WEBVTT - Birdie Style: Episode 3 with Joe Gatto and Steve Byrne 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:04.720 And there was a problem. 0:00:05.760 --> 0:00:10.600 Where to your mother? Here he is here, you are 0:00:11.039 --> 0:00:12.840 two mommies, two cool moms. 0:00:13.119 --> 0:00:15.480 Yes, thank you everyone for tuning in. We appreciate you. 0:00:16.160 --> 0:00:18.560 I'm Joe Gatto, I'm Steve Burn and this mommy had 0:00:18.560 --> 0:00:21.239 a little too much box wine last night. A lot. 0:00:21.440 --> 0:00:23.319 Somebody got their shardenay on. 0:00:25.440 --> 0:00:29.640 They're boxed shardon eye. I feel like a bloated river 0:00:29.760 --> 0:00:33.560 corpse of myself, like like on CSI when they poke 0:00:33.600 --> 0:00:35.479 a stick and you just see this body turnover. That's 0:00:35.520 --> 0:00:37.479 what I feel. I'm so puffy. And did you you 0:00:37.520 --> 0:00:38.720 don't look good? Did you? 0:00:39.080 --> 0:00:40.920 Did you have one of those moms that would like 0:00:41.200 --> 0:00:42.960 shoot you straight and tell you stuff like that, because 0:00:42.960 --> 0:00:47.120 my mom straight up like oh she would audible, ugh, 0:00:48.640 --> 0:00:51.800 you know like things I got. But you're so handsome, 0:00:51.800 --> 0:00:53.159 You're so handsome all the time. But then like when 0:00:53.159 --> 0:00:55.680 you were off or something, She's like, I remember one 0:00:55.720 --> 0:00:56.200 time I got. 0:00:56.120 --> 0:00:59.920 A seize his hair cut, seize a haircut. No, no, old, 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:02.120 I was. I was late in the game. 0:01:02.280 --> 0:01:06.039 I was like I was like late twenties, like where 0:01:06.080 --> 0:01:07.840 I made a decision and it was the wrong one. 0:01:08.520 --> 0:01:10.400 Do you have pictures in this? I think there's one 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:11.520 in existence. 0:01:11.120 --> 0:01:14.200 Because this is before this digital photography was like a 0:01:14.200 --> 0:01:16.360 big thing. I think I have one photo of and 0:01:16.360 --> 0:01:17.560 if I do, I'll put it in right here to 0:01:17.560 --> 0:01:19.720 make sure it has straight like it was a ball haircut, 0:01:19.720 --> 0:01:21.200 which is called the Caesar, but it was basically a 0:01:21.200 --> 0:01:21.600 bull hat. 0:01:21.680 --> 0:01:24.199 You looked like but you you thought you were George Clooney, 0:01:24.240 --> 0:01:30.000 but you look like the owner of the Raiders. Oh 0:01:30.080 --> 0:01:31.720 my god, I looks I looked like. 0:01:32.520 --> 0:01:34.160 It looked like it happened by accident, and I tried 0:01:34.160 --> 0:01:37.920 to make something like out of the accident, like I 0:01:38.000 --> 0:01:39.600 was like, oh, I told you said season, I think, 0:01:39.680 --> 0:01:41.160 I was like, and then he's like, oh, I'll fix it. 0:01:41.640 --> 0:01:44.000 He was terrible, And I remember I walked in the 0:01:44.040 --> 0:01:47.200 hause and my mother looked me in the face and went, no, 0:01:49.160 --> 0:01:50.440 that's not a good look for you. 0:01:51.600 --> 0:01:52.160 Get my hat. 0:01:53.160 --> 0:01:54.760 And I looked terrible in hat. So I had to 0:01:54.840 --> 0:01:55.560 ride out the season. 