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Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional Professional. Hey guys,

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Speaker 1: welcome to this week's episode of the PhD Podcast. It's

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Speaker 1: your girl, eban A and as always, I am super

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Speaker 1: excited about this week's episode. Before we begin to do

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Speaker 1: a little housekeeping, please make sure to follow me on

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Speaker 1: Instagram at the Professional home Girl at the PhD Podcast

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Speaker 1: and that's when, not least at eban a Beauty. Please

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Speaker 1: make sure to follow me on Twitter at th h

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Speaker 1: E p h G Underscore. And also please make sure

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Speaker 1: you check out the website at www dot PhD podcast

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Speaker 1: dot com. We have some cute merch on there, so

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Speaker 1: please make sure you support the podcast. And last but

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Speaker 1: not least, if you have any questions, comments, or concerns,

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Speaker 1: please make sure to email me at Hello at the

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Speaker 1: PhD podcast dot com. So this episode is a very

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Speaker 1: transparent episode as you will be hearing a session with

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Speaker 1: my therapist and I on where I'm at mentally in

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Speaker 1: my life. Also side notes, so in the episode, please

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Speaker 1: excuse the pizza and ramble it in the background. Your

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Speaker 1: girl was in the streets to night before, so I

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Speaker 1: had to get a good old slice of pizza and

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Speaker 1: gin Darrell because I was not missing my therapy session. Um.

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Speaker 1: As you know, I am a huge advocate of therapy

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Speaker 1: and I'm always speaking to people about how effective it

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Speaker 1: is and why you should invest in it. I mean, child,

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Speaker 1: it took me a long time to find peace, and

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Speaker 1: I tell you the kids for them so happy and

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Speaker 1: soul light. Its just it's young crazy because I've never

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Speaker 1: had type of feeling before. But I know I owe

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Speaker 1: it all to therapy into my ball mass therapist. So

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Speaker 1: if you are looking for a therapist, please email me

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Speaker 1: hello at Hello at the pH D podcast dot com

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Speaker 1: if you're located to try to stay area. And also

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Speaker 1: she does take uh and call sessions and FaceTime sessions,

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Speaker 1: so don't framp and once you email me, I definitely

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Speaker 1: sent you her details. Um. Also, we are doing an

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Speaker 1: episode dedicated to listener to questions, So if you have

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Speaker 1: a question for my therapist and we're like a small

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Speaker 1: introduction to therapy, email me now. All right, y'all, so

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Speaker 1: enjoyed the episode and until next time later. So what's

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Speaker 1: been going on? So these past couple of weeks, I've

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Speaker 1: been like really emotional. I'm like, well, I'm I'm so

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Speaker 1: damn emotional, Like I think one morning, I woke up

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Speaker 1: and I was watching Preshious and I was just crying,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like calling, I'm gonna watching this ship and

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Speaker 1: talking the morning, and then I started putting two or

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Speaker 1: two together and this Sunday is an anniversary or my

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Speaker 1: grandmother passes. So I was like, Okay, that makes sense.

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Speaker 1: But besides that, I feel like, I don't know, I

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Speaker 1: just feel other than that, in a really great space,

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Speaker 1: like I don't know, like I feel like I was

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Speaker 1: listening to this interview with Big Sean right and he

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Speaker 1: was just saying, how like when you um, when you

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Speaker 1: only use part of yourself, you lose the rest, You

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Speaker 1: lose touch with the rest of yourself. And I was

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Speaker 1: thinking to myself, like, I feel like now I feel

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Speaker 1: so much at peace for a lot of things, and

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Speaker 1: I feel I feel like I'm becoming more of me,

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Speaker 1: Like I feel like I've seen myself for the first time,

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Speaker 1: which is like it's so crazy me, Okay, what are you?

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Speaker 1: What are you selling? I love that. I mean I

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Speaker 1: think that sometimes going through like triumphant relationships and disconnecting

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Speaker 1: from toxicity in our lives by choice one it empowers

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Speaker 1: us to be like, oh I did that the second thing.

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Speaker 1: I feel like it if you choose to take space

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Speaker 1: from just people and like really start to be in

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Speaker 1: this place of self acceptance and journaling and like meditating

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Speaker 1: and tapping into like why do I feel like this

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Speaker 1: today and things like that, it starts to make you

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Speaker 1: feel like, oh, this is really the person I am.

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Speaker 1: I'm the person that gets emotional when it's close to

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Speaker 1: my grandparents, you know, my grandmother's death. Um, And that's okay, right,

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Speaker 1: It's okay to be emotional. It's okay for me to

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Speaker 1: be a person that you know, hang out my friends

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Speaker 1: from town to time. I enjoy that. Like all of

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Speaker 1: this becomes self acceptance, and it feels like it starts

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Speaker 1: to feel like there's a real me coming out. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm learning so much about myself. Yeah, I feel like

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Speaker 1: I was just thinking about like all the past relationships, friendships, jobs, opportunity,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, I think the reason why things they

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Speaker 1: work out because I wasn't acting in my true self,

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Speaker 1: Like I was just doing it because I felt like

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Speaker 1: I just need to do it, but I didn't really

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Speaker 1: want to do it, or I didn't really want to

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Speaker 1: be in that relationship, or I didn't really want to

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Speaker 1: be friends with that person, Okay, So if we could

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Speaker 1: spend that in a very positive way, because the way

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Speaker 1: it's coming out now is like I knew how to

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Speaker 1: do these things, but I just didn't do that. But

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Speaker 1: that's the thing I don't think I knew, right, So

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Speaker 1: I say, how do we spend that in a different way?

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Speaker 1: Because if I would have been better, I would have

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Speaker 1: done better. Right, So you know, the acceptance part also

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Speaker 1: comes in right now when it's like, so when I

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Speaker 1: think of who I was back then, I had these

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Speaker 1: relationships in my life, and even though they didn't work

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Speaker 1: for me, I didn't know any better. Now, fast boy,

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Speaker 1: I've learned how to accept myself, how to let go

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Speaker 1: of relationships, how not to be afraid of letting go

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Speaker 1: relationship and I feel really good. All right. Do you

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Speaker 1: see the switch up? It's changing the narrative, right. So

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Speaker 1: if you your old narrative was one of self judgment, right,

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Speaker 1: why am I not doing this? I could do this,

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Speaker 1: I could let people go and move on that self judgment.

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Speaker 1: Your new narrative is I needed to learn some things

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Speaker 1: about me to be okay with letting go DC people

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Speaker 1: being okay in that space where you know, I knew

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Speaker 1: that I could welcome new friendships and new opportunities and

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Speaker 1: all of that. And I feel like now I'm sorry,

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Speaker 1: just I feel like I just see clearer now, Like,

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Speaker 1: but then I was thinking, like, damn, this is the

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Speaker 1: third three years ship for some people say forty something years, right,

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Speaker 1: Glass Half was it's a thirty three years, which means

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Speaker 1: I got the rest of my life to actually enjoy us. Right.

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Speaker 1: Some of it is also very developmental, Like people don't

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Speaker 1: really develop into this place of self acceptance, especially if

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Speaker 1: they come from family that's really um brought on a

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Speaker 1: lot of trauma to them and things like that. They

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Speaker 1: don't really get to that place until like you're late twenties,

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Speaker 1: early theorties. Anyway, developmentally you're not in that phase where

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Speaker 1: you're accepting this is who I am. Right, So a

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Speaker 1: lot of it is development right. Yeah. People don't believe

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Speaker 1: that though, I mean not really it. Yeah, they're like,

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Speaker 1: you should be doing this right that dominance, So what

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Speaker 1: you should be in your twenties already have your ship together,

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Speaker 1: you know you should not, Right, that's the time when

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Speaker 1: people are really trying to figure out, trying to explore

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Speaker 1: life living in this place of like younger doulthood, but

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Speaker 1: I see selfishness. I think that pressure really put I

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Speaker 1: think me feeling like I had to have this, I

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Speaker 1: had to do this, I had to be with this

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Speaker 1: person webcase and have been put so much pressure on

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Speaker 1: me and then realizing that I didn't even want that.

