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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 2: The research shows this study was by Cassie Mold from

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Speaker 2: UCLA that if you have at least two hours of

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Speaker 2: time just free time to do whatever you want, that

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Speaker 2: leads to better health outcomes and mental wellbeing, and if

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Speaker 2: you have more than five hours, that actually has a

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Speaker 2: negative effect on your mental health.

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Speaker 1: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

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Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 1: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 1: on iTunes and visit cultivatinghurspace dot com to access our

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Speaker 1: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 3: women like you. We're your hosts doctor Dominique Broussard, a

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Speaker 3: college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 1: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker.

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Speaker 4: In a world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood,

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Speaker 4: please join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything

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Speaker 4: from five roids to fake friends and create a safe

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Speaker 4: space where black women can just be.

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Speaker 3: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here from the Cultivating her

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Speaker 3: Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the state

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Speaker 3: of California in contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so,

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Speaker 3: please reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brussard dot com.

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Speaker 3: That's d R D O M I N I q

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Speaker 3: U E vr ou Ssard dot com to schedule a

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Speaker 3: free fifteen minute consultation. I look forward to hearing from.

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Speaker 5: You, lady. Today, we have a very special guest that

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Speaker 5: we think you are going to love. Ashley Minvie's Opportune

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Speaker 5: is a lawyer, career advisor, and storyteller. She's passionate about

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Speaker 5: work at the intersection of humanity and career, and she's

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Speaker 5: also the host, creator, and producer of No Straight Path,

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Speaker 5: a podcast aim at exploring the human stories behind success.

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Speaker 5: Ashley graduated from Harvard Law School Okay Ashley, and received

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Speaker 5: her VA and political science from Stanford University. She's also

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Speaker 5: an LA native with the Black American and Guyanese roots.

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Speaker 5: She enjoys a good memoir, quality time with her husband

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Speaker 5: at loved Ones, and embracing her Guyanese culture through so

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Speaker 5: good things and Ashley, welcome to cultivating her space.

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Speaker 6: Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to

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Speaker 6: be here.

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Speaker 3: Well, we are definitely looking forward to this conversation. And

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Speaker 3: so our quote of the day, Ashley, will sound really

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Speaker 3: familiar to you because these are your words. The pauses

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Speaker 3: in life taught me how to live. I'm gonna let

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Speaker 3: that sink in and I'm gonna say it one more

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Speaker 3: time for the people in the back. The pauses in

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Speaker 3: life taught me how to live. Now, Ashley, that statement

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Speaker 3: was part of a larger quote that you had on

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Speaker 3: social media, and so tell us a little bit more

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Speaker 3: about what this quote means to you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, it's all about self reflection. For me,

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Speaker 2: I feel like when I've been able to take a pause,

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Speaker 2: sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally based on life circumstances, it's

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Speaker 2: allowed me to step into a better version of myself.

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Speaker 2: It's allowed me to kind of recenter and figure out

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Speaker 2: what's most important. And so it's allowed me to also

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Speaker 2: just get really a strong presence practice, which I think

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Speaker 2: is important because a lot of our lives is you know,

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Speaker 2: they're just usually busy, the hustle, the grind, the day

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Speaker 2: to day the responsibilities, but the pauses, they just allow

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Speaker 2: you to connect better with self. And so that's what

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Speaker 2: it means for me. Happy to go into details if

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Speaker 2: you want, or we can go into that later, but

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Speaker 2: there's been a few pauses that have changed my life.

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Speaker 5: Yes, we're definitely going to dive into that, Ashley, because

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Speaker 5: I already have questions. So I'm like, Okay, let me

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Speaker 5: let me organize my thoughts. We're going to start with

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Speaker 5: your origin story and then circle back on the pause

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Speaker 5: because that's loaded. There's so much we could dive into there.

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Speaker 5: So Ashley, tell us what is your origin story and

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Speaker 5: how did you become the Ashley that sits here before

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Speaker 5: us today.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so you know, I think it starts with a

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Speaker 2: lot of love, support, and drive. I would say, are

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Speaker 2: the three things that really defined my origin story. And

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Speaker 2: you might have you read a little bit about it

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Speaker 2: in my bio. But I grew up in LA with

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Speaker 2: such a supportive family. I'm an only child and I

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Speaker 2: come from on my mom's side.

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Speaker 6: My family immigrated from Mississippi.

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Speaker 2: That immigrated migrated from that's the other family, but one

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Speaker 2: side migrated from Mississippi and Arkansas. During the Great migration

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Speaker 2: period to Los Angeles, and so there's just a lot

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Speaker 2: of like Southern Black roots on that side and that influence.

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Speaker 6: And then on my dad's side, my.

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Speaker 2: Grandparents they emigrated from Guyana and so strong Caribbean culture

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Speaker 2: and influence.

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Speaker 6: Grew up with my.

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Speaker 2: Grandmother in the home, so really just so many of

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Speaker 2: her values were instilled in me. I feel very connected

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Speaker 2: to the culture, and.

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Speaker 6: All of that allowed me to have a really.

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Speaker 2: Just dynamic black experience and really embrace my blackness in

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Speaker 2: different ways, which I feel very grateful for. And part

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Speaker 2: of that is connected to just little Ashley being born intense.

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Speaker 2: So I had this supportive family and so even though

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Speaker 2: they kind of allowed me to do what I wanted

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Speaker 2: to do for the most part, you know what was reasonable,

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Speaker 2: but they didn't really push it. Was a lot of

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Speaker 2: my strive and my drive for achievement came from me

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Speaker 2: early on, and so I was a little older, I

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Speaker 2: would color outside of the lines and have a huge breakdown.

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Speaker 2: My family always loves to tell this story where my cousin,

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Speaker 2: on the other hand, she would color outside the lines

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Speaker 2: and move to the next activity, just unmothered.

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Speaker 6: We're still very similar today and I admire her.

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Speaker 2: I wish I could be like her, and so always

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Speaker 2: wanted to do well at whatever I was.

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Speaker 6: Doing, and I wrote my goals down very early.

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Speaker 2: So at the age of ten, I wrote a letter

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Speaker 2: to myself where I said that I wanted to go

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Speaker 2: to Harvard, that I wanted to be a lawyer, that

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Speaker 2: I wanted to go to Stanford, and that I also

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Speaker 2: love shopping and like pasta, which are things I still love.

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Speaker 2: And my mom kept that letter, and you know, I

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Speaker 2: was able to achieve all of those dreams. The path

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Speaker 2: was not linear I thought it would be. There are

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Speaker 2: a lot of challenges, a lot of pivots and lessons

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Speaker 2: learned on the way. But ultimately I'm here because I

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Speaker 2: think the drive, the support, the love through all that achievement.

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Speaker 2: I also had some failures, and I think the failures

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Speaker 2: and the challenges are really what also allows me to

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Speaker 2: be the person that sits here in front of you

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Speaker 2: today because I have a lot more understanding empathy and humility.

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Speaker 5: What a beautiful, just beautiful origin story. Thank you for sharing.

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Speaker 6: Thank you.

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Speaker 3: You know what I appreciate is the acknowledgement that the

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Speaker 3: role of failure has played in your life, and so

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Speaker 3: can you share with our listeners what are some of

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Speaker 3: the failures you experienced and exactly how did they change

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Speaker 3: your life?

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Speaker 6: Yeah, definitely, so.

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Speaker 2: I think one of the ones that really sticks out

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Speaker 2: was the California bar exam. So most of my life

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Speaker 2: I was someone who was able to put in the

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Speaker 2: hard work and see positive results and actually, you know,

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Speaker 2: just think, Okay, if I work hard, it's all going

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Speaker 2: to work out exactly the way that I play in

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Speaker 2: Because a lot of my life did work out in

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Speaker 2: that way from an academic perspective, career perspective, and so

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Speaker 2: I was blessed to a certain extent. But I was

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Speaker 2: also blessed with this failure because it allowed me to

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Speaker 2: actually question my beliefs around certain things. I was devastated.

