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Speaker 1: The Old Man. We're continuing the Fresh Start series to

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Speaker 1: kick off the new year. Today's guest has a masterclass

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Speaker 1: in introverts getting out into the world to try new

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Speaker 1: things and explore new opportunities, as well as starting over

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Speaker 1: after retirement. I'm excited for you guys to meet him,

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Speaker 1: so let's do this. Nick Shelton joins me this week.

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Speaker 1: Nick is a US Air Force veteran. He's a former

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Speaker 1: environmental specialist in the oil and gas industry. He's a speaker,

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Speaker 1: a best selling author. Nick has lived a lot of lives.

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Speaker 1: So Nick, thanks for joining me.

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Speaker 2: Thank you for having me. It's a pleasure to be here.

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Speaker 1: I'm excited to hear about all these lives you've and

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Speaker 1: how those things have now brought you to where you're

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Speaker 1: at in your life now. So give us a little

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Speaker 1: bit of a backstory about you.

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Speaker 3: Started off as a socially awkward, shy, introverted kid and

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Speaker 3: had to learn how to navigate through that, and it

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Speaker 3: wasn't easy. It was really tough, and I started off.

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Speaker 3: The defining story is when we moved from Texas to

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Speaker 3: Colorado and I was in the second grade and started

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Speaker 3: in elementary school here. The teachers since I didn't talk

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Speaker 3: to anybody because I was like, I don't know why,

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Speaker 3: but I didn't, and for some reason, they put me

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Speaker 3: in the hearing impaired kids class. They thought that I

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Speaker 3: was deaf or hearing impaired. And it was great because

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Speaker 3: you don't have to talk to anybody. We're just playing games,

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Speaker 3: doing sign language and stuff. And then when my parents

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Speaker 3: found out, they're like, what, no, you can hear And

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Speaker 3: things were different back then. They probably wouldn't have made

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Speaker 3: that mistake these days. But then I was thinking, Okay,

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Speaker 3: thing's different, something's off here, and now have to trying

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Speaker 3: to figure out what this is. And I wanted to

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Speaker 3: have access to these opportunities because you'd see and everyone

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Speaker 3: sees his kids see it, a team see it, adults

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Speaker 3: see it. You see somebody else just effortlessly going and

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Speaker 3: making connections, talking to people and things that are.

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Speaker 2: Like what, how do they just do that? I want

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Speaker 2: to do that?

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Speaker 3: And so I was missing out on the kid's birthday parties,

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Speaker 3: missing out on maybe trying to get a girlfriend or something,

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Speaker 3: missing out on all the little things, and I was like, man,

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Speaker 3: I have to.

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Speaker 2: Figure this out.

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Speaker 3: So slowly I started putting those pieces together at the

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Speaker 3: Air Force showed me how they would take something like

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Speaker 3: the making of the bed and basic training, and they

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Speaker 3: break it down in such simple steps that a genius

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Speaker 3: or the opposite of a genius all get the same result.

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Speaker 3: And I said, you can take things and break them down,

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Speaker 3: So why don't we do that with making social connections

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Speaker 3: and all the social things that are so difficult. Maybe

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Speaker 3: if we can just break it down in little steps,

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Speaker 3: it'll work. And so I was the guinea pig. I

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Speaker 3: did that. I observed A super power of introverts is observation.

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Speaker 3: I observed I put myself through these little steps like

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Speaker 3: not only what could I do, but what would I

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Speaker 3: actually do? And then it started working. People started noticing

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Speaker 3: other shy, interverted, socially awkward.

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Speaker 2: People would ask.

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Speaker 3: Me what are you doing, and I say, oh, do this,

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Speaker 3: And then started getting momentum, and that brought me pretty

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Speaker 3: much to the present day. I started being asked to

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Speaker 3: speak on it. People ask hey, where can I get

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Speaker 3: your book? And I didn't have a book, and so

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Speaker 3: I said, Okay, someone wants a book.

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Speaker 2: So then I wrote the book.

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Speaker 3: And I've just been helping people navigate all these little

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Speaker 3: social situations. A lot easier, and especially these days when

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Speaker 3: people are lost with the electronic stuff. So even adults kids,

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Speaker 3: everybody seems to like. Adults say how do I make

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Speaker 3: friends as an adult? And kids are like, how do

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Speaker 3: I actually talk to a person face to face? I

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Speaker 3: figured these out using myself as a guinea pig, and

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Speaker 3: now I show other people how.

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Speaker 2: To do it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and you have your book. It's called an Introverts

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Speaker 1: Guide to World Domination, which I think is so fun

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Speaker 1: because you said an introvert superpower is that there are

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Speaker 1: great observers, and truly that can be a great skill

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Speaker 1: to have because as somebody who is an extrovert and

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Speaker 1: very outgoing, it's oftentimes that I missed the little things.

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Speaker 1: I had to really take a page out of an

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Speaker 1: introverts book and say, what are you doing that I'm missing?

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Speaker 1: Isn't it funny how the roles are always reversed. We

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Speaker 1: always want what somebody else has.

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Speaker 3: Yes, yes, And a lot of these techniques can be

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Speaker 3: used by any personality type because you can see a

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Speaker 3: way that you can communicate better, or as an extrovert,

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Speaker 3: you can see how to communicate with introverts better.

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Speaker 1: And so how do when we look at an introvert

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Speaker 1: or somebody is an introvert, how are you helping them

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Speaker 1: to work through a communication or something that they're trying

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Speaker 1: to break through with other people? How are you managing

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Speaker 1: with them to work through those problems you mentioned breaking

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Speaker 1: it down? Can you explain that a little bit more so?

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Speaker 3: Introversion is about energy really, and so it's about when

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Speaker 3: you wake up in the morning, you have so much

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Speaker 3: and each interaction drains a little bit of it and

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Speaker 3: you have to have some.

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Speaker 2: Solo time to recharge.

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Speaker 3: An example is a lot of times for social situations,

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Speaker 3: people think if I go there, then I have to

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Speaker 3: beat like twenty people and I have to beat the

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Speaker 3: star of the show when I go sit somewhere. But

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Speaker 3: I say, no, don't overwhelm yourself first. Just show up

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Speaker 3: and you can leave. You could be there five minutes

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Speaker 3: and go okay, that's it, and you can leave because

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Speaker 3: maybe your energy is just done at that point. So

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Speaker 3: I always try to overwhelm themselves. So I say, try

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Speaker 3: to set your goal for one person. I'm going to

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Speaker 3: talk to one person. I'm going to try to have

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Speaker 3: one meaningful conversation, or I'm going to try to meet

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Speaker 3: one person that I would like to follow up with

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Speaker 3: and find out more about. And then if you do that,

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Speaker 3: you're like, yes, I got my one. I can leave

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Speaker 3: or you might end up meeting other people. But set

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Speaker 3: that bar really low so then at least you'll show

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Speaker 3: up and it's not overwhelming or intimidating. And so that's

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Speaker 3: like the first step is for showing up and then

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Speaker 3: just set that bar super low, like maybe walk in.

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Speaker 3: Say it might be a thing that's a two hour event,

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Speaker 3: and you say, I got seven minutes, seven minutes on

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Speaker 3: the clock, let's go.

