Speaker 1: This is me, Craig Ferguson. I'm inviting you to come
Speaker 1: and see my brand new comedy hour. Well it's actually
Speaker 1: it's about an hour and a half and I don't
Speaker 1: have an opener because these guys cost money. But what
Speaker 1: I'm saying is I'll be on stage for a while. Anyway,
Speaker 1: come and see me live on the Pants on Fire
Speaker 1: Tour in your region. Tickets are on sale now and
Speaker 1: we'll be adding more as the tour continues throughout twenty twenty.
Speaker 2: Five and beyond.
Speaker 1: For a full list of dates, go to the Craig
Speaker 1: Ferguson show dot com. See you on the road, my DearS.
Speaker 1: My name is Craig Ferguson. The name of this podcast
Speaker 1: is Joy. I talk to interesting people about what brings
Speaker 1: them happiness. Hello everyone, it is I Craig Ferguson. Welcome
Speaker 1: to the Joy Podcast, coming to you from London, England.
Speaker 2: Well I'm in London, England.
Speaker 1: My guest today is not there, although she was born
Speaker 1: in London, England.
Speaker 3: Which is a strange Quinn, It's not really.
Speaker 1: She's a true American genius and someone I really get
Speaker 1: a kick out of.
Speaker 3: And I think you wrote to please.
Speaker 1: Welcome the wonderful Nellie Mackay.
Speaker 2: I am very excited to be talking to you again.
Speaker 3: Nellie.
Speaker 1: It's been it's been a while, it's been a it's
Speaker 1: actually been a minute or two.
Speaker 3: Where are you? Is it Christmas? Where you are?
Speaker 2: It looks very, very festive behind you.
Speaker 3: It's always Christmas. And in fact, I don't know if
Speaker 3: you ever worked at piano bars, but I once got
Speaker 3: fired from one for playing Christmas music in July. But
Speaker 3: that's the best time to do it.
Speaker 2: I've never worked a piano bars, but let me ask
Speaker 2: you this. Have you worked a lot of piano bars?
Speaker 3: Oh? Yeah, And I still think about it because it's
Speaker 3: like the Beatles in Hamburg. You got to play eight
Speaker 3: hours a night or you know you actually you probably
Speaker 3: know this, but you perform less once you go pro
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I know, that's for sure. Yeah, because then
Speaker 3: is always for money. And you're like, I don't die
Speaker 3: of not doing it for it.
Speaker 4: But I don't know what I do. You're kind of
Speaker 4: ron all the time, really, aren't. Yeah, you're just kind
Speaker 4: of talking. I just talk, or I just talk. Let
Speaker 4: me ask you about the piano bar though, because I'm
Speaker 4: kind of interested. There's a piano bar that I keep
Speaker 4: walking by. I don't know if you know it. It's
Speaker 4: on the Upper east Side in Manhattan.
Speaker 1: I think it's called Hang on a second, Megan, what's
Speaker 1: the name of that piano bar, Randy's, Brandy's Brandy's Piano
Speaker 1: Bar on the Upper east Side?
Speaker 3: Do you know it? No? Maybe it changed name. It
Speaker 3: might have done.
Speaker 1: But every time I walk by, there's a lot of
Speaker 1: fabulous looking men outside smoking cigarettes, and then they go
Speaker 1: back in and start singing again. It seems like Bohemian
Speaker 1: Rhapsody is very popular in there. I want to go in.
Speaker 3: Maybe I should. Can you play piano? No?
Speaker 1: I can't play piano, but I can sing raucously with
Speaker 1: a bunch.
Speaker 2: Of middle aged gay men, and I feel that's enough.
Speaker 3: Well, and you can do their hair too, yes, I can.
Speaker 2: Let me ask you this.
Speaker 3: Are you in Rehrassal right now? Are you in Hssal
Speaker 3: in New York? No? We start right after labor days,
Speaker 3: like going back to school, right, Because what's the name
Speaker 3: of the play. It's a new play, isn't it. They're
Speaker 3: doing It's called Let's Love. Oh that sends upbeat? Is
Speaker 3: it upbeat? Well? I think it should be called congestion
Speaker 3: tax because I hate the congestion tax so much. But
Speaker 3: I'm going to work on Ethan. Yeah, there's a lot
Speaker 3: I'm going to do when he's not around for matinees.
Speaker 1: So I wouldn't go confess in that right now at
Speaker 1: this early stage in the game. But Ethan Cohen, who
Speaker 1: wrote the play, I mean, he's written some very dark stuff.
Speaker 1: I mean he did the screenplay for Fargo and No
Speaker 1: Country for Old Men, and you know.
Speaker 2: Is it but this is this more cheerful or is
Speaker 2: there a lot of people getting killed with oxygen containers
Speaker 2: and stuff?
Speaker 3: I want there to be. I suggested that. I suggested,
Speaker 3: like after every love scene, I could stab someone. Yeah,
Speaker 3: but uh, you know there's so many reasons. There's that
Speaker 3: Wayn's Brothers movie I think is it called Scary movie
Speaker 3: or something, and where people just start going on a
Speaker 3: rampage and the hasidic guy comes over to people in
Speaker 3: the audience starts stabbing and he's like you talk during
Speaker 3: Shittler's List, you know, like there's just so many random
Speaker 3: you can you can stab people.
Speaker 1: I think it's I don't know that it's allowed to
Speaker 1: usually go out and stab people who are in the audience.
Speaker 1: But you know what, what theaters and tell me that
Speaker 1: because maybe it will be Okay.
Speaker 3: Where are you? It's on twentieth Street, so I say
Speaker 3: anything goes Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think I think below thirty fourth Street. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think you can stab members of the audience, and that's
Speaker 1: all right. I don't It's an old by law in
Speaker 1: New York. We should probably find out, do you know.
Speaker 1: I want to ask you about it because I'm in
Speaker 1: London tho, as you can tell behind me, if you
Speaker 1: look out the window, you could probably see there are
Speaker 1: chimney sweeps and singing urchins and all sorts of people
Speaker 1: with their thumbs behind their lapels.
Speaker 3: You're from London, are you? Weren't you born here? Well?
Speaker 3: I was born there, yes, so I have dual citizenship.
Speaker 3: That would seem like a fail safe. But I've heard
Speaker 3: that the first on the nuclear bomb list is London.
Speaker 1: Is it really like if it.
Speaker 3: Broke out, they say that's the first place they would hit.
Speaker 2: Why would they go for London first?
Speaker 1: I guess, well, it's close, it's close if they're going
Speaker 1: to be coming out. I don't think about it much.
Speaker 1: I used to think about it a lot in the eighties,
Speaker 1: but that was kind of way before your time, seeming
Speaker 1: I was like twenty when you were born, and during
Speaker 1: the eighties we rose terrified in nuclear wars.
Speaker 2: Do you worry about nuclear wars? I?
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, and I shouldn't. I should be the
Speaker 3: last person because I know it humans do so I
Speaker 3: should be hoping for annihilation. But all these people who
Speaker 3: they like to go kayaking, they're not worried about it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well, I think if you're kayaking, which is a fair point,
Speaker 1: if you are kayaking, then it's unlikely that you'll be
Speaker 1: in a place that's going to be nuclear attacked because kayaking,
Speaker 1: by his very nature, is not usually done in central London.