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Speaker 1: Oh that wasn't for me. Where do you think that

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Speaker 1: pressure came from? Um? Um, I don't know. I think

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Speaker 1: it comes from like, I don't know, I was gonna say,

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Speaker 1: maybe it comes from like me not always wanted me

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Speaker 1: one of that stability of like having certain things that

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Speaker 1: I've never had, so the pressure trying to like maybe

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Speaker 1: fit in into certain situations with certain relationships so I

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Speaker 1: can be able to have what I thought I needed

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Speaker 1: at that time. Okay, do you think that came from

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Speaker 1: like societal norms and you think it came from, like, um,

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Speaker 1: the lack of like having healthy relationships or mentorships or guidance. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I definitely think when I was younger, I didn't have

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Speaker 1: a lot of resources that I do now. And I

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Speaker 1: also feel like when I was younger, I wasn't being

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Speaker 1: I wasn't exposed to like being around women where you

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Speaker 1: can just really just truly be yourself, like I feel

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Speaker 1: like with women or maybe just off my experience, like

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Speaker 1: I just always had to show face. Like I feel

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Speaker 1: like I was never really like allowed to be like

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Speaker 1: sad or upset or angry or like or just showing motion,

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Speaker 1: Like I always had to be like Evan this and that,

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Speaker 1: and everybody always knew me as like being popular in college,

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Speaker 1: like I came to New York and made friends. Like

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Speaker 1: when I came to York, I had a car and

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Speaker 1: I had all this stuff that I've always just been

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Speaker 1: like happy, and so I feel like I did. It's

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Speaker 1: so hard for like when you really expose yourself to people,

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Speaker 1: because I feel like when you expose yourself to people

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Speaker 1: and then people really seeing you who you are is

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Speaker 1: like not only are you being vulnerable, but that person

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Speaker 1: can use it against you. Yeah. So, so I think

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Speaker 1: with the beginning one when you were like you've never

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Speaker 1: really been exposed to like relationships and people that accept you,

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Speaker 1: right and also understand you're human. Right, So life comes

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Speaker 1: to answer flows. So one day I might be up,

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Speaker 1: one day I might not be up, but I'm still human.

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Speaker 1: I feel so much better with this piece. I'm still

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Speaker 1: human though right. I think the other thing is like

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Speaker 1: not being around people. But that can say to you, like,

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Speaker 1: minus all this stuff, you're still have a nag. Minus

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Speaker 1: the car, minus the college degree of minus all these things,

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Speaker 1: there's still this warm, time, compassionate person. You get to

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Speaker 1: having emotions, you get to feel broken down at times,

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Speaker 1: but we still empower you to get back up. Right,

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Speaker 1: it's just that moment that day. So I think, yeah,

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Speaker 1: not being exposed to that can hinder people from like

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Speaker 1: being emotional, from the one that they can't express the

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Speaker 1: emotions in a very safe place. Did I feel like

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Speaker 1: as soon as I would show emotion, the first things

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Speaker 1: I would stay But oh YouTube emotional, YouTube, passionate. I

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Speaker 1: feel like I don't know if you're gonna and this

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Speaker 1: has come up from a conversation I had with somebody

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Speaker 1: who has friends, but oh, I don't know if you're

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Speaker 1: gonna attack me this? And then I'm like, why me?

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Speaker 1: Are taking like how I feel and gradually can be

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Speaker 1: passionate times, but why thinking? Why would you think? Out

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Speaker 1: from my hands on you? But I think also like

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Speaker 1: and just my thoughts and from my experience, society doesn't

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Speaker 1: allow us to space to want be passionate people, um,

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Speaker 1: and to really show emotions in a very passionate way.

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Speaker 1: Like I've had instances where we're black. You know what,

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Speaker 1: we're told a cloud, right, So you know, I'm passionate

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Speaker 1: about something and my voice ray. There's a couple of

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Speaker 1: levels and the person to be like, why are you yelling?

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Speaker 1: Why are you screaming? I'm like, I'm not screaming at you.

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Speaker 1: I'm passionate about this thing. And when and when we

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Speaker 1: get passionate, sometimes we get loud. It's how we were raised.

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Speaker 1: It's the households we come from, right, everybody is loud.

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Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be intimidated anyway, but I think

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Speaker 1: society sees, you know, emotions as um an unsafe thing.

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Speaker 1: When people can be sad and you know, vulnerable and

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Speaker 1: all these things, it is a feeling of I'm not safe,

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Speaker 1: right when the person is not safe because they also

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Speaker 1: don't want to tap into their emotions. So when you're

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Speaker 1: around people that can be emotional, can be passionate, you're accepted.

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Speaker 1: They're like, yes, girl, get into it, talk about politics,

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Speaker 1: do that. But when you're around people that are incapable

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Speaker 1: of expressing their emotions, incapable of tapping into their vulnerability, right,

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Speaker 1: they really get like very you know, insulin Like they're like,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to that. Why are you being like this?

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Speaker 1: Don't be like that all right, because they're not okay

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Speaker 1: with it. It's also important, why you know, you have

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Speaker 1: to surround yourself with like mind people or people that

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Speaker 1: can also get passionate or at least accept your passionate

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Speaker 1: passionate sign m hmm agre, yeah, I h I feel

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Speaker 1: like good now you got your people. I feel so

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Speaker 1: much better. I'm like, I don't know who I think

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Speaker 1: on him these days. Yeah, but I don't really happy

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Speaker 1: things like I think there's also thinking about my grandmother

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Speaker 1: and I'm just thinking like damn, like it's about to

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Speaker 1: be four years and I'm just like the time really

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Speaker 1: waits for no one like so I think also I've

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Speaker 1: just been more appreciative, but like people around me, people time,

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Speaker 1: you know, acknowledging every single person I seeking. I just

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I just feel like you just never

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Speaker 1: know what people are going through. And I felt like

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Speaker 1: I went through so much ship and like I was

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Speaker 1: the master of like showing face. So I just feel

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Speaker 1: more appreciative or more like solid and who I am.

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Speaker 1: Like I feel like, for the first time in a while,

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Speaker 1: I've can look in the mirror and I see myself. Okay,

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Speaker 1: yeah right, and I'm just like, what do you like

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Speaker 1: about that? I don't know. I just i feel like

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Speaker 1: I'm seeing like I see other name like and it's

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Speaker 1: so crazy because I've been Ebana for thirty three years,

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Speaker 1: but I feel like as of lately or at the

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Speaker 1: beginning of the year, like I just feel like I

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Speaker 1: feel confident, like I feel solid, and I feel like

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Speaker 1: a lot of times, the reason why I didn't do

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Speaker 1: the things that I wanted to do or go out

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Speaker 1: to certain things, or like even when doing a podcast,

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Speaker 1: when when I first started with the blog or during

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Speaker 1: the eyelash, like this is all stuff I wanted to

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Speaker 1: do when I was in college. But the reason why

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Speaker 1: I didn't do it because I didn't have the confidence.

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Speaker 1: And I'm gonna people put third all they're disbeliefs and

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Speaker 1: all this other stuff on me, and I believe it.

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Speaker 1: But it was like, yo, like you don't need confirmation

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Speaker 1: from anybody, like you solid, but you had to go

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Speaker 1: through those things in order to learn that you don't

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Speaker 1: need other people's you know, Um, you know accolaides and

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Speaker 1: you know empowerment. I can empower myself. Um, I can

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Speaker 1: give myself accolades. I could be proud of the things

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Speaker 1: that I'm capable of doing, and I didn't need people.

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Speaker 1: It feels good to have those people that are genuine

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Speaker 1: and authentic around me that can support me, but I

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Speaker 1: don't need it. And That's where I'm in now for Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Like I feel like in the mignding, I thought I

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Speaker 1: needed what Yeah, I did think that that I need,

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Speaker 1: you know, confirmation from other people. But now I'm just

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Speaker 1: like yo, like I don't need anybody's confirmation. Like I

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Speaker 1: know I'm solid, I know what I'm doing is good

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Speaker 1: and I'm just gonna keep doing the work. Yeah, And

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Speaker 1: that comes from experience. The only way you learn that

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Speaker 1: is through experience, right from looking from place to place

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Speaker 1: personal person to meet your needs to be there for you,

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Speaker 1: right and then the disappointment that comes up behind it, Um,

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Speaker 1: then you learn why am I looking to these people.

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Speaker 1: I could really tap into my own you know, my

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Speaker 1: own self and say, Okay, I feel good about these

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Speaker 1: things that I'm doing. I except white and I think

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Speaker 1: I never did did, or I haven't did it since

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Speaker 1: I was probably way younger. But you don't know how.

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Speaker 1: So we go back to that again, Right, I didn't

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Speaker 1: know how, and now I know how, and and knowing

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Speaker 1: how to do it comes from learning that. Right, It's

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Speaker 1: about looking in the mirror and said, what do I

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Speaker 1: enjoy about seeing myself right and my star in this mirror?