0:01:55.560 --> 0:01:56.560 Why do you look bad in hat? 0:01:56.600 --> 0:01:59.360 Because my because the nose combination, it comes down to 0:01:59.560 --> 0:02:01.240 the front of the I can't wear a cap. 0:02:01.280 --> 0:02:02.360 I've never got into a cap. 0:02:02.480 --> 0:02:05.600 Really, But you don also don't like sports, that's why, right, Well, 0:02:05.640 --> 0:02:07.240 I don't know if that's a direct reflection because there 0:02:07.240 --> 0:02:09.840 are caps that are dedicated to sports, but I. 0:02:09.800 --> 0:02:16.880 Mean most most, like, especially in New York, you're either Yankees, Giants, Uh, 0:02:16.919 --> 0:02:20.840 what's the other Rangers or your Islanders Mets Jets. 0:02:20.919 --> 0:02:23.000 Yes, that's right, and that's that's always. All of those 0:02:23.000 --> 0:02:25.519 teams play sports. They all play sports, and you never 0:02:25.600 --> 0:02:26.399 wore any of those. 0:02:26.440 --> 0:02:28.600 No, I got into I never really got into a 0:02:28.680 --> 0:02:29.079 hat thing. 0:02:29.400 --> 0:02:30.120 I used to. 0:02:30.960 --> 0:02:33.280 I had men's figure skating. I had men's figure skating hat. 0:02:33.320 --> 0:02:34.959 And if you figure skating, you asked me if I 0:02:34.960 --> 0:02:37.560 want to do it this year? I'm like, Joe, are 0:02:37.600 --> 0:02:37.960 you sure? 0:02:38.040 --> 0:02:42.120 Because the Luke Williams out of Czechoslovakia's got some got. 0:02:41.840 --> 0:02:44.760 Luke Williams out of Czechoslovakia. That sounds like a very 0:02:44.800 --> 0:02:48.640 Czech name. Show. That's all I came up with. 0:02:49.840 --> 0:02:52.680 What I had a hat that was a Charlotte's Hornets hat. 0:02:53.520 --> 0:02:56.040 That's all back in the day when they came out, 0:02:56.440 --> 0:02:58.520 that was the thing that blights them up. 0:02:58.560 --> 0:03:00.320 So anything that was TL I love. I had the 0:03:00.320 --> 0:03:03.680 good Baby. Yeah, so I used to wear it backwards. 0:03:04.160 --> 0:03:05.720 I used to wear my hat backwards because I when 0:03:05.720 --> 0:03:07.200 I wore forwards, I always had the way I looked, 0:03:07.200 --> 0:03:08.880 but I thought backwards was like kind of cool. 0:03:09.000 --> 0:03:11.160 Yeah, you had to go to Ken Griffy. I did style. 0:03:11.280 --> 0:03:12.040 I can griffet it. 0:03:12.120 --> 0:03:14.320 Yeah, it did not look good though, even a backwards 0:03:14.600 --> 0:03:15.600 even a backwards cap. 0:03:15.919 --> 0:03:17.560 We got to find a good cat for you. You 0:03:17.600 --> 0:03:18.680 wear for doors though, right. 0:03:18.639 --> 0:03:22.839 I do rocket Fedoro comically, and it also looks good. 0:03:23.240 --> 0:03:26.160 I do. It startled as a joke on the road 0:03:26.440 --> 0:03:29.280 I wore I went to Uh oh God, I forget 0:03:29.520 --> 0:03:31.080 the name of the store whatever, but it's a popular 0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:33.079 like Hatchain And I was in Nashville for that comedy 0:03:33.120 --> 0:03:35.920 festival where at and Uh. I was like, I never 0:03:35.960 --> 0:03:38.200 bought myself like a nice hat, so I bought. I 0:03:38.240 --> 0:03:39.760 was like, I'm going to buy a nice for door. 0:03:40.600 --> 0:03:42.680 It's black. I put it on. I was like, this 0:03:42.720 --> 0:03:45.600 looks cool. I wore it one night to the comedy store. 0:03:46.640 --> 0:03:50.720 Within thirty seconds I got of the car. What the fuck? Yeah, 0:03:50.760 --> 0:03:54.000 are you solving a crime piece. It's just like, ah, fuck, 0:03:54.240 --> 0:03:56.560 took it off, dush it up. My I've never worn 0:03:56.600 --> 0:04:00.880 it since. I got pounded pounded by like like like 0:04:01.000 --> 0:04:02.600 six six guys within two minutes. 0:04:02.640 --> 0:04:06.960 You pummeled well, that sound. That's gonna be funny. 0:04:07.520 --> 0:04:09.520 Take that clip out and then just troup bas and 0:04:09.560 --> 0:04:12.640 beats to it. We should make sure that we're talking 0:04:12.680 --> 0:04:16.160 about HOMEO Buy six guys. We're talking about that fight. 