1 00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:04,880 Speaker 1: Support for today's podcast comes from Helix. For the past 2 00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:07,320 Speaker 1: couple of months, the Hups and I have been on 3 00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:10,920 Speaker 1: the hunt for a new mattress. 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I'm most enjoying that 13 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:46,960 Speaker 1: the mattress is super comfy and sleeps way cooler than 14 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,839 Speaker 1: the one we had before. So if you're looking for 15 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:52,839 Speaker 1: an upgrade to the way you sleep, I'd encourage you 16 00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:55,760 Speaker 1: to check out Helix for a mattress ship straight to 17 00:00:55,800 --> 00:01:00,840 Speaker 1: your door with free no contact delivery, completely free returns, 18 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:04,840 Speaker 1: and a one nights sleep trial. And just for y'all, 19 00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:08,160 Speaker 1: Helix is offering up to two hundred dollars off all 20 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:12,679 Speaker 1: mattress orders and two free pillows at helix Sleep dot 21 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:16,960 Speaker 1: com slash Therapy for Black Girls. Just go to Helix 22 00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:20,679 Speaker 1: Sleep dot com slash Therapy for Black Girls, take their 23 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:23,440 Speaker 1: two minute sleep quiz and they'll match you to a 24 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:26,360 Speaker 1: customize mattress that will give you the best sleep of 25 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:39,520 Speaker 1: your life. Now let's jump into the show. Welcome to 26 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:43,800 Speaker 1: the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly conversation about 27 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:48,080 Speaker 1: mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we 28 00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:51,360 Speaker 1: can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. 29 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:55,720 Speaker 1: I'm your host, Dr Joy hard and Bradford, a licensed 30 00:01:55,720 --> 00:02:00,680 Speaker 1: psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or to find 31 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:04,480 Speaker 1: a therapist in your area, visit our website at Therapy 32 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:07,800 Speaker 1: for Black Girls dot com. While I hope you love 33 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:11,720 Speaker 1: listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not 34 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:14,720 Speaker 1: meant to be a substitute for a relationship with a 35 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:26,040 Speaker 1: licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much for 36 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:31,560 Speaker 1: joining me for session of the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast. Finally, 37 00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:33,679 Speaker 1: the moment that many of us have been waiting for 38 00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:38,359 Speaker 1: has arrived. Insecure is back for season four, and right 39 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:41,240 Speaker 1: out of the gate, they're already giving us tons to 40 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:44,200 Speaker 1: talk about. So of course I had to grab my 41 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:48,280 Speaker 1: friend in colleague Dr Donna Orio wo to chat all 42 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:52,519 Speaker 1: about what we saw in the season premiere. Dr Orio 43 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:57,120 Speaker 1: who is an author, international speaker, and certified sex and 44 00:02:57,200 --> 00:03:01,160 Speaker 1: relationship therapists in the Washington, d c. Man True Area. 45 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:05,040 Speaker 1: The owner of a nod Right. Dr Donna specializes in 46 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:08,320 Speaker 1: working with black women on issues related to colorism and 47 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:13,080 Speaker 1: texturism and its impact on mental and sexual health. She's 48 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:16,000 Speaker 1: the author of Cocoa Butter and Hair Grease, a self 49 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,760 Speaker 1: love Journey through Hair and Skin. She's an advocate for 50 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:25,760 Speaker 1: sexual freedom, self love, acceptance, and accomplishment for women of color, 51 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:32,040 Speaker 1: especially Black women. She collects inspiring quotes It's Donuts and 52 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:36,680 Speaker 1: Love's Pasta. She and I chatted all about the opportunities 53 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:40,200 Speaker 1: that were missed to have some difficult but necessary conversations 54 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:45,880 Speaker 1: in this episode, why brutal honesty doesn't work, why it's 55 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:49,600 Speaker 1: important to have tough conversations even if they're super awkward, 56 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:53,840 Speaker 1: and she gives us a beautiful script for anyone who 57 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:58,320 Speaker 1: needs to have the what are we conversation. If you 58 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:01,760 Speaker 1: hear anything that resonates with you while listening, please be 59 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:04,080 Speaker 1: sure to share it with us on social media using 60 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:12,680 Speaker 1: the hashtag TBG in session. Here's our conversation. So we're 61 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:16,160 Speaker 1: talking about Jesus growth that has seemingly happened even though 62 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,840 Speaker 1: she has not been in therapy with Molly has been 63 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:21,880 Speaker 1: in therapy. Yes, yes, I mean the way that she 64 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:25,760 Speaker 1: was able to uh to communicate with T. S A 65 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:29,400 Speaker 1: Bay like, all right, this position is not working, this 66 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:32,279 Speaker 1: position is not working. Now. I would be remiss if 67 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:35,080 Speaker 1: I didn't point out that he definitely kept going for 68 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:37,880 Speaker 1: a little bit before he he did what she had 69 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 1: to say and switch things up good. But I mean, 70 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:45,839 Speaker 1: aside from that whole consent error, because that is an 71 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:48,039 Speaker 1: error in constant I would be remiss if I didn't 72 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,839 Speaker 1: say one of my clients was talking about it about 73 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:53,240 Speaker 1: just like how can you keep going if somebody is 74 00:04:53,279 --> 00:04:56,159 Speaker 1: saying no, that consent is actually a full body Yes, 75 00:04:56,800 --> 00:05:01,120 Speaker 1: not just all right, we can keep on, but a 76 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:04,279 Speaker 1: full body We I'm in this urine, this let's be 77 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:07,960 Speaker 1: in this piece together sort of space. But for me, 78 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,640 Speaker 1: it was more about ease than anything. She was able 79 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:12,960 Speaker 1: to open her mouth and say, you know what, this 80 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:16,479 Speaker 1: don't work for me? Can we switch? Is not working 81 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:19,560 Speaker 1: for me? Like a couple of seasons ago, she might 82 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:22,560 Speaker 1: not have had that conversation. Nah, she had kept those 83 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:27,120 Speaker 1: feelings to ourselves. Yeah yeah, So okay, so let's let's 84 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,680 Speaker 1: get into the episode and we would just kind of 85 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,600 Speaker 1: see how it flows. Right. Um, So, I really they 86 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:35,240 Speaker 1: are just so much to unpack. So we have our 87 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:39,599 Speaker 1: season premiere, season four premiere of Insecure, which you know 88 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:42,520 Speaker 1: we all were waiting for, right, and so I feel 89 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:46,240 Speaker 1: like the overarching team for a lot of this episode 90 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:51,600 Speaker 1: was really difficult conversations that people either did not have 91 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:55,279 Speaker 1: or did not have. Will what are your thoughts? Oh? Yeah, 92 00:05:55,279 --> 00:05:58,680 Speaker 1: the communication was way off. I was just like some 93 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:02,360 Speaker 1: of the stuff was those difficult conversations, those pieces that 94 00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:07,200 Speaker 1: needed to happen, but happened kind of awkwardly. But at 95 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:10,200 Speaker 1: the same time, I was commending on even having an 96 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:13,599 Speaker 1: awkward conversation because I feel like Lisa, and in fact, 97 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,600 Speaker 1: she would have just avoided whatever she could avoid. You 98 00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:18,040 Speaker 1: would have done that. That is such a good point, 99 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:22,800 Speaker 1: doctor Oriole Right, like this idea that conversations aren't always 100 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:24,680 Speaker 1: going to be perfect, right, And as much as we 101 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,600 Speaker 1: script in our own head and think Okay, I'm gonna 102 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,440 Speaker 1: save this and they're gonna save this, and I'm gonna 103 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:30,760 Speaker 1: saying this, and they're gonna say this, and this is 104 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:34,800 Speaker 1: how this is going out right and never never actually 105 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:38,000 Speaker 1: plays out like that in real life. But an awkward 106 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:42,640 Speaker 1: conversation in the interests of getting our feelings heard and 107 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:44,800 Speaker 1: being able to put things on the table, it's still 108 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:48,839 Speaker 1: better than no conversation at all. Absolutely, And I think 109 00:06:48,839 --> 00:06:53,320 Speaker 1: that oftentimes we don't we don't necessarily recognize that just 110 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:57,760 Speaker 1: because the conversation is difficult, just because it feels awkward, 111 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:00,279 Speaker 1: just because it feels a little off, that's an that 112 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:03,280 Speaker 1: we are not still doing our stuff to make sure 113 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:06,599 Speaker 1: that we're having the conversation in the first place, wherever 114 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:10,400 Speaker 1: the conversation comes out, because I'm just like I'm a proponent, 115 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:13,480 Speaker 1: or have the conversation and see what happens later, then 116 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:16,720 Speaker 1: don't have the conversation at all, as you did. So, 117 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,680 Speaker 1: what are some things that you think that make it 118 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:22,200 Speaker 1: difficult for us to even engage in the conversations. Well, 119 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:26,400 Speaker 1: one thing that I have noticed, and yeah, my class 120 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,600 Speaker 1: to be able to test this, is we have so 121 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:30,960 Speaker 1: much anxiety about how the other person is going to 122 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,560 Speaker 1: receive it that instead of saying the thing that we 123 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:37,360 Speaker 1: need to say, we say what we think we need 124 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,160 Speaker 1: to say in order for them to better understand what 125 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:43,280 Speaker 1: we are trying to say, which means in reality, we 126 00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:46,440 Speaker 1: didn't say nothing. And this is where I redirect people. 