Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: Hey, everybody, welcome to hold up. This is the show
Speaker 2: where we have a big ideas and conversations about little things.
Speaker 2: You know, we get really intense, but it's about stuff
Speaker 2: that doesn't really matter. We're not talking about war, We're
Speaker 2: not talking about famine. We're talking about things that you know,
Speaker 2: irk us and we usually land on opposite sides of
Speaker 2: each other. Today we're gonna be talking about irons versus Steamers.
Speaker 2: I'm joined by my co hosts Duel say sloans that
Speaker 2: nigga and go ahead and tell the people, Do'll say?
Speaker 2: Tell the people where you land and why and how
Speaker 2: you came to.
Speaker 1: You know, you always ask me first. I think you
Speaker 1: should tell the people where are you land? Because I
Speaker 1: feel like you to hear all my arguments on my
Speaker 1: on my side now I feel deep in my heart.
Speaker 1: And then you're like, let me tell you all the
Speaker 1: ways that you are wrong, and first of all, on
Speaker 1: like that energy. Second of all, I think it allows
Speaker 1: you to start calculating and contemplating all of the counterpoints
Speaker 1: the arguments to my beautifully made and well executed thoughts,
Speaker 1: feelings and facts. So you go first, shit all right.
Speaker 2: Okay. You know, I thought I was being a gentleman
Speaker 2: this whole time. But no, no, no, no, no, I
Speaker 2: get it.
Speaker 1: I hear you, I hear you. It was gentlemen. But
Speaker 1: it's also strategy. It's strategicy.
Speaker 2: So I'm gonna go ahead and go.
Speaker 1: With Irons as you would.
Speaker 2: As you would Wow, what does that even mean?
Speaker 1: Gone?
Speaker 2: Okay, So I'm gonna go with Irons because to me,
Speaker 2: Irons are classic and we got it right the first time.
Speaker 2: You know, Irons, first of all, they know what they're
Speaker 2: doing with the settings. Okay, Iron's got those settings on them.
Speaker 2: They got nylne, they got silk, they got cotton, they
Speaker 2: got polyester.
Speaker 1: All right.
Speaker 2: You can adjust the knob. You can choose to spray,
Speaker 2: or you can choose to really push the steam through.
Speaker 2: And that's one of the reasons why I don't really
Speaker 2: think that the steamer's coming correct, because Irons already steam.
Speaker 2: They have a setting. So what you basically did was
Speaker 2: you were, you know, you were at a Quiznos thinking that, Wow,
Speaker 2: this is a great fast food sandwich. Meanwhile, Subway was
Speaker 2: like we've been toasting. So that your whole business model
Speaker 2: was wrapped up in a thing that we do on
Speaker 2: the side, And honestly, that's that's how I feel about irons.
Speaker 2: Irons were already steaming, pressing, doing all of the stuff
Speaker 2: they needed to do to get you wrinkle free. But
Speaker 2: then Steamers come out of nowhere, being like, we're the cool, hit,
Speaker 2: young new thing that doesn't even really do as much
Speaker 2: as our predecessor.
Speaker 1: Okay, one shout out to quiz nos way better than
Speaker 1: the subway. I don't know what happened to him. I
Speaker 1: don't know who didn't send an email. I don't know
Speaker 1: what had to occur for that business to go the
Speaker 1: way that it did, because it was actually pretty good.
Speaker 1: I of course went Steamers because I am a professional.
Speaker 1: And okay, we have to talk about how dangerous an
Speaker 1: iron is. Right, people have loved irons on burned down homes,
Speaker 1: burned people. Listen, you saw the episode of Good Times
Speaker 1: where Penny's mother came after her with that hot iron. Okay,
Speaker 1: we all have been just his We've all had burns
Speaker 1: marks on us from using irons. I remember this in
Speaker 1: my neighborhood. Listen, I'll tell you what he said, hot
Speaker 1: iron in his house. He's a kid, he's walking through
Speaker 1: bumps into the ironing board. There's a scar on his
Speaker 1: arm where it was a triangle of the top of
Speaker 1: the irony of the iron. It's the triangle and then
Speaker 1: like three of the holes. Right, it's on the young
Speaker 1: man's arm. He said, he bumped into the iron. That's
Speaker 1: none of my business at long past. Okay, I don't
Speaker 1: think CPS was coming. All right, we've all melted a
Speaker 1: piece of clothing. I was trying to because there are
Speaker 1: multiple settings, right, yeah, but I've had polyester. It was
Speaker 1: my favorite pair of pants, right, trying to get to work.
Speaker 1: They were wrinkled. I work with a bunch of black people,
Speaker 1: so you know, you can't come to work with wrinkle clothes.
Speaker 1: We work with black people, right, clothes can't be wrinkled.