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Speaker 2: So Number one, I worked really hard. I was just

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Speaker 2: coming off of graduating from Harvard Law School. I was

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Speaker 2: a legal writing advisor there, finally proven myself, you know,

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Speaker 2: as a black woman in these institutions, teaching other Harvard

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Speaker 2: law students and finding my confidence in all these spaces,

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Speaker 2: and then right out the gate before I can even

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Speaker 2: become an attorney, like the dream that I've had since

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Speaker 2: I was ten years old, I'm.

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Speaker 6: Unable to pass the exam.

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Speaker 2: And when I first failed, because of all the devastation,

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Speaker 2: because of all the shame, I really got in my

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Speaker 2: head about things, and it was challenging to get back

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Speaker 2: up and try again, and when I did, the anxiety

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Speaker 2: took over. I failed again. I lost my job, and

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Speaker 2: at that point I thought, Okay, my life is over.

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Speaker 2: Tim for you know, his younger self, thinking back, but

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Speaker 2: just thinking like, how could this happen to me? I'm smart,

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Speaker 2: I've worked hard. I know I can do this. I've

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Speaker 2: done so much. And it was a psychological mental thing

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Speaker 2: at that point, because I knew the material, but I

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Speaker 2: remember being just so nervous and so overwhelmed and knowing

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Speaker 2: that my job was on the line as well. And

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Speaker 2: so when I tried for that third time, I let

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Speaker 2: go of all expectations. And so the first lesson I

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Speaker 2: learned is sometimes when you are trying to hold into

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Speaker 2: like a dream so so so so tight, like, it

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Speaker 2: can be challenging to actually achieve it because you're so

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Speaker 2: caught up in the pursuit as opposed to actual process.

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Speaker 2: And I think that once I was able to let

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Speaker 2: it go, the job wasn't on the line.

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Speaker 6: Knew I wanted this.

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Speaker 2: Though I knew I wanted to become a lawyer and

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Speaker 2: be become an attorney. I ended up I was. I

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Speaker 2: was able to pass and it was a beautiful moment

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Speaker 2: that I got to prove to myself that I could

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Speaker 2: do this, and you know, I'm grateful for it. And

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Speaker 2: I think the other thing that I big thing that

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Speaker 2: I learned too, is that I just attached too much

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Speaker 2: of my self worth and too much of my self

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Speaker 2: worth to my accomplishments and at that time also to

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Speaker 2: my failures. And then I later realized that, you know,

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Speaker 2: my self worth is just tied to my humanity.

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Speaker 6: I am a child of God. I belong, you know.

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Speaker 2: And I don't think I would have been able to

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Speaker 2: recognize that unless I failed, because outwardly looking in people

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Speaker 2: wouldn't say, oh, she's the girl that's like tying all

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Speaker 2: her work to X, Y and Z and bragging and

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Speaker 2: saying you know so, But it was it was inside.

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Speaker 2: It was like, oh no, like this is something like

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Speaker 2: I think, you know. I'll give you one example. I

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Speaker 2: thought that my now husband boyfriend at the time was

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Speaker 2: going to leave me because I failed the bar exam,

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Speaker 2: and it sounds so crazy and odd now, but I

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Speaker 2: just thought like people liked me or people were in

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Speaker 2: my life because I was doing well and because I

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Speaker 2: was achieving, and I don't think I would have recognized that,

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Speaker 2: And so it allowed me to go on this great

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Speaker 2: self discovery journey to figure out, Okay, what, how am

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Speaker 2: I really defining myself?

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Speaker 6: You know?

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Speaker 2: How am I defining my self worth? And how can

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Speaker 2: I grow from this?

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Speaker 5: Hey lady, it's Terry here, Dom and I want to

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Speaker 5: take a moment to thank you for choosing to listen

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Speaker 5: to our podcast. We love you for real, and we

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Speaker 5: want to give you a chance to learn more about

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Speaker 5: what's important to us. So tell us what you think

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Speaker 5: about this.

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Speaker 7: Imagine a world where you have a chance to get

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Speaker 7: featured on the Cultivating her Space podcast and share your business,

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Speaker 7: brand or perspective with millions around the globe. Imagine joining

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Speaker 7: our monthly virtual video check ins where you can connect

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Speaker 7: with like minded black women like you and share your

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Speaker 7: ideas and episode suggestions with Terry and I. Now, I

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Speaker 7: want you to imagine a world where you're in the

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Speaker 7: exclusive Cultivating her Space sanctuary Slack channel, and throughout your

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Speaker 7: day and week, you are conversing with us about what's

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Speaker 7: happening in your life and sharing funny gifts and or

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Speaker 7: personal wins.

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Speaker 5: How does that sound. Hopefully this is a your alley, Lady,

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Speaker 5: because we are taking things to the next level of

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Speaker 5: this year, and we're doubling down on investing in our community.

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Speaker 5: That means you. We want to meet you, connect with you,

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Speaker 5: and create communities of genuine women who love on black

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Speaker 5: women and push our culture and movement forward. We launched

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Speaker 5: this podcast in twenty nineteen, and to date we have

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Speaker 5: not missed a week. We've been great stewards of our platform,

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Speaker 5: all while working full time and navigating our own ups

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Speaker 5: and downs. We release fresh new content every single Friday

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Speaker 5: like clockwork, and we have hundreds of valuable episodes and

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Speaker 5: workshops that can really help you up level your life.

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Speaker 5: So if you love our mission or you've gotten value

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Speaker 5: from us, we invite you to give back and help

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Speaker 5: us push this community effort forward. Visit Herspace podcast dot

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Speaker 5: com and click Patreon. You can learn more about our

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Speaker 5: goals and exclusive offerings on Patreon, and we highly highly

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Speaker 5: encourage you to join the Sister Frontier so that you

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Speaker 5: can get someone on one time with us. We also

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Speaker 5: have an option for you to donate on a one

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Speaker 5: time basis if that meets your needs again Perspace podcast

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Speaker 5: dot com and you can click that link it says Patreon.

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Speaker 5: All right, lady, we'll hop right back into the conversation.

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Speaker 5: Thank you so much for sharing, Ashley. That is so

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Speaker 5: insightful and I think so many people can relate to that,

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Speaker 5: you know, attaching our worth, to our accomplishments and what

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Speaker 5: we do in the world and the things that you know,

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Speaker 5: other people acknowledge us for. So we're going to jump

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Speaker 5: back into some questions around us. But first we want

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Speaker 5: to shift up the energy a little bit. Okay, So, Ashley,

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Speaker 5: because we recognize, appreciate, and celebrate the multifaceted woman, and

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Speaker 5: we believe that it's okay to be bougie, classy and ratchet, right,

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Speaker 5: you can still be elegant and danced to strip club music.

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Speaker 5: We want to invite you to the Oh You Blatchett segment.

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Speaker 5: Do you take on the challenge?

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Speaker 6: Challenge accepted?

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Speaker 5: Yes, Okay, okay, okay. So now that you've agreed, we're

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Speaker 5: going to tell you what to expect. So we're going

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Speaker 5: to ask you three questions. We're going to share three

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Speaker 5: sentence completions. And then we have three photos pull of

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Speaker 5: you that we found online and we're going to share

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Speaker 5: one of them on the big screen, and we want

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Speaker 5: you to provide some context about the photo that we

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Speaker 5: wouldn't know just by looking at it. So we're going

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Speaker 5: to jump into the first segment here, which are the

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Speaker 5: three questions, And I'm going to ease into this segment.

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Speaker 5: So the first question is what's the best piece of

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Speaker 5: wisdom or advice you've ever received?

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Speaker 6: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Faith, Yeah, from my mother, from my grandmother, from every

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Speaker 2: black auntie I've ever met.

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Speaker 6: I think that having faith.

