Speaker 1: Hell, I Suck It Dating with Dengler and Jared Haven
Speaker 1: Radio podcast. Well what is going on, sucky daters? I
Speaker 1: don't know if we're going to leave that in or not,
Speaker 1: but if we do, you're welcome for blessing your ear
Speaker 1: holes with the sweet sounds of Jared's voice for our intro.
Speaker 1: He's back and Jared, how did how much did we
Speaker 1: miss you? Last week? Man? I I forgot the days
Speaker 1: of doing this podcast alone and just how emotionally and
Speaker 1: mentally taxing it is on me. Uh, your presence was missed.
Speaker 1: You're just talking to yourself over the over and over
Speaker 1: and over again. Yeah, that's pretty taxing. Well, well, we
Speaker 1: had some guests last week, some great guests. But it's
Speaker 1: just like you know, when it went to me and
Speaker 1: you were talking to guess it's just a little bit more.
Speaker 1: The flow is a lot better. So it's good to
Speaker 1: have you back. I missed you, buddy. What have you
Speaker 1: been doing and where the hell were you last week?
Speaker 1: I was on the East Coast. I'm still on the
Speaker 1: East Coast right now. So I was in Rhode Island
Speaker 1: and now I'm actually in Jersey visiting Ashley's family. But
Speaker 1: we've been on the East Coast for about a month
Speaker 1: now because there's not much else to do. Everything we're
Speaker 1: doing is virtual, so it's been nice to have family.
Speaker 1: We've been traveling, you know, not traveling because of COVID,
Speaker 1: but it's it's been nice being back home on the
Speaker 1: East Coast for quite some time, which has been nice.
Speaker 1: And and we've been very safe about everything, wearing our
Speaker 1: masks everywhere we're going, washing our hands, and I've been
Speaker 1: tested actually two times already since being on the East
Speaker 1: Coast because they offer asymptomatic testing, which is very nice.
Speaker 1: And it's just great to be a family. So that's
Speaker 1: what I've been up to. And h Ashley and I
Speaker 1: celebrated our one year anniversary, which we already talked about
Speaker 1: when we were down in Newport, Rhode Island, and that
Speaker 1: was gorge That was gorgeous. But it's good to be back.
Speaker 1: I missed last week two and we have some topics.
Speaker 1: We have some things to talk about, specifically about a
Speaker 1: bachelor couple that we both know, uh that recently called
Speaker 1: it quits, which is very sad. Becca and Garrett officially
Speaker 1: called it quits today. Yeah, I saw the Instagram post
Speaker 1: from Becca about the split. You never want to see
Speaker 1: a split. It doesn't matter who it is, it doesn't
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess there are certain exceptions when it's
Speaker 1: like nice to see people breaking up, but especially when
Speaker 1: it's like Becca was the lead of a show and
Speaker 1: she picked her Garrett. They loved each other and for
Speaker 1: whatever reason they had to split. It's never never really
Speaker 1: an easy thing. But I don't really know either them
Speaker 1: super well. Obviously I've met Becca a few times and
Speaker 1: Garrett a few times. What's your what's your take on
Speaker 1: this hole on this whole breakup here, Jared, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't know. It seemed to have started when the Black
Speaker 1: Lives Matter movement started and Garrett came out in support
Speaker 1: of the Blue Lives Matter. I mean that's from you know,
Speaker 1: thirty thousand feet away. Um, but I just you know,
Speaker 1: I mean, I wish them both the best. I I
Speaker 1: really hope, Um yeah, I just hope. I hope the
Speaker 1: best for them. I met them both multiple times, and
Speaker 1: Garrett and Becca have been nothing but nice to me
Speaker 1: and Ashley and very pleasant. Uh. And it's just especially
Speaker 1: being the public eye, you know, anytime you go through
Speaker 1: a breakup, it's just you get a million questions of
Speaker 1: what exactly happened, why it happened. Um, So just thoughts
Speaker 1: are with them, hope they're doing well. Uh. And that's
Speaker 1: all I have to really say about back and back Garret,
Speaker 1: because like you said, I mean I'm not super close
Speaker 1: to them either. So why do you let's speculate why
Speaker 1: do you think they broke up? We all, like you
Speaker 1: said thirty ft overview, we think it's stemmed from the
Speaker 1: Black Lives Matter movement, And Garrett, I don't think it's
Speaker 1: because of that. I really don't. I mean, I would
Speaker 1: imagine that they would. I would hope that they, you know,
Speaker 1: would be able to uh talk through things if that
Speaker 1: was the case. So I'm sure that there was other
Speaker 1: factors at at play, not just something like that would
Speaker 1: be like yes, yeah, well, I mean let's let's talk
Speaker 1: about it. What do you think it would be? And
Speaker 1: and obviously just speak generally, but like and on top
Speaker 1: of that, to like kind of tie it back into
Speaker 1: what we do now, how do you think that or
Speaker 1: at least what we're able to give advice on, how
Speaker 1: do you think the issues that they might have faced
Speaker 1: as a couple could be addressed to kind of salvage
Speaker 1: the relationship if it even is worth salvaging, you know,
Speaker 1: because there are things like like like Caylin and I
Speaker 1: are very different, like religiously, you know, Kaylin is Christian,
Speaker 1: I am agnostic. We have conversations about it. We don't
Speaker 1: look down on one for thinking the thing that we
Speaker 1: think and not the other those types of things. But
Speaker 1: what's your advice on people on partners disagreeing on things
Speaker 1: that kind of are pretty big deals? Yeah, of course,
Speaker 1: I mean I I h there are things that actually
Speaker 1: and I disagree about in a lot of different factors
Speaker 1: of life, and and we certainly have conversations about it.
Speaker 1: And I think that goes with every every couple, like
Speaker 1: you just said, whether it's religion, uh, politically driven, you
Speaker 1: have to be willing to sit down and have conversations
Speaker 1: with your significant other because you're entering not only are
Speaker 1: you marrying the you know, like for example, I married Ashley,
Speaker 1: but I also married into her family, just like she
Speaker 1: married me and married into my family. And there are
Speaker 1: values there and in certain beliefs, in different backgrounds and
Speaker 1: different perspectives and opinions, and so I think you have
Speaker 1: to be willing to have a conversation with people, especially
Speaker 1: if you're entering a relationship. Um, And that's always been
Speaker 1: my mindset about it. Now I'm not sure if that's
Speaker 1: what happened with Becky and Garrett, but obviously we're just
Speaker 1: speculating and talking about what we've seen from a very
Speaker 1: you know, from what everybody else is seen as well. Um,
Speaker 1: And so I go with a good relationship. My question
Speaker 1: for you is, at what point do those conversations break
Speaker 1: down to the point because conversation is one thing, but
Speaker 1: to have those conversations eventually end up in a place
Speaker 1: where you're breaking up, Like what, how do how do
Speaker 1: those conversations break down? In your mind? Because again I
Speaker 1: think all we're all you and I are capable of
Speaker 1: doing is imagining a scenario where we disagree with our
Speaker 1: partners on something something of substance. But I don't think
Speaker 1: that I would really or see you and actually disagreeing
Speaker 1: upon something so harshly that it would drive a wedge
Speaker 1: large enough between the two of you to separate you.
Speaker 1: You know, So, like, at what point does everything kind
Speaker 1: of come to ahead where they're just like, you know what,
Speaker 1: we're just gonna break up? Because like a political political
Speaker 1: thing like you could be you could be right leaning
Speaker 1: or left leaning and still be in a successful functioning relationship.
Speaker 1: But there has to be like some breakdown at some
Speaker 1: point where it's like this is just no longer a
Speaker 1: suitable option for us, you know, Yeah, I mean I
Speaker 1: I agree, And I guess it depends on you know, individuals.
Speaker 1: You know, how how uh how attached are you to
Speaker 1: your your your way of thinking. You know, are you
Speaker 1: willing to open up and and be open minded and
Speaker 1: and and listen to people and possibly change your perspective?
Speaker 1: Is the other person willing to do the same thing?
Speaker 1: I mean, it's it's there's no right or wrong answer.
Speaker 1: It just depends on what you're willing to fight for
Speaker 1: and what you're not willing to fight for. And I
Speaker 1: think that goes with anything in a relationship and not
Speaker 1: saying that's what happened with Becky and Garrett. Um, I'm
Speaker 1: kind of speaking in general terms now with it within
Speaker 1: the realm of all relationships, Like you have to just
Speaker 1: pick your battles and and uh figure out, like I said,
Speaker 1: what you're willing to fight for and what you're not
Speaker 1: willing to fight for, and are you willing to be
Speaker 1: open minded? Are you willing to learn, like you said,
Speaker 1: not just about politics, but religion as well. I mean,
Speaker 1: Ashley and I have talks about religion views all the time. Um,
Speaker 1: especially as we get older, you know, our our families
Speaker 1: getting older. It's a it's a heavy topic so well,
Speaker 1: especially for you guys, because you're you're eventually going to
Speaker 1: bring kids in the world. It's like, what are you
Speaker 1: gonna do for raising them if you do realize them religiously?
Speaker 1: What denomination, etcetera. Oh of course and we and we've
Speaker 1: talked about that a lot. And you you have to
Speaker 1: have those discussions before you have kids, you know, because
Speaker 1: you want to you know, you don't want to bring
Speaker 1: kids in this world and be like, Okay, now that
Speaker 1: they're here, let's figure this out, you know, before you know,
Speaker 1: we actually start family planning. Before we even got married,
Speaker 1: we talked about how we're how we would want to
Speaker 1: raise a family, um, you know, the things that we
Speaker 1: would want to talk to them about, how we would
Speaker 1: teach them, you know, not just about religion or politics,
Speaker 1: but you know, um, you know, individuality, uh, sex, um,
Speaker 1: you know, uh, you know, acceptance, a lot of different
Speaker 1: things that we've talked about throughout our relationship, about what
Speaker 1: we would want to do when we ultimately have kids
Speaker 1: one day. So but there, I think everyone's going to
Speaker 1: kind of have their deal breakers. Like I I look
Speaker 1: back to kind of like the beginning stages of mine
Speaker 1: and Kalin's relationship, and everyone always has these conversations to
Speaker 1: get kind of a general idea of where their potential
Speaker 1: you know, wife or husband is going to be at
Speaker 1: five years down the line, Like what religion are you?
Speaker 1: Who did you vote for? You know, how are you raised?