Speaker 1: You can't be ashy. There's so many things we're late
Speaker 1: to work to make sure we look good enough for
Speaker 1: each other. No matter where we work. You could be
Speaker 1: in office, you be in a McDonald's, doesn't matter. We
Speaker 1: require each other to reach a certain level of standard. Right,
Speaker 1: polyester pants, polyester setting melted the fuck out of these pants.
Speaker 1: Favorite pair of pants. Have a little fake built us
Speaker 1: out to them. It's two thousand and three, I'm living
Speaker 1: my best life right, got my fun little stretch of pants.
Speaker 1: They're good for work, they're good for going to the club.
Speaker 1: You go up going out with my frendsy, wear them
Speaker 1: on a date. And now I go to iron them.
Speaker 1: I said, I'm on the setting. I read it polyester.
Speaker 1: It says you can and all of a sudden, all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, like a plastic bag close to a stove, crumbled, crumble.
Speaker 1: You understand you ever been cooking, you had like your
Speaker 1: grocery bags still close to the crunk gone. I thought
Speaker 1: those pants when I cried, oh I loved them, was
Speaker 1: like pants. I look good in them, pants too. Everything
Speaker 1: was hitting, popping, pop and popping. That thing was staging.
Speaker 1: The cakes was caking, and no, the iron took me out.
Speaker 1: Been burned by an iron. Also, that steam setting on
Speaker 1: an iron, what it does is it shoots water all
Speaker 1: over your clothes. And then you have to have the
Speaker 1: knowledge and the know how and the foresight to be
Speaker 1: able to get that water mark off the clothes because
Speaker 1: sometimes that water, the big drop of the water you
Speaker 1: iron over it, it actually carrates the water marker in
Speaker 1: your clothes. So now you're trying to look go nice
Speaker 1: at your business meeting, and now you just full of splotches.
Speaker 1: So steamers for me, one, I said, because if I'm
Speaker 1: a professional. Right, they don't have irons on set. There's
Speaker 1: no irons in costume shops. You know, there's like an
Speaker 1: iron like it I'm saying is sometimes there's an iron
Speaker 1: costume shop, right, but there's always a steamer on set.
Speaker 1: They make portable steamers. Okay, deliver it. Listen. There's no
Speaker 1: hot plate, but it's off. It's off. It's knocking them
Speaker 1: wrinkles out. You can do it on various fabrics. Okay.
Speaker 1: What I'm saying is that because you can, like say
Speaker 1: you want to some people iron curtains. Only iron curtain
Speaker 1: I know is the Soviet Union. I don't. That seems
Speaker 1: like a lot of works to me. But you can
Speaker 1: use them. It's a lot quicker than ironing. Also, you
Speaker 1: can iron creases into clothes. The setting sometimes is too high,
Speaker 1: too low. There's a lot of trial and error on
Speaker 1: an outfit with the iron. And usually when you're using
Speaker 1: an iron, you're probably in a hurry. You're gonna fuck
Speaker 1: something up. A steamer. Pour some water in that bitch
Speaker 1: and let the steam. Do the walking, Okay, you let
Speaker 1: the steam come through them wrinkles, Let the steam knock
Speaker 1: it out. You just lift it up, shoosh, shoosh. Shoot.
Speaker 1: Because I worked, I work in the costume shop before.
Speaker 1: You've seen the costume chop before every wardrobe of every
Speaker 1: TV show, movie or whatever. They ain't got no iron
Speaker 1: baby when they're out here for these fashion weeks. It's
Speaker 1: not an iron baby, it's a steamer. An iron is
Speaker 1: archaic technology. You understand, Irons is from the past. Once
Speaker 1: we got them settings, you put some steak. That's it.
Speaker 1: There's no new there's no new irons, there's no new shapes.
Speaker 1: Ain't nobody doing nothing new irons.
Speaker 2: Okay what okay? Look, first of all, the iron is
Speaker 2: the workmen's tool. We're getting those clothes nice and crisp. Okay,
Speaker 2: all right, I already see it. I already see the doubt.
Speaker 2: I see the dish on.
Speaker 1: The workman's tool. I mean you're not a workman. No,
Speaker 1: I don't know how you know it's the tool you
Speaker 1: I mean intention I don't know what working you're talking about. Right.
Speaker 2: Look, first of all that don't don't don't cope with
Speaker 2: me for things that are not irons.
Speaker 1: You know, you in the basement of our high school
Speaker 1: right now.
Speaker 2: Don't don't colte me for things that have nothing to
Speaker 2: do with with the topic.
Speaker 1: I hear you, I hear you. I dont know if
Speaker 1: you're safe. You are like a kidnapped Josh bleak twice,
Speaker 1: link twice. If you're safe, Josh, do you have a
Speaker 1: window fresh air? He see outside? What do you see?
Speaker 1: He go ahead, workman stool, right, you working off irons?
Speaker 1: Them from home? All right, workman stool.
