WEBVTT - Let's Talk About Aging...with Margaret Cho 0:00:02.560 --> 0:00:08.039 This is Let's Be Clear with Shannon Dorty. Hi, I'm 0:00:08.080 --> 0:00:10.760 Margaret Chow. I am a guest host today on Let's 0:00:10.760 --> 0:00:15.000 Be Clear, and I'm excited to be here. You know, 0:00:15.600 --> 0:00:18.200 what a wonderful thing to be able to continue Shannon's 0:00:18.200 --> 0:00:21.960 work this way, and I'm so excited to do this. 0:00:22.200 --> 0:00:27.880 I think it's really an incredible thing. And you know, 0:00:28.000 --> 0:00:31.680 she's definitely part of my generation and an era where 0:00:32.120 --> 0:00:38.720 I just felt so I think I feel so nostalgic 0:00:38.840 --> 0:00:41.680 for which it may not have been the best time 0:00:41.880 --> 0:00:43.800 for women in the nineties. You know, it was like 0:00:43.880 --> 0:00:49.040 kind of really hard to even be seen as an actor, 0:00:49.200 --> 0:00:52.000 as an Asian American woman. It was really really hard 0:00:52.000 --> 0:00:58.120 to feel visible. I started doing comedy in the eighties 0:00:58.160 --> 0:01:01.400 and so I had a lot of a longer sort 0:01:01.440 --> 0:01:04.480 of time and show business. And then I think because 0:01:04.520 --> 0:01:07.040 I was beginning as a comedian, I didn't really know 0:01:07.160 --> 0:01:11.280 or understand how it would be when I came to 0:01:11.360 --> 0:01:13.399 Los Angeles and tart to be an actress. But I 0:01:13.480 --> 0:01:15.440 just couldn't get a role. I couldn't get apart there 0:01:15.440 --> 0:01:18.400 were no acting roles for Asian Americans at all, So 0:01:18.720 --> 0:01:23.679 it was just a very different time and I looked 0:01:23.760 --> 0:01:26.440 up to anybody who was on TV, and of course 0:01:26.920 --> 0:01:29.000 Beverly Hills nine O two one oh was it? That 0:01:29.200 --> 0:01:33.720 was this show. I remember just being so enamored with 0:01:33.800 --> 0:01:38.000 it and thinking, when are we ever going to see 0:01:38.319 --> 0:01:41.559 the Asian version of that? We still haven't. I would 0:01:41.600 --> 0:01:43.880 love to see that. There's I think there's a lot 0:01:43.880 --> 0:01:48.320 of Asians in school, so maybe that would be something 0:01:48.360 --> 0:01:51.880 in our future. But there's a lot better environment for 0:01:52.000 --> 0:01:56.120 Asian Americans entertainment today. But I think, yeah, Beverly Hills 0:01:56.200 --> 0:01:58.000 nine O two one oh was it and it was 0:01:58.120 --> 0:02:03.320 just such a culture old moment for them and so incredible. 0:02:03.880 --> 0:02:09.440 And I think about like back then also to now 0:02:09.720 --> 0:02:12.799 and looking at all of us, like we're all sort 0:02:12.840 --> 0:02:15.240 of still around. We're all sort of still here, like 0:02:15.320 --> 0:02:18.160 kind of trying to figure out how to age and 0:02:18.560 --> 0:02:24.360 be like older. And I know, like for a long time, 0:02:24.520 --> 0:02:29.560 like even in entertainment, like you just didn't see women age. 0:02:29.639 --> 0:02:35.240 Really It's so interesting how we're very like popular in 0:02:35.280 --> 0:02:38.840 our early twenties and then we sort of just don't 0:02:38.880 --> 0:02:42.480 see us we're like until our seventies and eighties or 0:02:42.520 --> 0:02:46.160 something like that. I'll always want to think about aging 0:02:46.200 --> 0:02:51.120 as being this really spectacular journey, and my journey really 0:02:51.480 --> 0:02:56.519 through life has been just like one day to time 0:02:56.520 --> 0:02:58.680 and just sort of seeing it. So for me, like 0:02:58.840 --> 0:03:02.080 now I'm in this season of talking about aging and 0:03:02.120 --> 0:03:08.240 thinking about being older and thinking about what I can 0:03:08.400 --> 0:03:11.000 impart if there's wisdom that I can impart. I want 0:03:11.040 --> 0:03:15.200 to talk about aging now. I am fifty five. I'm 0:03:15.240 --> 0:03:17.360 gonna be fifty six. It's so strange how when you 0:03:17.360 --> 0:03:20.639 get older time really speeds up in a