Speaker 1: Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way,
Speaker 1: we want to be there.
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim, and give us
Speaker 2: time and a termino and gay.
Speaker 3: We want to send you off InStyle. You wanna welcome
Speaker 3: you back home?
Speaker 2: Tell us all about it?
Speaker 1: We scared?
Speaker 4: Or was it fine?
Speaker 1: Melbourn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Ride with Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do you need
Speaker 4: a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks. We're at the all.
Speaker 4: Just that give me a little more voice to.
Speaker 1: European.
Speaker 4: There we go.
Speaker 1: I'm from Europe. I just got here from Europe.
Speaker 4: Yes, I that's it's so funny. Yesterday I I didn't
Speaker 4: know where you were coming from. I should have realized
Speaker 4: it probably wasn't Idaho.
Speaker 5: I would appreciate that you would keep up with my
Speaker 5: touring schedule on the internet.
Speaker 1: But whatever, that's fine.
Speaker 4: Well you you texted me from the future because it
Speaker 4: was already whatever, like eight or nine in the morning
Speaker 4: in Where were you in Denmark? Yes, that's and so
Speaker 4: I got it at midnight. But here's the catches. My
Speaker 4: phone was dead, and sometimes when I power it up,
Speaker 4: that's when a bunch of texts come in. So I
Speaker 4: wasn't sure because you said, well, you pick me up tonight,
Speaker 4: and it's like, well.
Speaker 1: Oh, I knew, just I'm sorry.
Speaker 4: I knew that the even with that, though, I didn't
Speaker 4: know when this text came in. So and then additionally,
Speaker 4: I looked at the flights because very responsible, I was
Speaker 4: pretty proud of my eyes on a stakeout. I was
Speaker 4: eating a ho I was looking at the and and
Speaker 4: a bunch of flights were coming direct from Denmark last night,
Speaker 4: and so I really thought and none tonight. And then
Speaker 4: I thought, well, maybe she's coming from London. But I
Speaker 4: knew the minute I drove back home you'd land and
Speaker 4: go hey, I was just stuck in customs.
Speaker 1: Wait, so I texted, did you actually drive over here
Speaker 1: last night?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 4: No, it's okay. No, I I it was me being dumb,
Speaker 4: because I even once I found out, well I did
Speaker 4: find out once I was but Joe, Joe Schwartz sent
Speaker 4: me all your info immediately. Oh yeah, yeah, he's the best.
Speaker 1: He's the best.
Speaker 4: I've known him forever. I kind of I mean, as
Speaker 4: long as I didn't start existing until I moved to
Speaker 4: Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: Till you met Joe Schwartz.
Speaker 4: Really do you why do you do you think that
Speaker 4: because of the recent political climate, people are getting mad
Speaker 4: at their parents, quitting their bank or low out lawyer
Speaker 4: jobs and moving here to become creative. And they're all
Speaker 4: arriving right now.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's Tonight's the night they decided to come.
Speaker 5: I've never seen anybody put anything in reverse at the airport.
Speaker 5: This person just did.
Speaker 1: I've never seen a car in reverse towards me.
Speaker 4: It is all. I couldn't even believe it was happening.
Speaker 4: I diverted my eyes, I averted them.
Speaker 1: Well, I appreciate. I'm so sorry. Major drive over here.
Speaker 1: I didn't think we're we've been.
Speaker 5: I think I've been on the Yeah, I've been gone
Speaker 5: since May fifth and so in that time.
Speaker 4: Wow, that's a long that's the longest you've been on
Speaker 4: the road, right, you know?
Speaker 1: It's like two full weeks.
Speaker 4: That's so. And shows every night.
Speaker 1: Shows pretty much every night.
Speaker 5: We had a day off in one place, and then
Speaker 5: we had a day off in Amsterdam.
Speaker 1: I can't remember.
Speaker 4: You just smoked hash blocks.
Speaker 5: We actually did smoke a tiny bit of pot. I
Speaker 5: think we were all so scared to get too high.
Speaker 1: That we would bump ourselves out.
Speaker 4: That that's my fear.
Speaker 5: We bought the tiniest touch of pot and then we
Speaker 5: were all just taking these baby hits and sitting there
Speaker 5: staring at each other.
Speaker 4: And oh, Vince, Oh it's funny because I sent him
Speaker 4: a message, do you know never mind?
Speaker 1: Did you really?
Speaker 4: Yeah? On Facebook? We aren't pals. But I was like, sorry, no, no,
Speaker 4: I got to the bottom of it, and I felt
Speaker 4: a sense of accomplishment. Sorry, So you smoked a little
Speaker 4: bit of weed in one of those cafes, is it? Yes?
Speaker 4: Called a hash bar? No?
Speaker 1: No, they're called coffee bars.
Speaker 4: Oh, and so we call them.
Speaker 1: I know, but they're but ours. We have coffee in them.
Speaker 5: Yes, Over there, they don't give that much of a
Speaker 5: shit about coffee, well, at least in the countries I
Speaker 5: was in.
Speaker 1: Because I didn't. I started drinking tea in the you.
Speaker 5: Know how much I drink coffee, and I had to
Speaker 5: switch over because every time I got a cup of
Speaker 5: coffee there was something oddly like empty about it.
Speaker 4: Oh, have you become a tea totaler?
Speaker 5: I might I might be fully British now, but so
Speaker 5: in the last Vince I think did and I'm not
Speaker 5: gonna be able to get this right. But it was
Speaker 5: something like we've taken like eight flights in the past
Speaker 5: or more than that.
Speaker 4: It has more.
Speaker 1: There's some crazy number of flights that we've taken in
Speaker 1: all this time. I have to say to.
Speaker 5: Anybody who's scared to fly or travel, just for someone
Speaker 5: who lately have been doing it so much, yeah, do
Speaker 5: you don't have to be like just as someone who's
Speaker 5: like if you're everyone, once a year you fly home
Speaker 5: and you get really nervous enough to take a bunch
Speaker 5: of pills, you don't have to be nothing.
Speaker 1: Ever fucking happened right, right, nothing ever happens.
Speaker 4: And as someone that has flown many, many times, at
Speaker 4: least a couple of times a month, yes, it's I've
Speaker 4: never even felt like something almost happened, right, but all
Speaker 4: nonchalantly go across of streets like where there is no crosswalk. Sorry,
Speaker 4: you know how, I can't finish the saying. That's when
Speaker 4: people are.
Speaker 1: When every car is trying to aim towards.
Speaker 4: You, and it's much more realistic that you're just gonna
Speaker 4: die from a you know, a wayward fish hook.
Speaker 5: Right, Wait, do you want me to tell you about
Speaker 5: the wayward fish hook story that I actually have.
Speaker 1: It's pretty awful.
Speaker 4: Uh yeah, well I don't even know why I said that.
Speaker 1: Because you wanted me to tell the story.
Speaker 5: My cousin Stevie has a friend who went fishing up
Speaker 5: in like the you know, out back of Canada, sure,
Speaker 5: and the fly fishing. And there's he's standing on a
Speaker 5: boat and it's just him and I think his brother
Speaker 5: and he fucking goes to cast his line and the
Speaker 5: fucking fish hook gets caught on his eyelid. Oh, and
Speaker 5: they're out in the middle of nowhere.
Speaker 4: That's no, that's something that's something I dreamed up, like
Speaker 4: my razor blade water slide. Oh yeah, it's just a
Speaker 4: thing of razor blades. I used to think about it
Speaker 4: all the time.
Speaker 1: And then you land in a bleach.
Speaker 4: Pool to be summertime refreshing at least.
Speaker 5: I wonder if that's the thing kids used to say
Speaker 5: to each other, like thinking of the worst thing you
Speaker 5: can think of, Like, what's the worst idea? And then
Speaker 5: everyone has to say it because I think fish hook
Speaker 5: in the eyelid and razor blades.
Speaker 4: Fish hook in the eyelid is horrible.
Speaker 5: It's and you there's no medical attention. I think he
Speaker 5: had to leave it there until they got into town.
Speaker 4: Yeah, because you can't there's a barb oh yeah, god.
Speaker 1: And he didn't cut the line. He didn't, you know, he.
Speaker 4: Just took the kidding you know what, drug it in there,
Speaker 4: jogged in there, put it in a wheelbarrel.
Speaker 1: He's like, how quickly can we get me back out
Speaker 1: on that lake?
Speaker 4: I just have fish in fever. And the only cure
Speaker 4: is to get this hook out of my damn eye.
