1 00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:05,359 Speaker 1: Wine Down with Jane Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast. 2 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:11,400 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, I'm so excited for today's episode because 3 00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:14,600 Speaker 1: we have a additional guest on today. Of course, we've 4 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:19,000 Speaker 1: got Catherine and we've got Um, the one and only 5 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:23,480 Speaker 1: a little bit fancy Christen Breast. I'm not gonna have 6 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:28,360 Speaker 1: your phone. You've done this before, Breast. So I saw 7 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,520 Speaker 1: the rundown today and we have Um. Would you like 8 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,800 Speaker 1: to introduce who we have on today? I can't, I'm squeally. 9 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:36,600 Speaker 1: So I was like, there's only one at Texas Catherine. 10 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:38,000 Speaker 1: I was like, you know who we have to have 11 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:42,360 Speaker 1: on tomorrow, right, because like she's obsessed. I mean, she's 12 00:00:42,479 --> 00:00:46,479 Speaker 1: so obsessed that she's dressed like Carrie Bradshaw today. It's 13 00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:48,720 Speaker 1: a way of life, I like to think. But that's fine. 14 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:51,000 Speaker 1: It's not creepy. It's just supportive. Do you like the 15 00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:55,720 Speaker 1: new season? I needed them back. I just needed them 16 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:59,120 Speaker 1: in my life. It feels like cozy and good and 17 00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:01,360 Speaker 1: so for that, I love the new season. It's hard 18 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:05,600 Speaker 1: to watch some of it in which sense. Well, I mean, 19 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:07,320 Speaker 1: if anybody has been under a rock, they know that 20 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:10,280 Speaker 1: Big is no longer with us. In a lot of ways, yikes, 21 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:14,880 Speaker 1: but Big dying was really hard for me. We made 22 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,720 Speaker 1: us all a widow, right, But where did you think 23 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:19,440 Speaker 1: the season was going to go if Big didn't die? 24 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:24,240 Speaker 1: I don't know, but some of plays happier I waited, 25 00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:28,040 Speaker 1: like ten years or something. Yeah, I mean, I totally 26 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:30,000 Speaker 1: hear you. But at the same time, it's like the 27 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:35,200 Speaker 1: whole show is about like Carrie's love life. Okay, she's happy, great? Right? 28 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:39,840 Speaker 1: Who looks happily ever after? Apparently no one? And now 29 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:45,240 Speaker 1: you're all caught up on you. Oh lord, Um, it 30 00:01:45,319 --> 00:01:47,560 Speaker 1: was funny. I was Can you shut that door? By 31 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,240 Speaker 1: the way, I hear the cuckoo clock? Just like, do 32 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:51,320 Speaker 1: you guys hear how loud that cucko clock? Is? No, 33 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:58,680 Speaker 1: not at all, but it's loud, right, I think it's 34 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:05,720 Speaker 1: just existing. But what are we shutting? This is? This 35 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:07,440 Speaker 1: is a good metaphor. Here we go. What are we 36 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:11,520 Speaker 1: shutting the door to right now? In our life? Oh? 37 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:15,040 Speaker 1: We just took a turn, we did. I love the turns. 38 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:17,959 Speaker 1: Thank you a little bit of fancy. What are you 39 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:21,280 Speaker 1: shutting the door on? Um, I'm shutting the door on control. 40 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:24,840 Speaker 1: I know it's a big one that just came to me. 41 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:27,920 Speaker 1: This week actually control freak, and I love my own plan, 42 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:33,280 Speaker 1: so I'm just releasing control. Were you in my therapy 43 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:38,040 Speaker 1: session yesterday or mine today? By the way, fun fact 44 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:40,000 Speaker 1: we all have the same therapist. Hi, Amy shout out 45 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:43,360 Speaker 1: to Refuge Center of Counseling in wrinkled Dennessey. I was 46 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,520 Speaker 1: just like I was because I was telling you that 47 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:48,600 Speaker 1: I had therapy yesterday, and I said, when do you 48 00:02:48,639 --> 00:02:50,720 Speaker 1: see Amy next? So I just saw her yesterday and 49 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:52,840 Speaker 1: she was, oh, Catherine seeing her today? And I have 50 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:58,280 Speaker 1: a Friday for a sweet Amy. I wonder if sometimes 51 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,200 Speaker 1: she really does want to talk more about each other. 52 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:03,040 Speaker 1: Like I say things and I can see her face 53 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:05,400 Speaker 1: like make a twitch, and I'm like, well, Janna, and 54 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,000 Speaker 1: she's like and I was like, I know you can't 55 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:09,280 Speaker 1: confirm or deny that you have Janna Kramer is your impation. 56 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:12,519 Speaker 1: She gives you this look like stop pushing the hip 57 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,600 Speaker 1: hop policy, like get out of my life. I'm always 58 00:03:14,639 --> 00:03:16,920 Speaker 1: like my friend, oh, I always say, I'm like, well, 59 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:18,840 Speaker 1: Catherine said yeah, and then I was like and then 60 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:20,360 Speaker 1: I talked about Nick a little bit because we were 61 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,280 Speaker 1: how did I why I talk about because I said, 62 00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:26,840 Speaker 1: like I appreciate um, like he's like a brother to 63 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:29,000 Speaker 1: me and so like because she was asking about Ian 64 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:32,960 Speaker 1: because she's very protecting. Yeah, and so she was just 65 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:35,240 Speaker 1: asking like that, I wanted to talk about you an 66 00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:37,120 Speaker 1: end today, but I didn't. Why would you talk about 67 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:38,760 Speaker 1: us and your therapy ses? You talked about how we 68 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:42,200 Speaker 1: had a double the angle date the Angle, but did 69 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:44,600 Speaker 1: not know I pressed about the Angle. I was also like, 70 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,560 Speaker 1: the same reason you're talking about her husband and your 71 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,440 Speaker 1: therapy is the same reason she wanted to talk about 72 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:51,760 Speaker 1: your boyfriend and her therapy. But like, why I was 73 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:53,720 Speaker 1: talking about how we had like a double date and 74 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:55,280 Speaker 1: she's like, oh, you'll do that often. And then I 75 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:57,600 Speaker 1: was like, wanted to like, but I didn't. I came back. 76 00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:59,040 Speaker 1: I came back. It was good. It was like talking 77 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:00,720 Speaker 1: about how it was fun, and it was what did 78 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:03,520 Speaker 1: you want to say, Catherine? I just wanted to talk 79 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,040 Speaker 1: about it. I wanted to like, what do you think? 80 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:07,480 Speaker 1: I didn't. Oh, I would like for you guys do 81 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:10,720 Speaker 1: she would never she want to give me anything. But 82 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:13,400 Speaker 1: going back to control. It's interesting because I was in 83 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:17,800 Speaker 1: therapy yesterday and I just started that was what I'm 84 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:20,159 Speaker 1: so in church, we talked about fasting and I'm like, okay, 85 00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:26,400 Speaker 1: get out of here, stop, this is okay, Like I 86 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:29,760 Speaker 1: could cry because I know this is divine timing. The 87 00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:34,240 Speaker 1: fasting is control. Fasting is feasting. I can't handle you. 88 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:38,360 Speaker 1: I cannot handle it. This is what I'm fasting from 89 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:42,440 Speaker 1: me too. Well, we better hunker down together. One of 90 00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:51,040 Speaker 1: us are good talk the fan. I can't inspect. I'm 91 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:54,200 Speaker 1: controlled too. I get it. But it's interesting because when 92 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:57,120 Speaker 1: I was sitting in church, I was like, you know 93 00:04:57,279 --> 00:04:59,719 Speaker 1: where they were talking about fasting, how fasting is feasting, 94 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:04,119 Speaker 1: and I'm like, I can't fast food because I already 95 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:07,600 Speaker 1: have a bad relationship with food generally. So I can't 96 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:10,000 Speaker 1: skip a meal because I already skip probably more than 97 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:11,920 Speaker 1: I should. I shouldn't say that, but you know what 98 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:15,120 Speaker 1: I'm saying, like, I don't have the greatest relationship to 99 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:17,520 Speaker 1: use God as my crutch for another reason not to 100 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:20,480 Speaker 1: eat food. And it's it's cool if you do, like 101 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:23,920 Speaker 1: you know people do, like a pastor. Kevin was saying, 102 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:25,200 Speaker 1: like he doesn't have to be food. It can be 103 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:28,039 Speaker 1: in social media. And because some people don't have great 104 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:30,840 Speaker 1: relationships with food, right, so fasting doesn't have to be 105 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:34,240 Speaker 1: just on food. So I was, you know, we had 106 00:05:34,279 --> 00:05:36,320 Speaker 1: the moment of like song and then prayer. It's like, 107 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:38,560 Speaker 1: think about what you need to fast, and I'm like, 108 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:42,479 Speaker 1: all right, I'm like I had wine. I'm like, oh no, 109 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,880 Speaker 1: I'm like I haven't drink in a week, you know. 110 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:49,880 