way also 0:03:20.800 --> 0:03:25.400 slows down. It sort of just depends. But I will 0:03:25.400 --> 0:03:28.280 be fifty six, which is the shady side. I mean, 0:03:28.320 --> 0:03:29.880 I think when you're fifty five you could kind of 0:03:29.880 --> 0:03:33.720 claim youth because you're just on the verge. But then 0:03:33.800 --> 0:03:38.360 after fifty five, then you're now senior citizen. Like that's 0:03:38.400 --> 0:03:43.880 the beginning, not of the end, but of the golden years, 0:03:43.920 --> 0:03:48.800 the best time. I think. I really am lucky in 0:03:48.920 --> 0:03:53.240 that I am in really pretty good health. I have 0:03:53.400 --> 0:04:01.360 a strong meditation practice, which keeps me pretty even. I'm 0:04:02.040 --> 0:04:08.360 very regular on check up, some mimograms and things like that, 0:04:08.400 --> 0:04:10.760 which I think is really important. It gets more and 0:04:10.760 --> 0:04:15.720 more important when you get older. I'm also in menopause, 0:04:15.920 --> 0:04:22.160 which for me has been actually really grand. I think 0:04:22.200 --> 0:04:25.400 because we haven't heard about women. We haven't heard much 0:04:25.440 --> 0:04:30.880 about our stories or what's going on that we don't 0:04:30.880 --> 0:04:33.400 really know about menopause. It's like this speaks secret. Well 0:04:33.480 --> 0:04:36.760 the secret is out. It's great. I've been having the 0:04:36.760 --> 0:04:41.360 best time with it. And it's amazing not to have 0:04:42.640 --> 0:04:48.160 this surge of hormones, the cessation of the surge of hormones, 0:04:48.640 --> 0:04:51.480 the kind of like push and pull of the tide 0:04:52.360 --> 0:04:56.200 every month, and to be free of that. It's phenomenal 0:04:56.200 --> 0:05:04.600 because you don't have to really worry about whether your 0:05:04.600 --> 0:05:09.239 decisions you're making are your own or if they're part 0:05:09.279 --> 0:05:15.279 of some biological imperative set forth a billion years ago. 0:05:15.880 --> 0:05:18.440 You know, we don't have a control over We actually 0:05:18.440 --> 0:05:22.280 have control over our own decisions. I realize how much now, 0:05:22.839 --> 0:05:25.680 in my younger life and my younger body, how much 0:05:25.720 --> 0:05:29.279 hormones had control, which is so weird to think about 0:05:29.680 --> 0:05:35.040 that a bunch of chemical reactions dictated the circumstances that 0:05:35.080 --> 0:05:37.120 I would put my life in, like that, the circumstances 0:05:37.200 --> 0:05:40.080 I put myself in, the relationships I would surround myself with. 0:05:40.720 --> 0:05:44.880 So it's really amazing to now have control of that 0:05:45.920 --> 0:05:50.039 because of that, I just I have a good time 0:05:50.080 --> 0:05:53.640 setting boundaries, which I never had before. You know, when 0:05:53.640 --> 0:05:56.280 I was younger, if a guy asked me out on 0:05:56.320 --> 0:05:58.640 a date, I would just go probably move in with them, 0:05:58.839 --> 0:06:02.200 because I just didn't know. I thought that if somebody 0:06:02.320 --> 0:06:04.719 liked you, you had to just be with them, because 0:06:04.760 --> 0:06:09.120 I just was never I just wasn't in control. I 0:06:09.120 --> 0:06:10.520 didn't think I was in control of it, like I 0:06:10.560 --> 0:06:13.440 just thought I had to. It was so weird, like 0:06:13.480 --> 0:06:15.640 I just had such a low self esteem and such 0:06:15.640 --> 0:06:18.600 a low idea of myself that I thought, well, if 0:06:18.600 --> 0:06:21.720 somebody likes me, get I better hang onto that. I 0:06:21.839 --> 0:06:26.560 better make sure that I respect him and do what 0:06:26.720 --> 0:06:28.320 they say, you know, And so I would just get 0:06:28.360 --> 0:06:30.680 in relationships and marriages that I didn't want to be 0:06:30.760 --> 0:06:33.840 in at all, and be tangled up for years and years, 0:06:33.839 --> 0:06:38.160 which is so awful. So now I really am having 0:06:38.200 --> 0:06:41.000 a good time setting boundaries. And somebody asked me out 0:06:41.000 --> 0:06:45.360 on a date and I screamed, Now, like I literally 0:06:45.480 --> 0:06:49.840 screamed no, which is maybe not the nicest way to 0:06:49.880 --> 0:06:52.080 do it, but it was so funny because it was 0:06:52.120 --> 0:06:55.599 like it was almost like a toddler really putting your 0:06:55.640 --> 0:06:57.960 foot down to say oh, And it was felt so 0:06:58.120 --> 0:07:01.680 good to do that. Like, if I'm talking to somebody, 0:07:02.160 --> 0:07:04.640 like I'm this dating thing, I'm trying to date whatever, 0:07:04.880 --> 0:07:08.039 I to start talking to somebody on a dating app. 0:07:08.520 --> 0:07:12.160 This one person I was talking to, and after about 0:07:13.200 --> 0:07:15.320 four or five exchange, I knew that I was this 0:07:15.360 --> 0:07:19.840 person was not for me. So I just said, I 0:07:19.840 --> 0:07:24.960 have mental illness. I'm sorry I blocked him, which is 0:07:25.000 --> 0:07:30.440 so also not the best, but how freeing not to 0:07:30.680 --> 0:07:35.360 have to pretend that I'm interested in somebody because I 0:07:35.360 --> 0:07:37.480 don't want to. I want to spare their feelings. I 0:07:37.520 --> 0:07:40.400 want to look a certain way. I look look like 0:07:40.440 --> 0:07:46.440 I'm okay. I think it's really funny, and it's really fun. 0:07:46.520 --> 0:07:51.880 At least I'm not wasting my time, precious time that 0:07:51.960 --> 0:07:55.360 I don't necessarily have. You know, time is our most 0:07:55.440 --> 0:07:59.840 precious resource and it's not renewable. You don't get it back. 0:08:00.280 --> 0:08:04.040 So I'm so glad to be able to do that. 0:08:04.120 --> 0:08:06.800 I think it's just so incredible that it took me 0:08:07.840 --> 0:08:11.880 fifty six years to actually get there, and for me, 0:08:11.960 --> 0:08:18.440 it's like, what an amazing thing to finally realize that 0:08:18.480 --> 0:08:20.360 I can do that. Now that I can finally set 0:08:20.360 --> 0:08:24.680 these boundaries now. And also if there is a relationship 0:08:24.680 --> 0:08:29.720 in my future which could happen, I may find that 0:08:29.960 --> 0:08:32.079 man or woman, or a trans person or a non 0:08:32.120 --> 0:08:37.920 binary person who is the right one, then that's totally amazing, 0:08:38.120 --> 0:08:41.800 you know. But I don't have to waste my time 0:08:41.800 --> 0:08:45.640 with people that are not going to be that in 0:08:45.720 --> 0:08:51.839 order to make myself compliant to societies rules about women, 0:08:52.400 --> 0:08:57.960 societies ideas about women, especially aging women attempting relationship. I'm 0:08:58.080 --> 0:09:01.320 really happy to be exempt from that. And I really 0:09:01.400 --> 0:09:07.520 attribute that to menopause. I really attribute the clarity of 0:09:07.640 --> 0:09:11.920 purpose and mind to the cessation of all these hormones 0:09:11.920 --> 0:09:16.560 that were really clouding my airspace for so long. So 0:09:16.640 --> 0:09:20.079 I think that you know when you're going into perimenopause, 0:09:20.120 --> 0:09:22.240 and then you get into menopause, there's just such a 0:09:22.280 --> 0:09:27.120 feeling of like confusion, and there's a lot like people 0:09:27.160 --> 0:09:30.319 have lots of different symptoms, and I think it can 0:09:30.360 --> 0:09:34.840 be really confusing and really disturbing for some I didn't 0:09:34.880 --> 0:09:41.480 have a game plan because my mother and all of 0:09:41.480 --> 0:09:47.559 my female relatives in the sixties and seventies were getting hysterectomies, 0:09:47.840 --> 0:09:52.920 so they were experiencing an accelerated menopause that was way faster, 0:09:53.960 --> 0:09:57.560 and that sort of didn't really have sort of like 0:09:57.840 --> 0:10:02.760 the slowes cessation as opposed to what mine ended up being, 0:10:03.200 --> 0:10:06.199 So I didn't have them to turn to to advice 0:10:06.360 --> 0:10:08.280 and for advice. And then a lot of the talk 0:10:08.280 --> 0:10:12.000 about menopause was it really was and is really about 0:10:12.760 --> 0:10:18.000 how you kind of encounter insomnia and mood swings and 0:10:18.200 --> 0:10:21.280 there's a temperature thing is off and all sorts of stuff. 