Speaker 4: That's the reason. Now, like fishing, it's not the lives
Speaker 4: of fish. No, I pretended it was this whole time.
Speaker 4: It's dealing with the hook.
Speaker 5: Yes, very sharp killing, small killing, ancient killing.
Speaker 4: And I've talked about catching a bird fishing on here right.
Speaker 4: I was on a boat and I cast there was
Speaker 4: bait fishing like live sardines, and I cast off the
Speaker 4: boat and a bird swept down and swallowed my bait
Speaker 4: in mid air. And then I was flying a bird
Speaker 4: like a kite, railing him in and he was flying everywhere. Yeah,
Speaker 4: it was just but awful because I was thinking of
Speaker 4: the hook and his little throat.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's a terrible trick on.
Speaker 4: It was the worst thing I could have ever done
Speaker 4: to that Barret.
Speaker 5: But you could have started a show called bird Pranks
Speaker 5: and really made a killing.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'd be up there with the guy that started
Speaker 4: bum fight.
Speaker 1: You'd be in the same class of human. I wonder
Speaker 1: if we've ate.
Speaker 5: You've told me the story before in the air, and
Speaker 5: then b when telling me the story, we did the
Speaker 5: same exact rip, because because I feel like in these
Speaker 5: days I'm podcasting so much, I must be repeating myself
Speaker 5: like four in fact.
Speaker 4: Well you know I already was when I would podcast
Speaker 4: like once a month. Sure it's okay. My dad used
Speaker 4: to tell the same story all the time and lean
Speaker 4: over to my sister and go, oh, it sounds like
Speaker 4: number fifty seven is in the chamber. But we still
Speaker 4: wanted to hear it. Yes, that's right, because he told
Speaker 4: it or changed it or well and also added to lies.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you and bellis over the years, you have to
Speaker 5: jug it up. But also I told you, I just
Speaker 5: you gotta go boar it up. You gotta goodbore that thing.
Speaker 5: You got to slap a cop it up, as I
Speaker 5: was coming upstairs, well like while we were and I go,
Speaker 5: guess what I'm gonna do right now?
Speaker 1: Podcasting?
Speaker 5: And she was like, oh no, and I said no,
Speaker 5: I really one of the main reasons is very selfish
Speaker 5: and I didn't put it together. That was fucking Friday
Speaker 5: night at LAX. I apologize and to any of our
Speaker 5: listeners who know and who listen, this is the worst
Speaker 5: time you could ever be at LAX, the bad airport anyway,
Speaker 5: Friday night is yeah.
Speaker 4: This is like, yeah, this is like the Rolling Stones
Speaker 4: reunion concert of LA and X nights.
Speaker 5: Sorry, it's very much like leaving a concert. You don't
Speaker 5: move and people are like threatening you with their car.
Speaker 4: Yeah, except we aren't on the heels of having done
Speaker 4: something fun.
Speaker 5: No, I've you know what, I'm on the heels of
Speaker 5: ten hours at a fucking airplane. No, sorry, twelve because
Speaker 5: we had to take we had to take a flight
Speaker 5: from Glasgow to Heathrow and then Heathrow to LAX.
Speaker 4: Glasgow, Glasgow.
Speaker 1: We had a show.
Speaker 5: Well technically, I guess, and I'm so sorry.
Speaker 4: It's okay, it I should have. I looked at it
Speaker 4: and it's like, wait, it was eight hours into the future.
Speaker 4: There By the way, I don't know how that isn't
Speaker 4: time travel. If someone could explain to me you called
Speaker 4: me from Thursday and I was sitting there Wednesday night
Speaker 4: thinking tomorrow night's Thursday night to you, it was, of
Speaker 4: course Friday night, day night. That is some Michael J.
Speaker 4: Foxy and Flux capacitating.
Speaker 1: Classic time travel.
Speaker 4: Christopher. I'm not doing Christopher nor in a silver cowboy
Speaker 4: outfit and some unexplainable doggles three. Yeah, is a cowboy.
Speaker 1: You're going to a bad one.
Speaker 4: Biff is now your friend. He's not a bully. Uh wait,
Speaker 4: Leah is still your mom, but she's got the hots
Speaker 4: for you.
Speaker 5: You're back at the first one, Leah Thompson with that
Speaker 5: old age makeup.
Speaker 1: But then the really big boobs. Remember when he goes
Speaker 1: to Las Vegas.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they why did they give her boobs? And Howard
Speaker 4: the dock. I was like, Oh, she's like a normal
Speaker 4: Yeah she is.
Speaker 5: And I think in that one it was she's one
Speaker 5: of the normies. She's a normy, she's like normcore Carolina City.
Speaker 1: She was. She was Caroline kind of in the suburbs.
Speaker 6: But then when they go when they go to Las Vegas,
Speaker 6: I think she was supposed to have gotten crust implants,
Speaker 6: which at the time was like can you believe brest implants,
Speaker 6: which is now like required.
Speaker 1: But I think that was supposed to be the idea
Speaker 1: that she.
Speaker 5: Had married Biff, they lived in Las Vegas, and she'd
Speaker 5: become this kind of old slut.
Speaker 4: Which one is there? There is a that's part two? Oh?
Speaker 4: Which one is the Western three?
Speaker 1: Okay from what I remember, Yeah, and I just.
Speaker 4: Traveled, you know what. The other ones didn't steal my
Speaker 4: heart like the original, you know, with the twin Pine Mall,
Speaker 4: I thought it was so smart that he ran into
Speaker 4: a tree, and then I was like, wait, that's how
Speaker 4: it became the lone Pine Mall. I thought that was
Speaker 4: the smartest. That there's so many little things where they
Speaker 4: aren't that hard to get, but they were very very
Speaker 4: you know, you felt great when you'd caught him.
Speaker 5: That's you know Billy Wilder, who's a great famous screenwriter.
Speaker 5: He he has like seven rules for screenwriting or something,
Speaker 5: and one of them is give the audience the benefit
Speaker 5: of the doubt.
Speaker 1: They'll love you for it.
Speaker 5: And that's the perfect example of like totally you know
Speaker 5: that there are network people that are movie studio people
Speaker 5: that were like, that doesn't nobody's gonna follow that.
Speaker 4: He's try and nothing. Nothing is more offensive. When you're
Speaker 4: watching a movie, you get what's happening. You're like, oh,
Speaker 4: that's because because he's going back and then and then
Speaker 4: the guy turns to Cameron basically said, this happened because
Speaker 4: I went back. I went why would you tell me? Yes?
Speaker 1: Where he went back? Don't call me an idiot. That's
Speaker 1: why narrating is so cheap.
Speaker 5: If any movie that has narration, you can immediately minus
Speaker 5: fifteen points because that's you're not doing your job as
Speaker 5: a writer, right.
Speaker 4: It's no, we aren't. We're of course not talking about Shoshank.
Speaker 4: Don't get on us. What this is the exception? I
Speaker 4: love Shark Tank. I love Shark Tank Redemption.
Speaker 1: I have a pitch for you. It's a movie called Redemption.
Speaker 4: It's really good sharks. How is this different from the
Speaker 4: original Shank?
Speaker 5: No, it is the original Sank. I just think everyone
Speaker 5: should watch it. I need a dollar for personal reasons.
Speaker 4: I really because I got these theater seats in my
Speaker 4: house and I'm busting you all in to watch it
Speaker 4: so much. Popcorn, who's in? Who's in?
Speaker 1: Who's sharks. I've never watched that, Mark Cuban, I just.
Speaker 4: Know I mean people. I did watch a few of
Speaker 4: them recently and prior.
Speaker 1: To that, Shark tankers for shankers.
Speaker 4: Well, it's crazy because every thing you watch on there,
Speaker 4: they hurt someone's feelings and their chin trembles and they're like, well,
Speaker 4: my life's work. But then inevitably you go online and
Speaker 4: all of these things are available. So just being on
Speaker 4: there even if you lose, maybe if you lose, it's
Speaker 4: a good thing because then they're like, wait, that's available.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I support you if even if Mark Cuban won't.
Speaker 4: The point is I want to get in there. Finally,
Speaker 4: my napkin that attaches to the edge of the table
Speaker 4: and also my neck like a food trampoline, is gonna
Speaker 4: be off the ground. Wait, that's the slogan keeping that
Speaker 4: food off the ground? Boy, or my name isn't Chris
Speaker 4: X comedian Fairbanks.
Speaker 5: I don't need that comedy anymore now that I have
Speaker 5: my sale napkin and call.