0:04:16.200 --> 0:04:19.280 For sure, for sure, But I uh, you and a 0:04:19.320 --> 0:04:22.600 Fedora would probably give me who's the villain from James 0:04:22.640 --> 0:04:23.360 Bond vibes? 0:04:24.680 --> 0:04:25.719 Asian one? Job? 0:04:25.800 --> 0:04:26.280 Yeah? 0:04:26.400 --> 0:04:28.960 He had like a bowlers cap though, wasn't it? It's 0:04:29.000 --> 0:04:30.080 just it's not gonna look good on me. 0:04:30.120 --> 0:04:31.960 Who is the side Who is the Asian sidekick for 0:04:32.000 --> 0:04:32.760 Green Hornet? 0:04:33.000 --> 0:04:38.039 Oh? Katokay that Cato right now? I'm cool. Yeah, job 0:04:38.200 --> 0:04:40.160 was like he looked like Bruce Lee if he just 0:04:40.279 --> 0:04:42.480 ate ARB's all the time. Just looks like a fat 0:04:42.560 --> 0:04:43.280 roal Ton piece. 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:45.880 But hey, don't don't talk all about odd job. He 0:04:46.000 --> 0:04:50.239 was a He was a formidable adversary for Double O seven. 0:04:50.320 --> 0:04:53.159 That's right, it was. He gave him some tough times. 0:04:53.400 --> 0:04:56.240 But I I wear Fedora and I look kind of 0:04:56.279 --> 0:04:57.279 like Frank Sinatra. 0:04:58.240 --> 0:05:00.000 You look good in I remember you you got one 0:05:00.080 --> 0:05:01.200 in the UK and you wore it. Well. 0:05:01.360 --> 0:05:04.960 We talked to Marie. They are expensive. If you get 0:05:04.960 --> 0:05:06.360 a proper cap, they're expensive. 0:05:06.400 --> 0:05:07.080 They are expensive, and. 0:05:07.080 --> 0:05:09.080 We talked to Mari into buying one because we pretended 0:05:09.080 --> 0:05:10.680 that he looks good in the store and we made 0:05:10.720 --> 0:05:13.440 him buy a two hundred and fifty dollar Fidora. It 0:05:13.480 --> 0:05:17.159 was promised him how good he looked. And then as 0:05:17.240 --> 0:05:19.680 soon as we walked out, As soon as we walked 0:05:19.720 --> 0:05:20.240 out of he got it. 0:05:20.320 --> 0:05:23.440 I was like, are you an idiot? And he still 0:05:23.480 --> 0:05:25.080 has it? Did he ever wear it? He wore it 0:05:25.120 --> 0:05:26.800 actually on the Dinner Party show we did. 0:05:26.800 --> 0:05:29.120 He he looked like he was like he liked to 0:05:29.120 --> 0:05:31.839 say he looked like a young Indiana Jones, but he 0:05:31.920 --> 0:05:33.640 looked like an old Indian. 0:05:36.480 --> 0:05:36.640 Yeah. 0:05:36.800 --> 0:05:38.480 I wish I could get into a cap, especially when 0:05:38.480 --> 0:05:40.320 I have like bad hair, Not that there's much going 0:05:40.320 --> 0:05:42.520 on anymore, but like when I have a bad haircut 0:05:42.600 --> 0:05:44.200 and stuff, I always wish I could get into a cap. 0:05:44.200 --> 0:05:46.440 But I suffer through with a bad Yeah, I wonder 0:05:46.440 --> 0:05:47.400 what looks worse though? 0:05:47.560 --> 0:05:49.640 You know what looks I think the hat every guy 0:05:49.640 --> 0:05:53.120 could look good in. Are those like the Irish cap. 0:05:53.240 --> 0:05:55.080 You know what I'm talking about, Andy cap? Yeah, every 0:05:55.080 --> 0:05:57.400 guy looks good in those. I've never seen anybody put 0:05:57.480 --> 0:05:59.159 one on and not look good, Like if a door. 0:05:59.200 --> 0:06:03.920 I get it. I get it a baseball cap, Like, 0:06:04.040 --> 0:06:05.880 there's certain ball caps I can wear. You go to 0:06:05.920 --> 0:06:09.840 lids and you get them. I look like make a wish. 0:06:09.960 --> 0:06:12.840 I look like, well you hear Homer from Mickey, Like, 0:06:12.960 --> 0:06:15.599 I look so bad because my head is like a 0:06:15.640 --> 0:06:18.839 little just a little smaller. There's differently it is. You 0:06:18.920 --> 0:06:22.119 have it off like features. Yeah, you do have dolphin features. Yeah. 0:06:22.200 --> 0:06:25.920 Your blowhole is really weirded by six guys. Right. Yeah. 0:06:27.120 --> 0:06:29.320 The hat height, it plays a big like a trucker 0:06:29.320 --> 0:06:31.480 cap on you would be ridiculous. 