Speaker 1: So I know everyone's like, wow, great job, thank youre 111 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:57,760 Speaker 1: longer than that before. Yeah, you're doing nine months. I 112 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:04,320 Speaker 1: was trying to give you a week. I tried. So 113 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:07,280 Speaker 1: I was just sitting there and I was just like 114 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:09,880 Speaker 1: and I started to cry, and I was like, where's 115 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:13,400 Speaker 1: the cry from? And it obviously involves Mike, but it's 116 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:17,480 Speaker 1: the control of that, Like, it's the control around all 117 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:19,880 Speaker 1: of it, trying to control his emotions, trying to control 118 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:23,680 Speaker 1: how he feels about me, trying to control my outcome 119 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:25,800 Speaker 1: of my relationship, trying to control and it was just 120 00:06:25,839 --> 00:06:28,359 Speaker 1: like control, like I have to, like And so I 121 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,680 Speaker 1: brought that to Amy yesterday and I had like this 122 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:33,960 Speaker 1: mental breakdown with her because I was just like, I 123 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:37,200 Speaker 1: am terrified when I don't have control because I've never 124 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:40,719 Speaker 1: felt in control. Because it's like when my relationship, I 125 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:42,240 Speaker 1: never felt control because I'm like, who knew when Mike 126 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,360 Speaker 1: was gonna cheat on me? You know, would would not 127 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:52,479 Speaker 1: and not. Catherine, Sorry, are we winding down every week? 128 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:58,040 Speaker 1: I didn't say it. So yeah, So it's like, you know, 129 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,400 Speaker 1: I was always like and I had to and I did. 130 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:04,440 Speaker 1: I became controlling in that relationship because I was so 131 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:08,400 Speaker 1: king terrified. Of course you were of him cheating again, 132 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,840 Speaker 1: and you know, of course, and so that that meet 133 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:14,720 Speaker 1: my stronghold on him, of course made him cheat more. Well, 134 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:17,640 Speaker 1: I wouldn't say that that made him cheat. I'm not 135 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:19,280 Speaker 1: gonna let you do that. It was probably a portion 136 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:21,320 Speaker 1: of it. Oh that's not a fair Yeah, I think 137 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:23,520 Speaker 1: that's the fair thing to say. Now, you might have 138 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:28,600 Speaker 1: tried to deal with that with control. You tried to 139 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:31,520 Speaker 1: deal with him cheating with control, but that didn't cause 140 00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:34,520 Speaker 1: him to do anything. He already did it. He makes 141 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:37,000 Speaker 1: his own choices. I still struggle with that piece. I 142 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,400 Speaker 1: just want to keep on mind. Yeah, thank you for 143 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:42,040 Speaker 1: thank you. I'm not going to let I'm not going 144 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:44,400 Speaker 1: to let that be about something you did. But if 145 00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:48,360 Speaker 1: I didn't do what you're right, you're right, and then 146 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:49,800 Speaker 1: he just like a period at the end of the 147 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:59,960 Speaker 1: time period and we're done commas. Yeah, okay, so that's 148 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,920 Speaker 1: and so then the next relationship now with you know, 149 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:04,760 Speaker 1: or just anything in general. I'm just like and then 150 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:07,520 Speaker 1: we start talking about food because eating is always on 151 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:09,000 Speaker 1: my case, like you need to eat, you need to eat, 152 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:10,960 Speaker 1: And then I'm like no, and I'm like, oh my god. 153 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:13,240 Speaker 1: The last time I was controlling food was when I 154 00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:15,880 Speaker 1: was so terrified about the mic stuff. And so then 155 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:18,360 Speaker 1: I'm now controlling what I eat because that's what I 156 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:24,840 Speaker 1: can control. We are best friends for a reason. Okay, Okay, 157 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:28,320 Speaker 1: so yeah, so it's like I won't eat so for example, 158 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:30,320 Speaker 1: I won't eat what he says to eat because I'm like, 159 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:33,480 Speaker 1: I get to control what I eat. I didn't know. 160 00:08:33,559 --> 00:08:35,880 Speaker 1: That's interesting. So that's what like sat in with me, 161 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:42,040 Speaker 1: but put your foot down with the cheeseburger, like healthy 162 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:44,079 Speaker 1: or not HEALTHI or whatever it is, or if it's 163 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:48,880 Speaker 1: just unhealthy, no anything as Yeah, okay, that's what I 164 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:56,080 Speaker 1: was energy. But unfortunately it's very unhealthy habits that I 165 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:58,160 Speaker 1: have right now with food. So I'm learning because like 166 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:00,559 Speaker 1: he wants me to eat healthier, you know, not healthier. 167 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:03,640 Speaker 1: He wants me to not eat bars my entire meals. Yeah, well, yeah, 168 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:05,480 Speaker 1: you do feed yourself like a hamster to pet store. 169 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,920 Speaker 1: I mean there's eat. I don't want people to think 170 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,840 Speaker 1: thank you. Definitely eat and you eat often, you eat 171 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:13,480 Speaker 1: every two hours or whatever. But I think what he's 172 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:16,720 Speaker 1: trying to get you to do is eat. Okay, well 173 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:18,560 Speaker 1: lately I haven't been doing that, and that's the problem. 174 00:09:18,679 --> 00:09:22,760 Speaker 1: Okay he used to, so I used to. Yeah, and 175 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,000 Speaker 1: so now that's somewhere and so now because I've lost 176 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:29,160 Speaker 1: control of got it, got it Mike and the marriage 177 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:32,880 Speaker 1: and new situations that I've gone back to, like not 178 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:37,599 Speaker 1: being healthy. Is that more recent or since the divorce, 179 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,320 Speaker 1: because I think I'm now out of control, Like I 180 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:41,280 Speaker 1: can't control. I don't know what's going to happen in 181 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:44,640 Speaker 1: a new relationship. So it's like a so I kind 182 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:46,640 Speaker 1: of had that like breakthrough and then with the church 183 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:50,199 Speaker 1: thing and then so yeah, it's but it's like I'm 184 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:54,880 Speaker 1: trying to fast control. Well, we're going to do it. 185 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:59,840 Speaker 1: How do we do it? So every time I approach, 186 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:02,920 Speaker 1: we have I know, someone to pray. Someone needs to 187 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:07,120 Speaker 1: know what that sounds when you're trying to because okay, 188 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:08,920 Speaker 1: I have to at least have my protein after I 189 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,000 Speaker 1: run there we go, Yeah, no, it's good. You need 190 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:13,920 Speaker 1: your protein shape so when you're trying to control a situation, 191 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,520 Speaker 1: you are to stop and pray because we're not in control. 192 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:19,840 Speaker 1: But I do that too, and then I get exhausted, 193 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:25,239 Speaker 1: like a different kind of tired, because I it's exhausting 194 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:31,120 Speaker 1: trying to control things, and it's it's tiring. I can't 195 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:34,120 Speaker 1: do it. So every time now I just go I 196 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:37,360 Speaker 1: say out loud, like I trust you God. Mm hmm. 197 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:40,199 Speaker 1: So what Amy told me, what might she might tell 198 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:43,240 Speaker 1: you to is to write it, start like combined sessions 199 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:47,080 Speaker 1: and save a little or a little like I know 200 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:49,880 Speaker 1: what a bogo is, but is there like or something, 201 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:55,600 Speaker 1: because is the problem sermon and getting one twenty every 202 00:10:56,040 --> 00:11:00,319 Speaker 1: three times a week. Amy's like, yeah, actually I've heard 203 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:04,559 Speaker 1: this one before. Oh bless her. Okay, I want to 204 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:07,200 Speaker 1: I want to get back on this topic. Said She 205 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:11,120 Speaker 1: basically said, write it like I have it, basically like 206 00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:12,520 Speaker 1: how you feel now and how you feel at the 207 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:14,679 Speaker 1: end of the month when you have released some of 208 00:11:14,679 --> 00:11:17,679 Speaker 1: that control. So it's like situations with like Mike, like today, 209 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,200 Speaker 1: like I had a situation with him when he came 210 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:21,040 Speaker 1: to the door, and it's like I wanted to say something, 211 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:23,320 Speaker 1: but it's like I just prayed, and like, I can't 212 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:27,120 Speaker 1: control his reactions, nor can I control how he speaks. 