WEBVTT - Not Afraid of Anything w/ Leah Gillingwater 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:04.240 Hey everyone, It's Tor and I'm Anissa and this is 0:00:04.440 --> 0:00:08.360 MTV's official Challenge podcast. This week on the podcast, we 0:00:08.440 --> 0:00:11.600 have Leah Gillingwater and we talked to her about the 0:00:11.680 --> 0:00:15.040 Real World Paris, competing with so many other parents and 0:00:15.160 --> 0:00:17.599 even a little bit of Brad and CTE. So let's 0:00:17.640 --> 0:00:38.199 get into it. Whoaed him? Bring you Halloween edition? She 0:00:38.360 --> 0:00:42.120 was on Real World Paris, The Inferno and All Stars 0:00:42.159 --> 0:00:48.600 to please welcome Leah Gillingwater. Yeah, as requested in a 0:00:48.640 --> 0:00:51.360 British accent and Lisa, that was well done. Leah, How 0:00:51.880 --> 0:00:55.600 how are you? How have you been since the filming 0:00:55.600 --> 0:00:59.880 of All Stars Too? I have been, I have been 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:06.720 the best. I have an incredible son, my career has 0:01:06.840 --> 0:01:10.360 shifted recently in such an incredible way, and I left 0:01:10.440 --> 0:01:15.080 with such dope people. So All Starts Too was probably 0:01:15.120 --> 0:01:16.880 one of the best things that ever happened to me. 0:01:17.600 --> 0:01:21.320 I love this, you know it really it really truly was. 0:01:21.880 --> 0:01:26.480 Honestly it was like my takeaways like, yes, I did 0:01:26.520 --> 0:01:30.440 not get the money, I get that part, but I 0:01:30.680 --> 0:01:35.400 left I scored so much there You've no idea, Oh 0:01:35.560 --> 0:01:39.000 tell us, let go that in my heart. What specifically 0:01:39.000 --> 0:01:41.440 do you feel like you benefit it. In what way 0:01:41.480 --> 0:01:48.000 did you benefit? Um, well, I got to be face 0:01:48.160 --> 0:01:53.320 to face with how uncomfortable I am around people, because 0:01:54.320 --> 0:01:56.960 I was like, and it's weird because I'm a producer, 0:01:57.880 --> 0:02:02.400 so I'm usually on the other side of things. So 0:02:03.320 --> 0:02:06.760 my vibe on that show was kind of like late, 0:02:06.920 --> 0:02:09.520 like you need to stand down and let them do 0:02:09.600 --> 0:02:12.040 their job. But in my little brain, I'm like, oh, 0:02:12.080 --> 0:02:14.440 you'd definitely be doing this better. You shouldn't be doing that, 0:02:14.639 --> 0:02:18.760 Like oh, it's you know, but I minded my manners 0:02:19.400 --> 0:02:22.400 from you know, a production standpoint, but it was it 0:02:22.440 --> 0:02:24.840 was just it was really weird to be on that side. 0:02:24.840 --> 0:02:26.520 And the cameras don't phase me, like you can put 0:02:26.560 --> 0:02:28.840 in my face it doesn't. But I was very awkward. 0:02:28.880 --> 0:02:32.720 And when I left the show, being on it for 0:02:33.560 --> 0:02:39.880 thirty to forty minutes, maybe at best, I left with 0:02:40.639 --> 0:02:43.840 solid people that I loved. And when I talked to 0:02:43.960 --> 0:02:46.320 Ryan I can't remember Ryan and I cannot remember how 0:02:46.320 --> 0:02:48.840 we got on the phone, but he was like, I 0:02:48.880 --> 0:02:51.959 didn't realize you were so awkward, quirky and cool, and 0:02:52.080 --> 0:02:55.880 I was like, what, yeah, And I am all of 0:02:55.919 --> 0:03:02.000 those things. Yes, Oh night, you're talking about Ryan Keo Rank. Yeah, 0:03:02.040 --> 0:03:05.880 they're best friends, they're soulmates. You kissed them on the mouth. 