0:10:21.360 --> 0:10:28.440 And it actually, for me was symptom wise, was not 0:10:28.600 --> 0:10:31.320 bad at all. I don't know why I got lucky. 0:10:31.679 --> 0:10:36.960 So now I'm also on hormone replacement therapy, which I'm 0:10:37.040 --> 0:10:41.920 really lucky enough to receive, and it's actually really helped me. 0:10:41.960 --> 0:10:47.040 And what it does, it doesn't bring back menstruation. It 0:10:47.080 --> 0:10:51.959 doesn't bring back the level of hormones that we are, 0:10:52.040 --> 0:10:54.560 you know, when we're in that period of time, you 0:10:54.600 --> 0:10:58.920 know where we're still menstruating. It's totally different. It's just 0:10:59.000 --> 0:11:06.120 a very different component to my health that I found 0:11:06.360 --> 0:11:11.319 is just it's very energizing and it's very it supports 0:11:11.400 --> 0:11:16.520 me I think also emotionally. Also, it's not covered by insurance, 0:11:17.559 --> 0:11:22.719 which is unfortunate, so it is almost prohibitively expensive, like 0:11:22.800 --> 0:11:26.640 it's all I can afford it. But it's like not great, 0:11:26.840 --> 0:11:30.720 you know, But I've cut some other things out of 0:11:30.760 --> 0:11:34.679 my life to be able to afford this gender affirming care, 0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:38.400 and I feel like it's worthwhile to me. I think 0:11:39.400 --> 0:11:43.720 I'm just a little more prudent about my spending when 0:11:43.760 --> 0:11:45.760 it comes to my health. I think this is the 0:11:45.800 --> 0:11:51.240 most valuable thing. So I've just made those kinds of 0:11:51.880 --> 0:11:54.360 calculations in my head and thought, this is more valuable 0:11:54.360 --> 0:11:57.040 to me than not doing it. And I think it's 0:11:57.040 --> 0:12:02.280 really good. But I think that overall, like as an 0:12:02.320 --> 0:12:06.239 older woman, I just seek contentment, and I just seek happiness, 0:12:06.320 --> 0:12:10.520 and I seek comfort and joy, like I've always lived 0:12:10.520 --> 0:12:12.440 with somebody in my life, like we've always lived with 0:12:12.480 --> 0:12:16.120 a partner. I've always had a relationship, like and they've 0:12:16.120 --> 0:12:19.240 all been unhappy, and I've always had to share my 0:12:19.280 --> 0:12:22.480 space and it's always been miserable. Like my home life 0:12:22.520 --> 0:12:24.720 was never good because I was always sharing with somebody 0:12:24.720 --> 0:12:28.720 that I didn't like. And so now finally I've been 0:12:28.760 --> 0:12:31.560 living alone. I've been living alone for the last few years, 0:12:31.600 --> 0:12:35.600 and it is so wonderful, Like I just love being 0:12:35.640 --> 0:12:38.960 in my house. I love my animals. I love my 0:12:39.280 --> 0:12:43.480 home like I've decorated it to the way that I want. 0:12:43.640 --> 0:12:46.800 When I make a mess, it's my mess, so it 0:12:46.840 --> 0:12:49.400 doesn't it doesn't appear like a mess to me. You know, 0:12:49.520 --> 0:12:53.760 my messes are self made, so it's like I'll clean 0:12:53.760 --> 0:12:55.319 them up when I get to it, but which I 0:12:55.400 --> 0:12:59.080 usually do. Like I have my rituals where I close 0:12:59.120 --> 0:13:04.440 the house down at night, and you know, for me, 0:13:05.400 --> 0:13:12.600 the grand I think luxury of living alone and like 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:16.000 sleeping in the middle of the bed and eating I 0:13:16.040 --> 0:13:20.160 eat barbecue Doritos for dinner, Like it's just so great 0:13:20.200 --> 0:13:22.240 to not to have to care for another person. And 0:13:22.280 --> 0:13:26.080 that's like, you know, I think a real luxury for 0:13:26.160 --> 0:13:29.640 women to not have to care because our were everybody 0:13:29.720 --> 0:13:31.880 is entrusted to our care, so we're always caring for 0:13:31.920 --> 0:13:34.800 people all the