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Speaker 1: Do I just see a face? Or do I see

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Speaker 1: a person who's come through hardship, who's you know I'm

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Speaker 1: in that? Yeah, come through hardship really has made life,

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Speaker 1: you know, work out for me doing the things that

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Speaker 1: I want to do, enjoying the places that I man good,

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Speaker 1: better and different. Right, because life comes and as the slow,

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Speaker 1: so you might have sometimes that you know, feel like today,

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Speaker 1: I feel really good today, I'm very empowered. I loves

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Speaker 1: even I look in the mirror and tomorrow I waked

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Speaker 1: up and feels totally different. But I do recognize that

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Speaker 1: I get back to feeling I can't get back to

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Speaker 1: feeling the way I did yesterday. Right, I still accepted

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Speaker 1: me in this place. Okay, today it's just not gonna

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Speaker 1: be that best day. Right, I'm gonna do some self care.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna get some good things to myself. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: surround myself with people that could feel really good for me,

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Speaker 1: or I'm going to take care of myself and being

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Speaker 1: my house alone. But I do know when I wake

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Speaker 1: up the next day, I get to have a good

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Speaker 1: day again. It just doesn't diminish like that. I have

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Speaker 1: a lot of clients and sometimes when they get to

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Speaker 1: a really good place, they can't enjoy it because they're

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Speaker 1: so afraid that the depression and all of that is

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Speaker 1: going to come up again, as opposed to just saying

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Speaker 1: it might. And if it does, it's okay. I can

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Speaker 1: get back to this place again. I just have to

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Speaker 1: accept myself and not get in that place of judgment. YEA,

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Speaker 1: like really practice like self love because I feel like

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Speaker 1: that's something that I didn't do. Yeah, and writing down

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Speaker 1: what you're doing right now to make you feel this way,

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Speaker 1: it's super important. Right. So I'm all about like creating lists.

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Speaker 1: So what are my lists of comforting things, comforting foods? Right?

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Speaker 1: What are the things I can do that makes me,

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Speaker 1: you know, feel really good? Because when that day pops

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Speaker 1: up that I don't you go ahead, all I gotta

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Speaker 1: just turn the page. Let me grab three or four

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Speaker 1: things from this list because I know they make me comforted.

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Speaker 1: A good slice of pizza and trap a coffee, a

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Speaker 1: good high bubble bath, and nice glass of wine. Right,

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Speaker 1: if I grab three or fort these things from this list,

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Speaker 1: I know how to enter this day. I'm gonna feel

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Speaker 1: bad when you're in that place of sadness, said depression.

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Speaker 1: Those things don't come up right, You're like, what do

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Speaker 1: I usually do? Oh? My god, what do I usually do?

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Speaker 1: But if you haven't already written down or posted somebody

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Speaker 1: in your house, you know to just look on it.

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Speaker 1: You grab those things from me. It's kind of like

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Speaker 1: a safety kid, like an emotional safety kid. You can

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Speaker 1: get to go to it and say, these are the

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Speaker 1: things that I would usually do that would make me

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Speaker 1: feel good. No, I read yeah, and I'm going to

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Speaker 1: go see uh, I want to go see the photograph.

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Speaker 1: How was it? I thought it was good. I like

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Speaker 1: to and I think that was another like I feel

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Speaker 1: like everything I'm doing or like everything people I talk to.

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Speaker 1: I just always have like aha moments. Because I'm going

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Speaker 1: to go to the movie and it literally just made

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Speaker 1: me made me feel like it makes me look at

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Speaker 1: people without a title like I don't look at you

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Speaker 1: as my therapist. I look at you as a woman's

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Speaker 1: you know, Dina and this and that, like I feel

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Speaker 1: like when titles kind of like cover up the true

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Speaker 1: being the people. And then it made me think about

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Speaker 1: my parents, and I was just thinking, like, you know,

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Speaker 1: at the end of the day, before they tell my parents,

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Speaker 1: regardless of the experiences that had, they had their own lives,

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Speaker 1: and it just makes me like, I don't that just

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Speaker 1: makes me just like kind of want to like reach

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Speaker 1: out in a sense, but still be open minded that

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Speaker 1: I might not get the response that I would like

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Speaker 1: to have, but just to like, I don't know, because

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Speaker 1: I'm just gonna just know more, like more about them

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Speaker 1: to help me understand why things happen within us. In

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Speaker 1: a sense, that's amazing though, because when you think of

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Speaker 1: when you remove the idea that they're my parents and

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Speaker 1: you're my family, right, expect chase expectations change. Right, So

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Speaker 1: if I can see my dad for who he is

359
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Speaker 1: right as a person, and I recognize that, you know,

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Speaker 1: he had challenges. He came from parents who also gave

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Speaker 1: him a lot of trauma, right, he went through life,

362
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Speaker 1: he went through drug addiction, whatever, sexual abuse, whatever things

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Speaker 1: he's going through that created who he is today. Right,

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Speaker 1: So just because he has just because he has the

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Speaker 1: title father, Right, we put the title on top of

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Speaker 1: a person, we expect him to be this perfect seeing Right,

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Speaker 1: even with therapists sometimes, right we walk in the room

368
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Speaker 1: and we're like, that's my therapist is supposed to be perfect,

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Speaker 1: work through stuff and blah blah blah. Right, But when

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Speaker 1: I removed that title, I get to have a real

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Speaker 1: relationship with my therapist. We could talk about, hey, our

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00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:50,720
Speaker 1: parents have been very similar. Right, how I accepted mine

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Speaker 1: was this way. Maybe this will work to you too, Right,

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Speaker 1: So it's nice to take away that title and start

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Speaker 1: to see people as people, because then I realized that

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Speaker 1: they're fallible, they have flaws, and that's okay. We could

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Speaker 1: still have a relationship within that. If I reach out

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Speaker 1: to my dad, right, say you reach out to your dad,

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Speaker 1: and I'm reaching out to him as a person that

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Speaker 1: I want to know more about. I changed the expectations

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Speaker 1: that he should be this parent that answers the phone,

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Speaker 1: that's like, hey, baby girl, and that's gonna say you've

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Speaker 1: been wanting to be there for you. Blah blah blah.

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Speaker 1: But a person, I can actually say it's been really

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Speaker 1: hard for me, right, I've been really struggling and I

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Speaker 1: haven't been able to be there for you, and I

387
00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:34,600
Speaker 1: know that, right, and then I get to accept that

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Speaker 1: and start the relationship from fear right right within his capability.

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Speaker 1: I grew Yeah, amazing word, I know, I'm growing up.

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Speaker 1: The ships grown up now, I know even I think

391
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Speaker 1: about like when we when I first started, and I

392
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:55,080
Speaker 1: mean I had a little mishap not too long ago

393
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Speaker 1: when I had my moment and goes down at her.

394
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Speaker 1: But I don't know, I just feel like I just

395
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Speaker 1: feel like I got like a second chance. Like I

396
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:04,720
Speaker 1: don't know, Like I just feel like I'm just look

397
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:07,399
Speaker 1: like so thankful, like and maybe I didn't realize my

398
00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:09,879
Speaker 1: own shrink because I came I went through so much

399
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Speaker 1: and being so hard on myself. I'm just like, man,

400
00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:14,520
Speaker 1: people wouldn't mabe to go through the ship that you

401
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:16,359
Speaker 1: went through, like and still looking where you can do,

402
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:20,240
Speaker 1: still carry your stuff like yep. So I don't know,

403
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Speaker 1: I just feel like I'm just in a very appreciative

404
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:28,040
Speaker 1: space like I wanted to like how has therapy affected you?

405
00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:31,720
Speaker 1: Like how has it changed you? And provided this second

406
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:35,080
Speaker 1: chance fail. Well, I just feel like with therapy when

407
00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:37,240
Speaker 1: I went when I had my first therapist, I felt

408
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Speaker 1: like I couldn't see I don't think she could see me,

409
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:41,960
Speaker 1: and I definitely could see her, but she was a

410
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:47,359
Speaker 1: whole white woman. So I don't think this is no

411
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:50,080
Speaker 1: the representation matters because I felt like, you know, at

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Speaker 1: the time I was working at my last job, I

413
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:55,359
Speaker 1: was very stressed out. You know, people were being people

414
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Speaker 1: were dining in the building because the building where I

415
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Speaker 1: worked that was okay, in Trump Tower, so people were like,

416
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Speaker 1: this man had died in the building of smoking, uh smoking,

417
00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:08,879
Speaker 1: what's the inhalation? Next thing? You know, my office was

418
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:12,400
Speaker 1: like right under Demand's apartment, so I got smoke coming

419
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Speaker 1: to my event. Nobody can get me. You're thinking, I'm like,

420
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Speaker 1: you know what's going on, or like it'll be like you.