127 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:50,160 Speaker 1: You gotta say it with your inner asshole first, with 128 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:53,640 Speaker 1: your inner anshole first, say it in an asshole. In 129 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,200 Speaker 1: our asshole is gonna say it exactly the way that 130 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:59,800 Speaker 1: it needs to be saved. Same so like and sometimes 131 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:02,400 Speaker 1: when saying it to the person, sometimes we were just like, 132 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,880 Speaker 1: all right, what is the what is my main thing here? 133 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:07,360 Speaker 1: My main thing here is that you're hurtful? Harmful and 134 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:10,560 Speaker 1: I don't like that. So instead, well, you know when 135 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:13,880 Speaker 1: you say this, you know um. And then I was 136 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:16,760 Speaker 1: just thinking like, oh that could be no, no, no no, 137 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:18,800 Speaker 1: say it with your in an asshole. Write it down. 138 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:21,800 Speaker 1: What was the thing that you really needed to say? 139 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:25,640 Speaker 1: You harm me with your words, that's what you really 140 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:31,600 Speaker 1: needed to say, So write that down, like your asshole 141 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:35,360 Speaker 1: when you talk to me, now, flip it, make it cleaner, 142 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:38,520 Speaker 1: make it something that if someone told you you could 143 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:42,360 Speaker 1: hear it. Use your eye statements wherever possible. I feel 144 00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:48,559 Speaker 1: like this when this happens, it gives you an opportunity 145 00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:50,760 Speaker 1: to say what you actually need to say, is that 146 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:53,559 Speaker 1: are trying to interpret for your friend how they're gonna 147 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:57,040 Speaker 1: take what you've got to say. So see, I definitely 148 00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:59,360 Speaker 1: want us to stay here from moment because I feel 149 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:03,760 Speaker 1: like this is what especially when we look at this episode, right, 150 00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:06,280 Speaker 1: I think this is kind of what a part of 151 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:09,760 Speaker 1: Molly's issue is, right, like this whole inner asshole, so 152 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:15,000 Speaker 1: the asshole, right, it's not speaking from no place but 153 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:19,240 Speaker 1: her own insecurity. So you're advocating though, maybe getting some 154 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:22,000 Speaker 1: of those thoughts out on paper before you actually have 155 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:24,800 Speaker 1: the conversation to make sure that it is in its 156 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:27,560 Speaker 1: purest form, but that there is still a way to 157 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:31,160 Speaker 1: communicate with people that does not necessarily come across abrasive 158 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:35,120 Speaker 1: exactly honestly saying it with your an asshole, it's really 159 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:39,720 Speaker 1: about even more than being about having the conversation that 160 00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:42,480 Speaker 1: needs to be had. Just like that, it's also about 161 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:47,800 Speaker 1: a certain level of self awareness. Molly lacks software because 162 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:50,040 Speaker 1: if she was self aware, especially towards the end of 163 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,840 Speaker 1: the episode, talking about some of your life is messy, 164 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:57,520 Speaker 1: Who does that, sir? How does that serve? It doesn't? 165 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:01,199 Speaker 1: I'm just like, that's not constructing of criticism, that's not 166 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:05,679 Speaker 1: constructed feedback. Your life is messy. You know, life doesn't 167 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:07,920 Speaker 1: have to be this messy. I'm just like, and and 168 00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:11,640 Speaker 1: where in here did you think this was supposed to 169 00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:15,760 Speaker 1: be something that was helpful? Right? And I think the 170 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:18,160 Speaker 1: other piece of that that, of course was concerning, was 171 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:21,400 Speaker 1: the timing, right, Like, even if that was a conversation 172 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:23,240 Speaker 1: that you feelt like you needed to have with Lisa, 173 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:26,080 Speaker 1: did it need to be this night where she's like 174 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,560 Speaker 1: on a cloud and she's really proud of herself for 175 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:31,640 Speaker 1: you know, pulling off the mixer and you know, feeling like, Okay, 176 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:34,240 Speaker 1: I'm really stepping into this thing and now you have 177 00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:38,320 Speaker 1: this conversation with her that completely like dims her life. Yep. 178 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:40,880 Speaker 1: That's one of those moments where I'm like, you gotta possible. 179 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:46,960 Speaker 1: Who does this serve? Because honestly, Molly, it's funny because 180 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:50,719 Speaker 1: I listen to Jesus sent you off and uh, they 181 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:57,240 Speaker 1: talk who love Jay and and yvon Orthy. They both 182 00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:00,920 Speaker 1: talk about like how Nigerians could be so brutal in 183 00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:04,880 Speaker 1: their honesty and I'm just like, you know what, it's true, 184 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:08,360 Speaker 1: and it's problematic as a as a fellow Nigerian, I 185 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:11,959 Speaker 1: can say that if that stuff is problem matic because 186 00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:17,160 Speaker 1: brutal honesty doesn't actually serve anybody. Brutal honesty, honestly, it 187 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:22,160 Speaker 1: seems to be more about one person's her ego, pride, 188 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:25,679 Speaker 1: or the need to feel better than somebody else by 189 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:30,280 Speaker 1: bringing them down by telling the truth as harshly as possible. Right, 190 00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:32,439 Speaker 1: there is a way to be honest with your loved 191 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:34,520 Speaker 1: ones and people that you care about that does not 192 00:11:34,679 --> 00:11:38,359 Speaker 1: have to be brutal exactly, because brutality does not necessarily 193 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:42,400 Speaker 1: bring growth, but it does brain is defensiveness, but it 194 00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:45,160 Speaker 1: can't bring is distance And if those are not the 195 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,360 Speaker 1: things that you are trying to achieve with the type 196 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:49,600 Speaker 1: of conversation that you're having, but I'm gonna go out 197 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:51,679 Speaker 1: on a limit and say that your brutal honesty is 198 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:56,640 Speaker 1: unnecessary and probably needs to be more like compassionate honesty, 199 00:11:56,840 --> 00:12:01,440 Speaker 1: loving honesty, friendship based honestly, and none of those things 200 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:05,040 Speaker 1: would be brutal. Right. It seems like it's the perspective 201 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:08,120 Speaker 1: Molly had right, because she said, you know, like, oh, 202 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,080 Speaker 1: life doesn't have to be this messy. It feels like 203 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,400 Speaker 1: you like this kind of thing, And she said, I'm 204 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:15,240 Speaker 1: just trying to help you be accountable, right, It's something 205 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:18,120 Speaker 1: that they discussed earlier in the episode, and so it 206 00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:21,679 Speaker 1: feels like in her mind she is that is that 207 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,400 Speaker 1: brutal honesty, Like I'm gonna say this to you, even 208 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:28,839 Speaker 1: though it may be hurtful, the truth maybe her harmful. 