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Speaker 1: It's building confidence. You're building up that idea that you

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Speaker 1: can do this one. And then you're also building up

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Speaker 1: that idea that I think comes with introverts often is

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Speaker 1: there's this uncomfortby with talking to other people because you're

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Speaker 1: unaware of what the response is going to be, what

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Speaker 1: the reaction is going to be, what is that interaction.

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Speaker 1: There's just so many questions that come with that. At

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Speaker 1: least in a lot of my introvert friends, I always

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Speaker 1: love having them because we balance each other so well.

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Speaker 1: And I think that's what's beautiful is they always thought

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Speaker 1: that there would be a scare of having friends because

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Speaker 1: it was those feelings were too much because they couldn't

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Speaker 1: understand what it was going to end up being like.

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Speaker 1: But once they did it, they're like, oh, this isn't

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Speaker 1: that bad. And I really like these interactions and I

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Speaker 1: like having these friends. But it's almost breaking through a barrier.

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Speaker 1: Is that personally how you felt? Also what you see happening?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I see a lot of so on this angle here.

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Speaker 3: There's a lot of anxiety that people have because you're like.

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Speaker 2: What if I say the wrong thing?

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Speaker 3: They expect that people are thinking that you know something.

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Speaker 3: I say, just take the pressure off once again, and

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Speaker 3: just when you show up, say I have no idea

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Speaker 3: what's going on. I don't know what's going on here,

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Speaker 3: and then pressure's off.

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Speaker 2: You don't have to prove anything you just said you

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Speaker 2: don't know.

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Speaker 3: And then there's always somebody that's gonna take your hand,

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Speaker 3: and there's tons of people that want to show you

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Speaker 3: what they know. So if you say I have no

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Speaker 3: idea how this works, how does this work, Someone's gonna

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Speaker 3: be like, oh, I will show you how this work.

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Speaker 3: And that might be you, Morgan. You might be the

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Speaker 3: one that says, oh, I got you, come on first,

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Speaker 3: we're gonna go over here. Then we're gonna then you

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Speaker 3: gotta talk to this person and then you'll take it.

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Speaker 2: All I have to do is just yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 2: She told me to stand over here.

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Speaker 3: So that anxiety on feeling like you have to know,

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Speaker 3: you have to say the perfect thing, you have to

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Speaker 3: know what's going on. You can easily just throw it

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Speaker 3: up in the air right at the beginning. I don't know,

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Speaker 3: I don't know what's going on. Can you help me?

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Speaker 3: And that not only get someone like you to help out,

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Speaker 3: but you also are It's like you'd take me under

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Speaker 3: your wing. You're like, that's one of my people. Now

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Speaker 3: I told him to go over there and get that,

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Speaker 3: and now he's doing it. I'm keeping an eye on him,

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Speaker 3: and so it helps with that anxiety.

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Speaker 1: It's building that community too, because everybody needs community, introverts

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Speaker 1: extroverts alike. Everybody wants to be connected to And it's

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Speaker 1: a beautiful thing to watch something like that happen because

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Speaker 1: it's two people doing what they're really good at. You

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Speaker 1: have an introvert who says, hey, I just want to

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Speaker 1: show up and I'm willing to learn, and you have

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Speaker 1: an extrovert who wants to be like I want to lead,

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Speaker 1: I want to help you with this, and you see

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Speaker 1: a bond form there in this perfect kind of friendship

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Speaker 1: because you balance each other out. Yeah, and we need

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Speaker 1: balance just as much as we need community, because trust me,

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Speaker 1: I have a lot of extrovert friends too, and not

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Speaker 1: either one of us get a word in edgewise.

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Speaker 3: And if there isn't somebody that comes and takes you

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Speaker 3: by the hand, it's something like this. I always say,

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Speaker 3: I call it hunting introverts. So you can walk in

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Speaker 3: and look for somebody that looks like you feel. So

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Speaker 3: they're going to be around the edges and be like, okay,

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Speaker 3: there's one right there, and so by standing by themselves

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Speaker 3: and maybe looking at their phone or something, and then

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Speaker 3: you say, I'm going to rescue them.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to rescue them.

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Speaker 3: So then you go over and then you say, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I have no idea what's going on either or whatever.

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Speaker 3: And I came to say, shake some hands, let's figure

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Speaker 3: this out together now, and they're yes, thank you for

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Speaker 3: coming over here. So now they don't have to try

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Speaker 3: to find somebody. So now you have a little team.

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Speaker 3: And I always tell people, so that's where you start.

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Speaker 3: But you need Three the magic of three, because if

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Speaker 3: you start talking to.

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Speaker 2: This person, it's hard.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes it's hard to keep that conversation going with two,

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Speaker 3: but with three, it balances out because someone's always got

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Speaker 3: something to say, so it keeps going. If it's four,

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Speaker 3: usually there's somebody that's quiet and not saying anything.

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Speaker 2: Three people can keep it going.

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Speaker 3: Plus the advantage is if you need to leave or

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Speaker 3: you're like, Okay, I don't really want to talk to

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Speaker 3: these people, if there's three, you can say, oh, I'm

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Speaker 3: going to the bathroom or I got to get a snack,

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Speaker 3: and you can just pivot out and you're not leaving

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Speaker 3: one person by themselves. They're still together, so there you

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Speaker 3: can comfortably leave, they'll continue talking and then you can exit.

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Speaker 1: I love the magic number of three. I've never thought

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Speaker 1: about it, but you're totally right because three is the

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Speaker 1: magic number. And the conversations that I've had when I'm

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Speaker 1: thinking back to all of these, it's such a perfect situation.

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Speaker 1: I want to ask you, from a personal standpoint, what

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Speaker 1: was that first time like for you as an introvert

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Speaker 1: when you decided, Okay, I'm going to break the barrier

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Speaker 1: and you are the guinea pig right, you're creating this

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Speaker 1: entire formula that you're sharing with us right now. But

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Speaker 1: you were the one who did it first. What was

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Speaker 1: the experience like for you to do those things for

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Speaker 1: the first time.

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Speaker 2: Oh, it was terrifying, Absolutely terrifying. And because people say.

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Speaker 3: Oh, I'm scared. You're not scared of that. Oh, yeah,

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Speaker 3: completely scared. Just doing it anyway and seeing I tried

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Speaker 3: to reframe it like this will be a good story,

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Speaker 3: this will be a good story. Let's see what happens,

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Speaker 3: and sometimes you'll learn and say, okay, that didn't work.

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Speaker 3: So if it's before I came up had the three,

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Speaker 3: it was just two and I was like, how, no,

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Speaker 3: I don't want to talk to this person anymore, but

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Speaker 3: I don't know how to get away.

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Speaker 2: What do I do?

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Speaker 3: And then when there was three, I was like, oh,

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Speaker 3: I can just leave. And when there's four, then there's

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Speaker 3: always someone where I'm like that person, they're not saying anything,

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Speaker 3: they're just standing there. And so it was just going

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Speaker 3: through it and gamifying it, and so I'd be scared.

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Speaker 3: But then if I look at it like a game

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Speaker 3: and like it's going to be a good story, then

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Speaker 3: that helped break through those little barriers.

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Speaker 1: And why did you feel like it was important to

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Speaker 1: do this? Because you could have gone through your whole

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Speaker 1: life being an introvert and it would have been fine

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Speaker 1: and life would have worked out in different ways. But

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Speaker 1: why did you feel this was important to accomplish and

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Speaker 1: do differently?