0:06:32.560 --> 0:06:34.200 There's some I just can't wear. You look like a 0:06:34.240 --> 0:06:40.880 pe dispenser. Jesus, I'm gonna need some advice out to this, 0:06:41.000 --> 0:06:41.400 all right. 0:06:41.320 --> 0:06:43.160 No, but hey, seem I saw short. You look great 0:06:43.160 --> 0:06:44.280 in a cap. I've seen you in a hat a 0:06:44.320 --> 0:06:45.719 couple of times. You look great in a suit. 0:06:46.240 --> 0:06:47.400 But I love a good suit. 0:06:47.440 --> 0:06:48.600 I put on a suit, I look like I'm going 0:06:48.600 --> 0:06:50.920 to either do a funeral or some an next girlfriend's wedding. 0:06:50.960 --> 0:06:52.120 Like that's what I look when you put on a 0:06:52.120 --> 0:06:53.960 suit and wear it to my show. Yes, the funeral 0:06:54.080 --> 0:06:56.120 is my show. It's the end of my career. Every 0:06:56.200 --> 0:06:58.200 night I wear a suit but but I we had 0:06:58.200 --> 0:07:00.200 a discussion about this the other night, about dressing up 0:07:00.240 --> 0:07:03.679 for a show. We feel it's important because people paid, 0:07:04.040 --> 0:07:05.720 they got a ticket, they got a sitter, they went 0:07:05.720 --> 0:07:07.800 out to dinner. It's a night for them. So you 0:07:07.839 --> 0:07:11.280 think the aesthetics help adds the evening? Oh, for sure. 0:07:11.280 --> 0:07:13.800 I think the aesthetics help for my act, to be 0:07:13.800 --> 0:07:15.680 honest with you, because it's like, at least it looks 0:07:15.680 --> 0:07:17.800 good you're dressed up. It's like, oh, he looks sharp, 0:07:17.800 --> 0:07:20.840 and then you're just ripping on everybody. And you know, 0:07:21.000 --> 0:07:23.160 but I like warness suit. I think it kind of 0:07:23.160 --> 0:07:24.360 cleans it up. I do like a tie. 0:07:24.360 --> 0:07:26.480 I have a good tie collection. Now talk to me 0:07:26.480 --> 0:07:27.880 about the not you do. Do you do a windsor 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:29.400 or do you do a slip knot? 0:07:29.680 --> 0:07:32.000 I do a slipknot, skinny. I always wear a skinny tie, 0:07:32.120 --> 0:07:34.240 skinny tie, A big tie all the sudden, I look 0:07:34.320 --> 0:07:36.320 again like a pet dispenser because my little head and 0:07:36.360 --> 0:07:37.520 there's a big tie. 0:07:38.600 --> 0:07:39.679 I do a fat tie. 0:07:39.840 --> 0:07:41.400 You do a fat tie? Do do fat ties? I 0:07:41.440 --> 0:07:44.360 think you gotta be bigger to have the well I 0:07:44.400 --> 0:07:47.160 am bigger, so thank you. You're not bigger. You're you're broad, 0:07:47.160 --> 0:07:49.200 you mean broad broad? Yeah, you gotta have some girl. 0:07:49.280 --> 0:07:51.200 I do look like I do look like a clown. 0:07:51.760 --> 0:07:54.200 I do look like, you know, the clown with the seltzer. 0:07:54.240 --> 0:07:57.600 Like when I have a fat tie on it, it's 0:07:57.600 --> 0:08:00.720 like a windsor my body running around. So I got 0:08:00.800 --> 0:08:01.520 to be careful with that. 0:08:01.640 --> 0:08:01.920 Yeah. 0:08:02.440 --> 0:08:04.360 I think it's important, though, to have people in your 0:08:04.360 --> 0:08:05.960 life that keep you honest if you look good or not. 0:08:06.400 --> 0:08:07.920 Oh yeah, well, I mean you were talking about our 0:08:07.960 --> 0:08:11.360 moms and my mom like literally the last time I 0:08:11.480 --> 0:08:14.280 was home, she came up to me and I said, hey, mom, 0:08:14.480 --> 0:08:16.120 and she just took her finger and poked