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Speaker 1: Ex's divorce lawyer says, send three years of complete financials

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Speaker 1: or else me, here's one thousand McDonald's receipts.

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Speaker 2: Okayop, this is okayop.

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Speaker 1: I'm Samuel, do it and we tell the funniest stories

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Speaker 1: on the world Wide Web Web Web.

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Speaker 2: You ever went like in the nineties, people are like, oh,

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Speaker 2: world wide Web? What's up? What is this? What this

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Speaker 2: newfound computers connected?

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Speaker 3: Well?

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Speaker 2: Why would I.

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Speaker 1: Look up a recipe on my computer when I could

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Speaker 1: just open a recipe book.

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Speaker 3: I got some good old fashioned paper right here.

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Speaker 1: It never breaks, never breaks all the way through computers.

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Speaker 1: I gotta yeah, I gotta way around and you freaking

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Speaker 1: uh gotta gotta plug it in.

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Speaker 2: It needs a list to day. This paper does just.

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Speaker 3: Man. We we went from from old people to just

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Speaker 3: straight leddites. Uh.

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Speaker 2: But the old people in the let nights were wrong.

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Speaker 1: The internet is great because it helps us find the

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Speaker 1: funniest stories on the internet exactly. And uh uh, John, Actually,

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Speaker 1: I have a I have a law one for you.

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Speaker 2: Oo.

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Speaker 3: I like I like something I could sing my teeth into,

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Speaker 3: you know, a little meat on it.

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Speaker 1: Ex's divorce lawyer says, send three years of complete financials.

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Speaker 1: Or else me, here's one thousand McDonald's receipts.

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Speaker 3: Man, is this is this the guy from Super Sized Me?

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Speaker 2: Or what's going on going to McDonald's for a long time.

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Speaker 1: This happened several years ago when my ex and I

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Speaker 1: were going through a heated divorce slash custody battle.

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Speaker 2: A yeah, not not mice.

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Speaker 1: While we were married, we had a couple of conversations

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Speaker 1: about how rich people hide their assets to avoid paying taxes.

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Speaker 1: I've never had enough assets to do this, but she

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Speaker 1: somehow got the idea that I was and told her

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Speaker 1: attorney that I was laundering money and a hiding income.

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Speaker 1: Man's got like like Ozark, so freaking Actually, Ozark season

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Speaker 1: four is out.

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Speaker 2: Have we watched that?

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Speaker 3: I have not watched.

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Speaker 2: It's pretty good. This is an ad for Netflix.

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Speaker 3: But the problem is I can only see Michael Bateman

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Speaker 3: as the guy from Arrested Development.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we could never look at him the same way.

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Speaker 1: Again, he plays a pretty good kind of like semi

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Speaker 1: evil character. But yeah, he launders money. That's that's that's

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Speaker 1: a joke. It was more likely the heat of the moment,

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Speaker 1: as divorced slash custy battles often come down to. And

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Speaker 1: the thing is, I couldn't even afford my own attorney,

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Speaker 1: so I represented myself, which should have been an indicator

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Speaker 1: that he's not hiding massive amount of money's aware or.

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Speaker 3: He's a mastermind genius, and that's to throw people off

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Speaker 3: his self.

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Speaker 1: John's thinking like a true criminalizer. Right, let's look at

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Speaker 1: his tax returns. IRS, look him up.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I don't need the irs looking into myself any more

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Speaker 3: than they already.

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Speaker 1: Her lawyer wasn't a total butthole, but he clearly was

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Speaker 1: out to get me, and he talked down to me

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Speaker 1: like I didn't deserve to breathe the same air as him. God,

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Speaker 1: one day I get a letter in the mail from

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Speaker 1: him requesting an updated income declarations form and three years

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Speaker 1: of financials. It had a long list of things to include,

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Speaker 1: so which sounds terrible, like he has to get everything,

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Speaker 1: all these things put together. Sounds like a drag. I

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Speaker 1: own a communications tech company that was in super startup

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Speaker 1: phase back then. Money was already tight. I was trying

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Speaker 1: to get this business off the ground with no financing,

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Speaker 1: and I was finishing my MBA with scholarships and loans,

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Speaker 1: so paying for copies and posted or driving thirty miles

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Speaker 1: to his office meant eating peanut butter and saltines for

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Speaker 1: a week. So I called him to explain my situation.

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Speaker 1: He all but called me a liar and didn't believe

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Speaker 1: I couldn't afford it. I was put off by that,

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Speaker 1: and I said that it was taking time away from

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Speaker 1: my business I needed to handle, to which he replied,

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Speaker 1: and I'll never forget this. Well, according to your income declarations,

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Speaker 1: you're not that busy. What do you do all day?

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Speaker 1: He then said if he didn't get these documents, he

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Speaker 1: would consider my previous filings as fraudulent. Tell the judge,

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Speaker 1: contact the DA, and also alert the state tax agency

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Speaker 1: and IRS. Oh my god, he's unleashing the hounds.

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Speaker 3: God, that's that's unleashing Satan's army.

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Speaker 1: I know, Jesus, IRS and company. Not somebody want to

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Speaker 1: bump into No, probably an empty threat, but I'm no warrior,

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Speaker 1: so I'm not really sure. The facts is one of

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Speaker 1: the services my company provides, and at this time it

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Speaker 1: was relatively unknown. So I asked him if he has

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Speaker 1: a fax machine. He said he had a fact scanner

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Speaker 1: copier device, and what law off is doesn't have a

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Speaker 1: fax machine, just like talking down to him, what a

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Speaker 1: d bag? And then I suddenly got an idea. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I said to him, I'll put together in facts everything

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Speaker 1: I can. Okay, mother effort. You want three years of financials?