421
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:19,520
Speaker 1: I used to come into work and see like big

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Speaker 1: guns and stuff, and I used to try to explain

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Speaker 1: to her, like the anxiety I was feeling because I

424
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:27,320
Speaker 1: didn't know I had anxiety until my grand mother passed away.

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Speaker 1: But I still don't even know what it was. I

426
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Speaker 1: just thought that something was just weird was going on.

427
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Speaker 1: So I feel like when I started coming to therapy

428
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:36,720
Speaker 1: with you, I feel like I'm able to like really

429
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:41,719
Speaker 1: think about the the cause of the fact that I had.

430
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:45,320
Speaker 1: I'm experienced and really like look at things, so I'm

431
00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:47,000
Speaker 1: like all different angles and I feel like I'm a

432
00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:49,760
Speaker 1: lot Like I feel like I'm a lot more at Um.

433
00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:52,399
Speaker 1: I'm just able to like think through certain things, like

434
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:54,560
Speaker 1: and see past certain things and even look back on

435
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:57,280
Speaker 1: certain things and the like put the pieces together, but

436
00:22:57,440 --> 00:23:01,200
Speaker 1: out like getting too emotionally involved, because I feel like

437
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:03,840
Speaker 1: even now, like I haven't had an anxiety attack in

438
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:07,960
Speaker 1: a minute, but sometimes it could be. But now I'm

439
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,719
Speaker 1: able to because like when we had when we've had

440
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:14,080
Speaker 1: a conversation about like me panicking and always calling people

441
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:17,119
Speaker 1: over and over again because I'm like panicing and I

442
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,280
Speaker 1: was even thinking about that, and it's like, yo, like

443
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:21,119
Speaker 1: you can't be like that, Like you can't live your

444
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:25,159
Speaker 1: life on edge, like you cause an unnecessary stress. But

445
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 1: it's it's sometimes not you. Right. So when we're in

446
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:33,080
Speaker 1: relationships with people that don't understand that I get triggered

447
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:38,040
Speaker 1: by certain things, right, Um, they sometimes just cause more

448
00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:41,560
Speaker 1: trigger right So UM. One of the things that with

449
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:43,800
Speaker 1: my boyfriend is like when I think of and you know,

450
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:46,280
Speaker 1: we live in very different places, and where he lives,

451
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:49,520
Speaker 1: he doesn't even live around a bunch of family members, right,

452
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:52,159
Speaker 1: it's really just him essentially in an hour and a

453
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:54,280
Speaker 1: half away his way, His friends and stuff left, so

454
00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:57,719
Speaker 1: he found himself. So if I don't hear from him

455
00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:00,720
Speaker 1: at a certain time, sometimes I'm like, hope he's okay.

456
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,359
Speaker 1: I hope everything is okay. If I still don't hear

457
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:06,320
Speaker 1: from him for a certain time, I'm like, okay, I'm

458
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:10,520
Speaker 1: a little nervous. Right. He knows that he's now connected

459
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:14,200
Speaker 1: to a person that is a million miles away, and

460
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:16,480
Speaker 1: he kind of stays on his course. Hey baby, I'm

461
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:19,160
Speaker 1: going to grab some food, blah blah blah. Right, it's

462
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:22,560
Speaker 1: not like he needs permission, but it's a checking in, right,

463
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:25,040
Speaker 1: because I know that this person and I connected, I

464
00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:28,080
Speaker 1: want them to know I'm okay. Right, If I call him,

465
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 1: he's not gonna just let the phone ring. Right, Let's

466
00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:32,760
Speaker 1: say he's on the phone with some of his employees.

467
00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:34,880
Speaker 1: He's gonna shoot me in text bag on the phone.

468
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:38,440
Speaker 1: What if you employees will call you back? Right, when

469
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:41,840
Speaker 1: you deal with people who don't understand that you have triggers,

470
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:46,160
Speaker 1: they don't care, so they're constantly triggering you. Right then

471
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:48,760
Speaker 1: they don't care, So she gets worried when I don't

472
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,399
Speaker 1: call Hall, So what she gotta deal with that and

473
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,879
Speaker 1: then kind of add to it. Hey guys, The PHG

474
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:57,800
Speaker 1: podcast is sponsored by eban a Beauty. Eban a Beauty

475
00:24:58,040 --> 00:25:00,080
Speaker 1: is a beauty company that I found it and our

476
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Speaker 1: very first product is all right beautiful make lashes that

477
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Speaker 1: you can wear up to twenty five times, yes, twenty

478
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Speaker 1: five times with the proper care um. For more information,

479
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Speaker 1: visit e b O and e beauty dot com. Use

480
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481
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482
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483
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Speaker 1: So make sure you go to the website. And a

484
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,080
Speaker 1: Beauty used to code and let's get back to this

485
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:29,880
Speaker 1: week's episode. But I think also with therapy and taught

486
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:32,359
Speaker 1: me what my triggers were because I didn't know what

487
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:36,280
Speaker 1: they were. So I didn't know, as I'm saying, I

488
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:38,800
Speaker 1: understood the effect, but I didn't know the cause of

489
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,560
Speaker 1: good thing. So now I'm able to like decipher Okay,

490
00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:44,440
Speaker 1: I know now where I'm acting like this because of

491
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:48,080
Speaker 1: a B C D. But even when you date and

492
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:50,320
Speaker 1: when you have friends, it's great to know your triggers

493
00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:53,359
Speaker 1: because you get to explain that to them exactly. So me, no,

494
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:56,080
Speaker 1: my triggers. I talked my boyfriend like, I kind of

495
00:25:56,119 --> 00:25:58,679
Speaker 1: get nervous when you don't. When I don't hear from you, right,

496
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:02,400
Speaker 1: it makes me feel like anxious, and that comes from

497
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:05,760
Speaker 1: my past traumas. Right, I'm working on that because I

498
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:08,040
Speaker 1: ain't calling you erratic, like where you at, what's going on?

499
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:10,280
Speaker 1: I'm working on it, but I'm asking you to also

500
00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:13,160
Speaker 1: be mindful. And he's like, okay, cool. When you deal

501
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:16,040
Speaker 1: with someone who doesn't know that trauma and know that pain,

502
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:18,320
Speaker 1: sometimes they don't give a ship and they're like, I

503
00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:20,159
Speaker 1: don't know to tell you. I'm checking them with you.

504
00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:22,840
Speaker 1: I'm not letting you notice. I'm not letting you know that, right.

505
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:25,760
Speaker 1: But when you deal with someone that you know can

506
00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:29,000
Speaker 1: hold space for your emotions and really really be an

507
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:32,520
Speaker 1: emotional support for your safety for you, they get to say,

508
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:34,560
Speaker 1: Eve and A, I realized that, and I got to

509
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:36,440
Speaker 1: be hard for you. Always let me know how I

510
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:39,320
Speaker 1: can support you in that right. My boyfriend did that.

511
00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:42,040
Speaker 1: We had a conversation. I was like, this causes me anxiety.

