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Speaker 1: Okayop.

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Speaker 2: Hey, I'm Samuel Donner, I'm John Fry, and this is

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Speaker 2: okayop where we read the funniest stories on the Internet.

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Speaker 3: Let's get into it.

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Speaker 1: Let's do it.

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Speaker 2: So, John, I have a pretty good story for you

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Speaker 2: to start. I'm this is today I afft up by

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Speaker 2: masturbating in front of my neighbor.

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Speaker 3: It doesn't sound good.

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Speaker 2: No, yeah, we're not starting only fans here. I think

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Speaker 2: this is uh, this is accidental. So uh no, only

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Speaker 2: fans in sight yet, although maybe maybe we should, maybe

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Speaker 2: we should. You're showing Yeah, actually, John and I starting

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Speaker 2: an only fans right now. If you want to describe

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Speaker 2: subscribe tip us.

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Speaker 1: We need it.

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Speaker 2: But we're struggling artists, seriously, and we have to do

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Speaker 2: only fans just to survive. All right, So today I

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Speaker 2: aft up by masturbating in front of my neighbor. I

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Speaker 2: don't know how to even begin an explanation, but the

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Speaker 2: climax of this story involves me female twenties, lying on

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Speaker 2: my back under the covers, face twisted into the obvious

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Speaker 2: oh configuration, kicky lesbian born playing on my laptop while

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Speaker 2: my neighbor stares at me in shock through the open

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Speaker 2: apartment door. I opened my eyes to see him standing there,

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Speaker 2: and we make eye contact for like a millisecond before

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Speaker 2: my neighbor turns away and I yell for my boyfriend, boyfriend,

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Speaker 2: come over here. So boyfriend looks at me, follows my

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Speaker 2: line of sight to the open door, and rushes to.

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Speaker 1: Slam it shut.

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Speaker 3: Okay, this is wow. I'm speechless.

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Speaker 2: I feel like the millisecond of eye contact is the worst.

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Speaker 2: Like I almost feel like a longer eye contact would

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Speaker 2: have been better, but for some reason, just a millisecond. Uh,

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Speaker 2: that's that's when you know you.

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Speaker 3: Want you want more eye contact with this person.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you know, just to like let you know, like, oh,

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Speaker 2: like you know this is a mistake, you know, like

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Speaker 2: oh like like you could like make eye contact. You're

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Speaker 2: all right, But then it's just that you don't have

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Speaker 2: You don't with a millisecond, You don't have enough time

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Speaker 2: to communicate how awkward the situation is, and you don't

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Speaker 2: you know, you're not able to show like the intentions

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Speaker 2: right behind uh behind it. Yeah okay. So anyway, backing up,

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Speaker 2: So I live with my partner in a two story

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Speaker 2: house divided into four apartments. There are several entrances to

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Speaker 2: the house. We share our main entrance with the couple

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Speaker 2: who live directly above us. This shared front door is

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Speaker 2: adjacent to our apartment door, and we have discovered that

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Speaker 2: the force of our neighbors slamming the front door shut

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Speaker 2: is enough to fling our apartment door open if our

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Speaker 2: door is already slightly a jar or simply not clicked

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Speaker 2: into place. Our last bolt is a little sticky, so

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Speaker 2: to shut the door properly we need to pull it

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Speaker 2: shut quite tightly, or else jiggle the handle a bit.

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Speaker 2: And my boyfriend consistently forgets about this, so it's basically

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Speaker 2: his fault. Yeah, it's basically his. Follow dude calling out

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Speaker 2: the boyfriend, Why are you forgetting all the time?

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Speaker 1: Man?

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Speaker 2: Our apartment door has swung open several times as a result.

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Speaker 2: More than once, I have noticed that it's wide open

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Speaker 2: when I come home from work, or it will open

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Speaker 2: while we're hanging around at home. Once the door busted

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Speaker 2: open while I was standing in the living room in

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Speaker 2: my t shirt and panties. Our neighbor looked toward our apartment,

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Speaker 2: probably assuming that we opened it out on purpose and

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Speaker 2: expecting to see us exiting. Instead, we made awkward eye

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Speaker 2: contact while I was half naked. He said hi awkwardly,

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Speaker 2: like I don't know what you do?

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Speaker 1: Well, what do you do? You just keep it moving,

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Speaker 1: just keep it moving, just hurt your eyes.

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Speaker 2: But what if you're making eye contact, Like if you've

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Speaker 2: made eye contact, you just were like me personally, I'm.