209 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:33,960 Speaker 1: It can it can definitely shake somebody up, but it's 210 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:37,120 Speaker 1: also gonna be about your timing and about what else 211 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:38,920 Speaker 1: is going for you at the time that you decided 212 00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:41,040 Speaker 1: that someone needs to hear what you got to say. 213 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:44,120 Speaker 1: I'm like, were you feeling a little jealous that Condola 214 00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:50,080 Speaker 1: was seemingly taking your shine, taking your place as somebody 215 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,240 Speaker 1: that she said is was really hopeful for her in 216 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:56,640 Speaker 1: that moment? Is it because Andrew decided to tell you 217 00:12:56,679 --> 00:12:58,839 Speaker 1: that he was seeing other people because y'all are just 218 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:03,360 Speaker 1: having fun? Is it because Esa told you that, Hey, 219 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:06,440 Speaker 1: if you like this dude, you should tell him. Yeah? 220 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:09,600 Speaker 1: I mean, even going back to the beginning of the mixer, right, 221 00:13:09,679 --> 00:13:13,400 Speaker 1: like Molly came into the situation like Okay, yeah, this 222 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:15,040 Speaker 1: is going on for you, but can we talk about 223 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:17,560 Speaker 1: like my dating issue right now? And so yeah, of 224 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:22,080 Speaker 1: course that comes late after she was late and all frisday. 225 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:26,800 Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, serving drinks over here and willing 226 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:31,520 Speaker 1: to take one for the team. You got the other 227 00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:35,880 Speaker 1: one whole pregnant self, having full on conversations with people 228 00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:39,480 Speaker 1: trying to get this money. I'm like, you know, airport 229 00:13:39,559 --> 00:13:42,400 Speaker 1: by t s a by outside trying to hype people 230 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:44,360 Speaker 1: up before they even get in. I'm just like, Molly, 231 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:47,880 Speaker 1: where were you? Yeah, and even on the way, you know, 232 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:50,439 Speaker 1: it feels like she was throwing shade, telling Andrew like, oh, 233 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:54,480 Speaker 1: this might be a little homegrown. Yeah, yeah, I mean 234 00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:56,600 Speaker 1: so it just feels like you're right, Like, I feel 235 00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:59,800 Speaker 1: like one of the major issues are the major things 236 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:02,440 Speaker 1: that Molly really needs to kind of look at is 237 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:04,880 Speaker 1: her self awareness. Like it just feels like she is 238 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:09,520 Speaker 1: very unaware of how she comes across in situations and 239 00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:12,360 Speaker 1: really just doesn't have insight into herself about like the 240 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,840 Speaker 1: kinds of things that makes her tick and why she 241 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:17,800 Speaker 1: didn't acts out in the ways that she does. Oh, 242 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:22,280 Speaker 1: she is wearing the sunglasses of her insecurity, and that 243 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,600 Speaker 1: is how she sees the world around her. The second 244 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:27,720 Speaker 1: that Pisa is want to come up, does not necessarily 245 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:31,240 Speaker 1: need her to bolster her in the same way she 246 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:35,000 Speaker 1: gotta smack her down. Mm hmmm, like that speaks more 247 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:38,920 Speaker 1: to Molly's insecurity than it does to anybody else's, right, right, Yeah, 248 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,360 Speaker 1: And so you know, it feels like it's very difficult 249 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:45,440 Speaker 1: because I do also think that there are some loving pieces, right, 250 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:48,160 Speaker 1: Like I do honestly think that she cares about Issa, 251 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:51,480 Speaker 1: but I think her lack of self awareness makes it 252 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:54,200 Speaker 1: difficult for her to realize how she's not really being 253 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:59,320 Speaker 1: a friend in this relationship. Oh, I'm glad dude said that. 254 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:06,160 Speaker 1: He It's funny because, um, I talked about love all 255 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:09,800 Speaker 1: the time, right, Um, sex and relationship stuff. Everybody wants 256 00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:12,240 Speaker 1: to talk about the love peace when I find my 257 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:14,080 Speaker 1: love or when I'm gonna get this, when I'm gonna 258 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:17,040 Speaker 1: get that. But and and I'm always like, well, how 259 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:19,560 Speaker 1: much how well do you love you? How well do 260 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:22,400 Speaker 1: you love on yourself? And I'm not one of those 261 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,480 Speaker 1: people that believe that if you don't love yourself, then 262 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,240 Speaker 1: you can't find somebody that's gonna love you to it, 263 00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:30,560 Speaker 1: because I do believe that it's a harmful statement. However, 264 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:36,960 Speaker 1: if you love yourself at a teaspoon level, and you've 265 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,520 Speaker 1: got friends that love you on a teaspoon level, you 266 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:44,600 Speaker 1: will always feel ful. But when you upgrade to loving 267 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:48,040 Speaker 1: yourself at a tablespoon or a cup, that teaspoon is 268 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,800 Speaker 1: not doing anything for you. You are now going to 269 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:56,120 Speaker 1: start noticing where it falls short. And the thing is, 270 00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:58,760 Speaker 1: we always have the ability to upgrade the level of 271 00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:02,240 Speaker 1: love that we give ourselves else. But part of it 272 00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:05,600 Speaker 1: is also how is it yo with the people around us? 273 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:10,320 Speaker 1: See nothing like one thing that has come up consistently 274 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:13,119 Speaker 1: en up in therapy, whether it's romantic relationships or friendships 275 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:17,040 Speaker 1: or family relationships. When someone loves themselves on a one 276 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:22,800 Speaker 1: cup because they change, they've grown, they learn more about themselves, 277 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:25,200 Speaker 1: and they appreciate those things and they love those things 278 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:29,280 Speaker 1: deeply and fully. Those relationships where somebody has been loving 279 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:32,360 Speaker 1: them on a teaspoon level, it doesn't hit quite the same, 280 00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:36,320 Speaker 1: and they recognize that that friend, that lover, that family 281 00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:40,840 Speaker 1: member cannot receive their love the same either, because when 282 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:43,280 Speaker 1: you have a cup of love to give and somebody 283 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:46,040 Speaker 1: only has the capacity for a teaspoon, you can only 284 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:50,440 Speaker 1: give so much before they're full. M But that thing 285 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:55,040 Speaker 1: works in the reverse, so they can't feel you upping. 286 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:59,200 Speaker 1: You are overflowing into them, and that's what it feels 287 00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:02,160 Speaker 1: like half and when you saw that look on Issa's 288 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:05,399 Speaker 1: face when she felt really cut. I think by the 289 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:09,080 Speaker 1: statement that Molly said about you know you love miss Um, 290 00:17:09,119 --> 00:17:12,520 Speaker 1: I think that that was her recognizing that her capacity 291 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:16,200 Speaker 1: had grown and that something about this felt really all. 292 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:19,359 Speaker 1: They were no longer equally yoke. Yeah. I know, we 293 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,879 Speaker 1: only people only talk about being equally yoked where it 294 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:25,440 Speaker 1: comes to lovers, where it comes to potential lifelong mates, 295 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:31,400 Speaker 1: but friendships are also potential lifelong mates. And making sure 296 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:35,800 Speaker 1: that we're remembering that even our friendships, we are looking 297 00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:38,960 Speaker 1: for people that are equally yoke. I think that that 298 00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:42,760 Speaker 1: is also important to remember. And I'm not saying that 299 00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:45,439 Speaker 1: everybody is gonna be exactly in the same place as you. 300 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:49,400 Speaker 1: That's not that's not even necessary. But if you're Ace 301 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:55,080 Speaker 1: Boom Coom came, love you right, hurt your feelings, acts 302 00:17:55,160 --> 00:18:00,280 Speaker 1: like Molly, what are you gonna do about that? Yeah? 303 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:03,520 Speaker 1: I think that leads into another important conversation, right, And 304 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,480 Speaker 1: we talked about this a little bit on the episode 305 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:08,639 Speaker 1: with Dr Franco, just about the ways that we also 306 00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:13,240 Speaker 1: need to nurture our friendships, like we pour so much 307 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:16,560 Speaker 1: into our romantic relationships, and I think We've seen that 308 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:19,080 Speaker 1: with Molly, right Like, when we did see her going 309 00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:21,959 Speaker 1: to therapy, though she was not being honest, what we 310 00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:25,800 Speaker 1: did see her talking a lot about was her romantic relationships, right, Like, 311 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:28,240 Speaker 1: a lot of it was centered around the relationship with 312 00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:31,000 Speaker 1: Dreux and stuff like that. And so again, her lack 313 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:33,520 Speaker 1: of self awareness I think doesn't even allow her to 314 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:38,760 Speaker 1: see the way that she operates in her friendships. Yeah, 315 00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:42,720 Speaker 1: because she operates in the space of secrecy almost and 316 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:49,680 Speaker 1: like unstated expectations. She knows what she wants in a sense, 317 