512
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:44,119
Speaker 1: I'm working on it, and he's like, how can I

513
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:46,560
Speaker 1: support you in that? Right? I never want you to

514
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:49,480
Speaker 1: feel triggered, but you know, bringing up, hold up, how

515
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:52,480
Speaker 1: can I support you? So it makes you really, really conscious,

516
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:54,959
Speaker 1: but it makes you start to choose people that can

517
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 1: hold space for you, right, Because if I'm having anxiety

518
00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:00,440
Speaker 1: always around you, it might not be me. Might be

519
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,240
Speaker 1: what's going on with you right, right? And even though

520
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:05,600
Speaker 1: I'm tapping into my trick, is still might be you

521
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:07,680
Speaker 1: might be telling me that this is not the best

522
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:10,919
Speaker 1: situation for me. Right. And even when I think about,

523
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:14,440
Speaker 1: like with therapy, I also think about like what love,

524
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:16,840
Speaker 1: like what love means to me, and not even like

525
00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:20,000
Speaker 1: in a romantic way, but like in a self love way,

526
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:21,760
Speaker 1: because I feel like the greatest love you to have

527
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:24,639
Speaker 1: this with yourself. And it's like, so, how can I

528
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:27,440
Speaker 1: expect somebody to love me a certain way when I

529
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:29,480
Speaker 1: don't love myself a certain way? And that's the reason

530
00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:33,080
Speaker 1: why certain things continue to happen because I allowed it

531
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:35,440
Speaker 1: to happen. But then I allowed it to happen because

532
00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:39,720
Speaker 1: I wasn't living a whole uh, I wasn't living in

533
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:43,440
Speaker 1: a whole um. I wasn't being my whole self like

534
00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:46,520
Speaker 1: I was only being a part of myself. But it's

535
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:50,200
Speaker 1: the important thing that you just said, is you loved yourself, right,

536
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:53,760
Speaker 1: And once I love myself, I have all these expectations

537
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:56,640
Speaker 1: for myself. Right. I know how to take myself out

538
00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:58,920
Speaker 1: to dinner, I know how to accept myself, and I

539
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:02,080
Speaker 1: comfort myself. I expect that from the people that I

540
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:05,360
Speaker 1: bring into my life. When I don't love myself, how

541
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:07,960
Speaker 1: can I expect people to love me if I don't

542
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,520
Speaker 1: even know what it looks like or it feels like. Right,

543
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 1: I haven't even conditioned myself to really feel with true

544
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:16,800
Speaker 1: love and acceptance and all of that is so it's

545
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:19,680
Speaker 1: important for me to do that first. Once I do that,

546
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:26,240
Speaker 1: then I expect nothing less than that from other people, right, Acceptance, love, gratitude, kindness, genuineness,

547
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:29,359
Speaker 1: right all except from other people, because I give that

548
00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:32,119
Speaker 1: to me. And if I and if you don't have that,

549
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:35,600
Speaker 1: then you can't come through this stress threshall because I'm

550
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:40,000
Speaker 1: worked too hard. Dress can know this threshall, right, you

551
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:44,480
Speaker 1: can't come through this stress me listen, no way, But

552
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 1: I mean it's the important thing, right, And some people

553
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:50,600
Speaker 1: don't want to do that work. That work is hard,

554
00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:54,000
Speaker 1: but it's worth it, right because then I have all

555
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 1: these great relationships with self and other people. Yeah, I'm

556
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 1: growing up. You are growing up, and it can be

557
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,600
Speaker 1: hard at times, Like I would never say it's easy, right,

558
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:10,000
Speaker 1: especially when you're alone. Sometimes you see people in like

559
00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:13,080
Speaker 1: a couple of ship partnership relationship and they're walking. You're like,

560
00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 1: oh my god, I just want a person. But when

561
00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:17,480
Speaker 1: you think about it, do I just want a person?

562
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:19,440
Speaker 1: I really want someone that's gonna meet me where I

563
00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:22,400
Speaker 1: am right, that's not gonna undo all the works that

564
00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:25,280
Speaker 1: I've done. And that's where the hard part comes in.

565
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:29,080
Speaker 1: It's just not accepting people friendship relationships, but waiting for

566
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:33,960
Speaker 1: the right people to come. Right. I agree, I agree.

567
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:37,800
Speaker 1: You look proud and you're proud. I'm like shut about

568
00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:40,400
Speaker 1: to shut o. There no one in the good space.

569
00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:45,720
Speaker 1: Like I'm happy for you. I'm really happy for you. Right,

570
00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:48,760
Speaker 1: get a long life. Yeah, and it feels good, right

571
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:52,040
Speaker 1: if it feels to wake up without feeling like anxious

572
00:29:52,360 --> 00:29:54,720
Speaker 1: or good things like that. Yeah, Like I feel like

573
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:57,080
Speaker 1: like every I just feel like I feel light, like

574
00:29:57,200 --> 00:29:58,640
Speaker 1: for the first time, like you. I mean, I have

575
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 1: my days w I'm like annoyed to till I'm stressed

576
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 1: the funk out with something. But like, but the most part,

577
00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:05,960
Speaker 1: I just feel like I feel light. I feel like

578
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:09,520
Speaker 1: my skin is clearing up, like I'm just gonna really

579
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:12,360
Speaker 1: have these things like and I was, It's just so

580
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:14,600
Speaker 1: crazy to me. I'm just like, damn, like I really

581
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:18,120
Speaker 1: dancing myself for a very long time. And the days

582
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,640
Speaker 1: that you you know, feel like today is gonna be

583
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:22,960
Speaker 1: a craziest day. Like I have these days where I

584
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:25,960
Speaker 1: have no filter And one of my best friends know

585
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:28,080
Speaker 1: about it because we used to work together and I

586
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:30,120
Speaker 1: would walk and I'll be like, I'm just gonna type you,

587
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:32,920
Speaker 1: I don't have a filter today, So anytime people say

588
00:30:32,960 --> 00:30:35,280
Speaker 1: stuff to me, they're just gonna get a crazy response

589
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:37,040
Speaker 1: that first thing that go on top of my head.

590
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:39,240
Speaker 1: And she would be like, people would come in my

591
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:41,400
Speaker 1: office and they would say stuff, and she would just

592
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:43,560
Speaker 1: turn her head and be like, oh God, I can't.

593
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:46,920
Speaker 1: I knew that. And in that morning when I woke

594
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:50,000
Speaker 1: up and I felt it, I my first words to

595
00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:52,680
Speaker 1: myself worce today it's gonna be one of those days

596
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:56,120
Speaker 1: I accept and love myself no matter what. Right, So

597
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:57,960
Speaker 1: I could walk out there and say people, I don't

598
00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:00,720
Speaker 1: have filter today. I don't mean it harm by it.

599
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:03,160
Speaker 1: It's just not gonna be one of those days. And

600
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:06,000
Speaker 1: I'm fine on the whole day if I don't accept

601
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:08,280
Speaker 1: myself and acknowledge that today, it's gonna be one of

602
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:11,280
Speaker 1: those days. That day is filled with so much self judgment.

603
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:15,200
Speaker 1: It's also judgment from other people because I'm like, why

604
00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:17,720
Speaker 1: am I like this? Oh my god, I said this?

605
00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:19,840
Speaker 1: I said that, And then at the end of that day,

606
00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:23,160
Speaker 1: I'm so broken down right and missed an entire day

607
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:26,600
Speaker 1: to just love all myself. Right, But when I wake

608
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:28,440
Speaker 1: up and I'm like, just to be one of those days,

609
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:31,960
Speaker 1: I'm ready for it. I'm with the ships long. I'm like,

610
00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:35,080
Speaker 1: bring it, come through this office, like we're gonna have

611
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:38,120
Speaker 1: a problem. But I'm also like, I need to do

612
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:40,880
Speaker 1: things that come from me today, like take a hot bath,

613
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:43,440
Speaker 1: get a nice glass of one, make a nice dinner.

614
00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:46,720
Speaker 1: Because whatever is happening in the realms of who I

615
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:50,240
Speaker 1: am or whatever the moon and the stars, it just

616
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:53,600
Speaker 1: didn't line up for me today. That's okay. Tomorrow is

617
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:57,160
Speaker 1: gonna be a better one. And I always make one

618
00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:58,920
Speaker 1: thing I've been thinking about this. I'm just like everything

619
00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:01,320
Speaker 1: you've ever wanted you only it's got may not got

620
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:03,760
Speaker 1: it when you wanted it. But like I was just this,

621
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:05,880
Speaker 1: I was just like, yo, like just be your true

622
00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:09,280
Speaker 1: form of yourself because things are going on like like

623
00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:13,720
Speaker 1: I just see things already like moving along. Like I

624
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:15,760
Speaker 1: was watching this show and this woman had like an

625
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:17,320
Speaker 1: amazing story and I was like, yeah, I want to

626
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:19,600
Speaker 1: reach out to her to have her on the podcast.