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Speaker 3: Because everything that you want to do or I learned

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Speaker 3: that everything that I wanted to do or other people

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Speaker 3: want to.

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Speaker 2: Do, somebody else is doing that.

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Speaker 3: Someone knows how to do it, and so I can

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Speaker 3: access my dream life through relationships. So I always tell people,

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Speaker 3: for example, if I want to go yachting on a

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Speaker 3: nice yacht, I don't need to buy a yacht. If

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Speaker 3: I have a friend that has a yacht, I get

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Speaker 3: to go yachting because they're not going to go by themselves.

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Speaker 3: Don't buys a yacht and it's just me out here

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Speaker 3: on the open seat. No, they bring their friends. So

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Speaker 3: if it is my goal to go yachting and I

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Speaker 3: have a friend that has a yacht, I get to go.

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Speaker 3: And I have a story about I went to a

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Speaker 3: meetup of pilots and they're all private pilots and personal pilots,

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Speaker 3: and they said, oh, what do you fly? And I

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Speaker 3: said I don't fly anything. I just wanted to meet

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Speaker 3: some pilots because I figured I should know pilots and

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Speaker 3: people that own planes. Then sooner or later they're going

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Speaker 3: to say, hey, we're going to go just hop over

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Speaker 3: here and get breakfast at this one airport. You want

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Speaker 3: to go? Yes, yes, I do want to go. And

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Speaker 3: so it's all of these things. These opportunities are through relationships.

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Speaker 3: Plus for dating and things like that, you can just

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Speaker 3: sit there in the corner and say, maybe somebody will

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Speaker 3: come and ask me if I want to do something

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Speaker 3: or if I am out there. So one thing I

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Speaker 3: was telling someone the other day for the dating thing,

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Speaker 3: if it's okay to segue to this real quick, absolutely okay.

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Speaker 3: Is a lot of times with these like with the

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Speaker 3: apps and all these other things, you're just like, hey,

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Speaker 3: let's go miniature golf, and then it's just you and

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Speaker 3: that person, and you're trying to put on your best

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Speaker 3: self so you're not really you. They're putting on their

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Speaker 3: date personality, and it's just this weird artificial thing and

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Speaker 3: at the end, nobody really knows the other person. So

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Speaker 3: I always tell people, if you go to some activities,

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Speaker 3: so like if it was a like here in Colorado,

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Speaker 3: there's a they'll have this art walk where people just

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Speaker 3: go walk down the street to these different art galleries,

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Speaker 3: look at stuff, and walk and there's these little meetup

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Speaker 3: groups that do it. And if you do that, you're

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Speaker 3: not on a date. You're just there at the meetup group.

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Speaker 3: Someone else is there and so you can just be

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Speaker 3: yourself and be goofy or whatever, and they're being goofy

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Speaker 3: and you might say, oh, I kind of like that person.

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Speaker 3: But you're seeing each other in more of a natural

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Speaker 3: environment because there's no pressure. You don't have to be cool.

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Speaker 3: You're not on a date with them, you're just at

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Speaker 3: the art walk. And then if you see them like

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Speaker 3: the second time, go okay, I like how they are.

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Speaker 3: Once again there's no pressure because you're not with them,

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Speaker 3: you're just at this event. Then you might have say

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Speaker 3: ooh they like art.

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Speaker 2: I like art. I have tickets to this one thing,

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Speaker 2: and then you can say, hey, would you like to

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Speaker 2: go to this?

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Speaker 3: I have a plus one, and then you could go,

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Speaker 3: but you've already had some time with them in these

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Speaker 3: just common outings where there was no pressure and you

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Speaker 3: met them just as themselves and you were just being

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Speaker 3: yourself and so now when you escalate it, you already

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Speaker 3: had that baseline done and it's not just like, hey,

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Speaker 3: I've never seen you, never met you just read your

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Speaker 3: self promotion thing that you typed out and now we

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Speaker 3: have to do this.

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Speaker 2: It just makes it so much easier.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And a lot of what you're mentioning in the

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Speaker 1: dating and with the examples you were giving about, like

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Speaker 1: your friendship and the people you were creating around you,

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Speaker 1: was this authentic side to it of where you just

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Speaker 1: wanted to be in situations where you got to be yourself,

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Speaker 1: where you got to be the exact person you are

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Speaker 1: without having to put on this facade. And I do

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Speaker 1: think there's a tie into that with introverts, where a

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Speaker 1: lot of that draining energy that happens is happening because

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Speaker 1: they're having to put on a face, they're having to

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Speaker 1: be somebody that they're not. So do you see that

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Speaker 1: association together Often yes.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes putting on the face, there's the anxiety of the

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Speaker 3: what if everyone turns and looks at me? And then

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Speaker 3: there's the Sometimes it's just you can be comfortable in

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Speaker 3: it and you'll still drain your energy.

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Speaker 2: But at the same.

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Speaker 3: Time, I think everyone has like a conditional introversion or shyness.

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Speaker 3: For example, there might be an engineer that's talking about

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Speaker 3: a certain thing and loves this thing, and if you

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Speaker 3: get them talking about that, oh, they can talk for hours.

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Speaker 3: They can talk to groups, they can talk and everyone's like,

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Speaker 3: oh man, we don't want to hear about this, but

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Speaker 3: they can talk about that. But if you ask them

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Speaker 3: to talk about anything else, then okay, now it's a problem.

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Speaker 3: Now the energy's off. Now they're because they're out of

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Speaker 3: their little pocket of specialized knowledge. So some people have that,

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Speaker 3: and then they would be super confident going in any

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Speaker 3: situation where they say, oh, just talk about this one

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Speaker 3: thing that you know everything about.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess it just depends on the setting.

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Speaker 1: Okay. See, I like seeing the personal side of this

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Speaker 1: because I'm very much they call it extroverted introvert, is

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Speaker 1: very much who I am. And then you have introverts

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Speaker 1: to you are introverted extroverts. There's so many terms and

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Speaker 1: words I know, but really the point is that I'm

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Speaker 1: super outgoing most of the time and other times I

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Speaker 1: need to recharge. But for you is that you tend

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Speaker 1: to really like to keep to yourself. But you've been

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Speaker 1: forcing yourself to be extroverted.

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Speaker 3: Yes, loving alone. But then I said've got to get

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Speaker 3: out there, got to do something.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and there's a need. We talk about this, the

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Speaker 1: need for community and the need for connection. And you

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Speaker 1: mentioned that when you were meeting those friends. I also

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Speaker 1: heard in that you had this openness about you where

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Speaker 1: you were wanting to just learn. You're wanting to explore

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Speaker 1: other people, other experiences than your own. Is that connected

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Speaker 1: to I know you also talk a lot about reinvention

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Speaker 1: and identity, and is that connected to that piece to

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Speaker 1: all of this for you as well?

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Speaker 2: Yes, because there's on that topic. So there's two things.

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Speaker 3: There's one thing where I say you should a lot

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Speaker 3: of times in our lives, there's a lot of things

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Speaker 3: that we used to love that we got too busy

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Speaker 3: and they fell to the side, and so we forgot

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Speaker 3: that we loved that sort of thing. For example, for me,

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Speaker 3: I used to write a lot of poetry in high school.