0:03:05.960 --> 0:03:07.799 I see, and I did that with my best friend too. 0:03:07.840 --> 0:03:10.200 It's the only way to show that, like we are 0:03:10.240 --> 0:03:15.880 really bonded. We do and we spoon when yeah we 0:03:16.120 --> 0:03:20.320 Yeah he's great and Lou we spent um and Jasmine 0:03:20.440 --> 0:03:24.120 as well, Yeah she's great. She's franked dope. Were you 0:03:24.240 --> 0:03:27.560 friends with Ryan before the show or these all friendships 0:03:27.560 --> 0:03:32.400 you acquire during? So out of the twenty four cast members, 0:03:32.960 --> 0:03:39.080 I only knew too. I knew Kenny or Kendall and 0:03:39.640 --> 0:03:46.560 Katie and everyone else what they were just strangers I knew. 0:03:46.800 --> 0:03:51.040 I knew Brad. So you have a crush on Brad? 0:03:51.120 --> 0:03:53.480 Is that fair to say? Because people can't see how 0:03:53.520 --> 0:03:57.520 you're like just falling apart, and talking about a crush 0:03:57.640 --> 0:04:01.600 is putting it mildly, like a slight obsession, like if 0:04:01.640 --> 0:04:05.920 you lived in the same town. Well, I don't obsess 0:04:05.960 --> 0:04:08.840 over things because I just don't. That's just not my style. 0:04:09.280 --> 0:04:12.880 But Brad, oh my god, he's in a relationship zone 0:04:13.200 --> 0:04:17.560 and I respect. Yeah, Brad's a gem, he's a good 0:04:17.680 --> 0:04:19.839 he's a good guy. He came so we all went 0:04:19.880 --> 0:04:25.000 to Chicago for New Year's. It was me, Jazz Ryan, 0:04:26.080 --> 0:04:30.440 the Lost You might know Aaron Commings because she works 0:04:30.440 --> 0:04:35.080 for Student City. She's like the lost challenger that never 0:04:35.160 --> 0:04:39.160 meet She she didn't try, but she knows all of us. Okay, 0:04:39.400 --> 0:04:43.000 So we all went to my house in Chicago for 0:04:43.040 --> 0:04:49.599 New Year's and Brad came, Oh, oh, you're so excited 0:04:49.720 --> 0:04:53.400 still So does the ghost of Brad still haunt you 0:04:53.440 --> 0:04:55.599 while you're in the house, Like you're like, oh, I 0:04:55.680 --> 0:04:59.120 remember he was standing over there three months ago drinking 0:04:59.200 --> 0:05:04.760 water his girlfriend. Because you know what, you know what 0:05:04.800 --> 0:05:09.400 it is, it's just me being apathetic. He's super cute, 0:05:09.400 --> 0:05:11.120 but you know what, and I'm sure Brad gets a 0:05:11.200 --> 0:05:13.640 kick out of it. Yeah, but he's he is darling 0:05:13.720 --> 0:05:16.520 and he is I mean, and we can go into 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:19.960 the therapy session at this point. Well, that's beautiful that 0:05:20.040 --> 0:05:23.599 you got to, you know, have to experience All Stars 0:05:23.640 --> 0:05:27.479 too with Brad. Obviously, was there anybody else specifically that 0:05:27.520 --> 0:05:29.520 you were like, Wow, I can't believe I got to 0:05:29.520 --> 0:05:34.839 connect with this person. I I genuinely liked everyone in 0:05:34.880 --> 0:05:39.600 the house. I genuinely did. Um. I didn't like Derek 0:05:39.760 --> 0:05:43.400 Kazynski at first because we had a couple of buokward moments, 0:05:43.400 --> 0:05:47.920 and there's like this whole like thing that I haven't 0:05:47.960 --> 0:05:51.039 been on television in eighteen years. When I did The Inferno, 0:05:51.880 --> 0:05:56.320 which was my last challenge, it was like Mal and 0:05:56.360 --> 0:05:59.119 I calling each other, Oh, are you doing it? Cool? 0:05:59.240 --> 0:06:02.440 Then I'll do it, Like we didn't. We didn't know 0:06:02.480 --> 0:06:06.480 what we were doing right, right, right, So it was like, okay, 0:06:06.520 --> 0:06:10.720 and there's this whole game you have to play aside 0:06:10.760 --> 0:06:14.200 from the physical part. There's this whole shit that I 0:06:14.279 --> 0:06:18.360 did not fucking know about and alliances and all of that, 0:06:18.440 --> 0:06:21.400 and I just kind of popped in and right, I 0:06:21.400 --> 0:06:28.400 mean the first like deliberation, I was like, okay, so cool, 0:06:28.440 --> 0:06:32.279 You're just this is all just a friendship, Like fuck you, Like, 0:06:32.480 --> 0:06:35.479 I did not do that badly in the first child. 