627
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:23,000
Speaker 1: And so yo, I reached out to her. Next you know,

628
00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:25,440
Speaker 1: she started liking my pictures. She's following on Instagram. She

629
00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:27,000
Speaker 1: said she's gonnahit me back up. And I'm just like

630
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:30,240
Speaker 1: I know everything is like even when he manifests them

631
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:31,760
Speaker 1: a boy me wanting a new job, I was like, yeah,

632
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:34,600
Speaker 1: I want a new job before holiday season, before how

633
00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 1: longween comes? I got my job told one. So it's

634
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:41,200
Speaker 1: just like I know, like the power of the tongue

635
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:43,640
Speaker 1: and I know that once I like really like channeling

636
00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:45,960
Speaker 1: and speaking and just keep saying the own praying over

637
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:48,800
Speaker 1: because I know it's gonna happen. So I'm just like current,

638
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 1: like just start really be a best life. Like trust

639
00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 1: the process, right, Trust the process. It's a reason why

640
00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:57,320
Speaker 1: all these things are working out in this way. You know,

641
00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 1: when you think about that, you're learning right. Open went

642
00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:03,960
Speaker 1: Free had said something on her podcast one time about

643
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,880
Speaker 1: the journey is so much more important important then like

644
00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 1: the arrival right being on the stage. She was like,

645
00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:12,000
Speaker 1: the journey is where you make all the mistakes. It's

646
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:14,920
Speaker 1: where you learn perseverance, is where you learn love and

647
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:17,720
Speaker 1: self love, all these things, because when you get on

648
00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:20,840
Speaker 1: that stage, it's only moments, right, it's not all this

649
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:23,880
Speaker 1: time that I made friends and all of these things.

650
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:26,640
Speaker 1: So trusting the process, stand on their journey. The one

651
00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:28,680
Speaker 1: thing I always tell myself, the journey is more important

652
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:31,720
Speaker 1: than the stage. Yeah, it's more important, and I feel

653
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 1: good in that. So when things are getting wrong, I'm like,

654
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:36,360
Speaker 1: it's all a part of the plan, the whole part

655
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:38,800
Speaker 1: of the plan. And I was even listening to her

656
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 1: interview with Tracy Ellis Ross and Tracy he was saying,

657
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:44,440
Speaker 1: how like it looves me to go, you know, or

658
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:45,520
Speaker 1: for me to get to where I gotta go. I

659
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:47,840
Speaker 1: gotta start with where I'm at, and I don't know why,

660
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:50,040
Speaker 1: but that was just like, oh, that's so true, like

661
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:54,160
Speaker 1: like you really gotta start you at and just keep going. Yeah,

662
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:58,560
Speaker 1: what do you think she meant by that? Um? I

663
00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:02,640
Speaker 1: feel like what that's the statement. It's just like I

664
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:05,240
Speaker 1: feel like sometimes I don't know, like I feel like

665
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:08,279
Speaker 1: for me, I feel like I'm always like I can't

666
00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:10,680
Speaker 1: wait to get hair care. It's called destination happiness, right,

667
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,160
Speaker 1: So I feel like I'd be happy if I had this,

668
00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:14,759
Speaker 1: I'd be happy if I was there, and I'd be

669
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:16,560
Speaker 1: happy I was with that personally, just like yell, at

670
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:17,960
Speaker 1: the end of the day, you still gonna just be

671
00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:20,960
Speaker 1: where you're at and just keep it moving, like everything

672
00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:23,320
Speaker 1: you want is gonna come to you or come to me.

673
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:26,160
Speaker 1: But just accepting where I'm at, like there's nothing and

674
00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:30,279
Speaker 1: all be all like and being okay where you are, right,

675
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:32,600
Speaker 1: So I'm okay in the job that I have, with

676
00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:35,719
Speaker 1: the friends that I have, just because I'm okay. It

677
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:39,680
Speaker 1: doesn't mean complacency, right, And I think we mix that

678
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:41,600
Speaker 1: up a lot of the times, and people are like,

679
00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:45,120
Speaker 1: I'm content, right, I'm good where I'm at. Never to

680
00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:47,680
Speaker 1: say that I ain't never gonna strive and move forward,

681
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:50,600
Speaker 1: but I'm also content here. I'm happy with all the

682
00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:52,879
Speaker 1: things that I have. I see all the great things

683
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:55,880
Speaker 1: that are happening in my life, and I'm okay with that. Right,

684
00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:58,200
Speaker 1: So I start from here with being happy about the

685
00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:01,640
Speaker 1: content about this, okay with my friends, my family and

686
00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:04,200
Speaker 1: all of that. That just keeps me moving forward to

687
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:06,439
Speaker 1: just get more and more happiness, more and more joy.

688
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:10,200
Speaker 1: It's also like manifestation, right, So I'm happy here. I'm

689
00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:13,000
Speaker 1: content with all of us. It's exciting to wake up,

690
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:15,719
Speaker 1: go to therapy, grab my pizza, do my thing, have

691
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:17,520
Speaker 1: a good day for this, you know, for the day.

692
00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:20,840
Speaker 1: Tomorrow just brings more of that. Next day just brings

693
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:23,680
Speaker 1: more of that, right because I'm manifesting them, building this

694
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:26,520
Speaker 1: momentum around this space I'm in and all the things

695
00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:30,960
Speaker 1: that are here, all right, not I agree? I agree?

696
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:35,759
Speaker 1: How's home and things like that? Gone? Oh that's good. Well,

697
00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:39,160
Speaker 1: I've been hanging out with a couple of friends. Um,

698
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:41,600
Speaker 1: so you're staying hung out with one of my best friends.

699
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:43,799
Speaker 1: And this is somebody that he was actually my first

700
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:46,759
Speaker 1: boyfriend when I moved to New York, and then he

701
00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:49,480
Speaker 1: was like the worst boyfriend I ever had, which is

702
00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:52,359
Speaker 1: so funny and he listened to the podcast. He's gonna

703
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:54,200
Speaker 1: be cracking up because I always tell him he's like

704
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:57,359
Speaker 1: the worst person I've ever been with, but like we're

705
00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:00,960
Speaker 1: like the best of friends. And I think that we're

706
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:03,839
Speaker 1: so close or we became and it's so weird to say,

707
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:06,200
Speaker 1: I know people when I tell people like what, but

708
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:08,920
Speaker 1: like I really feel like that's my brother, like because

709
00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:11,440
Speaker 1: I feel like Grandma was alive and I used to

710
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:13,160
Speaker 1: have to run and do stuff whatever. He used to

711
00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:15,920
Speaker 1: always like look after my grandmother and my grandma couldn't

712
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:18,400
Speaker 1: remember nobody for nothing, but she always remember him and

713
00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:21,480
Speaker 1: me of course, so um, I don't know, I think

714
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:23,880
Speaker 1: that's like because of her. We just always had this

715
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:26,560
Speaker 1: stufcial bond and like him and my grandma would just

716
00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:29,320
Speaker 1: like be like they was really closed. And so we

717
00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:32,120
Speaker 1: were just talking yesterday and he was just telling me,

718
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:34,080
Speaker 1: like it's always good to have people around you that

719
00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:37,799
Speaker 1: really know you for you, and that's seeing the trajectory

720
00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:41,360
Speaker 1: of your growth with certain things and people and stuff.

721
00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:43,319
Speaker 1: And we're just like he was like, oh, you're way

722
00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:46,560
Speaker 1: more patient now, like and he and it's just also

723
00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:48,319
Speaker 1: good to have people to know that people are really

724
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:51,279
Speaker 1: like really funk with you, like they believe in you

725
00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:53,279
Speaker 1: and stuff, and like I don't know, like he's just

726
00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:56,040
Speaker 1: so near and dear to me, like and not even

727
00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:57,759
Speaker 1: because I don't see us and I don't I'm not

728
00:36:57,840 --> 00:36:59,600
Speaker 1: attracted to him, He's not attracted to me, like he

729
00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:02,319
Speaker 1: gotta it all this stuff, but like it's just nice

730
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:04,120
Speaker 1: to be around people that just really want to see

731
00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:07,560
Speaker 1: you win and they really believe in you. And like

732
00:37:08,239 --> 00:37:09,640
Speaker 1: even when I was talking to him, and I was

733
00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:12,160
Speaker 1: talking about like going to therapy and stuff and just

734
00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:14,680
Speaker 1: talking about like what I think of my ideal man

735
00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:17,520
Speaker 1: because I've been like journal and manifesting that, and just

736
00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:21,360
Speaker 1: like I felt like I don't know, like like a

737
00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:24,359
Speaker 1: man is not supposed to like just disrespect a woman,

738
00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:27,640
Speaker 1: like I think women are the most like sacred things

739
00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:30,880
Speaker 1: and on earth, like like it's like earth in the

740
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:33,920
Speaker 1: womb is like similar to each other'side When I think

741
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:35,480
Speaker 1: of a man, like I don't want a man to

742
00:37:35,640 --> 00:37:38,200
Speaker 1: like treat me a certain way else, talk to me crazy,

743
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:40,960
Speaker 1: or just because he has money, or just because he

744
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:43,799
Speaker 1: has the things that I may not have. But then

745
00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:46,280
Speaker 1: I was talking to somebody else that I was dating

746
00:37:46,719 --> 00:37:48,200
Speaker 1: that I used to date. Whatever I meet him just

747
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:52,080
Speaker 1: been you know, talking whatever. And one thing he said,

748
00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:53,520
Speaker 1: he was like, Yo, he's the one thing you can

749
00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:55,719
Speaker 1: never say about me. He's like, y'ad, I never disrespected you.