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Speaker 2: That it'll work out, especially when you're navigating uncertainty, is

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Speaker 2: just theyre right, like, and I think life has shown

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Speaker 2: me that having faith allows me to get through those

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Speaker 2: challenging times and allows me to move through it with

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Speaker 2: more peace. And so sometimes I think when I was younger,

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Speaker 2: you know, they're telling me, oh, have faith half fame like,

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Speaker 2: but like, listen, my life right now, it's not looking great,

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Speaker 2: Like what are we doing God, what are we doing here?

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Speaker 6: But they're right. I always say, yeah.

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Speaker 3: I love it, Yes, Okay, So having faith and faith

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Speaker 3: will get us through lots of things, including dancing when

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Speaker 3: we aren't so confident in our dance moves. So, Ashley,

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Speaker 3: I have four words for you. Twerk or two step.

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Speaker 2: Yes, definitely now two step. I love a two step.

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Speaker 2: I think my natural tendency is a two step, especially

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Speaker 2: just just because it works for everything, Like it works

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Speaker 2: for like the old like family reunion, you're doing the

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Speaker 2: electric side, you're doing all the steps. It works for Soca.

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Speaker 2: It's a fast two step. It's a little it's a

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Speaker 2: little shake that's two step.

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Speaker 6: But you can do that. And yeah, it's just you

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Speaker 6: can do it anywhere.

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Speaker 2: I think tworking because it was just so you know,

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Speaker 2: a part of the culture coming up, especially in a

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Speaker 2: two thousands when I was like in college and you know,

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Speaker 2: law school and that's just how people dance. I had

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Speaker 2: to learn how to work. I had to do a

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Speaker 2: lot of you know practice with that, and I think

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Speaker 2: I did pretty well.

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Speaker 6: But it's not like my natural like I have.

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Speaker 2: Like I was just with my friend, she was over

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Speaker 2: and I was telling her some fun news and then

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Speaker 2: she just starts working like that's not my natural.

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Speaker 6: I said, wow, you're incredible, Like.

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Speaker 5: That is so funny. You got a level when you

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Speaker 5: when your friends could work for you for good news. Okay,

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Speaker 5: we love it, we love me see it. That was

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Speaker 5: a good answer. You no wrong, we're two step now long,

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Speaker 5: we're two step okay. Actually, so the last question here

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Speaker 5: is what's the sexiest item you own?

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Speaker 6: Oh? I don't know about on my own.

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Speaker 2: I think I'm just sexy, you know, yes, you know what?

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Speaker 6: So I am.

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Speaker 2: I'm thirty four weeks pregnant right now, and thank you,

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Speaker 2: and so in my little tight outfits with my little

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Speaker 2: baby bump, I feel really sexy and really cute.

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Speaker 6: Not gonna lie.

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Speaker 2: It's a thing when you're pregnant. I feel like that,

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Speaker 2: but I do, so I get it.

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Speaker 5: Yes, you go ahead, go ahead, sexy, you enjoy that sex? Okay,

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Speaker 5: go ahead, girl. Congratulations, Thank you, and so our sentence completion.

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Speaker 3: One question or topic I wish people ask me about

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Speaker 3: more often is.

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Speaker 6: Probably my family. I love my family.

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Speaker 2: I have so many great stories to tell, from my

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Speaker 2: grandparents to my parents, to the relationship.

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Speaker 6: I have with my husband to my in laws. Like

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Speaker 6: I just love.

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Speaker 2: Storytelling and rich storytelling and so and I'm just staying,

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Speaker 2: we're just super close my cousins, even though I'm an

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Speaker 2: only child, Like just that friendship is so beautiful, and

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Speaker 2: so I just don't Yeah, and I feel like I

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Speaker 2: always you know, on my podcast too, I like to

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Speaker 2: show a lot of like strong representation of black men

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Speaker 2: and black fatherhood, and like I grew up in a

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Speaker 2: family where my dad has three brothers, and so I

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Speaker 2: grew up with all these uncles and like these marriages

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Speaker 2: and these like strong representations of fatherhood, and that's all

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Speaker 2: I've known, and so I want to tell.

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Speaker 5: Those stories more. That is so important and that's so

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Speaker 5: it's just so beautiful. I love that so much. And

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Speaker 5: if you won't believe this, actually what the next sentpus

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Speaker 5: completion is my all time favorite family store that I

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Speaker 5: love to share is.

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Speaker 6: Family store.

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Speaker 5: Family Story, Family Story, family Story. Wait store.

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Speaker 2: Okay, oh man, Okay, now see that's so tough for me. Okay,

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Speaker 2: let's pick what's a good one.

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Speaker 6: I kind of want to.

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Speaker 5: Go to her. Yes, let's do it.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, Yeah, she is so cute.

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Speaker 2: So she always likes to tell this story called double Jeopardy.

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Speaker 2: When she was so she worked as a secretary for

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Speaker 2: nearly thirty years and she was going through evaluations at

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Speaker 2: that time, and the head boss.

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Speaker 6: Wanted to do an evaluation of her.

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Speaker 2: She had never worked with this head boss, so she

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Speaker 2: had no idea. She didn't understand, why is he doing

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Speaker 2: my evaluation? Doesn't make sense to me. And so when

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Speaker 2: she and she had already been reviewed by the person

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Speaker 2: who's actually seen her work. And so when she went

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Speaker 2: into the head boss's office and he was asking, you know,

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Speaker 2: said we need to do your review, asking her questions,

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Speaker 2: she said, well, sir, I think that this your little

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Speaker 2: British guy and he's accent, and I don't know if

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Speaker 2: I do a good job. But she said, sir, I

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Speaker 2: don't understand the point of this. I'm not doing a

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Speaker 2: good job. But I've already been reviewed, so it would

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Speaker 2: waste your time and it would waste my time for

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Speaker 2: you to review me when you haven't even actually seen

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Speaker 2: my work. So I think it makes more sense to

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Speaker 2: just actually go with the review of my boss. And

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Speaker 2: have you heard of double jeopardy? Because I think this

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Speaker 2: is a form of double jeopardy. And then she's, you know,

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Speaker 2: always tell this story, you know, and laugh and it

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Speaker 2: was just so empowering. Yeah, and you know, for someone

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Speaker 2: of that time to stand up in that way. And

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Speaker 2: so he said to her, and she said, he got

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Speaker 2: really really rich, said he's an Irish man that got

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Speaker 2: really read. And you said to her, okay, that makes sense.

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Speaker 2: Just don't tell anyone else. I didn't review you why

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Speaker 2: And he moved on to the next review.

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Speaker 6: And yeah, And it's just a worry that.

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Speaker 2: I think that, you know, speaking up and being brave

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Speaker 2: has just been natural for me and I think the

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Speaker 2: women in my family just because of who we come from.

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Speaker 2: And so that story is just something I always go

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Speaker 2: back to. I'm like, wait, you said what you did?

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Speaker 4: What?

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Speaker 2: But you know that allowed me to take risks and

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Speaker 2: be a little brave in my career. And so yeah,

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Speaker 2: double jeopard even though it's not legal. My grandmother did

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Speaker 2: not go to law schools, like geah, grandma's a little different.

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Speaker 5: But I see what you're saying. Yes, yes there's no crime. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: oh grandma, that's amazing thing.

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Speaker 3: And so our final sentence completion is what I love

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Speaker 3: most about my family is.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, you know, I mean, but it's it's cliche, but

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Speaker 6: it's it's real.

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Speaker 2: So it's the support, Like I really feel like we

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Speaker 2: show up for one another, and that's really nice. Like

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Speaker 2: I have people that I can count on. I feel

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Speaker 2: like there is a certain level of commitment that we

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Speaker 2: have in our family, and that is something that my

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Speaker 2: grandparents instilled in us. And so we're continuing the legacy.

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Speaker 2: And I feel good to be bringing in my little

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Speaker 2: baby boy coming soon into that family legacy, because it's

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Speaker 2: takes work to be intentional about keeping the family together,

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Speaker 2: about supporting one another. I think that's something I'm learning

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Speaker 2: now in my life because the matriarch of the family

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Speaker 2: has passed away, and my mother, who was really a

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Speaker 2: force in the family and the glue, also passed away,

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Speaker 2: and so I and i'ma are the people who raise me.