Speaker 2: Irons. Okay, they may not be in every costume house,
Speaker 2: but they're in every hotel, all right. The people use irons, Okay,
Speaker 2: the steamer it is a tool of the thespian and
Speaker 2: of Hollywood. But the iron is a tool of the people.
Speaker 1: Okay, So you don't think they sell steamers to people.
Speaker 2: They sell them. But you were bringing up where they're
Speaker 2: in everything of and I'm telling you, yes, they're in
Speaker 2: every costume house, but they're But irons are in every
Speaker 2: hotel and they have been for a long time now.
Speaker 2: When it comes to steamers doing things wrong, there are
Speaker 2: steamers that only take specific things. So there's steamers that
Speaker 2: only take distilled water. All right. When you don't put
Speaker 2: that in there and you just put water from the
Speaker 2: tap because you're like, oh, I just gotta steam something
Speaker 2: real quick, whatever, there is a residue you can get
Speaker 2: because it's getting caked up within the steamer. Anyone with
Speaker 2: a steamer who's had this issue, this is what it is.
Speaker 2: By the way, if you have a steamer and you've
Speaker 2: ever had this problem, it's because your steamer in fine
Speaker 2: print probably if they told you in regular letters, you
Speaker 2: wouldn't have bought it. Your steamer in fine print only
Speaker 2: takes distilled water, all right, And when you don't put
Speaker 2: that on there, that's why sometimes it's not consistent with
Speaker 2: the push of the steam and all the holes, and
Speaker 2: why sometimes there's like a little white dot residue sort
Speaker 2: of thing on the overall steamer.
Speaker 1: When you get get that on an iron as well.
Speaker 2: You can get it on iron, but irons were made
Speaker 2: for dirty water. You can even iron with water from flint.
Speaker 1: You still make an iron with mud. You can even iron.
Speaker 2: You can iron with that lead water.
Speaker 1: If you wanted to listen, all I'm saying is that
Speaker 1: I think we went over to the steamer one because
Speaker 1: it's faster. You hang up your shirt, okay, pair of pants,
Speaker 1: your gown, all right, you run that now, mind you.
Speaker 1: I have had to use an iron as a steamer.
Speaker 1: Had to do it on Monday because he went to
Speaker 1: the Emmys. Uh and you were there as well, and
Speaker 1: we hung out. And so my friend Lace layer by
Speaker 1: look her up. She is an amazing comic. She's just
Speaker 1: just on America's got talent. She's getting ready. Her address
Speaker 1: needs to get ironed, right, So what did I So?
Speaker 1: I'm laying it on the bed. I lay it on
Speaker 1: the bed, going over it, and there's too many there's
Speaker 1: too many pounds. Okay, it's too many panels. I'm losing
Speaker 1: track of where I am. Also, if you iron something
Speaker 1: on a bed, because there was an iron, but I
Speaker 1: don't remember seeing an ironing board. Okay, So when you
Speaker 1: iron something on the bed, if you've got one of
Speaker 1: those comforters with the divisions in it, then it'll create
Speaker 1: like lines and whatever you're ironing. So it's taken forever.
Speaker 1: What did I do? I went and put some water
Speaker 1: in the iron, hung it up. Was done in three minutes.
Speaker 1: Choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo cheetootoo choo. Gown, ready,
Speaker 1: gown the house down, Ready for these emmies. Okay, ready
Speaker 1: for these parties. All the wrinkles sift way, They're gone. Okay,
Speaker 1: they fly away. Why because when I lifted it up
Speaker 1: and let that steam hit it, when I let the
Speaker 1: power of hot water instead of a hot plate get
Speaker 1: at them wrinkles.
Speaker 2: Okay, So I I understand. I did see the dress
Speaker 2: and it did look great. But from what I'm hearing,
Speaker 2: we're saying the same thing. We're both saying that irons
Speaker 2: already do what steamers claim to do it, and steamers
Speaker 2: came out of nowhere being like I'm special, I'm different,
Speaker 2: but they weren't.
Speaker 1: I have you have to buy an iron with a
Speaker 1: steamer function, like I have a small iron for like crafting.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: There's no steam function on that iron. I'd have that
Speaker 1: big steam like that big steam button my little iron.
Speaker 1: You can put water in it, mm hmm, but it
Speaker 1: doesn't hit you with the same right. So I'm not
Speaker 1: saying that there were there wasn't a steam function in
Speaker 1: the iron. I'm saying that they put steam functions in
Speaker 1: an iron because we had steamers and people were like, hey,
Speaker 1: let's add this into the iron, because sometimes the iron
Speaker 1: ain't giving us what we need. Ooh, well they added
Speaker 1: the steam.
Speaker 2: First of all. I don't think that that is correct
Speaker 2: at all. I don't know the timeline on that.
Speaker 1: Look it up.
Speaker 2: I mean, I guess I can look it up, but
Speaker 2: I just feel like the iron was added with steam
Speaker 2: and then someone made a steamer.
Speaker 1: There's a whole internet.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, we can look it up right now.