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:52,520 Speaker 1: but then she don't tell nobody, but they're supposed to 318 00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:54,640 Speaker 1: know what she wants and be on the exact same 319 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:58,320 Speaker 1: page as her, even though there's been no communication about 320 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,840 Speaker 1: where they're what they're doing, where they're going, and how 321 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:04,800 Speaker 1: they're supposed to be. So like Molly changed her mind 322 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:08,560 Speaker 1: about when the night she was serious about Andrew, and 323 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:11,239 Speaker 1: when Andrew says, yeah, I am dating other people, then 324 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:17,320 Speaker 1: it's like, oh, I'm like, well, did you have a conversation? Right, 325 00:19:17,359 --> 00:19:20,199 Speaker 1: So this brings us to the next difficult conversation that 326 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:23,040 Speaker 1: it feels like there was a missed opportunity, right, And 327 00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:25,560 Speaker 1: I think that there is a bigger conversation to be had, 328 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:29,040 Speaker 1: because I know lots of us struggle with this idea 329 00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:32,000 Speaker 1: of a conversation about what are we right? So you 330 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:34,960 Speaker 1: see people all the time having real difficulty when they've 331 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:38,000 Speaker 1: kind of had this situation or whatever with somebody and 332 00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:40,520 Speaker 1: now they're, you know, feelings have gotten a little stronger, 333 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,679 Speaker 1: and so then there's all this difficulty around how do 334 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:46,800 Speaker 1: I have this conversation? Honestly, the whole thing is just 335 00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:51,760 Speaker 1: it's almost so childish, like no tea, no shay, no leminade. 336 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:53,119 Speaker 1: Because I know some of the people out here live 337 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:57,920 Speaker 1: there life just like this. But if you're not willing 338 00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:00,000 Speaker 1: to have a conversation with a person that you're interested, 339 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,560 Speaker 1: it about the fact that you are interested. That's number one, 340 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:05,600 Speaker 1: and then number two about what your expectations are, and 341 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:09,080 Speaker 1: ask them what their expectations are. Then what are you doing? 342 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,280 Speaker 1: Because if you live your life at like this in 343 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,920 Speaker 1: one area, I am inclined to believe that you live 344 00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:18,359 Speaker 1: your life like that in other areas, which means that 345 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:22,359 Speaker 1: the communication gotta be off at word, the communication gotta 346 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:26,000 Speaker 1: be off at family gatherings and functions, because you can't 347 00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:28,560 Speaker 1: even be bothered lest somebody know exactly what's going on 348 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,280 Speaker 1: for you and with you that you're trying to carry 349 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:36,520 Speaker 1: on an intimate relationship with. I'm like that whole lack 350 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:38,399 Speaker 1: of conversation. I'm looking like, you know what, if you 351 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:41,720 Speaker 1: don't have orgasms, that's why you keep your communication to yourself, 352 00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:45,640 Speaker 1: if you have boo boo boo boo boo boo boo relationships, 353 00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:48,840 Speaker 1: and that's why you keep hath the you keep all 354 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,920 Speaker 1: your secrets to yourself, but want people to just sort 355 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:56,200 Speaker 1: of fill in the blake but not have no information. Yeah, 356 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:59,000 Speaker 1: and it and it really feels like, especially in this example, 357 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,680 Speaker 1: it feels like it could have been an easy end 358 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:05,520 Speaker 1: for her to say, you know not maybe not at 359 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:07,880 Speaker 1: the time where they were driving, right, Like that might 360 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:09,280 Speaker 1: not have because they were on their way so they 361 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:12,960 Speaker 1: probably wouldn't have had enough time. But instead of having 362 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,639 Speaker 1: the conversation, not only did she not have the conversation, 363 00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:21,120 Speaker 1: then her attitude got all off, right, So now she's right, yeah, 364 00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:25,159 Speaker 1: they and people too, right, Instead of you know, saying like, okay, 365 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:28,440 Speaker 1: clearly my feelings have changed. Obviously we need to have 366 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:31,119 Speaker 1: a conversation about that. Now she's you know, doing the 367 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:34,040 Speaker 1: molly thing of self sadvertaging what we've seen her do before, 368 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:37,160 Speaker 1: you know. So it wasn't even about not just having 369 00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:40,120 Speaker 1: the conversation. It was also about now the dynamic has 370 00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:43,040 Speaker 1: shifted in the other person has no idea what's even 371 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:47,320 Speaker 1: going on? Yeah, but he's supposed to guess yeah, yeah. 372 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:50,640 Speaker 1: And I was just like, wow, Molly, this was your moment, 373 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:54,800 Speaker 1: This was your moment to be like because you're right, 374 00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:57,200 Speaker 1: it's definitely not necessarily the right time to be having 375 00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:00,959 Speaker 1: the conversation because they're on their way somewhere, and that 376 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:04,320 Speaker 1: means it's a limited conversation. It doesn't have enough time 377 00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:07,679 Speaker 1: for both parties get all the points that come from 378 00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:11,680 Speaker 1: each other, time to breathe, to let expectations be known, 379 00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:14,159 Speaker 1: and maybe even to think about it further. But that 380 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:16,640 Speaker 1: was a great That would have been a great opportunity 381 00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:20,720 Speaker 1: to just begin to just say, you know what, I 382 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:23,199 Speaker 1: actually would like to talk to you more about that. 383 00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:25,240 Speaker 1: Maybe we could talk about it a little bit more 384 00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:28,479 Speaker 1: after the party, because my feelings about that has changed 385 00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:32,919 Speaker 1: and I don't know that. Um I want to be open. 386 00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:36,000 Speaker 1: So if you're open to having that conversation, can we 387 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:38,760 Speaker 1: have it after the party? Right? I'm not when I 388 00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:43,040 Speaker 1: look at that no funky attitude, expectation about what the 389 00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:47,919 Speaker 1: conversation is going to entail, and some truth to about 390 00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:50,720 Speaker 1: exactly what it is that she's looking for as opposed to, 391 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:54,920 Speaker 1: oh yeah, i'm dating people too, right, because it looks 392 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:58,080 Speaker 1: like it looked like she was surprised by her own 393 00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:00,800 Speaker 1: feelings of even hearing him say that he was seeing 394 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:03,399 Speaker 1: other people. Right, So I think up until that point 395 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,240 Speaker 1: she may have kind of been playing into it, like, oh, 396 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:07,520 Speaker 1: this is not that serious, you know, we're having fun. 397 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,159 Speaker 1: And then when she recognized like, okay, there may be 398 00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:12,359 Speaker 1: other people in the picture, then she realized it's like, 399 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,520 Speaker 1: oh I might be a little more attached and not 400 00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:18,040 Speaker 1: what's just fair, like that's okay. But again, if there 401 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:21,440 Speaker 1: had been enough time before she reacted, she could have 402 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,240 Speaker 1: you know, leaned into those feelings to think about like, Okay, 403 00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:26,480 Speaker 1: what is coming up for me here? Am I really 404 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:29,080 Speaker 1: wanting to be more serious with him? Or am I 405 00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:31,359 Speaker 1: just feeling threatened about the idea of other people? Like 406 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:34,360 Speaker 1: what's happening? And then had a conversation with him. But 407 00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:37,920 Speaker 1: now she has reacted, Yeah, now she had no she's 408 00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:43,840 Speaker 1: her whole, but so avoided him at this function that 409 00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:49,000 Speaker 1: she invited him to then ditched them at the end, right, like, 410 00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:51,600 Speaker 1: I know that somebody somewhere is gonna be like now 411 00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:53,520 Speaker 1: she was just trying to help EASA clean up. Now 412 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:55,760 Speaker 1: she was using EASA as an excuse not to talk 413 00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:59,639 Speaker 1: to him. Good point, very good point. And then I 414 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:01,239 Speaker 1: just you know, like, oh, I don't need to think 415 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:03,520 Speaker 1: I'm gonna talk to him anymore. I'm like, wow, yeah, 416 00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:09,680 Speaker 1: we got all the way thereination as to what happened here. Yeah, 417 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,080 Speaker 1: But I think that's also a good example of her 418 