213 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:30,840 Speaker 1: So I'm just gonna good for you and I and 214 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:33,520 Speaker 1: I felt it, I prayed, I released it, and now 215 00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:35,160 Speaker 1: I'm going to write about it because by the end 216 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 1: of it, hopefully it's not going to have that start 217 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,839 Speaker 1: like that hold on us, the heaviness. And I want 218 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:41,920 Speaker 1: to go to your control in your session. But first 219 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:44,880 Speaker 1: I'm going to take a break because we've got to 220 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,880 Speaker 1: talk sex, and we've got to talk the city, Sex 221 00:11:47,920 --> 00:12:00,760 Speaker 1: in the City. You're back, I all right. So we're 222 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:04,440 Speaker 1: gonna have Candice Bushnell on. UM. She basically is the 223 00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:07,160 Speaker 1: Carrie Bradshaw she has. She's the one who wrote Sex 224 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:10,680 Speaker 1: in the City, she had the column, um, and so 225 00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,280 Speaker 1: we're going to have her on to talk about all 226 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:17,440 Speaker 1: things sexy city, how it started and um, let's get 227 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:20,920 Speaker 1: her on him on. Now are you got hi love? 228 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:24,920 Speaker 1: How are you good? How are you? I'm good? I'm Janna. 229 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:27,400 Speaker 1: This is Catherine, This is Kristen, or I should say 230 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:33,880 Speaker 1: like she's you. She dressed like Carrie. It's intense. Is 231 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:36,400 Speaker 1: it too soon, Candice? Is it too soon to show you? 232 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:43,720 Speaker 1: My God? That's crazy? She's showing, although I don't think 233 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:51,200 Speaker 1: I've ever actually worn it to too. No, No, yeah, 234 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:55,080 Speaker 1: plenty of times. Yeah, I don't think I have ever 235 00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:57,080 Speaker 1: worn one. Well, great, I've got bike shorts under have 236 00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:58,679 Speaker 1: you ever heard those? Because I can take this right 237 00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:02,000 Speaker 1: off and we can just start over. My short time 238 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,839 Speaker 1: were all the time? Great, So let me just reintroduce 239 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:08,720 Speaker 1: myself and I kidding, Oh my god. I did wear 240 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:13,400 Speaker 1: a two two once to one of the one of 241 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:16,560 Speaker 1: the premiers. I can't remember which one. Maybe it was 242 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:20,040 Speaker 1: the third, maybe it was the third season. I love 243 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:24,960 Speaker 1: it gave permission. I've never been coordinated like some of 244 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:27,640 Speaker 1: my friends on this couch. I mean, I'm in I 245 00:13:27,679 --> 00:13:30,880 Speaker 1: just ran and I'm in sweatpants and running shoes. I'm 246 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:33,120 Speaker 1: just saying, like you're coordinated. You used to do figure 247 00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:37,760 Speaker 1: skating that color coordinating. I was like no, no, like 248 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:41,599 Speaker 1: as a runner. It was this gave me the permission. 249 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:43,800 Speaker 1: That was the permission slip I needed to wear a 250 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:45,880 Speaker 1: two two that I would have another I would have 251 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:48,199 Speaker 1: not otherwise been in ever in my life because I'm 252 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:51,240 Speaker 1: not a ballerina. So okay, we have to talk sex 253 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:53,000 Speaker 1: in the city because obviously, I mean, it's a show 254 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:56,880 Speaker 1: I am obsessed with. Um, continue to watch. I mean 255 00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:59,000 Speaker 1: when I was on the road, my band guys would 256 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:01,640 Speaker 1: hear like the open credits and nearly up there she 257 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:05,520 Speaker 1: goes like she's watching Sex in the City again. Um, 258 00:14:05,559 --> 00:14:08,440 Speaker 1: but for you, like where like you started? When did 259 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:15,360 Speaker 1: you start writing your columns? Probably before you were born? Um? No, 260 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:20,400 Speaker 1: girl thirty eight? Like it's a thing, which is why 261 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:22,880 Speaker 1: when I went out for The Carry Diaries, because I'm 262 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:25,040 Speaker 1: also an actress, I was like, I'm way too old, 263 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:29,560 Speaker 1: Like I can't take that. I love The Carry Diaries 264 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:34,400 Speaker 1: so good. It was such a cute show. I don't understand, 265 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:36,680 Speaker 1: like why it didn't continue on did you watch it? 266 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,720 Speaker 1: I did watch it, and it didn't continue. I know why. 267 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,600 Speaker 1: I don't know. We need to know. Do you want 268 00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:48,200 Speaker 1: to bring it back? I know a great carry right 269 00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:51,360 Speaker 1: all you know. I think they've all grown up now, 270 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:57,280 Speaker 1: so whatever. But your auditioned for the Carry Diaries, that's great. 271 00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:59,080 Speaker 1: I did it was it was quite a long time ago. 272 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:00,800 Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean I was I was too old. 273 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:04,200 Speaker 1: It's it's all good, no no hard feelings, It's totally fine. 274 00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:06,040 Speaker 1: But this is like, this is a good time for 275 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:08,200 Speaker 1: me to tell you I wasn't actively participating in the cast. 276 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:16,680 Speaker 1: Remember if I was, I was a lot in Lipstick Jungle. 277 00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:21,080 Speaker 1: It just depends. Yeah, I had so Rob. I was 278 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,040 Speaker 1: on on One Tree Hill, and so Rob who was 279 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:26,240 Speaker 1: on Lipstick Jungle. And I loved that show. And I 280 00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:28,720 Speaker 1: guess I was so angry that that one didn't continue 281 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:31,040 Speaker 1: on too. Do you say, oh, that was just so. 282 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:34,000 Speaker 1: It was steamy, it was fun, it was like sexy. 283 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:37,080 Speaker 1: I loved all of it. And I love those actresses, 284 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:40,840 Speaker 1: I love the stories. I think it was weirdly, it 285 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:43,720 Speaker 1: was a little bit ahead of its time because mhm. 286 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:48,240 Speaker 1: It was a little too feminist in a way, because 287 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:52,080 Speaker 1: that was the time when when you know, it was 288 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:56,520 Speaker 1: all about getting married and marrying Mr Big and remember 289 00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:59,240 Speaker 1: all these actresses were saying like, I'm not a feminist, 290 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,040 Speaker 1: So it was a little ahead of its time. The 291 00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:05,800 Speaker 1: idea of you know, the girl Boss women Boss people 292 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:12,240 Speaker 1: were still like, oh they must be bitches night, bitches night, 293 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:15,400 Speaker 1: Welcome to Line podcast. I love my agent. My agents 294 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,720 Speaker 1: always like if I had five cents for every time 295 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:21,040 Speaker 1: someone called me a bitch, I'd be rich. I that's 296 00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:23,920 Speaker 1: always like so annoying because it's like I remember My 297 00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:25,840 Speaker 1: ex used to be like, you know, you're you're too 298 00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:28,000 Speaker 1: hard like but you can talk that it same way 299 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:31,640 Speaker 1: and it's fine for you. But yet I'm bitchy like 300 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:34,320 Speaker 1: I just it just doesn't I don't. I don't like 301 00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:37,880 Speaker 1: that at all. But who reached out to you to 302 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,880 Speaker 1: have sex in the City like actually become a show 303 00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:46,480 Speaker 1: from your column? A lot of people? Really, yes, a 304 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:54,120 Speaker 1: lot of people. HBO was always after me and New 305 00:16:54,240 --> 00:17:00,880 Speaker 1: Line and Fine Line and ABC. So there were probably 306 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:07,119 Speaker 1: there were at least three movie companies that wanted to 307 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:10,119 Speaker 1: buy it. And I did go out to l A. 308 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:15,679 Speaker 1: But you know, they really did. They didn't have a clue. 309 00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:19,680 Speaker 1: Like at that time New York and l A. The 310 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:24,399 Speaker 1: sensibilities were so different. Like sex in the City, it 311 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:28,960 Speaker 1: could never ever come out of a writer's room. There's 312 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:33,040 Speaker 1: no way, like writers could ever come up with that. 313 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:35,720 Speaker 1: TV writers could never ever come up with sex in 314 00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:42,040 Speaker 1: the City. HBO was interested and ABC was interested. And 315 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:47,480 Speaker 1: in that time I had also met Darren Starr. How 316 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:50,159 Speaker 1: did you guys meet? We met because I did a 317 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:55,480 Speaker 1: story about him for No magazine because he was doing 318 00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:59,879 Speaker 1: Central Park West. I don't know if you guys from 319 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:03,280 Speaker 1: over that show I remember it. I didn't want it 320 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:08,359 Speaker 1: lasted for one season and it was Mariel Yeah, Mariel 321 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:15,240 Speaker 1: hemy white um. And and then he decided to do 322 00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:19,000 Speaker 1: so I met him and and then he said he 323 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:23,000 Speaker 1: wanted to do Sex in the City. And I Darren 324 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:25,320 Speaker 1: was somebody who I knew. I've been hanging out with 325 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:29,520 Speaker 1: him a bit. I'd shown him New York and he 326 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:32,720 Speaker 1: did Melrose Place in nine O two one oh, which 327 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:36,520 Speaker 1: were huge, and we just had a really good time 328 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:38,760 Speaker 1: and