Speaker 3: You would think that, but they have all kind of
Speaker 3: sights all over the world. In fact, you can stay
Speaker 3: in bunkers on Airbnb.
Speaker 1: Well, no way. Are we happy about this or are
Speaker 1: we sad about this? And also as a follow up
Speaker 1: kind of question as well, why this hatred of people
Speaker 1: kayaking is there?
Speaker 3: Do you have a problem with guys yet? I don't
Speaker 3: know why.
Speaker 1: There's no smug Yeah, I kind of feel the say,
Speaker 1: and I'll take a lot of hate for this, but
Speaker 1: I kind of feel the same.
Speaker 2: Way about people who cycle.
Speaker 4: Not the.
Speaker 1: Yah yeah people who but people who wear all the
Speaker 1: outfits and the tiny little.
Speaker 2: Hats and stuff, I can't do it.
Speaker 3: Just their tight butts alone that they go ahead.
Speaker 1: And yeah, they kind of wave them in your face literally,
Speaker 1: kind of saying, this is what you don't have.
Speaker 2: That's what I feel like is going on. Let me
Speaker 2: ask you this. If you don't kayak and you don't bicycle,
Speaker 2: how do you get around New York?
Speaker 1: Suty that a hitchhikest That would be very dangerous.
Speaker 3: That would be a very dangerous thing to do. Why
Speaker 3: do you think it got so dangerous. My mother used
Speaker 3: to hitchhike and one time she had a guy. He
Speaker 3: drove her out to the desert and he said, I've
Speaker 3: had a lot of Spanish fly and she had to
Speaker 3: kind of fend him off and then run through the
Speaker 3: cactus and the dark and wilderness to get away from him.
Speaker 3: But mostly in the sixties and previous, it was a
Speaker 3: legitimate way to get around, and there was a lot
Speaker 3: less fear for both the people picking up the hitchhikers
Speaker 3: and the hitchhikers.
Speaker 1: What changed, See, I have a theory about this that
Speaker 1: may not fit into the narrative I don't think it
Speaker 1: has changed.
Speaker 3: I think the coverage of it has changed.
Speaker 1: So I think all of the scary shit was going
Speaker 1: on before, but it wasn't so like hyperbolic all over
Speaker 1: the place. I think people have been dreadful for a
Speaker 1: very long time, and I don't think that they're getting
Speaker 1: any worse.
Speaker 2: I think they're just getting more noticed.
Speaker 1: There's more, there's more news to fill, there's more kind
Speaker 1: of stories to tell. Every tabloid, every Instagram account. People
Speaker 1: have got to tell a story. But I want to
Speaker 1: just bring you back to your mother and what happened.
Speaker 3: Oh, I guess she got out. I mean might one
Speaker 3: time they found a gal who had been you know, hurt,
Speaker 3: and I think she had been than her body had
Speaker 3: been burned. Oh my god. All they found they said
Speaker 3: she was a redhead who wore hoop earrings. And I
Speaker 3: think that kind of took it out of my nana.
Speaker 3: And then when her mom, my mom called a couple
Speaker 3: of days later, she's like, oh, Robin, she was from England. Yeah,
Speaker 3: oh Robin. But you know, I mean, it's the kind
Speaker 3: of thing that makes your heart stop. So I guess
Speaker 3: I guess eventually my mom, you know, she stopped doing it.
Speaker 3: I think one time the cops picked her up and
Speaker 3: they said, you know, this is illegal, and they drove
Speaker 3: her back home. And I'm getting all these stories mixed up.
Speaker 3: But she fell asleep to the sounds of the dishwasher
Speaker 3: and she felt so safe. It was probably one of
Speaker 3: the earliest dishwashers. And then one time she lived with
Speaker 3: a guy. I think he was making mess. Again, I'm
Speaker 3: probably getting all these stories miss mixed up. But the
Speaker 3: cooker and you cook it right, and it's set the
Speaker 3: house on fire. So then again the fireman and the
Speaker 3: police came, and so she hid under a pile of laundry.
Speaker 3: She actually fell asleep and they didn't catch her. You
Speaker 3: should talk to my mom.
Speaker 1: She has much better stories. I feel like I perhaps
Speaker 1: should talk to your mom, or at least in the
Speaker 1: FBI should talk to your mom. The So it must
Speaker 1: be quite difficult for your mom, if she had such
Speaker 1: a colorful young life herself, to be a disciplinarian with you.
Speaker 3: Was she very strict? Was you when you were little?
Speaker 3: But you know, it's no fun being the disciplinarian, being
Speaker 3: the organizational one. It's fun being you know. And she
Speaker 3: always had a taste. She was on tour in Hong
Speaker 3: Kong with Albert Finnie and she she wound up getting
Speaker 3: in an argument with him at a bar, which is
Speaker 3: the best thing you can do with Albert Finnie, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 3: so you got to find somebody to manage your tour,
Speaker 3: who you know who doesn't want to go have fun?
Speaker 3: And you know, because you know who enjoys who enjoys
Speaker 3: filling out forms and uh checking in the hotels?
Speaker 1: And does anyone enjoy that? I don't know that people
Speaker 1: enjoy that.
Speaker 3: Yes, what's a whole sub what do you call it? Fetish?
Speaker 2: Is this a kin people who liked doing like doing hotel.
Speaker 3: Filling in forms?
Speaker 1: I guess it's like if you're if you, if you're
Speaker 1: used to tax forms and stuff.
Speaker 2: Do you do your own taxes?
Speaker 3: Hell no, I don't even know they're gonna get me. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I should evaded them, right like.
Speaker 1: John Bias, I do think he should have a vade
Speaker 1: your taxes. It never goes well for anyone to evade
Speaker 1: your taxes.
Speaker 3: I just heard about Percy Sledge because we're thinking about
Speaker 3: a tuna his for the Ethan Show, and apparently he
Speaker 3: got in trouble for that. And also he had to
Speaker 3: have a fundraiser for medical care. Craig after a man
Speaker 3: loves a woman, he had to have a fund He
Speaker 3: lived in Baton Rouge. I mean that's like a fifth
Speaker 3: of the price of stuff in New York. He had
Speaker 3: to have a fundraiser for medical care.
Speaker 1: We should move to your house. Why would Percy Sledge?
Speaker 1: Would Percy Sledge would not be comfortable in my house.
Speaker 1: He's not still around anyway, Percy Sledge? Is he?
Speaker 3: No? But I am. But it's just in this country.
Speaker 3: I mean, I know, do you have in trouble with
Speaker 3: the elites going after the National Health which used to
Speaker 3: be sacri sanct in Britain? But I mean here, we
Speaker 3: don't even pretend you're just on your own.
Speaker 1: Wait a minute, I must I feel I may have
Speaker 1: misled you. I am in London visiting. I do not
Speaker 1: live in London. I'm in London right now, but I live.
Speaker 3: In New York City.
Speaker 1: Oh that's a nice Yes, So I'll be coming to
Speaker 1: see the show. Sure, Yeah, of course I don't like
Speaker 1: to go below you know, below Midtown, but I'll do
Speaker 1: it for you.