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Speaker 2: So I've been kind of stepping up in that category.

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Speaker 2: And you just don't realize how much work it takes

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Speaker 2: until you're in it. And not that people you know

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Speaker 2: a lot of families, it's not that they don't want

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Speaker 2: to stay closed or it's just we move, Life happens,

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Speaker 2: things are, you know, a lot of things going on,

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Speaker 2: and so it takes a lot of intention to continue

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Speaker 2: to support one another.

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Speaker 6: And I feel grateful to have that.

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Speaker 3: That's beautiful.

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Speaker 5: Amen to that. Yes, yes, and yes, all right, Ashley,

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Speaker 5: we are almost finished to Oh you've let a segment,

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Speaker 5: but we have these three photos if you pulled up,

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Speaker 5: So if you can choose a number out of one

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Speaker 5: in three and we'll share that picture a few on

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Speaker 5: the big screen and then get the context behind the picture.

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Speaker 6: All right, let's go with three.

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Speaker 5: Yay, Okay, this picture talk about sexy girl. This picture

439
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:43,879
Speaker 5: is so cute. Get ready for this, y'all. Okay, So Ashley,

440
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:46,239
Speaker 5: really quick, we're going to have some listeners who are

441
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:48,600
Speaker 5: only tuning into the audio. So if you can describe

442
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:51,600
Speaker 5: the photo first and then give us some context behind

443
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:54,440
Speaker 5: the photo in just a minute. When you see the photos,

444
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:57,320
Speaker 5: it's going to see it in a second here, and

445
00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:00,520
Speaker 5: then you can feel free to describe and share some text.

446
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 5: Look at it.

447
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:08,359
Speaker 2: Yes, oh wow, yes, okay. So this is my thirty

448
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:15,080
Speaker 2: first birthday photo and it was just definitely I'm wearing

449
00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:20,040
Speaker 2: a faux fur outfit with shorts and white boots on

450
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:23,280
Speaker 2: my balcony during the pandemic where I was going nowhere,

451
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 2: absolutely nowhere.

452
00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:26,040
Speaker 5: But.

453
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:31,680
Speaker 2: I really wanted to dress up and kind of feel

454
00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:36,119
Speaker 2: beautiful in my skin at that time, because you know,

455
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:39,199
Speaker 2: the unfortunate thing is the background of my life was

456
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:41,639
Speaker 2: actually probably the most challenging time of my life. And

457
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:45,119
Speaker 2: I've noticed that my mom was in hot what was

458
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:47,639
Speaker 2: that thirty? Yeah, oh, Manny, And my mom was in

459
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:51,480
Speaker 2: the hospital, hospice, like we were at the end, and

460
00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:54,520
Speaker 2: my mom was really into fashion. She had to had

461
00:26:54,560 --> 00:27:00,399
Speaker 2: cancer and she was really into fashion. And I remember

462
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:03,440
Speaker 2: showing her the photos in the hospital and saying, Mom,

463
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 2: look I dressed up for my birthday.

464
00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:06,720
Speaker 6: She's like, you look.

465
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:12,160
Speaker 2: Fabulous, and I think that, yeah, sometimes you know, when

466
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,920
Speaker 2: you look good, you feel good. And not that I

467
00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:18,959
Speaker 2: could ever really feel great at that time, but I

468
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:22,600
Speaker 2: think that it was something that we shared and just

469
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:25,000
Speaker 2: growing up in LA we love fashion together, and so

470
00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:27,600
Speaker 2: it was just something to help me kind of, yeah,

471
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:30,600
Speaker 2: lift my spirits. And that's why I said, I feel

472
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:34,000
Speaker 2: so grateful for community, felt grateful to be there. And

473
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:36,639
Speaker 2: there was a lot of lot behind that, because I

474
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:40,160
Speaker 2: really did feel grateful to be here on earth at

475
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:45,080
Speaker 2: that moment. I still do. And so that what did

476
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:48,439
Speaker 2: I say, Yeah, resilience. The thirty has tested my resilience

477
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:50,600
Speaker 2: deep in my empathy. It taught me new ways to

478
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:53,840
Speaker 2: seek joy, So that's all true. And then we were

479
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:56,480
Speaker 2: in the pandemic, so I really couldn't go anywhere, so

480
00:27:56,680 --> 00:28:01,640
Speaker 2: I had my husband just we were on the balcony improvised.

481
00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:04,920
Speaker 2: Yes you got some balloons and some food and everything,

482
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:09,240
Speaker 2: and yeah that outfit off that was.

483
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:10,879
Speaker 5: It is cute girl. I was like, ooh, put this

484
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 5: on my inspiration board. Thank you so much for sharing

485
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:17,520
Speaker 5: this a beautiful photo and just inspirational story behind that,

486
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:20,160
Speaker 5: and kind of one thank you for participating the old

487
00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:22,920
Speaker 5: you blatchet segment and kind of circling back to what

488
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:25,399
Speaker 5: you were talking about before. You talked about filling the

489
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:28,320
Speaker 5: bar two times, losing your job, and then you also

490
00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:30,600
Speaker 5: talked about the pause in the beginning, and it makes

491
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:35,560
Speaker 5: me think about that in the meantime period where we're

492
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:39,440
Speaker 5: in between, you know, where we where we want to

493
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 5: be and where we are currently and we're just like, okay,

494
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:44,880
Speaker 5: we're waiting for the thing to happen, Like what are

495
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:48,080
Speaker 5: the practical steps, what are the things that you're doing

496
00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:50,440
Speaker 5: on a day to day basis, Because I think in hindsight,

497
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 5: it's easy for us to say like, oh, yeah, I

498
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:53,920
Speaker 5: did X y Z, but like what were you doing

499
00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:56,200
Speaker 5: in the trenches, because those times are so tough when

500
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:59,040
Speaker 5: you're in the pall, like you're experiencing the pause, right

501
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:01,600
Speaker 5: or you and saying, oh, I got I failed that

502
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:04,680
Speaker 5: this Like, what are the self care the how are

503
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:06,160
Speaker 5: you picking yourself up? What are all the things you

504
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:07,640
Speaker 5: were doing during that time?

505
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:10,320
Speaker 1: Lady?

506
00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:12,800
Speaker 5: We know as black women how important it is to

507
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:16,880
Speaker 5: talk about our health, especially the things previous generations told

508
00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:21,400
Speaker 5: us to keep quiet, like our vaginas. What are you

509
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:24,720
Speaker 5: doing to address your vaginal health besides visiting your gynecologist?

510
00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:29,920
Speaker 5: Did you know that your menstrual cycle, exercise, diet, stress,

511
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:34,640
Speaker 5: and sex can diswept or throw off your vaginal microbiome? No,

512
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:39,000
Speaker 5: well neither did I. That's why I started using Seed

513
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:42,840
Speaker 5: Seed VSO one is based on nearly twenty years of

514
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:47,960
Speaker 5: scientific research and is a sustainable approach to addressing optimal

515
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:52,040
Speaker 5: vaginal pH The first month focuses on a reset to

516
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:57,160
Speaker 5: your vaginal microbiome. Afterwards, you sustained with two tablets each month.

517
00:29:57,560 --> 00:30:01,920
Speaker 5: It's super simple to use. VS one marks a new

518
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:05,719
Speaker 5: era and vaginal care with a sustainable approach to address

519
00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:09,240
Speaker 5: the root cause of imbalances, and it's also the first

520
00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:13,720
Speaker 5: clinically validated vaginal probiotic with three strains of the super

521
00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:18,720
Speaker 5: defender strain of bacteria called L. Crispatis doam and I

522
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:20,880
Speaker 5: like to test out the products that we endorse, and

523
00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:24,200
Speaker 5: Seed has been super easy to use. But aside from that,

524
00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:26,920
Speaker 5: we also pay attention to what we put in our bodies.