Speaker 4: Now we'll also add the lap dog. That's a napkin
Speaker 4: for your dog to be in your lap.
Speaker 5: That's a dog that eats the food off your lap.
Speaker 5: Like a napkin, living napkin.
Speaker 4: So as I think this out, and I know this
Speaker 4: is during the commercial. You don't move the original napkin,
Speaker 4: just buy a dog. What do you think sharks?
Speaker 1: There also in the commercial good a lot of great ideas.
Speaker 1: You know what. None of those ideas could have happened
Speaker 1: if we weren't at lax On front.
Speaker 4: I am not the airport return would not allow me.
Speaker 4: Don't go there, please, I'm going straight.
Speaker 1: Get me out of here, please, Hello.
Speaker 4: You old worthless light up pillars.
Speaker 5: Hey pay pillars that change colors in an ineffectual way.
Speaker 4: And are you noticing there there's pieces of glass missing?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 4: Did you know it's because they fall off and shatter.
Speaker 1: No, they are they just plastic.
Speaker 4: They aren't being they are I'm telling you I saw
Speaker 4: because I came around that corner. It's like, why are
Speaker 4: there all these windshields shattered because they're still in a
Speaker 4: square form. They just land and they.
Speaker 1: And people don't run and get them immediately.
Speaker 4: Or they haven't landed on a homeless.
Speaker 1: Man, I mean, and every single one.
Speaker 5: So we are talking about there's these light of pillars
Speaker 5: on the way into lax Yeah, and their.
Speaker 1: Art they're kind of pretty, but they are. They have
Speaker 1: light bulbs or whatever in the middle. In the middle.
Speaker 1: Now I have hiccups. You have to explain it.
Speaker 4: They all take it from here.
Speaker 1: Thanks.
Speaker 4: They they sort of the the colors oscillate from a
Speaker 4: pink to a green to a blue. Sharks, what will
Speaker 4: you give me? What's so? From a distance they look
Speaker 4: good in like a photo of lax, But up close
Speaker 4: they're dingy rods of broken glass.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they look like you know what it is.
Speaker 5: It looks like something that would be it's the Beverly
Speaker 5: Center Center got abandoned. And then because it's like instead
Speaker 5: of one big tube of glass, right, it's it's pieces
Speaker 5: of glass that on every single one of these pillars,
Speaker 5: glasses falling, fallen off.
Speaker 4: And you know, once that piece of glasses missing, it's
Speaker 4: the metal underneath. What an eyesore. Don't get it started
Speaker 4: on these pillars. Oh.
Speaker 5: I have written to the comptroller. I have written to
Speaker 5: the city commissioner. I've written a batman and the penguin.
Speaker 4: Do you can you define in ten words what a
Speaker 4: comptroller is?
Speaker 1: I think I think the comptroller.
Speaker 5: Sorry I didn't, No, No, it's okay. I think when
Speaker 5: I get an idea. When I think something, I have
Speaker 5: to yell it. I think the comptroller's akin to an accountant.
Speaker 1: But that's just a guess.
Speaker 4: But it's such an official title, I know it's the best.
Speaker 5: Somebody's sent me on Twitter the other day. They sent
Speaker 5: me a picture someone was running for uh, you know,
Speaker 5: city council.
Speaker 1: Whatever the name is, Richard Ramirez.
Speaker 4: Oh no, wow, it's.
Speaker 1: Still too soon for the night soccer to run for
Speaker 1: city council.
Speaker 4: I haven't watched it, but there's a new Netflix documentary
Speaker 4: called Evil Genius Weird Names or whatever, and it's like
Speaker 4: one guy's name Donald Trump. Another there's there's also like
Speaker 4: your you know, Jarvish neckbone or whatever. They just have
Speaker 4: weird names.
Speaker 1: And I could immediately see that guy. Yeah, yeah, you
Speaker 1: like kind of a bad skin tone.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but great at mouth.
Speaker 1: Harp, great at wearing overalls.
Speaker 4: And saying saying terrible things about Obama as the shoulder
Speaker 4: strap slides down seductively. Oh sorry, I don't know why
Speaker 4: I went there. I don't know why I made him sex.
Speaker 5: Some of the hottest overalls you've seen in the Bayou
Speaker 5: are on Jarvis neckbone.
Speaker 1: Please look out for him, Sharks.
Speaker 4: I really appreciate you.
Speaker 1: Remember, it's a great name that's going to be with
Speaker 1: me for a while.
Speaker 4: But there's that that guy Ramirez. I mean, I didn't
Speaker 4: even know you grew up fearing him your whole youth, right, yea,
Speaker 4: because you're killed here and then also in San Francisco.
Speaker 5: Yes, I can't remember though, I think I can't remember
Speaker 5: if it was the late eighties or the early nineties
Speaker 5: when he did it.
Speaker 4: You know what really scares me is a person that
Speaker 4: was given a handsome face by the lord, uh huh,
Speaker 4: and in spite of that, their craziness made it to
Speaker 4: where they're like, nope, I'm letting my teeth rot out. Yes,
Speaker 4: So if you ever see it, because I've seen homeless
Speaker 4: folks or people down you know, I hate even saying
Speaker 4: homeless people, but people wandering around the streets that have
Speaker 4: mental issues, and when they're handsome, meaning they could have
Speaker 4: just shown up and said, hey, hire me, y you
Speaker 4: look at my jawline. It's that's when you know they're stabby.
Speaker 5: Well, and also you know that this town is so
Speaker 5: awful because it is chock full of beautiful people that
Speaker 5: nobody cares about. And that's one of the most frightening things.
Speaker 5: I think when I first moved here is I realized
Speaker 5: it doesn't matter if you're good looking. You have to
Speaker 5: have like five things going on, not just one or two.
Speaker 4: I think for me it was like a reassuring thing
Speaker 4: because when I first moved here and I was randomly
Speaker 4: sent to these you know, auditions for big cat food
Speaker 4: commercials and everything. Yeah, everyone in the room, I mean,
Speaker 4: for real things. It was all a bunch of beautiful
Speaker 4: dudes that were a little taller than me. Yeah, that
Speaker 4: looked like me if I had never done anything bad
Speaker 4: to my body, And I was like, oh, I lost.
Speaker 4: But then you realize you've got to do other stuff,
Speaker 4: and then that's who perseveres. Right. And look at me
Speaker 4: today exactly, driving a No.
Speaker 1: Eight hundred cord not at lax anymore.
Speaker 5: Oh god, is this not the most beautiful patch of
Speaker 5: road you've ever seen?
Speaker 4: And it smells great? What is that my car about
Speaker 4: to die?
Speaker 1: Is your car blowing up?
Speaker 5: It?
Speaker 4: Just it is that burning oil smell?
Speaker 5: Well?
Speaker 4: Also, my lights are on because I jumpstarted my neighbor's
Speaker 4: car and it blew a few So I don't know
Speaker 4: which of those warning lights is bluffing or not one
Speaker 4: of your.
Speaker 5: Warning lights, says USA, like a fucking like a super
Speaker 5: It does us a far left.
Speaker 1: USA, Am I reading that wrong?
Speaker 4: Oh? It is it's it is VSA, but in Greek
Speaker 4: that V is very much to you.
Speaker 1: It's very much. I'm reading it as if it was
Speaker 1: choosled on the front of a bank.
Speaker 4: Boy. You have been in Europe, are switched to you?
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, I'm so used to this. Am I drinking
Speaker 4: tea again?
Speaker 1: Oh? I found some in my beret.
Speaker 4: Will you tell me some of the places you went
Speaker 4: to yet, because I've been to Spain and in Manchester.
Speaker 5: From Manchester, I love okay, everywhere we went. We were
Speaker 5: only there for a day or two, so we had
Speaker 5: no experiences. I had a couple people tell me lists
Speaker 5: of things to do and didn't do fucking anything.
Speaker 1: So we started.
Speaker 5: We landed in. The first city we were in was Dublin.
Speaker 5: We were two knights in Dublin and then.
Speaker 4: Forgot to do a pub. See don't I can't do Sorry.
Speaker 5: We went to the oldest there's a place called the
Speaker 5: Brazen Head in Dublin that is from eleven fifty.
Speaker 4: It's it's fucking insane.
Speaker 1: It's a pub from eleven to fifty. We went there.
Speaker 1: It's just like a regular pub, but.
Speaker 4: It has the school eleven fifty.
Speaker 5: Yes.