time. And that was me in every 0:13:35.480 --> 0:13:37.920 relationship I was in, I was always caring for somebody else, 0:13:37.920 --> 0:13:42.400 And like, to now not have to care for anybody else, 0:13:42.720 --> 0:13:47.440 What a gift. So you know, if I ever was 0:13:47.480 --> 0:13:50.800 in a relationship again, I think maybe it would be 0:13:50.840 --> 0:13:55.040 great to still maintain that autonomy of having my own home, 0:13:55.679 --> 0:14:00.240 having my own Netflix queue, like my, Like one of 0:14:00.240 --> 0:14:03.679 my algorithms are are of the result of anybody else. 0:14:03.880 --> 0:14:06.640 It's all mine, like my for you pay it is 0:14:06.760 --> 0:14:09.880 just for me. Like I've like I've just really come 0:14:09.960 --> 0:14:13.520 to appreciate that I've been able to finally bend technology 0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:19.360 to my whim also, And so it's a journey of 0:14:19.600 --> 0:14:23.320 truly getting to know yourself, know your body, know your 0:14:23.400 --> 0:14:28.600 mind without interference from others, without interference from having to 0:14:28.640 --> 0:14:32.120 care for another, without having to put a partner's needs first, 0:14:32.280 --> 0:14:34.560 because that's always what happened, you know, every time I 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:36.920 was like in a relationship, I would always put their 0:14:36.960 --> 0:14:41.920 needs over mind. Always, even to the point of I 0:14:41.920 --> 0:14:44.840 had this boyfriend who was really threatened by my vibrator. 0:14:44.880 --> 0:14:48.160 He didn't want me. He would like cry because he 0:14:48.320 --> 0:14:51.240 was like not making me have an orgasm. A lot 0:14:51.400 --> 0:14:53.960 was like you realize that the orgasm is still valid 0:14:54.040 --> 0:14:57.360 even if the vibrator is there. You know, the vibrator 0:14:57.440 --> 0:15:03.680 isn't another person, it's a tool to use together. It's 0:15:04.080 --> 0:15:09.800 technology that's helping us be closer. Actually, But he was 0:15:09.840 --> 0:15:14.560 such a misogynist that it was like just really unbearable 0:15:14.560 --> 0:15:18.120 for him to see a woman in having pleasure and 0:15:18.200 --> 0:15:19.840 so what ended up happening is we didn't use the 0:15:19.920 --> 0:15:22.000 vibraty and I would just fake it so it would 0:15:22.000 --> 0:15:25.440 be over. And that's like so depressing, you know, but 0:15:25.640 --> 0:15:32.840 that in order to somehow safeguard his masculinity, it was 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:38.360 imperative for me to just forego pleasure. And it's so 0:15:38.640 --> 0:15:41.440 gross for me to even acknowledge that happen, and me 0:15:41.480 --> 0:15:43.360 as a feminist woman, for that to have happened is 0:15:43.480 --> 0:15:47.160 in my body my lifetime is like so miserable. He's 0:15:47.240 --> 0:16:04.240 long gone. Also, he voted for Trump. We make these mistakes, 0:16:04.280 --> 0:16:07.000 and because I would just say yes to anybody who 0:16:07.120 --> 0:16:08.880 liked me, because I just thought, who am I to 0:16:08.880 --> 0:16:13.080 say no? Like who am I to say no? Having 0:16:13.680 --> 0:16:17.360 been raised to sort of bend to men's will no 0:16:17.400 --> 0:16:21.960 matter what. It was really just a disgusting thing that 0:16:22.000 --> 0:16:27.040 I put myself through, you know. And so you know, 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:33.320 getting older, aging, it's really it's just like so freeing 0:16:33.680 --> 0:16:39.760 and so enormously enjoyable. I think that you know that's 0:16:39.800 --> 0:16:42.840 often given sort of thrown out as a threat to women. 0:16:42.920 --> 0:16:45.000 It's like you're going to die alone. Well I hope, so, 0:16:46.320 --> 0:16:49.440 I hope so because that I can't imagine anything better, 0:16:50.000 --> 0:16:53.920 Like how great? What a wonderful thing to look forward to? 0:16:54.520 --> 0:17:00.240 Because in like the aloneness, people can look at it 0:17:00.280 --> 0:17:05.400 two ways, like is it a isolation or is it solitude? 