525
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:29,200
Speaker 5: And what was appealing to us about Seed is that

526
00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:33,080
Speaker 5: the development process included a multi step approach in collaboration

527
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:37,840
Speaker 5: with leading scientists and researchers from around the world, culminating

528
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:42,240
Speaker 5: and in depth testing and quality control checkpoints that monitor purity.

529
00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:47,360
Speaker 5: Under both the US and European protocols shift from harsh,

530
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:53,640
Speaker 5: reactive treatments to proactive sustainable care. With VS one from Seed,

531
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:57,560
Speaker 5: go to seed dot com slash cultivating and use code

532
00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:01,160
Speaker 5: twenty five cultivating to get twenty five percent off. That's

533
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:05,240
Speaker 5: twenty five percent off vso one at ceed dot com

534
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:13,680
Speaker 5: slash cultivating code twenty five cultivating. When you're in the

535
00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:17,560
Speaker 5: pall like you're experiencing the pause, right, or you're experiencing Oh,

536
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:19,320
Speaker 5: I got I failed that, it's like, what are the

537
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:22,480
Speaker 5: self care, the how are you picking yourself up? What

538
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:24,520
Speaker 5: are all the things you were doing during that time?

539
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:28,280
Speaker 6: Yeah? I think one.

540
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:32,800
Speaker 2: I was just trying to rediscover what I love doing.

541
00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:35,800
Speaker 2: So the first pause was the bar pause, and so

542
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:38,240
Speaker 2: so much of my life was go go, go, go,

543
00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 2: go achieved dream after dream after dream, and I really

544
00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:47,680
Speaker 2: I don't know if it was dream achieved check off

545
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:52,360
Speaker 2: box after box after box. And so that time allowed

546
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:55,520
Speaker 2: me to just actually do something that I love for fun.

547
00:31:55,680 --> 00:32:02,560
Speaker 2: So it was where I actually rediscovered my love or storytelling, my.

548
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:04,160
Speaker 6: Love for reading.

549
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:08,560
Speaker 2: So I had not read for pleasure in so long

550
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:10,840
Speaker 2: because of law school. I was so tired of reading.

551
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:12,120
Speaker 2: I was like, I don't want to read another book.

552
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:14,320
Speaker 2: Don't show me, no, no, no, I can't do it.

553
00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 2: Just put some reality TV in front of my face,

554
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:22,000
Speaker 2: which I still do love. But I was able to

555
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:24,440
Speaker 2: just take time and think about, Okay, what are the

556
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:27,880
Speaker 2: things I like, What do I enjoy? What feeds my soul?

557
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:30,960
Speaker 2: And so one was the reading. Two it was also

558
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:36,800
Speaker 2: a passion for storytelling. So during that interim period I

559
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:40,600
Speaker 2: actually shared my story because I had failed the bar

560
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:44,960
Speaker 2: and then you're waiting for the results and you're then

561
00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:47,560
Speaker 2: and they come up. It takes a bit of time.

562
00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 2: So that's when I started to read. But then I

563
00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 2: knew something in me was like, I'm going to start

564
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:54,120
Speaker 2: working on this blog post because I'm pretty sure that

565
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 2: I've passed this exam, and I want to help people

566
00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:00,640
Speaker 2: because the thing that saved me during that time was

567
00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:03,680
Speaker 2: talking to other people who had similar experiences. It felt

568
00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:06,320
Speaker 2: very lonely, and so I knew one day that I

569
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:10,080
Speaker 2: wanted to actually share my story, and so it allowed

570
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:13,200
Speaker 2: me to read and write. And so once the results

571
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:18,280
Speaker 2: came out, I wrote a blog post and that really

572
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:22,720
Speaker 2: resonated with a lot of people, and that actually led

573
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:26,240
Speaker 2: to the idea for the podcast that I was able

574
00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:28,120
Speaker 2: to put out years later. But so it was on

575
00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:32,800
Speaker 2: my list of to dos, and you know, so I

576
00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:34,760
Speaker 2: guess it also just allowed me to tap into my

577
00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:38,160
Speaker 2: creativity again. And so the pause is just kind of

578
00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:42,000
Speaker 2: they show you in the valleys, I would say, show

579
00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:46,520
Speaker 2: you who you are. And it made me realize I

580
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 2: am a storyteller, I am resilient, I am creative things

581
00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:54,480
Speaker 2: parts of myself that I didn't really get to tap

582
00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:58,240
Speaker 2: into or that I had quelled for so long because

583
00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:01,160
Speaker 2: I was a storyteller. I was and you know, when

584
00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,880
Speaker 2: I go back and I look at my life in college,

585
00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:06,440
Speaker 2: one of my favorite things was I was a features

586
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:10,040
Speaker 2: writer for the Stamford Daily and I would interview lots

587
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:13,160
Speaker 2: of different you know, classmates and tell their stories and

588
00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:16,040
Speaker 2: so you know, but you sometimes will numb and dim

589
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:19,759
Speaker 2: those parts of yourself in pursuit of other goals and dreams,

590
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:23,520
Speaker 2: and so I noticed that that's what I had done,

591
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:26,600
Speaker 2: and so it was really I mean, it was transformative

592
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:29,360
Speaker 2: that time. That time also gave me I moved back home,

593
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 2: and that time, or parts part of it, I moved

594
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:38,760
Speaker 2: back home and then also moved in with my now husband,

595
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:42,759
Speaker 2: and it gave me time to one have more time

596
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:44,719
Speaker 2: with my mom and my grandmother, which is beautiful, and

597
00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:47,480
Speaker 2: my dad he's down the street, still still here with

598
00:34:47,520 --> 00:34:51,160
Speaker 2: the best dad. And also just kind of like the

599
00:34:51,239 --> 00:34:53,800
Speaker 2: test of my relationship. Like my husband, he was younger

600
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:56,839
Speaker 2: than me. It just graduated from law school and he said,

601
00:34:57,560 --> 00:34:58,919
Speaker 2: you know, you don't have to live with your parents

602
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:02,719
Speaker 2: if you don't want, we can just have our apartment,

603
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:05,080
Speaker 2: like we said, And he just took care of things

604
00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:06,160
Speaker 2: till I got back on my.

605
00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:08,920
Speaker 6: Feet, and I was like, Okay, I'm probably gonna marry

606
00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:09,319
Speaker 6: this man.

607
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:13,239
Speaker 2: But there are just all these different things that it's

608
00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:17,840
Speaker 2: like in retrospect, you realize, Okay, this time was so helpful.

609
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:20,799
Speaker 2: It helped me see so many things. And when you're

610
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:25,200
Speaker 2: in it. I won't lie. It is challenging, but I

611
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:28,120
Speaker 2: think you've just got to lean into the things that

612
00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:30,680
Speaker 2: light you up and try to discover them and try

613
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:32,839
Speaker 2: to journal, you know, because you ask for practical tips,

614
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:33,760
Speaker 2: So practical tips.

615
00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:35,680
Speaker 6: Journal, Please journal.

616
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:38,440
Speaker 2: That is the thing that has changed my life because

617
00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:40,440
Speaker 2: you can see an evidence cheering record.

618
00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:41,840
Speaker 6: Going back to my lawyer talk.

619
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:45,560
Speaker 2: Of your thoughts and what you really really want. Two,

620
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:50,120
Speaker 2: you need community, so part of you know, just leaning

621
00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:53,000
Speaker 2: on people sharing my story allowed me to even find

622
00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:56,040
Speaker 2: more community, which was really good. But just leaning on

623
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:58,839
Speaker 2: the people that you care about, that care about you,

624
00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:03,000
Speaker 2: that love you, and then you have to figure out

625
00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:05,480
Speaker 2: who you are and how you best deal with setbacks

626
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:10,279
Speaker 2: some people, for me, sharing my story with therapeutic. For

627
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:13,719
Speaker 2: other people that would just give them anxiety, you know.