Speaker 1: All these types of things, And I think everyone's gonna
Speaker 1: have their deal breakers. Like, for instance, when Calen and
Speaker 1: I first started dating, I would ask her, I'm not
Speaker 1: a political person, but I am involving myself more in
Speaker 1: politics as I get older, just because it seems obviously
Speaker 1: more necessary. Um, And so I was asking her very
Speaker 1: pointed questions, and I was like kind of like harping
Speaker 1: on her a little bit to see how she would
Speaker 1: react of like who did you vote for? Who would
Speaker 1: you be voting for in this next election? And I
Speaker 1: I was um happy to see that our beliefs and
Speaker 1: are opinions aligned in a lot more ways than I
Speaker 1: had expected it too, because you know this me, this
Speaker 1: freaking liberal guy living out of his van starts dating
Speaker 1: this girl from North Carolina and Virginia, where people are
Speaker 1: typically more conservative. I was like, okay, well I kind
Speaker 1: of have an idea of who this person might be,
Speaker 1: so I'm gonna like kind of test the waters before
Speaker 1: we get too deep sort of thing, and that worked out.
Speaker 1: Let me ask you this, if she was more conservative,
Speaker 1: would that have caused issues? I guess my question is
Speaker 1: do you think relationships should break up based on political associations.
Speaker 1: I think that there's a difference between political associations, which
Speaker 1: I don't think is an issue, But then there's also
Speaker 1: like human rights, uh and just general ethics. I think
Speaker 1: that a lot of people, especially in seem to overlook,
Speaker 1: especially as it pertains to politics. Now, like politics aren't
Speaker 1: really politics anymore more of just like human rights, seemingly
Speaker 1: as as time moves on. Like I remember, back in
Speaker 1: like two thousand A, I was super Republican because that's
Speaker 1: how I was brought up, and republican was Republican still
Speaker 1: isn't a bad thing. Democrats not a bad thing. Neither
Speaker 1: are bad, neither are good. Really, it's just as like
Speaker 1: difference of opinion, but things are kind of, in my opinion,
Speaker 1: my very unprofessional opinion, obviously, things are skewing away from
Speaker 1: politics and more towards human rights. And that's a big deal.
Speaker 1: That's a big thing. It's like, of course, if you
Speaker 1: disagree on you know, like the ethical treatment of humans
Speaker 1: and everybody around you, then that's like a deal breaker.
Speaker 1: But I think a lot of people kind of have
Speaker 1: this like shining light in them and they're always like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: later down the line, this person is going to change
Speaker 1: and they're gonna become more how I want them to be.
Speaker 1: And if that doesn't happen, then that's kind of that's
Speaker 1: kind of how I at least perceived the whole beca
Speaker 1: Garrett situation is, um, you know, Becca is a little
Speaker 1: bit more liberal, Garrett is more conservative. Becca had always
Speaker 1: in the back of her head that Garrett would come
Speaker 1: around and kind of lean more towards her side of thinking,
Speaker 1: and that just never happened. And it all kind of
Speaker 1: came to a head, especially with the Black Lives movement
Speaker 1: matter and everything that that that that all of the
Speaker 1: Unit States of America has kind of been going through
Speaker 1: since February and honestly since freaking seventeen seventy six. But um,
Speaker 1: that's that's my perception of it is there had there
Speaker 1: was hope to change from either side or both sides,
Speaker 1: and that never came, and then eventually they reached their
Speaker 1: breaking point, and they definitely loved each other, they definitely
Speaker 1: wanted the relationship to work. But once they either of
Speaker 1: them or both of them realized that it wasn't going
Speaker 1: to happen how they had originally foresaw it, then that's
Speaker 1: when they decided to make a statement and the relationship again.
Speaker 1: The entire speculation on my part, it seems like the
Speaker 1: mature thing for both of them to do. But that's
Speaker 1: just how I kind of look at it. No, I agree, man,
Speaker 1: I think that was very well said. And um, so
Speaker 1: we do have to move on because we have some
Speaker 1: really great guests on the podcast this week. We're going
Speaker 1: around the office, that's right, virtually that is, of course,
Speaker 1: because nobody's in the office because of COVID, but we
Speaker 1: have some coworkers who are gonna come on talk about
Speaker 1: their relationships, what dating has been like for them during
Speaker 1: these crazy times. But before we do that, and before
Speaker 1: we take a small break, Dean, what we always like
Speaker 1: to talk about on this podcast, and I feel like
Speaker 1: we haven't talked about in quite some time. Are dating terms,
Speaker 1: and I discovered a new one and I want to
Speaker 1: let you know what it is. Have you heard the
Speaker 1: newest dating trend called woke fishing? I never heard of it,
Speaker 1: so apparently I was. I was googling dating kind of,
Speaker 1: you know, looking up some things discuss what we should
Speaker 1: discuss on the podcast, and then I saw this, And
Speaker 1: you know that I love a new a good new
Speaker 1: dating trend, at least a trending word that is. So
Speaker 1: apparently woke fishing is the new thing, and it's alarming
Speaker 1: people on social media. Now what is woke fishing? I
Speaker 1: know you're dying to know. So apparently someone pretends to
Speaker 1: be progressively political so they can score the big date
Speaker 1: with someone who normally would turn them down. So apparently
Speaker 1: people masquerade as holding progressive political views to ensnare potential partners.
Speaker 1: So this is like the tip of this is the
Speaker 1: the definition. Woke fish can pretend to be protest attending
Speaker 1: or anti racist. According to Vice, they may appear to
Speaker 1: be a person who drinks ethically sourced oat milk and
Speaker 1: has read the back catalog of an Audrey Lord twice.
Speaker 1: Who's Audrey Lord? Do you know who that is? I
Speaker 1: guess I'm not woken up to know who that is,
Speaker 1: apparently not. But what are your thoughts on woke fishing? Okay,
Speaker 1: so what we're saying is there are people impostering as
Speaker 1: hashtag woke people to ensnare a date with the the feminist.
Speaker 1: That's how I kind of see it, that they think
Speaker 1: is attractive and then this person entraps them and they
Speaker 1: and then the woman realizes they're not woke at all. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I bet you this has been going on for a
Speaker 1: long time and they've just finally maybe coined a phrase
Speaker 1: for it. I think maybe now the feminists are becoming
Speaker 1: woke to the woke fishing. Yeah. I honestly think that
Speaker 1: this is because you see it a lot where people
Speaker 1: kind of like, like we even just talked about you
Speaker 1: kind of like pretend, not pretend, but maybe like hope
Speaker 1: to be more open minded, and like you pretend to
Speaker 1: a lot of people. I would say, go to these
Speaker 1: protests even just to be seen at protests that other
Speaker 1: people think that they're you know, quote unquote woke. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I definitely agree with that. I think that's
Speaker 1: been happening for a long time. Woke fishing the new
Speaker 1: dating trend. Get on it, ladies and gentlemen. Well, I
Speaker 1: wonder there's another dating trend of the week. I bet
Speaker 1: you it goes both ways. But I guess you know
Speaker 1: we can talk about that at the time. I'm excited.
Speaker 1: Can you bring can you do us a favorite? Jared?
Speaker 1: Can you bring a new dating term to the table
Speaker 1: every single episode from for the rest of I'm gonna try,
Speaker 1: because what am I gonna I'm not trying. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do it. We did it for a while. We're bringing
Speaker 1: new trends. We were letting you guy guys, you know,
Speaker 1: updating you on the new dating lingo. And I've been
Speaker 1: letting you down. I've been letting you down, stuck army,
Speaker 1: And I'm here to tell you that I no longer
Speaker 1: do that. And every week I'm going to bring a
Speaker 1: new dating term to the table to talk about. So
Speaker 1: today woke fishing. So make sure you're not getting screwed
Speaker 1: over by a woke fish. Well, let's hope this happens.
Speaker 1: If you do get woke fished, woke fished instead of catfish.
Speaker 1: That's kind of funny. If you do get woke fished,
Speaker 1: maybe maybe we can start turning these people into woke people,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean like that, that's always an
Speaker 1: you know, it's what we're trying to do here and
Speaker 1: Hope I second dating just you know, people help with people.
Speaker 1: We're trying to wake people up. Anyways, like Darret said earlier,
Speaker 1: we got a big episode for you guys. We are
Speaker 1: going to get to know some of the I Heart
Speaker 1: staff and dig into their personal dating lives because we
Speaker 1: can only talk about our dating lives so much. So
Speaker 1: we're excited to hear from some people that are close
Speaker 1: to us about kind of what's going on with them,
Speaker 1: and they'll give you, guys, the listeners kind of more
Speaker 1: of a backstory and a foundation to the podcast beyond
Speaker 1: just the very handsome hosts that host the podcast. So
Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick break, but stay tuned and
Speaker 1: we will be right back. Welcome back to help by
Speaker 1: Suck at Dating. I'm just really trying to do my
Speaker 1: best Mark impersonation. Whenever I have a life conunder them,
Speaker 1: I think what would Mark do? Anyway, Becky, Becky, we
Speaker 1: have you on the podcast. Now. Becky is an I
Speaker 1: Heart staff member who is fantastic. Becky just started working
Speaker 1: on the podcast, at least this particular podcast, the best
Speaker 1: podcast there is at I Heeart only about what a
Speaker 1: month ago maybe, um, and we are very lucky to
Speaker 1: have her on the staff because Becky is awesome, hard working,
Speaker 1: uh and quite lovely. So Becky, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for joining us on the podcast today. Becky, We're stiking
Speaker 1: to have you, And for the listeners out there, I
Speaker 1: want to I just wanna go ahead and preface this
Speaker 1: whole segment with I'm just as as excited as the
Speaker 1: listeners are because Becky and I and Jared have only
Speaker 1: As Jared said, I've been working together for about a month,
Speaker 1: so this is just as much of a learning experience
Speaker 1: for me as it is for everyone else out there.
Speaker 1: So I'm excited. I'm excited too. You guys get to
Speaker 1: know a little bit more about me, all right. So Becky,
Speaker 1: this is like the dating game, you know, It's like
Speaker 1: Becky's twenty three years old. She's taking a hiatus from dating.
Speaker 1: Beginning of Quarantine, she tried virtual dating and met really
Speaker 1: interesting people on dating apps. One guy would put me
Speaker 1: on a quote time out. If I had an quote attitude,
Speaker 1: please tell us more about that person. Yes, Um, he
Speaker 1: was very interesting. Um, I am Latina, so I have
Speaker 1: an attitude. It just comes naturally, that's you know, where
Speaker 1: I came from. And that he didn't like it. And
Speaker 1: I asked him, I said, have you ever been with
Speaker 1: the Latina? And he was like no, but all women
Speaker 1: are the same. And I was like, oh, you're in
Speaker 1: fir tree. That was really ignorant of the same. Any
Speaker 1: guys listening to podcast right now probably don't say that.
