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Speaker 1: Welcome to the ten Minute Storyteller. That's me Bill Simpson,

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Speaker 1: your host, narrator, and author. We hear at the ten

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Speaker 1: minute Storyteller endeavor to entertain you with tall tales or

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Speaker 1: rendered swiftly and with the utmost empathy. We pledge to

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Speaker 1: pack as much entertainment, emotion, and exploration into the human

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Speaker 1: condition as ten minutes will permit. Mini novels on steroids.

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Speaker 1: This week we meet stan stan He's an old timer

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Speaker 1: living out the tail end, but he still remembers the

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Speaker 1: glory days when he was full of the usual piss

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Speaker 1: and vinegar. Stan longs for one more rodeo his wife,

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Speaker 1: long deceased. Stan would like one final conquest before the

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Speaker 1: call comes in from his maker. Stan the stud. Stanley

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Speaker 1: is ninety four. He still gets a heart on almost

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Speaker 1: every day. These heart ons don't last long. A few

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Speaker 1: seconds maybe, if he's lucky, half a minute, but always

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Speaker 1: long enough to catch Stanley's attention, remind him of his

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Speaker 1: virile youth, and most of all, make him wonder if

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Speaker 1: he still possesses the jiz to get the job done.

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Speaker 1: It's been so damn long since Stanley had sex. Oh god,

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Speaker 1: gotta be years. I mean Ruth's been dead. What six

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Speaker 1: year seven nine tough to remember, A hell of a

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Speaker 1: long time any way, you want to shake it. And

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Speaker 1: it's not like they were copulating with any great vigor

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Speaker 1: before she croped the cancer, of course, and the heart condition,

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Speaker 1: and before the health problems that decade or so, when

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Speaker 1: they barely spoke to one another, let alone hit the

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Speaker 1: rack and hat at it. But get Ruth in the

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Speaker 1: right mood. Oh, she was a moody little girl, that one.

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Speaker 1: And mix in just the right amount of vodka Spitzer

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Speaker 1: and Ruth could let her permed hair down, even get

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Speaker 1: a little wild like that, like that time up in

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Speaker 1: the rented lake house up in the Adirondacks, forty years

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Speaker 1: after the tussle, and it still puts a smile on

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Speaker 1: Stanley's face. Why Stanley wonders, looking out the window at

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Speaker 1: the employee parking lot and the dreary winter landscape. Didn't

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Speaker 1: we fuck like that every dang day, or at least

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Speaker 1: once a week, once a month, would have done the trick?

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Speaker 1: Oh hell, muttered Stanley. The goddamn passed. Stanley lives at

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Speaker 1: the old Fogi's home, tranquil Acres. Oh Christ, how he

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Speaker 1: hates that name makes him want a puke. Tranquil Acres

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Speaker 1: sh ge it every time he says it or even

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Speaker 1: thinks it. Stanley wants to punch the guy who thought

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Speaker 1: it up right in the old kisser, Walk up to

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Speaker 1: the jackass and say, tranquil Acres. You think old age

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Speaker 1: is about tranquility, Damn bro Come on, It's about being

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Speaker 1: pissed off and full of regrets and confusion and rock

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Speaker 1: hard turds you can't pass and the urethra choked off

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Speaker 1: by a prostrate the size of a fucking softball. Ain't

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Speaker 1: nothing tranquil about it, nothing, nothing at all. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: it would be sweet to punch that face. It's been

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Speaker 1: decades since Stanley landed a punch. Seven decades at least.

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Speaker 1: Back during his army days, he was a bit of

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Speaker 1: a brawler. Loves to tell the goals around the dinner

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Speaker 1: table and during bridge tournaments about the fistfights and wrestling

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Speaker 1: matches he got in as a kid. Always booze involved,

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Speaker 1: always always booze, and usually some good looking dame. The

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Speaker 1: ladies widows all make fun of Stanley, call him names

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Speaker 1: like killer and tough Guy and stan the Hammer, but

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Speaker 1: back in their lonely little rooms with their knitting and

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Speaker 1: Downton Abbey reruns. They pine for Stanley. They dream of skinny,

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Speaker 1: little wrinkled Stanley with his last few strands of gray hair,

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Speaker 1: knocking on their door late at night, slipping into the

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Speaker 1: room with the bottle of burgundy, and slipping between the sheets.

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Speaker 1: Stanley is, after all, one of the very few men

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Speaker 1: on the unit, and just about the only one who

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Speaker 1: still has his marbles other than crazy ned Turner, who

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Speaker 1: grows more unfiltered every day. Stanley blurts out a lot

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Speaker 1: of nonsense also, but at least he's amusing and kind

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Speaker 1: of cute, and the girls claim he still has his teeth.

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Speaker 1: Stanley has proposed to several of the ladies, Hey, whatever

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Speaker 1: it takes, he tells them, whatever it takes to get

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Speaker 1: you into the sack. So far, none of the ladies

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Speaker 1: have accepted his proposal. They don't think he's serious. They

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Speaker 1: think he's just kidding around. They think he's a bag

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Speaker 1: of a wind like hell, I am, I'm a serious suitor. Well. Finally,

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Speaker 1: Agnes eighty nine tells Stanley she'll sleep with him, but

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Speaker 1: no way is she marrying him or any other man

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Speaker 1: for that matter. I was married to Bert for over

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Speaker 1: sixty years and I will never ever make that mistake again.