Darren had a great sense of humor and we 329 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:44,280 Speaker 1: were laughing about everything. So I thought, well, I'll sell 330 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:48,880 Speaker 1: it to Darren Starr, which was actually a really smart 331 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:54,000 Speaker 1: thing to do now that I looked back, because you know, 332 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:57,919 Speaker 1: when you sell something to TV, you still have to 333 00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:02,719 Speaker 1: find that producer m hm. You know, it's like a 334 00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:06,080 Speaker 1: whole deal making a TV show. You know, there's like 335 00:19:06,119 --> 00:19:08,800 Speaker 1: the showrunner and the producer. That's the person who wants 336 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:11,160 Speaker 1: to be on the set every day. I don't want 337 00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:12,880 Speaker 1: to be on the set every day. Did you want 338 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:14,560 Speaker 1: to be in the writing room at all? Like, did 339 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:19,400 Speaker 1: you did you feel like Territorial was in the writing 340 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:27,280 Speaker 1: room for the first two seasons A bit. It's not 341 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:31,320 Speaker 1: you know, it's like I was a novelist. Being a 342 00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:37,879 Speaker 1: TV writer was not considered. And I mean, first of all, 343 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:41,280 Speaker 1: it was something that I never even knew that that 344 00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:48,040 Speaker 1: was a job when I was younger. Um, and you know, 345 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:54,639 Speaker 1: it's not as it wasn't quite as cool as you know, 346 00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:58,480 Speaker 1: being a novelist. I still don't think it is. So 347 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:00,520 Speaker 1: there's my two cents where you can't us. I still 348 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:03,920 Speaker 1: think you're the o G. So I read and I 349 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:05,840 Speaker 1: do have like some sort of mom dementia at this 350 00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:07,560 Speaker 1: point because I have two little kids and so really 351 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,280 Speaker 1: I don't have any of my together. But I do 352 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:12,000 Speaker 1: have this question. I thought I read somewhere that when 353 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:16,919 Speaker 1: it started, you were I hope I'm not just just 354 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,600 Speaker 1: love me through this, but were you with Cary Bradshaw, 355 00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:22,200 Speaker 1: your alter ego, Like you wrote it as a carry Bradshaw, 356 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:26,760 Speaker 1: like that's you. But no, I when I was writing 357 00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:32,160 Speaker 1: the column my parents, I think I'd written like one 358 00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:35,000 Speaker 1: or two columns. I went to a sex club and 359 00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:37,960 Speaker 1: I just did a one woman show which was called 360 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:39,960 Speaker 1: is There Still Sex in the City? And this is 361 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:43,520 Speaker 1: one of the stories I tell how I created sex 362 00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:49,520 Speaker 1: in the City. Um, why I invented Carrie Bradshaw. And 363 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:51,720 Speaker 1: the reason is that I went to a sex club 364 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,239 Speaker 1: and then my parents called up and said, oh, we're 365 00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:57,360 Speaker 1: gonna read. We've taken a subscription to the New York Observer, 366 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:01,640 Speaker 1: and my parents are really conservative. They were really conservative, 367 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:06,000 Speaker 1: So I was like, you know, I always have to 368 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:09,600 Speaker 1: worry about what my parents think. I mean, I feel 369 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:12,000 Speaker 1: like there's so much more I probably would have done 370 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:15,120 Speaker 1: and written, if you know, not for my parents, who 371 00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:18,560 Speaker 1: were very judgy. So I didn't know what to do. 372 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:21,359 Speaker 1: So I just came up with this name, Carrie Bradshaw. 373 00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:28,240 Speaker 1: That was my alter ego. So I I was basically 374 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:33,680 Speaker 1: the narrator and Carrie Bradshaw was my alter ego, so 375 00:21:34,119 --> 00:21:40,000 Speaker 1: and I made her kind of I don't know, I 376 00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:42,800 Speaker 1: just I had sort of fun with the character. I 377 00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:45,560 Speaker 1: felt like the character didn't necessarily have to be nice. 378 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:52,560 Speaker 1: So were the girls then, like Charlotte, Miranda, Samantha not 379 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:55,760 Speaker 1: your They were like, were they also loosely based off 380 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:59,439 Speaker 1: of just the friends around you? Is what I have? Yes, 381 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:03,440 Speaker 1: but I had a lot of friends, so in the 382 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:07,880 Speaker 1: book there are they're like way more women. But when 383 00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:11,200 Speaker 1: you make a TV show, the first thing you do 384 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:16,240 Speaker 1: is well, we have to we can't have more than 385 00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:19,240 Speaker 1: four characters. We can't have put more than four women 386 00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:23,880 Speaker 1: because the audience won't keep track of them. And obviously 387 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:26,480 Speaker 1: they have more women on Real Housewives. But you know 388 00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:29,919 Speaker 1: that's just a sort of standard TV formula. Sure, And 389 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:31,840 Speaker 1: did some of the characters kind of fold into each 390 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:35,040 Speaker 1: other then, like some of your book characters kind of 391 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:40,840 Speaker 1: get adopted by the four main Yes. And in the book, 392 00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:44,520 Speaker 1: one friend would say a couple of different things to me, 393 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,400 Speaker 1: and I would make them into two people to describe 394 00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:52,400 Speaker 1: people's identity, et cetera. So I'm curious, are you watching 395 00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:54,639 Speaker 1: the news the New And just like that, are you 396 00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:59,280 Speaker 1: watching the New I've watched a couple of episodes. How 397 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:04,320 Speaker 1: do you feel about I think it's very Sarah Jessica 398 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:08,119 Speaker 1: Parker and Michael Patrick King, and I think it's very 399 00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:14,440 Speaker 1: very in line with their creativity, their idea of what's good. 400 00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:18,600 Speaker 1: And I feel like my sensibility is the TV show 401 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:23,560 Speaker 1: Sex in the City. It's like that sensibility of you know, 402 00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:29,080 Speaker 1: women of life, of the absurdism of life is something, 403 00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:33,520 Speaker 1: you know, the social observation, the very detailed social observation 404 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:38,640 Speaker 1: where and I've been compared to Jane Austen many times. Um, 405 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:40,639 Speaker 1: you know, that's what I do. And I feel like 406 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:47,400 Speaker 1: that's in all of my books. It's in Lipstick Jungle somewhat. 407 00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:49,720 Speaker 1: I would have liked to have it more and the 408 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:54,800 Speaker 1: Carry Diaries. So I feel like that's my sensibility and 409 00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:57,760 Speaker 1: that's what I'm going to bring to everything that I do. 410 00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:02,200 Speaker 1: It's the sensibility of there're still sex in the city. Candice. 411 00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:06,600 Speaker 1: You you created a freedom that you don't even it's 412 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:11,400 Speaker 1: gonna long outlive anything else. Like, it's really you've You've 413 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:16,399 Speaker 1: created a legacy. It's your observations really paved the way 414 00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:18,960 Speaker 1: in every character and just the empowerment that we all 415 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:20,840 Speaker 1: could have. I mean, I know you probably hear that 416 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:24,280 Speaker 1: and it sounds cliche or whatever, but it does matter. 417 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:27,800 Speaker 1: From tinytown girls in Selene, Michigan watching your show going 418 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:31,480 Speaker 1: like I want to do that. Yeah, I mean, I know, 419 00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:36,280 Speaker 1: I think that's really important. That's really what it's about, 420 00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:41,360 Speaker 1: is giving women a different way to look at their lives. Like, yeah, 421 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:46,320 Speaker 1: I know it seems crazy, but thirty years ago, even 422 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:50,200 Speaker 1: twenty years ago, we were really saying go to college, 423 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:54,959 Speaker 1: don't get married, and have kids and maybe you know, 424 00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:58,119 Speaker 1: but you can't really be independent. You don't get that 425 00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:01,440 Speaker 1: sex in the city time in your life to figure 426 00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:04,600 Speaker 1: out who you are, what you're about, who you want 427 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:06,640 Speaker 1: to be with, and what you want to pursue and 428 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:08,919 Speaker 1: make friends. And I feel like now you do and 429 00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:12,080 Speaker 1: now you have that Yes, yeah, like this, you know 430 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,000 Speaker 1: I love that. Well, thank you so much, Candice. I 431 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:23,600 Speaker 1: appreciate you. Thank you guys. Bye bye. There's something to 432 00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:27,639 Speaker 1: be said to about what you just said. Um, I 433 00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:35,080 Speaker 1: was sweating? Are you good? Sweating? Feeling good? How's that control? 