Speaker 1: I don't say that. Yeah, definitely. Um. And I remember
Speaker 1: if like we would face time, he would um get
Speaker 1: upset if like I just like became sassy or something,
Speaker 1: and um, he'd be like, I'm penning you on time
Speaker 1: out and then actually would not talk to me for
Speaker 1: five minutes. And I would I would just be so confused.
Speaker 1: And he also would like tickle me a lot. It
Speaker 1: was just a really weird scenario. And I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know about this. I really don't know about
Speaker 1: virtual dating or the dating apps. So what do you
Speaker 1: mean tickle you? Ye? Would you virtually if we met
Speaker 1: up in person? Sorry, you should have prefaced that we
Speaker 1: met him a couple of times, and yeah, after like
Speaker 1: the third time, I was just like, oh, this is
Speaker 1: just weird. I thought maybe it would turn qute and
Speaker 1: it would become cute, and it just wasn't. It wasn't
Speaker 1: at all. Never enjoyed it. So would he just break
Speaker 1: out into random fits of tickling or was there like
Speaker 1: a method to the madness? And just I just I'm
Speaker 1: curious to them more about this whole tickling. Yeah, I know,
Speaker 1: it was really random, um, really random, and I would
Speaker 1: actually get like pretty upset and then and then he
Speaker 1: would put me on time out. M hm. He sounds
Speaker 1: like a douche bag. Yep, he was. So what was
Speaker 1: it initially that attracted you to this guy? Because I
Speaker 1: need to know more about this backstory. Um. So actually
Speaker 1: I saw on his dating profile, um a familiar face
Speaker 1: like in one of his pictures, and I found out
Speaker 1: that he his brother I went to college with over
Speaker 1: in New York. So I was just like, oh, I
Speaker 1: feel like I kind of know him a little bit,
Speaker 1: so like that's more comfortable for me than like someone
Speaker 1: completely random. And so that was what, like, you know, helped,
Speaker 1: But it wasn't. It wasn't the one, and now you
Speaker 1: are consciously taking a break from dating. As you put it, Yes,
Speaker 1: it's just um hasn't been working out. Um. I did
Speaker 1: can like try a couple of times after that, and uh,
Speaker 1: that was not great experience either. So at this point,
Speaker 1: I'm just like, we're going to take a break. It's
Speaker 1: there's no way for me to, um really like meet
Speaker 1: someone with it seems like good intentions right now, everyone's
Speaker 1: just bored. So well, the problem is to your twenty three,
Speaker 1: so you're so young. So if you're dating guys in
Speaker 1: the early twenties, so because guys are stupid as a guy,
Speaker 1: I'm allowed to say that. Let's talk about intentions too,
Speaker 1: because I think you're about to get to it, right, Becky. No,
Speaker 1: I was just gonna say, I've actually been trying to
Speaker 1: day older, but that's not working here. Oh it takes
Speaker 1: us a little longer, you know. Yeah. Yeah, Well I
Speaker 1: was gonna say, because you you gave yourself the award
Speaker 1: for most ghosted, you said, and there's a reason for that,
Speaker 1: you said as well, right, yes, um, do you want
Speaker 1: to share that? Yeah? Definitely. Um, I am celibate. Um,
Speaker 1: And it has been kind of interesting because I've been
Speaker 1: ghosted for you know, being celibate. But then some guys
Speaker 1: also find that as a challenge, um, and you know
Speaker 1: they try to break that. Um. And then also I've
Speaker 1: had the opposite where one time I tried to date
Speaker 1: a virgin and um, I will propose that I am
Speaker 1: not a virgin, I am born again virgin, and um
Speaker 1: it he I think also didn't like that either. So
Speaker 1: it was just kind of it's kind of difficult to
Speaker 1: navigate right now, and so I'm just kind of taking
Speaker 1: a break and um, yeah everyone's I think I'm learning
Speaker 1: a lot that, Like, guys just suck at communicating. Um.
Speaker 1: But I try to preface in the very beginning like
Speaker 1: I'm celibate, so um, you know, if you whatever, I
Speaker 1: don't know what your intentions are, but we should put
Speaker 1: that out there. And you know, some guys are like,
Speaker 1: oh no, no, it's cool, it's fine, and then it's
Speaker 1: clearly not fine, and then yeah, it's just it's really
Speaker 1: difficult to navigate. So I'm just like praying that I
Speaker 1: meet someone that is just you know, all around cool
Speaker 1: with I passed in my present and if you don't
Speaker 1: feel comfortable talking about this, please let me know. But
Speaker 1: because I've heard of obviously born again virgins before. Shawn
Speaker 1: Lowe was one who was famously uh you know, born
Speaker 1: and a virgin on his season of the Bachelor's. So
Speaker 1: what made you decide to become, um, a born again
Speaker 1: virgin to be celibant. Yeah. So I found myself um,
Speaker 1: and a lot of less full relationships, UM, and I
Speaker 1: constantly interpreted that as love. UM. And I also saw
Speaker 1: that it was filling just filling a void as well, like, UM,
Speaker 1: you know, I know you lost your mom. I lost
Speaker 1: my mom two years ago. Um. And so that's like
Speaker 1: these past two years have just been like really not
Speaker 1: meaningful relationships. And UM, I am Christian, and UM, I
Speaker 1: just like I think through my relationship with God and
Speaker 1: just like um and like his love has made me
Speaker 1: realize that like, um, I don't need to give that
Speaker 1: part to myself or I shouldn't give that part to
Speaker 1: myself to just anyone. UM. And so I'm really um
Speaker 1: just that that's really what it all comes down to,
Speaker 1: is like that's like, you know, where I found myself
Speaker 1: like going wrong in all my relationships because they were
Speaker 1: so less ful. So um, that's that's my journey so far. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, sorry to hear about the loss of your mother.
Speaker 1: That's never easy, but it sounds like I'm sorry to
Speaker 1: hear that too. Despite the dating woes. It sounds like
Speaker 1: you got your head screwed on very tight and very good.
Speaker 1: So I'm sure it's gonna work out for you for
Speaker 1: the best in no time as well. And I mean,
Speaker 1: it's just very it's hard to date right now, especially too,
Speaker 1: because it's obviously COVID. This is why we have a podcast,
Speaker 1: especially during these times, because it's like you're definitely not
Speaker 1: alone and knowing that dating is not going well for
Speaker 1: a lot of people out there, Totally. I have faith
Speaker 1: though maybe one day again I'm young, so and you
Speaker 1: guys will be here to help me, and you just
Speaker 1: gotta keep you gotta work on the help. I suck
Speaker 1: a dating podcast forever and ever, and eventually it worked
Speaker 1: for Jared, it worked for me, and I'm guarantee it'll
Speaker 1: work for you to Absolutely, you're only a month in.
Speaker 1: You're gonna be fine, and you're the real m VP
Speaker 1: of this because you work harder, way harder than deed myself.
Speaker 1: Let's be um. Well, Becky, thank you so much for
Speaker 1: coming on the the podcast, and thank you for sharing your story.
Speaker 1: You're the best and we are very lucky to have you. So, uh,
Speaker 1: we have our next guest, who I believe is ready
Speaker 1: to go. Hey, Oscar, how you doing buddy? I'm doing good.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Thanks for joining us. Man appreciate it worse, Oscar,
Speaker 1: So you know what we're doing here. We are getting
Speaker 1: to know the I Heart Media team a little bit
Speaker 1: more in depth on the podcast, But Oscar, Jared and
Speaker 1: I don't know you that well. So give both of
Speaker 1: us and perhaps the listeners a quick rundown of what
Speaker 1: you do with I heeart and and all that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: for sure. Um so wait, what do I even do?
Speaker 1: I feel like I do all kinds of stuff Like
Speaker 1: today I'm working, um, the iHeart Festival shoe, but normally
Speaker 1: my day to day stuff, it's um all kiss up.
Speaker 1: So it's managing all the promotions now, the price fulfillment
Speaker 1: and radio winners and pretty much marketing and promotions. Uh, Oscar,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us. So you do
Speaker 1: great work. Uh. Can I do like the dating game
Speaker 1: like intro to That's what I do with Becky and
Speaker 1: I just really enjoyed it and wanted to do it
Speaker 1: again because we have some bullet points here. So we
Speaker 1: have Oscar ladies, gentlemen on help by suck at dating.
Speaker 1: Oscar is in his early thirties. He's been single for
Speaker 1: seven years. Dated a few times, but nothing serious. No.
Speaker 1: Oscar is gay with lots of traditional values he's got.
Speaker 1: He says that online dating and apps, dating apps that is,
Speaker 1: give him anxiety. Now he feels like he's a more
Speaker 1: old school but he needs He also recognizes that he
Speaker 1: needs to be more open. Uh so, Oscar, after that horrible,
Speaker 1: horrible intro, Sorry about that? So perfect? Oh thanks, I
Speaker 1: appreciate it. So what is it about online dating apps
Speaker 1: that gives you anxiety? I just feel like they're a
Speaker 1: little invasive. Um, And I feel like, I mean, they've
Speaker 1: I've heard so many success stories, but I've also heard
Speaker 1: so many horror stories. And there's been a lot of
Speaker 1: times like let's say we're just drinking, right, We're in
Speaker 1: the living room, we're having drinks and we're just having
Speaker 1: fun talking and my friends will be like, hey, you
Speaker 1: should start a dating app. And I feel like it's
Speaker 1: just very invasive to put like all those details out there,
Speaker 1: Like it's already a lot to think about too, like
Speaker 1: open up to someone and get to know someone, and
Speaker 1: then when you're you're just like putting your height and
Speaker 1: your ethnicity and what you like, and when you don't like,
Speaker 1: it's just I don't know, Like for me, it's just
Speaker 1: a lot to think about for someone that's already like
Speaker 1: already has a lot of stuff in my mind, you know.
