Speaker 1: Hey, guys, I'm Kaylee Shore, and this is too much
Speaker 1: to say. It's all good having questions, yes, so I'm soon.
Speaker 2: Said now tear it out you.
Speaker 1: So before I say anything, I want to thank you
Speaker 1: guys so much for your reaction and support to the
Speaker 1: last episode I did. I came out as queer. I'm
Speaker 1: very very excited about it. I really just felt so
Speaker 1: much love and support, and also a lot of people
Speaker 1: were like I.
Speaker 2: Thought, everyone news.
Speaker 1: So a little Yeah, it was really amazing, and I'm
Speaker 1: just very thankful to have h you know, supporters who
Speaker 1: are so kind and open minded. And also a lot
Speaker 1: of y'all are gay too, so it's it feels so
Speaker 1: good to have that off my chest. I can't even
Speaker 1: explain it. I didn't know how good it would feel.
Speaker 1: I thought I was just gonna be like nice to
Speaker 1: just have it out of the way, but it really
Speaker 1: made me super emotional and felt so.
Speaker 2: Big, and it just felt good.
Speaker 1: So in this week's episode, we're going to talk about
Speaker 1: something that's been on my mind a lot, and it
Speaker 1: is anxiety and intuition, and what is the difference between
Speaker 1: the two. How do you know if that feeling you
Speaker 1: have is your anxiety making you stressed out for no reason,
Speaker 1: or if it's your intuition telling you to run. And
Speaker 1: I have had to work so hard on distinguishing these things.
Speaker 1: I feel like I used to always be really good
Speaker 1: at it, and I'm a very decisive person. But as
Speaker 1: I went through some stuff with people, like this friend
Speaker 1: group breakup I had two years ago, I really really
Speaker 1: started to question myself. And I went in to see
Speaker 1: my new therapist a couple months ago. I started with
Speaker 1: her in January, and I sat down and I was like,
Speaker 1: I have no grasp on reality whatsoever. I don't know
Speaker 1: what is true. I don't think I feel anything valid
Speaker 1: and I'm confused. And she was like okay, and then
Speaker 1: like two sessions later, she's like, I don't know why
Speaker 1: you say that, because you seem so grounded. I'm like,
Speaker 1: that's what I think, But then I like second guess
Speaker 1: myself and I don't know and like so over the
Speaker 1: past four months, we've been working on me distinguishing those
Speaker 1: two feelings, and it turns out that more often than not,
Speaker 1: it's my intuition. And I don't really like to create
Speaker 1: nightmare scenarios where they don't already exist, and anxiety is
Speaker 1: like definitely out of your control, and I deal with
Speaker 1: a lot of it as well, But figuring this out
Speaker 1: has totally changed the game for me. I feel so
Speaker 1: much more confident and so much more well equipped to
Speaker 1: make decisions about my career and with who I led
Speaker 1: in my life, and also like knowing when someone's lying,
Speaker 1: So we're gonna talk a lot about that in this episode.
Speaker 1: So for starters, the definition of intuition is the ability
Speaker 1: to understand instinctively without the need for conscious reasoning, and
Speaker 1: then the definition of anxiety is feeling of manic worry, nervousness, unease.
Speaker 2: And dread. So those definitely aren't the same thing at all.
Speaker 1: I think that you know, people use like nervous with
Speaker 1: anxiety a lot too, and it's anxiety is deeper than that.
Speaker 1: Anxiety is kind of all consuming, feels like you're being
Speaker 1: eaten alive, and that is a hard feeling to ignore.
Speaker 1: I think it's easier to push down your intuition than
Speaker 1: it is to push down your anxiety, at least at first.
Speaker 1: Your intuition is always going to be like trying to
Speaker 1: push through, and anxiety tends to be louder.
Speaker 2: But you can like stifle.
