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, that's okay. With his own.
Speaker 2: Looks like a man. What is this?
Speaker 3: You know what this is? That is the Six of Swords? Okay?
Speaker 3: What does it look like? What is he doing?
Speaker 5: Is he using a sword to He looks like he's
Speaker 5: swimming through sorts.
Speaker 2: It's a man with a woman and baby.
Speaker 6: Okay, what do the cards say? The cards are saying
Speaker 6: that m keep saying.
Speaker 5: Okay, six of Swords. The Six of Swords shows that
Speaker 5: you're in a state of transition, leaving behind what was
Speaker 5: familiar and moving towards the unknown. You might be moving
Speaker 5: a house, leaving a relationship, changing jobs, going through a
Speaker 5: rite of passage, or a mental shift. This change made
Speaker 5: your own doing or forced upon you, and you may
Speaker 5: feel sad to leave behind what is so familiar to you. However,
Speaker 5: you know this move is essential for your growth and
Speaker 5: personal development. The sadness over what you have lost or
Speaker 5: released will soon be replaced by greater mental clarity and
Speaker 5: a renewed acceptance of change. You'll become a better person
Speaker 5: as a result. The Six of Swords invites you to
Speaker 5: let go of whatever is holding you back, be it
Speaker 5: from your past or from your present circumstances. Instead, gaze
Speaker 5: ahead of your future to choose the way most in
Speaker 5: alignment with your highest good and long term potential. You
Speaker 5: will not need to make tough decisions and compromises along. Oh,
Speaker 5: you will need to make tough decisions and compromises along
Speaker 5: the way. See it as a right of passage. You
Speaker 5: are headed towards a better position in life, so long
Speaker 5: as you are willing to evolve and shed whatever you
Speaker 5: no longer need. Do not dwell on the what gets
Speaker 5: who you left behind. Instead, use this opportunity for changing
Speaker 5: your beliefs about yourself, moving away from whom you used
Speaker 5: to be and towards whom you want to be.
Speaker 3: Hm hmm.
Speaker 5: Interesting. Basically everything we talked about in a nutshell alignment.
Speaker 3: The next chapter being grateful for this new timeline that
Speaker 3: you're on, shutting past versions of yourself, burning the motherfucking letter.
Speaker 5: Changing your beliefs about yourself like breaking the boxes, changing timelines.
Speaker 2: Wow, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5: The cards never lie.
Speaker 3: I shay I, shay, Well, this is wonderful, so fun. Well,
Speaker 3: thank you for coming on.
Speaker 4: Can you tell the people where they can find you?
Speaker 2: You can find me? Where can you find me? Like
Speaker 2: on my Instagram?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Okay, so it's at sign a a z h I
Speaker 2: a Asia. That's where you can find me. I do,
Speaker 2: respond to DMS. I do, and I just mean, if
Speaker 2: you want to talk about it, anything, we could talk,
Speaker 2: so you know, come find me and we could chat
Speaker 2: to Okay, yes.
Speaker 3: Wait, are you still selling pieces and stuff?
Speaker 4: Because you like, are you like, where are you at
Speaker 4: in like the merchandising of all your fucking bomb ass fashions?
Speaker 3: So you keep them?
Speaker 4: ALTI on a break, I can keep them, ay, I thought, So.
Speaker 2: I think twenty twenty four, I took a break, okay,
Speaker 2: and I needed to like realign, which is, you know,
Speaker 2: interesting the transition I've been on. I've been on a
Speaker 2: transition for damn near four years at this point, right,
Speaker 2: just a long transition shout but anyway, uh yeah, so
Speaker 2: I do. I am going to be coming back to
Speaker 2: market soon, which I'm happy about. Although I still kept
Speaker 2: things moving, like just not in that way.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: With tz lafem, I took a break from that because
Speaker 2: that was at such a high demand, like brand, I
Speaker 2: needed to like pull back to step forward, and I decided, Yeah,
Speaker 2: so I decided to work in a different way. That's
Speaker 2: it in me. I needed to find my flow because
Speaker 2: when you get into something and it blows up and
Speaker 2: all these things are going on and you don't really
Speaker 2: have the your little bit in fear. A lot of
Speaker 2: choices I made with my brand. I was fearful because
Speaker 2: I wasn't ready to let go and step into it
Speaker 2: the way I needed to to like go to the
Speaker 2: next level because I needed to control. So I had
Speaker 2: to really during this transition over these few years, I've
Speaker 2: had to learn to just like surrender sind render to
Speaker 2: God and what God's saying to me and doing and
Speaker 2: not having to know like how it's going to go,
Speaker 2: but just trusting that God is going to make it
Speaker 2: all come together right, and that's where the faith comes in.