00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:14,320 Speaker 1: um Like we talked about this, the lack of self 419 00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:19,480 Speaker 1: awareness that she wasn't even aware how like her stuff 420 00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:22,479 Speaker 1: with Andrew then was impacting her stuff with Issa and 421 00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:26,000 Speaker 1: vice versa. Right, so she has all of these feelings 422 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:28,800 Speaker 1: involved related to the both of them, and it just 423 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,879 Speaker 1: kind of combusted, and she is not even aware that 424 00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:33,919 Speaker 1: things have kind of gone down the way they have. 425 00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:36,160 Speaker 1: And you know what, she's one of the prime people 426 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:40,640 Speaker 1: that would be like, oh, I'm my baby, you are well. 427 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:43,439 Speaker 1: She even said that, right. She even said when she 428 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,479 Speaker 1: told Issa that she was no longer talking to Andrew, 429 00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:49,560 Speaker 1: she said, I'm no longer entertaining things that don't serve me, 430 00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,480 Speaker 1: and I want to spend some time here because I 431 00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:55,120 Speaker 1: feel like this is something that a lot of people see, 432 00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,840 Speaker 1: right like, and there is some truth to this, right Like, 433 00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:01,240 Speaker 1: you do want to be again self aware enough to 434 00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:03,800 Speaker 1: know when things are like in your life in a 435 00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:07,080 Speaker 1: way that is no longer good for you. But I 436 00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:09,560 Speaker 1: think that has to come after there has been some 437 00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:13,520 Speaker 1: tough conversation sometimes when you've really been honest with yourself 438 00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:16,000 Speaker 1: and other people in your life. What she was doing, 439 00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:19,639 Speaker 1: it feels like was just cutting him off. Yep, that 440 00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:24,840 Speaker 1: was avoidance at the highest highest level. Yeah, and I 441 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:26,960 Speaker 1: hear that stuff all the time. Oh, I'm just I'm 442 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:29,200 Speaker 1: not entertaining that type of thing anymore. I'm not doing 443 00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:32,600 Speaker 1: things that don't serve me. I'm like, you sound so cute, 444 00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:36,000 Speaker 1: you do. I just feel like, you know what, that 445 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,800 Speaker 1: sounds so cute. It sounds great in theory, except what 446 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,480 Speaker 1: I'm really hearing you say is that you want to 447 00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:43,639 Speaker 1: avoid having the conversation altogether and just want to go 448 00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:46,840 Speaker 1: somebody or just not engage in the conversation. That may 449 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,439 Speaker 1: be too difficult for you, So instead you get to 450 00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:52,680 Speaker 1: say something cavalier like I'm not doing things that don't 451 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:56,240 Speaker 1: serve me anymore without ever having opened up your mouth 452 00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:59,159 Speaker 1: and talk about what the issue has been, what you 453 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:01,919 Speaker 1: would like to see happened, and give the person a 454 00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:05,840 Speaker 1: moment to even try to respond, but instead, you know, 455 00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:09,720 Speaker 1: we leave. We're good. When I had in that conversation, 456 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:12,760 Speaker 1: And I think it's funny because you know, last season 457 00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:16,040 Speaker 1: when dude goes to Issa, everybody was up in that 458 00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,919 Speaker 1: feelings like, yo, he's just gonna disappear. None of us 459 00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:20,800 Speaker 1: have ever called Molly out on doing the same thing. 460 00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:25,560 Speaker 1: Very good point, So what do you think the difference 461 00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:31,760 Speaker 1: is there? We like Molly, it has been around longer, right, 462 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:35,080 Speaker 1: Like Nathan just breathed in in season three and we 463 00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:38,240 Speaker 1: hadn't gotten necessarily very attached to him. But I also 464 00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:40,920 Speaker 1: feel we're showing that threw him out when yeah, we 465 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:43,000 Speaker 1: was like, oh no, you can't come fide back in here. 466 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:47,360 Speaker 1: What I do. The presentation is also a little different, right, 467 00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:50,040 Speaker 1: you know, it really seems like there had been so 468 00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:53,760 Speaker 1: much build up between Nathan and Issa, then it felt 469 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:56,639 Speaker 1: very like whoa where did that come from? That he 470 00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:59,760 Speaker 1: just kind of fell off, right mm hmm. Yeah, So 471 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:02,280 Speaker 1: the presentation did feel a little different, but You're right. 472 00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:06,000 Speaker 1: In in action, they are basically both doing the same thing. 473 00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:11,439 Speaker 1: They're ghosters, and I think that sometimes we can relate 474 00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:14,520 Speaker 1: to the one that we know, right, so we get 475 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:18,359 Speaker 1: more of Molly. We've seen more of Molly, so it 476 00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:21,000 Speaker 1: doesn't feel like ghosts, And when Molly does it, it 477 00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:22,919 Speaker 1: feels like, yeah, that's the same thing I do. And 478 00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:27,000 Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, that's a problem. We're ghosting people because 479 00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:29,560 Speaker 1: we don't want to have difficult conversations. We're saying that 480 00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:31,879 Speaker 1: the thing doesn't serve me and then refusing to have 481 00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:35,600 Speaker 1: a conversation about the thing that doesn't serve us. We're 482 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:38,240 Speaker 1: not ready to do that work, to put in the 483 00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:41,360 Speaker 1: labor that we want someone to put in with us. 484 00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:44,720 Speaker 1: And I'm like, well, we can't. We can't do things 485 00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:48,080 Speaker 1: halfway like that. We make excuses for us, but we'll 486 00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:52,879 Speaker 1: never allow people to bring forth their own concerns and 487 00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:55,960 Speaker 1: their own history and how they interact with us. We 488 00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:59,359 Speaker 1: only let ourselves have our history, and everyone else's history 489 00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:02,640 Speaker 1: be damned. So is there a line, doctor Oriole about 490 00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:06,600 Speaker 1: when it's okay to have a conversation about things and 491 00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:10,719 Speaker 1: when maybe a conversation really isn't necessary. I think yes 492 00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:15,000 Speaker 1: and no, it's it's odd. I'm a person that more 493 00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:17,919 Speaker 1: times than not believe that conversation is probably going to 494 00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:21,160 Speaker 1: be worn. But if there was a line, I would say, 495 00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:25,199 Speaker 1: are you bothered? That's the line. How are you feeling 496 00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:28,919 Speaker 1: about how this thing went down? Is this a person 497 00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:32,320 Speaker 1: that is in your life and has been in your 498 00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:35,399 Speaker 1: life for a while and it's something that continually comes up? 499 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:39,600 Speaker 1: Versus is this a person that is this the guy 500 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:41,600 Speaker 1: at Jeffy Lou They you're only gonna be talking to them? 501 00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:45,120 Speaker 1: Put up next five minutes? Good point. Good point. I 502 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:49,920 Speaker 1: think I guess the level of the relationship, your investment 503 00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:52,520 Speaker 1: in the thing, and how much you're like, are you 504 00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:55,000 Speaker 1: willing to continue to deal with the same thing time 505 00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:58,440 Speaker 1: after time after time? Or is this something that I 506 00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:00,840 Speaker 1: can no longer continue to do on this towort of 507 00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:04,640 Speaker 1: behavior in you towards me. I think the line also 508 00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:07,640 Speaker 1: happens at abuse, right. You know, so if somebody has 509 00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:10,760 Speaker 1: been physically or emotionally abusive for you, that is not 510 00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:13,480 Speaker 1: necessarily a time where we're talking about having a conversation, 511 00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:17,040 Speaker 1: because that is very clear that that is like aligne 512 00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:19,720 Speaker 1: in the sand. So you are not necessarily going to 513 00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:21,960 Speaker 1: them and saying like, hey, can we talk about this 514 00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:24,959 Speaker 1: thing because we know how the cycle little abuse worked, right, Um, 515 00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:28,000 Speaker 1: So we're definitely not advocating for that. We're talking about 516 00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:31,760 Speaker 1: things that maybe can be changed, right, things that you know, 517 00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:35,480 Speaker 1: like like we see with Molly and Andrew, like okay, 518 00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:37,920 Speaker 1: can you give him an opportunity to say, Okay, I'm 519 00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:40,120 Speaker 1: interested in you and I'd like to see how this 520 00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:45,440 Speaker 1: plays out exclusively. Yeah, everything doesn't necessarily need that conversation, right, 521 00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:50,480 Speaker 1: Although I do also recognize that for some people, you know, 522 00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:53,040 Speaker 1: when we talk about the wheel of power and control 523 00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:56,320 Speaker 1: and what actually entails abuse, a lot of people don't 524 00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:58,600 Speaker 1: recognize that they have been abusive as well as they 525 00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:02,760 Speaker 1: have been abused. So talking about the financial ways that 526 00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:06,840 Speaker 1: it comes off, the gaslighting that people go through minimizing 527 00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:11,720 Speaker 1: as well as the emotional and mental and even physical components. 