0:06:35.560 --> 0:06:40.440 I didn't. I really didn't, you know. And I prepared 0:06:40.560 --> 0:06:43.200 for it like I did the ship that someone should 0:06:43.200 --> 0:06:46.159 do when going into something like this, like working out 0:06:46.400 --> 0:06:50.440 and like mentally preparing, like what what style of preparation 0:06:50.440 --> 0:06:54.839 are you specifically referring to, um, I worked the fuck 0:06:54.880 --> 0:06:58.280 out well, I have for a while, so I am 0:06:58.279 --> 0:07:01.599 physically fit to compete in this ship. But I didn't 0:07:01.600 --> 0:07:04.440 have am I allowed to cost y'all. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 0:07:04.440 --> 0:07:10.360 you're already going, let's go. Um. But yeah, I you know, 0:07:10.440 --> 0:07:13.440 I've been getting my body physically fit for quite some 0:07:13.480 --> 0:07:16.880 time for my personal self, just for me in life. 0:07:17.080 --> 0:07:21.640 And then I was like, I have to run like 0:07:21.640 --> 0:07:24.240 like a five and a half minute mile, and I've 0:07:24.840 --> 0:07:29.320 a half minute mile. I tried. I didn't do it. Oh, 0:07:29.400 --> 0:07:33.200 I think that's fucking insane, so bad, that is so fast. Goodbye. 0:07:33.280 --> 0:07:36.720 It's like a lightning, lightning bolt. But it's just a mile. 0:07:36.920 --> 0:07:40.640 It's not like a day through like the Adirondacs or 0:07:40.680 --> 0:07:45.000 whatever fucking Mount Vesuvious you can climb. It's no, it's 0:07:45.080 --> 0:07:49.920 not that. But no. Physically fit, I mean, I'm healthy 0:07:50.080 --> 0:07:54.720 and I'm with it. But I got I totally got 0:07:54.920 --> 0:07:59.640 voted in because I didn't know anyone. Yeah, politics, but 0:07:59.680 --> 0:08:03.800 I think it's easy and it's easy to vote in 0:08:03.840 --> 0:08:06.080 the person that like doesn't have that has the least 0:08:06.080 --> 0:08:09.160 amount of connections because you don't hurt as many feelings. 0:08:09.200 --> 0:08:11.800 Because when you vote in a person who's like friends 0:08:11.800 --> 0:08:13.840 with this person or friends with this person or has 0:08:13.880 --> 0:08:16.160 a big alliance that may come and get you a 0:08:16.360 --> 0:08:20.080 very different situation. It really and I was just so 0:08:20.560 --> 0:08:24.440 unaware of all of that. And when Brad got to 0:08:25.960 --> 0:08:30.760 ore for a New Year's Day to my house in Chicago, 0:08:31.120 --> 0:08:33.960 he I was giving him and his girlfriend tore the 0:08:34.000 --> 0:08:38.160 house and he was like, you know, I have to apologize, 0:08:38.200 --> 0:08:39.760 and I was like for what when he was like, 0:08:39.800 --> 0:08:42.959 I'm really sorry I voted you in, and I was like, yeah, 0:08:43.120 --> 0:08:47.080 even if, like you could have voted Casey in and 0:08:47.120 --> 0:08:49.679 it wouldn't have mattered because I had no one on 0:08:49.720 --> 0:08:52.200 my side, but it hurt my feelings because I love you. 0:08:52.280 --> 0:08:55.960 And he was like, the house decided. Yeah, but it's 0:08:56.000 --> 0:08:58.520 not personal sometimes when it's like your friends have to 0:08:58.520 --> 0:09:01.720 fall in line because that's the way it's going. Yeah, 0:09:01.760 --> 0:09:03.679 And he was like, are you mad at me? And 0:09:04.120 --> 0:09:06.760 I look at him and I'm like, I could never 0:09:06.840 --> 0:09:10.800 be mad at you back, But no, I understand the 0:09:10.840 --> 0:09:13.960 politics of it, and I would love the opportunity to 0:09:14.000 --> 0:09:16.720 go back on a challenge because I would politic the 0:09:16.760 --> 0:09:19.199 fuck out of that. Like I love that everyone God 0:09:19.280 --> 0:09:23.720 damn Christmas card. Yeah, I love that. Come back Lee's 0:09:23.760 --> 0:09:27.160 friends with every single person. Yeah, and I will send 0:09:27.360 --> 0:09:31.680 your children birthday presents whatever. Yeah, So I want to 0:09:31.679 --> 0:09:33.480 I want to take it all the way back, because 0:09:33.520 --> 0:09:36.760 I feel like your season was number one, your original sixteen, 0:09:37.600 --> 0:09:40.160 so you were two after me. Okay, I want to 0:09:40.200 --> 0:09:44.080 know what that was like, your casting story, what made 0:09:44.080 --> 0:09:46.400 you want to be on it? Uh? Did you watch 0:09:46.480 --> 0:09:51.240 a show before? So? I saw, never watched the show. 0:09:51.240 --> 0:09:56.120 I saw two episodes of Chicago. Yeah, that's that's me. Hey, 0:09:56.600 --> 0:09:58.800 she wasn't a Nissa fan. I don't know if she 0:09:58.880 --> 0:10:02.000 was a fan, but she watched I'm certainly fan now 0:10:02.360 --> 0:10:04.240 and I was by And I hope she and I 0:10:04.280 --> 0:10:07.160 can be friends. I hope Tory likes me too. He's 0:10:07.240 --> 0:10:11.520 like I watched a couple of I didn't want my 0:10:11.720 --> 0:10:15.880 college roommate, Dawn. She wanted to try out for road Rules. No, 0:10:16.080 --> 0:10:20.000 I had no clue what it was, and I got, 0:10:20.440 --> 0:10:24.000 I mean, full disclosure, I got super I hope my 0:10:24.040 --> 0:10:26.640 son can't hear me. I got super drunk. And I 0:10:26.679 --> 0:10:29.720 was in college super drunk. The night before I fell 0:10:29.720 --> 0:10:33.520 off a carb and broke my wrist and we were 0:10:33.559 --> 0:10:38.600 supposed to film her casting tape to send in, and 0:10:39.160 --> 0:10:46.080 I was I was probably still a little bit drunk, 0:10:46.400 --> 0:10:50.560 but also being killers in a cast like I was, 0:10:50.960 --> 0:10:56.040 I was the hottest mass ever and yeah. So she's 0:10:56.080 --> 0:10:57.800 like and I was like, well, you tested on me 0:10:57.840 --> 0:11:00.079 because we're using a VHS by the way, like a 0:11:00.200 --> 0:11:02.719 cam corner from them. Yeah, that's what it was. Then 0:11:03.360 --> 0:11:05.160 do you know what they are? You put your VHS 0:11:05.320 --> 0:11:10.680 VHS tape inside of it. I used to make Barbie movies. Okay, yeah, 0:11:10.720 --> 0:11:13.400 I'd like to see one of them. All right, so 0:11:13.760 --> 0:11:15.720 we I was like, you can do it on May. 0:11:15.880 --> 0:11:20.640 So Dawn, my college roommate who adore, She's like, all right, 0:11:20.679 --> 0:11:22.839 so they're going to ask a certain questions, so I'm 0:11:22.840 --> 0:11:24.480 going to ask your questions. And I was like, okay, cool. 0:11:24.720 --> 0:11:27.160 And I'm laying in bed, my hair is soaking wet, 0:11:27.280 --> 0:11:30.560 my cast is up in the air, and I at 0:11:30.600 --> 0:11:35.000 this point have taken quite a few painkillers and she's 0:11:35.000 --> 0:11:37.600 asking me questions and I was like, I have really 0:11:37.600 --> 0:11:41.719 good hair. I'm currently sleeping with my hairdresser who did 0:11:41.720 --> 0:11:45.760 not do my hair today. And then we did her 0:11:45.840 --> 0:11:48.520 video and that's what was sent in. So you didn't 0:11:48.600 --> 0:11:51.839 send in your video or your video was on her video. 0:11:52.480 --> 0:11:58.680 Dawn sent in both of videos. Oh my gosh, you 0:11:58.800 --> 0:12:01.240 got on it and she didn't. She was fucking livid. 0:12:02.559 --> 0:12:05.920 She's such a dope ass chick. She was like hell yeah. 0:12:06.040 --> 0:12:09.680 So I got a call and we're all like spooning 0:12:09.720 --> 0:12:14.560 in bed because I obviously had the best bedroom and 0:12:15.040 --> 0:12:17.720 she we get a call from and and he said, 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:19.679 do you know do you remember I can't remember his 0:12:19.760 --> 0:12:22.640 last name. He's tracing Bacy. Yep. He called and he 0:12:22.720 --> 0:12:24.760 was like, it's trade. Do you want to be on 0:12:24.760 --> 0:12:27.320 the real world? And I was like the what. He 0:12:27.440 --> 0:12:29.000 was like, you want to go to Paris? And I 0:12:29.040 --> 0:12:31.520 was like, well, I have to graduate college in two days. 0:12:31.640 --> 0:12:35.080 And he was like can you leave January twelfth? And 0:12:35.160 --> 0:12:37.720 I was like, yeah, I don't have anything booked, like 0:12:37.760 --> 0:12:39.920 I don't have a job line up. And