750
00:37:55,920 --> 00:37:58,440
Speaker 1: And I was like, yoh, that's so true. Like and

751
00:37:58,520 --> 00:38:00,759
Speaker 1: I just I don't know that. I just I think

752
00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:02,839
Speaker 1: my idea of a man now is starting to come

753
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:04,360
Speaker 1: back to what I wanted, and I don't know how

754
00:38:04,440 --> 00:38:08,279
Speaker 1: it got off tracked. So it's just like I never

755
00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:10,760
Speaker 1: had any minute in my life between my best friend

756
00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:13,719
Speaker 1: and the guy I used to talk to, like they

757
00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:18,600
Speaker 1: never like nobody ever really disrespected me like that. I

758
00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:21,719
Speaker 1: think the huge thing is that you are in this

759
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:25,880
Speaker 1: place of self love and a sceptance and like, you know,

760
00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:28,600
Speaker 1: the the things that I want, I know that I

761
00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:31,520
Speaker 1: can have. UM. The major thing is once I love

762
00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:34,920
Speaker 1: myself and I love being in this very peaceful place

763
00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:40,440
Speaker 1: of acceptance and UM, being authentic with myself and genuine

764
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:43,799
Speaker 1: and all these things, right, I only accept that from

765
00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:47,640
Speaker 1: other people. I won't compromise that because I've done the work.

766
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:50,640
Speaker 1: Also talking about the journey, right when I when I

767
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,840
Speaker 1: look back at the journey and how long it's taken

768
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:56,560
Speaker 1: me to get from a place of like accepting those

769
00:38:56,600 --> 00:39:01,359
Speaker 1: toxic relationships, want people to disrespect me, know, figuring out why,

770
00:39:01,680 --> 00:39:05,040
Speaker 1: figuring out what my traumas are, moving forward, learning how

771
00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:07,759
Speaker 1: to love myself, learning how to accept myself. I won't

772
00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:11,240
Speaker 1: go back, right because that journey was long and strong

773
00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:13,239
Speaker 1: for me. It was a lot of work. So I

774
00:39:13,280 --> 00:39:15,480
Speaker 1: won't go back to just accept that people because you

775
00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:17,880
Speaker 1: have money, because you have a nice spark, because you

776
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:21,320
Speaker 1: have a house, right whatever, I will actually require you

777
00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:24,239
Speaker 1: to give me more because I realized what I've given

778
00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:28,239
Speaker 1: myself up for this time. Right, even like like it

779
00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:30,400
Speaker 1: was a conversation. He was just like, oh, co mean,

780
00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:32,719
Speaker 1: I know I'm an attractive woman, Like I love how

781
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:34,920
Speaker 1: I look, I love my bio, I love everything about me,

782
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:38,040
Speaker 1: and um we was just talking. He's like, oh, you're

783
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:40,200
Speaker 1: just so perfect to me this and that, and then

784
00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:41,960
Speaker 1: I was looking to myself like wow, like when I

785
00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:45,520
Speaker 1: was with my last relationship, of like I wasn't good

786
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:47,480
Speaker 1: enough for I could be doing this to my body this,

787
00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:49,520
Speaker 1: and I'm just like it's just so crazy how like

788
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:52,759
Speaker 1: you can be so in love with yourself, but then

789
00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:56,160
Speaker 1: again you're so wrapped up in a situation that it

790
00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:59,160
Speaker 1: would cause you look at yourself differently. But that's all

791
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 1: about sometimes we you know, I think we really attached

792
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:05,360
Speaker 1: to people because of the title, because of what they have,

793
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:08,279
Speaker 1: you know, all of these things when we don't love

794
00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:12,040
Speaker 1: ourselves right where like, oh, because this person has a business,

795
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:13,560
Speaker 1: they have house, they have a car, they have all

796
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:17,120
Speaker 1: these things, right, they add to me, right, and I

797
00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:19,640
Speaker 1: look better when I'm with them. But when I love

798
00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:21,960
Speaker 1: myself and accept myself, I don't have to have none

799
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:23,920
Speaker 1: of that. You don't have to have none of that.

800
00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:26,800
Speaker 1: You do have to love me and respect me and

801
00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 1: be there for me. You don't have to have all

802
00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:31,120
Speaker 1: these houses and cars and things like that, because that

803
00:40:31,239 --> 00:40:34,440
Speaker 1: doesn't make a person. So now that you're seeing that,

804
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:36,880
Speaker 1: you're like, I don't need to have that, right, It

805
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:38,759
Speaker 1: would be nice to have a man that has all

806
00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:41,040
Speaker 1: these things. And of course I'm going to find a

807
00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:43,279
Speaker 1: person that matches me and meets me where I am,

808
00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:47,200
Speaker 1: But I'm not looking at that first. I'm looking at

809
00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:50,360
Speaker 1: the characteristics of this person and what they bring to

810
00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:57,600
Speaker 1: the table internally, right first. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like it.

811
00:40:57,800 --> 00:41:01,879
Speaker 1: I like it a lot. Yeah, it changes the game, though,

812
00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:04,839
Speaker 1: I think once you start loving on you and really

813
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:09,440
Speaker 1: accepted more in relationships, friendships, love relationships. Once you get

814
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:12,479
Speaker 1: to that place, it changes the game, right, You really

815
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:15,719
Speaker 1: start to see that life is good every single day

816
00:41:15,840 --> 00:41:17,840
Speaker 1: and it's getting better and better and better. And I

817
00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:20,000
Speaker 1: don't want people in my life that don't feel that

818
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:23,480
Speaker 1: same way, right, that's stay in this place of negative energy,

819
00:41:23,600 --> 00:41:25,680
Speaker 1: that curse each other out, that yell at each other

820
00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:28,359
Speaker 1: and not of each other. I don't want that all right.

821
00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:31,840
Speaker 1: I want what I'm working for within myself internally, and

822
00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:34,360
Speaker 1: I want that all around me, right, that to be

823
00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:37,920
Speaker 1: manifested in my life. Yeah, I think about like my

824
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:41,360
Speaker 1: friendships when I was younger, like in my twenties, early twenties,

825
00:41:41,719 --> 00:41:44,920
Speaker 1: they were no good like my friendships are good. You know,

826
00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:47,360
Speaker 1: it was toxic. We would argue, we would fight with

827
00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 1: each other, we get back together, be friends again. Relationships

828
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:52,879
Speaker 1: was like that until I actually went to my own

829
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:56,160
Speaker 1: process of therapy and realize this is more trauma that

830
00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:59,160
Speaker 1: you're just you know, really adding into your life. Because

831
00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:02,319
Speaker 1: when I recognize, I said, right, where first stem from um?

832
00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:05,560
Speaker 1: Once I healed those places of just childhood trauma, things

833
00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:08,920
Speaker 1: like that, I recognizing that family, you know sometimes too

834
00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:11,759
Speaker 1: brings on a lot of this. You know, they don't

835
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:14,200
Speaker 1: treat each other well, and then you think that's the norm.

836
00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:17,080
Speaker 1: It's not the norm, right. I started identifying what are

837
00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:19,680
Speaker 1: my ideal friendships, like what would I really want my

838
00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:22,840
Speaker 1: friendships to look like and feel like, and start manifesting that.

839
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,480
Speaker 1: It changed the game because I started really being that

840
00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:28,480
Speaker 1: way with myself. To yo, it's so funny speaking of friendships,

841
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:30,800
Speaker 1: because I had a best friend. She was like my

842
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:32,920
Speaker 1: best friend in college. It was like almost evening. I

843
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:37,120
Speaker 1: talked for almost ten years and we stopped talking. It

844
00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:39,560
Speaker 1: literally runs into my grandmfast play, so little be four

845
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:43,120
Speaker 1: years ago. So she reached out to me today, not today,

846
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:45,840
Speaker 1: maybe like a couple of days ago, because we have

847
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:48,759
Speaker 1: a mutual best friend. They're doing something for her brighter

848
00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:51,399
Speaker 1: shower whatever, so of course both was gonna be there

849
00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:53,759
Speaker 1: and we were just talking and I was like, to me,

850
00:42:53,840 --> 00:42:55,719
Speaker 1: it was just so funny, how like things are just

851
00:42:55,760 --> 00:42:57,279
Speaker 1: working out because I'm like, I haven't talked to this

852
00:42:57,360 --> 00:43:00,720
Speaker 1: girl four years, but she was like my best friend,

853
00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:03,160
Speaker 1: Like we have matching tattoos, that's how ghose we are

854
00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:06,640
Speaker 1: or work. And then I was just talking to it

855
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:08,719
Speaker 1: and everything felt good and I was like, honestly, girl,

856
00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:10,360
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't have no beef with you.