Speaker 2: I'll go and see the show.
Speaker 3: Yes, what's in Meddown?
Speaker 1: The barrier between the Upper east Side where I live
Speaker 1: and downtown, which I'm happy to go to, but I
Speaker 1: don't like going to Midtown st busy.
Speaker 3: No, you're on the Upper east so that means that
Speaker 3: must be the new hip district.
Speaker 2: No, I think it's more than the hip replacement district.
Speaker 3: It's the.
Speaker 1: It's a little more kind of genteel and quiet. That's
Speaker 1: why I like it. You know, the heap districts are Brooklyn,
Speaker 1: Brooklyn is Williamsburg. And said, uh, where where are you?
Speaker 1: What neighborhood are You don't say that, but just like
Speaker 1: general area.
Speaker 3: Oh, I mean, I can't tell you. And it's not
Speaker 3: your race, it's your class because you can't help it.
Speaker 3: Once people reach a certain level, yoga studios and cupcake
Speaker 3: shops appear, and that's just it's just how Craig, how
Speaker 3: can there be so many people? I know they buy
Speaker 3: up apartments like a real estate deals. How can there
Speaker 3: be so many people who can pay you know, eight
Speaker 3: thousand a month in New York?
Speaker 2: You know, so the coming for it.
Speaker 3: So you got hey, you go, you gotta hide, you know,
Speaker 3: you gotta hide. So where where are you hiding? Where?
Speaker 1: Where's your neighborhood. Give me a rough idea, Give me
Speaker 1: a rough idea.
Speaker 3: I think I'm gonna be I'm going to be pretty
Speaker 3: close to the theater.
Speaker 1: You know, right, that's enough down't townishnish.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but get this, I mean you'll Brinner when he
Speaker 3: was performed, my mom used to work for you, Brenner.
Speaker 3: She was his second assistant. So he would come off
Speaker 3: of the stage after shall we dance and go right
Speaker 3: to the oxygen machine and go And then his first
Speaker 3: assistant was Claire, so he would say, c Clare, I
Speaker 3: don't know how to talk with Claire. Claire, I need
Speaker 3: uh oh, yes, I need fourthy fourth inch rubber bands
Speaker 3: from Fort Dam and Mason's. And she would say, yes,
Speaker 3: mister Benner, Robin, mister Brinnan needs fourth inch rubber bands
Speaker 3: from Fort and Mason. He says, no, Claire, I need
Speaker 3: half inch rubber bands from Fortuham and miss oh yes,
Speaker 3: mister Brinner, Robin, mister Brinnan needs And this is this great,
Speaker 3: it's really a living it is.
Speaker 2: But what do you need those rubber bands for? What
Speaker 2: did you Brennan need the rubber bands for?
Speaker 3: I don't know what. Probably this is between Mattinee and
Speaker 3: evening he would go h be with Marlena in and
Speaker 3: wherever he was staying. I don't think he got a
Speaker 3: lot of rest. And then afterwards, I think after the
Speaker 3: show he always liked to wind down. Man, people can
Speaker 3: really kill themselves with the performing thing. Well, you can
Speaker 3: do that affair with Marlena thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're fair? Was it Marlina detreat?
Speaker 3: Was that?
Speaker 1: Who was?
Speaker 3: Yes? And Mommy thinks that it didn't work because they're
Speaker 3: too much alike.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that that's possible.
Speaker 1: I having not met either one of them, I'm going
Speaker 1: to decide that that's actually what happened and they.
Speaker 3: Were too alike.
Speaker 1: Hello, this is Greig Ferguson and I want to let
Speaker 1: you know I have a brand new stand up comedy
Speaker 1: special out now on YouTube. It's called I'm So Happy,
Speaker 1: and I would be so happy if you checked it out.
Speaker 1: To watch the special, just go to my YouTube channel
Speaker 1: at the Craig Ferguson Show and is this right there?
Speaker 1: Just click it and play it and it's free.
Speaker 3: I can't look.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to come around your house and show
Speaker 1: you how to do it. If you can't do it,
Speaker 1: then you can't have it, but if you can figure
Speaker 1: it out, it's yours. I mean, haven't had a parent
Speaker 1: who was so involved in show business like that, in
Speaker 1: that kind of like really inside the world. Do you
Speaker 1: think that that your work travels across and one of
Speaker 1: the things I love about your music is it travels
Speaker 1: between so many wildly varying genres. It feels like sometimes
Speaker 1: it's like Trent Resner was born in the night it
Speaker 1: was working in the nineteen twenties, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's like you can get very dark and also have
Speaker 1: about ooh ah, it's wonderful.
Speaker 3: How you do that?
Speaker 1: Do you think that the diversity of your influence is
Speaker 1: to do with your parents?
Speaker 2: Because your father's very kind of clever play right as well.
Speaker 3: Isn't he? Oh yeah, I think I think there's something
Speaker 3: called genetic memory, So who knows how far it goes back.
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know if you've done any I've
Speaker 3: done very little. But I do think that maybe some
Speaker 3: of my family were part of the pirates of Penzance, Okay,
Speaker 3: and so that's why I we you know, and there's
Speaker 3: lots of ways to be a modern day pirate, and
Speaker 3: you know, you got to live out, to live outside
Speaker 3: the law, you must be honest.
Speaker 1: There has to be a certain order amongst thieves and performers,
Speaker 1: for sure.
Speaker 2: My wife always says circus folk. We are circus folk,
Speaker 2: and so the rules are a little bit of it.
Speaker 3: You know that. Well, what does she do? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Uh, circusy, she's a little circusy rides horses. You can
Speaker 1: ride a horse with one leg and stuff like that. No, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: can you do that? Do you ever ride horses around
Speaker 1: downtown neighborhoods?
Speaker 3: Oh? No, I just want to pet them.
Speaker 1: Well, I think that's perfectly acceptable.
Speaker 3: You can pet horses.
Speaker 1: You're quite vocal about animal rights and stuff. Factually, as
Speaker 1: I remember on we bonded over veganism. As I recall
Speaker 1: the last time I spoke to you.
Speaker 3: Oh that's right. Yeah, how is it going for you, Craig?
Speaker 1: Well, I'll be honest, there was a time where I
Speaker 1: returned to the harsh world of the carnivar.
Speaker 3: I'm not going to lie to you, Nelly.
Speaker 1: During the lockdown, I went beef and chicken a little
Speaker 1: bit for a while. But I'm back and uh, and
Speaker 1: I have was interesting. I don't know if this is
Speaker 1: of any interest to you, but it certainly was to me.
Speaker 1: For the first time in my life. I got a
Speaker 1: medical exam and the doctor said, your cholesterol is up.
Speaker 1: You need to go back to the your vegan diet.
Speaker 1: And I said, or take statins. And I was like, well, no,
Speaker 1: I don't want to take status if I can avoid them.
Speaker 3: Thanks.
Speaker 2: So I so I have returned to the way of
Speaker 2: the hair.
Speaker 3: Before I'm back. That was wonderful. Yeah, but it was
Speaker 3: a you know, it was a right.
Speaker 1: I imagine you're still where you are with it, right,
Speaker 1: You've remained true to.