Speaker 4: I saw a tombstone from sixteen hundred something and I
Speaker 4: lost my mind, and another one from the seventeen hundreds
Speaker 4: with a joke that said, help, there's worms and beetles
Speaker 4: down here.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 4: Yeah, a guy that's like, I want this joke on
Speaker 4: my tombstone.
Speaker 1: I love that guy forever.
Speaker 4: I know he's he's the worst. He will forever rest
Speaker 4: my heart. It was the best. I laughed forever.
Speaker 1: It's so good.
Speaker 5: Okay, So Dublin two nights amazing, being so fun, the
Speaker 5: perfect kickoff. Then we went to Oslo. I was very
Speaker 5: nervous about Oslo, Norway, because I people always say like, oh,
Speaker 5: there's certain countries like comics we know, and I don't
Speaker 5: know if you've done stand up over there, but like
Speaker 5: the audiences respond differently, so even if they love what
Speaker 5: you're doing, they don't they're not verbal, and they don't
Speaker 5: make a ton of noise, don't clap a lot.
Speaker 1: They're very reserved.
Speaker 5: And I heard like that Norway might be like that
Speaker 5: and Stockholm might be like that, so I was like, oh,
Speaker 5: we're gonna get this weird energy and all of our
Speaker 5: you know, it's a live podcast, so everything that we
Speaker 5: do is off of the energy of what people are
Speaker 5: responding to. So like we're just riffing off each other's stories, right,
Speaker 5: and I will completely go blank if I think no
Speaker 5: one likes it, you know what I mean, We'll start
Speaker 5: panicking whatever.
Speaker 1: Of course, they were such great shows. They were exactly
Speaker 1: like shows from here.
Speaker 4: So the audience wasn't they were way like that.
Speaker 5: They were as good, if not better, than any other
Speaker 5: live show we've ever done, and the people people were
Speaker 5: First of all, they're speaking two fucking languages, which that
Speaker 5: blows me so away. I kept thinking about it where
Speaker 5: I'm like, imagine if you had to speak Norwegian right now?
Speaker 4: Oh, just everyone speaks English, everyone pretty much everywhere. Yes, God,
Speaker 4: we're all dumb.
Speaker 5: We're so dumb, and they'd speak it with really, really
Speaker 5: believable accent. So this is George and I talked about
Speaker 5: this on stage a bunch while we were there. When
Speaker 5: we were in Oslo at the meet and greet, So like,
Speaker 5: when we read these stories, they're from you know, Norway
Speaker 5: murders yea, so we can't pronounce any city, And at
Speaker 5: one point we got I got a girl to be
Speaker 5: our translator, where we would just go up and show
Speaker 5: her the paper and she would say the name of
Speaker 5: the city.
Speaker 4: She jumped up on stage to do that.
Speaker 1: She was just like right there front row. It was
Speaker 1: just like kind of a fun bit to do.
Speaker 5: But it was also because every city had four a's
Speaker 5: and circles over letters and shit that we had no
Speaker 5: idea umlats.
Speaker 1: So there were umlots came into the picture somewhere.
Speaker 4: Along I call anything.
Speaker 1: But then when we went to the meet.
Speaker 5: And greet, the people would come up and they would say,
Speaker 5: because I say, like, what's your name, and they would
Speaker 5: go like, and then I try to mimic what they
Speaker 5: said to me, and then they just go, it's it's
Speaker 5: basically Christian.
Speaker 1: And they would say just like I just said it.
Speaker 1: So they would be speaking how they normally speak, and
Speaker 1: then they.
Speaker 5: Would have to switch to English Valley Girl basically to
Speaker 5: be like it's basically Christian.
Speaker 4: Really like no accent in the American version of this
Speaker 4: latinet right for me. So embarrassing, that is, we should
Speaker 4: all be so embarrassed, not for that, but for a
Speaker 4: bunch of reasons. While you're on the plane. You know
Speaker 4: there's another school shot.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I heard there's a second and in one day.
Speaker 4: See, we're we're good at some stuff. I don't like
Speaker 4: my jokes.
Speaker 1: We had, you know, we had a joke.
Speaker 5: Our last show was at Lasgow last night and all
Speaker 5: all we said was Georgia like rolled eyes about Donald Trump,
Speaker 5: and the whole room went insane.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, and then we were just both like so embarrassing.
Speaker 1: We're just so embarrassed.
Speaker 4: I know, I uh, I guess that's all rolled my eyes.
Speaker 4: When I'm just going to Canada, that's not. But they
Speaker 4: still it's even more guilt when you go there because
Speaker 4: they have to vicariously live through us, and they follow
Speaker 4: our politics more than there. It's because they're disconnected from
Speaker 4: there as a little because it's like sort of European country.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah.
Speaker 4: And I'm always embarrassed because people in Canada know everything
Speaker 4: about America and I don't know. I mean, well, he's
Speaker 4: answer until they hired some handsome guy. I just knew
Speaker 4: they had hockey players on their five dollars bill.
Speaker 5: They love hockey. They're very polite people. They have really
Speaker 5: good kit cats. Oh my god, we got they brought
Speaker 5: us so sorry, so much like candy over there.
Speaker 1: We got to try.
Speaker 4: Altels no like there.
Speaker 5: They would bring us back and they'd be like, this
Speaker 5: is the best candy, this is my favorite. This it
Speaker 5: was nuts. I mean, like it was so fun. But
Speaker 5: I would only like when we go back to the hotel,
Speaker 5: Min'd be like, just picked one. You can't have a
Speaker 5: whole pile of candy in your room.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, of course, I'm yeah, the chalk, I'm I
Speaker 4: had a roommate back when it was snowboarding that just
Speaker 4: ate candy all day and he was just an in
Speaker 4: shape you know. I'm sure he doesn't eat candy all
Speaker 4: the time now, but I've never seen someone just eat
Speaker 4: chocolate every day. But it was all European and it
Speaker 4: was the best. Yeah. I'm not even like a sweet
Speaker 4: tooth person, but once I had a taste of that something.
Speaker 4: I can't remember any of Cadberry. Oh, just the cream egg.
Speaker 4: I love how it's liquid liquid sugar with no discernible
Speaker 4: flavor that looks like an egg. Oh the Cadbury cream
Speaker 4: egg can go straight to hell Boy, go.
Speaker 1: Straight to Ron Pearl Maza. That's where it belongs.
Speaker 4: I guess I did. I meant to go straight to
Speaker 4: hallboy like a clash song. Oh okay, sorry, I do
Speaker 4: want to hear more European stories.
Speaker 1: Okay, So we then from Oslo we went to Stockholm.
Speaker 1: Same deal. Amazing show made popular by the syndrome.
Speaker 5: Exactly, And that was the story I was gonna do,
Speaker 5: really because that's from a bank robbery.
Speaker 1: But it wasn't that interesting like it. It basically is
Speaker 1: the story you've already heard, which is these guys robbed
Speaker 1: a bank, they got caught, and then all the people
Speaker 1: that were in the bank were like, don't be mean
Speaker 1: to these guys.
Speaker 4: They're just you know, class, sure, sure, whatever.
Speaker 1: I didn't really read the story that thoroughly. Please look
Speaker 1: it up if you're.
Speaker 5: Interested in the Stockholm syndrome because of what I just
Speaker 5: told you isn't the truth.
Speaker 4: They're just working class and they all were drinking paps together.
Speaker 4: I think, oh, ship, well, there's an interesting but that
Speaker 4: was his name, Jervis Edwin, his brother who reads.
Speaker 1: His uptight brother that works at the bank.
Speaker 4: There's a documentary or no, it's a it's non documentary.
Speaker 4: It's a it's a but it's very very based on oh,
Speaker 4: what's her name? Madeline? Right? No, con madelon conk.
Speaker 1: I really like she's the greatest. She's the greatest, but
Speaker 1: the most beautiful singing boy, he's just the best, just
Speaker 1: the funniest.
Speaker 4: She's gone now. She died, She.
Speaker 1: Died, she died.
Speaker 4: Eleven hundred's this pub was made No, they she was
Speaker 4: a staunch atheist that helped to get Prayer out of school.
Speaker 1: Yep, Madeline, and then she disappeared.
Speaker 4: Yes, and there's a movie about it, and I watched
Speaker 4: it and I should remember her name. But they kidnapped her,
Speaker 4: and at first you thought it was going to be
Speaker 4: a Stockholm syndrome because they're like playing cards and everyone's
Speaker 4: being cool, and then it just goes to hack.
Speaker 1: Madeleine, Margaret O'Toole or something like that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it is three names. Madeline, Concia, Madelene, James almost almost.