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Speaker 3: Then after high school never wrote poetry again. I don't

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Speaker 3: know if it's because I was too cool or what

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Speaker 3: it was. But then I said, let's revisit that I

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Speaker 3: might like that. I forgot all about that let's revisit

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Speaker 3: wanting to be a chef? Does that still light me up?

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Speaker 3: Does that do something? So there's that. But then for

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Speaker 3: these things like the going to the pilot meetup and

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Speaker 3: things like that, it's just that curiosity like I might

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Speaker 3: be into this, I don't know, And so you can

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Speaker 3: show up at places just because.

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Speaker 2: Either you want to learn more about the thing to

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Speaker 2: see if you might like it, or for me, I

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Speaker 2: like to learn about the people that do that thing.

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Speaker 2: So for like.

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Speaker 3: Beekeeping, I always use this example. For beekeeping, I'm like, huh,

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Speaker 3: that's interesting, how does it work? But more importantly, who

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Speaker 3: does that? What type of person is a beekeeper? Let's

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Speaker 3: go meet some of them and see who does that?

398
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Speaker 3: And like glass blowing, who's blowing glass? Well, that's fascinating.

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Speaker 3: I used to see it on like Sesame Street. They

400
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Speaker 3: did a thing about it back in the day, and

401
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Speaker 3: I'd never come across someone. So someone a few months

402
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Speaker 3: back said, oh, my brother, he is a glass blower,

403
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Speaker 3: and I was like, what, I have to go meet him?

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Speaker 2: Who?

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Speaker 3: Because it's not like you met an accountant, no disrespect

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Speaker 3: to accountants, being like, okay, yes I've met accountants, but

407
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Speaker 3: who's blowing glass.

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Speaker 2: How does that work? I have to talk to them

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Speaker 2: and see what's going on.

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Speaker 1: This reminds me. I went and did something at a

411
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Speaker 1: haunted house and there was a clown there who was

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Speaker 1: doing magic tricks, and I was really interest about him.

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Speaker 1: I was just curious who was behind the mask and

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Speaker 1: what he was like. And we found out that his

415
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,960
Speaker 1: day job is he was a lawyer. What he did

416
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Speaker 1: on the weekends with scared people in this clown and

417
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Speaker 1: do magic tricks, and we were so fascinating. This guy

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Speaker 1: just had such an interesting story. And I think that's

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Speaker 1: a really beautiful way to live life is in curiosity.

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Speaker 1: It's how you do so many things. We spend a

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Speaker 1: lot of our time on our own and it's okay

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Speaker 1: to have those moments of alone time and being in

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Speaker 1: our own space. But curiosity is what I guess helps

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Speaker 1: so many of us just feel better in our existence

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Speaker 1: because it's beautiful. It's cool to see that there's all

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00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:42,760
Speaker 1: these other things out there that we don't know about

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Speaker 1: or don't understand. And I think that's such a cool

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Speaker 1: way to live life. That you've sparked that in me,

429
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Speaker 1: just on such a different idea that wasn't even in

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Speaker 1: my frame of reference for this podcast. But it's really cool.

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Speaker 2: I'm glad that it opened up a little door.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I like it. You also talk about and because

433
00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:05,960
Speaker 1: there's a whole other piece to this. So obviously the introverts,

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Speaker 1: and that's this book, and you talk a lot about that,

435
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Speaker 1: but also a big part of this for you was

436
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:15,440
Speaker 1: retirement and then feeling lost and getting into this new

437
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 1: way of life after that period of your life. So

438
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:22,600
Speaker 1: walk me through what that all looks like for you

439
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:25,120
Speaker 1: and how you're helping others with that same thing.

440
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:30,440
Speaker 3: So I retired at forty nine and I'm fifty one now,

441
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:32,840
Speaker 3: and people said, how does that happen. It happens when

442
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:35,520
Speaker 3: you have an older brother that you're really competitive with,

443
00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:38,399
Speaker 3: and so I said, I have to beat him, and

444
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:41,879
Speaker 3: I did, and so I won that. But at the

445
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:46,080
Speaker 3: same time, I expected it to be like endless Summer.

446
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:48,679
Speaker 3: I've always wanted endless summer as a kid. I can

447
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:50,680
Speaker 3: retire and I can do whatever I want. But if

448
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:53,320
Speaker 3: you spend your whole life not doing whatever you want,

449
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:58,440
Speaker 3: it's really weird to suddenly not have that structure. And

450
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:04,000
Speaker 3: so I got a little depressed because I didn't really

451
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:06,080
Speaker 3: when I woke up in the morning, I was like,

452
00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:09,119
Speaker 3: what am I doing. I'm not really doing anything, and

453
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:12,160
Speaker 3: I started feeling down because I didn't have that North

454
00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:15,320
Speaker 3: Star to orient myself to anymore. And I kind of

455
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:18,879
Speaker 3: felt guilty too. You can't complain to anyone because no

456
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:20,280
Speaker 3: one feels sorry for you.

457
00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,239
Speaker 2: You just retired. You can do whatever you want. Like,

458
00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:25,960
Speaker 2: I don't feel right, oh boo hoo, boo hoo for you.

459
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:28,880
Speaker 3: And people say, did your family and friends did they

460
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:30,679
Speaker 3: reach out and say what's going on?

461
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:32,000
Speaker 2: I said, no, no one noticed.

462
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:34,760
Speaker 3: No one noticed at all, and so I felt like

463
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:38,960
Speaker 3: I was fading away, like I was becoming invisible. And yeah,

464
00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:42,400
Speaker 3: it's hard. It'd be like if you were an Olympic athlete.

465
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,000
Speaker 3: You went to the Olympics, you got a medal, and

466
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:46,840
Speaker 3: then you came home and you're like, they said, you're

467
00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:48,840
Speaker 3: done with the Olympics. Now, no more Olympics for you.

468
00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:52,119
Speaker 3: But my whole life was training for the Olympics. And

469
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:55,160
Speaker 3: then it was, hey, you got a medal, so you're fine.

470
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:57,560
Speaker 3: You're like, no, I'm not fine. I need something else.

471
00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:01,760
Speaker 3: So I had to. There's one night I was landing

472
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:03,520
Speaker 3: band and I said, if only I had a reset

473
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:06,359
Speaker 3: button that I could just hit and start over.

474
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 2: And I saw something somebody was saying.

475
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:11,320
Speaker 3: In another life, I could do this, and I was thinking,

476
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:15,200
Speaker 3: maybe my other life could start right now. I've been

477
00:24:15,359 --> 00:24:19,919
Speaker 3: given that first set of circumstances, but now maybe I

478
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:24,960
Speaker 3: can choose this other chapter and I can just start

479
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:28,240
Speaker 3: it off so I can get into the steps that

480
00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:28,640
Speaker 3: I took.