Speaker 3: The con Oh, it's a struggle every day because everywhere
Speaker 3: you go, you know, there's this or that. Yeah, of course,
Speaker 3: I think it's very good that you're honest, because you know,
Speaker 3: we live in a world where there's constant temptation in
Speaker 3: so many ways and so many people. It can be
Speaker 3: hard to understand. Other people, like the pianist Mary Lou Williams,
Speaker 3: had a severe gambling addiction. That's something I've never had,
Speaker 3: but I you know, so it can be hard to
Speaker 3: get inside that. When if I play a casino or something,
Speaker 3: I mean to me, it just seems like such a scam,
Speaker 3: you know, it's such an obvious I ain't waiting around
Speaker 3: for that slot machine. But everyone has their thing, and
Speaker 3: I think, especially the more pressure you're under, you're under
Speaker 3: a thoughtful profession. I mean, if I could make a
Speaker 3: decent living, like just working for the park service, you know,
Speaker 3: an equivalent, I mean I would. It's so nice not
Speaker 3: to think, you know, and you've got to be witty
Speaker 3: and you've got to make decisions, and that's it's tough
Speaker 3: on you. So you know, everybody's under some kind of pressure.
Speaker 3: And food is such a oh it's just it's something
Speaker 3: you can rely upon, and it's home and family. It's
Speaker 3: it's tricky. It's so you know, we all got to
Speaker 3: be kind to one another and ourselves.
Speaker 1: That's a wonderful thing to say about it. I feel
Speaker 1: so much better, you know, if the if the musician
Speaker 1: thing hadn't worked out, I think some kind of therapy
Speaker 1: or spiritual guide position for you would have been great.
Speaker 5: I really feel a little better having listened to you
Speaker 5: say that. But Craig, don't you think that if your work.
Speaker 5: Actually I know someone who worked in a prison, right,
Speaker 5: and it's this this tricky thing, because the worst criminals
Speaker 5: aren't in prison. They die on you know, the maximum
Speaker 5: count bed sheets, and they go to the fanciest restaurants
Speaker 5: and they live lives of luxury. However, if I worked
Speaker 5: in a prison, I can just see so, I mean,
Speaker 5: people would I you know, I'd be letting people out
Speaker 5: of their cells left and right, and they probably stabbed.
Speaker 3: Me, you know, yes, they probably would.
Speaker 1: Have you ever done a gig in a prison, I've
Speaker 1: never done a gig in When I've visited a friends
Speaker 1: in prison, but I've never I've never played a prison.
Speaker 3: Who did you visit? If you can say?
Speaker 1: I can't really, but but it was it was in
Speaker 1: a prison in Scotland and it was a friend of
Speaker 1: mine who I was actually a guitarist I was in
Speaker 1: a band.
Speaker 3: With and he got he got up to.
Speaker 1: Some nonsense and he went to a very harsh prison
Speaker 1: in Scotland and I went to visit them. It's any
Speaker 1: time I've been inside a prison actually, and I thought,
Speaker 1: oh gosh, I I really would never like to come
Speaker 1: back here ever again, if that's all possible, if I
Speaker 1: can avoid ever coming here. And it was at that point, Nellie,
Speaker 1: that I stopped cooking mess in the washing machine.
Speaker 3: But well, where's mass legal is there any place.
Speaker 2: I don't think it is, and I don't think it.
Speaker 3: No, I don't think it.
Speaker 1: I don't think there's anywhere like you can go and
Speaker 1: they say, oh, yes, have six pack of math or
Speaker 1: whatever people take it. I don't think it is. We
Speaker 1: is legal, but I don't know that that's helped at all.
Speaker 1: I used to be very kind of like, yeah, ever
Speaker 1: it and should be legal, but.
Speaker 2: I'm not sure it's helped at all. But I don't
Speaker 2: take Anathan.
Speaker 3: Do you take anathing? Oh? The only one working? Oh?
Speaker 3: Interesting really because socially it actually it bothers people. But
Speaker 3: there was like, do you need a drink? I said, well,
Speaker 3: when I need to drink now, I'm happy. But working
Speaker 3: is you know. It's that thing. I had a bed
Speaker 3: you know, Craig. Actually it's funny you mentioned this because
Speaker 3: I got two things. First of all, I had a
Speaker 3: bed gig in front of Mike Nichols, who had seen
Speaker 3: me as a thing. My mother wrote me this pristine joke,
Speaker 3: you know, and it went over so well. So then
Speaker 3: Mike Nichols, he was like a butterfly at my side,
Speaker 3: and he kept saying things I didn't know, like he
Speaker 3: was saying me directing Beckett is like you reciting folkup.
Speaker 3: I didn't know what he was saying, so I just
Speaker 3: went ha ha. So he came with Diane Sawyer do
Speaker 3: the gig. I was like, I'm gonna drop out, man,
Speaker 3: you know, but he showed up with the answer. And
Speaker 3: I worked so hard on these big band arrangements, not
Speaker 3: thinking you got to get your material right right, So
Speaker 3: I didn't, so said I bombed the flop sweat, you know,
Speaker 3: flooded downtown and he came over to the table afterwards
Speaker 3: the meet and greet him and Diane. I could just
Speaker 3: tell it was over, and then he died. So that's
Speaker 3: so then you realize you either got to get your
Speaker 3: material or you got to have some substances. But the
Speaker 3: second time was when I played a prison in West
Speaker 3: Virginia and I had my gigbag, so I had all
Speaker 3: kinds of embarrassing things, including a couple of little vodka bottles.
Speaker 3: So who knew that. I think that's a felony in
Speaker 3: West Virginia to take that into a prison. But the
Speaker 3: worst thing they did is they have now barred me
Speaker 3: from ever setting foot in a West Virginia prison, which
Speaker 3: doesn't entirely feel like a bad thing.
Speaker 2: It's not a punishment really anyway.
Speaker 3: But yeah, only on the job, you know. But Craig,
Speaker 3: you got to make people happy whatever it takes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's true. But whenever I, you know, used aol,
Speaker 1: alcohol was my thing. Whenever I used that in performing,
Speaker 1: I thought I was doing great with my performance. But
Speaker 1: everyone has assured me that since I stopped doting alcohol,
Speaker 1: my performing skills have improved immeasurably.
Speaker 3: So I don't know.
Speaker 1: I feel like I couldn't do my job when I
Speaker 1: was high. But I think with musicians it's a little different.
Speaker 1: I think because they.
Speaker 3: Can again to a groove. I know it certainly not
Speaker 3: a lot of.
Speaker 1: Musicians who who play in a very older state a
Speaker 1: lot of the time, some very successful people. But then again,
Speaker 1: I know others who can't perform at all unless they're clean.
Speaker 3: Right. Well, I know Brett Butler. I think it took
Speaker 3: alcohol to be able to get her to start her
Speaker 3: whole career. Yeah. For instance, I love her memoir. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I I don't know if i've read that, ma'am. Is
Speaker 3: it good?
Speaker 1: Oh it's good.
Speaker 3: Oh, it's so good. And I know there's an audio
Speaker 3: version which it probably breaks. It's in her accent. Yeah, no,
Speaker 3: it's funny. I know. I right.