Speaker 5: Almost right, James, Madeleine, Edwin neckbo.
Speaker 4: I hope that you like. I went inland just to
Speaker 4: take you past Plia del Rey and then we're finally
Speaker 4: getting back on the freeway required to go to where
Speaker 4: you live.
Speaker 5: I think you wanted to remind me of home and
Speaker 5: what this is really all about.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I appreciate it.
Speaker 4: Of course, I'm here to get you back, reacclimate you. You've
Speaker 4: been gone a very long time, I really have.
Speaker 5: And what I was telling Georgia is I get so
Speaker 5: depressed when I call an uber from LAX.
Speaker 1: That's what I always do, and it takes standards.
Speaker 4: It takes an hour. Now it's not working anymore.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it takes forever.
Speaker 5: But there's something about going on a really long trip
Speaker 5: and then getting.
Speaker 1: Into a stranger's car right is so heartbreaking to me.
Speaker 4: I don't know why. Yeah, it really.
Speaker 1: Tricked you into picking me up twice.
Speaker 4: I'm so used to it because I've never I mean,
Speaker 4: sometimes my roommate picks me up, but there isn't like
Speaker 4: a hot Coco Christmas feel about it. I kind of
Speaker 4: miss getting in the super shuttles, yeah, because it's like,
Speaker 4: I don't know, but then you gotta stop super shuttles.
Speaker 5: Yeah, bumm me out, because I was always going in
Speaker 5: one to the airport and I would always be really
Speaker 5: hungover to the point where I wanted to throw up,
Speaker 5: and they would stop and pick up every asshole.
Speaker 4: In Los Angeles.
Speaker 5: There one time in the super shuttle we waited outside
Speaker 5: that big tall apartment building that's on Rossmore.
Speaker 1: You know when Vine turns into.
Speaker 4: Rosso Yes, I do know that building.
Speaker 5: And it's all old fashioned. This girl rolled out like
Speaker 5: fifteen or twenty minutes after.
Speaker 4: The super shuttle pulled out.
Speaker 1: Oh no for her and everyone the super Shuttle was
Speaker 1: so pissed.
Speaker 4: Of course you would. Did anyone say anything? I remember
Speaker 4: there being fights on it, like if you delayed, people
Speaker 4: would get vocal, and then you're in a bus of
Speaker 4: yelling people. Yeah. I mean you might as well be
Speaker 4: on some hillside road with a bunch of chickens in it.
Speaker 1: There's nothing.
Speaker 5: Super shuttle is like punishment for poor people who want
Speaker 5: to travel.
Speaker 4: It really is horrible. That's why you.
Speaker 1: Have to drive people to the airport. It's just like,
Speaker 1: just do that one thing because it's so awful.
Speaker 4: People always ask me why I live where I live,
Speaker 4: But I'm ten minutes from lax Man. It's pretty great.
Speaker 4: That's nice, Like you could have told me I'm walking
Speaker 4: out to the curb now. I could have left then
Speaker 4: and probably should have, and you would have waited less
Speaker 4: than me fumbling around. Not it's it's pretty great to
Speaker 4: be that close. But everything for every other reason it's
Speaker 4: ridiculous that I live.
Speaker 1: It's just a different town.
Speaker 4: It's so far away. It is okay.
Speaker 5: So then we did Stockholm and then we went to
Speaker 5: London and then London to Amsterdam.
Speaker 4: What did you do in London? Did were you able
Speaker 4: to hang out in London? That's a new city.
Speaker 5: That's the fastest we were anywhere. We were there for
Speaker 5: We flew in, we did the show. The next morning,
Speaker 5: we took the train to Manchester, which.
Speaker 4: Was I love it there the bill, it's really cool.
Speaker 4: I love those I love Manchester.
Speaker 5: I mean again, we didn't get to see anything, but
Speaker 5: our hotel was right across the street from the Hacienda,
Speaker 5: that club that Tony Wilson ran, that's from twenty four.
Speaker 4: Our party people, Oh wow, yeah, sure sure all that
Speaker 4: I joined the vision, Yeah exactly.
Speaker 5: That's basically where Vince's like, oh those are apartments now,
Speaker 5: but that used to be the Hacienda. And then we
Speaker 5: all just kind of looked at it and that's oh cool.
Speaker 5: And then we saw the train, which was cool. I
Speaker 5: mean the I keep saying train tracks, the trestle that
Speaker 5: was like the brick.
Speaker 1: Train riser.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, it looks really really old. Wow. Cool because
Speaker 4: it's probably from eleven hundred.
Speaker 1: Probably from around eleven to eleven fifty.
Speaker 4: God, that's so great. I loved it there and people
Speaker 4: are so I just like European people.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's well, there's I find like before I went
Speaker 5: on this trip, I think I was really nervous to
Speaker 5: be doing that much traveling, and I have that like
Speaker 5: pre anxiety of like something's gonna happen or there's just
Speaker 5: gonna be delays, like we're gonna get stuck in the airport,
Speaker 5: we're gonna get stuck here.
Speaker 1: We're gonna get stuck there. Yeah, it was super easy, breezy.
Speaker 1: It wasn't like that like it was.
Speaker 4: It was good.
Speaker 5: The only thing is just I'm always five minutes late,
Speaker 5: so minimum, and so when people are sitting out side
Speaker 5: and Georgia Invins are both like early people.
Speaker 1: Sure, it's not the best combination. So it just trying
Speaker 1: to like not be late was a humongous.
Speaker 4: Challenge because you know you're going to be the only
Speaker 4: one that's late every single time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, they're well, Vince is the tour manager, so
Speaker 1: he has to be on time.
Speaker 4: Oh he is. I didn't know that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's our tour manager.
Speaker 5: Oh cool, that's that's kind of what he did out
Speaker 5: of college, you like, for bands and stuff. Oh, I
Speaker 5: didn't know that, and it's what he went to college for,
Speaker 5: which I think is fascinating.
Speaker 4: Well, that's funny because I just assumed. I don't know,
Speaker 4: I sent him that message. Do you know when they
Speaker 4: get back? But I didn't know that he was always
Speaker 4: on tour? Yeah, who else?
Speaker 5: So it's just the three two, the three of us,
Speaker 5: which also isn't can make it if we try. It
Speaker 5: can be like that also can be depressing when you
Speaker 5: just are like you're on tour, but you also feel
Speaker 5: like a third wheel, right, But I mean totally they
Speaker 5: both are not like that, and it's not like that's
Speaker 5: just making out in front of you.
Speaker 4: It's always yeah, it's just more.
Speaker 1: That we should have one more person, Yeah, just for
Speaker 1: like even the balance of Yeah I did.
Speaker 4: I mean that Paul Ryan's stuff was my manager and
Speaker 4: the Andy Mane the moderator, and that I was like, boy,
Speaker 4: it would be great if a fourth person, but then
Speaker 4: I would have lost even more money.
Speaker 1: Exactly. It's so expensive.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: People are always like you should take Stephen on tour,
Speaker 5: and it's like, see there's already people there recording the podcast,
Speaker 5: right right, we are not made of money like to
Speaker 5: just pay for like at the hotel we stay in,
Speaker 5: Like we take good flights and these stay in nice
Speaker 5: hotels because that's what we want to spend our money on.
Speaker 5: It's like, we're not going to travel and then go
Speaker 5: to like a shitty hotel to save fifty dollars, right right,
Speaker 5: thought that shit, I'm not I'm middle aged, like I'm
Speaker 5: going to stay. We stayed in this hotel in Stockholm
Speaker 5: called the Grand Hotel, and it was right on a canal,
Speaker 5: I guess or right on the water.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, it was across from the Royal Palace really.
Speaker 1: So it was just like I opened my window. I
Speaker 1: felt like a princess that just opened my window.
Speaker 5: It was gorgeous and so I kind of didn't feel
Speaker 5: bad that I wasn't a tourist in Stockholm only because
Speaker 5: totally it was gorgeous.
Speaker 4: Yeah. I stayed in beautiful hotel like in Chicago and stuff,
Speaker 4: but then in a youth No, in Chicago, he stayed
Speaker 4: in a youth hostel. Man they are It was so
Speaker 4: nice from the outside. I think it used to be
Speaker 4: a haunted boarding school. Haunted now used to be a
Speaker 4: boarding school, but now the only ghost was just so
Speaker 4: many balls. Just the smell. It just smelled like socks
Speaker 4: and balls.
Speaker 5: We stated a youth hostel when like in the year
Speaker 5: two thousand when me and Mary Lynn went to Ireland.