528 00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:14,640 Speaker 1: So a lot of us are not necessarily recognizing that 529 00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:19,160 Speaker 1: some of the behaviors that we have engaged in our abusive, 530 00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:23,280 Speaker 1: especially since sometimes TV will have us believing that those 531 00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:27,840 Speaker 1: are romantic gestures. Good points, very good points. I think 532 00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:31,600 Speaker 1: the other thing about having difficult conversations is that we 533 00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:36,520 Speaker 1: can't necessarily be super invested in like the outcome of 534 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:40,000 Speaker 1: the conversation, because the conversation is more about you just 535 00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:46,640 Speaker 1: making your feelings known and heard right now? Yes, yes, yeah, 536 00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:49,959 Speaker 1: so like going back to your earlier comment about you know, 537 00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:52,240 Speaker 1: a lot of times we avoid these conversations because we're 538 00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:55,040 Speaker 1: so anxious about how the other person is going to 539 00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:58,840 Speaker 1: respond that we don't even have the conversation. But really 540 00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:01,560 Speaker 1: trying to bring some of the anxiety down by saying, no, 541 00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:05,840 Speaker 1: I deserve to have my thoughts and feelings heard and validated, 542 00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:11,040 Speaker 1: and that's why I'm engaging in the conversation exactly. I mean, 543 00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:13,320 Speaker 1: for some of my clients, I'll have nothing think about, like, 544 00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:16,200 Speaker 1: what is the worst case scenario if you have this conversation. 545 00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:19,600 Speaker 1: The worst case scenario is that maybe this person stopped 546 00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:22,040 Speaker 1: talking to you, but you are already there at a 547 00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:25,400 Speaker 1: place where you don't want to talk to them. Okay, 548 00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:27,920 Speaker 1: what's the best case scenario? The best cases that they 549 00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:31,400 Speaker 1: listen to you, that they hear you, that they apologize 550 00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:34,160 Speaker 1: for their wrong doings, that actually make strikes to change. 551 00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:39,360 Speaker 1: Is the best case scenario worth the possibility of the 552 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:42,360 Speaker 1: worst case scenario when you already got one foot out 553 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:47,200 Speaker 1: of that door, like the little cost benefit analysis, the 554 00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:50,440 Speaker 1: termine isn't even worth it for you to do this thing. 555 00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:54,080 Speaker 1: And I think that most people find that for the 556 00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:57,560 Speaker 1: relationship that they're really thinking about, it actually is worth 557 00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:01,960 Speaker 1: having that conversation because they do want to continue quite desperately. 558 00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:05,240 Speaker 1: They just don't know how to have the conversation right. 559 00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:09,280 Speaker 1: And I think going back to the conversation around what 560 00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:12,280 Speaker 1: are we right? Like when you're in a romantic relationship, 561 00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:15,320 Speaker 1: I think sometimes we are so afraid that if we 562 00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:19,560 Speaker 1: introduce the conversation it will like run the other person away, 563 00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:23,720 Speaker 1: and so we often avoid difficult conversations because we think 564 00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:26,800 Speaker 1: that's going to make the relationship fractured in some way, 565 00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:30,840 Speaker 1: when a lot of times it actually brings the relationship closer. Yep. 566 00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:33,160 Speaker 1: And on top of that, I'm like half the people 567 00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:35,360 Speaker 1: I know are trying to be on there Beyonce in 568 00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:38,160 Speaker 1: some way, shape or form. I'm looking like I have 569 00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:40,720 Speaker 1: that conversation because they could be the best thing you 570 00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:46,960 Speaker 1: never had. You can waste a whole year being in 571 00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:50,960 Speaker 1: somebody's situation ship, or you can have a conversation with them, 572 00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:54,760 Speaker 1: what are we? What are we doing? These are the 573 00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:57,880 Speaker 1: things that I'm looking for within the context of a relationship, 574 00:32:57,960 --> 00:32:59,560 Speaker 1: and it seems like this is where we're going, but 575 00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:01,239 Speaker 1: I'm not your so I wanted to check in with 576 00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:04,480 Speaker 1: you about what we're doing. Yes, that way, you don't 577 00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:07,360 Speaker 1: waste a gear, like wasting a couple of months versus 578 00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:11,080 Speaker 1: wasting a whole year. You know that's just a little 579 00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:13,760 Speaker 1: bit different. Yeah, it's a big difference. And you're right, 580 00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:15,719 Speaker 1: And I love the way that you just phrase that, right, 581 00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:18,040 Speaker 1: because I think the other thing that happens is that 582 00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:20,440 Speaker 1: we get really in our heads about how we're gonna 583 00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:24,000 Speaker 1: say it, and you just gave us a beautiful example, like, Hey, 584 00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:26,640 Speaker 1: I just want to check in, right, So it's no pressure, 585 00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:28,920 Speaker 1: I'm just checking in with you so I know how 586 00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:32,400 Speaker 1: I feel. I'm checking in on what are your thoughts, 587 00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:34,480 Speaker 1: And then that allows you to make a decision about 588 00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:36,760 Speaker 1: whether this is something you want to continue with or 589 00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:41,280 Speaker 1: whether you don't exactly And sometimes it's just like, oh, 590 00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:43,200 Speaker 1: I didn't know that you were daming other people. Thank 591 00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:46,800 Speaker 1: you for letting me know, Well, do you wanna do 592 00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:50,040 Speaker 1: you want to be exclusive with me? Or like, what's 593 00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:52,200 Speaker 1: what are you thinking about that? Because I was thinking 594 00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:54,480 Speaker 1: that I do kind of like you, So I would. 595 00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:56,920 Speaker 1: I would love to explore what we've got going, But 596 00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:58,640 Speaker 1: if you're also going to continue to date, then I 597 00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:00,720 Speaker 1: just want to make sure that we're clear that I'm 598 00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:02,760 Speaker 1: also going to do the same until we both get 599 00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:05,960 Speaker 1: into a place where we feel that we can be exclusive. Right, 600 00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:09,080 Speaker 1: And it's okay to say that it doesn't have to 601 00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:11,400 Speaker 1: be seen as like an ultimatum, right Again, it is 602 00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:13,879 Speaker 1: really just a checking in to see where this other 603 00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:18,320 Speaker 1: person is. Yeah, I'm like, an ultimatum is that stuff 604 00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:20,520 Speaker 1: where it's like you have a choice, you can do 605 00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:23,560 Speaker 1: this or you can do that. But I'm not saying ultimatum. 606 00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:27,279 Speaker 1: I'm saying, what are your choices for you? What are 607 00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:30,400 Speaker 1: the things that will make you feel okay and comfortable. 