Speaker 1: I'm very friendly with Tom Straw, who was the showrunner
Speaker 1: of that sitcom.
Speaker 3: She was on what was it called again the Are
Speaker 3: You under Fire?
Speaker 2: Grace under Fire?
Speaker 1: Yeah, and Tom Straw was who's a good friend of mine.
Speaker 3: He's been on this podcast. Tom was the.
Speaker 1: Was the showrunner, the kind of lead writer on that
Speaker 1: and Tom. Funnily enough, when she and she was having
Speaker 1: a very difficult time during this is n her behavior
Speaker 1: was very crazy. He will not hear a word against her.
Speaker 1: He's like, nope, she's super talented.
Speaker 2: He loves her. It's it's very interesting, you know, she
Speaker 2: was having an hard time.
Speaker 3: Then. I've never met the woman. I don't know. Do
Speaker 3: you know her? I met her once. She played underneath
Speaker 3: Madison Square Garden. I guess there's a comedy club there,
Speaker 3: and she was very She said, Oh, I wish I
Speaker 3: was a little girl named Nelly.
Speaker 2: Well, I've wished that in my life too, but not
Speaker 2: for a while.
Speaker 3: I don't think.
Speaker 1: I think you do it so much better than I do,
Speaker 1: so I wouldn't want to get in the way of that.
Speaker 3: Do you ever, do you ever perform over here in London?
Speaker 3: Do you ever do you do? You work over here
Speaker 3: a lot? I hope so. I'd loved to. Last time
Speaker 3: I was there, I got so sick. But it wasn't
Speaker 3: It was Linda McCartney's vegan sausages. But it wasn't the
Speaker 3: fault of the sausages that I took them to the
Speaker 3: hotel microwave and I think they put them on for
Speaker 3: too little time, so it wasn't her fault. But anyway,
Speaker 3: I was very sick the next day, and then I
Speaker 3: went to go see my friend Richard Kind doing Guys
Speaker 3: and Dolls?
Speaker 1: Chard Kind?
Speaker 3: Did you see that I saw.
Speaker 2: When he was doing the Producers?
Speaker 1: Richard Kind was doing the Producers and I went to
Speaker 1: see him that night he was on this spot. Asked
Speaker 1: like a few weeks ago, and Richard. I went to
Speaker 1: see him that night and then after it. This is
Speaker 1: a long time ago, because after I went out and
Speaker 1: I met the woman that.
Speaker 3: I'm now married that night.
Speaker 1: When I went to see Richard cau So, I always
Speaker 1: think of Richard Kryd in a very fun way.
Speaker 3: He's a lovely man. Richard, where did you go and
Speaker 3: meet your lady?
Speaker 2: It was an event after the theater I had to
Speaker 2: go to.
Speaker 3: It was a party. I didn't want to go.
Speaker 2: It wasn't a party, well, it was a party. It
Speaker 2: was New Yorkers for.
Speaker 1: Children charity event, and I didn't want to go, but
Speaker 1: I said I was going to go. So I went
Speaker 1: to this New Yorkers for Children charity event and I
Speaker 1: met this woman and we've been married for years.
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, always the event you don't want to
Speaker 3: go to.
Speaker 1: It's not funny. She says the same thing. I mean,
Speaker 1: because she didn't want to go to the thing either.
Speaker 1: She was like, all right, and she went.
Speaker 3: And it's an interest.
Speaker 1: And now we say that to our kids, which is
Speaker 1: always go to the party because you never know who you're.
Speaker 3: Going to meet. That's a beautiful story.
Speaker 2: It's all Richard Kind.
Speaker 3: My god.
Speaker 1: So anyway, I interrupted you because you said you were
Speaker 1: seeing Richard Kind and guys and dolls in London.
Speaker 3: Oh that I mean, that's basically yeah. And then yeah.
Speaker 3: I left him a little Bernie sticker backstage and I said,
Speaker 3: you know, if you want to hang out, and so
Speaker 3: he came to my gig and it was funny. Walked
Speaker 3: me back to the elevator, and elevators can be very
Speaker 3: dangerous situation, so I appreciate his protection. Well, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I mean, given your mother's experience with the hitchhiker, I
Speaker 1: think an elevator is probably a lot safer than you're
Speaker 1: used to in your family's history. Really, I mean, Richard
Speaker 1: kind in an elevator is not a dangerous situation at all.
Speaker 3: But I don't know if you've ever read it's a
Speaker 3: really I haven't even gotten that far into it. But
Speaker 3: Susan Brown Miller recently died, and she had wrote a
Speaker 3: book called Against Our Will, and whoa Once you read that,
Speaker 3: oh holy crow. I mean they say say with prostitutes
Speaker 3: that the most dangerous place is more a hotel room
Speaker 3: than if you're on the street. So you know, you
Speaker 3: just never know be paranoid.
Speaker 1: You know, I think I do a pretty good job
Speaker 1: of being paranoid. I stay paranoid a lot of the time.
Speaker 1: Are you nervous about that? Do you get paranoid?
Speaker 3: Are you a nervous person? Do you think? Well? You
Speaker 3: have to, because if I got attacked, what I would
Speaker 3: just be? Woody Allen. I just I tear up my
Speaker 3: driver's license. I mean, I knew because I grew up
Speaker 3: in Harlem and we had a what do you call it,
Speaker 3: a roommate who was a right wing folk singer from Minnesota.
Speaker 3: But he was a real white boy, you know, and
Speaker 3: he used to get so nervous he would push a
Speaker 3: shopping cart and and pee his pants and talk to
Speaker 3: himself so he wouldn't get mugged. So you know, everybody, uh,
Speaker 3: you know, I always feel like I'll hurt people's feelings,
Speaker 3: you know, if I you know, it's like you suspect
Speaker 3: any guy that they could, but they are all bigger
Speaker 3: than you. You know. No, of course it's not just Harlem.
Speaker 3: It's just that at that time it was. It was
Speaker 3: in New York in the eighties. You know, was was
Speaker 3: was pretty. I remember it was rougher, but but there
Speaker 3: was a beauty to it, Craig, because you know, I mean,
Speaker 3: it's it's ruled by thieves, but there they'd steal a
Speaker 3: lot more. You know, it's it's Dylan. It's uh still
Speaker 3: a little in Ittorian jail, still a lot and they
Speaker 3: make you king. Yeah, well that it was ever us.
Speaker 1: It's interesting though, that if I was a right wing
Speaker 1: folk singer, I don't think Harlem would be even today,
Speaker 1: the place where I would choose to live. I feel
Speaker 1: like there are other domestic arrangements that may be more.
Speaker 3: It so lubras to your.
Speaker 2: Chosen profession, but I get it.
Speaker 3: He was also an opera student, which maybe has a layer,
Speaker 3: but also Craig, I mean, it's just the facts of life.
Speaker 3: It's working, you afford to live, but go ahead.
Speaker 1: Yeah. In the nineteen eighties, I lived in the Lower
Speaker 1: East Side and there was a lad, a lady, a
Speaker 1: woman that we all knew in the neighborhood, and she
Speaker 1: was also an opera singer, but she wasn't she wasn't
Speaker 1: very well known, and she was young, and she started
Speaker 1: her career. So she worked in a restaurant. She was
Speaker 1: a waitress in a restaurant. She worked at a table
Speaker 1: at a restaurant, and on the way home every night,
Speaker 1: she used to sing.