Speaker 1: That anxiety and be like, Okay, I'm gonna just go
Speaker 1: calm down. But intuition, even if you're not feeling like shit,
Speaker 1: it's still just gonna pop up. Like in my last relationship,
Speaker 1: I had this feeling. My last relationship had this feeling
Speaker 1: that like it was wrong, and I ignored it and
Speaker 1: thankfully everything turned out okay, but it definitely went on
Speaker 1: a long longer than it should have. I think if
Speaker 1: you're familiar with the concept of intuition and less familiar
Speaker 1: with the concept of anxiety, then that's where it can
Speaker 1: get really difficult. And remembering that not every feeling means something.
Speaker 1: You can have feelings that are real that are there
Speaker 1: that you need to acknowledge, but they don't carry weight,
Speaker 1: they don't mean some secret thing to the universe, and
Speaker 1: it's not like a premonition. They feel different. And if
Speaker 1: you pay attention and you write in a journal and
Speaker 1: kind of keep track of when you have one of
Speaker 1: those feelings, keep track of them, and once you find
Speaker 1: out how they turn out, keep track of that too,
Speaker 1: and then you'll be able to look back and see
Speaker 1: which situations were anxiety and which ones were intuition. I
Speaker 1: feel like I discovered something last week. I've had some
Speaker 1: really big therapy breakthroughs and it's just been amazing. I'm
Speaker 1: doing EMDR, which I'll we do another full episode on,
Speaker 1: but a lot of really cool healing techniques that I
Speaker 1: hadn't tried before. But I had this breakthrough and I
Speaker 1: realized that anxiety for me, And this is different.
Speaker 2: For everybody, but I feel like this is relatable for
Speaker 2: a lot of people.
Speaker 1: But anxiety is when you're trying to talk yourself into
Speaker 1: something bad, and intuition is when you're trying.
Speaker 2: To talk yourself out of it.
Speaker 1: So it's like you have this feeling and anxiety you're
Speaker 1: like ramping up. You're like, you know, have this manic
Speaker 1: voice in your head that won't shut up, and it's
Speaker 1: just like going on. It's like this is doomed, everything's
Speaker 1: going wrong, everybody hates me, blah blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 2: And then intuition, you have this kind of deep sense.
Speaker 1: Of knowing where you're like, Okay, these aren't my real friends,
Speaker 1: and this feels like it's going to end badly. But
Speaker 1: then that little like surface voice comes in and talks
Speaker 1: over intuition and it's like no, no, No, everybody's fine, Like,
Speaker 1: don't think the worst of people, Like it's gonna be okay,
Speaker 1: Like don't don't worry about that, that's not real, Like
Speaker 1: they would never do that to you. That can also
Speaker 1: work switched as well, Like I know that that doesn't
Speaker 1: apply to every situation, but I feel like it makes
Speaker 1: sense for me because like, when I think somebody's lying
Speaker 1: to me, that's where this really really comes into play,
Speaker 1: and like figuring out the difference between the two.
Speaker 2: It's a really good way to tell if someone's lying.
Speaker 2: We'll be right back, and we are back, Okay.
Speaker 1: So I want to talk about anxiety and intuition and
Speaker 1: how it relates to detecting lies and protecting yourself from
Speaker 1: liars and narcissistic energy and all that stuff. Unfortunately, no
Speaker 1: matter how much you don't want to believe it, there
Speaker 1: are shitty people on the planet who are gonna lie
Speaker 1: and steal from you and cheat, and there's things you
Speaker 1: can equip yourself with to be ahead of that. And
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean like assuming everyone's going to do that.
Speaker 1: It's just like this quote that I think about a lot,
Speaker 1: and it's when someone shows you who they are, believe
Speaker 1: them and just if you pay attention and you observe,
Speaker 1: and you meditate on your feelings, you will figure it out.
Speaker 1: Like we all have this innate sense of how to
Speaker 1: protect ourselves and that's called intuition, and so every human
Speaker 1: being on earth wants to avoid being hurt, and so
Speaker 1: we have this little compass inside of us. But it's
Speaker 1: just learning when it's the compass talking and when it's
Speaker 1: something else.
Speaker 2: But I think that.
Speaker 1: People typically know when other people are lying, and you'll
Speaker 1: have that sense of, uh, just kind of calm knowing.
Speaker 1: And I, uh, so I was dealing with something recently.