Speaker 4: And it was with girls guitar girl's guitar class.
Speaker 5: We just went there for vacation. We just like we
Speaker 5: were like, oh, this will be fun, my sister. It
Speaker 5: was my sister's idea, and then we kind of split
Speaker 5: off and went just drove around. But it was during
Speaker 5: a festival, so we were in a room with bunk
Speaker 5: beds with like eight other girls. And these two girls
Speaker 5: came in at like three in the morning and started.
Speaker 4: Fighting and I was like, like fight, fist fighting, No, no,
Speaker 4: like girl fighting.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, yeah, like because they were drunk and mad
Speaker 5: and something happened at a bar and I was like,
Speaker 5: you've got to be kidding me, Like it's truly.
Speaker 1: The middle of the night and you don't give a shit.
Speaker 4: Oh wow.
Speaker 5: And then I went the next morning, got up, took
Speaker 5: a shower and then as I turned the water off,
Speaker 5: realized I don't have a towel, and of.
Speaker 1: Course they don't provide towels.
Speaker 4: No, of course they didn't. I swear I made the
Speaker 4: exact same mistake.
Speaker 1: I never, I didn't know.
Speaker 4: And the bathrooms down.
Speaker 1: The hall, yeah, I cut myself off with a towel.
Speaker 1: I then had to put on.
Speaker 4: Nasty so never.
Speaker 1: I mean, I can't go back.
Speaker 4: No, no, you can't. They're still talking about you. You
Speaker 4: can't go back there. Remember that lady left a towel.
Speaker 4: I didn't have a towel, left her towels at home.
Speaker 1: That idiot, it doesn't know the towel rule.
Speaker 4: You're supposed to travel with towels. That's the one reason
Speaker 4: I'm happy to leave this city is that I get
Speaker 4: to go use brand new towels somewhere. Of Course, I
Speaker 4: wouldn't bring my shitty old towels. They're not they aren't
Speaker 4: that they're somewhere less than a couple of years old,
Speaker 4: A couple most of them are pretty old. Get you
Speaker 4: some new towels, Okay, right here, we'll do. Yeah, I
Speaker 4: do need to. I got to get my life together.
Speaker 4: It's that what you're saying.
Speaker 1: Well, no, you know, I'm just making a couple of suggestions.
Speaker 1: There was a towel warmer. Have you ever seen those.
Speaker 1: They're like towel racks that are hot so that when
Speaker 1: you get out of shower that you pick up the towel.
Speaker 4: It's warmth.
Speaker 1: Oh my lord, that's because we were just in Glasgow.
Speaker 5: So wait, London, Manchester, Amsterdam, day Off and then Glasgow
Speaker 5: and then here, God, that sounds great.
Speaker 1: Glasgow had a tewlelwarmer and then a blow dryer. Couldn't find.
Speaker 4: And didn't you do? And I did see one, but
Speaker 4: it was a while ago that you did on Apollo.
Speaker 1: And yes that was the Hammersmith Apollo was the London show?
Speaker 4: Is it related to the Apollo that we know in Lost?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 1: No, okay, just entitle alone.
Speaker 4: You know what, Sometimes I ask questions because I know
Speaker 4: they're down.
Speaker 1: Those are the best kind of questions, the ones that
Speaker 1: make me feel smarter than you.
Speaker 4: Right right, Well, I know that I'm setting you up
Speaker 4: to be in a superior position.
Speaker 1: The hammer.
Speaker 5: The London show was hard because I didn't sleep in
Speaker 5: Stockholm the night before. I just couldn't go to sleep,
Speaker 5: and so when I got on stage, I was doing
Speaker 5: Jack the Ripper in.
Speaker 1: London was my murder?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yes.
Speaker 5: The second I started, I was like this is the
Speaker 5: worst idea you've ever had, because everyone in this audience
Speaker 5: loves true crime and is probably a ripperologist of some kind.
Speaker 5: Oh right, and they all know, like every mistake you're
Speaker 5: going to make, you're about to make, they're going to know.
Speaker 5: And I was I immediately started flop sweating. It was like,
Speaker 5: that's one of the war shows I've ever had.
Speaker 4: What's theologist againists? Or what people? Oh right right? Robe?
Speaker 4: Oh wow, yeah it has yeah it does.
Speaker 1: But then here's the cool thing. In the meet and greet.
Speaker 4: A girl came back.
Speaker 1: One woman came back and said, you did great, because
Speaker 1: there was a bunch of ripperologists sitting around us, and
Speaker 1: the only thing they didn't like was there was one
Speaker 1: author at the end. There are people who.
Speaker 5: Give theories of who Jack Ruber could have been, and
Speaker 5: this American author, Patricia Cromwell or Cornwall or something.
Speaker 1: She tried to say it wasn't this one guy.
Speaker 5: And she basically came out like I have the answer,
Speaker 5: and she got a TV show and all the stuff,
Speaker 5: and it was a complete bullshit, and all the ripprologist
Speaker 5: knew it. So when I first started talking about her,
Speaker 5: they all thought I was saying she had it right,
Speaker 5: and they were freaking out.
Speaker 1: But then I basically was like, but it was all bullshit,
Speaker 1: and then they.
Speaker 4: Were oh, oh right right. Oh. I love those moments.
Speaker 5: It was that intense, as like being a comic con
Speaker 5: and being like, Okay, everybody, I'm gonna tell you a
Speaker 5: little bit about a movie.
Speaker 4: Called Star Wars. Yeah, no, the best Star Trek episode.
Speaker 1: Yeah, trouble would triples. So yeah, that was scary and uh.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that would be intimidating because now your fans are
Speaker 4: like there, some of them are full on study this stuff,
Speaker 4: like and there they might know if you're in that
Speaker 4: town and you're doing you're usually doing local stories, right, Yes,
Speaker 4: there's gonna be I would always be worried about that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's very worrisome, and I think I just
Speaker 1: haven't thought about it that much. It's just that these
Speaker 1: shows are getting kind of big, and I think I'm
Speaker 1: just starting to realize the exposure level, which I was
Speaker 1: kind of happily ignorant about before. So it's that and
Speaker 1: then uh and then on top of it, yeah, it's like,
Speaker 1: well there, I think there are people.
Speaker 5: What I'm starting to get This is the part where
Speaker 5: I just lose my mind and just start babbling incoherently.
Speaker 4: You are it right now in your brain. It is
Speaker 4: five in the morning and you are supposed to be
Speaker 4: waking up. That's right. And did you sleep on the plane?
Speaker 1: I slept maybe two hours on the plane.
Speaker 4: You can do you need to scream? Do you do?
Speaker 4: You need to? No?
Speaker 1: I don't know. Here's the thing. I slept so badly
Speaker 1: on this trip. I would do that because this is
Speaker 1: the hard part. We do the show. We get home
Speaker 1: from a show at midnight, yeah, or twelve thirty. Sure,
Speaker 1: and yet I can't sleep till two am because you're
Speaker 1: so key.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's me always, right, So then like two.
Speaker 5: Three am is if I'm going to go to sleep.
Speaker 5: That's when I go to sleep. But usually I'll just
Speaker 5: start watching TV. And just kind of liked, that's the
Speaker 5: same as me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's hard, it's it's the And then after a
Speaker 1: while the attrition of that is just like, and now
Speaker 1: I'm at that point where I'm I don't I think
Speaker 1: I might not be tired because this is my normal
Speaker 1: sleep pattern of still being awake at five am.
Speaker 4: Wow. But anyway, wait, I was going to you said
Speaker 4: this was the trip where you kind of realized, oh,
Speaker 4: the reach that you guys have, that reach.
Speaker 5: But then also, the people who really care about the
Speaker 5: details of true crime don't listen to our show because
Speaker 5: our show is like a it's it's comedy and it's
Speaker 5: light and we're not about this is exactly this, this, this,
Speaker 5: and like giving every detail and so those people, like
Speaker 5: I think I came to realize after meeting so many people, Oh, yeah,
Speaker 5: we don't have to worry about that. That's the thing
Speaker 5: I was really worried about for a long time. It's like,
Speaker 5: those aren't the people in our audience. The people in
Speaker 5: our audience are there for like the fun times aspect.