608 00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:34,920 Speaker 1: You get to choose for you and inform that person 609 00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:37,520 Speaker 1: about what your choice is gonna be and then move 610 00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:40,080 Speaker 1: in that energy. You have to move in a way 611 00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:42,359 Speaker 1: that does serve you. But you can't be like, oh 612 00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:45,520 Speaker 1: well I'm gonna do me or I'm not entertaining things 613 00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:49,000 Speaker 1: that don't serve me with no communication. Right, those are 614 00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:56,000 Speaker 1: not the same thing. Yeah. The other difficult conversation that 615 00:34:56,080 --> 00:35:00,319 Speaker 1: I feel like, um was very, very awkward. Was this 616 00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:06,600 Speaker 1: whole situation between Issa, Candola, and Laurence. So now Issa 617 00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:10,600 Speaker 1: finds out that Candola is actually dating her ex um 618 00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:13,640 Speaker 1: and in the most awkward situation that that could be 619 00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:16,160 Speaker 1: found out, right, Like, Tiffany comes into the office and 620 00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:18,520 Speaker 1: she's like, oh, yeah, we met at the baby shower too, 621 00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:24,719 Speaker 1: But Tiffany, I just say nothing. It feels like there 622 00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:27,879 Speaker 1: has been some conversation on Aline about whether Tiffany actually knew. 623 00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:30,000 Speaker 1: I'm gonna give her the benefit of the doubt and 624 00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:32,560 Speaker 1: say she did think that it was only like the 625 00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:35,560 Speaker 1: one date that never turned into anything, but that she 626 00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:38,120 Speaker 1: didn't actually know, right, Like, I would hope that she's 627 00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:41,359 Speaker 1: not like withholding this information from Issa in that kind 628 00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:43,640 Speaker 1: of way. We will stay tuned to see if we 629 00:35:43,719 --> 00:35:47,799 Speaker 1: are correct about that. So when Issa finds out, of 630 00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:50,399 Speaker 1: course she's like, oh no, it's not a big deal 631 00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:53,440 Speaker 1: kind of thing, right, which is it feels like typical Issa. 632 00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:56,879 Speaker 1: But as the episode continues and we see them kind 633 00:35:56,880 --> 00:36:00,239 Speaker 1: of again have these awkward interactions at the mixer, it 634 00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:04,319 Speaker 1: does feel like she doesn't fully awkward so awkward. I mean, 635 00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:07,359 Speaker 1: we're definitely giving back to our awkward black girl days. 636 00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:10,400 Speaker 1: Here right, you know, So they have these awkward interactions 637 00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:12,400 Speaker 1: at the mixer, but it does feel like she gets 638 00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:16,040 Speaker 1: to a place where she is genuinely feeling like, Okay, 639 00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:18,480 Speaker 1: you know, this person has been incredibly helpful to me. 640 00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:21,799 Speaker 1: You really enjoy each other's company. Maybe I can be 641 00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:24,600 Speaker 1: okay with this. So what are your thoughts about, Like, 642 00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:28,840 Speaker 1: could that conversation have gone differently? How do you handle 643 00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:36,360 Speaker 1: a very awkward situation like this? Probably just like she did. Like, honestly, 644 00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:39,400 Speaker 1: I wasn't that mad at how she handled it in 645 00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:42,080 Speaker 1: that moment, and I wasn't because I know that it 646 00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:45,680 Speaker 1: came as a surprise. She was clearly so processing the 647 00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:50,040 Speaker 1: information and at the same time trying to inject some 648 00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:53,720 Speaker 1: level of humor to sort of bring down that tension. 649 00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:57,759 Speaker 1: So I could appreciate those those efforts that he's to 650 00:36:57,880 --> 00:37:02,239 Speaker 1: put in toward it. But I'm also happy that she 651 00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:03,960 Speaker 1: got to a place I felt like she took a 652 00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:07,440 Speaker 1: step back and thought about for herself, is this something 653 00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:09,839 Speaker 1: that I can deal with? And how am I gonna 654 00:37:09,920 --> 00:37:12,279 Speaker 1: make this work? As opposed to I've got to make 655 00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:15,360 Speaker 1: this thing work because she helps me so much. I 656 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:18,759 Speaker 1: think it came full circle to a I can make 657 00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:21,359 Speaker 1: this thing work because I am going to miss her 658 00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:25,759 Speaker 1: if I don't right right, And I think that for 659 00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:32,320 Speaker 1: me that I was like, oh, snap, who are improressive? Yeah? 660 00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:34,520 Speaker 1: I mean, and again, you know it's okay for things 661 00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:37,160 Speaker 1: to be awkward, right, and while we're figuring it out, 662 00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:39,239 Speaker 1: but that you stay in it. I think that's what 663 00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:42,359 Speaker 1: we saw illustrated here really nicely, was that they both 664 00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:44,800 Speaker 1: stayed in it and figured it out. Like even Condola 665 00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:47,560 Speaker 1: took some time with Lawrence right, like, Hey, I was 666 00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:50,319 Speaker 1: surprised by this situation. I feel like I need a 667 00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:52,600 Speaker 1: rain check to kind of see how I'm feeling about this. 668 00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:55,239 Speaker 1: Is this something I want to continue with? Condola is 669 00:37:55,520 --> 00:38:02,080 Speaker 1: a model citizen. Abrilever Candola Abriel. It's just like, go, hey, 670 00:38:02,520 --> 00:38:06,200 Speaker 1: like you went there, you had the conversation. You wanted 671 00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:09,040 Speaker 1: to make sure that he knew that you know that 672 00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:11,960 Speaker 1: this this is this is the thing, this is the situation. 673 00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:15,799 Speaker 1: I'm feeling awkward about it. I know that. I mean 674 00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:21,440 Speaker 1: five years right, true, So well, I'm gonna go home now. 675 00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:25,960 Speaker 1: I forgot the thing. She took that time to be like, 676 00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:28,320 Speaker 1: you know what I need I need some space. I 677 00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:31,399 Speaker 1: need some space to think for some folks, they just 678 00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:33,760 Speaker 1: be like, they take the space, but they don't say anything. 679 00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:37,320 Speaker 1: You go. The other person has no idea what is 680 00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:40,400 Speaker 1: going on. But Lawrence is not in the dark. He knows. 681 00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:43,160 Speaker 1: He's like, Okay, I recognize that this thing may be 682 00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:47,560 Speaker 1: difficult because you're becoming very close friends with someone that 683 00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:52,160 Speaker 1: I was with five years. So I think that this 684 00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:55,239 Speaker 1: will be interesting as we continue throughout the season. So 685 00:38:55,719 --> 00:38:58,640 Speaker 1: we didn't mention this in the beginning, but the episode 686 00:38:58,680 --> 00:39:02,080 Speaker 1: actually opens with a flash forward, right, so this is 687 00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:07,480 Speaker 1: four months, yes, four months past the Black Party, and 688 00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:09,600 Speaker 1: we're here E's on the phone saying like she doesn't 689 00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:12,520 Speaker 1: mess with Molly anymore, and then there's a flashback to 690 00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:15,680 Speaker 1: four months ago when the Black Party was still being playing. 691 00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:19,120 Speaker 1: So we know that likely we will end up somewhere 692 00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:21,640 Speaker 1: in this season where there has been a serious rupture 693 00:39:21,719 --> 00:39:25,719 Speaker 1: in the relationship between Molly and I don't know how 694 00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:31,680 Speaker 1: much more serious doesn't have to get Yeah, I'm right, 695 00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:33,600 Speaker 1: what is going to be the thing? I mean, because 696 00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:35,719 Speaker 1: it seems like you know, and in terms of looking 697 00:39:35,719 --> 00:39:37,640 Speaker 1: at like the little sneak peek they gave us for 698 00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:40,440 Speaker 1: like the next episode, Um, it doesn't seem like just 699 00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:43,520 Speaker 1: that conversation at the mixer is what does it? Um? 700 00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:46,160 Speaker 1: We see there's a little tension between her when Gondola 701 00:39:46,239 --> 00:39:48,799 Speaker 1: is at the table with with pizza, um, and she's like, Oh, 702 00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:50,799 Speaker 1: I thought it was just gonna be us um. So 703 00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:53,600 Speaker 1: I'm curious to know also, like is there going to 704 00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:57,520 Speaker 1: be like a singular event that makes Eisa realize like, Okay, 705 00:39:57,600 --> 00:40:04,640 Speaker 1: this is just not cool anymore. I'm like, math, take 706 00:40:04,680 --> 00:40:08,000 Speaker 1: it back, take it back, add it up. Yeah, it 707 00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:10,160 Speaker 1: does feel like there have been lots of you know, 708 00:40:10,239 --> 00:40:13,640 Speaker 1: situations kind of growing that got us to this place. Um. 709 00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:16,279 Speaker 1: And so I guess we will see, uh as the 710 00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:19,359 Speaker 1: season continues, you know, what is the thing that kind 711 00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:22,440 Speaker 1: of pushes it over the edge. Yes, I am definitely 712 00:40:22,480 --> 00:40:25,480 Speaker 1: excited to see what that is. Any other predictions for 713 00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:36,480 Speaker 1: season four? Honestly, I'm just in a state of just glued, 714 00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:39,879 Speaker 1: just wanting to know exactly how do these things go down, 715 00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:43,239 Speaker 1: how does the things come to pass? What is it 716 00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:48,440 Speaker 1: that for like, especially from Issa, like what happens for 717 00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:52,120 Speaker 1: Easa that she can no longer take but she has, 718 00:40:52,719 --> 00:40:55,800 Speaker 1: as far as I can tell, already been taken Molly. 