I grab 0:12:40.160 --> 0:12:44.720 like I'm like I'm a child. Basically, oh my god. 0:12:45.000 --> 0:12:48.280 That's that's how it all happened. That Wait, you didn't 0:12:48.280 --> 0:12:52.120 go through the audition process, and like one interview, two interviews, 0:12:52.200 --> 0:12:56.760 three interviews. LA. They brought me to LA and I 0:12:56.800 --> 0:12:59.880 think they were really intrigued because and I could be wrong, 0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:04.280 but I rerouted my trip back from LA because I 0:13:04.320 --> 0:13:06.439 had never been to Vegas. And I met some dude 0:13:06.440 --> 0:13:10.480 in airport and at LAX and he was I was like, 0:13:10.520 --> 0:13:12.040 what are you doing. He's like, what are you doing? 0:13:12.040 --> 0:13:13.440 And I was like, I have no idea. I'm going 0:13:13.520 --> 0:13:17.240 back to school. But have you ever been to Vegas? 0:13:17.440 --> 0:13:19.240 And he was like no, and I said me neither. 0:13:19.320 --> 0:13:22.480 So I rerouted my trip and went to Vegas and 0:13:22.880 --> 0:13:25.040 it was this was like back in the day. We're 0:13:25.040 --> 0:13:27.480 talking almost twenty years ago. So I just like changed 0:13:27.520 --> 0:13:29.400 a flight and like didn't have to go through all 0:13:29.440 --> 0:13:33.880 of the process. So it went back to Beuna Murray. 0:13:34.240 --> 0:13:36.640 So they called it. They called me a couple of 0:13:36.720 --> 0:13:39.080 days later and they were like, did you go to Vegas? 0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:40.600 And I was like, yeah, I have time on my 0:13:40.679 --> 0:13:43.840 hands and they were like, oh, my gods, she's a 0:13:43.840 --> 0:13:48.560 fucking monatic. Probably, so yeah, that's kind of how it 0:13:48.600 --> 0:13:52.200 all happens. Wow, that's crazy. Were you worried about filming 0:13:52.280 --> 0:13:55.240 Real World in Paris? I mean, like, that's a completely 0:13:55.280 --> 0:13:57.559 different country. They speak a different language, and obviously a 0:13:57.559 --> 0:13:59.800 lot of people are there to speak English, but still 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:03.200 like you're you're going to know another place. I'm not 0:14:03.280 --> 0:14:06.640 really afraid of anything at all. I'm really not. I'm not. 0:14:07.360 --> 0:14:10.760 I know, I'm really not that I'm like a gangster, 0:14:10.880 --> 0:14:14.640 but I'm just not afraid of shit. Okay, Yeah, I 0:14:14.720 --> 0:14:17.880 was like just letting it. I'm not a gangster, but 0:14:17.920 --> 0:14:21.080 I'm like I'm afraid of shit. No, I'm not. I'm 0:14:21.120 --> 0:14:24.640 really not. So none of that phased me. Like I 0:14:24.840 --> 0:14:28.440 kind of go into life and situations like head first. 0:14:28.520 --> 0:14:30.640 I'm just like, let's go, let's do it, like and 0:14:30.880 --> 0:14:33.280 it perhaps it could be a bad thing that I 0:14:33.320 --> 0:14:37.000 don't think it through, but I was like, all right, cool, 0:14:37.440 --> 0:14:41.200 and I was I just graduated college and there's no 0:14:41.240 --> 0:14:43.200 way that I was going to go to Paris on 0:14:43.240 --> 0:14:47.880 my own, Like I couldn't afford that. So I was like, 0:14:47.920 --> 0:14:51.560 fuck it, let's go. So no, I didn't have any reservations. 0:14:51.600 --> 0:14:54.240 I was super pissed when we got there because we 0:14:54.240 --> 0:14:57.360 didn't live in the city. Yeah, they never let you 0:14:57.360 --> 0:14:59.440 live in the city. Well, we lived in the city, 0:14:59.480 --> 0:15:01.600 but I feel like with Paris, they were like, let's 0:15:01.600 --> 0:15:04.440 find you someplace that's not where you can't get lost 0:15:04.480 --> 0:15:07.600 in Like, no, well you know what happened some dude 0:15:07.720 --> 0:15:11.720 where we lived. So um. We were supposed to be 0:15:12.200 --> 0:15:14.760 and this is my understanding from production, and it was 0:15:14.800 --> 0:15:16.800 a conversation with Tracy. We were supposed to be real 0:15:16.840 --> 0:15:23.880 world San Diego and unfortunately, yeah, unfortunate. Oh then Brad 0:15:23.920 --> 0:15:28.400 and I would have been like life could have been 0:15:28.520 --> 0:15:36.080 very different, dear. But Mary Ellis unfortunately was sick and 0:15:36.200 --> 0:15:39.720 her dream was to have real world Paris. Oh no, 0:15:39.840 --> 0:15:45.040 that's so nice. So yeah, so they Yeah, so the 0:15:45.040 --> 0:15:47.480 house that we lived in is Chteau that we lived 0:15:47.480 --> 0:15:51.120 in was owned by a gentleman that production knew in 0:15:51.200 --> 0:15:54.720 New York. So it was like an easy location scale, Yeah, 0:15:54.880 --> 0:15:58.200 to just go there and without having to like find something. 0:15:58.320 --> 0:16:01.640 They my understanding base from the conversations we have with 0:16:01.920 --> 0:16:07.720 John Murray and Tracy, they basically rerouted our season. It 0:16:07.840 --> 0:16:10.480 was supposed to be in San Diego, but we ended 0:16:10.520 --> 0:16:13.720 up in Paris, forty five minutes out of the city. 0:16:14.320 --> 0:16:18.680 In like it was. I mean, the house was beautiful, 0:16:18.800 --> 0:16:21.920 but it was not ideal, and I don't think it 0:16:22.000 --> 0:16:25.200 was ideal for them because we were so removed from everything. 0:16:25.480 --> 0:16:27.160 I think it would be nice at our age now 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:30.640 to go and have wine and lie there. Well, there's 0:16:30.640 --> 0:16:32.520 a huge wine cellar in that house. That's where the 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:36.080 bad That's where my bed would have been. If I 0:16:36.160 --> 0:16:38.720 was alloweder than bat Cave. I would have needed a 0:16:38.880 --> 0:16:50.120 straw and a Mattress. Yeah, yeah, that's it. So I 0:16:50.480 --> 0:16:54.520 you were cast with CT what was he like then? 0:16:54.680 --> 0:16:56.240 And did you think that he was going to go 0:16:56.280 --> 0:16:58.920 on to like do a bunch of challenges and be 0:16:59.040 --> 0:17:03.200 this crazy chat like amazingly good challenger that's winning a 0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:09.520 bunch of shows. Um he is. Um, he's a masshole. 0:17:09.840 --> 0:17:15.800 He's from Boston. He's a fucking dick, and he's did I. 0:17:15.560 --> 0:17:17.840 I didn't have high hopes for him because I never 0:17:17.880 --> 0:17:20.480 looked at him like that. I'm proud of him. He's 0:17:20.680 --> 0:17:24.600 not I don't know now, but he was not kinds 0:17:25.440 --> 0:17:30.160 he's I mean, he treated me like shits on the inferno. 0:17:30.480 --> 0:17:34.920 And Coral you didn't see, like no one saw all 0:17:34.960 --> 0:17:38.160 the things. Coral was like an advocate for me because 0:17:38.160 --> 0:17:40.480 I was like Bambi walking into this and I made 0:17:40.520 --> 0:17:46.760 it quite far. But but but he's he's not. I don't. 0:17:46.840 --> 0:17:48.440 I don't know. And it's so hard for me to 0:17:48.440 --> 0:17:52.080 say this because I know he's a parent and I'm 0:17:52.119 --> 0:17:55.439 a single mom, so you can't bash a parent like 0:17:55.480 --> 0:17:59.280 you can't do that. But yeah, he's a he's a 0:17:59.320 --> 0:18:02.120 fucking dick and he I swear like if there were 0:18:02.160 --> 0:18:05.159 ever a challenge that happened and he and I were 0:18:05.280 --> 0:18:09.840 paired together, I think he would probably smother me in 0:18:09.920 --> 0:18:13.080 my sleep and be like, she just happened to die, 0:18:13.480 --> 0:18:16.840 Like I don't know, I don't think so. I've been 0:18:16.880 --> 0:18:22.959 with CT for wow, fifteen years now, sixteen years, and 0:18:23.160 --> 0:18:26.359 I've seen the ups and the downs, and of course 0:18:26.640 --> 0:18:30.000 have lived through tragedies with him, yes, you know, ones 0:18:30.040 --> 0:18:34.439 that he had