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Speaker 3: Just like, all right, let me. I want to abort

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Speaker 3: the situation as effectively and quickly as possible.

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Speaker 1: I would just like do a ttal kind of situation

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Speaker 1: where right, yeah, and then just move around, you know,

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Speaker 1: turtle turtle out family.

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Speaker 2: Instead, we made awkward eye contact while I was half naked,

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Speaker 2: he said awkwardly, looking visibly surprised and confused. I said hi,

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Speaker 2: and then walked over and shut the door, not knowing

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Speaker 2: what else to do. A right, And this hasn't only

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Speaker 2: happened one time, this has happened multiple times. So another

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Speaker 2: time the door swung open while I was naked in

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Speaker 2: the kitchen.

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Speaker 3: Okay, hold on, I gotta pause right here, she's masturbating

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Speaker 3: in a living room. It sounds like she's naked in

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Speaker 3: the kitchen. I think she's just naked.

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Speaker 2: D I think she's just an exhibitionist, right, like low

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Speaker 2: key if you know your door is going to be

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Speaker 2: slightly a jar sometimes, why are you taking the risk

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Speaker 2: of cooking naked right?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 2: You're not right it to it. You don't have a

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Speaker 2: bunch of fur to cover up your nakedness. Where at

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Speaker 2: least a chef's apron if you're gonna be like sexy kitchen, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: bare minimum. But she's doing the bare bare minimum. So

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Speaker 2: to shut the door. Another time the door swung open,

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Speaker 2: I was naked in the kitchen. Fortunately, the kitchen is

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Speaker 2: just out of sight from where our neighbor was. To

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Speaker 2: shut the door, I would have had to walk naked

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Speaker 2: into the living room, where I almost certainly would have

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Speaker 2: been seen. So I had to scream, boyfriend, boyfriend, come

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Speaker 2: close the door please. His boyfriend didn't hear me playing

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Speaker 2: computer games in our bedroom with the door closed, nerd,

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Speaker 2: not looking at your hot ass girlfriend naked in the kitchen.

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Speaker 2: Come on, give her a little time and respect. But

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Speaker 2: the neighbor did. He pulled the door shut and yelled

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Speaker 2: sorry before continuing on his way, which like kind of

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Speaker 2: like a stand up thing to do.

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Speaker 3: Definitely, I mean, if it's still awkward if the door

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Speaker 3: swings open and you see a naked woman. The right

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Speaker 3: thing to do is to close the door. That's the

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Speaker 3: right thing, all right.

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Speaker 2: So I like I feel that, But now I'm thinking, like,

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Speaker 2: if the naked woman is seeing you run towards the.

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Speaker 3: Door, Oh yeah, that's also a very good point.

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Speaker 2: Yeah maybe maybe stone approach doors with naked women behind

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Speaker 2: them unless you are given consent to do so.

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Speaker 3: Can I close the door? Can I close the door?

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Speaker 2: I was very angry and embarrassed after these events, after

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Speaker 2: the Naked Kitchen fiasco. I love that name. By the way,

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Speaker 2: Operation Naked Kitchen. That's my new band name, The Naked

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Speaker 2: Kitchen Fiasca. That's a good band name. All right, we're

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Speaker 2: changing the of the show making kitchen fiasco. Boyfriend told

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Speaker 2: me that he would simply start locking our apartment door

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Speaker 2: when he came home as a way to ensure that

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Speaker 2: this never happened again, which I don't know how this

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Speaker 2: wasn't already thing should be, but thanks Harry came to

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Speaker 2: that place. So the best of my knowledge, he has

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Speaker 2: always locked our door since and we haven't had any

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Speaker 2: more mishaps except for today. Today our neighbors slammed the

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Speaker 2: front door shut behind him on his way. As per usual,

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Speaker 2: our door was unlocked and swung open at one of.

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Speaker 1: The worst possible moments.

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Speaker 2: I was laying in bed masturbating with the bedroom door

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Speaker 2: open in direct view. Boyfriend was playing computer games across

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Speaker 2: the room and out of you. All right, boyfriend, boyfriend, bro,

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Speaker 2: paid it to your girlfriend. She's masturbating like ten feet

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Speaker 2: away and you can't even give her any attention.

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Speaker 1: Bro, what are you doing?

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Speaker 3: I think there's some underlying relationship visues.