719 00:40:56,440 --> 00:41:01,160 Speaker 1: So I'm definitely excited to see how this plays out. 720 00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:04,520 Speaker 1: And I'm also hoping that the ease with which the 721 00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:08,720 Speaker 1: multitude of people on black Twitter were able to say 722 00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:11,600 Speaker 1: that Molly is an issue or has an issue, that 723 00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:13,640 Speaker 1: they were able to talk about how she just needs 724 00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:16,160 Speaker 1: somebody to be in a one dawn position. I'm hoping 725 00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:18,600 Speaker 1: that they recognize that they have Molli's in their lives 726 00:41:18,640 --> 00:41:20,440 Speaker 1: and that for some of them they are the Molly 727 00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:24,600 Speaker 1: and other people's m hmm. But you know you're not 728 00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:27,840 Speaker 1: ready for that level of Well, you have brought this 729 00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:31,600 Speaker 1: awful circle, right, and this is an invitation for us 730 00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:34,600 Speaker 1: to all look a little deeper. Like, you know, if 731 00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:37,399 Speaker 1: we look at the numbers, everybody is not an ether. 732 00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:41,760 Speaker 1: So are very likely at some points in our lives 733 00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:44,160 Speaker 1: we may have been the monthy right, And so even 734 00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:47,359 Speaker 1: if you're not necessarily still in that place, Um, at 735 00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:49,279 Speaker 1: some point you could have been right. And there's no 736 00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:52,920 Speaker 1: harm in thinking about, Okay, yes, I was in that position, 737 00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:55,120 Speaker 1: and now this is the work that I've done to 738 00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:58,000 Speaker 1: not be in that position. To be Um, this is 739 00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:00,239 Speaker 1: the work that I still have to do, right, But 740 00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:04,120 Speaker 1: it's never ending, Yeah, it's never ending. So especially recognizing 741 00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:06,560 Speaker 1: that we can be a strong friend to some friends 742 00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:08,920 Speaker 1: and be less of a strong friend to other friends, 743 00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:13,480 Speaker 1: recognizing that like, yeah, you could be the cheerleader Issa 744 00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:16,960 Speaker 1: or a Condola over here, but be more of a 745 00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:21,520 Speaker 1: Molly over there, and recognizing well, what's the difference here? Yes, yeah, 746 00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:24,160 Speaker 1: in different dynamics with different people. Of course, we are 747 00:42:24,239 --> 00:42:27,160 Speaker 1: different in in certain relationships. So I mean, this is 748 00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:30,600 Speaker 1: the stuff that we love, right, like the fascinating ways 749 00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:32,920 Speaker 1: of course which these characters, and we are only seeing 750 00:42:32,960 --> 00:42:35,960 Speaker 1: them as characters, right. We don't have a full scope 751 00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:38,680 Speaker 1: of people's lives, but I do think it gives us 752 00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:41,160 Speaker 1: an opportunity to think about our own behavior and like 753 00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:44,080 Speaker 1: the relationships we have with other people in our lives, 754 00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:48,359 Speaker 1: and in assessing are these things that are okay for us? 755 00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:52,760 Speaker 1: Or they are there ways that we need to improve? Yeah, 756 00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:55,520 Speaker 1: And honestly, I feel like everybody has space where they 757 00:42:55,520 --> 00:42:57,919 Speaker 1: can grow and improved. Of course, of course, I mean 758 00:42:58,120 --> 00:43:00,520 Speaker 1: my partner and now we are constant we have a 759 00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:03,440 Speaker 1: conversation about what we feel we got from one another 760 00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:07,560 Speaker 1: and what else we need from each other, because as 761 00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:11,160 Speaker 1: you go through life, the dynamics are always going to change. 762 00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:16,560 Speaker 1: Is simply because life is right I mean we are 763 00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:20,680 Speaker 1: getting a real taste of that right now. Right, you know, 764 00:43:20,719 --> 00:43:23,120 Speaker 1: a lot of us are sheltering at home, you know, 765 00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:27,239 Speaker 1: in confined spaces with people for hours. You know that 766 00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:29,560 Speaker 1: we wouldn't necessarily be right, and so I think that 767 00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:33,080 Speaker 1: this is giving us an opportunity to renegotiate. Okay, what 768 00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:35,080 Speaker 1: does this relationship look like? And does it need to 769 00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:40,399 Speaker 1: look differently right now? Exactly? So, um, if you don't mind, 770 00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:44,600 Speaker 1: I'd like to offer them something that's free. We love 771 00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:47,839 Speaker 1: me or some of my clients. You know, this was, 772 00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:52,600 Speaker 1: like I said, this is a constant, consistent conversation, this 773 00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:56,520 Speaker 1: piece about communication and the relationships that they have, a family, friends, lovers. 774 00:43:57,120 --> 00:44:00,880 Speaker 1: So because of them, I created a re anation ship goals. 775 00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:04,919 Speaker 1: Got it is free. It is available through my Instagram. 776 00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:07,160 Speaker 1: It is one of the links in there and it 777 00:44:07,239 --> 00:44:09,799 Speaker 1: says highest tag relationship goals. Got un lets you know 778 00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:15,680 Speaker 1: that he is free. Okay, so get you that and 779 00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:18,040 Speaker 1: I'll see if I can have my assistant make it 780 00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:20,719 Speaker 1: PD affillable so that it's not something that you have 781 00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:23,719 Speaker 1: the print sins. I know we own a budget. Very 782 00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:27,120 Speaker 1: good point, very good point. So tell us where we 783 00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:29,839 Speaker 1: can find you Drrio. I know that people will want 784 00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:32,720 Speaker 1: to live tweet with you next Sunday as we continue 785 00:44:32,719 --> 00:44:34,440 Speaker 1: to watch this season, So tell us where we can 786 00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:37,960 Speaker 1: find you on social On Instagram, you can find me 787 00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:40,799 Speaker 1: at A nod right, that's my first name backwards A 788 00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:44,600 Speaker 1: N n O d R I g h T on 789 00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:50,640 Speaker 1: Twitter at Dr donnad Oreo. Oh no, I'm not gonna 790 00:44:50,640 --> 00:44:53,880 Speaker 1: tell you nowhere else. That's enough. That's enough, and of 791 00:44:53,920 --> 00:44:56,120 Speaker 1: course we will include all of that in this show notes. 792 00:44:56,480 --> 00:45:00,320 Speaker 1: And your website. What's your website? Not right dot com 793 00:45:00,360 --> 00:45:02,880 Speaker 1: And if you're wanting to talk about colors and textures 794 00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:06,080 Speaker 1: and stuff, d C B h G dot com, so 795 00:45:06,440 --> 00:45:08,840 Speaker 1: Cocoa Butter and hair Grease dot com. Yes, that is 796 00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:12,440 Speaker 1: her amazing workbook and full line of products. At this 797 00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:15,520 Speaker 1: point we have surpassed just the work book all about 798 00:45:15,719 --> 00:45:19,239 Speaker 1: colorism and texturism. So if y'all miss Dr oriole will 799 00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:21,920 Speaker 1: on her previous episode you definitely want to go back 800 00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:24,160 Speaker 1: and listen to that, will include that in the show 801 00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:26,560 Speaker 1: notes as well, so you don't miss her other appearance 802 00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:30,920 Speaker 1: where she gave us lots of great information there as well. Well. 803 00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:33,080 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining me again. I really 804 00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:40,040 Speaker 1: appreciate it. We will be turning it on always. Like honestly, 805 00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:42,759 Speaker 1: I finished the episode, my mouth just opened. I was 806 00:45:42,800 --> 00:45:47,000 Speaker 1: just like, what al right? What happened here? We got 807 00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:54,520 Speaker 1: to talk about it like Molly's Girls. Thank you. I'm 808 00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:56,799 Speaker 1: so glad Dr oriole Will was able to join us 809 00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:59,640 Speaker 1: again this week. Don't forget to check out the show 810 00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:02,560 Speaker 1: notes at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash session, 811 00:46:03,719 --> 00:46:07,480 Speaker 1: to grab your copy of her Relationship Goals worksheet, or 812 00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:10,600 Speaker 1: to grab your copy of Cocoa Butter and Hair Grease. 813 00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:13,719 Speaker 1: And please be sure to share your takeaways with us 814 00:46:13,760 --> 00:46:18,480 Speaker 1: on social media using the hashtag tpg in session and 815 00:46:18,520 --> 00:46:21,680 Speaker 1: share this episode with the other insecure fans in your life. 816 00:46:22,840 --> 00:46:25,840 Speaker 1: If you're looking for a virtual therapist, be sure to 817 00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:29,280 Speaker 1: check out our therapist directory at Therapy for Black Girls 818 00:46:29,320 --> 00:46:33,120 Speaker 1: dot com slash directory. And if you want to continue 819 00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:35,920 Speaker 1: digeting into this topic and meet some other systems in 820 00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:38,360 Speaker 1: your area, come on over and join us in the 821 00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:41,399 Speaker 1: Yellow House Collective, where we take a deeper dive into 822 00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:44,760 Speaker 1: the topics from the podcast and just about everything else. 823 00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:47,719 Speaker 1: You can join us at Therapy for Black Girls dot 824 00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:51,600 Speaker 1: com slash y c C. Don't forget to show our 825 00:46:51,640 --> 00:46:54,920 Speaker 1: sponsors Some Love, Going to Hell Makes Sleep dot Com, 826 00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:57,960 Speaker 1: slash Therapy for Black Girls to get up to two 827 00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:01,440 Speaker 1: hundred dollars off your mattress orders, and two three pillows. 828 00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:05,160 Speaker 1: Thank you all so much for joining me again this week. 829 00:47:05,520 --> 00:47:08,480 Speaker 1: I look forward to continuing this conversation with you all 830 00:47:08,600 --> 00:47:25,960 Speaker 1: real soon. Take you care what