628
00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 2: So I think during that time I also took a

629
00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:20,600
Speaker 2: lot of personality test, paid attention to what felt good

630
00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:24,279
Speaker 2: to what didn't feel good, and that takes time. But

631
00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:28,120
Speaker 2: I do think that taking that self awareness journey during

632
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:30,600
Speaker 2: that time too is super helpful as well.

633
00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:39,160
Speaker 3: All of those things are so important. But I think

634
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 3: where I'm curious is so this pause was semi unintentional, right,

635
00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:55,360
Speaker 3: wasn't necessarily planned, but there are moments in light where

636
00:36:55,360 --> 00:37:00,640
Speaker 3: we plan a pause, where we are very intentional about pause.

637
00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 3: And so one of your pauses was a year long

638
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:11,600
Speaker 3: sabbatical from work. So can you tell us what led

639
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:16,480
Speaker 3: up to you taking that intentional pause and how did

640
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:21,320
Speaker 3: you negotiate with your job and what came out of

641
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:23,480
Speaker 3: taking that particular pause.

642
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:29,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, so it's actually all connected. Actually, So the

643
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:33,200
Speaker 2: blog post that I put out in twenty eighteen, I

644
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:35,880
Speaker 2: knew I wanted to circle back and do a podcast

645
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:38,600
Speaker 2: at some point where I shared the human stories behind

646
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:41,640
Speaker 2: success and just really just a story behind all the

647
00:37:41,680 --> 00:37:46,640
Speaker 2: accolades to help other people. And I started working on

648
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:50,200
Speaker 2: it in twenty twenty as this beautiful, just kind of

649
00:37:50,239 --> 00:37:52,719
Speaker 2: creative project that I would work on with my mom

650
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:54,960
Speaker 2: during her treatments, and so it was like this beautiful

651
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:57,600
Speaker 2: light for us. So all of this is just connected

652
00:37:57,640 --> 00:38:01,400
Speaker 2: to kind of giving to her and that legacy and

653
00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:03,360
Speaker 2: my passions because that's what I'm an only child, So

654
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:05,799
Speaker 2: she wanted what I wanted I in life. She wanted

655
00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:08,879
Speaker 2: me to pursue my dreams. And so in twenty twenty two,

656
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:11,960
Speaker 2: when I was working at the firm, and it was

657
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:15,480
Speaker 2: a year after the year of her anniversary of Orizonosa,

658
00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:17,520
Speaker 2: it was her birthday, but the year after her passing.

659
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:20,000
Speaker 2: I said, what can I do with my grief this year?

660
00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:22,680
Speaker 2: I need to do something with it. I need to

661
00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:25,640
Speaker 2: do something creative, because that's something that helps me process,

662
00:38:25,719 --> 00:38:28,279
Speaker 2: just like out with the bar failure, the creative the

663
00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:30,719
Speaker 2: blog that helped me process it. So what can I do?

664
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:34,680
Speaker 2: And I got to do the podcast. We started working

665
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:37,360
Speaker 2: on the podcast. I never you know, saw it through.

666
00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:39,120
Speaker 2: Mom would have loved me to do it, would have

667
00:38:39,120 --> 00:38:41,960
Speaker 2: loved if I did it too, you know, for myself

668
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:44,759
Speaker 2: but also to honor her, And so I put it

669
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:50,440
Speaker 2: out and three weeks later and just a teaser, HubSpot

670
00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:53,400
Speaker 2: reached out to me and asked me to join the

671
00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:57,440
Speaker 2: HubSpot podcast network. And I was like, okay, this is divine,

672
00:38:57,840 --> 00:39:03,640
Speaker 2: Like okay, Mom, what are you doing up there? And I,

673
00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:07,600
Speaker 2: you know, at first, said no because I just thought

674
00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:09,680
Speaker 2: with my legal practice that it was just going to

675
00:39:09,719 --> 00:39:11,040
Speaker 2: And at first I also just didn't know what a

676
00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:12,160
Speaker 2: creator was but accelerate.

677
00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:13,200
Speaker 6: I had to google everything.

678
00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:16,440
Speaker 2: I was practicing white collar investigations like it was just

679
00:39:16,640 --> 00:39:20,360
Speaker 2: very separate from what I was doing, but I looked

680
00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:23,360
Speaker 2: into it and then thought about what she would say

681
00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:25,680
Speaker 2: and what I wanted deep down, and so then I

682
00:39:25,719 --> 00:39:28,960
Speaker 2: went back and said, actually, let's do this. I can

683
00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:31,399
Speaker 2: figure out how to handle this. I don't know how

684
00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:33,120
Speaker 2: it's going to look, but I'm going to do it.

685
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:37,239
Speaker 2: So for six months, I juggled the podcast with my

686
00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:42,080
Speaker 2: legal practice, with planning my post pandemic wedding, all the things,

687
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:46,520
Speaker 2: and it got to a point where something had to give.

688
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:51,280
Speaker 2: And I was actually even doing pretty well in my career,

689
00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:55,759
Speaker 2: like a case that I loved. The partner asked me

690
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:57,640
Speaker 2: to step up on it and to take more of

691
00:39:57,640 --> 00:40:00,520
Speaker 2: a leadership role and to handle something because I had

692
00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:03,480
Speaker 2: the institutional knowledge and one of the other attorneys on

693
00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:08,160
Speaker 2: the team needed to step off. And at that moment

694
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:13,200
Speaker 2: I was like yes, but no, and my other I

695
00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:16,640
Speaker 2: said yes aloud, but my soul felt like a no.

696
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:18,960
Speaker 2: And normally I wouldn't have This would have been an

697
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:22,160
Speaker 2: opportunity that I was excited about, and I was more

698
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:25,440
Speaker 2: excited about excited about seeing what I can do in

699
00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:31,040
Speaker 2: this podcasting space because it was like magical, like I

700
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:34,680
Speaker 2: felt like I was coming alive with every story. It

701
00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:38,279
Speaker 2: feels like time fast is quickly, like your inflow. And

702
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:42,960
Speaker 2: I hadn't really experienced this recently at that time, and

703
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:46,800
Speaker 2: so I really wanted to try it out. So I said, Okay,

704
00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:50,120
Speaker 2: you know what a lot of people took sabaticals I

705
00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:51,520
Speaker 2: saw for political campaigns.

706
00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:52,959
Speaker 6: I know this is a little different.

707
00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:56,320
Speaker 2: But maybe if I talked to some folks at my firm,

708
00:40:56,680 --> 00:41:00,319
Speaker 2: see what they think, explain to them how this is

709
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 2: important to me. I've been able to build up a

710
00:41:03,560 --> 00:41:07,880
Speaker 2: bit of a good reputation. Thankfully I had allies, and

711
00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:11,719
Speaker 2: so I talked to people in leadership, you know. Fortunately,

712
00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:14,759
Speaker 2: like the COO of the firm happened to be a

713
00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:19,040
Speaker 2: partner i'd worked with and impressed thankfully, good human, but

714
00:41:19,080 --> 00:41:20,880
Speaker 2: it was good that i'd like done great work for

715
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:24,480
Speaker 2: him too, you know, And so was able to just

716
00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:28,799
Speaker 2: have those conversations and also just kind of presented the

717
00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:31,480
Speaker 2: ups and the downs too, and really realized, you know,

718
00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:33,520
Speaker 2: instead of advocating for a client, so let me just

719
00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:37,560
Speaker 2: advocate for myself. I'm taking a sabbatical and it's unpaid.

720
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:40,000
Speaker 2: It's going to be harder to negotiate a paid sabbatical.

721
00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:42,400
Speaker 2: So that's going to be because a lot of firms

722
00:41:42,440 --> 00:41:45,440
Speaker 2: don't do that, but I noticed they would let people

723
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:49,399
Speaker 2: take on unpaid sabbaticals. So I'm like, Okay, if I've

724
00:41:49,560 --> 00:41:52,640
Speaker 2: dedicated time to this firm, I've done good work.