857
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:11,879
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't have any Like I said,

858
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:13,840
Speaker 1: if if you want to work on our friendship and

859
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:15,719
Speaker 1: see where it goes, like I'm open to that. I

860
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:18,080
Speaker 1: was like, I'm just in a different space, Like I'm like,

861
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:20,720
Speaker 1: life is too short. I was like, everything that happened

862
00:43:20,719 --> 00:43:22,560
Speaker 1: in the past, this is gonna be I was like,

863
00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:25,040
Speaker 1: I really don't care to bring anything up because I

864
00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:27,440
Speaker 1: feel like we already have numerous conversations about it, and

865
00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:30,000
Speaker 1: I think that we could just agree to disagree on

866
00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:32,279
Speaker 1: certain things. But I was like, if you want to

867
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:34,239
Speaker 1: just get back to like how are we used to

868
00:43:34,280 --> 00:43:36,319
Speaker 1: be and work on that, I'm like, I'm cool with that. Yeah.

869
00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:39,440
Speaker 1: And I would be very specific, you know, with like

870
00:43:39,719 --> 00:43:42,080
Speaker 1: what do I feel like I want this friendship to

871
00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:44,920
Speaker 1: look like? Right? So I wanted to be honest with

872
00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:48,800
Speaker 1: each other. Whatever you're you know, your your list says,

873
00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:52,200
Speaker 1: you know for friendships, I would really say this to

874
00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:54,400
Speaker 1: this person and say this is my thoughts about it.

875
00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:57,640
Speaker 1: Do you think you're capable of doing that? Right? Because

876
00:43:58,040 --> 00:44:00,279
Speaker 1: you could really spare yourself a lot of head ache

877
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:03,200
Speaker 1: and heartache and all of that. People just know upfront

878
00:44:03,239 --> 00:44:06,960
Speaker 1: what are the expectations? Right? So if she's like, I'm

879
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:09,000
Speaker 1: not capable of doing that, like I had a friend

880
00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:11,120
Speaker 1: told me at one time. She was like, I'm not

881
00:44:11,239 --> 00:44:15,400
Speaker 1: capable of asking you about yourself when I call you.

882
00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:18,359
Speaker 1: I call you because I want to talk about things

883
00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:20,520
Speaker 1: that are happening for me. I don't know that I'm

884
00:44:20,560 --> 00:44:22,600
Speaker 1: always gonna do that. And I was like, well, I

885
00:44:22,680 --> 00:44:24,880
Speaker 1: don't think we are a good fit for a friendship,

886
00:44:25,239 --> 00:44:27,920
Speaker 1: Like we don't have to be enemies, but I'm probably

887
00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:30,920
Speaker 1: not gonna answer the phone when you call me. But

888
00:44:31,239 --> 00:44:34,640
Speaker 1: I'm not though, right. But it's good that you don't

889
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:37,520
Speaker 1: put that out there. You give people the opportunity to

890
00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:40,680
Speaker 1: say the expectations are really really high, or I just

891
00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:43,000
Speaker 1: don't think I'm capable of doing that. I'm not in

892
00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:47,080
Speaker 1: that space. Great, then guess what, move over because there

893
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:49,920
Speaker 1: are other friends that are capable of doing that, not

894
00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:53,640
Speaker 1: causing myself any more toxic energy, right, or any more

895
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:58,200
Speaker 1: headaches and heartaches because people are incapable. Right again, I'm

896
00:44:58,239 --> 00:45:01,120
Speaker 1: taking the friendship title off seeing you as a person,

897
00:45:01,239 --> 00:45:04,319
Speaker 1: what are your capabilities? But she's coming to New York

898
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:06,520
Speaker 1: with her boyfriend that I know we all went to

899
00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:08,960
Speaker 1: college together. So she comes to New York next week

900
00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:10,279
Speaker 1: and she's like, oh, you want to go out for

901
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:13,839
Speaker 1: drinks and we can just talk. And I was like, okay, yeah, yeah,

902
00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:15,839
Speaker 1: And that would be the time that I would say,

903
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:18,480
Speaker 1: you know, I know that we had a few talks

904
00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:20,719
Speaker 1: and blah blah blah, and like, because I'm in this

905
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:23,880
Speaker 1: real defense space in life where I'm really working on myself,

906
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:27,560
Speaker 1: you know, this is my expectation for friendships, right, This

907
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:30,480
Speaker 1: is what I would like to see happen in my friendships.

908
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:34,279
Speaker 1: This is my need for friendships, right um or or

909
00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:36,120
Speaker 1: for us to be around each other, like do you

910
00:45:36,239 --> 00:45:38,920
Speaker 1: think that's something that you're willing to do, will be

911
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:42,800
Speaker 1: capable of? She gets to say yes or no. And

912
00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:45,640
Speaker 1: I've had clients who've had this conversation with friends and

913
00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:48,920
Speaker 1: friends are like, I can't do that. I'm not capable,

914
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:53,560
Speaker 1: And clients was like, well, good peace out, Like because

915
00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:57,239
Speaker 1: why right? Because I'm only now sitting in this relationship

916
00:45:57,640 --> 00:46:00,640
Speaker 1: wanting you to be something that you can't be. And

917
00:46:00,760 --> 00:46:03,600
Speaker 1: it's just a constant disappointment for me when you can

918
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:06,360
Speaker 1: find a friend that actually accepts you in that place,

919
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:08,920
Speaker 1: and I can find a friend actually accept for me

920
00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:11,839
Speaker 1: in that place. We won't be enemies, right, We won't

921
00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:16,040
Speaker 1: hurt each other, right, don't. I agree? And I have

922
00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:20,040
Speaker 1: to see her in like a thousand years, so how wow. Yeah,

923
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:23,479
Speaker 1: it's gonna be interesting, very interesting. But we've been talking

924
00:46:23,560 --> 00:46:27,480
Speaker 1: like almost every day. So I like it though, because

925
00:46:27,520 --> 00:46:30,680
Speaker 1: I know that a part of you, know, your last

926
00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:33,520
Speaker 1: relationship was because you didn't have like real connections with

927
00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:36,600
Speaker 1: a lot of people around you. And now we're kindling

928
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:39,800
Speaker 1: these connections, bringing in new people into your life that

929
00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:42,320
Speaker 1: could really meet em a in the space that sheathing.

930
00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:45,000
Speaker 1: It's going to give you such a sense of community.

931
00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:47,640
Speaker 1: Once you have that sense of community, you will never

932
00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:51,320
Speaker 1: be wrapped in another relationship that you know feels like

933
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:54,920
Speaker 1: it's can be toxic, right, because your sense of community

934
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:57,480
Speaker 1: will empower you. They'll be here for you and support you.

935
00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:03,760
Speaker 1: I agree, happen, So we'll see, we will see hopefully.

936
00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:14,360
Speaker 1: I drag nobody so funny, So I went out with Yeah, alright,

937
00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:17,120
Speaker 1: that was a recap of one of my therapy sessions

938
00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:20,879
Speaker 1: with my lovely therapist. As you can see, the kid

939
00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:23,920
Speaker 1: is at peace. I don't have no funk board energy

940
00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:27,320
Speaker 1: around me. I don't have any drama and owe it

941
00:47:27,480 --> 00:47:30,600
Speaker 1: all to my therapist. So if you're looking for a therapist,

942
00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:32,960
Speaker 1: if you live in the Tri State area, please hit

943
00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:35,640
Speaker 1: me up at Hello at the PhD podcast dot com.

944
00:47:36,040 --> 00:47:38,120
Speaker 1: I would definitely connect you, guys, because y'all know how

945
00:47:38,160 --> 00:47:41,120
Speaker 1: I feel about therapy. And on that note, thank you

946
00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:42,960
Speaker 1: so much for listening, and don't forget to leave a

947
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:45,960
Speaker 1: five star review on Apple Podcast if you're listening to

948
00:47:46,040 --> 00:47:50,439
Speaker 1: this episode on your iPhone. Until next time, guys. Later,