434 00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:37,199 Speaker 1: Are you controlling your sweating? I had to control a 435 00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:40,880 Speaker 1: lot of things. I felt like a buddy the alph 436 00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:42,159 Speaker 1: and he's like, I'm in love with you and I 437 00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,159 Speaker 1: don't care, knows it? Like I just really had to 438 00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:47,640 Speaker 1: calm it down. It's fine, everything's fine. And also the 439 00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:50,840 Speaker 1: fifty pounds of tool doesn't help the heat. Well, you 440 00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:52,919 Speaker 1: got those biker shorts on. Not to breathe both fabric. 441 00:25:53,040 --> 00:26:05,600 Speaker 1: Let's take a break and we'll go back with some control. Okay, 442 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:08,480 Speaker 1: So about your therapy session, how to go cat It 443 00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:11,359 Speaker 1: was good. It was pretty light today. We discovered that 444 00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:14,600 Speaker 1: I was I thought I was the wrong indiogram number. 445 00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:19,680 Speaker 1: What do you mean did you redo a test? I did? Office, No, 446 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:21,960 Speaker 1: I had done it. I needed to read before I went, 447 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:23,720 Speaker 1: and then we read through a lot of the books. 448 00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:27,560 Speaker 1: What did you think you were? A five? Which it's 449 00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:31,359 Speaker 1: very rare, but I think it's like basically like they're 450 00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:33,399 Speaker 1: like hermits, but they like a lot of information, and 451 00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:35,240 Speaker 1: since I like to be alone, I think that that's 452 00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:37,119 Speaker 1: where that kind of came from. But I'm actually an 453 00:26:37,119 --> 00:26:41,359 Speaker 1: eight the challenge, yes, but I have like little things 454 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:45,239 Speaker 1: that no, no, no, A healthy aid is good? Oh 455 00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:49,880 Speaker 1: is Mike Kate? If you think back, there are things 456 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:53,640 Speaker 1: that were similar about us. I mean, I'll admit that, 457 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:56,600 Speaker 1: but you're a healthy version because I could I could 458 00:26:56,680 --> 00:27:00,560 Speaker 1: understand him when he wanted to be alone or when 459 00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:02,200 Speaker 1: he needed I could understand that part of him, but 460 00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:05,760 Speaker 1: I couldn't understand there's choices, and there's ways to be healthy, 461 00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:08,000 Speaker 1: and there's ways to you know, there's a lot of 462 00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:13,720 Speaker 1: positives to eight. Unhalthy dates are they're they're a racissists? Yeah, 463 00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:17,479 Speaker 1: well it's literally yeah, unhealthy. I mean they had so 464 00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:20,360 Speaker 1: there's like the healthy version of any number, and then 465 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:23,400 Speaker 1: like the okay version of every number, and then the unhealthy, 466 00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:25,640 Speaker 1: and then below that's the personality disorders, and I think 467 00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:30,199 Speaker 1: borderline personality disorder and narcissism are its eights what they 468 00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:32,440 Speaker 1: go to when they're at like the lowest lowe Well, 469 00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:34,520 Speaker 1: what Amy told me today is it's not a bad thing. 470 00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:38,960 Speaker 1: So thanks guys. Well, healthy as make the world go 471 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:41,680 Speaker 1: around because you challenge and you don't just accept information 472 00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:45,000 Speaker 1: for the way it comes, and you are like you're 473 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:49,240 Speaker 1: like a pathmaker. Yeah. It was like she had me 474 00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:51,200 Speaker 1: read things and she was like, you know, call out 475 00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:52,840 Speaker 1: the ones that feel true to you, and I would 476 00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:55,640 Speaker 1: say a majority of them did, but some of them 477 00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:57,480 Speaker 1: didn't too, So I still feel like I'm a mix. 478 00:27:57,600 --> 00:28:01,120 Speaker 1: But anyway, so that was good. That's good. Yeah, sorry 479 00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:04,120 Speaker 1: to mean to trigger you, but that doesn't I'm just saying, 480 00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:06,720 Speaker 1: like in a funny way. Yeah, what are you? I'm 481 00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:09,440 Speaker 1: a two? I know right now, I'm an unhealthy to 482 00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:12,240 Speaker 1: know you're a healthy too, I mean, but I'm also 483 00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:15,960 Speaker 1: like to a detriment. Oh yeah, well I codependency. Yeah, 484 00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:21,800 Speaker 1: I'm a Wing one, rules matter, I think I'm Wing three. 485 00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:27,440 Speaker 1: What's three? You're definitely wing three? Yeah? The achiever? Okay, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, 486 00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:30,920 Speaker 1: so great. It's like what makes everybody everybody? I'm sorry, 487 00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:32,760 Speaker 1: I didn't mean to say anything bad about your right, 488 00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:36,760 Speaker 1: I just I just I just think about I just 489 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:41,800 Speaker 1: I just I just shed an eight. It's actually perfect. 490 00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:45,000 Speaker 1: So but you know, underneath its are actually very loving. 491 00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:48,800 Speaker 1: It's just hard for people to see it. Maybe not. 492 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:52,840 Speaker 1: You're right. I actually have always hugged you aggressively every 493 00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:54,760 Speaker 1: time I see you, so it probably is a lot 494 00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:57,240 Speaker 1: for you. But I don't think you're like an unapproachable 495 00:28:57,280 --> 00:29:00,400 Speaker 1: I think you're a very healthy eight. Thank you. I 496 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,440 Speaker 1: love I think I think a healthy it is actually hot. 497 00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:05,600 Speaker 1: It's the unhealthies. Well, they're like boss babes. They're like 498 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:08,840 Speaker 1: kind of make sure happen. I wonder what what's Preston 499 00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:15,080 Speaker 1: A nine? What's that peacekeeper? Oh m hm, huh what's 500 00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:17,520 Speaker 1: She asked me that today and I couldn't remember. What 501 00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:24,880 Speaker 1: is three? Achiever? No? Two is like a helper, Yeah, 502 00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:27,920 Speaker 1: like a helper, like I'm gonna help you. Remember she 503 00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:30,160 Speaker 1: actually just emailed me before and said, have Nick take 504 00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:31,760 Speaker 1: this and then go to this website and see how 505 00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:34,080 Speaker 1: you'll work together. I need to I need Ian to 506 00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:36,280 Speaker 1: take it. Okay, so I bet he's going to be 507 00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:41,080 Speaker 1: If he's an eight, I have to break up with him. No, no, no, 508 00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:44,520 Speaker 1: I feel so triggered right now to Okay, maybe that's 509 00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:49,160 Speaker 1: why we worked, Janna. Maybe I'm a challenger, but I 510 00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:52,600 Speaker 1: also challenge you know it's good. I'm not just a 511 00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:56,920 Speaker 1: yes person for you, Janna, I contured to who thinks 512 00:29:56,720 --> 00:29:59,840 Speaker 1: he's a curious person. Oh, we had a We had 513 00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,479 Speaker 1: one that said that I just have yes people are 514 00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:06,200 Speaker 1: on me. I'm like the guy I do your challenger 515 00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:10,720 Speaker 1: like people are like, I got this one challenging my 516 00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:16,520 Speaker 1: ass all the time. Definitely in a tough like, in 517 00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:19,840 Speaker 1: a loving but not loving like, in a like she's 518 00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:22,200 Speaker 1: loving You're in like a like I got your like? 519 00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:25,440 Speaker 1: Can I give you something that? Can I tell you something? Yeah? God, 520 00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:29,240 Speaker 1: what am I doing? I'm sorry. I actually talked about 521 00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:30,840 Speaker 1: this in therapy. I didn't say your name, but actually 522 00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:33,120 Speaker 1: talked this about this in therapy because it triggered me majorly. 523 00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:37,239 Speaker 1: The other day. It was it was myself. You were 524 00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:39,240 Speaker 1: talking about your friends, and you said, I have the 525 00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:43,120 Speaker 1: one that is that is tough love, and then I 526 00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:45,320 Speaker 1: have the loving ones. And so I went to Amy 527 00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:46,920 Speaker 1: and I was like people don't see me as loving, 528 00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:50,120 Speaker 1: and she was like, I know, I know, but that's 529 00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:53,680 Speaker 1: been one of my things. Yeah, I think you're extra loving. 