Speaker 1: M hm. Well, the good thing about dating apps is
Speaker 1: in profiles, is you can control how much information you
Speaker 1: put out there. Um, so that's one thing that hopefully
Speaker 1: gives you a little bit of ease, Like if there's
Speaker 1: certain things you don't want out in the public eye,
Speaker 1: you don't have to put them out there. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: even like putting the photo up, it's like whatt Like,
Speaker 1: do you have social media? I do? I have Instagram
Speaker 1: and Twitter, But your Instagram profile picture, the picture could
Speaker 1: be your dating profile. Now I'm just like, all right,
Speaker 1: what are people going to see when they open up
Speaker 1: whatever Tinder? Like laugh, it's just let me let me
Speaker 1: ask you this, what's your preferred way of meeting meeting someone?
Speaker 1: My preferred way of meeting someone is not knowing that
Speaker 1: I'm going to meet someone, Like just everything organically right,
Speaker 1: Like say, I mean, in my ideal situation, like I
Speaker 1: would meet someone that I met through my friends and
Speaker 1: say we go to like a house party, and we're
Speaker 1: just at the house party, and maybe there's someone there
Speaker 1: that my friends think would be great for me, but
Speaker 1: I wouldn't want them to tell me because then I
Speaker 1: would get all up in my head and then I
Speaker 1: would like overthink it, and I would think it on
Speaker 1: all levels, like what if I don't like this person?
Speaker 1: What if they don't like me, like I'm still a
Speaker 1: friendly guy. Like if I don't like them, I don't
Speaker 1: want them to think I'm a jerk. It's just I
Speaker 1: don't know. I think I just overthink it. So you
Speaker 1: like to start out as kind of as friends first
Speaker 1: and see if there's like a good natural chemistry that
Speaker 1: there's no pressure to and then it kind of snowballs
Speaker 1: down from there. Totally totally Like me, I feel like
Speaker 1: it's all about the vibe, the chemistry. Can we have
Speaker 1: a conversation, like a real conversation where you're not even
Speaker 1: like trying to keep up the conversation, like you know,
Speaker 1: like there's no agenda. It's just like all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: we're talking about our favorite color. And I don't have
Speaker 1: to ask you that questions, it just comes out naturally.
Speaker 1: What is your favorite color? Uh, well, it depends. My
Speaker 1: favorite color is red um, but I love all shades
Speaker 1: of grain. But I feel like I wear a lot
Speaker 1: of blue a great well. So I guess my point
Speaker 1: that I was going to try and make was there's
Speaker 1: really no difference between putting together dating profile and giving
Speaker 1: that information like your height, ethnicity, interests, disinterest, because it's
Speaker 1: like when you meet someone in person, they see how
Speaker 1: tall you are, they see your face, like that's your
Speaker 1: profile picture for you. They get to kind of understand
Speaker 1: your interest through conversation. So it's it's it's definitely maybe
Speaker 1: like a little bit more pressure because like you're there,
Speaker 1: you're on a dating app to date people, and you
Speaker 1: don't go to a party to date people. You go
Speaker 1: to a party to have fun with your friends, and
Speaker 1: if that turns into a relationship, that's great. So I
Speaker 1: can see like maybe the reason for being is a
Speaker 1: little bit more like direct, But I think you should
Speaker 1: still give dating app to try. I mean, we've we've
Speaker 1: heard from so many people that they've been successful. Yeah, totally,
Speaker 1: And I feel like you I mean, you kind of
Speaker 1: nailed it when I whenever I do go out, my
Speaker 1: my main focus is I just want to hang with
Speaker 1: my friends and I miss my friends or I miss
Speaker 1: my family and I'm just there to hang out with them.
Speaker 1: So I'm not really looking either. Like this kind of happens,
Speaker 1: and that's better too. I think in the way that
Speaker 1: if you're just like beating yourself and hanging with your
Speaker 1: friends and someone finds that version of you attractive, that's
Speaker 1: perfect because that's just who you are, rather than on
Speaker 1: a dating app. I could see, like everyone puts their
Speaker 1: best foot forward, so it's like you might not be
Speaker 1: learning the true, like fact about this person. You're learning
Speaker 1: about who they want you to think that you are,
Speaker 1: rather than like you like hanging around your friends. So
Speaker 1: I see where you're coming from. Um, I just wanted
Speaker 1: to at least lobby for dating apps because we have
Speaker 1: seen them be successful for some other friends in the past.
Speaker 1: But oh for sure, Yeah, I mean, Oscar, do you
Speaker 1: do you hate for the first dates? No? I actually
Speaker 1: I don't hate first dates because I feel like it's
Speaker 1: a it's a good opportunity to meet someone and I
Speaker 1: feel like you can learn a lot from a first
Speaker 1: date because I am like a byby type person, so
Speaker 1: I can kind of knock out a lot of checkpoints.
Speaker 1: I could just cross off a lot of things like
Speaker 1: on the list through the first date. Um. And I
Speaker 1: feel like that benefits me because a lot of times
Speaker 1: it's like when I know it's a no, like I'm
Speaker 1: not afraid to just be like, hey, I think you're
Speaker 1: a great person, but I think that's it, Like maybe
Speaker 1: we could be friends. Like I don't have a problem
Speaker 1: saying that either. So I'm okay with first dates. It's
Speaker 1: just a matter of getting a date. I'm sure you're
Speaker 1: don't find that the partment with my friend. Well, because
Speaker 1: the reason I asked that, as you sound like one
Speaker 1: of my friends from back home who anxiety, Like she
Speaker 1: gets super anxious on dating appser she did before she
Speaker 1: started dating her boyfriend. And uh, she said the same thing.
Speaker 1: She'd rather just hang out with her family and friends
Speaker 1: and not go on dates and she hated first dates. Uh,
Speaker 1: And I could I never had any advice for her
Speaker 1: because I was like, well, I mean, she just hates
Speaker 1: first dates. And I'd always be like, we gotta put
Speaker 1: yourself out there. You gotta like figure out a way
Speaker 1: to make things, you know, break the ice and make
Speaker 1: things comfortable. So I guess my question for you is, like,
Speaker 1: do you have any ways that you break the ice,
Speaker 1: you make first date a little bit more comfortable? And
Speaker 1: do you have any advice for people who might feel
Speaker 1: very similar to you where they get very anxious thinking
Speaker 1: about going uh, you know, on a dating app or
Speaker 1: you know, if they choose between going on a first
Speaker 1: date with someone or hanging out with friends, are like, well,
Speaker 1: I just would rather hang out my friends than go
Speaker 1: on a date with someone, totally. I mean, I think
Speaker 1: my advice to that is to just do something you
Speaker 1: would normally do on a Thursday or Friday or whatever
Speaker 1: day of the week it is. I think, um, you
Speaker 1: just set an expectation that is like actually who you
Speaker 1: are as a person. So if like on a normal Thursday, right,
Speaker 1: Like on a normal Thursday, I would probably just maybe
Speaker 1: be going a happy hour my favorite spot or maybe
Speaker 1: I mean not right now because of COVID, but maybe
Speaker 1: it's like my favorite lounge with the jukebox and I
Speaker 1: have controlled the playlist. Like if that's something I would
Speaker 1: normally be doing on a Thursday, I would just see it.
Speaker 1: I was like, hey, tag along or come along with
Speaker 1: me or you're invited, Like, this is normally what I
Speaker 1: would do. I wouldn't set the expectation too to be
Speaker 1: something that is not me or that I normally wouldn't do,
Speaker 1: Like if I'm normally not going to this restaurant, like
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna probably proposed that I would stick with
Speaker 1: something that maybe I like, and then maybe next time
Speaker 1: we'll do something that they like and just go from there.
Speaker 1: Totally next perfect sense. Yeah, absolutely, well, Awscar, thanks for
Speaker 1: jo much for joining us. Man, we appreciate it. Yeah. Well,
Speaker 1: hopefully we see you in the office sometime soon. Maybe
Speaker 1: next time I'll have a date or something. Well, now
Speaker 1: that you're on this podcast, like Dean was saying, everybody
Speaker 1: who comes on this podcast, man, we're like, good luck, Chuck,
Speaker 1: you find your soul mate the day afterwards. So all right,
Speaker 1: I have good vibes, so we'll keep your eyes over.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Hi, I Lean, How are we good? How
Speaker 1: are you guys? Oh we're doing well. Welcome to help.
Speaker 1: I suck at dating. Thank you very much. Happy to
Speaker 1: be here. Yeah, well true, honored to have you on. Um, Jared,
Speaker 1: do you want to do you want to handle this
Speaker 1: because you are honestly knocking these out and I am
Speaker 1: very impressed. Well, Eileen, we're kind of doing the dating
Speaker 1: game around the office, and so I'm I'm introducing everybody
Speaker 1: as if I'm the the narrator of the dating game,
Speaker 1: and we have some bullet points here. So is it
Speaker 1: okay if I do that? Okay? Well, ladies and gentlemen,
Speaker 1: suck army. We have another great guest who's on the
Speaker 1: line with us right now. She is in her fifties,
Speaker 1: recently got married two years ago to her longtime partner.
Speaker 1: Now she lives in West Hollywood with her husband. It
Speaker 1: is Eileen. I don't know your last name, but I
Speaker 1: lean ladies and gentlemen too. Well, Eileen, you obviously don't
Speaker 1: suck at dating if you just got married, congratulations. But
Speaker 1: I haven't dated in a while. So there we go.
Speaker 1: There we go. And plus, like our our whole gimmick
Speaker 1: here is that like even if you're in a relationship,
Speaker 1: you can still suck a day. Like just ask my wife.
Speaker 1: There's plenty of things I suck at. And so so
Speaker 1: you recently just got married two years ago to your
Speaker 1: long time partners, So how long were you dating before
Speaker 1: you guys get married, Um, twenty two years and yeah
Speaker 1: I met him when I was thirty and he was
Speaker 1: twenty five, So there you go. Okay, so what this is?
Speaker 1: This is very unique? Yeah, exactly why did you wait
Speaker 1: twenty years? Why after twenty years or eighteen years, I guess,
Speaker 1: and you decided to get married. We need all of
Speaker 1: the juicy hot goss for this, okay. And you know what, like,
Speaker 1: I can't tell you the amount of times we've been
Speaker 1: asked this question. It's just not even, it's not even.
Speaker 1: There is no reason. I don't know. Everything was just
Speaker 1: always fine. I would say to you that I was
Speaker 1: a very young thirty year old and he was a
Speaker 1: little bit more of him, a church twenty five year old.
Speaker 1: But we were just not we're into pendant into our careers.