0:17:05.520 --> 0:17:08.800 I like to say solitude. Solitude is like the most 0:17:08.920 --> 0:17:13.239 beautiful expression of self. Isolation is kind of just like 0:17:13.720 --> 0:17:18.240 you're cast out. And I think the better way to 0:17:18.280 --> 0:17:22.840 look at it is really in the beautiful moments of solitude. 0:17:22.840 --> 0:17:29.120 It's really peace, it's really healing. It's healing the wounds 0:17:29.119 --> 0:17:32.840 of a lifetime of not being able to heal. So 0:17:33.119 --> 0:17:37.879 now finally to reach that point of healing. And I 0:17:37.920 --> 0:17:40.920 think we as a nation, we really need to heal. 0:17:41.320 --> 0:17:45.400 I think part of what's happening I feel like we're 0:17:45.400 --> 0:17:49.640 in an abusive relationship with our partner or an ex partner, 0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:52.760 and we've gone back with our ex partner to somehow 0:17:52.760 --> 0:17:56.880 make it right, you know, because your body and your 0:17:56.920 --> 0:18:01.680 mind are going to try to justify what happened. So 0:18:01.720 --> 0:18:03.720 you're going to go back to your abuser and try 0:18:03.720 --> 0:18:08.359 to somehow make it right. Not that that behavior is healthy, 0:18:08.400 --> 0:18:13.159 but that's often what happens if we're just left untreated. 0:18:13.400 --> 0:18:16.720 And so I feel like that's sort of when we 0:18:16.800 --> 0:18:19.240 treat kind of what's happening as like that, like the 0:18:19.320 --> 0:18:23.560 trauma of what's happening now with this administration and all 0:18:24.280 --> 0:18:29.760 of the nightmarish day, day to day headlines that get made, 0:18:29.880 --> 0:18:34.200 it's really that we as a nation are going back 0:18:34.240 --> 0:18:37.200 to our abuser because we just trying to make it right. 0:18:37.400 --> 0:18:42.080 So maybe someday we will all wake up to that. 0:18:42.119 --> 0:18:43.960 I don't know, but as a woman on the other 0:18:44.080 --> 0:18:48.119 side of abuse, to acknowledge it at least seems like 0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:52.760 it's part of the healing one of us can heal, 0:18:52.800 --> 0:18:57.119 maybe all of us can heal slowly together. It's so 0:18:57.200 --> 0:19:02.560 hard to know. I'm also very like heartbroken as I 0:19:02.600 --> 0:19:05.960 would have loved to have seen a woman president. I 0:19:06.200 --> 0:19:10.480 just feel like that's what we need. And it's also 0:19:10.560 --> 0:19:13.879 heartbreaking to think that there's so many women who don't 0:19:14.280 --> 0:19:18.679 want a woman president or that they can't envision that 0:19:19.600 --> 0:19:26.080 for themselves. I think countries with female leaders have done 0:19:26.119 --> 0:19:29.400 a lot better. That's just the truth, you know, and 0:19:30.400 --> 0:19:35.280 we could use that, but for whatever reason, we just 0:19:35.400 --> 0:19:39.800 can't right now. And the only way that I can 0:19:39.840 --> 0:19:43.480 combat that is to just make my life as good 0:19:43.480 --> 0:19:46.320 as possible, which I think I can I mean, I 0:19:46.359 --> 0:19:48.720 have a great deal of empathy for so many people, 0:19:48.800 --> 0:19:53.120 but there's so little you can do at this point. 0:19:54.640 --> 0:19:56.720 All we can do is just make our lives good. 0:19:57.200 --> 0:20:00.320 So I would just focus on, if you're an older woman, 0:20:01.640 --> 0:20:04.960 make your life good. And I've been able to do that. 0:20:05.800 --> 0:20:09.240 I've been able to do that because I am very 0:20:09.320 --> 0:20:12.879 aware of what's happening with my finances. I'm very aware 0:20:12.920 --> 0:20:14.840 with what's happening with my business. I'm very aware of 0:20:14.880 --> 0:20:23.120 what's happening with my health. I'm just in real communication 0:20:23.680 --> 0:20:26.000 with every aspect of my life, and I think that's 0:20:26.840 --> 0:20:32.720 super important. I