530 00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:58,560 Speaker 1: She doesn't. But in a relationship though, like I, you 531 00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:01,000 Speaker 1: don't have to do that for me, probably like tough love. 532 00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:05,160 Speaker 1: I'm tough. I'm hard enough on myself time out. There's 533 00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:08,480 Speaker 1: a but you know the difference, right First of all, 534 00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:10,720 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, no, no, no, no, no, I feel so bad. 535 00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:13,200 Speaker 1: You know that's on that's on me, Like that's my like, 536 00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:18,080 Speaker 1: well that's what we're working through. Yeah, m hmm. But 537 00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:21,280 Speaker 1: I'm just there. But maybe I can say it in 538 00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:23,400 Speaker 1: a different way. But like I I just go to 539 00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:25,800 Speaker 1: the like that day of the next day after I 540 00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:27,600 Speaker 1: filed for divorce, that's the day that I go to 541 00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:30,760 Speaker 1: Are you getting I'm sorry right now? No, I mean 542 00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:36,240 Speaker 1: this is my well, see in my mind, in my mind, 543 00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:39,880 Speaker 1: the day after the divorce, that's what you needed I did. 544 00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:48,080 Speaker 1: But it's clearly not yeah I did, she needed you. Oh, 545 00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:49,760 Speaker 1: this is like maybe I don't want to talk about 546 00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:56,600 Speaker 1: actually good because that friendships. I think that people tune 547 00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:59,640 Speaker 1: into you a lot of times for your friendships. I mean, 548 00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:01,440 Speaker 1: I know when you pay something about me. People will 549 00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:02,920 Speaker 1: write to me right away and they're like, I wish 550 00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:05,120 Speaker 1: I had this. I wish that I had what you 551 00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:07,719 Speaker 1: all have. There's this thing you guys have and we 552 00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:11,719 Speaker 1: m bring different things. It's a very real sense of 553 00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:15,480 Speaker 1: like life. Like we're not sugarcoating, We're not I mean, 554 00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:20,800 Speaker 1: I just I think this is a good thing. Like 555 00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:23,719 Speaker 1: the way you work with your friends and the way 556 00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:26,640 Speaker 1: we're all honest with each other. Like if you say 557 00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:28,520 Speaker 1: things that are tough to me, it's hard for me. 558 00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:34,800 Speaker 1: That's why you don't say those things, don't You Guys 559 00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:39,240 Speaker 1: are like Kristen, Like Janna has spoken over me about 560 00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:43,280 Speaker 1: my marriage at times and been like a very truth 561 00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:46,120 Speaker 1: teller for me, and times where now I'll get emotional, 562 00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:55,320 Speaker 1: He's like, what have I not done better than this? 563 00:32:55,720 --> 00:33:02,080 Speaker 1: It's just like watching your kids perform at competition and anyways, 564 00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:05,200 Speaker 1: it just is like the realness is what we all need. 565 00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:09,400 Speaker 1: That's why I feel like I mean I when I 566 00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:11,520 Speaker 1: said to you it was time with Mike, which I 567 00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:13,720 Speaker 1: felt like I really was an advocate from Mike. I 568 00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:17,280 Speaker 1: felt like I really tried to graciously assume and was 569 00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:20,000 Speaker 1: very pro team marriage for you guys. But like when 570 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,760 Speaker 1: I was like, it's time, Like I like when you 571 00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:27,280 Speaker 1: texted me it's time, that's when I go, oh, like 572 00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:29,960 Speaker 1: because you've never said that. You've always been like I 573 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:32,920 Speaker 1: got your back, no matter what you can and put 574 00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:35,600 Speaker 1: him in the back. Yeah, like I got you, like 575 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:38,400 Speaker 1: no either way. But like when you said it's time, 576 00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:41,720 Speaker 1: that's all you said. I mean that, Like that was 577 00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:45,720 Speaker 1: my like, oh we are or here. But then Catherine's 578 00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:50,040 Speaker 1: teamwork and all that is. So there's a conversation happening 579 00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:52,040 Speaker 1: with you on a group text, and then there's a 580 00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:55,360 Speaker 1: conversation happening without you on a group text, and all 581 00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:58,200 Speaker 1: four you're good and all things we would say in 582 00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:00,040 Speaker 1: front of you, but we're not going to flood you. 583 00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:02,040 Speaker 1: You know, nothing was bad. But it was like Catherine 584 00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:04,880 Speaker 1: going like I've seen this. I don't want her to 585 00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:06,160 Speaker 1: I don't want her to back out, like we have 586 00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:08,120 Speaker 1: to keep moving forward, and we're all like you have 587 00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:11,959 Speaker 1: to keep moving forward. And Catherine also had that side 588 00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:13,959 Speaker 1: of her, which was the business side, so she could 589 00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:18,080 Speaker 1: say like listen, we've got to we've got things to do. 590 00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:22,719 Speaker 1: But without Catherine, I mean, I know, I just would 591 00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:24,960 Speaker 1: have been like, Okay, we're going back in again. I mean, 592 00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:30,480 Speaker 1: that's why you're critical, is what I'm saying, honest, And 593 00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:33,560 Speaker 1: I shouldn't and I apologize. I should apologie. I shouldn't separate. 594 00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:36,960 Speaker 1: You just give me more tough love. And I do 595 00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:41,600 Speaker 1: need that though, and so but it's not but you're 596 00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:45,840 Speaker 1: not not loving right again? Yeah, no, I it was. 597 00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:48,160 Speaker 1: It was a good thing for me to hear because 598 00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:49,680 Speaker 1: then I could take it in because she has said 599 00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:54,120 Speaker 1: that to me before, in a sense that like, you 600 00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:57,319 Speaker 1: don't feel like people see you as loving. And so 601 00:34:57,360 --> 00:34:59,399 Speaker 1: then that happened and I was like, oh my god, 602 00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:03,320 Speaker 1: you're right. I don't anyway. So oh good, do you 603 00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:05,279 Speaker 1: have any emotions when I share it? Because I love 604 00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:08,080 Speaker 1: it when you cry? Get over here, good, let me 605 00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:13,520 Speaker 1: hold you too much therapy. You're so loving, You're so loving, 606 00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:18,839 Speaker 1: a very healthy because there's no you're any tough loving 607 00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:21,520 Speaker 1: yourself out of having loving yourself, Gavil. And now I 608 00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:24,480 Speaker 1: feel bad because I hate it on your number, I 609 00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:27,759 Speaker 1: called like now I just feel like now, no, I 610 00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:31,319 Speaker 1: just know I'm Candice told me straight up she's never 611 00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:34,319 Speaker 1: working duels. I think there's no one want to talk 612 00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:35,799 Speaker 1: about what I'm going to talk to Amy about on 613 00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:37,560 Speaker 1: Friday because I just feel like I was like, Wow, 614 00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:42,399 Speaker 1: I'm the girl. I just I am sorry. I think 615 00:35:42,520 --> 00:35:47,640 Speaker 1: you have I love that you're innate to the new podcast. 616 00:35:47,719 --> 00:35:52,080 Speaker 1: He appreciate it is where I could though, even though 617 00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:55,840 Speaker 1: I wanted you to leave Mike, I could understand him 618 00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:58,920 Speaker 1: at times, not with cheating, but I could understand him, 619 00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:01,879 Speaker 1: and I do think that helped it times a lot 620 00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:07,040 Speaker 1: of times. Yeah, but and you are loving, very loving, 621 00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:10,680 Speaker 1: but I think you block. Which No, that's an eight. 622 00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:14,200 Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. That's an eight. It's like underneath 623 00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:16,880 Speaker 1: they have a very loving and if they're passionate about something, 624 00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:19,640 Speaker 1: they will go to war for it. But it's hard 625 00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:24,279 Speaker 1: to kind of show that what blocks it. I'd love 626 00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:28,200 Speaker 1: to understand that. Listen to my next couple of years 627 00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:30,840 Speaker 1: of therapy. Just come with us. I'll let you know. 628 00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:35,080 Speaker 1: I mean we all have. You know I've got blocks 629 00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:38,520 Speaker 1: of why, Well, you've got blocks. I'm just like from 630 00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:42,560 Speaker 1: from like showing that, showing it. I will say, from 631 00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:45,799 Speaker 1: my experience, tell me, if this resonates with you at all, 632 00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:50,360 Speaker 1: I block because growing up I could not. My feelings 633 00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:54,080 Speaker 1: were not honored. So to have a feeling didn't mean much, 634 00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:56,480 Speaker 1: so I would pick a second or third feeling that 635 00:36:56,560 --> 00:37:02,680 Speaker 1: could fit into this really dysfunctional family system. So yeah, 636 00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:04,440 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, the mike went down, and I 637 00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:08,160 Speaker 1: was like, gosh, yeah, for sure. But I feel like 638 00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:11,400 Speaker 1: eye blocked because I'm like, well, what I have to 639 00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:15,400 Speaker 1: say ultimately doesn't feel very important. I think it's a 640 00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:17,480 Speaker 1: mix of that and I think I learned today with 641 00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:22,920 Speaker 1: an eight too. It's it seems weak and so like 642 00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:26,759 Speaker 1: we pride ourselves on being strong and independent and it 643 00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:30,040 Speaker 1: makes us feel weak. There's another part of it, but yes, 644 00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:33,640 Speaker 1: childhood stuff for sure. That's interesting. That makes you feel 645 00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:39,879 Speaker 1: weak very eight. Yeah, you're such a leader. I feel 646 00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:42,239 Speaker 1: like leaders are eight. They are for sure. I mean 647 00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:43,920 Speaker 1: two s, which is over here trying to help each 648 00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:45,479 Speaker 1: other out so much we can get out of the house. 