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Speaker 2: You got it.

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Speaker 1: I scanned to PDF every receipt I could find, a

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Speaker 1: McDonald's receipt from five years ago. Fit won't hurt to

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Speaker 1: include it. CVS receipt, It's three miles long. Perfect. They

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Speaker 1: get one dollar off tooth based company. They get one

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Speaker 1: dollar off toothbased coupons too.

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Speaker 2: Wow, he's doing him such a favor. I know, what

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Speaker 2: a guy.

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Speaker 1: I downloaded every bank statement, credit card statement, purchase orders

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Speaker 1: from vendors, and every invoice I sent to clients. I

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Speaker 1: printed to PDF the entire three year accounting journal, monthly quarter, monthly, quarterly,

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Speaker 1: annual balance sheets, cash flow statements, profit and losses. Not

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Speaker 1: only did I pdf three years of tax filings, but

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Speaker 1: every single letter I received from the IRS and state

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Speaker 1: tax agency, including the inserts advising me of my rights.

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Speaker 2: It took a while, but I was a few days

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Speaker 2: ahead of the deadline.

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Speaker 1: I made a cover page black background with white lettering

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Speaker 1: wherever I could basically waste.

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Speaker 3: It just destroying his inkers. Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: I included separator pages in all caps, in the biggest,

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Speaker 1: boldest font that would fit on the page, in the

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Speaker 1: landscape twenty xx receipts, twenty xx taxes like twenty nineteen,

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Speaker 1: twenty eighteen, et cetera. I merged everything into a single

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Speaker 1: one hundred and fifty plus page compress PDF and set

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Speaker 1: the documents using my efact system. Every hour or so,

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Speaker 1: I received a status emails saying the facts failed. Huh,

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Speaker 1: that's weird. Well they're getting this document. So I changed

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Speaker 1: the system configuration to unlimited reach eyes after failures to

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Speaker 1: keep redialing it until it went through. Weird, I was

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Speaker 1: still getting status email failures. I'll delete the failure emails

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Speaker 1: and keep success and keep the successful ones after it

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Speaker 1: eventually goes through. I thought problem solved. Two days later,

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Speaker 1: a lady from his office called and asked me to

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Speaker 1: stop sending the facts. Their fact scanner printer cup had

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Speaker 1: been printing NonStop twenty four to seven. They kept getting

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Speaker 1: paper jams, kept running out of ink, and they had

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Speaker 1: to keep shutting it off and back on to print.

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Speaker 1: I explained to her sweetly, as sweetly as I could that.

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Speaker 1: Her boss told me to send this by the deadline,

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Speaker 1: or else he would call the DA an IRS. Since

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Speaker 1: I didn't want to call from the DA or the IRS,

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Speaker 1: I would keep sending until I got a success confirmation.

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Speaker 1: I suggested they just not print until my facts complete,

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Speaker 1: but she didn't like that. She asked me to email,

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Speaker 1: But she asked me to email the documents. I told

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Speaker 1: a little white lie that my email wouldn't allow an

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Speaker 1: attachment that big unless her boss in writing agreed to

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Speaker 1: cancel the request or agreed to reimburse me for my

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Speaker 1: cost to print in ship. I said I would continue

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Speaker 1: to fact until they confirm they have received every single

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Speaker 1: last page.

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Speaker 3: I'm sorry, I got to applaud you. That is beautiful.

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Speaker 2: It's is great, all right, but what is the response? Uh? Oh?

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Speaker 1: She put me on hold, and the attorney gets on

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Speaker 1: the line. He said, forget sending the financials. I said

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Speaker 1: that I would need this in writing, so I will

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Speaker 1: keep sending the facts until he has sent that to me.

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Speaker 2: That's right.

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Speaker 1: He asked me to stop faxing and he would send

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Speaker 1: it in writing, and I said, send it in writing

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Speaker 1: first and then I'll stop. There we go, long moment

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Speaker 1: of silence click. After twenty minutes, I received an email

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Speaker 1: from his assistant with an attached signed letter in PDF

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Speaker 1: that I no longer needed to provide financials. The letter

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Speaker 1: then threatened to pursue sanctions in court or assue me

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Speaker 1: for interfering with their business for printing every single page

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Speaker 1: twenty four to seven. Every time I saw him after that,

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Speaker 1: the lawyer never brought up any sanctions, lawsuits, criminal referrals,

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Speaker 1: or financial ever.

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Speaker 2: Again, that is so beautiful.

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Speaker 3: Like we've all had moments in our lives like kind

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Speaker 3: of similar to that where it's like, oh, this tax

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Speaker 3: thing is wrong, or like you need to like redo

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Speaker 3: this form or whatever, and they're like they just don't care.

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Speaker 3: They're just like, Nope, this is what it is. The

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Speaker 3: fact that he got such sweet, delicious revenge.

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Speaker 1: Is just delicious justice. Oh I'm a living malicious compliance

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Speaker 1: for a reason. Yeah, sub read it, oh man. But

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Speaker 1: what you should always jam up our email boxes and

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Speaker 1: inboxes and facts is with.

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Speaker 3: Screenshots proving you have subscribed and followed to all okayobi channels.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, make sure that you're following us on tik tok,

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Speaker 1: you're following us on Spotify or wherever you listen to

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Speaker 1: your podcast, and if you really want to be an

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Speaker 1: OG support support us on Patreon.

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Speaker 2: That's right.

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Speaker 3: Join join the ranks of none other Kathy Quickly, Kathy Quigley,

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Speaker 3: Keegan Simmons, and Desiree Canterbury, the true heroes.

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Speaker 2: The true Heroes. Thank you for your support and we'll

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Speaker 2: see you very soon