Speaker 4: That right, and I can't help But because it's it's
Speaker 4: just the thing I did. That's I was worried about
Speaker 4: being political enough or being savvy enough as this for passol. Yeah,
Speaker 4: but then I realized, no, people know they're going to
Speaker 4: a comedy show. I'm going to rely on the improv
Speaker 4: funny part and fitting my jokes in there. That's then
Speaker 4: I started to have fun with it, and I realized
Speaker 4: no one was there to judge me. In the capitol
Speaker 4: of Wisconsin. Maybe a couple people, maybe a couple guys
Speaker 4: and suspenders came and I'm like, ah, they're going to
Speaker 4: be fact checking, but yeah, it's so much better once
Speaker 4: you just remember you're a comedian. Yeah, and people want
Speaker 4: to laugh.
Speaker 1: They want to laugh.
Speaker 5: And also, I always I didn't learn this till way
Speaker 5: too late in my stand up comedy career. People want
Speaker 5: to watch you be brave and execute a thing they
Speaker 5: could never do. So even if you don't do it great,
Speaker 5: they're still happy you're doing it at all.
Speaker 4: That's what the whole time during the Paul Ryan, I'm like,
Speaker 4: this isn't great, but it's happening, Yes.
Speaker 5: Exactly, And and it gets better because you're a comic.
Speaker 5: So that means every show is the next show is
Speaker 5: going to be twice as good as the last show,
Speaker 5: simply by the fact that that's what we do for
Speaker 5: like for survival is like whatever happened the first night
Speaker 5: will get fixed and improved on the second night.
Speaker 4: Times ten, right, right, unless you take a break for
Speaker 4: a couple of weeks and then do a show in
Speaker 4: LA to forty people, where'd you go at the Dynasty Typewriter?
Speaker 1: Forty people is a huge crowd for LA.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it really is. Oh, and someone named Corey came
Speaker 4: she's the best. She was at the show somewhere in Wisconsin,
Speaker 4: I believe, or the Chicago one, and then flew here
Speaker 4: and saw this Corey. Yeah, she's the best. Hey, awesome, Cory,
Speaker 4: that's okay.
Speaker 1: Lots of I would say, ten different people told me
Speaker 1: they love do you need a ride?
Speaker 4: Oh cool on this trip? Yeah, I that's great. Yeah,
Speaker 4: they're they're all they're caught up on your podcast and
Speaker 4: now they're getting caught up on ours and it's really neat.
Speaker 4: I like it, and they they I trust me. I've
Speaker 4: noticed them too. I love it.
Speaker 5: It's it's uh, it's so good that we came up
Speaker 5: with this podcast idea and then just really hung in
Speaker 5: there in those lean times. There's like maybe the one
Speaker 5: time where we were going to do it and then
Speaker 5: I was just like, yeah, can we not do it?
Speaker 5: And You're like, yeah, but can't we do it?
Speaker 4: And then I was like, okay, I remember that, and
Speaker 4: you were like okay, thank you. Yes, I don't really
Speaker 4: ever read, but no, that's how I feel too. It
Speaker 4: has everything to do with it's kind of scary to
Speaker 4: be driving, but I've gotten used to it, and this
Speaker 4: is fine. Oh yeah, I've done enough sit down podcasts
Speaker 4: in a building now to realize I'm not any better
Speaker 4: at it when I'm not driving. That's what I suddenly realized.
Speaker 4: I just laid a real stinker at the comedy store
Speaker 4: in the basement on this and I had free range
Speaker 4: to be as quick and smart as I and I was.
Speaker 4: I was. I was like, I might as well have
Speaker 4: been operating a back home, you know. Yes, Oh, I
Speaker 4: got him speaking a back home.
Speaker 1: He's better take me to Los Angeles and not Ventura.
Speaker 4: No, we're going to the Venture Harvor Comedy Club.
Speaker 1: Please don't make me do comedy right now.
Speaker 4: Oh oh god, I have the worst Did I ever
Speaker 4: tell you about the New Year's Eve? Jimmy Pardo and
Speaker 4: I worked there at the Ventura. I mean, it's a
Speaker 4: giant subject change, but no, it was just it was
Speaker 4: just everyone was kind of methy. Everyone's legs were shaking
Speaker 4: as they were sitting. And this guy up front had
Speaker 4: a curly mustache and a bald head like the boxer
Speaker 4: in Indiana Jones that gets by the Propeller. He looked
Speaker 4: like him and was big, and his wife just looked
Speaker 4: like like real feisty and leathery, and they were in.
Speaker 1: A complete euphemism way of she was horrifying, looked.
Speaker 4: Like a hag. She was very hag. They were both
Speaker 4: There were a couple hags that meant they were meant
Speaker 4: for each other, but they maybe had to fight that
Speaker 4: night and then decided, hey, look we have these free
Speaker 4: comedy club tickets. Let's work it out there. Yes, they
Speaker 4: were not, and they kept going out to smoke long
Speaker 4: menthol misty slims, and then they talked during my set
Speaker 4: a little bit, but I just didn't pay attention to
Speaker 4: them because I was scared of them. And then during
Speaker 4: Jimmy said, like ten minutes before he's supposed to ring
Speaker 4: in the New Year, he starts yelling into his phone,
Speaker 4: just watching some short asshole, like all of a sudden
Speaker 4: was made the show about him. Oh the guy did yeah,
Speaker 4: the guy up front? No, no, no no. Jimmy was like,
Speaker 4: can we have someone take care of this guy? Like
Speaker 4: it was bizarre. And then these two dudes from the
Speaker 4: audience and one had like a tap out Holo shirt
Speaker 4: like they were like little uh not Greco Roman like
Speaker 4: Brazilian jiu jitsu type dudes, okay, and they forced the
Speaker 4: guy out. They just asked him to leave, and he
Speaker 4: like pushed one of them, and then the ladies, the
Speaker 4: wife punched one of these kids and he pushed her
Speaker 4: and they landed into a giant Christmas tree, and the
Speaker 4: Christmas tree fell and landed on these people, and who
Speaker 4: were already unhappy, and half the crowd didn't get their
Speaker 4: food that they they bought, like a fifty dollars deal
Speaker 4: where no, and so half of them didn't get their fish.
Speaker 4: And then that restaurant closed, and so they were pissed
Speaker 4: off with their arms crossed, and then the tree lands
Speaker 4: on their faces, and then these and then the guy
Speaker 4: starts punching these kids, and then they choked him out
Speaker 4: and he falls and he hits his head on the
Speaker 4: edge of the stage, and blood starts shooting up towards Jimmy,
Speaker 4: who like dives out of the way. I'm not making
Speaker 4: any of this up, blood, I promised. It was all
Speaker 4: a Rube Goldberg machine of horrid violence. And they just
Speaker 4: were fought and fought until they went outside, and then
Speaker 4: these guys just beat this man up and then Jimmy
Speaker 4: had to be like, hey, count down to midnight here,
Speaker 4: and people were crying but he did a great job
Speaker 4: with it. He was he really he was amazing. How
Speaker 4: he like Clints the pellet. It was hilarious. And I
Speaker 4: will never go I'd like blame venture. I just have
Speaker 4: never gone back. That was a long story.
Speaker 1: You've also done some traveling in your life.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah, you don't have to go to Europe
Speaker 4: to experience find cuisine and tease.
Speaker 1: I know what tea tastes like.
Speaker 4: You just go down to the harbor.
Speaker 1: Wait is it nine twenty one?
Speaker 4: For real?
Speaker 1: It is? I think it took us forever to get
Speaker 1: out of that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm used to it. I'm sorry sometimes when I
Speaker 4: usually when I land, my phone is dead and I
Speaker 4: just plug it in and lay by the baggage claim
Speaker 4: for an hour because no one's coming to get me.
Speaker 1: No, I'll come and get you. No, you can ask
Speaker 1: me next time.
Speaker 7: It's nice to say why am I turning to mow?
Speaker 7: From the sentence it is a yeah, oma ay, It's nice.
Speaker 4: To say why is it? I can only do voices
Speaker 4: that are already comedians doing voices.
Speaker 1: Well, because then you have a blueprint.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, you know where to go with it. One day.
Speaker 4: Being able to do most of the Smurfs. It's gonna
Speaker 4: lunch me to start them.
Speaker 5: I used to watch that show livid, like there was
Speaker 5: nothing else on, and I'd just be like, I hate
Speaker 5: the way they're all talking.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like they're talking like babies. It made me so mad.
Speaker 1: There was only one girl it was.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that was a weird situation for her, wasn't It's
Speaker 4: dangerous every day.
Speaker 1: So scary, so scary. She was under constant threat and
Speaker 1: also kind of like, oh, well then I'll do this
Speaker 1: and then I'll do that. It's like, could you please
Speaker 1: protect yourself?