649 00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:48,840 Speaker 1: So that's why the eights really happen. A yeah, I 650 00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:57,480 Speaker 1: don't know if there's such another come to the podcast, 651 00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:00,480 Speaker 1: and I love everything you're doing. Insane and she's just helpful. 652 00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:02,359 Speaker 1: She's just so like I even said to my friend 653 00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:04,239 Speaker 1: Heather on the way here, I was like, Janna just 654 00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:06,880 Speaker 1: makes me feel like I'm a person, a whole person, 655 00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:11,040 Speaker 1: like I don't have to. Well, on another note, I 656 00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:13,560 Speaker 1: think Amy would be very proud of us because we're 657 00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:18,279 Speaker 1: all therapy therapy, therapy being everybody we should have ever 658 00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:20,520 Speaker 1: listen to this episode? Um, I have a question? Can 659 00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:22,319 Speaker 1: I ask a question? Before we leave? I need to 660 00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:27,879 Speaker 1: figure out what Ian's number is? Though, Yeah, okay, if 661 00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:30,560 Speaker 1: he isn't eight, you cannot just take that and let 662 00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:33,040 Speaker 1: that be. I need him to read the thing. Don't 663 00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:35,600 Speaker 1: take the test. I've taken three works on the book 664 00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:38,200 Speaker 1: today and it was great. It's so good. We don't 665 00:38:38,239 --> 00:38:39,759 Speaker 1: have to read the whole thing. But the road back 666 00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:42,280 Speaker 1: to use the best way to figure out your own number, 667 00:38:42,719 --> 00:38:45,840 Speaker 1: and then the path between us is the best book 668 00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:50,440 Speaker 1: for how to iniogram each other. Okay, yeah, I I 669 00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:53,759 Speaker 1: just I need him to He's guys, he's great. Can 670 00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:57,400 Speaker 1: I ask a question? I was actually thinking this yesterday. 671 00:38:57,440 --> 00:38:59,480 Speaker 1: I just wonder, like, do you and Ian ever fight? 672 00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:04,600 Speaker 1: Are we just and shirtless make out? Gosh? Like I 673 00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:07,080 Speaker 1: want to know for real, because I haven't heard about 674 00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:09,200 Speaker 1: any fight. I mean, you're around more than I am. 675 00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:11,719 Speaker 1: I haven't. I haven't, but I'm like, we haven't fought 676 00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:18,439 Speaker 1: with him and him he's like really great. Um, no, 677 00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:23,719 Speaker 1: I mean it's just me, honestly, story of our lives. 678 00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:27,160 Speaker 1: Like I just I still um I read this quote 679 00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:29,120 Speaker 1: or actually I think I put it up on my 680 00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:32,160 Speaker 1: Instagram the other day. I put it up there yesterday 681 00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:34,680 Speaker 1: and it was I'm gonna tell it to you right now. 682 00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:41,080 Speaker 1: It is. Um. Yes, toxic relationships are hard, but do 683 00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:43,759 Speaker 1: you know what else is hard? Your first healthy relationship 684 00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:46,239 Speaker 1: after a toxic one. No One talks about how hard 685 00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:48,960 Speaker 1: it is to unlearn all the toxic behaviors you adapted 686 00:39:49,160 --> 00:39:51,880 Speaker 1: as a coping mechanism. How hard is it to convince 687 00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:54,920 Speaker 1: yourself that you're safe now? And like even just like 688 00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:57,239 Speaker 1: the other night, we were talking about something and I 689 00:39:57,320 --> 00:40:00,480 Speaker 1: just like immediately shut off because he said something and 690 00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:02,000 Speaker 1: it made me feel stupid. He wasn't trying to make 691 00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:04,120 Speaker 1: me feel stupid, but like Mike always made me feel 692 00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:07,759 Speaker 1: stupid because he'd be like, what don't you understand about that? 693 00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:10,320 Speaker 1: And like the irony of that sentence is really something 694 00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:11,640 Speaker 1: to me. And I'm not trying to hate on him, 695 00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:14,279 Speaker 1: but Mike making you feel stupid is really ironic to me. 696 00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:18,200 Speaker 1: Continue but I just immediately shut off and he was 697 00:40:18,239 --> 00:40:20,800 Speaker 1: like WHOA, Like what, like you know what's the change, 698 00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:22,920 Speaker 1: and I was just like nothing. So it's like me 699 00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:26,880 Speaker 1: trying to like like it's just like and bless and 700 00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:29,319 Speaker 1: he's just like he just sits there and then I 701 00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:31,960 Speaker 1: and I feel like his like he's like, I'm trying 702 00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:34,440 Speaker 1: so hard to not say anything that's going to trigger 703 00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:37,279 Speaker 1: you or you know. He's like, I'm trying to say 704 00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:39,560 Speaker 1: all the right things and I'm trying to you know, 705 00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:43,279 Speaker 1: you know, not say it like this, or say it 706 00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:46,279 Speaker 1: like this or not trigger this. And he's like, it's 707 00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:48,960 Speaker 1: just really hard. And I'm just like, I like felt 708 00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:54,120 Speaker 1: his like he's like exhausted and he's tired. And then 709 00:40:54,120 --> 00:40:56,200 Speaker 1: I feel bad Preston is gonna want to tune into 710 00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:59,800 Speaker 1: this part of the butt. It is hard, though you 711 00:40:59,840 --> 00:41:02,440 Speaker 1: have someone that actually like cares. You're so used to 712 00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:04,440 Speaker 1: the bottom falling out that you're like, well, let me 713 00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:06,080 Speaker 1: guess when the bomb's gonna fall it next to I 714 00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:07,320 Speaker 1: can just get ahead of it. And I was like, 715 00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:09,000 Speaker 1: why don't you just leave? I just just you know, 716 00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:12,640 Speaker 1: just just leave, you know what I want to leave? Anyways, boy, 717 00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:14,080 Speaker 1: you say that to him? I did. It was really mean. 718 00:41:14,120 --> 00:41:17,080 Speaker 1: I had to stopped saying that. Um, how does he 719 00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:21,680 Speaker 1: handle that like a seal like a seal? No. It 720 00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:23,560 Speaker 1: was one time and I told Amy about it, and 721 00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:27,439 Speaker 1: I was like, I was so upset. It was so hard, 722 00:41:27,480 --> 00:41:29,400 Speaker 1: and I was like, I was just because I was 723 00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:31,080 Speaker 1: just I was seeing how far I can push, because 724 00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:33,439 Speaker 1: I'm like, when I've done this before, I was either 725 00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:37,920 Speaker 1: abused physically and mentally emotionally or they leave or whatever. 726 00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:40,640 Speaker 1: So I'm gonna see what I can say or do 727 00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:43,239 Speaker 1: and see, like I'm going to test him because I 728 00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:44,839 Speaker 1: know he's going to leave. I know he's gonna walk 729 00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:48,360 Speaker 1: out that door. And I mean I said some really 730 00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:51,120 Speaker 1: like not nice things to the point where I still 731 00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:53,160 Speaker 1: like we'll cry about And I was like bawling telling 732 00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:56,319 Speaker 1: Amy it, and I go, what hurt the worst is 733 00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:58,319 Speaker 1: how he responded, and she goes, what do you mean? 734 00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:00,799 Speaker 1: She's like, he put his head down, he looked at 735 00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:03,440 Speaker 1: at me, and he goes, you're the most beautiful, loving 736 00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:05,640 Speaker 1: person I've ever met. He goes, but your words really 737 00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:13,200 Speaker 1: hurt you, guys, and I and I literally started like 738 00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:15,799 Speaker 1: wailing balling because I was like, that was not what 739 00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:17,000 Speaker 1: I thought he was going to say. I thought I 740 00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:18,960 Speaker 1: was gonna be like, yeah, you you you know or 741 00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:21,400 Speaker 1: whatever or like lash back out at me. And that 742 00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:23,360 Speaker 1: was like and not for me was the switch to 743 00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:27,600 Speaker 1: like and I was just like, oh, you're not Mike 744 00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:30,839 Speaker 1: and you're not like but like and and Amy she goes, 745 00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:32,480 Speaker 1: you know, she's like, it's so interesting. She's like when 746 00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:35,080 Speaker 1: I go to abuse shelters or women that have been 747 00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:39,160 Speaker 1: in like those situations or narcissism or whatever, She's like, 748 00:42:39,719 --> 00:42:42,239 Speaker 1: those girls are tough and they're mean and they say 749 00:42:42,280 --> 00:42:46,239 Speaker 1: things because that's like that is there, That's the protection. 