encountered, like in his family and then 0:18:34.480 --> 0:18:38.920 others with our challenge family, his ex whatever. And then 0:18:39.000 --> 0:18:41.960 I think really just turned turn the page and was like, 0:18:42.000 --> 0:18:45.320 all right, I need to do something different, and there 0:18:45.440 --> 0:18:48.600 is space, there is room for growth. I know that 0:18:48.640 --> 0:18:50.679 it's hard to like let go of the things that 0:18:50.720 --> 0:18:53.879 happen then, though, because they do really set the tone 0:18:53.960 --> 0:18:56.280 for how you view somebody, especially if you don't get 0:18:56.320 --> 0:19:00.760 to experience them in any other capacity. You know, I 0:19:01.280 --> 0:19:03.840 am so on board with you I have. I wish 0:19:04.040 --> 0:19:07.920 him nothing but the best, I truly do. I want 0:19:08.000 --> 0:19:11.800 him to thrive and succeed and be an amazing dad 0:19:11.880 --> 0:19:15.240 and a husband if I want all of that for him. 0:19:15.520 --> 0:19:17.520 But there's a part of me that's a little bit 0:19:17.560 --> 0:19:21.840 bitter that like, bitch, you call me, yeah, right, And 0:19:22.000 --> 0:19:24.200 he's terrible. What the phone has changed his number about 0:19:24.200 --> 0:19:26.920 sixteen times. I know because I try and reach out, 0:19:27.240 --> 0:19:29.520 but it's it's he's like kind of when he's off 0:19:29.520 --> 0:19:32.600 the she's kind of like cut off from those things 0:19:32.640 --> 0:19:35.399 because he's in his life and he's doing stuff, and 0:19:35.440 --> 0:19:37.399 you know what, you know what, I wonder what it 0:19:37.440 --> 0:19:40.199 would be like for you to go back and do 0:19:40.280 --> 0:19:43.600 like a reboot of Paris now, like to meet everybody 0:19:43.680 --> 0:19:44.960 kind of the way you guys met each other in 0:19:45.000 --> 0:19:47.600 All Stars when you guys were so much older now 0:19:47.680 --> 0:19:51.199 and like how old. Yeah, that would be experience in 0:19:51.320 --> 0:19:53.640 a seller with wine. I'll be in the wine cell 0:19:54.040 --> 0:19:57.800 with a straw. Okay, yes, thank you. Just oh, just 0:19:57.920 --> 0:20:00.320 so we're clear. My biggest regret in life, if is 0:20:00.359 --> 0:20:03.160 not inventing the Bendi straw. But it was invented like 0:20:03.240 --> 0:20:06.840 a hundred years before it was born. But no, it 0:20:06.880 --> 0:20:10.520 really was. I'm very pissed off about that. But I 0:20:10.560 --> 0:20:15.360 think that like a like a real world Paris homecoming 0:20:15.400 --> 0:20:20.560 would be brilliant, and I'm happy for him. I just 0:20:20.840 --> 0:20:23.800 kind of like, dude, like and I did, and then 0:20:24.480 --> 0:20:27.120 you did mention family things and I know what you're 0:20:27.160 --> 0:20:30.040 referring to, and I was his first phone call when 0:20:30.040 --> 0:20:33.920 that happens, and I was with him through and I 0:20:34.760 --> 0:20:39.320 and I wish him the best. But the side part 0:20:39.359 --> 0:20:44.440 of me is like bruh gifts. Yeah, but I think 0:20:44.440 --> 0:20:46.280 we were all asked. I mean I was an asshole. 0:20:46.280 --> 0:20:47.840 I even had a different voice then. I mean, I 0:20:47.960 --> 0:20:50.399 didn't give a fuck with anybody thought about anything that 0:20:50.400 --> 0:20:52.520 I did. And I think that's just part of I mean, 0:20:52.560 --> 0:20:54.639 some of us are more assholes than the others, but 0:20:54.680 --> 0:20:57.800 there are certain personalities on there that are there for 0:20:57.840 --> 0:21:00.439 a reason. He was like the pretty boy with with 0:21:00.520 --> 0:21:04.040 an edge, yeah, you know, and I think he yep, 0:21:04.320 --> 0:21:07.320 you know. And I clearly didn't know how to play 0:21:07.359 --> 0:21:10.679 the game and I can't poke offf it. But you 0:21:10.800 --> 0:21:13.880 had help, which was a beautiful moment when we talked 0:21:13.920 --> 0:21:17.240 about it. Not a dry eye in the room. Yeah, 