Speaker 1: This has to happen because what is it? What came
Speaker 1: first the iron of the steamer? Is that the question?
Speaker 2: No, no, no, just what came first the steamer or
Speaker 2: the steam function on an iron? Because irons are way
Speaker 2: older than steamers.
Speaker 1: Oh truly, they used to have irons or you put
Speaker 1: them in fucking fires. I remember seeing those old school
Speaker 1: irons were we're like, you gotta wrap a rag around it,
Speaker 1: because I don't remember seeing them going why did you
Speaker 1: make the whole thing?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, you know what I mean, why'd you make
Speaker 2: the handle metal?
Speaker 1: Why is it handle metal? Like this? Lets you know
Speaker 1: that they knew that women were going to use this
Speaker 1: because somebody didn't give a fuck, right, because it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I could see that they put wooden handles on like
Speaker 1: it's like pots. It's like every time I see like
Speaker 1: a lot of designs for stuff, I'm like, we were
Speaker 1: been putting wooden handles on things for a long time.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm, well, like kettles, pots and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying it just feels like sometimes it's just
Speaker 1: like men are mean.
Speaker 2: While you're looking it up, I'll make the case because
Speaker 2: you brought it up as a detriment, I would actually
Speaker 2: say it's potentially a plus. All right. You brought up
Speaker 2: the dangerous side of irons, all right, as if it
Speaker 2: was a negative. I'm saying, lit's lean into the danger
Speaker 2: for a second, all right, it's not it's not a con.
Speaker 2: It's a pro. There's a lot of Americans that don't
Speaker 2: want to have a gun in their house, all right,
Speaker 2: But if you got an intruder, what you hitting them with?
Speaker 2: A steamer or an iron?
Speaker 1: All right?
Speaker 2: Are you if you if you had a robber come
Speaker 2: in your house and you don't you don't have anything
Speaker 2: weaponized to defend yourself. But you've got an iron. Now
Speaker 2: you got a chance. If it's hot, No, no, it
Speaker 2: doesn't have to be hot. That's just that's just a
Speaker 2: bunch of metal waiting to hit somebody in.
Speaker 1: The head depending on the side. There's some of these irons.
Speaker 1: I'm just like, this.
Speaker 2: Iron is too big, not too big to fight.
Speaker 1: Now my iron is only no one's afraid. It all
Speaker 1: depends on the size of your iron. Yeah.
Speaker 2: See, steamers level steamers are too ergonomically built, all right.
Speaker 2: They're not gonna do the same damage as a big,
Speaker 2: clunky iron waiting to just crack somebody across the face.
Speaker 1: The first commercially available electric steam iron was introduced in
Speaker 1: nineteen twenty six. And you're trying Drying and Cleaning Company,
Speaker 1: not Dry cleaning. Drying and Cleaning el Dick, but was
Speaker 1: not a commercial success. The patent for an electric steam
Speaker 1: iron and dampener was issued just in Chicago nineteen thirty four.
Speaker 1: You know, we should really start researching this shit before
Speaker 1: we actually get on the podcast.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's not really about being factual, it's about
Speaker 2: being right, that's true.
Speaker 1: Can you put in a creeze with a steamer?
Speaker 2: Well, this is the thing about a steamer as well.
Speaker 2: Some steamers come with that little handheld casing. Have you
Speaker 2: seen this? So basically, when you open the steamer. The
Speaker 2: package of the steamer comes in like the little bag
Speaker 2: flattens out, and that bag is very, very thick, So
Speaker 2: that way you can run the steamer along the close
Speaker 2: but also press your hand against the steamer through the
Speaker 2: bag without burning yourself. Have you seen this?
Speaker 1: Well? I did just see again because I was like,
Speaker 1: can a steamer make a crease? It says if you
Speaker 1: wear pleated pants, you can use the steamer instead of crease.
Speaker 1: Just lay the garment down on a flat service move
Speaker 1: and move the plate down the edge of the crease
Speaker 1: as you were with an iron. And then men's health
Speaker 1: dot com why every man should own a closed steamer?
Speaker 1: Or reman all the men'ses.
Speaker 2: You're really gonna sit here and listen to men's health.
Speaker 1: Men's health seems to be the most concern about you, niggas.
Speaker 2: Look, men's health. They have their good days, they have
Speaker 2: their bad days.
Speaker 1: A right, I've had some good days, I hear you,
Speaker 1: because women's health is the same thing. Sometimes it's like,
Speaker 1: you know what, thank you for teaching me about pentepause.
Speaker 1: And then the next day it's like, oh, all the
Speaker 1: flat Tommy teaks, bitch, all of this is just a laxative,
Speaker 1: dare you? Yeah, I see what you're saying. But I
Speaker 1: know that men don't have to worry about flat Tommy
Speaker 1: te's for some reason, my stomach is supposed to be flat.