481
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:30,919
Speaker 1: If you, like, I do, want to ask before you

482
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:35,200
Speaker 1: get into the steps, because retirement is such a big

483
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:37,320
Speaker 1: part of our life. We spend our whole entire lives

484
00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:41,880
Speaker 1: working towards retirement. You work a job and you save

485
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:43,800
Speaker 1: all this money, and the whole point is one day

486
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:46,520
Speaker 1: you get to no longer work and do nothing. And

487
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:50,639
Speaker 1: that's what people have ingrained in us. So I'm curious,

488
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:55,480
Speaker 1: did you have any regrets as you're going through this

489
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:58,879
Speaker 1: kind of identity crisis that you did retire early or

490
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:01,240
Speaker 1: were there moments where you're like, I'm really glad that

491
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:02,520
Speaker 1: I d this one I did.

492
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:07,160
Speaker 3: I don't regret it, No, I just what I could

493
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:12,000
Speaker 3: have done differently is I could have actually planned it

494
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:13,280
Speaker 3: out better how.

495
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:13,840
Speaker 2: It was going to go.

496
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:17,040
Speaker 3: And people tell you stuff like that, but I said,

497
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:21,080
Speaker 3: that's for regular people. I am the exception to the rule.

498
00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:23,879
Speaker 3: I don't have to plan it out. I'll be fine.

499
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:26,280
Speaker 3: And then I was like, oh, I should have really

500
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:26,960
Speaker 3: planned this out.

501
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:28,480
Speaker 2: I am not the.

502
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:32,000
Speaker 1: Exception here and planning it out meaning what you were

503
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:33,600
Speaker 1: going to do next, what your life was going to

504
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:35,200
Speaker 1: look like. Is that kind of the things that you're

505
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:36,960
Speaker 1: talking about when having.

506
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 2: A few versions of that?

507
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:41,160
Speaker 3: And I know much better now because at the time

508
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:43,560
Speaker 3: I said, I'm going to move to Mexico and you

509
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:45,680
Speaker 3: go on the beach and hang out, and I moved

510
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:48,359
Speaker 3: to Mexico, and then after a few months of that,

511
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:50,160
Speaker 3: you're like, Okay, what's going on now?

512
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:51,360
Speaker 2: Just sitting here?

513
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,080
Speaker 1: Okay, So you did the thing that everybody says they're

514
00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:56,119
Speaker 1: going to do with him retire. Is I'm going to

515
00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:58,240
Speaker 1: quit everything and go live on a beach or in

516
00:25:58,280 --> 00:25:59,280
Speaker 1: a mountain somewhere.

517
00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:00,520
Speaker 2: Yes, but I was.

518
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:04,840
Speaker 3: Yes, Like, huh, it wasn't as thrilling as it seemed.

519
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:07,919
Speaker 3: I read some books and had some Margarita's, but it's like,

520
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:11,800
Speaker 3: I really need to do something, I need another mission.

521
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:16,159
Speaker 1: Yeah. I would imagine having that structure like you mentioned,

522
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:19,720
Speaker 1: your entire life and something that you're working toward each day.

523
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:22,640
Speaker 1: Whatever your goals may be for your job to then

524
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:26,240
Speaker 1: all of a sudden that's just over. That is an

525
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:30,200
Speaker 1: identity crisis that starts to boil up and happen, even

526
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:33,239
Speaker 1: if not right away, but eventually, and you're looking at

527
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:34,960
Speaker 1: your life going what have I done?

528
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:39,479
Speaker 3: And there's a part of it where there's a shift

529
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:43,720
Speaker 3: where it goes from the achievement based where I am,

530
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:45,600
Speaker 3: what I do, and how well I do it, to

531
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:50,000
Speaker 3: more of a relationship based so it's bridges into that

532
00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:56,359
Speaker 3: that introvert things as well, relationship based on So for example,

533
00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:59,680
Speaker 3: I'd always talk about like the hunter on the planes

534
00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:02,399
Speaker 3: versus this is the village elder in the tent. They're like,

535
00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:03,960
Speaker 3: we need you here now, and You're like, I still

536
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:05,280
Speaker 3: got it. I still got what it takes to be

537
00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:08,400
Speaker 3: other Yes we know, but we could use your knowledge

538
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:10,879
Speaker 3: here in the tent. Or I tell people with the

539
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:14,000
Speaker 3: sports teams, nobody ever grows up and says I want

540
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:16,800
Speaker 3: to work in the back office of a sports team.

541
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:18,040
Speaker 2: Now they want to be.

542
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:20,800
Speaker 3: On the field, and like, we need your knowledge here

543
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:23,840
Speaker 3: in the office to help us win from here. When

544
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:27,720
Speaker 3: I was working, my victories were through my own achievement,

545
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:31,280
Speaker 3: and now my victories are through helping other people. So

546
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:34,320
Speaker 3: when they get their victories, that's what lights me up,

547
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:39,200
Speaker 3: is helping other people achieve. And so there's that little

548
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:43,600
Speaker 3: shift there from it being turned into me to turn

549
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:46,960
Speaker 3: outward to how can I help somebody else?

550
00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:50,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you found a new purpose, which is really cool.

551
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:53,000
Speaker 1: So talk to me now about those steps you mentioned

552
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:56,480
Speaker 1: that you took after when you had this realization in

553
00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:58,639
Speaker 1: Mexico of Okay, what are my next steps? What is

554
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:00,439
Speaker 1: my life going to look like? Tell me all that.

555
00:28:01,119 --> 00:28:05,640
Speaker 3: So it starts with a audit, so not the scary IRS.

556
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:08,480
Speaker 2: Audit or hopefully not that. It's just like a.

557
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 3: Personal audit where you actually have to look at yourself

558
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,560
Speaker 3: and say, Okay, what's my baseline? What am I working with?

559
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:16,639
Speaker 3: Because if you're going to change something, you have to

560
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 3: know where you're at. And so you're looking at all

561
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:22,960
Speaker 3: the stuff that you want to keep, what are the.

562
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:24,400
Speaker 2: Good things I want to take forward?

563
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:26,960
Speaker 3: And then once again we're revisiting some of those things

564
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:28,800
Speaker 3: that we used to love in our childhood that we

565
00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:31,560
Speaker 3: stop doing, bringing those back up and saying do I

566
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:35,680
Speaker 3: want to revisit this and see if that will still do.

567
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:36,280
Speaker 2: Something for me?

568
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:39,160
Speaker 3: And then there's a lot of habits and a lot

569
00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 3: of things that you do that you don't need to

570
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:45,520
Speaker 3: take with you anymore because they were for that achievement

571
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:48,920
Speaker 3: based life. They worked there, but maybe it's not useful

572
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:51,720
Speaker 3: here for this phase. So you have to identify those

573
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:56,440
Speaker 3: so you can let those go. And it's so interesting

574
00:28:56,520 --> 00:29:00,200
Speaker 3: because there's things that you don't think about, but if

575
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:02,000
Speaker 3: you shine a little light on it, Like, for example,

576
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:05,760
Speaker 3: if you are a morning person. I've always been a

577
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:08,800
Speaker 3: morning person, But who says that I have to be

578
00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:10,240
Speaker 3: a more? I could just say, you know what, I'm

579
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:11,080
Speaker 3: gonna be a night person.

580
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:11,360
Speaker 2: Now.

581
00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:14,360
Speaker 3: Know that there's no commission that's gonna come knock on

582
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:17,719
Speaker 3: the door. Hey, no, you're a morning person. You can't switch. Sure, No,

583
00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:20,120
Speaker 3: there's no rules saying I can't switch. I can make that.