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Speaker 2: Here that yeah, like there's something about this layout that

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Speaker 2: doesn't speak to me as like this is exemplifying a

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Speaker 2: healthy relationship. Fortunately, I happened to have the covers pulled

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Speaker 2: up over my body, and boyfriend has promised me that

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Speaker 2: it probably just looked like I was relaxing in bed,

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Speaker 2: which I guess she kind of wash and she thinks.

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Speaker 2: I really don't think so, but it's a nice thing

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Speaker 2: to believe. I'm horrified and I feel like my privacy

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Speaker 2: was invaded. But this was not our neighbor's fault, which

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Speaker 2: obviously it's not our neighbor's fault, and my boyfriend certainly

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Speaker 2: didn't intend for this to happen either. I also have

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Speaker 2: significant culpability here for not shutting the bedroom door myself.

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Speaker 2: I just really didn't think of it as far as

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Speaker 2: I knew, our door swinging issues had been resolved for months.

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Speaker 2: Another concern I have is that our neighbor might think

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Speaker 2: I am doing this intentionally. Yeah, like that I've been

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Speaker 2: accidentally on purpose keeping the door ajar during compromising situations.

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Speaker 2: It's even worse to think that he could have gotten

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Speaker 2: a glimpse of the porn playing on my laptop with headphones.

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Speaker 2: But still, my boyfriend knows that I'm buying into weird

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Speaker 2: sex stuff. I like, I like the rabbit hole we're

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Speaker 2: going down here, des but this is but this is

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Speaker 2: really not something I want to advertise outside of a relationship,

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Speaker 2: I guess except on Reddit and.

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Speaker 3: Wow, tens of thousands of views.

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Speaker 2: Wow, and the eyebrow raising nature of the porn just

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Speaker 2: makes everything feel so much worse. So, uh, that's quite

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Speaker 2: the saga, the masturbation saga, the sex saga that I

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Speaker 2: actually know. Let's call it the uh naked kitchen making

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Speaker 2: kitchen fiasco for snaked.

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Speaker 1: Kitchen Fiasco where John and I are making the album

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Speaker 1: right now.

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Speaker 3: That's right, we can buy it exclusively on our only fans. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: Mega kitchen fiasco.

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Speaker 2: Actually, only fans isn't just for sex anymore. It's also

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Speaker 2: for music.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 2: Only fans started off as a cooking place, like really

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Speaker 2: to get money, yeah.

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Speaker 3: For for like a Patreon for chefs basically.

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Speaker 2: Basically Patreon for chefs, and then uh, and then other

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Speaker 2: things happen, but cooking up something else, something else. But

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Speaker 2: I honestly think we could do well and only fans,

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Speaker 2: but they're naked, I think.

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Speaker 3: I think.

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Speaker 1: But what's our first song?

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Speaker 3: Our first song is definitely what was it? What was

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Speaker 3: the songs of our last one? Something not anti Santa?

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Speaker 2: Oh it was it was the anti Santa. It was

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Speaker 2: like there was like Tom Tom Kringle Crackle Crack Cragle

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Speaker 2: and Chris Kringle.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I think it goes something like, we got bells and

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Speaker 2: whistles in the kitchen is run and we got naked

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Speaker 2: people with thumbs up there bumming and that's all I got.

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Speaker 1: John take it over, Okay, we.

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Speaker 3: Got Santa Claus and old Tom Craggle. Okay, here he comes.

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Speaker 1: He's reference to the last episode, such Rascal Tom Craggle.

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Speaker 3: He's going to military school. I don't think. So that's

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Speaker 3: not cool, mom, that's not I hate you, and I'm

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Speaker 3: shooting Santa in a face. Hey, everything that I've ever

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Speaker 3: done is for me to be here in this place. Hey,

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Speaker 3: my name is song Craggle, and I got one thing

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Speaker 3: to say. Hey, you come for me and I will

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Speaker 3: end your life. Your life? All right?

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Speaker 2: Another intermition, uh, a musical induration by John and zeb

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Speaker 2: All right.

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Speaker 1: John, what do you got for right? We got a

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Speaker 1: new a second story. Guys.

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Speaker 2: There's an epidemic of neighbors spying on us while we're masturbating.

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Speaker 1: So one follow equals what John.

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Speaker 3: One follow equals one less person seeing you masturbate.

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Speaker 1: Amen, Let's let's stop the epidemic.

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Speaker 2: Let's stop it. Let's stop it. You can take my money.

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Speaker 2: You can call me lady. You can marin I mean

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Speaker 2: and man, No these Jordan Zoo can marin me hate

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Speaker 2: mean me?

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Speaker 1: Don't touch my truck.

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Speaker 3: Are we ready?