me in 0:08:16.120 --> 0:08:20.000 the stomach, and that meant loose, so fucking we evause like, 0:08:20.520 --> 0:08:23.720 good to see you, always good to see you. Just 0:08:23.760 --> 0:08:26.720 didn't say the stone face poker face just boom sent 0:08:26.800 --> 0:08:28.360 a message. Yeah wow. 0:08:29.760 --> 0:08:31.920 I when I moved to La in O three, I 0:08:31.920 --> 0:08:33.880 had come home and I didn't really eat much when 0:08:33.880 --> 0:08:36.320 I was out there because couldn't afford it. And I 0:08:36.360 --> 0:08:38.079 came home and I was down to like one hundred 0:08:38.120 --> 0:08:40.160 and sixty pounds, which is not really yeah, which I 0:08:40.200 --> 0:08:42.600 looked like a one hundred and sixty five I guess well, 0:08:43.160 --> 0:08:46.760 it was I'm five ten, what sixty would be. I 0:08:46.760 --> 0:08:48.120 went to the I'm five nine and a half. I 0:08:48.160 --> 0:08:49.400 went to the doctor. They told me I'm spposed to 0:08:49.400 --> 0:08:52.040 be one hundred and seventy five pounds. So I'm morbidly 0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:54.960 obese right now, I mean, what the who's doing the math? 0:08:55.400 --> 0:08:57.360 Because I've seen morbidly obese and I'm not. 0:08:57.559 --> 0:09:01.080 I'm chunk, but you're not your slender I think I 0:09:01.080 --> 0:09:03.240 think some people just gain weight in certain areas. Some 0:09:03.280 --> 0:09:05.080 people it just it's it fills out to the. 0:09:05.080 --> 0:09:06.640 Point of your belly. 0:09:07.280 --> 0:09:09.280 I was going to point to your belly, yeah, because 0:09:09.520 --> 0:09:11.959 I think yours goes there, but you don't get it. 0:09:12.080 --> 0:09:13.520 You don't seem to get it in your cheeks. 0:09:13.800 --> 0:09:16.760 But it once I hit a threshold, the belly gets 0:09:16.760 --> 0:09:18.840 full and it works its way up and it stops 0:09:18.840 --> 0:09:20.720 going to get the jowels. I get the big I 0:09:20.760 --> 0:09:22.360 get the jow I get the next, I get a 0:09:22.400 --> 0:09:25.040 couple of the chinny chincens here and what I have 0:09:25.120 --> 0:09:26.760 to do that And that point is because that you 0:09:26.760 --> 0:09:27.240 can see. 0:09:27.080 --> 0:09:30.240 That stuff in pictures. Right. Oh, sure, I'm always. 0:09:29.920 --> 0:09:31.960 Okay when I have clothes on, But once you start 0:09:32.160 --> 0:09:33.080 getting these underneath. 0:09:33.120 --> 0:09:36.520 Everybody's great and clothes on the minute. Everybody yourself in 0:09:36.520 --> 0:09:40.120 the mirror every day the last ever since COVID hit. 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:44.320 I take every every day I look at myself naked 0:09:44.320 --> 0:09:47.200 before I get in the shower, go right tomorrow, tomorrow, 0:09:47.320 --> 0:09:49.000 and then I come out to here, and it's like, 0:09:49.080 --> 0:09:51.160 you gotta get a Sicilian with the bug. I'm like, 0:09:51.600 --> 0:09:55.040 we ate a full pie yesterday, two of us Delicious, 0:09:55.080 --> 0:09:56.120 one of the best pizzas of our. 0:09:56.080 --> 0:09:58.800 Phils Pizzeria Glencove. Thanks so much for that, guys, try 0:09:58.840 --> 0:10:01.559 them out sponsored and also phil if you want to 0:10:01.600 --> 0:10:03.160 send us some money now because we mentioned you. 0:10:03.120 --> 0:10:07.320 On it, shall we indulge? Yeah, let's do it all right, 0:10:07.440 --> 0:10:09.560 two cool mommies. Let's active what we do? 0:10:09.720 --> 0:10:11.200 Yeah, what we do here is we help people with 0:10:11.200 --> 0:10:11.760 life advice. 