584
00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:24,600
Speaker 3: I can decide, Oh, I'm only gonna eat cereal for dinner.

585
00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:25,959
Speaker 3: Now that's all I'm gonna do.

586
00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:28,640
Speaker 1: Yep, it's all decisions based. We've just been tricked to

587
00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:30,240
Speaker 1: believe that we're stuck in a category.

588
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:33,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, so you can change, like your morning routine. What

589
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 3: you're gonna do? Are you gonna exercise? Are you going

590
00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:38,160
Speaker 3: to not what does it look like. So first we

591
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:40,600
Speaker 3: do that audit to see where we're at, and then

592
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:46,720
Speaker 3: we do a thing that I recognize, and release the

593
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:49,880
Speaker 3: old version of us. So what that looks like is

594
00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:55,320
Speaker 3: writing a letter, a sincere, heartfelt letter to yourself and

595
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:59,400
Speaker 3: thanking yourself for all the good stuff you did, acknowledging

596
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:04,600
Speaker 3: all the victories, but then forgiving yourself for all the missteps,

597
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:07,560
Speaker 3: but saying, hey, we learned you made.

598
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:08,880
Speaker 2: It this far. Good job.

599
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:11,080
Speaker 3: And so you write it all out and then you

600
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:14,200
Speaker 3: say I'm going to take over now, but thank you

601
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:16,960
Speaker 3: for take getting us as far. And then you sign

602
00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:19,920
Speaker 3: it with love. And then we do a little ceremony,

603
00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:22,920
Speaker 3: a bull burning ceremony where we light it on fire.

604
00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:25,320
Speaker 3: First we hold it, feel the weight of it, read

605
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:28,880
Speaker 3: it out loud, light it on fire, and then we

606
00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:31,240
Speaker 3: like breathe. We sit with it for a while and

607
00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:36,200
Speaker 3: just release that old self, and then we start making

608
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:39,560
Speaker 3: room for the new self. And we can continue in

609
00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:42,080
Speaker 3: these steps, or we can pause for a question if

610
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:43,000
Speaker 3: you have a question with this.

611
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,800
Speaker 1: No, I love the part about the releasing the old

612
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:49,600
Speaker 1: self because I'm sure it has to be very emotional.

613
00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 1: Because right you mentioned your age, you were forty nine

614
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:56,320
Speaker 1: when this happened in forty nine years of your whole life,

615
00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:59,440
Speaker 1: that you're saying, Okay, I need to let you go

616
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:02,040
Speaker 1: and start fresh and see what's next for me. And

617
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:04,920
Speaker 1: I imagine that comes with emotions, just in a way

618
00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:10,080
Speaker 1: of not necessarily sad, but just that it's a new beginnings.

619
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:12,920
Speaker 1: Are happy and sad at the same time. They have

620
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:15,120
Speaker 1: a lot of things attached to them.

621
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:17,840
Speaker 2: Yes, oh yeah, there's a lot of emotions in there.

622
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:20,600
Speaker 1: So what other stuffs are there in this process? Because

623
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:22,840
Speaker 1: I think this is so important for people who are

624
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:25,880
Speaker 1: retired and trying to find their new ways and what

625
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:28,120
Speaker 1: their lives look like. Heck, if you're retired and you

626
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:29,680
Speaker 1: just want to go travel the world and you're happy

627
00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:31,560
Speaker 1: as can be, that's awesome and that I think that's

628
00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:35,160
Speaker 1: that's beautiful. But maybe that's not what it looks like.

629
00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:37,520
Speaker 1: I think we're in a different time in our society too,

630
00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:40,800
Speaker 1: where retirement doesn't quite look like what it looked like

631
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:43,400
Speaker 1: fifty years ago. We're learning some new things and I'm

632
00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:44,520
Speaker 1: learning some old ways.

633
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:49,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, So I think the next thing, I think most

634
00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:52,880
Speaker 3: of us have seen somebody else's life how they're living it,

635
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:54,520
Speaker 3: and saying, and I do this all the time.

636
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:55,640
Speaker 2: I say, man, if.

637
00:31:55,480 --> 00:32:00,520
Speaker 3: I switch places with them for like two weeks, I

638
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:03,160
Speaker 3: think I could straighten all their stuff out. They don't

639
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:05,160
Speaker 3: know what they're working with. I think I could do

640
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:08,320
Speaker 3: it better. And so this is what we Our next

641
00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:11,440
Speaker 3: step is what would it look like like?

642
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:12,640
Speaker 2: What would I like it to be?

643
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:15,280
Speaker 3: So like I told you about the morning routine or

644
00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:18,760
Speaker 3: being a night person, what ideally would this look like?

645
00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:21,360
Speaker 3: So if you were writing a screenplay or something for

646
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:24,760
Speaker 3: a movie and developing a character. Okay, if I get

647
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:27,520
Speaker 3: to choose, so the previous me that was just like

648
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:32,560
Speaker 3: here's you, But now what would I like the habits

649
00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:35,920
Speaker 3: of this person, this new person to be. And so

650
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:39,600
Speaker 3: we'll write all that out and get a framework.

651
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:44,760
Speaker 2: On this new version of me. But then you would say,

652
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:47,200
Speaker 2: how do we get that to stick?

653
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:50,080
Speaker 3: Because sure you can burn a letter and then write

654
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:54,200
Speaker 3: this out and then go back to the same thing,

655
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:54,960
Speaker 3: because it's there.

656
00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:57,720
Speaker 2: It'll be like, ope, back to how you were after

657
00:32:57,760 --> 00:32:58,400
Speaker 2: we have that out.

658
00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:01,480
Speaker 3: Now we're going to this the default. You can tweak

659
00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:02,959
Speaker 3: these a little bit and change them around. But I

660
00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:05,880
Speaker 3: tell people take a dance class, a cooking class, and

661
00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:06,800
Speaker 3: a language class.

662
00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:10,560
Speaker 2: And what this does is you can't really there's nowhere

663
00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:12,200
Speaker 2: to hide. You have to be active.

664
00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:16,480
Speaker 3: So the dance class, you're intimately dancing with someone, and

665
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:17,800
Speaker 3: people always say, I don't.

666
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:20,440
Speaker 2: Know how to dance. It's a class no one knows

667
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:23,480
Speaker 2: how to dance. Just get in there. You can't be embarrassed.

668
00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:23,960
Speaker 2: It's fine.

669
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:28,440
Speaker 3: The cooking class, you're burning something with the stranger and

670
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:31,360
Speaker 3: bonding over that experience. And then the language class you're

671
00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:34,080
Speaker 3: butchering a language with somebody and learning about that.

672
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 2: But what this.

673
00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 3: Does is now you're going to introduce yourself. So people say,

674
00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:43,880
Speaker 3: normally they introduce themselves as their title, but now that's

675
00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:46,440
Speaker 3: not you anymore. Now you're going to introduce yourself as

676
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:49,640
Speaker 3: your interests, like what you're interested in. And it doesn't

677
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:52,800
Speaker 3: have to be a permanent thing. But you could say, hey,

678
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:56,400
Speaker 3: I'm Nick, I'm working on getting my pilot's license and

679
00:33:56,840 --> 00:34:01,280
Speaker 3: I'm exploring beekeeping because what's going on with that.