725
00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:52,879
Speaker 5: Here.

726
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:57,200
Speaker 2: Them giving me time to go do something that isn't

727
00:41:57,200 --> 00:42:01,120
Speaker 2: going to cost them economically could be you know, but

728
00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:03,319
Speaker 2: they can actually say, look what we did to help

729
00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:06,920
Speaker 2: this attorney pursue her dreams or something like that. You know,

730
00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:11,640
Speaker 2: perhaps it could be beneficial to them and ultimately to me.

731
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:14,960
Speaker 2: And so before I took it to the lead folks,

732
00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:17,799
Speaker 2: I basically anticipated all their questions.

733
00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:20,240
Speaker 6: So I knew what they were going to ask.

734
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:22,960
Speaker 2: Because I had talked to other people in leadership who

735
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:26,759
Speaker 2: told me what I should say and how to be prepared.

736
00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:30,760
Speaker 2: So I came very prepared. I came prepared with associates.

737
00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:32,800
Speaker 2: I also go back to like the black girl click

738
00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:35,799
Speaker 2: hit up the group text of all my black girl

739
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:39,120
Speaker 2: attorneys at my firm who were super close, and said, hey,

740
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:40,640
Speaker 2: I've got these three cases.

741
00:42:40,840 --> 00:42:43,560
Speaker 6: I'm going to need coverage for this. Who can handle this?

742
00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:45,839
Speaker 6: Who can do this pro bon o? Caase? Who can I?

743
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:46,160
Speaker 5: You know?

744
00:42:46,239 --> 00:42:51,360
Speaker 2: And so I came to my teams with suggested attorneys

745
00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:54,960
Speaker 2: that had bandwidth to hop on the cases, and then

746
00:42:55,040 --> 00:42:57,280
Speaker 2: did things to make sure that there was a smooth transition.

747
00:42:57,520 --> 00:43:01,799
Speaker 2: So all of that coming in in you know, when

748
00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:03,880
Speaker 2: I had the initial conversation, it was interesting.

749
00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:06,040
Speaker 6: I remember the wom in HR said, wow, so like.

750
00:43:06,120 --> 00:43:09,280
Speaker 2: You really thought about this, You've you've answered all my questions,

751
00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:12,160
Speaker 2: like I don't have any follow up, so we'll get

752
00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:16,680
Speaker 2: back to you. And I'm so grateful that they said yes,

753
00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:20,480
Speaker 2: and it led me on this beautiful kind of journey

754
00:43:20,520 --> 00:43:22,840
Speaker 2: of being able to do a podcast full time, of

755
00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:27,880
Speaker 2: starting my own business, of tapping into storytelling, public speaking,

756
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:30,880
Speaker 2: you know, all these different things, and also just time

757
00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:34,319
Speaker 2: for healing that I needed to do as well. So

758
00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:39,440
Speaker 2: it was it was definitely a multifaceted kind of approach

759
00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:42,560
Speaker 2: and reasoning behind why I took that break.

760
00:43:42,560 --> 00:43:43,680
Speaker 6: But I'm so grateful I did.

761
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:47,560
Speaker 5: Well. One go ahead, Ashley with your bad self, because

762
00:43:47,560 --> 00:43:49,400
Speaker 5: you made it easy for them to say yes. The

763
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:52,399
Speaker 5: fact that you came in with all the research and

764
00:43:52,480 --> 00:43:55,680
Speaker 5: even getting coverage for yourself like that is incredible, and

765
00:43:55,680 --> 00:43:57,240
Speaker 5: they were like, we don't have any fout of questions.

766
00:43:57,239 --> 00:43:59,759
Speaker 5: So it sounds like there's a theme here of you

767
00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:03,480
Speaker 5: claiming your time, whether it's an intended pause or a

768
00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:05,959
Speaker 5: surprise pause. So can you talk to us a little

769
00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:09,319
Speaker 5: bit about time affluence? What is that and how does

770
00:44:09,320 --> 00:44:11,040
Speaker 5: that impact our daily lives.

771
00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:14,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, so that's something that definitely changed my life, and

772
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:18,719
Speaker 2: I learned about it more during my pause, and I

773
00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:21,200
Speaker 2: think it was actually it was coined like in the

774
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:25,080
Speaker 2: nineteen seventies by a psychologist named Tim Kassner, and then

775
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:27,319
Speaker 2: since then there's been a lot of research on it.

776
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:30,719
Speaker 2: But it's essentially just having enough time in the day

777
00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:34,560
Speaker 2: to do what you want to do. That is, you know,

778
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:39,759
Speaker 2: and that can be so challenging, especially in American capitalist society.

779
00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:45,560
Speaker 2: And the research shows, this study was by Cassie Mold

780
00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:49,560
Speaker 2: from UCLA that if you have at least two hours

781
00:44:49,680 --> 00:44:52,919
Speaker 2: of time, just free time to do whatever you want,

782
00:44:54,080 --> 00:44:57,080
Speaker 2: that leads to better health outcomes and mental well being.

783
00:44:57,719 --> 00:44:59,240
Speaker 6: And if you have more.

784
00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:04,000
Speaker 2: Than five hours, that actually has a negative effect on

785
00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:07,399
Speaker 2: your mental health just because there's too much free time.

786
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:07,640
Speaker 1: Yeah.

787
00:45:07,760 --> 00:45:09,279
Speaker 6: I was actually surprised about that.

788
00:45:09,719 --> 00:45:13,319
Speaker 2: Too much free time, too much like leisure time, because

789
00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:16,000
Speaker 2: then there's this like boredom and perhaps even a lack

790
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:19,640
Speaker 2: of purpose, and so finding that sweet spot for yourself

791
00:45:20,520 --> 00:45:24,720
Speaker 2: is important, and I think that it can be really

792
00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:30,800
Speaker 2: difficult to do. But if you make certain decisions about

793
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:33,600
Speaker 2: what's important to you and you make time for it,

794
00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:37,640
Speaker 2: like this conversation that we're having on a Monday evening,

795
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:42,600
Speaker 2: you know, that is a part of that time affluence

796
00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:46,000
Speaker 2: kind of model, and it makes you just so much happier.

797
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:48,279
Speaker 2: If you're just like running through all the to do

798
00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:50,640
Speaker 2: list things you have to do and the draining things,

799
00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:53,239
Speaker 2: and you don't make time for the things that you

800
00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:56,239
Speaker 2: love and the things that light you up, that's going

801
00:45:56,320 --> 00:46:02,080
Speaker 2: to have a negative effect on your mental well being.

802
00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:04,080
Speaker 6: And I think the other thing is.

803
00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:07,680
Speaker 2: In addition to that, is one you've got to own it.

804
00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:09,520
Speaker 2: You've got to make time for the things that you love.

805
00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:16,279
Speaker 2: But then you also can maybe do less, like you know,

806
00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:18,560
Speaker 2: I think that I know this just I mean, it

807
00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:20,480
Speaker 2: doesn't sound odd in this day and age, maybe like

808
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:23,960
Speaker 2: ten years ago and this like this era, especially with

809
00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:27,800
Speaker 2: gen Z. You know, doing less has changed my life.

810
00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:32,480
Speaker 2: Prioritizing what is important and getting to that and then

811
00:46:32,520 --> 00:46:35,560
Speaker 2: getting to the other thing the next day so that

812
00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:37,600
Speaker 2: you can do what you want. You know, I talked

813
00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:40,960
Speaker 2: about my rediscovery my passion for reading.

814
00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:44,680
Speaker 6: I read like four to five times a week.

815
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:49,360
Speaker 2: Now will it be fifteen minutes that day perhaps, and

816
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:53,920
Speaker 2: then more on the weekends. But it's just amazing, you know,

817
00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:57,959
Speaker 2: And so I think that has been something that's been

818
00:46:58,080 --> 00:46:59,080
Speaker 2: instrumental for me.