Speaker 2: These areas really loud.
Speaker 1: We used to hear her walking down the neighborhood because
Speaker 1: if ever the music stopped, ifever she stopped singing, people
Speaker 1: would look out on the fire escapes to see what
Speaker 1: was going on. So it was kind of a way
Speaker 1: of protecting herself as she was walking home that she
Speaker 1: would sing this beautiful music into the neighborhood and we
Speaker 1: would all hear going home. And if she stopped saying, someone, go, hey,
Speaker 1: what's going on down here?
Speaker 3: Get the music?
Speaker 2: Bat, they would you know, it would come back up again,
Speaker 2: no kidding.
Speaker 3: That was in New York.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was on Eleventh Street on First Avenue, right
Speaker 1: down like you know where Veneera's Bakery is down there,
Speaker 1: right there?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, right there.
Speaker 2: I used to live above that bakery technique.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I thought it was very clever. Oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: I still love that bakery. I still love it. Well,
Speaker 3: I'm glad you come back here. Are just are you still?
Speaker 3: Oh no, you're on your freeze side? But do they deliver?
Speaker 1: I'm sure they would for a price. But I don't
Speaker 1: mind getting on the subway and going downtown. I because
Speaker 1: first of all, you can get right past Midtown by
Speaker 1: just staying on the train, so you know, you get
Speaker 1: on the eighty sixth Street and then you mess it
Speaker 1: all out and now you're in Union Square and everything's fine.
Speaker 1: And the other thing is, like you talked about New
Speaker 1: York and they like this. People complain about the subway
Speaker 1: in New York. Now I'm like you guys, have no idea.
Speaker 1: This thing is plaicial now. Used to the subway used
Speaker 1: to be so awful, and now it's like, this is.
Speaker 3: Actually pretty nice. It's all right.
Speaker 2: It goes everywhere very I don't see much trouble.
Speaker 1: It's kind of clean ash.
Speaker 3: It's not bad. That's fine. We used to live in Queensland.
Speaker 3: I was growing up for Harlem and we were on
Speaker 3: the Vomit Comet was what they called the all like that,
Speaker 3: and that was where they had the first subway. Fires
Speaker 3: was our stop, the Halsey Street station. But you know,
Speaker 3: if you're in near eighty sixth I saw Rita Moreno
Speaker 3: do a book talk there at the Barnes and Noble
Speaker 3: and afterwards, yeah, boy, but I messed up with Rita.
Speaker 3: I said, because i'd met her because I did another
Speaker 3: off broad ray show. And I said, oh, after all that,
Speaker 3: I said, you must be tired. She think she was
Speaker 3: in her eighties. She gave me such a look. Oh
Speaker 3: you shouldn't say that. Don't mess with the riata.
Speaker 1: You know, it's funny when you meet especially and this
Speaker 1: must have happened you quite a lot. But when you
Speaker 1: start doing well and people start listening to your stuff,
Speaker 1: you start to meet people that you've vitalized, and it
Speaker 1: can be kind of awkward. It's an odd dynamic to
Speaker 1: be put into.
Speaker 3: Do you remember the.
Speaker 2: First of your heroes that you ever actually met or
Speaker 2: that you worked with?
Speaker 3: Oh? Gee, I don't know even the first, but well,
Speaker 3: Phil Woods used to teach me. He's a wonderful saxophone player, legend,
Speaker 3: and he always said you talked too much about music.
Speaker 3: But then I remember David Byrne. I think the last
Speaker 3: time I saw, one of the last times, I kind
Speaker 3: of locked him in the dressing room because I didn't
Speaker 3: want to let him go, and I kept saying, Mom,
Speaker 3: can I let David out? But you know, people are
Speaker 3: just people. I think it's better if you don't know
Speaker 3: their work, you know, So I try and I try
Speaker 3: not to look at it and watch anything or listen
Speaker 3: to anything.
Speaker 2: Really, you know, it's funny. I know exactly what you mean.
Speaker 1: I spend no time or a very little time talking
Speaker 1: to comedians or or like if I if I'm if
Speaker 1: I'm talking to a comedian or a writer, it is
Speaker 1: probably that I don't socialize with with people that kind
Speaker 1: of do the same as me. Not very often anyway,
Speaker 1: I can't because especially if I really like what they do,
Speaker 1: I'm like, and I'll just make a fool of myself.
Speaker 1: I'll say something stupid. It's interesting you mentioned David Byrne though,
Speaker 1: because it was this thing that I remember from when
Speaker 1: Talking Heads we're doing I guess the album Fear of Music.
Speaker 1: I think it says an early album and or fairly
Speaker 1: early album. They I found out that David Byrne was
Speaker 1: from Scotland. Did you know that. We were all super
Speaker 1: excited when we found out.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was like, David Berne is Scottish.
Speaker 2: Like the coolest person on earth is Scotty. I mean,
Speaker 2: like apart from Boy, but you know, boys no longer
Speaker 2: with us. So it is in vit David burn now
Speaker 2: and he's from Scotland.
Speaker 3: I hardly believe it. But I've never met him. I've
Speaker 3: never he was.
Speaker 1: He's another guy that I kind of thought, like, especially
Speaker 1: when I was doing Late Night and I'd be like, no,
Speaker 1: I don't want to invite people on that I really like.
Speaker 1: I idolize too often. I mean it did happen. There
Speaker 1: were you know, people on that I did adlize, but
Speaker 1: Boy was one of David Burne was another. I was like,
Speaker 1: don't ask them, just in case they say.
Speaker 3: Yes, no, really you didn't go for it.
Speaker 6: No, no, Craig, Maybe maybe now would be okay, maybe
Speaker 6: now would be a little different, because I notice when
Speaker 6: you get older, it kind of it doesn't stop you
Speaker 6: enjoying people's work or really appreciating it.
Speaker 1: But the idea of being intimidated by people like that,
Speaker 1: it doesn't do the same to me.
Speaker 2: Does it still have that effect on you? If you
Speaker 2: meet a giant in your field.
Speaker 3: Well, you just want to have something to say. What
Speaker 3: do you say that hasn't been said before? You know,
Speaker 3: I know you know that that that's it. You want
Speaker 3: to work with them, you know. And I'm sure you
Speaker 3: have so many ideas I didn't have, but I'll put
Speaker 3: it up. But my mug that says tomorrow is just
Speaker 3: a future yesterday, which always wigs me. You can't be
Speaker 3: saying that the stoners man, you know, but it's right
Speaker 3: there in my cabinet. Every morning is ah, you know,
Speaker 3: like the monks say they wake up in the morning,
Speaker 3: Buddhist monks, and the first thing you're supposed to think
Speaker 3: about is death, because that's supposed to kind of orient
Speaker 3: your priorities for the day. I don't know. I don't know,
Speaker 3: but but you know, now you should? You should? Why
Speaker 3: not write songs for David or you guys could do
Speaker 3: it with just one song together? And you know, I
Speaker 3: mean he has a hue huge library in his studio
Speaker 3: and he has he climbs a staircase to get to it,
Speaker 3: and he brought me down a lot of music. I
Speaker 3: was very sweet of him, which I've never returned because
Speaker 3: how could you It has his initials in it. I
Speaker 3: don't want to give that back. Written music like manuscripts. No,
Speaker 3: it's more like obscure Argentine, Tinian orchestras. It has dB
Speaker 3: you know, I mean, look at how he dressed. He
Speaker 3: seems quite meticulous.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, he's a Taurus. You're both Tauruses.