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Speaker 1: I'm ready?

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Speaker 2: John? No?

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Speaker 1: No, Okayop?

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Speaker 3: Today I fed up by staying the night at my

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Speaker 3: boyfriend's and taking a massive, burly ass poop that, for

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Speaker 3: the love of God won't go down the drain. Oh no,

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Speaker 3: here we go?

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, bro thik is that poop to fill

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Speaker 1: you in?

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Speaker 3: I am a five foot college student with a reasonable

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Speaker 3: digestion system that occasionally decides to f me over when

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Speaker 3: I'm in the presence of company. That's very unfortunate.

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Speaker 1: I'm just like, now that she's only five foot.

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Speaker 3: It does make it better. It does make it like

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Speaker 3: I'm just imagining, Like she just takes a poop that's like.

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Speaker 2: As large as her Yeah, yeah, just like a anacon

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Speaker 2: to crawling out.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Bum quick backstory. I decided to live at my

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Speaker 3: boyfriend's hostel where girls aren't allowed after nine pm, because

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Speaker 3: I love him and one to spend time with him.

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Speaker 2: Oh, it's like a regular Romeo and Juliet. They're not

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Speaker 2: supposed to be together, but they're damn gonna try.

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Speaker 3: We also have a truckload of assignments to be finished

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Speaker 3: and submitted by the next day, and it's fun to

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Speaker 3: have company while working.

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Speaker 1: That's true. That's John and I are working together.

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Speaker 3: So what we're doing this we in the camera. I

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Speaker 3: am also on my period and my stomach has been

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Speaker 3: acting up, but little did I know it was for

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Speaker 3: some other reason. Yes, foreshadowing.

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Speaker 1: Uh oh, shoot, all right, I'm ready.

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Speaker 3: So I'm casually sitting and working and suddenly nature calls

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Speaker 3: I rush into the bathroom hoping to lose weight. I

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Speaker 3: like that. She really has a way with words.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, this is this is a poet right here is

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Speaker 2: a poop poet, a poop.

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Speaker 3: Poet, the peeps, a feces facilitator.

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Speaker 1: Theeces philosopher, a philosopher, or.

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Speaker 2: I was gonna I also said feces pharaoh, But I

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Speaker 2: think I think feces philosopher is more in line with

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Speaker 2: a poem. Alright, alright, wit wait, so we got we

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Speaker 2: got feces philosopher. We got poop poet, poop poet. And

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Speaker 2: then what's another We got a creative.

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Speaker 3: Coco, creative cock.

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Speaker 1: Yes, whatever, that's what we got.

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Speaker 3: All right, so our pooping poet. Now I'm sitting there,

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Speaker 3: humming and expecting blood to flow, when all of a sudden, boom,

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Speaker 3: a massive burly ass crap just falls out of me.

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Speaker 1: What does it mean to say burly crap?

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Speaker 3: I'm just imagining like a strong little man, just like

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Speaker 3: falling out of her butthole into the water, just like

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Speaker 3: just the buffest boy, the buffest buffet boy gonna get.

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Speaker 1: A HURTI I'm gonna poop a little burly man.

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Speaker 3: I think Oh, well, now I can concentrate better on

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Speaker 3: my work. As I get it from the pot flush,

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Speaker 3: I see a brown dash of color on the white

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Speaker 3: commode from the side of my eye, and then it

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Speaker 3: dawns on me that I've taken a crap that refuses

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Speaker 3: to get flushed.

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Speaker 1: Dude, that's the worst.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if anyone's taking a poop at a

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Speaker 2: friend's place, or like a girlfriend's place, or just like

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Speaker 2: anyone that is any home that's not your own, and

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Speaker 2: then you go to flush and then it just like

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Speaker 2: it's like it goes and then then it starts filling

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Speaker 2: up and you see the poop rising.

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Speaker 3: You're like, no, I'm gonna I'm gonna vombit. I'm all

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Speaker 3: this imagining poop in my head. Oh my god. I

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Speaker 3: look for a bucket to fill water in and pour

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Speaker 3: it into the pot, but there is no bucket because

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Speaker 3: someone had stolen it. Why would you steal a bucket

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Speaker 3: from a bucket from a bathroom, And like, what are

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Speaker 3: you doing with that bucket too?

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Speaker 1: That bucket is dirty, you know what, you don't want

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Speaker 1: that bucket.

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Speaker 3: I decided to try and wait for the water tank

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Speaker 3: to refill and flush again. She yes, this poop is

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Speaker 3: an integral part of my life.