Speaker 1: But these niggas out here looking like old stoves, and
Speaker 1: I'm supposed to be impressed. They call them pop belly
Speaker 1: stoves for a reason. What came first, the pot belly
Speaker 1: or the stalls?
Speaker 2: Okay? So do you think then that the what I'm
Speaker 2: talking about with the casing with the steamer, with the
Speaker 2: handheld thing where you can really hold it and impress it. Okay,
Speaker 2: that's just to me, that's just knock off iron. And
Speaker 2: I've seen it with a couple of models. But that's fine,
Speaker 2: that's fine. I understand that you love your steamer. Understands
Speaker 2: done you right, It's just done me dirty in the past.
Speaker 1: Okay, as an iron has done me dirty in the past,
Speaker 1: I can say as someone who has had iron. Now
Speaker 1: I had to says someone who has ironed lots of clothes,
Speaker 1: I choose not to do it. Also, a lot of
Speaker 1: my clothes very flammable, very multiple. I'm not dealing with
Speaker 1: a lot of natural fabrics all the time.
Speaker 2: M H.
Speaker 1: So I don't always iron because I can't. But a
Speaker 1: lot of those clothes that are very flammable, you don't
Speaker 1: need to iron them anyway. Like all these leggings I got,
Speaker 1: you need to iron them leggings. Don't you put a
Speaker 1: leg in it? Because it's on his body? Right? You know?
Speaker 2: Yes, the body is the iron.
Speaker 1: I got you right, The body is the iron. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: body bodye iron. That's all I'm saying. Okay, now, how
Speaker 1: do you say iron? I hear that's the only way
Speaker 1: you say.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I didn't know a kid that he was
Speaker 2: very confused. He would always, first of all, he talked
Speaker 2: very fast, and he would always call an iron and iron.
Speaker 2: And so there was one time where he was talking
Speaker 2: about how his mom was mad because he broke the iron,
Speaker 2: and we were like, yeah, I mean it's an urn.
Speaker 2: Got somebody's ashes all over your phone, like like like yeah,
Speaker 2: because we didn't understand him for the longest time. Took
Speaker 2: us like a good eight to ten minutes of him
Speaker 2: trying to explain because he also can't say it any
Speaker 2: other way. So he's like, no, it's not an urn,
Speaker 2: it's an iurn, right, But like that's the same word
Speaker 2: that you're saying.
Speaker 1: My mama's My mom had a friend when we lived
Speaker 1: in Miami and they were country and she went over there.
Speaker 1: One time. She went over their house without me and
Speaker 1: my brother and their youngest son. He said, he give
Speaker 1: to my mom money goes where your turn at? And
Speaker 1: mother said, excuse me, said your churn And my mother
Speaker 1: said I'm so sorry, and he said, yo, cheer ran
Speaker 1: and said where are my children? He said, yeah, your
Speaker 1: chardren And mother said they're not with me.
Speaker 2: There's definitely, especially in your mom's mind. I'm sure that
Speaker 2: after the first one, like where your churing? It's like
Speaker 2: I get my butter at the store. Yeah, Like like
Speaker 2: if somebody just comes at you completely you don't know
Speaker 2: what they're saying and try to make sense of it.
Speaker 2: One of one of my favorite instances of this happening
Speaker 2: was on uh, to catch a Predator? All right, on
Speaker 2: to catch a Predator. This dude shows up. Chris Hansen
Speaker 2: got him, you know, got him like like and then
Speaker 2: this dude is like a little wannabe you know Eminem, right,
Speaker 2: so he's already got the cap, he's got like all
Speaker 2: the stuff, and you know, Chris Hansen starts asking him
Speaker 2: questions like you know, like why were you talking to
Speaker 2: a young teenager on the on the internet? All the
Speaker 2: stuff like that, all the Chris Hansen stuff that Chris
Speaker 2: Hansen does. And this guy goes, uh, he pulls his
Speaker 2: hat down and he's like, I don't really be on
Speaker 2: I don't even really want to be on TV right now?
Speaker 2: You feel me? And like so so he does that,
Speaker 2: which is already like, oh man said this guy to
Speaker 2: jail down for multiple things, yes, and so so as
Speaker 2: he said, I don't really want to be on T
Speaker 2: you right now? You feel me? Chris Hanson completely misunderstanding here,
Speaker 2: but without missing a beat, gos, yes, we are filming.
Speaker 1: No, that's not you feel me. No, No, that's not
Speaker 1: that's not what happened. You feel me not. I'm saying
Speaker 1: all of those things. There was always like jokes and
Speaker 1: like the nineties and two thousand and somebody was like, yo,
Speaker 1: you feel me, Like no, dude not. I think that's
Speaker 1: how substance of dude was, Like you feel me. This
Speaker 1: guy was like, I don't want to touch you. And
Speaker 1: I've laughed so hard I left, so I don't want
Speaker 1: to touch you. I saw this, uh, this thread I
Speaker 1: think there's an embracing black culture. It's funny because my
Speaker 1: friend Lace was like she said, she said, I've learned
Speaker 1: so much on embracing black culture, and I was like cool.