Speaker 1: I would like to preface and say that this is
Speaker 1: not my boyfriend, because sometimes when I do like abstract
Speaker 1: stories or I'm talking about like an ambiguous breakup on Instagram,
Speaker 1: people think I broke up with Sam.
Speaker 2: Sam did not do this. Sam is a horrible liar.
Speaker 2: He doesn't even try.
Speaker 1: But I had this feeling that this person in my
Speaker 1: life was lying to me about something really important. And
Speaker 1: I caught them before in a couple different lies, but
Speaker 1: they were small ones, and I was able to kind
Speaker 1: of just be like, hm, okay, And they also wouldn't
Speaker 1: confess to them except for one like I brought up
Speaker 1: three different issues, and one of them I literally saw
Speaker 1: with my own eyes, like them doing the thing that
Speaker 1: they said they weren't and they confessed to that one
Speaker 1: but also acted like it wasn't a big deal. And
Speaker 1: then the other two like literally they tried to tell
Speaker 1: me that there.
Speaker 2: Was a ghost in the house and that's how that happened.
Speaker 1: And I was like okay, okay, cool, and I just
Speaker 1: had this feeling and I was like that, I mean, like,
Speaker 1: coincidences are stacking up, and paying attention to coincidence is
Speaker 1: also really important when it comes to detecting lying.
Speaker 2: And so I was just like looking at the evidence
Speaker 2: in front of.
Speaker 1: Me, and I'm like no, but like, don't like think
Speaker 1: badly of them, Like that would be crazy if they
Speaker 1: did that, Like, no, they would never do that to you.
Speaker 1: But then I have this deep sense of calm knowing
Speaker 1: that's like, no, something's wrong. And to quote my friend
Speaker 1: Mickey Guiton, that girl is not your friend. And that
Speaker 1: is always what she'll say when she's calling somebody out
Speaker 1: on being around someone toxic, and she's she has a
Speaker 1: fucking spot on intuition with people's vibes and watch dress
Speaker 1: and whatnot, and so I have this feeling that like
Speaker 1: that person was lying about everything, and I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, whatever, it's small, I just don't feel
Speaker 1: like getting into it.
Speaker 2: I don't think that this is worth my energy. And
Speaker 2: then something really big.
Speaker 1: Happens, and I was like, huh, okay, and I didn't
Speaker 1: want to blame them right away, because what I would
Speaker 1: be accusing them of would be absolutely insane and something
Speaker 1: I've never accused anybody of before.
Speaker 2: I'd also like to.
Speaker 1: State that it wasn't something like abusive or like anything
Speaker 1: like that. It was just like kind of baseline breakage
Speaker 1: of the Ten Commandments, like one of the like more
Speaker 1: minor ones, but still shitty, because that would be a
Speaker 1: whole different like situation. So we're talking about some pretty
Speaker 1: low stake stuff.
Speaker 2: But still like really shitty.
Speaker 1: And I just knew it. I just knew it, and
Speaker 1: I was doing everything I could to talk myself out
Speaker 1: of it, and that's what I do. Whereas if it
Speaker 1: was anxiety, I'd be like collecting all this evidence and
Speaker 1: getting hyped up and blah blah blah blah. And with
Speaker 1: this one, I was trying so hard to prove myself wrong.
Speaker 1: I wanted to be wrong. I wanted to be wrong
Speaker 1: so badly because I didn't want to admit that this
Speaker 1: person would do something like that to me or anybody,
Speaker 1: and I just couldn't. I couldn't shut it up. And
Speaker 1: basically what happened is like something went missing and I
Speaker 1: looked for it and I was asking everybody about it.
Speaker 1: I was like, have you seen this thing? Have you
Speaker 1: seen this thing? And you know it's like, oh no,
Speaker 1: I haven't. Sorry, I'll keep an eye out, I'll look
Speaker 1: through my stuff whatever, and I just knew and I
Speaker 1: was like, damn, I've never accused anybody of anything like
Speaker 1: that before, like even when I like, I mean, it
Speaker 1: took so much for me to accuse my ex boyfriend
Speaker 1: of like cheating, and I only did because I saw
Speaker 1: Facebook message. It's like, I don't do stuff without evidence,
Speaker 1: and I really cause I just I don't want to
Speaker 1: treat anybody in a way that I wouldn't want to
Speaker 1: be treated. And I would hope that someone would really
Speaker 1: stop and think before they accused me of something horrible.