750 00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:49,200 Speaker 1: She's like, And I'm like, and then yeah, and then me, 751 00:42:49,239 --> 00:42:51,880 Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I don't know when that's gonna anyways, 752 00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:54,719 Speaker 1: I get to talk about this forever. But control, yeah, 753 00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:57,640 Speaker 1: I think we all have. I've learned one thing in 754 00:42:57,680 --> 00:43:00,840 Speaker 1: my life and then my two marriages, boys leave in 755 00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:06,840 Speaker 1: men's day, So um, I love Ian. And I was 756 00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:09,080 Speaker 1: saying though in therapy about the whole control thing with 757 00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:11,359 Speaker 1: Amy or is just like, but when is it going 758 00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:14,359 Speaker 1: to be Like I'm thinking, like, I'm sure he's talking 759 00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:16,919 Speaker 1: to someone in his dam so I'm sure like he's 760 00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:21,759 Speaker 1: because they lie, but that's what I've known, so I'm like, 761 00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:25,000 Speaker 1: of course he's going to your brain. I mean, you're 762 00:43:25,040 --> 00:43:28,840 Speaker 1: so used to looking for that for thinking that's happening, 763 00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:31,640 Speaker 1: and it's it's always been like ten out of ten times. Yeah, 764 00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:33,320 Speaker 1: I mean that's where I'm at. It's like I'll just 765 00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:35,160 Speaker 1: guess where the boom is gonna fall because it's easier 766 00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:38,040 Speaker 1: or or I do it. That's that's what I'm trying. 767 00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:39,520 Speaker 1: That's what I was trying to do that night, like 768 00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:42,239 Speaker 1: a month ago. I was literally saying the nastiest things. 769 00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:43,680 Speaker 1: I'm like, I know he's gonna come back at me 770 00:43:43,760 --> 00:43:46,000 Speaker 1: and like start yelling or be defensive and like he's 771 00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:48,279 Speaker 1: going to walk out and slam the door. Yeah, so 772 00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:49,719 Speaker 1: I'm like, let me just get it over with, let 773 00:43:49,719 --> 00:43:53,319 Speaker 1: me just end this real fast. And then he said that, 774 00:43:53,360 --> 00:43:59,600 Speaker 1: and I was just like sweet, So I'm just so afraid, 775 00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:02,000 Speaker 1: but like, yeah, but that was a good response for you. 776 00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:04,680 Speaker 1: I mean, I know that was hard. I'm saying, I 777 00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:08,040 Speaker 1: know that was hard to hear, but then that allowed 778 00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:11,239 Speaker 1: you to then break down and see that versus then 779 00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:13,439 Speaker 1: just going back and forth. And I just like how 780 00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:16,800 Speaker 1: he sees you, Like he really sees you as a person, 781 00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:22,040 Speaker 1: and it really just matters. I mean, he's not but 782 00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:24,200 Speaker 1: again I'm like, I go to this place. Well, I 783 00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:27,040 Speaker 1: don't know, but he here's the thing, here's the thing. 784 00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:31,960 Speaker 1: I'm fasting. I can't control no matter what. I trust 785 00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:33,960 Speaker 1: you God. I trust you God. And if it's not 786 00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:35,359 Speaker 1: the one I know, I'm not going to die because 787 00:44:35,360 --> 00:44:37,319 Speaker 1: I did. I die from my divorce. Nope, I'm still here. 788 00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:41,720 Speaker 1: We're laughing, we're loving. So God, that was a good fast. 789 00:44:41,880 --> 00:44:44,080 Speaker 1: I'm not going to control it. Well, you can't and 790 00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:46,160 Speaker 1: we won't because we're gonna be tired. So i'd rather 791 00:44:46,200 --> 00:44:52,480 Speaker 1: be what's our chance. I feel like we can't, we won't. Er. Yes, 792 00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:54,319 Speaker 1: I watched it. I fast forward to the end. I 793 00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:56,799 Speaker 1: had to know. Did you cry? I was? I cried 794 00:44:56,840 --> 00:44:59,719 Speaker 1: at the end. I cried in five and um and 795 00:45:01,719 --> 00:45:07,200 Speaker 1: I they're exchange. I got me. Oh with Darius Bald's 796 00:45:07,680 --> 00:45:12,200 Speaker 1: That's that's what I'm talking about. Bald Exchanged just killed me. 797 00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:16,160 Speaker 1: But I was like, he he got so upset about 798 00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:18,120 Speaker 1: this is like totally going on. Sorry, guys, like we're 799 00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:20,480 Speaker 1: like just like having around. This is like welcome to 800 00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:23,719 Speaker 1: our girl chat time. This is this is the most 801 00:45:23,760 --> 00:45:25,919 Speaker 1: like real lifetime right now. We're running a little late. Sorry, 802 00:45:25,960 --> 00:45:28,880 Speaker 1: but no with cheer Ladarius like he was so upset 803 00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:32,440 Speaker 1: about her doing Dance with the Stars, like she abandoned him. 804 00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:34,759 Speaker 1: But it was like she he thinks that's his mom, 805 00:45:34,920 --> 00:45:37,560 Speaker 1: that's his childhood trauma. Man, And I was just dress. 806 00:45:37,719 --> 00:45:40,960 Speaker 1: Oh my god, lailed me. I can't. I can't even think. 807 00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:44,000 Speaker 1: I'm just so happy that they had that. And I 808 00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:45,600 Speaker 1: loved how she said, I think this doesn't have to 809 00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:47,759 Speaker 1: be on camera. Oh there's still fighting. I don't know. 810 00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:49,320 Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure it out. If somebody wants to 811 00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:51,720 Speaker 1: let me know, that'd be great because I'm like trying 812 00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:55,400 Speaker 1: to figure it out. Please. Um, but like her crying 813 00:45:56,080 --> 00:45:58,520 Speaker 1: and then oh, just I can't. But I will say 814 00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:02,080 Speaker 1: to the whole I don't understand how Trinity one. Sorry 815 00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:07,120 Speaker 1: spoiler alert major spoiler alert. Um, I mean either because 816 00:46:07,120 --> 00:46:10,400 Speaker 1: I'm like the guy literally like they only had one 817 00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:13,239 Speaker 1: drop she didn't touch the floor, and the other one 818 00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:16,640 Speaker 1: had like a massive mistake too on the first day, 819 00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:18,480 Speaker 1: though not the second day the first It doesn't matter, 820 00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:22,239 Speaker 1: it matters less. I think it was. Maybe I can't 821 00:46:22,239 --> 00:46:29,160 Speaker 1: remember it's percentage. Yeah, No, Cheers a really good show anyway. Wow, 822 00:46:29,280 --> 00:46:31,439 Speaker 1: that was a lot of ups and down girls ups 823 00:46:31,440 --> 00:46:34,399 Speaker 1: and downs. I'm sorry about the eights. Love eight now now. 824 00:46:34,560 --> 00:46:36,840 Speaker 1: I love eights and I love people in June and 825 00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:42,879 Speaker 1: you know with great So that's a Christie. She also 826 00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:45,680 Speaker 1: talking me up right now. I can tell me very loving. 827 00:46:45,960 --> 00:46:48,440 Speaker 1: Just because you're working on hugs doesn't mean that you 828 00:46:48,520 --> 00:46:50,640 Speaker 1: That's what I'm trying to like, and I know that 829 00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:53,720 Speaker 1: you are lovable. You are some people are the huggers 830 00:46:53,719 --> 00:46:55,400 Speaker 1: and some people get hugged. And I think we know 831 00:46:55,400 --> 00:46:58,399 Speaker 1: who we are. And I think that Catherine wants about 832 00:46:58,480 --> 00:47:01,000 Speaker 1: please report every now and again. This is why we work. 833 00:47:01,320 --> 00:47:05,319 Speaker 1: Queendom works because everyone has a different personality. There's not 834 00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:10,600 Speaker 1: a two. Julie is not a two. She's not a dude. 835 00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:13,120 Speaker 1: She might be an a I think so so like 836 00:47:13,160 --> 00:47:17,480 Speaker 1: it's good, it's just me. I know, it's just because 837 00:47:17,480 --> 00:47:19,120 Speaker 1: it was just like, no, I knew, I knew when 838 00:47:19,160 --> 00:47:21,080 Speaker 1: you said that. I was like, I'm pretty sure Mike 839 00:47:21,120 --> 00:47:23,920 Speaker 1: and I are probably the same. Yeah, well but I 840 00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:28,040 Speaker 1: love you. I love you really and secure right now. 841 00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:30,880 Speaker 1: I just gotta I've never worn one. But then she 842 00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:32,560 Speaker 1: was like, I want to do a premiere and I'm like, well, 843 00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:37,360 Speaker 1: that seems like a big deal to me. All right, 844 00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:39,759 Speaker 1: so whatever, I know, we're going to stop because if 845 00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:42,160 Speaker 1: anyone this is this is what happens when part of 846 00:47:42,160 --> 00:47:45,719 Speaker 1: the queendom comes together. Um, let's talk next week. Shy Ivy, 847 00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:47,360 Speaker 1: you know, sometimes I feel like he's a little like 848 00:47:47,520 --> 00:47:50,160 Speaker 1: he's too shy. He's so shy. He's a little shy. 849 00:47:50,239 --> 00:47:51,600 Speaker 1: But so I mean, so am I I feel like 850 00:47:51,640 --> 00:47:53,680 Speaker 1: we should trick him. I feel like you should Recordina 851 00:47:53,719 --> 00:47:56,839 Speaker 1: sudn't know and then he'd be because at some point 852 00:47:56,880 --> 00:47:59,200 Speaker 1: we have to set these up when people don't know 853 00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:03,800 Speaker 1: and just let it just roll. Would be so funny 854 00:48:02,920 --> 00:48:08,480 Speaker 1: after just so you know, we've been oh yeah, he'll 855 00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:12,080 Speaker 1: wear a shirt. Someone's you know, I will say time 856 00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:14,160 Speaker 1: time out really fast. Someone the other day like it's 857 00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:16,319 Speaker 1: like body shaming my boyfriend because they were saying, like 858 00:48:16,680 --> 00:48:18,840 Speaker 1: your boyfriends so full of himself, and I was like 859 00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:21,959 Speaker 1: why yeah, and he was because he never wears a shirt. 860 00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:25,000 Speaker 1: And I was just like, so if someone just wears 861 00:48:25,040 --> 00:48:28,120 Speaker 1: like a sports braw all day, are they full of themselves? 862 00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:30,120 Speaker 1: Like Janna, if I look like you, I'd be naked. 863 00:48:32,560 --> 00:48:37,360 Speaker 1: Men's response, He's just like he just happens to have 864 00:48:37,400 --> 00:48:39,320 Speaker 1: a shirt off a lot I didn't wonder if the 865 00:48:39,360 --> 00:48:41,799 Speaker 1: analogy to shirts at first, but not really confident in 866 00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:43,720 Speaker 1: your body and not full of yourself too. By the way, 867 00:48:43,880 --> 00:48:46,120 Speaker 1: you could also just be a badass and like and 868 00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:49,000 Speaker 1: and he's very like shy, like eating my stories and people. 869 00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:50,839 Speaker 1: He comes off arrogant and like, but he's just very 870 00:48:50,840 --> 00:48:55,040 Speaker 1: shy like again, not arrogant. Everyone's personalities are different. Yeah, 871 00:48:55,320 --> 00:48:57,920 Speaker 1: so don't judge what you see. Any girls were going 872 00:48:57,960 --> 00:49:01,600 Speaker 1: to shake his ass down. It's friends, He's not arrogant. 873 00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:09,279 Speaker 1: Trust we already have that. Okay, alright, talk to you 874 00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:12,920 Speaker 1: guys next week. By