think that also when we finally put 0:20:32.720 --> 0:20:36.720 ourselves first. People always think that's selfish, but really, like, 0:20:39.160 --> 0:20:40.720 when are you going to do that? When you put 0:20:40.760 --> 0:20:45.119 yourself first, you are finally able to be in the 0:20:45.200 --> 0:20:48.879 driver's seat of your own destiny. And this is what 0:20:48.960 --> 0:20:52.840 it's all about. So I'm all about aging. I'm all 0:20:52.880 --> 0:20:58.080 about like also not necessarily giving in to all of 0:20:58.240 --> 0:21:03.680 the pennets of aging. I have a very like advanced 0:21:03.680 --> 0:21:08.119 skincare routine. I haven't really done any plastic surgery, nothing 0:21:09.000 --> 0:21:15.199 like fillers. I have uh not tried. It's weird. I 0:21:15.240 --> 0:21:18.800 have I have like experimented a little bit with like filler. 0:21:18.800 --> 0:21:21.480 It didn't look right on me. I didn't. I just 0:21:21.560 --> 0:21:27.119 don't benefit from fillers. Really, I think it just doesn't 0:21:27.160 --> 0:21:32.639 look I don't know, it's never been anything that seemed 0:21:32.680 --> 0:21:36.600 to look good or seem to work. So I am 0:21:37.440 --> 0:21:41.639 very like I have, like it's not a ten step 0:21:41.800 --> 0:21:45.080 skincare routine, but it's advanced. I use a retinol, I 0:21:45.160 --> 0:21:47.639 use the vitamin C sierrum like I use serums I have, 0:21:48.400 --> 0:21:51.840 I put like I seal it all with zinc. Like 0:21:51.960 --> 0:21:55.840 it's like a very like like laborious thing, but I 0:21:56.160 --> 0:22:01.919 really love it. I do take a lot of like 0:22:01.960 --> 0:22:06.840 I take oral monoxtil from my hair. I have like 0:22:07.000 --> 0:22:08.920 just a whole like routine with that, which I think 0:22:08.960 --> 0:22:13.800 really helps. I think that when we just get very 0:22:13.840 --> 0:22:16.719 real about what we need physically and like doing what 0:22:16.760 --> 0:22:18.639 we want to do with our face and body, like, 0:22:18.720 --> 0:22:22.879 it's like I think it's it's all great. Just plasti 0:22:22.920 --> 0:22:25.960 surgery hasn't been an option for me just because it's 0:22:26.000 --> 0:22:29.959 prohibitively expensive. I think that if you get plastic surgery, 0:22:30.160 --> 0:22:31.960 you want to pay for it, like you get what 0:22:32.000 --> 0:22:37.840 you pay for. You can't you can't go anywhere like discount, 0:22:37.920 --> 0:22:41.960 like don't scrimp on that. Like I think that if 0:22:42.000 --> 0:22:45.920 I were ever to approach that, I would definitely pay 0:22:45.960 --> 0:22:50.359 for the best, not even, but even the best can't 0:22:51.520 --> 0:22:55.159 always have the best outcome. You know, you don't necessarily 0:22:55.200 --> 0:22:57.320 know what your skin is gonna do. You don't necessarily 0:22:57.359 --> 0:23:00.200 know your body's gonna do, you know? I just id 0:23:00.240 --> 0:23:05.240 it like so scary to me. So at this point, 0:23:05.320 --> 0:23:09.480 I haven't considered any real plex surgery, but that may 0:23:09.600 --> 0:23:13.520 change in the future, who knows. I think it's all 0:23:13.680 --> 0:23:18.040 up for whatever happens. You know, you you decide what 0:23:18.080 --> 0:23:20.159 you want to do. I mean, your body your choice. 0:23:20.160 --> 0:23:24.520 For now, at least it stands for now certain things 0:23:24.560 --> 0:23:27.960 like plastic surgery, not other things of course, as we know. 0:23:28.560 --> 0:23:33.200 But I think when the time comes, if I want 0:23:33.200 --> 0:23:34.600 to approach it may be very well, I don't know. 0:23:35.040 --> 0:23:38.199 I don't know. But for now, I just do a 0:23:38.200 --> 0:23:45.320 lot of like good skincare. I pretty much like I'm 0:23:45.560 --> 0:23:49.040 very like adamant about doing it, and I also switch 0:23:49.080 --> 0:23:53.520 it up, but ultimately I think that's like the most 0:23:53.560 --> 0:23:58.520 advantageous and also like try to be judicious about like 0:23:58.600 --> 0:24:01.159 what you're eating, like