Speaker 1: She said. Thing that was crazy was like bleach when
Speaker 1: washing dishes, and I was like, yeah, I don't do
Speaker 1: it because I don't like the smell of bleach and
Speaker 1: it makes your hands weird.
Speaker 2: I also don't do it because I washed my dishes
Speaker 2: soon enough that bleach never comes into the conversation.
Speaker 1: But some people just do it all the time.
Speaker 2: When I found out there were people that do it
Speaker 2: all the time, I was genuinely blown away. I was
Speaker 2: like it just like it the the food just happened.
Speaker 1: I hear you. But some people are like clean, it
Speaker 1: is clean. But it's like I don't want bleach on
Speaker 1: my dishes because my dishes smell like bleach and I
Speaker 1: hate the smell and bleach. But it was this whole
Speaker 1: threat of just like things that black people will say
Speaker 1: that will like hype people up and people misunderstanding it.
Speaker 1: Just girls like like I was at worker when my
Speaker 1: conaworkers came in and like a new outfit and it
Speaker 1: looked nice and she's like, ooh, I'm care to you.
Speaker 1: And he was like, but why I didn't do anything?
Speaker 1: So just so it's like why why are you scared?
Speaker 1: What did? What did I do? Or you're still talking
Speaker 1: about or you know somebody else it brought something for
Speaker 1: like a potlug, like oh you put your foot in this?
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, why would I put my foot? That's disgusting,
Speaker 1: And it's like you there's there has to be a
Speaker 1: point where you realize that's not what we're saying, like, oh,
Speaker 1: my favorite is when white comics go to black rooms
Speaker 1: and have a good set and somebody be like, man,
Speaker 1: you stupid and they're like, well, I think my comedy
Speaker 1: You're like no, no, no, no, no, no no no, just
Speaker 1: giving you a compliment, just say thank you, man.
Speaker 2: You're stupid. I thought that I was pretty insightful up there,
Speaker 2: and the.
Speaker 1: Well crafted jokes and whenever black people in a group,
Speaker 1: we're all laughing. Like you've seen Derek run down the street.
Speaker 1: Uh Derek Gaines, great comedian, the Great Boy on Instagram.
Speaker 1: When the white comics came over, He's like, I just
Speaker 1: want to tell a joke and all you guys run
Speaker 1: away and then come back. He said, that's all I want.
Speaker 1: I just want to be able to come over to
Speaker 1: the group and say something and all you'll run away.
Speaker 1: I have always wondered what it is because I saw
Speaker 1: something like it's because of slavery, and I was like,
Speaker 1: come on, dog.
Speaker 2: Really everything because of slavery?
Speaker 1: Is it? I don't I mean, I can't say. I
Speaker 1: don't know. But it's like because it was like we
Speaker 1: weren't allowed to laugh because we're allowed to have fun
Speaker 1: even though we were just like already working for free Bro,
Speaker 1: already murdering us, you already stole us. You can at
Speaker 1: least let us fucking laugh, right, because I don't remember
Speaker 1: the day that I learned that when somebody said something
Speaker 1: to run away, because it's a deep feeling where you're
Speaker 1: just like I have to flee.
Speaker 2: You don't want to be I don't want to be
Speaker 2: near the person that said that right now, right even though.
Speaker 1: It's funny as shit, you're like, I gotta get away
Speaker 1: from it's very much deep in your body. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: because at some point, like if we don't run, me
Speaker 1: and dere goes start jumping up and down. But I'm
Speaker 1: trying to figure out, like for me.
Speaker 2: It's a good melt. If I say something that makes
Speaker 2: somebody slide out the seat, man, I know I've made
Speaker 2: my mark. You know, I know I've contributed to the conversation.
Speaker 1: It's either there's the run the melt, or someone grabs
Speaker 1: the nearest person and they laugh, making no noise.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, they just for.
Speaker 1: Their whole like if you weren't paying attention, because it's
Speaker 1: like they're grabbing each other and their mouths are open,
Speaker 1: so either they're screaming it like they're either in a
Speaker 1: horror movie, or they're laughing.
Speaker 2: Yeah. It's like when Joe Rogan sees a knockout and
Speaker 2: he just grabs everybody that's nearer, but just stare.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying, because it's like, when you see
Speaker 1: somebody do something, you must just grab the nearest person.
Speaker 2: You're grabbing them so that they're safe from what I
Speaker 2: was just said. You know, it's a lot like the
Speaker 2: mom arm with in the carcident you know where, Yes,
Speaker 2: let me stick it out there.
Speaker 1: Make sure I did that with my friend Jessica Michelle.
Speaker 1: It's a comic Mayron. The first time I ever heard
Speaker 1: Mayron say I've sucked more dicks than you've had hot dinners.