Speaker 1: We just like really weren't in a hurry. So everything
Speaker 1: just kind of kind of meshed and we tooled along
Speaker 1: and did fun stuff and you know, just it became
Speaker 1: a twenty two year old relationship. You know, we didn't
Speaker 1: even move in together anything like that until it was
Speaker 1: probably like eight years. Is this like, is this one
Speaker 1: of those on again, off again relationships or were you
Speaker 1: guys on for a Yeah, we broke up one time
Speaker 1: like two years into it, um, and that was for
Speaker 1: like six months, and then got back together and we're
Speaker 1: together ever since. So we're just like homies, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. And it win it. It's such a
Speaker 1: committed relationship when you really think about it, because I
Speaker 1: feel like so many people, including myself, you know, you
Speaker 1: date someone and there's certain steps in the relationship that
Speaker 1: that progress it, you know. And that's not saying like
Speaker 1: I'm not with my wife because I just married her,
Speaker 1: but like you know, it's it's kind of like the progression,
Speaker 1: like we got together and then we get married and
Speaker 1: we want to have kids day and then so on
Speaker 1: and so forth. And like with you guys, you're just like, no,
Speaker 1: we're we're in love and we want to we just
Speaker 1: want to be with one another. We don't have plans
Speaker 1: to really do anything else. That's so that's a that's
Speaker 1: a committed relationship right there. I feel the same way,
Speaker 1: like you know what I mean, because there was no
Speaker 1: paper ever like binding us to anything. And um, it's
Speaker 1: just like I said it now, we did at one point.
Speaker 1: You know, you wake up and ten years have flown
Speaker 1: by and you know, I'm a girl. So going into
Speaker 1: my forties, we had to have the what do you
Speaker 1: think about kids? Thing? Is there any rush here? And
Speaker 1: we were just kind of like I can't explain it,
Speaker 1: always happy and always content and it's like, no, I'm cool,
Speaker 1: are you cool? Yeah, I'm cool, let's do this. We
Speaker 1: have great families, we have great friends, we have an
Speaker 1: amazing life, and we just never felt the rush. And
Speaker 1: we never anywhere along the line really had that a
Speaker 1: conversation like so what is this my your girlfriend? My
Speaker 1: your boy, Like, we never had those kinds of conversations
Speaker 1: to just one day he moved in. It was great
Speaker 1: and everything went great, we bought a house together. You know,
Speaker 1: it just I don't know, I just feel like there's
Speaker 1: there was never any kind of expectation or pressure. And um,
Speaker 1: I would never say that's normal or that's the way
Speaker 1: to do it. It just worked for us. I think
Speaker 1: we're kind of um unique in that. Yeah, so you
Speaker 1: you are very very unique, that's without question. I want
Speaker 1: to know more about how the relationship evolved from boyfriend
Speaker 1: girlfriend to fiances and I know you kind of just
Speaker 1: touched on a little bit, but maybe like more of
Speaker 1: a of a grannual or focus on it, because after
Speaker 1: eighteen years, you do you just wake up one day
Speaker 1: and you're like, let's be husband and wife. Or was
Speaker 1: it a conversation where you're like, you know what, we
Speaker 1: know we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together.
Speaker 1: Why don't we just freaking do the paperwork thing like
Speaker 1: we haven't done yet and just get it over with
Speaker 1: kind of thing. Well, UM, I think that you'd probably
Speaker 1: have to ask him why and what the timing meant
Speaker 1: to him. But you know, we had always talked about
Speaker 1: at some point we'll get married. You know, we had
Speaker 1: always talked about that, UM, and our families. It was
Speaker 1: very important to our families. UM, even twenty five years
Speaker 1: in or twenty years in our parents, it was very
Speaker 1: important to them. And you know, I am a spiritual
Speaker 1: person and I believe in God's timing, and I just
Speaker 1: think that was God's timing because not to get sad
Speaker 1: or anything, but you know, he asked me on my
Speaker 1: fiftieth birthday, which which was very special, and we got
Speaker 1: married the following year and a half, like nine months
Speaker 1: or yeah, year and a half later, and you know,
Speaker 1: we've I lost my dad soon after, and his dad
Speaker 1: is now six. So it's kind of like it was
Speaker 1: just meant to be. It was meant to be a
Speaker 1: big family celebration. Yeah, of course. And it sounds like
Speaker 1: so your your parents wanted you and him to get
Speaker 1: married and your father was able to see that happen.
Speaker 1: It sounds exactly exactly right. That's that's beautiful. That's all right.
Speaker 1: So here's another question for you then, and obviously just
Speaker 1: answer up to your discretion whatever you want. How about
Speaker 1: children then, like that, was there ever a conversation about
Speaker 1: having kids? Is there still a potential to have children? Like,
Speaker 1: what's kind of the situation with all that we did
Speaker 1: talk about it, and I think we would both be
Speaker 1: amazing parents, and we love kids. But we seem to
Speaker 1: be happy with um our nieces and nephews. We have
Speaker 1: many from the ages. I mean, my oldest nephew was thirty,
Speaker 1: and I think our youngest is probably I don't know,
Speaker 1: like uh seven maybe now. Um, and then we have
Speaker 1: god children and like we have plenty of children in
Speaker 1: our life and um, we just have we don't feel
Speaker 1: like we've missed anything. I might feel differently, you know,
Speaker 1: we might feel when we're older, you know, especially because
Speaker 1: our parents are older now and they're really leaning on
Speaker 1: us for certain things. So we may feel a little
Speaker 1: lonely or kind of out there on our own as
Speaker 1: we get older. But we have no regrets, reserve or
Speaker 1: a disagreement about that. Because I have friends that are together,
Speaker 1: are very much in love, but one wants kids and
Speaker 1: the other one doesn't, and that's making them second guests.
Speaker 1: The entire relationship altogether, never a disagreement. We were always just, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm cool, I'm happy if it if it happened, great,
Speaker 1: if it doesn't great. It's really hard to you know,
Speaker 1: I know most people don't understand it. But we've just
Speaker 1: been content and happy. That's it. Look So, now that
Speaker 1: you guys were together for twenty plus years and now
Speaker 1: you've been married for two, do you find that there's
Speaker 1: any difference between being boyfriend girlfriend and being married? I do,
Speaker 1: and I didn't think I would it. There's something different
Speaker 1: about it. There is something different about the uh, you know,
Speaker 1: having a husband. And I went ahead and I hyphenated
Speaker 1: my last name, you know, spending spending fifty two years
Speaker 1: as one person, it was kind of hard to change
Speaker 1: it all together. And and you know, I was doing
Speaker 1: it out of respect for my dad. Poor guy had
Speaker 1: three daughters, so I just wanted to kind of keep
Speaker 1: his name in the or somewhere. My father in law
Speaker 1: is kind of going through the same thing. He has
Speaker 1: two daughters. And Ashley, my wife, is going to hyphenate
Speaker 1: her name because you know, you gotta have the name
Speaker 1: live on in somewhat. It's kind of important and uh,
Speaker 1: you know, and especially like I said, for myself to
Speaker 1: go through my entire life and career with one name.
Speaker 1: And it's it's not that I wouldn't want to take
Speaker 1: his name, and I felt, out of respect for his
Speaker 1: family and for him, uh, that I needed to have
Speaker 1: it as part of my name. I just couldn't get
Speaker 1: rid of my my dad's name. So, UM, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: it's um. But it is a different level of commitment,
Speaker 1: you know, um the paper, the I don't know, it's
Speaker 1: hard to explain. It's different. It's more boded. I totally
Speaker 1: understand where you're coming from, even I have only been
Speaker 1: married for a little over a year now, but um,
Speaker 1: you know, having my wife yea, you know, there is
Speaker 1: a certain gravity to saying that sentence. You know, my
Speaker 1: this is my wife. It's it's it's just a little
Speaker 1: bit more impactful than this is my girlfriend, you know
Speaker 1: when I see you know, even now I'm with her
Speaker 1: family and they are my family now as well. And
Speaker 1: that's something, um that I'm getting more accustomed to and uh,
Speaker 1: something that I I feel very lucky. Yeah, And you
Speaker 1: know what, that's a really great point because over our years,
Speaker 1: I used to feel stupid, uh you know, ten years
Speaker 1: in saying this is my boyfriend, you know, I felt
Speaker 1: like that was silly. So we never really used that language.
Speaker 1: It was always like, hey, this is Chad. He's like,
Speaker 1: this is either. We never really did the label thing.
Speaker 1: But now it is this is my husband. It is different,
Speaker 1: and it's like understand, I mean, it's more impactful. The
Speaker 1: bond is there. People understand it too, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. People didn't understand what we were before and
Speaker 1: now they understand. Not that I care about that, but well, well, Eileen,
Speaker 1: as someone that's on the same trajectory as you and
Speaker 1: your husband, it's very refreshing to hear how happy and
Speaker 1: how wonderful of a life it seems like had with
Speaker 1: with each other. So thank you for joining us. Thank
Speaker 1: you for sharing all that with us. We really appreciate it,
Speaker 1: and best of luck. We'll talk to you soon and
Speaker 1: um if there's any updates, keep us updated. All right,
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you, guys, talks in. Thanks Alien. Al Right,
Speaker 1: we are gonna move on over to Imani. I. I
Speaker 1: don't want to mispronounce that, so we'll wait until she
Speaker 1: hops on and get her whole backstory. I'm excited. So
Speaker 1: you think you and Calin are on the same trajectory
Speaker 1: high You think you guys are gonna be together for
Speaker 1: twenty five years before you get married. I think that.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know what I think. Who knows.
Speaker 1: I'm probably gonna be dead and sorry language three years anyway,
Speaker 1: So it's like, no, you're not stop that. Don't even
Speaker 1: a joke like that. I mean, who knows? Who knows? Well?
Speaker 1: Have you have you talked about that with Calin? Because
Speaker 1: I feel like Calin wants do you want? Do you
Speaker 1: want kids? I go back and forth. I do, but
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't, but I do. It would be
Speaker 1: cool to like have like a little mini me running around.
Speaker 1: But also, like I said, I am like as optimistic
Speaker 1: as I am as a person. I'm pretty cynical when
Speaker 1: it comes to like world affairs, And I don't know
Speaker 1: if it's necessarily the best thing to be bringing someone
Speaker 1: into this world where it's like, I feel like, when
Speaker 1: we die, let's say we live full, healthy lives, we
Speaker 1: die at nine years old, you know, me and you.
Speaker 1: I think, I think when we die, the earth is
Speaker 1: going to be in pretty set, in a pretty sad state.