I think I eat pretty well. Also, 0:24:01.320 --> 0:24:05.320 I eat Doritos like I definitely have like a healthy 0:24:05.400 --> 0:24:09.439 junk food fascination, and I'm definitely candy obsessed. But I 0:24:09.520 --> 0:24:12.679 do get a lot of like greens in and I 0:24:12.720 --> 0:24:14.760 try to do a lot of exercise, so I think 0:24:14.800 --> 0:24:19.119 that also pays off as well. You know. For me, 0:24:20.440 --> 0:24:24.480 I'm just happy that I think is the best beauty 0:24:24.520 --> 0:24:31.720 treatment of all. And beauty has no age. Beauty is 0:24:31.760 --> 0:24:35.960 not about aging. Beauty is experienced at every point in life. 0:24:36.840 --> 0:24:42.159 And beauty also is not necessarily what people think is 0:24:42.200 --> 0:24:44.640 just in the magazines or online or on the baddies 0:24:44.760 --> 0:24:49.840 and Instagram. It's not that beauty is everywhere. I think 0:24:50.280 --> 0:24:54.640 we can all be beautiful. We can claim that it's 0:24:54.640 --> 0:24:58.560 yours to claim if you want it, it's yours to claim. 0:24:58.600 --> 0:25:02.480 It doesn't have any definition attached. It's really I think 0:25:02.520 --> 0:25:06.040 a beauty is really a state of being in the 0:25:06.080 --> 0:25:08.760 place that you want to be. And that's where I 0:25:08.760 --> 0:25:11.320 always feel like I'm always in the place that I 0:25:11.359 --> 0:25:13.760 want to be. And I've been able to negotiate that 0:25:13.840 --> 0:25:17.680 place because I still have fun by like eating junk 0:25:17.680 --> 0:25:21.199 food and watching trash TV and doing whatever, staying up 0:25:21.240 --> 0:25:25.320 late sometimes, but I also try to make it up, 0:25:25.359 --> 0:25:28.720 like I think sleep is like the most important thing. 0:25:29.280 --> 0:25:32.680 I do try to sleep about twelve hours a day, 0:25:32.840 --> 0:25:37.360 which I got in my head. This is because Lebron 0:25:37.440 --> 0:25:41.440 James when he's training during his training phase and like 0:25:41.480 --> 0:25:45.120 when they're playing games, he sleeps twelve hours a day, 0:25:45.240 --> 0:25:47.600 and I thought that was so inspiring, Like if an 0:25:47.640 --> 0:25:52.840 athlete like really like applies their body, like the most 0:25:52.840 --> 0:25:57.560 important training beyond the physical labor and beyond the table, 0:25:57.640 --> 0:26:01.120 the training table, it's the bed. Sleep. It's the most 0:26:01.119 --> 0:26:04.679 important thing. So sleeping about twelve hours a day for 0:26:04.720 --> 0:26:08.359 me is sheer joy because I sleep with my dog 0:26:08.480 --> 0:26:13.240 and three cats, and the bed is loud, it's buzzing, 0:26:13.359 --> 0:26:20.200 it's snoring. It's the most beautiful thing. Marlene Dietrich always 0:26:20.240 --> 0:26:22.639 said to sleep with somebody else, which whether that was 0:26:22.680 --> 0:26:26.400 a person or a dog or a cat, because then 0:26:26.560 --> 0:26:29.280 you all recharge your batteries together. So it's like my 0:26:29.440 --> 0:26:33.880 bed is like one of those like mag safe charging platforms, 0:26:33.880 --> 0:26:37.480 and we're all just getting our charge on together. It's 0:26:37.600 --> 0:26:40.760 really marvelous. I love my bed and I love being 0:26:40.800 --> 0:26:46.720 in it, and I love a cooling sheet and a 0:26:46.760 --> 0:26:52.280 buckwheat pillow, and I have like this machine it's called 0:26:52.280 --> 0:26:56.480 a sleep meet that pumps water into the surface of 0:26:56.520 --> 0:26:59.320 the mattress so it can either cool it or heat 0:26:59.320 --> 0:27:01.480 it up. Right now, it's heated up a little bit, 0:27:02.359 --> 0:27:05.479 which the cats and the dog really love. So sleep 0:27:06.200 --> 0:27:10.400 is the key. I love sleeping so much. I'm sure 0:27:10.400 --> 0:27:26.439 I'm going to really enjoy death. My advice to my 0:27:26.560 --> 0:27:33.360 younger self, I think that it's really I would not 0:27:33.520 --> 0:27:38.440 worry so much. Like I was so worried about everything 0:27:38.560 --> 0:27:44.640