Speaker 1: Me and Jessica just but it was immediate. We grabbed
Speaker 1: each other, girded our loins, and then it were just
Speaker 1: it was just we were just frozen. I couldn't fuck,
Speaker 1: I could not function. I was just did you what
Speaker 1: the fuck that? But like you want somebody to like
Speaker 1: make you laugh like that, like I want to. I
Speaker 1: don't know if I've ever done. I don't know if
Speaker 1: I've ever done many people laugh like that while I
Speaker 1: was on stage, I've done the conversation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's oh yeah. Also shout out Mayron. It was
Speaker 2: very funny. And I still remember the first time I
Speaker 2: met Mayron and I was just I think I was
Speaker 2: at stam New York or something, just eating a salad
Speaker 2: and we were meeting. We were like saying our hellos
Speaker 2: and everything, and he's like, are you are you out
Speaker 2: late eating a salad? And I was like yeah, and
Speaker 2: he was like, come through black excellence.
Speaker 1: Come through black excellence. Yes, Mama. I love Mayron. I
Speaker 1: remember be it a diner late in the city, and
Speaker 1: I know it was like fucking four in the morning,
Speaker 1: and I saw some young white woman eating a salad
Speaker 1: and I was like, bit's just ain't a salad time.
Speaker 1: These white women can't get no breaks, bros.
Speaker 2: Salad time, salad time.
Speaker 1: He eating a whole fucking burger, fries, all the trimmings
Speaker 1: you over. There were just a ball of lettuce and
Speaker 1: I think she put like oil and vinegar on it.
Speaker 1: I was like, you're already thin what you're trying to prove.
Speaker 1: M eat the fries. It's okay, You're gonna run him
Speaker 1: off in the morning, It's all right, But you don't
Speaker 1: because I was watching her eat the salad. She didn't
Speaker 1: look excited about it. That nigg eating that burger. He
Speaker 1: was having a great time.
Speaker 2: I can't believe.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I don't think. I don't know if he
Speaker 1: was humming, but I can feel the hump her. On
Speaker 1: the other hand, every poke with a fork was like,
Speaker 1: I know acting when I see it. Right. You remember
Speaker 1: in the nineties where they kept trying to tell us
Speaker 1: you could use iron and make a girl cheese sandwich.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, did you ever do that?
Speaker 1: No, my mother would have beat the brakes off me.
Speaker 2: Oh it's funny. I know a kid that did it,
Speaker 2: and he got the brakes beating off him.
Speaker 1: See, because no one tells you because the thing is
Speaker 1: you can't get butter off that iron.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Also, when you really think about it, you need two irons. M.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I suppose so. I mean I feel like you
Speaker 2: need to make it really effective, and then you need
Speaker 2: a pan that's flat enough for the iron to move around.
Speaker 2: But the pan.
Speaker 1: But if you have a pan, just make the grilled
Speaker 1: cheese in the pant.
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I think that if you
Speaker 2: if you've gone all the way to like I got
Speaker 2: my flat pan and I got my iron, it's like, well,
Speaker 2: JA missed the point of cooking.
Speaker 1: Right yo? I know they have to. I wonder if
Speaker 1: there's an iron cookbook, because you know there's a toaster cookbook.
Speaker 1: There's a toaster of a cookbook. You know it's probably
Speaker 1: for bachelor's too. I always a confused as we like
Speaker 1: the whole trope or like where men are on their
Speaker 1: own they're completely incompetent. M. I mean, we're not one
Speaker 1: hundred percent wrong, because they're the ones that are telling
Speaker 1: us that, like on sitcoms, like men by themselves are
Speaker 1: completely incompetent, but it's mostly men in writers' rooms. But
Speaker 1: like I didn't see an iron cookbook. I saw a
Speaker 1: cast iron cookbook, and that's not the same thing. You
Speaker 1: probably can't you know what. I bet you could make
Speaker 1: broccoli like you could steam vegetables with a steamer if
Speaker 1: you had the right.
Speaker 2: Guess and you are steaming vegetables with a steamer. Oh,
Speaker 2: I'm telling you right now, you are broke.
Speaker 1: All right? Oh have you not seen people like they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: you can use a coffee maker to cook vegetables, And
Speaker 1: I'm just like.
Speaker 2: That's like, that's the type of innovation we don't need.
Speaker 2: It's innovating backwards. It's like I specifically told Logan about
Speaker 2: a time where I can't remember who was even saying it,
Speaker 2: but anyway, where they were like, oh, you know, if
Speaker 2: dish soap is also hand soap, then why can't it
Speaker 2: just be body wash?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: And I mean if it's body wash, then is basically
Speaker 2: like conditioner at shampoo and what like. It grew so
Speaker 2: much that I was like, oh man, this is like
Speaker 2: the the most insane logic I've ever heard.
Speaker 1: Got your tomato ketchup? That's your tomatoes to ketch up logic.