Speaker 1: I should That's what I should say if I ever
Speaker 1: run into David Barn I'll say, look, this may sound
Speaker 1: a little creepy, David, but I know you're from Scotland
Speaker 1: and we're both Taurusts.
Speaker 2: So why not we'll do a song together and we'll
Speaker 2: see what he says.
Speaker 3: I I don't know, I think it might work out.
Speaker 3: Couldn't you start a feud.
Speaker 1: No, I don't want to have a feud with with
Speaker 1: someone I admired.
Speaker 2: That's a terrible idea.
Speaker 3: Have you got any feud?
Speaker 1: Do you have a celebrity feud going on that I
Speaker 1: don't know about it?
Speaker 3: I suggest I suggested it to Ethan because Neil Pepe,
Speaker 3: our director, he was like, we know we're looking for
Speaker 3: ways to promote I said, why don't we have a
Speaker 3: Twitter feud? And Ethan said, oh, I don't do anything
Speaker 3: like that.
Speaker 2: No fun.
Speaker 3: But he's a Virgo. But another Earth sign. I mean,
Speaker 3: I do think if the end of the world came,
Speaker 3: the last to go should be the Earth science because
Speaker 3: you're very grounded. But Scott against Scott. I mean, that's
Speaker 3: that's great. You should look up your respective clans. Maybe
Speaker 3: there's a whole history.
Speaker 1: I don't think we have to. I think they're burn
Speaker 1: and Ferguson. I think that's it. I feel like the
Speaker 1: look nearly. I don't want to get in the way
Speaker 1: of your masterplot. But this is a terrible idea. I
Speaker 1: really like David Byrne. I don't want to be in
Speaker 1: a celebrity feud with David Byrne. But a lot of
Speaker 1: people would be saying, who is this person that David
Speaker 1: Byrne is in a feud with?
Speaker 2: Everybody don't even know who this guy is.
Speaker 1: And David Burner would be like, get very angry and
Speaker 1: wear this big suit.
Speaker 3: I don't want to do that. Does that great?
Speaker 1: You know the British radio show Desert Island Discs.
Speaker 3: Have you ever heard it?
Speaker 1: No? Oh, it's a great show, Nelly. It's a radio show.
Speaker 1: And what they do is they have it's been going
Speaker 1: on for like sixty or seventy or maybe even more years,
Speaker 1: and it's what it is is a guest comes on
Speaker 1: every week and they can be from any part of
Speaker 1: the world and they choose six songs.
Speaker 2: They call it Desert Island Discs. Like you're on a
Speaker 2: desert island.
Speaker 1: You only have six songs that you can listen to
Speaker 1: for the rest of your life on a gramophone.
Speaker 2: That's how long it's been going on.
Speaker 1: So you get to pick six discs and you also
Speaker 1: get to take you get given the full work of
Speaker 1: Shakespeare and the Bible, but you also get to take
Speaker 1: one luxury item and a book or something like that.
Speaker 2: And they talked and David Byrne was on it. I
Speaker 2: heard David Byrne on it, and he was hilarious.
Speaker 3: Hilarious. It's not what I expected at all. That's what
Speaker 3: his former Ben may say. They say, now he's mister Rogers.
Speaker 3: What the fart?
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's he was, He's so he's a very singular,
Speaker 2: a true musician.
Speaker 1: I think, like you, someone who whose mind thinks in music.
Speaker 1: I mean, not someone who really even learns music as
Speaker 1: much as just that's how their brain works. And I
Speaker 1: think I think you're very similar. I think you processed
Speaker 1: the human experience through music. I think he does the
Speaker 1: same thing. Everything is there, don't you think I wish
Speaker 1: I was. I wish I was like that.
Speaker 3: I mean, before to prep for you, I was listening
Speaker 3: to Noam Chomsky on consumerism.
Speaker 1: Which is a perfect choice, you know, you said earlier
Speaker 1: on the Buddhist monks say that when you wake up,
Speaker 1: the first thing you should do is think about death,
Speaker 1: right as you wake up in the morning.
Speaker 2: I have noticed that the older I get, the more
Speaker 2: I do that. I woke up with a month ago,
Speaker 2: still here, Eh, Okay, what are we going to do now?
Speaker 3: It's not bad, But do you have a positive opinion
Speaker 3: of death? When do you think when do you plan
Speaker 3: to live to I was hoping ninety three. I'm sixty
Speaker 3: three right now. That'll be thirty more years.
Speaker 1: But it depends on how the health goes, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't I don't know. I mean, you know, if
Speaker 1: it's going to be very bad for a long time,
Speaker 1: then but I don't know.
Speaker 2: I think I have a.
Speaker 1: Reasonably positive idea of it. What do you think happens
Speaker 1: after it's all over?
Speaker 2: Do you have any any inclination? Do you think about it?
Speaker 1: Well?
Speaker 3: I think we're naturally and of course this shuts out
Speaker 3: pretty much everything in our culture, but we're naturally supposed
Speaker 3: to live to six times the age of maturation, which
Speaker 3: should be one hundred and twenty because we're basically not
Speaker 3: fully formed until about twenty. But of course, you know,
Speaker 3: there's so many ways that is forced upon us that
Speaker 3: goof that up. But I've lost so many people, and
Speaker 3: good people, the bloomers, for God's sake. You know. It
Speaker 3: used to be when I was playing Nursing Homes Craig,
Speaker 3: everybody wanted Tommy Dorsey. Now everybody wants Nick Jagger. They say,
Speaker 3: who's Tommy Dorsey? So it's going to be everybody wants
Speaker 3: David Byrne, this is not okay. I don't accept this,
Speaker 3: you know, you know, and then it's going to be
Speaker 3: the song song you know? But but then what do
Speaker 3: I hope happens? I do think there's something beyond. I
Speaker 3: think all these serendipities are more than just coincidences. There
Speaker 3: are too many things that pop up. And it's not
Speaker 3: just that the devices are listening to us all the time.
Speaker 3: So whatever we're talking about now, I will then receive
Speaker 3: an ad for afterwards. It's not just that there are
Speaker 3: genuine signs, it seems. And when you listen to people
Speaker 3: who have had near death experiences, you get the sense
Speaker 3: of such peace and they never want to come back.
Speaker 3: And then whatever is happening on the writing table works
Speaker 3: and they come back and they're back to pain, but
Speaker 3: they've had this near death experience and it's beautiful. And
Speaker 3: that's what I hope. I just hope we're reunited and
Speaker 3: there's no more misunderstandings or pain, because who needs that.