Speaker 2: So I put my brand.
Speaker 3: To the side.
Speaker 2: I still started I work with people like clients, like
Speaker 2: doing styline branding, all of these things kind of like
Speaker 2: mix into one because I kind of can do it all,
Speaker 2: weave it all in together, right. So that's what I've
Speaker 2: been doing in the meantime and I still have. I
Speaker 2: have a new brand that I created, which is a
Speaker 2: which is more so like mine. I look at this
Speaker 2: brand like an experimental brand, and I'm not really sure
Speaker 2: where I'm gonna take it, and I'm okay with that.
Speaker 2: But right now it's just been like, I curate cool,
Speaker 2: funky things that aren't necessarily like the things that are
Speaker 2: gonna be sold in every single store or everybody's gonna
Speaker 2: want to wear it. It's just an experimental space because
Speaker 2: during that transition to the needing to break, I wasn't
Speaker 2: having fun anymore. And like you said, the play the imagination,
Speaker 2: it just becomes so rigid. Oh you got to do
Speaker 2: this for sales, and you got to do this like
Speaker 2: for views or whatever. I need to be able to
Speaker 2: have fun, yea. And what you're seeing now, for sure
Speaker 2: is definitely me being in that. Those are the things
Speaker 2: that have always made me feel good, having fun, being
Speaker 2: a little girl, playing creating. So that new brand has
Speaker 2: helped me get back to that. We'll bring her back soon,
Speaker 2: so hopefully this year. Actually I think it's gonna be
Speaker 2: in August. We're gonna drop. I'm excited.
Speaker 4: Yes, And if you're listening to this, let this be
Speaker 4: a reminder to play, to prioritize the play in your life,
Speaker 4: to find the hobby and just.
Speaker 3: Do it and just do it for no reason kind
Speaker 3: of things.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what do they say, romanticize your life, fun with yourself.
Speaker 2: And a big thing for me was tapping into the
Speaker 2: little girl that I used to be, Like, I needed
Speaker 2: to start honoring that, like because when you think about
Speaker 2: who you were as a kid, even though my childhood
Speaker 2: was rocky, there's still a lot of magic there.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: You know she was fearless. She didn't she just did it.
Speaker 2: That's why we were getting into those things.
Speaker 3: Right, Okay, yeah, literally just doing stuff.
Speaker 2: But you're doing stuff, Yeah, doing stuff.
Speaker 5: Literally, just Stechol to go see us you at University
Speaker 5: City Walk. He's not on my CD album at Tower Records.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm going. Yeah. Sounds about right.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 4: Well, y'all, please make sure you subscribe to this episode.
Speaker 4: We leave us a review on Apple Podcast. Like I said,
Speaker 4: join our discord by way of Patreon.
Speaker 3: You get episodes early.
Speaker 4: When you join our Patreon it's ten dollars a month
Speaker 4: and with that you get access to our community on discord.
Speaker 4: We have so many people over there, so many incredible
Speaker 4: women all over the country, all over the world. There's
Speaker 4: people from other places too, from other spots.
Speaker 3: Of the globe. Over there, and make sure you follow
Speaker 3: a good fibe retreat.
Speaker 5: We're probably going to be going to post Rico when
Speaker 5: this episode drop, so come check in with our feed.
Speaker 5: It's probably tropical and peaceful, so see what we're doing
Speaker 5: over there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and we love you.
Speaker 3: See you next week.
Speaker 5: Than by