Speaker 2: Look that's different, Okay, okay, because that was that was me.
Speaker 1: Mm hm, and this is them. Yes, yes, Now listen,
Speaker 1: you can't say that the first bubble bath you had
Speaker 1: was not Ajax dish.
Speaker 2: Maybe it might have been dial.
Speaker 1: Dial. Dial is like dial will strip your DNA. Bro.
Speaker 2: Yeah, when you get done with dial, not only are
Speaker 2: you clean, you are missing all right, Dial, just no fingerprints.
Speaker 1: But so when I was talking about like just to
Speaker 1: go back, we we were talking about like the body
Speaker 1: wash hand so dial, Like I was thinking about it
Speaker 1: because you said soap was self cleaning, and I was like,
Speaker 1: and I was telling my mom about it, and she's like,
Speaker 1: he's never been in a mechanic shop. And I used
Speaker 1: to date a mechanic but a lot of time we
Speaker 1: always had used cars. And the soap at a mechanic
Speaker 1: shop is the dirtiest piece of soap. It's always bit,
Speaker 1: It's big and dirty. Right. So, what we've realized is
Speaker 1: that even though we have our clear positions on irons
Speaker 1: versus steamers, neither one of us has convinced the other
Speaker 1: one to come to anywhere to their side.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you'll never take me alive, but.
Speaker 1: Listen, I'm not here for your child. Abused appliances is
Speaker 1: what I'm not what I'm gonna That's what I'm gonna say.
Speaker 2: No one, you can burn somebody with a steamer.
Speaker 1: He absolutely can't. But I haven't seen it yet. So
Speaker 1: what I haven't seen is year after year, you know,
Speaker 1: of movies and somebody get busted in the head with
Speaker 1: an iron or somebody having a hot iron on their face,
Speaker 1: like fucking home alone, right, Irons have been used to
Speaker 1: cause so much damage, while steamers, on the other hand,
Speaker 1: are knocking wrinkles out of clothes and making it broccoli delicious.
Speaker 2: Look, let's be honest, though, if you're in that situation,
Speaker 2: if you're in dire straits, Kevin mckowister can coming through
Speaker 2: with a steamer, all right, he needs that iron.
Speaker 1: You could have hooked it up, have a steamer on high,
Speaker 1: and somebody opened the door get blasted in the face
Speaker 1: with steam. Steam is actually very dangerous.
Speaker 2: Steam is dangerous. But that's not that. Steam isn't hidden
Speaker 2: like that. It's not hidden like that iron.
Speaker 1: I'm not exactly my point, Okay, Danger.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, danger, danger. Safety for the person using the
Speaker 2: iron is what I see.
Speaker 1: But it's also danger to the person using the iron.
Speaker 1: You've all been burned by an iron We've all been
Speaker 1: burned by an iron. We've always thought an iron was
Speaker 1: not on, and it was on. We've all looked for
Speaker 1: two seconds and something catching cats. We've all been burned
Speaker 1: by irons, have been permanently scarred by irons. Look, I
Speaker 1: don't know nobody with a steamer, with a steamer scarred.
Speaker 2: Anything truly beautiful is a little dangerous.
Speaker 1: Okay, not fucking with you, Okay, don't you That is
Speaker 1: the most That is the craziest thing. That was insane.
Speaker 1: I'm worried about you and anybody did know? Oh you negro?
Speaker 1: What this man? Josh and wild out here in these streets.
Speaker 1: So so let's give it over to the listeners.
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's kick it to you. What do you think
Speaker 2: irons versus steamers? What do you use more? What do
Speaker 2: you love more? Which one do you think has more utility? Iron?
Speaker 2: So whatever you think, you let us know in the comments.
Speaker 2: You can let us know on social if you're looking
Speaker 2: for us, you can find me at Josh Johnson Comedy
Speaker 2: on Instagram, at Josh Johnson on Twitter, Josh ja Comedy
Speaker 2: on Facebook if you still use it, and Josh Johnson
Speaker 2: Comedy on YouTube and TikTok and if you're looking for
Speaker 2: dul say is.
Speaker 1: Doulse sloan on everything, because I don't want to confuse you.
Speaker 1: But also I do realize there's seven thousand Josh Johnson.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can't help that. You know, there's so many
Speaker 2: of us.
Speaker 1: I know, I just know about your emails. There's so many.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you know, we appreciate you. We hope you
Speaker 2: a great time listening, and honestly, we hope you have
Speaker 2: a great weekend that is pressed and cleaned, no creases
Speaker 2: that you don't want, and you're looking fresh in the world.
Speaker 1: No sticks, those stamps. I don't spoke weed. I don't know
Speaker 1: where I said that.
Speaker 3: Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
Speaker 3: searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch
Speaker 3: The Daily Show week nights at eleven ten Central on
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Speaker 3: This has been a Comedy Central podcast