Speaker 3: I don't know how it is in your relationship, but
Speaker 3: this whole thing of like, you know, relationships are hard, No,
Speaker 3: screw that, work is hard, life is hard. You want
Speaker 3: to come home at the end of the day and
Speaker 3: just be you know, have a cold one or not
Speaker 3: if you want to live to one twenty and be
Speaker 3: happy that.
Speaker 1: I think you're right. I think that there is such
Speaker 1: an odd thing there was once. I'm going to tell
Speaker 1: you something now, something I did. The piece of writing
Speaker 1: that I am most proud of is a short story
Speaker 1: that I wrote for a collection of stories that my
Speaker 1: friend Larry Block, who's a very good writer, was putting together.
Speaker 1: A collection of stories all based on the paintings of
Speaker 1: Edward Hopper. So a bunch of different people, some really
Speaker 1: clever people like Joyce, Carol Oates.
Speaker 3: Stephen King, you know, Scott Truro. They wrote. Everybody wrote
Speaker 3: a short story.
Speaker 1: And I wrote a short story about a church, and
Speaker 1: I just invented a whole thing about a Hopper painting
Speaker 1: of a church in Massachusetts. And it's the best thing
Speaker 1: I've written because it was about death. It was about
Speaker 1: a man who dies in the space of the short story,
Speaker 1: and I mean, as he's dying, something really weird happens
Speaker 1: and he says is he says to the person that
Speaker 1: turns out it's basically Elvis turns up as he's dying
Speaker 1: and Elvis has been long dead, and Elvis he says
Speaker 1: to Elvis, this is just the entertainment of a dying brain,
Speaker 1: isn't It's just the hallucination of a dying brain. And
Speaker 1: Elvis says, I think you can overthink these things. And
Speaker 1: I think that that is such a I felt very
Speaker 1: comfortable with that, and so that's where I'm going to
Speaker 1: set where it's inevitable.
Speaker 3: So why overthinking it'll happen? But do you feel comfortable
Speaker 3: because you're Craig ferguson the end. Also, you have a
Speaker 3: lovely lady that your things will be taken care of
Speaker 3: in treasured.
Speaker 2: I think that I think I own nothing. I own nothing,
Speaker 2: not even your body. You don't even own that. You
Speaker 2: can't even control that. So I think everything is everything
Speaker 2: is gone.
Speaker 1: And so whatever the lovely paintings or automobiles or anything
Speaker 1: that I own, when when I go they're no longer mine,
Speaker 1: what does it matter?
Speaker 3: I know? But I just I hate whist. But it's
Speaker 3: just interesting because we would talk about David Bryn You
Speaker 3: know his song Heaven Do you agree with you?
Speaker 1: Oh? Yeah, it happened is a place everybody's trying to
Speaker 1: get to the bar. The I used to listen to it,
Speaker 1: and it's funny. I think that life is very is
Speaker 1: very perspective driven through the chronology of it. So if,
Speaker 1: for example, I listened to that song a lot when
Speaker 1: I was a young man, he wrote the song when
Speaker 1: he was a young man, and I thought it was
Speaker 1: funny and irreverent and and kind of almost defiant in
Speaker 1: its stance.
Speaker 3: It was.
Speaker 2: It was, it was a satire almost.
Speaker 1: And now I look at it from the perspective I'm
Speaker 1: much further along the beach, so the island I'm looking
Speaker 1: at looks like a different shape now, and and I
Speaker 1: think that's actually quite a relaxing and cool idea that
Speaker 1: nothing ever happens. There's a I think that it's in
Speaker 1: Jewish tradition and the idea of shield, which is a
Speaker 1: place that the world where everybody goes there after death.
Speaker 1: And it's just kind of not very interesting, let's all
Speaker 1: really say about it.
Speaker 2: I don't know enough. I don't know enough about it.
Speaker 1: It's not like, but it's not lakes of fire and
Speaker 1: people prodden you with steaks around like that. It's just
Speaker 1: like it's just a little boring, all right. It's lovely
Speaker 1: catching up with you I do want to come and see.
Speaker 2: Uh, what's the name of.
Speaker 3: The plagua in love? Love? Love?
Speaker 2: It's love, It's all love. Maybe again, let's love, Let's love, yes,
Speaker 2: which I suspect that maybe.
Speaker 3: Irony in that title. But oh boy, it's very smutty.
Speaker 3: You should know, Craig. I hope you're comfortable with that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, actually remarkably so. That's great. I'm very pleased about that.
Speaker 2: Are you do Are you doing all the music for
Speaker 2: it as well?
Speaker 3: Well? Yes, but some of it I think we'll be
Speaker 3: we will be standards. We're still figuring it out now.
Speaker 3: But you know, have you done Broadway or theater shows?
Speaker 3: I've done a lot of theater.
Speaker 1: I'm done Broadway, but I did the West End in London,
Speaker 1: and I've done you know, different theater shows around the world,
Speaker 1: but not Broadway.
Speaker 2: I imagine it's much the same.
Speaker 3: Isn't it fun to just be you know, I've just
Speaker 3: been part of the machine and not have to do
Speaker 3: the whole motor yourself. Yes, it is. It is that.
Speaker 1: It's one of the things I miss about it is
Speaker 1: that you know, somebody will come over and say no,
Speaker 1: what you have to do is stand over there, say
Speaker 1: that sing that. Do that and run out there as
Speaker 1: fast as you can. Don't mess around, just do that,
Speaker 1: and that's your job for the night.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 1: And then the best advice I got. There's an old
Speaker 1: time performer when I was a young performer, he said,
Speaker 1: when you he said, when you get on stage, lift
Speaker 1: your head up, lift your head up and look up
Speaker 1: because the people at the back have paid as well.
Speaker 1: Eyes and teeth all the way in the back of
Speaker 1: the room.
Speaker 3: I love that, wonderful eyes and teeth as well. And
Speaker 3: but do you know Jim Dale?
Speaker 1: Yes, I mean I don't know him, but yes, I'm
Speaker 1: very aware of his amazing career.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was fun doing it. He could still do
Speaker 3: high kicks in his seventies. When we did throw me
Speaker 3: off for together. Did you know Alan Rickman? I did.
Speaker 2: I knew him a little bit, a little bit, did
Speaker 2: you what was was.
Speaker 3: He onru open? Did he do it? No? But he
Speaker 3: went to school with my mother and he was always
Speaker 3: organizing things. Yeah, for their final test, he sang a
Speaker 3: thousand clowns. Wait a minute, no, not what he send
Speaker 3: in the clowns and then they they they were They
Speaker 3: were extras on the film A Lucky Man so you
Speaker 3: can see them at the end dancing.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, boy Alan Rickman and your mom.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, he was. You know. Then when I got
Speaker 3: a record contract, I think it kind of messed him up.
Speaker 3: We started calling him uncle Al and he would say,
Speaker 3: my name is Allen and my name your uncle. All Right,
Speaker 3: we gotta go.
Speaker 1: Good luck with let's love, and I will come and
Speaker 1: see it, particularly if it's smutty and it's downtown. That's
Speaker 1: these are two things that I might to. Okay, so
Speaker 1: take care of yourself. No hitch hiking around New York please,
Speaker 1: and I captain. Yeah, all right, good, I'll tell you so.
Speaker 1: Bye bye, Nelly Bi Graig