680
00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:01,720
Speaker 2: I don't know.

681
00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:06,400
Speaker 3: And then now this person knows nothing about your past.

682
00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:09,719
Speaker 3: All they know is this guy's working on in his

683
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:11,240
Speaker 3: pilot's license and.

684
00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:12,920
Speaker 2: He's interested in beekeeping.

685
00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:17,480
Speaker 3: So now this version of me, I introduce myself as

686
00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:20,120
Speaker 3: that version in these classes, and that's.

687
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:20,480
Speaker 2: All they know.

688
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:24,080
Speaker 3: So any time I'm interacting with them, it defaults to

689
00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:26,480
Speaker 3: that version of me because that's all they know. They

690
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:30,279
Speaker 3: don't know anything else, and they're going to They might

691
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:34,799
Speaker 3: know something about pilot licenses or beekeeping. They might have

692
00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:37,840
Speaker 3: a cousin that does. They might introduce you. You'll go

693
00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:40,600
Speaker 3: out and do things. Usually the dance classes, they'll do

694
00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:44,200
Speaker 3: something afterwards, a social event where you dance. The food things,

695
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:46,680
Speaker 3: someone will invite you to the house to practice a

696
00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:49,160
Speaker 3: dish and the language thing. They'll say, hey, let's all

697
00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:52,000
Speaker 3: go out to this restaurant where they speak that language

698
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,279
Speaker 3: in practice. So you're getting all this exposed to all

699
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:57,719
Speaker 3: these new people as the new version of you, And

700
00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:03,720
Speaker 3: every time you're interacting with this new group, that reinforces

701
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:07,400
Speaker 3: that version of you. And sure, I'm not saying you

702
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:09,960
Speaker 3: have to get rid of all your old friends that

703
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:14,360
Speaker 3: know you, but this just helps solidify that this is

704
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:15,840
Speaker 3: the direction that you're movement.

705
00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:18,920
Speaker 1: I'm recognizing too as you're talking about that this is

706
00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:21,080
Speaker 1: so important for somebody who goes into retirement, but it's

707
00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:24,360
Speaker 1: also important for somebody who's reinventing their life. If they've

708
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:26,680
Speaker 1: gotten fired from a job and trying to figure out

709
00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:30,000
Speaker 1: what's next. It's important for somebody if they're just feeling

710
00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:34,200
Speaker 1: lost in their identity. I think these this particular step

711
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:37,240
Speaker 1: that you have right here can be aligned with people

712
00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:39,440
Speaker 1: and going and through so many different things in their

713
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 1: life that I think that exposure on so many different

714
00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:46,080
Speaker 1: levels can be helpful for such a wide range of

715
00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:48,640
Speaker 1: people that it's cool that it really works for people

716
00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:50,759
Speaker 1: going in retirement and this next step you need the

717
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:53,600
Speaker 1: other steps to work through this, But for those other

718
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:56,200
Speaker 1: phases of life that people are going through, I think

719
00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:58,480
Speaker 1: this is also a really valuable one for them.

720
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:01,600
Speaker 3: I've had a lot of people that are going through

721
00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:04,960
Speaker 3: divorces that have had success with this because their life

722
00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:07,920
Speaker 3: was oh, be and my family here. Okay, now that

723
00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:13,120
Speaker 3: is no longer my situation. How do I bring on

724
00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 3: this new version of me that's not that identity anymore?

725
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:17,960
Speaker 2: And this is a great way to do that.

726
00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:21,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. I think everybody should also try this because

727
00:36:21,920 --> 00:36:24,400
Speaker 1: this kind of experience of going to a dance class

728
00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:26,800
Speaker 1: and learning a new language and picking up a cooking

729
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:28,959
Speaker 1: classes are all valuable. Those are all could be really

730
00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:31,680
Speaker 1: important in your life. And to your point in general,

731
00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:34,440
Speaker 1: the thing that I'm also noticing about our whole conversation

732
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:38,879
Speaker 1: is that you just never know what situation could lead

733
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:42,160
Speaker 1: you to a new opportunity. You could be down so

734
00:36:42,239 --> 00:36:45,640
Speaker 1: many different paths just by putting yourself in one new situation.

735
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:48,720
Speaker 1: And I think that's a big piece of your work

736
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:50,239
Speaker 1: if I'm not mistaken.

737
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:54,480
Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely, because I talk about finding your purpose, but

738
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:58,239
Speaker 3: it's really what happens is your purpose is revealed because

739
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:01,960
Speaker 3: out of getting the explore to all these different activities

740
00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:05,319
Speaker 3: that you didn't take part in before, and all these

741
00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:08,320
Speaker 3: people and seeing what they love and what they're doing,

742
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:11,239
Speaker 3: you go, oh, I didn't even know that existed, but

743
00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:13,879
Speaker 3: I think that I want to try that. And when

744
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:16,600
Speaker 3: you try something, people always think, oh, now I have

745
00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:18,440
Speaker 3: to do that forever. No, you could try it for

746
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:21,160
Speaker 3: a few months and then decide to pivot out and

747
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:24,280
Speaker 3: do something different if it doesn't feel like it's aligned.

748
00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:27,520
Speaker 3: We're looking for alignment. And also the next thing would

749
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:31,480
Speaker 3: be curating your environment to go along with this new

750
00:37:31,640 --> 00:37:35,520
Speaker 3: version of us. Your home is everything's exactly the same,

751
00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:37,600
Speaker 3: then that kind of pulls you back to the old

752
00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:41,080
Speaker 3: you too. Ideally, if you could you move, like the divorce,

753
00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:43,040
Speaker 3: people are like, well, I'm in an apartment over here now,

754
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:47,120
Speaker 3: so now you decorate that to this new version of you.

755
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:50,440
Speaker 3: And if you're not moving, which you know, it's not

756
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:53,239
Speaker 3: easy to move, so most likely you wouldn't be moving,

757
00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:55,640
Speaker 3: but you could get something that reminds you, like maybe

758
00:37:55,640 --> 00:37:58,160
Speaker 3: there's a lamp or something that you're like, this is

759
00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:00,440
Speaker 3: the lamp that the new the old me, you wouldn't

760
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:03,000
Speaker 3: have this lamp. This lamp is for that, and just

761
00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:06,040
Speaker 3: have a few little pieces that kind of remind you

762
00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:09,719
Speaker 3: that this is like a voluntary People talk about this

763
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:12,840
Speaker 3: like parallel universes, and you're like, for example, that lamp

764
00:38:12,880 --> 00:38:17,360
Speaker 3: and that chair that is not what Nick has in

765
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:20,200
Speaker 3: his place. So this I've shifted over and in this

766
00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:24,200
Speaker 3: version of me, we have that lamp in that chair, and.

767
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:28,799
Speaker 1: Oh that's cool. Yeah, I like this. It's also really

768
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:32,040
Speaker 1: identifying with reinventing yourself on just so many levels. I

769
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:34,080
Speaker 1: think one of the coolest things in life is that

770
00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:36,839
Speaker 1: we do get the choice to reinvent ourselves at any

771
00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:39,440
Speaker 1: point in time. It doesn't have to be retirement, doesn't

772
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:42,320
Speaker 1: have to be the stage of a divorce, it doesn't

773
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:45,040
Speaker 1: have to be the ending to start a new beginning.