0:10:12.000 --> 0:10:14.880 We had two strong mothers. Our moms were brutally honest, 0:10:14.920 --> 0:10:17.520 always gave us great advice, and we took I think 0:10:17.600 --> 0:10:21.440 we took the benefit of the superpower they bestowed us it. 0:10:21.679 --> 0:10:24.439 And here we are dispelling great advice to you guys. 0:10:24.440 --> 0:10:26.480 We'll kick it off with this first one. There's an 0:10:26.480 --> 0:10:32.079 asterisk next to great though. Yeah, okay, so I'm trying 0:10:32.120 --> 0:10:35.640 to explain to my friend why dogs are better than cats? 0:10:35.640 --> 0:10:40.480 How can I convince them? Now? You are obviously how 0:10:40.480 --> 0:10:41.040 many dogs do. 0:10:40.960 --> 0:10:44.680 You have right now? We're at seventeen that's this episode, 0:10:44.760 --> 0:10:47.439 this episode next week, and we'll see how many with 0:10:47.480 --> 0:10:51.440 the numbers are at seventeen we're at. But I will 0:10:51.440 --> 0:10:53.319 say this, I'm not on the team of people that 0:10:53.360 --> 0:10:55.240 try to pick one better than the other. This room 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:55.640 for both. 0:10:55.760 --> 0:11:00.400 No, there's not. There's absolutely not. I will buck against 0:11:00.440 --> 0:11:03.240 the grain. I am a cat person between the two. 0:11:03.760 --> 0:11:06.160 I love dogs. Okay, I would never own a dog. 0:11:06.400 --> 0:11:09.160 It's too much. I hear I hear it in the 0:11:09.600 --> 0:11:13.240 claws on the floor. Anybody comes near your house, just 0:11:13.320 --> 0:11:16.040 the bar gang. It's just like, fuck it is. It 0:11:16.120 --> 0:11:16.520 is a lot. 0:11:16.600 --> 0:11:18.880 There is something to a cat that has to be 0:11:18.920 --> 0:11:21.360 able to sustain itself and you don't have to really 0:11:21.360 --> 0:11:23.160 bother about it. But that's not what a pet's about. 0:11:23.200 --> 0:11:24.400 It's like, oh, I love cats, you don't have to 0:11:24.400 --> 0:11:25.880 worry about it. But then why you're getting a pet? 0:11:25.960 --> 0:11:27.720 Like the thing about a dog is that it's part 0:11:27.760 --> 0:11:28.240 of your family. 0:11:28.559 --> 0:11:30.440 But a cat, you like, you just drop it in 0:11:30.480 --> 0:11:32.400 the litter box for it could be it could be 0:11:32.520 --> 0:11:34.480 three months old, it could be a month old, it 0:11:34.480 --> 0:11:35.960 could be six years old. You drop it in the 0:11:35.960 --> 0:11:38.120 litter box, you never have to worry about it taking 0:11:38.160 --> 0:11:40.640 a deuce anywhere in the house. It's like, oh, it 0:11:40.760 --> 0:11:41.840 just it just knows. 0:11:42.000 --> 0:11:44.000 Yeah, but it also water guns shit like out of 0:11:44.040 --> 0:11:48.160 its ass's territory. So I'm not gonna talk about that. 0:11:48.200 --> 0:11:51.200 We're gonna say that it knows about the box, but 0:11:52.200 --> 0:11:53.040 super soaker. 0:11:53.160 --> 0:11:54.360 It's super soaked. 0:11:54.040 --> 0:11:56.720 Out of its buttthole, and everybody just doesn't talk about it, like, oh, 0:11:56.760 --> 0:11:58.839 but it's the letter box, so don't even get me 0:11:58.840 --> 0:12:01.800 startled in that. But I do like cats. I enjoy 0:12:01.880 --> 0:12:02.560 I enjoy cats. 0:12:02.760 --> 0:12:05.280 There was like a scale of the spraying out of 0:12:05.280 --> 0:12:07.200 the bubble. Would it be at least like eight points? 