0:21:17.280 --> 0:21:20.280 and my little Kenny crying. I you know, it was 0:21:20.640 --> 0:21:24.720 like it was. And what's awful to me is that 0:21:25.400 --> 0:21:29.960 I'm very strong. I got of levitated that shit like 0:21:29.960 --> 0:21:33.040 like she brought it up in the air. And I 0:21:33.200 --> 0:21:38.160 work with carabineers on set every day and I couldn't 0:21:38.160 --> 0:21:40.320 do it. And I remember looking up at Brad and 0:21:40.359 --> 0:21:43.440 holy friend. And then I looked at Derek and then 0:21:43.440 --> 0:21:45.240 it looked at MJ. And I was like, I'm doing 0:21:45.280 --> 0:21:47.800 all the fucking right things. And then I was just 0:21:47.840 --> 0:21:52.840 like fuck, but nonetheless like I'm you know, I mean, 0:21:52.880 --> 0:21:55.400 I ate a lot of pasta two days ago. I'm 0:21:55.440 --> 0:21:58.880 probably around a buck twenty five now after that, What 0:21:58.920 --> 0:22:01.240 the fuck does that feel like? A block twenty five? 0:22:01.960 --> 0:22:04.400 Jesus Christ, I mean, I have a dollar twenty five 0:22:04.440 --> 0:22:06.440 and change. It's only one twenty five. You got over here, 0:22:06.440 --> 0:22:11.760 say that's how much I'm about the bench press today. Leah, 0:22:11.800 --> 0:22:17.840 your whole body do it. I can do it. But 0:22:18.000 --> 0:22:21.880 it was like I remember looking up because like the 0:22:22.000 --> 0:22:25.400 stadium or whatever, the arena, whatever the fuck they look 0:22:26.200 --> 0:22:28.680 everyone's up there, and I was like I know, and 0:22:28.800 --> 0:22:31.200 he's am I like, I hope, I'm not like the worst. 0:22:31.320 --> 0:22:36.240 No you're not. No, no, no, you're not. Later they 0:22:36.280 --> 0:22:39.080 were like I can't do it, and I am looking 0:22:39.160 --> 0:22:42.479 and I'm like, I really don't, and I'm smart, like 0:22:42.520 --> 0:22:45.679 I know what I'm doing, like and I am not 0:22:45.760 --> 0:22:48.000 a mathematician, but I know I had to open a 0:22:48.040 --> 0:22:53.800 motherfucking carabbiner. Well clearly I couldn't. That day. Well you know, 0:22:54.000 --> 0:22:57.480 things happen in those moments. But like you said, at 0:22:57.600 --> 0:23:01.439 least you leaving was such a beneficial thing for you 0:23:01.480 --> 0:23:03.520 as a person, because you said you went home and 0:23:03.560 --> 0:23:06.640 like your life changed for the good. So you saw 0:23:06.720 --> 0:23:09.480 the positive in it, and I mean that's something to 0:23:09.520 --> 0:23:11.159 be really proud of. Even if you didn't make it 0:23:11.200 --> 0:23:12.840 as far as you wanted. The moment you and Ayanna 0:23:12.920 --> 0:23:18.040 shared was moving for I mean, everybody were crying over Yeah, 0:23:18.080 --> 0:23:22.239 I'm telling you. She was like, it's and it's like 0:23:22.480 --> 0:23:27.280 you can't capture what happened on a record. You can't. 0:23:27.720 --> 0:23:29.800 She was like, girl, I am not letting you And 0:23:29.840 --> 0:23:32.159 she and I have a lot in common. We have 0:23:32.359 --> 0:23:34.800 quite a bit in common. And she's like, I'm not 0:23:34.880 --> 0:23:36.840 letting you fail. And I looked at her and I 0:23:36.960 --> 0:23:42.400 was like, can you please just do all the carabiners? Yea. 0:23:43.680 --> 0:23:47.320 She was like, I got you. Oh you could she 0:23:47.440 --> 0:23:52.280 open it? She the carabineers. Uh well, I opened the 0:23:52.320 --> 0:23:55.840 first one, but I designated the next two to her, okay. 0:23:57.000 --> 0:23:59.680 And it was a really beautiful moment that was honestly 0:24:00.200 --> 0:24:03.400 like and again like Ayanna and I have a lot 0:24:03.440 --> 0:24:08.280 in common, Like we're both single moms, we we have 0:24:08.320 --> 0:24:12.560 a lot in common. And yeah, it's just it was. 0:24:12.680 --> 0:24:16.080 It was she was not trying to let me fail. 0:24:16.240 --> 0:24:19.360 She was not having it. I love that. I how 0:24:19.359 --> 0:24:23.399