Speaker 1: So it's like, do I want to have a kid
Speaker 1: that's gonna basically experience how bad that is? But on
Speaker 1: the other hand, it's like, well, maybe my kid is
Speaker 1: going to be the one that ends up saving the
Speaker 1: earth or he's gonna help benefit it in some way,
Speaker 1: And maybe it's my ethical responsibility to have a child
Speaker 1: and and and have him bear his you know, his
Speaker 1: knowledge upon everyone or hers or her knowledge. Sorry, so
Speaker 1: you think your offspring is going to save the world. Huh.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying I think that. I'm saying it's always
Speaker 1: a certain possibility. I think, honestly, if there's ever a
Speaker 1: person that's going to save this world that is the
Speaker 1: offspring of Caitlyn Dane, let's stop. Let's not talking about
Speaker 1: my offspring. We got our next guest on the phone
Speaker 1: and on the line. Here, how's it going over there? Hi? Hi?
Speaker 1: MONI correct, Hi, I'm Jared. Nice to meet you. Hi,
Speaker 1: Nice to meet you, guys. Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: coming on the podcast. We really appreciate it. So Mony,
Speaker 1: we've been doing this dating game thing where because we
Speaker 1: have you know, little Bolton points points about everybody, and
Speaker 1: so we've been kind of like playing the dating game.
Speaker 1: So I've been introducing everybody as if I'm like the
Speaker 1: voice of the dating game. Would you mind if I
Speaker 1: do that right now? Of course? All right, here we go,
Speaker 1: welcome back to help I suck at dating. We have
Speaker 1: a mony now. Amani has been in a relationship for
Speaker 1: eight years and she is ready for that ring now.
Speaker 1: Enjoying w f H from work from I'm an idiot,
Speaker 1: so enjoying work from home because they can spend more
Speaker 1: time together, and Amani says she can bother him throughout
Speaker 1: the day. She's still doing there. They are still doing
Speaker 1: their best to go on dates, picnic outings and walks
Speaker 1: or just running errands together as quality time. Mamani, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for joining us. Uh so eight years together?
Speaker 1: How old are you? If you don't mind me asking?
Speaker 1: So you guys have been together since twenties, so you
Speaker 1: guys got together pretty young. We're talking Are we talking
Speaker 1: college sweethearts over here? Or we're something like that, like
Speaker 1: a college party, met him and then it was meant
Speaker 1: to be from there. Nice party. That sounds like a
Speaker 1: good story that you don't want to tell us on air. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're talking like college drunken hook up that turned into
Speaker 1: like a thing that escalated and now here we are
Speaker 1: eight years later. There you go, something like that. It
Speaker 1: just stuck. Sweet, Well, Monty, tell us a little bit
Speaker 1: just before we jump into all of that, because, as
Speaker 1: Jared and I pointed out obviously, especially in the height
Speaker 1: of COVID, we don't have the ability to be in
Speaker 1: the office. What do you what's your role with my heart?
Speaker 1: Just real quick, I am the brand manager for Real
Speaker 1: ninety two three, So anything promotions with the station. I'm
Speaker 1: your girl, sweet, you are our girl. So tell us
Speaker 1: more about this. You've been in a relationship for eight
Speaker 1: years and you're ready for that ring? As you get right, yes,
Speaker 1: why what makes you? What makes you ready for it?
Speaker 1: You just feel like eight years. I mean eight years
Speaker 1: is a long time, Don't get me wrong, but is
Speaker 1: there a specific milestone that you guys got to where
Speaker 1: you're like, all right, bro, come on, it's time, like
Speaker 1: ask me to marry you. Literally there, we do everything together.
Speaker 1: I have the banking account info, I have credit card access.
Speaker 1: We lived together, parents know each other, we know the parents.
Speaker 1: It's like we're married without the ring and I need
Speaker 1: my ring. So does he know this? We've thoroughly talked
Speaker 1: about it. I think we're finally at the phase where
Speaker 1: you know, I've caught up an age. I'm twenty eight
Speaker 1: now he's thirty five. So it's not you know, that
Speaker 1: big of an age gap where it sounds kind of
Speaker 1: like weird. So it works now. Yeah, my parents are
Speaker 1: seven seven years of are. They've been married for thirty
Speaker 1: five years, so yeah, it's very normal. I always thought, like,
Speaker 1: I always thought I was going to marry someone six
Speaker 1: or seven years younger than me, just because it's what
Speaker 1: my parents did. And then here I am married to
Speaker 1: someone who's nine months older than me. So you want
Speaker 1: you want to It's funny has changed. My mom was
Speaker 1: older than my dad, and I always thought I was
Speaker 1: gonna marry if I got married an older woman, it's
Speaker 1: so weird howd to here you are it's someone younger
Speaker 1: than four years younger than I. I I just I was
Speaker 1: gonna say, it's just so funny how we we look
Speaker 1: at our parents relationships and we like kind of plan
Speaker 1: on echoing that and then it just obviously works out differently.
Speaker 1: But yeah, we just assumed that that's like the way
Speaker 1: it happens, like, oh yeah, this is this is what
Speaker 1: parents do, So everybody does it this way, imani, So
Speaker 1: tell us more about this. So working from home is
Speaker 1: that kind of what escalated the relationship even more or
Speaker 1: what you guys kind of already in this state of
Speaker 1: like we're ready or you're ready. At least we were are. No,
Speaker 1: he's ready to we were already there. I working from
Speaker 1: home is like the real tests for relationships. I feel
Speaker 1: like a lot of relationships right now they're hitting there
Speaker 1: like either this is gonna work or that's not. With
Speaker 1: working from home, just because spending that much time together
Speaker 1: is a real test, and I think we're acing the
Speaker 1: test right now. We're not getting too annoyed with each other,
Speaker 1: you know, we're still separating and getting our alone time.
Speaker 1: And I think this is like the key to say, hey,
Speaker 1: if this can work for the future. Yeah, what are
Speaker 1: some things that you guys are doing to kind of
Speaker 1: keep it fresh and not like your guys are at
Speaker 1: each other's throats the whole time. Well, I try, like
Speaker 1: I thrive on alone time, So like Friday nights, he knows, like,
Speaker 1: if I'm in the living room watching my show or
Speaker 1: playing my music, leave me alone, go to the room,
Speaker 1: get your own time together, you know, let's separate so
Speaker 1: that on Saturday, you know, if I see you, it's
Speaker 1: like fresh, I didn't spend all Friday night with you,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh your face again. Yeah, that's smart.
Speaker 1: That's a good way of looking at it too. I've
Speaker 1: actually never been able to verbalize that to my girlfriend
Speaker 1: quite quite as well, but it makes sense. It's like,
Speaker 1: if you want to have a Friday night out with
Speaker 1: your friends, you wake up Saturday morning with your partner
Speaker 1: next to you and you're like, oh, it's so good
Speaker 1: to see you. But if you guys spend every waking
Speaker 1: moment together, you don't really have that excite. Well, you
Speaker 1: still have the excitement, don't get me wrong, to see
Speaker 1: them in the morning, but it's less lesser version of that, right. Yeah,
Speaker 1: distance makes the heart grow fonder, even if it's just
Speaker 1: twelve ft apart in separate rooms. Literally, it's the best
Speaker 1: you need that, you know. My father in law told
Speaker 1: me that if we can make it through through this
Speaker 1: quarantine together, you can make it through anything. So do
Speaker 1: you guys think the same thing that if you guys
Speaker 1: are becoming a stronger relationship throughout this quarantine, that you
Speaker 1: like you were ready for the ring before, but now
Speaker 1: like the ring needs to be today. Yes, Like quarantine
Speaker 1: is the real test. I feel like I have a
Speaker 1: couple of friends who have already like broken up with
Speaker 1: their boyfriends and already moved out, and it's like, no,
Speaker 1: we're still hanging in there strong. We haven't had like
Speaker 1: anything like unusual rather than like the regular TIFFs that
Speaker 1: you know everyday partners go through. It's nothing crazy. So
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, we're in this, We're married. Basically, I
Speaker 1: just need the official stamp. Yeah. I kind of feel
Speaker 1: bad for your significant other totally, because like I feel
Speaker 1: a little bad just because now anything he plans, like
Speaker 1: he everybody's going to be anticipating a proposal, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like you're all like even if he's like, hey, babe,
Speaker 1: you want to grab dinner, like next Friday. You're gonna
Speaker 1: be like, oh my god, I think he's gonna propose,
Speaker 1: and he's like, oh god, damn it. I'm just I'm
Speaker 1: just getting dinner, like I'm trying to plan this. So
Speaker 1: hopefully the point is hopefully uh he uh, you know,
Speaker 1: does the right thing and puts a ring on it
Speaker 1: quickly fingers crossed. Yeah, thank you so much for joining us.
Speaker 1: Thank you, No, we really appreciate it. The best of luck.
Speaker 1: Hopefully he proposes very soon. Uh and hopefully we see
Speaker 1: you around the office sometime soon as well. All right,
Speaker 1: by guys, Thanks money, by ladies and gentlemen. Up next,
Speaker 1: we have Riley coming in at US at a young
Speaker 1: twenty seven years old. She's currently single and virtually dating.
Speaker 1: She's on dating apps, Ladies and Gentlemen. She's using Hinge
Speaker 1: and Instagram dm s to meet people, but so far,
Speaker 1: Ladies and Gentlemen, they've proven to be a bit unreliable.
Speaker 1: Only seventy five cent will cancel the day of or ghosts.
Speaker 1: She says. She seems to attract the same type of
Speaker 1: men a k a. Losers. Her long reationship was for
Speaker 1: six years, so ladies and gentlemen, we know Riley is committed.
Speaker 1: We know she can be in it for the long haul.
Speaker 1: Why are all these guys ghosting you? Riley? That is
Speaker 1: my question. I have no idea. I mean, I mean,
Speaker 1: I know we're close to October, but October has been
Speaker 1: this whole year apparently. Um yeah, I don't know. They
Speaker 1: seem to come on super strong and then disappeared. So, Riley,
Speaker 1: when you say these guys are ghosting you, like, what
Speaker 1: type of guys? Is it just a lot of guys
Speaker 1: sliding into your dams and then you talked for a
Speaker 1: little while and then they just ghost too. Or is
Speaker 1: this like you went on a date with someone, it
Speaker 1: went well, and then you never heard from him again.
Speaker 1: It's kind of both. So it is like dam's unhinge.
Speaker 1: But it's also like, I don't know if a pattern.