0:12:07.520 --> 0:12:10.920 For sure? It'd be back down? Yeah, that is a 0:12:10.960 --> 0:12:14.000 big hair Balls is another thing. Oh yeah, I'll take 0:12:14.000 --> 0:12:20.320 a like any day of the week. Okay, But a 0:12:20.360 --> 0:12:22.560 dog is gonna hump a pillow, Yes, it's true. A 0:12:22.600 --> 0:12:26.199 dog is gonna hump a leg if you're lucky. So 0:12:26.760 --> 0:12:29.240 fucking gross. Did you see a pink thing come out 0:12:29.280 --> 0:12:31.640 of that tube sock? And just like it needs friction 0:12:31.800 --> 0:12:34.679 and stuff? I mean, it's hilarious when it's done to 0:12:34.720 --> 0:12:39.800 somebody else in Pittsburgh. I can't believe I forgot this. 0:12:39.840 --> 0:12:41.720 I should, you should talk about this on stage. But 0:12:41.760 --> 0:12:44.480 my neighbor had a huge dog. It's one of those 0:12:44.520 --> 0:12:49.600 Marmaduke dogs and always slobing and everything. My mommy, My 0:12:49.800 --> 0:12:56.760 mom is like five two. This dog list in heat 0:12:56.880 --> 0:13:03.600 or something, ran and tackled my motive. Mama, it's flowing 0:13:03.720 --> 0:13:09.240 my mom. My mom is screaming. It was just collapsed. 0:13:09.800 --> 0:13:12.640 Who was crying? Left? How old are you? I couldn't 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:15.199 save my mom because I was like, wait, oh god, 0:13:15.280 --> 0:13:17.360 I'm hard. How old are you? I was like sixteen, 0:13:18.320 --> 0:13:20.480 you were able to do so? I was totally able 0:13:20.520 --> 0:13:22.920 to do so, but I was crying. I was laughing 0:13:23.040 --> 0:13:25.440 so hard. I was like, the dog is taking my 0:13:25.480 --> 0:13:29.640 mom to town and she's just like get. 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:32.520 I forget her, like Barney, get out, get and it's. 0:13:36.480 --> 0:13:39.959 You did nothing. I fucking did nothing, absolutely nothing. Oh 0:13:40.000 --> 0:13:42.920 my god, Gab, I ever forgot about that. Well. I 0:13:42.960 --> 0:13:48.559 could see what you think, cats. I think it also 0:13:48.640 --> 0:13:50.839 depends on how much investment you want to give in 0:13:50.880 --> 0:13:53.600 your pet, right if you're somebody that loves to give attention, 0:13:53.800 --> 0:13:56.880 loves to receive attention. I think a dog's the one again. 0:13:56.920 --> 0:13:58.880 A cat, it's gonna come chill with you when it 0:13:58.920 --> 0:14:00.760 wants to. It's gonna do its own thing. It's on 0:14:00.800 --> 0:14:02.640 its own timeline, It's on its own time. I think 0:14:02.679 --> 0:14:05.440 that's true with most people too. People. There's people that 0:14:05.480 --> 0:14:07.559 are dogs and there's people that are cats. Like I'm 0:14:07.600 --> 0:14:09.200 a lone gun. I like doing my own thing. I 0:14:09.320 --> 0:14:11.439 just I'll come in when I want. I just I 0:14:11.440 --> 0:14:14.160 don't know. There's people like Burt Kreischer that's like it's 0:14:14.200 --> 0:14:15.199 like a labrador. It's like. 0:14:17.640 --> 0:14:21.560 My head, You're You're like a farah, You're the farrel 0:14:21.640 --> 0:14:27.360 cat of comedy. Steve Burn, I'll flip and reverse it 0:14:27.400 --> 0:14:30.160 for you. What's what are some of the most useless pets? 0:14:30.680 --> 0:14:34.840 Because for me, you go, that's the first one out 0:14:34.880 --> 0:14:36.680 of your mouth. Yes, you ever been in somebody's house? 0:14:36.800 --> 0:14:38.240 Like I got a ferret? It's like where is it? 0:14:38.240 --> 0:14:41.200 It's like, you know, it's never around, it's always high thing. 0:14:41.400 --> 0:14:43.320 It's like, well, why do you have? It's like Roy 0:14:43.360 --> 0:14:45.120 Wood's a bit about going to the zoo. It's like, 0:14:45.200 --> 0:14:47.240 is your a tiger in the tacker cage? Like where 0:14:47.240 --> 0:14:47.680 are they? 0:14:47.920 --> 0:14:50.480 I think your friends are just lying to you and 0:14:50.520 --> 0:14:52.560 they don't have ferrets in your falling bird joke, but 0:14:52.680 --> 0:14:55.320 you go with that all the goldfish or like turtle. 