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Speaker 1: Now, oh oh, she's named it.

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Speaker 2: We've put a little anthrop anthropomorphisation on this poop.

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Speaker 3: It's still floating, like it's a tube in the swimming

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Speaker 3: pool of a rich person living in Hollywood.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 3: I try again. She is still there. It is close

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Speaker 3: to midnight, and something evil is lurking in this pot.

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Speaker 3: Now I'm panicking because I've flushed about three times and

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Speaker 3: it still refuses to go down. I decide to confess

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Speaker 3: to my boyfriend, who is concerned since I started flushing

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Speaker 3: three plus times to get rid of it. He then

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Speaker 3: laughs and gets up to check the situation out, at

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Speaker 3: which point I decided to fight him because I'm embarrassed

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Speaker 3: since I genuinely don't take burly ass dumps and this

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Speaker 3: just had to happen in the house of the man

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Speaker 3: that I love.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, love, it's dropping the L word right.

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Speaker 3: After a bit, we both tried flushing down the piece

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Speaker 3: of crap, but it was stubborn and doesn't go down.

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Speaker 3: Esus stubborn ones. She is to not go down without

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Speaker 3: a fight. She's a burly, stubborn one. At this point,

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Speaker 3: we flushed well over six or seven times, and I

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Speaker 3: want to just hide in the corner and never show

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Speaker 3: my face again because of the abomination that I've unleashed

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Speaker 3: into this pot.

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Speaker 2: I'm almost like like imagining Pandora's Box, but like Pandora's

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Speaker 2: poop box, Pandera's poop opened onto the world.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: My boyfriend then suggests to fill up an empty dust

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Speaker 3: bin with water and then pour it into the pot.

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Speaker 3: Obviously that works, and the piece of crap is now

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Speaker 3: rested in peace and probably clogging a different pipe.

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Speaker 1: Wow, it's been.

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Speaker 3: Half an hour and neither of us can stop laughing

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Speaker 3: about how I, a five foot person, gave birth to

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Speaker 3: one of the nastiest, burliest, and most aggressive dumps of

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Speaker 3: all time.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that that takes me back, honestly.

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Speaker 1: Yeah take that. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Well, I I just remember like I was, I was

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Speaker 2: seeing this was like a couple of years ago, but

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Speaker 2: I was seeing this girl, and this was probably after

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Speaker 2: going out a little bit, and so we had some drinks.

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Speaker 2: We had some like drunk food, which was this massive

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Speaker 2: sandwich from fat sALS, right, and uh, and that does

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Speaker 2: not sit well with the stomach. So I had to

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Speaker 2: go to the bathroom and literally I stick up this

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Speaker 2: bathroom one, right, but then it just won't flush. And

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Speaker 2: the thing is like when it doesn't flush, it gets

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Speaker 2: closer and closer to the top unless you wait. And

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Speaker 2: I'm panicking, so I keep flushing it, but then it

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Speaker 2: just keeps going up and up until it's almost like

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Speaker 2: it's like it's at the like the floating poop is

354
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Speaker 2: at water level. It also poops float by the way,

355
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Speaker 2: like poops float right, So it's like it's it's right,

356
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Speaker 2: it's right there at the brim, like looking over it,

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Speaker 2: and I'm like, I can't flush this again or it's

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Speaker 2: going to uh or it's going to overflow and just

359
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:51,680
Speaker 2: spill out into the floor and so uh. And so

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Speaker 2: I just waited in there until it went down, and

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Speaker 2: I must have spent like thirty minutes in there, and

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Speaker 2: she's she's like waiting for me outside wondering what's going on,

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Speaker 2: and I'm just like flushing and like like watching, like

364
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Speaker 2: biting my nails and watching it like float to the top.

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Speaker 1: Uh. Not a good vibe.

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Speaker 3: We should we should make it like a societal thing

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Speaker 3: where it's like, you know what, if we take a

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Speaker 3: big dump, it's it's okay.

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Speaker 1: It's okay. It's okay, don't big dump shame me.

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Speaker 3: We're just We're just we it happens to all of us. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: why do we do this?

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Speaker 2: Let's stop the big dump shaming. Stop right here, right now.

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Speaker 2: If you think you shouldn't be uh. If you think

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Speaker 2: you shouldn't be shamed for having a big dump, put

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Speaker 2: some in the put a put a in the comments. Everyone, Yeah,

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00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,119
Speaker 2: put a poop motion in the comments. This is a

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Speaker 2: no shame zone.