Speaker 1: They seem to be like a few months even or
Speaker 1: a couple of months, and then they'll just kind of
Speaker 1: either not so much ghost but kind of like fade off,
Speaker 1: like what slowed the conversations down, not respond quite as frequently,
Speaker 1: stop asking questions in their texts. No, it's let's get
Speaker 1: to the bottom of this, because we've we've heard it before.
Speaker 1: I'll be honest, We're probably going to hear it from
Speaker 1: other people again, and it just sucks. One of the
Speaker 1: worst ways to end a relationship is the ghosting method.
Speaker 1: With Jared and I we've talked to not to the
Speaker 1: point of nagum about this. Um, Why do you think
Speaker 1: those guys are doing it? Because it's like obviously you're
Speaker 1: you're beautiful, you're interesting you Is it because you want
Speaker 1: a relationship? Maybe that you think that it's like scaring
Speaker 1: these guys away? Do you want a relationship? I guess
Speaker 1: I should ask you that. What I mean, I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm definitely open to relationship, and I mean I have
Speaker 1: a theory that these guys come on strong thinking they
Speaker 1: want all of it, and then they get scared that
Speaker 1: they're just not ready and you think that they find
Speaker 1: that out later on after a couple of days or so, Yes,
Speaker 1: let's talk about let me talk. Let's talk about your method. So, like,
Speaker 1: when you meet a guy, let's say, on Hinge or
Speaker 1: through the Instagram tm s, do you like stay on
Speaker 1: that app for a while, chat with them, and then
Speaker 1: meet up with them in person. Do you kind of
Speaker 1: like reluctantly meet up with them in person or because
Speaker 1: lot of people will like dive right in right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: what's like, what's kind of your what's your seduction method?
Speaker 1: If you will? Um. I like usually it's like you know,
Speaker 1: like the talking phase where you talk on the apps
Speaker 1: through through text um. And then I feel like with
Speaker 1: quarantine going on, especially so I have a rule that
Speaker 1: I don't go to somebody's house or they come to
Speaker 1: my house before I actually like meet them or get
Speaker 1: to know them better so that I can feel it
Speaker 1: kind of leeds out the guys that are kind of
Speaker 1: just looking to hang out. Uh, and it also makes
Speaker 1: them kind of plan something. But yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: After that, then it seems to go well, and then
Speaker 1: it doesn't. Do you think do you think quarantine has
Speaker 1: helped or hurt hook up culture? I think it has
Speaker 1: progressed hook up culture for sure. So it progressed it
Speaker 1: in the way where it's like like it's learning or
Speaker 1: and changing, or progressed it where it's more abundant, like
Speaker 1: what you tells more. I think it's definitely involved, um,
Speaker 1: and I think it's more abundant, like I said, like
Speaker 1: these there, I feel like guys are using quarantine as
Speaker 1: a excuse to not plan a date or just come
Speaker 1: over and hang out, like to hook up instead of
Speaker 1: like putting an effort to plan something or like, especially
Speaker 1: right now, you have to be creative. But there's like
Speaker 1: you can go on highs, you do other things. Um,
Speaker 1: so I feel like it's kind of become an excuse
Speaker 1: to hook up. Yeah, I will say I have some
Speaker 1: friends or I guess, let's calling acquaintances that are single
Speaker 1: in the midst of quarantine, and they're doing just that.
Speaker 1: They are poorly representing the male gender and are using
Speaker 1: this quarantine to hook up with girls way more frequently
Speaker 1: than I have ever even heard of anyone doing in
Speaker 1: the past. And I don't like it one bit. I
Speaker 1: don't know, maybe it's just the state of affairs that
Speaker 1: were in currently and it's just kind of like a
Speaker 1: storm that we have to weather. But it sounds like
Speaker 1: you kind of have a understanding of those guys and
Speaker 1: you've got a good method for weeding them out. So
Speaker 1: that's a good place to start at the very least,
Speaker 1: Thank you. Yeah. I mean I'm trying to be as
Speaker 1: patient and you know, like taking all the shots that
Speaker 1: I can or you know, like putting feelers out there
Speaker 1: and keep trying and keep getting back up, but you know,
Speaker 1: be patient. So you said you seem to attract the
Speaker 1: same type of guys. What type of guys are those? Well,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm pretty tall. I'm five eleven six ft if
Speaker 1: I stand up straight. Um, So, I mean I like
Speaker 1: that aplates, and that comes with a territory I feel like.
Speaker 1: But also that is somebody taller than you important, Like
Speaker 1: do you want to date someone that is taller than you? Honestly, yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't. I would prefer that. Um I have dated
Speaker 1: my same height and it was fine, but wearing heels
Speaker 1: and being taller just you know, I know, I totally
Speaker 1: get that. I always envisioned myself dating someone shorter than me,
Speaker 1: like I'm six ft. So luckily, I you know, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna want I'm not that short. But I totally
Speaker 1: get where you're coming from. And that must be tough
Speaker 1: on a girl who's someone like yourself is five eleven
Speaker 1: six ft. You're tall, you're beautiful, but as a guy
Speaker 1: like I get insecure. I did get insecure about dating
Speaker 1: someone who is taller than me. So that do you
Speaker 1: find that a factor within dating guys? Being intimidated by you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I definitely do. Um, I feel like, I mean, I
Speaker 1: do get guys very much shorter. I feel like more
Speaker 1: coming up to me than taller guys. UM. Interesting, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know why either, but UM, you
Speaker 1: feel like that's a factor, especially being out about UM
Speaker 1: that it's they're a little hesitant to approach me. I
Speaker 1: don't know what's funny is. I don't know if you
Speaker 1: ever met Tori, but she was a producer on this
Speaker 1: podcast in the past, and she's taller as well, I
Speaker 1: want to say, around five eleven as well, and she
Speaker 1: very much preferred dating athletes. And so it's funny to
Speaker 1: hear your story because it's so reminiscent of tories experiences
Speaker 1: as well. So I want to hear more about this.
Speaker 1: The six year relationship of yours? How long ago did
Speaker 1: that end? And was he an athlete? So that was
Speaker 1: my one non athlete and um it ended we were
Speaker 1: just really young. I started dating him when I was sixteen,
Speaker 1: and um it ran its course a little longer than
Speaker 1: probably it should have. But you know, I learned a
Speaker 1: lot through that, and yeah, it was probably I probably
Speaker 1: learned the most from that. I would say, well, you
Speaker 1: guys made it through pretty much all of college together,
Speaker 1: which usually like you'd start dating in high school and
Speaker 1: then you go to college and people start breaking up.
Speaker 1: But you guys seem to like had a high school
Speaker 1: relationship and then make it all the way through college together,
Speaker 1: which is uh, pretty significant. Yeah. I was especially um
Speaker 1: you know he was he was a couple of years older. Um,
Speaker 1: so he at one point had been out of school,
Speaker 1: and you know, I was in it. We were shifting round. Um,
Speaker 1: but we always just seem to kind of like stay connected,
Speaker 1: and so it works that way. You want to know,
Speaker 1: what's what's funny and potentially ironic is you're the only
Speaker 1: relationship that we have of note. And what I would
Speaker 1: assume is your longest relationship is the not the antithesis
Speaker 1: of the guy that you typically go for. But he's
Speaker 1: not an athlete, you know, so why do we keep
Speaker 1: going for athletes? Riley? I know, look, I don't need
Speaker 1: that's true. I agree, Um, I don't need spiel here
Speaker 1: yea necessarily an athlete, but yeah, I agree. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know. I think, you know, if
Speaker 1: it looks like a duck and it sounds like a duck.
Speaker 1: It's probably not a duck, it's an athlete's exactly. Well, Riley,
Speaker 1: we hope the best for you. It sounds like, like
Speaker 1: I said earlier, you got you got a good method
Speaker 1: here and you're not just in it for the hookups,
Speaker 1: and we appreciate that. So we hope to honestly check
Speaker 1: in with you again later on at some point because
Speaker 1: it sounds like you might have an interesting future ahead
Speaker 1: of you because you're singing we're not, and so we
Speaker 1: definitely want to check in with you later on. But
Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us. Best of luck.
Speaker 1: Hopefully you kind of avoid the f boys and you
Speaker 1: find yourself a nice tall athlete here in the near
Speaker 1: future that you guys can have a nice, happy relationship
Speaker 1: with for the rest of your life. Thank you. I
Speaker 1: appreciate you, guys. Yeah, thanks Riley. We'll talk to you later. Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, that'll do it for the round Robin I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio team. We checked in with Becky Oscar, Eileen Imani,
Speaker 1: and Riley, and that was a very diverse group we
Speaker 1: had there. There were single, there were taken. There was
Speaker 1: Becky who is having yourself for marriage, Eileen who got
Speaker 1: married later and like Emani is waiting for the ring
Speaker 1: Oscar single and Riley's single, So we really kind of
Speaker 1: covered the whole gambit there, which was pretty fun. Um,
Speaker 1: we hope you guys enjoyed that. I definitely enjoy getting
Speaker 1: in No R. I heart team members a little bit
Speaker 1: more too. But yeah, it's a nice came to know
Speaker 1: the people you work with. But yes, Jared, you you
Speaker 1: down the run in the head. We are going to
Speaker 1: jump to some emails. Um, I can't wait to get
Speaker 1: to some emails. We're gonna answer a couple of them.
Speaker 1: But before we do that, let's take one quick break
Speaker 1: and we'll jump right into it. Welcome back to help
Speaker 1: I Suck at Dating. We have some of course, our
Speaker 1: favorite segment of the podcast, the emails, because without you guys,
Speaker 1: there would be no podcast. And I'm just so grateful
Speaker 1: that somebody wants to listen to us talk on a
Speaker 1: weekly basis. Why I don't know, but we love you
Speaker 1: anyway for it. And this is our favorite segment because
Speaker 1: we love talking to you guys. Suck our me the
Speaker 1: real heart and soul of this podcast. So Dean, what's
Speaker 1: the first email? Oh, you're giving me the honors of
Speaker 1: the first email. Okay, how kind of you like, Yeah,
Speaker 1: let's jump into this first email. Before we do, though,
Speaker 1: let's go ahead and encourage the listeners out there that
Speaker 1: might have a question. Email us at I Second Dating
Speaker 1: at iHeart media dot com. That's I Second Dating at
Speaker 1: iHeart media dot com. We love the emails, we want
Speaker 1: more of them. Send us as many as you possibly
Speaker 1: can and or want to, so, Annaka says, I was
Speaker 1: wondering what your thoughts are around wanting more independence in
Speaker 1: your relationship without hurting or offending your significant other. I'm
Speaker 1: kind of like Dean in the sense that I want
Speaker 1: to do what I want to do, and I want
Speaker 1: to do it when I want to do it. At
Speaker 1: the beginning of my relationship, my boyfriend and I hung
Speaker 1: out all the time. I started using Bumble for friends,
Speaker 1: and now I want to start hang out with my
Speaker 1: girlfriends more as well. Every time I want to, I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm offending it, but I'm not trying to.