0:14:56.960 --> 0:14:59.400 I love turtles. I don't know what is it? Pet 0:15:00.120 --> 0:15:02.880 I really will I always, I told my wife, I always, 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:04.720 at some point I want to get like a pond 0:15:04.760 --> 0:15:07.840 in the backyard have turtles. Because at the Librea tar 0:15:07.920 --> 0:15:10.480 Pits they have a turt They had a turtle pond 0:15:10.520 --> 0:15:14.600 for years, just this huge indoor pond, all these turtles, 0:15:14.640 --> 0:15:16.760 and I would just go and sit there and watch 0:15:16.840 --> 0:15:20.320 them and be mesmerized. And I don't know, for some reason, 0:15:20.360 --> 0:15:23.960 I just did. They're just chill in. They're cool, they 0:15:24.000 --> 0:15:26.120 got the shell. It's like a are you waiting for 0:15:26.160 --> 0:15:28.360 them to come out? Like start doing karate? Like what 0:15:28.360 --> 0:15:32.320 are you doing? Like you said, there's something very tranquil 0:15:32.680 --> 0:15:37.640 about watching just a pond full of turtles. I don't know. 0:15:37.720 --> 0:15:40.240 I had two turtles growing up. You did classic names, 0:15:40.280 --> 0:15:43.160 of course, Shelby and Myrtle separate times in life. One 0:15:43.280 --> 0:15:45.000 I started hand feeding lettuce and it wouldn't take the 0:15:45.000 --> 0:15:48.240 food by itself, and it died because I went away 0:15:47.240 --> 0:15:49.000 and it died. 0:15:49.200 --> 0:15:51.560 The other one, I'm not just come back and it's 0:15:51.560 --> 0:15:52.800 a shell. Yeah. The other one I think I. 0:15:52.800 --> 0:15:55.520 Let go into the into the creek because I felt 0:15:55.560 --> 0:15:56.880 like it needed to be free, and I had this 0:15:56.880 --> 0:15:57.840 big creek by my house. 0:15:57.920 --> 0:16:00.520 How can I ask you something real quick? How how 0:16:00.760 --> 0:16:06.320 uneventful is freeing a turtle? It takes a while, Like 0:16:06.520 --> 0:16:07.560 you're free? Go. 0:16:08.280 --> 0:16:10.000 I went home for an hour and I came back 0:16:11.200 --> 0:16:14.520 five feet away. But my brother in law, Vinnie, was 0:16:14.560 --> 0:16:16.200 dating my sister at the time and he had to 0:16:16.240 --> 0:16:18.720 stay over because he lived in Queens, so my parents 0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:22.760 gave him my bed, and he didn't know that I 0:16:22.840 --> 0:16:26.320 had I had a turtle tank and the turtle was 0:16:26.360 --> 0:16:30.160 nocturnal for some reason, and I had fake like astro 0:16:30.240 --> 0:16:32.120 turf and it was just walking and so all your 0:16:32.120 --> 0:16:32.960 heard was a. 0:16:32.920 --> 0:16:34.280 Scratch like on the turf. 0:16:34.320 --> 0:16:36.000 And Vinnie was laying in the bed, not knowing I 0:16:36.000 --> 0:16:37.520 had a turtle, like what the hell is this? 0:16:37.760 --> 0:16:38.800 What's living in the walls? 0:16:38.960 --> 0:16:40.760 When he didn't sleep all night and the next morning 0:16:40.760 --> 0:16:42.280 you told my sister and he's like, oh, it's a turtle. 0:16:42.360 --> 0:16:45.560 He's like, what turtle? So he told my house was 0:16:45.560 --> 0:16:48.800 infested with the rats. And like, but he didn't think 0:16:48.800 --> 0:16:51.120 to like examined her, like look around the room. No, 0:16:51.160 --> 0:16:55.280 I think he was scared ghosts. But like having a turtle, 0:16:55.360 --> 0:16:57.240 it's just like you feed it and you walk away, right, 0:16:57.320 --> 0:16:59.720 It's yeah, that's what I'm talking about. 0:17:00.040 --> 0:17:02.600 First, you do tricks. I had parakeets growing up. I 0:17:02.600 --> 0:17:04.399 love paraks Chichi and cha cha. 0:17:05.160 --> 0:17:07.560