Speaker 2: And I did that for like a week, and then.
Speaker 1: The missing thing just like reappears in an incredibly obvious
Speaker 1: place that I had looked for it so many times,
Speaker 1: and it was on top of something that I had
Speaker 1: put there the day before, so I would have had
Speaker 1: to lift the thing up to put this thing underneath it,
Speaker 1: and trust me, I would have noticed it was a
Speaker 1: very obvious thing. And I was like, hmm, well that's funny.
Speaker 1: And I just was like, I think that there's like
Speaker 1: an intuition thing too, where if you even think that
Speaker 1: someone's capable of something, that's already a red flag, like
Speaker 1: even if they didn't do it, if you are looking
Speaker 1: at evidence from like what kind of person you know
Speaker 1: them to be, and you think that they could be
Speaker 1: capable of doing that, then you already probably should distance
Speaker 1: yourself from that person. It's you gotta trust your God
Speaker 1: on that you have to. And so I mention it
Speaker 1: to the person. And I have never so clearly been
Speaker 1: lied to and like just straight up gas lit in
Speaker 1: my life, and I think that it's really important to
Speaker 1: remember that gaslighting is not just somebody disagreeing with you
Speaker 1: or having a different perspective. Gaslighting is when somebody knows
Speaker 1: they're lying and they try to tell you're crazy. And
Speaker 1: this person literally was like you're going crazy, Like I
Speaker 1: don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 2: All of these like very standard gaslighting phrases.
Speaker 1: Whereas if one of somebody, if somebody I knew, came
Speaker 1: to me with the same situation and the tables returned,
Speaker 1: I would obviously know I didn't do it, but I
Speaker 1: would be like, Okay, well, let's try to figure this out,
Speaker 1: because like I would be calm, especially if there was
Speaker 1: like any sort of compelling evidence as to why I
Speaker 1: might have done it. Like I'd be like, Okay, I
Speaker 1: see how you came to that conclusion, but like, I
Speaker 1: didn't do it, and here's why, versus just like immediately
Speaker 1: yelling and telling.
Speaker 2: Someone they're crazy.
Speaker 1: So I think that just the defensiveness in and of itself,
Speaker 1: and then the fact that this person had historically been
Speaker 1: unconcerned when I caught them in a lie. It's uh,
Speaker 1: there's people like that out there and it really sucks
Speaker 1: and you don't want to believe it, but there are
Speaker 1: people that are around you all the time. And I
Speaker 1: just had this calm sense of knowing, and when I
Speaker 1: went to this person, I wasn't speaking from a place
Speaker 1: of manic anxiety, nervousness on edge, defensiveness whatever I was
Speaker 1: coming from a place of calm knowing, and I said, hey,
Speaker 1: I don't need you to admit to this, and I
Speaker 1: don't need you to apologize. I don't need either of
Speaker 1: those things. Just need you to not treat me like
Speaker 1: I'm stupid and not do it again. And I was
Speaker 1: very proud of myself for saying that, because like, really,
Speaker 1: when someone lies, it's only going to feel so good
Speaker 1: when they admit to it, and like it's easy to
Speaker 1: get caught up in the validation of that, But if
Speaker 1: you can get good enough at trusting yourself, then you
Speaker 1: won't need that from people, because that's a hard thing
Speaker 1: because when people lie, they typically lie a lot, and
Speaker 1: when they lie a lot, they stack up, and so
Speaker 1: if you accuse someone of one lie and they admit
Speaker 1: to it, then they kind of have to admit to
Speaker 1: all the other ones. And you're just asking that person
Speaker 1: to do way more than they are ready to do
Speaker 1: on their journey. Like that person is clearly struggling with
Speaker 1: some big shit and they're just not there yet and
Speaker 1: maybe they never will be in this lifetime. But that's
Speaker 1: not your problem. You can just choose to trust yourself
Speaker 1: and to know and believe that you're not going to
Speaker 1: just make up sh people. And I do think it's
Speaker 1: really important to pay attention to, like the reality, the
Speaker 1: facts about around you, the coincidences that are stacking up,
Speaker 1: because like, really, there's a lot of stuff that can
Speaker 1: come off totally.