819
00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:05,279
Speaker 3: Oh I love that and the I you know, as

820
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:10,480
Speaker 3: you talked about reading, I have prioritized making time for reading,

821
00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:13,279
Speaker 3: and I read every day like that's part of my

822
00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:17,320
Speaker 3: wind out routine. And I love what you shared about

823
00:47:17,719 --> 00:47:22,160
Speaker 3: the health impacts not just like our the mental health impact,

824
00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:28,080
Speaker 3: but also the overall physical health impact of prioritizing the

825
00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:31,520
Speaker 3: things that bring us joy, the things that truly matter.

826
00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:39,760
Speaker 3: And so thinking about the things that truly matter for you, Actually,

827
00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:45,919
Speaker 3: when you think about what's next, how are you shifting

828
00:47:46,200 --> 00:47:53,920
Speaker 3: and maybe reprioritizing restructuring your time in this new chapter,

829
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:58,160
Speaker 3: becoming a mom is what's next for you? Like, how

830
00:47:58,239 --> 00:48:00,400
Speaker 3: are you going to be allocating your time?

831
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:04,920
Speaker 2: That is a great question, because that is going to

832
00:48:04,960 --> 00:48:06,640
Speaker 2: be We're going to have to come back.

833
00:48:06,719 --> 00:48:07,719
Speaker 6: I have to come back.

834
00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:11,719
Speaker 2: And tell you all about how I'm going to be

835
00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:14,680
Speaker 2: managing my time as a mother. I think in the beginning,

836
00:48:15,120 --> 00:48:19,160
Speaker 2: it's managing expectations. I think that, you know, with just

837
00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:22,080
Speaker 2: a newborn and all that comes with that, that is

838
00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:25,840
Speaker 2: going to be where my focus is and I'm excited

839
00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:28,640
Speaker 2: about it, and I've accepted that. I think I'm still

840
00:48:28,680 --> 00:48:32,640
Speaker 2: going to make some time for myself. I already told

841
00:48:32,640 --> 00:48:35,520
Speaker 2: my husband I'm going I know it's two and a

842
00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:36,799
Speaker 2: half I think it will be two and a half

843
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:39,600
Speaker 2: months after we have the baby, but Tim's is coming

844
00:48:39,640 --> 00:48:42,160
Speaker 2: to LA and so, you know, I need to hear

845
00:48:42,160 --> 00:48:45,440
Speaker 2: my afrobeats and so I'm going to go with my

846
00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:49,120
Speaker 2: girlfriends and carving out time for yeah, like a concert

847
00:48:49,320 --> 00:48:52,920
Speaker 2: and so just definitely building in, you know, knowing I'm

848
00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:54,840
Speaker 2: going to need that girlfriend time because that's like what

849
00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:57,680
Speaker 2: bills me up is important to trying to carve that out.

850
00:48:58,320 --> 00:48:59,279
Speaker 6: I think that.

851
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:08,120
Speaker 2: I am also going to pay attention to how I feel.

852
00:49:08,640 --> 00:49:09,320
Speaker 6: I think.

853
00:49:11,080 --> 00:49:14,160
Speaker 2: The older version of Ashley would try to have this

854
00:49:14,200 --> 00:49:16,960
Speaker 2: spreadsheet and the plan and the X, Y and Z,

855
00:49:17,960 --> 00:49:20,880
Speaker 2: and I've certainly done research and I've talked to people,

856
00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:24,320
Speaker 2: but I'm going to see, as I go through this journey,

857
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:27,439
Speaker 2: how do I feel when it comes to the time

858
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:31,440
Speaker 2: that I'm allotting to my child to my career to

859
00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:36,520
Speaker 2: my husband all the different things and kind of recalibrate

860
00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:40,840
Speaker 2: based on those feelings. But yeah, the next the immediate

861
00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:42,960
Speaker 2: future is just all about baby boy.

862
00:49:43,440 --> 00:49:45,680
Speaker 6: I'm excited. I've always wanted to be a mom.

863
00:49:46,120 --> 00:49:46,359
Speaker 3: So.

864
00:49:48,400 --> 00:49:51,960
Speaker 5: They're so precious. We're excited for you, Ashley. Also, we

865
00:49:52,040 --> 00:49:55,240
Speaker 5: appreciate all the gyms that you've shared in this conversation.

866
00:49:55,320 --> 00:49:58,200
Speaker 5: This conversation went by so fast, but we'd love for

867
00:49:58,239 --> 00:50:00,279
Speaker 5: you to just share with our listeners where they can

868
00:50:00,280 --> 00:50:03,239
Speaker 5: connect with you. If there's anything that you're offering today

869
00:50:03,280 --> 00:50:05,160
Speaker 5: you'd like to share, you can also share that as well,

870
00:50:05,239 --> 00:50:08,040
Speaker 5: and we'll hand the mic over to you to close

871
00:50:08,040 --> 00:50:09,840
Speaker 5: out and share with our listeners where they can connect

872
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:10,080
Speaker 5: with you.

873
00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:13,880
Speaker 6: Yeah. Absolutely, so, first off, thank you both for having me.

874
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Speaker 2: It did fly by. I didn't even realize just looking up. Well,

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00:50:17,080 --> 00:50:19,440
Speaker 2: oh my gosh. So yes, this has been such a

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00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:22,799
Speaker 2: good conversation. Would love to connect with your audience. I

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00:50:22,840 --> 00:50:26,440
Speaker 2: know that your audience and listeners are definitely like minded

878
00:50:26,440 --> 00:50:29,640
Speaker 2: because of the because of just the wonderful like content

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00:50:29,680 --> 00:50:33,719
Speaker 2: that you put out, and so I am on Instagram

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00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:39,560
Speaker 2: it's ms Menzi's, MS underscore Menzie's and I'm also so

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00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:41,720
Speaker 2: that's like my personal page, which I think I'll probably

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00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:45,440
Speaker 2: be posting more on now, and then my podcast page.

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00:50:45,719 --> 00:50:50,560
Speaker 2: No straight paths, so no underscore straight underscore path And

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00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:53,720
Speaker 2: I'm on LinkedIn because I still have, you know, career

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00:50:53,760 --> 00:50:57,000
Speaker 2: tips if you all need it, Ashley Menzies babatun day,

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00:50:57,040 --> 00:51:00,799
Speaker 2: so I'll you know, I definitely love helping, especially just

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00:51:00,880 --> 00:51:05,719
Speaker 2: younger black women kind of navigate the career life if

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00:51:05,719 --> 00:51:10,600
Speaker 2: they need to. So I'm on LinkedIn and yeah, I'm

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00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:11,640
Speaker 2: excited to connect.

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Speaker 5: Awesome. Thank you so much, Ashley.

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Speaker 3: Thank you, thanks for joining us today. Please note that

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00:51:22,480 --> 00:51:28,400
Speaker 3: our show may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment,

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00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:32,120
Speaker 3: and mental health, but is by no means meant to

894
00:51:32,160 --> 00:51:36,120
Speaker 3: be a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a

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00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:39,960
Speaker 3: trained mental health provider. If you are someone you know

896
00:51:40,560 --> 00:51:43,480
Speaker 3: is in need of mental health care, please visit a

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00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:49,000
Speaker 3: Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your

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00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:49,960
Speaker 3: insurance provider.

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Speaker 5: If you'd like what you heard and want to keep

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00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:56,080
Speaker 5: the conversation going, visit our website at hearspacepodcast dot com

901
00:51:56,360 --> 00:51:58,440
Speaker 5: and be sure to click the Patreon link to get

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00:51:58,480 --> 00:52:02,319
Speaker 5: access to video content bonuses and our weekly after show

903
00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:06,720
Speaker 5: and before we meet again, repeat after me. My energy

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00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:10,560
Speaker 5: is a gift. I choose to share it wisely and

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00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:12,880
Speaker 5: leave a positive imprint on the world.