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Speaker 1: Stand and Agnes do some necking and cuddling in anticipation

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Speaker 1: of the big event, and by the time the big

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Speaker 1: event rolls around, just about all the ladies on the

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Speaker 1: unit have wind of what's going to happen. In Agnes

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Speaker 1: Brown's deluxe suite at the end of the third floor hallway,

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Speaker 1: it's all the ladies talk about. They even lay wagers

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Speaker 1: as to whether Stanley will be able to perform. By

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Speaker 1: the close of betting, it's three to two against both

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Speaker 1: Agnes and Stanley. Come prepared. Agnes has taken a variety

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Speaker 1: of botanical supplements and applied a dab of topical enhancement

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Speaker 1: cream to her poon. She also has the tube of

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Speaker 1: cream on the bedside stand just in case, and in

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Speaker 1: the drawer of the stand in the event of an

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Speaker 1: emergency a tube of ky jelly the old standby. When

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Speaker 1: her hubby Burt was still kicking and stan well, he

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Speaker 1: may well have gone overboard. This is his big chance

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Speaker 1: and no way does he want to blow it. So

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Speaker 1: not only did he take one hundred milligrams of viagra,

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Speaker 1: the highest prescribed dosage, but just to be sure, he

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Speaker 1: threw back twenty milligrams of sealis. Stan The stud enters

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Speaker 1: Agnes is sweet, with enough heart on med in his

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Speaker 1: system to give a two thousand pound black rhino an erection.

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Speaker 1: They drink a little wine, cozy up on the couch,

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Speaker 1: do a little smooching and caressing, and finally, after turning

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Speaker 1: off all the lights and plunging the room into complete darkness,

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Speaker 1: Agnes leads Stanley over to the bed. Are you nervous,

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Speaker 1: ask sir? Of course, yeah, a little sure? Are you

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Speaker 1: not me? Not? Stan Whitlock he is, though he's plenty nervous.

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Speaker 1: Not only does he want to satisfy Agnes, but he

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Speaker 1: knows about the wagers. It'll absolutely kill him to be

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Speaker 1: the laughing stock of tranquil Acres. They disrobe in the

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Speaker 1: darkness and slip between the sheets, and the second Stanley's

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Speaker 1: slightly erect penis encounters Agnes's thigh, it springs to life

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Speaker 1: like a tulip bulb after a long cold winter, A

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Speaker 1: dangerous projectile to be sure, filled with both firmness and girth.

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Speaker 1: Agnes touches it and with some alarm declares, oh my,

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Speaker 1: it takes some time and plenty of patience and a

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Speaker 1: couple more applications of enhancement cream, but eventually Agnes and

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Speaker 1: Stanley achieved coitus, with stan on top and Agnes below.

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Speaker 1: Agnes is happy to have accepted all that Stanley had

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Speaker 1: to offer with only a bit of discomfort and now

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Speaker 1: no pain at all, even a little sparkle of pleasure.

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Speaker 1: She hugs and kisses him on the mouth and throws

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Speaker 1: in a few late moans, just the way she used

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Speaker 1: to do with Bert, and after a few minutes of grinding,

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Speaker 1: she feigns a nice little orgasm, which always led quickly

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Speaker 1: to Bert finishing up and rolling off. But this doesn't happen, No,

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Speaker 1: stan He's just getting warmed up the guy. He's really

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Speaker 1: going to town. So to move things along, Agnes fakes

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Speaker 1: a noisier and more dramatic orgasm, and poor Stanley he

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Speaker 1: wants to come, he really does. He's getting tired, he

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Speaker 1: wants to finish up, give Agnes a break. But that erection,

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Speaker 1: the damn thing has a mind of its own, a

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Speaker 1: life of its own. It's like some alien life form

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Speaker 1: that has attached itself to his body. Stanley pumps and

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Speaker 1: pumps heaves and moans, he uses every last ounce of

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Speaker 1: strength and breath left in his little, old, weasoned body,

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Speaker 1: and finally, finally, finally, Oh God, Agnes, Oh God, here

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Speaker 1: it comes, hear it, and glory be the day Stanley comes.

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Speaker 1: The longest and most intense orgasm of Stanley's long life,

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Speaker 1: and a moment later before he has a chance to

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Speaker 1: relax and roll off and ask Agnes if she had

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Speaker 1: a good time, Stanley's overworked heart gives out and Stanley

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Speaker 1: expires in Agnes's arms. The perfect way to go, and

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Speaker 1: Agnes well. She lives another thirteen years to the ripe

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Speaker 1: old age of one hundred and ten. She never, for

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Speaker 1: a moment forgets her one night's stand with Stanley. In fact,

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Speaker 1: practically every day for all those years she tells someone

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Speaker 1: at tranquil Acres about her role in the hay with

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Speaker 1: Stanley the Stud. Thanks for listening to this original audio

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Speaker 1: presentation of stan the Stud narrated by the author. If

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Speaker 1: you enjoyed today's story, please take a few seconds to rate, review,

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Speaker 1: and subscribe to this podcast, and then go to Thomas

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Speaker 1: William Simpson dot com for additional information about the author

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Speaker 1: and to view his extensive canon. The Ten Minute Storyteller

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Speaker 1: is produced by Andrew Pligleisi and Josh Klani and is

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Speaker 1: part of the Elvis Duran podcast Network in partnership with

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Speaker 1: iHeart Productions. Until next time, this is Bill Simpson, your

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Speaker 1: ten Minute Storyteller,