Speaker 2: Wrong and it didn't actually happen at all.
Speaker 1: But you give people enough of the benefit of the doubt,
Speaker 1: but at some point there's enough evidence and you're like, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is the only option or that.
Speaker 2: Could have happened. So that was big for me.
Speaker 1: And it was, like, like I said, kind of a
Speaker 1: low stake situation, but it felt so good because like,
Speaker 1: for the first time in a long time, I trusted myself.
Speaker 1: I was like, you know what, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: participate in this person gaslighting me, because that's the hard
Speaker 1: thing about gas lighting is you end up backing up
Speaker 1: the person because they're telling you like they set you up,
Speaker 1: and then you do the rest of the work for
Speaker 1: the gas lighter because you doubt yourself and so then
Speaker 1: you're just telling yourself all these things about how you're
Speaker 1: crazy and you're lying and that that's what they started,
Speaker 1: but you finished the job.
Speaker 2: So it just felt really good to.
Speaker 1: Have that compass know the difference between the two feelings,
Speaker 1: and we're gonna do a little recap at the end,
Speaker 1: but we'll take a quick break.
Speaker 2: Thank you guys.
Speaker 1: So, anxiety and intuition are gonna have two very different voices.
Speaker 1: They're gonna sound like totally different people. Anxiety is going
Speaker 1: to be like the manic, high pitched girl who took
Speaker 1: too much adderall and is super paranoid and just like
Speaker 1: flailing about making not a whole lot of sense. And
Speaker 1: then intuition is going to sound like this really calm,
Speaker 1: like the perfect podcast voice. I love Ashley Flowers on
Speaker 1: Crime Junkie, so like it's gonna sound like Ashley Flowers
Speaker 1: and it's gonna be like, no, this is what is.
Speaker 1: You can trust yourself, you can choose who you trust,
Speaker 1: and you can believe what you're seeing with your eyes
Speaker 1: and what you're hearing with your ears, and so it's
Speaker 1: just gonna feel different like your intuition. Like maybe we'll
Speaker 1: raise a red flag if something's really different, like going
Speaker 1: really wrong. But I think that might be where anxiety
Speaker 1: and intuition hold hands and they're like okay, like if
Speaker 1: something's like life or death or just really bad and
Speaker 1: you have to deal with it really quickly. I think
Speaker 1: anxiety is like all fine intuition, like all listen to you,
Speaker 1: but yeah, just remember that human beings have had to
Speaker 1: rely on instinct alone to keep us alive for hundreds
Speaker 1: of thousands of years. And anxiety is just this kind
Speaker 1: of little voice that you can tune out. But intuition
Speaker 1: is something that connects you to the universe. It's something
Speaker 1: that connects you to your ancestors. It's something that connects
Speaker 1: you to yourself and to your surroundings, and it's it's
Speaker 1: the definition of being grounded and getting in touch with yourself.
Speaker 1: And it sounds all kind of like, you know, woo woo,
Speaker 1: but it's real. These are these are instincts that have
Speaker 1: been passed down through revolution and kept human beings alive.
Speaker 1: You know, we didn't die out and and intuition and
Speaker 1: instinct are why. So I hope that this helped. I
Speaker 1: hope that you guys take this into your everyday lives
Speaker 1: and catch some liars because it is satisfying. I mean,
Speaker 1: like you don't want people to be like that, but
Speaker 1: it's just the validation that comes from like that is
Speaker 1: a it's big, it's big so thank you guys so
Speaker 1: much for listening. I'm Kaylie Shure. This is too much
Speaker 1: to say, and I'll see you next week. Don't go
Speaker 1: has been questions plea.
Speaker 2: So I'll go soon. Now tear it out you