Speaker 4: Yeah, at least be physic, if not mentally able to
Speaker 4: defend yourself, at least have a stick or some brass knuckles.
Speaker 1: Take those high heels off. You don't need to wear
Speaker 1: smurf high heels.
Speaker 4: Everyone else is wearing normal mushroom boots. All their all
Speaker 4: their souls are smurfy.
Speaker 5: Smurfy boots will look so cute with that dress. You
Speaker 5: don't need to wear a quarter inch heel. You're not
Speaker 5: a fucking secretary in an office.
Speaker 1: Damn it. I can't believe I'm almost in all. This
Speaker 1: is a fucking miracle.
Speaker 4: It's going to be the best for a little while.
Speaker 1: There I was like, I'm never going to.
Speaker 4: Get back home right when you open the doors, You're
Speaker 4: just gonna float hovering above your dogs like Yogi bear
Speaker 4: yes to your bed as if it was pie cooling.
Speaker 5: On a windows exactly. You know what I mean eat
Speaker 5: is pizza because first of all, because I'm going gluten
Speaker 5: free after tonight when I get my bearings. Oh yeah,
Speaker 5: jet lag ins or whatever, I'm gonna go gluten.
Speaker 4: What made you decide? Because you know I don't fuck
Speaker 4: with that.
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 4: I do sometimes, but it's terrible for inflammation for a
Speaker 4: long time. Yeah, when I had my bad arthritis and
Speaker 4: and then bad hips, you know, when I was really
Speaker 4: in my most amount of pain, that helped so much.
Speaker 5: Well, when we were in Stockholm, we had a day off,
Speaker 5: so and it was around my birthday, so Georgia I
Speaker 5: got us both Swedish massages and the lady. I walked
Speaker 5: in the room and the lady said, oh, you're booked
Speaker 5: for a whatever. It was like a ninety minute harmony massage.
Speaker 5: And she looked at me and she goes, can I
Speaker 5: I think you should switch to.
Speaker 1: Lymphatic And I was like, whatever you want to do
Speaker 1: to me, do it.
Speaker 4: And so she did, even though I'm offended, even though.
Speaker 1: Clearly you're making common about my parents.
Speaker 5: But she basically was like I said. I basically said,
Speaker 5: I stopped eating sugar and then I started again. And
Speaker 5: then it's like I crave it all the time and
Speaker 5: I might eat insat of control.
Speaker 4: Blah.
Speaker 5: She goes, start getting weekly lymphatic massages, cut out gluten.
Speaker 5: She goes, your system is panicking, and she's like, and
Speaker 5: then you can just calm your system down, get the
Speaker 5: inflammation down.
Speaker 1: She's like, then then the way it'll come back off.
Speaker 4: I love it when people know shit.
Speaker 1: Especially a Swedish massage therapist. Yeah, they fucking know.
Speaker 5: And she started giving me the lymphatic massage, which I
Speaker 5: don't even really know what that means. But then she
Speaker 5: started going, oh, your system is really responding, and I
Speaker 5: was like, you could sell me something that costs eight.
Speaker 4: Hundred dollars yeah right now?
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I love that. I do too.
Speaker 1: So I feel like, now I have this plan.
Speaker 5: I'm going to do one last because we had this
Speaker 5: pizza last night in fucking Glasgow.
Speaker 1: Which was the best.
Speaker 5: I love Glasigow as a city, and the people were
Speaker 5: fucking great and so nice.
Speaker 1: And hilarious. But we went to a bar after the
Speaker 1: show because we didn't eat. We don't eat beforehand, and
Speaker 1: then there's nowhere to go after of course, so we
Speaker 1: end up at a bar.
Speaker 5: The pizza they served it was like remember those pizzas
Speaker 5: you made yourself that came that tomato sauce was in
Speaker 5: a can and it was like after school kind of
Speaker 5: pizza and you.
Speaker 4: Make the dough and yes, I do, I know my own.
Speaker 4: My ex stepmom used to make pizzas. They were great,
Speaker 4: but they did seem like a school project.
Speaker 1: Yes for your mouth, and there's there's a kind of
Speaker 1: a glue element to them.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like making a tasty volcano.
Speaker 5: But these were like if that was terrible tasting, right,
Speaker 5: So we were all like, oh, pizza, and we're like, oh,
Speaker 5: that'll get the job done.
Speaker 1: And we all really wanted pizza because we hadn't been
Speaker 1: anywhere that had it in quite some time.
Speaker 4: And it was the oh wow, it's hard to fuck
Speaker 4: up pizza. It seems like, well it was. It was
Speaker 4: a bar.
Speaker 1: I will I will give them that.
Speaker 4: So now you want pizza revenge exactly.
Speaker 1: I want some some good kind of pizza revenge.
Speaker 4: When we were rears in the dynasty. We I've been
Speaker 4: to this restaurant Maza. Yes, it's like fancy Italian Michelle
Speaker 4: Balloon and I there it was like, I'm like, oh
Speaker 4: my god, this salad, everything was so good.
Speaker 1: The one on Highland Moza with the Mossa in Silver Lake.
Speaker 4: Oh boy, I wish I knew which was it? Was
Speaker 4: it like fancy or was it like there were me
Speaker 4: I think they have a fancy and then they have
Speaker 4: a pizza place. Ok, okay, yeah this but this was
Speaker 4: a fucking deep dish like Chicago, like it was fucking Mariner.
Speaker 4: It was soup inside of it. I did not care
Speaker 4: for it. It was the cheese under the crust, and
Speaker 4: then on top of that it was like chunk. He
Speaker 4: asked tomato.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, I want the tomatoes.
Speaker 4: No. It was I hard to eat. A hell of
Speaker 4: a mess, mostly bread. I'm gonna say. The only redeemable
Speaker 4: quality was its temperature.
Speaker 1: And it's shape. It was circular.
Speaker 4: I enjoyed that it was a familiar circle, but was
Speaker 4: it was in my mouth? It was a familiar feeling
Speaker 4: of fury. Allow you sharp prudential rock planted by passive,
Speaker 4: aggressive neighbor Larry.
Speaker 1: Oh, I saw a thing that's similarly. No, it's Chuck.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna call hi, Larry.
Speaker 1: You got Larry because I don't pronounce you Chuck and Larry.
Speaker 4: Can you see that shadow on his Yes, it looks
Speaker 4: like an elbow, like he's got his elbow on his
Speaker 4: hip and he's mad that.
Speaker 5: We're like, yes, but but also a month from a
Speaker 5: monster fairy tale. I saw a thing so told my
Speaker 5: dad when my dad came down to visit me one
Speaker 5: time that he he checked the windshields in airplanes like
Speaker 5: that for cracks, that that was his job, as it
Speaker 5: was like, uh, like a quality check sure before.
Speaker 1: Airplanes went out.
Speaker 4: I'd want to know about that.
Speaker 1: And then I just read a thing that the most
Speaker 1: common jobs for serial killers is in aeronautical engineering, and
Speaker 1: then like some other kind of why, and then I
Speaker 1: was like, that's what Chuck did.
Speaker 4: I would you would think it would be janitor. I
Speaker 4: don't know why, just because you can get into buildings
Speaker 4: and get in and out of doors, hide and broom closets.
Speaker 5: You'd think, look at my little doggies have been waiting
Speaker 5: longer than they've ever waited for me.
Speaker 1: That's so sad.
Speaker 4: All right, we have to say I can draw again. Well,
Speaker 4: oh yes, look I mean look at my broken name.
Speaker 4: Christ I know that is where the bones are, so
Speaker 4: I can't you know, I'm I have to rest like
Speaker 4: that exactly. So I it's so dumb. It's the biggest
Speaker 4: mistake I've ever made. I broke my fifth metacarpol and
Speaker 4: it looks It's been a month and a half and
Speaker 4: it still looks and feels, yeah, like it was yesterday.
Speaker 4: I got to go to a doctor again. All right,
Speaker 4: all right, I'm happy to see you.
Speaker 1: I'm happy to thank you so much for driving.
Speaker 4: Of course that meant the world you've been listening. Did
Speaker 4: you unite it? Do unite a rod? Do you need
Speaker 4: a right d Ryan?
Speaker 1: Are you leave then?
Speaker 4: I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 1: Either way we want to be there.
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us
Speaker 2: time and they turning on engage.
Speaker 3: We want to send you off instar. We want to
Speaker 3: welcome you back home.
Speaker 2: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared her? Was it fine? Melbourne? Do you need
Speaker 1: to ride?
Speaker 7: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need.
Speaker 4: With Karen and chriss H