774
00:38:45,080 --> 00:38:48,200
Speaker 1: And I think, like you had mentioned, you can wake

775
00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:50,279
Speaker 1: up any day and say, today is going to be

776
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:52,520
Speaker 1: the day that I'm eating cereal for dinner and I'm

777
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:56,120
Speaker 1: becoming a night person and I'm going to change who

778
00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:58,279
Speaker 1: I am. And I think so much of that is

779
00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:02,040
Speaker 1: rooted in our own choices. We forget that we have

780
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:05,399
Speaker 1: control of our own choices and the decisions that we make.

781
00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:08,400
Speaker 1: Do you work with people through that too? It's like

782
00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:12,080
Speaker 1: finding their own voice to be able to then reinvent

783
00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:14,680
Speaker 1: themselves whenever and however they see fit.

784
00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:20,360
Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely, I work with people to yeah, find themselves

785
00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:22,200
Speaker 3: in there because a lot of times, I don't know,

786
00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:25,799
Speaker 3: I never really established a formal identity. I don't think

787
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:27,759
Speaker 3: if you could choose, what would you like that to

788
00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:32,000
Speaker 3: look like. And one funny thing that's really applies to

789
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:34,359
Speaker 3: this time of year is people say, Okay, let's say

790
00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:38,200
Speaker 3: I'm doing this and I've taken those classes, I'm rolling

791
00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:41,279
Speaker 3: out the new me, and then I'm at like Thanksgiving

792
00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:45,000
Speaker 3: dinner with my family and they don't recognize that, Hey, no,

793
00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:47,800
Speaker 3: I'm the new person. Now I'm different because they're like, no,

794
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:51,239
Speaker 3: we know you, we know the old you. I said,

795
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:54,640
Speaker 3: you can have your dinner and then leave. You can

796
00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:57,600
Speaker 3: leave if you're not forced to be there. You can

797
00:39:57,880 --> 00:40:01,520
Speaker 3: go see your family and just go yeah, yes, yeah,

798
00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:04,399
Speaker 3: I'm doing some different things. But you don't need them

799
00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:08,040
Speaker 3: to validate it for it to actually be real. You

800
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:11,319
Speaker 3: do what you gotta do. Try to stay in your

801
00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:15,200
Speaker 3: new frame as best you can, and then you can

802
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:18,480
Speaker 3: this new version of you doesn't have to put up

803
00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:22,520
Speaker 3: with any mess. They can leave and go go hang

804
00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:23,960
Speaker 3: out with one of those people that you met in

805
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:25,120
Speaker 3: the cooking class.

806
00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:25,719
Speaker 2: See what's going on with it.

807
00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:28,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, two things can be true. That's what's resonating in

808
00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:31,439
Speaker 1: my head right now as you're saying that, where yes,

809
00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:33,560
Speaker 1: you can still have this old life and you can

810
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:35,200
Speaker 1: have the people with it, and you can also have

811
00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:38,200
Speaker 1: this new version of you that you've created. And sometimes

812
00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:42,120
Speaker 1: they might butt heads, but both are and can't exist.

813
00:40:42,600 --> 00:40:46,920
Speaker 1: Like you mentioned parallel universes, they're often right alongside of

814
00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:50,200
Speaker 1: each other, just having two different experience. I love this, Nick,

815
00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:51,799
Speaker 1: It's been so much fun to talk to you. I

816
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:56,480
Speaker 1: love to end my podcast on something that is inspiring

817
00:40:56,600 --> 00:40:59,000
Speaker 1: that you want to share, or motivational, or just maybe

818
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:01,120
Speaker 1: something we didn't get to you feel is really heavy

819
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:03,120
Speaker 1: on your heart that you want to share. I bring

820
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:05,279
Speaker 1: the floor over to you and let you decide how

821
00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:06,120
Speaker 1: you want us to end.

822
00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:10,799
Speaker 3: I would say for a show up, just show up.

823
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:13,200
Speaker 3: That's the number one thing. Nothing happens if you don't

824
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:16,080
Speaker 3: show up, and you don't have the promise to show

825
00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:20,160
Speaker 3: up all day. Just show up to a new space,

826
00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:22,560
Speaker 3: look around, and you can leave if you want to,

827
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:27,280
Speaker 3: but at least show up. And then I would say,

828
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:32,440
Speaker 3: I would like to challenge your listeners to make someone's

829
00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:34,359
Speaker 3: day every day. When I wake up, I say I'm

830
00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:37,040
Speaker 3: going to make someone's day today because I can't control

831
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:38,960
Speaker 3: how my day is going to go, but I can

832
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:42,440
Speaker 3: absolutely make sure that I make sure someone else has

833
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:44,719
Speaker 3: an awesome day. And I don't know what it looks like.

834
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:46,640
Speaker 3: I just say I can keep my eyes open for

835
00:41:46,680 --> 00:41:49,319
Speaker 3: an opportunity to make someone's day today. And it could

836
00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:53,000
Speaker 3: be a small, tiny, little gesture. Could be just seeing someone,

837
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:57,160
Speaker 3: seeing them as a human being, listening to them, making

838
00:41:57,200 --> 00:41:58,960
Speaker 3: them feel seen and heard. Or it could be like

839
00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:02,640
Speaker 3: a great gesture. Maybe you're buying someone a coffee or

840
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:06,319
Speaker 3: getting someone gas at the gas station, or silver paint

841
00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:09,200
Speaker 3: for someone's groceries. It could be big things or it

842
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:12,200
Speaker 3: could be small things. But I challenge all your listeners

843
00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:15,640
Speaker 3: to you don't have to do it forever, just today

844
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:18,200
Speaker 3: or tomorrow, just to say I'm going to make someone's

845
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:20,480
Speaker 3: day and see how that feels. Because, like I said,

846
00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:23,719
Speaker 3: those little victories. When you see the impact you can

847
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:27,080
Speaker 3: have on someone else with something really simple, it changes

848
00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:29,919
Speaker 3: you if there's something about it that's just remarkable.

849
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:32,920
Speaker 1: I love that baby steps are where it's all at, too,

850
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:36,120
Speaker 1: because baby steps always lean into big steps, and big

851
00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:39,560
Speaker 1: steps always lead into big jumps, and then you never

852
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:41,120
Speaker 1: know where you're going to be after those big jumps.

853
00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:43,399
Speaker 1: So it's cool to see what life happens. Nick, thanks

854
00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:45,400
Speaker 1: again for joining me. It's been great to hear your

855
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:47,640
Speaker 1: story and I appreciate all your wisdom.

856
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:50,480
Speaker 2: Thank you very much for having me. It's been a pleasure.

857
00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:52,279
Speaker 1: If you want to connect with Nick Shelton, you can

858
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:55,440
Speaker 1: find him on LinkedIn. Next week I'll be bringing on Shanna,

859
00:42:55,520 --> 00:42:57,719
Speaker 1: who is giving us all the information we need to

860
00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:00,319
Speaker 1: change our relationships with money. If you've ever I wanted

861
00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:03,080
Speaker 1: someone who had compassion when it comes to money talks,

862
00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:05,680
Speaker 1: she's your girl. So subscribe so you don't miss it,

863
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:08,400
Speaker 1: and I'll yap with you guys next week. Bye, everybody,