Speaker 1: All of his friends are in relationships or of wives,
Speaker 1: so anytime we hang out with them, it's all of
Speaker 1: us together, and he doesn't get together with them as
Speaker 1: much without me. I was wondering if you have any
Speaker 1: advice on this and how I can start to be
Speaker 1: more independent again without him getting hurt, or how to
Speaker 1: explain to him nicely that I need more alone time
Speaker 1: by myself and with friends. Per context, I'm twenty six
Speaker 1: and he is thirty. It's funny because this is very
Speaker 1: and went to mine. Yeah, I'm not very similar, but
Speaker 1: you're right, Anna cut because I very much enjoy my
Speaker 1: alone time. We're in a little bit of a different
Speaker 1: boat because I kind of set that precedent early on
Speaker 1: in the relationship with Kalin, was like, listen, I want
Speaker 1: to spend as much time with you as I possibly can,
Speaker 1: but I also have to spend time with my friends,
Speaker 1: not have to. I get to spend time with my friends,
Speaker 1: but I also, on top of both of those things,
Speaker 1: need to spend time alone. And we're kind of in
Speaker 1: a weird situation right now where I'm living. I'm obviously
Speaker 1: living in my van traveling around Colorado, Idaho, Wyoming, Montana,
Speaker 1: and Caylin is like, well, I want to come up
Speaker 1: with you, and I'm like, well, dude, I just need
Speaker 1: like a week by myself because I'm keeping I keep
Speaker 1: going from city to city, um, and like I'll see
Speaker 1: a couple of friends here and there, and I like
Speaker 1: still haven't really had a chance to decompress by myself yet,
Speaker 1: you know, like I'm just seeing friends and she's sacked
Speaker 1: because she wants to hang out. She wants to like
Speaker 1: do all the things together, and I appreciate it, and
Speaker 1: I definitely want to see her and do all the
Speaker 1: things together too, But I have made it very clear
Speaker 1: to her that I just need time alone. And I
Speaker 1: think it's good for us to be, you know, apart
Speaker 1: for a little bit, because, as Jared always puts it,
Speaker 1: heart absence does make the heart grow fonder. I think
Speaker 1: you should be honest with the guy, like just be like, listen, um,
Speaker 1: I have these friends that I want to hang out with.
Speaker 1: I have myself that I want to hang out with
Speaker 1: just by myself, and I don't I mean not to
Speaker 1: be harsh, but like, I don't care what you do
Speaker 1: while I'm doing these things, but just understand that these
Speaker 1: are things that I need to do for myself. And
Speaker 1: if he tries to stop you from doing those things,
Speaker 1: bad sign, that's a no. No. I don't think he will.
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously I don't know the guy, but I
Speaker 1: don't think that anyone would stop you from a hang
Speaker 1: out with your friends or be just spending time alone.
Speaker 1: And if they do, then it's you know, it's like
Speaker 1: I said earlier, it's not a good sign. But Jared, what,
Speaker 1: what what's your take on this? Because uh, you and
Speaker 1: Ashley obviously are uh quite fond of spending time together
Speaker 1: as well. So like, let's say you need some alone time,
Speaker 1: how would you handle it telling Ashley, Yeah, I do
Speaker 1: need to lowe of time. And I talked to Ashley
Speaker 1: about that because Ashley is definitely more dependent on us
Speaker 1: being together than I am, not in a relationship, but
Speaker 1: just in general terms of spending time together, where she's
Speaker 1: probably very similar Caalin. She wants to do everything together,
Speaker 1: where I'm a little bit more similar to you or
Speaker 1: I just need alone time. I need guy time. I
Speaker 1: need to go golfing, I need to play sports. I
Speaker 1: just need to kind of like just talk sports and
Speaker 1: not have to put in context for Ashley. You know,
Speaker 1: I just need to just get that out of my system.
Speaker 1: And an I totally understand where you're coming from, and
Speaker 1: all what I would do is I would just talk
Speaker 1: to your your significant other and let them know exactly
Speaker 1: how you feel, but you can kind of do the
Speaker 1: Sandwich effect, which is like you start off with something
Speaker 1: really positive and sweet, something like I love you more
Speaker 1: than anything. You're the only person I want to be with,
Speaker 1: and then you kind of get the filler, which is,
Speaker 1: but I do need some alone time, um for myself
Speaker 1: and to be able to spend time with my friends.
Speaker 1: And it's not that I don't want to be with you,
Speaker 1: but I just need this time for myself and for
Speaker 1: my own sanity. And then you end it with something
Speaker 1: nice again by saying, I think this would be good
Speaker 1: for our relationship to spend a little bit of a
Speaker 1: time apart, so when we see each other, it keeps
Speaker 1: everything fresh. And like Dean said and we said before,
Speaker 1: absence makes the heart grow fonders. So like um A
Speaker 1: Mony said earlier in the podcast, like don't spend Friday
Speaker 1: night together, and then all of a sudden, Saturday becomes
Speaker 1: so much more fresh and fun. So that would be
Speaker 1: my advice. Just approach it delicately, try to get the
Speaker 1: sandwich effect. Say something very positive. You love them, you
Speaker 1: only want to be with them, but you need some
Speaker 1: alone time. And I think it's gonna be really good
Speaker 1: for our relationship. I'm like, especially when I spend time alone,
Speaker 1: I'm like so much more interesting to myself when I'm alone,
Speaker 1: Like when I hang out with my friends or with Kalin,
Speaker 1: I kind of tend to fall into like these groups
Speaker 1: of like thought, where like we all kind of tend
Speaker 1: to have like this group thought together. And you know,
Speaker 1: you're you're the similar You're similar to the people that
Speaker 1: you are with at times, and when you're by yourself,
Speaker 1: you don't have the luxury of trying not trying to,
Speaker 1: but like acting similarly to the people around you, So
Speaker 1: you act exactly as who you are, and you kind
Speaker 1: of learn a lot more about yourself. And that's what
Speaker 1: I always try to tell Kalin, is like the first
Speaker 1: when I love myself the most is when I'm by myself,
Speaker 1: because it really allows me to like better understand how
Speaker 1: weird I am. And I am super super weird, but
Speaker 1: when I'm like around people, I become less weird. You
Speaker 1: know that that kind of sounds strange to say, but
Speaker 1: um no, you're right. I like to kind of explore
Speaker 1: like those weird sides, and so I think if Anna,
Speaker 1: if you're able to express that to your partner as well,
Speaker 1: I think he'll be able to understand it. Um, I yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know. And if he does make you feel
Speaker 1: bad about it, like for instance, you know not to
Speaker 1: like overshare about my relationship with when when I was
Speaker 1: telling Kalin this, I was like, calin, like, I just
Speaker 1: want to spend a week in Montana by myself, like
Speaker 1: taking pictures of animals, And she's like, oh, like that
Speaker 1: that makes me sad, Like I want to see you
Speaker 1: and I want to be hanging out with you. I
Speaker 1: was like, well, uh, you know, like I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't want you to feel bad, but I don't want
Speaker 1: you to make me feel bad for wanting to spend
Speaker 1: time alone. Like it's kind of a double edged sword
Speaker 1: where yes, you might feel bad for not getting to
Speaker 1: hang out, but you're also kind of guilty your your
Speaker 1: part nor into feeling bad for not essentially wanting to
Speaker 1: spend time with you. So be careful when you express
Speaker 1: this to your partner, because you obviously don't want him
Speaker 1: to come back and tell him that he feels bad
Speaker 1: because you're not hanging out with him. I don't know.
Speaker 1: There's like there's so many things that play right, Like
Speaker 1: you definitely don't want to hurt his feelings, but he
Speaker 1: could very easily turn it around and hurt your feelings
Speaker 1: because you want to spend a long time. So I
Speaker 1: guess my advice is don't let that happen, and it
Speaker 1: be very clear and concise with the things that you
Speaker 1: have to tell him. Yeah. Absolutely, Anyways, that's gonna do it.
Speaker 1: For this week's podcast, we had a couple more emails
Speaker 1: to get to, but we really just know how to
Speaker 1: blab on and on and on. And I take a
Speaker 1: lot of responsibility for that because I feel like I
Speaker 1: was talking Jared. I don't know what it is about
Speaker 1: you when I when you're not here and it's just
Speaker 1: me hosting, like I can't I can't find a single
Speaker 1: sentence to say. But when you're here, I'm just I'm comfortable,
Speaker 1: I'm at ease, and I could honestly talk and talk
Speaker 1: and talk and talk. So it's just because I'm an
Speaker 1: attentive listener. I had a listeners face. You're a great listener,
Speaker 1: You're a great convers or, you're skilled communicator, and we
Speaker 1: are just better people to have you as a as
Speaker 1: a great co host at this POM. Please keep it coming.
Speaker 1: So anyways, for the listeners out there. Keep the emails coming.
Speaker 1: That's what we want to have kept coming. Email us
Speaker 1: I suck a Dating at iHeart media dot com. Uh,
Speaker 1: tell us you know what's going on in your dating
Speaker 1: life and what what advice you might be seeking, what
Speaker 1: we could help you with, or to share a funny story.
Speaker 1: We want to hear I Suck at Dating at iHeart
Speaker 1: media dot com. Um shared anything else before we before
Speaker 1: we say thanks to everyone and everything and sit and
Speaker 1: get out of here. That is it. Just love you
Speaker 1: all for listening. Thank you to Becky Oscar, Eileen Amani
Speaker 1: and Riley for all sharing your dating stories. You guys
Speaker 1: are awesome. UM. Thank you to Annaka for emailing us.
Speaker 1: Thank you for all the listeners. Thank you for the
Speaker 1: people that follow us on social media. We are of
Speaker 1: course at help I Suck at Dating um and you
Speaker 1: can follow us on Instagram. And that is it. Dean sweet,
Speaker 1: thank you guys for listening. Be sure to sooner next
Speaker 1: week where maybe we will suck just a tiny little
Speaker 1: bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast h